June 8, 2025 • 36 mins
Wayne and Stacy tackle the challenge of invisibility in midlife, exploring how cultural conditioning and past experiences can lead us to silence our voices and minimize our presence.
- Invisibility stems from being taught to "small up yourself" and prioritize others' voices over your own
- The roots often trace back to childhood lessons about being "seen not heard" or gender expectations
- Invisibility prevents healing and growth because "we cannot heal what we do not reveal"
The STEP OUT framework offers practical strategies for reclaiming visibility:
S - See yourself first
T - Tell your truth
E - Express clearly, don't assume
P - Practice boundaries
O - Own your presence
U - Undo the training
T - Take up space
- Taking up space applies physically, vocally, emotionally, and in your digital footprint
- Public speaking opportunities like Toastmasters can help develop confidence in being seen and heard
Reflect: "What part of me has been hiding?"
Connect with Coach Wayne at viptransformativelivingcom or DM him for a free ebook: "Breaking Free: Discover your Purpose, Power and Prosperity at Midlife."
Connect with Coach Stacy at thestacymlewiscom.
You are the Revolution!
Subscribe @CoachStacyMLewis and @CoachWayneVIP
💃🏽Stacy M. Lewis
🌍 thestacymlewis.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Wayne (00:06):
you've just stepped into the midlife revolution,
unleashed your space to ignitepossibility, redefine purpose
and embrace the power that comeswith age and experience,
co-hosted by yours truly coachand I'm coach stacy m lewis.
Stacy (00:22):
we are two season coaches focused on the midlife
community of color.
This isn't just a podcast.
It's a movement in a world thatsometimes forgets the power and
the wisdom that comes with age.
We are here to ignite arevolution and rewrite the
narrative of this incrediblejourney of this incredible
(00:42):
journey.
Wayne (00:42):
So, whether you're navigating your career, growing
your business, rediscoveringpassions or challenging the
status quo, this is your space.
So buckle up, let's dive intothe Midlife Revolution Unleashed
(01:04):
.
And we are unleashed for yetanother episode.
Hello everyone.
Stacy (01:09):
This is midlife revolution on leash, with your
coach, wayne dawson, the vipcoach and stacy m lewis, it is a
pleasure to be here and welcometo you all to this evening's
Midlife Revolution Unleashed.
Wayne and I are really excitedabout this topic.
(01:30):
But before we dive in, I willintroduce myself.
I am Stacey M Lewis.
I am a nonprofit executive, amidlife women's coach and a
lover of God and his people.
Wayne, introduce yourself tothe people.
Wayne (01:46):
Just call me Coach Wayne, the VIP coach.
I help men in midlife navigatemidlife so that their second
half can be their best half.
And, stacey, I don't know.
Today you're excited, as I amtoo, about what we're going to
wrap about, and that is steppingout of the shadows, battling in
(02:08):
invisibility in midlife.
What do we mean by that, stacey?
Stacy (02:12):
Yeah, absolutely.
I'm excited about this topicbecause a number of women that I
coach experience invisibility,and my coaching instructor
actually calls it part of theinvisible glass ceiling.
So invisibility is when we aresensing, really, that we need to
(02:38):
stay the shadows or behind thescenes and play it small or not
really show our power in anygiven situation.
So I'm excited about thissubject because I believe that
it is going to really bless anumber of our listeners and
(03:02):
those that we both coachindividually as well.
Wayne (03:06):
What say you, sir Stacey.
I oftentimes tell folks to stepout and stand up.
Stand out, speak out, speak up.
And I say this all the time,both to my personal friends,
family and the people that Icoach, my clients.
You want to be present and youwant to make sure that you're
(03:31):
accounted for everywhere youshow up.
And that doesn't mean takingall the air out of the room and
just chatting too much.
It just means standing tall andrepresenting yourself a hundred
percent.
Stacy (03:43):
That's right Stepping out of the shadows and really being
seen as who you are, where youare, and letting your voice be
heard.
So let's jump on in, sir Wayne,let's do it.
Let's help our listeningaudience explore the roots of
invisibility.
Explore the roots ofinvisibility.
(04:03):
I'll certainly jump in and talkabout the experience from that
of a woman be quiet or demure orstay back and really silence
(04:31):
our voices.
We don't want to be perceived,or at least as we were growing
up we didn't want to beperceived or ever told that we
were too much, that our voiceswere not to be heard, and so
that transitions into adulthoodwhere there's a practice of
(04:56):
silence, a practice of allowingour voices to be stifled by the
other voices in the room.
Wayne (05:07):
And Stacey, we're talking about the midlife group which
spans actually across more thana decade of age group.
But that group typically grewup with parents who kind of said
children must be seen and notheard, and so there was that
(05:29):
idea of what respect meant.
Right, You're around adults andyou can be seen but not heard.
And so we learned early to kindof, as we say in Jamaica, small
up yourself.
Stacy (05:42):
Wow, but what a powerful antithesis of what it is we're
talking about right To small upyourself and where we're really
talking about playing yourbiggest game stepping out of
that smalling up of yourself andinto a space where you are
(06:04):
visible, where you are seen,where you are heard and where
you are an active contributor tothe activity, the conversation,
and Stacey men a lot of menthat I work with also come with
(06:30):
this idea of being stoic and notpresenting themselves fully.
Wayne (06:31):
As far as you know, sitting back and kind of taking
it all in is a cool strategy forshowing up and that really
prevents us oftentimes frombeing in the game that really
prevents us oftentimes frombeing in the game.
Stacy (06:50):
Yeah, yeah, being in the game is critical, and I think
that both genders are often,whether it be taught or fall
into a pattern of being moreaware of the needs and the voice
of others than that of theirown, and that attention is
always externally focused, rightLike, oh.
(07:13):
It even impacts our confidencelooking at others, listening to
others and as they walk in theirauthenticity, and we're feeling
this sense of invisibility orplaying small that it then
causes us to question whether webelong in the room at the table
(07:34):
, and so really starting topluck apart these roots of
invisibility, whether it be thattraining to be stoic or have
that tough exterior.
You, Wayne, often talk aboutmen being taught that
vulnerability is a weakness andreally having to shift that
(07:57):
mindset.
