Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, and welcome to Jasonnewland dot com. My name's Jason Newland.
So I'm laughing as I just seen Andre what he's
up to.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Jason.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Yeah, my name's Jason Newland. This is relaxation hypnosis for stress,
anxiety and panic attacks. Please only listen when you can
safely close your eyes, and please subscribe to this podcast
wherever you're listening to it, and maybe you like it.
(00:37):
If you like it, and you can also help cover
the costs of this free service by going to PayPal
dot me forward to lash Jason Newland and the links
on the website, and all of my one five hundred
recordings are on my website and link to all the
different podcasts that I do.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
So I should do to get like.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
A recording of that, shouldn't I just post it at
the beginning of each each record in each session anyway,
which I do have the ability to do, actually, but
I just.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
I'm too easy.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Now today I want to talk about noise sensitivity or
sound excessive sound sensitivity. But let's use the word noise sensitivity.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
That would be the.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Correct term. I think that most people would use or
not enjoying noise. Now I realized this may not apply
to everybody body that listens to this podcast, and so
(02:04):
I understand if it's not something you want to listen to.
In fact, you might clay, you might find it too noisy,
so especially with this little ferry running around for some reason.
So what I thought I would do is actually open
(02:25):
up a bit tell you about my personal experiences with
my I guess sensitivity is if I use that term
sensitivity to noise.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
And although technically you.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Could say, well, it's what they've got to do with
stress and anxiety, it caused stress and anxiety in me,
and it still sometimes does, but less so than it
used to.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
So I don't think.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Making recordings just about or just to think of anxiety
and stress as being something that happens without anything else connected,
you know, in a sense of maybe a panic attack.
Can you know, I've had it happen in the past
(03:31):
when I was in a bookshop looking at a book
and there was no trigger there at all. So if
someone used to say to me, which is kind of
a standard thing for someone to say, something like well,
what's wrong, what's happened, What's caused you to feel that way,
(03:56):
What's caused you to have this reaction, what trigger that
when actually there isn't a trigger or not an obvious trigger.
You know, I suppose it's a bit in a sense
like chronic pain. If someone's got chronic pain, you don't
(04:19):
ask them what's what's caused it. If you know that
they've got chronic pain, if they've got shoulder injured, it's
never that's healed, but not properly healed, you know, in
a sense of there's still nerve damage or there's still
you know, it's got ongoing. You kind of accept, well,
that's the reason, but you know, almost it's like there
(04:46):
needs to be a connection, needs to be a logical explanation. However,
life isn't kind of always as simple as that, so
but there are other times when it is.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
It is a.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
It's a reaction. So being sensitive to sound and having
loud noises would increase my anxiety a lot, you know,
I'm talking. It wasn't just anxiety and stress. It was
(05:33):
all like anger as well. And it's taken me where
it took a long long time for me to go
from being able to to be able to get to
the point where it doesn't affect me.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Nearly as much.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
That's not to say that if I'm in bed and
like today, for example, downstairs they were drilling. There was
electricians down there drilling and making a lot of noise,
and it was shaking my flat. I woke up to
that and I wasn't that wasn't madly impressed. If I'm honest,
(06:20):
and sitting there watching Telly and having that drilling, I
wasn't enjoying it. But I wasn't angry, I wasn't fuming,
I wasn't stressed. And I think part of the stress
and anxiety came in the past is the anticipation of
a noisy neighbor. So let's say I had a noisy
(06:44):
neighbor that maybe had lots of music loud, so when
the music was on, they'd be stress levels risen. I'd
get angry. But other times, when I'd be sitting at
home and there'd be no sound at all, my stress
levels to be rising, thinking and expecting the noise to start,
(07:08):
and inevitably, well, quite often it did start. Because someone
that's noisy, I don't know, maybe I don't have that.
There's a sense of consideration that doesn't seem to be
(07:30):
within their grasp. Sometimes there's that level maybe in other
scenarios that they're really sensitive and caring and considerate. But
some people just think, well, I'll let my television as
loud as I want. I should be able to play
music as loud as I want, regardless of how thin
(07:50):
the walls are. Still sound angry, don't I.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
But I'm not. I'm not.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
You know, I kind of accepted it. I've lived in
enough places to realize. You know, the ironic thing about this.
As I'm making this recording, I got andre my ferret
running around climbing into carrier bags and make him way
(08:17):
too much noise, and it's annoying me. That's kind of funny,
isn't it. I'm talking about how your noise doesn't really
(08:37):
affect me anymore. I was half like, I want to
just check him out of the window.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
But that's more because.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
It wouldn't bother me if it was just doing it.
Because I'm trying to do a recording.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Anyway, He's going to do what he does.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
He lives here, his lodger, So there you go, right
back to the recording.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
So I used to.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
My first memory of having problems with noise was with
my brother. I was on the top floor of our house.
My two older brothers were living on the top floor
with me, and my oldest brother was playing music very loud,
(09:35):
and I kept knocking on his door saying can you
turn it down? Because I had to get up early
in the morning to do my paper around I was
at school still. I was probably fourteen then and he
was probably about eighteen, so we'd left school, and his
reaction was basically tough. So you know, my my reaction
(10:02):
was anger, and I wanted to Generally I wanted to
hurt him.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I do it. I wanted to punch him.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
I didn't, but I wanted to, but because he just
more because of his attitude than because of the music.
But from then on I just had a real issue
with It wasn't just the music, it was the attitude
of the people that had the music when I'd complain,
(10:36):
because ultimately, no one likes to be complained to, no
one likes to be.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Told what to do.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
And what I realized and over the years is when
you knock on someone's doors saying can you maybe turn
the music down please, they'll say, oh, sorry, and pretty
much guarantee have end twenty minutes or ten minutes.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Even the music.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Will be loud, perhaps louder than it was before. And
you know amount of times I've heard a conversation repeat
afterwards saying, how dairy knock on my door? You know,
sort of.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
So I can't.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
I stopped doing that after a while because it can
get a little bit.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Heated.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
But I used to go off it's to really really
lose it when i'd get disturbed. In fact, I got
disturbed when I was disturbed, that makes sense, and it
was the anxiety. It did cause stress in the moment,
(11:49):
it caused stress afterwards because I felt guilty for what
I'd done or what I'd said.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
I didn't do.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Anything too bad too often, but I kind of felt
guilty for what I wanted to do. And there was
that whole trying to kind of even out in my
head because logically I knew that I was acting or
over reacting, I mean, you know, really reacting, over reacting,
(12:22):
but emotionally it didn't make any difference. So when I
managed to get logical and managed to calm my mind down,
I then felt guilty and felt bad, and I felt anxious,
(12:43):
partly because I'd gone against what I believed was real,
what I believed was the right thing. Or the right
way to act is to not act with violence or
violent words or violent thoughts, and in the same way.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Not to.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
I just felt guilty, basically, and then there was the
anxiety of expecting it to happen again, and it did
happen again, over and over again for years and years
and years. So all the different places I've lived, and
it's probably why I've experienced it so much, because I've
(13:25):
lived in many, many, many different places more than the average.
And I've moved home, I don't know, nearly fifty times
since I left school. So I've lived in lots of
different places and experienced different types of people living with
(13:50):
them or living in a room in a house, sharing
a house. And there was a place in London where
the door kept slamming. All of the doors were almost like,
I don't know what they were, but they just slammed.
(14:13):
They closed on their own, which is a fire door
thing that they're supposed to. But just because the door
closed on its own slams doesn't mean you have to
let it slam. And this is when I was eighteen
or nineteen and I said to the ladies downstairs, can
you stop letting your doors slam? Nope, and I did.
