How to Be Attractive & What Data Says About Dating | Rob Henderson

Best-selling author, Air Force veteran, and psychologist Rob K. Henderson joins Erik Torenberg to explore the complex dynamics and evolutionary psychology in modern dating. The conversation examines how evolutionary psychology explains attraction patterns, particularly women's occasional interest in men with dark triad personality traits. Henderson unpacks the phenomenon through the lens of the Luigi Mangione case, discussing how violence and aggression can paradoxically enhance male appeal due to evolutionary adaptations. They explore dark triad attraction, pickup artist culture, partner selection research, and practical advice for men navigating relationships in the age of dating apps and challenging social dynamics. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS: Rob’s Newsletter: https://www.simonandschuster.com/authors/Rob-Henderson/177690581 Rob’s Best-selling book Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Troubled/Rob-Henderson/9781982168544 -- FOLLOW ON X: Rob - @robkhenderson Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia Chapters 00:00:00 Intro and Preview 00:01:41 Evolutionary psychology in relationships 00:04:17 Dark triad attraction case study: Luigi Mangione 00:10:56 Why women respond to violent men 00:14:04 Sponsor: Relationship Hero 00:15:54 Pickup artist culture evolution 00:20:40 Reconciling evolutionary psychology with being a good person 00:24:14 Partner selection research findings 00:29:49 Dark triad assortative mating patterns 00:31:13 High-leverage ways men can improve dating value 00:37:44 Age gap relationships 00:42:15 Black pill ideology and incel communities 00:49:41 Jordan Peterson vs. Andrew Tate as male influences 00:55:09 Vulnerability's role in male attraction 00:57:44 Closing thoughts on modern dating challenges 01:01:18 Wrap