Lore & Legend: Rockerline Alfred Coleman Talks Cryptids, Games, Working for Smosh & The Art of Starting Over

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jaxon (00:00):
Hey everyone and welcome to the Neurof**k Podcast.
I'm your host, Jaxon Rosa, andover here we have Hayley Olivia
Wonderful.
Well, let's not waste any ofyour precious time, let's get
right to the episode.
Hit it, Terance.

Jerreal (00:14):
It's time for Neurof**k Podcast with your host, Jaxon
Rosa, that mischievousmotherf**ker.
Hayley Olivia, what's your name, girl?
You on the spectrum and Terance.
We've got autism, adhd, ocd,all the D's.
We've got stories and artistsfrom all walks of life.
It's time to get fuckedNeurologically.

Jaxon (00:44):
How do you want me to introduce you Like, what do you
want me to just Editor at?

Hayley (00:47):
Smosh, creator of Dungeons and Dragons, and how do
you want me to say your full?

Jaxon (00:52):
name.
How do I say your full name?

Rockerline (00:53):
in this it's Rockerline Alfred Coleman.
Rockerline Did.

Hayley (00:58):
I say Rockefeller before you did, because it's funny.

Rockerline (01:03):
Rockerline, rockerline, alfred Rocker line.
Alfred Coleman.

Jaxon (01:07):
Alfred Coleman yeah, Rocker line Alfred Coleman yes.

Hayley (01:10):
Rocker line Alfred Coleman.
I've been mentally sayingRockefeller, Okay, let me Okay,
excuse me.
I'm trying to get it right onthe first try Rocker line,
Alfred Coleman.

Jaxon (01:20):
No, I just act annoyed again.
It's a bit.
I do it for the bit You'regreat.

Hayley (01:24):
I feel like there was so much truth to the joke.

Jaxon (01:28):
No, there is.
But like.
Hey everyone and welcome to theNeurofucked Podcast.
I'm your host, Jaxon Rosa.
Over here we have Haley Olivia.
Give it up for Haley, hello,hello, hello, hello, the sweet
and lovely Haley Olivia.

Hayley (01:44):
And now Wait, but is that it?

Jaxon (01:46):
Well, we've already talked about you.
You've been in this five.

Jerreal (01:53):
I know we have so many intros.

Hayley (01:54):
They don't know who I am .

Jaxon (01:56):
This is not about us anymore.
This is about our guest today.
Give it up for RockerlineAlfred Coleman III.

Rockerline (02:05):
The second, oh, the second, kind of it's muddy, it's
a muddy thing.
I like how he rolls out of hischair like that.

Jaxon (02:12):
I think we need some wrestler music.

Rockerline (02:15):
The attention gives me power.

Jaxon (02:17):
I think, okay, how about we just start with the name?

Rockerline (02:20):
Okay yeah, let's get into it.
Tell us about that, okay, soTerance knows this from knowing
me.
Since what?
We didn't go to high schooltogether.
No, okay, I met you guys incollege College, okay.
So I didn't know.
My first name was Rockerlineuntil I was 18 years old, so I

(02:43):
always went by Alfred Coleman inKissimmee, florida, where I
grew up.

Hayley (02:47):
You were lied to, I was basically so I was.

Rockerline (02:52):
I was always prone to getting into fights as a kid,
so my mom did not putRockerline as my first name,
because for some reason it's ait's a West African name, Very
interesting.
She didn't want kids to makefun of me and therefore me to
punch them in the face.

Jaxon (03:08):
but rocker line is such a dope name thank you and it's a.

Rockerline (03:13):
It's a family name on my dad's side, yeah, so his
middle name is rocker line aswell that's really cool.

Hayley (03:18):
I feel like if you start a music that's why you're the
second kind of it's like apseudo second.

Jaxon (03:23):
I was just joking about the third.

Jerreal (03:24):
I just thought it would sound cool.

Jaxon (03:27):
They thought it would sound cool.
Yeah, well, that's because Iactually had a name that I was
not named, they switched to mymiddle name.
I was nameless for two weeks asa child.

Hayley (03:36):
That happens a lot, Jaxon, that explains so much.

Jaxon (03:39):
It does.
It does A lot of deeppsychological wounds.
But my name was.
My dad had M names, right, soit was going to be like my
sister's Molly.
There was Mike and Max halfbrothers, and my dad was adamant
he wanted to name me Meyer,m-e-y-e-r as a first name, like
a Jewish grandfather, like Oscar.

Rockerline (04:01):
Meyer yeah, like Oscar Meyer, wiener Like.

Jaxon (04:03):
Meyer the liar, meyer the crier.
Like Meyer pants on fire.

Hayley (04:07):
Did they really think about it and go, hmm?

Jaxon (04:09):
No, he didn't think about it.
My mom went and fought him onthis.
She was like this is not goingto happen.
Her friend was like shegossiped with her friend about
it and she's like, yeah, what ishe going to be named the first
80 years of his life?
Hold on, how do you feel aboutthe name Meyer?
I didn't.
I'm glad that they went Jaxon.

Jerreal (04:25):
Okay.

Rockerline (04:26):
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

Jaxon (04:27):
I'm so glad that they did , because I already have enough
to deal with growing up it wasenough to like and then to have
the name added on top of that.
So they did me a solid.
They moved it to my middle name.
Okay, they compromised, theywent.
The birth certificate made sureyou know Wait.

Hayley (04:42):
so they had the birth certificate and everything
already.

Jaxon (04:44):
Yeah, they just left the name blank.
You're allowed to do that ohblank.

Hayley (04:47):
It happens a lot.

Rockerline (04:49):
You're allowed to do that If you're ever put in that
situation and you don't want torush it and make big mistakes
for your child's future, thenyeah, Well, actually if you guys
were lucky enough to ever havea kid, what would you name it?
What would you name it?
Because I love a realinteresting name.
You know my first name'sRockerline.
Yeah, Well, tell us, yoursfirst.

(05:10):
I always wanted to.
If I had a girl, I would nameit Regalia, regalia, regalia,
regalia.
A regalia is a proof of royalty, so, like a crown, a scepter a
ring.
I fucking love that name.

Jaxon (05:27):
Regalia Interesting.
Yeah, I would like, I think.
And then Reggie for short.
Yeah, Reggie for short.
You know, Like that's I thinksometimes, like there is a point
in time where you got theprofessional like they didn't
want to name me Jack.
They said Jaxon because it'sactually sounded more like like
professional, Like you could putit in something you also have
to think about the repercussionsof the name you choose and the

(05:51):
nicknames people choose for you.

Rockerline (05:52):
You got to blow through all the nicknames in
your head as well.
Yeah, you're like okay.

Hayley (05:55):
What could they possibly call them that we don't want?

Rockerline (05:57):
Yeah.

Hayley (05:58):
That is like no, no, no.

Jaxon (06:05):
I'm trying to wrap it up, so I'm not trying to think
about that right now.
That's true, but okay, so let'sget back on track.
So you got a cool fucking name,that's a first off rocker line
fucking yeah, just start a band.

Rockerline (06:20):
I start enough things in my life.
I do, god.
Not only am I an editor forSmosh.
If you guys at home are overwhat?
The age of 20 or whatever, youshould know these guys.
We know Smosh we love SmoshFrom way back in the day.

Hayley (06:38):
There are so many people under Smosh that I'm sure a lot
of people of youngergenerations would know too.

Rockerline (06:44):
Yeah smosh that I'm sure a lot of um people, of
younger generations would knowtoo.

Hayley (06:46):
Because, yeah, I found that a lot of younger
generations are looking at whatour generation was obsessed with
and going.
They had the right idea becausethey all seem to like have all
this memorabilia and all theseshirts like I see people walking
in who are like 10 years oldwith avatar the last airbender
and I'm like speaking of missy I, I have an air nomad tattoo

(07:09):
right here my brother has thefire nation tattoo in the same
spot, Terance got a I was therewhen he got that one and you
have all four elements on yourback, yes, let's go.

Rockerline (07:22):
What does that?

Jaxon (07:22):
mean we need an earthbender.
I'm a virgo is that earth?

Rockerline (07:28):
Jaxon no you're disappointing me so much is

Hayley (07:31):
that an earth element.

Jaxon (07:32):
You should get it.
I should get it.
No, I'm not a big fan, I'm nota fan of much about it.
No, I know I've watched some ofit, it's just here's the thing.
I'll let you guys fill me in onall that for sure stuff, I'm
what.
You were so dismissive, by theway, it was like no Jaxon, no
it's not yours I'm a fan, I'm areal fan, and you won't ruin
this for me, um but yeah, sothat's cool smosh, I do that.

Rockerline (07:56):
Um, I started my own card game company, cryptic
games.
I released two games this year.
Um, the third one is ahalloween themed one, so that's
going to be in october.
Um, and then literally, uh, aweek ago, I was like I'm just
gonna make my own hot sauce, soI'm like starting to do that I'm
really excited.

Jaxon (08:16):
I love hot sauces, by the way, so I'm if you get a chance
, if you're making them and needtaste testers, let me know I
got a whole bunch someone todraw a design.

Hayley (08:24):
I already.

Rockerline (08:25):
Fortunately, I have a design and I I know how to
clip art like a motherfucker.
So I paid for canva and I just,and I just fucking go because
it there's so much to workaround yeah accidentally do
something wrong and then youhave to pay for the.
That's how they get you to payfor the thing I pay for premium

(08:46):
already.

Jaxon (08:47):
Oh well then, you're fine , I already pay for photoshop so
no photoshop, so it's fine.

Rockerline (08:52):
This is why I like that you guys are doing this.
As a guy who starts a lot ofstuff, I have a lot of stuff
that I've failed in too.
I had a clothing business thathasn't exactly gotten to where I
need it to be, hey.

Jaxon (09:06):
Jaxon, is it sitting in the?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, this is what do you mean?
Oh, I don't have a clothing.
What are you talking about?
I don't have a clothingbusiness.
What do you mean?
You have a clothing.

Hayley (09:16):
I don't have a clothing line.
No, I don't, it's just merchyeah, he's just trying to make
it look bad.
Merch is different.
Merch is like band merch, likemusic merch.
We have a bit of dissonancebetween us right now I feel like
we're just disagreeing todisagree to this specific topic.

