December 5, 2025 • 39 mins
Reflection shouldn’t feel like standing before a judge. As the year winds down, we walk you through a humane, practical way to look back that builds momentum instead of regret. We call it the Four R’s of Reflecting Well: remember without revision, recognize what works, release what doesn’t serve, and reimagine what’s possible from a place of truth and faith. Along the way, we unpack how cultural narratives, comparison, and perfectionism can twist memory, and why your nervous system’s signals matter when you revisit tough moments.
In this episode, we explore how to reflect at year’s end without spiraling into judgment, and how to turn honest looking back into fuel for 2026. Our Four R’s—remember, recognize, release, reimagine—pair mindset shifts with practical tools like wins-first, one-word reflection, and the 3-2-1 Grace Report.
Wayne offers a vivid story about crossing a high rainforest bridge in Ghana—and how reframing an “incomplete” into a genuine win unlocked courage and future readiness. Together we show how resilience shows up in small restarts, and how to spot the places you’ve been quietly underestimating yourself.
Fear is loud but rarely truthful; vision grounded in faith and values is flexible, hopeful, and doable. Choose an expansion word for 2026, rewrite the meaning of a stuck story with a kinder truth, and take one small step that proves your future to yourself.
If this resonates, subscribe, share the show with a friend who needs a gentle year-end reset, and leave a review telling us your 2026 word and the one thing you’re releasing. Your next season starts with how you look back—let’s make it fuel.
Subscribe @CoachStacyMLewis and @CoachWayneVIP
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Coach Stacy (00:06):
December has a way of pulling us into two places at
once.
Who we've been this year andwho we still hope to become.
But for so many midlife folks,especially in our communities,
reflection turns intorumination, which then turns
into regret.
But what if the way you lookback could fuel your next season
(00:31):
instead of draining it?
Coach Wayne (00:33):
And what if your reflection could be more honest,
more open, more gentle, andmore hopeful.
Without pretending everythingwas perfect.
Check out today's episode.
You found the midliferevolution unleashed.
(00:58):
The space to embrace yourwisdom, reignite your passions,
and move boldly into what'snext.
I am Coach Wayne, the VIPcoach.
Coach Stacy (01:08):
And I'm Coach Stacy M.
Lewis.
We're here with insights,stories, and strategies to fuel
your midlife journey.
So take a breath, lean in.
Your revolution starts now.
Coach Wayne (01:25):
Stay safe.
Good to see you, my lady.
Coach Stacy (01:29):
Good evening, good morning, good evening,
afternoon, all those beautifulthings.
Good day to you, Coach Wayne,and to our midlife revolution
unleashed listener.
It is so exciting to be heretonight.
How you doing?
Coach Wayne (01:47):
Me?
I'm doing fine.
Fine.
Just doing great, Stacy.
Came back well charged fromAfrica.
I don't know when the high isgoing to end, but I'm enjoying
it.
Thank you, Matt.
Coach Stacy (01:59):
Enjoy it.
Ride it as long as you can.
Welcome to those uh new andreturning to Midlife Revolution
Unleashed.
I am your co-host, Coach Stacy,a midlife woman's coach, a
lover of God and his people, anda nonprofit professional.
And once again, it wouldn't bean episode of the Midlife
(02:22):
Revolution Unleashed unless Iwas joined by my esteemed
co-host, Coach Wayne.
Coach Wayne (02:29):
And I'm the dude.
Stacy's talking about CoachWayne.
Yeah, they call me the VIPcoach because I help men through
midlife so that their secondhalf can be their best half.
Stacy, we got a show and a halfin for tonight.
And this time of year, it'sreflection time for most.
It's the end of the year.
(02:50):
And if you're in business, it'sthe last quarter.
Either way, people tend to lookback and reflect and uh and
then position themselves.
You know, they evaluate how'sthe year been and how will it be
in 2026?
So we're gonna talk about thattoday, Stacy.
Coach Stacy (03:06):
Absolutely, and good evening to Delane.
Today we're gonna ref talkabout how to reflect well,
right?
How to look at the year or thischapter of your life through
that lens that honors yourgrowth and your wisdom and your
humanity and looking forward tothat future.
Um, where would you like tostart, Sir Wayne?
Coach Wayne (03:29):
Well, what is reflection?
What is it and what isn't it,Stacy?
Coach Stacy (03:34):
Because yeah, shine.
No, that's that's a good one.
Um, because I think so often weentangle reflection um with
judgment, right?
So we look back or we thinkabout something that has already
happened, yet we do so withjudgment or with comparison.
(04:00):
And the type of reflection youand I are talking about this
evening is really the reflectionthat looks back in a way that
informs but does not judge.
That's what I would sayreflection is.
What would you say, sir?
Coach Wayne (04:17):
I think you're on the money with that, Stacy.
I think uh we want to talkabout holding back the tendency
to be harsh, to beat ourselvesup.
And you know, there's anarrative about our worth as a
as a group, as a people, peopleof color, black folks.
And and so most times or manytimes I work with clients, I
(04:39):
have to remind them to pullback.
There are more wins and morethings that they ought to be
pumped up about than the missingparts that they complain about.
You know, they start off withthe what's wrong with me kind of
uh attitude.
And Stacey, we want to stayaway from that sort of
reflection this week.
Coach Stacy (04:57):
I totally agree.
And and we want to point outthat um reflection can really be
distorted by so many things,um, whether it be that
comparison that I mentionedearlier, you know, those
cultural expectations, theperfectionism, um, or really
(05:19):
just trying to make it, right?
Trying to keep everythingmoving forward.
Um, but they can really distortthose like those things can
distort how we reflect andwhether we reflect well or not.
Coach Wayne (05:33):
And we call it oftentimes generational trauma.
But a lot of us carry on notjust the regular traditions that
family has, but the theemotional traditions as well.
The piled upon trauma, as itwere, that says that we are
wrong.
We're always trying to fixourselves because we came out
(05:53):
with the idea that we're brokenoftentimes.
And that's a narrative that wegot to let go of in the
reflection that we're talkingabout tonight.
Coach Stacy (06:01):
I I totally agree.
And we are reminded that youknow, our nervous system also
plays a role, right?
That the the way the brainremembers, sometimes we hold
those memories in our body.
And you and I, I feel likemaybe last episode we talked a
little bit about embodiment andreally just acknowledging where
(06:25):
you're holding something,feeling something in your body.
Um, and and sometimesreflection can really connect
with our nervous system in a waythat you know we're feeling the
reflection.
We're feeling what wereflecting, what we're
reflecting on.
Um, and we want to be aware ofthat.
Coach Wayne (06:47):
Yeah.
Stacey, one of the things thatI oftentimes do, in fact, it's
it's a routine.
When I work with brothers in mycoaching practice, I start off
each session with tell me a winthat you had.
And the win could be reallysmall, but it's important to get
us on that footing where we'rethinking about optimism and
positivity.
(07:08):
So I start off, and I'll say toour audience tonight, when
you're reflecting, let us countour gifts, start off with the
wins before we talk about whatwe missed and what we need and
what we don't have.
Coach Stacy (07:22):
I like that.
I like that a lot.
Um, often uh in conversationwith women, um, we're talking
about reflecting, uh, yet itcomes, it's coupled with as I
reflect, I should be furtheralong, or I should be there, or
(07:44):
this should have happened.