Wayne (07:58):
I don't know if you want to dig into that just a little
bit as a root of invisibilitydig into that just a little bit
as a root of invisibility.
Thank you, stacey, great point.
So a lot of men feel that beingmanly, being masculine, being a
leader, is about holding backas far as their authenticity
when it comes to like emotionsbeing displayed, and so, with
(08:23):
the pain that so many of ourbrothers carry, a lot of it is
generational trauma.
There's this tendency for menin that space to be invisible,
to hold on to their own stuffand not share with others, and
you can't get help, you can'theal if you can't be seen and if
(08:45):
you can't name what you'regoing through.
Stacy (08:48):
Absolutely.
We cannot heal what we do notreveal, and so this conversation
about invisibility is animportant one for everyone to
really just begin to askthemselves can they relate to
this concept of invisibility andwhen they might be feeling
(09:13):
invisible or like they need toplay it small in certain
situations, when that may not bethe truth?
Wayne (09:22):
Yeah, that may not be the truth.
Stacy (09:25):
Yeah, stacey let's introduce to the folks our step
out framework.
Gladly, Wayne, we are happy tointroduce to our Midlife
Revolution Unleashed listeningaudience our steps to becoming
visible again and our newlydesigned Step Out framework.
So I will start with the S ofStep Out, and that is to see
(09:52):
yourself first.
We really just talked about howwe're often outward, facing and
looking at the needs and thepresence of others.
But to really flip that, tolook at ourselves first and
whether it is mirroring, workingin your own mirror, journaling,
(10:14):
but to really begin to presenceyour own needs, your own
desires and your own voice,that's S see yourself first.
Wayne (10:26):
Right and T is about telling the truth.
We talked about that Opening upand speak to your truth.
What do you really desire?
What do you want?
Stacey, I'll tell you.
I had a close friend and acolleague that wanted to have a
recommendation drawn up fortheir social media, and so they
(10:49):
wrote their truth.
Now I'm not saying that it'sfar-fetched and I don't know
this person's qualification, butthey voiced it in a way that
they wanted to be seen and heardand I edited, but at least I
had a track to go on telling hertruth.
Stacy (11:08):
Yes, yes, yes.
I love the telling the truthbecause often, even as we sit in
a room, we don't want the truthof our thoughts, of our
perspective, of our voice to hitthe table.
So I agree with you, wayne tellthe truth, even if your voice
shakes.
(11:28):
And before we go on to thatlovely letter E let's say good
evening to one of our favoritepeople, sister Audrey.
Hey, welcome, we appreciate you.
Wayne (11:43):
Good evening, Sister Audrey.
Stacy (11:47):
Let's jump into E.
Express clearly and don'tassume.
What we're meaning here is tospeak your needs, not hint at
them.
I'm sure we can talk about howthose hints impact relationships
when you expect someone to bereading your mind or really
(12:08):
understand the little hint orthe crumb that you're leaving.
Express clearly, really Don'tleave hints.
Speak your needs, speak yourvoice, amplify it.
Wayne (12:21):
I like that.
I like the idea that you don'tleave others to kind of guess
where you need to be, what youwant.
If, for example, in the worldof work, you desire a promotion,
if you desire to be on anothersprint team or task group, you
(12:42):
should ask for it.
Let people know that this iswhere you want to grow and have
some experience.
Stacy (12:50):
Yes, yes, express those needs.
Wayne (12:53):
They say the P is about practicing boundaries.
I wrote something about thisrecently on my LinkedIn, and the
idea of boundaries shows notjust your own.
Well, it's about, first of all,self-respect right Marking off
your boundaries, allowing peopleto know how you want to be
(13:13):
treated and your expectations interms of the length and depth
that they can work with you ornot, or have relationships with
you, and I think this is soimportant because this allows
you to be seen in the frameworkthat you want to belong.
Stacy (13:31):
Yes, yes, you don't have to disappear in order to stay
safe.
Right when you establishboundaries, you're really able
to let others know how you wantto be treated, as well as let
them know, as Sister Audreywould say please tell me what
(13:51):
you want, don't have me guessingthat practicing of the
boundaries make sure that you'reable to begin to step more into
your own self and into your ownvoice, because you have
determined how far you're goingto let others encroach on that.
Wayne (14:14):
Are you up Stacey with the O?
Stacy (14:15):
I think, so I'll go.
It is O is for own yourpresence.
Walk in the room like youbelong, sit up forward, lean in
Remember when that book came out.
Lean in, own your presence.
(14:36):
It really can be powerful whenyou own it.
Wayne (14:40):
Yeah, you know I tell brothers all the time about
recognizing their position,their royalty, so to speak Like
a king and to behave and speakand act like one, think like one
.
You know we talked about that,stacey.
We talked about becoming thefuture self, the idea self,
(15:01):
before you're there, that's,owning your presence.
Stacy (15:04):
Absolutely, absolutely.
I mean we are sons anddaughters of the most high,
which means we are not to beplaying it small, but to really
be bringing our full selves tothe table.
Good evening, delaine.
Thank you so much for joiningus at the Midlife Revolution
Unleashed Howdy.
(15:25):
Delaine, no apologies, you arehere.
We appreciate the support.
Wayne (15:35):
And there is you, which is undo the training and what we
mean by that.
So a lot of the way we show uphas to do with how we probably
were raised or stuff that we gotalong the way from our
schooling, perhaps ourorganization groups, our
(15:55):
religious practices andsometimes it's important for us
to shed that.
If it's a limiting belief orpresence, we have to undo those
things because they shackle usto the shadows and we want to
release that.
And so we got to give ourselvespermission, Stacey, to undo
that training and that thinkingthat keeps you in the dark.
Stacy (16:19):
Absolutely, wayne.
Often you and I are reallytalking about what someone's
mind is set on.
Right, we say mindset coaching,but it really is about what
someone's mind is set on and ifyou are set on the story that's
going through your brain, all ofthe time is set on you playing
(16:43):
it small or withdrawing to thecorner or acknowledging someone
else's needs and voice beforeyour own and voice before your
own.
That is what needs to berewired right To really
understand why you're playing itsmall, so that you can begin to
(17:05):
dismantle that untruth andreally begin to step into your
authentic, visible self.