Rockerline (09:35):
No, I might have to like scale down to, to it just
being like certain items andstuff like that, because now I
have like shades in my apartmentthat are just like sitting
there and a bunch of designsthat are like really cool but do
you feel like nowhere to putthem.

Jaxon (09:47):
So you're basically, you're kind of like me.
In a lot of ways you're aself-starter yeah you start a
lot of projects.
It is they're all in these veryniche industries.
Right, you got the game stuffwhich it seems like you're very
passionate about.
You've already finished thoseyeah, those are out yeah, so do
you find that you're really likeyou've gotten the in the groove
of the game, building anddeveloping those types of things

(10:09):
?

Rockerline (10:09):
it.
So the funny thing is, um,someone told me is like when you
make your first game, it's notgonna do well, like very few
people actually make a game forthe first time and it blows up
like cards against humanity.
Um, I can say that it's theirfirst game.
It probably wasn't.
They probably did a couplethings on the side here and
there, but as far as like massappeal, that's it right.

(10:33):
So my, the first game that Icreated was a um court of
cryptids and that was going tobe like my, my pokemon-esque
kind of is it like?

Hayley (10:43):
shapeshifter pokemon I like that name, court of
cryptids.
Yeah, like bigfoot and blocknest monster.

Rockerline (10:50):
I created original cryptids like that wasn't like
big.
There is a bigfoot uh guy inthere, but he's modeled after
donkey kong and he has like gun,can't like tree cannons on his
arm and shit.
It's's a fun game.
It's just that I did too muchin the process of making the
game.
I forgot about the fun of itand I was like mechanics.
Yeah, let's talk about that alittle bit actually Missing the

(11:16):
fun in things.

Hayley (11:21):
Talking about, because I know you mentioned a lot about
not finishing things.

Rockerline (11:26):
Right.

Hayley (11:26):
And I know for myself I had so much trouble growing up
completing anything.
I would get so excited and Iwould create, create, create,
create, but I would never fullyfinish something before hopping
to something else.

Rockerline (11:41):
Yeah.

Hayley (11:41):
And it took a long time.

Rockerline (11:44):
It's a lot of discipline that you have to like
put on yourself, especially forcreative people like us who
just if you have an idea, youjump into that idea and then
it's like, okay, now that thisis on, the cooler I can like
start something else and it'slike, no, you gotta, sometimes
you gotta keep that cool thing.

Hayley (12:00):
Yeah, restart the kindle , like get it going again, you
know, make it hot again so howdid you um, what exactly did you
do to find your way to that, um, to building that, um
consistency and actuallycompleting?
Finishing the job, yeah becauseI know you got there too, like

(12:23):
both of you have gotten there.

Rockerline (12:25):
So for the first game, that was a full year's
process.
I didn't touch anything elsefor an entire year, which is
rare for me because I would havedone four other things during
that year and so I reallybuckled down.
I set aside a savings for thatspecific game because I knew I
wanted original art and I had topay for that.
And by the end of that year Ihad had a prototype, I had the

(12:48):
box art ready, I had everythinggoing and then I was like, okay,
year number two, I could startdoing the second game, which
only took me three months tocreate because I had already
gone through the entire processof making something first.
And now I'm like, okay, okay, Iget it now, I understand it now
.

Jaxon (13:08):
You took a look at it as the timeline and the workflow of
the tasks you had to do.
Yeah, and condensed it, yeah,it's like I think it's almost
like because you have thebackground of being an editor.
So if you think abouteverything in that linear
fashion, you know like, hey,like if I have this and then I
need this, then I need this, youknow editors are workflow

(13:30):
people, Linearly though for allof us I can say it's hard to
accomplish, and especially, Iknow, for me.

Hayley (13:40):
I've finally come to a place where I can organize my
thoughts and get somewhere, butnot linearly.
I don't think I ever will beable to do it that way.
I'm always like and we're goingto take a little side journey
over here.

Jerreal (13:56):
We're going to do this.

Hayley (13:58):
And I know you're always like all right this way.

Jaxon (14:02):
I'm like basically like to survive.
I say one thing at a time,right, and it's not like I don't
have multiple things going on,but it's like in that, for that
project, yeah, it's a piece bypiece, build by build.

Hayley (14:16):
Situation well, it's this mantra that you've created
for yourself, because you've hadthat issue too, yeah, and
you've, like, developed this wayto keep that discipline and
consistency within yourself.
It doesn't mean like you're100% always able or capable of
doing that, but as long as mostof the time you can, yeah.

Rockerline (14:37):
And to bring it back to like the podcast itself
that's why I was like this isgood Because, like you guys have
each other.

Jerreal (14:45):
A lot of like I was saying off camera.

Rockerline (14:47):
I was like a lot of the issues that I have with my
projects is that I'm by myselfdoing these things and so it's
easy for me to just jump toanother thing.
But if you guys have each other, you guys keep each other on
track and you don't have to jumpeverywhere.
Even if you have other ideas,you can always just bring it
back to this.

Hayley (15:05):
Well, all of us too.
Like, we're always like, wealso have a lot of understanding
for each other and how ourbrain works and what we need.
That's might be different fromother people who aren't like on
the spectrum or things like that.

Jaxon (15:21):
So it's kind of cool.

Hayley (15:22):
Yeah, yeah, a lot more patience, like, and it creates
this really nice environmentLike none of us are being paid
to do this right now, yeah, butit's also made it more possible
to make it happen when we keepthat discipline but also not
going over the line betweenbetween pushing ourselves too

(15:47):
hard, yeah.

Jaxon (15:52):
So okay, so you've been developing these games.
You feel like you got betterthe second time around, yeah.
You got more efficient with howyou built it.
You mentioned something aboutCards Against Humanity and how
you felt it.
You mentioned something aboutcards against humanity and how
you feel like the marketability.
Tell us about how you kind oflike.
Is there any lessons to takeaway from that?
And and do you feel like havinga game that's sell, like a

(16:15):
selling game that sells, yeah,versus like the thing that
you've like fixated on, uh,what's, what are the?
What's the difference betweenthose two things?

Rockerline (16:22):
so that's a good.
That's a good question, becausethe first game that I made was
definitely just like a passionthing.
That was literally just for,like me, to show my friends that
I can do this, yeah, um, and,more importantly, myself like
never, never do anything forother people in that regard to
just like show off, like do itfor you, um, so I proved that's
good, though.

(16:42):
Do it for you, yeah so I provedthat I can do it to me right the
second time around.
I learned that you have to putmore money into advertisement
than you do the actual productlike it's a thing.
That's just the nature of justlike selling things.
If you want to actually makemoney off of this stuff um, and
I did not have that money to-pump back in.

Jaxon (17:05):
You saved up for the artwork and the creation of it
yeah.
Same thing with album releases,same thing with indie music
releases.
I'm working on my next recordright now and grouping of songs
and I know if I release it toosoon.

Rockerline (17:18):
Yeah.

Jaxon (17:20):
What's that last 50% of the project, the marketing, the
last 50%?
It could have felt like I tooka freaking boulder up the hill
to create this actual, like thearrangements and the drums and
the music and all the playing,but like, and you think, as an
artist, you're like, there we go.
It's the work.

Rockerline (17:38):
It's the finished work.
It'll speak for itself.

Jaxon (17:39):
It's like no, no, no, next 50%.
The work is never over.
No, no, no, next 50%, the workis never over.
Just make it as good as you canmake it, but then be patient
with yourself, because themoment you release in the world,
it's released into the world.

Rockerline (17:52):
And that's why you see so many cheap things being
marketed to you, because theygot them out so quickly and all
that money that they wereputting towards that is now
going towards the marketing ofit all.
It's like you could have usedthat money that you're using for
marketing for this month tomake the product better, but now
I have a product that tasteskind of.

Jaxon (18:13):
And be.
Yeah, it's a reason to bepatient with yourself and like
we don't want to be a Tema Temuproject.

Jerreal (18:18):
Yeah.

Jaxon (18:18):
Like we don't want to make this podcast, like, oh,
it's like, oh, you can just getit.
You can just order it fast.
Gamble away on prize picks,it's fun.

Hayley (18:30):
Can we go back to the first thing you learned when you
started the games.

Jerreal (18:37):
Yeah.

Hayley (18:38):
Creating the games.
What was the first thing yousaid that you learned?

Rockerline (18:42):
Oh sorry, I feel like we've been through like 50
things since then.
Uh, the first thing I learned,um, well, it, it wasn't
something.
It was and I will probably likeI'll probably hear this later
or before in the in the episodebut it really wasn't anything

(19:05):
that I learned.
It's just my, my personality toto just get out there and and
do something.
A lot of, a lot of my friendsask me why I do anything,
because it's like I jump fromthing to thing, and I think that
if you are a creative person,you owe it to yourself to try

(19:26):
everything that pops into yourmind, because you never know
what those things could becomeyeah.

Hayley (19:35):
I think too, when you say that when I was younger, I
don't know if you had the sameissue is you were known as the
person that had so many ideas,but then it would start
frustrating people becausethey're like all right, here's
another big grand idea when is?
It going to go.
I know it frustrated my parentsa lot, because I feel like you

(19:58):
had like a very big imaginationas well, because the things that
you come up with are like youkind of have to.

Jaxon (20:04):
So I definitely frustrated the people around me,
but like actually, Jaxon, ohyou weren't done yet.
There's an example.
But like anyway, well, no, Ithought you were done.
Okay, no, go on.

Jerreal (20:18):
There's an example.

Jaxon (20:19):
But, like anyway, I thought you were done, go on.

Hayley (20:25):
You were salty today.

Jaxon (20:26):
I am very salty you were bringing the salts today.
Yeah.

Hayley (20:31):
I'm bringing the salts, the peppers, the hot sauce.

Jaxon (20:33):
No, I was just interjecting Like naturally,
until you called me out.

Hayley (20:37):
It didn't feel natural when you said it like that.

Jaxon (20:39):
I felt very natural to me .
I was interjecting naturally.
I was interrupting, naturally.

Hayley (20:45):
I mean this is called neurofuck, so nothing here is
going to be like.

Jaxon (20:50):
Nothing is going to be normal.
We're not going to have anormal sense of.

