Navigating Parenting, Career Shifts, and Finding New Community

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hi, my name is Harry andwelcome to Odejuma.
Odejuma recognizes the magicof storytelling.
From personal experiences tostories of adventure, from tales
of resilience to finding joyin the simple things, this story
seeks to inspire, entertain,and educate.
Because there is power in thestories of everyday people.

(00:21):
And these stories are worth telling.
Hey, y' all.
Welcome to another episode of Odejoma.
I'm super excited.
I have the crew back.
If you've been following mefor a while and we're on the Harry

(00:42):
Mini journey.
All the people you see havebeen on the Harry Mini at some point
in time.
You know, it was very interesting.
I'll be like, we'll be working.
I'll be like, absolutely nothing.
I'm ready for you.
So I managed to drag everybodyon this episode.
What's up, y' all?

(01:02):
How y' all doing?
Good, good.
Yeah.
How are you, Harry?
I'm good and it's nice to be.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm very happy to be here.
I really like the name of the.
I really like the name of.
Yeah, the meaning behind it.
Tell us more.
Yeah, yeah, don't worry about that.
But yeah, I like the name.
But also.
Yeah, this is like.
It's very full.

(01:23):
It's nice to be back.
I think the first time we'rehaving like a proper face to face.
But like, we always chat around.
Yeah.
Face to face reality showsthat we're analyzing.
So this is quite nice.
Yeah.
And very full circle withHarry minutes as well.
So.
Yeah, very full minutes.
Very full circle.
We've been chatting in thedms, dragging the girls, but now.

(01:46):
Okay, we don't drag anybody.
We don't drag anybody.
My apologies.
We don't judge.
We've been dragging the reality.
The reality shows.
That's what I mean.
Yeah, we drag the reality show.
Those ones need to be judgedand dragged.
Exactly, exactly.
But the last time all of uswere together in the same room in
person was at a wedding in 2021.

(02:07):
Isn't that wild?
That's wild.
Wow, that is wild.
It is really.
It's been a while and sincethen all of y' all have become mothers.
Calculating.
Yeah.
Cuz it feels many hours.
I got married 2021 just.
It feels like.
It feels longer, but.
Yeah, carry on.
Yeah, I know it does feel longer.

(02:29):
Been through a lot.
I know it just.
It's just 2021.
Like, I'm the one that hasbeen in the marriage.
I know how long it has been.
I agree it's longer.
But guys, a lot has happenedsince 2021.
Yes.
And the highlight is all of y'all are mothers now, and I'm just
curious to know what that is like.

(02:53):
Like, yes, I am a mother.
The way she's dressed.
Mother Earth.
Mother Earth is ch.
So what.
What has that been like?
I want.
Anybody can go first.
What has that journey beenlike for y' all?
I'm the baby mom of the groupbecause Ajifa is the OG and then
Bumi and then me.
So my daughter just turned onea couple of weeks ago, and.

(03:17):
Yeah, thank you.
It's been quite interesting, Iwould say.
I think.
I do agree that nothing.
I said, nothing fully preparesyou for it, but I think maybe the
experiences that could sort ofhelp along the way as we grow.
But I think that, yeah,nothing fully, like, gets you in
this, in that, like, gets you ready.
I still looked at her today,and I was just like, I just can't

(03:38):
believe that you're mine.
I can't believe that withGod's help, we've kept a human being
alive for a year.
And I think, considering thatI freaked out so much, like, about
whether I wanted kids and whatthat would look like and blah, blah,
blah.
So I remember.
And then.
Yeah, exactly.
And a lot of, like, prayingand trusting God around that.
And then to see her, like,she's so easy.

(03:58):
She's, like, far from thefears that I had and far from the
worries and.
But I think, as people alsosay, you see a lot of our relationship
with God sort of mirrored inkids, like how God loves us, how
maybe.
Amen.
But, yeah, so it's been wild,unreal, fulfilling.

