Mike vs. the Machine - Artificial Dungeons and Intelligent Dragons, Act 2

"Puchirelli and Lyra return for another thrilling chapter of their adventure, facing off against a rowdy band of goblins! With danger, laughter, and the unexpected presence of two birds, this quest is as chaotic as it is heroic!"

Thanks, ChatGPT!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
This time on Mike vs. The Machine.

(00:05):
I do a really good owl hoot.
It's that good?
How am I going to distinguish between you and a real owl?
I'll put a soft emphasis on the T. Here, let me demonstrate.
Hoot!
You left your first goblin dead, but the second one was able to nimbly step out of the way

(00:26):
while screaming.
So you have that.
Let's go for it.
Goblins are pretty stupid.
Dungeon Master checks the character sheet, finds out that goblins have the same intelligence
score as Poocharelly, not even hitting the wood of her cover.
He over-adjusts from the cover and sails it right over her head.

(00:50):
And off in the distance you hear, meh!
Aww, just a poor little birdie is now dead.
Hey, that could be dinner for later.
Although we used actual miniatures this time, so that was fun.
But for you guys, it's the theater of the mind!
Use your imagination!

(01:11):
In a world full of fear and sometimes loathing of unfathomable technological advancements,
there stands one human hero.
This is the Chronicle of Mike vs. The Machine.

(01:41):
This time on Artificial Dungeons and Intelligent Dragons.
The Turkening!
Well, we find our heroes, Poocharelly and Lyra, escorting a caravan through the wildwood
thicket.
And on the second night, Poocharelly met a sweet doggo, but also met Goblinoid Disaster.

(02:10):
But he shall have time to find recompense in goblin flesh soon enough.
I gotta find an axe beak named Turkey.
He shall redeem himself by bringing home the turkey bacon and maybe a few goblin heads
with it.
Oh, that's what I'm hoping for, baby.
Come on, bring it on, bring in these goblins!
And will the mystery of the one named Lyra blossom and flower into Michael's life like

(02:35):
a weed?
I still don't trust her.
We'll see.
This time on Mike vs. The Machine D&D.
Let's do it!
Okay, you find yourself leaving to go find Turkey.
I believe the last thing that was said, and I'll have you repeat it, you, as we discussed

(02:57):
previously, were telling Lyra she needs to stay behind to help the caravan.
Yeah, I said just calm the people, take care of the caravan, make sure everything's in
its place, and I got a bird to catch.
I can't let you go alone.
Alright, fine.
Well, since you're nimble and spry, it seems, you take the treetops, I'll take the forest
floor.

(03:17):
That's doable.
Hey, okay, but since we gotta do this stealthily, you come across something, tree knocks only.
I do a really good owl hoot.
It's that good, how am I going to distinguish between you and a real owl?
I'll put a soft emphasis on the T. Here, let me demonstrate.
Hoot!

(03:37):
Hoot!
As long as it can't be, as long as the goblins can't tell the difference, let's go for it.
Goblins are pretty stupid.
Two hoots for finding something, one hoot for still nothing.
The dungeon master checks the character sheet, finds out that goblins have the same intelligence

(03:59):
score as Pucharelli.
That was not a joke meant by Lyra.
That is a meta joke from the dungeon master.
Anyway, that's the first thing I'm leveling up whenever we get this done.
I mean, it wouldn't, I mean, that's the thing, I don't want to say that's what you shouldn't

(04:20):
do, because you will at some point get the ability to do ability scoring or improvement.
For a barbarian, leveling intelligence is the wrong thing to do.
I understand that, but I can't just be some dope with an axe.
Yeah, the thing is though, I mean, you can be, that's kind of the point with D&D, but

(04:42):
the thing is, from a character perspective and the fact that we're not being super serious
about this, if you want to do that, that will be fine when we get to that crossroads.
Alright, I'll think about it.
I'll think about it.
But, I mean, here's the other thing though, we can also potentially have you go after
some artifacts that could, hell, maybe you'll find a necklace that has plus one new intelligence

(05:04):
or a book.
If you can read, if your character can read, then you might be, or Leer, I could read you
a book that increases your intelligence.
I don't need a bedtime story read to me.
I mean, not if it brings you closer to your goals and your dreams.
I guess you're right.
Alright, whatever.
Let's go get this bird.
These are all things that can happen.
Okay, so yes, Marlo tells you like, yes, boy, yeah, we can keep this ground safe.

(05:30):
We're all on alert.
We'll hope to be going to bed soon with Turkey back safe and sound and then you can finish
out your watch.
Alright, yeah, hopefully this is quick, fast and in a hurry.
Godspeed, boy.
Eh, to you too as well.
Yeah, you say that given even though he's maybe younger than you.
I know your character is 35.

(05:51):
He might be like, maybe he's 40.
Oh no, he's in his late 40s.
So he actually is younger than you or older than you.
Okay, good.
Boy, it's weird because you're almost.
Yeah, I'm an adult.
You're almost in the same place, but you are also very short.
Even for a dwarf, you are short.
God damn, alright.
Yeah, so and you did remember that you have the black eyes of a shrew.

(06:15):
Yeah, yeah, thanks.
And what was the description of your brain?
Stinky.
See, that might actually be a character motivation for you to want to increase your intelligence
because then you wouldn't have such a stinky brain.
That might be like the curse leveled upon you by the gods.
But putting that aside, oh yeah, also, what's your religion?

(06:37):
Say it.
Tomlinism.
Yeah, that's only going to be a joke that our NFL fans will get.
But anyway, yes, so yeah, everything's secure.
Marlowe hands you, well, that's the thing though.
If you want to go stealthy, do you want to torch?
Because I've written out your character sheet now and what you'll notice over on the right
hand side is that as a dwarf, you have dark vision up to 120 feet.

(07:01):
Yes.
What is that going to do for Lyra though?
Lyra is also a half elf, so she should also have.
Dark vision?
Something for a dark vision.
Let me just look at that real quick.
Yes, her dark vision is shades of gray up to 60 feet, but she's going to be up in the
treetops, so she should be closer to all the action.

(07:22):
Moonlight, does she at least have moonlight to see?
I mean, there might be some coming down through the cusp.
All right.
I don't need a torch.
Yeah, no, you don't.
Yeah, yeah, you all don't need torches.
That's one of the nasty here that that is one major advantage you have over Lyra.
Not only are you stronger, but you can see in the dark better.
Good.

(07:42):
So ain't that pretty nice?
OK, so wait, I need to come up if I spot something first before she does.
Can you make a squirrel sound?
Not loud enough.
Well, can you?
How's your growl?
Well, just scratch the back of your head.
I'll see it.
Fine, fine, fine.
All right.
So yeah.
So how do you proceed?

(08:03):
I holster my great axe behind my back because I want a free hand.
Yeah.
What kind of apparatus do you have to hold your axe on your back?
Shit.
No, I'm asking you to describe it.
It's just your basic axe holder that you would strap onto your your vest or tunic or whatever

(08:23):
that it just kind of clasps clasps in there.
Made of iron.
All right.
So you have an iron clasp on there.
OK, that's just that's just flavor.
Yeah.
OK, so you clasp your great axe on your back and axe in one hand, free hand in the other,
free hand for the other.
And then you want to proceed stealthily, proceed stealthily into the woods.
OK, go ahead and give me a give me a little stealth check.

(08:45):
20.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Unless unless said otherwise.
Yeah, it's always a 20.
So this is a stealth check.
20.
OK.
Well, which brings you to a 24.
Yeah.
So in your first proceedings into these woods.
Yeah.
Like you are the night.
I guess I should roll.
I should roll.
The bat.
I should roll for Lyra to bat dwarf.