So I really like that undo, thetraining.
It could also be the undo, thenarrative, that's causing you to
play it small.
Wayne (17:23):
Yes, I'm just flicking around here Stace, trying to see
if I can grab on visitors thatwe may have joining us on the
other platforms platformsAbsolutely Welcome to the world
(17:47):
those eyes.
And then Stacey, we can doubleup on this one.
It's take up space, Take upspace Again.
You don't want to be the guywho just takes the air out of
the room by just assuming youare on stage and nobody else
exists, but taking up space.
You know, I remember back inthe days taking the subways in
New York, Stacey and I would sitand make myself so at home, so
(18:10):
comfortable, that if the trainwas crowded, of course people
would ask you to move over, butI didn't.
There were people who would siton the train and sort of sat on
the edge of their seats andsquashed up against the railing.
Well, yes, you can be polite tohave people with you, but take
(18:30):
up space, Make yourself at home,not to put everything all over
and put your feet up at home,not to put everything all over
and put your feet up.
But the idea that you are notgood enough to represent
yourself and take a seat and becomfortable is a problem, I
think.
Stacy (18:46):
Absolutely that take up space physically is important.
We often talk about amplifyingyour voice, so take up space
vocally, make your thoughts,your opinions known to your
earlier point, not in a waythat's irrelevant or
disrespectful, but in a way thatstarts to get your voice heard,
(19:12):
even by your own self, allowingyourself to hear your voice at
a table, in a meeting, in aconversation, in a way that is
authentic.
Really taking up that space isimportant, as well as taking up
space emotionally.
No, not the emotional breakdowntype of thing, no, not the
(19:35):
emotional breakdown type ofthing, but really taking up
space and not pressing orsuppressing your emotions in a
situation in a way that has themgo totally unaddressed.
Wayne (19:51):
Take up space, touch a little bit, segue a little bit
on the idea of being visible inthe remote world, because so
many of us are remotely involved.
And so to speak.
To this.
It may look like improving yourprofile and using words,
(20:13):
phrases, that resonates On thisshow.
For example, stacey, we do asearch for hashtags.
Right, that's important.
Writing a blog, our podcast,all of that is making us visible
and there's nothing stoppingyou, as a person on social media
(20:34):
, for utilizing these resourcesto show up and not be invisible.
Stacy (20:40):
Take up space.
I love that and how it alignswith taking up space with your
voice, taking up space with yourdigital footprint, right In a
way that's meaningful not justposting foolishness all over the
place, but taking up space withyour social footprint.
I love that, wayne.
(21:01):
Thank you so much for addingthat.
Before we jump into any senseof how our faith can really
engage in this process, what doyou think about reviewing our
step-out framework?
Wayne (21:17):
Yeah, let's do that, Stace.
Stacy (21:19):
Okay, s is for see yourself first.
Wayne (21:26):
Oh, you want me to jump in.
T is to tell the truth, thewhole truth and nothing but the
truth About what you want.
(21:46):
E is to express clearly Do notassume P practice boundaries.
P-tum-tum, you got to have asound effect.
Stacy (21:49):
Stacey, we're getting a good way in the sound machine.
O own your presence.
Wayne (22:01):
You undo that learning.
T take up space, Take up spaceyeah there is our step out
framework.
Stacy (22:15):
That is the step out framework of the midlife
revolution.
Do not be surprised if you seeWayne and I really pushing that
out because we believe it couldbe of value to you visibility.
(22:41):
The story of Hagar comes up andfor those of you you know maybe
you're not in the basicinstructions, before leaving
earth, hagar was basically anindentured servant and she was
instructed to sleep with Abrahamand carry a child because
Abraham's wife could not.
And long story short, you knowSarah, abraham's wife.
(23:01):
She regretted that decision andthen she put Hagar and Hagar's
son out in the street or thedesert.
You know Bible days, but thereality is is that through her
journey, she realized that Godsees her and her, presencing
(23:24):
herself before God.
She termed God or named God,pulled out the character of God,
which is Jehovah Rohi, the Godwho sees me, and so we are seen
and we are here to be seen.
Each of us designed and createduniquely, and so we are here to
(23:48):
be seen and should be free tolive out loud, to press beyond
invisibility and step out of theshadows.
What say you, sir Wayne?
Wayne (23:59):
Love what you're saying, Stace.
We touched a little bit on theremote visibility.
Stacy (24:07):
Yes, but in the real world.
Wayne (24:08):
We're not always remote and there are some opportunities
, as we're going to get intosome call to actions, there are
opportunities to stepping out aswell, becoming parts of
organizations and associationsand attending community events,
those kinds of things andnetworking events.
So we can touch on those as weget into the call to actions.
Stacy (24:30):
Go for it, wayne.
I think that it's reallyimportant to be able to give our
audience that opportunity tohear how they can move forward
if they're struggling withinvisibility even if it's not
invisibility in every area oftheir lives, but it could be
invisibility on the job.
(24:51):
It could be invisibility insocial media as you're
presencing your business yes,I'm talking to myself.
It could be invisibility inyour family dynamics, where you
just feel like your voice is notrespected or not heard.
So I think it's a great time,sir Wayne, to talk about some
(25:14):
calls to action.
Wayne (25:16):
Yeah, thanks, stacey.
Sometimes just by you talkabout family, just by
volunteering to stay back toclean up at an event or be on
the committee to put togetherthe family reunion you know is
important, it's making sure thatyou're not invisible and taking
(25:39):
some accountability andresponsibility.
Here's one that people are veryfearful of public speaking, you
know.
Get out there and just, it'seasier said than done, but do it
.
You know nobody goes to listento a public speaker to see them
foul up right, because everybodywants to have a good time and
(26:00):
nobody wants to have a bad event.
So folks are already behind youand that's one way to show up
and to be visible out there.
Stacy (26:10):
Yeah, Wayne, I know that you have been involved over time
in Toastmasters.
You mentioned public speaking.
Do you consider that to be avaluable resource for those that
may be a little bit morereserved or hesitant for public
speaking?
Wayne (26:30):
Absolutely Toastmasterscom, and there's a
Toastmasters within 10 squaremiles of where you live.