(04:23):
Beautiful.
Yeah.
Amen.
Wow.
Wow, wow, wow.
Nice one.
Nice one.
Nice one there.
I guess maybe John Lee forlady to speak for all of us.
Because if I open my own mind.
They'Ll be like, it's notquite giving.
The same experience, but Iwould have been great.
I bless God every day for thechild that God.
This is a safe space, y' all.

(04:44):
Y' all can be honest about it.
I want the real.
I bless God every day that Godgave my child to me.
I bless God.
Cut the tape.
Just cut it.
Because, I mean, like, it's.
It's.
It's been a beautiful journey.
Like she said, you look atyour child and you're like, I gave
birth to this human.

(05:04):
Like, they are forming their personalities.
They're becoming like, youknow, what's the word?
I don't say terrorists now.
Just, you know, finding independence.
Yes.
They are adventurous.
And it's glory.
Oh, yeah.
That's what they say.
And I think my ownparticularly, I think because God
realized that I wasn't reallyabout, you know, emotional stuff.

(05:26):
Oh, hugs and kisses and, youknow, my.
Let's get you.
Extremely affectionate.
Extremely so.
He needs to, like, you need tobe looking at him all the time.
You pull your.
If you're not even payingattention, you can fling my phone
and pull my face towards him.
And he likes hugs and kisses.
And sometimes I'm just tiredof being touched.

(05:46):
But I don't complain because Iknow that the older I get, the older
they get, the harder it is toget them in those.
Those positions, in those moments.
I'm presently in toddlerhood,like Faladele said, they are still
behind me.
So they don't know that is the ghetto.
They don't know that it's theactual ghetto.
You know, I prefer a newbornto this.

(06:09):
This place that we are in andall sorts.
Every day is an experience andyou just have to keep praying that
God keeps you alive.
But, yeah, it's, it's, It's avery rewarding journey.
Like, it's, it's your.
Your heart in.
Outside your chest.
So, yeah, it's also a lot ofworrying, a lot of anxiety.
Yeah, it's, it's, it's.
It's very heavy mentally.
And I look at my mom and I'mlike, how did you do this for four

(06:31):
children?
You know, I just have one andI feel like, how and why.
Yeah, yeah, that's, that's my feedback.
Let me go ahead.
Oh, you guys have said it.
The thing is, you know, whenyou ask that question, I was just
LAUGHING because the three ofus have had very similar journeys
since 2021.
In the sense that outsidehaving kids, we've moved countries.

(06:53):
We have, you know, but in,like, new jobs in new countries,
like, we've had our livesliterally changed.
And it's not because we eat.
You know, it really upended.
So, yeah, it's been quite the journey.
For me in particular, it'sbeen like moving two countries, relocating

(07:13):
once to the uk, then to Canada.
I know there might be a trip.
Keep watching.
No, no, no, nothing.
Stay tuned.
But it's, it's been quite.
I would say it's been reallyfun for some part of it.
And I've been very fortunatein the sense that everywhere we've
gone to, at least I've gottengood jobs.

(07:33):
Hallelujah.
So I've got, you know, affordmy life.
And then obviously we having achild, she's 19 months now, and it's
a bit of f.
And sorry, let me translate for.
Let me translate for Harrythat is.
One year, but also for me cuzI still count in one year.
Yeah, thanks for that.
So the problem is I thought, Ithought people were doing the most

(07:54):
when they counted in months.
But a lot of yeah, 18 monthsis not 19 months.
And then even when they go toschool or blah blah, blah, like you're
feeling girl, I'm always calculating.
I only know this because sherecently turned it like yesterday
and I feel the form.
But a month makes a huge difference.
Like a month ago she might notbe walking.
Now she's walking.
A month ago, she might not be talking.

(08:14):
Now she's like, it makes a big difference.
Right.
Anyway, so a lot has happened,a lot has changed.
I have changed.
My daughter is not quite Kennein terms of affectionate UK enough,
which is fine for me.
Her dad, not so much becausehe wants all the love and affection.
I'm like, yeah, but, but yeah,it's cool.
She is a toddler.