(09:08):
Well, did she fall out of the tree?
Yeah.
So as you're going, you see some leaves falling out of the trees.
You definitely know which tree she's in and where.
As quietly as I can, I whisper, are you OK up there?

(09:29):
Would you like to come join me down here on the forest floor?
Quietly climb down, please.
No, two hoots is a no.
I thought two hoots was a yes.
Did you say that?
Yes.
Whoops.
Reverse that then.
That's DM brain.
OK, so she's good up there.
All right.
Just watch your footing.
All right.
Let's keep going.

(09:50):
OK.
So you proceed.
Wait, can I see the tracks?
Yeah, that's what I was actually going to ask you.
Give me a survival check.
So that plus whatever your modifier is for survival on your skills.
Five plus.
Yours might be.
It's all the way.
They're in alphabetical order.
Eight.
All right.

(10:10):
So a total of eight.
Yeah, you don't quite get the trail yet.
You kind of lose it between all the different things that are in the woods.
Oh, oh.
I want to look for wolf tracks because wolves would probably try to track the ax peak for
a meal.
Well, you kind of you just had survival.
So that was part of your.
You could do that on your next set of things.
Oh, God.
She doesn't have anything in perception.

(10:32):
She rolled a nat 20.
Yeah.
So she does a bit of a perception check and then you hear a you hear a light from very
nearby.
What?
What do you see?
Keep heading in the direction you're going.
I see from this distance, I can't quite tell.
It's all just a blur of gray, but there's there's something there's something up ahead

(10:57):
in the way you're going.
Trust your instincts, little dwarf.
Yeah.
Just follow behind and keep quiet.
I love how square that is on the audio.
All right.
I proceed in the same direction.
All right.
So you keep going in that direction, basically trusting that that Lira saw something in that
direction and you do get a sense of a flurry of activity in that general direction.

(11:21):
Going with what you said previously about the wolf tracks or wanting to look for wolf
tracks between the wolf tracks and looking for whatever other kind of tracks there are.
Give me one more survival check that that's another eight.
All right.
All right.
So you really don't get much of a sense of what's happening up ahead.
I'm going to give her one more perception check.

(11:44):
All right.
So you keep heading in that direction and you come upon you start to see not a structure,
but some some wood in a strange configuration.
It looks like maybe it was something that was broken.
Could have been a building or a vehicle of some sort.
There's a lot of wood and it's in a disarrayed state.

(12:07):
How would you want to and you see something rummaging within?
I as stealthy as humanly possible just keep getting closer to it.
I can make out what's there.
OK, so give me a give me a stealth check.
Ten.
Ten.
OK, so ten plus four is 14.
Oh, you're out of 14.
OK, so you you approach and what's what I'm about to describe that you see doesn't notice

(12:32):
your approach.
It is rather distracted.
What you find as you approach is what looks to be the remains of a broken down caravan
wagon.
It has been there for for a decent while and it's it has been rummaged and it's been ransacked.

(12:53):
It's been it's been a value here.
Yeah, it's been ransacked to a heavy degree, but there must have been some scrap or morsel
within because as you approach, Turkey has their head stuffed into the into a vacant
corner of this broken down caravan and is attempting to chomp on some sort of left behind

(13:19):
morsel.
OK, see that I have a rope in my inventory.
OK, I tie the rope into a lasso.
OK, with your with your stealth checking with how distracted Turkey is, yet none of
this activity is noticed as of yet.
OK, so now I'm just waiting for him to pop his head up so I can try to lasso him and
wrangle him.
I do notice that I am out of dried meat.

(13:41):
Oh, you have you have it.
I have rations put down there.
I mean, it's fine.
You have a little bit of meat.
All right.
And my remember, one of your traits, your vices, one of your traits, one of your vices
was that you have a constant craving for sticks of sticks of flesh and the dew of mountains.

(14:01):
Yes.
So you would always have both of those on your person.
OK, so now I'm just basically playing the waiting game to if I can at least I pull I
I holster on my side, holster my hand axe, pull out a meat stick.
So I have the rope, the lasso in one hand, meat stick in another.
And now I'm just playing the waiting game for Turkey to pop his head up and hope that

(14:22):
I can use my skill with animals.
And he comes to the meat stick.
That way I can gently.
How do you know Turkey's a boy that way?
Turkey can come come get the meat stick and I can gently put the lasso around him and
then lead him back to camp.
OK, so you did put your hand axe away, you said?
Yes.

(14:43):
OK, never mind what's happening over here.
So you wait for the first for the first turn here.
Which skill?
Probably still just I think survival is probably your your best one of your best skills, correct?
I guess I should look.
It's a plus three of the skills that would be relevant.
I'll still go.
We'll go with we'll go with stealth.

(15:04):
All right.
So throw me a stealth and stealth is a plus.
That's your plus four.
Sixteen.
Sixteen total.
Yes.
OK, so you wait and yeah, Turkey is still very much into what they're doing.
No change.
All right.
Will you do something different or stay this or stay the same?
I try.

(15:24):
I lightly whistle to try to get Turkey's attention.
OK, throw me an animal handling.
That's a plus three.
That's an 18.
18.
OK, give me your little whistle.
OK, getting a sound that would be appropriate for an axe speaks attention.
Turkey jolts is jolts their their head up because we haven't checked.

(15:46):
We haven't checked yet.
We haven't also haven't asked them.
You could do talk to it.
I don't think you have talked to animals, but you could find somebody who has the spell.
Talk to animals and actually find out their identity.
But either way, Turkey jolts up and looks around.
What will you do now?
Present the meat stick.
OK.
And with your animal handling skill, I would say that is plus three fairly sufficient.

(16:08):
But go ahead.
Do you just hold it?
Hold the stick out like are you luring them to you?
Actually no.
I'm going to place the meat stick on the ground in front of me.
OK.
I'm going to lose my hand in this in this instance.
OK.
So for the second round of what we're doing here, I'll say give me one more animal handling.
19.
OK.

(16:29):
So as you sit there stealthily within the forest, you know the precise behaviors to
present to not freak out, Axebeak or freak out an Axebeak.
So Turkey feels fairly safe in coming up coming up to you and it begins to eat the meat stick.
OK.
Step one done.

(16:50):
Step two is gently place the lasso around Turkey.
OK.
I'm going to say I'm going to give you a sleight of hand on this one to try to do to try to
do that action without spooking or alerting.
Can I also say I'm gently patting it to try to keep him calm?
Yeah.
I would say as a part of your really good animal handling role.

(17:11):
Yeah, exactly.
Yes.
You are you're giving Turkey sweet pets.
You've given them food.
They're very comforted and not on high alert.
All right.
Good.
All right.
So this should be easy.
OK.
So this is for what you say sleight of hand sleight of hand.
And that is a plus four.
It's not a nat 20, but it's a 20.

(17:31):
A dirty 20.
All right.
So you get that lasso around Turkey's neck and I would assume your next move.
Lead that.
My next move is OK.
Lira.
Get down here.
All right.
But she is still she is crouching in the shadow of that tree.

(17:54):
There was something in there as well.
I tend to Turkey.
Try and see what they were trying to get at in there.
You seem slim enough that you could probably fit your head into that hole and possibly
an arm.
I can fit a lot of things into a lot of things.
I'll go ahead.
Thanks.
You didn't need to make it weird.
But so so they she goes ahead.
I'm going to give her.

(18:14):
So as she approaches the caravan or the broken down wagon, she stops in her tracks and says
very quietly, tie Turkey to that tree.
OK, come on, Turkey.
You're just going to stay here now.
I tie Turkey to the tree and put a few more meat sticks on the ground.
Thank you for taking care of Turkey.
Put a few more meat sticks on the ground and I go and ask her what's up.

