#33 A Vocal Odyssey; Nessi Gomes and the Spirit of Your Voice

Episode Transcript
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(00:34):
The.

(01:01):
Welcome to The Nonsense in theChaos.
I'm your host, Jaylee Rose.
I'm ever so excited to welcomemy special guest, Nessie Gomez,
to the show.
We haven't met in person yet.
I have been introduced to hervia Connections to do the
pilgrimage with our friend BenChristie, who we mention in the
podcast, and she's over there onthe Big Rock, which is not far

(01:26):
away, and we were trying to meetup before.
She headed off, which you'llhear all about her adventures,
in the interview.
But I'm going to be meeting herand I'm gonna be hanging out
with her real soon and we justhit it off.
Hugely in the chat.
It was lovely.
We've got lots of mutual friendsand I've been listening to her
music for ages and yeah, I whatbrilliant music she makes.

(01:50):
It's just such an honor.
And I did her course justbefore.
recording this interview andyeah.
Blew me away.
So emotional.
I, I have a real block when itcomes to singing where even if.
Before someone, before the wordsof the sentence you're going to
sing in public, have time to gothrough my ears and enter my

(02:14):
conscious mind.
My body is already in tears, sowhatever the reaction is to that
is so deep that it's, it'sphysical.
It's beyond even.
My thinking, and so that's whyI've always had a feeling that
it's from a past life'cause itfeels so genetically or like

(02:35):
physically held, and I've nearlydrowned in this life six times.
I, let's see if I can rememberthem all.
I ran into a pond when I wasfive chasing after ducklings,
and it was a manmade pond with asudden massive drop.
That would've meant I would'vejust disappeared.
Yeah.
And I was, I was tiny.
I was like four or five yearsold.
then.

(02:55):
The second time I laid back in adinghy and was watching the
clouds, and then when I sat up,right, the shore line was a
tiny, tiny little line in thedistance and I was about eight.
And luckily my first cousin hadseen who was about, who was
seven years older than me, andhe'd swam out.
To get me and together we had toswim with all our might against

(03:19):
the tide to get back to shore.
But we managed it, but it wastouch and go and it was
exhausting and we had to take itin turns to rest because it took
so long for us to get back.
So that was scary.
I have.
It was a wave machine at Sudburyswimming pool where I just got
about of control.
I, it was too, too deep andthere was too many people in

(03:40):
there and the lifeguard had topull me out'cause you could see
that I was starting to struggle.
Then, next to a load of surferson Bondi Beach, I got rolled by
a wave and, Was running out ofair and was starting to, I was
about to swallow water when asurface stuck his hand in and
grabbed me and pulled me up outof the water.
Luckily.
Then there was the main one,which was when I was at Kentwell

(04:03):
Hall Tud reenactment, where Ijumped in the fish pond and my
shift went up over my head andpulled me under, and I got
pulled out by a visitor.
But I saw an old man in Tudorcostume jump in to save me in
front of me.
And yeah, they never existed.
And then that led to someonesaying to me, you've made.
A connection with the spiritworld.
You've had a near deathexperience.

(04:24):
You're on the shamanic path.
I was like, well, that's verycool.
And that's what got me intoJonathan K and Fooling and the
world that I've then explored.
It was all inspired by thebeekeeper, who was a Pagan
coming up and telling me that Iwas a shaman when I was a
13-year-old Nirvana fan.
And then the last time was.
I was about to say recently, butactually it was probably 2012,

(04:46):
so not that recently I wentscuba diving in Cuba and.
steam from my breathing.
I'd clouded up my mask andinstead of opening it and
letting a bit of water in andthen pushing it out, which I
knew how to do that, I went tothe surface and took the mask
off, and then instantly the wavestarted going up my nose and
then I took the mouth thing out.

(05:06):
'cause I was just getting watergoing up my nose and I took the
mouth thing out.
And then it just, my, my handswere full and I hadn't inflated
my life jacket, so I had thesereally heavy oxygen tanks on my
back, pulling me under whilst Iwas getting hit in the face with
waves.
And I didn't have any hands toput the mask and the thing back
in my mouth.
Luckily, my ex-husband had seenme go up to the surface and

(05:28):
grabbed me and held onto mewhilst I sorted myself out.
And we went back down underwaterand our.
Scuba diving party haddisappeared.
We were gone.
So we were just at sea, notvisible of the shoreline or
boats or anything, just in thesea on our own.
Luckily, my ex-husband had thewherewithal to say, we stay
here, and I was, I just nearlydrowned.

(05:50):
So I was totally in the midst ofa panic attack whilst
underwater, whilst realizingthat we'd been left.
And if I'd been on my own, Iwould've just randomly started
swimming around.
But luckily, he.
Made us stay where we were,which was really logical and
saved And luckily, after, Idunno how long, it was, a long
time, but they did come back andfind us bloody scary.
So.

(06:10):
I decided to move to an islandin the middle of the sea because
obviously that's the safestthing I could possibly do.
Someone who nearly drowns allthe time.
But it also, like I was bornwith asthma and asthma's linked
to grief, and there's justsomething about all of it where
it feels like maybe I was duckedin a previous life or some kind
of something.
Yeah, and it does.

(06:31):
Very much unlock emotional angstin me when I sing.
And before, like I say, before Ieven hear the words you are
going to sing in public, I justburst into tears.
There's something about it.
And yet I use my voice loads.
I'm a performer, I'm an actress.
I do podcasts, I write, so I'mnot scared of using my voice.
But there is some kind of woundand I refer to that as the witch

(06:51):
wound, which, which I talk aboutwith Nessie.
So without further delay, wewant to get on with this because
she's amazing and we have somuch to talk about and I can't
wait to share it with you.
So here is the fabulous andgorgeous Nessie Gomez.

Jolie (07:12):
Whereabouts

Nessi Gomes (07:13):
little moment.
We, I'm in Guernsey.
I'm in uh,

Jolie (07:17):
I live

I live down in Mullen where, I dunno if you
know Guernsey much or like ifyou, Mullen white's a really
beautiful part of the island.
It's very witchy.

Jolie (07:26):
it.

It's where, they have this tea room called the
Renoir Tea Rooms down thebottom.
it's a really beautiful part ofthe island.
It's so special.

Jolie (07:37):
it

I love it

Jolie (07:37):
or west?

South.
I'm rubbish with all that kindof stuff,

Jolie (07:41):
but it's not in St.
Peter port.
It's further down.

It is five minutes away from St.
Peter Port.
It's super close, which isgreat.

Jolie (07:49):
Yay.

so I'm here, I'm going to LA tomorrow.
I'm flying for a few days.
And, then back on Monday.
I have a little bit of time, soit's great.

Jolie (08:01):
I really

Thank you.
I this.
Oh, babe, what Oh, thank you.

Jolie (08:04):
in la?

What

Jolie (08:05):
I'm.

So there's this guy called Charlie Goldsmith and he
contacted me, I don't know, itwas really quite recently,
probably six weeks ago.
He contacted me via Instagram.
Saying that he really loved mymusic and that he does a lot of
healing work and he would loveto invite me to join him for one

(08:29):
of his events.
I was a bit skeptical in thebeginning'cause I was like, okay
not sure.
And then Leno, my husband, hechecked into it.
He is no, this guy's legit.
And he's he's a proper healerdude.
Like he's working with, he'sworking with so many people.
And he's got a US TV seriescalled The Healer,

Jolie (08:51):
where

where they follow him around and he's working with
all sorts from children to olderpeople dealing with chronic
physical pain he's literallyputting his hands on them and
managing to support and healtheir.
issues, which is pretty amazing.
I've always been a bit skepticalof all that stuff, but he seems

(09:14):
legit and he's a really niceguy.
I'm going over to la He's gotthis event on the 15th.
It's 300 people.
It's like a large groupmeditation, healing event.
And I'm playing for about anhour.

Jolie (09:30):
wow.

He's bringing a few people up and I don't know if
I'm playing when he's working onthem or, but He looks super
ordinary.
He doesn't have any flashy gearand, he's Australian, but he
lives in la.
I've never done anything likethat before, so it feels really
exciting.

Jolie (09:46):
And have you been to LA before?

I've been to LA a few times actually, but the last
time I was there, I think it wasin 2019 when my daughter was
four or five months old, and Ihad a gig in Hollywood in some
really cool little venue, andshe was asleep in my guitar
case.

(10:10):
I've actually got photos ofthat.
And it's a very, it was verysweet, but it was like this tiny
little kind of, I think it waslike 200 people in this like
venue live music venue.
Very cool though.
Like really nice place.
And, but I think that's the lasttime I've been there.
I can't remember.
But I do really like the states.
there's a good vibe there,

Jolie (10:31):
it's quite, it's

Yeah.
It's quite, it's

Jolie (10:32):
got a

Yeah.

