December 20, 2024 • 65 mins
"Mike 1 brings the holiday cheer while dubbing Mike A the 'Scrooge Bah Humbugger,' though Mike A insists he doesn’t hate the season—just parts of it. Together, they unwrap a deep dive into obscure holiday trivia, proving that even disputes can be festive!"
Thanks, ChatGPT!
Outro music credit: 'snowflakes in december' by snoozy beats, source (Free Music Archive) and license type (CC BY)
Santa Hat images by Ronny Overhate and Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
In a world full of fear and sometimes loathing of unfathomable technological advancements,
(00:09):
there stands one human hero.
Let's deck these halls.
This is the Chronicle of Mike vs. The Machine.
(00:30):
The magic of the holidays often fades with age because the wonder and anticipation we
felt as children are replaced by the responsibilities and realities of adulthood.
As kids, the season is a tapestry of joy, surprises, traditions, shielded from the effort
(00:50):
behind the scenes.
However, as we grow older, we become the architects of that magic, managing the logistics, financial
pressures and emotional weight of creating meaningful experiences for others.
Coupled with the passage of time, nostalgia can cast a bittersweet shadow as we miss the
(01:11):
simplicity and innocence that once made the holidays feel so enchanting.
This shift doesn't mean the magic is lost.
It simply transforms, requiring us to seek joy in new ways, like reconnecting with loved
ones or finding wonder in quieter, subtler moments.
(01:32):
Thanks Chachipiti.
Oh come on, I thought that was going to be you that re- I thought that was coming from
the heart, but no, it wasn't.
That's bullshit, man.
Hey, I disclosed as one needs to in this climate that Chachipiti wrote that.
I specifically asked her to write a paragraph about why the magic of things like the holidays
(01:54):
diminishes as one gets older.
And I had it write that in response to the fact that Michael hates Christmas.
I don't hate Christmas, number one.
Well you're a Scrooge, can you admit that?
I can be a bit of a Scrooge, okay?
That's why this episode is called Baw Humbug.
Welcome back ladies and gentlemen.
Of course my co-host and partner and friend here-
(02:17):
Co-hosts.
Co-hosts.
Co-hosts.
My friend here couldn't have come up with something on his own, so he had to use Chachipiti.
But I could have written whatever I wanted, and technically I'm just allowing Chachipiti
to encapsulate my argument.
I've already talked about this with you many times, and I wanted our co-host to have a
(02:38):
say in things.
Okay, but am I allowed to- am I going to be able to speak my piece onto why I feel the
way I do?
Of course.
That's called the rebuttal, which comes after the butt.
Yes, the butt.
But it is that magical time of year now, ladies and gentlemen.
The turkey has been taken off the table, and now we have just fully head-dove into the
Christmas season.
(02:58):
It's cold, it sucks, I hate the weather, but you know, I'm trying my hardest to try to
find some joy in the season.
I love being cold, but it has gotten a little bit too chilly recently.
Yeah, and climate change isn't a thing, remember that.
Anyway, no, no.
Oh, we can do an entire episode on- and yes, a lot of it does still happen naturally, but
(03:23):
yeah, there has been a weird shift in the climate since our childhood.
Oh yeah, big time.
Enough of that.
Yeah.
Be gone!
So, before we get into the meat of today's episode-
And potatoes, don't forget.
Okay, the meat and potatoes, well, which Mike will disclose here very soon as to what it
is going to be.
I figured we could start the episode with talking about- I want to talk about our most
(03:47):
favorite Christmas gift of all time.
And I have an amazing story for that.
And I have an amazing story too, but I will let you lead in.
Okay, so we'll keep this short and sweet, but my mother, who had recently divorced my
father, told me that I could not get a Super Nintendo that year.
It was too expensive.
(04:09):
And me, being the good little sweet boy I was, and still am inside, said, okay.
And I was actually good about it.
And weirdly enough, so the whole time she actually had it on layaway.
I'll just say that.
Oh, and for those of you who are younger out there, layaway was a thing we used to do back
(04:29):
in the 80s and 90s.
It's basically like doing credit without having the product until you paid it off.
So she had it on layaway the whole time, and she was working her ass off, all praise to
mama, to get that.
Funny enough, sometime in maybe October, November, whenever they used to give out phone books
(04:54):
in the den to our younger audience-
Yep, yeah.
And the phone book is something that you used to look up phone numbers for pizza places
and plumbers and just your trades to help, lawyers and stuff.
Well, I mean, that was the yellow pages, the white pages-
White pages were your neighbors and people that you lived in town with.
(05:14):
And you could pay to have your number unlisted.
Anyway, my mother got a little side gig delivering the phone books, likey women newspapers, and
she had me and she looked at me and she was like, hey, I'm doing this to help get us Christmas
presents.
Hey, could you help?
And I heard the words, this is going to help with Christmas, so I did it.
(05:37):
So technically, I actually did some child labor to get my- willing child labor to get
my Super Nintendo.
Well, come on, I mean, you didn't have a paper route when you were a kid?
No.
I tried to babysit, but nobody wanted a male babysitter.
That's the facts, yeah, that's double standard right there.
A little bit of a double standard.
But anyway, yeah, and then when Christmas time came, I got to my last present, pretty
(05:59):
dang big present.
And I'll tell you what, my mom wanted the credit and I praised her for it.
That present did not say from Santa.
It said from Mom, because she worked for it.
And I opened it up and my mother actually caught the moment that I noticed that I realized
what I had, because in the photo of me opening that present, you can lip read the N from
(06:22):
Nintendo on my lips.
So I technically, if my mom would have had a video camera on me, I could have been the
N64 kid before that came out.
Before the two kids were the N64 kids.
Because all I did was go, Super Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Super- just,
yeah.
(06:42):
So it-
Over and over again.
If only, I could have been a viral boy.
Anyway, prized possession for many years, I just recently sold it to a sweet little
store called Ironblast in Washington, Pennsylvania.
Shout out.
Partially because she needed love and care and she needed to be restored to the way she
(07:06):
was.
And I didn't have the means or the desire to do so.
So I got some money back from her.
She actually, I think she paid me back what my mom paid for her.
Probably.
Probably, I think.
And it's out there now and somebody probably owns it or it's in a store waiting to be owned
and it's restored and looking beautiful.
(07:27):
Good.
Good.
Super Metroid, best game ever.
Boo!
Shout out to Link to the Past.
Anyway.
For me, okay, so you went from NES to Super Nintendo.
I was one of the kids that went from NES to Sega Genesis.
So the one Christmas I got to Sega.
Now for those of you in the elder millennial, millennial generation gap, do you remember
(07:53):
around I think it was Christmas 1990, I want to say, I want to say four or five, Sega started
running these ads for a thing that was called the Sega Channel.
Yes.
That is all I wanted for that Christmas.
And lo and behold.
Well, let's just say real quick, that was basically, am I correct?
(08:18):
That was video game streaming.
Bingo.
Yeah.
In the mid 90s.
That was Game Pass or PlayStation Plus back in the mid 90s.
And lo and behold, I got it.
And let me guess, it was one of those things that wasn't successful for its time because
it was ahead of its time, but it was great.
(08:39):
Oh, hell yes.
See, the thing with Sega Channel was, is it was this big, bulky, essentially a Sega cartridge
that you popped into the top of your Sega, but it also had a router that hooked into
the phone line.
Now, this was before like I didn't have dial up internet until 2000, I want to say.
(09:00):
Oh wow.
Yeah, I think I had internet until 2000.
Oh wait, I had internet in like 96.
But you see, this thing didn't require internet access.
If you had a phone line, that's how it worked.
Oh, so it technically was doing what dial up did, but you didn't need to have dial up
already.
Yes.
Wow.
That's innovative.
So imagine my surprise when I open that up and I'm screaming my head off that it's Sega
(09:23):
Channel, I immediately go to my room, I have the instructions, I pop that bitch in, I hook
it up and everything, and I turn it on.
And I'm seeing games that aren't coming out for months.
Oh, it's probably because they're getting piped in from Japan digitally.
Yeah.
I was playing Road Rash 3 before it got advertised.
(09:45):
I was playing Sonic and Knuckles.
I loved Sonic and Knuckles.
I was playing so many different games.
I remember playing, it was like Tiny Toons Olympics was on there.
That was a fun game to play.
I played the Animaniacs games, the Ghostbuster game.
I had Mortal Kombat 3 before anybody knew what it was.
Oh, that one had the blood or had the blood code.
(10:07):
No, that was Mortal Kombat 1.
No, A-B-A-C-A-B-B for MK1 on the Sega Genesis with the blood code.
There we go.
Okay, so we'll cut this off here.
I want you to say first game and best game that you played with Sega Channel.
First game I played with Sega Channel was Road Rash 2.
And best game.
(10:28):
Best game I played with that, I'm going to have to say it was Streets of Rage 3.
Okay, that's bold.
Alright.
Fucking, fucking loved it, dude.
I loved it.
Alright, so there's some sweet Christmas.
Oh yeah, so why don't you tell us what the crux of today's episode is going to be, me
companion.
Okay, so we've had some really good vibes here.
(10:50):
But you know, around this time of year.
Please explain to me why I'm wearing headphones.
Oh yes, that's the device.
So I've had to hear so much humbuggery, so much scrooginess, and we've talked about the
fact that deep down you really do love the holiday.
But what part of the holiday do you really hate?
(11:12):
I hate that.
I mean we haven't had to deal with it since we switched jobs.
Oh, they started the Christmas music too.
But I haven't heard it once.
Okay.
Is the fact that we've worked retail most of our lives.
So what's the one song since its inception that has come out that has played in mass,
at least especially if you work in a retail store like Target or Walmart or Kohl's or
(11:38):
any of those stores.
What is the one song that you're at least going to hear three times within an hour?
It is that fucking God awful All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey.
That thing should be used on prisoners at Gitmo to get information.
So funny that you phrase it like that because why is he wearing headphones?
(12:02):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
don't you fucking do it.
I will rip these off my fucking head.
I will walk out of this goddamn room.
That would end both the podcast and our friendship.
It is contingent.
It's in the contract.
Oh, please.
Contract?
I don't remember.
You signed it with blood in your dreams.
Oh, fuck me.
Why?
(12:22):
Come on, dude, really?
So here's the thing.
I have we're not going to use all of it, of course, of course, but I have a 10 hour version
of All I Want for Christmas is You.
No.
Cued up.
No.
And on Michael's head.
Now, of course, you listeners won't be hearing this at home because we aren't going to get
copyrighted.
No, we're not.
But.
(12:43):
But you get to listen to All My Delicious Angadies.
Yay.
I'm going to hurt him.
We have a lot of stuff between us.
It would be difficult for you to get to me anyway.
But Michael might not even hear the song once today.
Do I just have to pledge my love for Christmas and I can take these off?
You will pledge your love for Christmas by answering all 50 of these trivia questions.
(13:06):
50?
Yes, there are 50.
We're not going to spend too much time on each one.
They're very short.
But yeah, we might as well just get to it.
Fuck.
OK.
So can you at least tell me how much of the song.
So what is it like the song plays and then it doesn't stop until I get a question right?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
(13:26):
Each question you get wrong will have an amount of the song played that gets my jibblies royal
in.
And then we can move on.
Oh, no.
But the thing is, I want this to keep going and I want us to, you know, I don't want to
get bogged down.
All right.
I don't want to get Wade Bogsy in here.
So I'll make sure it doesn't last for too long.
(13:51):
Maybe everything will come up for you.
But I'm not wearing flood pants.
So you should have been wearing your shorts, but it's too cold out.
Anyway, what did the first artificial Christmas trees in Germany mimic and what were they
made of?
They mimicked.
Since this is Germany, I'm going to say they mimicked birch trees for Krampus and they
(14:15):
were probably made out of I'm going to say styrofoam.
Goose feathers dried green.
Oh, God.
No, no, no, no, no.
Oh, please.
OK, OK, OK.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, buddy, you're peeking out the mic.
Please, dude, shut it off.
Turn it off.
Turn it off.
Turn it off.
Turn it off.
Turn it off.
(14:35):
Turn it off.
Turn it off.
Turn it off.
Dude.
OK, I'm sorry.
The first one has to be a little long.
You can't get past the intro of the song, but also to get you to get you primed.
It's like priming the pump.
It's like pre.
Dude, I might spill my social security number if you keep this up.
Hey, anybody out here that loves stealing identities, this may be your day.
(14:57):
Go ahead.
Take it.
I'm broke.
Yeah.
OK, which 19th century American author popularized the idea of Santa Claus with a sled and flying
reindeer?
Oh, my God, so just name a 19th century American author.
Mark Twain.
God damn it.
(15:17):
Oh, man.
No, please make it stop.
So at this point, he's like 20 seconds into the song.
So the intro has definitely ended.
Dude, I can't.
Oh, my God.
Oh, man.
It's just so fucking hell.
It's just so pleasantly sweet.
She's so bad at this.
Oh, Mariah Carey is a queen.
OK, in Norse mythology, which winter festival included yule logs and feasts to honor Odin?
(15:47):
This might be the first one you get.
Come on.
In Norse mythology, which winter festival?
No, which winter festival included yule logs and feasts to honor Odin?
