May 30, 2025 • 46 mins
Remember when you confidently declared all the things you'd never do as a parent? Those lofty ideals about screen time, healthy eating, sleep training, and never losing your cool? Yeah, we do too.
In this candid conversation, Claire and Jill officially team up as co-hosts to tackle the humbling reality gap between pre-kid expectations and actual parenting. With equal parts humor and vulnerability, they confess how quickly their principles dissolved when confronted with the chaos of real family life.
From hiding tablets under shirts before restaurant outings to creating elaborate lies about ice cream trucks only playing music when they're out of ice cream, this episode celebrates the creative survival tactics we all develop. The hosts share their surprise at how dramatically different raising boys versus girls can be, despite the same parenting approaches. "It's almost like they talk about the growing milestones for boys," Claire laughs. "You go from Toy Story to trains to hot wheels to cars to dinosaurs, and Grant is literally, verbatim, the poster boy child."
What makes this conversation so refreshing is the hosts' willingness to acknowledge parenting realities that many feel ashamed to admit. Whether it's the overwhelm of sensory stimulation that leads to losing patience or the crushing defeat when sleep training methods that worked perfectly for one child fail miserably for another, Claire and Jill create space for listeners to release their own perfectionism.
Have you pretended to be asleep so your partner would handle a nighttime wake-up? Do you have parenting confessions or topic suggestions you'd like us to explore in future episodes? Connect with us through DM, comments, or email—nothing is off limits in this judgment-free zone of real Maryland mom talk.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Claire Duarte (00:00):
Hey friends and welcome to MomTalk Maryland.
I'm your host, claire Duarte,founder of the Columbia Mom, and
this is your spot for realconversations, local love and a
whole lot of community.
Whether you're folding laundry,running errands or hiding in
your car for some peace andquiet, let's dive in.
All right, are we good?
Yeah, I think so.
(00:21):
It's good as we'll ever be.
Yeah, I think so.
It's good as will ever be.
Okay, so before we get intotoday's episode, I have to
introduce someone very importantto me.
You've already heard her on acouple of episodes, but we've
never officially made it podcastofficial, so let's fix that.
I am so excited to finally andofficially introduce my co-host
(00:45):
and partner in crime, fellowMaryland mom and just all-around
amazing human, jill Burke.
Well, thank you.
I'm so excited to have you here, Jill, with us, and I know you
all are going to love her.
Jill Burke (00:59):
So let's jump into it.
Yeah well, I have to live up tothose expectations.
Claire Duarte (01:05):
They're not very high, so I think you'll be okay.
Jill Burke (01:08):
Thank you, I love being here.
Like I said, I think on thefirst episode that I kind of
pushed you, shoved you, intodoing a podcast.
Claire Duarte (01:18):
This really is your baby.
Jill Burke (01:20):
I know I have a lot of things to say and talk about
that.
My husband's sick of listeningto me talk to him about it, so I
needed an outlet and you werewilling to do this with me Right
, exactly, no, well, I'm gladthis was like.
Claire Duarte (01:37):
The podcast was always like your idea.
And here we are, which is crazy, you know what I mean.
Like not even six months later,or just about.
Yeah.
Jill Burke (01:48):
Just about yeah.
Claire Duarte (01:49):
Yeah, maybe it's like seven, exactly Something
like September.
But who's counting who?
Jill Burke (01:53):
cares, I know.
Claire Duarte (01:55):
So for today's episode, we're talking about
things we swore we'd never do asmoms, or as moms, as parents,
and this cracks me up because Ialways definitely think of, like
pre-kid me.
And then there's now me, theseasoned, the marinated mom, the
marinated Maryland mom, if youmay.
Right, I still am a white girl,so it's lightly.
(02:18):
Yours is probably betterseasoned than mine, you're
better cooked than me.
Um, I feel like that's aperfect topic for today, since
you're here with me.
Um, so let's jump into it.
I think, for a couple things forme swore, things that I swore
that I'd never do as a mom.
Um, I don't think I ever sworethat I was like never going to
(02:39):
do screen time or never gonnalike let my kids eat junk food.
I think in my brain I'm like,oh, my kids are gonna be so
healthy.
Or we're like, quote unquotenever going to use screen time
or never going to like let mykids eat junk food.
I think in my brain I'm like,oh, my kids are going to be so
healthy.
Or were like, quote unquote,never going to use screen time
in the regards of like it'sgoing to be used so minimally,
right, yeah, and that's thebiggest joke in the world.
Jill Burke (02:56):
Yeah, Like I never thought I would be pricing out
iPads and tablets for like mytwo year old, but when I was
pregnant with a two-year-old andit was the pandemic, I was like
anybody hello, we need a, weneed a tablet now.
Right here and I was sick of mydaughter using my iPad.
(03:18):
So there we were, looking atdifferent tablets that would be
appropriate for a two-year-old,and then the sun came along and
I needed another tablet for him.
And now I have a third and he,at 16 months, is also like but
where's mine?
(03:39):
We haven't jumped down thatrabbit hole yet with him, but no
, we're there there, oh my goshoh, I know, but I don't know if
I ever thought like I wouldn'tuse screen time yeah I have an
older sibling.
I have older siblings, so I kindof saw like, okay, it's
inevitable yeah I don't think.
(04:00):
I thought I would go to greatlengths oh, my gosh to make sure
tablets were always charged andavailable and ready to go, yeah
, when venturing out.
Claire Duarte (04:13):
Yes, two places also exactly and like and this
is where I think thenitty-gritty gets so different
for so many parents andhouseholds across like the way,
like one thing that we do in ourhouse and this is like no
judgment at all for however youhandle it and other moms,
however you handle in your house.
We try to do no tablets at homeand I realize that's probably
(04:36):
polarizing for a lot of people,but we also have.
Just because we don't have thetablet, it doesn't mean the tv
isn't on all the time.
Jill Burke (04:43):
Yeah you know what I mean.
Claire Duarte (04:50):
It's right, exactly.
So, yeah, we're, we're prettygood, and like we don't let the
kids just like willy nilly, grabthe tablets.
They are like high up in um, acloset in the laundry room and
they get them for, like when weeat out and like long car rides,
and even then, like we try likewe go to the beach a lot, so,
um, and it's a quick enoughdrive, like two and a half hours
that sometimes we actually tryto not give them the tablet for
(05:11):
like maybe the first half of it,just to see if they'll sleep or
rest, cause they can be astired as can be.
But if they're holding a tablet, those eyes are open.
No, oh, open.
I mean, I'm guilty of that too.
I have my too.
I can be as tired as I want,but if I have that phone, so
I'll sometimes not give it tothem just for them to get their
sillies out and see if they'llfall asleep, which lately hasn't
(05:33):
been happening and, what'sinteresting, I don't think we've
ever talked about the tabletusage of our kids, for our kids,
as friends and just likebombing together.
Jill Burke (05:45):
But same so like, even though we greatly relied on
the tablet at home, especiallyduring the pandemic and, um you
know, during some newborn stageswith you know, with my daughter
being older, we definitelydon't have the tablet available
to our kids at home.
(06:05):
It's very much like, okay, thedoctor's appointments.
You're going to be sitting in awaiting room or car rides.
And even then, because I'm fromupstate New York, so it takes
like five to six hours to getthere.
Claire Duarte (06:17):
That's a long drive and what I?
Jill Burke (06:19):
do is I actually use our iPad and I download movies
and we can plug it in because wehave the TV yeah, car, yeah in
the van in the van um and soeven like their tablets, I have
them, but they're they don'thave the wi-fi because we use
the fire yeah but so even for uslike no judgment at all no tv
(06:42):
is literally on all the time.
They figured out how to ask ourAlexa to play TV shows too
sometimes.
Claire Duarte (06:49):
So that's crazy.
Jill Burke (06:52):
But we definitely let him use it for like doctor's
appointments, going out to eator like if we know we're going
to maybe like an outing wherethere's going to be more adults
and older kids and not kidstheir age we bring them as like
backup yeah, um, and we'll dosomething similar, like we're
and like sometimes we'll bringthem and hide them.
Claire Duarte (07:12):
They don't even know that they're brought.
Jill Burke (07:15):
Yes, and it's just kind of like that, you know back
pocket insurance yeah, like Istick it under my shirt and walk
out and like they don't exactly, because if they.
Claire Duarte (07:24):
I know I mean to be honest.
We went to we had season passto Hershey Park last year and
Brooke's probably at the agewhere she can probably kind of
be fine with it.
Grant's a little bit more diceywith things, so we even brought
her with us to, knowing thatI'm not trying like yeah, we're
at an amusement park.
Jill Burke (07:45):
We're having a fun but if like a meltdown happens,
like yeah yeah, it's veryoverstimulating, exactly.
Claire Duarte (07:47):
It's hot.
You're doing all this stuff,right, I know?
Jill Burke (07:50):
no, and I think, like for us, we know that
they'll appreciate it when theydon't have it as often.
Right again, I'm saying this assomeone that has our tv on 90
of the time it's like on.
Claire Duarte (08:06):
I mean last night it was on until like the
minutes before bed and I'm like,and it's that's not every day,
but there's a lot of days yeah,and I think too like our,
because we have the fire tabletsand our kids like to use them
for the games.
Jill Burke (08:23):
Yeah, so, and like more of the educational games,
if you will.
So I don't feel as like my momguilt isn't as bad when I'm like
, okay, yeah, here's the tabletwhen we're out doing things.
Claire Duarte (08:34):
Yeah.
Jill Burke (08:34):
And stuff like that.
But even for restaurants welike give it to them once
they're done eating, because wetry and give them their food
first.
Claire Duarte (08:44):
Yeah.
Jill Burke (08:45):
And like kind of interact a little bit and then
like once they eat and we'restill eating, yeah, then we'll
let them have it and Brooke can,is like and can handle that
it's.
Claire Duarte (08:56):
It's my son who's kind of like, once he sits down
, he's like like where is it?
You know what I mean.
Like he's already like shakingready and because, like, when
Brooke sits down, she'll, likeyou know, actually do the
coloring and Grant, like youknow, again fine motor stuff
with him.
Jill Burke (09:14):
Like he could care less and does no desire to that,
and also like we both have theolder daughter, and then we have
the son.
And I think it's not even likethe motor skills Right, it's not
even like the motor skillsright boy versus girl, it's so
true and yeah, talk aboutanother mom confession.
I never in my life thought Iwould be like, oh my god, my
kids are so different yeah likeI thought like okay, going into
(09:35):
if we have a boy and a girl, andlike two same parents, same
household, like whatever, Ican't believe how different and
how having the girl first andthen a boy second is like a
whole slap in the face to yourparenting style.
Claire Duarte (09:54):
Oh, I know well and it's really funny.
I mean, I grew up like I'm oneof five and my younger brother
and I, um, are we're Irish twinsand not the Irish twins that
like, oh, like we're, you know,16 months apart.
I'm like bitch, hold my beer.
Like my brother and I had thesame due date oh my God, yes,
(10:16):
and I was born like early, hewas born late.