(18:36):
So you walk back up to her.
Yeah.
What do you see?
Something.
OK, which direction?
I see a hoot and has as she lets out that little frightened isn't the correct word.
It's more an apprehensive hoot.
You hear a bit of rustling from beyond the cost of the little clearing that you find

(18:59):
yourself in.
Stay put.
I'm going to circle around and see if I can get behind this thing.
As you say that, five figures jump from out of the treeline.
All right, Lyra, stay with me now.
All right, let's roll for initiative.
I am going to know.
Roll for initiative.

(19:21):
Oh, yeah, I didn't actually.
And it's a five.
Well, a five plus.
What's your initiative modifier?
OK, her her initiative thing is a plus two.
That's because Poocher Ali has the eye.
I picked for you the alert feet, which gives you.
I think I think you can't be surprised and you get a plus two to initiative.

(19:45):
All right, you got a nine.
There has a ten and I'm going to roll just once for all the goblins.
The goblins will all just go on the same turn.
All right.
The goblins go first.
And oh, Christ, goblins go on initiative order 12 near at a ten.
You said a nine.

(20:05):
Yeah.
Yep.
And then Lyra back to back.
Well, it's not really going to work for her.
All right.
So all the little goblins.
Oh, Jesus, here we go.
What are these goblins armed with?
Just short sorts daggers.
They're armed with whatever the hell they want to be armed with.
Oh, great.
Your left to right.

(20:27):
We have snaggle tooth.
And then I'll tell you what you see.
A goblin with a chipped fang who believes he's the best singer in the band.
He constantly hums out of tune during fights, much to the annoyance of his comrades.
So goblin here you see with the chip fang and he is humming a tune as he comes out of

(20:48):
the tree line.
Oh, dear Lord.
Next one over is wheezy.
A goblin with a wheezing laugh who carries a rusty crossbow that never seems to shoot
straight.
But he keeps trying to point adventures from afar.
All right.
So that's your rain.
That's your ranged boy.
All right.
Next one down.
His his name is snoz.

(21:09):
What you see is a goblin with an oversized nose.
He insists he can smell treasure and trouble a mile away.
He's probably the one that noticed that there was somebody rummaging around this abandoned
wagon.
All right.
He's usually wrong.
But in this case, he's right.
But he's extremely proud of his nose.
And then you have Blinky.

(21:31):
This is probably the goblin that scares you the most because he blinks rapidly pretty
much all the time.
And he's in charge of carrying a small drum to announce their arrival, despite the whole
point of being sneaky.
So with this piece that was written, I now can retcon that that's how you know this battle

(21:52):
has begun and there is no sneaking for either side.
They were being sneaky, but he jumped in and he has hit his bell.
You see, you see snoz next to him, throw a rock at him and say, we're supposed to be
silent.
He's like, the drum is fun.

(22:12):
And battle shall begin.
I could speak goblin, it says here.
Yes, you can.
So you understood what they were saying to each other.
That's how you can understand their, you know, their language.
All right, so all of the goblins are going to take their little movie boys as I'm doing

(22:33):
this.
I'm going to be kind of away from the mic.
So if you desire, you can describe your reactions to what I'm doing on the map.
OK, so all right.
Now, oh, well, it's not the one I wanted getting in close.
I'm also going to say goblins are stupid.
So whichever ones have picked melee or range, that is what they want to do.

(22:57):
This goblin is clutching his scimitar and he is charging with his.
If he has a bow, it is on his back.
He wants to get in there and fight this next one.
However, they're also I'm not moving them diagonally because goblins are little clumsy
boys.
So they're going to be a little bit a little bit clumsy with their with their approach.

(23:20):
All right.
Works for me.
So who is that there?
That is Weezy and Weezy is going to nestle up behind some wood on the caravan, giving
him cover.
And he is going to pull out his crossbow and he's going to take a will be shot at Lyra.
All right, Lyra, you're stealthy.
You can do this.

(23:41):
I'm all stealthy.
I do.
Oh, you're nimble.
Just be nimble.
Jack, be quick.
But she wasn't able to avoid this goblins pointy stick that he shot.
OK, so that is a hit on Lyra.
Oh, right.
Doing four damage.
She didn't enjoy that.

(24:02):
Oh, OK.
So.
Let's see here.
Snars is going to run up.
That's right.
Get in his way.
Snars charges around the back end of the wagon going.
Hey, you get fast.
Draw that little goblin.
I want to get him.

(24:23):
I tell him I say and I say, bring it, fucker.
Do you say that in Goblin?
Yeah.
Yeah, that definitely demoralizes him a little bit.
So this final goblin, that is Blinky with his little fucking drum.
While Blinky is banging away on his drum.
So he's going to he's going to come in from behind.

(24:43):
But having heard your your verbal strike, he wants to see if he can hobble the goblin
or hobble the dwarf from behind.
He's going to take a sweet little swing at those or those.
Why don't he make some dwarfing Goblin?
He's going to take a little swing at those dwarven legs.
All right.
So this is against your AC.

(25:04):
So he gets a six plus four as a ten, which I am fairly certain.
I have a 15 armor class.
Means he misses.
So what was that?
Blinky.
He gets a little swing at you, but Blinky was underestimating the stout strength of a
dwarven leg.

(25:25):
Tree trunks these are.
Yeah.
Well, more like stumps.
But one of the one of the pieces of the metal of your grieve.
That's the word for boot.
A grieve.
I think so.
Yeah.
The metal of your grieve deflects the shot.
And so all the goblins have had a turn.
So now it's going to be Lira's turn.

(25:48):
Can she see the head of Mezie over the cover?
I mean, you're ahead.
You don't know what she can see or can't see.
I guess you're right.
With him kind of focusing on you.
Now, here's the thing.
Here's something I'm going to teach you with D&D.
There is something called an opportunity attack.
If you haven't used a reaction within one set of like in one round, if somebody tries

(26:12):
to leave adjacency to you, if they try to move away from an active monster, you know,
another being, they will get an opportunity attack against them.
So if she tried to move another space away, then that goblin would get to try to hit her.

(26:32):
So instead, she's kind of sidling beside the wagon, but keeping keeping an eye defensively
on him.
She steps back that way and she is going to let loose a bit of vicious mockery.
Get it.
Should I plug my ears for this?

(26:53):
No, it's going to be vicious to him.
Okay, good.
Okay, it's a minus one.
All right.
So I'll for this first time that she's used while you did see her use it on a rat, she
used this yes, she used this on a rat and she killed that poor rat because she just demeaned
his entire existence.
I'm going to read it out to you.

(27:14):
You unleash a string of insults laced with subtle enchantments at one creature you can
see or hear within range.
And then they make a wisdom saving throw or they take damage and but then they also have
disadvantage on their next attack roll it makes before the end of its next turn.
So she's also going to be trying to instill disadvantage on on.
Oh, freaking sweet.

(27:35):
Well, whatever sweet wheezy, sweet wheezy.
Yeah, she's going to try to put it.
I thought it was Blinky.
No, that's we know she's no she's hitting.
She didn't leave the aura of Blinky, but she is trying to attack poor sweet little wheezy
who hit her with who hit her with a vicious assault.
Okay, so he is going to.

(27:56):
No, no.
See goblins roll the green die.
All right, that makes sense.
Ah, and he fails.
So why very little damage, I'm assuming she dealt one damage.
So she dealt one damage, but he also has disadvantage.