Hayley (20:52):
Okay, let's not call ourselves abnormal.

Jaxon (20:57):
We're not going to have decorum that is, on the scale of
the average npc that walksaround and you know what?

Rockerline (21:03):
and you know what be you to the fullest, be to the
fullest exactly let me ask youguys this all being like
neurodivergent people startingthis podcast what is the major?

(21:26):
Is there any like major issuesyou've had just with like
communicating and working witheach other that some people
wouldn't quite understand?
I wouldn't call it like majorissues um or just issues in
general, like little turninginto couples therapy?
Oh yeah, because there's issueswith uh with any like group

(21:49):
project, um so like honestly, Ithink that is a good question.

Hayley (21:55):
Um on, I love how I'm gonna be the interviewer.
Now I'm curious about thebehind the scenes.
Um, we have like a different, aslightly different idea of how
the podcast goes.

Jaxon (22:08):
Um that's kind of open to like the direction.

Hayley (22:11):
Yeah we're open to the direction.
Jaxon very and also you have tokeep in mind we all have the
tism and there are certainaspects that come with that
where you don't want to dosomeone else's idea.
You want it to go a specificway, so we've had to kind of

(22:31):
listen to each other a littlebit when we're trying to explain
certain things.
I've had to learn how to expressand explain what I mean to
Jaxon, but it's not like we hadlike big disagreements or fights
over anything at all.
Um it, we were all reallyemotionally intelligent, I would
say.
Um.

Jaxon (22:52):
So when it comes to that, yeah, I think for me, yeah, it
is a pretty firm boundariesaround projects and around like
um, especially with setting itup in my space using my
equipment.
So I want to make sure if we dosomething we have it scheduled
correctly and like I'm very liketask master type person, yeah
so I want to make sure that.
But like that, everyone canlearn from that too.

(23:12):
That's not like um, you don'thave to be like perfect um, but
yeah, no, it's.
Yeah, that's one of the thingsis just okay.
Make sure we, we do it and weset it up so we can do it
consistently and don't get burntout by trying yeah.
So it's like want to build intoit and be patient with
ourselves.

Hayley (23:30):
I keep saying that, but it's true, like we were working
on different projects and we'redoing our thing, we're making a
living, trying to and I get, Iget really, really excited too
yeah like I, I I've allowedmyself to become more authentic
in my excitement, um, and sothey kind of understand that

(23:53):
that I, I sometimes I havemoments where I'm like yeah and
and it looks weird to a lot ofpeople when I do that and and I
used to like hide it, like likeit's, mask it and everything but
like Jaxon will be like allright, so we're gonna do this.
I love that you're excited yeahhe'll say something that I love
.
That you're excited here, allright, but you've gotta wait.

(24:15):
Yeah, right here, actually I'm,but we've got to wait until we
get this Actually.

Jaxon (24:19):
I'm very proud of myself.
On the text message, our groupchat, we said something to the
effect of like I want to do allthose content ideas, I want to
do all of it.
We're going to wait until nextyear and also, you know, like
blah blah.
And then I just said I hear you, I see you and I will end you.

Hayley (24:38):
He literally said that when I was reading the text I
was like I think Jaxon annoyedwith me too.
He says Jaxon annoyed with me,can you look at this?
And then he said that.

Rockerline (24:47):
And then I was like little therapy talk, and then I
was like I don't care if he'sannoyed with me well you know
it's I go.

Jaxon (24:55):
I just have a dark sense of humor, so I'll just be and I
will end you and I, I'll just be.
I say things that will throwpeople off, but no, I never what
the hell was that?
Just be.
Is that your telepathy?

Rockerline (25:09):
no, it was something slimy in my coffee was that you
Terance?
He already admitted it I feellike we need.

Jaxon (25:18):
We need stress balls or something.

Hayley (25:21):
I do really do need a stress ball we should give you a
little squeezy thing for thispodcast.

Jaxon (25:24):
You guys should create a neuro-fucked squeezy.
Oh, there you go.
How about actual balls Liketruck nuts Like?

Rockerline (25:31):
truck nuts, yeah, neuro-fucked truck nuts Truck
nuts.

Hayley (25:40):
Nah, nah.
I'm good on the truck nuts.
No, but all the girl in thegroup squeezing the truck nuts
we have to blur it not suitablefor children's viewing.

Jaxon (25:47):
We can start uploading the podcast to Pornhub.
I was a little hesitant atfirst.
Haley was actually the one thatwas even more excited about it.
I was excited about the podcast, but I think we have different
relationships with how we lookat our symptoms and look at our
actual autism spectrum disorder.
And for me, I'd known since Iwas seven and I don't have any

(26:15):
more shame around it, but I alsohave experiences around it,
Right, and I I know how peoplehave treated me when they know
and I know how people havetreated me when they don't.
And at the same, I also wasconscientious.
I was worried that maybe peoplewould associate me as the
autism artist for my music orlike as like they'd like to try

(26:36):
to pull me into like acategorization bubble.
Like Billie Eilish actually hasTourette's yeah Right, but she
didn't.
They didn't.
The press releases weren't likethe Tourette's artist, Like
that's an.

Jerreal (26:47):
AGT thing.

Jaxon (26:52):
That's like an America's Got Talent marketing gimmick,
like type thing, right, it'slike the person with the thing
has the thing you know, knowit's like so.
So I was very I was hesitant atfirst, yeah, but when I realized
that like we could actuallyhelp shine a light and we could
show people, educate people, butshow successful people in the
their fields we have plenty ofpeople that are getting
diagnosed younger now, yeah,younger and younger that need to

(27:12):
see like positive um people intheir careers, because I think
they're getting told but atevery moment that they're, that
they're different and thenthey're not going to really fit
into the right pocket, yeah, soif everything is for them so
like I, I felt very selfish inthinking at the time that I was
like I knew you.
I knew you were too, and then Iknow I remember the moment where

(27:35):
you finally decided all right,let's do it yeah but that was
one of my things was like Idon't want to make it, I want to
have fun with it and we'llbring these things up and if it
gets deep in a conversation, weget really deep, it's going to
be great.
But if we can make it light andwe can make it like like low
pressure I don't want people tofeel pressure.

Hayley (28:06):
That's also where we get a little bit of dissonance,
because I'm naturally very, veryI can get very deep and it
doesn't make me feeluncomfortable.
But he spent all his lifeknowing he was on the spectrum.
So that's why we're kind ofdifferent in how we approach
things.

Jaxon (28:21):
Well, I just don't want to be preachy.
I think that's the.

Jerreal (28:24):
Thing.

Jaxon (28:25):
Haley's very like I've been preaching my whole life,
like like I had enoughopportunities to explain autism
to people.
Haley's in that phase right nowwhere she's like like kind of
it's an exciting thing.

Rockerline (28:44):
It's a little more of an exciting I don't want to
say exciting discovery.
Yes, I'm so excited.

Hayley (28:46):
It's more like a, it's like a new side of you.
It's a new that it's a side of.
It's a side of you.
Well, because it is differentwhen you figure out when you're
almost 30 years old yeah, yeahthat when all your life you were
walking around with peoplethinking you were odd, you just
didn't have anything to describeor put a name to it To explain
it.
Yeah, and people just thoughtyou were weird, yeah.

Jaxon (29:04):
And.

Jerreal (29:05):
I'm like okay.

Rockerline (29:07):
So is there anyone in your life who doesn't know
that you're on the spectrum,that this podcast will reveal
that you are to them.

Jaxon (29:15):
Probably just some acquaintances here and there.

Rockerline (29:17):
Yeah For.

Jaxon (29:17):
the most part, I'm really open about it.
It's one of those things whereI think that it's important for
people to know, but they don'thave to.
They don't have to.

Rockerline (29:29):
This isn't like a big coming out kind of thing,
we're just talking about it.

Jaxon (29:35):
There will probably be guests from time to time who
feel like it is their coming outthing, and that's where we have
to kind of balance a line wedid have a guest, one of our
first guests.

Hayley (29:43):
It was the first time she was publicly saying she was
like ADT or anything like that.

Jaxon (29:48):
People are worried about that.
And so we have to kind of becareful when Terance invited me
onto the podcast.

Rockerline (29:55):
I was like wait a minute.
Why are you inviting me?
Is the call coming from insidethe house?
What are we house?

Hayley (29:59):
I told him alright, can you reach out to people to see
if anyone's interested?
This is the criteria we'relooking at.
He's like okay, I'll reach outto Al.
And I was like okay.

Jaxon (30:13):
I was seriously sitting there Are you just nerdy or are
you a nerd emergent.

Rockerline (30:17):
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
I've never, you know, had anytests or anything like that.
My parents are from Africa,liberia or whatever.
So like those kind of things,like mental things, don't really
aren't on the top of their listas far as like problems or
whatever.
So, their children don't.

Hayley (30:33):
I'm a good diagnosed, so their children don't I'm a good
diagnosed, but my last stepbefore, though, is bringing
people on.
I just want you leaving herelearning something, yeah, yeah,
yeah.
Like it's not.
We're not saying you have to bethis or that.
Yeah, some our last guest wasdiagnosed autistic and like we

(30:54):
got to like listen to hisexperience.
It's not like we're bringingyou in and forcing this idea
what you need to be, to be onthe show.

Jaxon (31:03):
We're grabbing you.
But yes, we're grabbing you,you're saying you better say
that you're autistic.
The not love is blind.
What am I talking about?
Love on the spectrum yeah, likethat's not.

Hayley (31:14):
That's not what every person on the spectrum looks
like yeah, that's why it's aspectrum, so so I think you
gotta appreciate we we we're notshoving that down like there
are people who are.
There are people who are on thespec, on that part of the
spectrum who are like that andwe would love them on our show
as well, we would love them onour show.

Jaxon (31:32):
We just know that, like, there is like um, there's a
certain view, right, there's alimited view.
It's like a scope thing.
So we're broadening the scopeand it's just like for mass
audiences.
You got the thing of like whatdo they know about spectrum
disorders?
Well, that's their only sourceof information.
Like that's one thing.

Rockerline (31:54):
Very first world views on things.

Jaxon (31:56):
Yeah, if you learned about Tourette's from South Park
, you're going to have one viewof what Tourette's is Right.

Rockerline (32:01):
Yeah.

