Goat Milk, Shower Curtain Killers, and Some Crunchy Zen Stuff with Marianna Barksdale

Episode Transcript
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Nicole Swisher (00:09):
Welcome to my Crunchy Zen era.
We're not exactly sure what itmeans, but we're figuring it out
.
I'm your host, Nicole Swisher,and my guest today is Marianna
Barksdale.
Hey, Marianna, hello, hello,I'm here.
I feel like it'll be obvious.
This is the first episode, butI'm super excited you're doing
this with me, because I was likewho am I comfortable with?

Marianna Barksdale (00:32):
Oh yeah, mariana, Same, I know You're the
only person I'm comfortablewith.
Oh great, this is why we'refriends.
Yes, this is why you're myfriend.

Yeah, I thought like we should share, like how
we met which I don't rememberthe specifics, I just know it
was stand up, yeah, stand upcomedy.

Oh, I kind of remember.

Okay, sort of.

I think that have we met before.
You asked me to be on CheaperThan Therapy.

I have no idea, I have no idea.

I just remember I saw you ran the show
and I was like she's good atthis, awesome, I want to be
around her.

Okay, well, I heard about you the first time
because I took your spot on thewinery show and it was one of
the very first shows I didbecause you were having surgery.
Yeah, so yeah thank you for theopportunity.

Hey, anytime I get a golf ball of tissue
taken out of my head, I'll letyou know and you can have those,
those spots, a lot of spots gottaken because I had surgeries,
but you're doing well yeah, Iactually had my checkup on
Wednesday and no cancer isgrowing in my head, so we love
that.

We love that so much so exciting.
What do you think my crunchyZen era means?

I've been thinking about this since you
told me the title of thispodcast.
I feel like this is what I'vebeen doing with my life since I
was like 20 years old.
Honestly, you were ahead of me.
What did you say?
You were way ahead of me then.
Well, I feel like it's been mylife's calling crunchy zen-ness.
I don't know what it is, thoughit's like I'm trying to be the
most authentic, sincere versionmyself, without like hurting the

(02:05):
earth or the environment inwhile doing so.

I like that.
I did not think about theenvironment.
I'm gonna be honest.

I have no idea when I became so
environmentally conscious, butit happened in my early 20s and
it's very hard to shake do yourecycle?
Well, recycling, I wish itwasn't I not ask that this is
one of those where you can tellif somebody is actually an
environmentalist or if they'renot.
It's like if you knew howrecycling worked, you're like,
oh, it just all gets thrown in alandfill, does it?

Yeah, okay, I learned that recently.
I was very, I was like tryingto do all the right things and
then I like took it to therecycling center and it was
super confusing.

And then I heard that it doesn't even do
anything.
No, so then I gave up.
Yeah, well, I mean, I think ifyou do like scrap metal and
stuff like that, like you, ifyou get really into the weeds of
recycling, it is going to thecorrect places like electronics
and stuff.
But it's complicated and mostof it goes to a landfill and
beaches.
They cover beaches and clothes.

So okay, well, crunchy zen great yeah, crunchy
zen yeah, I was thinking so,like my doctors have been
telling me to like stopstressing so much, which was
causing me to stress out,because I was like well, how do
you like not stress?
and then it was a horrible cycleand so I started, I don't know,

(03:22):
just like looking into stuff oflike Google, basically and then
podcasts and then like books,and so I started doing all these
different things like floattherapy and like sauna and hikes
, which is I don't know.
Maybe that's basic, but then, Idon't know.
I just like started getting toall this other stuff and I was
like I feel like I need to learnmore from like other people.

(03:43):
And then I was like I need tobe creative with this.
And here I am, yeah, so I don'tknow, but I was like I really
don't 100% know what this means,so we'll figure it out.

I just think it's a feeling, yeah something
it's a identity yeah, I feellike I'm very drawn to people
who are crunchy zen too.
You know like you can kind ofsmell it on them because they
smell.

I'm just kidding .
I mean, what kind of deodorantare you using?

I actually finally started wearing
deodorant.
So great Smell, great Thank you.
Thank you, it only took 37years.

No, it didn't.
Are you serious?

No, it didn't.
I actually used to use thataluminum stuff, which is
terrible, so I feel like now Ihave to make up for that, okay
yeah built up in my system detoxand then use it.

Um, let's see, oh, I was gonna ask you, so this
is my one prepared question.
If you could relive one memory,what would it be and why?

oh, my god.
Okay, this is so hard for mebecause, because of my like in
my life, the way things havegone, I don't like love go.
I don't love thinking about thepast, I don't like dwelling on
the past, I don't like thinkingabout it at all.
But I was thinking of twothings that I actually really
enjoy One.

(05:07):
Okay, I'll go with the weirderone, please.
Do I saw, do you remember Sully, captain, sully.

Is that like the pirate thing?

No, okay, it was around the time that movie
came out, which is funny, soit's the guy that crash landed
the plane into the Hudson.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay I,so it's the guy that crash
landed the plane into the Hudson.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

I saw that happen.

Same name, though, as the pirate yeah.

I think so.

Sort of Sully Okay, sidetracked Sorry.

I think, but funny, I know what you're
talking about too.
Yeah, we know each other sowell.

I'm like I know, know what you're talking about.

Yeah, yeah, I was working for this like
French fashion line calledLanvin or L'Enfant or, if you
can speak, french L'Enfant?

Not at all.