(14:37):
I used to punch the wardrobe in the wall in
the room I had because I used to get so frustrated.
And then I'd be lying in bed thinking I'm gonna
get woken up by that. Because sometimes it'd be late
at night, I had an early start, I'd get woken
(14:58):
up by it early in the morning before I had
to get up, So that caused degree of anxiety and
stress for me. Another time, even people that I get
on with, I struggle a bit when they're noisy. So
(15:19):
I lived in a place before moving to London and
there was a couple there. Gotten really well with them,
but they loved playing loud opera music, really loud, and
I was constantly asking them to turn it down because
I had to get up at five o'clock in the
(15:41):
morning because I had a little cleaning job that I
had to go to. They just but I liked them,
but it's the whole I had anxiety from that, not
knowing that they can do it again tonight. Are they
going to Is it going to start up again in
(16:02):
an hour because they'd be up all night drinking and
listening to music, and yeah, my nerves. It just I
was young, enough for it not didn't seem to affect
me as much as it would now. Living in that
environment would be practically impossible for me, just the whole
(16:28):
constant barrage of loud sound.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
It's not.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Although I can deal with loud sounds that happen occasionally,
I couldn't not constantly. I'd have to move.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
So it's that's.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
That's one of those things. That's one of those situations
that happened. There was a really weird and this is embarrassing.
I feel a bit well, it's kind of embarrassing to
really mention it. But this is a long, long, long,
long time ago, back in the nineties, So just give
(17:18):
you an idea how long ago.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
And the.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
I got woken up by someone knocking on the door
and they were reading the meter, and it was like
half seven in the morning or something. And then by
the time I got downstairs, dead left.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
And I went out.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Holding a screwdriver, screaming at this person and again embarrassing,
the terrible behavior. Awful, but it's almost like I lost
my mind. It was because I was constantly being woken
up where I lived.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
And I was awake during the night.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Quite often, but getting woken up during the day, which
is kind of normal practice most people await during the day,
and I felt bad about that. I'd done worse than
that as well later on, but that was bad. Luckily
(18:34):
I just managed to go inside and calm down. The
thing is a screwdriver was on the side.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
It was near the phone. I didn't sort of grab didn't.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
I didn't have screw drive in my bedroom playing in
to hurt anyone. I just ended up looking down and
I had a screwdriver in my hand as I was
showing at this bloke and it was being rude back
to me, which is I suppose fair enough, but he's like, well,
do what I want.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
I'm knock on the door whenever I want.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
It was. Yeah, it was quite a difficult thing to
deal with, and again my stress levels rose. I didn't
class it as stress back then.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
I just classed it as.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Feeling really really tense, really really tense, and so I
didn't use words like anxiety or stress, didn't understand what
they were. I had no interest, and back then I'd
have classed it as weakness. It's true, that's that's what
(19:44):
it was. I would have classed it as weakness. What
do you mean you're stressed, you're anxious. Even though I'd
already been given stress, I'd already been put on medication
for stress in ninety five. Even after that, I still
really at that time, I don't think I really recognized it.
(20:09):
I didn't really take the stress and anxiety seriously until
I had the panic attacks in November two thousand and two,
when it really kicked in. Before that, even having been
diagnosed with stress and having been all for ten months
prior to that, I didn't take it seriously. I didn't
(20:32):
really acknowledge it. But I was affected by it. And
looking back to my childhood, I was affected by stress.
I was a very stressful child. What I used to
do is I'd bottle everything up and then I'd explode,
(20:56):
but not angrily, just in tears.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
A couple of times.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Remember one particular time, I was think of eight, and
I went into the kitchen and my stepmom was in there,
and she said, what's wrong? And I just burst out
crying and I was howling and I didn't know why.
I didn't know why I was out. She was like,
(21:21):
what's wrong, what's wrong? I said, nothing, nothing had happened.
It was just an accumulative a build up, you know,
of various I guess just being a kid, and I
absolutely exploded. There was nothing bad happening at school, it was,
(21:43):
you know everything. In fact, that's probably one of the
best times of my life when I was seven, Between
seven and eight, the family was a happy family pretty much.
I was at school, you know, everything was nice. It
was a really good time. But I just I don't
know what it was. I just built up this stress,
(22:07):
which I wouldn't have classed it as stress because I
didn't even know what stress was. I had no concept
of it at that age. All I knew is it
was like when my stepmother said, what's wrong, she'd opened
She just I was a shaken can of coke or
(22:32):
lemonade or something, or a shaken bottle and she just
undid the lid and I just pH everywhere, completely exploded,
released and I did feel better afterwards. So it's a
cathartic experience. But and it's very weird though, and I
(22:54):
remember it. I don't remember it like it was yesterday,
because clearly it wasn't yes It was forty forty one
years ago, so it's a long time ago. But I
remember it, and it happened a few times actually, and
it still happens. See, I'm telling you stuff that it's
(23:15):
really personal here. I don't know why, but I know
why it's personal, but I don't know why I'm telling you.
Things build up and then I start crying uncontrollably, and
it's really really rare. It happens maybe once every couple
(23:40):
of years. Sometimes it doesn't happen for two or three years.
But when it happens, I just lose it, but not
emotionally lose it in a sense of not knowing where
I am, or wanting to do anything bad or anything
like that. It's just a complete empty in or release
(24:03):
or just just too much stuff in there and it
just pops, almost like a fizzy drink that's been shook.
And the last time it happened that I remember is
(24:26):
when a friend of mine said something to me, and
it wasn't even that bad, but it was quite cruel, actually,
and I came back up here and I was really
I was upset with what was been what had been
said to me, especially I was trying to do that
(24:46):
person a favor, trying to help them, and they basically
just was a bit cruel, but not horrible, not really badly,
but just dismissive and a bit unkind really but not
probably not meaning to be. But I just completely lost it.
(25:07):
And this is about three years ago, and I never
kind of could tell what it was like, what was it,
what was it about? Why?
Speaker 2 (25:19):
You know?
Speaker 1 (25:20):
What did it compare to? Until my name died? And
the first when my name was ill before she died,
she was ill, and I think she broke a hit
again and she and my dad phoned me saying, oh,
(25:42):
your name's ill. I said, well, I can come and
see it. She's His attitude was like there's no point,
which was upsetting to me, and I put the phone
down and I just lost it. And that's and I
completely exploded, you know, a bit like popped, like the
(26:06):
fizzy drink. And that's the first time it happened with
for a reason like that. I could actually see a
reason for it, like a proper you know. And this
is quite a long time ago, back in two thy
thirteen or something.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
And then my probably the last.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
The next time it happened when there I could see
a reason was at my NaN's funeral, and I just
lost it again. But it made sense then it was
grief and it was. It was a relief, a relief,
(26:59):
a relief of those feelings that were kind of clogged up.