And oftentimes that measuringstick is not really our own, or
it's not our own truth.
It's some story that we havebeen telling ourselves about
where we should be, what weshould have accomplished, uh,
and is not necessarily based inour truth, what we're here to do
(08:06):
as individuals.
Coach Wayne (08:08):
I wonder if we were to think about our lives or our
day or our hours in a way thatstarted off with some sort of
appraise, self-praise andrecognition.
And we don't mean to bearrogant, we just mean find the
thing that we can be thankful ofand grateful for and begin
(08:31):
there.
What would our day and ourself-esteem be like rather than
the criticisms and the thecritiques that we give
ourselves?
Coach Stacy (08:42):
I agree.
And you have begun to jump intouh the core part of tonight's
episode, which is that the fourR's of reflecting well.
Um, and that first one um thatreally comes with that uh
praise, that Thanksgiving, thatum, okay, well done, uh, is
(09:08):
remembering without revision.
Sometimes we remember, butwe're not really remembering
what happened or reflecting onwhat actually happened.
Um, we're reflecting on it fromthe way or from the
perspective, we'll say, of ourinner critic.
(09:28):
And so it is so important thatwe begin to remember without
revision.
Coach Wayne (09:35):
Yeah.
And and we create our ownstories.
Sometimes we create storiesthat we we wish it were, and it
keeps us from a reality.
And I would say that let's keepit real, right?
That the kids tell you, keep itreal, dude.
So let's keep it real, and andwhen we reflect, let us tell the
(09:55):
story as is, not the scriptthat we wished it were.
And we're certainly notpleasing other people.
So if we don't do thatself-assessment in terms of
reflection and honest, beinghonest with ourselves, then
Stacy, we're not in a positionto take uh action that is gonna
be impactful.
Coach Stacy (10:17):
Absolutely.
And we can talk about somequestions that that you know our
listener can ask themselves,uh, but not until we say hello
to Barbara.
Hey Barbara, it's good to seeyou in the house, sis.
Welcome to Midlife RevolutionUnleashed.
Uh, one question is whatactually happened?
(10:38):
Right?
To really, if you're gonnareflect, say, okay, what
actually happened?
Not what did I want to happen,or what's the story I'm telling
myself about what happened, butwhat actually happened?
Coach Wayne (10:53):
And what's the meaning or the lesson that we
can derive from what reallyhappened?
Because there's always ablessing in the lesson.
And so whether it's, you know,something that we are looking
back and saying we don't like,um, how do we kind of turn it
around, Stacey, and ask thequestion, you know, what's the
(11:15):
meaning of this?
Coach Stacy (11:17):
Yes, yes.
I I love that part because Ithink it's so important to not
just look back and say, whathappened, um, and what what the
meaning of it is, uh, really,but how we want to then take
that meaning and move itforward, right?
Do or do we want to move itforward is is probably something
(11:38):
we'll talk about a littlelater.
Um, but I think it's animportant part of reflecting.
Let's talk about uh the secondR, Wayne.
What you got?
Coach Wayne (11:48):
Second R.
Uh recognize what works.
So so do your score sheets, asit were, and recognize what
worked.
So if it worked, what you wantto do?
You want to keep it in yourtoolbox so that you can work it
again.
Coach Stacy (12:06):
Absolutely.
Where where was I consistent?
Right?
Like to your point ofcelebrating the wins, not where
was I inconsistent, but wherewas I consistent, even if not
perfectly?
What did I handle with courage,wisdom, or creativity?
Uh, again, that positivereflection, like looking at
(12:30):
those nuggets that you canreally embrace and carry
forward.
Coach Wayne (12:35):
You know, Stacey, all people, somebody once joked
and told me all people are likecockroaches.
No matter how we get hit, we'regonna come back again, uh, and
stronger than before.
Coach Stacy (12:45):
I don't know.
No, I don't know if I'm gonnatake that one.
Coach Wayne (12:47):
It's a bad analogy, right?
Coach Stacy (12:49):
I don't know if I'm gonna take that one.
Coach Wayne (12:51):
I I know, I know.
But the the point I think theywere making is resilience.
And so when we look atreflection and look at what
worked, look at your resiliency,look at how you bounced back,
look at how you came again.
If you can't go this away, yougo that away.
But we make it happen, and so Iwould so suggest to folks look
(13:14):
at the places and the thechallenges and the overcoming
that you had when you reflect.
Coach Stacy (13:21):
Yeah, yeah.
I I really, really like that,as well as looking back and
recognizing where you may haveunderestimated yourself.
Um, you know, I was thinkingabout, and good evening to
Gordon.
Wayne, this is one of yourpeople.
Gordon said, good evening,Wayne.
(13:44):
Uh hi Gordon.
Coach Wayne (13:47):
Hey, thanks everybody who joined and and
absolutely welcome to.
Yeah.
Coach Stacy (13:55):
Nice to have you, Paul.
Welcome to Midlife RevolutionUnleashed, and thank you for
acknowledging my presence, Paul.
I was thinking about when I wasum in Berlin and just the level
of work and responsibility thatI was called to, and I can
(14:17):
recall um particularly one timebefore I was going to speak,
right?
It's a big meeting.
Um, and really looking back, Irealized in that moment I was
underestimating myself.
I was underestimating myability.
(14:37):
Um, and I think it wasimportant for me to remember to
say, like, hey, hey, hey, mate,whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Like reflect.
I reflected on times that I'vedone a similar presentation or a
similar speaking event before,right?
To reflect well is what we'retalking about tonight.
(15:00):
And Gordon, you and I are good.
We're you you you are forgiven.
Coach Wayne (15:06):
Thank you, brother.
Thank you for joiningeverybody.
So, Stacy, you know, it's stillso fresh in my mind and in my
heart.
I gotta share whenever I canthe um trip to Ghana.
And though I do things to kindof prop myself up, I'm really
definitely afraid of heights,especially heights over water.
(15:30):
And that's because I'm aJamaican born on the island, not
in the water.
Okay, you'll get a okay, okay,got it.
So there's 170 feet above umground level forest floor, and
we're in this rainforest inGhana, and there is this rope
(15:50):
ladder or rope bridge that yougotta walk across.
And it actually has sevenstages, two of which were out of
commission because they wereworking on it, but it starts
inclining and looks longer andlooks scary from the get-go.
So here I am with folks, andum, you know, Audrey with me and
and the folks we're with, andthey're going over it.
(16:11):
And I went over the first one,felt like I was about to leave
my tribe on the floor.
So nervous was I.
But I started breathing and Ipracticed all the things that I
share with others, and I juststart stepping, and it was from
one step to the other, and therope is moving because other
people are on it, right?
And then when you look down,there's a hundred, you're seeing
the canopy, the top of trees,170 feet down, and I'm walking
(16:32):
across.
Stacey, there's no room for twopeople, so you can't turn back.
You understand?
Once you're going straight.
Cut a long story short, I gotto the end of the first one, and
to get off, because I didn'twant to complete the all five,
and that for me was abreakthrough.
So I had to take another routeto get off, but I'm still 170
feet high, and I'm walking offon the other side, so I still
(16:56):
had to do it.
When I got off, I was beginningto beat myself up and saying,
Oh man, I didn't do it, I didn'tdo it.
And then I stopped and and OGpointed out and said, But you
did, because when you started,you just absolutely were at
ground zero, and you completedit and came across.