Jolie (10:33):
we don't, we are

Which you don't, you're Yeah.
I do like the character and, Ilike all that stuff, they have
amazing little cafes It's likebeing in a movie when you go
there.
Like I know.
Not all of America's like that.
I'm sure.
There's parts that are justreally dark and fucked up,
whatever.
But when I went to la, I think Iwent to Venice.

(10:56):
And I remember walking down thestreet and it was just, I felt
like I'd taken acid or something'cause it, everything seemed so
animated, but I really, I've gotso many American friends and I
really love them.
they've got something aboutthem,

Jolie (11:10):
I

I

Jolie (11:11):
time

spent some time

Jolie (11:13):
which I absolutely loved.
New

absolutely loved morning amazing and just

Jolie (11:17):
coming out of the

music with all bars

Jolie (11:19):
Coke

it felt like

Jolie (11:20):
Like I,

advert.

Jolie (11:21):
hot

it got really

Jolie (11:22):
rain came out and we were dancing in the street it Was
amazing.
It is.
It's

yeah.
It's just such.

Jolie (11:27):
talks.
They'll just be like, so blonde.

So blonde.
They're just funny.
Like you just get some propercharacters out there.
Do you know what I mean?
And back in the day, like a verylong time ago, I spent some
months working there legally,like trimming ganja.

Jolie (11:44):
brilliant.

Which I was really shit at, thank God.
But yeah, I didn't do very goodat that job, but again, I just,
and that was like Santa Cruz.
I dunno if you've ever been toSanta.

Jolie (11:55):
I've been there and I,

Yeah.
And that's

Jolie (11:57):
do as well.
I

about that job.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have a bit Ihave a soft spot for America.
I know America's vast, but atleast the places that I've been
to I've really enjoyed it and.
Yeah, so I'm looking forward toit.
Let's see how it all goes when Iget there,

Jolie (12:12):
And so you're still based

and so.

Jolie (12:14):
how, talk about your Guernsey life, like how you grew
up there and,

up there, grew grew and then

Jolie (12:21):
to

left from there.

Jolie (12:22):
or

You lived elsewhere

Jolie (12:23):
story?

So my family originally from Madeira and they
immigrated to Guernsey probablyin the sixties.
So I was born and raised here.
And to be honest, when I grew uphere, I actually found it really
challenging.
I guess'cause people didn'ttravel as much, it wasn't like
it is now where people are waymore open-minded and educated

(12:46):
and I just remember being atschool and I guess whatever your
situation is as a kid, youprobably get shit for it.
growing up here was challenging'cause, being Portuguese, even
though I was born here, I alwaysfelt like I didn't belong here.
I always felt like something wasnot right with me.

(13:06):
And'cause there was, I guessthere was a lot more
discrimination and racism backthen, and maybe that still
exists, but I don't think it'sas bad.
I love that Guernsey's reallycosmopolitan these days.
we have a, a lot of people fromAfrica here.
We've got a growing community ofFilipinos, and so I guess

(13:27):
because of Brexit andeverything.
But I just love, I love howGuernsey's become really diverse
culturally.
I was born here and then.
You know at one point, becauseyou are an island kid, you wanna
get off the rock.
So I went traveling from the ageof 18, 19 for a few years to

(13:48):
Asia.
It was either go to universityor go traveling.
when I was about 24, I decidedto study.
At Derby University.
And I studied like healing arts,so I did creative expressive
therapies for three years, I gotinto music when I was about 14
and it wasn't because I wantedto be a professional singer.

(14:10):
It was more like, I think Imight have mentioned this a
little bit in the vocal odysseythat music was my way to heal
myself, That was what I wasreally fascinated with.
And so I left Guernsey for someyears.
I was back in the summer andholidays, but I was living in
the UK for three years and thenI came back after uni, was here

(14:31):
for a couple more years, andthen I decided to travel again
when I was 28 and went to SouthAmerica and then, which is an
amazing.
A kind of part of the world,super mystical and witchy.
And, And then I ended up livingin Costa Rica for three years

(14:51):
where I met my husband I wasliving in a community called
Hamama, which is a very kind ofalternative community like.
I hate all these buzzwords, butit was like a spiritual
community yoga medicineceremonies body cleansing

(15:12):
therapy workshops, meditationand silent retreats.
It was that kind of culturethere.
I was there for three years.
My husband was there for like 12years He said, I think it's time
to move and leave so we cameback to England we didn't really
know where we were gonna settle.
But then when I got pregnantwith my daughter in 2019, I said

(15:36):
to Lena, I don't wanna benomadic anymore.
I really need a base, especiallybeing pregnant and I wanna be
close to my family so it feltreally important, I've seen so
much and I've traveled a lotwith the music to many different
places in the world.
And I just love being an islandgirl.
Every time I set foot back home,the moment I get off the plane,

(15:58):
I just feel like my wholenervous system just goes, oh,

Jolie (16:02):
Yeah.

And I don't see myself living anywhere else and
I've, I've been really blessedto see so many different parts
of the world.
But I just love it here,'causemy family is still here I think
bringing up a kid here is reallygreat as well because it's so
safe and quiet and pace of lifeis different and everything's on
your doorstep.

(16:23):
when I lived in London back in2016, that's when I was
recording my album.
I lived there for like a yearand a half and it was fun in the
beginning'cause it's a noveltyand London's really juicy, but
long term God, I think it wouldjust eat me alive It's just too
much, but yeah, so I've lived indifferent places, but Guernsey's

(16:45):
really, I just feel like aproper island girl,

Jolie (16:48):
I

So.
Oh,

Jolie (16:49):
it

definitely I,

Jolie (16:49):
Guernsey to sar.
I get off the boat in

yeah,

Jolie (16:52):
Oh it's

Wells is even slower, isn't it?
It's like you don't even havecars there.

Jolie (16:58):
Yeah, it's mad.
I,

Yeah,

Jolie (16:59):
busy here.

I'm always busy, but it's very community based,

Jolie (17:03):
We're always up to

but that's amazing

Jolie (17:05):
exactly.
Yeah.

That's awesome.
Like I've always been curiousabout people living in Sark we
came over to Sark back in thesummer and it was Leno's first
time going there I just thinkit's so cute.
I love it.
I even thought maybe I mightjust pop over to Sark for a week
and just go on a little retreatwith myself,

Jolie (17:25):
I think it's perfect

When I'm home, I have so many distractions.
I've got my kid, I'm such aprocrastinator and I love being
in my house and finding thingsto do and tidy and clean and
decorate it can really pull meout of doing what I need to do,
which is write a new album.
That's where I'm at right nowand I keep having these little.
Moments.
Go sock.

(17:46):
Just go sock.
It's really close.
You jump on a boat and like justrent somewhere for a week and
take your guitar and writingstuff be with yourself, turn off
the wifi,

Jolie (17:57):
Yeah,

it could be a good place to do that.

Jolie (17:59):
it's perfect.
And for writing,'cause

For writing,

Jolie (18:02):
I do

I write books and I do exactly that, especially two
weeks.

Jolie (18:05):
carry

Uh, I can carry on editing.

Jolie (18:08):
on it afterwards,

I had to take myself away and stop that two
weeks where I focused.

Jolie (18:12):
Properly in there

Yeah.

Jolie (18:13):
so that I, yeah,

So that I, yeah.

Jolie (18:15):
the voice and, get it going and then I can work on it
a bit more.
But yeah.

Yeah.
No, totally.

Jolie (18:21):
career take off?
the moment where you were like,oh my, this is actually

So I got into music at a young age, probably around
about 14, 15 actually.
I started with poetry.
That's how I started was I waswriting a lot.
I wasn't singing or anythinglike that.
And then, back then peopledidn't have social media and
Instagram and Snapchat and allthat kind of stuff.
People were, I just remember alot of friends being in bands.

(18:48):
And like at the weekend, peoplewill be like having like band
practice in their garages.
a friend of mine, he was in aband and he knew I was writing
poetry and he wants to use itfor his like, band set up.
And then he said, look, I knowyou don't do any singing, but if
you could sing your songs giveit a try.

(19:09):
Anyway, I got into it fromthere.
And fell in love with it.
I just remember it making mefeel so good and I wasn't even
good at it.
I was all right, considering Ihad no practice or training or
any musical background orknowledge.
that really ignited a bigpassion.
For many years I wasexperimenting and I was in many

(19:31):
different bands.
I was in a funk band for fiveyears in Guernsey, called Dave.

Jolie (19:36):
Oh, I've heard of

I found Dave.

Jolie (19:38):
that still going?

I know they probably do some gigs here and
there, but I used to play so wewere solid for five years.
I probably joined them when Iwas 19 we did so many types of
gigs and were getting booked forall sorts of wedding events and
playing in pubs it was reallyfun, because I was in all these
grungy emo bands beforehand,which I loved.

(20:00):
what I really loved about thefunk music was that it got
everybody dancing it was fun andplayful and we were having such
a laugh with it Carefree LittleRascals.

Jolie (20:12):
Do you

Do you think the EY music is pretty free?