But it felt different because they didn't feel like there
was stress involved. It felt more natural, you know, it's
(27:25):
grief is supposed to get upset. It's you know, that's
what I've always been taught. You cry at funerals and
all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
So it felt natural.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Although I did really blubber, really lost it. Everyone else
was composed and I was just I was about to
start punching the floor.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
It's ridiculous, but.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
I am. Other times, I know, I was talking about
noise and sound, sensitivity to a loud sound, and I
will come back to that because I managed to stray
off into the territory of built up stress and anxiety.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
So I don't know.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
How many other people, maybe you have that that have
experienced that feeling of just exploding and just you know,
like a fizzy drink the lid's taken.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Off and all the overflow. And that's part.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Of the reason why when I started making relaxation sessions,
you know, back fourteen years ago, I started trying to
include the idea of an overflow, you know, like with
a bath or a sink, so that if it gets
too high, the water starts to move out of the
(29:13):
bath or the sink, because there's that hole, isn't there,
which is at the top of the sink. I don't
know what you call it, but the overflow hole. I
guess that's what it's called. And just in the same
way as a toilet, a toilet can't overflow because it
(29:37):
has a mechanism, doesn't it, so that it can't the
water level can't.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Go above a certain level.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
So I tried to include that idea in quite a
few of my earlier relaxation recordings, and I just kind
of implant the idea and allow it to be there
to automatically work when needed, to come to action when required,
(30:14):
instead of being too explicit with it presenting the idea
of the overflow, which can then be sort of realize, yeah,
that's a good idea actually, because then there's less build up.
In fact, they can never build up. So I don't
(30:38):
know how many people listening to this actually relate to
that small child of eight years old that I was
completely oblivious to what was going on.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
All I knew was.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
That I was crying uncontrollably, and before that I was.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Rigid with. I guess tension.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
I didn't have the words, but it was tension, physical discomfort,
tense muscles, and uh, probably way too much going on
in my head, and not able or not didn't have
(31:29):
the ability to deal with that stuff. So I think
sometimes with the with the sound, with the noise, sensitized
(31:50):
thing being a bit sensitive to noise is when I've
lived in places where there's a constant barrage of noise
or even intermittent, you know, it might be every few days,
it builds up. I kind of start getting that build
up of stress, the anxiety, the stress of when it happens,
(32:16):
then the anxiety of will it happen, the expectation that
it will happen, and then the worry of what will
I do if it does happen. Because you know, I
am officially a moody old get I'm officially got a
(32:40):
mood disorder, and my mood depends what I do depends
on my mood. I'm very controlled, not controlling to other people,
but I'm very able to control what I do, and
much more than I used to be able to, and
(33:01):
maybe not more than I used to be able to,
more than I realized I was able to. That's probably
a better way of saying it, because no one has
to wait to be forty five or forty nine or
thirty five in order to be able to make changes.
It's within everyone for many age It's just sometimes what
(33:24):
I definitely didn't believe I was able to, not for
a long time. But then I spent most of my
life thinking I was really really thick, really stupid and intelligent.
That's what I believed. That's what I was told, so
I believed it. So our beliefs affect what we do
(33:47):
and how we act, which means maybe it's time to
look at some of those beliefs. So as far as
the sound issues go, I'm a lot better than I
(34:08):
used to be. I don't react as much to background sounds.
But I've also got coping mechanisms in place for background sounds.
So if I've got a noisy, if I've got a
lot of nooyies going on outside, So let's say I
(34:31):
don't know the lawns. We have these hedge trimmers that
come around and they spend hours in the garden trimming hedges.
They just seem to spend hours doing it.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
So I've got.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Headphones that I can put on and listen to music
or watch a movie, watch Netflix, and I can't hear that.
I can't hear the head tremors, the hedge trimmers when
I'm doing that. Other times.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
I can't. Just don't care about it. I can. I
get myself into.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
A level of before where I'm not bothered. I can
even lay in bed and fall asleep to that sound,
which is something that I never would have been able
to do in the past, or never not that I
never would have been able to, but I never knew
that I was able to. Yeah, I need to need to.
(35:35):
The thing is, we can. I want to stop my
I don't just want to stop myself from limiting my
future possibilities or limiting what I do now. I want
to stop limiting what I could have done. It doesn't
change the fact of what I did do, but I
(35:57):
want to I want to stop limiting the past in
a sense of saying, well I had no choice, I
didn't you know I couldn't do anything. Then well, yeah,
different circumstances, with a bit of knowledge, a bit of education,
I may well have been able to do that. I
(36:20):
may have been able to be an accountant or a lawyer,
different circumstances, but I didn't have those circumstances, didn't have
any belief. I didn't go to university till I was
thirty seven and got my degree when I was forty.
You know, I didn't believe I could do that when
(36:42):
I was in my twenties. I wanted to. I wanted
to believe it. To be honest, it wasn't even a
case that I wanted to have a degree.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
I wanted to.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Believe that I could get a degree, but I didn't.
I truly didn't believe it. And if you really, if
someone true doesn't believe something, that is huge obstacle.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
That's uh, that's.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
A massive, big banana skin in front of you. So
other things I've used over the years to help is
ear plugs. So I managed to I started using ear
(37:32):
plugs when I was in bed, and it did make
a difference, and then I could sleep and I didn't
hear the background sounds. Maybe I lived near a I
used to live near a busy road, really busy road
that was there was a quiet period between about two
(37:53):
in the morning and five, and then it got busy again.
Lots of lorries and and so yeah, i'd get woken up.
I don't mind to sound of traffic, to be honest
with you, it's quite soothing now. Didn't back then though,
(38:14):
So I used to wear ear plugs, and all I
would say, if you do wear ear plugs, don't push
them in too far. I want to give you some
practical advice there. Don't push them in too far, because
I did that and I perforated one of my ear drums,
which gave me, I forget what it's called it, basically
(38:40):
my balance went. So whatever that thing is where you
kind of there's a turn for it, but my balance
went and I couldn't believe that just a perforated ear
drum could do that. So the ear drums are very
very important. So and I wore ear plugs for years
(39:05):
and I only perforated my ear drum once. I just
pushed it in too far. So just make sure you
don't push them in too far, that's all. If you
do end up wearing ear plugs at some point. So
for me, that was a practical solution because I couldn't
(39:29):
find any other solution. And now I don't wear ear plugs.
I did when I first.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Where was I living before?
Speaker 1 (39:45):
Yeah, I do have ear plugs here, so I've always
got them in case I need them. I've got a
big a boxer about thirty or something, so it's thirty sets.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
They're there.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
They're in the cupboard. If I haven't need to wear them,
they're there. So if I have, for example, today the
electricians have been drilling all day, if I needed to sleep,
Luckily I didn't because I slept during the night. If
I needed to sleep, desperately needed to sleep, I would
(40:26):
put the headphones the year plugs in because that possibly
would have been the only thing that I could have done,
because annoys was too much. It wasn't The sound of
drilling isn't. I don't find it very therapeutic. It's not
very relaxing.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
But that's just me.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
I've also got headphones, so loud sounds on a bus.
I'm sensitive. I'm still I'm still sensitive to sound. I am,
I'll yeah, I am, but I'm less reactive. Does that
make sense? I don't react aggressively.
Speaker 2 (41:11):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
I don't feel anxious in the same way expecting to
feel unwell because it used to affect me physically. I'd
feel unwell by it. I'd be so tense and just
so angry and not able to express myself, and yeah,
(41:36):
it was pretty awful. But now I've got these IF
headphones and they're really good headphones, and then noise canceling headphones,
which means when I got them on and I'm listening
to music, I can't hear pretty much anything. I can't
really hear anything going on outside of the headphones.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
So I wear them.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
I wear them when they're on the bus so that
I'm not because I find I know, I feel like
I should be talking as being having been completely cured
of everything and be you know, you know a lot
of you know, sometimes read books by people or listen
(42:26):
to someone in they they've got all the answers, and
they've got all the and they've done it all themselves
and they're perfectly well. Now, well, I'm not coming from
that perspective, which I'm sure you're aware of. But some
things that I maybe that maybe don't work for me
(42:49):
as well, may work for others. Some things that work
for other people or don't work for other people might
work really well for me. So we're all different, So
I think anything's worth a try. So what I do
is I have the headphones on, because then I can't
hear what anyone else is saying.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
And that's nice. I like that.