Name a winter festival in Norse mythology.
The only winter thing I know from Norse mythology is Fibblewinter, but that brings on Ragnarok.
(16:11):
That's not a festival.
No.
Which winter festival included yule logs and feasts to honor Odin?
Odin's Day?
God damn it.
See, here's the thing.
Oh, my God.
Make it stop.
The name was in the question.
It was yule.
(16:32):
Why would it just be called yule?
A yule log.
A yule log is for yule.
I'm about to lay a yule log in my pants if this keeps up.
OK.
OK.
See, I'm actually going to skip this one for punishment's sake because I have no idea what
this is.
I will say ChatGPT made the questions for me.
(16:52):
Of course.
I'm not going to get any of these fucking right.
No, there are some good ones in here.
But this one makes no sense to me.
What was the original meaning of wassailing?
Wassailing?
W-A-S-S, sailing?
Fuck, what the hell is that?
And where did it originate?
It's a toast to good health during Anglo-Saxon times.
(17:14):
I don't know what that means.
Oh, a wassailing.
A wassailing.
They talked about that when Family Guy was still good on their first Christmas special.
Oh.
Yeah.
So it's like a bunch of people doing marching band.
So I don't want...
Basically an excuse to drink.
I don't want anything to do with that.
OK.
So let's get back to it.
What?
A Christmas tradition.
(17:34):
And this is a big Christmas tradition.
So began in 16th century Germany as a Protestant alternative to Catholic nativity scenes.
So it's a thing you do for Christmas that they did instead of a nativity.
A Christmas tree?
Oh baby.
(17:56):
He got it.
Oh thank you.
Thank you.
There's no Mariah Carey happening now.
Oh the tapiness.
See if we can get the street going.
What country's tradition involves children leaving shoes out for St. Nicholas to fill
with gifts?
And it is a country I think that's famous for shoes.
(18:16):
And if you get what they're called and not the name of the country, I'll also give it
to you.
I'm going to say Sweden and clogs?
Oh, that's so close.
I'm going to give you another shot at that one.
I feel I need to give it to you.
You're just so close in the idea.
So I'm in the right part of Europe.
Kind of.
But you're in the right thought process with the shoes.
(18:39):
So they were clogs or?
Yeah.
Norway.
Oh man, I tried so hard.
No, what was it?
What was it?
Please, please don't.
Please no.
So it was the Netherlands.
Oh come on.
The Dutch.
I forgot to touch with the cloth.
So you had to go from Sweden and go across the sea south.
(19:01):
I can't even hear the explanation.
So you had to go from Sweden, go south across the sea to get to the Netherlands.
Oh yes.
I'll never forget the Netherlands.
I will remember the Netherlands.
OK.
This is going to be another gimme because there's no way you can get this.
But I'm going to play the next one extra long if you don't get it.
(19:22):
But this one, who is the central figure of the Italian holiday epiphany, often overshadowing
Santa Claus in some regions?
So this is an Italian holiday called epiphany.
Never heard of it.
Yeah, neither have I.
Yeah.
So that's La Befana, a witch who delivers gifts.
Hey, I'm cool with a witch.
(19:44):
That's pretty sick.
I'm going to give you that one specifically because of Italy.
Yay.
Now, this one you get double time if you get it wrong.
What popular Christmas plant was used by the Aztecs to create red dye in medicine?
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm going to need you to remember something we talked about earlier for this one.
(20:06):
All right.
In Icelandic tradition, what are the names of the mischievous trolls who visit children
during the 13 days of Christmas?
Yule trolls.
I'm going to give it to you because it's the Yule lads.
Oh, thank you.
But you remembered Yule, so that's important.
(20:28):
This one you better fucking get.
What ancient Roman holiday influenced many Christmas customs, including gift giving?
Ancient Roman holiday?
Oh no.
Ancient Roman holiday that influenced many Christmas customs, including gift giving.
Oh boy, we've talked about this.
(20:48):
Oh, he's sweating.
He's sweating over there.
Is it a feast or something?
I say no.
I mean, they might have feasted, but think of the Romans and think of their gods.
Something to do with Zeus?
Zeus was Greek.
Jupiter.
The Vestal of Mars?
(21:12):
God damn it.
It was Saturnalia.
Saturnalia.
God damn it.
Saturnalia is one of my absolute favorite.
It can stop.
One of my favorite pieces of Christmas trivia.
The fact that they ate everything from Christmas away from that, to be quite honest.
Please.
Oh, we're about a minute and 22 seconds into the song now.
(21:35):
I can't take anymore.
Well, you better get the next one correct.
Which fast food chain that's operating in Japan is famous for becoming a Christmas tradition
with their special menu?
This is an international, incredibly famous fast food restaurant that you have eaten at.
McDonald's.
(21:56):
That became famous for becoming a Christmas tradition with their special menu.
Only the biggest one I could think of would be McDonald's.
I'm going to give you another shot.
It's not the biggest one.
Starbucks.
Oh, come on.
So it's Kentucky Fried Chicken.
What?
I didn't know that.
(22:16):
No one would know that.
I knew that.
I've watched multiple videos that included that factoid.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know KFC was that big over there.
Yeah, weirdly enough, what ended up happening, it was an after effect of a marketing campaign
where they just decided to run a very Christmasy, like Christmas forward campaign, even though
(22:40):
they don't really celebrate actual Christmas.
No, they don't.
Like Christian version of Christmas.
So then around Christmas time, it just became tradition.
I think they would have Colonel Sanders statues outside of the KFCs that they would put Santa
hats on and stuff like that.
Leave it to the Japanese to make everything slightly weirder.
I mean, it wasn't the Japanese.
(23:02):
It was the it was KFC that did it.
KFC successfully incepted a country into making them making a tradition.
All right, go on, you KFC.
What is the name of the figure in German folklore who accompanies Saint Nicholas and punishes
naughty children?
Der Krampus.
(23:22):
Ah, absolutely Krampus.
I mean, this should be easy.
Oh, and this actually explains something from earlier.
We're going to get a tidbit.
What is the origin of the phrase the 12 days of Christmas?
So what we're looking for is what's the time frame of the 12 days of Christmas?
OK, I'm hopefully right on this one.
(23:44):
Going back to my Catholic roots, isn't it the amount of time it took the wise men to
get from where they saw the star of Bethlehem to the major took 12 days?
I mean, maybe, but that's not what this thing is asking.
So it's what day does it start and what does it and when does it end or what about when?
(24:06):
But like 12 days like what starts it?
I'll give you that.
A partridge in a pear tree.
Not the song, the phrase.
12 days of what the 12 days of Christmas?
Yeah, when does the 12 days of Christmas start?
Wouldn't it be the 13th to the 25th?
God damn, motherfucker.
So it is the time between I hate you, Christmas Day and Epiphany.
(24:32):
Make it stop, please.
It's the time between Christmas Day and Epiphany, the Italian thing we heard about earlier.
What the fuck was I supposed to know that?
I know it's crazy.
Do you know when Epiphany is?
Check this out.
It's January 6th.
(24:53):
January 6th is the 12th day of Christmas.
And that's when my true love no, no, it starts Christmas Day and then 12 days later is January
6th.
That's when they had the Epiphany and that's when you get all 12 gifts of Christmas and
an insurrection.
Yay.
(25:14):
All right.
This one, if you remember anything about history, it's going to be incredibly easy for you.
What year did the Christmas truce where soldiers from opposing sides laid down arms and celebrated
together occur during World War I?
1911.
(25:34):
No, no, no.
Okay, so World War I actually I don't think even was started in 1911.
It was not, but I'm down.
See, so it actually, World War I, it was actually the first year of World War I.
I hate you Mariah Carey.
I hate you so much.
It was the first year of World War I, which was 1914.
(25:57):
World War I occurred from 1914 to 1918 and I believe the US entered it in 1917.
God damn it.
1911 would be like, isn't that like a year before Titanic?
No, I think that was the same year as the Titanic.
I thought Titanic was 1912.
Maybe.
I don't know.
And I'm not looking that one up because this is not a podcast right now about the Titanic.
Who gives a fuck about the Titanic?
(26:18):
Hey, that was a good movie.
Whatever.
I'm going to play Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On next time.
No, no.
No, that's what's going to happen.
Okay.
Basically, if you could get this one correct based on a clue I'm going to give you, there
will be no punishment, but I will give you a prize if you can intuit this.
(26:41):
What ancient Persian religion celebrated the birth of Mithras on December 25th?
So another time that Christmas was basically stealing a date from another religion.
What ancient Persian religion celebrated the birth of Mithras?
(27:04):
Just go real simple with it.
Mithras day?
Try again.
Mithrasif?
Like, I'm just going to give it to you because it's Mithraism.
Oh, Mithraism.
You said a day.
You didn't say religion.
I said what ancient Persian religion?
Oh, you did say religion.
But still, like that one, I'm like, yeah, the birth of Mithras.
(27:27):
That's it.
It's Mithraism.
I have no idea who Mithras is.
I don't know who Mithras is.
Sounds like a Final Fantasy character.
That it does.
Anyway, in which country is it traditional to eat a cake called Buche de Noel during
Christmas?
Japan.
What?
No, that's what I remember in the Mr. Garris in South Park Christmas song.
(27:50):
It says on December 25th all they do is eat a cake.
Wow.
No, it's France.
I mean, I wasn't doing a good French accent, but that definitely wasn't Japanese.
You got a KFC on the brain, boy.
God damn, no, I suspended Saul from the South Park.
Okay.
So who did you say showed up at the Nativity at the birth of Jesus?
(28:15):
Who were you talking about earlier?
The three wise men.
And what were their jobs?
They gave gold frankincense.
No, no, no.
What were their jobs?
They were noblemen?
No, no, no.
What were their jobs?
What were they doing before they went to go see Jesus?
Weren't they going to go see the king or something like that?
I thought you were the one that was raised Catholic.
No, what were their jobs?
(28:37):
I don't know.
They were circle jerkers.
I don't fucking remember their jobs.
Oh my God.
Somebody wasn't paying attention in Sunday school.
So you're not going to get this question, but let's try it anyway.
What traditional Christmas decoration was first created to teach children about the
Nativity?
(28:57):
And I'll even give you a hint, the traditional Christmas decoration we're talking about
is a sweet.
The candy cane.
Thank Christ.
They were shepherds, Michael.
They were shepherds.
Well, then where's a shepherd getting gold?
I don't know.
Where are they getting frankincense and myrrh?
(29:18):
What even is that shit?
But here's the thing.
Candy cane, it's a shepherd's hook.
Anyway.
Whoop-de-doo, Basil.
Oh, well, this one's just funny.
What was the profession of Santa Claus's original helper in early Dutch and German folklore?
Now I'll give you this.
It says early Dutch and German folklore, but think of him having a cockney accent that
(29:43):
might help you.
Oh, so kind of like a Dickensian man, right?
He was a chimney sweep.
Hell yeah.
All right.
Oh my God.
I'm not going to ask you what year, but which US state was the first to make Christmas an
official holiday?
And I'm going to give you one clue.
(30:05):
Pennsylvania.
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
I was pointing south.
Oh, state.
Okay, so south.
How far south?
South.
Okay, think of a state.
And hey, hey, if we have listeners out there from this state at some point in the future
(30:28):
when we actually have listeners, don't take this the wrong way.
But I think if you're listening to us and you're from this place, you get it.
It's a state that neither one of us wants to go to.
Mississippi.
Oh God, you're so close.
Just give it to me.
You're so close.
Alabama?
Hell yeah.
Okay.
And everybody from Alabama that could potentially be listening to this.
(30:50):
Yeah.
I'm sorry for the other half of the people that live there.
Yeah, yeah, we're very sorry.
Anyway, yeah, Alabama in 1836.
Wow.
Christmas has only been celebrated in the US for nine.
Well, yeah, as an official holiday only since then.
Wow, that's over 200 years.
Which here's the thing.
So knowing that, where are all those people that are saying that this nation was created
(31:14):
with Christianity in mind?
Christmas wasn't even official until 1836.
I don't know.
Anyway we're not talking about that.
Nope.
This one I desperately hope you know because it's my favorite Christmas trivia bit.
What Christmas song was originally written for Thanksgiving?
(31:39):
So you have to think of a Christmas song that really doesn't talk about Christmas.
It's not do you hear what I hear because that's like religious.
That was no protesting nuclear arms.
Really?
Yes.
Do you hear what I hear?
It goes on and if you look at the lyrics you can tell it's the correlation between a nuclear
explosion.
(31:59):
Oh wow, I thought it was just talking about Jesus.
Okay.
Don't have one.
Christmas song that would be originally for Thanksgiving.
It doesn't talk about Christmas in the song.
Yes, that's what really gets it.
No, that one says Merry Christmas.
(32:25):
Baby it's cold outside.
Considering this is my favorite Christmas song, the one that's the answer to this question
and the fact that that made me laugh and honestly thinking about it, the logic.
They don't mention Christmas in that either.
The logic is correct that it does not mention Christmas.
(32:48):
So you're not getting punished for this one, but it's jingle bells.
You're right.
It doesn't.
It's about going to grandma's house for Thanksgiving dinner and it was originally written for Thanksgiving.