Jolie (20:15):
I'm very impressed with it.

I think it's amazing, and I think we're very
blessed over here to have such arich music culture.
I used to play a lot at the VailEarth fairs.
Which is still going, which isamazing.
And what I love about that, orjust in general in Guernsey, is
like there's so many differenteclectic types of genres.

(20:38):
It's, there's, it's a realmixture.
And I think that can be such agreat influence as an artist
that you're not just stuck toone kind of genre that you can
really, play around with them.
I think we're very lucky hereand it was such a great starting
point for me because, I did myfirst gig when I was like 15 at

(21:00):
Christie's Bistro Cafe Bar, andI was lying about my age back
then'cause I wanted to obviouslyget a gig.
I was singing all these reallycheesy covers, like Lady in Red
and shit, it was just a greatplatform and we were very
blessed because everything's onyour doorstep.
I dunno what that's like in theuk.

(21:22):
I guess it's a bit harder, ifyou are trying to

Jolie (21:25):
I grew up in

Yeah, I grew up in s

Jolie (21:27):
we used to

in Essex.
We used to sit around and JackYeah.

Jolie (21:30):
jam with each other and we'd all hang out and stuff.
But there wasn't any

there wasn't any dry for us to go out.

Jolie (21:35):
was

There

Jolie (21:36):
metal

a metal grunge

Jolie (21:38):
that was in the

venue that was in the next town

Jolie (21:40):
that's where anyone who

and that's where anyone who got into the band
that went to, but it was all

Jolie (21:44):
was

grunged.
Everyone, if anyone's playingabout it, they were playing
grunge.

Jolie (21:47):
But,

yeah.
But

Jolie (21:48):
wasn't the eclecticness

eclectic,

Jolie (21:50):
vibrant

as vibrant.

Jolie (21:52):
you'd

Brighton,

Jolie (21:53):
it to

where you'd expect it to be thriving.

Jolie (21:55):
had

We

Jolie (21:56):
in

had friends who were in bands and were
musicians, but they'd go off

Jolie (22:00):
they'd have

practice and then they'd have a gig and we'd go
watch them, but it wasn't aroundus.
And whenever I go to like SouthCorp or anywhere like that,
where

Jolie (22:07):
culturally

much more culturally just part of everyday
life to justing the music, Ifeel like in the uk everything
needs to be polished and burned

Jolie (22:15):
anybody.

present it to anybody.

Jolie (22:16):
Like whatever it is, you have to be perfect.
And.
before you it to anyone.
Whereas, yeah, it feels

Yeah,

Jolie (22:25):
a lot more European and South American and it's absolute
freedom to do stuff.

absolutely.
And I think, I'm so gratefulthat I was able to grow as an
artist here because it's reallyshaped me and supported my
development I did Battle of theBands a few weeks ago.
I was one of the judges and it'sincredible to see all this young
talent, it's really inspiringand so beautiful to see that

(22:52):
it's still alive and presenthere.
my cousin lives in Jersey, andmaybe I'm wrong in saying this.
I'm pretty sure he said themusic scene in Guernsey's way
better than Jersey it's a lotmore vibrant.
There's more venues to play inGuernsey than there are in
Jersey, which I was alwaysreally surprised about because I
just assumed with Jersey beingat that bit bigger that they

(23:15):
would have the same kind ofculture, but apparently not.
my cousin loves coming over forVail or doing gigs at the UE or
whatever, you know?
that was kind of like my, myfoundation.
when I went to uni, I waslearning about music therapy,
but a lot of what I was doing inthat course was improvisation,

Jolie (23:35):
which is

was really, another branch to my tree, because all
the music I had been doing wascovers, and I had experimented.
A little bit with writing my ownsongs, but university gave me
another foundation that was howto find my own voice when I was
in a funk band I remembered thatit's really natural when you're
younger and developing as anartist that.

(23:59):
You are still in the phase ofimitating, I think that's
healthy.
I don't think there's anythingwrong with that.
But there was a point where it'slike, I wanna find my voice,
like where is my voice and howdoes she express herself and
what are the songs that shewants to sing?
So university, that coursereally helped me explore that.
Yeah, so then I went to uni Ialways just imagined music was

(24:24):
gonna be like a hobby.
I did get paid for the gigs thatI did in Guernsey, but nothing
that I could make a living outof.
And then it was when I went toCosta Rica.
I'd been traveling already for ayear until I went to Costa Rica
and when I ended up living therein this community, it was the
first time that I I guessexperimented of plant medicines

(24:47):
because that was an element ofPetri mama.
Like we would have a lot ofceremonies, whether they were
like.
I ask her ceremonies oranything, and this was like 15
years ago, I came across allthat stuff in Peru, but I was
like, I don't know if I reallywanna sit down with some random
person that I don't know, takingpsychedelics.

(25:09):
I was intrigued, but I wasn'treally pulled at that point.
But when I ended up goingthrough pama.
I didn't know that they didceremonies there.
I signed up just for a five weekwork exchange program and then I
ended up meeting my husband onthe final week when I was meant
to leave.

(25:29):
Which is typical, isn't it?

Jolie (25:30):
the way.

I remember when I did my first ayahuasca ceremony
it blew my mind and mycreativity, it influenced my art
in such a profound way, evenguiding me with how to express
my voice.
I had been writing a lot ofsongs during that time when it
came to leave.

(25:52):
my husband was like, okay, Ithink our story here is come to
an end.
He'd been there already like 12,13 years.
we left with the vision ofmaking an album from all the
songs.
I came back to London and we dida crowdfunding campaign and

(26:12):
raised like 50.
$50,000 for the album.
Yeah.
Which is pretty mad like thatfor me, that was the first sign
that I was like, okay, I thinkI'm doing something right here.
Like it was a sign fromexistence because I had a lot of
resistance in the beginning,mainly because I didn't believe
in myself and I felt like sucha.

(26:36):
What's the word When somebodyfeels like an imposter.

Jolie (26:40):
Imposter syndrome.
Yeah,

Yeah.
it was so intense during thatperiod when I was making the
album and the songs it was waymore than just making an album.
It was like burning all theseold stories that I had carried
with me all my life.
through the process of making analbum, I had to face these
intense shadows of myself therewas a rebirth in that process,

(27:04):
and then I made this album andput it out in 2016.
It came out and did its thing Ithink a lot of people connected
to it in the medicine kind ofceremonial world.
A lot of people were playingthis album during ceremonies.

(27:25):
A lot of people discovered mymusic through that.
And then I think what made iteven bigger was during Covid,
because obviously Covid waspretty rubbish for us because we
couldn't travel and we couldn'tgather and I couldn't tour and I
couldn't do any gigs andcouldn't do anything.
And I know a lot of people werein similar situations where.

(27:47):
Their work got really affected.
But because people were indoors,more people were listening to
music than normal, yeah, mynumbers doubled during Covid,

Jolie (27:59):
I think that's

you know, I think that's when I,

Jolie (28:01):
sure that's when I found you as well.

well,

Jolie (28:04):
Before I

I knew your music before I knew who you were.
So when people were like,

Jolie (28:07):
in Guernsey, I checked who you are and listened to
music.
I

You You were, and I listened to me like, oh, I've
got loads of music in my,

Jolie (28:13):
listening to you

hilarious.

Jolie (28:15):
But

yeah, it's definitely locked down.

Jolie (28:16):
I had been hearing

I've probably been hearing you already, but it's
when I,

Jolie (28:19):
and started to remember the songs and Sing along to them

yeah.

Jolie (28:22):
Yeah.

Oh yeah.
So it's done its own thing, Imade an album and it's the first
album I've ever made.
for me, when I did it, I waslike that.
It was because it was such aintense process for myself, I
just felt like I'd alreadysucceeded in the fact that I
made it, and then everythingelse that followed it went on
its own little journey and Ifeel really grateful and blessed

(28:49):
Was listened to by so manypeople, and people resonated
with it.
that was also one of the thingspeople shared with me getting
private messages and peoplesharing that.
My songs made them feel likethey gave them permission to
feel what they felt, because.
My songs is really, I guessthey're very raw and they're not

(29:11):
sugarcoated in ultra positive,fluffy spiritual stuff.
I'm a spiritual person, but Idon't like to wave that flag
around.
It feels like a really privaterelationship I feel very touched
to know that my songs werecompanions to people, during

(29:32):
difficult moments in their life,because

Jolie (29:34):
You

that's where a lot of these songs came from.

Jolie (29:36):
got so much

You've so much,

Jolie (29:38):
and it's something that I

and it's something I used to love about Nirvana,
like they wouldn't literally saystuff that made sense.
Yeah.