I almost guarantee that, unlessyou're so far gone in the
boondocks that you got to swimout.
But for the most part you'llfind a Toastmasters,
toastmasters International andthere's some other opportunities
that you can find elsewhere,I'm sure, but the Toastmasters
(26:53):
clubs they welcome folks, youcan shop around.
In other words, you don't haveto be a pain member and it's
less than I think $60, $70 persix months, I think to join most
clubs and when you go toToastmasters you have mentors
and you have people who aregoing to help you.
It's a leadership developmentopportunity as well.
Stacy (27:17):
I love it, I love it, and Sister Audrey is like that's me
.
We got you, sis, you got thistoo, this opportunity.
I think you talked about thespeaking piece.
It's also one of thosesituations where you know the
competence is what ignites theconfidence, and we're only going
(27:42):
to develop the competence bygetting out there and doing it.
So if it is that publicspeaking or letting your voice
be heard, you know, forward isthe way and let's do a little,
let's provide a couple ofquestions that our community can
(28:06):
really think about, as they aredealing with or facing
invisibility.
And one is, and one is whatpart of me has been hiding, to
(28:35):
ask yourself what part of youhas been hiding.
Wayne (28:36):
Maybe it's your voice.
Maybe it's your professionalvoice, your personal voice.
It could be your presence, butask yourself what part of you
has been hiding.
Yeah, and we talked a littlebit about this using the
hashtags to tell your story.
Um Stace, when we prepare forthis show, we ask chat if we go
that route to help us to createhook titles.
Yes, and so that's a great wayto be visible as well.
You know, uh, those align withyour SEOs.
(28:58):
They're common terms thatpeople want to look for.
Stacy (29:02):
Correct, and certainly for those of you that use those
hashtags in your social posts,you can hashtag Midlife
Revolution Unleashed.
Let's get that generating.
We really believe that it's soimportant for our audience to
remember it is not too late.
You are not too old to be seen,to be heard, to really present
(29:28):
yourself in a way that ismeaningful.
Hey, hey, sister Kelly, coachKelly, elder Kelly never too
late.
Yes, catch the replay.
We'd love to hear your thoughts.
Hey, Chanel.
Wayne (29:41):
Sister Chanel, I want to holler at you too for jumping in
.
Stacy (29:43):
Thank you, chanel.
So we've spent the evening, orthis episode, really talking
about stepping out of theshadows and stepping into
visibility, really breaking downthat inner glass ceiling that
(30:04):
says your voice shouldn't beheard or you should not be seen,
whether it be as an authorityor as an active contributor to a
conversation, a project,anything moving forward.
Our heart's desire is that yourealize that invisibility is not
(30:27):
God's plan or design for you,and so that you begin to take
these opportunities, connectwith a coach.
Wayne is available, I amavailable.
The heart's desire is that youstep into the full presence, the
full authenticity of who youare, who you are designed to be.
(30:52):
Don't leave anything on thetable and if invisibility is
holding you back, grab on to theright support so that you can
step into full visibility,present yourself and make your
mark.
Wayne (31:07):
Great Stacey.
As midlifers, we come withlived experience and vast amount
of knowledge.
We've been there, we've walkeda lot of the walk and we're
halfway there, just about, andso sometimes when we are afraid
(31:27):
to show up because we haveeither that imposter syndrome or
we figure we just are going tofail, it's important to remember
that those are things that wecome with and you don't have to.
Even as a coach, I don't knowmore than the CEO that I'm
coaching about his business, buthe doesn't have to have me know
(31:48):
more than he does.
One idea, one idea around hisblind spot that's revealed can
trigger him or her to the nextlevel, and so if you have
visibility, by just believing inyourself and showing up, you
(32:08):
can make a difference as apreceptor, as a mentor as a
coach, as an advisor.
Stacy (32:16):
Do it afraid.
Do it afraid, brother Curtis,you never, ever owe us an
apology.
We are sorry you didn't seethat notification, but you know
you are such an important partof the Midlife Revolution
Unleashed community.
We're glad you were able to hopin and encourage you to catch
the replay, as we encourage allof our audience to do.
Wayne (32:36):
I'm going to correct you.
That's for you.
All the people who came lategot to give me $10, Stacey,
that's how it's going to worknow.
Stacy (32:45):
Oh, my Okay.
That was not something thatWayne and I agreed upon, but now
that he said it publicly, Iwill let Wayne share how
everyone is going to send that10 bucks.
What are we going to do with it?
Who are we going to give it toWayne?
We would have to.
We would have to give it away,right so to some, to some
(33:05):
valuable cause.
Wayne (33:07):
Yeah, the VIP coach fund.
Stacy (33:14):
Let us pray.
Wayne (33:17):
We're getting out of here .
How can they reach you, CoachStacey?
Stacy (33:21):
Oh, you know those of you that are connected with me on
Facebook and or LinkedIn.
You certainly know that youwebsite, thestacymlewiscom.
Be visible.
(33:41):
Y'all what you got, sir Wayne.
Wayne (33:44):
Stacey.
They can visit me, dm me andyou can see through my website,
viptransformativelivingcom, ormy email address.
But DM me.
I have a giveaway, Stacey.
I'd love to give folks, if theyDM me, my free ebook.
It's Breaking Free Discoveryour Purpose, power and
(34:04):
Prosperity at Midlife and listen, why not?
And it's a freebie, come andget it.
Stacy (34:14):
Why not?
Why not?
Sister Kelly said that we candonate that $10 that the
latecomers have acknowledged toSt Louis Tornado Relief
Absolutely a cause that we arecurrently supporting.
As the people of St Louisrecover from a significant
(34:35):
tornado, we want to remind youthat it's your time to shine.
Step out of the shadows, dowhat it is you need to do to
battle invisibility in midlife.
You are here to make a mark anda difference.
Thank you so much for joiningus.
Coach Wayne, do you haveanything to say to the people
(34:57):
before we sign off?
Wayne (35:01):
I'm hungry.
It's dinner time, I'm out.
Stacy (35:06):
Oh boy, okay, see y'all next week, folks.
God bless y'all.
Thank you so much for joiningus at the Midlife Revolution
Unleashed.