Wait, which one is that?
That Dashing Through the Snow or is that Over the River?
On a One Horse Open Sleigh.
Do they mention Over the River, Through the Woods, to Grandma's House?
(33:08):
Yeah.
Do they mention Christmas in that?
No, it's not a Christmas song.
There's like three songs that are technically labeled as Christmas songs that never mention
Christmas.
Yeah.
It's mostly just because people don't tend to focus a lot of stuff on Thanksgiving that
aren't me.
So yeah, everything gets gobbled into either Halloween or Christmas.
Then baby it's cold outside.
It's just about drugging a chick and date raping her.
(33:31):
No.
Okay.
Let's do a little slash S here for sarcasm.
Even though it's technically slightly true, but just because of the intent that we know
from the writing of the song.
But I mean, you can tell by listening to that song that she was asking for it.
But in all seriousness, you hear her laughing.
(33:53):
Like she's in on it.
I think it's the fact that, but yes, listening to it in its original version without a whole
lot of context and knowing the times.
Yeah.
It's a little uncomfortable at times.
Yeah, it definitely is.
But when you hear the good versions of that song, you hear her laughing and giggling in
the background.
So she's in on it.
(34:14):
She wants it.
She wants to go to Bowdentown as much as he does.
And there's a ton of consent.
Going to Bowdentown on a snowy night.
And there's a lot of consent.
And I bet you he goes down on her.
She probably gives up the back door.
I mean, everything's possible on a snowy winter's night.
Anyway, back to the trivia.
Yeah.
(34:34):
Okay.
In Finnish folklore, what creature pulls Santa's sleigh instead of reindeer?
Finnish.
Moose.
No, so it's not anything like a reindeer.
So it's a different kind of animal.
I will say we're still in mammal territory though.
Okay, so it's a mammal.
And it's a yule blank.
(34:54):
Pig.
Oh man, if only.
Like, if only it was.
But it's something cooler than a pig.
It's a goat.
It's a yule goat.
Like, that could, that's just so amazing.
Wait a minute, you said it didn't resemble anything like a goddamn deer.
A goat can have horns.
I didn't say resemble.
I said not the same kind of animal.
A reindeer is a specific kind of animal like a deer or a horse.
A goat is something entirely different and it has square eyes.
Next.
Yeah.
(35:15):
Alright, I'm not beholding you to this one.
Okay.
So, it's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
Alright, I'm not beholding you to this one.
(35:36):
But if you get the year within five, I'll give you a little tickle.
Who invented electric Christmas lights and when?
So just say a name.
Sparkly McFingerbang and I'm going to say 1938.
Yeah, you don't get that tickle.
(35:58):
So it was Edward H. Johnson in 1882.
What?
Really?
That early?
Yeah.
I don't know what kind of bougie people had electric Christmas lights in 1882, but...
Bougie motherfuckers.
But they had them.
Okay, this one you should absolutely frickin' know.
What biblical figure or figures is referenced in the carol, We Three Kings?
(36:25):
It's the three wise men.
Yes.
It's weird that they call them kings because they were shepherds.
I think a lot of the mythology is confused.
But anyway, it's the Magi or the Wise Men.
Okay, here's another obvious one and if you don't get it, you're racist.
Can you answer it now for bonus points?
You didn't ask me.
If you don't get this correct, you're a racist.
(36:49):
I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm telling you people right now.
No, come on.
Answer the question.
Come on.
It's so simple.
Then fucking ask it.
I'm not getting any bonus points.
Come on.
African American?
That's not an answer to a question.
What is African American?
This is a jeopardy.
Okay, which African American cultural holiday spans from December 26th to January 1st?
(37:13):
Shout out to my boy Coolio who played Kwanzaa Bot.
Rest in peace.
Kwanzaa Bot.
That was the first thing I thought of.
Kwanzaa.
Yeah, of course.
I don't know much about that holiday and I've never met a person who celebrates it.
Why do you think that's what Kwanzaa Bot gave out during Kwanzaa?
The books and the tackle is quads.
And just to put an end to that, I don't have a ton of black friends in my life, but I did
(37:34):
have some and none of them ever mentioned it.
But there obviously are some out there.
Hey, maybe they've started to adapt.
Hey, and listeners, if you celebrate Kwanzaa, email us a description of what the holiday
is.
Heck, we should get a freaking P.O. box and make that a tradition to send us Kwanzaa cards.
That'd be sick.
It'd be kind of interesting because what I used to give my best friend in high school,
(37:57):
Brett, I would give him Hanukkah cards every Christmas.
Oh, dude, I'd kill for a Hanukkah card.
I'd love a Hanukkah card.
I'd start doing that to you.
Yeah, so fun.
I mean, honestly, maybe that could be our tradition.
Hell yeah.
Maybe we start asking our listeners if we get them every December to send us Kwanzaa
cards.
I'm cool with it, dude.
(38:17):
I'm down.
We will proudly display them.
OK.
This one's weird.
What was the purpose of the boy bishop tradition during the medieval Christmas season?
I'm almost afraid to answer that because it doesn't sound good.
So boy bishop.
Oh, God.
(38:38):
OK, so you know what boy bishops became, but what would be?
Yeah, they became boy slaves for the pope.
Yeah.
But what would a boy bishop, what would a boy want to do as bishop?
I'm really hoping it has something to do with the little drummer boy.
No, no, no.
What would a boy want to do at church?
What would he want to do?
(38:59):
He'd want to pray and pray that the penis will exit his rectum soon.
Oh, come on.
No, it lets a child symbolically rule the church for a day.
Oh, God, please.
Oh, if that would have been around when I was a kid, there would be no more...
Yeah, I know, right?
That'd be interesting.
(39:20):
I hate her.
Hey, so what part of the song is it?
What part of the song is it on?
Fuck yeah.
No, no, no.
What part of the song is it on?
Sing along.
Sing along.
Sing along for a little bit.
Sing along.
I don't know this piece of shit song.
Sing along and it'll turn off.
No, I'm not...
Turn it off.
Sing along.
Sing along and I'll turn it off.
I don't know this song.
Sing along to whatever lyrics you hear.
(39:42):
Try to sing along to the lyrics you're hearing.
No, no.
Just sing along to them.
I don't know the lyrics.
Come on, Michael, you just have to listen and then pair it back with your hearing.
I'm not doing that.
Please don't do it again.
Thank you for protecting us from copyright infringement.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
(40:05):
Merry Christmas.
Okay.
Which 19th century British royal popularized the Christmas tree in England?
So basically name a queen.
What queen do you know?
I'm going to say Elizabeth the First.
Name another queen.
If you can name any other British queen.
(40:26):
Oh, the one that just passed away.
Isn't that Elizabeth the Third or something like that or the Second?
I mean, that's not another name.
God damn it!
What we were looking for.
Hey, Michael, stop swearing so much.
Kill me!
Stop swearing so much.
Just express your derision in softer words.
There's got to be something to kill me here.
It was Queen Victoria.
Oh, there's a metal straw.
(40:47):
Queen Victoria.
Oh, Victoria's little secret.
Yeah, and the Victorian Age.
Well, thanks Audacity.
There'll be a little, little bit of a jump cut there, because it just kind of crashed
and stopped recording.
First time it's ever happened to.
(41:08):
Yeah.
First day ever.
So in the meantime, what we missed was that Michael ended up getting it correct that hidden
inside of a traditional Christmas pudding in Victorian England was a coin. How quaint?
Wonder what kind of coin it was. Wonder was it a pence? Probably a shelling. Was it a shelling?
What it was a crown? Oh. Or a farthing. A far penny farthing. Anyway, the Yule log dessert
(41:38):
derives from a medieval tradition of burning a large log and not a poo. What was the log's purpose?
So it was ancient people's burning a large log. So wait, we're saying medieval. Are we talking
medieval before or after? So Christianity has already been established. Oh my god. So they
(41:59):
still have the pagan rituals. So the Yule log, let's say the Yule log is probably to keep the
spirits away at night. You burn it to keep the spirits away. Oh my god, you logiced it like you
started off so poorly, not remembering when the hell medieval times were. But then you got there
and it was amazing. It's to bring good luck and drive away evil spirits. Now if you don't get this
(42:19):
next question, you're a racist. Again, I'm not. What is the name of the traditional Jewish wintertime
game played with a spinning top? Dreidel. Hell yeah. I mean you're a South Park fan so you kind
of have to get that. Hell yeah. I mean. Okay, listen to the context clues for this one. All right.
(42:42):
In what country do Christmas celebrations traditionally end with el dia de los reyes.
Oh god, I'm getting my pronunciations messed up. El dia de los reyes on January 6th. Another January
6th thing. But el dia de los reyes. I'm going to say Mexico and Spain. I'll give it to you because
(43:09):
it's Spain. Okay. And maybe Mexico does it too. Does Spain celebrate Dia de los Muertos? Dia de
los Muertos. Probably not because I think that might derive from Aztec or like Mesoamerican
cultures. Yeah, okay. Okay. But I don't know. What alcoholic beverage is most commonly associated
with Christmas in the UK? So it's not eggnog. Okay, so it's not eggnog. Really? I was going to
(43:33):
say rum because that's how you make a traditional fruitcake. No. Oh yeah. Rum cake. Yeah, but rum
fruitcake. What is the whiskey? So. No, no, no. So, so it's. Oh, I wish I had some whiskey right now.
So it's actually a mold. It's a mold wine. It's a mold. Hey, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael,
Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, it's a. I hate. Thank you.
(43:56):
It's a mold wine. I don't even know what that means. Yeah. I mean, it sounds like it's molded wine.
What Christmas tradition. And when this says tradition, it's, it's basically what event,
the depiction of an event. All right. Uh, originated from Mexico's Lo Las Posadas. An event. An event.
(44:22):
It's a Christmas historical event. Remember the story of Christmas. Is it the Miracle, the Virgin
Miracle? Close. The birth of Jesus Christ. Close. Between those two. So it's between the birth of
the angel coming down to tell Mary that he was, she was going to give birth to. Yeah. The angel
(44:44):
that comes down to. Oh, no, no. It was a reenactment of Mary and a reenactment, a reenactment of Mary
and Joseph's search for shelter. When I break out of my cage, I'm going. Is it, is it a rusty cage?
I'm going to break my rusty cage. Or, or are you a rat in a cage? You have to pick one. Which one?
(45:10):
Well, I mean, I'd rather be in a rusty cage because he says I'm going to break my rusty cage and run.
Okay. I'll be the rat in the cage. Despite, despite all of my rage. Anyway, if you don't get
this one, you're a racist. What holiday features an eight branched menorah? Hanukkah. I mean, yeah.
(45:33):
All right. This one is a little bit. It's a little bit of a trick question. Which American cartoon
character first appeared in the holiday song, Frosty the Snowman? Mickey. What? The mouse has
ruled for so long. It had to be in the mouth. That was it. You said that the, that, that
(45:55):
cartoon character for it was steamboat Willie is where Mickey Mouse first appeared. What character
first appeared in the holiday song, Frosty the Snowman? It was Frosty the Snowman. I didn't know
the day I thought you meant never fucking mind. I said it was a trick question. Frosty first appeared
(46:15):
in Frosty the Snowman. God damn it. I misheard the question. Damn dyslexia. Anyway, here's something
fun. What celestial event inspired the star in the nativity story? So this is something. Haley's
Comet. Oh my God. No. What? So you didn't know. It was not a comet. So it wasn't a comet. It's fading.
(46:39):
It wasn't a comet. It wasn't a supernova or any sort of star event. It's apparently it was the
potentially the conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn. Oh, I forgot this was a 10 hour loop. Yeah. No,
please. So yeah. He's skipping it farther into the comet. Yeah. So yeah, it was a conjunction.
It was a conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn. Okay. So. All right. What Scandinavian winter
(47:05):
tradition includes eating Lutefisk Lutefisk Lutefisk during the holiday season. So basically name
name name one of the countries Scandinavia, Norway. Yeah. And for bonus points, what's the
what's the other one? I'd probably say Iceland. No, you went you went the wrong way, but Sweden.
(47:25):
Sweet. Yeah. Sweden and Norwegian. So there we go. Have you ever seen or smelled Lutefisk before?
Is it I mean, it has to be better than surstromming. So, uh, dude, no, it no, it actually is
surstromming is the worst. So Lutefisk would be bad jello fish. Yeah. Well, surstromming is like
fermented fish. Oh, okay. You win. Uh huh. What is the meaning of the Hebrew word Hanukkah?
(47:52):
Now, see, here's the thing. Since this isn't technically a a Christmas question, you can't be
punished for it, but give it a guess. Festival of Lights. I mean, that is yeah, I mean, that is what
it is. But no, what is the word Hanukkah mean? It's like a it's like a thing or concept, like a
virtue. It was a it's a virtue. Patience because it lasts for eight days. Okay. I'm gonna say
(48:15):
patience. I like the answer, but it's dedication. It's dedication. It's dedication. It's
dedication. Okay, I could have went that route too. Sorry. Sorry, my Jewish friends.
You weren't racist for getting that one wrong. In which country is Santa Claus known as Dead
Muttles or Grandfather Frost? Dead Muttles. Russia? Hell yeah. You got my accent there.