Jill Burke (10:18):
So I'm like literally 13 months apart,
exactly.
God bless your parents.
Claire Duarte (10:29):
So, yeah, so I'm like, yeah, so we're really
close in age, so, anyways, wecould not.
So I grew up, obviously, withBrendan I have three more, the
younger siblings after him, um,and we are like the most polar
opposite, like he's got.
Like you know, he had ADDgrowing up.
(10:49):
As kids we were so differentacademically, socially, like
everything, and to this day, um.
But so I grew up kind of likeknowing the polar differences of
what our internal sibling stuffwas like.
So that didn't surprise me.
What I thought was just almostcomical was you know how they
(11:10):
talk about gender and you knowwe were never the family that
were like, oh, we're like notgoing to talk about gender or
colors or try to push gender onkids.
And I always thought that Ithink there's a lot of validity
with that, but I didn't likepush it.
But I just always thought itwas so funny that it's like my
daughter, obsessed with pink,obsessed with Barbies, obsessed
with like the most girly girlstuff.
(11:31):
I mean I can't like blame her.
Like you know, am I similar, ofcourse.
And then my son, like it'salmost like they talk about like
the growing milestones for boys.
I'm like there needs to be thegrowth chart of like you know.
You go from like you know toystory to trains, to hot wheels,
to cars, to dinosaurs, and grantis like literally verbatim, the
(11:52):
poster boy child.
Do you know what I mean?
Like?
And I find that so I'm likethere's nothing that like, it's
just in his dna.
Jill Burke (12:00):
Yeah, and it cracks me up, yeah yeah, and I think
like with ryan wasn't so muchlike he's never been into like
one.
Well, he's upset.
He was obsessed with winnie thepooh yeah, that's so cute but
like the dinosaurs they're cooland cars are cool, but like he
takes the cake in boy world oflike just non-stop, yeah, and
(12:24):
not because he, you know adhd oranything like that, it's just
like he's a full boy, like hewants to be wrestling, he wants
to be throwing a ball, he wantsto be running he wants to be
climbing, he just wants thatgross motor.
Just like need to be moving,yeah yeah, and like to ask him
to sit down and paint or color.
(12:45):
He's into it yeah because hesees emily doing it uh-huh but
then he's out of it.
Yeah, quickly.
Yeah, um, I'll never forget mybest friend whose son is three
weeks older than danielle.
They came to visit us, or hername's danielle.
Her son, caleb um, is threeweeks older than my daughter,
(13:08):
emily, and they came to visitand Emily's drawing and
everything, and Caleb was, andshe was like, oh my God, emily's
just sitting there, nice.
And I was like, oh my God,caleb's just running around.
And this was before Ryan wasable to like really go.
Yeah, and I said to her theother night I texted her.
(13:28):
I was like, oh my god, whydidn't you warn me?
Like why didn't you prepare mebetter?
Right for this?
Yeah, and she just laughed andshe's like, do you remember the
time when I came?
Yeah, no, I, that's like goingthrough my head right and I'm
like yeah, and I just like momconfession.
I was like what is happening,yeah, what is going through my
head?
And I'm like yeah, and I justlike mom confession.
I was like what is happening,yeah, what is going on.
And now it's like I'm here, andhere we are.
Claire Duarte (13:52):
I know.
Well, next one for me that Iwas thinking of and I already
kind of said like was like thefood and eating, and I was like,
oh, like you know, we're mykids, like are going to be,
because I say, you know, as youstart to become a parent, right,
you know, and you're learningthe basic things like, oh, like,
introduce them to everything,like as far as like foods and
(14:12):
solids, right, you know, andthat will help diminish picky
eating.
Jill Burke (14:16):
Or what about, like, you eat when you're pregnant,
like all this food, and it willgo through to them somehow and
it will help them when they'reable to eat, like, enjoy this
food, right, such a lie, yeah,like, can a doctor call us and
tell us, like, if that'sactually true, because so many
people are like, oh, you'reeating this and this and this,
(14:37):
those kids are gonna want to eateverything when they're able to
lies, absolute lies, well andum, and that'd probably be a
problem because I ate like allthis, like cereal, and weird.
Claire Duarte (14:47):
I didn't have weird cravings, I just had like
very like boring, but like Idon't know.
Just like I wasn't like cravinglike pickles and hot sauce, I
was like I needed like boxes ofwheaties, like it's not, it's
not very fun and interesting,but it is sort of like okay.
But um, like you know, I mean Ithink you remember too I feel
(15:07):
like this is the case for somany moms.
Like you know, the babies eateverything under the sun and
then they become toddlers andthen they become little shits
and then, like all, like the,the pickiness starts and I mean,
I'll be.
My kids are both pretty goodfor the most part.
Um, I did find it like odd thatbrooke like still doesn't
(15:28):
really love mac and cheese andlike that is just kind of like
kidism 101.
But you know, every kid's gotlike something.
But for the most part they arepretty good eaters, but like
they probably still only eatlike no, they're getting a
little bit better withvegetables.
You know what I mean.
But and I remember one of theother things that I had read and
learned when I was like tryingto do the baby led weaning thing
is like everybody eats the samething in the house and to this
(15:49):
day, like, and I was so I meanthat was the case when we were
kids, but like again, I don'tremember when we were like
really little, like you know itwas about, I'm sure it was a
principle.
I remember it was like, you know, everybody has to eat together
and stuff like that.
So, like, so two-pronged, do weall eat together?
No, um, do I wish we did?
Yes, my husband's schedule isalso a little funny, but it's
(16:09):
also by the time, like I finish,like it's just easier.
You know, I also look at it.
Like you know, just because wedon't all eat together, I also
look at it's just life in aseason.
Yeah, you know what I mean,absolutely.
And but then the second prongof like you know, are they
getting the introduction to allthe fruits and vegetables and
like all the food that we eat?
Or think you know that they'regoing to be the healthiest kids
(16:30):
in the world?
Like no, yeah, just no.
We have like the five foodrotation and that's it.
Jill Burke (16:36):
Yeah, I mean you know I the other night or the
other day, I purchased cake popsfor the kids to surprise them
and I asked brendan I go, whereshould I hide these?
That they won't find?
And he said in the vegetabledrawer, because our kids don't
eat vegetables.
And that is.
That is just the fact.
(16:56):
Yeah, um, am I going to go poorproviding strawberries for my
children?
Yes, because they will eatstrawberries, and ryan will.
Ryan and logan will devourbananas, but when it comes to a
vegetable, I don't.
I don't actually think emilyhas had a vegetable since she
was a baby and she would likeyeah, eat anything.
(17:17):
And is avocado a vegetable or afruit?
Claire Duarte (17:20):
I mean, it has a pit, I always get confused they
like it's a side to me, likeit's a, it's an app, so what is
that?
But yeah, it's a meal.
Jill Burke (17:30):
I really was.
Like all these kids, I love toeat everything.
They I mean I would say threeto four of the seven nights a
week.
Brendan will say to me I can'tbelieve you're doing this,
because I'm not just cooking onemeal for for us.
(17:51):
I'm cooking a meal for us, ameal for Emily, a meal for Riot,
a meal for Logan.
Sometimes, like last night Imade mac and cheese.
Yeah, two of the three kidswanted that, and I can't let my
kids starve.
Claire Duarte (18:06):
No, so there I am , like what do you want?
Jill Burke (18:08):
What can I make?
So it's a busy dinner.
Claire Duarte (18:14):
It is, but we do sit down.
Jill Burke (18:16):
I somehow time it that we all sit down together
every single night and eatdinner and we have a rule of no
phones we don't, that's nice.
Claire Duarte (18:28):
Yeah, no, we definitely don't.
Jill Burke (18:30):
Yeah, we don't do tablets, our phones like away
and when people come over fordinner, I'm like you have to put
your phone away oh, that's niceand like when people come over
for dinner, it's like my parentsare visiting.
Oh, yeah, Like we don't havelike dinner parties.
Claire Duarte (18:43):
Right, yeah.
Jill Burke (18:46):
But yeah, we do sit together, but I don't sit, I'm
up like still just like serving.
Claire Duarte (18:51):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and milk and everything.
Jill Burke (19:03):
But yeah, no, we don't.
It's mac and cheese, dinonuggets, sometimes some egg
noodles, nice um chicken, thechicken fries, specifically the
blue bag from aldi.
I need to try, I need to grabthose.
Um, we've, we've added in somefrench fries, so like see potato
oh my god, that is how I'mgetting my kids to eat a
vegetable.
Claire Duarte (19:18):
I'm like oh, potato, right um brooke is a
little, because she's older andshe's always been a little bit
more, I would say, adventurousof an eater, but just a little
bit more open-minded.
The grant grant just a littlebit more rigid.
Jill Burke (19:31):
Um, with all things but emily is my rigid one.
Yeah, ryan had like a taco lastnight we're kind of taco last
year like the.
Claire Duarte (19:38):
Costco ones.
Jill Burke (19:40):
She asks for the taco, the Costco ones with the
green sauce, and I'm like, oh,all right, yeah, Like I cut the
tortilla in half and like made alittle soft taco for Ryan last
night.
I'm like he's like I want thebig one.
I'm like you look, and then wehad the other half and I almost
fell out of my chair.
Claire Duarte (20:00):
Brooke did something like yeah, it was
basically last year and I thinkit was my mom watched her and
made a quesadilla which, likeI've made and we've gotten at
restaurants I'm like guys, thisis bread, but it's different
when someone else does it.
It's bread and cheese, come on,you know.
And so I think she was like oh,yeah, I like that.
So I was like, okay, this iskind of similar here, yeah, so,
(20:22):
yeah, I mean, so I think food isa big one, screens is a big one
.
Another one for me that Iwouldn't say that I thought that
I would never do because Ididn't like when I was pre-kids
I never really thought aboutsleep.
(20:42):
But like again, when you become,when you're pregnant with your
first right, like you start toread everything and or like when
the baby's here and theneverything's falling apart, then
you're reading more.
And I asked, like what do I do?
Yeah, and um, and with brooke,she was a good sleeper, but I,
you know, I did do some of thesleep training with her and it
worked marvelously.
And in my brain I thought, ohwell, the people's whose babies
aren't sleeping must, like it'syour baby's not sleeping because
you're not doing sleep training.
(21:03):
In my brain and that wasn'texactly what I was saying to my
friends, but I'll admit that Iwas like, probably, like in no
way like trying to judge myfriends or other people, but I
think they're just like.
Again, it was so new to me thatI just kind of assuming oh well
then you just want to be likesleep train the baby.
Jill Burke (21:19):
How hard is it?
Claire Duarte (21:20):
how hard could it be?
Just do it.
And then I had my son and Itried to do the same thing and
god and the universe were likeha ha ha.
You know, I tried thoseprinciples for a whole year.
They got me nowhere.
And I was like, oh, not that, Inot again, not that sleep
training is a crock shit, I,it's just.
(21:40):
It goes back to like, oh, it'sjust so, kid dependent, yeah and
with Emily we tried sleeptraining and failed.