Wayne (35:16):
And there you have it, folks.
This week's episode of theMidlife Revolution Unleashed.
Hey, we truly appreciate yourspending this time in this space
with us.
Join us next week at the sametime as we dive into relevant
topics and present solutions tospark new thinking and empower
(35:36):
your midlife journey.
Stacy (35:41):
And don't forget if you enjoyed today's episode, let us
know in the comments and shareit with others.
And, of course, remember tosubscribe, share like.
Hit that notification bell.
You are the midlife revolutionunleashed.
I'm Coach Stacey and I'mcheering you on.
Wayne (36:00):
And I'm Coach Wayne and I'll see you at the top.
you've just stepped into the midlife revolution,
unleashed your space to ignitepossibility, redefine purpose
and embrace the power that comeswith age and experience,
co-hosted by yours truly coachand I'm coach stacy m lewis.
Stacy (00:22):
we are two season coaches focused on the midlife
community of color.
This isn't just a podcast.
It's a movement in a world thatsometimes forgets the power and
the wisdom that comes with age.
We are here to ignite arevolution and rewrite the
narrative of this incrediblejourney of this incredible
(00:42):
journey.
Wayne (00:42):
So, whether you're navigating your career, growing
your business, rediscoveringpassions or challenging the
status quo, this is your space.
So buckle up, let's dive intothe Midlife Revolution Unleashed
(01:04):
.
And we are unleashed for yetanother episode.
Hello everyone.
Stacy (01:09):
This is midlife revolution on leash, with your
coach, wayne dawson, the vipcoach and stacy m lewis, it is a
pleasure to be here and welcometo you all to this evening's
Midlife Revolution Unleashed.
Wayne and I are really excitedabout this topic.
(01:30):
But before we dive in, I willintroduce myself.
I am Stacey M Lewis.
I am a nonprofit executive, amidlife women's coach and a
lover of God and his people.
Wayne, introduce yourself tothe people.
Wayne (01:46):
Just call me Coach Wayne, the VIP coach.
I help men in midlife navigatemidlife so that their second
half can be their best half.
And, stacey, I don't know.
Today you're excited, as I amtoo, about what we're going to
wrap about, and that is steppingout of the shadows, battling in
(02:08):
invisibility in midlife.
What do we mean by that, stacey?
Stacy (02:12):
Yeah, absolutely.
I'm excited about this topicbecause a number of women that I
coach experience invisibility,and my coaching instructor
actually calls it part of theinvisible glass ceiling.
So invisibility is when we aresensing, really, that we need to
(02:38):
stay the shadows or behind thescenes and play it small or not
really show our power in anygiven situation.
So I'm excited about thissubject because I believe that
it is going to really bless anumber of our listeners and
(03:02):
those that we both coachindividually as well.
Wayne (03:06):
What say you, sir Stacey.
I oftentimes tell folks to stepout and stand up.
Stand out, speak out, speak up.
And I say this all the time,both to my personal friends,
family and the people that Icoach, my clients.
You want to be present and youwant to make sure that you're
(03:31):
accounted for everywhere youshow up.
And that doesn't mean takingall the air out of the room and
just chatting too much.
It just means standing tall andrepresenting yourself a hundred
percent.
Stacy (03:43):
That's right Stepping out of the shadows and really being
seen as who you are, where youare, and letting your voice be
heard.
So let's jump on in, sir Wayne,let's do it.
Let's help our listeningaudience explore the roots of
invisibility.
Explore the roots ofinvisibility.
(04:03):
I'll certainly jump in and talkabout the experience from that
of a woman be quiet or demure orstay back and really silence
(04:31):
our voices.
We don't want to be perceived,or at least as we were growing
up we didn't want to beperceived or ever told that we
were too much, that our voiceswere not to be heard, and so
that transitions into adulthoodwhere there's a practice of
(04:56):
silence, a practice of allowingour voices to be stifled by the
other voices in the room.
Wayne (05:07):
And Stacey, we're talking about the midlife group which
spans actually across more thana decade of age group.
But that group typically grewup with parents who kind of said
children must be seen and notheard, and so there was that
(05:29):
idea of what respect meant.
Right, You're around adults andyou can be seen but not heard.
And so we learned early to kindof, as we say in Jamaica, small
up yourself.
Stacy (05:42):
Wow, but what a powerful antithesis of what it is we're
talking about right To small upyourself and where we're really
talking about playing yourbiggest game stepping out of
that smalling up of yourself andinto a space where you are
(06:04):
visible, where you are seen,where you are heard and where
you are an active contributor tothe activity, the conversation,
and Stacey men a lot of menthat I work with also come with
(06:30):
this idea of being stoic and notpresenting themselves fully.
Wayne (06:31):
As far as you know, sitting back and kind of taking
it all in is a cool strategy forshowing up and that really
prevents us oftentimes frombeing in the game that really
prevents us oftentimes frombeing in the game.
Stacy (06:50):
Yeah, yeah, being in the game is critical, and I think
that both genders are often,whether it be taught or fall
into a pattern of being moreaware of the needs and the voice
of others than that of theirown, and that attention is
always externally focused, rightLike, oh.
(07:13):
It even impacts our confidencelooking at others, listening to
others and as they walk in theirauthenticity, and we're feeling
this sense of invisibility orplaying small that it then
causes us to question whether webelong in the room at the table
(07:34):
, and so really starting topluck apart these roots of
invisibility, whether it be thattraining to be stoic or have
that tough exterior.
You, Wayne, often talk aboutmen being taught that
vulnerability is a weakness andreally having to shift that
(07:57):
mindset.
Wayne (07:58):
I don't know if you want to dig into that just a little
bit as a root of invisibilitydig into that just a little bit
as a root of invisibility.
Thank you, stacey, great point.
So a lot of men feel that beingmanly, being masculine, being a
leader, is about holding backas far as their authenticity
when it comes to like emotionsbeing displayed, and so, with
(08:23):
the pain that so many of ourbrothers carry, a lot of it is
generational trauma.
There's this tendency for menin that space to be invisible,
to hold on to their own stuffand not share with others, and
you can't get help, you can'theal if you can't be seen and if
(08:45):
you can't name what you'regoing through.