Jaxon (32:01):
That's what I also had Tourette's, uh, pretty extreme
ticks, physical ticks growing up, and people were like oh, like
from South park, so you're goingto swear all the time.
Right, right, open it up, openup the conversation and like,
make it about all differentthings and also people that just
have anxiety, like they'll beable to relate, like people that

(32:22):
, yeah, what is that?

Hayley (32:27):
Stimming yeah.

Jaxon (32:28):
You want to give your interpretation first, or should
I get mine?

Hayley (32:33):
Um, I mean, I can start off, yeah.

Rockerline (32:35):
Yeah.

Hayley (32:36):
Um, so stimming is just there.
Just there's extra energy inyour body.

Rockerline (32:42):
Okay.

Hayley (32:44):
It is highly associated with being neurodivergent in
some way, but neurotypicalpeople can benefit from stimming
as well.
It's just getting rid of thatextra energy, like even this.

Rockerline (32:56):
Yeah.

Hayley (32:57):
This leg tap.
That's stimming.
You see people doing that allthe time right.
Or there are certain versionsof stimming, like humming, like
my stim is singing all the time.
Gotcha Like I'll sing somethingon repeat.

Jaxon (33:11):
Life is a musical yeah.

Hayley (33:14):
And people will be like you sung that the entire day.
I'm like I'm sorry, okay.
But, it's more so a comfortingthing, but can also for some
people be.
There are certain stims thatare not good.
Like some people who are on thespectrum will stim by banging

(33:36):
their head, like there arethings that um could injure you
yeah, yeah so you have to findsubstitutes, and that's why
they've come up with, like these, fidget toys, squeezes, yeah,
yeah, things like that okay uh,that's, yeah, that's.

Jaxon (33:52):
I'm gonna piggyback off of that, but that's basically
what I would say too.
I just just say anxiety is atthe base layer of the cake and
it's an engine inside of yourbody and eventually all energy
needs to expand the laws ofphysics and it needs to escape,
so you're basically compulsivelyjust needing to do these things

(34:14):
.
It's an extension of your innerbeing Okay things.
It's an extension of your innerbeing okay.
So anxiety.
So I I tend to relate a lot ofthese things back to anxiety.
For anyone that, like might notknow how it feels to be on the
spectrum to like imagine thebase layer of this experience is
an anxious one yeah and then,like, because people I feel like

(34:36):
can relate to that more peoplethat have had too much coffee or
having a horrible day have anexternal, forced type of anxiety
.
Yeah, we'll understand stimming, because people have nervous
tics, people have nervous things.
So that's one of the ones thatI feel like is easier for
general population to understand.
You need to get your energy out, you need to go for a run, you

(34:57):
need to do something.
So you need to go for a run,you need to move, you need to do
something.
So that's that's how I'd relateit.
It's just like the fact is youcould do all those things, like
go for a run, you could do other, but you'd still have the
stemming.
The stemming is just becomeslike a physical coping mechanism
.
Um, and there there's ones thatare, I feel like, more

(35:18):
compulsive like you know, youcan't really control it.
And then there's ones that are,I feel like, more compulsive,
like you know, you can't reallycontrol it.
And then there's ones where,like, you can kind of control it
, but it's like you just need ityeah, it's that itch you need
to scratch it's that you knowit's right there.
So that's how I describe it.

Rockerline (35:32):
Okay, yeah thank you for teaching me.
Yeah, see, there you go,mission accomplished.
Welcome to our TED Talk.

Hayley (35:37):
Yeah, yeah, that's how that goes Now you're going to
walk around and be like stimming.

Jaxon (35:42):
What am I doing Exactly?
You're going to start.
Oh, they're stimming.

Rockerline (35:44):
They're stimming.
I'll launch at someone at work.
It's like stop stimming.
Stop stimming, I know what thatis now.

Hayley (35:50):
Yeah, but the problem too.
Also it has a negative effectif you try to force yourself to
stop stimming.

Jerreal (35:59):
You have to substitute it.

Hayley (36:01):
If it's not harming you or anyone else, then just don't
force yourself to stop.

Jaxon (36:06):
You've got to hot potato it to understand.
Yeah, you've got to be like oh,it's like pfft Hot potato it.
Just got to hot potato it.
Yeah, actually a lot of thingsfrom stimming could be like the
extreme things you could think,variations of it kind of lean
into like ocd and um, into liketourette's.

(36:26):
Tourette's is just likestimming on crack, like it's
like.
I wouldn't say like, but like Ihad very intense physical tics.
I was like kid that looked likeI was in a mosh pit I don't
know where I went right and solike that was pretty intense.
But that is like, in a similarway, an inch you need to scratch
, it's just you can't, it's oneyou really can't control.
They're more extreme movementsand I wish there was.

(36:50):
There needs to be more studieson this.
They've tried to do studies onthis, but my mom would set up
play dates with other kids thathad Tourette's, say like I'd say
oh, you could be a goodinfluence to this little younger
.
He's like two grades youngerthan you and we show up and
you're like, all right yeah.
So he tried to say I don't likethe guy mom.

Hayley (37:10):
So you're forcing me to help somebody else with
Tourette's.

Jaxon (37:14):
I was mad at my mom on the drive home from that one
because I was like I feel likesheep.
You're trying to put ustogether.
She took the feedback, but thepoint is that when you're around
someone else with Tourette's,you start picking up theirs.
It's like a viral dance.
It's like you basically likeyour anxiety goes up around them
.
Their goes up around you.

(37:34):
They're doing this.
You start needing to do thisright, you're both very aware.

Hayley (37:40):
You become like basically they become.

Jaxon (37:41):
It's the only like disorder that I can think of
that has some sort of likephysical copycat mechanism thing
where it's like literally likea virus, like it just feels like
a virus like you're around themit's not an energy virus.

Rockerline (37:57):
It's an energy virus , you see them.

Jaxon (37:58):
You feel it and then you just start like you need to do
their thing.
So so yeah, um, people thathave threats know like if you're
around other people too muchthat have it, you're gonna
you're gonna be veryuncomfortable actually.
So, yeah, it's very that.
That is the thing that'scontinued to be studied.
There was a tiktok phenomenonwhere they saw people were
getting like spontaneous ticsfrom watching people with

(38:21):
Tourette's on tiktok.

Hayley (38:23):
Um, yeah, it's a whole thing.
They don't have Tourette's,though.

Jaxon (38:27):
They some of them might not, but they might be stimming,
they might be actually theymight be like oh, stimming they
might be picking up on thosethings and doing something over
and over again.
But it might not be because.
It might just be becauseanxiety the point is is that
people like that continue to bestudied?
But I'm relating it toTourette's.

Rockerline (38:45):
It's not the same, or it could be like a, like a
yawn that catches on you ever,yeah, yeah, yeah, like how you
ever happen to you, yeah yeah,you, that's actually a perfect
analogy.

Jaxon (38:55):
that is because, a perfect analogy, that is because
, oh, speaking of the devil, Ithought it was the word bond.

Hayley (39:01):
And then I was like I'm getting caught.

Jaxon (39:02):
I can't stop it.
It's by association, right?
Your brain picks up things andcues around us.
You know, just cues around youand like that's really what it
is.
It's like um.

Hayley (39:14):
That's weird.

Jaxon (39:16):
But anyway.
So moving on, but like that'sno that was great.
Stimming is.
Yeah, stimming is, if you canchannel it in the right way, you
can do it and find ways to doit.

Hayley (39:26):
I'm stimming right now.
This whole time I've been doingthis with my hands.

Jaxon (39:30):
She's been rubbing the skin off her hands.
Yes, just the bone.
I need to take off the nailCryptids.
That is a pretty fascinatingsubject matter, very niche like
all the Bigfoot hunters outthere.
I feel like there is a bigcommunity of people that would
like feel invested in a gamelike that.
What is, um, what was?

(39:51):
What's your fascination withthat subject matter?
So Where'd that come from?

Rockerline (39:55):
I.
I always loved like thesupernatural, like that's.
That's always been.
I always loved the supernatural.
That's always been my thing.
It's like supernatural.
Greek mythology and combatsports were always just my thing
.
I loved it so much.
Awesome.
I used to live in Minnesotafrom the first grade through the
third and the kids in theneighborhood would always go

(40:18):
into the woods where we weren'tsupposed to be in our
neighborhood.
We were going to the woods andwe would go, uh, cryptid hunting
, before I even knew what acryptid was you had stranger
things childhood.
Literally we had like strangers.

Hayley (40:28):
We had our bikes, we'd go into the woods and we would
hunt, were you, the kids thatwore the backpack, the backpacks
on the front, yeah, actuallyyeah, no, like straight up, yeah
, we'd walk around.

Rockerline (40:38):
That's actually highly neurodivergent yeah, it's
just easier to grab shit yeah,they put the backpack on the
front it's like if we're in thewoods right and I need to take
some, I need to take out a rulerto measure something yeah, and
I got my ruler.

Jaxon (40:53):
It's effective it's effective well you know, it's
even more neurodivergent.
The kids that did the Narutorun, oh yeah.

Hayley (41:01):
We had a bunch of those so many kids I was friends with.

Jaxon (41:03):
did that?
Yeah, they just started runningthrough the.
It was like what's he doing?
What's he doing?

Hayley (41:09):
I watched the late night Naruto on my little box TV and
I thought it was on Adult Swim,so I would always be like I'm
watching it in secret, eventhough my parents didn't care if
I watched Naruto.

Jaxon (41:20):
But it was on Adult Swim.
So I'm like oh yeah, so did youstart doing the run too?
Did you start going through?

Rockerline (41:25):
the house Wearing the headbands In my room.

Jaxon (41:29):
I was curious when no one could see you.

Hayley (41:31):
I didn't do it in public though.

Jaxon (41:32):
Okay, yeah, people that did it in public.

Rockerline (41:40):
so yeah, no, okay, so you had the you, you in
minnesota, you're out there onbikes.
Yeah, did you see anything?
We, we caught a.
We caught a stag one day.
No, we didn't catch it sorry,we, we caught one, we caught one
, we caught one in the wild.
What's a male deer, a male deeryeah and you sacrificed it well
it ran away before we could doanything.
Yeah, we were the woods, ledinto a pasture and so right at

(42:02):
the exit because it split off,and it went to our school, which
is right across the pasture.
So there was like a male stagthere and so we were getting
close to it, kicking all theporno that was there in the
woods and stuff, just likepeople who would go there and
just watch that or read thatshit.
All right, I'm going to go readporn in the middle of the woods.
Yes, old school.