Jolie (29:45):
And as an angsty teenager, you could just let

Let

Jolie (29:47):
and just go

Rick and just go

Jolie (29:49):
room to

in the living room and see this song

Jolie (29:51):
And it's the

that didn't make any sense.
Yeah.
It's the same with music.
It's like, it's not necessarilylike the,

Jolie (29:55):
some

Some storyline lyrics.
It's that you are all just

Jolie (29:58):
immersed

absolutely

Jolie (30:00):
and it's

in that feeling and it's capturing how and

Jolie (30:02):
does.
Yeah.
I just

it does.
Yeah, I just feel like I'msinging sort of building song.
I'm singing the wild part ofthemselves.
I love that.

Jolie (30:09):
which is

Thank you.

Jolie (30:10):
powerful in lockdown because we weren't able to be
outside, and it gave us thatfreedom to

It's that freedom

Jolie (30:15):
with that part of ourselves when we

part.

Jolie (30:17):
indoors.

Yeah I think for me, feeling is the first
ingredient.
I've got one song called FallingBirds on my album and I have no
clue what it's about.
when I started writing thatsong, it was after I was
immersed in a 10 day silentretreat.

Jolie (30:37):
Just

playing the guitar and got into this trance-like
state and then

Jolie (30:41):
literally

just visions and imagery was coming and I was
just singing what was revealingitself.
And I don't really know.
Maybe there's little lines thatI can associate with and be
like, I know what that's about,I dunno what it's about as a
whole song, but I love how itfeels and I love the journey of
that song, but feeling isreally, I think also because

(31:05):
growing up and listening to alot of Portuguese folk music, my
grandmother loved fado music,which is typical Portuguese folk
music.
And it's all about feeling, it'sall about the emotion and the
nostalgia Even though I'm notsinging traditional fado music,
I feel like that DNA isdefinitely embedded in my music.

(31:28):
when I have played someconcerts, people that are
familiar with that type ofmusic, recognize it in mine.
when people come to me and say,oh, I really hear the fado in
your music, I find that such acompliment, because it's really
like my lineage and my DNA So itfeels really special

Jolie (31:47):
I think a lot of things that I do or talk about with
people come back to the land,

contact to the land.
It seems like the man is soclean

Jolie (31:54):
separated

we're so separated from the,

Jolie (31:56):
we don't realize how much

but we don't realize how much it does us,

Jolie (31:58):
it's to our, it's where our solars come

where our soul has come from.
It's actually

Jolie (32:03):
But Part

EY as well, but

Jolie (32:04):
we're

that we, yeah,

Jolie (32:07):
a card?

Let's do a card.

Jolie (32:24):
Excellent.
So there might be a bit of a

So there might be a bit of a delay, I'll try and get
the card that you want.
Okay?

Jolie (32:30):
tell me when to stop.

Stop.

Jolie (32:34):
So this is disappointment.
So where have you feltdisappointment in your life?
Where has that come up?

Hey, getting right in there.
Disappointment.
Oh, I think for me,disappointment, I felt a lot of
disappointment last year I wentthrough something really intense
with my family.
We went through a big tragedyit, was in the news and

(33:04):
everything was very public aboutit.
Not about my familyspecifically, but I think as an
artist there's a lot of pressurepeople think because you have a
platform that you shouldautomatically be raising your
voice.
And because this particularthing had affected me so

(33:25):
personally, it was very hard tomeet my voice.
It was actually the first timethat I found myself in a place
where I felt like my voice hadgone silent.
it was confronting because ofthe work I do with the voice and
because I'm a musician this wasalways my safe space, I think
there was a lot of pressure fromthe outside world having certain

(33:48):
expectations of me as an artistand how I should put my voice
out there.
And I guess that made me feeldisappointed, there is a lot of
emphasis on raising your voice,It is tricky.
It's a tricky thing and we haveto honor people in where they're
at in their life and we neverknow what journey people are

(34:09):
going through, some people havemore of a privilege to raise
their voice than others, and Ichose to not raise my voice as a
way to protect my family.
But yeah I felt a lot ofdisappointment last year in that
sense.
So disappointment has beenreally a big thing in my life in
the last year and a half,

Jolie (34:30):
I'm

But not I'm feeling

Jolie (34:31):
global

a lot with global

Jolie (34:32):
'cause I'm in

because I'm in the piece here, I'm in the
government tech, and

Jolie (34:37):
been happening

something's been happening where I feel like

Jolie (34:41):
of the

a microcosm of the macro going on, and there's like
false, smooth, Fake news andthings happening.
Where I feel like I need to saysomething, I need to speak up.
But as soon as I do, it

Jolie (34:51):
and,

Makes this a target and it make me like,

Jolie (34:53):
And then at the

and then at the same time I'm like, if I can't
do this in the micro, then

Jolie (34:59):
anything

how am I meant to do anything in the micro?
And I want to

Jolie (35:01):
And I want to

use my voice and I then

Jolie (35:04):
anything

how am I meant to do anything in the micro?
And I want to

Jolie (35:06):
and I want to

use my voice and I want to speak up, I feel like
the witch wound feeling that weare silenced and that it's scary
to speak out.

Jolie (35:15):
And there's something that I have experienced myself
where I kind of got witch hunted

of got

Jolie (35:20):
years ago,

a years ago,

Jolie (35:21):
ironically, at a tutor reenactment.

at a

Jolie (35:23):
Sorry.
It felt very witchy,

felt

Jolie (35:25):
Where I realized that.

realized

Jolie (35:28):
I wasn't saying that these people are necessarily
evil, but evil was proactive.

is

Jolie (35:31):
If people are trying to mess with you,

to

Jolie (35:33):
then they're actively doing it.
They're whispering in people'sears, they're dropping poison
into people's ears.
They're

people's

Jolie (35:39):
people's egos like they're manipulating the
situation.
And if you are not bothered, oryou know, if you're just going
back your everyday life being anormal person,

normal

Jolie (35:47):
not doing any of that.

are not

Jolie (35:49):
And so you realize that.

you

Jolie (35:51):
People have been turned, or, situations suddenly occurred
and you see how a witch

we

Jolie (35:55):
craze could suddenly happen because

happen because.

Jolie (35:58):
someone said that's what's going on.
the more you try and defendyourself the more it seems

You

Jolie (36:02):
untrue.

seems

Jolie (36:03):
it was just really shocking to experience that.
And I see it brewing here.
I can see bullying and

bullying and

Jolie (36:09):
happening I'm,

happening

Jolie (36:10):
that I need to speak up, but as soon as I do, it puts us
in the firing line and that'sreally scary,

and I think that's the thing as well.
Like we've lost this ability tojust be able to communicate
Having a safe space to use ourvoice because there's always
this encouragement like, yeah,use your voice, speak up, and
then you will get demonized ifyou do use your

Jolie (36:32):
Yeah.

If your voice doesn't fit the narrative, you
will get demonized.
that's where I was at.
my voice would not necessarilyfit the narrative I think we've
just lost this ability to heareach other out There are these
varied feelings and experiences.
The way we relate to certainthings in life is all very

(36:53):
different, We live in this pointof time where, you get canceled
if you are not saying the rightthing or if your story doesn't
fit the narrative, or, justthink that's really sad.
I think it's really unhealthy.
I think to find compassion andwe need to find patience and
safety where we're at all.

(37:14):
If it's not about us or aboutsomething that we see in the
world, And to still find thatcommon ground, even if our
points are, coming fromdifferent angles.

Jolie (37:25):
Absolutely.

I find that really, I guess that's a disappointment.

Jolie (37:29):
yeah.

And

Jolie (37:30):
It's exactly what I feel disappointed at, because the
thing that I loved when I movedhere

love

Jolie (37:34):
was the I'D lived for 20 years in Brighton

years in

Jolie (37:37):
was surrounded by, An echo chamber who all were right
at the forefront of liberalideals and,

ideas

Jolie (37:44):
Political correctness and pushing boundaries.
And it was brilliant,

and

Jolie (37:47):
but we were all on the same page.
And then to move here and be inamongst a community where we've
got billionaires, Tobin men, andsun readers.
To all of the different types ofpeople that are not people I've
had any interaction with for 20years.

for

Jolie (38:01):
And we all get on and we all love the island and we all
love living with each other andwe look after each other and
yeah, I'm one of the islandweirdos, but that's fine.
I was back in Essex as well

back in

Jolie (38:10):
and I'm used to that.
But just to be part of thatworld, like we all love each
other and we're all each other'sweirdos and that's fine, when it
starts feeling like there's shitstaring going on and

stir

Jolie (38:19):
manipulation of the situation, you're like, why are
you doing this?
Because if we work together,

work

Jolie (38:24):
then we're going to, we be a beacon of light in what is
otherwise a really dark world.
Whereas actually what it feelslike is

what

Jolie (38:30):
the poisons seeping in here and it's turning things
here, and I just, I wanna tryand fight that somehow.
And it does feel like if you cando it in your little pixel,

in your

Jolie (38:38):
then that should affect the bigger picture.
But it's how to do it without.

How to do it without,

Jolie (38:42):
Making your life a misery.

Sorry.
I hear you.