Stacy (08:48):
Absolutely.
We cannot heal what we do notreveal, and so this conversation
about invisibility is animportant one for everyone to
really just begin to askthemselves can they relate to
this concept of invisibility andwhen they might be feeling
(09:13):
invisible or like they need toplay it small in certain
situations, when that may not bethe truth?
Wayne (09:22):
Yeah, that may not be the truth.
Stacy (09:25):
Yeah, stacey let's introduce to the folks our step
out framework.
Gladly, Wayne, we are happy tointroduce to our Midlife
Revolution Unleashed listeningaudience our steps to becoming
visible again and our newlydesigned Step Out framework.
So I will start with the S ofStep Out, and that is to see
(09:52):
yourself first.
We really just talked about howwe're often outward, facing and
looking at the needs and thepresence of others.
But to really flip that, tolook at ourselves first and
whether it is mirroring, workingin your own mirror, journaling,
(10:14):
but to really begin to presenceyour own needs, your own
desires and your own voice,that's S see yourself first.
Wayne (10:26):
Right and T is about telling the truth.
We talked about that Opening upand speak to your truth.
What do you really desire?
What do you want?
Stacey, I'll tell you.
I had a close friend and acolleague that wanted to have a
recommendation drawn up fortheir social media, and so they
(10:49):
wrote their truth.
Now I'm not saying that it'sfar-fetched and I don't know
this person's qualification, butthey voiced it in a way that
they wanted to be seen and heardand I edited, but at least I
had a track to go on telling hertruth.
Stacy (11:08):
Yes, yes, yes.
I love the telling the truthbecause often, even as we sit in
a room, we don't want the truthof our thoughts, of our
perspective, of our voice to hitthe table.
So I agree with you, wayne tellthe truth, even if your voice
shakes.
(11:28):
And before we go on to thatlovely letter E let's say good
evening to one of our favoritepeople, sister Audrey.
Hey, welcome, we appreciate you.
Wayne (11:43):
Good evening, Sister Audrey.
Stacy (11:47):
Let's jump into E.
Express clearly and don'tassume.
What we're meaning here is tospeak your needs, not hint at
them.
I'm sure we can talk about howthose hints impact relationships
when you expect someone to bereading your mind or really
(12:08):
understand the little hint orthe crumb that you're leaving.
Express clearly, really Don'tleave hints.
Speak your needs, speak yourvoice, amplify it.
Wayne (12:21):
I like that.
I like the idea that you don'tleave others to kind of guess
where you need to be, what youwant.
If, for example, in the worldof work, you desire a promotion,
if you desire to be on anothersprint team or task group, you
(12:42):
should ask for it.
Let people know that this iswhere you want to grow and have
some experience.
Stacy (12:50):
Yes, yes, express those needs.
Wayne (12:53):
They say the P is about practicing boundaries.
I wrote something about thisrecently on my LinkedIn, and the
idea of boundaries shows notjust your own.
Well, it's about, first of all,self-respect right Marking off
your boundaries, allowing peopleto know how you want to be
(13:13):
treated and your expectations interms of the length and depth
that they can work with you ornot, or have relationships with
you, and I think this is soimportant because this allows
you to be seen in the frameworkthat you want to belong.
Stacy (13:31):
Yes, yes, you don't have to disappear in order to stay
safe.
Right when you establishboundaries, you're really able
to let others know how you wantto be treated, as well as let
them know, as Sister Audreywould say please tell me what
(13:51):
you want, don't have me guessingthat practicing of the
boundaries make sure that you'reable to begin to step more into
your own self and into your ownvoice, because you have
determined how far you're goingto let others encroach on that.
Wayne (14:14):
Are you up Stacey with the O?
Stacy (14:15):
I think, so I'll go.
It is O is for own yourpresence.
Walk in the room like youbelong, sit up forward, lean in
Remember when that book came out.
Lean in, own your presence.
(14:36):
It really can be powerful whenyou own it.
Wayne (14:40):
Yeah, you know I tell brothers all the time about
recognizing their position,their royalty, so to speak Like
a king and to behave and speakand act like one, think like one
.
You know we talked about that,stacey.
We talked about becoming thefuture self, the idea self,
(15:01):
before you're there, that's,owning your presence.
Stacy (15:04):
Absolutely, absolutely.
I mean we are sons anddaughters of the most high,
which means we are not to beplaying it small, but to really
be bringing our full selves tothe table.
Good evening, delaine.
Thank you so much for joiningus at the Midlife Revolution
Unleashed Howdy.
(15:25):
Delaine, no apologies, you arehere.
We appreciate the support.
Wayne (15:35):
And there is you, which is undo the training and what we
mean by that.
So a lot of the way we show uphas to do with how we probably
were raised or stuff that we gotalong the way from our
schooling, perhaps ourorganization groups, our
(15:55):
religious practices andsometimes it's important for us
to shed that.
If it's a limiting belief orpresence, we have to undo those
things because they shackle usto the shadows and we want to
release that.
And so we got to give ourselvespermission, Stacey, to undo
that training and that thinkingthat keeps you in the dark.
Stacy (16:19):
Absolutely, wayne.
Often you and I are reallytalking about what someone's
mind is set on.
Right, we say mindset coaching,but it really is about what
someone's mind is set on and ifyou are set on the story that's
going through your brain, all ofthe time is set on you playing
(16:43):
it small or withdrawing to thecorner or acknowledging someone
else's needs and voice beforeyour own and voice before your
own.
That is what needs to berewired right To really
understand why you're playing itsmall, so that you can begin to
(17:05):
dismantle that untruth andreally begin to step into your
authentic, visible self.
So I really like that undo, thetraining.
It could also be the undo, thenarrative, that's causing you to
play it small.
Wayne (17:23):
Yes, I'm just flicking around here Stace, trying to see
if I can grab on visitors thatwe may have joining us on the
other platforms platformsAbsolutely Welcome to the world
(17:47):
those eyes.
And then Stacey, we can doubleup on this one.
It's take up space, Take upspace Again.
You don't want to be the guywho just takes the air out of
the room by just assuming youare on stage and nobody else
exists, but taking up space.