Jaxon (42:23):
Honestly it was the 90s.

Rockerline (42:24):
Nothing but stag to watch me.
But we like that we like it.

Jaxon (42:29):
Why do you guys have a porn hole?

Rockerline (42:32):
It was like in a stump.
Why did they?
I mean, I guess you hide yourporn in a stump.
That's how it goes, Wait what.

Jaxon (42:39):
Yeah, a stump, yeah, like they Okay yeah, Are you just
learning about this for thefirst time?
You don't have a porn stumpthat you go to every night.

Rockerline (42:48):
People and I can't, I can't, you know I can't say
this for other small towns orwhatever, but the woods.

Hayley (42:54):
I was from a small town, but we, we didn't have woods
like that.

Jaxon (42:57):
I was in Florida, everglades.
They got a porn swamp.
Oh yeah, we're going to go intothe Everglades.
Have you been to the?

Hayley (43:03):
Everglades.

Rockerline (43:04):
You got to get to the porn gator, it's not
possible.

Jaxon (43:09):
Every inch there's a gator, you got to tap the porn
gator and it opens its mouth'venever been to Florida in general
.

Rockerline (43:19):
It's great, it's a wild time, all of us are from
Florida.

Hayley (43:22):
Yeah, I know.

Jaxon (43:23):
I'd go with y'all.
I'd figure it out, we'd figureit out, I'd figure it out.

Hayley (43:27):
I'd figure it out Florida.
I think I got you guys figuredout.
I seems pretty preoccupied by abird over there.

Jaxon (43:40):
I've seen a mountain lion in person.
That's a very California thing.

Rockerline (43:43):
I have yet to see a mountain lion.

Jaxon (43:45):
It's rare, it's very rare , it's very rare.

Rockerline (43:48):
Maybe I don't want to do that, I don't know.

Hayley (43:49):
There's only one mountain lion for like a
gigantic territory.

Jaxon (43:53):
They're around.

Hayley (43:55):
They're around.

Jaxon (43:55):
They're very like they come down for the mountains more
often if there's less waterreservoir available.
Yeah, so in the summer they'llcome down a little further to
like find a creek and stuff orthat mountain lion that broke
into the zoo and ate that koala,oh really.

Rockerline (44:10):
And then it was a couple years back.
It broke into the LA zoo, ate akoala and then conducted HIV
and then died.
Yeah, that's about right.

Hayley (44:21):
Wait, wait, go back.

Rockerline (44:24):
He conducted HIV After consuming a koala.
No, no, no I don't think you'reunderstanding.

Hayley (44:29):
How does one conduct HIV ?

Jaxon (44:31):
Like the Philharmonic, like this Sorry, like conduct as
in.

Rockerline (44:36):
Like you know how electricity.

Jaxon (44:38):
Contracted.
Is that the right word?

Hayley (44:42):
you contracted, that's right yeah, sorry, I was like we
were both like he'll get therewhere it's that's right, it's
not.

Jaxon (44:48):
Well, I'm trying not to I'm not trying to be the grammar
nazi of the podcast or anythingyou know like.
You also said something wrong.
I didn't correct you earlier onsomething I just say wrong um,
I can't, oh, I can't exactly.
I'll pull it back up on theclips.
We'll pull it back, we'll pullback.
I just you said it three timesand I was like he conducted a
contraction and acquired hiv no,no, there was a, oh, it was um,

(45:14):
um, I'll remember it later.
I remember it doesn't exist.

Hayley (45:18):
that's why I'll remember it later.
I'll remember it.
No, no, no, it doesn't exist.
That's why I can't remember it?

Jaxon (45:21):
No, yeah, the word you said didn't exist.
But uh, qualis.

Hayley (45:26):
It does exist.

Jaxon (45:27):
It does not exist, the one you, okay.
So let's just say no, no, no,you're fine.

Hayley (45:31):
No, I will fight you on this.

Jaxon (45:41):
We're not letting this skill artists from another
country for hail, just likethat'd be.
Actually that'd be fun to justlike have a retainer.
I think it'd be cool to do thispodcast.
Keep filming it, and we'll getum dubs and we'll do internet.
We'll do international versionsof this eventually that'd be
cool like what mr beast does.
We'll do like the um our, we'llhave a like a japanese voice, or
we'll have a korean voiceoverartist.
So we'll get to like, yeah, wecould do that.
If we make money with thepodcast Haley, we could do that.

(46:03):
It's gonna be great.
The world's your oyster Do youthink?
We should.
Well, you already know Korean,but like, still, you know a
little bit.
You know Korean.
What are you looking at?
You're just stuck in a glare.
No, these are ideas.
I'm getting excited about ideas.
Okay, okay, focus.

Hayley (46:21):
So no, I can't just speak Korean.
Let's all take a breath.

Rockerline (46:33):
So when you said, when you said a situation where
it just didn't feel right, I waslike, yeah, I remember having
like that feeling, feeling ofwalking alone somewhere and it
just turned out to be a homelessperson that was just around,
what?
No, it wasn't a bad thing orwhatever.
It's just like I shouldn't beafraid it's just a person.
It was someone walking behindyou.

Jaxon (46:53):
Yeah, it was just a person.

Rockerline (46:55):
So I didn't realize that it was a person.
It was just a person.
So I didn't realize that it wasa person.
It was just like that's, not amonster.

Jaxon (47:00):
No, it's a fucking homeless person.
Like it's when you're walkingdown the sidewalk at night,
Haley, and then all of a suddenyou start running yes, because I
walk along the sidewalk aloneat night.
Yes, yeah, and then you turnaround.
It's just me, hey.

Hayley (47:14):
Yes because I feel so comfortable doing that.

Rockerline (47:19):
No, no, that's a point To bring it back to like
so, ghosts or whatever.
I have a big history withghosts.
People say that the East isfull of spirits and the West is
full of aliens and othersupernatural shit.

Hayley (47:34):
I saw the ghosts on the East Coast, actually Not over
here, yeah, yeah.

Jaxon (47:39):
You want to take a moment to tell ghost stories?

Hayley (47:41):
Yeah, I would love to Okay, this is now officially a
new segment.

Jaxon (47:46):
Did you ever see anything actual like?
No there were Ghosts.

Rockerline (47:52):
So after that day my cousins got the bright idea to
start telling me Africanfolklore.
Oh, and that really fucked meup.

Jaxon (48:03):
Is it even more messed up stories?
African folklore.

Rockerline (48:07):
Yeah, there's this spirit called Kakakalo and it is
a basically like a gremlin typecreature with a clubbed leg,
and it will chase you throughoutthe woods and the sound that it
foot makes is its name.
So it'll be like it's like ametal foot.

(48:27):
It's like Kakakalo, and it'lldrag its foot, yeah, uh.
And so while sometimes I wouldlike walk home from school alone
uh, because my friend's parentswould like pick them up or
whatever and I had like you know, I'd stay after school for, you
know, practice or whatever, andI'm walking home and during the
wintertime up north it getsdarker quicker than it does even

(48:51):
here, yeah, and then there'ssnow all around, and so I'm like
freaking the fuck out becauseit's like in the back of my mind
, I'm like okay.

Jaxon (48:59):
Did you hear the sound?

Rockerline (48:59):
Something's out here , something's going to get me.
And then I just became likefascinated with, like folklore,
and then that led into Americancryptids, japanese cryptids,
african cryptids, all sorts ofthings like every uh culture has
, like it's just monsters.
Oh yeah, um, my favorite one, Iforget I forget what state it's

(49:20):
a here in america, but it's awhale that sits at the top of a
mountain and when it findspeople like like cowboys or
whatever, like just walking withtheir horses or some shit,
it'll let go of the top of themountain from its fin and then
slide down the mountain with hismouth open and then eats people
oh wow, that's wild.
And then wiggles its way back upthe mountain.

(49:41):
It's the stupidest thing.

Jaxon (49:43):
I've ever fucking heard remember the worm from Spongebob
like the big the.
Alaskan bull worm like the dunestyle yeah, yeah, that's wild.

Rockerline (49:51):
So I love, I loved, I love shit like that, like
that's awesome.

Jaxon (49:54):
Yeah, there's a lot of native american culture, like
there's a lot of stuff fromfolklore of native americans and
the shapeshifters and like thethings that use your someone's
voice that you know yeah, yeah,skin walkers.

Rockerline (50:04):
I think those ones are the most scary.

Jaxon (50:06):
If I were to think of ones that I've heard that are
the most scary to me, it's theones that like fuel deception.

Rockerline (50:11):
Yes, and like the trickery like the shapeshifters.
The Fae, the Fae, yeah, yeah,yeah.
Speaking of that's a reason whyyou guys saw like it Follows.

Hayley (50:25):
I never saw it.

Rockerline (50:26):
I wanted it Follows to be a Faye or a Skinwalker.
So bad, so badly, and I won'tspoil the movie for you if you
ever do just want to see it.
It's very much not that.
It's very much not that, and itmight be dumber than you think.
You know what movie creeped?

Jaxon (50:46):
me out when I saw it way back, was the Fourth Kind.

Rockerline (50:49):
The Fourth Kind.

Jaxon (50:50):
That's a good one though.

Rockerline (50:51):
I've never seen that one.
Yeah, that one's like a.
I've never seen the Fourth Kind.
No, I think it's an alien,isn't it?
Yeah?

Jaxon (50:57):
it's an alien, yeah, but it's in the like woods of Alaska
creepy owl staring ineveryone's window.
Owls are fucking.
If you've ever seen them,they're pretty creepy.
A lot of people think they'rewitches.

Jerreal (51:14):
A lot of.

Rockerline (51:14):
Mexican cultures or Latin cultures think they're
witches.

Hayley (51:17):
Have you guys ever seen a skinwalker?