So that in in my mind isreflecting and looking at um the
(17:20):
plus and the positive.
So I had to give myself a starfor for doing it, Stacy.
Coach Stacy (17:25):
Well, I'm I'm gonna give you a star.
I wanted to like make a starsymbol, but I'm gonna give you a
star as well because I thinkyou really demonstrated um the
point.
And so I'm gonna ask you aquestion in that experience, and
as you were then reflectedpositively, right?
Because it sounds like youinitially reflected in a way
(17:50):
that that wasn't so great.
Um, but as you reflectedpositively, what do you think
worked?
What worked in that reflectionmethodology, you know, or how
you shifted your perspective ofreflection?
Coach Wayne (18:08):
I wanted to give myself credit for the attempt.
And when I reflected, um I itwas a win.
Maybe I didn't get through allfive, but I got through two, and
that was a huge win because atground zero, I had never done
it, and I was at nil.
(18:29):
So when I reflected, I I sortof had to reframe now now what
did you get out of this?
And I'll be honest with you, ifI visited again, I'd be able to
do it.
Just knowing that I came outsafe, I was okay, I you didn't,
nothing happened, I'd be able todo it.
And so um, in my reflection,um, I had to look at what was
(18:51):
the lesson here and and reframeit.
Coach Stacy (18:55):
And I that segues so beautifully into the third R
because you released what wasn'tserving you, right?
Even in that moment, not tospeak of the next season, but at
some point we make the decisionto release what is not serving
us.
And so um, before we jump intothat R, we should say, or you
(19:19):
should say, Wayne, hello toSean.
Welcome, Sean, to MidlifeRevolution Unleashed.
We are so excited you're here.
Coach Wayne (19:27):
That's my brother from another mother.
Oh my goodness.
Coach Stacy (19:32):
He's got a lot of those, but it's okay.
Um, the reality is that we wereally must learn and practice,
right?
So not just talk about uh, butpractice releasing what doesn't
serve us now or andor what willnot serve us in the next season.
(19:56):
So as we're reflecting, lookingback.
At 2025, or looking back at Q3of 2025, or looking back at, you
know, the last five years,whatever your reflection time or
time period is, really lookingat what is not going to serve
(20:24):
you and beginning to releasewhat won't serve you.
Coach Wayne (20:29):
And say because we're talking to a midlife
audience, and the midlifeaudience has the I would say the
advantage of lived experienceand some knowledge, you know,
yes.
The wisdom of saging as theyage.
Because we're talking to thisaudience, it's important that
when we reflect, we look at thewisdom of time and experience
(20:57):
and figure out how we can putthat together as a lesson to
move forward, but to grow from.
Coach Stacy (21:07):
Yes.
Yes.
And and rehearsing, right?
Or letting this the story thatis replaying uh be one that is
going to carry us forward.
Coach Wayne (21:22):
And again, you know, moving forward and
reimagining the future doesn'thave to be perfect.
Uh, sometimes we get stuck inthat mode of perfection and we
spend a lot of time just notgetting out.
Uh, procrastination steals theman's movement because, or
(21:43):
woman, because we're stuckwaiting for it to be just right.
When we reflect and we take themessage and the lesson to move
forward, it doesn't have to be aperfect plan.
It's just a plan.
And you can move, Stacy.
As a person of faith, we knowwe can move with faith rather
than fear.
Coach Stacy (22:02):
Absolutely.
I I love the piece about umit's a plan, right?
You have a plan.
Sometimes you have to modifythe plan in the middle of the
plan.
Um, and that that is anotheropportunity, right, to reflect
on what's what's working well,what's not working well, and
what is going to help the nextum work well.
(22:26):
And so as we move into 2026, wewant to acknowledge, right,
that we can't carry everything.
We cannot carry all therelationships, expectations, the
roles, the habits, or thestories that belong in the last
(22:46):
chapter into the next chapter,right?
So let's let's really look atwhat needs to be retired.
What do we need to let go?
Coach Wayne (22:57):
So we're talking about releasing, right, Stacy?
Yes, releasing.
What doesn't serve the nextseason?
This is a big one.
Uh I hate to say it, but someof the brothers that I work with
are stuck in horriblerelationships, and they're stuck
in horrible relationshipsbecause they're wishing on a
(23:19):
star that they're gonnatransform their partner.
Sometimes we just have to blessit and let it be.
We have to release it, whetherit's your relationship with
money or with an individual orhealth habits.
If it's not working and servingyou, you just have to make room
(23:41):
for something else that will.
So part of uh uh reflecting isto learn how to release what's
not working for you.
Coach Stacy (23:52):
I love it, love it, love it.
And I'll just bring in Sean'scomment that says if you can
reframe your seeming failure,you can reframe your future.
100% agree because as youreflect, you are reframing and
making sure that what it isyou're bringing into your future
(24:15):
is serving you.
And before we go once anotherfurther, we are now the dynamic
trio.
Once again, Wayne, we are backwith Curtis Brooks.
Coach Wayne (24:26):
Ah, my man, my man Curtis.
I was reaching out to my manearlier today, Curtis Brooks.
Right.
Coach Stacy (24:34):
So, you know, one one question uh in this area is
what disappointment am I willingto stop nurturing?
I don't know about you, Wayne,but I can I can even think about
uh kind of my own personal uhwallowings, right?
(24:56):
You know, we can wallow in theway something didn't go the the
way we would hope.
And so that disappointment umcan be something that we just
that's what we're nurturing,right?
We're just nurturing the factthat, oh, that didn't go well.
I mean, we're we're feeding thethe weeds instead of the the
(25:19):
plants.
Um, but really, whatdisappointment am I willing to
stop nurturing to bless andrelease, as you said?
Coach Wayne (25:28):
Yeah.
And and and where can I make ashift to move forward?
How do I show up a little bitdifferently so that I can move
forward?
Coach Stacy (25:42):
I'm a I'm a loving it.
I'm a loving it.
I release what drains me so Ican receive what grows me.
There we go.
There's an affirmation for youall.
And it's time for the last ofthe four R's.
Wayne, that would be let'sreimagine what's possible.
Coach Wayne (26:06):
Yeah, and I kind of cheated with this because I
mentioned before that ourvisioning can come from a place
of faith rather than fear.
And so when we reimagine what'spossible, we are looking at
positive possibilities.
You know, we're in a worldtoday that fear drives a lot of
(26:29):
us, and you got to turn thatmedia off sometimes, just so
that you can it reimaginepossibilities and positivities.
Um, if you follow what you'rehearing, man, you're likely to
stay indoors with your headunder the sheet forever.
So reimagine through faithrather than fear.
Coach Stacy (26:53):
I the reason I love that is because that fear is
not truth, right?
They one acronym uh is falseevidence appearing real.
That's fear, and so it's false.
And so if we're going toimagine or reimagine from a
(27:16):
place of fear, that means thatwe're imagining from a place of
an untruth or a lie.
And we can't we we cannot havea fulfilling vision when we are
imagining from fear, and so itis that I love that you talked
(27:36):
about faith and and fear, andand I just wanted to align or
lock up that faith with truth,and that that fear and trying to
vision from a place of fearwill never be successful.
Here's a coaching question,Stacy.
Coach Wayne (27:54):
What is one thing that I can expand in moving
forward in 2026?
Um, you know, I challenge myclients to choose a word, a
mantra that they will use eachyear.