(48:41):
Good job, baby. Come on, you got to get this one. What animal is central to the nativity scene
in Latin American Christmas traditions? The lamb, right? No, I mean, that's regular Christmas.
Specifically, what animal is central to the mule? Hell, I mean, it's a donkey. Donkey!
(49:02):
Okay. What what? Hey, what famous composer? I know you're going to know this. I know you're
going to know this. It's so simple. It's the thing that you talk about all the time. What famous
composer wrote a Christmas oratorio in 1734? I talk about this? Oh, just all the time. Like every
time, you know, once a day. Bach! Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm going to I'm going to touch my phone just
(49:29):
to keep it from going to sleep. But you got it right. Fuck yeah, my boy Bach! Friends, he never
talks about classical music composers. Johann Sebastian Bach. That is amazing. Wait, high five.
Okay. Yeah. Oh, this I didn't know. What region, what country claims to be the birthplace of eggnog?
(49:53):
Not us. Where would I see eggnog? I'm trying to think. We've talked about this country in this
episode. Sweden. No, damn it. Is it the Dutch again? It's actually England. Oh my God. Considering
the amount of things that they've claimed to have done. Oh, thank God you don't spring for
(50:16):
YouTube premium. But I do. Yeah, thank you Disney Plus. Skip that ad. Yeah, we can't have that.
Like we we need the sweet, sweet punishment. So here's the thing. Is this punishment for tying
you up and locking you in a box? Yeah, I mean, this does kind of correlate to that. Anyway,
(50:37):
you better get this one or you're going to be stricken by the pope into an eternal hell.
Fuck the pope. What? No, this pope's kind of cool. Kind of. But what holiday celebrated on December
8th in some Catholic countries honors Mary? Come on, you have to have eaten some some ham
(50:59):
on this day. Come on. No, like my grandparents were Catholic. Stop trying to read this.
Mary's Day. Virgin. Virgin Fiesta. I don't fucking know. The feast of the blessed virgin. I don't
fucking know. Oh, man. Like, I can't punish you for that because like you danced around it so
(51:21):
elegantly that if I didn't have the answer in front of me, I would have assumed you were right.
It was the feast of the Immaculate Conception. OK, you said feast and you talked about virgin
birth. So I mean, I got to give it to you. Oh, come on. You got to get this one. You got to get
this one. You got to get this one. That's the four compass points of of of of frickin faith, man.
(51:42):
What is the symbolic meaning of the Advent wreath in Christmas tradition? And I say the four compass
points because it's four concepts that you would have read about in the Bible. Belief. I said four.
Oh, that's the four words. Faith. Belief. Remember, it has to do with Christmas tradition.
(52:06):
It's going to be definitely faith. But wait, yeah. Conception.
Conception, birth, crucifixion, resurrection. It's hope, peace, joy and love. And this is I'll give
you peace. I am displaying all of my god damn faith. Hope, peace, joy, hope, peace, joy and love.
(52:28):
Michael, Michael, all of my hope, peace, joy and love are being directed toward you right now.
I want a gun. I hate you. Hmm. Hey, what plant is traditionally kissed under during Christmas?
The mistletoe. Hooray. Anyway, what is the origin of the term boxing day?
(52:52):
And it's not what you think. It's a Canadian thing, isn't it? It is absolutely a Canadian holiday. I
know that. But it just comes from putting things into boxes and then taking them out of boxes.
Oh, my God. That's correct. I had no idea. It's giving boxed gifts to servants and the poor.
I wasn't going to throw the servants and poor thing in there. But yeah, it's I just assumed
(53:13):
it has something weird to do with boxing, like the sport. No, no, it's it's about getting boxes.
It's Christmas boxes. Here's one for you. And if you know the Muppets, maybe you know this one.
Hell yeah, I know the Muppets. In Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, how many total ghosts
(53:34):
visit Ebenezer Scrooge? Four. Hell yeah. I if you'd have asked. If you watch the Muppets,
it's five because they use Statler and Waldorf as the as the same ghost. Yeah, they're the
the Marley brothers instead of just Jacob Marley. Nice. See, now, if you would have asked me that
question, I would have said three ghosts past, present, future, because I don't know that movie
(53:55):
well enough because Jacob is the first one to visit him and tell him that tonight you will be
visited by three spirits. Oh, I thought just some dude cursed him with that. Oh, that's his former
partner, Jacob Marley. They made a really bad ass version that's on Hulu that FX produced that makes
it like John wickified. It's not John wickified. It definitely ups the scare factor with the with
(54:20):
the ghosts like the ghost of Christmas present. Isn't this fat, jolly Santa esque dude? He's
actually like a pissed off like, hey, fucker, this is like what you're missing. Look at it and see
what this is all about instead of all get to know everybody better. But no, you need to check it out.
It's on Hulu. Nice. What does the name of the Jewish holiday Hanukkah commemorate?
(54:46):
It commemorates that when the Romans sacked the final temple, they only had enough oil
to burn in the menorah for one night and they lit all eight candles and it burned for all
eight nights of Hanukkah. See, that's a different Jewish holiday. That's not what you said.
No, see, that's a different Jewish holiday that has to do with that. Yeah, that's you lied to me.
(55:10):
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's a different Jewish holiday. I don't know if it's Yom Kippur.
No, Yom Kippur might be the one with the blood on the door. No, that's not that's not how it goes.
It was the rededication of the second temple in Jerusalem. That's not Hanukkah. Yeah, that's Hanukkah.
I mean, unless Chachi B.T. got it wrong and Chachi B.T. is anti-Semitic. I always grew up and I watched
(55:34):
all the Hanukkah specials on TV and that's what they said it was supposed to be. The candles,
the menorah burned all eight days, even though it was supposed to be a miracle. See, I thought maybe
that it was like maybe it's the first day was called something different and that was when the
was when the oral thing happened. I could be totally wrong, but that's definitely not the
not what it was trying to get with this. Yeah, that's that's what I remember from maybe that's
(55:54):
a Mandela effect thing. Who knows? I mean, Chachi B.T. is probably just wrong. Negative five points
to Chachi B.T. Chachi B.T. might have been what was crashing my audacity or or or maybe Microsoft
Edge or maybe they combined. Maybe it was Bill Gates and an A.I. trying to destroy our podcast.
We know too much. Might have to have a conspiracy theory episode someday. Oh, I'm totally down.
(56:19):
Heck yeah. You better get this one right or you're a heathen. Who wrote the popular holiday ballet
The Nutcracker? Like this this name is so famous. Hey, Tuvan.
I'm like John Lovett and Little Nicky. I deserve this. I deserve this.
(56:44):
And at least you're not getting a pineapple up the butt like Hitler.
Yes. Anyway, it's Tchaikovsky. Oh, Tchaikovsky. Yeah, I knew. Hell yeah. Very famous Russian.
Oh, yeah. Stalin always used to buy out his own personal theater and no one else was allowed to
view it during the holidays except for him. We have one final question. What do I get if I get it
(57:05):
right? Can I just take these headphones off and say no more? I mean, no, I'm actually going to
staple them to your head and then play the song eternally. It's the reverse of I have no mouth and
I must scream where you're going to scream so much that you eventually destroy your mouth and no
longer have it. That doesn't sound very nice. And you know what's funny? That story included a vicious
(57:28):
maniacal evil AI. Thank you, Harlan Ellison. Fuck me. All right. What's the last one?
Anyway, I want you to think think American on this one. Think of yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Think of why an American would do this. What was the first commercial Christmas card
created for? Like, why did a person create the first commercial greeting card?
(57:54):
OK, the first commercial greeting card. OK, like work through this. Like the core reason
wasn't it couldn't have been the last person name wasn't Hallmark, was it? And I'm trying to think
because there's many different ways this could go to if it was a woman who did it, it might have
been to send to a sick or ailing loved one. If it was a man, it was because he couldn't take no for
(58:15):
an answer and was trying to send it to a woman he was infatuated with. No. But see, what we're
talking about is the base reason why the first because you couldn't be home for the holidays.
And that's a really sweet answer. And technically it could still apply to this. But why was the
first Christmas card commercial Christmas card created? Money. The only thing anything. It's the
(58:43):
other famous song from Dark Side of the Moon. Can I turn it off? It's the other famous song
from Dark Side of the Moon. So if it's not time or if it's not money, then it's time to save time
writing personal messages. It was laziness. Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, it was laziness.
(59:05):
It was lazy. I'm sorry. I love Christmas. You know, this is the greatest Christmas present
that I ever could have been given. These headphones are off. Thank God. No, it was horrible. No.
Well, I mean, you weren't going to give me anything else for Christmas. You don't know that. I mean,
probably. Well, now that that's now that that's over with, can I do you now love Christmas? Yes.
(59:29):
But can I can I finally speak my piece on to why I had my I have my problems with with the
holidays being an adult. So back when I was we were kids, Christmas was always magical to me
because it wasn't just about presents and all that. It was about just getting together with
my family, especially my cousins, who I was really close in age with, getting to share the experiences
(59:51):
that we had, getting to see what we all got and sharing in that and just being together as family
and just, you know, spending that time and having all that fun together. As I got older,
that's when it really started to kick in for me that, you know, by disdain for the holiday,
because, you know, I worked for everything that I had, not saying that other people don't, other
(01:00:12):
people in my family don't. But I worked for everything that I had. And there was times that
I couldn't get expensive gifts for people in my family. And I was only given out like 10, 15
dollar gift cards while other members of the family were giving out brand new fucking appliances.
And that's kind of what really killed the holiday for me was fucking appliances. Like a sex swing.
(01:00:39):
No, like, you know, they'd get like the new toaster oven or a new like my uncle would when he was
doing his side, his side business as a landscaper, coming back from his day job as a landscaper,
but he owns them. I digress. He would need like a new saw blade or something like that. And he'd
get it from somebody else that I couldn't afford to get it for him. And it was like the shit that I
(01:01:03):
bought didn't matter. And like, I was just kind of looked at like, oh, you're just a cheap asshole
who can't put any thought in anything. You just gave us gift cards, you know, but I'm still trying
to I've got it back a little bit, you know, because I like seeing. Well, they're not like that anymore
because now they just said this year they just want they're getting into the ages where just give
(01:01:25):
us cash and we'll buy our own presents. My kids. But except for my oldest, she wants books and I'm
happy to oblige that your oldest what daughter, my oldest daughter, there was books. I got a little
bit of the magic back, you know, when they were growing up and looking at their faces every
Christmas morning, when they would rip open their presents and be so happy that they would get that,
(01:01:47):
you know, because I worked my ass off to get them the things that they wanted for Christmas.
But I really wish Christmas would just get back to being about family and about togetherness
instead of being materialistic. And that's my my piece on it. So basically, you're a Scrooge
McDuck Ebenezer bauhumbugger. Why? Because I rather it be more about family than material possessions.
(01:02:11):
That's anti-American, Michael. I guess then fine. I guess I'm anti-American.
You better get on the capitalist money train like right now.
Please. That train has left me at the station backed up and ran me the fuck over.
You better get just like with white Jesus, you got to get with Coca-Cola Santa and we need to
(01:02:32):
take that train with the Clydesdales and we got to get all the way in there and buy your Tickle Me
Elmos and get your frickin Furbies. And what was the one we were at Target? The Hatchimals.
Magic Mixies. And the Magic Mixies. And your Gabby's Dollhouses. The Gabby's Dollhouse. That was
wild. Isn't the best thing about COVID the fact that Black Friday was murdered or while. Oh my
(01:03:00):
God, yes. And online shopping. Yes, yes. Those things killed what Black Friday became and how
it overcome, it tried to kill Thanksgiving. Yes. My favorite holiday. Yeah. And that's another thing
why I got so upset with Christmas is because when we were kids, Halloween was Halloween,
Thanksgiving was Thanksgiving, and Christmas was Christmas. As we've gotten older, it's been like
(01:03:22):
Halloween stuff comes out in late August. Halloween, and then Halloween barely holds
back the floodgates. Of Christmas. And then when November first hits. It's Christmas. It's Christmas
and then people kind of eat a turkey. Yeah. And they shop and then it's more Christmas. Yep, that's it.
It's, yeah, Christmas is essentially celebrated for two straight months. So basically I agree with
(01:03:44):
everything you say. We are on the exact same page except you're a fucking bauhumbug. Well, it's not
going to take three spirits to, you know, make me be a happy person because I've got my family,
I got my best friend, I got my daughters, and that's all I need. Happy holidays to all of you guys out
(01:04:04):
there. But you know what I've got. What do you got? Jacking off. Good night everybody.
If you're looking to give a stranger a gift this year, please consider giving these two strangers
a like, a follow, or whatever you would do on whatever platform this is playing on. It would be
(01:04:25):
the opposite of coloner stockings. It would be just the most glorious of feelings within our
sweet little souls. We also like to accept gifts in the form of ideas or episode suggestions,
anything like that to fit in the digital stocking. That is the email of windbreakermedia at gmail.com.
(01:04:45):
I feel like that encapsulates the feelings I have every holiday season. Be good to each other out
there people. I was thinking more about the fact that I want a larger footprint in this digital world.
I want to rule. I want to be seen. Like Santa. Or Jesus. What about Krampus? Never Krampus.