Jill Burke (21:53):
Like I still remember there was one night,
like hours, that we watched herjust crying and it was killing
me, but we were trying to like,do what the book says cry it out
, cry it out and, for the record, there's also like I shouldn't
say a zillion sleep there.
Claire Duarte (22:08):
Just there's multiple different methods,
multiple different ideologiesand ways to do it.
So I think you and I are bothnot necessarily talking about
just like straight, like cried,and there's, like there's
methodologies, that I think, andthere's different people
there's.
I mean, there's a couple namesI'm not going to drop them here,
but, like you know, of handlesthat I can kind of think of,
that we were all sort of likefollowing along, yeah and it
(22:31):
didn't work, you know, then wewould, it would get going.
Jill Burke (22:35):
Um, I mean honestly, emily slept in our room, we got
her good, and then I neverthought I would have a child
that would sleep in my room Igrowing up never slept in my
parents room.
Same it was not an option.
Claire Duarte (22:52):
Oh yeah, no, it was not an option um.
Jill Burke (22:55):
The only time I would sleep in my parents room
is if we were traveling, we weresharing a hotel room, or like
going out.
Claire Duarte (23:00):
Y'all traveled Right.
We said like in a beach house,but yeah, Randomly.
Jill Burke (23:05):
Usually, my brother and sister are 10 and 12 years
older than me, so it was liketraveling to drop them off at
college, um, or like if we wentto visit family and we shared a
room, yeah, but Emily, afterhaving Ryan, we converted her to
like a toddler bed and I stillregret that day because she
(23:26):
could get out.
Claire Duarte (23:28):
Oh, and how old was she?
At what age was she?
Jill Burke (23:35):
She was like two and a half when all of a sudden her
sleep went back downhill.
Oh yeah, like really downhill.
Yeah, and her pediatricianwho's amazing suggested like why
don't you do like a bed in yourroom, like a floor bed, and
she'll get sick of it.
Claire Duarte (23:54):
Hmm, can you send your pediatrician a bill?
Jill Burke (24:05):
can you send your pediatrician a bill?
That floor bed lasted untillast year, when she was almost
five and a half and we weregetting ready to welcome our
third kid, and I was like wecan't have her in kindergarten
being woken up by a baby no, andwe had to like basically go
back to like step one of gettinga kid back to their bed.
So my husband took that onbecause we figured if things
(24:29):
were still amiss when the babycame.
Yeah, I'm going to be with thebaby he needs to deal with that
and he would kind of get thatcloseness with her.
Luckily, she we got into agroove and yeah like since then
she sleeps in her bed.
Um, and then, because her sleepwas such a mess, when ryan came
along, my second, I was like weare, I am following the rules.
(24:51):
I'm not putting him into hiscrib when he's asleep, he's
going into his crib awake.
We're doing all these thingsand he is literally my best
sleeper, so much so that I justmoved my third into the room.
They're sharing a room becauseI didn't want to disrupt his
sleep.
I was so concerned aboutdisrupting his sleep because
he's such a good sleeper.
He goes.
(25:11):
I read him his books, I sing acouple songs.
Still, I love it.
Yeah, um, but I was so nervousyeah, like.
I deal with Logan.
That sounds bad to say I dealwell, my child, but you know.
But yes, I do my reading withRyan and Logan.
I get him in.
(25:32):
He has a whole routine of likeneeds water, whatever.
I bring Logan to my room to gethim back in it, like put him in
his jammies, walk with him kindof get him snuggly and sleepy.
And then I kind of make sureRyan's asleep, and then I put
Logan into the crib.
Nice, so it's a.
It's a little like juggling butyou know, I also never thought I
(25:55):
would have my child leaving myroom at like 15 months.
I thought like yeah, I was outof my room at five months.
Ryan was out of our room atthree months.
Claire Duarte (26:07):
Yeah, so that was like a shock to the system.
Right, and our kids were aboutthe same as well.
So I know, yes, sleep, I think,is a big one.
Food is a big one.
Food is a big one.
Um, I was gonna say the nextthing I think is like well,
again, I think there's adifference between like what are
things I never thought I was doas a parent, versus like once I
(26:29):
became a parent and startedreading the like what do parents
?
What do, what is thisgeneration of parent doing?
Parenting, doing for for sleep,for for introducing solids, for
potty training, right.
Right, because we're kind of Ithink we come through this
methodology of like, okay, wewant to be better than our
parents, not that our parentsdid anything bad or wrong, but
you're just like, okay, how canwe kind of approach this better?
(26:50):
And so it's, you know.
So the thing that I swore thatI would never do is kind of like
based on like the books orreading, or the handles that I'm
watching, the people that I'mlistening to, and you know, I
think I'm not sorry to interruptbut I think we are generation.
Jill Burke (27:08):
We also are living in a time where we have social
media, yeah, and we see theselike perfect families and these
perfect situations.
You know, there's tons ofbehavioral psychologists and
experts that I follow, that Iread and I'm like, oh, I can do
that.
Oh, that's why they're actingout or that's why they're not
(27:28):
sleeping, and I'm going to dothat.
And so we have all this liketoo much information where our
parents just had, like, what didtheir parents do?
Claire Duarte (27:37):
right, and there was books, right, but like you
know, is exactly, definitelydifferent, definitely different,
and I think it.
Well, and that's the realitythere is.
There is so much moreinformation out there and we
have it at our fingertips, whichis the great thing about being
a mom this day and age, whenyou're exhausted, up in the
middle of the night and you andwe obviously have our phones,
that I can sit there and scrolland I'm like in complete
(27:58):
desperation of, like, what do Ido to help this, yeah, situation
?
You know what I mean and so, nodoubt, and you know, be
googling all the sleep things.
Or you know how to get my kidsto, you know, eat a like one
friggin piece of food, you know.
And then potty training right,like you know, we think like, oh
gosh, yeah, you and I both willhave to do a full week-long
(28:23):
episode of everything that we'vebeen through.
Um, but um, which I think I'meven just gonna sidestep because
there's too much if we get intopotty training, we're in talk
forever, um, but I think they'lldo.
Jill Burke (28:34):
you think potty training is something we need to
come back to and people?
Feel free to let us know yourstruggles, because we have
endured it.
Claire Duarte (28:48):
It's like a nice soft way to put it.
Jill Burke (28:50):
And one of these episodes, we will actually tell
the truth.
Claire Duarte (28:53):
Oh, we'll go into .
I think I've kind of even inthe last episode I feel like I I
think I mentioned it I justdidn't go heavy into it because
I was like I don't really wantto like just drop the bomb of
like literally fully painted outthere.
But um, and then when I met you, I just realized I was like, oh
my god, there are other peoplethat are I mean, I know that
people have struggled, but likethere's a, there's a different
(29:17):
level of struggle that I feelthat you and I have bonded into,
unfortunately.
But the last little like minorconfession and then we can jump
into some other pieces, was justlike managing behaviors.
I think is kind of like the waythat I would put it.
Like you're like, oh, look, I'm, I won't yell with my kids,
like I'll, you know um, do thegentle parenting thing, or I'm
(29:38):
never gonna lose my shit, andyou know um, blah, blah, blah.
Right and apply all thoseprinciples.
And look, I think we can alladmit we have better days and
moments, and it's not, of course, an all or nothing thing, um,
and there's definitely beenseasons of my life that I've
been better at it than others,like this week, not a good week,
(29:58):
not a great week, not aterrible week, not a great one.
You know what I mean.
Jill Burke (30:03):
I think.
I think it's with the like, howwe go about their behaviors,
and this gentle parenting thingfor me and this is like my big
confession is how stimulated amI?
Yes, and the other day Brendanand I had this whole
conversation about it Because Iwas like why did you go to this
(30:28):
level?
I was trying to say it, youknow.
I was trying to say at levelthree you went to like a seven.
Usually we're good at matchingenergies of like who's staying
at the lowest?
And he's like it was just thatAlexa was on the TV, was on,
Logan was crying, this washappening.
I'm like, oh, so you were justlike overstimulated, yeah.
And he's like, yeah, and I'mlike if you had just said like
(30:49):
I'm overstimulated right now, Iwould have known, cause that's
my thing, yeah, you can't takemy overstimulation.
But I was like, no, I get that.
Like that is like yeah, youunderstand, I have a kitchen
timer going, I have alexaplaying, I have the kids asking
mom, mom, mom, mom, I have youknow the dogs barking, the, you
(31:11):
know everything happening andthat's when I will snap.
That sounds bad to say I snap,but I'm like no, it's it's a
literal human emotion neverthought, but I'm like, no, it's,
it's a literal human emotion.
I never thought in my likeperfect mom mind when I was like
getting ready to have kids,yeah, that I would like lose it
so quickly just over, like thesound I know Of life.
Claire Duarte (31:35):
Oh, I know.
Jill Burke (31:35):
That I chose to create.
Claire Duarte (31:37):
That I chose to create and that I allowed to
have happen.
I know A lot of times it's likewe chose this.
I know that I chose to create,that I chose to create and that
I allowed to have happen.
Jill Burke (31:39):
I know a lot of times it's like we chose this.
Claire Duarte (31:43):
I know, oh my gosh and it's the truth.
Jill Burke (31:46):
But like I, I just get so over stimulated by sound.
I know.
I can handle like mom, mom, momand asking for things and like
just being a vending machineconstantly like, I can handle
that I can do that I can butlike when it's one kid wants
alexa playing and another kidwants plooey on tv and another
(32:10):
kid wants like the transformerand sounds to be on, and it's
all at the same time.
Claire Duarte (32:16):
It's like yeah I know it's it's like and it's
like a visceral reaction and forme lately, what's been really
and I and this is where, likewe'll have to do a full episode
just on mom guilt you know whatI mean again a full month long,
but like what's been triggeringme a lot lately, and this is
just where we're still very muchin the what's the phrase.
(32:42):
We're just still in the hole ofthis with Grant, of just the
intense behaviors and thefussing and the crying and kind
of like, and because, grant,we've had the developmental
delay and stuff like that, it'snot just as easy as like okay,
well, maybe I just need to holdmy boundaries better, and I do
(33:02):
think that's part of it.
It's not all of it.
I mean, you've walked this linetoo, but, um, so last night I
was trying to like hold theboundary but it's just, and I
could have been at a two orthree before, that you know.
And then, but it's just funny,the fussing and crying, the way
that it can burn through thatpatience and escalate me to a
seven or eight so fast and I'mlike I was doing you so good
(33:23):
before and and it sucks likethat.
So that's just been like kindof like my trigger point lately.
Granted, this is again this ismore than I'm talking about a
kid that you know has over, youknow has moved through a lot of
speech, you know delays andthings like that with that
obviously influence thebehaviors.
So it's not just as black aswhite as like oh, just do this
(33:44):
one thing, um, and I think it's.
Jill Burke (33:47):
We both have four-year-olds grant's june
right yep and ryan's august, solike yeah very same track.
Yep, I also think it's this agetoo.
Yeah, and we've been evensaying to Ryan like buddy,
what's going on?
Like one minute, you're our Ryeguy, like the fun
(34:08):
happy-go-lucky, wild, wild.