Jolie (38:45):
Yeah.

you.

Jolie (38:47):
We'll do another card.
If you enjoy this podcast, thenplease consider supporting me on
Patreon, which is patreon.com/joRose.
It's.

(39:07):
A way that I would love to earna living, living on this tiny
little rock.
And I was talking today tosomeone where I was saying,
yeah, I managed to live as anartist for 20 years.
She'd gone to ballet school andwe're talking about how hard it
is to carve out a career in thearts.
Even if you are an amazingballet dancer and you do really
well at ballet school, doesn'tmean you're gonna get a career.

(39:29):
And, um, she hadn't ended up.
With a career as a dancer.
And I said, well, yeah.
I managed to, eke out a careeras a performing artist for 20
years.
She said, oh, congratulations.
And I was like, yeah.
Then I moved to Sock and now I'ma barmaid and I'm not.
I said, I'm, I'm moving intowriting more and doing the
podcast and I absolutely love.
Doing this.
And if I could make this work asa full-time job, that would be

(39:52):
incredible.
'cause it takes time to do it.
Wouldn't just be this, it'd bethis and writing.
And, you know, I, I put out lotsof offerings for people to
enjoy, including the moonceremonies and my video blogs
and articles I put in theGuernsey press I hold women's
circles here on the island.
On the whole, I try to make myofferings available for free so

(40:13):
that anyone can join.
There are things that I docharge for, but the majority of
the work I put out is for free.
And I do this so that it can beaccessible to everybody, and
therefore, if you have got.
Some surplus funds, which I knowincreasingly people have less
and less of.
I totally appreciate that.
But if you do have just threepound a month, like you would

(40:35):
buy me a coffee to say thank youfor the podcast, then you can
support me over at Patreon withjust the three pound a month
tier.
There's also a nine pound amonth tier where you get the
videos for the podcast andtoday's podcasts video's.
Great.
Nessie is so expressive.
It's actually really fun towatch.
I enjoy watching them.
So you can.
Pay a bit extra and, and get thevideos, but I also, uh, put up

(40:57):
other content and you getdiscounts on my workshops and,
and the things that I do chargefor.
And you get the lovely warm glowof knowing that you are putting.
Things out for other peoplethat, means that they get things
for free and get to enjoy themfor free.
I also, have some otherofferings that are coming up,
which include Beltane onSaturday, the 3rd of May, and

(41:19):
this is.
Not free during the day, but bydonation.
And that money goes to theProfessor Saint Fund, which
covers our costs for ourprescriptions here on the
island.
And the evenings, it's 35 poundsto come along, and that's to
cover the cost of the bands andfor all of the lovely things
that we.
Put on for you.
It's a brilliant day.
We burn a wicker man.
We have Morris dancing, we havemaple dancing, and it's just a

(41:42):
such a wonderful celebration ofthe island at her finest.
Covered in blue bells and threecornered leak.
Little white flowers like snowdrops.
The whole island is alive.
I've been swimming every daythis week.
It is glorious.
So do come if you're able to,it's worth traveling for.
It's worth traveling from the UKfor, highly recommend it.
It is such a special day.

(42:03):
So that's on Saturday, the 3rdof May ticket.
It's still available, althoughwe are running low and then we
have.
the Kooky Club on the 24th ofApril, which I've got a very
exciting surprise guest.
I always love it when I find outwho the surprise guest is.
I'm looking forward to this onea lot.
And you can get the tickets forthat on, Eventbrite Kooky Club.
that's for Guernsey folk.
And then my offering, that isavailable for anyone anywhere is

(42:27):
the witch fall You Course thatstarts at the end of May.
This is the deepest work that Ido, supporting people to find
their archetype and.
It's, I can't really get acrosshow nourishing this work is and
what a benefit it has been to mylife.
I realized that too much choicemade me a bit depressed, and I
didn't really know what I wasdoing and where I was going.

(42:48):
and by having the blueprint ofyour archetype.
it's not that it takes away thechoice'cause you can do whatever
you want, but it gives you ablueprint for what you are.
Textures are, what your colorschemes are, what your season
is, what your outfits are, whatthe, your, what's the lineage
that you are part of, and itjust gives you permission to

(43:10):
fully own that.
And I have found that incrediblyuseful.
And I, and really I do itthoroughly, enjoy it.
And I have planets that aremine.
And so when movements in theplanets and in astrology are
happening.
It feels like they're talking tome specifically because I feel
connected to that planet.
it just gives me a bit ofguidance in what is otherwise

(43:32):
complete nonsense and chaos and,holding through space on a lump
of rock.
Is it any of it?
True?
I don't care.
It is whatever gets you throughthe night, eh, so you can't
polish a turd, but you can rollit in glitter.
And this is the glitter that Ihave rolled my life in, I am a
sparkly pool.
So that's my final offer.
And now back.
To the show.

let's bring it

Jolie (44:04):
Yeah.
Let's see what we get next.

see what we get

Jolie (44:07):
this is the Night of Swords.

of Swords.

Jolie (44:09):
this is an air sign, which is to do with thinking and
ideas but it's very swift,

it's

Jolie (44:15):
so he swiftly, it's almost like a dragonfly.

like a dragon

Jolie (44:18):
So what feels inspiring you and cutting through

cutting

Jolie (44:21):
the nonsense at the moment.

sorts.

Jolie (44:23):
he's got this sword out and he's just able to cut
through anything that's holdinghim back.

that's

Jolie (44:29):
Sort of the opposite of disappointment, really,

Disapp

Jolie (44:31):
it feels like you're flying.

I guess using my art really.
I was getting very emotionalabout what was happening last
year.
my husband was like, put it intoyour art because you can just
find yourself in this endlesspit of opinions and Dark forces
or whatever, and it's just likewhenever you feel something, use
it.

(44:52):
Put your art there, bring yourart into the picture.
So I guess that's my inspirationand that's helping me.
Get out of this kind of intensemind maze,

Jolie (45:04):
It's what worked for you in the first place, isn't it?
It's what helped you in thefirst place

know, it's funny because it exactly that, and I
forget,

Jolie (45:11):
we all do.

oh yeah.

Jolie (45:12):
oh, I love doing yoga every morning.

Yeah.
that's why I love writing know,It is funny how we can be on
this path for so many years andyet I can still be forgetful I
can get so distracted from allthe nonsense in life.
I can get so triggered aboutcertain things my mission right
now is to.
Stop putting that energy outwhere it's like all these

(45:35):
leakages then focus it in andturn it into something poetic
and beautiful.
Turn that pain frustration andgrief into poetry art and music
maybe what I create in the nearfuture.
It might not necessarily touchanybody in the same way the last
album did, but I don't care.

(45:55):
Actually.
To be honest, when I wrote thatalbum anyway, it was for me, I
never write for an audience.
I, that's never like on my kindof priority list.
Of course, I want people to lovemy music.
I would be lying if I didn't saythat.
I want people to love what I do,but I just need to be true to
myself and stay with.

(46:16):
My authenticity and maybe peoplemight not enjoy that but for me,
I I think that's what's helpingme with the sword.

Jolie (46:24):
it sounds like it.
Yeah, absolutely.
my theater practice is a fooland we always call, put it in
the play.

put it in the

Jolie (46:30):
And it is that thing of, that's why art is so wonderful
is it stops it being the dramain your life and you take it and
you put it into your artwork andthen it's a healing, and then
it's gold.
that's why we're alchemists.
We're turning that lead intogold, If you haven't got that,
then you're just filling yourlife of drama all day long, and
it.
It festers and so it is a reallywonderful thing.

thing.

Jolie (46:50):
I.

see that with my dad, bless him.
Like he's in his eighties and helistens to two radio stations at
the same time.
He is got LBC, like banging inone ear and he is got, I don't
know b, C World news and theother ear like.
He can be.
He can be really negative aboutthings and I just think if he

(47:11):
was able to put his energy inbecause he was an artist at one
he's very artistic, I think.
I think for all of us really,whenever we have this pent up
energy, it's just put it intosomething creative.
It doesn't have to be music, itdoesn't have to be painting.
It can be like making a Being inyour garden and arranging the

(47:32):
flower bed or just using ourhands, being in nature getting
out of the head and out of thisfield that just wants to
distract you and throw you intoall these imaginary
distractions.

Jolie (47:44):
Absolutely.
It's the great distractor.

the great

Jolie (47:46):
The great distractor is the absolute

the

Jolie (47:48):
enemy and is the commodity that they're trying to
get us to buy into constantly.
the more we are being distractedby scrolling scrolling or or
whatever it is, I.
We're consuming, and the morewe're doing that they're
slipping in their narrative.
There's a narrative that we'rebeing fed, and then there is,

and

Jolie (48:04):
and this is the music we listen to, and this is the
things that we buy, and this isthe food that you eat.
And anything that's outside ofthat is what is that?
it exists just as much asanything else does, but it's not
being talked about in themainstream media.
And so you've not heard of it,but it doesn't mean it's not any
more part of reality thananything else's.
Let's do the last card.

on I know.
it's constant,

Jolie (48:23):
you

always trying to make myself use my phone less
and a constant thing.
if I wasn't needing my socialmedias for my music I would be
out

Jolie (48:32):
Yeah, me too.

delete all my apps, but I need

Jolie (48:36):
Yeah.

it's okay, I've got manage this really carefully and
I'm not always managing itcarefully.
I can waste my timesignificantly Yeah.