(28:19):
All right.
OK, so that's Lira's Lira's turn.
Oh, and she also as she did this, she's also using a part of this wagon as cover.
All right.
And the way cover works is it adds to your AC.
Nice.
OK, so she is taking cover there.

(28:40):
She wouldn't have that cover with this goblin, but it seems like all the melee goblins have
a focus on Dwarfie Boy.
They see you as the greatest martial threat here, which is which is true.
Oh, this is going to be fun.
OK, so it is now.
Put your Ali's turn.
What shall put your little drummer boy?

(29:03):
You're going to attack the one.
Yes, that means because that in that case, you don't have to move because the thing with
D&D is you have your you have your move and then you have your your action.
You also have bonus actions and reactions in free actions.
We can get in all that at some point and I can tell you what you can do.
You can like do a little bit of talking during.
Yeah, that's free action.
You can also like pick things up, pull out a weapon, things like that.

(29:27):
But in this case, but you don't have to move then attack.
You can attack then move.
You can also once you get multiple attacks, you can actually move, do an attack, move,
do another attack.
There's a lot of leeway, but for now you have one attack and you have your 30 feet of movement.
And at the moment you're saying you want to attack.
Yeah, was it Blinky?
Yeah, come here, drummer boy.

(29:48):
Little drummer boy.
You unleash your own vicious, vicious insult.
What your mother, which has no subtle enchantments, but it does.
It does hurt his feelings.
And then I would assume you're you're going.
I also tell him that he's not worthy of my great axe.
So I pull out my hand axe.
No, no, you're going to want to use the you're going to want to use the great axe on these

(30:10):
little pissants.
Michael.
Fine.
This is your one.
And this is your first combat session I'm doing with you and I'm trying to teach you
D&D like modern D&D.
You're in combat.
You want to use your great axe.
Fine.
He asked for it.
You want to use your main one.
I unholster my great axe from behind me with a malicious grin on my face.

(30:35):
I also, since they can see me, reach into my pocket, pull out a smoke stick, light it
and say it's on.
OK, you've said a lot of things, but I'm going to say that some of this stuff that you've
said also was being said during other people's turns.
So at that point, you say it's on.

(30:55):
You pulled your axe and your smoke stick and you're basically pulling this.
This will be lost on you.
But it's it's almost like you're giving me or on from Final Fantasy 10, where he would
do he would pull out his his pouch of rice sake, take a swig and then attack people like
so with you, it's having the smoke stick in.

(31:16):
Let's roll.
Do this.
All right.
So give me a give me a little attack on the Gublin.
Well, wait a minute.
Do you want to do you want to throw down your die or for your first attack of this encounter,
do you want to use the coolant coolant die?
We got to use the coolant die.
OK.
All right.
So you're going to attack little Gublin.
Yep.

(31:37):
And it is in eleven.
One plus four for strength.
Yeah.
So fifteen.
A sweet little cleave with that axe.
So give me a little give me a little damage roll, which I think this and this is why I
said you want your great axe with your hand axe.

(32:00):
You roll a d six with a great axe.
You roll a d twelve.
All right.
Let's let's see if he kills this little Gublin.
It's a nine nine total.
I told all nine total.
Oh, how does he die?
His head comes off and rolls towards his brethren.

(32:21):
Oh, OK.
So you kind of cleave this way so that when the axe hits, you kind of like with the axe,
carry his head and thrust it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll use this to I'll use his downed figure to represent where his head landed.
Oh, and I also pick up his drum as my newest trophy.

(32:44):
Yeah.
Well, we can we can.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
I'm going to be looting these bodies.
Well, I mean, technically, I can probably give you the free action of just making sure
you get the drum now.
Yeah.
You know, as basically as a bit of RP, you're just like, this is mine.
Yeah.
However you want to.
However you want to go with that now.
Let me look at how the new twenty twenty four rules work.
Oh, OK.

(33:05):
So you you don't get to use your cleave in this instance.
OK, because the creature that you hit with the melee attack, the other creature needs
to be within five feet of the first one.
So they would need to have been around here.
So what we're setting up here is probably your chance to cleave maybe on these two

(33:29):
boys so we can test out a new twenty twenty four D&D rule because I haven't really looked
into that much.
OK, so that's a Pooch or at least turn.
Do you want to move?
Do you want to charge toward them?
Let them come at you, maybe flank around.
How do you want to move anywhere?
Who's next?

(33:50):
And then you stand your ground standing my ground.
OK, so you plant your little dwarven feet into the soft peat beneath and I shout an
insult about their mothers and then you shout another insult and they're just so
offended.
OK, so I'm going to go ahead and do Lira's first.

(34:11):
What is that?
We was wheezy.
Yeah, she's aiming for wheezy because she's freaking wheezy, freaking wheezy.
All right, so wheezy stays in his stays in his cover and he's going to shoot it.
Lira, let me just look at where cover is.
Remember, you're on.
You are also Lira is also covered.

(34:32):
So she gains, I think you said plus four.
I actually didn't say anything.
I thought she'd get plus four for AC for undercover.
You didn't.
I didn't say a single number about cover, but it's actually plus two because I'm going
to give her.
I'm going to give them both half cover.
So she gets plus two, which I think puts her at a 15.
I mean, bad, but he also has even with me now, but he also has disadvantage from her

(35:00):
viciousness, vicious mockery, which means advantage is when you roll advantage and disadvantage
when you roll two dice advantage, you get the higher one disadvantage to get the lower
one.
Got it.
Yeah, he doesn't hit.
So yes, that that crossbow bolt just sails past Lira, not even coming close to her, not

(35:24):
even hitting the wood of her cover.
He just completely with he over adjusts from the cover and sales it right over her head
and off of the system here.
Oh, just a poor little birdie is now dead.
Hey, that could be dinner for later.
Hey, yeah, we're going to find that later.
Yeah, let's actually I'm going to write that on here.
I'm going to write the word up in the top right corner of my little boogie board bird

(35:48):
separate from Turkey.
Turkey is going to be written on the top left.
Yes.
Random shot bird.
Yeah, I'm going to put shot bird shot bird.
OK, so then the other two dwarves or dwarves.
Damn it.
The other two goblins are going to charge the dwarf.
OK, so they are both going to attack you.

(36:09):
OK, yeah, one gets a nine and one gets a ten.
So 15.
So I would say ping, ping, I would say one of them hits you in the breast of your plate.
Well, you know, you don't wear plate, but the breast of your armor.

(36:31):
And he dusts, he dusts the grease of the act as a scimitar off of his armor.
And then the other one, you get your great acts up and he bashes against the hill, putting
just the slightest of little tiny dents on a full dent.

(36:51):
Well, like a dint.
This makes me very angry.
It would because craftsmanship is a proud dwarven aspect.
Yes.
Hey, you nicked my axe.
Now I got to nix you.
Oh, yeah, they definitely are a bit intimidated at this point.
OK, so I'm going to say that the Goblin's turn was a failure.

(37:16):
And we are now are they standing in line, like in a row, like side by side?
They are standing by side by side.
You are you're definitely you're definitely set up for for some for some good times here.
OK, so Lyra.
See that's the thing.
She does less damage with it.
But part of me wants to throw the dagger because the throwing the dagger is kind of fun.

(37:42):
But then again, the vicious mockery is nice just because of getting that disadvantage.
So yeah, yeah, I kind of feel like, hey, that disadvantage got us dinner.
It did.
Yeah, I would say she's probably going to just go vicious mockery again.
And the Goblin does fail again because they have a minus one for their wisdom.