Something like that.
It's beautiful and everyone waslovely.
But it was back when I wasdoing fashion and we were
working in this penthouse on theHudson River and we saw this
plane coming in way too low andthey were like very much like we
were supposed to not be seenthe whole time because I was an
intern and they were likeeverybody come out, come out.
We have to watch this happen.
There's some history in themaking.

(06:14):
And so we all went out on likethe deck and like watched Sully,
just like glide this giantplane into the water, which was
huge in the Hudson and it was inJanuary.
There was snow up to your kneesif you were walking, so it was
cold.
I wish I could go back to thatmoment and just like leave that
work environment and just nevergo back to fashion ever again.

(06:36):
I feel like that should havebeen the moment where I left,
it's not?

where I thought that was going.
I thought you would be like, soI could like take a picture,
like think more about where Iwas at.
No, so I could choose the crashlanding to leave, yeah, no, and
I couldn't save anybody either.

Nobody died so I don't, so that's at least I
wasn't trying to.
I couldn't jump in the waterand save anybody, but yeah, um,
I just feel like for some reason, I wish I had just not done
fashion anymore and that seemedlike the best time to just walk
away, because I was an intern, Iwasn't, nobody needed me.
How?

long were you an intern?

Oh, I did a lot of internships.
I probably did 10 internshipsbefore I got my first job.
Oh my gosh.
I did one every summer in highschool and college and
throughout school too.
I usually had an internshipduring the year as well.

I feel like I never did an internship.
As you're saying this, I'm likewhat was I doing during college
?

I don't know do you intern as a lawyer?

uh, sort of we call it like clerking okay so
like it depends like what youwant to do, but so I like
clerked, but I feel like when Ithink, intern, you don't get
paid, yeah well, and like withclerking you do, is that not I?

was about to ask you that one of my
internships, or a couple of them, I did get paid, but it was
because I had awesome bosses,gotcha.

I did one unpaid internship in DC for like a
month yeah, and that was mostlyso I could go to DC yeah not
about what I was doing, which Iwas just like researching and
writing, which I hate.

So I was like like but I get to go to DC.
Dc is amazing.
Yeah, Nobody talks about howawesome DC is.

I love the public transportation.
Yeah, it's so great.

Awesome Clean, oh my God.

And so, like, my favorite thing is the portrait
gallery.
Like I hate museums, but I lovethe portrait gallery because
it's so peaceful and I wouldjust like go walk in there and
just sit.
Yeah, I loved it yeah they havegreat museums there.

Oh yeah, it's been weeks in dc just not
talking to anybody I toured thesupreme court while I was there
oh yeah, I've been there it wascool yeah and they like take you
up on, like the basketballcourt above the court the
actual court okay did you gointo, like the senate.
When you were there, okay, wereyou like kind of amazed at how

(08:51):
like dingy it was yeah I waslike, this is like dirty like my
church is cleaner.
Yeah, it was like I was, likeyou guys should really, since
y'all aren't here for like sixmonths out of the year, you
should clean it clean it.

I also feel like they're not in it very yeah,
they just like pop in and popout I think it's mostly.

I saw john mccain like I went from the wow
the um offices.

There's like that train underneath oh, I
don't think I got to see thatokay so you can go from the
offices, go down and then go tothe senate building and I like
saw john mccain.
I remember being like wait,what that's crazy.
It's the only famous person Isaw yeah, if he counts.
I feel like he counts oh yeah.

Yeah, I mean famous war prisoner.

He did more than that yeah, yeah, and he
definitely saw me just likestaring at him and not knowing
what to do.

I bet that's mostly what senators and like
people like that.
They're just used to peoplestaring at them yeah because I'm
sure you never know whysomeone's staring.
It could be because they hateyou or love you or don't know
what to do, or they're just likewho is that?

Like I've seen you somewhere but, you're not
that exciting.

Yeah, or they just think you're like, oh
they.
They just think I'm like theirdad's friend.

You did look like, well, more like my
grandpa's friend.
Yeah, it's like he was prettyold, yeah, I think.
Well, anyway, john mccain, um,I was gonna ask you a random
question from my, from this Idon't know what we're calling
this.
Yeah, the grab bag my grab bagfrom juice co?

(10:20):
Um.
I did this a long time ago so Iactually don't remember.

I remember what it is.
I know um?

what food do you refuse to share?

all of it, but I do expect everyone to give
me bites of their food.
I love that I'm not sharing.
No, I'm like I would ratherseriously buy someone a second
so they can have it, instead of,like, giving away my bites,
because, like, I'm veryeconomical with bites and if
you've ever seen me eat whichyou probably haven't because I

(10:52):
have Really the sandwiches weare close, oh yeah.
Okay, we've known each other awhile.
The first time you saw me eatwas last week.

Yeah, yeah.

It's because I don't eat around people.

Okay, I'm very weird about it.
I take like an hour and a halfto eat anything usually.

Well, we know, I know it's gonna take you
, you're never gonna finish thatthis tea is gonna take the
whole day, and I might even putit in the refrigerator for
tomorrow.
I don't know what it is.
I get overwhelmed, but it'sokay.
I don't want to share food.
Do you share food?

I do, but we have to like, set the parameters
.
That that's what we're going todo.

Okay.

So I don't like if I order something and people
assume it's for the table.
I like to establish are wesharing this or am I eating the
whole thing myself?
Because I like to save the bestparts for last, and so if
somebody else is eating with me,then I want to start with the
best parts for last, and so ifsomebody else is like eating
with me, then I want to startwith the best parts first, so I

(11:50):
get the best part.

