April 25, 2025 • 56 mins
Mastering the mental game is often more crucial than physical skill in golf, as demonstrated by emotional intelligence coach Daniel Schuler who breaks down how our personal narratives impact performance. The internal stories we tell ourselves, rooted in our identity, determine our decisions on the course and can either empower or limit our potential.
• Emotional intelligence defined as awareness of your feelings, their origins, their impact on others, and recognition of others' emotions
• How water hazards create mental blocks because trying not to think about something requires thinking about it
• Understanding that we don't see shots as they are but through the filter of our personal narratives
• Why negative outcomes dominate our memory even when most shots are good
• How rapid improvement happens by identifying and changing false beliefs about ourselves
• The difference between a golfer's physical capabilities and their mental readiness to perform
• Examples of dramatic performance changes after just one conversation with Daniel
• Success story of a student-athlete improving after only 20 minutes of emotional intelligence coaching
• Insight into how professional golfers could benefit from identity work
If you'd like to contact Daniel Schuler for emotional intelligence coaching, reach out through contact@golfgarageoregon.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Welcome to the my golf source podcast.
Welcome to my golf source.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I'm Darren and I'm Noah.
Hey, did we just get done withleague again tonight?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We did, and I was playing a fantastic round.
I think I was going to finishfour or five over par.
How'd you do?
Shot a nine on 18.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Okay, so I saw your tee shot.
You ripped that drive and thenI had to go back to my bay.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
I did what happened from there to drive and then I
was 160 out and I faded an eightiron right into the water.
So I took a drop and then Ifaded an eight iron right into
the water.
You know where.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
You know there's a button that we can aim right,
you know the story, you know howthis goes.
We were playing TPC Louisiana,I think.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Pretty awesome yeah awesome course.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Where the tour players are playing, and each
week we're playing there andhaving a good time trying to see
how we compete against them,and that was probably the most
challenging course we played allyear.
I mean, in my opinion, there'sjust a lot of force carries us
to last week and I'm not sureyou can get more challenging.
Maybe, if, maybe, if we had toputt true, yeah, so no, it was
(01:33):
pretty awesome and it's just funto be able to compete on the
same level of courses that thetour players are playing.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Obviously, we're not playing the same tees, but it's
a blast man I mean for me to befive over par on nine holes on
the back nine.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
I'm thrilled with that and we're in the playoffs.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I blew it up on hole 18.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah well playoffs and we're playing each other
again.
So I'm not sure, becausehandicaps seemed a little bit
off tonight.
We're going to find out exactlywhere those were.
I think scoring is going tohappen tomorrow, so we'll see
exactly what happens when CoachKukula gets back.
And you played one under right,I did.
I played one under, missedthree birdies by about half a
(02:16):
roll.
So I played good tonight for asmuch as I get to play.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
So I played running wide for the first time on
Saturday.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Oh, so we talked about that last week.
We did, and one of our you know, my all-time favorite course in
Southern Oregon.
What did you think?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
It was spectacular.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Did you have good weather?
Speaker 1 (02:36):
We got drizzled on with rain for hole three and
four.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Out in the elements there.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
yeah, Aside from that , it was perfect.
It is.
It was perfect.
Hole nine that dude I.
I've never seen a par four thatis more than 20 yards downhill
302 yards.
I was pin high way off to theleft out towards the road in the
(03:06):
driving range because I hit apower fade and so I aim left and
I ripped the drive and, as I dowhen I hit a pure drive, it
goes dead straight.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
So well, and and like going back to that hole.
It is probably 200 feetdownhill, so it's awesome.
They used to carve the Americanflag into that fairway and it
was immaculate.
It was like a postage stamp ora postcard.
It was awesome.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
I took a picture of it once.
I took a picture from the topfrom the tee box, and I took a
picture from the green lookingback at the tee box with the
uphill fairway.
It was super cool, and then Ibirdied 10 oh, that's a good
birdie.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Par five, yeah, with the pond on the left.
So cool thing about that isit's one of our reciprocals.
Did you take advantage of that?
I sure did.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
It was uh 75 bucks for 18 holes with a cart with a
cart.
Oh, that's awesome arnoldPalmer signature to Palmer
signature course.
That was money.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Yeah, so do you.
Where's it right in SouthernOregon for you?
Speaker 1 (04:09):
man.
Well, you know that's a toughone.
Um, I gotta say it's it.
I gotta play it one more timeto say it takes the cake, but
it's, it's there.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
So Ryan and I played, um, played it, and then we had
to play bar run and then we werelike going back and forth and
we're like I don't know whichone's better bar runner or
running wide.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
And then we played bar Well it's awesome, not on
the top.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Oh man, it's so good for me, just because of the way
that a few of the holes aredesigned.
Dan does such a good job, um um.
But then we played running yagain, and running y just smoked
it for me I think so, bar barrunning brand new course.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Um, right now I don't think they're open.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
They have at least two holes that were completely
submerged yeah, they got floodedum when we had all that rain
and just redo a couple of holes,yeah, yeah, I mean from t-box
to green and everywhere inbetween yeah, so they should be
open again.
I know they have their lazyriver open now, driving range is
about to be open and a fewother things, so really excited
(05:13):
for it.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
I got a week stay in their rv resort on in june do
you really?
Speaker 2 (05:17):
yeah, I do.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Oh, that's awesome.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
You want to come up play with us, uh, yeah it's a
monday through friday, june 17thish I'm in, then I gotta go to
tennessee right after that.
I think it's gonna be kind ofwarm, so I want to go hang out
and uh bar run and pretend thatI'm.
That's my vacation yeah, we'll.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
We'll play a couple of times, enjoy the lazy river
and love it.
Do a couple of rounds.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I have a question for you how was your mental game
tonight?
It was good until 18 18.
So we have somebody coming onthe show here in a few minutes.
That um is, in my opinion, thebest mental performance coach in
the country.
He focuses on emotionalintelligence.
(06:00):
He's a scratch golfer, playedin state, played in high school,
had lots of different jobs upinto this point for a young um
young man and um, I respect himwholeheartedly.
We've got daniel schuler comingup right now.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
Welcome, daniel what's going on hey?
Daniel that scratch golfer is,uh, very generous okay, well,
you know what?
Speaker 2 (06:25):
It's better than saying, nice, drive, easy five,
because that was my buddy's newgame and we know you know how to
make birdie.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
I think if we scratched out a couple holes I
could be a scratch golfer, but Ido appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
I've got to say on hole 18 where you know, whenever
I have water right and I'm aright-handed golfer who tends to
hit a strong fade I I crushedmy drive, I did exactly what I
wanted to do.
Everything about it wasmentally, physically, in reality
(06:58):
, good, and then just a simpleeight iron shot, which is one of
my favorite clubs in my bag.
It's like that water's a darnmagnet and I can't get my mind
past it.
So, is this a?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
question for Daniel already, what are we?
Speaker 1 (07:17):
defending to Daniel Cause.
This just happened five minutesago.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Daniel, did you know you're a psychiatrist or you're
an emotional intelligence coach?
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I'm still kind of fired up about it, so give me a
break here.
No, it's pretty awesome.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Hey, so I do want to kind of open up a little bit
with Daniel, because you know,this is so crazy how I met
Daniel.
His dad was recommended by areally good friend of mine to do
some work on our house.
He's a general contractor andand I've heard that his dad,
(07:49):
fritz, is like the best tileperson in the Valley.
So we have him doing our, ourbathroom, um reno.
When we got at our house and loand behold, uh, his son's in
there working and didn't thinkanything of it.
And next thing, you know, likeDaniel and Fritz are just
chatting it up and you know mykids are in there and they're
(08:10):
just like hanging out, and youknow.
And then I find out Danielplayed golf in high school and I
remember the name, but I was.
I was away for about 12 yearsand so I knew the name but I
didn't know.
And then all of a sudden, itjust hit me.
I'm like oh, you were like areally good golfer, weren't you?
(08:30):
And then you know next thing,you know his dad's telling me a
couple of days later about howhe's going through emotional
intelligence training and howhe's worked with some of these
Fortune 200 companies.
And then he's like helped allthese people out and kids out.
And I'm like, oh man, well,we're looking for a mental
performance coach.
(08:50):
Right now.
I don't know what emotionalintelligence is.
So, daniel, why don't you tellus a little bit about what
emotional intelligence is andjust like, ultimately, how
you're?
You just rock it, man, like youhave helped so many people.
I have so many good storiesabout you, but I think I just
like people to know what EIreally is.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
Yeah, absolutely, and thanks so much again for having
me on here.
Yeah, that feels like foreverago.
That was during COVID.
I think it was literally in2020 and I had just gotten back
to Oregon from LA, because I wasliving in LA for quite a long
time and didn't want to be thereduring covid what were you
(09:29):
doing in la?
uh, so I was in theentertainment industry.
Um, I started at age 15, or Ijust turned 16.
I was doing modeling and acting, and then I quit when I was 20
because I didn't like who I wasand the industry was really
tough, and that's for anotherpodcast.
But then two years later, I gotinto the music industry.
(09:51):
So that's what I was doing downthere.
And then, over COVID, because Iwas home, I was like, well, I
might as well help my dad outwith work and keep myself busy,
which is how I was fortunateenough to get connected with you
, which is awesome.
But, yeah, so I did mycertifications in 2018 through
(10:15):
the Global Society of NLP, andif you don't know what NLP is,
it just stands for NeuroLinguistic Programming, and so
the easiest way to explain, Iguess emotional intelligence.
And for those listening, Ispecifically focus on identity,
because I look at people as aquilt, and a quilt is made with
(10:39):
a thread.
So if you want to understand howthe quilt got there, or if you
don't like the picture that thequilt has, you've got to figure
out the thread that made thatquilt, and identity is the
thread that runs througheverything, and so your identity
is who you think you are, whoyou think other people think
that you are, and then youcreate a story around that and
(11:00):
then that story determines thedecisions that you make, and
then that story determines thedecisions that you make.
And emotional intelligence isjust the ability to be aware of
how you're feeling at any giventime and also just how other
people are feeling and howyou're coming off.
I think there could be, youknow, essentially there could be
(11:30):
a couple different definitionsfor for emotional intelligence,
but it's essentially just theability to know how you're
feeling, the reason that you'refeeling the way you are, how
it's coming off and how someoneelse is feeling.
Yeah, and obviously that thatplays a big role in in golf, for
sure.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Well, I would agree.
Um, so you have helped the StMary's girls golf team when
their fifth state championshipin a row.
Um, they at the time were notthe horse you'd bet on if you
will and they came out on top.
(11:58):
You have worked wonders with alot of our junior golfers.
You have worked, um, well, it'sodd actually.
So one of my SAU playersactually, um, approached me
Southern Oregon university andtold me that you worked with
them one-on-one and it was thefunniest thing because I noticed
(12:20):
such a change in him in one ofthe events we were playing in
and I just I went up to him andI said, man, you were so
coachable, it was a pleasurewatching you play.
And like we were just talking alittle bit and he's like, oh, I
actually worked with coachDaniel and I was like did you
really?
When did you do that?
Oh, last week I called him, Italked to him and I was like,
(12:40):
well, good for you, because heliterally 360'd from the
standpoint of coach to player.
He in this last tournament too,and he just finished all
conference and you know it's ashout out.
I mean he always had the gameand there's so much to be said
(13:03):
for self-belief always had thegame, and there's so much to be
said for self-belief.
But, as a golf coach, sayingsomething about self-belief is
totally different than for theperson to understand how to
believe in themselves.
And I mean you ultimately gavehim the ability to believe in
himself through the conversationyou guys had.
And so I mean, first of all,all thank you, because it was
(13:24):
awesome to see this young mansucceed.
And and secondly, I mean we'vetalked a lot too, because you
work with our company.
But like how is it that you gothrough this process?