This year, my word wasdiscernment.
So the challenge is what canyou expand in 2026?
(28:21):
And perhaps you can choose aword or a phrase that helps with
your expansion.
Coach Stacy (28:27):
I love that question.
And I will add, what desirekeeps tapping me on the shoulder
or makes the the hair stand upon the back of my neck, right?
They talk about how you shoulddo something, a little something
every day that that scares you.
Um, but what is that desirethat keeps tapping me on the
(28:51):
shoulder?
Is another good question to askyourself.
Coach Wayne (28:56):
So shall we go into reflection practices that our
audience can use uh uh thiscoming week?
And to kick it off, how aboutuh ask three questions, Stacy?
And the questions that I wouldsuggest, and you can take the
second one.
The first one is what matteredmost to me this year, the year
(29:16):
2025?
What mattered most to me?
First question.
Coach Stacy (29:21):
Yeah, that's a great one.
And I would add, where did Ishow up with integrity?
Really, this is kind of aninternal uh uh debrief, right?
So you're asking what matteredmost to you and where did you
show up with integrity?
Coach Wayne (29:40):
And again, we talk about being honest with
yourself, be honest withthyself.
If there was, if you're notintegrist, if you realize that
you're cheating yourself, don'tlie about it.
For folks, for example, thatare dealing with the issue of
waste management.
Sometimes we want to hide thescale and pretend because we,
you know, or but let's be real.
(30:00):
I mean, let's get real and showup with integrity and speak the
truth.
Did you have that chocolatecake that your wife can't find,
you know, uh that you complainedthe kids had?
So let us be integrous and staytrue to ourselves as we
reflect.
Um, and a third question thatwe may ask, Stacy, you know,
(30:25):
where and what do we want, andperhaps even how, do we want to
shift as we move forward intothe new year?
Coach Stacy (30:36):
Where, what, and how do we want to shift as we
move forward?
Yeah, that's a good one.
I think that there are um acouple of other actions or
practices that we can begin tograb on to as we want to reflect
well.
And one is to um use theexercise of the one-word
(31:00):
reflection, right?
So where you choose a word thatdescribes your lived experience
this year, not yourperformance, but your lived
experience this year, and thenask yourself, what is that one
word teaching me?
Coach Wayne (31:24):
Taking the lesson from it all is what we're
talking about.
You know, a word reflectiondoes not have to be a party
where we come in and we becomevictims and we moan and we
groan.
We talk about if or could'veshould've.
Let's stop shooting onourselves and uh figure out to
your point, Stacy, uh, what isthe word that we can use that
(31:49):
teaches us, allows us to propeland to prepare and to be
purposeful as we step into 2026?
Coach Stacy (31:59):
Yeah, you know, Wayne, I really uh like this
practice of the grace report or321 grace report.
And instead of kind of lookingat yourself from a performance
review perspective, it really isfrom a grace review
perspective.
(32:19):
Uh, and so it you would namethree ways that you cared for
others this year, two ways thatyou cared for yourself this
year, and one way that you arevery clear that God carried you.
So it becomes a report or anoutpouring of where grace has
(32:43):
shown up in your life as opposedto where the negativity or the
disappointment showed up in yourlife.
Coach Wayne (32:52):
I love that, Stacey.
I like that you added numberthree because sometimes we we
pound our chest and think it'sabout us.
Uh, you know, when there arefailures and losses, when we
reflect, we blame everyone andeverybody else except ourselves.
And when we see success andprogress, we forget we're not in
(33:16):
this alone, and we forget thatuh God's grace carries us
through.
And so it's important to humbleourselves and recognize that
peace.
Thank you for sharing that,Stacey, and adding it on.
Coach Stacy (33:27):
Absolutely, Stacy.
Coach Wayne (33:31):
What do you want to get into next, Miss Stace?
Coach Stacy (33:33):
Well, I would just say um, what's one thing that
you've been avoiding reflectingon because you're afraid maybe
that it will confirm a negativebelief about yourself?
Coach Wayne (33:52):
But what if the truth is kinder and gentler than
the story that you've beentelling yourself?
Coach Stacy (34:01):
This is all about reflecting well.
Coach Wayne (34:07):
Stace.
At this point, I'm gonna bejust brazen and say this is an
opportunity for folks who aregoing through some personal uh
misgivings in their reflections,or folks who are beating
themselves up, or folks who,with their reflections, don't
(34:28):
quite know how to make theshift.
It's an opportunity to get somecoaching, Stacey, some some
intervention from the outsideexperts.
And and I'm pointing at you,Stace.
So let's talk about it.
Coach Stacy (34:40):
You're pointing at me, and I'm pointing back at
you.
The other, the the piece Iwould add um is that you could
have gone through somereflection, and you might have
even reflected well.
And sometime we could use alittle help, support, coaching,
(35:04):
moving into that next.
So I think that there's, I justwanted to add both the like,
yeah, you might be struggling inone way or you might be
struggling in another way.
Yet the reality is that Wayneand I to are here to help, help
you get clarity, help you buildconfidence, help you get
stronger, and help you reallycreate what's next, move toward
(35:28):
and into what's next.
How do the people get in touchwith Coach Wayne?
Coach Wayne (35:38):
Send me a smoke signal, I'll read it.
Coach Stacy (35:51):
Uh both my contact information and Wayne's cocktail
information is always in theshow notes.
It is our joy, privilege, andpleasure to uh be the co-host of
Midlife Revolution Unleashed,and it is because it's our
heart's desire to be of service.
Coach Wayne (36:11):
So as we uh back in the green room and in
preparation, we we certainlythrew out a lot of homework and
assignments, and it's a lot.
So uh where would you start interms of offering a challenge or
an assignment for somebody topick up and take an action right
now?
Coach Stacy (36:30):
I would say it's important to reflect as we think
about moving forward, and theassignment would be to make a
commitment to yourself that youare going to reflect well.
Coach Wayne (36:49):
That's where you want to start.
Yeah.
Yep.
Bye, Delane.
Have a great week.
Thanks.
Uh, I would say journal.
Uh if brother Sean is still on,uh, he's a king of journaling.
He's been journaling forever.
And uh I say journaling uh iswhere you can be honest,
discreet, speak with yourself,and uh just reflect by writing
(37:16):
something down.
Your journal doesn't have to befancy, leather bounded or
nothing of the sort, but keep ajournal in terms of your
reflection and you can call onit to see your growth over a
period of time as well.
Coach Stacy (37:30):
And give yourself permission to rewrite the
meaning of your experiences.
If you put something away in away that is not serving you,
give yourself permission to takea look at it, revisit it, and
(37:52):
rewrite the meaning of thatexperience in a way that is
serving you.
I'm not saying delude yourselfor tell yourself a whole
different story uh that doesn'tline up with what actually
happened.
I'm saying if you put it awaywith a sense of poor reflection
(38:14):
or negative reflection, considertaking a glance at it and
saying, How can I rewrite themeaning?
How can I reflect on that well,whether it be what did I learn
or where did Grace show up orwhere how how did I judge myself
as I was reflecting poorly, andreally rewrite that meaning of
(38:37):
that experience so that it isserving you as you move forward.
Coach Wayne (38:41):
Thank you, Stace.
Stacey we're about to get outof here.
We're in the time.