Speaker 1 (43:18):
Again, it's just a personal thing, but I noticed that
my stress levels, and I've talked about the headphones before,
I think my stress levels are much lower when I've
got the headphones on and other things. You could do soundproofing,
(43:47):
you could soundproof the place. There's different that does. That
costs money, of course, but there are ways of changing.
Sometimes it's changing your environment. Sometimes it might mean moving,
and and that's extreme for a lot of people. It
(44:09):
was never extreme for me. I could move with ten minutes.
Notice I was always ready to move. Not now, but
I used to be. And I mean I moved. I'm
sure I moved twice in one week plus, you know,
(44:30):
sleeping on people's couches and stuff when I was younger
as well.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
But there was.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
I know, there are ways of changing, you know, making changes.
I always remember this someone I counseled, and he's had
noisy I think he had lots of kids playing outside,
but they weren't kids, but there was like a playground
or a little field outside where he lived, but they
(45:06):
were there late at night, making loads and noises. Shouting
and screaming and whatever, and he was getting really ill
with it, probably physically ill by his stress and anxiety.
And I made a suggestion to him. And you know,
(45:30):
being a counselor not supposed to really make practical suggestions,
but I thought, well, I can relate to what he's saying.
So I said that to him, I can relate to
what he's saying in a sense of I've had many
years of issues with noisy neighbors and struggled to deal
(45:56):
with a lot of loud naughties over the years. And
I told him that I wear ear plugs because he
was talking about seriously doing something really bad, And I
said to him, and he had his house for sale,
so he put his house up for seal because he
couldn't stand living there anymore. But in the meantime, because
(46:18):
the house was taken too long to sell, he was
talking about doing perhaps the worst thing that he could do.
So I said, look, get some ear plugs.
Speaker 2 (46:31):
It works for me.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
And he said, you know what, I never even thought
about doing that. It's kind of the most obvious thing
in the world, isn't it when you think about it.
But not everything that's obvious is obvious wear ear plugs.
(46:54):
But then some people, I know, some people like this
would be so bloody minded, so adamant in their own
righteousness of being right, that they refuse to do anything
(47:15):
to help themselves. So someone would suffer through it being
some kind of a martyr, but at the same time
getting it ill refusing to wear ear plugs because why
should I have to wear ear plugs, which is true,
(47:36):
they shouldn't have to, but if it helps, even if
they're only on a temporary basis, if it helps, then
do it. But why should anybody ever have to go
on dialysis or have a blood transfusion, Why should anyone
ever have to have to have an operation? Why should
(47:58):
anyone have to have dietet why should anyone have to
do anything?
Speaker 2 (48:02):
It's it's life, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
We have things happen, and if someone's got diabetes, they
either take the insulin or they die. Basically, I think
it's kind of the situation, an extreme situation. But they
can say, well, why should I have to take that?
(48:25):
You haven't got diabetes. You haven't got diabetes. No one
I know it's got diabetes. Why should I have to
take insulin four times a day? Or whatever it is,
the fact is you don't have to, but you're going
to be very, very very ill unless you do. It's
a choice. And people don't like hearing that because it's
(48:51):
almost like you can't be a martyr or feel sorry
for yourself when you realize it's a choice. It's really
hard to keep the anger going when you realize that
actually it is a choice. No one can make you
(49:12):
take insolin unless you're in a hospital bed and you're
tied down and they're injecting it into you. No one
can make you take insulin. But if you don't, you're
in trouble, you know, if the person is diabetic, of course,
And that's just a small version of that. I mean
(49:37):
there's way more serious situations in a sense of if
someone needs help and they won't take it, they won't
accept help, or they won't do anything to help themselves.
(50:02):
So if someone's going through stress and anxiety financially unable
to deal with it, financially having financial problems, but refuse
to get help, refuse to get some kind of financial advice,
and then they're offered the choice of well, bankruptcy is
(50:23):
the only option, but their pride won't allow it when
no one else goes bankrupt, which is obviously it's not true,
but in their mind they might say, well, no one
else that I know has gone bankrupt, why should I
go bankrupt. I've worked too long, too hard for this,
(50:44):
So they keep going. And the thing that I probably
don't mention very often, probably cause I don't really like
to think about it, but stress can lead to illness,
physical illness, we all know that, but it can also
(51:07):
lead to extreme physical illness where you can't come back
from it. And I think it's, if possible, try not,
you know, to everyone, try not to let it get
(51:28):
to that point. Again, an obvious statement, but something that
probably a lot of people never listen to because of
their so called pride or their wanting to be right,
needing to be right, refusal to be a loser, which
(51:55):
is possibly what some people would think it is.
Speaker 2 (52:00):
Personally.
Speaker 1 (52:00):
I think someone's got a business and it doesn't work.
They're not a loser because they've started a business and
they've done everything they can and it hasn't worked. Because
not all businesses work, that's the fact. Because if they did,
(52:22):
then well it wouldn't work, would it, because everybody would
have a business and we need up people to be
doing other things in society. If everyone had their own
business in a successful shop, who would deliver them out?
(52:47):
Who'd drive the buses, who'd you know, do all the
things like that. Can't believe them talking about driving buses now,
so you can go for practical help with stress. And
(53:09):
as we're talking, you know before about loud sounds, unnecessary noise,
I don't. I used to punch the walls. I used
to punch stuff, which is really really bad habit to
have really ridiculous, silly thing to do, cause it damages
(53:33):
physically damages the person who does it, you know, amount
of time. I broke my right hand twice, at least
twice officially, but I think I've probably broken fingers and
stuff in the past. Well, I just couldn't move anything
for a few weeks. So I suppose what I'm trying
(54:09):
to say, and yep, it's taken a while is there
are ways around things. There are ways to cope and
deal with stuff stress related. It's just finding them, finding
(54:35):
the ways that they're useful for you, that work with you,
that work for you, that help you. And not everything
is going to help everyone.
Speaker 2 (54:48):
You know, I did a.
Speaker 1 (54:50):
Stress relief exercise using a tennis ball or a sock
two socks rolled together. That's going to help some people.
Some people think it's ridiculous. Wouldn't even try it because
I think that's silly. Other people might do it and
think it still silly. Other people might do it and
(55:12):
get kicked out of the supermarket.
Speaker 2 (55:15):
I mean, who knows. The thing is.
Speaker 1 (55:24):
The mentality to open your mind to the possibilities of change,
to the possibilities of something helping, because there's always going
to be something that can help you always. It's just
finding it, that's all. It is, just finding it. And
(55:52):
as far as the noisy neighbors stuff like that, learning
to relax and be calm it's useful, and maybe looking
at practical ways to change how you feel, like headphones,
(56:18):
ear plugs, extreme situation. Move move if you need to,
but as an extreme situation, you know, and it's not
for everyone, and it's not fair to have to move.
But just remember everything's temporary, and even if someone's making noise,
(56:45):
they will stop eventually. And I could go on there's
some other experiences I've had, but I won't because you
know I've done some I've just yeah, I've had some
silly reactions to loud noises in the past, but that's
(57:09):
not me anymore. Anyway, I want to go. I wish
you lots of love, and remember to be kind to
yourself because you deserve to be happy.
Speaker 2 (57:25):
Bye.