I'm just curious because, likeDarren, we do want to get back
to Darren's question abouthitting into the water, but
there's probably more to it butlike, how, how does this process
(13:45):
work for you?
Because you help people in liketwo sessions, dude, like you're
it's so much different thanbecause you're finding this root
cause.
I guess I don't know.
So tell us a little bit abouthow that works.
And I'm just curious too, causeit's nice to hear it.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
And yeah, I was super, superproud of him and the crazy thing
is we literally talked for 20minutes, like that was it, and
he had a tournament.
He had a three-day tournamentthe next day and it was our
first time actually workingone-on-one and it was nice.
He gave me an update each dayand at the end of the tournament
(14:19):
he's like, hey, I just had mybest tournament finish ever and
I was thinking about all thestuff you were talking about and
so that was just.
It's always a blessing, youknow, to be able to see that
it's working.
And the cool part is is it'shim, it's not me, like all I'm
doing is reframing the storythat someone believes about
(14:42):
themselves based off of theselies that they're living in.
And so the process typicallyand I and it's it's funny, I
don't have a system like this isgoing to sound really crazy.
I don't go through a list ofquestions that I always ask.
I don't have like these bulletpoint things that I bring into
every session.
I literally use whatever I'mgiven from that person, um, and
(15:05):
I just help them figure out theway that they think.
Where that?
Because they created their ownsystem, and so we go through.
Okay, what do you either?
What are you most afraid aboutin this situation?
Or what area do you want toexperience the most
transformation in, or what's abehavior that you're not a super
big fan of, that you'd like tochange Basically, where that
you'd like to change basically,where do you want to experience
(15:27):
change?
And I was like, well, you know,in his case he said every time I
get into a tournament, I just Idon't know what happens, like I
know I have the game, I justshut down and you know.
So we kind of just work, workthrough that.
And you know when was the firsttime that you started feeling
that way?
And it it seems really basic,but it's.
It's helping people figure outthe way that they see the world
(15:50):
and where it came from, becauseyou don't see what happens.
You see what happens throughyour filter, and so you have to
change the filter.
And, yeah, it's basically likeI said, it's just finding the
area that they want to changeand working on the story,
helping them figure out what thestory is, what's the truth,
(16:12):
what's the lie, where did itcome from, who's involved, how
is it manifesting in yourday-to-day life?
And golf is just one area whereit could be expressed.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
So, whether we want to, admit it or not, we all have
a system right.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
We all have a way.
We all have a way, a system.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
We have, a process of doing things in our life and,
even though we may not evenrecognize it or be in touch with
that system, it's there andyou're able.
You're able to identify that.
Speaker 3 (16:44):
Yeah, that's literally why people have
opinions.
It's because they have adifferent way of processing
information, and there's noquote unquote right or wrong way
.
But if the way that you processinformation is leading you to a
less than favorable result, weshould look at the way that
you're processing information.
Love it, you know so.
For example, if you havesomeone who is afraid to say I
(17:10):
love you to someone that theyreally actually love, you know,
the question isn't well, whycan't I say I love you?
It's no, no, no.
What is what would it meanabout you if you said I love you
?
It's like?
Well, it opens me up to pain.
So pain equals love.
It would make you vulnerable andit's like, yeah, and it's like
when was the first time that youlearned that saying I love you
(17:33):
equaled pain?
And most of the time there'slike a childhood situation or a
significant event where that waswhere that was learned.
And I say learned on purpose,because we're only born with two
fears the, the fear of brightlights and the fear of loud
noises, because we go from beingin our mother's stomach, where
it's super dark and super quiet,and then we enter the world
(17:55):
that's super bright and it'ssuper loud, and that's why
babies come out crying most ofthe time.
Everything else is learned youlearn shame, you learn anxiety,
you learn guilt, you learn fear.
You learn all of these things.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
I've never heard that .
Speaker 3 (18:09):
And it's fascinating.
Yeah, and so if you, yeah, andso if you can learn these things
, that means that you can knowwhere you learn them from, and
it also means that you canunlearn them.
You know there's there's abecause you, you created a
system that that doesn't work,which means you can create a
system.
We just have to figure outwhich system works for you.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Yeah, no, and ultimately segwaying a little
bit into the group environment.
You've done a lot of things forour team, sou Golf, but you've
also done some stuff for um, forour instructors.
You've also worked with largergroups.
How does, again, one-on-one'sgotta be the best?
(18:57):
But we've taken so much fromyou, um, in learning, both with
SOU golf, which is a group ofalmost 20.
And then, um, you know our, oursmaller staff of about five to
six, depending on who's on like,how do you go about that
process versus a one-on-one?
Speaker 3 (19:20):
Well, a one-on-one, I could just get more specific,
like I just do more of what Iwould do in a group with the
single person, so in the group Ican give the general info and
then people are doing it ontheir own and then on one-on-one
I'm just going a lot deeper,specific, because they're giving
me specifics, and then whatwill happen typically in a group
(19:43):
is it'll be hey, is thereanybody that's willing to give
an example?
Or or is anybody in herewilling to share?
And then I'll do like aone-on-one, in person in the
group, and then people see howit works and so maybe it helps
them structure the thing they'rewriting down, or whatever the
case may be.
A lot of.
(20:04):
I make it very clear that I'mnot this coach standing up here
with this.
You know this information thatI'm the only person that has
access to it and you guys haveto come to me.
It's like no, all I've done isspent, you know, almost seven
years now learning what worksbest.
I've coached close to athousand people.
Uh, youngest clients, 11,oldest one, 62.
(20:27):
I've coached athletes at everylevel multiple sports,
door-to-door sales companies,worked with some people in
foreign governments.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Let me stop you, because will you tell the
door-to-door salesman storyabout the guy that like wasn't
selling?
Do you remember that?
Yeah, please tell that realquick.
Speaker 3 (20:46):
Yeah, there was a.
There was a guy who was sittingin on a group session and he
came up to me after the groupand he was like, hey, I'd love
to do a session with you.
And I was like, yeah, for sure.
And so we did a 30-minute callthe next day and I was just like
, okay, what's going on?
Where do you want to experienceyour information?
(21:09):
He's like man, I just haven'tbeen able to, um, you know, sell
anything in like three weeks,and so all, literally all he did
was redefine his definition ofpatience.
Like, I kid you not, that waspretty much it.
It was just okay, tell me aboutyour experience.
When you get to the doors, whathappens?
How do you feel?
(21:29):
What do you believe aboutyourself when XYZ happens?
What does that mean about theother person?
Okay, when was the first timeyou felt blah, blah, blah?
And I know I'm talking reallyfast through this because we
finish it we come to theconclusion and he's like, oh so,
basically I just need to bemore patient, basically I just
need to be more patient, whichis not really profound.
You would think, well, yeah, ofcourse you need to be more
(21:50):
patient, but it was whatpatience meant in his head and
then he sold for the next fivedays.
Oh man, that's a big differenceand yeah, and so that was
pretty cool to to see thathappen.
And I mean there's there'smultiple stories of I had
another kid he's 11, or he's 12now and he's a he's on a soccer
(22:14):
academy in Dallas and hisparents came to me because he
couldn't slide tackle anybodymentally.
He hadn't slide tackled anybodyin like five years.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Let's not be specific or anything.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
I mean, yeah and uh, you know, they were just.
I mean you have to slide tackleand you just can't, he can't do
it.
So again I just, you know, goback and essentially what had
happened is his coach, when hewas seven, his coach had kind of
tripped in his ear about hisaggression, so then he kind of
went into a tackle not fully gotinjured, so his seven-year-old
(22:47):
brain went slide tackleaggression, injury, bad.
That's the story.
And so I did a little exercisewith him, redefined what a
tackle was, a couple otherthings, and he slide tackled
someone the next day, after fiveyears of not slide tackling
someone and again, it's not thethat it seems so crazy but isn't
(23:09):
is because it takes literally acouple of milliseconds to learn
something, which means if youcan learn it that fast, you can
also unlearn it that quickly.
It's just a matter ofpracticing it.
But it's, the neuropathway getsstuck into this pattern and so
you're primed where your bodyremembers, uh, based off of the
(23:30):
story that you tell yourselfabout yourself.
That's a hard truth, it is, andthat's why, it is, and that's
why the whole year my truththing is so interesting, because
most of the time, quote unquote, your truth is built off of a
lie, but it's scary to ask.
Ok, that's your truth, but whatis the truth?
(23:52):
You're compromising a truth forthe.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
You're compromising the truth for a truth which
could cost you years of movingforward in an area where you
feel like you're being held backso I've overcome my um lack of
patience and and because I Iforced myself to be patient you
you almost answered my questionthat I was gonna ask before.
(24:18):
Um, but this comes into playwith with tournaments and I and
I'm thinking very deeply aboutmy own son in preparation for a
tournament, for a tournament, indays leading up to the
tournament, there's such a hypethat is building up in in his
(24:39):
mind about this tournament andhis vision for it and what he
wants to see happen in thattournament, when he hasn't even
played the course.
You can't even envision thecourse and it always comes out
negative.
What advice do you have forpeople who tend to lean on the
(25:04):
anxious side and stew on thingsfor multiple days leading up to
a big event, whether it be agolf tournament, whether it be a
job interview, whether it besomething you know, any big
decision making thing in yourlife?
Speaker 3 (25:21):
Yeah, it's a really good question, and I think the
first thing I would say is that,well, notice that you have the
ability to create something thatisn't there and feel a certain
way about it.
We're all capable of creatingthese visions and dreams and
scenarios that just tend to benegative, which means that we
(25:42):
can create them.
So, if we can create thenegative one, know that you can
create the positive one, becauseyou've already created a
negative one, which means youcan create one.
So that would be the firstthing is that if you have the
ability to create the negativeone, that's one option.
And then you go, ok, well, whatwould it look like for it to
turn out?
Well, you might as well do both.
(26:03):
You know, we all, we all likejustice, we all like things to
be even, we all like things tobe even, we all like things to
be fair.
So if you're going to thinkabout the worst possible outcome
, you might as well think aboutthe best possible outcome.
That's just like a generalstatement, and the thing I hear
a lot of the time is oh gosh,there's no way out.
And then I'll say, well, ifthere was a way out, what would
(26:25):
it look like?
And then they tell me the wayout and I'm like, well, there is
a way out, or I I can't.
I just can't explain.
I don't know how to explainthis.
So what about people, if youwere?
Speaker 1 (26:35):
what?
What about people who have avery positive outlook on
something?
They go and do it with theabsolute best scenario in their
head and their level of play orwhatever you know.
Whatever transpires in thatchain of events doesn't meet
their expectation that they wentinto it with.
Speaker 3 (26:57):
Well, the first thing I would say is unfortunately,
that's life.
You know, I and I don't saythat facetiously, but like it's
true I have hit putts.
I have hit putts that came offmy face, terrible, and go in,
and then I hit really good puttsthat don't go in and I hit a
terrible swing and it ends up inthe fairway and I hit a and I
(27:19):
and I have a really good swingand it ends up out of bounds.
So at which point in time am Ithe better golfer?
It just depends on thedefinition.
If I, if I define being a goodputter as making a putt, then I
will only ever be a good putterwhen it goes in.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Now this is a deep this is a deep conversation.
This is something that all ofus struggle with.
A you know where I made thebest contact with my driver that
I've made in a long time, butit went out of bounds because I
was aiming left, expecting afade, and I hit it dead straight
.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
So it's a terrible shot when it comes to the game.
And then what do we say?
Exactly, yep.
And then what do we say?
Gosh, I hit such a bad shot,but you did it.
But that's the story.
And then, when you go back tothink about your round, you're
not seeing reality, you'reseeing how you felt about it,
and then you create a falsenarrative, and that's how it
starts.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah.