Yes, so it's boundaries.

Yeah.

I'm so with you on this, because there are
better bites than others, and Ialways save the best bites for
last.
That's why, when somebody triesto grab a pizza, I'm like the
next part.

I just called like random 3am thoughts that
I've been having.
Oh yeah, do you have any that?

you would like to share.
3 am is where all my voiceslike to attack me.
I love that.
That's usually where it's likenothing good.

I know.
I mean, if I'm awake at 3 am,it's because I'm like anxious or
like stressed about something,and usually I get up and start
like cleaning, but thensometimes I'm like, okay, just
lay here, you're fine.
Um, but I feel like and not allof these are 3 am thoughts but
like one thing I always thinkabout at 3 am is whether I'm

(12:40):
going to get framed for likemurder or like crime and then
I'm going to get arrested.

I don't know Okay 3 am.
Do you want to hear?
Okay, so this is a differentthing that you gave Hold on.
You said something to meIrrational fears.

Can I me irrational fears?
Can I tie in my irrational fearhere?
Yeah, I mean, that's one of myirrational fears too.
You're going to get it's, notjust put away in jail.

Yeah, yeah okay, for just something, just
something.

Yeah, jaywalking then turns into like you were
at the wrong place at the wrongtime and left, but there was a
body there and you didn't knowit was caught on camera.
Okay, please tell me whatyou're gonna say.

My irrational fear.
So, okay, whenever I'm sittingon the couch.
Maybe this comes from liketrying to not be lazy, although,
like my, my inner, my innerself, is the laziest person
that's ever existed, um, which Ihave to manage properly, and uh
, but my irrational fear is thatsomeone is going to shoot me in
the head through the windowfrom outside while I'm sitting

(13:38):
on my couch.
So I'm going to be like theproduct of crime while I'm just
sitting there being lazy is theplace that you live, which I
know it's over in antioch yeah,but like south nashville bad
area no okay

no, no so it would be totally freak, but you
just it could this is not likeit.

This is why it's irrational.
Yeah, it doesn't like childrenplay outside my house, like you
know.
It's not.
Yeah, it's like sure my car wasstolen and then they tried to
steal it again do you, do youhave a dishwasher?

yes okay, for some reason, I felt like you
didn't have a dishwasher Ididn't.

If I didn't for 15 years, okay, I wasn't
making that up then.
No.

So recently I started running the dishwasher
before it's completely full andI feel like this has really
changed my life.
Why?
Because in the past I wouldlike go through all my
silverware or like, so it'd belike the knives are all gone but
I have enough forks and so.
But I have to wait until I amthrough the forks where, like, I

(14:39):
have all my plates are dirtybut I have plenty of cups and
there's still like space in thedishwasher and I have now taken
control and I'm just like run mydishwasher.
Yeah, because, why not?
Why not?
I don't think it takes up asmuch water as washing your
dishes I agree with that.

I've heard the opposite is true, but I'm
also like I don't think yourealize how OCD I am when I'm
washing the dishes.
So I'm like this is not goingwell.
Yeah, this is taking a while.
I use a lot of water when I'mwashing the dishes.
Yeah, oh wow.

Cause I also like have this fear that like,
if I wash something with likechicken on it, then the next
thing I wash is not clean, andso then I get rid of the water
and then I start over yes that'snot crazy, right no, there's
chicken stuff in there.
This sponge is dirty.
Yes, the sponge.

I don't like .
I have a scrub, daddy, becausethat is an amazing product.

I don't know what that is oh, it'll change
your life.

You'll actually never have a different
sponge and it is great and Ithink it's antibacterial.
But I don't really believe that, because if you, if you get oil
on it at all, it everythingfeels oily when you're washing
it.
I don't like that.
I don't believe that I know Ijust have like norwex, and I
keep switching it out yeah and Ijust, I don't know, it just

(15:59):
feels very dirty, yeah somebodysaid they got two dishwashers
installed in their house, onefor dirty, one for clean.
So they run one and that'sclean and they just get all
their dishes out of there.

I think it was burt kreischer that said this I
was like your friend has enoughmoney to have two dishwashers
and I was like I kind of lovethat, but also like I don't know
.
Wait, I'm confused.
Explain this to me again Twodishwashers, one's clean, one's
dirty.
They just never put the dishesaway.

(16:31):
Oh, so they just run it atdifferent times.
I was imagining they ran it,put it in the next one and ran
it again.

I was like what's happening?
That'd be too OCD.
Okay, that would be like youneed to live on an island.

One is for the chicken stuff, one is for
everything else.

Yeah, oh, that, yeah, then you'd be that
guy.
What's his name?

How do they have space for two Probably big?

ass Wildly famous, rich, famous rich
comedians.

I'm starting to think famous comedians are some
of the richest people on earthand they're just not telling us,
because now I've been startingto do the math on like how much
they make in each show and howmany shows they do a year and
I'm just like okay, this coffeeis so expensive maybe it's
because they were like so broke,when they started, and so
they're just like stingy, orlike they yeah, not stingy, but

(17:19):
they don't want people to knowand I would say that they
definitely deserve it because ofthe 15, 20 years they put in it
is so long it takes forever andit is so.

There's just for most people.
It's just like so hard.
Yeah, there's no thanks,there's no money, you're just in
credit card debt.
Staying at La Quinta's I haveso many horrible stories from
just staying at like thesehorrible hotels that are $60 a
night- I didn't even make it tolike.

I never got to that point.