Rockerline (51:19):
You wouldn't know.
No, the east is super old.
It like first settled into theeast or whatever.
So, like a lot of stuff wentdown there that people just like
could not explain.
Um, I think just nativeamerican people were like

(51:39):
fucking with them, like straightup.
Yeah, I think that's what wasgoing on.
Yeah, um, like roronor, likehow the all the guy went back to
europe and they came back andhis whole settlement was gone.
I was like, yeah, but he wenton to Europe and then came back
and his whole settlement wasgone.
I was like, yeah, but he wenton a boat and left for months
and then came back.
They're not going to be hereanymore, whatever.
Yeah, so I used to see shadowpeople a lot.

(52:02):
The most famous ghost apparentlyin America is the man in the
hat and the woman in the gown.
So the craziest thing, rightright, would happen to me.
I would.
I would see these.
I would see these guys since Iwas like a kid and they are just
watcher ghosts.
They don't do anything, theyjust watch you lurk, yeah I have
goosebumps well, I love, I lovetelling the story because, like

(52:25):
, I don't see these peopleanymore like it sucks, so you
had seen them somewhere.

Hayley (52:29):
I've seen the shadow man in the hat.

Rockerline (52:31):
Yeah Well, here's the craziest fucking thing about
this.
Right, when I was a kid and Iused to see them, I asked my mom
and they're very religious, soshe was like, if you ever feel
like a presence or whatever,just say the Lord's Prayer and
you'll be good to go, and it'sjust like a mantra to keep your

(52:55):
your mind going, so it's notfocusing on the shadow in the
corner.
Yeah, um, and so I would dothat every once in a while and
I'm like, okay, it's working, Istill see them, but it's, I'm
not scared or whatever.

Jaxon (53:00):
I still see I still see them, but I'm not like scared or
whatever standing in the roomtype of thing, just be like in
the corner, like just looking atme, not moving, and so that
one's wild and so the craziestfucking thing happened.

Rockerline (53:12):
I never told my cousins about this because I
knew they like to mess with me.
Yeah right, one day I'm in mycousin's basement and she goes.
Guys, I had like the weirdestdream last night.
A man in a hat came to visit meand opened up a book and asked
me what I wanted to dream about,and she would pick what I
wanted to dream about.
And she would pick what shewanted to dream about and she
would dream about that thing andthe man in the hat would stand

(53:34):
in the corner and watch herdream about the thing.
She would always see the man inthe hat while she's like a
guiding a guy.

Jaxon (53:41):
It was like a guide or whatever to her and so I was
like, oh, that's fucking crazythe story.
But he like had a, he wouldcome up to her Wow.

Rockerline (53:48):
Like, pick this, pick what you want to drink or
to dream about, yeah, and thenyou close it and just stand in
the corner and then, like, thescene will just change, but he
would always be there watchingher experience, the things, and
maybe that kind of makes it lesscreepy though.
Well, hers was like very nice,mine was just like what do you
want?
Because I got to sleep, dude.

Jaxon (54:08):
But here's the thing, Maybe he only did that for girls
.
He's like oh, let me.

Hayley (54:11):
No, that's not what happened for me.
Here's the creepiest thing.

Rockerline (54:18):
I got two more things and then I'll let you
tell your story.
Man, this really fucked me up.
Insidious comes out, the firstInsidious movie.
That terrified me.
The woman in the gown is thevillain in Insidious or she's
like an overarching villain orwhatever, and I was like I would
sit there and I was likewatching it.
And the beginning of Insidiousis something that I swore

(54:40):
happened to me when I was a kid.
The opening of Insidious 1 isthe main character daydreaming
or sleepwalking.
No, he's astral, projectingright Through his family's
hallway right and he turns andthe woman in the gown is just
like right there and I sworesomething like that happened to

(55:01):
me when I was a kid.

Jaxon (55:02):
Okay, that actually gave me chills because mine was that
I had actual out-of-body.
I remember I would have themonce a year.
Gave me chills because, uh,mine was that I had those, um, I
had actual out of body, Iremember them, I would have them
once a year yeah they were outof body dreams where I'd wake up
in my bed, I'd walk to thehallway.
It literally had a long hallwayin our house.
I'd turn around and I'd go tothe window, the door, and I just
kind of like, stay there,freeze there, yeah, and that's

(55:25):
when et the actual heat wouldcome and start fucking, like
banging on the door and tryingto get in.
He'd like, yeah, et fromuniversals, et he's a chill dude
, listen.
I had these dreams so.
So I'll make this quick.
I had these dreams for yearsand they would always start with
that type of waking up in thesame house I was in and he'd

(55:46):
know where to find.
He basically know where to findme.
It was like a free-for-all,like he was there, he's ready to
break in and kidnap me.
So, like once a year I'd have areoccurring dream and my mom
and dad got divorced, we movedto a different house and I'd
wake up in that new house andI'd walk around kind of a

(56:10):
purpley color and I'd be kind ofgoing around and then I get to
the door.
Like what happens?
Et just kept getting tallerevery year that he was going
through a growth spurt.
He came back.
He had like teardrop tattoos.
He was an ex-con, you know.
He was just coming back hardand he'd keep dragging me by the
feet.
He would just drag me out liketo the thing, like and basically
like in the woods and I, welive near the woods, so anyway,
point is that that happened foryears and years, holy shit.

(56:32):
And my my grandma was a umevents coordinator at universal
yeah so we had like memorabilia,we had stuff around the house
and stuff and um, at one point,um, I'm telling my friend this
is happening till I'm like 13years old, like for me like 6 to
13.
And I'm like man, I keep havingthe dreams he's like isn't he
supposed to be like the friendlyalien?

(56:54):
Why has he turned into such athug?
Why is he thugging out?
Why has he turned into such ahorrifying?
And we laughed about it, right.
So we kind of had a laugh.
And then I went home that nightlike chuckling about it, went to
sleep, woke up in like a bird,like had another lucid dream
where I was in a burbank, likewhite picket fence, like
neighborhood type of thing, andI see him who's walking by,

(57:17):
business casual briefcase andsuit, but et, he's got a family.
He's got a family to feed.
He just goes around scaringlittle kids.
So he sees me, he recognizes me, I charge him and start beating
the shit out of him.
I'm just like you ruined myfucking childhood, you, you,
piece of shit, just.
And he's like, and he's like,you know, like he does in the

(57:39):
film, right.
And so he just went and he'slike starts deflating like a
balloon, like that right.
And then I look down and he'slike a et, one of the stuffed
animals like that.
He's just there and I just dropright.
And then I look down and he'slike a et, one of those stuffed
animals like that.
He's just there and I just drophim.
And then I realized that wasactually in my room oh that doll
.
That stuffed animal was like inmy childhood room because we had

(58:00):
all that universal like stuff.
Point is, is that I did?
I beat the shit out of him.
And I never had him again andyears later I watched and read
the Stephen King and it's veryeerily similar to the classic
boogeyman experience where youhave to use humor, you have to
find a way to make them the buttof the joke, to defeat them.

(58:23):
It just all happened exactlythat way.

Rockerline (58:26):
That relates to the last part.

Jerreal (58:30):
It actually does sweet so when?

Rockerline (58:33):
so, after all of that happened, um, I'm enrolled
in college, right, I go to fullsale.
Um, my second year there.
This guy does a presentationabout american ghosts and he's
like the most famous ghosts inamerica are the women in the
gown, men in the hat.
I never told anyone about thesethings, but it's just something

(58:53):
that people just keepexperiencing and not talking
about.
So he goes.
These ghosts that appear aresemi-peaceful, they just like to
watch and they just don'tinteract with a lot of people.
A lot of the times it mighthappen, but usually they just
stand and watch people bepeaceful.

(59:15):
Yeah, so it was my first.
So I was.
I was always into just makingsketches and stuff.
Since I was like a little kidactually, I would take my dad's
like old church camera and likedo sketches around the
neighborhood.
Um, it wasn't until I got intohigh school that I actually like
found.
Like a little kid, actually, Iwould take my dad's like old
church camera and like dosketches around the neighborhood
.
Um, it wasn't until I got intohigh school that I actually like
found like a group that we canlike do these things with.
My first YouTube channel wascalled Mainstream Villains.

(59:37):
We would like shoot comedysketches.
Terance was in one of the firstones that we did um, and it was
Terance, our friend Danielle Zi, and a couple other kids from
our neighborhood in school and II had a feeling one time when I
was very, very young, where itwas golden hour, I still had my

(01:00:01):
dad's camera.
All my friends had been outwith me for hours just shooting
something and it was dog shit,complete ass.
Like you couldn't make sense ofwhat, what we shot.
But I was sitting there in theleaves in fall and I was like I
want to do this shit for therest of my life.
I love this awesome right and itwas me like jumping from, like

(01:00:22):
other things you know that Iwant to do.
I wanted to be a wrestler andlike all this other stuff, but I
, it was so strong in thatmoment that that's a moment I
never forgot.
So when I got into high school,I met Terance or college.
Uh met Terance, um, we starteddoing uh sketches around and
then I went to Full Sail, um,and I decided that I wanted to

(01:00:46):
get into the YouTube space.
Everyone wanted to, to be youknow, the next Steven Spielberg.
They wanted to be you knowdoing cartwheels with Michael
Bay and like all this shit.

Jaxon (01:00:54):
And I'm just like you'll see me at the Oscars.
Yeah, and it's always that onefilm student kid.
Always.

Rockerline (01:00:59):
And I was saying I was like guys, do you, do you
understand?
Like YouTube's like a bigfucking deal, like it's the
money isn't there yet, but itwill be.
And I had examples.
I was like smosh, uh,unfortunately david dobrik, we
don't have to mention him againbut he was.

Hayley (01:01:16):
He was definitely big.
You know, we have a lot ofunfortunates, yeah yeah.

So like a ton of a ton of those guys, a lot of them
are canceled.
Smosh is not so um, I moved tonew york, you know, after, after
college.
Way too young, I would say Iwas like 21 when I left Terance.

Jaxon (01:01:37):
Uh, yeah yeah, could you do something from it?
Yeah?

yeah, for uh, any of us, um, and I think you were
there for like what?
Two, three years, I think.
No, so I was.
I was there for about a yearbecause when, when I came back,
I didn't see you guys at allbecause you guys had gone to
college when I got back.
So I I graduated full saleearly because my program was two

(01:02:04):
years, so you guys are still incommunity college.
When I was in full sail youmoved up.
Yeah, so when I came back, theseguys had already left, zappy
had already gone to BostonTerance, you were somewhere else
, I don't know and so I saved upanother two grand and then

(01:02:25):
moved out to LA.
And it was crazy, would I?
Would walk into productioncompanies because that's what
they told us in school to do.