So ultimately these falsenarratives build up and what's
really cool about what you'vedone is you can teach people how
to be aware of the falsenarrative and then train them
very quickly to understand andask the right questions, I guess
(28:37):
, if you will, to themselves, tobe able to create their new
narrative.
And it's funny becausepersonality traits are so
different.
I mean, my philosophy inteaching golf is every player is
different and it's just becausethose personality traits and
the expectations expectationsand again the story they've
written their whole lives aboutwhat, what they think they
(29:00):
should be able to do, based onother sport or based on success
in business or whatever thatwould be.
And then they get to the golfcourse and they're like I just
suck, I want to quit, I want to,I don't, I don't care anymore.
And you're just like.
You're fine, you got to slowdown and we got to figure this
out.
But like the funniest thingabout all this, daniel, you're
fine, you got to slow down andwe got to figure this out.
But like the funniest thingabout all this, daniel, you've
(29:21):
spoken at the Oregon PGAteaching and coaching summit
with me and we all agree thatour students like don't realize
that what you do is moreimportant than what I do at some
level, because I can't teachthem if they're not ready to be
(29:43):
taught.
Yeah, right.
And and it's so frustratingbecause it's so hard as a coach
to say you need to go see ourand I love the name emotional
intelligence, because it's notmental performance, it's not
psychiatrist.
So it helps a lot to be able tosay man, like you got to go
(30:04):
talk to somebody, I can't helpyou, I'm not your shrink, like I
am, but I'm not.
And I would love nothing morethan for you to meet Daniel
Shuler and he's going to fix youin a day.
Will you talk to him?
And and again, like they don't.
It's, it's hard, dude, becausethey don't want it and I don't,
(30:27):
I, the hardest thing is to sellit.
But then when I say, hey, um, Iwant you to talk to my buddy
about some things and don't saywho you are, what you do, okay,
sure, yeah, whatever.
Like they will you know.
So it's so weird, yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Well, it's based.
It's based off of the storythat they believe.
Again, like, this story is thestory is so powerful and there's
there's an overarching storyand then there's like a mini
story.
So if you're, if you're reallywatching your weight and you
walk into a store and you walkby a bag of chips, what do you
do?
You, you find a story tojustify whether or not you're
going to get them.
(31:02):
So you look at the chips andyou're okay, did I work out
today?
Yes, I did Okay, so maybe I canget away with these chips.
Or I didn't work out today.
So you literally figure youmake your decisions in the
grocery store because of thestory you believe about that
ingredient.
Yeah, that's, those are, thoseare micro stories.
And then you have the overallstory where, like, if someone's
deepest belief is that they'reunworthy, they're not looking
(31:25):
how to do something, they'relooking how to do something as
someone who is unworthy, whichmeans their filter is
automatically going to bedisqualifying themselves.
And so I want to make sure thatI answered both of Darren's
questions, which was theoriginal one was you know, what
(31:46):
do people do if they have thisanxiety about these future
events?
Well, number one is, again,it's understanding.
This is what we call ahypothetical, where you think
about something that hasn'thappened in the future and,
because your brain can'tdetermine that it's not
happening, it thinks it'shappening now, and so you have
an emotion come into your bodyimmediately about something that
hasn't even happened yet.
(32:08):
And I love this quote where itsays a lot of the worst
experiences, some of the worstexperiences in our lives are the
ones that we haven't had happenyet, and a lot of the time we
actually have ourselvesexperience things twice because
first we have it happen in ourmind and it doesn't even need to
happen in order for us to havethat sort of quote unquote
(32:28):
traumatic experience.
But if it does, let's say westep into that like public
speaking.
A lot of people are afraid ofpublic speaking and so they
picture themselves like throwingup on stage or stammering or
sounding like an idiot orwhatever the case may be.
They don't have to, even theycould be in their house, but
they are holding theembarrassment and the shame and
the guilt in their body in theirhouse alone, without being on
(32:51):
stage, as if they were, and thenwhat happens is they remember
that emotion and then they bringthat into places that it's not
relevant.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
And then someone just picture.
They remember that emotion andthen they bring that into places
that it's not relevant.
And then someone just sent apicture of everybody naked,
right.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
Yeah, which I mean personally.
That wouldn't really help me,but it's to you know, it's to
quote unquote, distract yourself, but it's OK when you think
about yourself, public speaking,for example, and let's say you
do mess up, what does that meanabout you?
What would that mean if youmessed up public speaking, you
know, and they say, well, itmeans I'm a failure.
And then my question would beaccording to who?
(33:25):
According to me, okay, and whenwas the first time that you
learned that not doing wellpublic speaking made you a
failure?
Well, I don't know, I guessI've never had that happen.
Okay, so now we have this falsedefinition that's created about
something that hasn't happened,which number one just shows the
power of our mind.
(33:45):
Which, again I said, the factthat you can create something
that hasn't existed yet andexperience such a powerful
emotion in your body means thatour words and our thoughts have
power.
And so one of the other thingsI say is the person you talk to
the most.
I mean, I don't just say this,a lot of people do, but the
person that you talk to the mostis yourself.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
So you have to be really mindful about the way
that you talk to yourself.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
What do you think Go ahead?
No, I was just saying that thebiggest thing is to be just ask
more questions.
I know it sounds really basic,Like I.
Like I try to keep it as simpleas possible.
This isn't this.
Oh, you're super, you know I'mI'm working on hopefully,
hopefully, giving a Ted talkhere within the next year, and
it's just you're, you're onequestion away from total
(34:34):
identity transformation.
And I don't mean they're like,okay, well, what's the question?
But it just means that the morequestions you ask, the closer
that you get.
So what does this, what do Ibelieve this means about me?
Okay, and where did that comefrom?
And so, since that hasn'thappened and since that's not
true, what does that mean that Ican believe about myself?
(34:55):
Well, that my worth isn't tiedto a result, and what does that
mean?
That I can give 100% of myeffort without needing the
result to determine how valuableof a person I am?
And even the CEOs of companiesI've worked with I'm like you
cannot have your identity be inthis company, because it means
that your identity is contingenton the success or the failure
(35:16):
of the company, which again, isnot true.
And then they'll make thesedecisions based off of the
status of the company ratherthan who they are and their true
identity and how they canfunction, and they go into these
false narratives to makedecisions, and that's when
companies start to fall apartand company is just a word for a
(35:38):
group of individuals.
So you have to know that eachperson is different and each
person has an identity they'reworking with and each person has
a story.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
So I have a question for you.
This is kind of a differentside of this.
I've heard things like forevery negative, you say to
yourself you need sevenpositives.
What do you think about that?
Speaker 3 (36:04):
I mean I wouldn't disagree.
I've never heard those exactnumbers and I think that
positive reinforcement is reallygood.
I think what's reallyinteresting is if I got the
seven positive things first andthen got one negative one, that
negative one's still going tostick with me.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
A hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
So you know so it's like okay, well, if we're just
trying to combat the negativewith a quantity of positive, you
know what?
What is that means that the,the emotional issue here is a
quantitative problem.
What it's not it's, it's, uh,the belief about the negative.
Like I could, I could be toldwow, you're, you're such an
(36:46):
amazing golfer and you're this,and you're that, and you're, you
did so well today.
Blah, blah, blah.
And then your coach comes andhe's like what the heck was that
?
Immediately, you're like yeah,I know, right, all these other
people were lying.
So why do we do that?
And it's because it's the thingthat is easiest for us to
(37:06):
believe the fastest.
We believe lies about ourselvesso much quicker than we believe
the truth, because it'stypically where we tend to spend
most of our time in our headyou're on the course and you hit
a bad shot on the range.
What's the first thing?
You think, gosh, that was sobad.
Uh, I know you're so.
You're just so bad at golf, Iknow exactly.
(37:30):
But but I'm saying that our,our, our mind is so primed to be
down on ourself that when wehear something negative, it
feels more familiar than thetruth.
Yeah, and that's why.
That's why, when you hear onenegative thing, even if there's
10 positive, we hold onto thenegative because it feels most
real.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
I think you hit a really good point.
Um, ultimately, I asked thatquestion not expecting that
answer and and I think youreworked it to the point of that
is like it's like a book, it'slike a published thing, so I
don't want to go into it toomuch because maybe they and it's
on the edge of the cup and thisis back on hole 13.
(38:10):
And you're like I can't believethat didn't go in and you just
put all this truth to that.
(38:32):
And then you get done with 18and that's all you talk about
and you shoot 72,.
It's like you lose sight of Ijust shot even par and instead
you're so fired up about theputt that you missed the one
shot, the one shot that ruinedyour whole game.
And what does that do to you inthe future?
(38:53):
Like that's the frustration ofif we go back to golf, but in
life at the same time, that'syour negative self-talk as
opposed to positive self-talk,and if we all just talk a little
bit more positive aboutourselves, we'd probably feel
more successful.
Speaker 3 (39:11):
Yeah, well, and yeah, and it's funny because most of
us spend our day-to-day inself-preservation and what that
is responding to shots like that.
It's a defense mechanism,because what do we want people
to think, no matter what weshoot?
That I'm better than that.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
What does?
Speaker 3 (39:33):
that mean about me.
If I come in shooting 72 and Iknow I missed a long putt, I
have two options.
I can either say you know what?
I played a really great round.
I could have dropped a couplemore putts, but I shot even par.
Cool, that's true.
Or I could come in and I couldsay gosh, I cannot believe I am
the shot 72.
(39:54):
It should have been 68.
I missed this, but, but this,but I suck at golf.
And but what am I doing?
I'm protecting myself fromcriticism by doing that, because
I'm already I'm I am.
I am protecting myself becauseI'm acknowledging the fact that
I could have done better.
And then people will say, oh,he could have done better.
I don't need to tell him, Idon't need to ask him why he
(40:15):
only shot 72.
That's the story in my head.
It's not true, but it's like ifpeople know that I could have
done better, they won't ask mehow I messed up.
Or if they do, they'll be like,oh, he's actually a lot better
than 72.
Wow, that's really cool.
He could have shot 68, andit'll make me feel better.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
Right.
Speaker 3 (40:39):
So, daniel, and again , I know you're friends with one
of them, so like who would youwork with and why?
oh wow, can I give two, and fortwo different reasons absolutely
100% so after I saw the episodeof full swing with Brooks
Koepka, I was like dang, thatguy needs some identity coaching
(41:01):
because he just it was tough towatch.
Um, so I'd love to work withhim, just because I I think he's
such a powerful individual thathas no idea and I think the way
in which he thinks he has poweris not even close to what he
could actually do, not even.
I'm not even just talking aboutgolf, like I can kind of see
his narrative and what hebelieves about himself and how
(41:23):
that manifests into his marriage, into his, into his golf game,
like all of that stuff.
Uh, so I would say brooks islike the asterix to a player um,
and man, that's you gotta useuse Dylan, dude, come on, just
do it.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
You guys are doing each other.
Speaker 3 (41:41):
Yeah, throw it out there of course, like I'd, I'd
love to work with Dylan.
I think it'd be.
I think it'd be awesome.
Dylan Wu such an incredibleplayer and, uh, he's just right
there so much of the time and Ithink I think there's you know,
anybody that's extremely good,right on the peak of breaking
through, there's just this gosh.
(42:02):
Do you think I'm really goingto?
Am I really good enough to doit?
So I'd love to work with himjust to find out what he
believes about himself.
Um, when he, when he gets intothese tournaments where he
starts playing really well, youknow, and I mean he, he shoots
really well in some of thesetournaments, he's right up there
and then, and then maybeSaturday rolls around and he'll
shoot, you know, three or fourover, whatever the case may be,
(42:24):
and, um, but yeah, I would sayhim, and then it's either
between, uh, between Bryson, andBryson and Rory funny, funny
thing about Dylan.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
Last year he played in tournament where he knocked
in an albatross on a par fiveand it was the only shot of the
entire tournament that was notcaught on camera?
How?