Yeah, no, it's good, it's good, yeah, I
would do shows.

The only shows I did like on the road were like
when I went home to Minnesota.

I would like pop on a local show and do
something, and then JacksonTennessee yeah, I think, oh,
yeah, that was a fun show sortof.
I love going on the road but Iget so bored like during the day
and I try to go out and dothings.
I try to find an art shop, Itry to find like a really good
place for lunch and I still havelike five hours where I'm
sitting there like just goingover my notes, like I feel like

(18:19):
a clock yeah, I feel like it'snot ever super exciting places
yeah you go on the road yeah,and then if it is, you'll get
too tired before the show.
So like if I, when we were inLas Vegas I was thinking about
doing a show and then I was likeI don't think I could.

I thought about doing one in Little Rock when I
went, because Judge the judge Iused to work with.
Judge really wanted to see medo stand up.
Yeah, so I went on the LittleRock Facebook page like halfway
through the week I was like,well, maybe there's something on
Friday Nothing.
I'm like how is there nothingin Little?

Rock.
You think there'd only besomething on Friday.

I thought I'm like surely, I just like don't
know where to look, or something, and I was like Googling and
Googling and I only found oneopen mic.
And the next week was the lasttime they were going to have the
open mic.

Oh yeah, you told me that, what that's?

insane.
I know so Little Rock, come on,do you have comedy Tell?

us.

But they do have comedy clubs, it clubs, it's
just like they didn't like therewas no way I was gonna get in.
I think it was a loony bin,like I wasn't gonna get on a
show there.
Oh, I think, but like, but notlike.
Okay, I was looking for like alocal, local show yeah, because
I haven't done stand-up in likewhat?
Six months yeah and so I waslike I'm just gonna just do it
for judge yeah, for anyone elsebut amber.

That's where amber's gonna be, oh yeah,
amber, autry is gonna be thereoh, oh, my god, if you don't
know who amber autry is, get toknow her yeah, she's amazing
she's gonna be on netflix.

She's got her netflix something coming out
yeah, she got on that what itwas, something at zany's that
they were all trying out for isit the thing that taylor
tomlinson did when she firststarted the 15 minute set on?

it's called the comedy lineup.
I think that's how taylortomlinson popped off, because I
remember seeing that 15 minutes.
That really I thought she wason.

Uh, oh wow, we really didn't do our research
like I thought she was on, likethe america's next comic.
Wait, that's not, I'm mixingthat was eliza schlesinger.

Okay, I think she won that.
You know what they both couldhave been on it, I feel like
they were.
Eliza won it, though, andEliza's a little older than
Taylor.

Because I feel like I remember Dusty Slate
talking about it on the show.

Oh, I think he bombed on it.
I went to see one of his showsat Zany's and he was doing a
joke he did on the show.

The yeah, yeah, well, we both there, I feel like
we were both there, we mighthave gotten together.

Yeah, oh my god, I don't know.
It's so funny.
Wow, that was a long time ago.
I loved that fish joke.
I still think about that fishjoke all the time I'm like how
did this not cry?

how did you not get it okay?
Well, maybe we need to researchand come back to this topic or
yeah, I just I don't rememberyeah but yeah, there's something
coming on Netflix.
Yeah.
And she tried out at Zany'swith some other people and she
got on it.

Yeah, I heard she got a standing ovation
at two minutes in to a fiveminute set which if you don't
know how hard she's so funnyDoing a five minute set is when
you need to crush.
Yeah, rush, yeah, but getting astanding ovation at two minutes
, I, I mean, I've never seenthat, not that I've been around
like I've never seen it and it'samazing.

(21:24):
I'm so blown away.
But yeah, check out amber amberautry.
I feel like amber autry fan clubum I think we just kept saying
amber we could just call thisthe amber autry fan club.

Yeah, she's great, yeah, okay, what else did
I have?
Oh, okay, I am really obsessedwith the toast that we had.
That was amazing.
Okay, so, like, okay, here'show it started.
So every time I go to an Airbnb, I can't use the toaster

(21:57):
because I'm gluten-free, and Idon't know like what's gotten up
in there.
So I started in the panbuttering up the toast and
basically like toasting it likeit's a uh grilled cheese.
Grilled cheese, I was gonna saysomething with cheese, grilled
cheese sandwich, but without thecheese, and that toast tastes
so much better.
And then I took it to the nextlevel and have now made these

(22:17):
sandwiches, which I had it lastnight for dinner and it's like
so then you melt the cheese onone of them and then you mix up,
you know, make avocado, mush itup with cumin and salt, and
then you take hummus, avocado,turkey and you mix it up, the
cheese, and you put it alltogether and you cut it in
triangle and you eat it.
It's amazing.

(22:38):
Also, I think it's good for youother than the bread and the
butter.

I don't think bread and butter are bad
for you, though it's like youdon't like eat a ton of them,
right?
I don't know, I'm so.
I'm so confused with foodlately.

It tastes great situation is at this point.

I think, yeah, me neither.
I don't really care, I just eathealthy ish.
That was the best sandwich I'veever had in my entire life.
You ate in front of me yeah,and I ate in front of you, which
is like no idea this was such amilestone.
So now I'm like, yeah, I'm gladwe have this documented well,
that's what 15 years of howeverlong I was anorexic will do to

(23:14):
you.
You just don't like eating infront of people.

That makes sense yeah.

But oh, that sandwich was so good.
I think about it once a day.

I mean, I had it last night because I was
thinking about it.