But within, like a snap of thefinger, he's like don't talk to
me, I don't like you, You're theworst, you're the worst ever.
And I'm like because I told youI literally told you to slow
down.
Like you can keep running.
Claire Duarte (34:26):
Yeah.
Jill Burke (34:27):
Watch out for your little brother.
Slow down and I say it in mymost gentlest, nicest, and it's
just like so I think I hope,yeah, I, it's a season.
Claire Duarte (34:44):
Right, I know Well, and actually I think
Brooke has been as good of anoffender on that too Like well,
like the going from, like oh,I'm never going to like do this
again, or blah, blah, blah, andI was like hold on, you know,
like wait a minute, you knowwhat I mean and it's yeah, it's,
it's a lot, but yeah, it's justthe general behavioral
(35:06):
management a lot, but yeah, it'sjust the general behavioral
management.
And I and I'll one thing that Itold my therapist that I
realized I need to tell my momthis too, is like you know, now
that we're like living through Ithink becoming a parent has
made me appreciate my parents somuch more and realize, like you
know, again, it's so mucheasier to think, oh, I'm going
to do it differently and I'm,you know, not going to swear
(35:28):
these things off because you nowI'm like, oh my God, I like
realize how hard y'all had it.
Jill Burke (35:40):
Well, I mean there's five there is.
Ok, yeah, I'm, mine is a walkin the park, yeah, so.
Claire Duarte (35:42):
I was like almost an only child.
So yeah, and my husband too,and my husband too, and so
different, different yeah, butstill hard, yeah, I know.
So I mean, yeah, like I said,we could probably, like you know
, give a whole dissertation oneach of those buckets, oh yeah,
but those are kind of like theeasiest things that come to mind
.
Jill Burke (36:03):
Yeah, and I thought, don't mind me just pulling up
some fun notes exactly.
Claire Duarte (36:10):
I have to live off of them um, oh well.
Jill Burke (36:14):
We had people write in to us about like we knew we
wanted to talk about this stuffyeah so we were kind of like
pulling some people, askingpeople like what are some
confessions?
Or things you swore you neverwould do.
Um, you know, one was likebribe your child.
I knew 1000% I was going tobribe my children because I was
(36:36):
a teacher first and I loved agood bribery.
I was like okay, kids yeah likemy seventh graders.
I'm like okay if we all like getour homework in yeah do like a
fun little something or anotheror like get a special treat.
You know this was like rightseveral years ago, where you
could bring in treats oh yeah um, so I 1000% knew I was going to
(36:59):
bribe my kids.
Yeah, I mean, I also like to bebribed, so like yeah, I know I
mean yes, yeah, oh, I get to dothat and then get like ice cream
afterwards.
Claire Duarte (37:07):
Oh my God, seriously.
Jill Burke (37:10):
Another one said well, we talked about that, make
separate meals Guilty guiltyguilty.
Oh for sure.
Oh, one person wrote in aboutlike they never.
They swore they would never lettheir children like dress, not
dress themselves, but like justwear whatever they chose.
Uh-huh, like mismatched clothes.
(37:31):
And like I feel like I alsothought that and then Emily went
through a phase where shewanted to be Little Bo Peep all
the time, so she would wear herclothes Uh-huh, and then put her
Little Bo Peep outfit on.
Claire Duarte (37:44):
Oh, my God.
Jill Burke (37:46):
And that's just how we rocked.
And then Ryan would literallyrecently decided he wanted to
just wear every Winnie the Poohtype of outfit he had.
Oh my God.
So we went to the grocery storewith his Winnie the Pooh
sneakers, shorts.
(38:06):
That didn't match the outfit,uh-huh um, with his Winnie the
Pooh shirt on, with his buffaloplaid collared oh my god and
then bumblebee sunglasses oh, mygod all right, I was like you
know what?
but he was happy, and then I wasthankful that he has a school
(38:28):
uniform to wear every day yeah,you know well.
Claire Duarte (38:31):
And then, like you and I can appreciate this
too anybody that's parents ofneuro spicy kids I like to call
like like I look at it.
I'm like hey, you independentlygot it done, because my, my son
, only just recently startedindependently dressing and he's
almost five, yeah.
So I'm like hey, if you did it.
Like I'm like you have a drawerfull of pants that he won't
touch, he like has to do onlysweatpants right now, and I'm
(38:53):
like, I'm like these pants are.
So I'm like you know what he wegot dressed today.
You know we're wearing clothes,we're going to school, you know
.
Jill Burke (39:03):
So, yeah, I think that's a big one um, so another
thing that we had people writein about, and maybe this can be
like how we wrap up this episode, I think will be fun.
Um, I'm going to read a coupleconfessions that people wrote
into us and like get yourreaction.
I can throw in my two centspossibly.
Um, these are really clever andsome of them I'm like damn, why
(39:26):
didn't I think of this?
Awesome, like mom hack yeah.
Claire Duarte (39:30):
Basically yeah.
Jill Burke (39:35):
So one person wrote in I have pretended to be asleep
, so my partner would have todeal with a crying kid at night.
Claire Duarte (39:44):
Have you ever done that Guilty, but only
recently Only.
I feel like, because I'm like Ialso look, I'm like I paid my
dues, like brooke was a goodsleeper, so that wasn't as bad.
And early on, um, grant was nota good sleeper, and this was
also like through the height ofcovid, and my husband did not,
does not work from home, so Ithink I always felt guilty.
(40:04):
So I took, like I did, all theovernight stuff because I was
like he has to like leave likehella early.
Yeah, I mean it was stillbrutal for me, but um, but grant
still like has some he's sleeps, but just he still has got some
funky stuff.
I'm just like, yeah, so I'mguilty of that.
Jill Burke (40:22):
Yeah, I mean, I've attempted to do that.
Um, I swear, is there?
Has there ever been like astudy on the Y chromosome?
What like have they like putlittle devices on a man's head
and?
like they had the cries machine,going like see what the
(40:43):
reactions are, cause I swear,see what the reactions are
because I swear it's shocking.
Yeah, I mean I can't believehow my husband can sleep through
baby cries.
Because I have attempted, Ihave attempted to be like I'm
sleeping, the baby's crying, ora kid is crying or something.
Nothing, no movement.
Claire Duarte (41:03):
Snoring Like continuous sleep.
Jill Burke (41:05):
Yes, of course.
Like, not even even pretendingI'm like no, he is, he is asleep
, no doubt.
Um, all right, another funnyone that I thought was really
good.
Claire Duarte (41:15):
Um, I tell my kids their noisy toys ran out of
batteries, even though I justtook them out oh my gosh, I
don't even know that we'll takethe batteries out as much as,
like my husband will eitherthrow away, hide the toy or, if
I don't want to, like turn onthe tv or something I could get.
I could get away with this whenthey were younger be like, oh,
(41:36):
the tv is, doesn't working yeah,the tv doesn't have batteries
like I just like, literally likemake up the most random and
absurd lies for sure.
Now they're, unfortunately,getting smarter, oh, and they've
also learned they know wherethe batteries are.
So I can't do the battery thingas much, but I was.
I did say something about thetv and I'm like oh, the tv's not
working, I don't.
(41:57):
They know how to use the remotenow.
Jill Burke (41:59):
So yeah, yeah they know how to use the remote
better than I do.
I swear um this one.
Actually someone wrote this inand I recall a mom telling me
this story at the pool, likeeither last summer or the summer
before.
So they told their child thatthe ice cream truck plays music
(42:21):
only when it was out of ice.
And I, yes.
And a mom told me that she usedthat trick and then started
coming to our pool and that icecream truck man knows, when it's
adult swim, he is there.
Oh, they do, they do, he hasmessed me up because now he
comes with the music blaring andshe's like the kid's like wait,
(42:44):
wait.
I thought why are these kidsgetting?
Claire Duarte (42:48):
yeah, the pool is a different beast.
Jill Burke (42:49):
I was like that was brilliant, though that was.
Claire Duarte (42:54):
That's good for at home, but yeah, that the pool
is not gonna work.
That's gonna fall apart forsure.
Jill Burke (42:59):
Yeah, that's a good one um, sometimes I put my
airpods in with nothing playing,just so my kids think I can't I
think our kids are too littlethat I don't think that they
would ever care, because they'renever gonna stop my kids see me
actually get on a phone call.
Like legit, put my air airpodsin on a call and then they're
(43:21):
like, oh no, now I need to likebother her more.
Oh yeah, like they'll.
They'll be in like a comatosestate of mind watching TV the
minute I take a phone call.
Jump on a meeting, especiallythose snow days when we had snow
days, oh right.
They're like oh, oh, mommy, Inow need to have 8,000 snacks, I
need lemonade, I need milk.
(43:41):
Where's my water?
Where's this?
Yep?
Can you help me use thebathroom Like?
Where's my water, where's?
Claire Duarte (43:47):
this Yep, can you help me use the bathroom, like
I mean literally?
Well, um, I don't work fromhome a lot a lot of like, mainly
cause I like to work Like I'llgo to like a cafe and stuff to
be I'm too stimulated in myhouse or whatever.
Um, but we do have an officedownstairs and I would close the
doors and the kids would justbust them wide open and I would
lock them from the inside, butthey're like the shitty old ones
.
You know what I mean.
Jill Burke (44:07):
So they could just like grant would just.
Claire Duarte (44:08):
I mean, this is back when I still had like my
other, like old full-time joband stuff like that.
I'd be on calls and withclients and meetings, and you
know, great lady, come up to melike I gotta go pee at a potty.
I'm like, here we are.
Jill Burke (44:18):
Yeah, you know um the beauty, though, like of of
your outside of the podcast.
Claire Duarte (44:26):
Yes.
Jill Burke (44:26):
The Columbia mom, as I always say to you, is like
well, at least we have the namemom in the business.
Claire Duarte (44:32):
It's built in.
Jill Burke (44:33):
So people who are meeting with us, like when my
little baby comes popping in onscreen, we're moms, we're
actually moms.
So if you're, trying to reachmoms.
You've you found them?
Claire Duarte (44:43):
You found them Exactly no, that you found them.
You found them Exactly no.
That's so true, so well, and onthat note, we are moms and
we'll find a way to wrap up here, but I think this was pretty
fun.
It was definitely fun to likechat about and commiserate.
Yeah, you know, that's the realtruth.
But I do think we shoulddefinitely talk more about like
the potty training stuff,behavioral stuff.
(45:04):
We can clearly go on about that.
Jill Burke (45:06):
Yeah, and also, like we both have gone through
Kennedy Krieger, yeah, mydaughter suffers from high
anxiety, so I think there's alot like to unpack that a lot of
parents don't feel comfortabletalking to and talking about.
Claire Duarte (45:24):
Yeah, yeah, I agree, and I'll say this too If
there's any other topics thatyou want to hear from us,
whether it's, you know, kidsspecific, you know parenting
specific, you know, if you havesimilar struggles that we sort
of hinted at that you would loveus to talk more about on, or
hear an episode on, definitelylet us know, like, shoot us a DM
, write a comment, an email.