And uh, just before, if I canplug for Brother Curtis, Curtis
has if you stay on LinkedInhere, and I think he may be duly
coming over on Facebook, he hasthat man show that happens at
eight o'clock Eastern time.
So tune in with Brother Curtis,that's my man right there.
Coach Stacy (39:00):
That man show.
Well, I won't be there, but Iam cheering Brother Curtis on.
And I'll see you at the top.
Thanks for tuning in to MidlifeRevolution Unleashed.
We're grateful you're part ofthis journey.
Coach Wayne (39:17):
If you love this episode, share it, subscribe,
and hit that notification bellso you don't miss another
episode.
Coach Stacy (39:24):
I'm Coach Stacy, and I'm cheering you on.
Coach Wayne (39:27):
And I'm Coach Wayne, and I'll see you at the
top.
December has a way of pulling us into two places at
once.
Who we've been this year andwho we still hope to become.
But for so many midlife folks,especially in our communities,
reflection turns intorumination, which then turns
into regret.
But what if the way you lookback could fuel your next season
(00:31):
instead of draining it?
Coach Wayne (00:33):
And what if your reflection could be more honest,
more open, more gentle, andmore hopeful.
Without pretending everythingwas perfect.
Check out today's episode.
You found the midliferevolution unleashed.
(00:58):
The space to embrace yourwisdom, reignite your passions,
and move boldly into what'snext.
I am Coach Wayne, the VIPcoach.
Coach Stacy (01:08):
And I'm Coach Stacy M.
Lewis.
We're here with insights,stories, and strategies to fuel
your midlife journey.
So take a breath, lean in.
Your revolution starts now.
Coach Wayne (01:25):
Stay safe.
Good to see you, my lady.
Coach Stacy (01:29):
Good evening, good morning, good evening,
afternoon, all those beautifulthings.
Good day to you, Coach Wayne,and to our midlife revolution
unleashed listener.
It is so exciting to be heretonight.
How you doing?
Coach Wayne (01:47):
Me?
I'm doing fine.
Fine.
Just doing great, Stacy.
Came back well charged fromAfrica.
I don't know when the high isgoing to end, but I'm enjoying
it.
Thank you, Matt.
Coach Stacy (01:59):
Enjoy it.
Ride it as long as you can.
Welcome to those uh new andreturning to Midlife Revolution
Unleashed.
I am your co-host, Coach Stacy,a midlife woman's coach, a
lover of God and his people, anda nonprofit professional.
And once again, it wouldn't bean episode of the Midlife
(02:22):
Revolution Unleashed unless Iwas joined by my esteemed
co-host, Coach Wayne.
Coach Wayne (02:29):
And I'm the dude.
Stacy's talking about CoachWayne.
Yeah, they call me the VIPcoach because I help men through
midlife so that their secondhalf can be their best half.
Stacy, we got a show and a halfin for tonight.
And this time of year, it'sreflection time for most.
It's the end of the year.
(02:50):
And if you're in business, it'sthe last quarter.
Either way, people tend to lookback and reflect and uh and
then position themselves.
You know, they evaluate how'sthe year been and how will it be
in 2026?
So we're gonna talk about thattoday, Stacy.
Coach Stacy (03:06):
Absolutely, and good evening to Delane.
Today we're gonna ref talkabout how to reflect well,
right?
How to look at the year or thischapter of your life through
that lens that honors yourgrowth and your wisdom and your
humanity and looking forward tothat future.
Um, where would you like tostart, Sir Wayne?
Coach Wayne (03:29):
Well, what is reflection?
What is it and what isn't it,Stacy?
Coach Stacy (03:34):
Because yeah, shine.
No, that's that's a good one.
Um, because I think so often weentangle reflection um with
judgment, right?
So we look back or we thinkabout something that has already
happened, yet we do so withjudgment or with comparison.
(04:00):
And the type of reflection youand I are talking about this
evening is really the reflectionthat looks back in a way that
informs but does not judge.
That's what I would sayreflection is.
What would you say, sir?
Coach Wayne (04:17):
I think you're on the money with that, Stacy.
I think uh we want to talkabout holding back the tendency
to be harsh, to beat ourselvesup.
And you know, there's anarrative about our worth as a
as a group, as a people, peopleof color, black folks.
And and so most times or manytimes I work with clients, I
(04:39):
have to remind them to pullback.
There are more wins and morethings that they ought to be
pumped up about than the missingparts that they complain about.
You know, they start off withthe what's wrong with me kind of
uh attitude.
And Stacey, we want to stayaway from that sort of
reflection this week.
Coach Stacy (04:57):
I totally agree.
And and we want to point outthat um reflection can really be
distorted by so many things,um, whether it be that
comparison that I mentionedearlier, you know, those
cultural expectations, theperfectionism, um, or really
(05:19):
just trying to make it, right?
Trying to keep everythingmoving forward.
Um, but they can really distortthose like those things can
distort how we reflect andwhether we reflect well or not.
Coach Wayne (05:33):
And we call it oftentimes generational trauma.
But a lot of us carry on notjust the regular traditions that
family has, but the theemotional traditions as well.
The piled upon trauma, as itwere, that says that we are
wrong.
We're always trying to fixourselves because we came out
(05:53):
with the idea that we're brokenoftentimes.
And that's a narrative that wegot to let go of in the
reflection that we're talkingabout tonight.
Coach Stacy (06:01):
I I totally agree.
And we are reminded that youknow, our nervous system also
plays a role, right?
That the the way the brainremembers, sometimes we hold
those memories in our body.
And you and I, I feel likemaybe last episode we talked a
little bit about embodiment andreally just acknowledging where
(06:25):
you're holding something,feeling something in your body.
Um, and and sometimesreflection can really connect
with our nervous system in a waythat you know we're feeling the
reflection.
We're feeling what wereflecting, what we're
reflecting on.
Um, and we want to be aware ofthat.
Coach Wayne (06:47):
Yeah.
Stacey, one of the things thatI oftentimes do, in fact, it's
it's a routine.
When I work with brothers in mycoaching practice, I start off
each session with tell me a winthat you had.
And the win could be reallysmall, but it's important to get
us on that footing where we'rethinking about optimism and
positivity.
(07:08):
So I start off, and I'll say toour audience tonight, when
you're reflecting, let us countour gifts, start off with the
wins before we talk about whatwe missed and what we need and
what we don't have.
Coach Stacy (07:22):
I like that.
I like that a lot.
Um, often uh in conversationwith women, um, we're talking
about reflecting, uh, yet itcomes, it's coupled with as I
reflect, I should be furtheralong, or I should be there, or
(07:44):
this should have happened.
And oftentimes that measuringstick is not really our own, or
it's not our own truth.
It's some story that we havebeen telling ourselves about
where we should be, what weshould have accomplished, uh,
and is not necessarily based inour truth, what we're here to do
(08:06):
as individuals.
Coach Wayne (08:08):
I wonder if we were to think about our lives or our
day or our hours in a way thatstarted off with some sort of
appraise, self-praise andrecognition.
And we don't mean to bearrogant, we just mean find the
thing that we can be thankful ofand grateful for and begin
(08:31):
there.
What would our day and ourself-esteem be like rather than
the criticisms and the thecritiques that we give
ourselves?
Coach Stacy (08:42):
I agree.
And you have begun to jump intouh the core part of tonight's
episode, which is that the fourR's of reflecting well.