I want to make it.
I feel like I can't.
I don't have the bread.
I need to go to Little Rock.

I know, and I'm almost out of my Dempsey bakery
bread because I've been eatingit.
Okay, there's this bakery inLittle Rock, so little known
secret about Little Rockexcellent food, really good food
there's not like a hugeselection, but the selection is
so good and they have thisbakery Dempsey Bakery
gluten-free.

(23:51):
I think it's probably likenut-free dairy-free too or
something Nice.
And.
I used to go there all the time.
When I lived there and I woulddo my long run I was training
for a marathon before I got hurtand then I'd go to the bakery
and I'd have this like pastry ofsome sort, savory pastry oh, it
was fabulous.
But they make this gluten-freebread and it is so good and I

(24:17):
meant to look and see if I canget it delivered, which I bet I
can't.
But I feel like I'm gonna go tolittle rock now and just like
come back with like a coolerfull of this bread yeah, oh, it
was so good.

I don't even like I don't know what gluten
free means, and I don't knowwhat gluten is and, um, I don't
know like this is something youwould know I should know
probably it's basically wheatokay, but, like then, I feel
like everything is like listedokay.
I feel like what they did withbranding, though, is they're
like this is gluten-free, thatis gluten-free, and I'm just

(24:47):
like was there gluten in itbefore?

oh it's hidden, it's in gravy okay, it's in some
yogurts.
Yes, it's hidden in stuff andit's like the binding agent.

Okay so it's just like in stuff.
Oh you know what?
Yeah, this is probably in mylist of things I can eat because
of the migraines.

Yeah, probably.

Because like maltodextrin, all those things,
it's in like crystal white andlike any drink powders, any
seasoning salts, all that.
So I have to use really, reallynatural stuff, I bet.

I bet I'm gluten free and I don't even know it.

Probably you're like part of the cool
kids club.
Now are you?
Yeah, I like to remind people.

I'm like.
I've been gluten free for likeI don't know 15 years almost now
like I was.

For the record, I was the first no, my
sister-in-law was the first.

Then I followed because I was like wait, what
were your symptoms?
Yeah, that's literally how Ifigured it out.
I was like, oh, but thathappens to me too.
Oh, wow, what are the symptoms?
Thank you, katie.

Do I have?

it?
Do you have it?
Your stomach hurts a lot.

No.

Headaches.

Oh well.

Lethargic.
Oh okay, all of these things,yeah, so like a lot of people
have, because like it causesinflammation in people anyway,
like weed and stuff, and so likea lot of people have some some
reaction.
Yeah it's just kind of.
Is it like actual glutenintolerance, where like if I ate
something I'd get real sick, oris it just like it inflames you
like all the food we eat?

oh yeah like everything kind of does well
that's like that book I readgood energy, it's everything.
Everything is, uh, inflammatory, basically like I can't even
remember if it was like lightsor inflammatory to you.
But lights no, that's anotherbook I read it was about
sleeping and it wasn't aboutinflammation.
It was about just you're notsupposed to have like light

(26:33):
around you yeah, like that can,because it like messes with your
circadian rhythm.
Yeah.

I've heard of this.

I got a nice dim house.
It's real dim.
Also nice when you're likelooking at yourself in the
mirror and you're just like, ohgorgeous.
I just like my self-esteem hasgone through the roof lately
because I just like can't seemyself very well at my house.
Half the light bulbs in mybedroom and in my bathroom are
out and I'm like I kind of likeit at this level it's it was

(27:03):
from laziness, but now I'm likeit's kind of nice, yeah, so I
just get these dim flickeringbulbs that look like flames and,
like the whole house, justlooks like a dungeon at night
it's.
And then I have those pink saltlamps I told you about.

Well, you have them yeah, you don't turn them
on.

It looks like hell but like a nice hell,
like a cozy house nice andeverything's got fur all over it
, not like cat fur, but like uh,fur throws and stuff, so like I
just need everything to be yeahtextury.
I have to.
I'm like a very tactile personinteresting yeah, if there's

(27:39):
ever a furry blanket around me,I will be, for I will be as you
pet somebody if somebody'swearing a fur jacket around me,
I'm just like also am I hearinga woo truck out there a woo
truck, a party buzz.

I feel like I'm hearing them and I'm like it's
like 11, 30 and they're alreadystarting jump on that.

That was that party tractor outside yeah
yeah, remember what it said.
I meant to take a picture of ituh, something pull yeah I don't
know.

I don't know yeah, I looked at it, there's a
party tractor outside well, Ithink the thing is right over
here, like the, I want to sayoffice, but I feel like they
wouldn't have an office I betthey do have an office.
It's probably I mean, I heardabout the person who started it
and I was honestly thinking likewouldn't that be an interesting
podcast?
Like why did you start this?

you should, totally do, you should take
responsibility for what you'vedone oh, my god, I think that'd
be interesting yeah, although Ido have a friend who used to be
a uh guide on one of those andshe was just like I mean it does
pay well, people tip you welland like it's fun.
I mean it's people on vacation.
Like my thing is I don't knowwhy everybody gets so mad at all
these like happy people onvacation.

(28:51):
I'm like I just take theirenergy and leave yeah, no, it's
fine like I just stay away, it'sfine recharge like a, like a
crystal in the moonlight, andthen I go home there's so many
of them here, um, okay, okay, weshould get to irrational fears.