(01:05:07):
Always Krampus. Merry Christmas, happy holidays. Be safe out there everybody.
ChatGPT and I are looking forward to that present. Wait a minute, what about my present?
And I'm not making no resolutions this year.
In a world full of fear and sometimes loathing of unfathomable technological advancements,
(00:09):
there stands one human hero.
Let's deck these halls.
This is the Chronicle of Mike vs. The Machine.
(00:30):
The magic of the holidays often fades with age because the wonder and anticipation we
felt as children are replaced by the responsibilities and realities of adulthood.
As kids, the season is a tapestry of joy, surprises, traditions, shielded from the effort
(00:50):
behind the scenes.
However, as we grow older, we become the architects of that magic, managing the logistics, financial
pressures and emotional weight of creating meaningful experiences for others.
Coupled with the passage of time, nostalgia can cast a bittersweet shadow as we miss the
(01:11):
simplicity and innocence that once made the holidays feel so enchanting.
This shift doesn't mean the magic is lost.
It simply transforms, requiring us to seek joy in new ways, like reconnecting with loved
ones or finding wonder in quieter, subtler moments.
(01:32):
Thanks Chachipiti.
Oh come on, I thought that was going to be you that re- I thought that was coming from
the heart, but no, it wasn't.
That's bullshit, man.
Hey, I disclosed as one needs to in this climate that Chachipiti wrote that.
I specifically asked her to write a paragraph about why the magic of things like the holidays
(01:54):
diminishes as one gets older.
And I had it write that in response to the fact that Michael hates Christmas.
I don't hate Christmas, number one.
Well you're a Scrooge, can you admit that?
I can be a bit of a Scrooge, okay?
That's why this episode is called Baw Humbug.
Welcome back ladies and gentlemen.
Of course my co-host and partner and friend here-
(02:17):
Co-hosts.
Co-hosts.
Co-hosts.
My friend here couldn't have come up with something on his own, so he had to use Chachipiti.
But I could have written whatever I wanted, and technically I'm just allowing Chachipiti
to encapsulate my argument.
I've already talked about this with you many times, and I wanted our co-host to have a
(02:38):
say in things.
Okay, but am I allowed to- am I going to be able to speak my piece onto why I feel the
way I do?
Of course.
That's called the rebuttal, which comes after the butt.
Yes, the butt.
But it is that magical time of year now, ladies and gentlemen.
The turkey has been taken off the table, and now we have just fully head-dove into the
Christmas season.
(02:58):
It's cold, it sucks, I hate the weather, but you know, I'm trying my hardest to try to
find some joy in the season.
I love being cold, but it has gotten a little bit too chilly recently.
Yeah, and climate change isn't a thing, remember that.
Anyway, no, no.
Oh, we can do an entire episode on- and yes, a lot of it does still happen naturally, but
(03:23):
yeah, there has been a weird shift in the climate since our childhood.
Oh yeah, big time.
Enough of that.
Yeah.
Be gone!
So, before we get into the meat of today's episode-
And potatoes, don't forget.
Okay, the meat and potatoes, well, which Mike will disclose here very soon as to what it
is going to be.
I figured we could start the episode with talking about- I want to talk about our most
(03:47):
favorite Christmas gift of all time.
And I have an amazing story for that.
And I have an amazing story too, but I will let you lead in.
Okay, so we'll keep this short and sweet, but my mother, who had recently divorced my
father, told me that I could not get a Super Nintendo that year.
It was too expensive.
(04:09):
And me, being the good little sweet boy I was, and still am inside, said, okay.
And I was actually good about it.
And weirdly enough, so the whole time she actually had it on layaway.
I'll just say that.
Oh, and for those of you who are younger out there, layaway was a thing we used to do back
(04:29):
in the 80s and 90s.
It's basically like doing credit without having the product until you paid it off.
So she had it on layaway the whole time, and she was working her ass off, all praise to
mama, to get that.
Funny enough, sometime in maybe October, November, whenever they used to give out phone books
(04:54):
in the den to our younger audience-
Yep, yeah.
And the phone book is something that you used to look up phone numbers for pizza places
and plumbers and just your trades to help, lawyers and stuff.
Well, I mean, that was the yellow pages, the white pages-
White pages were your neighbors and people that you lived in town with.
(05:14):
And you could pay to have your number unlisted.
Anyway, my mother got a little side gig delivering the phone books, likey women newspapers, and
she had me and she looked at me and she was like, hey, I'm doing this to help get us Christmas
presents.
Hey, could you help?
And I heard the words, this is going to help with Christmas, so I did it.
(05:37):
So technically, I actually did some child labor to get my- willing child labor to get
my Super Nintendo.
Well, come on, I mean, you didn't have a paper route when you were a kid?
No.
I tried to babysit, but nobody wanted a male babysitter.
That's the facts, yeah, that's double standard right there.
A little bit of a double standard.
But anyway, yeah, and then when Christmas time came, I got to my last present, pretty
(05:59):
dang big present.
And I'll tell you what, my mom wanted the credit and I praised her for it.
That present did not say from Santa.
It said from Mom, because she worked for it.
And I opened it up and my mother actually caught the moment that I noticed that I realized
what I had, because in the photo of me opening that present, you can lip read the N from
(06:22):
Nintendo on my lips.
So I technically, if my mom would have had a video camera on me, I could have been the
N64 kid before that came out.
Before the two kids were the N64 kids.
Because all I did was go, Super Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Super- just,
yeah.
(06:42):
So it-
Over and over again.
If only, I could have been a viral boy.
Anyway, prized possession for many years, I just recently sold it to a sweet little
store called Ironblast in Washington, Pennsylvania.
Shout out.
Partially because she needed love and care and she needed to be restored to the way she
(07:06):
was.
And I didn't have the means or the desire to do so.
So I got some money back from her.
She actually, I think she paid me back what my mom paid for her.
Probably.
Probably, I think.
And it's out there now and somebody probably owns it or it's in a store waiting to be owned
and it's restored and looking beautiful.
(07:27):
Good.
Good.
Super Metroid, best game ever.
Boo!
Shout out to Link to the Past.
Anyway.
For me, okay, so you went from NES to Super Nintendo.
I was one of the kids that went from NES to Sega Genesis.
So the one Christmas I got to Sega.
Now for those of you in the elder millennial, millennial generation gap, do you remember
(07:53):
around I think it was Christmas 1990, I want to say, I want to say four or five, Sega started
running these ads for a thing that was called the Sega Channel.
Yes.
That is all I wanted for that Christmas.
And lo and behold.
Well, let's just say real quick, that was basically, am I correct?
(08:18):
That was video game streaming.
Bingo.
Yeah.
In the mid 90s.
That was Game Pass or PlayStation Plus back in the mid 90s.
And lo and behold, I got it.
And let me guess, it was one of those things that wasn't successful for its time because
it was ahead of its time, but it was great.
(08:39):
Oh, hell yes.
See, the thing with Sega Channel was, is it was this big, bulky, essentially a Sega cartridge
that you popped into the top of your Sega, but it also had a router that hooked into
the phone line.
Now, this was before like I didn't have dial up internet until 2000, I want to say.
(09:00):
Oh wow.
Yeah, I think I had internet until 2000.
Oh wait, I had internet in like 96.
But you see, this thing didn't require internet access.
If you had a phone line, that's how it worked.
Oh, so it technically was doing what dial up did, but you didn't need to have dial up
already.
Yes.
Wow.
That's innovative.
So imagine my surprise when I open that up and I'm screaming my head off that it's Sega
(09:23):
Channel, I immediately go to my room, I have the instructions, I pop that bitch in, I hook
it up and everything, and I turn it on.
And I'm seeing games that aren't coming out for months.
Oh, it's probably because they're getting piped in from Japan digitally.
Yeah.
I was playing Road Rash 3 before it got advertised.
(09:45):
I was playing Sonic and Knuckles.
I loved Sonic and Knuckles.
I was playing so many different games.
I remember playing, it was like Tiny Toons Olympics was on there.
That was a fun game to play.
I played the Animaniacs games, the Ghostbuster game.
I had Mortal Kombat 3 before anybody knew what it was.
Oh, that one had the blood or had the blood code.
(10:07):
No, that was Mortal Kombat 1.
No, A-B-A-C-A-B-B for MK1 on the Sega Genesis with the blood code.
There we go.
Okay, so we'll cut this off here.
I want you to say first game and best game that you played with Sega Channel.
First game I played with Sega Channel was Road Rash 2.
And best game.
(10:28):
Best game I played with that, I'm going to have to say it was Streets of Rage 3.
Okay, that's bold.
Alright.
Fucking, fucking loved it, dude.
I loved it.
Alright, so there's some sweet Christmas.
Oh yeah, so why don't you tell us what the crux of today's episode is going to be, me
companion.
Okay, so we've had some really good vibes here.
(10:50):
But you know, around this time of year.
Please explain to me why I'm wearing headphones.
Oh yes, that's the device.
So I've had to hear so much humbuggery, so much scrooginess, and we've talked about the
fact that deep down you really do love the holiday.
But what part of the holiday do you really hate?
(11:12):
I hate that.
I mean we haven't had to deal with it since we switched jobs.
Oh, they started the Christmas music too.
But I haven't heard it once.
Okay.
Is the fact that we've worked retail most of our lives.
So what's the one song since its inception that has come out that has played in mass,
at least especially if you work in a retail store like Target or Walmart or Kohl's or
(11:38):
any of those stores.
What is the one song that you're at least going to hear three times within an hour?
It is that fucking God awful All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey.
That thing should be used on prisoners at Gitmo to get information.
So funny that you phrase it like that because why is he wearing headphones?
(12:02):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
don't you fucking do it.
I will rip these off my fucking head.
I will walk out of this goddamn room.
That would end both the podcast and our friendship.
It is contingent.
It's in the contract.
Oh, please.
Contract?
I don't remember.
You signed it with blood in your dreams.
Oh, fuck me.
Why?
(12:22):
Come on, dude, really?
So here's the thing.
I have we're not going to use all of it, of course, of course, but I have a 10 hour version
of All I Want for Christmas is You.
No.
Cued up.
No.
And on Michael's head.
Now, of course, you listeners won't be hearing this at home because we aren't going to get
copyrighted.
No, we're not.
But.
(12:43):
But you get to listen to All My Delicious Angadies.
Yay.
I'm going to hurt him.
We have a lot of stuff between us.
It would be difficult for you to get to me anyway.
But Michael might not even hear the song once today.
Do I just have to pledge my love for Christmas and I can take these off?
You will pledge your love for Christmas by answering all 50 of these trivia questions.
(13:06):
50?
Yes, there are 50.
We're not going to spend too much time on each one.
They're very short.
But yeah, we might as well just get to it.
Fuck.
OK.
So can you at least tell me how much of the song.
So what is it like the song plays and then it doesn't stop until I get a question right?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
(13:26):
Each question you get wrong will have an amount of the song played that gets my jibblies royal
in.
And then we can move on.
Oh, no.
But the thing is, I want this to keep going and I want us to, you know, I don't want to
get bogged down.
All right.
I don't want to get Wade Bogsy in here.
So I'll make sure it doesn't last for too long.
(13:51):
Maybe everything will come up for you.
But I'm not wearing flood pants.
So you should have been wearing your shorts, but it's too cold out.
Anyway, what did the first artificial Christmas trees in Germany mimic and what were they
made of?
They mimicked.
Since this is Germany, I'm going to say they mimicked birch trees for Krampus and they
(14:15):
were probably made out of I'm going to say styrofoam.
Goose feathers dried green.
Oh, God.
No, no, no, no, no.
Oh, please.
OK, OK, OK.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, buddy, you're peeking out the mic.
Please, dude, shut it off.
Turn it off.
Turn it off.
Turn it off.
Turn it off.
Turn it off.
(14:35):
Turn it off.
Turn it off.
Turn it off.
Dude.
OK, I'm sorry.
The first one has to be a little long.
You can't get past the intro of the song, but also to get you to get you primed.
It's like priming the pump.
It's like pre.
Dude, I might spill my social security number if you keep this up.
Hey, anybody out here that loves stealing identities, this may be your day.
(14:57):
Go ahead.
Take it.
I'm broke.
Yeah.
OK, which 19th century American author popularized the idea of Santa Claus with a sled and flying
reindeer?
Oh, my God, so just name a 19th century American author.
Mark Twain.
God damn it.
(15:17):
Oh, man.
No, please make it stop.
So at this point, he's like 20 seconds into the song.
So the intro has definitely ended.
Dude, I can't.
Oh, my God.
Oh, man.
It's just so fucking hell.
It's just so pleasantly sweet.
She's so bad at this.
Oh, Mariah Carey is a queen.
OK, in Norse mythology, which winter festival included yule logs and feasts to honor Odin?
(15:47):
This might be the first one you get.
Come on.
In Norse mythology, which winter festival?
No, which winter festival included yule logs and feasts to honor Odin?
Name a winter festival in Norse mythology.
The only winter thing I know from Norse mythology is Fibblewinter, but that brings on Ragnarok.
(16:11):
That's not a festival.
No.
Which winter festival included yule logs and feasts to honor Odin?
Odin's Day?
