Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, dating, works, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEFM dot com
and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your
letter live on the air, just like we're going to
read this one right here, right now, and you never know,
it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It could be yours. Buckle up and hold on tight.
We got it for you here it is Strawberry.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Let up, all right, nephew, thank you? Subject? Am I
marrying a man or a child? Here?
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Stephen Shirley, I'm getting married in eight months, and I
can't help but think that I'm marrying a little boy
instead of a man. We are both twenty six years old,
and although he handles business well in public, at home,
he doesn't help me do anything. I grew up in
a home with both of my parents, and they were
partners that helped each other do everything. My dad cooked clean,
(00:53):
went to all of my activities at school, and worked
a part time job so I could go to college.
My fiance was raised by his mom and his grandmom.
He was catered to his entire life. His mom even
bought most of his clothes until he and I got
engaged and I told her I could help him pick
out his clothes.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Now, luckily his mother.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
His mom has great style and he was always dressed nicely.
His grandma did all the cooking, so he can barely
make his own sandwich. His mom even joked that if
I didn't start spoiling him, they would come over.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
And do it for me.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
I told his mom that I didn't find that funny
at all. My fiance moved in with me a few
weeks ago, and that's when I noticed how needy he is.
He doesn't want to learn how to cook, and when
I asked him to sort his clothes for the laundry,
he didn't know that whites don't go on the washer
with darks. He often talks about us having children, but
(01:50):
I can't imagine having to take care of children while
I'm raising a grown man. I overheard him telling his
mom that I put pressure on him to clean, cook and.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Do this, and do that.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
I don't want him to think I'm nagging him, but
he needs a crash course on being the man of
the house real fast. I never thought it would be
this big of a problem. Is it best to postpone
the wedding until he grows up?
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Yes, yes, it is.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yes, most definitely, you cannot marry this man.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
You can't.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
If you do, these same problems that you've written Steve
and I about today.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Will be going on in the marriage. You're talking about
a man who can't even pick his own clothes. You
said that.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
I really don't see what, if anything, you guys have
in common.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
You were raised differently.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
You had both parents who set a good example for
you and him. He was raised by his mom and
by his grandmother. He didn't have a father to teach
him how to be a man or a husband.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
And please don't think you can change him, because that's
not going to happen. He is who he is.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
He doesn't see a need to change. He's already complaining
to his mom about you wanting him to cook and clean,
and that's not going to stop because you got papers.
It's only going to get worse. So yes, postponing or
calling this wedding off is an excellent idea, because I
don't think you guys are a good match at all.
Speaker 4 (03:14):
Steve, Let's go to the bottom of this letter. The
bottom of the letter says, is it best to postpone
the wedding till he grows up? Here's another part of
the letter at the bottom. I don't want him to
think I'm nagging, but he needs a crash course on
being the man of the house real fast. I never
(03:37):
thought it would be this big of a problem. Is
it best to postpone the wedding till he grows up? Well,
let me ask you a basic question right here, right now.
What are you marrying him for? What is the purpose
of this union?
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Now?
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Look, I don't tell people how to live their life
because I've done everything crazy. I don't tell people wait
till they get married because I done moved into I'm
done tried it all. But when you move in and
it don't go right, I will refer you to something
a man told me in a premarital counseling course. He says, son,
(04:23):
the only thing that changes in people after they are
married is the appearance of their left hand third finger.
Everything you saw before, you gonna see after. Everything they
did before they will do after. So my question to you,
(04:44):
young lady, is what are you marrying him for?
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I think they said they're both twenty six. Yeah, you're mature.
He's not.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
You're marrying somebody. What straits did you want in a
man that he's exhibiting to you? I don't see it
nowhere in the thing. He handles business well in public.
What did that mean?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
At home? He doesn't help me do anything.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
Then you talk about how you grew up in a
home with both your parents and they both split up
the chores and cleaned and washed, and your dad was
at all your school activities, he cooked. You know, my
fiance was raised by his mom and his grandmam. He
was catered to his entire life.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Now, this's the part I don't understand. His mama.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
Bought most of his clothes until he and I got engaged. Okay, now,
y'all twenty six and got engaged. His mama bought his
clothes up till then then you fixed it up a
little bit and said, well, his mama got great.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Takee. I told her I can take care of it. Now.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
What what? His mama bought his clothes till he was
twenty six. Then his grandmama did all the cooking, so
he can't even he can't even make a sandwich. His
mama joked that if you don't start spoiling him. They
gonna come over there and do it for you. You told
(06:23):
her that wasn't funny to you. Why are you marrying
this boy? Because I ain't hurt nothing?
Speaker 5 (06:30):
Man?
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Did he?
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Do? You know what I think it is?
Speaker 4 (06:35):
I'll tell you what I think it is when we come.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Back, all right, all right, Steve, we'll have part two
of your response coming up at twenty three minutes after
the hour.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Today's Strawberry letter? Subject?