Yes, okay, I have a couple of reddit things
that I screenshotted.
I'm finding them on my phonereally fast.
I made an album because thingsI'm doing okay, all right, I'm
gonna okay, oh it's.
Do you ever just find out stuffabout your phone and you're

(29:37):
like I didn't know it did that?
That's like every day mynine-year-old nephew taught me
that you can screen share onfacetime.

I didn't know that I don't use facetime,
but that's good to know.

Yeah, I don't want people to see me when they
call me yeah, I only do thatwith him, and then he like shows
me the weather here he calledthe other day and he was like
are you getting thunderstorms in10 minutes?
I was like probably.
Oh, I love him, and then I did.
That's sweet, yeah, yeah, okay.
Irrational fears.
Mother effing cows, cows,they're black, soulless eyes and

(30:11):
they're absolutely empty brains.
Ugh, it's near immobilizing, oh.

I don't like that person.

Cows are so beautiful, wonderful.
Okay, I didn't expect you toget so sad about that.
I love cows.
Have you been to the GentleBarn?

No, not yet I will go oh they're so sweet,
the cows like you can like, petthem.
It will make me vegan.

Okay, harriet Tubman.
Ever since I learned she hid inpeople's houses on underground
railroad when she when I was insecond grade, I've been
terrified that she's in my atticshe okay, also, she's dead.
That's insane, that's actuallyirrational, so maybe somebody
else?

uh, they should look up frogging okay,
you were telling me, yeah rightyeah, there's a great horror
movie about frogging oh my gosh,I can't watch that don't?
Yeah, no, I can't remember whatit's called, but it was great.

Yeah, I like horrific horror movies so, yeah,
we were going to share someirrational fears yeah, what's
your rational fears?
okay.
So I I'm really scared of likedeep water, even in pools,
because I like imagine there'sjust going to be like something
down there.
And so like I used to be on theswim team in high school and I

(31:22):
got real fast because I would goreally fast in the deep end
because I was scared somethingwas going to be there.
And then one day they found adead mouse in the pool and it
just like confirmed all thesefears.
So like I check pools before Iget in them and like I don't
like swimming in lakes becauseyou can't see what's down there
and something could just likecome up and get you.

Yeah, oh, you should not swim in the
Tennessee Valley Lake.

Why.

The one that's.
It runs in Florence, Alabama,where I'm from.
People have said that there arefish the size of cars down
there because of the radiationfrom browns ferry well, do we
think anyone should be swimmingin there then?
No, nobody should be actuallymost of my, I mean most of the
people I grew up with.
Their parents are also from thesame area yeah everyone has
cancer.

(32:08):
Everyone has cancer and it isjust like they're like yeah well
, we grew up swimming in thelake.
That's crazy, but it's scary.
I didn't get to.
I didn't swim in it a lot, butI did you need to detox this is
not an irrational fear at all.

I feel like that's a very rational I think
yeah, I think the pool thinggets a little aggressive
sometimes, because I'll just belike in a pool and then I'll
like panic and get out for noreason.

I'm talking about like a pool that you can't
see the bottom no, I'm talkingabout a pool.
Thank you for trying well, Ifeel like I don't like when
people have those this was oldschool the dark liners.
Oh yeah, my friend had thissuper cool house.
As a kid I did not appreciateit, but they had this awesome
house in the woods but theirpool was like dark, dark green

(32:55):
on the bottom, just like thecolor of it, so you couldn't see
.
And every time I got in thatpool there was a frog or
something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, there'salways something in the pool and
you're just like this isn'trelaxing.
No, but there were trees allover it.
Now, as an adult, I'm like,yeah, of course there was stuff
always in the pool, because boththeir parents worked.

Oh my gosh, who could take care of, who has time
to take care of a pool?
Yeah, we had like an aboveground pool, but it was really
small and so like my mom wouldtake care of and she like
enjoyed that.
But like the big ones, I thinkare really hard.

So yeah, you don't know what's in there.

No I just uh, yeah chemicals, water yeah, yeah
, I like like the creek, likekayaking around here, like I'm
okay with that, in like thecreeks because it's like you can
see, you can step in it, likeit's totally fine.
It's just really like the waterwhere it's like I'd have to get
to the side as fast as possibleaha, well that's, that's

(33:51):
actually kind of a good fear,because then you like kick fast
and you swim fast.

Yeah, it's like good you.

I quit the swim team after that.
It was too cold.

I was on swim team too.
Were you really yeah.
I was a state champion inbreaststroke.

Oh my gosh, yeah , I could not do the
breaststroke.

That was the only one I could do.

I was really bad at everything.
My feet wouldn't bend right oh.

Weird feet.
I got real bendy.
I don't my feet bendy.
I can basically do that with myfeet like like collapse them on
top of each other.
They're, but from balletthey're all broken.
They're all broken, okay.

Another reason I'm getting used to finally
wearing sandals this year, asyou can see from this, from the
sandal, but I'm also weird aboutpeople seeing my feet okay,
I've seen your feet yeah, well,I'm working on it okay, great,
that's why you have friendshipsyeah, get out of all your weird
proclivities okay, here's mynext irrational fear, but again

(34:47):
I feel like it's based inreality.
So what is irrational fear like?

is it like it?
Could never, ever happen or isit like the likelihood it
couldn't I feel like tubman is areally irrational.
Okay, that one's irrationalbecause?

but if you took it and were like there's just
somebody?
Yeah, that's rational yeah um,so this one, I I'm always afraid
that you know, like when showercurtains, if they're closed,
I'm afraid there's somebodybehind them.
Oh yeah and so every time I usesomeone's bathroom that has one,
I check.
And so when I like get to theairbnbs or something I like, I

(35:20):
go around and I check literallyunder every bed, I check the
closets, and I do it in acertain order to make sure that
somebody couldn't like sneak outbehind me yeah and then I make
sure to check behind the showercurtain genius.