Um, and that first one um thatreally comes with that uh
praise, that Thanksgiving, thatum, okay, well done, uh, is
(09:08):
remembering without revision.
Sometimes we remember, butwe're not really remembering
what happened or reflecting onwhat actually happened.
Um, we're reflecting on it fromthe way or from the
perspective, we'll say, of ourinner critic.
(09:28):
And so it is so important thatwe begin to remember without
revision.
Coach Wayne (09:35):
Yeah.
And and we create our ownstories.
Sometimes we create storiesthat we we wish it were, and it
keeps us from a reality.
And I would say that let's keepit real, right?
That the kids tell you, keep itreal, dude.
So let's keep it real, and andwhen we reflect, let us tell the
(09:55):
story as is, not the scriptthat we wished it were.
And we're certainly notpleasing other people.
So if we don't do thatself-assessment in terms of
reflection and honest, beinghonest with ourselves, then
Stacy, we're not in a positionto take uh action that is gonna
be impactful.
Coach Stacy (10:17):
Absolutely.
And we can talk about somequestions that that you know our
listener can ask themselves,uh, but not until we say hello
to Barbara.
Hey Barbara, it's good to seeyou in the house, sis.
Welcome to Midlife RevolutionUnleashed.
Uh, one question is whatactually happened?
(10:38):
Right?
To really, if you're gonnareflect, say, okay, what
actually happened?
Not what did I want to happen,or what's the story I'm telling
myself about what happened, butwhat actually happened?
Coach Wayne (10:53):
And what's the meaning or the lesson that we
can derive from what reallyhappened?
Because there's always ablessing in the lesson.
And so whether it's, you know,something that we are looking
back and saying we don't like,um, how do we kind of turn it
around, Stacey, and ask thequestion, you know, what's the
(11:15):
meaning of this?
Coach Stacy (11:17):
Yes, yes.
I I love that part because Ithink it's so important to not
just look back and say, whathappened, um, and what what the
meaning of it is, uh, really,but how we want to then take
that meaning and move itforward, right?
Do or do we want to move itforward is is probably something
(11:38):
we'll talk about a littlelater.
Um, but I think it's animportant part of reflecting.
Let's talk about uh the secondR, Wayne.
What you got?
Coach Wayne (11:48):
Second R.
Uh recognize what works.
So so do your score sheets, asit were, and recognize what
worked.
So if it worked, what you wantto do?
You want to keep it in yourtoolbox so that you can work it
again.
Coach Stacy (12:06):
Absolutely.
Where where was I consistent?
Right?
Like to your point ofcelebrating the wins, not where
was I inconsistent, but wherewas I consistent, even if not
perfectly?
What did I handle with courage,wisdom, or creativity?
Uh, again, that positivereflection, like looking at
(12:30):
those nuggets that you canreally embrace and carry
forward.
Coach Wayne (12:35):
You know, Stacey, all people, somebody once joked
and told me all people are likecockroaches.
No matter how we get hit, we'regonna come back again, uh, and
stronger than before.
Coach Stacy (12:45):
I don't know.
No, I don't know if I'm gonnatake that one.
Coach Wayne (12:47):
It's a bad analogy, right?
Coach Stacy (12:49):
I don't know if I'm gonna take that one.
Coach Wayne (12:51):
I I know, I know.
But the the point I think theywere making is resilience.
And so when we look atreflection and look at what
worked, look at your resiliency,look at how you bounced back,
look at how you came again.
If you can't go this away, yougo that away.
But we make it happen, and so Iwould so suggest to folks look
(13:14):
at the places and the thechallenges and the overcoming
that you had when you reflect.
Coach Stacy (13:21):
Yeah, yeah.
I I really, really like that,as well as looking back and
recognizing where you may haveunderestimated yourself.
Um, you know, I was thinkingabout, and good evening to
Gordon.
Wayne, this is one of yourpeople.
Gordon said, good evening,Wayne.
(13:44):
Uh hi Gordon.
Coach Wayne (13:47):
Hey, thanks everybody who joined and and
absolutely welcome to.
Yeah.
Coach Stacy (13:55):
Nice to have you, Paul.
Welcome to Midlife RevolutionUnleashed, and thank you for
acknowledging my presence, Paul.
I was thinking about when I wasum in Berlin and just the level
of work and responsibility thatI was called to, and I can
(14:17):
recall um particularly one timebefore I was going to speak,
right?
It's a big meeting.
Um, and really looking back, Irealized in that moment I was
underestimating myself.
I was underestimating myability.
(14:37):
Um, and I think it wasimportant for me to remember to
say, like, hey, hey, hey, mate,whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Like reflect.
I reflected on times that I'vedone a similar presentation or a
similar speaking event before,right?
To reflect well is what we'retalking about tonight.
(15:00):
And Gordon, you and I are good.
We're you you you are forgiven.
Coach Wayne (15:06):
Thank you, brother.
Thank you for joiningeverybody.
So, Stacy, you know, it's stillso fresh in my mind and in my
heart.
I gotta share whenever I canthe um trip to Ghana.
And though I do things to kindof prop myself up, I'm really
definitely afraid of heights,especially heights over water.
(15:30):
And that's because I'm aJamaican born on the island, not
in the water.
Okay, you'll get a okay, okay,got it.
So there's 170 feet above umground level forest floor, and
we're in this rainforest inGhana, and there is this rope
(15:50):
ladder or rope bridge that yougotta walk across.
And it actually has sevenstages, two of which were out of
commission because they wereworking on it, but it starts
inclining and looks longer andlooks scary from the get-go.
So here I am with folks, andum, you know, Audrey with me and
and the folks we're with, andthey're going over it.
(16:11):
And I went over the first one,felt like I was about to leave
my tribe on the floor.
So nervous was I.
But I started breathing and Ipracticed all the things that I
share with others, and I juststart stepping, and it was from
one step to the other, and therope is moving because other
people are on it, right?
And then when you look down,there's a hundred, you're seeing
the canopy, the top of trees,170 feet down, and I'm walking
(16:32):
across.
Stacey, there's no room for twopeople, so you can't turn back.
You understand?
Once you're going straight.
Cut a long story short, I gotto the end of the first one, and
to get off, because I didn'twant to complete the all five,
and that for me was abreakthrough.
So I had to take another routeto get off, but I'm still 170
feet high, and I'm walking offon the other side, so I still
(16:56):
had to do it.
When I got off, I was beginningto beat myself up and saying,
Oh man, I didn't do it, I didn'tdo it.
And then I stopped and and OGpointed out and said, But you
did, because when you started,you just absolutely were at
ground zero, and you completedit and came across.
So that in in my mind isreflecting and looking at um the
(17:20):
plus and the positive.
So I had to give myself a starfor for doing it, Stacy.
Coach Stacy (17:25):
Well, I'm I'm gonna give you a star.
I wanted to like make a starsymbol, but I'm gonna give you a
star as well because I thinkyou really demonstrated um the
point.
And so I'm gonna ask you aquestion in that experience, and
as you were then reflectedpositively, right?
Because it sounds like youinitially reflected in a way
(17:50):
that that wasn't so great.
Um, but as you reflectedpositively, what do you think
worked?
What worked in that reflectionmethodology, you know, or how
you shifted your perspective ofreflection?
Coach Wayne (18:08):
I wanted to give myself credit for the attempt.