(38:05):
So it's it's not great for them this time.
Oh, does.
For psychic damage, you can you can.
Well, you probably aren't paying much attention.
But as she screams out some words in Elven that you don't really understand and no one
here does, you realize that the spell works a lot more with the enchantments in the in

(38:32):
the yelling than the actual words themselves.
So it's a little different from your mocking.
You know, I'm just having fun with your mocking jabs that were the words matter.
Those enchantments you if you see out of the corner of your eye, you know, we easy over
there is definitely looking mentally shaken, but he's still standing.

(38:55):
All right.
All right.
And yeah, Lyra will will stay in place.
Now we come to Pucciarelli.
So I would say probably the Goblins right in front of you.
Both of them.
Yeah.
But I mean, for now, it's probably just the one right in front of you.
I mean, actually, no, no, I'll ask you, standing in this configuration, would you swing from

(39:18):
the right side to side?
No, I'm saying, but would you swing from right to left or from left to right?
Right to left.
I'm right handed.
Right to left.
So, yes, it's the one right in front of you that you would start with.
All right.
That's the thing, though, if you want your cleave, you got to hit first.
Oh, no.
So roll that up.
That's a 17.
You rolled a 17.

(39:39):
Oh, that's a.
So that's a that's a 21.
That's a 21.
OK, so you absolutely hit the first the first little goblin boy there.
All right.
So here's the thing.
Give me a damage roll.
Nine.
All right.
So so go ahead and roll for attack again against the second goblin.

(40:01):
Yeah.
So it's the 12 again.
No, no, no, no, no.
Attack roll.
That's your that's your cool name, man.
12.
All right.
So you do you missed on the second hit.
So he dodges he dodges out of the way.
The first one, however, dies.
So describe for me how that all goes.
I went for more suffering on this hit, so I didn't go for the head.

(40:23):
I cleaved him at the torso.
All right.
So OK, so that does work.
So by going through the torso, you lost a bit of momentum.
And by the time you exited his torso, by the time you exited the wound, you left your first
goblin dead.
But the second one was able to nimbly step out of the way while screaming.

(40:46):
So you have that here.
Here is he shit his pants a little bit.
That's that I smell goblin.
You know, you'll regret that for killing, he thinks for a moment.
Snars.
You want to know what snars is going to be to me?

(41:06):
Another trophy snaggle tooth does not look impressed with that.
You don't know his name, though, but just to let you know, to let Mike A know snaggle
tooth does not look pleased with that.
OK, so that was your turn.
Remember, you can't move away from him or anything.
But did you want to, like, sidle around him?
I mean, you can move away if you want to take the opportunity to attack, but you have no

(41:28):
reason to do that.
But would you want to, like, sidle around or reposition yourself in any way for any
reason?
Am I still facing him or is he like, yeah, you're both right here.
No, why?
Why would I move?
Bring it on.
Come on.
You talked about it.
I mean, it's tactical because if you wanted to, you can move in front of here.
I'm not going to let you do it now because you said you were staying.
But what if what if he tried to run by you and hurt Turkey for some reason?

(41:51):
Or what if you wanted to be protective of Lyra because you find out you're kind of falling
in love with her?
What if you wanted to like move in between the two of them?
What if you wanted to come over this way so you'd be closer to this guy?
So maybe you could get him and maybe try to go after him.
None of those options really matter and none of it really pertains.
But I'm just telling you something to think about.
All right.

(42:11):
I stand my ground and I keep my eyes locked on him.
OK, you are in battle.
I forgot.
Oh, my God.
I'm in battle mode, bitch.
Oh, my God.
Michael, we I forgot.
I forgot you have rage.
That's I don't need to be.
That was the big thing we talked about.
Yeah, I know.

(42:32):
I'm not wasting rage on this.
Yeah.
I mean, we really didn't need it.
But you can rage twice per long rest.
But here's the thing.
You definitely you technically don't know when the next time you're going to get a long
rest is exactly.
Ah, and you may or may not have more battles to face.
But yes.
So for next time, we'll just need to remember that you have rage.

(42:53):
I actually didn't write on your character sheet what rage does.
So I might need to amend that.
Yeah.
So here's what we forgot.
As you can do it as a bonus action, if you aren't wearing heavy armor, you get while
you're in rage, you get damage resistance, which means bludgeoning, piercing and slashing
damage is halved.
So all weapon damage against you is halved.

(43:14):
When you make an attack using strength, which you do, and you deal damage, you get a bonus
to the damage that increases as you level.
OK, so with another goblin cleaved, but a second goblin sadly not cleaved yet.
Puturali's turn ends and we come upon a goblin's turns.

(43:35):
And we'll go with Lyra's goblin first, as we did before.
All right.
Yes, he has disadvantage.
Yes, he does.
And I think he's I think, yeah, he would he would stay focused on Lyra because he wants
to make sure she doesn't sneak around to the side.
So he hasn't noticed that two of his brethren are dead.
No, he's just hoping to take out the weaker target, which is also closer to him so he

(44:00):
can maybe try to run away.
He absolutely does not hit.
He does not even come close.
This hit this bolt lodges itself within some of the wood in her cover and having been mocked
viciously and having his mind almost completely wracked by said mockery, he's going to I think

(44:26):
he's going to choose to run.
So this little goblin has pretty much made it to the treeline.
He still is in sight.
Now let's let the second goblin try to do some work on a nice dwarf and body.
Oh, did I get it?

(44:48):
Oh, baby.
So that is a 15.
And my armor class is a 15.
So it hits.
Oh, I thought it was negated.
No, it at the number or above.
So he does hit his sweet little scimitar comes down into your little dwarf and bully.
All right.
So four plus two, he deals six sweet damage to your body, leaving you at 10.

(45:14):
Okay.
All right.
So he says, who was it that you just killed?
Was that the only one that's left to snaggle to?
I don't.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
You killed snards.
This is what you get for killing snards.
Was that supposed to be a tickle?
He definitely looks rattled as he attacks.

(45:38):
He does.
He moves slightly this way.
He doesn't get any cover or anything with the wagon, but he's kind of you know how you
kind of you're back.
He's back to do a quarter.
He's backing himself into something that he hopes maybe could he could use to his advantage
at some point.
But he sees he's kind of desperate and in a in a poor state.

(45:59):
He definitely also has has kind of noticed that his friend Weezy is running.
So he's he's hoping he could find some way to get away.
But we'll see.
All right.
So we now come to Lyra.
So she is going to come around to this edge of the broken down wagon and she's going to

(46:22):
bring out that sweet dagger of hers.
Do it, Lyra.
Get him.
We cannot allow any escapees.
No witnesses.
And I want my trophies.
You do have one trophy.
You have a drum.
I have one right now.
Yes.
Yes.
One as of now.
OK, so she is going to throw a dagger.

(46:50):
She missed.
Well, here's the thing.
She got a one.
She rolled in that one.
So she goes to throw.
She was supposed to be she was supposed to be the chosen one.
She was supposed to outdo you and not be the mockery of this of this group.

(47:10):
She with the nat one, I'm going to say she goes to throw her dagger.
But there is a bit of moistness to her palm.
I'm going to say it's a little bit of there was a little bit of.
What?
It's blood.
No, it's not blood.
Something.
She got hit with an arrow.
Just make it blood.
Oh, she did get hit.

(47:31):
I was going to say it was something from the caravan, but yeah, a little work.
So a bit of blood has rested on her palm.
And as she goes to throw, throw her knife, it slips out of her hand backward.
And that dagger goes, flops into the broken caravan and comes to a rest next to the Goblin's

(47:52):
feet that's in front of you.
OK, sorry.
You need to get better at this.
I mean, we all have off days, but seriously, get that Goblin.
And I thought I was the one with vicious mockery.
OK, so Lear fucked up.
So I'm going to say, you know, Lira's turn is done.
Now it is Poocher Ali and Poocher Ali is squared up with a sweet gobo with a with a chip tooth.