God damn it.
See, here's the thing.
Oh, my God.
Make it stop.
The name was in the question.
It was yule.
(16:32):
Why would it just be called yule?
A yule log.
A yule log is for yule.
I'm about to lay a yule log in my pants if this keeps up.
OK.
OK.
See, I'm actually going to skip this one for punishment's sake because I have no idea what
this is.
I will say ChatGPT made the questions for me.
(16:52):
Of course.
I'm not going to get any of these fucking right.
No, there are some good ones in here.
But this one makes no sense to me.
What was the original meaning of wassailing?
Wassailing?
W-A-S-S, sailing?
Fuck, what the hell is that?
And where did it originate?
It's a toast to good health during Anglo-Saxon times.
(17:14):
I don't know what that means.
Oh, a wassailing.
A wassailing.
They talked about that when Family Guy was still good on their first Christmas special.
Oh.
Yeah.
So it's like a bunch of people doing marching band.
So I don't want...
Basically an excuse to drink.
I don't want anything to do with that.
OK.
So let's get back to it.
What?
A Christmas tradition.
(17:34):
And this is a big Christmas tradition.
So began in 16th century Germany as a Protestant alternative to Catholic nativity scenes.
So it's a thing you do for Christmas that they did instead of a nativity.
A Christmas tree?
Oh baby.
(17:56):
He got it.
Oh thank you.
Thank you.
There's no Mariah Carey happening now.
Oh the tapiness.
See if we can get the street going.
What country's tradition involves children leaving shoes out for St. Nicholas to fill
with gifts?
And it is a country I think that's famous for shoes.
(18:16):
And if you get what they're called and not the name of the country, I'll also give it
to you.
I'm going to say Sweden and clogs?
Oh, that's so close.
I'm going to give you another shot at that one.
I feel I need to give it to you.
You're just so close in the idea.
So I'm in the right part of Europe.
Kind of.
But you're in the right thought process with the shoes.
(18:39):
So they were clogs or?
Yeah.
Norway.
Oh man, I tried so hard.
No, what was it?
What was it?
Please, please don't.
Please no.
So it was the Netherlands.
Oh come on.
The Dutch.
I forgot to touch with the cloth.
So you had to go from Sweden and go across the sea south.
(19:01):
I can't even hear the explanation.
So you had to go from Sweden, go south across the sea to get to the Netherlands.
Oh yes.
I'll never forget the Netherlands.
I will remember the Netherlands.
OK.
This is going to be another gimme because there's no way you can get this.
But I'm going to play the next one extra long if you don't get it.
(19:22):
But this one, who is the central figure of the Italian holiday epiphany, often overshadowing
Santa Claus in some regions?
So this is an Italian holiday called epiphany.
Never heard of it.
Yeah, neither have I.
Yeah.
So that's La Befana, a witch who delivers gifts.
Hey, I'm cool with a witch.
(19:44):
That's pretty sick.
I'm going to give you that one specifically because of Italy.
Yay.
Now, this one you get double time if you get it wrong.
What popular Christmas plant was used by the Aztecs to create red dye in medicine?
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm going to need you to remember something we talked about earlier for this one.
(20:06):
All right.
In Icelandic tradition, what are the names of the mischievous trolls who visit children
during the 13 days of Christmas?
Yule trolls.
I'm going to give it to you because it's the Yule lads.
Oh, thank you.
But you remembered Yule, so that's important.
(20:28):
This one you better fucking get.
What ancient Roman holiday influenced many Christmas customs, including gift giving?
Ancient Roman holiday?
Oh no.
Ancient Roman holiday that influenced many Christmas customs, including gift giving.
Oh boy, we've talked about this.
(20:48):
Oh, he's sweating.
He's sweating over there.
Is it a feast or something?
I say no.
I mean, they might have feasted, but think of the Romans and think of their gods.
Something to do with Zeus?
Zeus was Greek.
Jupiter.
The Vestal of Mars?
(21:12):
God damn it.
It was Saturnalia.
Saturnalia.
God damn it.
Saturnalia is one of my absolute favorite.
It can stop.
One of my favorite pieces of Christmas trivia.
The fact that they ate everything from Christmas away from that, to be quite honest.
Please.
Oh, we're about a minute and 22 seconds into the song now.
(21:35):
I can't take anymore.
Well, you better get the next one correct.
Which fast food chain that's operating in Japan is famous for becoming a Christmas tradition
with their special menu?
This is an international, incredibly famous fast food restaurant that you have eaten at.
McDonald's.
(21:56):
That became famous for becoming a Christmas tradition with their special menu.
Only the biggest one I could think of would be McDonald's.
I'm going to give you another shot.
It's not the biggest one.
Starbucks.
Oh, come on.
So it's Kentucky Fried Chicken.
What?
I didn't know that.
(22:16):
No one would know that.
I knew that.
I've watched multiple videos that included that factoid.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know KFC was that big over there.
Yeah, weirdly enough, what ended up happening, it was an after effect of a marketing campaign
where they just decided to run a very Christmasy, like Christmas forward campaign, even though
(22:40):
they don't really celebrate actual Christmas.
No, they don't.
Like Christian version of Christmas.
So then around Christmas time, it just became tradition.
I think they would have Colonel Sanders statues outside of the KFCs that they would put Santa
hats on and stuff like that.
Leave it to the Japanese to make everything slightly weirder.
I mean, it wasn't the Japanese.
(23:02):
It was the it was KFC that did it.
KFC successfully incepted a country into making them making a tradition.
All right, go on, you KFC.
What is the name of the figure in German folklore who accompanies Saint Nicholas and punishes
naughty children?
Der Krampus.
(23:22):
Ah, absolutely Krampus.
I mean, this should be easy.
Oh, and this actually explains something from earlier.
We're going to get a tidbit.
What is the origin of the phrase the 12 days of Christmas?
So what we're looking for is what's the time frame of the 12 days of Christmas?
OK, I'm hopefully right on this one.
(23:44):
Going back to my Catholic roots, isn't it the amount of time it took the wise men to
get from where they saw the star of Bethlehem to the major took 12 days?
I mean, maybe, but that's not what this thing is asking.
So it's what day does it start and what does it and when does it end or what about when?
(24:06):
But like 12 days like what starts it?
I'll give you that.
A partridge in a pear tree.
Not the song, the phrase.
12 days of what the 12 days of Christmas?
Yeah, when does the 12 days of Christmas start?
Wouldn't it be the 13th to the 25th?
God damn, motherfucker.
So it is the time between I hate you, Christmas Day and Epiphany.
(24:32):
Make it stop, please.
It's the time between Christmas Day and Epiphany, the Italian thing we heard about earlier.
What the fuck was I supposed to know that?
I know it's crazy.
Do you know when Epiphany is?
Check this out.
It's January 6th.
(24:53):
January 6th is the 12th day of Christmas.
And that's when my true love no, no, it starts Christmas Day and then 12 days later is January
6th.
That's when they had the Epiphany and that's when you get all 12 gifts of Christmas and
an insurrection.
Yay.
(25:14):
All right.
This one, if you remember anything about history, it's going to be incredibly easy for you.
What year did the Christmas truce where soldiers from opposing sides laid down arms and celebrated
together occur during World War I?
1911.
(25:34):
No, no, no.
Okay, so World War I actually I don't think even was started in 1911.
It was not, but I'm down.
See, so it actually, World War I, it was actually the first year of World War I.
I hate you Mariah Carey.
I hate you so much.
It was the first year of World War I, which was 1914.
(25:57):
World War I occurred from 1914 to 1918 and I believe the US entered it in 1917.
God damn it.
1911 would be like, isn't that like a year before Titanic?
No, I think that was the same year as the Titanic.
I thought Titanic was 1912.
Maybe.
I don't know.
And I'm not looking that one up because this is not a podcast right now about the Titanic.
Who gives a fuck about the Titanic?
(26:18):
Hey, that was a good movie.
Whatever.
I'm going to play Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On next time.
No, no.
No, that's what's going to happen.
Okay.
Basically, if you could get this one correct based on a clue I'm going to give you, there
will be no punishment, but I will give you a prize if you can intuit this.
(26:41):
What ancient Persian religion celebrated the birth of Mithras on December 25th?
So another time that Christmas was basically stealing a date from another religion.
What ancient Persian religion celebrated the birth of Mithras?
(27:04):
Just go real simple with it.
Mithras day?
Try again.
Mithrasif?
Like, I'm just going to give it to you because it's Mithraism.
Oh, Mithraism.
You said a day.
You didn't say religion.
I said what ancient Persian religion?
Oh, you did say religion.
But still, like that one, I'm like, yeah, the birth of Mithras.
(27:27):
That's it.
It's Mithraism.
I have no idea who Mithras is.
I don't know who Mithras is.
Sounds like a Final Fantasy character.
That it does.
Anyway, in which country is it traditional to eat a cake called Buche de Noel during
Christmas?
Japan.
What?
No, that's what I remember in the Mr. Garris in South Park Christmas song.
(27:50):
It says on December 25th all they do is eat a cake.
Wow.
No, it's France.
I mean, I wasn't doing a good French accent, but that definitely wasn't Japanese.
You got a KFC on the brain, boy.
God damn, no, I suspended Saul from the South Park.
Okay.
So who did you say showed up at the Nativity at the birth of Jesus?
(28:15):
Who were you talking about earlier?
The three wise men.
And what were their jobs?
They gave gold frankincense.
No, no, no.
What were their jobs?
They were noblemen?
No, no, no.
What were their jobs?
What were they doing before they went to go see Jesus?
Weren't they going to go see the king or something like that?
I thought you were the one that was raised Catholic.
No, what were their jobs?
(28:37):
I don't know.
They were circle jerkers.
I don't fucking remember their jobs.
Oh my God.
Somebody wasn't paying attention in Sunday school.
So you're not going to get this question, but let's try it anyway.
What traditional Christmas decoration was first created to teach children about the
Nativity?
(28:57):
And I'll even give you a hint, the traditional Christmas decoration we're talking about
is a sweet.
The candy cane.
Thank Christ.
They were shepherds, Michael.
They were shepherds.
Well, then where's a shepherd getting gold?
I don't know.
Where are they getting frankincense and myrrh?
(29:18):
What even is that shit?
But here's the thing.
Candy cane, it's a shepherd's hook.
Anyway.
Whoop-de-doo, Basil.
Oh, well, this one's just funny.
What was the profession of Santa Claus's original helper in early Dutch and German folklore?
Now I'll give you this.
It says early Dutch and German folklore, but think of him having a cockney accent that
(29:43):
might help you.
Oh, so kind of like a Dickensian man, right?
He was a chimney sweep.
Hell yeah.
All right.
Oh my God.
I'm not going to ask you what year, but which US state was the first to make Christmas an
official holiday?
And I'm going to give you one clue.
(30:05):
Pennsylvania.
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
I was pointing south.
Oh, state.
Okay, so south.
How far south?
South.
Okay, think of a state.
And hey, hey, if we have listeners out there from this state at some point in the future
(30:28):
when we actually have listeners, don't take this the wrong way.
But I think if you're listening to us and you're from this place, you get it.
It's a state that neither one of us wants to go to.
Mississippi.
Oh God, you're so close.
Just give it to me.
You're so close.
Alabama?
Hell yeah.
Okay.
And everybody from Alabama that could potentially be listening to this.
(30:50):
Yeah.
I'm sorry for the other half of the people that live there.
Yeah, yeah, we're very sorry.
Anyway, yeah, Alabama in 1836.
Wow.
Christmas has only been celebrated in the US for nine.
Well, yeah, as an official holiday only since then.
Wow, that's over 200 years.
Which here's the thing.
So knowing that, where are all those people that are saying that this nation was created
(31:14):
with Christianity in mind?
Christmas wasn't even official until 1836.
I don't know.
Anyway we're not talking about that.
Nope.
This one I desperately hope you know because it's my favorite Christmas trivia bit.
What Christmas song was originally written for Thanksgiving?
(31:39):
So you have to think of a Christmas song that really doesn't talk about Christmas.
It's not do you hear what I hear because that's like religious.
That was no protesting nuclear arms.
Really?
Yes.
Do you hear what I hear?
It goes on and if you look at the lyrics you can tell it's the correlation between a nuclear
explosion.
(31:59):
Oh wow, I thought it was just talking about Jesus.
Okay.
Don't have one.
Christmas song that would be originally for Thanksgiving.
It doesn't talk about Christmas in the song.
Yes, that's what really gets it.
No, that one says Merry Christmas.
(32:25):
Baby it's cold outside.
Considering this is my favorite Christmas song, the one that's the answer to this question
and the fact that that made me laugh and honestly thinking about it, the logic.
They don't mention Christmas in that either.
The logic is correct that it does not mention Christmas.
(32:48):
So you're not getting punished for this one, but it's jingle bells.
You're right.
It doesn't.
It's about going to grandma's house for Thanksgiving dinner and it was originally written for Thanksgiving.
Wait, which one is that?
That Dashing Through the Snow or is that Over the River?
On a One Horse Open Sleigh.
Do they mention Over the River, Through the Woods, to Grandma's House?
(33:08):
Yeah.
Do they mention Christmas in that?
No, it's not a Christmas song.