And when I reflected, um I itwas a win.
Maybe I didn't get through allfive, but I got through two, and
that was a huge win because atground zero, I had never done
it, and I was at nil.
(18:29):
So when I reflected, I I sortof had to reframe now now what
did you get out of this?
And I'll be honest with you, ifI visited again, I'd be able to
do it.
Just knowing that I came outsafe, I was okay, I you didn't,
nothing happened, I'd be able todo it.
And so um, in my reflection,um, I had to look at what was
(18:51):
the lesson here and and reframeit.
Coach Stacy (18:55):
And I that segues so beautifully into the third R
because you released what wasn'tserving you, right?
Even in that moment, not tospeak of the next season, but at
some point we make the decisionto release what is not serving
us.
And so um, before we jump intothat R, we should say, or you
(19:19):
should say, Wayne, hello toSean.
Welcome, Sean, to MidlifeRevolution Unleashed.
We are so excited you're here.
Coach Wayne (19:27):
That's my brother from another mother.
Oh my goodness.
Coach Stacy (19:32):
He's got a lot of those, but it's okay.
Um, the reality is that we wereally must learn and practice,
right?
So not just talk about uh, butpractice releasing what doesn't
serve us now or andor what willnot serve us in the next season.
(19:56):
So as we're reflecting, lookingback.
At 2025, or looking back at Q3of 2025, or looking back at, you
know, the last five years,whatever your reflection time or
time period is, really lookingat what is not going to serve
(20:24):
you and beginning to releasewhat won't serve you.
Coach Wayne (20:29):
And say because we're talking to a midlife
audience, and the midlifeaudience has the I would say the
advantage of lived experienceand some knowledge, you know,
yes.
The wisdom of saging as theyage.
Because we're talking to thisaudience, it's important that
when we reflect, we look at thewisdom of time and experience
(20:57):
and figure out how we can putthat together as a lesson to
move forward, but to grow from.
Coach Stacy (21:07):
Yes.
Yes.
And and rehearsing, right?
Or letting this the story thatis replaying uh be one that is
going to carry us forward.
Coach Wayne (21:22):
And again, you know, moving forward and
reimagining the future doesn'thave to be perfect.
Uh, sometimes we get stuck inthat mode of perfection and we
spend a lot of time just notgetting out.
Uh, procrastination steals theman's movement because, or
(21:43):
woman, because we're stuckwaiting for it to be just right.
When we reflect and we take themessage and the lesson to move
forward, it doesn't have to be aperfect plan.
It's just a plan.
And you can move, Stacy.
As a person of faith, we knowwe can move with faith rather
than fear.
Coach Stacy (22:02):
Absolutely.
I I love the piece about umit's a plan, right?
You have a plan.
Sometimes you have to modifythe plan in the middle of the
plan.
Um, and that that is anotheropportunity, right, to reflect
on what's what's working well,what's not working well, and
what is going to help the nextum work well.
(22:26):
And so as we move into 2026, wewant to acknowledge, right,
that we can't carry everything.
We cannot carry all therelationships, expectations, the
roles, the habits, or thestories that belong in the last
(22:46):
chapter into the next chapter,right?
So let's let's really look atwhat needs to be retired.
What do we need to let go?
Coach Wayne (22:57):
So we're talking about releasing, right, Stacy?
Yes, releasing.
What doesn't serve the nextseason?
This is a big one.
Uh I hate to say it, but someof the brothers that I work with
are stuck in horriblerelationships, and they're stuck
in horrible relationshipsbecause they're wishing on a
(23:19):
star that they're gonnatransform their partner.
Sometimes we just have to blessit and let it be.
We have to release it, whetherit's your relationship with
money or with an individual orhealth habits.
If it's not working and servingyou, you just have to make room
(23:41):
for something else that will.
So part of uh uh reflecting isto learn how to release what's
not working for you.
Coach Stacy (23:52):
I love it, love it, love it.
And I'll just bring in Sean'scomment that says if you can
reframe your seeming failure,you can reframe your future.
100% agree because as youreflect, you are reframing and
making sure that what it isyou're bringing into your future
(24:15):
is serving you.
And before we go once anotherfurther, we are now the dynamic
trio.
Once again, Wayne, we are backwith Curtis Brooks.
Coach Wayne (24:26):
Ah, my man, my man Curtis.
I was reaching out to my manearlier today, Curtis Brooks.
Right.
Coach Stacy (24:34):
So, you know, one one question uh in this area is
what disappointment am I willingto stop nurturing?
I don't know about you, Wayne,but I can I can even think about
uh kind of my own personal uhwallowings, right?
(24:56):
You know, we can wallow in theway something didn't go the the
way we would hope.
And so that disappointment umcan be something that we just
that's what we're nurturing,right?
We're just nurturing the factthat, oh, that didn't go well.
I mean, we're we're feeding thethe weeds instead of the the
(25:19):
plants.
Um, but really, whatdisappointment am I willing to
stop nurturing to bless andrelease, as you said?
Coach Wayne (25:28):
Yeah.
And and and where can I make ashift to move forward?
How do I show up a little bitdifferently so that I can move
forward?
Coach Stacy (25:42):
I'm a I'm a loving it.
I'm a loving it.
I release what drains me so Ican receive what grows me.
There we go.
There's an affirmation for youall.
And it's time for the last ofthe four R's.
Wayne, that would be let'sreimagine what's possible.
Coach Wayne (26:06):
Yeah, and I kind of cheated with this because I
mentioned before that ourvisioning can come from a place
of faith rather than fear.
And so when we reimagine what'spossible, we are looking at
positive possibilities.
You know, we're in a worldtoday that fear drives a lot of
(26:29):
us, and you got to turn thatmedia off sometimes, just so
that you can it reimaginepossibilities and positivities.
Um, if you follow what you'rehearing, man, you're likely to
stay indoors with your headunder the sheet forever.
So reimagine through faithrather than fear.
Coach Stacy (26:53):
I the reason I love that is because that fear is
not truth, right?
They one acronym uh is falseevidence appearing real.
That's fear, and so it's false.
And so if we're going toimagine or reimagine from a
(27:16):
place of fear, that means thatwe're imagining from a place of
an untruth or a lie.
And we can't we we cannot havea fulfilling vision when we are
imagining from fear, and so itis that I love that you talked
(27:36):
about faith and and fear, andand I just wanted to align or
lock up that faith with truth,and that that fear and trying to
vision from a place of fearwill never be successful.
Here's a coaching question,Stacy.
Coach Wayne (27:54):
What is one thing that I can expand in moving
forward in 2026?
Um, you know, I challenge myclients to choose a word, a
mantra that they will use eachyear.
This year, my word wasdiscernment.
So the challenge is what canyou expand in 2026?
(28:21):
And perhaps you can choose aword or a phrase that helps with
your expansion.
Coach Stacy (28:27):
I love that question.
And I will add, what desirekeeps tapping me on the shoulder
or makes the the hair stand upon the back of my neck, right?
They talk about how you shoulddo something, a little something
every day that that scares you.
Um, but what is that desirethat keeps tapping me on the
(28:51):
shoulder?
Is another good question to askyourself.
Coach Wayne (28:56):
So shall we go into reflection practices that our
audience can use uh uh thiscoming week?
And to kick it off, how aboutuh ask three questions, Stacy?
And the questions that I wouldsuggest, and you can take the
second one.