Speaker 3 (42:50):
crazy is that that never happens.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
That never happens.
They have so many cameras outon these holes now on the pga
tour that it was a it was a bigdog leg and he just crushed his
second shot and he said in theinterview afterwards he knew
that he hit a good shot, he knewthat it was headed in the right
direction, but he had no ideahow good of a shot it was.
(43:12):
And then all of a sudden hejust heard the crowd from you
know hundreds of yards away justerupt and he knew that he had
made that albatross.
Speaker 3 (43:25):
Yeah, that would have been cool for him to be able to
watch that.
Well, you know, that happenedat the Masters, where they had
trouble filming Bryson, and sohe ended up bringing his own
YouTube crew to film it.
But but yeah, I think working,working with uh with Bryson or
Rory would just be incredible.
Um, I just I respect whatBryson's done for the game and
(43:50):
just he's, so I'm with you.
Like you can.
You can tell he's so confidentin himself, because, I mean,
everything he does is just alittle off in the best way.
Like the way he puts all of his.
All of his irons are strong.
He's got big grips on all ofthem.
They're all the same length.
He's swings out of his buttevery single time.
(44:11):
Like he can hit the driver 450yards.
Like he's just crazy.
And so I'd love to just workwith him to be like man.
What story led you to believingthat you were able to do that?
Who else grew up exactly likethat?
But because of one comment, acoach or parent or critic said
(44:33):
they gave up.
They said you know what?
Yeah, you're right, it's stilljust that lying voice of like,
yeah, you're not really going tomake what.
Yeah, you're right, it's thatthat's still just that lying
voice of like, yeah, you're notreally gonna make it, or you're
not that good, or you're you'reunworthy, or or whatever it is.
And that that filter.
We don't see the world as it is.
We see.
We see the world as we are, youknow, and and so in order for
us to to change the way that wesee things, we have to know how
(44:55):
we see them in the first place?
Based off of what?
Speaker 2 (45:00):
Daniel, you are the man Appreciate you being on
tonight.
Darren usually talks a littlebit about what questions we got
for him here at the end.
Daniel, what's your favoritecourse you've ever played?
Always with me, buddy.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
StoneRidge.
No, no, no, no, no, no, allright all right, let me restate
this what's your favorite courseyou played with noel?
What's your favorite coursethat you've really ever played?
Speaker 3 (45:31):
uh, I love capalua.
That course was just stunning.
Um, I you know as as hard as itis.
I actually really enjoyedindustry hills.
Um, in california I played a.
I played a.
It's in, it's actually inindustry hills.
(45:51):
I can't remember if it's acountry club or a golf club, but
it's called industry hills golfclub.
Um, and then there is anothercourse down in rancho called
dove canyon nice.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Yeah, that's good I actually hit.
Speaker 3 (46:05):
I was getting coached down there and there's one of
these par threes that goes overa canyon onto this two-tiered
green and the pin was on thebottom tier, the, and the tier
was maybe 10 yards long andmaybe four yards wide.
Like it was disgustingly hardand I jammed a six iron.
I was like one 90 out orsomething and I jammed a six
(46:27):
iron right on top of the, Istuck it on top of the ledge and
then it just trickled down toabout five inches and he said
that's one of the best shotsI've ever seen anybody hit on
this hole.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
So what was your mentality?
Stepping up to the ball on thathole, hitting over the canyon?
What were you telling yourself?
Speaker 3 (46:47):
I probably was saying don't hit it in the canyon.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
Yes, you were.
There's a negative side.
Speaker 3 (46:56):
There's the human.
Yeah, I was gosh.
I think I was about 16, 17.
But I wish I could have reallyused a mental coach when I was
playing, so it wasn't.
Speaker 1 (47:11):
the positive attitude of this hole is within reach.
Let's knock it in the hole itwas.
Let's not hit it in the canyon.
Speaker 3 (47:20):
Yeah, it was.
I mean, it was basically justlet's hit as best of a shot as
we can and it turned out okay.
But I I think you know, andmaybe for fun, we can end on
your your opening question slashstatement about the water.
You know, it's funny in orderfor us to not think about
something, we have to thinkabout it to see if we're not
(47:42):
thinking about it.
Speaker 1 (47:45):
That's very complicated, it's very deep, but
it's very true and we can allrelate.
Yes, awareness is okay.
Speaker 3 (47:51):
Like, how do I figure out if I'm not thinking about
the water?
Well, I have to think about thewater to gauge if I was
thinking about it or not.
But by the time I'm there, I'malready thinking about the water
.
So, acknowledging the water isthere.
We're not ignorant here.
There's water on the course.
But what you do is you're likeokay, there's water in play.
(48:11):
There's also a fairway.
The fairway is just as in playas the water is.
So the trees are just as inplay as the trees are.
So what?
Trees are just as in play asthe trees are.
So what do we do?
Nothing different.
You pick your target, you knowyour ball flight and you just
hit the ball.
And that's why golf is hard,exactly, and that's what Kira
did last year at the tournament.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
In Arizona.
Speaker 3 (48:37):
No, this was at a conference.
Oh, a conference last year up ingold canyon and then I'll, yeah
, and then I'll end with this,just because this is how this is
how it happens.
She's on number 18, crushes herdrive.
I was following her on the lasthole.
It's a fantastic drive rightdown the middle and she's in a
divot and she can't move it.
Obviously she goes gosh, Ican't believe I'm gonna divot,
(48:59):
blah, blah.
I said, all right, what do,what can we do here?
She's like well, I can, andthere was.
I mean, it was a really hardshot.
There was a tree on the right,there was water on the right
side of the green, like it was.
It was pretty tough.
She's like I can't believe I'mgonna divot.
And what if I was?
Like, okay, what are we gonna?
What can we do from thisposition?
She's like like, well, I cantake this club, I'm going to aim
to the left side of the greenand I'm just going to see what
(49:21):
happens.
I was like, great, sounds good.
She hit it to 10 feet so itcould have gone either way.
It's like we focus on what wecan do or we keep thinking about
the, because she didn't hit abad drive.
She hit a great drive with abad result.
That doesn't make it a baddrive, and then she could have
(49:46):
said, well, what if the divotpulls it to the water?
And then this is just groundingyourself in reality.
That's what emotionalintelligence is.
So being confident is isknowing what you can do now,
immediately, what's happeningnow, versus how you're feeling
about everything that's going onaround you.
Speaker 1 (49:54):
You can assess your feelings later well, this spring
, all of us going back out ontothe course, um, the weather
getting nicer across the countryand us all heading back out to
the course, this is amazingencouragement glad to hear that,
yeah you know, uh, daniel,going back to kira too, you'd be
(50:15):
proud of her.
Speaker 2 (50:16):
Um, from loomis trails where you're talking
about their hole 18 to hershooting two under par her best
tournament finish final round.
She jumped from 65th to 54th inthe country this week and has a
huge opportunity to get anat-large bid to nationals,
depending on what happens witheveryone else.
(50:37):
So we're hoping that everythinggoes in her favor and she gets
to go to michigan here in themiddle of the month.
And, um, the girl gosh, it's socrazy to say this.
She's the closest thing toanything I've ever coached, that
is, lpga potential.
Now we have we and we haveanother guy on our team.
Same thing with PGA potential.
(50:59):
It's so hard to be out there,but it's different.
And if we can get their mentalgames caught up to their
physical games, then it's goingto be scary.
And when you say Brooks Koepka,you're going to be saying no, I
want to just interview KiraChang, right, I mean.
Speaker 3 (51:17):
I hate to say it like that.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
But, man, you get that girl on page with where her
physical is.
She's hitting it 300 dude andfirm fairways.
That's awesome.
Anyway, daniel, you're the man,dude.
Thanks for coming all the wayfrom Texas to be with us.
I know it's like 11 o'clockyour time and we want you on
again, but uh, dude, thanks forbeing with us tonight absolutely
(51:43):
.
Speaker 3 (51:43):
Thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (51:44):
I appreciate it thanks, daniel, take care all
right, have a good one all right.
What do we have to look forwardto over the next couple of
weeks?
Speaker 2 (51:52):
no, oh, darren, I'm super pumped.
I mean, first of all, goingback to Daniel, that's just
inspiring stuff.
I mean, I have learned so muchfrom him and he's like 10 years
younger than me.
The guy is amazing.
You can actually reach out tohim through contact at golf
(52:13):
garage Oregoncom.
So I wanted to give that shoutout and we'll get you in touch
with Daniel, so you don't haveto be a golfer to need emotional
intelligence.
I mean, it's just life balance,man.
We say that word so lightly, Idon't even know what it means,
but I'm just going to use itright there.
Ultimately, looking forward.
Moving forward on the podcastsuper exciting stuff.
(52:33):
Ever heard of a Titleist golfball?
Speaker 1 (52:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (52:40):
Number one golf ball on tour.
I mean maybe for a while.
So yeah, I mean we're, we'regetting there there's some
companies coming out.
Yeah, here we go.
No, but, um, I have a goodfriend, um, that was the
executive director of theNorthern Ohio section, pga, and
I was.
I sat on their board for awhile and I'll never forget when
(53:00):
he knew I was going out to LAand he's like, hey, my son's out
there.
I'm like, oh cool, what's he do?
He's like, oh, he works forTitleist.
I'm like, oh nice.
He's like, well, you should gosee him.
Like, well, okay, what's he,what's he do?
It?
Well, he's.
I'm.
I was going out to LA for, um, Ithink it was Carlsbad actually,
(53:22):
and we're going down toCallaway.
At the time and I was on staffwith them and I let the
executive director know I was inthe area and he called his son
and right away it's like nextday, yeah, come on in eight
o'clock in the morning.
I'm like great.
(53:46):
So I show up there and you knowI'll save a little bit of this
story for next week.
But I've got a Callaway hat onin Titleist.
That was the only hat I had on.
Next thing, you know these, youknow these guys are there.
I'm trying to hide it under myarmpit.
I had it off.
I'm indoors, I'm like, yeah, I'mlike crap, I screwed that one
up, but it's, you know, it'sCarl's bad, it's sunny outside
under my armpit.
And next thing you know we'reintroductions and somebody's
like hey, what's that Like,what's what?
(54:06):
Oh, what's that under yourarmpit?
Speaker 1 (54:09):
Something I found in the parking lot.
Yeah, I found it.
Speaker 2 (54:13):
I mean they literally gave me so much crap that
within two minutes theyliterally gave me so much crap
that within two minutes they hada Titleist ad on me.
It was pretty funny.
But Dino Antonucci was a fitterat Titleist and now he's in
their tour department on theroad with the big dogs.
So Dino's going to be on withus next week, super excited.
(54:34):
So I am looking forward to allthose people calling in, you
know asking some questions forDino.
You know Titleist kind ofbrought golf to another level.
I mean I think Tiger Woods hada Titleist 3-wood in his bag for
a long time, even while he'splaying Nike.
Speaker 1 (54:50):
They did.
I mean for the longest timethey were.
They were it.
Everybody was playing with thePro V1s anyway.
Speaker 2 (55:00):
Right, it went like Spalding.
Then it went Titleist Pro V1out of like nowhere right.
Speaker 1 (55:04):
Out of nowhere.
And then it was that way for along time.
Speaker 2 (55:07):
And you know, titleist is one of those
companies that just always hastaken it to another level
between you know golf ball,their golf ball company,
absolutely.
But Bob Vokey, vokey Wedges, Imean shoot, everybody knows that
name, it's just a householdname.
And you know, there for a whilethey didn't.
(55:31):
I felt like their driver wasstruggling, but they had great
players still playing it.
And now all of a sudden they'reup there.
I mean their driver'sphenomenal, which phenomenal.
You know Adam Scott is one ofthe only golfers that has like
the perfect swing.
If you look at it right, I meanI don't know what you even say.
You know quote unquote.
But no, they do it right.