Hayley (01:02:34):
Don't do that shit don't , don't, do that shit I was like
yeah, wait, wait, what tell?

Jaxon (01:02:41):
where do you walk into?

okay, you remember, uh, rocket jump, freddie wall,
yeah, yeah, yeah, they were.
They used to be out here inburbank, yeah.
And so I found it on googleafter like a day of searching,
like I was really like I'm gonnafucking find this place, I'm
gonna, I'm gonna walk in.
I didn't know that they were inthe nerdist building.
So rocket jump was not listed,but nerdist was, and I only knew

(01:03:03):
that because I watched, Ilistened to the nerdist podcast
and they had freddie on thereand he like yeah, we just moved
in and I was like cool, got togo to Nerdist.
I walked into Nerdist andthey're rehearsing for Video
Game High School Season 3.
So I see Freddy on wires andhe's on a green screen going
whoa, like this, and I'm likethis is everything I made it.

Jerreal (01:03:22):
I made it to my home.
I just walked in.

The door was open.
This wouldn't be the last timeI did that.
I walked in the Cartoon Networkonce too.
I just walked right in, likey'all don't have security codes.

Jaxon (01:03:33):
Anyways, steven Spielberg did that once, yeah.
He just ruined it for everyone.

They tell us to do that shit.
You can't do that, you can't dothat.
So I walk in the front desklady goes oh, oh, hi.
And I'm like hey, just want todrop off my resume.
And so I hand it to her andshe's like yeah, no, we're
looking for a lot of peoplegearing up for video game high
school.
Very much so, and I'm like man,I can't wait to work here.

(01:04:00):
This is going to be great.

Jerreal (01:04:01):
And I leave.

And I turn around to give one last look at Rocket
Jump, my new future and she goes.
It throws my paper in the trash.
She didn't know I was stillthere, but I turned back and she
crumpled that shit up and threwit in the trash, and then
that's when the security showedup.
No, they just let me go.
I was like that's insane.

(01:04:25):
So I was like, okay, well,rocket jumps obviously is not
going to work out.
I walked in the Cartoon Networkdid the exact same thing, hey.

Jaxon (01:04:35):
I saw you crippled that up.

Hayley (01:04:37):
Should I do this online, or are you going to be a dick
there too?
It was bizarre.

Jaxon (01:04:44):
I'd like to speak with the CEO.

Me and Freddie were like this so when my first
endeavor into the YouTube spacedidn't work out, I'd like to
speak with the CEO.
Yeah, go get.

Hayley (01:04:54):
Freddie, me and Freddie were like this.
So when my first endeavor intothe YouTube space didn't work
out.

I had to get an actual job, and that's one thing
a lot of film students don'twant to do is to get an actual
job.
That shit irks me Fucking.
Pay for your roof.

Jerreal (01:05:09):
Like pay for your roof.

Like.
The jobs are going to come.
You just have to.
Don't be so prideful If you'relistening to this, don't be so
fucking prideful.
I worked at Yogurtland.
I worked at the AMC over inBurbank.
And I didn't have a car, so Iwas like walking everywhere.

(01:05:30):
And I was doing walking fromBurbank all the way to deep noho
in studio city at like 2 amthat's like a three hour, that's
a two and a half hour, threehour walk, yeah, and I would do
that every day.
I know that because I did everynight you did it once.

Jaxon (01:05:38):
I did it once.
I did it for fun, which isdifferent, yeah no, I did it
because I had to.
I did the privilege.
I did the privilege version ofit.

I did it like I'm gonna get my 20,000 steps buddy,
I got more steps than I knewwhat to do with.
I was actually pretty slim backthen.
I was looking real good backthen.
Yeah, he actually came down tovisit one time.
He dropped like I don't knowhow much.

Hayley (01:06:01):
It was like almost like 100 pounds.

Jaxon (01:06:02):
It was like a complete culture shock.

Yeah, Wow you look so good and you're like hmm,
yeah, that's actually what theysay I'm poor.
What's your secret?

Jaxon (01:06:10):
Poverty, poverty, depression, stress, yeah, so you
were working at AMC inYogurtland and in the meantime
you're doing that and you'reprepping your next plan of
action.

In the meantime, while I was working at these
places, I was doing my own stuffon the side.
I brought back mainstreamvillains for a little bit.
Zappy had moved out after thattime, but she was out here so we
were doing stuff again and Ihad met my first writing partner

(01:06:42):
ever, kimberly Truan.
Oh, yeah, yes, I introduced youguys.
Yeah, kimberly is.
I owe a lot to that woman.
She is.
She wrote for cbs.
Uh, she is a a improv, uhsketch comedy writer as well.
Um, amazing connections.

(01:07:04):
Amazing person just in general,amazing creative person.
Um, she read one of my scriptsbecause I was going to the ucb
at the time as well and justlike taking classes.
She read one of my scripts,came to yogurt land where I was
working and was like, hey, weshould, we should shoot this
because I I had also gone aroundburbank and just like taped up

(01:07:27):
like signs, it's like do youwant to be in this sketch?
Here's my number.
Oh yeah, here's my email addressand here's a google uh qr code
and the script is there, wow,and so read the script if you
want to be a part of this.
Here's my number and you ripthe thing off and you get my
number but you hadn't met herbefore this I had not met her
before, so she showed up fromthe ad from the ad oh, yes, okay

(01:07:49):
and so and I put on facebook Iput on facebook too, but she
said that she saw it around orwhatever and on facebook.
But she came there.
We read the script.
She was like this is funny asfuck, let's go do it.
And so that was.
That was literally the start ofit.
I was like, oh, I can just dothis shit myself, like if no
one's gonna hire me, becauseit's that catch-22.

(01:08:09):
If it's just like working in inmedia in general, it's like you
need to have 10 yearsexperience.
Well, it's like, if you don'tgive me the experience, how am I
supposed to get it?
Yeah, but the answer is you gotto do it yourself,
unfortunately, and I never likedthat.
But that is how it, that is howlife goes, yeah, yeah and you
could have.

Jaxon (01:08:25):
You could even have the 10 years of experience and they
they'd be like.
Well, this is a veryproduction-heavy resume actually
.

Hayley (01:08:31):
Or this resume is a little too heavy on this, and
you'll be like well, I have 15years left, like for me, my
first script I ever wrote CVSwas interested in and they were
like we'll give you amicro-budget of $25,000, and we
have all creative control.

(01:08:52):
And was like fuck out of here.

Jaxon (01:08:54):
I was like no, yeah, that's when you need an agent to
negotiate, because I was reallyyoung too and they were taking
advantage of that.

Oh yeah yeah, that was like 20 years old yeah, so
while I was, while I was doingthat, I was just you know I
didn't know that raising,raising, just like my confidence
in my writing ability and myediting ability.
And then I got a job at thisplace called VIP Productions,
which was just a weddingvideography place, and I was

(01:09:20):
like, finally, I'm getting paidto do media.
Now Did that for about I wantto say, two years.
And then I got an internship atthis place called Jump Cut
Studios.
Jump Cut Studios is one ofthose dudes who had, like the
pickup artist YouTube videochannels and I was just like,
damn, but they wanted to make aYouTube how-to course.

(01:09:45):
So I was like, okay, well, Iwill be getting paid until that
course 20 course thing is done.
Now did you learn how to course?
So I was like, okay, well, I'll, I will be getting paid until
that course 20 course thing isdone.

Jaxon (01:09:52):
Now did you learn how to pick up checks.

No, they kept that to the chest, Apparently um, a
bunch of stuff, a bunch of youknow, not so good stuff happened
around that time.
Um, I, I was dating, um, aperson that I thought I was
going to marry.
That didn't work out, um, atall.
Um, my cousin had passed awayduring that time as well.

(01:10:17):
Um, that was very tough and Ijust was feeling like, damn, I
made another mistake.
La probably isn't it.
La just isn't for me.
I'm depressed again.
You know, I lost someone that Iloved relationship wise and
familiar wise and I was likeready to just like give up again

(01:10:39):
.
Then I got a job at Avalonbecause the internship had ended
and I was like, okay, okay, I'malready living at avalon, I
might as well make this placethat we're all staying at
cheaper, as I had moved in withzappy, so we're all living
together now.
And, uh, our, our zappy'sfriend from college, nancy, got

(01:11:03):
a job at smosh.
So they smosh had been let gofrom their overall company
called Defy.
That was really ruining thingsfor them.
So they got the company gotnixed.
Uh, good, mythical morningpicked them up.
They like took care of the Smoshbrand, yeah, took care of them,
so they had like a resurgence.

(01:11:24):
And so Nancy was like hey, doyou want to come in as a PA for
a couple of days?
And I was like, yes, I quit, Iquit Avalon without actually
having a job In between thattime.
I ran off to Japan and thencame back and so it was like a
lot of things going on.
I had gotten my dog roll.

(01:11:44):
It was like I was just doingshit because I was like I'm in
panic, panic mode.
I need to feel good or else I'mgoing to leave la and feel like
a failure again.
Um, so I got onto the smosh setsand I was just like you know,
out of the way, not reallytalking to anyone.
And eventually it's, uh, one ofthe hr people or whatever her

(01:12:06):
head of production was.
Her name was Maeda and she cameto me and was like hey, we saw
that your YouTube channel.
You know how to edit, you canwrite a little bit.
Do you want to just come in aslike an editor for like a little
bit, and then we'll see howthat is?
And I literally was just like,yeah, holy shit, I was just
about to give up.

(01:12:27):
Yes, I would like to come in.
And then I had my interviewwith Ian um after I had come
back from Japan Um, cause, I wasall in the same time and he was
like what was your, what's yourhistory with Smosh?
And I was like, oh, I used towatch you when I was in middle
school for like a little bit,and he goes damn I'm fucking old

(01:12:47):
and he goes.
Damn, I'm fucking old he goes,he goes shit, yeah, and he I
doubt he even remembers itbecause it was.
It was so weird because theydidn't choose me at first.
There were two people that wereup for the editing job and they
chose someone else, but thatperson wound up being a
nightmare.
So you get me the best, thebest pick.