Jolie (48:46):
Anyone gets anything done, to

Oh God.

Jolie (48:56):
Here we go.

Okay.
All righty.

Jolie (48:59):
got death, the transformation card.
It's the best card, isn't it?
Yeah, it's my favorite card inthe deck.
does that mean to you?

I feel like I've been going through a death,
linked to this situation thatwe've been going through.
A lot of what we held onto hasdied, has brought up a lot of
grief, because it was.
There was many things that Icould really find myself in,
like my community and my tribeand because of this tragedy that

(49:27):
we went through, it was like allof that, went with it somehow.
I haven't really the rebirth ofit

Jolie (49:37):
Mm-hmm.

I feel like I'm still in the mud.
I'm in this Space of even likeall the things I feel like I've
become quite cynical and don'twant to lose my sense of wonder
in life or, being connected tosomething greater than myself,
I've been really in this kindof, I don't know what the word

(50:00):
is, to reshuffle things and seewhere I'm sitting in life at the
moment, what resonates and whereI need to cultivate.
Like I'm going back to PAMA in acouple of weeks.
Actually.
There's a thing called thespirit dance.
Which is like a for nightceremony.
I don't know so much about it,but I like all that witchy

Jolie (50:25):
Mm-hmm.
How did you get into it?
Yeah.
How did that come across yourpath?

I used to live in Po Mama and it was like a
mystery school.
I think that's the best way todescribe it.
It's like a mystery eco villageand I did the moon dance for
three years, which is think itoriginated from Mexico.
And we had a grandmother thattaught us this ritual.

(50:53):
you're basically dancingunderneath the moon for four
nights and singing songs.
I was on the drum for fournights and you sleep in the day.
you're dancing and praying tothe moon in your witchy gear.

Jolie (51:05):
That sounds so cool.

no.
It's

Jolie (51:08):
They have.

the moon dance is also in Switzerland now.
My friend brought it toSwitzerland.
And it's very special.

Jolie (51:16):
I'm very

connected to that world, but I've also lost
connection to it a little bit,and I don't do that stuff over
here.
I'm just busy being a mom andtaking care of my family if I'm
not at home, I'm on tour.
I just need, things in my lifethat take care of me and inspire
me and, this theme of death, Ifeel like, really just trying to

(51:40):
come out the other side and seewhat's left behind I'm not ready
to let go of certain things inmy life.
Think I lost a lot of faith, Iguess a lot.
I lost trust life to someextent.
And I'm trying to find my wayback, like it's like I hear, I
feel the pull and maybe there'sbeen many times where I've just

(52:04):
ignored that, those voices.
it's such a big part of my life,but I'm learning I don't know,

Jolie (52:11):
It's

show up differently for me, but,

Jolie (52:13):
are in the thick of it, you why it's interesting that
you had the,

interesting

Jolie (52:17):
guy,'cause gonna cut through the, the clouds and the
fog.
At some point there's some kindof cutting through.
when you are in the thick of thestorm, you, the storm's your
greatest teacher.
It always will be.
But when you are in the thick ofit, you're still learning.
You're and you can't force it toend quicker.
You have to just sit with ituntil it's finished and then you
look at it from the outside andgo,

the

Jolie (52:38):
okay, I can make some meaning from that.

meaning

Jolie (52:41):
I can find some way of understanding that.
But you need for it to fullyplay out before you can do that.

that middle card makes even more sense now it's
like being in fog and you can'tquite see clearly you get a
sense of something familiar, butit feels different and yeah.
So that, that really resonateswhat you said there.
'cause that's what I'm really,I'm in a good place.
But there's been this thingwe've been dealing with writing

(53:07):
an album about the grief andeverything will be so healing
and.
Might not resonate with anybody.
I, but I don't, not my purpose.

Jolie (53:18):
Yeah.

I feel like I just need to write this for my own
kind of

Jolie (53:23):
of everything.

Release.

Jolie (53:24):
Yeah.

Yeah.

Jolie (53:25):
And you're, you new mother as well, aren't you?
I are still in the thick ofbeing young mum.
She,

she's gonna be six.
it is getting easier becauseback in the day we were always
on the road together.
We traveled as a family right upuntil started school.
And that was actually a perfecttime because it was tough for
her, to be on the road.
it's not a holiday, andsometimes people think, wow, you
get to see so much of the world.

(53:50):
I'm like, I don't see anything.

Jolie (53:51):
Yeah.

see airports, I see venues, I see, hotel rooms, but
it's not like I'm going on avacation now for two weeks to
explore the city that I'm in.
when Bodhi was on the road, whenwe all traveled as a family, it
was hard for her to be away fromhome and not with her friends.
she's old enough, my husbandwill stay at home with her if

(54:13):
I'm on the road.
yeah, we just always had toadjust our formula accordingly,
but I am definitely a new mom toa little doggy, which I'm really
excited for.
My little dog has just joinedour family.
She's gorgeous.
I was gonna have another one,but it didn't really work out
that way.
And that's okay.
I'm actually happy.

(54:33):
I don't think Bodhi would wantto share me anyway.
She's already made it very clearthat she's not up for sharing me
with anybody, so

Jolie (54:41):
That's fair enough.
as the final thing.
Do you have a chaos crusade thatyou want to share?
Something that people could doto

could do to

Jolie (55:02):
break the matrix or stop themselves from being caught in
the distractor

with

Jolie (55:07):
way of life?

whether

Jolie (55:08):
think.

are creative or not, just use your hands, make
something for yourself or yourloved ones.
Make something for yourchildren, or be in the garden.
I feel like there's, we havethese tools.
We have our voice, we have ourbodies, we have all these
incredible kind of mediums thatwe can work with, I

Jolie (55:31):
There's so much out there that

tries to pull us away from our own internal
wisdom.
when we really get stuck intosomething,

Jolie (55:40):
I'm in that space, when I'm,

when I'm fully present in that

Jolie (55:44):
its like, get

all these downloads and this clarity

Jolie (55:47):
To do something creative, even if you don't.

think you're creative.
Everything's possible, you know?

Jolie (55:52):
Yeah, I fully agree.

I

Jolie (55:54):
I dunno how I would survive if I hadn't had creative
things to do

things

Jolie (55:58):
just going for it and not worrying about how good it is.
I think that is the thing, ispeople feeling like they're
meant to be of some quality orstandard and it's like, that's
doesn't matter, like fingerpaint, you flick paint at a
board.
Like it doesn't matter whatyou're doing, it's just just the
physical act of doing something.
That stops you from just sittingand watching telly or scrolling
on a phone because all you'reever doing is judging.

(56:21):
and you're always judgingyourself and being critical and
as soon as you just startphysically doing things, nothing
ever turns out how we imagineit's going to ever.
So there's a freedom there thatyou have to like learn to
embrace where it's never gonnabe how you're imagining it.

absolutely.

Jolie (56:34):
I you should come to SAR and do a recording.
I be wonderful.

I think because it's right on my doorstep.
I feel way more intrigued by SOCthan I do by her.
I'm not really feeling her thesedays, but feels still very
magical and

Jolie (56:50):
just feel like.

I came for a week or something and brought all my
writing stuff I'm gonna givemyself a little retreat, have
little walks in the morning.
Stay in a little, I don't know,hotel or whatever's available.
get away from my family as muchas I love them.
and just immerse myself.
And also because again, I love,I find being on an island, I

(57:12):
love how dramatic the weather isand, it is, it's just, it's got
these strong elements to.
And I think

Jolie (57:20):
My music.

very much connected also to water.
If I had to give it an element,it would be the water.
And the waters are very diverse,because you have the stillness
of the water, but you also havethe crushing of the waves and

Jolie (57:36):
Emotion

I love

Jolie (57:38):
beery as well.

there can be a bit of fire in my music, but water
is like the main element.
The emotions, the feelings, factlike, yeah, like you walk around
Sark and you again, you see theocean and, and the cliffs and
the vastness of it.

Jolie (57:56):
huge.
can be down on that beach onyour own all day long, like
we're always going, skinnydipping and you've just got that
freedom to do whatever you want.
So could sing your heart out tothe cliffs and to the sea and no
one would go down there anddisturb you.
So could completely loseyourself doing that.
It it's great'cause there's acommunity there and there's
people there for whenever youwant to be around people.
So at any point I can go, couldparty all night, every night if

(58:18):
I wanted to.
There's always something goingon.
it's actually a problem becauseyou have to like manage
yourself.
I thought when I moved here fromBrighton, it'd be like, oh, this
is really chill.
Nope, not at all.

hilarious.