Hello, and welcome to Jasonnewland dot com. My name's Jason Newland.
So I'm laughing as I just seen Andre what he's
up to.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Jason.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Yeah, my name's Jason Newland. This is relaxation hypnosis for stress,
anxiety and panic attacks. Please only listen when you can
safely close your eyes, and please subscribe to this podcast
wherever you're listening to it, and maybe you like it.
(00:37):
If you like it, and you can also help cover
the costs of this free service by going to PayPal
dot me forward to lash Jason Newland and the links
on the website, and all of my one five hundred
recordings are on my website and link to all the
different podcasts that I do.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
So I should do to get like.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
A recording of that, shouldn't I just post it at
the beginning of each each record in each session anyway,
which I do have the ability to do, actually, but
I just.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
I'm too easy.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Now today I want to talk about noise sensitivity or
sound excessive sound sensitivity. But let's use the word noise sensitivity.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
That would be the.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Correct term. I think that most people would use or
not enjoying noise. Now I realized this may not apply
to everybody body that listens to this podcast, and so
(02:04):
I understand if it's not something you want to listen to.
In fact, you might clay, you might find it too noisy,
so especially with this little ferry running around for some reason.
So what I thought I would do is actually open
(02:25):
up a bit tell you about my personal experiences with
my I guess sensitivity is if I use that term
sensitivity to noise.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
And although technically you.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Could say, well, it's what they've got to do with
stress and anxiety, it caused stress and anxiety in me,
and it still sometimes does, but less so than it
used to.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
So I don't think.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Making recordings just about or just to think of anxiety
and stress as being something that happens without anything else connected,
you know, in a sense of maybe a panic attack.
Can you know, I've had it happen in the past
(03:31):
when I was in a bookshop looking at a book
and there was no trigger there at all. So if
someone used to say to me, which is kind of
a standard thing for someone to say, something like well,
what's wrong, what's happened, What's caused you to feel that way,
(03:56):
What's caused you to have this reaction, what trigger that
when actually there isn't a trigger or not an obvious trigger.
You know, I suppose it's a bit in a sense
like chronic pain. If someone's got chronic pain, you don't
(04:19):
ask them what's what's caused it. If you know that
they've got chronic pain, if they've got shoulder injured, it's
never that's healed, but not properly healed, you know, in
a sense of there's still nerve damage or there's still
you know, it's got ongoing. You kind of accept, well,
that's the reason, but you know, almost it's like there
(04:46):
needs to be a connection, needs to be a logical explanation. However,
life isn't kind of always as simple as that, so
but there are other times when it is.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
It is a.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
It's a reaction. So being sensitive to sound and having
loud noises would increase my anxiety a lot, you know,
I'm talking. It wasn't just anxiety and stress. It was
(05:33):
all like anger as well. And it's taken me where
it took a long long time for me to go
from being able to to be able to get to
the point where it doesn't affect me.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Nearly as much.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
That's not to say that if I'm in bed and
like today, for example, downstairs they were drilling. There was
electricians down there drilling and making a lot of noise,
and it was shaking my flat. I woke up to
that and I wasn't that wasn't madly impressed. If I'm honest,
(06:20):
and sitting there watching Telly and having that drilling, I
wasn't enjoying it. But I wasn't angry, I wasn't fuming,
I wasn't stressed. And I think part of the stress
and anxiety came in the past is the anticipation of
a noisy neighbor. So let's say I had a noisy
(06:44):
neighbor that maybe had lots of music loud, so when
the music was on, they'd be stress levels risen. I'd
get angry. But other times, when I'd be sitting at
home and there'd be no sound at all, my stress
levels to be rising, thinking and expecting the noise to start,
(07:08):
and inevitably, well, quite often it did start. Because someone
that's noisy, I don't know, maybe I don't have that.
There's a sense of consideration that doesn't seem to be
(07:30):
within their grasp. Sometimes there's that level maybe in other
scenarios that they're really sensitive and caring and considerate. But
some people just think, well, I'll let my television as
loud as I want. I should be able to play
music as loud as I want, regardless of how thin
(07:50):
the walls are. Still sound angry, don't I.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
But I'm not. I'm not.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
You know, I kind of accepted it. I've lived in
enough places to realize. You know, the ironic thing about this.
As I'm making this recording, I got andre my ferret
running around climbing into carrier bags and make him way
(08:17):
too much noise, and it's annoying me. That's kind of funny,
isn't it. I'm talking about how your noise doesn't really
(08:37):
affect me anymore. I was half like, I want to
just check him out of the window.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
But that's more because.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
It wouldn't bother me if it was just doing it.
Because I'm trying to do a recording.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Anyway, He's going to do what he does.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
He lives here, his lodger, So there you go, right
back to the recording.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
So I used to.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
My first memory of having problems with noise was with
my brother. I was on the top floor of our house.
My two older brothers were living on the top floor
with me, and my oldest brother was playing music very loud,
(09:35):
and I kept knocking on his door saying can you
turn it down? Because I had to get up early
in the morning to do my paper around I was
at school still. I was probably fourteen then and he
was probably about eighteen, so we'd left school, and his
reaction was basically tough. So you know, my my reaction
(10:02):
was anger, and I wanted to Generally I wanted to
hurt him.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I do it. I wanted to punch him.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
I didn't, but I wanted to, but because he just
more because of his attitude than because of the music.
But from then on I just had a real issue
with It wasn't just the music, it was the attitude
of the people that had the music when I'd complain,
(10:36):
because ultimately, no one likes to be complained to, no
one likes to be.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Told what to do.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
And what I realized and over the years is when
you knock on someone's doors saying can you maybe turn
the music down please, they'll say, oh, sorry, and pretty
much guarantee have end twenty minutes or ten minutes.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Even the music.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Will be loud, perhaps louder than it was before. And
you know amount of times I've heard a conversation repeat
afterwards saying, how dairy knock on my door? You know,
sort of.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
So I can't.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
I stopped doing that after a while because it can
get a little bit.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Heated.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
But I used to go off it's to really really
lose it when i'd get disturbed. In fact, I got
disturbed when I was disturbed, that makes sense, and it
was the anxiety. It did cause stress in the moment,
(11:49):
it caused stress afterwards because I felt guilty for what
I'd done or what I'd said.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
I didn't do.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Anything too bad too often, but I kind of felt
guilty for what I wanted to do. And there was
that whole trying to kind of even out in my
head because logically I knew that I was acting or
over reacting, I mean, you know, really reacting, over reacting,
(12:22):
but emotionally it didn't make any difference. So when I
managed to get logical and managed to calm my mind down,
I then felt guilty and felt bad, and I felt anxious,
(12:43):
partly because I'd gone against what I believed was real,
what I believed was the right thing. Or the right
way to act is to not act with violence or
violent words or violent thoughts, and in the same way.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Not to.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
I just felt guilty, basically, and then there was the
anxiety of expecting it to happen again, and it did
happen again, over and over again for years and years
and years. So all the different places I've lived, and
it's probably why I've experienced it so much, because I've
(13:25):
lived in many, many, many different places more than the average.
And I've moved home, I don't know, nearly fifty times
since I left school. So I've lived in lots of
different places and experienced different types of people living with
(13:50):
them or living in a room in a house, sharing
a house. And there was a place in London where
the door kept slamming. All of the doors were almost like,
I don't know what they were, but they just slammed.
(14:13):
They closed on their own, which is a fire door
thing that they're supposed to. But just because the door
closed on its own slams doesn't mean you have to
let it slam. And this is when I was eighteen
or nineteen and I said to the ladies downstairs, can
you stop letting your doors slam? Nope, and I did.