So we're looking forward tohaving Dino Antonucci on the
(55:53):
show next week.
Speaker 1 (55:54):
Excellent Dude.
That was awesome informationtonight.
That was inspiring for me.
That was inspiring for I hopeeverybody out there um getting
ready to hit the course with alittle bit more um beautiful
weather and an active golfseason ahead.
Speaker 2 (56:14):
I would just say let's start thinking positive.
Out there on the golf course,it's your choice, Darren.
Pleasure buddy Likewise.
Speaker 1 (56:23):
Take care, we'll see you next week.
Welcome to the my golf source podcast.
Welcome to my golf source.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I'm Darren and I'm Noah.
Hey, did we just get done withleague again tonight?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
We did, and I was playing a fantastic round.
I think I was going to finishfour or five over par.
How'd you do?
Shot a nine on 18.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Okay, so I saw your tee shot.
You ripped that drive and thenI had to go back to my bay.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
I did what happened from there to drive and then I
was 160 out and I faded an eightiron right into the water.
So I took a drop and then Ifaded an eight iron right into
the water.
You know where.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
You know there's a button that we can aim right,
you know the story, you know howthis goes.
We were playing TPC Louisiana,I think.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Pretty awesome yeah awesome course.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Where the tour players are playing, and each
week we're playing there andhaving a good time trying to see
how we compete against them,and that was probably the most
challenging course we played allyear.
I mean, in my opinion, there'sjust a lot of force carries us
to last week and I'm not sureyou can get more challenging.
Maybe, if, maybe, if we had toputt true, yeah, so no, it was
(01:33):
pretty awesome and it's just funto be able to compete on the
same level of courses that thetour players are playing.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Obviously, we're not playing the same tees, but it's
a blast man I mean for me to befive over par on nine holes on
the back nine.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
I'm thrilled with that and we're in the playoffs.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I blew it up on hole 18.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah well playoffs and we're playing each other
again.
So I'm not sure, becausehandicaps seemed a little bit
off tonight.
We're going to find out exactlywhere those were.
I think scoring is going tohappen tomorrow, so we'll see
exactly what happens when CoachKukula gets back.
And you played one under right,I did.
I played one under, missedthree birdies by about half a
(02:16):
roll.
So I played good tonight for asmuch as I get to play.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
So I played running wide for the first time on
Saturday.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Oh, so we talked about that last week.
We did, and one of our you know, my all-time favorite course in
Southern Oregon.
What did you think?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
It was spectacular.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Did you have good weather?
Speaker 1 (02:36):
We got drizzled on with rain for hole three and
four.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Out in the elements there.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
yeah, Aside from that , it was perfect.
It is.
It was perfect.
Hole nine that dude I.
I've never seen a par four thatis more than 20 yards downhill
302 yards.
I was pin high way off to theleft out towards the road in the
(03:06):
driving range because I hit apower fade and so I aim left and
I ripped the drive and, as I dowhen I hit a pure drive, it
goes dead straight.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
So well, and and like going back to that hole.
It is probably 200 feetdownhill, so it's awesome.
They used to carve the Americanflag into that fairway and it
was immaculate.
It was like a postage stamp ora postcard.
It was awesome.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
I took a picture of it once.
I took a picture from the topfrom the tee box, and I took a
picture from the green lookingback at the tee box with the
uphill fairway.
It was super cool, and then Ibirdied 10 oh, that's a good
birdie.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Par five, yeah, with the pond on the left.
So cool thing about that isit's one of our reciprocals.
Did you take advantage of that?
I sure did.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
It was uh 75 bucks for 18 holes with a cart with a
cart.
Oh, that's awesome arnoldPalmer signature to Palmer
signature course.
That was money.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Yeah, so do you.
Where's it right in SouthernOregon for you?
Speaker 1 (04:09):
man.
Well, you know that's a toughone.
Um, I gotta say it's it.
I gotta play it one more timeto say it takes the cake, but
it's, it's there.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
So Ryan and I played, um, played it, and then we had
to play bar run and then we werelike going back and forth and
we're like I don't know whichone's better bar runner or
running wide.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
And then we played bar Well it's awesome, not on
the top.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Oh man, it's so good for me, just because of the way
that a few of the holes aredesigned.
Dan does such a good job, um um.
But then we played running yagain, and running y just smoked
it for me I think so, bar barrunning brand new course.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Um, right now I don't think they're open.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
They have at least two holes that were completely
submerged yeah, they got floodedum when we had all that rain
and just redo a couple of holes,yeah, yeah, I mean from t-box
to green and everywhere inbetween yeah, so they should be
open again.
I know they have their lazyriver open now, driving range is
about to be open and a fewother things, so really excited
(05:13):
for it.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
I got a week stay in their rv resort on in june do
you really?
Speaker 2 (05:17):
yeah, I do.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Oh, that's awesome.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
You want to come up play with us, uh, yeah it's a
monday through friday, june 17thish I'm in, then I gotta go to
tennessee right after that.
I think it's gonna be kind ofwarm, so I want to go hang out
and uh bar run and pretend thatI'm.
That's my vacation yeah, we'll.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
We'll play a couple of times, enjoy the lazy river
and love it.
Do a couple of rounds.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I have a question for you how was your mental game
tonight?
It was good until 18 18.
So we have somebody coming onthe show here in a few minutes.
That um is, in my opinion, thebest mental performance coach in
the country.
He focuses on emotionalintelligence.
(06:00):
He's a scratch golfer, playedin state, played in high school,
had lots of different jobs upinto this point for a young um
young man and um, I respect himwholeheartedly.
We've got daniel schuler comingup right now.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
Welcome, daniel what's going on hey?
Daniel that scratch golfer is,uh, very generous okay, well,
you know what?
Speaker 2 (06:25):
It's better than saying, nice, drive, easy five,
because that was my buddy's newgame and we know you know how to
make birdie.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
I think if we scratched out a couple holes I
could be a scratch golfer, but Ido appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
I've got to say on hole 18 where you know, whenever
I have water right and I'm aright-handed golfer who tends to
hit a strong fade I I crushedmy drive, I did exactly what I
wanted to do.
Everything about it wasmentally, physically, in reality
(06:58):
, good, and then just a simpleeight iron shot, which is one of
my favorite clubs in my bag.
It's like that water's a darnmagnet and I can't get my mind
past it.
So, is this a?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
question for Daniel already, what are we?
Speaker 1 (07:17):
defending to Daniel Cause.
This just happened five minutesago.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Daniel, did you know you're a psychiatrist or you're
an emotional intelligence coach?
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I'm still kind of fired up about it, so give me a
break here.
No, it's pretty awesome.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Hey, so I do want to kind of open up a little bit
with Daniel, because you know,this is so crazy how I met
Daniel.
His dad was recommended by areally good friend of mine to do
some work on our house.
He's a general contractor andand I've heard that his dad,
(07:49):
fritz, is like the best tileperson in the Valley.
So we have him doing our, ourbathroom, um reno.
When we got at our house and loand behold, uh, his son's in
there working and didn't thinkanything of it.
And next thing, you know, likeDaniel and Fritz are just
chatting it up and you know mykids are in there and they're
(08:10):
just like hanging out, and youknow.
And then I find out Danielplayed golf in high school and I
remember the name, but I was.
I was away for about 12 yearsand so I knew the name but I
didn't know.
And then all of a sudden, itjust hit me.
I'm like oh, you were like areally good golfer, weren't you?
(08:30):
And then you know next thing,you know his dad's telling me a
couple of days later about howhe's going through emotional
intelligence training and howhe's worked with some of these
Fortune 200 companies.
And then he's like helped allthese people out and kids out.
And I'm like, oh man, well,we're looking for a mental
performance coach.
(08:50):
Right now.
I don't know what emotionalintelligence is.
So, daniel, why don't you tellus a little bit about what
emotional intelligence is andjust like, ultimately, how
you're?
You just rock it, man, like youhave helped so many people.
I have so many good storiesabout you, but I think I just
like people to know what EIreally is.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
Yeah, absolutely, and thanks so much again for having
me on here.
Yeah, that feels like foreverago.
That was during COVID.
I think it was literally in2020 and I had just gotten back
to Oregon from LA, because I wasliving in LA for quite a long
time and didn't want to be thereduring covid what were you
(09:29):
doing in la?
uh, so I was in theentertainment industry.
Um, I started at age 15, or Ijust turned 16.
I was doing modeling and acting, and then I quit when I was 20
because I didn't like who I wasand the industry was really
tough, and that's for anotherpodcast.
But then two years later, I gotinto the music industry.
(09:51):
So that's what I was doing downthere.
And then, over COVID, because Iwas home, I was like, well, I
might as well help my dad outwith work and keep myself busy,
which is how I was fortunateenough to get connected with you
, which is awesome.
But, yeah, so I did mycertifications in 2018 through
(10:15):
the Global Society of NLP, andif you don't know what NLP is,
it just stands for NeuroLinguistic Programming, and so
the easiest way to explain, Iguess emotional intelligence.
And for those listening, Ispecifically focus on identity,
because I look at people as aquilt, and a quilt is made with
(10:39):
a thread.
So if you want to understand howthe quilt got there, or if you
don't like the picture that thequilt has, you've got to figure
out the thread that made thatquilt, and identity is the
thread that runs througheverything, and so your identity
is who you think you are, whoyou think other people think
that you are, and then youcreate a story around that and
(11:00):
then that story determines thedecisions that you make, and
then that story determines thedecisions that you make.
And emotional intelligence isjust the ability to be aware of
how you're feeling at any giventime and also just how other
people are feeling and howyou're coming off.
I think there could be, youknow, essentially there could be
(11:30):
a couple different definitionsfor for emotional intelligence,
but it's essentially just theability to know how you're
feeling, the reason that you'refeeling the way you are, how
it's coming off and how someoneelse is feeling.
Yeah, and obviously that thatplays a big role in in golf, for
sure.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Well, I would agree.
Um, so you have helped the StMary's girls golf team when
their fifth state championshipin a row.
Um, they at the time were notthe horse you'd bet on if you
will and they came out on top.
(11:58):
You have worked wonders with alot of our junior golfers.
You have worked, um, well, it'sodd actually.
So one of my SAU playersactually, um, approached me
Southern Oregon university andtold me that you worked with
them one-on-one and it was thefunniest thing because I noticed
(12:20):
such a change in him in one ofthe events we were playing in
and I just I went up to him andI said, man, you were so
coachable, it was a pleasurewatching you play.
And like we were just talking alittle bit and he's like, oh, I
actually worked with coachDaniel and I was like did you
really?
When did you do that?
Oh, last week I called him, Italked to him and I was like,
(12:40):
well, good for you, because heliterally 360'd from the
standpoint of coach to player.
He in this last tournament too,and he just finished all
conference and you know it's ashout out.
I mean he always had the gameand there's so much to be said
(13:03):
for self-belief always had thegame, and there's so much to be
said for self-belief.
But, as a golf coach, sayingsomething about self-belief is
totally different than for theperson to understand how to
believe in themselves.
And I mean you ultimately gavehim the ability to believe in
himself through the conversationyou guys had.
And so I mean, first of all,all thank you, because it was
(13:24):
awesome to see this young mansucceed.
And and secondly, I mean we'vetalked a lot too, because you
work with our company.
But like how is it that you gothrough this process?
I'm just curious because, likeDarren, we do want to get back
to Darren's question abouthitting into the water, but
there's probably more to it butlike, how, how does this process
(13:45):
work for you?
Because you help people in liketwo sessions, dude, like you're
it's so much different thanbecause you're finding this root
cause.
I guess I don't know.
So tell us a little bit abouthow that works.
And I'm just curious too, causeit's nice to hear it.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
And yeah, I was super, superproud of him and the crazy thing
is we literally talked for 20minutes, like that was it, and
he had a tournament.
He had a three-day tournamentthe next day and it was our
first time actually workingone-on-one and it was nice.