Jolie (58:31):
can go to an afters.
Everyone calls it an afters.
You can go to an afters anynight of the week if, especially
if you are willing to host.
There'll always be someone who'suh, up for coming back with you.
it's also really easy to then gofor walks and not see anyone and

anyone.

Jolie (58:42):
solitude experience as well.
a writer and I love writing, andit's just like I'm on a
permanent writing retreat here,except that I'm always busy and

I'm in

Jolie (58:51):
million things that I managed to get myself involved
in, but it's perfect for beinghere.

do you write more in the winter than in the
summer?

Jolie (58:57):
Big time.
Yeah.
And this winter was really shortand I've now learnt to
absolutely adore Winters becauseof that reason.
And I feel like I pretty muchjust had January and February
has gone in a second, and nowwe're halfway into March

March

Jolie (59:11):
feels like I'm meant to be doing the full blown, being
alive and out there doing stuffthing again.
And I'm a bit gutted.

my year finished at the end of December.
then I've, I did my onlineworkshop, which always takes me
a long time to prepare for.
it consumes me weeks'cause I'mjust dissecting it and not one
of these people that canmultitask.
I can't getting on with writingmusic.
And then also curating my onlineworkshops, very much like one

(59:40):
thing at a time.
Get it out then I can just divein and put all my energy into it
oh man, I'd love to have a fewmore months of winter.
'cause it's feel guilty if it'ssunny outside and I write better
and I'm not my songs are notlike summer songs.
what I mean?

Jolie (59:57):
Howling wind.

it.

Jolie (59:58):
Yeah.
Yeah, I totally get that.
I've got a book that's about toget published, which is really
exciting.
And then I was starting thesecond one, which is a real
beast because the first one'sjust my perspective,

Nessi Gomes (01:00:09):
my

Jolie (01:00:09):
that's how we had our first connection was through Ben
Christie who set up the medicinefestival.

Ben

Jolie (01:00:16):
Yeah.

I used to live next door to him when,

Jolie (01:00:19):
did you?

yeah,

Jolie (01:00:22):
helped me to create a pilgrimage to Cop 26 in 2021.

2021

Jolie (01:00:29):
one on my own in 2020, which is me to moving here.

to

Jolie (01:00:32):
In 2021, I was the cop, 26 was in Glasgow.

in

Jolie (01:00:36):
having done one walk on my own, I thought that I somehow
had the expertise to be able tolead 26 people across the
country and not get killed.
And like, great, yeah, I can dothat.

Oh my God.

Jolie (01:00:46):
And so Ben somehow found out that I was doing it and got
in touch'cause they'd kind hadsome vision of.
said, I'll help you, I'llsupport you to do it.
And

do

Jolie (01:00:53):
favorite sentence ever is, do you want me to activate
the Druids in the Isle of White?
I was like, yes, activate theDruids in the it was brilliant.
And we, yeah, we did seven.
'cause it was called the Spineof Albion, which was the line
that we walked up because weworked out where we felt like
the seven chakra points werealong the spine.
And we did a ceremony in eachplace with the local wisdom
keepers, whoever the localDruids and.

(01:01:13):
Story keepers were of the landand yeah, it was amazing.
And Sam Lee joined us and ChrisParks and all that lot.

really, dear friend,

Jolie (01:01:23):
wonderful.
How

he sings on diamonds and

Jolie (01:01:26):
Oh, wonderful.
Yeah, he's an absolute darling.
Yeah, I've known him.
really long time we did.
'cause I'm part of this TUDreenactment, which is the reason
why I moved here is someone whoworked at the Tud reenactment
with me came here as a horse andcart driver.
Who's, do you know the Rex, doyou know the band?
The Rex?

van?

Jolie (01:01:42):
Do you know Ash?
Yeah.
He's got,

little

Jolie (01:01:46):
yeah, yeah, Yeah.
So it's her, yeah, his partner.

I don't know him

Jolie (01:01:51):
know who he is?

know who

Jolie (01:01:52):
Yeah.
So it's his partner an old,friend of mine from this Tudor
reenactment.
And so I've grown up doingmama's plays, which is folk
theater.
And so that was part of what wewere doing as we walked up the
line.
But Sam Lee was part of CecilSharp House in London where they
collected folk music and folkstories, and we did mama's plays
there in our twenties, so yeah,quite a long time ago now.
20 years ago.

(01:02:12):
I've known him for ages.
It's been great watching hiscareer unfold as well.
And you doing amazing things.

I've known Sam like 15 years.
It's when I left Rica, then Imoved to England.
And he had Nest Collective, andI think I played at one of his
events But he's a really dearfriend and I love him

Jolie (01:02:33):
Yeah.

He does the Nightingales

Jolie (01:02:36):
It's wonderful.

special.

Jolie (01:02:38):
He's such a kind soul.
Yeah.
I'm hopefully gonna interviewhim at some point as well.
He said that he's up for doingit.

amazing.

Jolie (01:02:43):
Been nice.

Oh, tell him that I've had a nice

Jolie (01:02:46):
Yeah.
Thank you so much for your, um,workshop.
It was so beautiful.
I loved it.

Thank

Jolie (01:02:52):
Yeah,

really enjoyed it as

Jolie (01:02:53):
yeah,

Like I get so stressed

Jolie (01:02:56):
know.

it's just'cause I feel like I'm in the hands of
technology it's such a largegroup of women, God, just please
behave.

Jolie (01:03:06):
That's how I feel about this.
it's just really annoying.
Technology's a bastard.

you really enjoyed

Jolie (01:03:11):
Yeah, it was wonderful.
It was beautiful and I was anemotional wreck, but yeah, it
was beautiful.

Oh, it though.
I love to make it reallydynamic.
for me, it's not just goingright, okay, let's just open our

Jolie (01:03:23):
No.

it's like how to weave in the magic All these
different mediums and art tomake it a bit more juicy.

Jolie (01:03:34):
I like the idea of the Ayahuasca.
'cause I've done Woca twice andthey've both been incredibly
profound experiences.

experiences and the second

Jolie (01:03:41):
I had this real desire to sing, but it just cannot do it.
I find it so hard to sing inpublic and could feel my throat
and my voice were desperatelytrying to just sing.
was in a place where I justdidn't feel, I the place was
great.
The people I was with, I feltsafe with, but it was, there was
lots of people and they werevery talented and musical and

Yeah,

Jolie (01:04:00):
yeah.
It's interesting.
I wonder if, I could take Kylescore on my own and just go sing
to the cliffs, but that soundsreally dangerous.
But yeah, it's an interestingidea.
Definitely.

it definitely,

Jolie (01:04:09):
Definitely.

contributed to where my voice is And I think
for, I've spoken to quite a fewpeople that it's just ignited
this creative in terms of musicis something so profound.
It's happened to me like anumber of times on Ayahuasca,
and I've done many ceremonies,but maybe a handful of times

(01:04:31):
where I've had this very specialand unique experience where I'm
opening my mouth and it'sliterally like.
It's obviously my voice, butthere's something

Jolie (01:04:40):
Yes.

through the

Jolie (01:04:41):
Yeah.
And

it's,

Jolie (01:04:43):
like,

you are like, oh my

Jolie (01:04:45):
yeah, totally.

like you're just, are in awe and you just can't
believe like you, which is alsoone of the reasons, meeting with
the spirit of your voice whichis the subtitle of my workshops.
That was also an inspirationfor, because it was this feeling
of the spirit the plant comingthrough my voice and I was just

(01:05:07):
literally being available andbeing this channel.
it doesn't surprise me that youfelt this, need or impulse to
sing,

Jolie (01:05:15):
Big time.

I've also heard a lot of people say that in
general when they're with themedicine, they don't freak out
as much as they do when in dayto day

Jolie (01:05:25):
Mm-hmm.

I guess it just softens you and you are in a
different place, you know youare.
And so that brings a differentquality to.
you are bringing your voice tothe moment.

Jolie (01:05:35):
totally.

like a performance.

Jolie (01:05:37):
Yeah.

I really hear what you're saying and I'm not
surprised that you felt that

Jolie (01:05:41):
Yeah.
I was literally fighting itback, which is silly.
I should have just done it.
But I have had my voice be clearand beautiful twice.
I've had that experience of itbeing.
From another place.
Once when I was at drama school,'cause we had to sing in public
then, and it was almost like theemotional intensity of just
doing, I just did it andeveryone cried their eyes out
and knew how big a deal it wasfor me to be doing it.

(01:06:02):
And they were like, that wassomething else that sang then.
And it was beautiful.
And then I knew I could do it,

I could

Jolie (01:06:08):
but.

Yeah.