Every woman should do that.
This should be a step-by-stepguide for women, especially
traveling alone.
I'm the same way even for ahotel room.
I check behind the curtains.
I get so nervous.
I actually stayed in a hotelroom the other day and it was
definitely the employee smokingroom, I know, and I was just
like because, like an employee,follow almost followed me into
the room and then and then therewere no pillows on the bed.

It was like very bare bones and I was like this
is where they come and smokecigarettes out the window are
you the person who would go andbe like I need a different room,
or do you just like take it?

I should have, because I accidentally got
like an ADA room, like anaccessible room, which is no big
deal, but it was just like it'sset up kind of weird and it was
just clearly not used or liketaken care of the same way as
other rooms.
So I wish I had asked foranother room, but I didn't I
usually.

I don't think I ever have yeah, I'm always like.
I don't want to like make itdifficult for anyone I know but
sometimes you just have to do itlike, yeah, if it was like a
smoking thing I probably would,because I'd wake up like not
feeling good oh yeah.

well, if I, if it was like last night I went
into this bar to do a show andit was just a bar where people
used to smoke and I was like Icouldn't do it.
They would have been smokingout the window, though, because
the window opened, which wasweird.

Yeah.

So maybe it had to do with the accessibility
thing, so you could jump outthe window if you are in a
wheelchair and catch us on fire,I don't know.

I never thought about that, but you were right,
catch us on fire.

I don't know , I never thought about that,
but you were right.

Oh what.
I was going to ask you whatyour irrational fears are.

Can I make a comment?
You can do whatever you wantyour irrational fears real quick
.
Yes, okay.
So Josh got a six-foot-tallUndertaker cutout and he put it
in our shower.
Oh my gosh, we have like this,like this six foot eight

(37:23):
wrestler cut out.

it's like a real person standing there, just
like the undertaker the scariestguy just standing in the one of
our showers all the time uh, wehad a cutout, you know of
captainarrow from the theater.

Yeah.

My sister got one because she was obsessed and
we put it in the shower and thedog freaked out.

The cats do not like the shower, honestly,
but yeah, but it is kind ofirrational.
I'm always worried my ribs aregoing to pop out of place.
Can they do that?
I don't know my floating ribs.
I'm always like, if I like,laugh too hard or like sit weird
.
I feel like my, I feel like myribs are gonna pop out of my, my
skin.

Oh, I don't know why, dude, I don't want to take
on your rational fear no, don't, just don't but I'm like, is
that medically possible?

I don't know .
I have had somebody told methat it happened to them.
I have had somebody told methat it happened to them, so I
was like I bet it happens to metoo.

Oh my gosh, you're like laughing.
Just hold tight, mariana.

Well, a lot of the times when I am like
laughing, it happens at workmore than anything, because I'll
be sitting in like these weird.
I'm never comfortable, you know.
And so it'll always be likejust kind of jumping, just
trying to keep it all, keep itall in, but it seems irrational
it does, but now I'm definitelygonna look into it yeah I'm like
what do you?

I don't know what do you have to do to
prevent this I don't know.

I hope it's core exercises, because I do a
lot of pilates, yeah, yeah, butit doesn't get any better.
I just still just jumping.
I know I have more irrationalfears, but I feel like they're
too weird my, okay, my recentobsession, oh yeah, is raw goat
milk yes it is so good but Ilove.

(39:08):
I love that you own part of agoat.

Yeah, because it's illegal otherwise and
you're just admitting that toeverybody it's legal the way
it's done, like it's a farmshare or whatever, so I own part
of a goat.
It's fine.
This is amazing.
It's really good.

What is it?
What's the difference betweenit?
Why is it healthier?

Don't ask me questions, oh no.

No, I'm just kidding.

I'm so interested, like I think it's
supposed to good enzymes orwhatever.

Cool.

Bacteria type of thing.
Love goat cheese I actuallylistened and looked into this.
It's just that my brain decidesnot to keep that type of thing
because it's like we need to beable to work.

It's like you're like okay, checked that
box, it's healthy, we're good.
And now.

I don't need that information because I'm not
trying to get other people todrink raw goat milk.
I'll to drink raw goat milk,but it makes really good chai
tea latte.

Oh, I will drink it.

Oh, my God yeah.

I want to own part of a goat.

I can show you how.
Okay, yeah, do you haveanything you've been like
obsessing over lately?

Yes, I actually have two things that
I've been obsessing over.
Oh sure, one is a book seriesthat I cannot put down, and it
is a romantic series.
I think I know where you'regoing with this it is Akatar.

Yes, I knew you were going to say that.

I cannot put this book down.
And I'm on the third and I'mgoing to say book.
I mean there's five and I'm onthe third book and I'm reading
them at a clip that is justuntenable.
I'm very upset that there'sonly five.
If there were 35 I'd be happy.

And they're all done it's like done at five or
more coming out.
I hope there's more, but we'llsee.
I don't know.
I don't want to talk to anybodywho knows about it.
Yeah, I could.
It's so good.
I took a romance novel writingclass and they were like all
talking about it.
I was like what is happening,because it's not like I don't
really read.
Sometimes I read romance butthey're more like kitschy, like
dumb romance where I'm like likebored, yeah, and they were like
talking about it and I was likeI don't know what's happening.
Yeah, and then I did try to.