(14:37):
I used to punch the wardrobe in the wall in
the room I had because I used to get so frustrated.
And then I'd be lying in bed thinking I'm gonna
get woken up by that. Because sometimes it'd be late
at night, I had an early start, I'd get woken
(14:58):
up by it early in the morning before I had
to get up, So that caused degree of anxiety and
stress for me. Another time, even people that I get
on with, I struggle a bit when they're noisy. So
(15:19):
I lived in a place before moving to London and
there was a couple there. Gotten really well with them,
but they loved playing loud opera music, really loud, and
I was constantly asking them to turn it down because
I had to get up at five o'clock in the
(15:41):
morning because I had a little cleaning job that I
had to go to. They just but I liked them,
but it's the whole I had anxiety from that, not
knowing that they can do it again tonight. Are they
going to Is it going to start up again in
(16:02):
an hour because they'd be up all night drinking and
listening to music, and yeah, my nerves. It just I
was young, enough for it not didn't seem to affect
me as much as it would now. Living in that
environment would be practically impossible for me, just the whole
(16:28):
constant barrage of loud sound.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
It's not.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Although I can deal with loud sounds that happen occasionally,
I couldn't not constantly. I'd have to move.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
So it's that's.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
That's one of those things. That's one of those situations
that happened. There was a really weird and this is embarrassing.
I feel a bit well, it's kind of embarrassing to
really mention it. But this is a long, long, long,
long time ago, back in the nineties, So just give
(17:18):
you an idea how long ago.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
And the.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
I got woken up by someone knocking on the door
and they were reading the meter, and it was like
half seven in the morning or something. And then by
the time I got downstairs, dead left.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
And I went out.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Holding a screwdriver, screaming at this person and again embarrassing,
the terrible behavior. Awful, but it's almost like I lost
my mind. It was because I was constantly being woken
up where I lived.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
And I was awake during the night.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Quite often, but getting woken up during the day, which
is kind of normal practice most people await during the day,
and I felt bad about that. I'd done worse than
that as well later on, but that was bad. Luckily
(18:34):
I just managed to go inside and calm down. The
thing is a screwdriver was on the side.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
It was near the phone. I didn't sort of grab didn't.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
I didn't have screw drive in my bedroom playing in
to hurt anyone. I just ended up looking down and
I had a screwdriver in my hand as I was
showing at this bloke and it was being rude back
to me, which is I suppose fair enough, but he's like, well,
do what I want.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
I'm knock on the door whenever I want.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
It was. Yeah, it was quite a difficult thing to
deal with, and again my stress levels rose. I didn't
class it as stress back then.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
I just classed it as.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Feeling really really tense, really really tense, and so I
didn't use words like anxiety or stress, didn't understand what
they were. I had no interest, and back then I'd
have classed it as weakness. It's true, that's that's what
(19:44):
it was. I would have classed it as weakness. What
do you mean you're stressed, you're anxious. Even though I'd
already been given stress, I'd already been put on medication
for stress in ninety five. Even after that, I still
really at that time, I don't think I really recognized it.
(20:09):
I didn't really take the stress and anxiety seriously until
I had the panic attacks in November two thousand and two,
when it really kicked in. Before that, even having been
diagnosed with stress and having been all for ten months
prior to that, I didn't take it seriously. I didn't
(20:32):
really acknowledge it. But I was affected by it. And
looking back to my childhood, I was affected by stress.
I was a very stressful child. What I used to
do is I'd bottle everything up and then I'd explode,
(20:56):
but not angrily, just in tears.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
A couple of times.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Remember one particular time, I was think of eight, and
I went into the kitchen and my stepmom was in there,
and she said, what's wrong? And I just burst out
crying and I was howling and I didn't know why.
I didn't know why I was out. She was like,
(21:21):
what's wrong, what's wrong? I said, nothing, nothing had happened.
It was just an accumulative a build up, you know,
of various I guess just being a kid, and I
absolutely exploded. There was nothing bad happening at school, it was,
(21:43):
you know everything. In fact, that's probably one of the
best times of my life when I was seven, Between
seven and eight, the family was a happy family pretty much.
I was at school, you know, everything was nice. It
was a really good time. But I just I don't
know what it was. I just built up this stress,
(22:07):
which I wouldn't have classed it as stress because I
didn't even know what stress was. I had no concept
of it at that age. All I knew is it
was like when my stepmother said, what's wrong, she'd opened
She just I was a shaken can of coke or
(22:32):
lemonade or something, or a shaken bottle and she just
undid the lid and I just pH everywhere, completely exploded,
released and I did feel better afterwards. So it's a
cathartic experience. But and it's very weird though, and I
(22:54):
remember it. I don't remember it like it was yesterday,
because clearly it wasn't yes It was forty forty one
years ago, so it's a long time ago. But I
remember it, and it happened a few times actually, and
it still happens. See, I'm telling you stuff that it's
(23:15):
really personal here. I don't know why, but I know
why it's personal, but I don't know why I'm telling you.
Things build up and then I start crying uncontrollably, and
it's really really rare. It happens maybe once every couple
(23:40):
of years. Sometimes it doesn't happen for two or three years.
But when it happens, I just lose it, but not
emotionally lose it in a sense of not knowing where
I am, or wanting to do anything bad or anything
like that. It's just a complete empty in or release
(24:03):
or just just too much stuff in there and it
just pops, almost like a fizzy drink that's been shook.
And the last time it happened that I remember is
(24:26):
when a friend of mine said something to me, and
it wasn't even that bad, but it was quite cruel, actually,
and I came back up here and I was really
I was upset with what was been what had been
said to me, especially I was trying to do that
(24:46):
person a favor, trying to help them, and they basically
just was a bit cruel, but not horrible, not really badly,
but just dismissive and a bit unkind really but not
probably not meaning to be. But I just completely lost it.
(25:07):
And this is about three years ago, and I never
kind of could tell what it was like, what was it,
what was it about? Why?
Speaker 2 (25:19):
You know?
Speaker 1 (25:20):
What did it compare to? Until my name died? And
the first when my name was ill before she died,
she was ill, and I think she broke a hit
again and she and my dad phoned me saying, oh,
(25:42):
your name's ill. I said, well, I can come and
see it. She's His attitude was like there's no point,
which was upsetting to me, and I put the phone
down and I just lost it. And that's and I
completely exploded, you know, a bit like popped, like the
(26:06):
fizzy drink. And that's the first time it happened with
for a reason like that. I could actually see a
reason for it, like a proper you know. And this
is quite a long time ago, back in two thy
thirteen or something.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
And then my probably the last.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
The next time it happened when there I could see
a reason was at my NaN's funeral, and I just
lost it again. But it made sense then it was
grief and it was. It was a relief, a relief,
(26:59):
a relief of those feelings that were kind of clogged up.