He gave me an update each dayand at the end of the tournament
(14:19):
he's like, hey, I just had mybest tournament finish ever and
I was thinking about all thestuff you were talking about and
so that was just.
It's always a blessing, youknow, to be able to see that
it's working.
And the cool part is is it'shim, it's not me, like all I'm
doing is reframing the storythat someone believes about
(14:42):
themselves based off of theselies that they're living in.
And so the process typicallyand I and it's it's funny, I
don't have a system like this isgoing to sound really crazy.
I don't go through a list ofquestions that I always ask.
I don't have like these bulletpoint things that I bring into
every session.
I literally use whatever I'mgiven from that person, um, and
(15:05):
I just help them figure out theway that they think.
Where that?
Because they created their ownsystem, and so we go through.
Okay, what do you either?
What are you most afraid aboutin this situation?
Or what area do you want toexperience the most
transformation in, or what's abehavior that you're not a super
big fan of, that you'd like tochange Basically, where that
you'd like to change basically,where do you want to experience
(15:27):
change?
And I was like, well, you know,in his case he said every time I
get into a tournament, I just Idon't know what happens, like I
know I have the game, I justshut down and you know.
So we kind of just work, workthrough that.
And you know when was the firsttime that you started feeling
that way?
And it it seems really basic,but it's.
It's helping people figure outthe way that they see the world
(15:50):
and where it came from, becauseyou don't see what happens.
You see what happens throughyour filter, and so you have to
change the filter.
And, yeah, it's basically likeI said, it's just finding the
area that they want to changeand working on the story,
helping them figure out what thestory is, what's the truth,
(16:12):
what's the lie, where did itcome from, who's involved, how
is it manifesting in yourday-to-day life?
And golf is just one area whereit could be expressed.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
So, whether we want to, admit it or not, we all have
a system right.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
We all have a way.
We all have a way, a system.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
We have, a process of doing things in our life and,
even though we may not evenrecognize it or be in touch with
that system, it's there andyou're able.
You're able to identify that.
Speaker 3 (16:44):
Yeah, that's literally why people have
opinions.
It's because they have adifferent way of processing
information, and there's noquote unquote right or wrong way
.
But if the way that you processinformation is leading you to a
less than favorable result, weshould look at the way that
you're processing information.
Love it, you know so.
For example, if you havesomeone who is afraid to say I
(17:10):
love you to someone that theyreally actually love, you know,
the question isn't well, whycan't I say I love you?
It's no, no, no.
What is what would it meanabout you if you said I love you
?
It's like?
Well, it opens me up to pain.
So pain equals love.
It would make you vulnerable andit's like, yeah, and it's like
when was the first time that youlearned that saying I love you
(17:33):
equaled pain?
And most of the time there'slike a childhood situation or a
significant event where that waswhere that was learned.
And I say learned on purpose,because we're only born with two
fears the, the fear of brightlights and the fear of loud
noises, because we go from beingin our mother's stomach, where
it's super dark and super quiet,and then we enter the world
(17:55):
that's super bright and it'ssuper loud, and that's why
babies come out crying most ofthe time.
Everything else is learned youlearn shame, you learn anxiety,
you learn guilt, you learn fear.
You learn all of these things.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
I've never heard that .
Speaker 3 (18:09):
And it's fascinating.
Yeah, and so if you, yeah, andso if you can learn these things
, that means that you can knowwhere you learn them from, and
it also means that you canunlearn them.
You know there's there's abecause you, you created a
system that that doesn't work,which means you can create a
system.
We just have to figure outwhich system works for you.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Yeah, no, and ultimately segwaying a little
bit into the group environment.
You've done a lot of things forour team, sou Golf, but you've
also done some stuff for um, forour instructors.
You've also worked with largergroups.
How does, again, one-on-one'sgotta be the best?
(18:57):
But we've taken so much fromyou, um, in learning, both with
SOU golf, which is a group ofalmost 20.
And then, um, you know our, oursmaller staff of about five to
six, depending on who's on like,how do you go about that
process versus a one-on-one?
Speaker 3 (19:20):
Well, a one-on-one, I could just get more specific,
like I just do more of what Iwould do in a group with the
single person, so in the group Ican give the general info and
then people are doing it ontheir own and then on one-on-one
I'm just going a lot deeper,specific, because they're giving
me specifics, and then whatwill happen typically in a group
(19:43):
is it'll be hey, is thereanybody that's willing to give
an example?
Or or is anybody in herewilling to share?
And then I'll do like aone-on-one, in person in the
group, and then people see howit works and so maybe it helps
them structure the thing they'rewriting down, or whatever the
case may be.
A lot of.
(20:04):
I make it very clear that I'mnot this coach standing up here
with this.
You know this information thatI'm the only person that has
access to it and you guys haveto come to me.
It's like no, all I've done isspent, you know, almost seven
years now learning what worksbest.
I've coached close to athousand people.
Uh, youngest clients, 11,oldest one, 62.
(20:27):
I've coached athletes at everylevel multiple sports,
door-to-door sales companies,worked with some people in
foreign governments.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Let me stop you, because will you tell the
door-to-door salesman storyabout the guy that like wasn't
selling?
Do you remember that?
Yeah, please tell that realquick.
Speaker 3 (20:46):
Yeah, there was a.
There was a guy who was sittingin on a group session and he
came up to me after the groupand he was like, hey, I'd love
to do a session with you.
And I was like, yeah, for sure.
And so we did a 30-minute callthe next day and I was just like
, okay, what's going on?
Where do you want to experienceyour information?
(21:09):
He's like man, I just haven'tbeen able to, um, you know, sell
anything in like three weeks,and so all, literally all he did
was redefine his definition ofpatience.
Like, I kid you not, that waspretty much it.
It was just okay, tell me aboutyour experience.
When you get to the doors, whathappens?
How do you feel?
(21:29):
What do you believe aboutyourself when XYZ happens?
What does that mean about theother person?
Okay, when was the first timeyou felt blah, blah, blah?
And I know I'm talking reallyfast through this because we
finish it we come to theconclusion and he's like, oh so,
basically I just need to bemore patient, basically I just
need to be more patient, whichis not really profound.
You would think, well, yeah, ofcourse you need to be more
(21:50):
patient, but it was whatpatience meant in his head and
then he sold for the next fivedays.
Oh man, that's a big differenceand yeah, and so that was
pretty cool to to see thathappen.
And I mean there's there'smultiple stories of I had
another kid he's 11, or he's 12now and he's a he's on a soccer
(22:14):
academy in Dallas and hisparents came to me because he
couldn't slide tackle anybodymentally.
He hadn't slide tackled anybodyin like five years.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Let's not be specific or anything.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
I mean, yeah and uh, you know, they were just.
I mean you have to slide tackleand you just can't, he can't do
it.
So again I just, you know, goback and essentially what had
happened is his coach, when hewas seven, his coach had kind of
tripped in his ear about hisaggression, so then he kind of
went into a tackle not fully gotinjured, so his seven-year-old
(22:47):
brain went slide tackleaggression, injury, bad.
That's the story.
And so I did a little exercisewith him, redefined what a
tackle was, a couple otherthings, and he slide tackled
someone the next day, after fiveyears of not slide tackling
someone and again, it's not thethat it seems so crazy but isn't
(23:09):
is because it takes literally acouple of milliseconds to learn
something, which means if youcan learn it that fast, you can
also unlearn it that quickly.
It's just a matter ofpracticing it.
But it's, the neuropathway getsstuck into this pattern and so
you're primed where your bodyremembers, uh, based off of the
(23:30):
story that you tell yourselfabout yourself.
That's a hard truth, it is, andthat's why, it is, and that's
why the whole year my truththing is so interesting, because
most of the time, quote unquote, your truth is built off of a
lie, but it's scary to ask.
Ok, that's your truth, but whatis the truth?
(23:52):
You're compromising a truth forthe.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
You're compromising the truth for a truth which
could cost you years of movingforward in an area where you
feel like you're being held backso I've overcome my um lack of
patience and and because I Iforced myself to be patient you
you almost answered my questionthat I was gonna ask before.
(24:18):
Um, but this comes into playwith with tournaments and I and
I'm thinking very deeply aboutmy own son in preparation for a
tournament, for a tournament, indays leading up to the
tournament, there's such a hypethat is building up in in his
(24:39):
mind about this tournament andhis vision for it and what he
wants to see happen in thattournament, when he hasn't even
played the course.
You can't even envision thecourse and it always comes out
negative.
What advice do you have forpeople who tend to lean on the
(25:04):
anxious side and stew on thingsfor multiple days leading up to
a big event, whether it be agolf tournament, whether it be a
job interview, whether it besomething you know, any big
decision making thing in yourlife?
Speaker 3 (25:21):
Yeah, it's a really good question, and I think the
first thing I would say is that,well, notice that you have the
ability to create something thatisn't there and feel a certain
way about it.
We're all capable of creatingthese visions and dreams and
scenarios that just tend to benegative, which means that we
(25:42):
can create them.
So, if we can create thenegative one, know that you can
create the positive one, becauseyou've already created a
negative one, which means youcan create one.
So that would be the firstthing is that if you have the
ability to create the negativeone, that's one option.
And then you go, ok, well, whatwould it look like for it to
turn out?
Well, you might as well do both.
(26:03):
You know, we all, we all likejustice, we all like things to
be even, we all like things tobe even, we all like things to
be fair.
So if you're going to thinkabout the worst possible outcome
, you might as well think aboutthe best possible outcome.
That's just like a generalstatement, and the thing I hear
a lot of the time is oh gosh,there's no way out.
And then I'll say, well, ifthere was a way out, what would
(26:25):
it look like?
And then they tell me the wayout and I'm like, well, there is
a way out, or I I can't.
I just can't explain.
I don't know how to explainthis.
So what about people, if youwere?
Speaker 1 (26:35):
what?
What about people who have avery positive outlook on
something?
They go and do it with theabsolute best scenario in their
head and their level of play orwhatever you know.
Whatever transpires in thatchain of events doesn't meet
their expectation that they wentinto it with.
Speaker 3 (26:57):
Well, the first thing I would say is unfortunately,
that's life.
You know, I and I don't saythat facetiously, but like it's
true I have hit putts.
I have hit putts that came offmy face, terrible, and go in,
and then I hit really good puttsthat don't go in and I hit a
terrible swing and it ends up inthe fairway and I hit a and I
(27:19):
and I have a really good swingand it ends up out of bounds.
So at which point in time am Ithe better golfer?
It just depends on thedefinition.
If I, if I define being a goodputter as making a putt, then I
will only ever be a good putterwhen it goes in.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Now this is a deep this is a deep conversation.
This is something that all ofus struggle with.
A you know where I made thebest contact with my driver that
I've made in a long time, butit went out of bounds because I
was aiming left, expecting afade, and I hit it dead straight
.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
So it's a terrible shot when it comes to the game.
And then what do we say?
Exactly, yep.
And then what do we say?
Gosh, I hit such a bad shot,but you did it.
But that's the story.
And then, when you go back tothink about your round, you're
not seeing reality, you'reseeing how you felt about it,
and then you create a falsenarrative, and that's how it
starts.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah.
So ultimately these falsenarratives build up and what's
really cool about what you'vedone is you can teach people how
to be aware of the falsenarrative and then train them
very quickly to understand andask the right questions, I guess
(28:37):
, if you will, to themselves, tobe able to create their new
narrative.
And it's funny becausepersonality traits are so
different.
I mean, my philosophy inteaching golf is every player is
different and it's just becausethose personality traits and
the expectations expectationsand again the story they've
written their whole lives aboutwhat, what they think they
(29:00):
should be able to do, based onother sport or based on success
in business or whatever thatwould be.
And then they get to the golfcourse and they're like I just
suck, I want to quit, I want to,I don't, I don't care anymore.