(48:19):
Tell me, Goblin, have you made peace with whatever God you pray to?
Magloubiet will welcome me at the gates.
He says with a bit of with a large amount of fear in his eyes.
Tell him I said more are coming.
And Poocher Ali rolls.
A total of 11.
Well, wait, no, it's seven plus seven plus four is 11.

(48:41):
Yeah, so 11.
OK, so all of your all of your words were on point, but you feel that maybe Magloubiet
was looking out for the sweet gobo as your axe sails over his head.
So sad.
Shit, Lira, get that other little fucker.
And I would assume you just stay your place in front of him.

(49:02):
So we're up to the goblins.
So the go this goblin is going to take the disengage action, which is how you get away
from somebody that has so that they don't get an opportunity attack against them.
So he will take the disengage action and he will bolt directly backward.
Yeah, the other little goblin, Weezy.

(49:25):
Weezy is beginning to go into the trees.
He is kind of hard to see from your vantage point.
You can still make kind of make it out, but he is getting starting to get away.
I will say Weezy here is smart, is trying to be smart enough to cover his retreat by
firing back at Lira.

(49:47):
This time, since she didn't do vicious mockery, he doesn't have disadvantage, so he gets a
straight up attack on her and he hits.
So as he's running away, he turns he leans up against a tree, turns back and fires his
bow.
Dealing.
Is it a killing strike?

(50:10):
Well, OK, so the way this works in D&D, you're not dead, at least not right away.
It's a downing strike.
But yeah, he does down her.
So as he's running away, she doesn't quite expect an arrow and well bolt and that bolt
catches her in a weak spot and Lira is downed.

(50:31):
Decision time.
Poocher Alley, finish it.
By meaning the goblins or you ask me, are you asking for the sweet release of death?
OK, so at this point, she falls unconscious.
OK, so that was the goblins turn.
That girl was very successful, but it is now Lira's turn.

(50:55):
Let me.
She heal herself.
I know she's unconscious.
No, let me look up real quick.
So I will tell you with the way D&D works with death.
You end up getting what's called a death saving throw.
Basically before you have the ability to come over and stabilize someone and when you stabilize

(51:16):
them, you negate having to do death rolls and they are just at I think they stay at
zero hit points or you can give them a healing potion, which we haven't really done healing
potion.
I don't have any of those.
No, you can basically stabilize them at zero and then or maybe it's one.
We're going to find that out real quick.
But OK, one ninety seven.
Now here is the thing.

(51:38):
If you take a hard enough hit, if you get dealt enough damage, I think it's your hit
point maximum.
Basically if you would go below zero to a negative number that's higher than your hit
point maximum like you, you have 10 damage right now or your 10 health right now.
If twenty seven points of damage would be done to you, I think that you'd be dead outright.

(52:03):
Yeah.
So instant death, massive damage can kill you instantly when damage reduces you to zero
and there's damage remaining.
You die if the remaining damage equals or exceeds your hit point maximum.
So yeah, it's exactly what we just said.
So what about her?
How many?
So if damage reduces you to zero hit points and fails to kill you, which yes, it was only
like two or three over, she falls unconscious.

(52:24):
This unconscious ends if you regain any hit points.
So on a turn.
Oh yes, that's what it is.
So you roll a d20 and need to get 10 or higher for a success and under that is a failure.
So we're going to do that for her.
So she has one success.
So she's over there doing fine enough.

(52:45):
And now it's Puccarelli's turn.
So you have three options.
You have two living goblins, one that's really far away that you may or may not be able to
hit.
You have one that's closer that you could run up to and you could whack.
Vera is unconscious, but she told me to finish it.
But yeah, she doesn't appear to be in any serious, serious danger.
It doesn't look awful.

(53:07):
And she told you to finish it before she passed out.
So a chip tooth.
I'm coming for you.
All right.
One, two, three, four, five.
So every space is five feet.
You have 30 feet of movement.
So you actually basically you have six spaces at this point.
So you used five diagonals do work.
I basically just threw in that little bit of a little bit of like a DM's Mercy RP that

(53:31):
the goblins could only or couldn't move diagonally because they were stupid.
Technically, they have the same intelligence as you, but they are kind of monsterish.
They're humanoids, not really monsters, but whatever.
These ones are particularly stupid.
That's a part of they are a group known as the Sneaky Spears.
I'm going to say even though none of them, as Marlowe told you earlier, none of them

(53:52):
carry a spear.
So why are they called the Sneaky Spears?
Who knows?
Who knows?
Anyway, there are a bunch of do-ass goblins and you're going to try to cleave this one.
All right.
Come in, big boy.
A dirty 20, 16 plus four.
All right.
That is definitely a hit.
Roll that D12 to see if you cleave this boy.
Oh, and it was a nat 12.

(54:15):
All right.
You got that 12.
So 12 plus two.
14 is 14.
You have done double, double the damage to that boy.
And how does he die?
How does he go?
This one I took personally because he did damage to me.
Ax raised above the head and straight down.
You pulled the terrifier two in reverse.

(54:36):
That was a terafire one.
Was it a terafire one?
Yeah, he saw the chick in half.
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no.
No, you pulled the pyramid head, but with Ax.
Uh-huh.
There we go.
All right.
So he's been cleaved vertically and he has now been slain.
I'll tell you now you used five movement, so you probably just move one this way.

(55:02):
There is now one goblin on the field, one poocherelly and one unconscious lira.
That is-
And don't forget turkey.
And turkey over there tied to a tree.
Yeah, I haven't really mentioned.
Turkey is-
He napping.
No, he is not napping or they are not napping.
They don't know their gender.
No, turkey is absolutely- He's not freaking- They're not freaking out, but tied to the

(55:27):
tree securely because a dwarf would not tie a knot loosely.
Yeah, turkey is- There's no danger of turkey getting away, but turkey is definitely nervous.
All right.
But that is the end of your turn.
Get back here, you goblin cocksucker.
So now we just have one sweet goblin.

(55:47):
Yeah, so I'll say he will train his crossbow at you.
That is a 20.
That is a critical hit on you, my boy.
Shit.
So if we're going to do crits the way they're supposed to be done.
So the way the original rules work is that when you score a critical hit, you just roll

(56:11):
the damage dice twice and then add them together.
So you'd still get a plus two, like if you did a critical hit, you'd still get plus two,
but you'd roll 2d12.
Yeah.
I'm going to roll 2d6.
I'm not making it out of this.
I already know it.
Maybe, maybe not.
I only have 10 hit points.
I'm not living.
I already know this.
This is how it goes.
When I go out in glorious battle.

(56:34):
No, seven damage.
Oh my God, I have three HP left.
But the goblin immediately beelines off the board here.
Fuck, he got away.
Which we're going to count as.
Yes, he got away.
His mind rattled and I need to make sure I make a note of who survived.
That was Weezy.

(56:54):
Yeah.
So I'm going to put some asterisks on Weezy there because Weezy survived and the rest
of them died.
Yeah.
So you have been gravely injured.
Lyra is unconscious.
So what combat has been ended?
What do you do?
I need to loot these bodies.
First I loot the bodies to see if there's any kind of healing.
Is that what you do first?
First I go ten to Lyra.

(57:15):
Yes, thank you.
You go and stabilize Lyra.
I have to roll for that.
What's your medicine?
My medicine is a plus one.
OK, so we're actually going to do a little contest here.
So that was the Goblin's turn.
So we come to Lyra's turn.
OK, she has another success.