The first one is what matteredmost to me this year, the year
(29:16):
2025?
What mattered most to me?
First question.
Coach Stacy (29:21):
Yeah, that's a great one.
And I would add, where did Ishow up with integrity?
Really, this is kind of aninternal uh uh debrief, right?
So you're asking what matteredmost to you and where did you
show up with integrity?
Coach Wayne (29:40):
And again, we talk about being honest with
yourself, be honest withthyself.
If there was, if you're notintegrist, if you realize that
you're cheating yourself, don'tlie about it.
For folks, for example, thatare dealing with the issue of
waste management.
Sometimes we want to hide thescale and pretend because we,
you know, or but let's be real.
(30:00):
I mean, let's get real and showup with integrity and speak the
truth.
Did you have that chocolatecake that your wife can't find,
you know, uh that you complainedthe kids had?
So let us be integrous and staytrue to ourselves as we
reflect.
Um, and a third question thatwe may ask, Stacy, you know,
(30:25):
where and what do we want, andperhaps even how, do we want to
shift as we move forward intothe new year?
Coach Stacy (30:36):
Where, what, and how do we want to shift as we
move forward?
Yeah, that's a good one.
I think that there are um acouple of other actions or
practices that we can begin tograb on to as we want to reflect
well.
And one is to um use theexercise of the one-word
(31:00):
reflection, right?
So where you choose a word thatdescribes your lived experience
this year, not yourperformance, but your lived
experience this year, and thenask yourself, what is that one
word teaching me?
Coach Wayne (31:24):
Taking the lesson from it all is what we're
talking about.
You know, a word reflectiondoes not have to be a party
where we come in and we becomevictims and we moan and we
groan.
We talk about if or could'veshould've.
Let's stop shooting onourselves and uh figure out to
your point, Stacy, uh, what isthe word that we can use that
(31:49):
teaches us, allows us to propeland to prepare and to be
purposeful as we step into 2026?
Coach Stacy (31:59):
Yeah, you know, Wayne, I really uh like this
practice of the grace report or321 grace report.
And instead of kind of lookingat yourself from a performance
review perspective, it really isfrom a grace review
perspective.
(32:19):
Uh, and so it you would namethree ways that you cared for
others this year, two ways thatyou cared for yourself this
year, and one way that you arevery clear that God carried you.
So it becomes a report or anoutpouring of where grace has
(32:43):
shown up in your life as opposedto where the negativity or the
disappointment showed up in yourlife.
Coach Wayne (32:52):
I love that, Stacey.
I like that you added numberthree because sometimes we we
pound our chest and think it'sabout us.
Uh, you know, when there arefailures and losses, when we
reflect, we blame everyone andeverybody else except ourselves.
And when we see success andprogress, we forget we're not in
(33:16):
this alone, and we forget thatuh God's grace carries us
through.
And so it's important to humbleourselves and recognize that
peace.
Thank you for sharing that,Stacey, and adding it on.
Coach Stacy (33:27):
Absolutely, Stacy.
Coach Wayne (33:31):
What do you want to get into next, Miss Stace?
Coach Stacy (33:33):
Well, I would just say um, what's one thing that
you've been avoiding reflectingon because you're afraid maybe
that it will confirm a negativebelief about yourself?
Coach Wayne (33:52):
But what if the truth is kinder and gentler than
the story that you've beentelling yourself?
Coach Stacy (34:01):
This is all about reflecting well.
Coach Wayne (34:07):
Stace.
At this point, I'm gonna bejust brazen and say this is an
opportunity for folks who aregoing through some personal uh
misgivings in their reflections,or folks who are beating
themselves up, or folks who,with their reflections, don't
(34:28):
quite know how to make theshift.
It's an opportunity to get somecoaching, Stacey, some some
intervention from the outsideexperts.
And and I'm pointing at you,Stace.
So let's talk about it.
Coach Stacy (34:40):
You're pointing at me, and I'm pointing back at
you.
The other, the the piece Iwould add um is that you could
have gone through somereflection, and you might have
even reflected well.
And sometime we could use alittle help, support, coaching,
(35:04):
moving into that next.
So I think that there's, I justwanted to add both the like,
yeah, you might be struggling inone way or you might be
struggling in another way.
Yet the reality is that Wayneand I to are here to help, help
you get clarity, help you buildconfidence, help you get
stronger, and help you reallycreate what's next, move toward
(35:28):
and into what's next.
How do the people get in touchwith Coach Wayne?
Coach Wayne (35:38):
Send me a smoke signal, I'll read it.
Coach Stacy (35:51):
Uh both my contact information and Wayne's cocktail
information is always in theshow notes.
It is our joy, privilege, andpleasure to uh be the co-host of
Midlife Revolution Unleashed,and it is because it's our
heart's desire to be of service.
Coach Wayne (36:11):
So as we uh back in the green room and in
preparation, we we certainlythrew out a lot of homework and
assignments, and it's a lot.
So uh where would you start interms of offering a challenge or
an assignment for somebody topick up and take an action right
now?
Coach Stacy (36:30):
I would say it's important to reflect as we think
about moving forward, and theassignment would be to make a
commitment to yourself that youare going to reflect well.
Coach Wayne (36:49):
That's where you want to start.
Yeah.
Yep.
Bye, Delane.
Have a great week.
Thanks.
Uh, I would say journal.
Uh if brother Sean is still on,uh, he's a king of journaling.
He's been journaling forever.
And uh I say journaling uh iswhere you can be honest,
discreet, speak with yourself,and uh just reflect by writing
(37:16):
something down.
Your journal doesn't have to befancy, leather bounded or
nothing of the sort, but keep ajournal in terms of your
reflection and you can call onit to see your growth over a
period of time as well.
Coach Stacy (37:30):
And give yourself permission to rewrite the
meaning of your experiences.
If you put something away in away that is not serving you,
give yourself permission to takea look at it, revisit it, and
(37:52):
rewrite the meaning of thatexperience in a way that is
serving you.
I'm not saying delude yourselfor tell yourself a whole
different story uh that doesn'tline up with what actually
happened.
I'm saying if you put it awaywith a sense of poor reflection
(38:14):
or negative reflection, considertaking a glance at it and
saying, How can I rewrite themeaning?
How can I reflect on that well,whether it be what did I learn
or where did Grace show up orwhere how how did I judge myself
as I was reflecting poorly, andreally rewrite that meaning of
(38:37):
that experience so that it isserving you as you move forward.
Coach Wayne (38:41):
Thank you, Stace.
Stacey we're about to get outof here.
We're in the time.
And uh, just before, if I canplug for Brother Curtis, Curtis
has if you stay on LinkedInhere, and I think he may be duly
coming over on Facebook, he hasthat man show that happens at
eight o'clock Eastern time.
So tune in with Brother Curtis,that's my man right there.
Coach Stacy (39:00):
That man show.
Well, I won't be there, but Iam cheering Brother Curtis on.
And I'll see you at the top.
Thanks for tuning in to MidlifeRevolution Unleashed.
We're grateful you're part ofthis journey.
Coach Wayne (39:17):
If you love this episode, share it, subscribe,
and hit that notification bellso you don't miss another
episode.
Coach Stacy (39:24):
I'm Coach Stacy, and I'm cheering you on.
Coach Wayne (39:27):
And I'm Coach Wayne, and I'll see you at the
top.
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