And you're just like.
You're fine, you got to slowdown and we got to figure this
out.
But like the funniest thingabout all this, daniel, you're
fine, you got to slow down andwe got to figure this out.
But like the funniest thingabout all this, daniel, you've
(29:21):
spoken at the Oregon PGAteaching and coaching summit
with me and we all agree thatour students like don't realize
that what you do is moreimportant than what I do at some
level, because I can't teachthem if they're not ready to be
(29:43):
taught.
Yeah, right.
And and it's so frustratingbecause it's so hard as a coach
to say you need to go see ourand I love the name emotional
intelligence, because it's notmental performance, it's not
psychiatrist.
So it helps a lot to be able tosay man, like you got to go
(30:04):
talk to somebody, I can't helpyou, I'm not your shrink, like I
am, but I'm not.
And I would love nothing morethan for you to meet Daniel
Shuler and he's going to fix youin a day.
Will you talk to him?
And and again, like they don't.
It's, it's hard, dude, becausethey don't want it and I don't,
(30:27):
I, the hardest thing is to sellit.
But then when I say, hey, um, Iwant you to talk to my buddy
about some things and don't saywho you are, what you do, okay,
sure, yeah, whatever.
Like they will you know.
So it's so weird, yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Well, it's based.
It's based off of the storythat they believe.
Again, like, this story is thestory is so powerful and there's
there's an overarching storyand then there's like a mini
story.
So if you're, if you're reallywatching your weight and you
walk into a store and you walkby a bag of chips, what do you
do?
You, you find a story tojustify whether or not you're
going to get them.
(31:02):
So you look at the chips andyou're okay, did I work out
today?
Yes, I did Okay, so maybe I canget away with these chips.
Or I didn't work out today.
So you literally figure youmake your decisions in the
grocery store because of thestory you believe about that
ingredient.
Yeah, that's, those are, thoseare micro stories.
And then you have the overallstory where, like, if someone's
deepest belief is that they'reunworthy, they're not looking
(31:25):
how to do something, they'relooking how to do something as
someone who is unworthy, whichmeans their filter is
automatically going to bedisqualifying themselves.
And so I want to make sure thatI answered both of Darren's
questions, which was theoriginal one was you know, what
(31:46):
do people do if they have thisanxiety about these future
events?
Well, number one is, again,it's understanding.
This is what we call ahypothetical, where you think
about something that hasn'thappened in the future and,
because your brain can'tdetermine that it's not
happening, it thinks it'shappening now, and so you have
an emotion come into your bodyimmediately about something that
hasn't even happened yet.
(32:08):
And I love this quote where itsays a lot of the worst
experiences, some of the worstexperiences in our lives are the
ones that we haven't had happenyet, and a lot of the time we
actually have ourselvesexperience things twice because
first we have it happen in ourmind and it doesn't even need to
happen in order for us to havethat sort of quote unquote
(32:28):
traumatic experience.
But if it does, let's say westep into that like public
speaking.
A lot of people are afraid ofpublic speaking and so they
picture themselves like throwingup on stage or stammering or
sounding like an idiot orwhatever the case may be.
They don't have to, even theycould be in their house, but
they are holding theembarrassment and the shame and
the guilt in their body in theirhouse alone, without being on
(32:51):
stage, as if they were, and thenwhat happens is they remember
that emotion and then they bringthat into places that it's not
relevant.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
And then someone just picture.
They remember that emotion andthen they bring that into places
that it's not relevant.
And then someone just sent apicture of everybody naked,
right.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
Yeah, which I mean personally.
That wouldn't really help me,but it's to you know, it's to
quote unquote, distract yourself, but it's OK when you think
about yourself, public speaking,for example, and let's say you
do mess up, what does that meanabout you?
What would that mean if youmessed up public speaking, you
know, and they say, well, itmeans I'm a failure.
And then my question would beaccording to who?
(33:25):
According to me, okay, and whenwas the first time that you
learned that not doing wellpublic speaking made you a
failure?
Well, I don't know, I guessI've never had that happen.
Okay, so now we have this falsedefinition that's created about
something that hasn't happened,which number one just shows the
power of our mind.
(33:45):
Which, again I said, the factthat you can create something
that hasn't existed yet andexperience such a powerful
emotion in your body means thatour words and our thoughts have
power.
And so one of the other thingsI say is the person you talk to
the most.
I mean, I don't just say this,a lot of people do, but the
person that you talk to the mostis yourself.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
So you have to be really mindful about the way
that you talk to yourself.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
What do you think Go ahead?
No, I was just saying that thebiggest thing is to be just ask
more questions.
I know it sounds really basic,Like I.
Like I try to keep it as simpleas possible.
This isn't this.
Oh, you're super, you know I'mI'm working on hopefully,
hopefully, giving a Ted talkhere within the next year, and
it's just you're, you're onequestion away from total
(34:34):
identity transformation.
And I don't mean they're like,okay, well, what's the question?
But it just means that the morequestions you ask, the closer
that you get.
So what does this, what do Ibelieve this means about me?
Okay, and where did that comefrom?
And so, since that hasn'thappened and since that's not
true, what does that mean that Ican believe about myself?
(34:55):
Well, that my worth isn't tiedto a result, and what does that
mean?
That I can give 100% of myeffort without needing the
result to determine how valuableof a person I am?
And even the CEOs of companiesI've worked with I'm like you
cannot have your identity be inthis company, because it means
that your identity is contingenton the success or the failure
(35:16):
of the company, which again, isnot true.
And then they'll make thesedecisions based off of the
status of the company ratherthan who they are and their true
identity and how they canfunction, and they go into these
false narratives to makedecisions, and that's when
companies start to fall apartand company is just a word for a
(35:38):
group of individuals.
So you have to know that eachperson is different and each
person has an identity they'reworking with and each person has
a story.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
So I have a question for you.
This is kind of a differentside of this.
I've heard things like forevery negative, you say to
yourself you need sevenpositives.
What do you think about that?
Speaker 3 (36:04):
I mean I wouldn't disagree.
I've never heard those exactnumbers and I think that
positive reinforcement is reallygood.
I think what's reallyinteresting is if I got the
seven positive things first andthen got one negative one, that
negative one's still going tostick with me.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
A hundred percent.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
So you know so it's like okay, well, if we're just
trying to combat the negativewith a quantity of positive, you
know what?
What is that means that the,the emotional issue here is a
quantitative problem.
What it's not it's, it's, uh,the belief about the negative.
Like I could, I could be toldwow, you're, you're such an
(36:46):
amazing golfer and you're this,and you're that, and you're, you
did so well today.
Blah, blah, blah.
And then your coach comes andhe's like what the heck was that
?
Immediately, you're like yeah,I know, right, all these other
people were lying.
So why do we do that?
And it's because it's the thingthat is easiest for us to
(37:06):
believe the fastest.
We believe lies about ourselvesso much quicker than we believe
the truth, because it'stypically where we tend to spend
most of our time in our headyou're on the course and you hit
a bad shot on the range.
What's the first thing?
You think, gosh, that was sobad.
Uh, I know you're so.
You're just so bad at golf, Iknow exactly.
(37:30):
But but I'm saying that our,our, our mind is so primed to be
down on ourself that when wehear something negative, it
feels more familiar than thetruth.
Yeah, and that's why.
That's why, when you hear onenegative thing, even if there's
10 positive, we hold onto thenegative because it feels most
real.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
I think you hit a really good point.
Um, ultimately, I asked thatquestion not expecting that
answer and and I think youreworked it to the point of that
is like it's like a book, it'slike a published thing, so I
don't want to go into it toomuch because maybe they and it's
on the edge of the cup and thisis back on hole 13.
(38:10):
And you're like I can't believethat didn't go in and you just
put all this truth to that.
(38:32):
And then you get done with 18and that's all you talk about
and you shoot 72,.
It's like you lose sight of Ijust shot even par and instead
you're so fired up about theputt that you missed the one
shot, the one shot that ruinedyour whole game.
And what does that do to you inthe future?
(38:53):
Like that's the frustration ofif we go back to golf, but in
life at the same time, that'syour negative self-talk as
opposed to positive self-talk,and if we all just talk a little
bit more positive aboutourselves, we'd probably feel
more successful.
Speaker 3 (39:11):
Yeah, well, and yeah, and it's funny because most of
us spend our day-to-day inself-preservation and what that
is responding to shots like that.
It's a defense mechanism,because what do we want people
to think, no matter what weshoot?
That I'm better than that.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
What does?
Speaker 3 (39:33):
that mean about me.
If I come in shooting 72 and Iknow I missed a long putt, I
have two options.
I can either say you know what?
I played a really great round.
I could have dropped a couplemore putts, but I shot even par.
Cool, that's true.
Or I could come in and I couldsay gosh, I cannot believe I am
the shot 72.
(39:54):
It should have been 68.
I missed this, but, but this,but I suck at golf.
And but what am I doing?
I'm protecting myself fromcriticism by doing that, because
I'm already I'm I am.
I am protecting myself becauseI'm acknowledging the fact that
I could have done better.
And then people will say, oh,he could have done better.
I don't need to tell him, Idon't need to ask him why he
(40:15):
only shot 72.
That's the story in my head.
It's not true, but it's like ifpeople know that I could have
done better, they won't ask mehow I messed up.
Or if they do, they'll be like,oh, he's actually a lot better
than 72.
Wow, that's really cool.
He could have shot 68, andit'll make me feel better.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
Right.
Speaker 3 (40:39):
So, daniel, and again , I know you're friends with one
of them, so like who would youwork with and why?
oh wow, can I give two, and fortwo different reasons absolutely
100% so after I saw the episodeof full swing with Brooks
Koepka, I was like dang, thatguy needs some identity coaching
(41:01):
because he just it was tough towatch.
Um, so I'd love to work withhim, just because I I think he's
such a powerful individual thathas no idea and I think the way
in which he thinks he has poweris not even close to what he
could actually do, not even.
I'm not even just talking aboutgolf, like I can kind of see
his narrative and what hebelieves about himself and how
(41:23):
that manifests into his marriage, into his, into his golf game,
like all of that stuff.
Uh, so I would say brooks islike the asterix to a player um,
and man, that's you gotta useuse Dylan, dude, come on, just
do it.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
You guys are doing each other.
Speaker 3 (41:41):
Yeah, throw it out there of course, like I'd, I'd
love to work with Dylan.
I think it'd be.
I think it'd be awesome.
Dylan Wu such an incredibleplayer and, uh, he's just right
there so much of the time and Ithink I think there's you know,
anybody that's extremely good,right on the peak of breaking
through, there's just this gosh.
(42:02):
Do you think I'm really goingto?
Am I really good enough to doit?
So I'd love to work with himjust to find out what he
believes about himself.
Um, when he, when he gets intothese tournaments where he
starts playing really well, youknow, and I mean he, he shoots
really well in some of thesetournaments, he's right up there
and then, and then maybeSaturday rolls around and he'll
shoot, you know, three or fourover, whatever the case may be,
(42:24):
and, um, but yeah, I would sayhim, and then it's either
between, uh, between Bryson, andBryson and Rory funny, funny
thing about Dylan.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
Last year he played in tournament where he knocked
in an albatross on a par fiveand it was the only shot of the
entire tournament that was notcaught on camera?
How?
Speaker 3 (42:50):
crazy is that that never happens.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
That never happens.
They have so many cameras outon these holes now on the pga
tour that it was a it was a bigdog leg and he just crushed his
second shot and he said in theinterview afterwards he knew
that he hit a good shot, he knewthat it was headed in the right
direction, but he had no ideahow good of a shot it was.
(43:12):
And then all of a sudden hejust heard the crowd from you
know hundreds of yards away justerupt and he knew that he had
made that albatross.
Speaker 3 (43:25):
Yeah, that would have been cool for him to be able to
watch that.