There's like three songs that are technically labeled as Christmas songs that never mention
Christmas.
Yeah.
It's mostly just because people don't tend to focus a lot of stuff on Thanksgiving that
aren't me.
So yeah, everything gets gobbled into either Halloween or Christmas.
Then baby it's cold outside.
It's just about drugging a chick and date raping her.
(33:31):
No.
Okay.
Let's do a little slash S here for sarcasm.
Even though it's technically slightly true, but just because of the intent that we know
from the writing of the song.
But I mean, you can tell by listening to that song that she was asking for it.
But in all seriousness, you hear her laughing.
(33:53):
Like she's in on it.
I think it's the fact that, but yes, listening to it in its original version without a whole
lot of context and knowing the times.
Yeah.
It's a little uncomfortable at times.
Yeah, it definitely is.
But when you hear the good versions of that song, you hear her laughing and giggling in
the background.
So she's in on it.
(34:14):
She wants it.
She wants to go to Bowdentown as much as he does.
And there's a ton of consent.
Going to Bowdentown on a snowy night.
And there's a lot of consent.
And I bet you he goes down on her.
She probably gives up the back door.
I mean, everything's possible on a snowy winter's night.
Anyway, back to the trivia.
Yeah.
(34:34):
Okay.
In Finnish folklore, what creature pulls Santa's sleigh instead of reindeer?
Finnish.
Moose.
No, so it's not anything like a reindeer.
So it's a different kind of animal.
I will say we're still in mammal territory though.
Okay, so it's a mammal.
And it's a yule blank.
(34:54):
Pig.
Oh man, if only.
Like, if only it was.
But it's something cooler than a pig.
It's a goat.
It's a yule goat.
Like, that could, that's just so amazing.
Wait a minute, you said it didn't resemble anything like a goddamn deer.
A goat can have horns.
I didn't say resemble.
I said not the same kind of animal.
A reindeer is a specific kind of animal like a deer or a horse.
A goat is something entirely different and it has square eyes.
Next.
Yeah.
(35:15):
Alright, I'm not beholding you to this one.
Okay.
So, it's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
It's a deer.
Alright, I'm not beholding you to this one.
(35:36):
But if you get the year within five, I'll give you a little tickle.
Who invented electric Christmas lights and when?
So just say a name.
Sparkly McFingerbang and I'm going to say 1938.
Yeah, you don't get that tickle.
(35:58):
So it was Edward H. Johnson in 1882.
What?
Really?
That early?
Yeah.
I don't know what kind of bougie people had electric Christmas lights in 1882, but...
Bougie motherfuckers.
But they had them.
Okay, this one you should absolutely frickin' know.
What biblical figure or figures is referenced in the carol, We Three Kings?
(36:25):
It's the three wise men.
Yes.
It's weird that they call them kings because they were shepherds.
I think a lot of the mythology is confused.
But anyway, it's the Magi or the Wise Men.
Okay, here's another obvious one and if you don't get it, you're racist.
Can you answer it now for bonus points?
You didn't ask me.
If you don't get this correct, you're a racist.
(36:49):
I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm telling you people right now.
No, come on.
Answer the question.
Come on.
It's so simple.
Then fucking ask it.
I'm not getting any bonus points.
Come on.
African American?
That's not an answer to a question.
What is African American?
This is a jeopardy.
Okay, which African American cultural holiday spans from December 26th to January 1st?
(37:13):
Shout out to my boy Coolio who played Kwanzaa Bot.
Rest in peace.
Kwanzaa Bot.
That was the first thing I thought of.
Kwanzaa.
Yeah, of course.
I don't know much about that holiday and I've never met a person who celebrates it.
Why do you think that's what Kwanzaa Bot gave out during Kwanzaa?
The books and the tackle is quads.
And just to put an end to that, I don't have a ton of black friends in my life, but I did
(37:34):
have some and none of them ever mentioned it.
But there obviously are some out there.
Hey, maybe they've started to adapt.
Hey, and listeners, if you celebrate Kwanzaa, email us a description of what the holiday
is.
Heck, we should get a freaking P.O. box and make that a tradition to send us Kwanzaa cards.
That'd be sick.
It'd be kind of interesting because what I used to give my best friend in high school,
(37:57):
Brett, I would give him Hanukkah cards every Christmas.
Oh, dude, I'd kill for a Hanukkah card.
I'd love a Hanukkah card.
I'd start doing that to you.
Yeah, so fun.
I mean, honestly, maybe that could be our tradition.
Hell yeah.
Maybe we start asking our listeners if we get them every December to send us Kwanzaa
cards.
I'm cool with it, dude.
(38:17):
I'm down.
We will proudly display them.
OK.
This one's weird.
What was the purpose of the boy bishop tradition during the medieval Christmas season?
I'm almost afraid to answer that because it doesn't sound good.
So boy bishop.
Oh, God.
(38:38):
OK, so you know what boy bishops became, but what would be?
Yeah, they became boy slaves for the pope.
Yeah.
But what would a boy bishop, what would a boy want to do as bishop?
I'm really hoping it has something to do with the little drummer boy.
No, no, no.
What would a boy want to do at church?
What would he want to do?
(38:59):
He'd want to pray and pray that the penis will exit his rectum soon.
Oh, come on.
No, it lets a child symbolically rule the church for a day.
Oh, God, please.
Oh, if that would have been around when I was a kid, there would be no more...
Yeah, I know, right?
That'd be interesting.
(39:20):
I hate her.
Hey, so what part of the song is it?
What part of the song is it on?
Fuck yeah.
No, no, no.
What part of the song is it on?
Sing along.
Sing along.
Sing along for a little bit.
Sing along.
I don't know this piece of shit song.
Sing along and it'll turn off.
No, I'm not...
Turn it off.
Sing along.
Sing along and I'll turn it off.
I don't know this song.
Sing along to whatever lyrics you hear.
(39:42):
Try to sing along to the lyrics you're hearing.
No, no.
Just sing along to them.
I don't know the lyrics.
Come on, Michael, you just have to listen and then pair it back with your hearing.
I'm not doing that.
Please don't do it again.
Thank you for protecting us from copyright infringement.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
(40:05):
Merry Christmas.
Okay.
Which 19th century British royal popularized the Christmas tree in England?
So basically name a queen.
What queen do you know?
I'm going to say Elizabeth the First.
Name another queen.
If you can name any other British queen.
(40:26):
Oh, the one that just passed away.
Isn't that Elizabeth the Third or something like that or the Second?
I mean, that's not another name.
God damn it!
What we were looking for.
Hey, Michael, stop swearing so much.
Kill me!
Stop swearing so much.
Just express your derision in softer words.
There's got to be something to kill me here.
It was Queen Victoria.
Oh, there's a metal straw.
(40:47):
Queen Victoria.
Oh, Victoria's little secret.
Yeah, and the Victorian Age.
Well, thanks Audacity.
There'll be a little, little bit of a jump cut there, because it just kind of crashed
and stopped recording.
First time it's ever happened to.
(41:08):
Yeah.
First day ever.
So in the meantime, what we missed was that Michael ended up getting it correct that hidden
inside of a traditional Christmas pudding in Victorian England was a coin. How quaint?
Wonder what kind of coin it was. Wonder was it a pence? Probably a shelling. Was it a shelling?
What it was a crown? Oh. Or a farthing. A far penny farthing. Anyway, the Yule log dessert
(41:38):
derives from a medieval tradition of burning a large log and not a poo. What was the log's purpose?
So it was ancient people's burning a large log. So wait, we're saying medieval. Are we talking
medieval before or after? So Christianity has already been established. Oh my god. So they
(41:59):
still have the pagan rituals. So the Yule log, let's say the Yule log is probably to keep the
spirits away at night. You burn it to keep the spirits away. Oh my god, you logiced it like you
started off so poorly, not remembering when the hell medieval times were. But then you got there
and it was amazing. It's to bring good luck and drive away evil spirits. Now if you don't get this
(42:19):
next question, you're a racist. Again, I'm not. What is the name of the traditional Jewish wintertime
game played with a spinning top? Dreidel. Hell yeah. I mean you're a South Park fan so you kind
of have to get that. Hell yeah. I mean. Okay, listen to the context clues for this one. All right.
(42:42):
In what country do Christmas celebrations traditionally end with el dia de los reyes.
Oh god, I'm getting my pronunciations messed up. El dia de los reyes on January 6th. Another January
6th thing. But el dia de los reyes. I'm going to say Mexico and Spain. I'll give it to you because
(43:09):
it's Spain. Okay. And maybe Mexico does it too. Does Spain celebrate Dia de los Muertos? Dia de
los Muertos. Probably not because I think that might derive from Aztec or like Mesoamerican
cultures. Yeah, okay. Okay. But I don't know. What alcoholic beverage is most commonly associated
with Christmas in the UK? So it's not eggnog. Okay, so it's not eggnog. Really? I was going to
(43:33):
say rum because that's how you make a traditional fruitcake. No. Oh yeah. Rum cake. Yeah, but rum
fruitcake. What is the whiskey? So. No, no, no. So, so it's. Oh, I wish I had some whiskey right now.
So it's actually a mold. It's a mold wine. It's a mold. Hey, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael,
Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, it's a. I hate. Thank you.
(43:56):
It's a mold wine. I don't even know what that means. Yeah. I mean, it sounds like it's molded wine.
What Christmas tradition. And when this says tradition, it's, it's basically what event,
the depiction of an event. All right. Uh, originated from Mexico's Lo Las Posadas. An event. An event.
(44:22):
It's a Christmas historical event. Remember the story of Christmas. Is it the Miracle, the Virgin
Miracle? Close. The birth of Jesus Christ. Close. Between those two. So it's between the birth of
the angel coming down to tell Mary that he was, she was going to give birth to. Yeah. The angel
(44:44):
that comes down to. Oh, no, no. It was a reenactment of Mary and a reenactment, a reenactment of Mary
and Joseph's search for shelter. When I break out of my cage, I'm going. Is it, is it a rusty cage?
I'm going to break my rusty cage. Or, or are you a rat in a cage? You have to pick one. Which one?
(45:10):
Well, I mean, I'd rather be in a rusty cage because he says I'm going to break my rusty cage and run.
Okay. I'll be the rat in the cage. Despite, despite all of my rage. Anyway, if you don't get
this one, you're a racist. What holiday features an eight branched menorah? Hanukkah. I mean, yeah.
(45:33):
All right. This one is a little bit. It's a little bit of a trick question. Which American cartoon
character first appeared in the holiday song, Frosty the Snowman? Mickey. What? The mouse has
ruled for so long. It had to be in the mouth. That was it. You said that the, that, that
(45:55):
cartoon character for it was steamboat Willie is where Mickey Mouse first appeared. What character
first appeared in the holiday song, Frosty the Snowman? It was Frosty the Snowman. I didn't know
the day I thought you meant never fucking mind. I said it was a trick question. Frosty first appeared
(46:15):
in Frosty the Snowman. God damn it. I misheard the question. Damn dyslexia. Anyway, here's something
fun. What celestial event inspired the star in the nativity story? So this is something. Haley's
Comet. Oh my God. No. What? So you didn't know. It was not a comet. So it wasn't a comet. It's fading.
(46:39):
It wasn't a comet. It wasn't a supernova or any sort of star event. It's apparently it was the
potentially the conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn. Oh, I forgot this was a 10 hour loop. Yeah. No,
please. So yeah. He's skipping it farther into the comet. Yeah. So yeah, it was a conjunction.
It was a conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn. Okay. So. All right. What Scandinavian winter
(47:05):
tradition includes eating Lutefisk Lutefisk Lutefisk during the holiday season. So basically name
name name one of the countries Scandinavia, Norway. Yeah. And for bonus points, what's the
what's the other one? I'd probably say Iceland. No, you went you went the wrong way, but Sweden.
(47:25):
Sweet. Yeah. Sweden and Norwegian. So there we go. Have you ever seen or smelled Lutefisk before?
Is it I mean, it has to be better than surstromming. So, uh, dude, no, it no, it actually is
surstromming is the worst. So Lutefisk would be bad jello fish. Yeah. Well, surstromming is like
fermented fish. Oh, okay. You win. Uh huh. What is the meaning of the Hebrew word Hanukkah?
(47:52):
Now, see, here's the thing. Since this isn't technically a a Christmas question, you can't be
punished for it, but give it a guess. Festival of Lights. I mean, that is yeah, I mean, that is what
it is. But no, what is the word Hanukkah mean? It's like a it's like a thing or concept, like a
virtue. It was a it's a virtue. Patience because it lasts for eight days. Okay. I'm gonna say
(48:15):
patience. I like the answer, but it's dedication. It's dedication. It's dedication. It's
dedication. Okay, I could have went that route too. Sorry. Sorry, my Jewish friends.
You weren't racist for getting that one wrong. In which country is Santa Claus known as Dead
Muttles or Grandfather Frost? Dead Muttles. Russia? Hell yeah. You got my accent there.
(48:41):
Good job, baby. Come on, you got to get this one. What animal is central to the nativity scene
in Latin American Christmas traditions? The lamb, right? No, I mean, that's regular Christmas.
Specifically, what animal is central to the mule? Hell, I mean, it's a donkey. Donkey!