Jolie (01:06:09):
Then it never came back.
And then had a massage once thatdislodged something in my throat
and suddenly I, had a voice, mysinging voice was there

this

Jolie (01:06:17):
way that it isn't normally.
And then

then

Jolie (01:06:20):
the end of the last pilgrimage we did, there's this
statue of Artemis, which we sangSavage daughter to the statue at
the end of this pilgrimage.

end

Jolie (01:06:27):
all of us, our voices just

just

Jolie (01:06:30):
out and tears streaming down our faces and yeah, that
was a,

But

Jolie (01:06:33):
a beautiful moment.
So I know it's possible.

from just hearing your speaking voice I can sense
that there's a lot of power inyour voice sometimes, like
there's many, I don't know Ithink a good practice, maybe
like something for you to,sorry, this is not, you haven't
asked for this, but I just feelinclined to maybe share it with
you, but.

(01:06:58):
I think like dropping this kindof idea that our voice needs to
be pretty and beautiful, evenjust spending like five minutes
a day with yourself and purgingwhatever wants to come out not
being afraid of sounds that feelnot beautiful, or if it's
feeling rusty and croaky andit's like we have to also embody

(01:07:23):
that part of ourselves as well.
To embody and be familiar withthe guttural part of our voice
and raspy horse part of ourvoice to give space to all those
different layers.
I feel like just from speakingto you, I can sense that there's

(01:07:44):
a real richness there.
Maybe it's something that weneed to do and I say we, because
it's also something I need to dofor myself.
It's giving myself that time,I'm not talking about practicing
'cause practicing's just dry weneed to cultivate that
relationship.
It's not something that we canpick up and put down.
With massive gaps in between butjust be like I'm gonna offer my

(01:08:06):
voice today.
I'm gonna offer my voice andgive it five minutes even.
Maybe record yourself on yourphone or offer my voice to my
beloveds.
finding something that helps usto be in service.
and maybe that's why also whenyou talk about what you did in
this little ceremony with allthe women, it's like you're

(01:08:27):
offering it to, it comes with adifferent quality because it's
not about you, it's not coming.
And it's like we can somehowbypass those voices in our head
that tell us that we're not goodor shit or whatever our story
is, the moment we come from aplace of being in service, it
brings a different quality.

(01:08:47):
if those.
Little voices do come in andstart to create this tension.
Then sing the resistance.
sing the murkiness and thefucked up voices that are like
telling us that, oh yes.
You know, like Make, you know,like be playful of it and maybe
you do this already, so forgiveme

Jolie (01:09:05):
No,

like

Jolie (01:09:06):
I fully get what you're saying and I agree with Liz
because it is, what I can feelhas happened when it has come
through of, was the emotion thatwas leading rather than the
head.
it was'cause I was being inservice of something that meant
more than the story, like the,head story.

head

Jolie (01:09:21):
Yeah.

this always helps me, even when I'm doing big gigs
and stuff, you can get prettyoverwhelmed when you're seeing.
Many people in the audience, andit's like, right, in service to
something and I put my intentionthere it just helps me drop away
from my head it's not to saythat I don't go there.
I judge myself.
I can easily, criticize myexpression and my voice, coming

(01:09:46):
back to the heart and comingfrom that place of service,
brings a very different energyit takes the focus away from how
we sound, but giving it like,like a child, it's not about
technique.
I think sometimes people can bereally spot on with technique,
they're lacking soul and thisextra ingredient that just moves

(01:10:08):
you.
It's like when you hear a kid asong, and maybe they're not
singing it perfectly in tune,but you feel the sincerity of
the moment and you're taken byhow much they are connected to
that moment and how much they'regiving themselves so fully with
totality.
And that's what grabs you.
And I think if we can learn fromthat and

Jolie (01:10:31):
think it.

it is that cultivation and.
Taking care that we don't justpick it up day and then don't
tend to it for a whole It to allof a sudden it's a relationship.
It's something that we need totend to and build, a connection
with.
With patience and compassion andgentleness.
And if those emotions do come tothe surface, the judgments, then

(01:10:57):
to sing that or to voice thatand to, know, it doesn't even
have to be beautiful.
We need to drop this kind ofthat things have to be beautiful
all the time, we just need fiveminutes of sounding completely

Jolie (01:11:10):
Mm-hmm.

to like wade through all the stuff that we've
collected, like you said wecarry wounds that aren't even
ours.
Like our lineage, like if wethink of all the women that came
before us, and especially likefrom the witch trials, there was
this experiment, About a coupleof years ago they did it on
mice.
I can't remember, like they gavelittle electric shocks mice and

(01:11:36):
then those mice had babies.
It was to the smell of cherry

Jolie (01:11:40):
That's right.
I've heard of this.
they kept electrocuting themwith a smell.
Yes.

And so when the, mice had babies and they smelt
cherry blossom, it would givethem the same reaction, even
though they had not lived

Jolie (01:11:55):
never been electrocuted.
Yeah.

had

Jolie (01:11:56):
Yes.

I think about that as women

Jolie (01:11:59):
Yeah.

and how, we are carrying hundreds of years of,
oppression and, things that our,before us may have carried.
And so the blocks that we feelor the fear around expression
and this witch wound that youspoke about.
feel like can be very connectedto that.
It's not even ours.

(01:12:20):
that's why we need to do thework as well, to clean it

Jolie (01:12:23):
Yeah.

we can, create a new story and a new narrative
for what goes ahead,

Jolie (01:12:28):
Thank you.
That's wonderful.
I've got a little workshopthere.

there you go,

Jolie (01:12:31):
Cheers, darling.
No, I love it.
It was so wonderful.
That's what was so beautifulabout being in your workshop.
It it was coming from thatplace.
And that speaks so much more tome than technique and

technique.

Jolie (01:12:41):
as exactly what falling is.
The falling is theater, butwithout the.
This is a certain technique.
This is Stanis Lasky, this isBrett.
It's all about emotion and it'sabout putting it in the play and
it's improvising and it'sworking with archetypes it's the
theater department what you aretalking about and it's really
powerful and wonderful and loveit.

Yeah,

Jolie (01:12:57):
So you speak my language.
Thank you, my darling.

baby.
babe.

Jolie (01:13:02):
Okay, well thank you I shall see you soon and um,
forward to seeing you in person.

love.

Jolie (01:13:06):
Bye-bye.

Thank you.
How awesome was Nessie?
I feel like I've met a soulfamily connection in meeting
Nessie.
She's someone that I um,instantly at ease with, would

(01:13:30):
very happily sit in a cafe andchat to for hours over a slice
of cake.
And I'm not that.
I'm good at close.
I'm a far person.
Really good at far.
I had no problem whatsoever withgetting on the stage at BoomTown
and talking to tens of thousandsof people.
Well, I didn't talk actually,but my words were on the screen,
but I was performing in front oftens of thousands of people and
that.

(01:13:50):
It's less scary to me than it isto go and meet someone in a cafe
and sit close to them and do eyecontact.
I think I'm slightly on thespectrum ever so slightly Wanna
meet isms as my dear friend,little Grace puts it.
What's your isms?
I definitely have a bit of anism of some description and I
find close really difficult, Butbeing close to Nessie didn't

(01:14:11):
feel at all difficult, and shefeels like a soul family
collection, and I'm reallylooking forward to spending time
with her.
I can't recommend her workshopenough.
It was extraordinary, and I'mstill feeling the repercussions
of it reverberate through mylife.
My voice feels stronger and moreconnected.
It was such a warm, nourishing.

(01:14:34):
Supportive space and Idefinitely will do more.
I would love to go do a workshopwith her in person.
She does, in person retreats,just absolutely can't get enough
of her.
Her music's amazing.
She's amazing.
Her workshop's amazing.
So if you don't already knowNess work, then tune in, get
involved.
You will not regret it.

(01:14:55):
It's absolutely beautiful.
highly recommend putting onNessie, learning her songs,
getting used to her songs, andthen singing along with them.
'cause we did that at the startof the workshop.
And it's a great voice warmup,vocal warmup because she's so
emotionally connected in hersinging.
It's a great place to start forthen, like she says, singing and
honoring whatever it's, youwanna honor that day.

(01:15:18):
That is a brilliant.
Exercise.
I feel like that's a chaoscrusade in it.
Its own right to sing.
I keep talking about withseveral guests.
the Sami tribe with the Oikssinging to the forest and
singing to the wind.
I think that you could warm upwith Nessie songs and tune into
where she's reaching into withinherself and her connection to

(01:15:42):
the natural world.
And then go for a walk in theforest and just sing to the
forest.
And that would be your creativeact for the day in devotion to
the beauty of the land thatyou're walking through.
And I am blessed over here withStark'cause that's just, it's
showing off over here.
It is.
So I'm gonna go crack on whatwe're doing that go for a walk
and enjoy this beautiful islandand sing to it.

(01:16:03):
Nessie Gomez Starley.
So thanks, Nessie, that waswonderful.
Thank you darling listener forbeing here.
I hope you enjoyed it and Ishall see you again next week.
See you the anon.

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