We'd love to know any more likeyou know, topic submissions or
(45:47):
struggles you've been goingthrough.
But, yeah, thank you so muchfor your time today, jill.
Jill Burke (45:51):
Yeah, nothing's off the table.
Claire Duarte (45:53):
Nothing is off the table.
Jill Burke (45:55):
For better or for worse.
Claire Duarte (45:56):
Yeah, Thanks for tuning in to this episode of
MomTalk Maryland.
If you loved it, leave a review, share it with a friend or tag
me at thecolumbiamom onInstagram.
I'd love to hear what you thinkand don't forget to follow the
show so you never miss anepisode.
Until next time, keep showingup, keep supporting local and
(46:17):
keep being the incredible mom,woman, human that you are.
Hey friends and welcome to MomTalk Maryland.
I'm your host, claire Duarte,founder of the Columbia Mom, and
this is your spot for realconversations, local love and a
whole lot of community.
Whether you're folding laundry,running errands or hiding in
your car for some peace andquiet, let's dive in.
All right, are we good?
Yeah, I think so.
(00:21):
It's good as we'll ever be.
Yeah, I think so.
It's good as will ever be.
Okay, so before we get intotoday's episode, I have to
introduce someone very importantto me.
You've already heard her on acouple of episodes, but we've
never officially made it podcastofficial, so let's fix that.
I am so excited to finally andofficially introduce my co-host
(00:45):
and partner in crime, fellowMaryland mom and just all-around
amazing human, jill Burke.
Well, thank you.
I'm so excited to have you here, Jill, with us, and I know you
all are going to love her.
Jill Burke (00:59):
So let's jump into it.
Yeah well, I have to live up tothose expectations.
Claire Duarte (01:05):
They're not very high, so I think you'll be okay.
Jill Burke (01:08):
Thank you, I love being here.
Like I said, I think on thefirst episode that I kind of
pushed you, shoved you, intodoing a podcast.
Claire Duarte (01:18):
This really is your baby.
Jill Burke (01:20):
I know I have a lot of things to say and talk about
that.
My husband's sick of listeningto me talk to him about it, so I
needed an outlet and you werewilling to do this with me Right
, exactly, no, well, I'm gladthis was like.
Claire Duarte (01:37):
The podcast was always like your idea.
And here we are, which is crazy, you know what I mean.
Like not even six months later,or just about.
Yeah.
Jill Burke (01:48):
Just about yeah.
Claire Duarte (01:49):
Yeah, maybe it's like seven, exactly Something
like September.
But who's counting who?
Jill Burke (01:53):
cares, I know.
Claire Duarte (01:55):
So for today's episode, we're talking about
things we swore we'd never do asmoms, or as moms, as parents,
and this cracks me up because Ialways definitely think of, like
pre-kid me.
And then there's now me, theseasoned, the marinated mom, the
marinated Maryland mom, if youmay.
Right, I still am a white girl,so it's lightly.
(02:18):
Yours is probably betterseasoned than mine, you're
better cooked than me.
Um, I feel like that's aperfect topic for today, since
you're here with me.
Um, so let's jump into it.
I think, for a couple things forme swore, things that I swore
that I'd never do as a mom.
Um, I don't think I ever sworethat I was like never going to
(02:39):
do screen time or never gonnalike let my kids eat junk food.
I think in my brain I'm like,oh, my kids are gonna be so
healthy.
Or we're like, quote unquotenever going to use screen time
or never going to like let mykids eat junk food.
I think in my brain I'm like,oh, my kids are going to be so
healthy.
Or were like, quote unquote,never going to use screen time
in the regards of like it'sgoing to be used so minimally,
right, yeah, and that's thebiggest joke in the world.
Jill Burke (02:56):
Yeah, Like I never thought I would be pricing out
iPads and tablets for like mytwo year old, but when I was
pregnant with a two-year-old andit was the pandemic, I was like
anybody hello, we need a, weneed a tablet now.
Right here and I was sick of mydaughter using my iPad.
(03:18):
So there we were, looking atdifferent tablets that would be
appropriate for a two-year-old,and then the sun came along and
I needed another tablet for him.
And now I have a third and he,at 16 months, is also like but
where's mine?
(03:39):
We haven't jumped down thatrabbit hole yet with him, but no
, we're there there, oh my goshoh, I know, but I don't know if
I ever thought like I wouldn'tuse screen time yeah I have an
older sibling.
I have older siblings, so I kindof saw like, okay, it's
inevitable yeah I don't think.
(04:00):
I thought I would go to greatlengths oh, my gosh to make sure
tablets were always charged andavailable and ready to go, yeah
, when venturing out.
Claire Duarte (04:13):
Yes, two places also exactly and like and this
is where I think thenitty-gritty gets so different
for so many parents andhouseholds across like the way,
like one thing that we do in ourhouse and this is like no
judgment at all for however youhandle it and other moms,
however you handle in your house.
We try to do no tablets at homeand I realize that's probably
(04:36):
polarizing for a lot of people,but we also have.
Just because we don't have thetablet, it doesn't mean the tv
isn't on all the time.
Jill Burke (04:43):
Yeah you know what I mean.
Claire Duarte (04:50):
It's right, exactly.
So, yeah, we're, we're prettygood, and like we don't let the
kids just like willy nilly, grabthe tablets.
They are like high up in um, acloset in the laundry room and
they get them for, like when weeat out and like long car rides,
and even then, like we try likewe go to the beach a lot, so,
um, and it's a quick enoughdrive, like two and a half hours
that sometimes we actually tryto not give them the tablet for
(05:11):
like maybe the first half of it,just to see if they'll sleep or
rest, cause they can be astired as can be.
But if they're holding a tablet, those eyes are open.
No, oh, open.
I mean, I'm guilty of that too.
I have my too.
I can be as tired as I want,but if I have that phone, so
I'll sometimes not give it tothem just for them to get their
sillies out and see if they'llfall asleep, which lately hasn't
(05:33):
been happening and, what'sinteresting, I don't think we've
ever talked about the tabletusage of our kids, for our kids,
as friends and just likebombing together.
Jill Burke (05:45):
But same so like, even though we greatly relied on
the tablet at home, especiallyduring the pandemic and, um you
know, during some newborn stageswith you know, with my daughter
being older, we definitelydon't have the tablet available
to our kids at home.
(06:05):
It's very much like, okay, thedoctor's appointments.
You're going to be sitting in awaiting room or car rides.
And even then, because I'm fromupstate New York, so it takes
like five to six hours to getthere.
Claire Duarte (06:17):
That's a long drive and what I?
Jill Burke (06:19):
do is I actually use our iPad and I download movies
and we can plug it in because wehave the TV yeah, car, yeah in
the van in the van um and soeven like their tablets, I have
them, but they're they don'thave the wi-fi because we use
the fire yeah but so even for uslike no judgment at all no tv
(06:42):
is literally on all the time.
They figured out how to ask ourAlexa to play TV shows too
sometimes.
Claire Duarte (06:49):
So that's crazy.
Jill Burke (06:52):
But we definitely let him use it for like doctor's
appointments, going out to eator like if we know we're going
to maybe like an outing wherethere's going to be more adults
and older kids and not kidstheir age we bring them as like
backup yeah, um, and we'll dosomething similar, like we're
and like sometimes we'll bringthem and hide them.
Claire Duarte (07:12):
They don't even know that they're brought.
Jill Burke (07:15):
Yes, and it's just kind of like that, you know back
pocket insurance yeah, like Istick it under my shirt and walk
out and like they don't exactly, because if they.
Claire Duarte (07:24):
I know I mean to be honest.
We went to we had season passto Hershey Park last year and
Brooke's probably at the agewhere she can probably kind of
be fine with it.
Grant's a little bit more diceywith things, so we even brought
her with us to, knowing thatI'm not trying like yeah, we're
at an amusement park.
Jill Burke (07:45):
We're having a fun but if like a meltdown happens,
like yeah yeah, it's veryoverstimulating, exactly.
Claire Duarte (07:47):
It's hot.
You're doing all this stuff,right, I know?
Jill Burke (07:50):
no, and I think, like for us, we know that
they'll appreciate it when theydon't have it as often.
Right again, I'm saying this assomeone that has our tv on 90
of the time it's like on.
Claire Duarte (08:06):
I mean last night it was on until like the
minutes before bed and I'm like,and it's that's not every day,
but there's a lot of days yeah,and I think too like our,
because we have the fire tabletsand our kids like to use them
for the games.
Jill Burke (08:23):
Yeah, so, and like more of the educational games,
if you will.
So I don't feel as like my momguilt isn't as bad when I'm like
, okay, yeah, here's the tabletwhen we're out doing things.
Claire Duarte (08:34):
Yeah.
Jill Burke (08:34):
And stuff like that.
But even for restaurants welike give it to them once
they're done eating, because wetry and give them their food
first.
Claire Duarte (08:44):
Yeah.
Jill Burke (08:45):
And like kind of interact a little bit and then
like once they eat and we'restill eating, yeah, then we'll
let them have it and Brooke can,is like and can handle that
it's.
Claire Duarte (08:56):
It's my son who's kind of like, once he sits down
, he's like like where is it?
You know what I mean.
Like he's already like shakingready and because, like, when
Brooke sits down, she'll, likeyou know, actually do the
coloring and Grant, like youknow, again fine motor stuff
with him.
Jill Burke (09:14):
Like he could care less and does no desire to that,
and also like we both have theolder daughter, and then we have
the son.
And I think it's not even likethe motor skills Right, it's not
even like the motor skillsright boy versus girl, it's so
true and yeah, talk aboutanother mom confession.
I never in my life thought Iwould be like, oh my god, my
kids are so different yeah likeI thought like okay, going into
(09:35):
if we have a boy and a girl, andlike two same parents, same
household, like whatever, Ican't believe how different and
how having the girl first andthen a boy second is like a
whole slap in the face to yourparenting style.
Claire Duarte (09:54):
Oh, I know well and it's really funny.
I mean, I grew up like I'm oneof five and my younger brother
and I, um, are we're Irish twinsand not the Irish twins that
like, oh, like we're, you know,16 months apart.
I'm like bitch, hold my beer.
Like my brother and I had thesame due date oh my God, yes,
(10:16):
and I was born like early, hewas born late.
Jill Burke (10:18):
So I'm like literally 13 months apart,
exactly.
God bless your parents.
Claire Duarte (10:29):
So, yeah, so I'm like, yeah, so we're really
close in age, so, anyways, wecould not.
So I grew up, obviously, withBrendan I have three more, the
younger siblings after him, um,and we are like the most polar
opposite, like he's got.
Like you know, he had ADDgrowing up.
(10:49):
As kids we were so differentacademically, socially, like
everything, and to this day, um.
But so I grew up kind of likeknowing the polar differences of
what our internal sibling stuffwas like.
So that didn't surprise me.
What I thought was just almostcomical was you know how they
(11:10):
talk about gender and you knowwe were never the family that
were like, oh, we're like notgoing to talk about gender or
colors or try to push gender onkids.