(49:02):
Okay. What what? Hey, what famous composer? I know you're going to know this. I know you're
going to know this. It's so simple. It's the thing that you talk about all the time. What famous
composer wrote a Christmas oratorio in 1734? I talk about this? Oh, just all the time. Like every
time, you know, once a day. Bach! Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm going to I'm going to touch my phone just
(49:29):
to keep it from going to sleep. But you got it right. Fuck yeah, my boy Bach! Friends, he never
talks about classical music composers. Johann Sebastian Bach. That is amazing. Wait, high five.
Okay. Yeah. Oh, this I didn't know. What region, what country claims to be the birthplace of eggnog?
(49:53):
Not us. Where would I see eggnog? I'm trying to think. We've talked about this country in this
episode. Sweden. No, damn it. Is it the Dutch again? It's actually England. Oh my God. Considering
the amount of things that they've claimed to have done. Oh, thank God you don't spring for
(50:16):
YouTube premium. But I do. Yeah, thank you Disney Plus. Skip that ad. Yeah, we can't have that.
Like we we need the sweet, sweet punishment. So here's the thing. Is this punishment for tying
you up and locking you in a box? Yeah, I mean, this does kind of correlate to that. Anyway,
(50:37):
you better get this one or you're going to be stricken by the pope into an eternal hell.
Fuck the pope. What? No, this pope's kind of cool. Kind of. But what holiday celebrated on December
8th in some Catholic countries honors Mary? Come on, you have to have eaten some some ham
(50:59):
on this day. Come on. No, like my grandparents were Catholic. Stop trying to read this.
Mary's Day. Virgin. Virgin Fiesta. I don't fucking know. The feast of the blessed virgin. I don't
fucking know. Oh, man. Like, I can't punish you for that because like you danced around it so
(51:21):
elegantly that if I didn't have the answer in front of me, I would have assumed you were right.
It was the feast of the Immaculate Conception. OK, you said feast and you talked about virgin
birth. So I mean, I got to give it to you. Oh, come on. You got to get this one. You got to get
this one. You got to get this one. That's the four compass points of of of of frickin faith, man.
(51:42):
What is the symbolic meaning of the Advent wreath in Christmas tradition? And I say the four compass
points because it's four concepts that you would have read about in the Bible. Belief. I said four.
Oh, that's the four words. Faith. Belief. Remember, it has to do with Christmas tradition.
(52:06):
It's going to be definitely faith. But wait, yeah. Conception.
Conception, birth, crucifixion, resurrection. It's hope, peace, joy and love. And this is I'll give
you peace. I am displaying all of my god damn faith. Hope, peace, joy, hope, peace, joy and love.
(52:28):
Michael, Michael, all of my hope, peace, joy and love are being directed toward you right now.
I want a gun. I hate you. Hmm. Hey, what plant is traditionally kissed under during Christmas?
The mistletoe. Hooray. Anyway, what is the origin of the term boxing day?
(52:52):
And it's not what you think. It's a Canadian thing, isn't it? It is absolutely a Canadian holiday. I
know that. But it just comes from putting things into boxes and then taking them out of boxes.
Oh, my God. That's correct. I had no idea. It's giving boxed gifts to servants and the poor.
I wasn't going to throw the servants and poor thing in there. But yeah, it's I just assumed
(53:13):
it has something weird to do with boxing, like the sport. No, no, it's it's about getting boxes.
It's Christmas boxes. Here's one for you. And if you know the Muppets, maybe you know this one.
Hell yeah, I know the Muppets. In Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, how many total ghosts
(53:34):
visit Ebenezer Scrooge? Four. Hell yeah. I if you'd have asked. If you watch the Muppets,
it's five because they use Statler and Waldorf as the as the same ghost. Yeah, they're the
the Marley brothers instead of just Jacob Marley. Nice. See, now, if you would have asked me that
question, I would have said three ghosts past, present, future, because I don't know that movie
(53:55):
well enough because Jacob is the first one to visit him and tell him that tonight you will be
visited by three spirits. Oh, I thought just some dude cursed him with that. Oh, that's his former
partner, Jacob Marley. They made a really bad ass version that's on Hulu that FX produced that makes
it like John wickified. It's not John wickified. It definitely ups the scare factor with the with
(54:20):
the ghosts like the ghost of Christmas present. Isn't this fat, jolly Santa esque dude? He's
actually like a pissed off like, hey, fucker, this is like what you're missing. Look at it and see
what this is all about instead of all get to know everybody better. But no, you need to check it out.
It's on Hulu. Nice. What does the name of the Jewish holiday Hanukkah commemorate?
(54:46):
It commemorates that when the Romans sacked the final temple, they only had enough oil
to burn in the menorah for one night and they lit all eight candles and it burned for all
eight nights of Hanukkah. See, that's a different Jewish holiday. That's not what you said.
No, see, that's a different Jewish holiday that has to do with that. Yeah, that's you lied to me.
(55:10):
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's a different Jewish holiday. I don't know if it's Yom Kippur.
No, Yom Kippur might be the one with the blood on the door. No, that's not that's not how it goes.
It was the rededication of the second temple in Jerusalem. That's not Hanukkah. Yeah, that's Hanukkah.
I mean, unless Chachi B.T. got it wrong and Chachi B.T. is anti-Semitic. I always grew up and I watched
(55:34):
all the Hanukkah specials on TV and that's what they said it was supposed to be. The candles,
the menorah burned all eight days, even though it was supposed to be a miracle. See, I thought maybe
that it was like maybe it's the first day was called something different and that was when the
was when the oral thing happened. I could be totally wrong, but that's definitely not the
not what it was trying to get with this. Yeah, that's that's what I remember from maybe that's
(55:54):
a Mandela effect thing. Who knows? I mean, Chachi B.T. is probably just wrong. Negative five points
to Chachi B.T. Chachi B.T. might have been what was crashing my audacity or or or maybe Microsoft
Edge or maybe they combined. Maybe it was Bill Gates and an A.I. trying to destroy our podcast.
We know too much. Might have to have a conspiracy theory episode someday. Oh, I'm totally down.
(56:19):
Heck yeah. You better get this one right or you're a heathen. Who wrote the popular holiday ballet
The Nutcracker? Like this this name is so famous. Hey, Tuvan.
I'm like John Lovett and Little Nicky. I deserve this. I deserve this.
(56:44):
And at least you're not getting a pineapple up the butt like Hitler.
Yes. Anyway, it's Tchaikovsky. Oh, Tchaikovsky. Yeah, I knew. Hell yeah. Very famous Russian.
Oh, yeah. Stalin always used to buy out his own personal theater and no one else was allowed to
view it during the holidays except for him. We have one final question. What do I get if I get it
(57:05):
right? Can I just take these headphones off and say no more? I mean, no, I'm actually going to
staple them to your head and then play the song eternally. It's the reverse of I have no mouth and
I must scream where you're going to scream so much that you eventually destroy your mouth and no
longer have it. That doesn't sound very nice. And you know what's funny? That story included a vicious
(57:28):
maniacal evil AI. Thank you, Harlan Ellison. Fuck me. All right. What's the last one?
Anyway, I want you to think think American on this one. Think of yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Think of why an American would do this. What was the first commercial Christmas card
created for? Like, why did a person create the first commercial greeting card?
(57:54):
OK, the first commercial greeting card. OK, like work through this. Like the core reason
wasn't it couldn't have been the last person name wasn't Hallmark, was it? And I'm trying to think
because there's many different ways this could go to if it was a woman who did it, it might have
been to send to a sick or ailing loved one. If it was a man, it was because he couldn't take no for
(58:15):
an answer and was trying to send it to a woman he was infatuated with. No. But see, what we're
talking about is the base reason why the first because you couldn't be home for the holidays.
And that's a really sweet answer. And technically it could still apply to this. But why was the
first Christmas card commercial Christmas card created? Money. The only thing anything. It's the
(58:43):
other famous song from Dark Side of the Moon. Can I turn it off? It's the other famous song
from Dark Side of the Moon. So if it's not time or if it's not money, then it's time to save time
writing personal messages. It was laziness. Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, it was laziness.
(59:05):
It was lazy. I'm sorry. I love Christmas. You know, this is the greatest Christmas present
that I ever could have been given. These headphones are off. Thank God. No, it was horrible. No.
Well, I mean, you weren't going to give me anything else for Christmas. You don't know that. I mean,
probably. Well, now that that's now that that's over with, can I do you now love Christmas? Yes.
(59:29):
But can I can I finally speak my piece on to why I had my I have my problems with with the
holidays being an adult. So back when I was we were kids, Christmas was always magical to me
because it wasn't just about presents and all that. It was about just getting together with
my family, especially my cousins, who I was really close in age with, getting to share the experiences
(59:51):
that we had, getting to see what we all got and sharing in that and just being together as family
and just, you know, spending that time and having all that fun together. As I got older,
that's when it really started to kick in for me that, you know, by disdain for the holiday,
because, you know, I worked for everything that I had, not saying that other people don't, other
(01:00:12):
people in my family don't. But I worked for everything that I had. And there was times that
I couldn't get expensive gifts for people in my family. And I was only given out like 10, 15
dollar gift cards while other members of the family were giving out brand new fucking appliances.
And that's kind of what really killed the holiday for me was fucking appliances. Like a sex swing.
(01:00:39):
No, like, you know, they'd get like the new toaster oven or a new like my uncle would when he was
doing his side, his side business as a landscaper, coming back from his day job as a landscaper,
but he owns them. I digress. He would need like a new saw blade or something like that. And he'd
get it from somebody else that I couldn't afford to get it for him. And it was like the shit that I
(01:01:03):
bought didn't matter. And like, I was just kind of looked at like, oh, you're just a cheap asshole
who can't put any thought in anything. You just gave us gift cards, you know, but I'm still trying
to I've got it back a little bit, you know, because I like seeing. Well, they're not like that anymore
because now they just said this year they just want they're getting into the ages where just give
(01:01:25):
us cash and we'll buy our own presents. My kids. But except for my oldest, she wants books and I'm
happy to oblige that your oldest what daughter, my oldest daughter, there was books. I got a little
bit of the magic back, you know, when they were growing up and looking at their faces every
Christmas morning, when they would rip open their presents and be so happy that they would get that,
(01:01:47):
you know, because I worked my ass off to get them the things that they wanted for Christmas.
But I really wish Christmas would just get back to being about family and about togetherness
instead of being materialistic. And that's my my piece on it. So basically, you're a Scrooge
McDuck Ebenezer bauhumbugger. Why? Because I rather it be more about family than material possessions.
(01:02:11):
That's anti-American, Michael. I guess then fine. I guess I'm anti-American.
You better get on the capitalist money train like right now.
Please. That train has left me at the station backed up and ran me the fuck over.
You better get just like with white Jesus, you got to get with Coca-Cola Santa and we need to
(01:02:32):
take that train with the Clydesdales and we got to get all the way in there and buy your Tickle Me
Elmos and get your frickin Furbies. And what was the one we were at Target? The Hatchimals.
Magic Mixies. And the Magic Mixies. And your Gabby's Dollhouses. The Gabby's Dollhouse. That was
wild. Isn't the best thing about COVID the fact that Black Friday was murdered or while. Oh my
(01:03:00):
God, yes. And online shopping. Yes, yes. Those things killed what Black Friday became and how
it overcome, it tried to kill Thanksgiving. Yes. My favorite holiday. Yeah. And that's another thing
why I got so upset with Christmas is because when we were kids, Halloween was Halloween,
Thanksgiving was Thanksgiving, and Christmas was Christmas. As we've gotten older, it's been like
(01:03:22):
Halloween stuff comes out in late August. Halloween, and then Halloween barely holds
back the floodgates. Of Christmas. And then when November first hits. It's Christmas. It's Christmas
and then people kind of eat a turkey. Yeah. And they shop and then it's more Christmas. Yep, that's it.
It's, yeah, Christmas is essentially celebrated for two straight months. So basically I agree with
(01:03:44):
everything you say. We are on the exact same page except you're a fucking bauhumbug. Well, it's not
going to take three spirits to, you know, make me be a happy person because I've got my family,
I got my best friend, I got my daughters, and that's all I need. Happy holidays to all of you guys out
(01:04:04):
there. But you know what I've got. What do you got? Jacking off. Good night everybody.
If you're looking to give a stranger a gift this year, please consider giving these two strangers
a like, a follow, or whatever you would do on whatever platform this is playing on. It would be
(01:04:25):
the opposite of coloner stockings. It would be just the most glorious of feelings within our
sweet little souls. We also like to accept gifts in the form of ideas or episode suggestions,
anything like that to fit in the digital stocking. That is the email of windbreakermedia at gmail.com.
(01:04:45):
I feel like that encapsulates the feelings I have every holiday season. Be good to each other out
there people. I was thinking more about the fact that I want a larger footprint in this digital world.
I want to rule. I want to be seen. Like Santa. Or Jesus. What about Krampus? Never Krampus.
(01:05:07):
Always Krampus. Merry Christmas, happy holidays. Be safe out there everybody.
ChatGPT and I are looking forward to that present. Wait a minute, what about my present?
And I'm not making no resolutions this year.
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