(57:35):
Yeah, go ahead and roll me a 20 with that.
And then with that plus one.
Seventeen.
OK.
So you were successfully able to administer first aid and you stabilize her.
So she's at a zero.
What I will say, the way this will work, she's been stabilized.
So what we'll end up doing is she takes a short basically just takes a short rest while

(57:56):
you go and you start your looting.
So she's basically you stabilized her, but she is sleeping off to the side.
And yeah, you can begin your rummaging.
So what do you what would you like to do first?
All right.
Well, first I want first off.
I'm going to since the I guess the closest one to me would have been snaggletooth.
I first take his tooth.

(58:18):
OK, that's my trophy.
Go ahead.
You can write these down.
I would say I'm going to look I want to look for the best place.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we'll we'll flip this over.
Put it under.
I'm going to put it on our treasure.
Yeah, I go and put it on.
Goblin tooth.
Yeah.
So you have your drum.
Remember your drum and in parentheses, go and put snaggletooth drum.
Then you have Blinky's drum.
OK.

(58:39):
I mean, you don't really know the names.
That's more for me just in case I want to reference it later.
And then what do you take from?
I'm taking that nose.
You want that nose.
All right.
You're going to you're going to pickle it.
Pickling that nose.
Yep.
OK.
All right.
So you have a trophy from each of your goblins.
And now I want to loot the bodies.
Yeah.

(58:59):
I mean, they just have rusty scimitars, short bows.
They really have nothing of monetary value on them.
Not a healing potion.
Not nothing.
All right, go ahead.
Give me give me an investigation check.
Bupkis.
What do you roll?
Three.
Yeah.
No, you don't find anything in particular healing importance there.

(59:22):
At least try to take their tattered rags and make bandages.
OK.
Yeah.
You'll replenish what you used whenever you tended to Lira.
All right.
So with the bodies, do you do anything with the bodies?
I want to walk over and my first action is to walk over down Turkey.
OK, nice.

(59:42):
It's over.
Everything's over with.
And I want to lead lead him to the bodies to see if he's hungry.
OK.
Turkey definitely already has one mouthful of goblin from earlier.
That is not a goblin that you saw here because that goblin stood up died.
But yeah.
So which which one do you want Turkey to to feed on?

(01:00:03):
The closest one to Turkey probably would have been schnoz.
No, that'd be the body of Blinky.
OK.
Yeah.
Lead him over to Blinky.
OK.
All right.
So with Turkey with Lira stabilized with Turkey grazing on the sweet sweetened flesh of goblin,
what lies before you is a little caravan and we're going to see.

(01:00:28):
All right.
So there anything of gold, monetary value supplies, things like that have have absolutely
been looted.
But there's definitely you can see there's there's definitely some items that could be
potentially of interest here.
What do you do?
I salvage what I can out of the wreckage.
All right.

(01:00:48):
I will.
We can do.
I don't forget.
I'm holding on to the rope like turkeys.
Oh, I mean, you could have if you wanted to, you could have tied him off on like a piece
of the wagon or whatever.
As long as it's stable.
Yeah, as long as he can't run off with it.
OK.
But I erased our battle.
I'm going to write shot bird because we need to remember to go get that bird for dinner.
I'll get the bird.

(01:01:09):
OK.
So I'm going to have you roll an investigation.
So it's just a straight 20.
Nothing plus.
No pluses.
So this is all on the dice.
Nine.
We got a nine.
Yeah.
All right.
I want you to roll a D six one one.
This is just to choose something.
So rolling higher doesn't really matter.
OK.

(01:01:30):
So first, during your investigation, you find a bloodstained map, a partially burned map
shows the surrounding region, but certain key locations are circled in red, one of them
being a long forgotten ruin or hideout.
The bloodstained suggests someone fought hard to keep this information hidden.
And you can tell from looking at the map is fairly obvious that this map is showing the

(01:01:55):
wildwood thicket and the place that circled could be anywhere around you.
Once you study the map a little bit closer, I pocket the map.
OK.
So the map is in your pocket.
I will remind you that Lira is still unconscious during all this.
So these are things that you have that she does not know about.

(01:02:17):
Got it.
All right.
Roll me that D six just one more time.
Four.
OK.
So in among the things on this wagon, you see within like a small pouch, a loose bardic
loot string, a single loot string out of place among the trinkets.

(01:02:41):
I take it.
So, yeah, you have that.
You have a random loot string as well.
You will know you will notice that it does look a lot like the strings that Lira uses
on her loot.
Got it.
OK.
So at this point in your investigation, Lira has rested long enough and she wakes up.

(01:03:05):
Here will be a decent time to show you how long or how a short rest works, because, you
know, you were just kind of rummaging around a thing on a short rest.
You can use some of your hit dice to heal back some of your damage.
Well, she will.
I won't because I was busy.
No, I'll give you I'll give you a short rest because you were just kind of leisurely looking

(01:03:27):
through and investigating some stuff during your time investigating.
I will grant both yourself and Lira a short rest.
So go ahead and roll your D12 plus three.
I heal six damage.
OK, go ahead and mark that down.
Back up to nine.
Now resting, it's resting in general will heal me back up, won't it?

(01:03:48):
Like when I'm on the night watch.
Oh, a long rest.
Yeah, it it it'll do a whole different thing.
I'm going to see how much healing Lira gets.
Oh, she gets an eight.
So she goes back up.
She full health.
No, just down by one.
So she has her eight HP.
That's a thing.

(01:04:08):
Yeah, low level characters.
You're very you're a little more squishy.
And I will say I didn't balance this encounter.
So four goblins might have been a little bit hard for two players to deal with.
So that's why it maybe is a little I killed three of them.
But you while I'm saying for her sake, for someone that's more squishy, you did go pretty

(01:04:31):
low on health, but you absolutely killed three and would have killed the fourth if they would
have stuck around.
Oh, yeah.
OK.
So you've done a little bit of healing.
You've done some investigating.
You have found the map and the loot string and the loot string.
You have those on your person.
And I would imagine considering you said you are suspicious, you won't not going to bring

(01:04:54):
it up to her yet.
Yeah.
All right.
But she does wake up and she goes, oh, did any of them get away?
The poor bastard who shot you did got me pretty good.
The neck.
Hell's thanks for patching me up here as well as you could.
Not a problem.
All right.
So we're square for now.
All right.
So what do we have here?

(01:05:14):
Uh, junk and some corpses.
Oh, at least the other at least turkeys getting a good meal.
Yeah, I have an idea, though.
What's your idea?
Whatever turkey doesn't finish.
We set it up.
We make it look more gruesome than it already is.
We leave it as a message that we burn the remains of this old caravan.

(01:05:37):
OK.
Um, yeah, you go ahead and start preparing the bodies.
I'm going to go ahead and take a look in this wagon and see if there's anything or anything
else hidden within here.
All right.
You do that.
I'm going to make this look like a I don't know how I can make this look more brutal
than it already is, but I definitely want to leave a message here for the rest of the
goblins that are out there.
Well met.

(01:05:58):
OK.
So while you go ahead on your gruesome business, I'm going to erase what's on my boogie board
and I'm going to write down the only thing we have left.
Shot Bird.
Oh, yes.
Well, definitely have to remember that before the end.
Hey, Lyra, when you're done, remember that bird that got shot?

(01:06:22):
No, I didn't see anything.
You heard it, right?
I heard something.
Yeah, it was a good bird.
It's like maybe 20 feet over that way.
I'm glad you didn't feed it to feed it to Turkey.
No, that was for us.
Nice.
Mind going to get that in a minute?
OK, so she looks through as you're going about your business.
She shares with you the things she finds.