And I always thought that Ithink there's a lot of validity
with that, but I didn't likepush it.
But I just always thought itwas so funny that it's like my
daughter, obsessed with pink,obsessed with Barbies, obsessed
with like the most girly girlstuff.
(11:31):
I mean I can't like blame her.
Like you know, am I similar, ofcourse.
And then my son, like it'salmost like they talk about like
the growing milestones for boys.
I'm like there needs to be thegrowth chart of like you know.
You go from like you know toystory to trains, to hot wheels,
to cars, to dinosaurs, and grantis like literally verbatim, the
(11:52):
poster boy child.
Do you know what I mean?
Like?
And I find that so I'm likethere's nothing that like, it's
just in his dna.
Jill Burke (12:00):
Yeah, and it cracks me up, yeah yeah, and I think
like with ryan wasn't so muchlike he's never been into like
one.
Well, he's upset.
He was obsessed with winnie thepooh yeah, that's so cute but
like the dinosaurs they're cooland cars are cool, but like he
takes the cake in boy world oflike just non-stop, yeah, and
(12:24):
not because he, you know adhd oranything like that, it's just
like he's a full boy, like hewants to be wrestling, he wants
to be throwing a ball, he wantsto be running he wants to be
climbing, he just wants thatgross motor.
Just like need to be moving,yeah yeah, and like to ask him
to sit down and paint or color.
(12:45):
He's into it yeah because hesees emily doing it uh-huh but
then he's out of it.
Yeah, quickly.
Yeah, um, I'll never forget mybest friend whose son is three
weeks older than danielle.
They came to visit us, or hername's danielle.
Her son, caleb um, is threeweeks older than my daughter,
(13:08):
emily, and they came to visitand Emily's drawing and
everything, and Caleb was, andshe was like, oh my God, emily's
just sitting there, nice.
And I was like, oh my God,caleb's just running around.
And this was before Ryan wasable to like really go.
Yeah, and I said to her theother night I texted her.
(13:28):
I was like, oh my god, whydidn't you warn me?
Like why didn't you prepare mebetter?
Right for this?
Yeah, and she just laughed andshe's like, do you remember the
time when I came?
Yeah, no, I, that's like goingthrough my head right and I'm
like yeah, and I just like momconfession.
I was like what is happening,yeah, what is going through my
head?
And I'm like yeah, and I justlike mom confession.
I was like what is happening,yeah, what is going on.
And now it's like I'm here, andhere we are.
Claire Duarte (13:52):
I know.
Well, next one for me that Iwas thinking of and I already
kind of said like was like thefood and eating, and I was like,
oh, like you know, we're mykids, like are going to be,
because I say, you know, as youstart to become a parent, right,
you know, and you're learningthe basic things like, oh, like,
introduce them to everything,like as far as like foods and
(14:12):
solids, right, you know, andthat will help diminish picky
eating.
Jill Burke (14:16):
Or what about, like, you eat when you're pregnant,
like all this food, and it willgo through to them somehow and
it will help them when they'reable to eat, like, enjoy this
food, right, such a lie, yeah,like, can a doctor call us and
tell us, like, if that'sactually true, because so many
people are like, oh, you'reeating this and this and this,
(14:37):
those kids are gonna want to eateverything when they're able to
lies, absolute lies, well andum, and that'd probably be a
problem because I ate like allthis, like cereal, and weird.
Claire Duarte (14:47):
I didn't have weird cravings, I just had like
very like boring, but like Idon't know.
Just like I wasn't like cravinglike pickles and hot sauce, I
was like I needed like boxes ofwheaties, like it's not, it's
not very fun and interesting,but it is sort of like okay.
But um, like you know, I mean Ithink you remember too I feel
(15:07):
like this is the case for somany moms.
Like you know, the babies eateverything under the sun and
then they become toddlers andthen they become little shits
and then, like all, like the,the pickiness starts and I mean,
I'll be.
My kids are both pretty goodfor the most part.
Um, I did find it like odd thatbrooke like still doesn't
(15:28):
really love mac and cheese andlike that is just kind of like
kidism 101.
But you know, every kid's gotlike something.
But for the most part they arepretty good eaters, but like
they probably still only eatlike no, they're getting a
little bit better withvegetables.
You know what I mean.
But and I remember one of theother things that I had read and
learned when I was like tryingto do the baby led weaning thing
is like everybody eats the samething in the house and to this
(15:49):
day, like, and I was so I meanthat was the case when we were
kids, but like again, I don'tremember when we were like
really little, like you know itwas about, I'm sure it was a
principle.
I remember it was like, you know, everybody has to eat together
and stuff like that.
So, like, so two-pronged, do weall eat together?
No, um, do I wish we did?
Yes, my husband's schedule isalso a little funny, but it's
(16:09):
also by the time, like I finish,like it's just easier.
You know, I also look at it.
Like you know, just because wedon't all eat together, I also
look at it's just life in aseason.
Yeah, you know what I mean,absolutely.
And but then the second prongof like you know, are they
getting the introduction to allthe fruits and vegetables and
like all the food that we eat?
Or think you know that they'regoing to be the healthiest kids
(16:30):
in the world?
Like no, yeah, just no.
We have like the five foodrotation and that's it.
Jill Burke (16:36):
Yeah, I mean you know I the other night or the
other day, I purchased cake popsfor the kids to surprise them
and I asked brendan I go, whereshould I hide these?
That they won't find?
And he said in the vegetabledrawer, because our kids don't
eat vegetables.
And that is.
That is just the fact.
(16:56):
Yeah, um, am I going to go poorproviding strawberries for my
children?
Yes, because they will eatstrawberries, and ryan will.
Ryan and logan will devourbananas, but when it comes to a
vegetable, I don't.
I don't actually think emilyhas had a vegetable since she
was a baby and she would likeyeah, eat anything.
(17:17):
And is avocado a vegetable or afruit?
Claire Duarte (17:20):
I mean, it has a pit, I always get confused they
like it's a side to me, likeit's a, it's an app, so what is
that?
But yeah, it's a meal.
Jill Burke (17:30):
I really was.
Like all these kids, I love toeat everything.
They I mean I would say threeto four of the seven nights a
week.
Brendan will say to me I can'tbelieve you're doing this,
because I'm not just cooking onemeal for for us.
(17:51):
I'm cooking a meal for us, ameal for Emily, a meal for Riot,
a meal for Logan.
Sometimes, like last night Imade mac and cheese.
Yeah, two of the three kidswanted that, and I can't let my
kids starve.
Claire Duarte (18:06):
No, so there I am , like what do you want?
Jill Burke (18:08):
What can I make?
So it's a busy dinner.
Claire Duarte (18:14):
It is, but we do sit down.
Jill Burke (18:16):
I somehow time it that we all sit down together
every single night and eatdinner and we have a rule of no
phones we don't, that's nice.
Claire Duarte (18:28):
Yeah, no, we definitely don't.
Jill Burke (18:30):
Yeah, we don't do tablets, our phones like away
and when people come over fordinner, I'm like you have to put
your phone away oh, that's niceand like when people come over
for dinner, it's like my parentsare visiting.
Oh, yeah, Like we don't havelike dinner parties.
Claire Duarte (18:43):
Right, yeah.
Jill Burke (18:46):
But yeah, we do sit together, but I don't sit, I'm
up like still just like serving.
Claire Duarte (18:51):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and milk and everything.
Jill Burke (19:03):
But yeah, no, we don't.
It's mac and cheese, dinonuggets, sometimes some egg
noodles, nice um chicken, thechicken fries, specifically the
blue bag from aldi.
I need to try, I need to grabthose.
Um, we've, we've added in somefrench fries, so like see potato
oh my god, that is how I'mgetting my kids to eat a
vegetable.
Claire Duarte (19:18):
I'm like oh, potato, right um brooke is a
little, because she's older andshe's always been a little bit
more, I would say, adventurousof an eater, but just a little
bit more open-minded.
The grant grant just a littlebit more rigid.
Jill Burke (19:31):
Um, with all things but emily is my rigid one.
Yeah, ryan had like a taco lastnight we're kind of taco last
year like the.
Claire Duarte (19:38):
Costco ones.
Jill Burke (19:40):
She asks for the taco, the Costco ones with the
green sauce, and I'm like, oh,all right, yeah, Like I cut the
tortilla in half and like made alittle soft taco for Ryan last
night.
I'm like he's like I want thebig one.
I'm like you look, and then wehad the other half and I almost
fell out of my chair.
Claire Duarte (20:00):
Brooke did something like yeah, it was
basically last year and I thinkit was my mom watched her and
made a quesadilla which, likeI've made and we've gotten at
restaurants I'm like guys, thisis bread, but it's different
when someone else does it.
It's bread and cheese, come on,you know.
And so I think she was like oh,yeah, I like that.
So I was like, okay, this iskind of similar here, yeah, so,
(20:22):
yeah, I mean, so I think food isa big one, screens is a big one
.
Another one for me that Iwouldn't say that I thought that
I would never do because Ididn't like when I was pre-kids
I never really thought aboutsleep.
(20:42):
But like again, when you become,when you're pregnant with your
first right, like you start toread everything and or like when
the baby's here and theneverything's falling apart, then
you're reading more.
And I asked, like what do I do?
Yeah, and um, and with brooke,she was a good sleeper, but I,
you know, I did do some of thesleep training with her and it
worked marvelously.
And in my brain I thought, ohwell, the people's whose babies
aren't sleeping must, like it'syour baby's not sleeping because
you're not doing sleep training.
(21:03):
In my brain and that wasn'texactly what I was saying to my
friends, but I'll admit that Iwas like, probably, like in no
way like trying to judge myfriends or other people, but I
think they're just like.
Again, it was so new to me thatI just kind of assuming oh well
then you just want to be likesleep train the baby.
Jill Burke (21:19):
How hard is it?
Claire Duarte (21:20):
how hard could it be?
Just do it.
And then I had my son and Itried to do the same thing and
god and the universe were likeha ha ha.
You know, I tried thoseprinciples for a whole year.
They got me nowhere.
And I was like, oh, not that, Inot again, not that sleep
training is a crock shit, I,it's just.
(21:40):
It goes back to like, oh, it'sjust so, kid dependent, yeah and
with Emily we tried sleeptraining and failed.
Jill Burke (21:53):
Like I still remember there was one night,
like hours, that we watched herjust crying and it was killing
me, but we were trying to like,do what the book says cry it out
, cry it out and, for the record, there's also like I shouldn't
say a zillion sleep there.
Claire Duarte (22:08):
Just there's multiple different methods,
multiple different ideologiesand ways to do it.
So I think you and I are bothnot necessarily talking about
just like straight, like cried,and there's, like there's
methodologies, that I think, andthere's different people
there's.
I mean, there's a couple namesI'm not going to drop them here,
but, like you know, of handlesthat I can kind of think of,
that we were all sort of likefollowing along, yeah and it
(22:31):
didn't work, you know, then wewould, it would get going.
Jill Burke (22:35):
Um, I mean honestly, emily slept in our room, we got
her good, and then I neverthought I would have a child
that would sleep in my room Igrowing up never slept in my
parents room.