Jaxon (01:13:06):
Yeah, that's good.
I mean honestly, because at theend of the day, you want a
super skilled editor that's anasshole, or do you want someone
that's good, actually has a goodvibe?

Well, I became an asshole.
Okay, well, a little bit lateryou became a.
Got your tenure I'm a vocaldude, but luckily I like the
product that we create over atSmosh Now.
With creative people, there'salways no matter where you are,

(01:13:40):
and you guys will feel this tooeventually it'll happen.
I've been there when you get awhole gaggle of creative people.
Things just happen Like wiresget crossed, sparks get flared.

Hayley (01:13:56):
Oh no, I've been on plenty of sets, and I've always
seen fires happen and slowlyback into the corner being like
nope.

But the reason why I give Smosh props is because, no
matter how I feel, at the endof the day we are making videos
that make people happy, and thathas always just been the goal
for me is to live off of myweird, you know, comed nature

(01:14:30):
and creativity, right and smoshis a place that they had a lot
of levity to people's lives,people that you know.
Smosh was a place that I I wasable to really just do that
professionally.
Now companies change um as faras just like what they want to
put out into the world.
So as a creative person it canget kind of like frustrated to
be like man, that joke's great,don't cut that, or man.

(01:14:53):
But at a certain point it'sjust like no dude, it's a job.
So it kind of it kind of camefull circle again in a way where
it's like okay, I got to thegoal that I was like hoping to
get to.
I work in youtube.
Now, right, I get paid, I I'mable to to rent an apartment

(01:15:14):
here in la.
I've been living on my own for10 years now in la are you wait
you roommate lists or with theroommates?
oh, so by on my own, I meanwithout parent.
Parental help, okay, but I haveno roommates now.
That was my thing two years agowas.

Jaxon (01:15:30):
I was moving into this place I was my roommate free
right now I've been roommatefree for four years.

Oh, hell, yeah, yeah , hell yeah, so, yeah, so it's
one of those things where it'slike, okay, no matter how much
the company itself changes, nowright.
Where it's like, okay, nomatter how much the company
itself changes, now, right, howmuch the smosh that I grew up
with and fell in love withchanges, I've already hit that
goal, that goal's done now.
Now it's like I'm, I'm at smosh, I'm with creative people, now

(01:16:02):
what am I gonna do?
That's next for me, because alot of people go to like these
big companies and stuff likethat and they think that they're
going to be integrated into theculture in a way where it's
like, oh, I'm going to be nextcast eventually, or I'm going to
be part of like, I'm going tobe a bigger part of the future
part of the future of thiscompany than they.

(01:16:26):
Then they are realistically andI and I try and specify to
people.
It's like, when you get tothese companies, when you
finally reach your goal ofworking in these companies,
don't go into these companieswith the idea that you are going
to be a part of the Illuminatior something like that.
They're in crowd.

Jaxon (01:16:46):
The structure, yeah.

Yeah, the structure of the place, and not saying the
people who cast or producersand stuff like that are bad
people.
No, everyone's great at Smosh.
I'm talking about the peoplewho come in and it's like oh,

(01:17:13):
now I feel bad about workinghere because I'm not getting
what I need out of this job thatI thought I thought I was gonna
get.

Jaxon (01:17:15):
I wrestled with that a lot like when I first got that
position is like I want to domore.
It's like sometimes see it asan end goal.
Some people see the job as theend thing, yeah, and they don't
realize that they've lost theirsoul, they've lost themselves in
the process.
But but I'd also say I just addthis when I was producing songs
for other people, when I wasdoing a bunch of songs, I'd get
frustrated after the session,not because, well, sometimes

(01:17:37):
people, some people, arefrustrated.
To work with artists can be, youknow, as you know, a little
finicky, but I would say I'm notfrustrated with them.
I'm producing this epic trackfor them and I haven't finished
my own work.
I have 10 songs on the tableright now that I need to finish

(01:17:58):
for myself and I don't feel full.
I need to fill up my cup beforeI can keep giving my big
service out or, at the same time, you need to be doing the thing
that fills your cup.
So I'm doing my record rightnow.
That was one of the things whereI kicked myself in the ass to

(01:18:21):
do it, to finish the work.
It's laborious, but because Igot a kick in the ass, because I
got a soundtrack placement, Ihad a thing um placed in a in a
film, and then I kind of gotpulled away and then it was a
lot of back and forth, dependenton, like, what they're going to

(01:18:42):
use.
I do have a placement in itstill, which is great, but that
uncertainty was just like veryfrustrating and and it just
reminds you know, I need to fillup that thing that I was doing.

Jerreal (01:18:54):
I need to finish my thing?

Jaxon (01:18:55):
yeah, so is.
Is that like, do you feel likethat?
Well, can you end up with yourgames and stuff?

yeah, so now that I've, like I said, I've reached
the goal, um, every day I I goand it's like a, it's like a,
it's like a, not a process.
I'm not on autopilot at all,but it is my routine, right.
I wake up, I go in, I do mything.
People on the outside who watchsmosh for for fun.
They get their kicks.

(01:19:21):
That's, you know, due to me aswell I help yeah, I help out
with that.
Yeah, you know, um, the fans,the fans love the videos and I'm
happy about that.
But that does not fill up, likeyou were saying, my personal
cup, because for one, thecompany isn't mine, I don't own
these videos.
Technically, you know, I couldput these things on my resume,

(01:19:44):
which is great, which is great,but the the sense of like
ownership is a finicky thingwhen you work for people who own
the thing that you werestriving to get to.
So now I'm like I said it camefull circle.
So now that I've had this thing, now I'm like, okay, branch out
again, like what is next foryou?

(01:20:06):
And it was just like games,clothing, stuff that I really
had no business getting into isstuff that I wanted to do,
because that's the only way Iwill find out my next thing.
Get into a business that youhave no business being in and
you'll probably feel happy again.

Jaxon (01:20:23):
Like straight up.
I think there's like that.
Really, it shows that you havea lot of curiosity and that
you're not afraid to throw thedarts at the wall, and I think
that's kind of something thatcomes from the spirit of YouTube
as well.
It's like here we are shootingthese sketches, we're going to
just throw a bunch of darts atthe wall and see what sticks.
That philosophy in business canbe also helpful, as an

(01:20:45):
entrepreneur can be helpful,because you're actually throwing
things.
You're like that level ofexperimentation is necessary to
produce anything.
You do need to experiment toknow if it's going to be a yes
or no for something.
You don't know until you tryright.
So I think that's actually avery healthy philosophy to have.

(01:21:06):
It doesn't mean you should dothat with every project, but
it's like you, oh yeah, what'sthat like healthy?

philosophy to have it doesn't mean you should do
that with every project.

Jaxon (01:21:09):
Yeah, but it's like you, um, oh yeah, what's that?
It's 3 30 3, 30, okay, yeah, ohdamn well, hey, no, yeah,
that's cool good conversationgoes on.

Hayley (01:21:20):
Why am I hitting such a hard?

Jaxon (01:21:22):
this is now the joe.
This is the joe rogan.
Let's go for the four hours.
Let's talk about conspiracy.
No, the moment we got intocryptids, that took it into a
three-day podcast.
No, so, okay, so to, to finishup on that, that idea of oh,
we're talking aboutexperimentation, yeah, we're

(01:21:42):
talking about.
Um, oh, what was I?

what was I saying?
It was um the act of just likeexperimenting.

Jaxon (01:21:50):
Yeah, yeah, well, you um talking about, like the, the,
yeah, you having these projectsthat fill your cup.
I also think the way youdescribed your relationship,
what you kind of discovered atSmosh, is a healthy relationship
to have with work in general.
Yes, right is a healthyrelationship to have with work
in general.
Yes, right, some peoplededicate their lives to a

(01:22:13):
company.
Some people dedicate theirlives and their time and
everything to a company, and I'msure that's not what the people
at these creative type artsyplaces really want you to do
either.
At the end of the day, theydon't want you to kill yourself
to make.

The end of the day, they don't want you to kill
yourself to make yeah, you willstep on a lot of toes doing that
, having that kind of mentality,and you will only burn yourself
out exactly that kind of stuff.

Jaxon (01:22:38):
So having a healthy, like what the advice that you kind
of gave it is your example iskind of advice for people in a
way too like it's like I, youknow, you got to build out your
thing, you got to build out yourprojects.
What would you say to someonewho needs, who needs that fuel,
that needs that flame under themto try something?

yeah, um, I think.
I think actually you hit it onthe head.
It's like you need to staycurious, you need to.
You need to wake up and findsomething that you never thought
that you would be interested inand then just get into it, like
if you there was.

(01:23:21):
There was like a whole craze oflike people learning how to
knit during covid and I was likeI was like, yeah, I never
thought that I didn't get intoit, but I was like that's cool,
cause it's like something thatyou didn't think that you would
be interested in.
You just try it out Like anddon't I would say don't.
Also, don't follow like trends,something that's trendy, don't

(01:23:41):
do it.
Um, you'll have like a lot ofpeople doing it, mind you.
You'll get like a lot of helpif you know the right people
doing it.
But I think being curious is away, is more more of a like a
self-discovery thing thananything.
You will, you won't.
If you're curious and you getinto something, don't expect

(01:24:02):
that thing to be supersuccessful, but you are finding
something that's new to yourselfthat you can now explore.
You're like opening up a wholenew avenue for yourself, for
where you're like oh, this is aside of me.
I didn't know that.
I knew about.

Jaxon (01:24:22):
We'll wrap it up.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
We had a great time.
Haley, we're going to get somenoodles.
I think we're all gonna getsome noodles.
We're gonna get shawarma.
No, no, that's the Avengers.
Um, Terance, thanks for runningsound over there.
Shout out to Terance.
Terance is the OG and um yeah,good job everyone awesome we did

(01:24:44):
it.
We are incredibly excited to belaunching this podcast and we
have some super interestingguests planned for the next uh
episodes, so stay tuned, followus on social media, find us on
youtube for some extra visuals.
Well, we'll see you in the nextepisode.
Peace and love.

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