You know, I remember back inthe days taking the subways in
New York, Stacey and I would sitand make myself so at home, so
(18:10):
comfortable, that if the trainwas crowded, of course people
would ask you to move over, butI didn't.
There were people who would siton the train and sort of sat on
the edge of their seats andsquashed up against the railing.
Well, yes, you can be polite tohave people with you, but take
(18:30):
up space, Make yourself at home,not to put everything all over
and put your feet up at home,not to put everything all over
and put your feet up.
But the idea that you are notgood enough to represent
yourself and take a seat and becomfortable is a problem, I
think.
Stacy (18:46):
Absolutely that take up space physically is important.
We often talk about amplifyingyour voice, so take up space
vocally, make your thoughts,your opinions known to your
earlier point, not in a waythat's irrelevant or
disrespectful, but in a way thatstarts to get your voice heard,
(19:12):
even by your own self, allowingyourself to hear your voice at
a table, in a meeting, in aconversation, in a way that is
authentic.
Really taking up that space isimportant, as well as taking up
space emotionally.
No, not the emotional breakdowntype of thing, no, not the
(19:35):
emotional breakdown type ofthing, but really taking up
space and not pressing orsuppressing your emotions in a
situation in a way that has themgo totally unaddressed.
Wayne (19:51):
Take up space, touch a little bit, segue a little bit
on the idea of being visible inthe remote world, because so
many of us are remotely involved.
And so to speak.
To this.
It may look like improving yourprofile and using words,
(20:13):
phrases, that resonates On thisshow.
For example, stacey, we do asearch for hashtags.
Right, that's important.
Writing a blog, our podcast,all of that is making us visible
and there's nothing stoppingyou, as a person on social media
(20:34):
, for utilizing these resourcesto show up and not be invisible.
Stacy (20:40):
Take up space.
I love that and how it alignswith taking up space with your
voice, taking up space with yourdigital footprint, right In a
way that's meaningful not justposting foolishness all over the
place, but taking up space withyour social footprint.
I love that, wayne.
(21:01):
Thank you so much for addingthat.
Before we jump into any senseof how our faith can really
engage in this process, what doyou think about reviewing our
step-out framework?
Wayne (21:17):
Yeah, let's do that, Stace.
Stacy (21:19):
Okay, s is for see yourself first.
Wayne (21:26):
Oh, you want me to jump in.
T is to tell the truth, thewhole truth and nothing but the
truth About what you want.
(21:46):
E is to express clearly Do notassume P practice boundaries.
P-tum-tum, you got to have asound effect.
Stacy (21:49):
Stacey, we're getting a good way in the sound machine.
O own your presence.
Wayne (22:01):
You undo that learning.
T take up space, Take up spaceyeah there is our step out
framework.
Stacy (22:15):
That is the step out framework of the midlife
revolution.
Do not be surprised if you seeWayne and I really pushing that
out because we believe it couldbe of value to you visibility.
(22:41):
The story of Hagar comes up andfor those of you you know maybe
you're not in the basicinstructions, before leaving
earth, hagar was basically anindentured servant and she was
instructed to sleep with Abrahamand carry a child because
Abraham's wife could not.
And long story short, you knowSarah, abraham's wife.
(23:01):
She regretted that decision andthen she put Hagar and Hagar's
son out in the street or thedesert.
You know Bible days, but thereality is is that through her
journey, she realized that Godsees her and her, presencing
(23:24):
herself before God.
She termed God or named God,pulled out the character of God,
which is Jehovah Rohi, the Godwho sees me, and so we are seen
and we are here to be seen.
Each of us designed and createduniquely, and so we are here to
(23:48):
be seen and should be free tolive out loud, to press beyond
invisibility and step out of theshadows.
What say you, sir Wayne?
Wayne (23:59):
Love what you're saying, Stace.
We touched a little bit on theremote visibility.
Stacy (24:07):
Yes, but in the real world.
Wayne (24:08):
We're not always remote and there are some opportunities
, as we're going to get intosome call to actions, there are
opportunities to stepping out aswell, becoming parts of
organizations and associationsand attending community events,
those kinds of things andnetworking events.
So we can touch on those as weget into the call to actions.
Stacy (24:30):
Go for it, wayne.
I think that it's reallyimportant to be able to give our
audience that opportunity tohear how they can move forward
if they're struggling withinvisibility even if it's not
invisibility in every area oftheir lives, but it could be
invisibility on the job.
(24:51):
It could be invisibility insocial media as you're
presencing your business yes,I'm talking to myself.
It could be invisibility inyour family dynamics, where you
just feel like your voice is notrespected or not heard.
So I think it's a great time,sir Wayne, to talk about some
(25:14):
calls to action.
Wayne (25:16):
Yeah, thanks, stacey.
Sometimes just by you talkabout family, just by
volunteering to stay back toclean up at an event or be on
the committee to put togetherthe family reunion you know is
important, it's making sure thatyou're not invisible and taking
(25:39):
some accountability andresponsibility.
Here's one that people are veryfearful of public speaking, you
know.
Get out there and just, it'seasier said than done, but do it
.
You know nobody goes to listento a public speaker to see them
foul up right, because everybodywants to have a good time and
(26:00):
nobody wants to have a bad event.
So folks are already behind youand that's one way to show up
and to be visible out there.
Stacy (26:10):
Yeah, Wayne, I know that you have been involved over time
in Toastmasters.
You mentioned public speaking.
Do you consider that to be avaluable resource for those that
may be a little bit morereserved or hesitant for public
speaking?
Wayne (26:30):
Absolutely Toastmasterscom, and there's a
Toastmasters within 10 squaremiles of where you live.
I almost guarantee that, unlessyou're so far gone in the
boondocks that you got to swimout.
But for the most part you'llfind a Toastmasters,
toastmasters International andthere's some other opportunities
that you can find elsewhere,I'm sure, but the Toastmasters
(26:53):
clubs they welcome folks, youcan shop around.
In other words, you don't haveto be a pain member and it's
less than I think $60, $70 persix months, I think to join most
clubs and when you go toToastmasters you have mentors
and you have people who aregoing to help you.
It's a leadership developmentopportunity as well.