But it felt different because they didn't feel like there
was stress involved. It felt more natural, you know, it's
(27:25):
grief is supposed to get upset. It's you know, that's
what I've always been taught. You cry at funerals and
all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
So it felt natural.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Although I did really blubber, really lost it. Everyone else
was composed and I was just I was about to
start punching the floor.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
It's ridiculous, but.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
I am. Other times, I know, I was talking about
noise and sound, sensitivity to a loud sound, and I
will come back to that because I managed to stray
off into the territory of built up stress and anxiety.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
So I don't know.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
How many other people, maybe you have that that have
experienced that feeling of just exploding and just you know,
like a fizzy drink the lid's taken.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Off and all the overflow. And that's part.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Of the reason why when I started making relaxation sessions,
you know, back fourteen years ago, I started trying to
include the idea of an overflow, you know, like with
a bath or a sink, so that if it gets
too high, the water starts to move out of the
(29:13):
bath or the sink, because there's that hole, isn't there,
which is at the top of the sink. I don't
know what you call it, but the overflow hole. I
guess that's what it's called. And just in the same
way as a toilet, a toilet can't overflow because it
(29:37):
has a mechanism, doesn't it, so that it can't the
water level can't.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Go above a certain level.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
So I tried to include that idea in quite a
few of my earlier relaxation recordings, and I just kind
of implant the idea and allow it to be there
to automatically work when needed, to come to action when required,
(30:14):
instead of being too explicit with it presenting the idea
of the overflow, which can then be sort of realize, yeah,
that's a good idea actually, because then there's less build up.
In fact, they can never build up. So I don't
(30:38):
know how many people listening to this actually relate to
that small child of eight years old that I was
completely oblivious to what was going on.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
All I knew was.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
That I was crying uncontrollably, and before that I was.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Rigid with. I guess tension.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
I didn't have the words, but it was tension, physical discomfort,
tense muscles, and uh, probably way too much going on
in my head, and not able or not didn't have
(31:29):
the ability to deal with that stuff. So I think
sometimes with the with the sound, with the noise, sensitized
(31:50):
thing being a bit sensitive to noise is when I've
lived in places where there's a constant barrage of noise
or even intermittent, you know, it might be every few days,
it builds up. I kind of start getting that build
up of stress, the anxiety, the stress of when it happens,
(32:16):
then the anxiety of will it happen, the expectation that
it will happen, and then the worry of what will
I do if it does happen. Because you know, I
am officially a moody old get I'm officially got a
(32:40):
mood disorder, and my mood depends what I do depends
on my mood. I'm very controlled, not controlling to other people,
but I'm very able to control what I do, and
much more than I used to be able to, and
(33:01):
maybe not more than I used to be able to,
more than I realized I was able to. That's probably
a better way of saying it, because no one has
to wait to be forty five or forty nine or
thirty five in order to be able to make changes.
It's within everyone for many age It's just sometimes what
(33:24):
I definitely didn't believe I was able to, not for
a long time. But then I spent most of my
life thinking I was really really thick, really stupid and intelligent.
That's what I believed. That's what I was told, so
I believed it. So our beliefs affect what we do
(33:47):
and how we act, which means maybe it's time to
look at some of those beliefs. So as far as
the sound issues go, I'm a lot better than I
(34:08):
used to be. I don't react as much to background sounds.
But I've also got coping mechanisms in place for background sounds.
So if I've got a noisy, if I've got a
lot of nooyies going on outside, So let's say I
(34:31):
don't know the lawns. We have these hedge trimmers that
come around and they spend hours in the garden trimming hedges.
They just seem to spend hours doing it.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
So I've got.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Headphones that I can put on and listen to music
or watch a movie, watch Netflix, and I can't hear that.
I can't hear the head tremors, the hedge trimmers when
I'm doing that. Other times.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
I can't. Just don't care about it. I can. I
get myself into.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
A level of before where I'm not bothered. I can
even lay in bed and fall asleep to that sound,
which is something that I never would have been able
to do in the past, or never not that I
never would have been able to, but I never knew
that I was able to. Yeah, I need to need to.
(35:35):
The thing is, we can. I want to stop my
I don't just want to stop myself from limiting my
future possibilities or limiting what I do now. I want
to stop limiting what I could have done. It doesn't
change the fact of what I did do, but I
(35:57):
want to I want to stop limiting the past in
a sense of saying, well I had no choice, I
didn't you know I couldn't do anything. Then well, yeah,
different circumstances, with a bit of knowledge, a bit of education,
I may well have been able to do that. I
(36:20):
may have been able to be an accountant or a lawyer,
different circumstances, but I didn't have those circumstances, didn't have
any belief. I didn't go to university till I was
thirty seven and got my degree when I was forty.
You know, I didn't believe I could do that when
(36:42):
I was in my twenties. I wanted to. I wanted
to believe it. To be honest, it wasn't even a
case that I wanted to have a degree.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
I wanted to.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Believe that I could get a degree, but I didn't.
I truly didn't believe it. And if you really, if
someone true doesn't believe something, that is huge obstacle.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
That's uh, that's.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
A massive, big banana skin in front of you. So
other things I've used over the years to help is
ear plugs. So I managed to I started using ear
(37:32):
plugs when I was in bed, and it did make
a difference, and then I could sleep and I didn't
hear the background sounds. Maybe I lived near a I
used to live near a busy road, really busy road
that was there was a quiet period between about two
(37:53):
in the morning and five, and then it got busy again.
Lots of lorries and and so yeah, i'd get woken up.
I don't mind to sound of traffic, to be honest
with you, it's quite soothing now. Didn't back then though,
(38:14):
So I used to wear ear plugs, and all I
would say, if you do wear ear plugs, don't push
them in too far. I want to give you some
practical advice there. Don't push them in too far, because
I did that and I perforated one of my ear drums,
which gave me, I forget what it's called it, basically
(38:40):
my balance went. So whatever that thing is where you
kind of there's a turn for it, but my balance
went and I couldn't believe that just a perforated ear
drum could do that. So the ear drums are very
very important. So and I wore ear plugs for years
(39:05):
and I only perforated my ear drum once. I just
pushed it in too far. So just make sure you
don't push them in too far, that's all. If you
do end up wearing ear plugs at some point. So
for me, that was a practical solution because I couldn't
(39:29):
find any other solution. And now I don't wear ear plugs.
I did when I first.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Where was I living before?
Speaker 1 (39:45):
Yeah, I do have ear plugs here, so I've always
got them in case I need them. I've got a
big a boxer about thirty or something, so it's thirty sets.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
They're there.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
They're in the cupboard. If I haven't need to wear them,
they're there. So if I have, for example, today the
electricians have been drilling all day, if I needed to sleep,
Luckily I didn't because I slept during the night. If
I needed to sleep, desperately needed to sleep, I would
(40:26):
put the headphones the year plugs in because that possibly
would have been the only thing that I could have done,
because annoys was too much. It wasn't The sound of
drilling isn't. I don't find it very therapeutic. It's not
very relaxing.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
But that's just me.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
I've also got headphones, so loud sounds on a bus.
I'm sensitive. I'm still I'm still sensitive to sound. I am,
I'll yeah, I am, but I'm less reactive. Does that
make sense? I don't react aggressively.
Speaker 2 (41:11):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
I don't feel anxious in the same way expecting to
feel unwell because it used to affect me physically. I'd
feel unwell by it. I'd be so tense and just
so angry and not able to express myself, and yeah,
(41:36):
it was pretty awful. But now I've got these IF
headphones and they're really good headphones, and then noise canceling headphones,
which means when I got them on and I'm listening
to music, I can't hear pretty much anything. I can't
really hear anything going on outside of the headphones.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
So I wear them.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
I wear them when they're on the bus so that
I'm not because I find I know, I feel like
I should be talking as being having been completely cured
of everything and be you know, you know a lot
of you know, sometimes read books by people or listen
(42:26):
to someone in they they've got all the answers, and
they've got all the and they've done it all themselves
and they're perfectly well. Now, well, I'm not coming from
that perspective, which I'm sure you're aware of. But some
things that I maybe that maybe don't work for me
(42:49):
as well, may work for others. Some things that work
for other people or don't work for other people might
work really well for me. So we're all different, So
I think anything's worth a try. So what I do
is I have the headphones on, because then I can't
hear what anyone else is saying.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
And that's nice. I like that.