Same it was not an option.
Claire Duarte (22:52):
Oh yeah, no, it was not an option um.
Jill Burke (22:55):
The only time I would sleep in my parents room
is if we were traveling, we weresharing a hotel room, or like
going out.
Claire Duarte (23:00):
Y'all traveled Right.
We said like in a beach house,but yeah, Randomly.
Jill Burke (23:05):
Usually, my brother and sister are 10 and 12 years
older than me, so it was liketraveling to drop them off at
college, um, or like if we wentto visit family and we shared a
room, yeah, but Emily, afterhaving Ryan, we converted her to
like a toddler bed and I stillregret that day because she
(23:26):
could get out.
Claire Duarte (23:28):
Oh, and how old was she?
At what age was she?
Jill Burke (23:35):
She was like two and a half when all of a sudden her
sleep went back downhill.
Oh yeah, like really downhill.
Yeah, and her pediatricianwho's amazing suggested like why
don't you do like a bed in yourroom, like a floor bed, and
she'll get sick of it.
Claire Duarte (23:54):
Hmm, can you send your pediatrician a bill?
Jill Burke (24:05):
can you send your pediatrician a bill?
That floor bed lasted untillast year, when she was almost
five and a half and we weregetting ready to welcome our
third kid, and I was like wecan't have her in kindergarten
being woken up by a baby no, andwe had to like basically go
back to like step one of gettinga kid back to their bed.
So my husband took that onbecause we figured if things
(24:29):
were still amiss when the babycame.
Yeah, I'm going to be with thebaby he needs to deal with that
and he would kind of get thatcloseness with her.
Luckily, she we got into agroove and yeah like since then
she sleeps in her bed.
Um, and then, because her sleepwas such a mess, when ryan came
along, my second, I was like weare, I am following the rules.
(24:51):
I'm not putting him into hiscrib when he's asleep, he's
going into his crib awake.
We're doing all these thingsand he is literally my best
sleeper, so much so that I justmoved my third into the room.
They're sharing a room becauseI didn't want to disrupt his
sleep.
I was so concerned aboutdisrupting his sleep because
he's such a good sleeper.
He goes.
(25:11):
I read him his books, I sing acouple songs.
Still, I love it.
Yeah, um, but I was so nervousyeah, like.
I deal with Logan.
That sounds bad to say I dealwell, my child, but you know.
But yes, I do my reading withRyan and Logan.
I get him in.
(25:32):
He has a whole routine of likeneeds water, whatever.
I bring Logan to my room to gethim back in it, like put him in
his jammies, walk with him kindof get him snuggly and sleepy.
And then I kind of make sureRyan's asleep, and then I put
Logan into the crib.
Nice, so it's a.
It's a little like juggling butyou know, I also never thought I
(25:55):
would have my child leaving myroom at like 15 months.
I thought like yeah, I was outof my room at five months.
Ryan was out of our room atthree months.
Claire Duarte (26:07):
Yeah, so that was like a shock to the system.
Right, and our kids were aboutthe same as well.
So I know, yes, sleep, I think,is a big one.
Food is a big one.
Food is a big one.
Um, I was gonna say the nextthing I think is like well,
again, I think there's adifference between like what are
things I never thought I was doas a parent, versus like once I
(26:29):
became a parent and startedreading the like what do parents
?
What do, what is thisgeneration of parent doing?
Parenting, doing for for sleep,for for introducing solids, for
potty training, right.
Right, because we're kind of Ithink we come through this
methodology of like, okay, wewant to be better than our
parents, not that our parentsdid anything bad or wrong, but
you're just like, okay, how canwe kind of approach this better?
(26:50):
And so it's, you know.
So the thing that I swore thatI would never do is kind of like
based on like the books orreading, or the handles that I'm
watching, the people that I'mlistening to, and you know, I
think I'm not sorry to interruptbut I think we are generation.
Jill Burke (27:08):
We also are living in a time where we have social
media, yeah, and we see theselike perfect families and these
perfect situations.
You know, there's tons ofbehavioral psychologists and
experts that I follow, that Iread and I'm like, oh, I can do
that.
Oh, that's why they're actingout or that's why they're not
(27:28):
sleeping, and I'm going to dothat.
And so we have all this liketoo much information where our
parents just had, like, what didtheir parents do?
Claire Duarte (27:37):
right, and there was books, right, but like you
know, is exactly, definitelydifferent, definitely different,
and I think it.
Well, and that's the realitythere is.
There is so much moreinformation out there and we
have it at our fingertips, whichis the great thing about being
a mom this day and age, whenyou're exhausted, up in the
middle of the night and you andwe obviously have our phones,
that I can sit there and scrolland I'm like in complete
(27:58):
desperation of, like, what do Ido to help this, yeah, situation
?
You know what I mean and so, nodoubt, and you know, be
googling all the sleep things.
Or you know how to get my kidsto, you know, eat a like one
friggin piece of food, you know.
And then potty training right,like you know, we think like, oh
gosh, yeah, you and I both willhave to do a full week-long
(28:23):
episode of everything that we'vebeen through.
Um, but um, which I think I'meven just gonna sidestep because
there's too much if we get intopotty training, we're in talk
forever, um, but I think they'lldo.
Jill Burke (28:34):
you think potty training is something we need to
come back to and people?
Feel free to let us know yourstruggles, because we have
endured it.
Claire Duarte (28:48):
It's like a nice soft way to put it.
Jill Burke (28:50):
And one of these episodes, we will actually tell
the truth.
Claire Duarte (28:53):
Oh, we'll go into .
I think I've kind of even inthe last episode I feel like I I
think I mentioned it I justdidn't go heavy into it because
I was like I don't really wantto like just drop the bomb of
like literally fully painted outthere.
But um, and then when I met you, I just realized I was like, oh
my god, there are other peoplethat are I mean, I know that
people have struggled, but likethere's a, there's a different
(29:17):
level of struggle that I feelthat you and I have bonded into,
unfortunately.
But the last little like minorconfession and then we can jump
into some other pieces, was justlike managing behaviors.
I think is kind of like the waythat I would put it.
Like you're like, oh, look, I'm, I won't yell with my kids,
like I'll, you know um, do thegentle parenting thing, or I'm
(29:38):
never gonna lose my shit, andyou know um, blah, blah, blah.
Right and apply all thoseprinciples.
And look, I think we can alladmit we have better days and
moments, and it's not, of course, an all or nothing thing, um,
and there's definitely beenseasons of my life that I've
been better at it than others,like this week, not a good week,
(29:58):
not a great week, not aterrible week, not a great one.
You know what I mean.
Jill Burke (30:03):
I think.
I think it's with the like, howwe go about their behaviors,
and this gentle parenting thingfor me and this is like my big
confession is how stimulated amI?
Yes, and the other day Brendanand I had this whole
conversation about it Because Iwas like why did you go to this
(30:28):
level?
I was trying to say it, youknow.
I was trying to say at levelthree you went to like a seven.
Usually we're good at matchingenergies of like who's staying
at the lowest?
And he's like it was just thatAlexa was on the TV, was on,
Logan was crying, this washappening.
I'm like, oh, so you were justlike overstimulated, yeah.
And he's like, yeah, and I'mlike if you had just said like
(30:49):
I'm overstimulated right now, Iwould have known, cause that's
my thing, yeah, you can't takemy overstimulation.
But I was like, no, I get that.
Like that is like yeah, youunderstand, I have a kitchen
timer going, I have alexaplaying, I have the kids asking
mom, mom, mom, mom, I have youknow the dogs barking, the, you
(31:11):
know everything happening andthat's when I will snap.
That sounds bad to say I snap,but I'm like no, it's it's a
literal human emotion neverthought, but I'm like, no, it's,
it's a literal human emotion.
I never thought in my likeperfect mom mind when I was like
getting ready to have kids,yeah, that I would like lose it
so quickly just over, like thesound I know Of life.
Claire Duarte (31:35):
Oh, I know.
Jill Burke (31:35):
That I chose to create.
Claire Duarte (31:37):
That I chose to create and that I allowed to
have happen.
I know A lot of times it's likewe chose this.
I know that I chose to create,that I chose to create and that
I allowed to have happen.
Jill Burke (31:39):
I know a lot of times it's like we chose this.
Claire Duarte (31:43):
I know, oh my gosh and it's the truth.
Jill Burke (31:46):
But like I, I just get so over stimulated by sound.
I know.
I can handle like mom, mom, momand asking for things and like
just being a vending machineconstantly like, I can handle
that I can do that I can butlike when it's one kid wants
alexa playing and another kidwants plooey on tv and another
(32:10):
kid wants like the transformerand sounds to be on, and it's
all at the same time.
Claire Duarte (32:16):
It's like yeah I know it's it's like and it's
like a visceral reaction and forme lately, what's been really
and I and this is where, likewe'll have to do a full episode
just on mom guilt you know whatI mean again a full month long,
but like what's been triggeringme a lot lately, and this is
just where we're still very muchin the what's the phrase.
(32:42):
We're just still in the hole ofthis with Grant, of just the
intense behaviors and thefussing and the crying and kind
of like, and because, grant,we've had the developmental
delay and stuff like that, it'snot just as easy as like okay,
well, maybe I just need to holdmy boundaries better, and I do
(33:02):
think that's part of it.
It's not all of it.
I mean, you've walked this linetoo, but, um, so last night I
was trying to like hold theboundary but it's just, and I
could have been at a two orthree before, that you know.
And then, but it's just funny,the fussing and crying, the way
that it can burn through thatpatience and escalate me to a
seven or eight so fast and I'mlike I was doing you so good
(33:23):
before and and it sucks likethat.
So that's just been like kindof like my trigger point lately.
Granted, this is again this ismore than I'm talking about a
kid that you know has over, youknow has moved through a lot of
speech, you know delays andthings like that with that
obviously influence thebehaviors.
So it's not just as black aswhite as like oh, just do this
(33:44):
one thing, um, and I think it's.
Jill Burke (33:47):
We both have four-year-olds grant's june
right yep and ryan's august, solike yeah very same track.
Yep, I also think it's this agetoo.
Yeah, and we've been evensaying to Ryan like buddy,
what's going on?
Like one minute, you're our Ryeguy, like the fun
(34:08):
happy-go-lucky, wild, wild.
But within, like a snap of thefinger, he's like don't talk to
me, I don't like you, You're theworst, you're the worst ever.
And I'm like because I told youI literally told you to slow
down.
Like you can keep running.
Claire Duarte (34:26):
Yeah.
Jill Burke (34:27):
Watch out for your little brother.
Slow down and I say it in mymost gentlest, nicest, and it's
just like so I think I hope,yeah, I, it's a season.
Claire Duarte (34:44):
Right, I know Well, and actually I think
Brooke has been as good of anoffender on that too Like well,
like the going from, like oh,I'm never going to like do this
again, or blah, blah, blah, andI was like hold on, you know,
like wait a minute, you knowwhat I mean and it's yeah, it's,
it's a lot, but yeah, it's justthe general behavioral
(35:06):
management a lot, but yeah, it'sjust the general behavioral
management.