(41:01):
I couldn't listen to it.

Oh.

I don't.

I don't like listening to romance novels,
because one I don't ever liketheir voices.
They're never, they're alwayslike kind of weird and like it's
not what I want.
And also I need to pictureeverybody.
I have to picture it all in myhead because it's so much more
real, because I have like a veryrich inner world yeah and I
feel like it all lights upreally good.
But yeah, that's so good.

(41:26):
It's a court of thorn and roses.
If you don't know what akatarmeans, because I didn't- I did
not know that for the longesttime.
Yeah, I'd heard it saying Iknow I like.
Why have I not heard of theword ACOTAR?
What does it mean?
A court of thorn and roses, butI'm on like a court of mist and
fury or something.
Now it's like the third one.

What's your other obsession?
Because I do it too.

The show.
Well, there's two shows, okay,sirens, which just came out on
Thursday.
I had a very slow week at workthis week, wait how many
episodes are there?

Five, oh my gosh .
Okay, and you just watched ittwice, okay where is it on
Netflix?
Netflix, okay, it's so good.

I don't want to say anything about it,
except I'm obsessed with thecast.
All right, and the show Hacksif you have HBO Max.

I've been thinking about watching that.
Yes, okay.

It.
I've been thinking aboutwatching that.
Yes, okay, it makes you want todo stand-up.
I watch it when I'm going outto do stand-up because it gives
me what I need to get in theright mindset to crush.

I like that, all right.
Yeah, I feel like yeah, I'mlike I'm looking at the clock,
I'm like okay.
We always could talk forever.
Now I'm trying not to talk toomuch, okay, I?
I wanted to make a likerecommendation yes and so lately
I've been listening to thispodcast mindful in minutes, and

(42:47):
it is a meditation podcast and Ireally like it because it's
like she does meditations forlike certain things which I
don't.
I'm not like 100, sure.
It's like like I get the onesfor the morning, it's like wake
up or whatever, and then likewhen you're tired and I would
say like the when I was tired,one did kind of like wake me up,
so I liked it, but it goes fromlike five minutes to 15 minutes

(43:09):
and I love always having anoption to do anything for five
minutes yeah, but I really likeit.
And then it turns out she's fromminnesota, where I'm from, so
yeah, that's fun.
I've been really liking that Ilove that?

yeah, that's a good recommendation, thank
you yeah, what about you?

I feel, like you had.
You had some books for us Ihave.

I always have a visual element in my life
.
I've I read.
Well, I'm not reading anyself-help books this year at all
, but I did read quite a fewlast year.
That's why I'm not doing it.
I don't know if you can see itcodependent, no more yes, this
book has changed my entire life.
If you don't know what acodependent person is, you
really need to learn and youneed to cut them all out of your

(43:48):
life.
It's, I'm telling you the thingyou were worrying about way too
much.
This split my.
This gave me triple the energyin my life, because I realized I
was trying to solve everyoneelse's problems I like that
don't like the name butcodependent, no more yeah, I
don't know why.
It just kind of sounds likesleep no more.
But and another book.

(44:11):
This is for anybody withnarcissists in their family.
It's not you, it's aidentifying and healing from
narcissistic people yeah, it'sgood because it just kind of
again, if you have malignantnarcissists in your life, first
of all sorry, that's not fair.
Second of all, you don't haveto deal with them, and I needed

(44:33):
a book to tell me that I.

I feel like you can know something, but then,
when you like see it in writing,it's like oh this is real.

But it gives you strategies and tools, which
is what I like the most,because I don't like, just like
here, feel better, you know.

Yeah, it has to be like an active it's kind of
like the stress thing I was likestop telling me to not stress,
Give me like the tools to do it.

Yeah, exactly, yeah, it's helpful yeah
.

Cool.
Well, I think we're going towrap up.
What are you?
What are you looking forward tothis week?

Oh my God, having a long weekend.
Honestly, yeah, just reading alot Relaxing.
I don't know I'm taking a, I'mnot taking a break from stand-up
, but I have a little break.
So it's kind of nice because Ilike to just write, you know.

I feel like your brain needs to rest.
Yeah, to like write.
Yeah, mine does, maybe noteverybody, but Mine does for six
months so far and counting yeah.

What about you?
What are you doing this week?

I'm honestly looking forward to like having
nothing planned on Monday, likeI'm kind of thinking I'll finish
like decluttering my garage,which every time I go into my
garage I'm just like this sideis all the things that need to
be sold and like gotten rid ofand I I want to make like a tiny
little progress on that yeahand then I want to take a nap,
yeah, so I love that likeMemorial Day weekend, because I
never have plans really.

I know it great.
I know it's too busy to makeplans.
It is, I know.
I only know one person with aboat and he has a baby.
So you're not taking that babyout on a boat, and if they are,
I'm going with them.

Well, Marianne, thank you for being on the show
today.
This was very fun.

Yeah, this was fun.
Thank you for having me.

Yay, all right, and I don't really know how to
wrap up.
So thanks for watching.
Bye, thanks for listening to mycrunchy zen era.
Please subscribe and leave areview wherever you listen to
your podcasts.
This podcast is produced by me,nicole Swisher and my good
friends Summer Harkup and LizCoulter, editing is by Drew
Harrison Media and recording isdone by Lagos Creative in

(46:35):
Nashville, tennessee.
Thanks for hanging.
We'll be back next week.

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