Well, you know, that happenedat the Masters, where they had
trouble filming Bryson, and sohe ended up bringing his own
YouTube crew to film it.
But but yeah, I think working,working with uh with Bryson or
Rory would just be incredible.
Um, I just I respect whatBryson's done for the game and
(43:50):
just he's, so I'm with you.
Like you can.
You can tell he's so confidentin himself, because, I mean,
everything he does is just alittle off in the best way.
Like the way he puts all of his.
All of his irons are strong.
He's got big grips on all ofthem.
They're all the same length.
He's swings out of his buttevery single time.
(44:11):
Like he can hit the driver 450yards.
Like he's just crazy.
And so I'd love to just workwith him to be like man.
What story led you to believingthat you were able to do that?
Who else grew up exactly likethat?
But because of one comment, acoach or parent or critic said
(44:33):
they gave up.
They said you know what?
Yeah, you're right, it's stilljust that lying voice of like,
yeah, you're not really going tomake what.
Yeah, you're right, it's thatthat's still just that lying
voice of like, yeah, you're notreally gonna make it, or you're
not that good, or you're you'reunworthy, or or whatever it is.
And that that filter.
We don't see the world as it is.
We see.
We see the world as we are, youknow, and and so in order for
us to to change the way that wesee things, we have to know how
(44:55):
we see them in the first place?
Based off of what?
Speaker 2 (45:00):
Daniel, you are the man Appreciate you being on
tonight.
Darren usually talks a littlebit about what questions we got
for him here at the end.
Daniel, what's your favoritecourse you've ever played?
Always with me, buddy.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
StoneRidge.
No, no, no, no, no, no, allright all right, let me restate
this what's your favorite courseyou played with noel?
What's your favorite coursethat you've really ever played?
Speaker 3 (45:31):
uh, I love capalua.
That course was just stunning.
Um, I you know as as hard as itis.
I actually really enjoyedindustry hills.
Um, in california I played a.
I played a.
It's in, it's actually inindustry hills.
(45:51):
I can't remember if it's acountry club or a golf club, but
it's called industry hills golfclub.
Um, and then there is anothercourse down in rancho called
dove canyon nice.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Yeah, that's good I actually hit.
Speaker 3 (46:05):
I was getting coached down there and there's one of
these par threes that goes overa canyon onto this two-tiered
green and the pin was on thebottom tier, the, and the tier
was maybe 10 yards long andmaybe four yards wide.
Like it was disgustingly hardand I jammed a six iron.
I was like one 90 out orsomething and I jammed a six
(46:27):
iron right on top of the, Istuck it on top of the ledge and
then it just trickled down toabout five inches and he said
that's one of the best shotsI've ever seen anybody hit on
this hole.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
So what was your mentality?
Stepping up to the ball on thathole, hitting over the canyon?
What were you telling yourself?
Speaker 3 (46:47):
I probably was saying don't hit it in the canyon.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
Yes, you were.
There's a negative side.
Speaker 3 (46:56):
There's the human.
Yeah, I was gosh.
I think I was about 16, 17.
But I wish I could have reallyused a mental coach when I was
playing, so it wasn't.
Speaker 1 (47:11):
the positive attitude of this hole is within reach.
Let's knock it in the hole itwas.
Let's not hit it in the canyon.
Speaker 3 (47:20):
Yeah, it was.
I mean, it was basically justlet's hit as best of a shot as
we can and it turned out okay.
But I I think you know, andmaybe for fun, we can end on
your your opening question slashstatement about the water.
You know, it's funny in orderfor us to not think about
something, we have to thinkabout it to see if we're not
(47:42):
thinking about it.
Speaker 1 (47:45):
That's very complicated, it's very deep, but
it's very true and we can allrelate.
Yes, awareness is okay.
Speaker 3 (47:51):
Like, how do I figure out if I'm not thinking about
the water?
Well, I have to think about thewater to gauge if I was
thinking about it or not.
But by the time I'm there, I'malready thinking about the water
.
So, acknowledging the water isthere.
We're not ignorant here.
There's water on the course.
But what you do is you're likeokay, there's water in play.
(48:11):
There's also a fairway.
The fairway is just as in playas the water is.
So the trees are just as inplay as the trees are.
So what?
Trees are just as in play asthe trees are.
So what do we do?
Nothing different.
You pick your target, you knowyour ball flight and you just
hit the ball.
And that's why golf is hard,exactly, and that's what Kira
did last year at the tournament.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
In Arizona.
Speaker 3 (48:37):
No, this was at a conference.
Oh, a conference last year up ingold canyon and then I'll, yeah
, and then I'll end with this,just because this is how this is
how it happens.
She's on number 18, crushes herdrive.
I was following her on the lasthole.
It's a fantastic drive rightdown the middle and she's in a
divot and she can't move it.
Obviously she goes gosh, Ican't believe I'm gonna divot,
(48:59):
blah, blah.
I said, all right, what do,what can we do here?
She's like well, I can, andthere was.
I mean, it was a really hardshot.
There was a tree on the right,there was water on the right
side of the green, like it was.
It was pretty tough.
She's like I can't believe I'mgonna divot.
And what if I was?
Like, okay, what are we gonna?
What can we do from thisposition?
She's like like, well, I cantake this club, I'm going to aim
to the left side of the greenand I'm just going to see what
(49:21):
happens.
I was like, great, sounds good.
She hit it to 10 feet so itcould have gone either way.
It's like we focus on what wecan do or we keep thinking about
the, because she didn't hit abad drive.
She hit a great drive with abad result.
That doesn't make it a baddrive, and then she could have
(49:46):
said, well, what if the divotpulls it to the water?
And then this is just groundingyourself in reality.
That's what emotionalintelligence is.
So being confident is isknowing what you can do now,
immediately, what's happeningnow, versus how you're feeling
about everything that's going onaround you.
Speaker 1 (49:54):
You can assess your feelings later well, this spring
, all of us going back out ontothe course, um, the weather
getting nicer across the countryand us all heading back out to
the course, this is amazingencouragement glad to hear that,
yeah you know, uh, daniel,going back to kira too, you'd be
(50:15):
proud of her.
Speaker 2 (50:16):
Um, from loomis trails where you're talking
about their hole 18 to hershooting two under par her best
tournament finish final round.
She jumped from 65th to 54th inthe country this week and has a
huge opportunity to get anat-large bid to nationals,
depending on what happens witheveryone else.
(50:37):
So we're hoping that everythinggoes in her favor and she gets
to go to michigan here in themiddle of the month.
And, um, the girl gosh, it's socrazy to say this.
She's the closest thing toanything I've ever coached, that
is, lpga potential.
Now we have we and we haveanother guy on our team.
Same thing with PGA potential.
(50:59):
It's so hard to be out there,but it's different.
And if we can get their mentalgames caught up to their
physical games, then it's goingto be scary.
And when you say Brooks Koepka,you're going to be saying no, I
want to just interview KiraChang, right, I mean.
Speaker 3 (51:17):
I hate to say it like that.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
But, man, you get that girl on page with where her
physical is.
She's hitting it 300 dude andfirm fairways.
That's awesome.
Anyway, daniel, you're the man,dude.
Thanks for coming all the wayfrom Texas to be with us.
I know it's like 11 o'clockyour time and we want you on
again, but uh, dude, thanks forbeing with us tonight absolutely
(51:43):
.
Speaker 3 (51:43):
Thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (51:44):
I appreciate it thanks, daniel, take care all
right, have a good one all right.
What do we have to look forwardto over the next couple of
weeks?
Speaker 2 (51:52):
no, oh, darren, I'm super pumped.
I mean, first of all, goingback to Daniel, that's just
inspiring stuff.
I mean, I have learned so muchfrom him and he's like 10 years
younger than me.
The guy is amazing.
You can actually reach out tohim through contact at golf
(52:13):
garage Oregoncom.
So I wanted to give that shoutout and we'll get you in touch
with Daniel, so you don't haveto be a golfer to need emotional
intelligence.
I mean, it's just life balance,man.
We say that word so lightly, Idon't even know what it means,
but I'm just going to use itright there.
Ultimately, looking forward.
Moving forward on the podcastsuper exciting stuff.
(52:33):
Ever heard of a Titleist golfball?
Speaker 1 (52:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (52:40):
Number one golf ball on tour.
I mean maybe for a while.
So yeah, I mean we're, we'regetting there there's some
companies coming out.
Yeah, here we go.
No, but, um, I have a goodfriend, um, that was the
executive director of theNorthern Ohio section, pga, and
I was.
I sat on their board for awhile and I'll never forget when
(53:00):
he knew I was going out to LAand he's like, hey, my son's out
there.
I'm like, oh cool, what's he do?
He's like, oh, he works forTitleist.
I'm like, oh nice.
He's like, well, you should gosee him.
Like, well, okay, what's he,what's he do?
It?
Well, he's.
I'm.
I was going out to LA for, um, Ithink it was Carlsbad actually,
(53:22):
and we're going down toCallaway.
At the time and I was on staffwith them and I let the
executive director know I was inthe area and he called his son
and right away it's like nextday, yeah, come on in eight
o'clock in the morning.
I'm like great.
(53:46):
So I show up there and you knowI'll save a little bit of this
story for next week.
But I've got a Callaway hat onin Titleist.
That was the only hat I had on.
Next thing, you know these, youknow these guys are there.
I'm trying to hide it under myarmpit.
I had it off.
I'm indoors, I'm like, yeah, I'mlike crap, I screwed that one
up, but it's, you know, it'sCarl's bad, it's sunny outside
under my armpit.
And next thing you know we'reintroductions and somebody's
like hey, what's that Like,what's what?
(54:06):
Oh, what's that under yourarmpit?
Speaker 1 (54:09):
Something I found in the parking lot.
Yeah, I found it.
Speaker 2 (54:13):
I mean they literally gave me so much crap that
within two minutes theyliterally gave me so much crap
that within two minutes they hada Titleist ad on me.
It was pretty funny.
But Dino Antonucci was a fitterat Titleist and now he's in
their tour department on theroad with the big dogs.
So Dino's going to be on withus next week, super excited.
(54:34):
So I am looking forward to allthose people calling in, you
know asking some questions forDino.
You know Titleist kind ofbrought golf to another level.
I mean I think Tiger Woods hada Titleist 3-wood in his bag for
a long time, even while he'splaying Nike.
Speaker 1 (54:50):
They did.
I mean for the longest timethey were.
They were it.
Everybody was playing with thePro V1s anyway.
Speaker 2 (55:00):
Right, it went like Spalding.
Then it went Titleist Pro V1out of like nowhere right.
Speaker 1 (55:04):
Out of nowhere.
And then it was that way for along time.
Speaker 2 (55:07):
And you know, titleist is one of those
companies that just always hastaken it to another level
between you know golf ball,their golf ball company,
absolutely.
But Bob Vokey, vokey Wedges, Imean shoot, everybody knows that
name, it's just a householdname.
And you know, there for a whilethey didn't.
(55:31):
I felt like their driver wasstruggling, but they had great
players still playing it.
And now all of a sudden they'reup there.
I mean their driver'sphenomenal, which phenomenal.
You know Adam Scott is one ofthe only golfers that has like
the perfect swing.
If you look at it right, I meanI don't know what you even say.
You know quote unquote.
But no, they do it right.
So we're looking forward tohaving Dino Antonucci on the
(55:53):
show next week.
Speaker 1 (55:54):
Excellent Dude.
That was awesome informationtonight.
That was inspiring for me.
That was inspiring for I hopeeverybody out there um getting
ready to hit the course with alittle bit more um beautiful
weather and an active golfseason ahead.
Speaker 2 (56:14):
I would just say let's start thinking positive.
Out there on the golf course,it's your choice, Darren.
Pleasure buddy Likewise.
Speaker 1 (56:23):
Take care, we'll see you next week.
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