(01:06:44):
So the first thing she finds, she looks at you.
All right.
Well, I'm actually going to have us do a bit of a contested role here.
All right.
Roll me insight.
So it's a D20 plus if it's a skill check, it's always a D20.
But yeah, insight one.
Not 20.

(01:07:04):
So 21.
All right.
So you know, I'm not lying.
I love that cool man face.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
So you notice as she looked at you before she hands you this or says what she says,
she's there's a bit of a bit of a strangeness to her expression.

(01:07:28):
She kind of eyes you up and down as if maybe she was a bit apprehensive about showing this
to you or sharing it.
Something you want to say?
Yes.
And she hands this to you and that that will be yours to keep with your with your character

(01:07:49):
sheet.
And then she at Lyra asks, do you recognize that the short sword?
No, the.
I guess I should I guess I should explain.
So yes, there's a bit of really high grade parchment with a symbol of a crest of a strangely

(01:08:10):
shaped crescent moon with a dagger piercing through the moon.
And there are a few drops of thick fluid that you could presume are blood coming from the
end of the dagger.
It looks like somebody's potentially their symbol or what would you call that?

(01:08:32):
It's on like a tabard crest, like their crest.
It definitely is representative of someone.
Doesn't ring a bell to me yet.
With your insight, especially since you rolled a frickin 20, I will tell you.
She you're not entirely sure, but you think she might know more about that than she is

(01:09:03):
saying because she hasn't said really anything.
You know, she's yeah, she and she is gauging.
To see if you know anything.
Doesn't really ring a bell to me, but it looks like you might know something.
Care to share?
Yeah, I might.

(01:09:25):
I might know who this is, but.
Is this an old caravan from the one that we're helping?
Or is this something completely different?
It could be an old friend.
But it will have to.
It will have to wait for now.
Then why don't you hold on to this?

(01:09:47):
OK, so you hand it back.
She when you say old friend.
Are we talking an actual friend or are we talking?
Trouble absolutely and certainly both.

(01:10:08):
She looks at it with a bit of.
Well, how would I describe it?
A longing desperation and a wave of sadness.
As a lover, you're put your alley.
You are far more.
Insightful than I ever would have gave you credit for.

(01:10:29):
She didn't laugh.
I did because of insight, but you can tell she doesn't really want to talk about it.
She continues to scrounge.
She picks up a set of small wooden disks card with cryptic phrases or symbols.
One of the phrases that stands out to her, she says out loud to you, looking directly

(01:10:52):
into your eyes where the shrews shadow falls.
The gold shall sleep.
Very funny.
No, that's the phrase that's on this token.
And as she hands it to you, you see that those those are the words inscribed upon the token.
That's strange because the first time I saw you, your eyes reminded me of the black eyes

(01:11:13):
of a shrew.
That's why I know why you handed me this.
What do you think it means?
I mean, it could be a valuable clue.
I don't know what it would be attached to.
Like I don't know where this clue would be pertinent.

(01:11:33):
Hold on to it.
Maybe our friend Marlowe knows.
OK.
So she hands back the token and she puts the riddling tokens aside.
Then she pulls out another scrap of parchment.
She kind of just looks at it.
You see her kind of sigh and then she pockets it with the with the symbol.

(01:11:54):
Care to share what that was?
Just a manifest of what was on here.
Nothing really.
Pretty much everything that was that was listed on the manifest is now not here.
Probably already taken by these goblins.
All right.
Is that everything in here?
You want to roll insight?

(01:12:16):
Thirteen.
OK.
Yeah.
What she's saying, you can take it at face value.
Pruett really doesn't really notice anything untoward about what she said.
All right.
So then she says, no, there's really not anything, not really anything else here.
All right.
Can you walk?
Yeah.

(01:12:36):
All right.
Let's go get turkey.
Let's light this bitch.
Let's get back to the caravan.
I'm going to go get that bird.
Oh, yeah.
Go get that bird at dinner.
All right.
She she runs and grabs the bird.
So sick and tired of feather stew.
And as you're about to head into the direction that you came back to Marlowe and the caravan,

(01:12:58):
you hear a voice call out from behind you.
Yeah, that's them.
And then, oh, there.
What did you do to my boys?
And that's where we're going to end.
Oh, hell yeah.
OK.
So, yeah, we got we got a nice little combat encounter.
We had we encountered some death.

(01:13:19):
We did some healing.
We did some investigating.
There's some mystery.
I'm only at nine HP.
Yeah.
But yeah, that'll be fun.
She still she still has her spell slot, so she might begin combat by just trying to heal
you back up to full.
Good.
Because you're because you're what's your what's your 16?
I think.

(01:13:40):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So she might end up like healing you back to full and then getting the fuck behind you.
Good.
And I think this next time I'm not going to just let Axe Turkey sit there.
I think I might utilize.
She has is full of golden meat, has a hunger like, yeah, yeah, Turkey might be ready to

(01:14:00):
roll.
I'll say that as a totally viable plan.
I will remind you next time, as I remind you now, that if Turkey would end up dying in
combat, Marlow would probably not be pleased.
But you know, ends means to it.
Well, I mean, like I said, like it says here, I am an animal handler.
It could be that I've made such a connection with Turkey that Turkey.

(01:14:23):
Defended me from a fatal strike.
Yeah.
So yeah, we can go with any and all.
Turkey won't get eaten if Turkey dies.
Turkey dies defending me and Lyra in battle.
A hero's grave gets a hero's goddamn funeral.
Nice.
Yeah.
I'll also say pretty much what you know, what you would know in your heart, Pucharelli,

(01:14:45):
is that you could tell Marlow like, well, if Lyra and I died and Turkey was off somewhere
safe, Turkey would just die after us.
Yeah.
So yeah.
And Turkey definitely has some offensive power as seen by the the killing blow on that first
goblin on last session.
And the kick to my face.
And the kick to your face.
That was how you ended up taking damage the first time and lost one of Lyra's spell slots.

(01:15:10):
Yep.
All right.
So that was really fun.
Hell yeah.
So we're out there enjoying this.
The ones that are listening, I hope you guys are enjoying it.
Yeah.
And who knows when we'll do this next time.
But I mean, considering how much we've been enjoying it, I feel like because I've kind
of entirely dropped the bit of surprising you with this because we didn't even open with
that as I was originally going to want to do.

(01:15:33):
I originally wanted it to be like, guess what we're doing today?
But I was just too excited to get into it.
So hell yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
So we will we'll sign off from the theater of the mind, although we used actual miniatures
this time.
So that was fun.
But for you guys, it's the theater of the mind.
Use your imagination.
Can I get copyright for that?

(01:15:59):
Take a look.
It's in a book.
Reading rain.
No.
But you really cleaved a goblin.
That's the rainbow was of the goblin's blood.
Oh, yes.
It's not a mighty spurt.
It was.
Oh, you're going to go home right now and do a mighty spurt.
Oh, yeah.

(01:16:19):
If you enjoyed that stupid thing, whatever just happened, why not subscribe to it or
follow it or just like it?
I don't know.
Whatever it is you're doing on whatever platform this is on.
Any suggestions for episodes or ideas?
Good ideas.

(01:16:40):
Whatever feet pics included.
Hey, hey, you could send those in the comments section or you could email us at windbreakermedia
at gmail dot com.
I like the feet.
It's also all one word.
Chat.
Gbt appreciates proper email syntax.
It doesn't appreciate feet.
It does appreciate the support of our listeners.

(01:17:02):
Why am I not included when you say that?
Hey, we'll probably all three of you.
Thus we'll see you next time.
Send the feet.
That's it.