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Am I marrying a man or a child? Will get
back into it right after this. You're listening to Steve
Harvey Morning Show. Come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry letter.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
The subject is carrying a man or a child.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
And if you got to ask that question and then
write in a letter, then you already know the answer
because if you was marrying a man, you wouldn't be
typing this letter. Just why are you marrying this dude?
You know what this letter is, y'all? This letter is
a woman who wants a her husband and a man
(07:28):
who needs a mother and a grandmother and is hoping
to find it in his wife. Because this dude right here, man,
his mama picked out his clothes till he was twenty six.
I've never heard that before, and I've heard a lot
(07:48):
of stuff, but I've never heard a mama by her
son's clothes till he twenty six. Then you say, well,
good things. She had good taste because he's always well dressed.
You say he take care of business out in public,
but in private, is something wrong with him? Well, i'll
tell you what's wrong with him.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
He don't do it.
Speaker 4 (08:09):
You came from a two parent home where your parents
split all the responsibilities. Your dad helped cook, clean, he
was at all your school activities. Your fiance was raised
by his mom and his grandmama. They did everything, and
his grandmama cooked all his meals, to the point where
you say, your man can't even make a sandwich. He
was catered to his entire life. And then your mama
(08:30):
told you, if you don't start spoiling him, they gonna
come over there and do it for you. You said,
I don't think that's funny at all. They were serious.
And so then here's the part. He don't want to
learn how to cook. And when I asked him, sawtage
clothes for the launch because they done. Oh, by the way,
(08:51):
they've been living together for three weeks, that's what produced
this letter. He moved in with her three weeks ago.
He didn't know that whites don't go in wash it
with dogs. Well, that's easy. Let him do it one
time and that'll fix that.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
That's right, Because.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
When all your drawers is gray and green and they
was white, that's you. When your socks don't fit no more,
when your blue jeans is not coolox limbers, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
(09:28):
you can fix that right there. When your T shirts
and all your T shirts that you put them on
and they show your navel, that that's when you learn
how to wash after that. He often talks about having children,
but I can't imagine taking care of children while I'm
raising a grown man. Really, so why are you even
(09:49):
considering marrying him if you're trying to raise a grown man?
And then you overheard telling his mama that you put
pressure on him to clean and cook and do this
and that. Now, I don't want him to think I'm nagging,
but he needs a crash course on being a man
of the house. Okay, And who and who Finn to
give it to it?
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Who? Who young lady at gonna give him his crash course.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
He done got the crash course he gonna get from
his mama and his grandmama. How you gonna give him
a crash course when you ain't never been a man. Now,
you done had a good example of it in your father.
But you can't make a man be a man. I
can tell you that right now. You can take that
off your plate of and of things to do. If
(10:34):
you may meet a man, young ladies and he's not
a man, walk away because there is nothing you can
do to get him to be one. A woman cannot
make a man be a man. A woman can help
a man be a better man. Okay, okay, that's what
(10:55):
you can do. But you got to start with a man.
Your husband. You married married you because in hopes that
you can help him become a better man. But you
married your husband because he was already a man. Now
you get in there as a support system and try
(11:16):
to make him a better man. Same thing with a woman.
You marry a woman to make her a better woman.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
That's man.
Speaker 4 (11:27):
Y'all got to compliment each other, and they got nothing
going on right here. I don't even see why you
married the dude. They don't have nothing In comment he
don't do nothing. He ain't got nothing in common with
your daddy, your brother. I never thought it would be
this big of a problem. Is it best to postpone
(11:50):
the wedding till he grows up? He's not going to
grow up. Do you know how far behind he is
right now? His mama been buying his clothes till he
twenty six. I'm just telling you right now, I've never
heard that before. I don't know no man who mama
bought their clothes till he was twenty six. Now. I
know some men that lived at their mama house till
(12:13):
they were thirty something, but they was never in a
real relationship. Ain't no woman signing up for that. I
don't know why you were signed up for this. You
know what I think you should do. I think you
should ask him to leave your house until he grows up.
And then while he over there growing up, you need
to go find somebody that's already grown. That's my strong
suggestion to you, because you finna waste your life. You're
(12:37):
going to spend years of misery with this boy. This
boy right here, he don't have it. He just don't
have it. And I know it's one I don't have
a word from him. I don't know what he's thinking
of doing, but you everything you put in the let
he ain't doing. He ain't doing nothing. I leave him.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
Why you We post your comments on today's Struck Prairie
Strawberry Letter at Steve harvfil and Instagram and Facebook, and
check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on the free iHeartRadio
app Free Never.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
Sounded So good. You can download it today.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Coming up in forty six minutes after the hour, we
got Junior and sports talk.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Right after this. You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, dating, works, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEFM dot com
and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your
letter live on the air, just like we're going to
read this one right here, right now, and you never know,
it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It could be yours. Buckle up and hold on tight.