Stacy (27:17):
I love it, I love it, and Sister Audrey is like that's me
.
We got you, sis, you got thistoo, this opportunity.
I think you talked about thespeaking piece.
It's also one of thosesituations where you know the
competence is what ignites theconfidence, and we're only going
(27:42):
to develop the competence bygetting out there and doing it.
So if it is that publicspeaking or letting your voice
be heard, you know, forward isthe way and let's do a little,
let's provide a couple ofquestions that our community can
(28:06):
really think about, as they aredealing with or facing
invisibility.
And one is, and one is whatpart of me has been hiding, to
(28:35):
ask yourself what part of youhas been hiding.
Wayne (28:36):
Maybe it's your voice.
Maybe it's your professionalvoice, your personal voice.
It could be your presence, butask yourself what part of you
has been hiding.
Yeah, and we talked a littlebit about this using the
hashtags to tell your story.
Um Stace, when we prepare forthis show, we ask chat if we go
that route to help us to createhook titles.
Yes, and so that's a great wayto be visible as well.
You know, uh, those align withyour SEOs.
(28:58):
They're common terms thatpeople want to look for.
Stacy (29:02):
Correct, and certainly for those of you that use those
hashtags in your social posts,you can hashtag Midlife
Revolution Unleashed.
Let's get that generating.
We really believe that it's soimportant for our audience to
remember it is not too late.
You are not too old to be seen,to be heard, to really present
(29:28):
yourself in a way that ismeaningful.
Hey, hey, sister Kelly, coachKelly, elder Kelly never too
late.
Yes, catch the replay.
We'd love to hear your thoughts.
Hey, Chanel.
Wayne (29:41):
Sister Chanel, I want to holler at you too for jumping in
.
Stacy (29:43):
Thank you, chanel.
So we've spent the evening, orthis episode, really talking
about stepping out of theshadows and stepping into
visibility, really breaking downthat inner glass ceiling that
(30:04):
says your voice shouldn't beheard or you should not be seen,
whether it be as an authorityor as an active contributor to a
conversation, a project,anything moving forward.
Our heart's desire is that yourealize that invisibility is not
(30:27):
God's plan or design for you,and so that you begin to take
these opportunities, connectwith a coach.
Wayne is available, I amavailable.
The heart's desire is that youstep into the full presence, the
full authenticity of who youare, who you are designed to be.
(30:52):
Don't leave anything on thetable and if invisibility is
holding you back, grab on to theright support so that you can
step into full visibility,present yourself and make your
mark.
Wayne (31:07):
Great Stacey.
As midlifers, we come withlived experience and vast amount
of knowledge.
We've been there, we've walkeda lot of the walk and we're
halfway there, just about, andso sometimes when we are afraid
(31:27):
to show up because we haveeither that imposter syndrome or
we figure we just are going tofail, it's important to remember
that those are things that wecome with and you don't have to.
Even as a coach, I don't knowmore than the CEO that I'm
coaching about his business, buthe doesn't have to have me know
(31:48):
more than he does.
One idea, one idea around hisblind spot that's revealed can
trigger him or her to the nextlevel, and so if you have
visibility, by just believing inyourself and showing up, you
(32:08):
can make a difference as apreceptor, as a mentor as a
coach, as an advisor.
Stacy (32:16):
Do it afraid.
Do it afraid, brother Curtis,you never, ever owe us an
apology.
We are sorry you didn't seethat notification, but you know
you are such an important partof the Midlife Revolution
Unleashed community.
We're glad you were able to hopin and encourage you to catch
the replay, as we encourage allof our audience to do.
Wayne (32:36):
I'm going to correct you.
That's for you.
All the people who came lategot to give me $10, Stacey,
that's how it's going to worknow.
Stacy (32:45):
Oh, my Okay.
That was not something thatWayne and I agreed upon, but now
that he said it publicly, Iwill let Wayne share how
everyone is going to send that10 bucks.
What are we going to do with it?
Who are we going to give it toWayne?
We would have to.
We would have to give it away,right so to some, to some
(33:05):
valuable cause.
Wayne (33:07):
Yeah, the VIP coach fund.
Stacy (33:14):
Let us pray.
Wayne (33:17):
We're getting out of here .
How can they reach you, CoachStacey?
Stacy (33:21):
Oh, you know those of you that are connected with me on
Facebook and or LinkedIn.
You certainly know that youwebsite, thestacymlewiscom.
Be visible.
(33:41):
Y'all what you got, sir Wayne.
Wayne (33:44):
Stacey.
They can visit me, dm me andyou can see through my website,
viptransformativelivingcom, ormy email address.
But DM me.
I have a giveaway, Stacey.
I'd love to give folks, if theyDM me, my free ebook.
It's Breaking Free Discoveryour Purpose, power and
(34:04):
Prosperity at Midlife and listen, why not?
And it's a freebie, come andget it.
Stacy (34:14):
Why not?
Why not?
Sister Kelly said that we candonate that $10 that the
latecomers have acknowledged toSt Louis Tornado Relief
Absolutely a cause that we arecurrently supporting.
As the people of St Louisrecover from a significant
(34:35):
tornado, we want to remind youthat it's your time to shine.
Step out of the shadows, dowhat it is you need to do to
battle invisibility in midlife.
You are here to make a mark anda difference.
Thank you so much for joiningus.
Coach Wayne, do you haveanything to say to the people
(34:57):
before we sign off?
Wayne (35:01):
I'm hungry.
It's dinner time, I'm out.
Stacy (35:06):
Oh boy, okay, see y'all next week, folks.
God bless y'all.
Thank you so much for joiningus at the Midlife Revolution
Unleashed.
Wayne (35:16):
And there you have it, folks.
This week's episode of theMidlife Revolution Unleashed.
Hey, we truly appreciate yourspending this time in this space
with us.
Join us next week at the sametime as we dive into relevant
topics and present solutions tospark new thinking and empower
(35:36):
your midlife journey.
Stacy (35:41):
And don't forget if you enjoyed today's episode, let us
know in the comments and shareit with others.
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You are the midlife revolutionunleashed.
I'm Coach Stacey and I'mcheering you on.
Wayne (36:00):
And I'm Coach Wayne and I'll see you at the top.
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