Speaker 1 (43:18):
Again, it's just a personal thing, but I noticed that
my stress levels, and I've talked about the headphones before,
I think my stress levels are much lower when I've
got the headphones on and other things. You could do soundproofing,
(43:47):
you could soundproof the place. There's different that does. That
costs money, of course, but there are ways of changing.
Sometimes it's changing your environment. Sometimes it might mean moving,
and and that's extreme for a lot of people. It
(44:09):
was never extreme for me. I could move with ten minutes.
Notice I was always ready to move. Not now, but
I used to be. And I mean I moved. I'm
sure I moved twice in one week plus, you know,
(44:30):
sleeping on people's couches and stuff when I was younger
as well.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
But there was.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
I know, there are ways of changing, you know, making changes.
I always remember this someone I counseled, and he's had
noisy I think he had lots of kids playing outside,
but they weren't kids, but there was like a playground
or a little field outside where he lived, but they
(45:06):
were there late at night, making loads and noises. Shouting
and screaming and whatever, and he was getting really ill
with it, probably physically ill by his stress and anxiety.
And I made a suggestion to him. And you know,
(45:30):
being a counselor not supposed to really make practical suggestions,
but I thought, well, I can relate to what he's saying.
So I said that to him, I can relate to
what he's saying in a sense of I've had many
years of issues with noisy neighbors and struggled to deal
(45:56):
with a lot of loud naughties over the years. And
I told him that I wear ear plugs because he
was talking about seriously doing something really bad, And I
said to him, and he had his house for sale,
so he put his house up for seal because he
couldn't stand living there anymore. But in the meantime, because
(46:18):
the house was taken too long to sell, he was
talking about doing perhaps the worst thing that he could do.
So I said, look, get some ear plugs.
Speaker 2 (46:31):
It works for me.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
And he said, you know what, I never even thought
about doing that. It's kind of the most obvious thing
in the world, isn't it when you think about it.
But not everything that's obvious is obvious wear ear plugs.
(46:54):
But then some people, I know, some people like this
would be so bloody minded, so adamant in their own
righteousness of being right, that they refuse to do anything
(47:15):
to help themselves. So someone would suffer through it being
some kind of a martyr, but at the same time
getting it ill refusing to wear ear plugs because why
should I have to wear ear plugs, which is true,
(47:36):
they shouldn't have to, but if it helps, even if
they're only on a temporary basis, if it helps, then
do it. But why should anybody ever have to go
on dialysis or have a blood transfusion, Why should anyone
ever have to have to have an operation? Why should
(47:58):
anyone have to have dietet why should anyone have to
do anything?
Speaker 2 (48:02):
It's it's life, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
We have things happen, and if someone's got diabetes, they
either take the insulin or they die. Basically, I think
it's kind of the situation, an extreme situation. But they
can say, well, why should I have to take that?
(48:25):
You haven't got diabetes. You haven't got diabetes. No one
I know it's got diabetes. Why should I have to
take insulin four times a day? Or whatever it is,
the fact is you don't have to, but you're going
to be very, very very ill unless you do. It's
a choice. And people don't like hearing that because it's
(48:51):
almost like you can't be a martyr or feel sorry
for yourself when you realize it's a choice. It's really
hard to keep the anger going when you realize that
actually it is a choice. No one can make you
(49:12):
take insolin unless you're in a hospital bed and you're
tied down and they're injecting it into you. No one
can make you take insulin. But if you don't, you're
in trouble, you know, if the person is diabetic, of course,
And that's just a small version of that. I mean
(49:37):
there's way more serious situations in a sense of if
someone needs help and they won't take it, they won't
accept help, or they won't do anything to help themselves.
(50:02):
So if someone's going through stress and anxiety financially unable
to deal with it, financially having financial problems, but refuse
to get help, refuse to get some kind of financial advice,
and then they're offered the choice of well, bankruptcy is
(50:23):
the only option, but their pride won't allow it when
no one else goes bankrupt, which is obviously it's not true,
but in their mind they might say, well, no one
else that I know has gone bankrupt, why should I
go bankrupt. I've worked too long, too hard for this,
(50:44):
So they keep going. And the thing that I probably
don't mention very often, probably cause I don't really like
to think about it, but stress can lead to illness,
physical illness, we all know that, but it can also
(51:07):
lead to extreme physical illness where you can't come back
from it. And I think it's, if possible, try not,
you know, to everyone, try not to let it get
(51:28):
to that point. Again, an obvious statement, but something that
probably a lot of people never listen to because of
their so called pride or their wanting to be right,
needing to be right, refusal to be a loser, which
(51:55):
is possibly what some people would think it is.
Speaker 2 (52:00):
Personally.
Speaker 1 (52:00):
I think someone's got a business and it doesn't work.
They're not a loser because they've started a business and
they've done everything they can and it hasn't worked. Because
not all businesses work, that's the fact. Because if they did,
(52:22):
then well it wouldn't work, would it, because everybody would
have a business and we need up people to be
doing other things in society. If everyone had their own
business in a successful shop, who would deliver them out?
(52:47):
Who'd drive the buses, who'd you know, do all the
things like that. Can't believe them talking about driving buses now,
so you can go for practical help with stress. And
(53:09):
as we're talking, you know before about loud sounds, unnecessary noise,
I don't. I used to punch the walls. I used
to punch stuff, which is really really bad habit to
have really ridiculous, silly thing to do, cause it damages
(53:33):
physically damages the person who does it, you know, amount
of time. I broke my right hand twice, at least
twice officially, but I think I've probably broken fingers and
stuff in the past. Well, I just couldn't move anything
for a few weeks. So I suppose what I'm trying
(54:09):
to say, and yep, it's taken a while is there
are ways around things. There are ways to cope and
deal with stuff stress related. It's just finding them, finding
(54:35):
the ways that they're useful for you, that work with you,
that work for you, that help you. And not everything
is going to help everyone.
Speaker 2 (54:48):
You know, I did a.
Speaker 1 (54:50):
Stress relief exercise using a tennis ball or a sock
two socks rolled together. That's going to help some people.
Some people think it's ridiculous. Wouldn't even try it because
I think that's silly. Other people might do it and
think it still silly. Other people might do it and
(55:12):
get kicked out of the supermarket.
Speaker 2 (55:15):
I mean, who knows. The thing is.
Speaker 1 (55:24):
The mentality to open your mind to the possibilities of change,
to the possibilities of something helping, because there's always going
to be something that can help you always. It's just
finding it, that's all. It is, just finding it. And
(55:52):
as far as the noisy neighbors stuff like that, learning
to relax and be calm it's useful, and maybe looking
at practical ways to change how you feel, like headphones,
(56:18):
ear plugs, extreme situation. Move move if you need to,
but as an extreme situation, you know, and it's not
for everyone, and it's not fair to have to move.
But just remember everything's temporary, and even if someone's making noise,
(56:45):
they will stop eventually. And I could go on there's
some other experiences I've had, but I won't because you
know I've done some I've just yeah, I've had some
silly reactions to loud noises in the past, but that's
(57:09):
not me anymore. Anyway, I want to go. I wish
you lots of love, and remember to be kind to
yourself because you deserve to be happy.
Speaker 2 (57:25):
Bye.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com