We got it for you here it is Strawberry.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Let up, all right, nephew, thank you? Subject? Am I
marrying a man or a child? Here?
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Stephen Shirley, I'm getting married in eight months, and I
can't help but think that I'm marrying a little boy
instead of a man. We are both twenty six years old,
and although he handles business well in public, at home,
he doesn't help me do anything. I grew up in
a home with both of my parents, and they were
partners that helped each other do everything. My dad cooked clean,
(00:53):
went to all of my activities at school, and worked
a part time job so I could go to college.
My fiance was raised by his mom and his grandmom.
He was catered to his entire life. His mom even
bought most of his clothes until he and I got
engaged and I told her I could help him pick
out his clothes.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Now, luckily his mother.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
His mom has great style and he was always dressed nicely.
His grandma did all the cooking, so he can barely
make his own sandwich. His mom even joked that if
I didn't start spoiling him, they would come over.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
And do it for me.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
I told his mom that I didn't find that funny
at all. My fiance moved in with me a few
weeks ago, and that's when I noticed how needy he is.
He doesn't want to learn how to cook, and when
I asked him to sort his clothes for the laundry,
he didn't know that whites don't go on the washer
with darks. He often talks about us having children, but
(01:50):
I can't imagine having to take care of children while
I'm raising a grown man. I overheard him telling his
mom that I put pressure on him to clean, cook and.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Do this, and do that.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
I don't want him to think I'm nagging him, but
he needs a crash course on being the man of
the house real fast. I never thought it would be
this big of a problem. Is it best to postpone
the wedding until he grows up?
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Yes, yes, it is.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yes, most definitely, you cannot marry this man.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
You can't.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
If you do, these same problems that you've written Steve
and I about today.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Will be going on in the marriage. You're talking about
a man who can't even pick his own clothes. You
said that.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
I really don't see what, if anything, you guys have
in common.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
You were raised differently.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
You had both parents who set a good example for
you and him. He was raised by his mom and
by his grandmother. He didn't have a father to teach
him how to be a man or a husband.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
And please don't think you can change him, because that's
not going to happen. He is who he is.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
He doesn't see a need to change. He's already complaining
to his mom about you wanting him to cook and clean,
and that's not going to stop because you got papers.
It's only going to get worse. So yes, postponing or
calling this wedding off is an excellent idea, because I
don't think you guys are a good match at all.
Speaker 4 (03:14):
Steve, Let's go to the bottom of this letter. The
bottom of the letter says, is it best to postpone
the wedding till he grows up? Here's another part of
the letter at the bottom. I don't want him to
think I'm nagging, but he needs a crash course on
being the man of the house real fast. I never
(03:37):
thought it would be this big of a problem. Is
it best to postpone the wedding till he grows up? Well,
let me ask you a basic question right here, right now.
What are you marrying him for? What is the purpose
of this union?
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Now?
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Look, I don't tell people how to live their life
because I've done everything crazy. I don't tell people wait
till they get married because I done moved into I'm
done tried it all. But when you move in and
it don't go right, I will refer you to something
a man told me in a premarital counseling course. He says, son,
(04:23):
the only thing that changes in people after they are
married is the appearance of their left hand third finger.
Everything you saw before, you gonna see after. Everything they
did before they will do after. So my question to you,
(04:44):
young lady, is what are you marrying him for?
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I think they said they're both twenty six. Yeah, you're mature.
He's not.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
You're marrying somebody. What straits did you want in a
man that he's exhibiting to you? I don't see it
nowhere in the thing. He handles business well in public.
What did that mean?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
At home? He doesn't help me do anything.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
Then you talk about how you grew up in a
home with both your parents and they both split up
the chores and cleaned and washed, and your dad was
at all your school activities, he cooked. You know, my
fiance was raised by his mom and his grandmam. He
was catered to his entire life.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Now, this's the part I don't understand. His mama.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
Bought most of his clothes until he and I got engaged. Okay, now,
y'all twenty six and got engaged. His mama bought his
clothes up till then then you fixed it up a
little bit and said, well, his mama got great.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Takee. I told her I can take care of it. Now.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
What what? His mama bought his clothes till he was
twenty six. Then his grandmama did all the cooking, so
he can't even he can't even make a sandwich. His
mama joked that if you don't start spoiling him. They
gonna come over there and do it for you. You told
(06:23):
her that wasn't funny to you. Why are you marrying
this boy? Because I ain't hurt nothing?
Speaker 5 (06:30):
Man?
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Did he?
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Do? You know what I think it is?
Speaker 4 (06:35):
I'll tell you what I think it is when we come.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Back, all right, all right, Steve, we'll have part two
of your response coming up at twenty three minutes after
the hour.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Today's Strawberry letter? Subject?