And I and I'll one thing that Itold my therapist that I
realized I need to tell my momthis too, is like you know, now
that we're like living through Ithink becoming a parent has
made me appreciate my parents somuch more and realize, like you
know, again, it's so mucheasier to think, oh, I'm going
to do it differently and I'm,you know, not going to swear
(35:28):
these things off because you nowI'm like, oh my God, I like
realize how hard y'all had it.
Jill Burke (35:40):
Well, I mean there's five there is.
Ok, yeah, I'm, mine is a walkin the park, yeah, so.
Claire Duarte (35:42):
I was like almost an only child.
So yeah, and my husband too,and my husband too, and so
different, different yeah, butstill hard, yeah, I know.
So I mean, yeah, like I said,we could probably, like you know
, give a whole dissertation oneach of those buckets, oh yeah,
but those are kind of like theeasiest things that come to mind
.
Jill Burke (36:03):
Yeah, and I thought, don't mind me just pulling up
some fun notes exactly.
Claire Duarte (36:10):
I have to live off of them um, oh well.
Jill Burke (36:14):
We had people write in to us about like we knew we
wanted to talk about this stuffyeah so we were kind of like
pulling some people, askingpeople like what are some
confessions?
Or things you swore you neverwould do.
Um, you know, one was likebribe your child.
I knew 1000% I was going tobribe my children because I was
(36:36):
a teacher first and I loved agood bribery.
I was like okay, kids yeah likemy seventh graders.
I'm like okay if we all like getour homework in yeah do like a
fun little something or anotheror like get a special treat.
You know this was like rightseveral years ago, where you
could bring in treats oh yeah um, so I 1000% knew I was going to
(36:59):
bribe my kids.
Yeah, I mean, I also like to bebribed, so like yeah, I know I
mean yes, yeah, oh, I get to dothat and then get like ice cream
afterwards.
Claire Duarte (37:07):
Oh my God, seriously.
Jill Burke (37:10):
Another one said well, we talked about that, make
separate meals Guilty guiltyguilty.
Oh for sure.
Oh, one person wrote in aboutlike they never.
They swore they would never lettheir children like dress, not
dress themselves, but like justwear whatever they chose.
Uh-huh, like mismatched clothes.
(37:31):
And like I feel like I alsothought that and then Emily went
through a phase where shewanted to be Little Bo Peep all
the time, so she would wear herclothes Uh-huh, and then put her
Little Bo Peep outfit on.
Claire Duarte (37:44):
Oh, my God.
Jill Burke (37:46):
And that's just how we rocked.
And then Ryan would literallyrecently decided he wanted to
just wear every Winnie the Poohtype of outfit he had.
Oh my God.
So we went to the grocery storewith his Winnie the Pooh
sneakers, shorts.
(38:06):
That didn't match the outfit,uh-huh um, with his Winnie the
Pooh shirt on, with his buffaloplaid collared oh my god and
then bumblebee sunglasses oh, mygod all right, I was like you
know what?
but he was happy, and then I wasthankful that he has a school
(38:28):
uniform to wear every day yeah,you know well.
Claire Duarte (38:31):
And then, like you and I can appreciate this
too anybody that's parents ofneuro spicy kids I like to call
like like I look at it.
I'm like hey, you independentlygot it done, because my, my son
, only just recently startedindependently dressing and he's
almost five, yeah.
So I'm like hey, if you did it.
Like I'm like you have a drawerfull of pants that he won't
touch, he like has to do onlysweatpants right now, and I'm
(38:53):
like, I'm like these pants are.
So I'm like you know what he wegot dressed today.
You know we're wearing clothes,we're going to school, you know
.
Jill Burke (39:03):
So, yeah, I think that's a big one um, so another
thing that we had people writein about, and maybe this can be
like how we wrap up this episode, I think will be fun.
Um, I'm going to read a coupleconfessions that people wrote
into us and like get yourreaction.
I can throw in my two centspossibly.
Um, these are really clever andsome of them I'm like damn, why
(39:26):
didn't I think of this?
Awesome, like mom hack yeah.
Claire Duarte (39:30):
Basically yeah.
Jill Burke (39:35):
So one person wrote in I have pretended to be asleep
, so my partner would have todeal with a crying kid at night.
Claire Duarte (39:44):
Have you ever done that Guilty, but only
recently Only.
I feel like, because I'm like Ialso look, I'm like I paid my
dues, like brooke was a goodsleeper, so that wasn't as bad.
And early on, um, grant was nota good sleeper, and this was
also like through the height ofcovid, and my husband did not,
does not work from home, so Ithink I always felt guilty.
(40:04):
So I took, like I did, all theovernight stuff because I was
like he has to like leave likehella early.
Yeah, I mean it was stillbrutal for me, but um, but grant
still like has some he's sleeps, but just he still has got some
funky stuff.
I'm just like, yeah, so I'mguilty of that.
Jill Burke (40:22):
Yeah, I mean, I've attempted to do that.
Um, I swear, is there?
Has there ever been like astudy on the Y chromosome?
What like have they like putlittle devices on a man's head
and?
like they had the cries machine,going like see what the
(40:43):
reactions are, cause I swear,see what the reactions are
because I swear it's shocking.
Yeah, I mean I can't believehow my husband can sleep through
baby cries.
Because I have attempted, Ihave attempted to be like I'm
sleeping, the baby's crying, ora kid is crying or something.
Nothing, no movement.
Claire Duarte (41:03):
Snoring Like continuous sleep.
Jill Burke (41:05):
Yes, of course.
Like, not even even pretendingI'm like no, he is, he is asleep
, no doubt.
Um, all right, another funnyone that I thought was really
good.
Claire Duarte (41:15):
Um, I tell my kids their noisy toys ran out of
batteries, even though I justtook them out oh my gosh, I
don't even know that we'll takethe batteries out as much as,
like my husband will eitherthrow away, hide the toy or, if
I don't want to, like turn onthe tv or something I could get.
I could get away with this whenthey were younger be like, oh,
(41:36):
the tv is, doesn't working yeah,the tv doesn't have batteries
like I just like, literally likemake up the most random and
absurd lies for sure.
Now they're, unfortunately,getting smarter, oh, and they've
also learned they know wherethe batteries are.
So I can't do the battery thingas much, but I was.
I did say something about thetv and I'm like oh, the tv's not
working, I don't.
(41:57):
They know how to use the remotenow.
Jill Burke (41:59):
So yeah, yeah they know how to use the remote
better than I do.
I swear um this one.
Actually someone wrote this inand I recall a mom telling me
this story at the pool, likeeither last summer or the summer
before.
So they told their child thatthe ice cream truck plays music
(42:21):
only when it was out of ice.
And I, yes.
And a mom told me that she usedthat trick and then started
coming to our pool and that icecream truck man knows, when it's
adult swim, he is there.
Oh, they do, they do, he hasmessed me up because now he
comes with the music blaring andshe's like the kid's like wait,
(42:44):
wait.
I thought why are these kidsgetting?
Claire Duarte (42:48):
yeah, the pool is a different beast.
Jill Burke (42:49):
I was like that was brilliant, though that was.
Claire Duarte (42:54):
That's good for at home, but yeah, that the pool
is not gonna work.
That's gonna fall apart forsure.
Jill Burke (42:59):
Yeah, that's a good one um, sometimes I put my
airpods in with nothing playing,just so my kids think I can't I
think our kids are too littlethat I don't think that they
would ever care, because they'renever gonna stop my kids see me
actually get on a phone call.
Like legit, put my air airpodsin on a call and then they're
(43:21):
like, oh no, now I need to likebother her more.
Oh yeah, like they'll.
They'll be in like a comatosestate of mind watching TV the
minute I take a phone call.
Jump on a meeting, especiallythose snow days when we had snow
days, oh right.
They're like oh, oh, mommy, Inow need to have 8,000 snacks, I
need lemonade, I need milk.
(43:41):
Where's my water?
Where's this?
Yep?
Can you help me use thebathroom Like?
Where's my water, where's?
Claire Duarte (43:47):
this Yep, can you help me use the bathroom, like
I mean literally?
Well, um, I don't work fromhome a lot a lot of like, mainly
cause I like to work Like I'llgo to like a cafe and stuff to
be I'm too stimulated in myhouse or whatever.
Um, but we do have an officedownstairs and I would close the
doors and the kids would justbust them wide open and I would
lock them from the inside, butthey're like the shitty old ones
.
You know what I mean.
Jill Burke (44:07):
So they could just like grant would just.
Claire Duarte (44:08):
I mean, this is back when I still had like my
other, like old full-time joband stuff like that.
I'd be on calls and withclients and meetings, and you
know, great lady, come up to melike I gotta go pee at a potty.
I'm like, here we are.
Jill Burke (44:18):
Yeah, you know um the beauty, though, like of of
your outside of the podcast.
Claire Duarte (44:26):
Yes.
Jill Burke (44:26):
The Columbia mom, as I always say to you, is like
well, at least we have the namemom in the business.
Claire Duarte (44:32):
It's built in.
Jill Burke (44:33):
So people who are meeting with us, like when my
little baby comes popping in onscreen, we're moms, we're
actually moms.
So if you're, trying to reachmoms.
You've you found them?
Claire Duarte (44:43):
You found them Exactly no, that you found them.
You found them Exactly no.
That's so true, so well, and onthat note, we are moms and
we'll find a way to wrap up here, but I think this was pretty
fun.
It was definitely fun to likechat about and commiserate.
Yeah, you know, that's the realtruth.
But I do think we shoulddefinitely talk more about like
the potty training stuff,behavioral stuff.
(45:04):
We can clearly go on about that.
Jill Burke (45:06):
Yeah, and also, like we both have gone through
Kennedy Krieger, yeah, mydaughter suffers from high
anxiety, so I think there's alot like to unpack that a lot of
parents don't feel comfortabletalking to and talking about.
Claire Duarte (45:24):
Yeah, yeah, I agree, and I'll say this too If
there's any other topics thatyou want to hear from us,
whether it's, you know, kidsspecific, you know parenting
specific, you know, if you havesimilar struggles that we sort
of hinted at that you would loveus to talk more about on, or
hear an episode on, definitelylet us know, like, shoot us a DM
, write a comment, an email.
We'd love to know any more likeyou know, topic submissions or
(45:47):
struggles you've been goingthrough.
But, yeah, thank you so muchfor your time today, jill.
Jill Burke (45:51):
Yeah, nothing's off the table.
Claire Duarte (45:53):
Nothing is off the table.
Jill Burke (45:55):
For better or for worse.
Claire Duarte (45:56):
Yeah, Thanks for tuning in to this episode of
MomTalk Maryland.
If you loved it, leave a review, share it with a friend or tag
me at thecolumbiamom onInstagram.
I'd love to hear what you thinkand don't forget to follow the
show so you never miss anepisode.
Until next time, keep showingup, keep supporting local and
(46:17):
keep being the incredible mom,woman, human that you are.
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