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Am I marrying a man or a child? Will get
back into it right after this. You're listening to Steve
Harvey Morning Show. Come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry letter.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
The subject is carrying a man or a child.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
And if you got to ask that question and then
write in a letter, then you already know the answer
because if you was marrying a man, you wouldn't be
typing this letter. Just why are you marrying this dude?
You know what this letter is, y'all? This letter is
a woman who wants a her husband and a man
(07:28):
who needs a mother and a grandmother and is hoping
to find it in his wife. Because this dude right here, man,
his mama picked out his clothes till he was twenty six.
I've never heard that before, and I've heard a lot
(07:48):
of stuff, but I've never heard a mama by her
son's clothes till he twenty six. Then you say, well,
good things. She had good taste because he's always well dressed.
You say he take care of business out in public,
but in private, is something wrong with him? Well, i'll
tell you what's wrong with him.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
He don't do it.
Speaker 4 (08:09):
You came from a two parent home where your parents
split all the responsibilities. Your dad helped cook, clean, he
was at all your school activities. Your fiance was raised
by his mom and his grandmama. They did everything, and
his grandmama cooked all his meals, to the point where
you say, your man can't even make a sandwich. He
was catered to his entire life. And then your mama
(08:30):
told you, if you don't start spoiling him, they gonna
come over there and do it for you. You said,
I don't think that's funny at all. They were serious.
And so then here's the part. He don't want to
learn how to cook. And when I asked him, sawtage
clothes for the launch because they done. Oh, by the way,
(08:51):
they've been living together for three weeks, that's what produced
this letter. He moved in with her three weeks ago.
He didn't know that whites don't go in wash it
with dogs. Well, that's easy. Let him do it one
time and that'll fix that.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
That's right, Because.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
When all your drawers is gray and green and they
was white, that's you. When your socks don't fit no more,
when your blue jeans is not coolox limbers, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
(09:28):
you can fix that right there. When your T shirts
and all your T shirts that you put them on
and they show your navel, that that's when you learn
how to wash after that. He often talks about having children,
but I can't imagine taking care of children while I'm
raising a grown man. Really, so why are you even
(09:49):
considering marrying him if you're trying to raise a grown man?
And then you overheard telling his mama that you put
pressure on him to clean and cook and do this
and that. Now, I don't want him to think I'm nagging,
but he needs a crash course on being a man
of the house. Okay, And who and who Finn to
give it to it?
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Who? Who young lady at gonna give him his crash course.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
He done got the crash course he gonna get from
his mama and his grandmama. How you gonna give him
a crash course when you ain't never been a man. Now,
you done had a good example of it in your father.
But you can't make a man be a man. I
can tell you that right now. You can take that
off your plate of and of things to do. If
(10:34):
you may meet a man, young ladies and he's not
a man, walk away because there is nothing you can
do to get him to be one. A woman cannot
make a man be a man. A woman can help
a man be a better man. Okay, okay, that's what
(10:55):
you can do. But you got to start with a man.
Your husband. You married married you because in hopes that
you can help him become a better man. But you
married your husband because he was already a man. Now
you get in there as a support system and try
(11:16):
to make him a better man. Same thing with a woman.
You marry a woman to make her a better woman.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
That's man.
Speaker 4 (11:27):
Y'all got to compliment each other, and they got nothing
going on right here. I don't even see why you
married the dude. They don't have nothing In comment he
don't do nothing. He ain't got nothing in common with
your daddy, your brother. I never thought it would be
this big of a problem. Is it best to postpone
(11:50):
the wedding till he grows up? He's not going to
grow up. Do you know how far behind he is
right now? His mama been buying his clothes till he
twenty six. I'm just telling you right now, I've never
heard that before. I don't know no man who mama
bought their clothes till he was twenty six. Now. I
know some men that lived at their mama house till
(12:13):
they were thirty something, but they was never in a
real relationship. Ain't no woman signing up for that. I
don't know why you were signed up for this. You
know what I think you should do. I think you
should ask him to leave your house until he grows up.
And then while he over there growing up, you need
to go find somebody that's already grown. That's my strong
suggestion to you, because you finna waste your life. You're
(12:37):
going to spend years of misery with this boy. This
boy right here, he don't have it. He just don't
have it. And I know it's one I don't have
a word from him. I don't know what he's thinking
of doing, but you everything you put in the let
he ain't doing. He ain't doing nothing. I leave him.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
Why you We post your comments on today's Struck Prairie
Strawberry Letter at Steve harvfil and Instagram and Facebook, and
check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on the free iHeartRadio
app Free Never.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
Sounded So good. You can download it today.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Coming up in forty six minutes after the hour, we
got Junior and sports talk.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Right after this. You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.
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