(08:35):
But.
But you know.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
So I'm still cruising.
I would say I'm still cruising.
I'm still cruising comparedto, compared to Ajifa, I'm very much
still cruising.
But yeah, it's been good.
I am excited for how, how muchthe last three years has changed.
Like I was, I was tellingRotimi, Texas, my husband for you

(08:55):
out there, I was telling him about.
I was telling him how everyyear, for the last.
What I think since I gotmarried in 2020, every year something
major has happened in my life.
If it's not like gettingmarried, then it's again.
Then it's having a child or,you know, moving again.
Like every year just seems tobe such a year that something big
has happened.
And I'm curious what wouldthis year be like?

(09:17):
Right.
So it's been quite the journeyfor me.
Yeah, I really am happy for y' all.
Really excited.
Oh my God.
Is that what's happening?
Rebuke?
I reject.
I love the rebuking and rejecting.
I thought I was making agesture of maybe another lady was
undoing back.
To the sender, you know, sodouble for us.

(09:39):
God gave me double for your trouble.
But it is so.
It is so nice to.
I feel like, like I saidearlier on, I feel like a lot has
changed since, you know, weall were in the same room together.
Even before that things werealready changing.
Like we left TVC at differentpoints in time.
Faladili was the last to leave.
It took a while.

(10:01):
But things have.
Things happened, you know,with us Our friendships evolved,
our personal lives evolved and changed.
When I met Foladele, this isnot how we were where we met initially.
We're young, and we werevibrant, you know, Please.
I'm still young.
I'm still young.
Thank you.
But.
But yes.
Oh, my gosh.

(10:21):
There are days when you needto sleep at night.
And I met, you know, and I metin Covenant, you know, together,
and we were munchkins, youknow, at the time.
Your neck was long.
That time.
Everything was long.
My neck was long.
I was skinny.

(10:42):
People never believed that Iused to be skinny.
The high that I used to be, Iwas very skinny.
Nobody believed me when Italked, like, not normal skinny.
Harry was like.
Harry was dry.
It was quite dry.
Because.
Because at tbc, his neck wasstill a bit long.

(11:02):
But I remember seeing pictures.
I'm not seeing pictures of thelength in Covenant, and I'm like,
yeah, like.
His shoes used to be quite long.
Kyree said, I'll bring my friends.
My shoes were long.
My pants were big.
We had to wear Covenant.
You had to wear, like, dress,like corporate attire to class.

(11:25):
My shirts were big.
My tie was huge.
It had those ties.
I had, like.
What was that guy in Revolt?
I had the fat tie.
You know what I'm saying?
I had.
I had a tie like that.
My pants were big.
It was the whole thing.
But I feel like I.
I still understand that, like,our lives have changed.
We've had, like, differentjourneys, and I'm super, very proud
of y' all.
Foladele worked on Weekend, incase y' all don't know.

(11:48):
But if you look at thecredits, you will see one and two.
Yeah, yeah.
There's two that is not yet out.
There's a two that's coming.
So you know it's based on theBroadway show the Part 1.
I know, I know, but I justhaven't even watched one and I probably
will not, so.
But watch.

(12:08):
I will watch, too.
I love you so much.
You know this.
You're fine.
When I release my own film,just watch.
I don't mind.
You don't have to watch Clyde next.
When really, it really got to me.
I can't say much on that.
It really got to me.
I have watched it on stage,though, and I enjoyed that.

(12:29):
So maybe that's why I wasn't even.
Better you went and watched on stage.
But you know what?
The one I feel like, well, shedid it later.
She should have done it before.
No, no.
But.
But.
But I share to everyone, thisis your issue.
It's Your problem.
Because, I mean, Harry, let'sjust carry on.
Don't let me.
I'm so sorry.

(12:53):
Song.
Like.
I took.
I took.
Sorry.
Side.
I'm so sorry, Harry, but side.
But I took Sam with me to goand watch it and some friends.
It was next to me.
And of course, out of support,just the way you would have both
been tortured.
And I was just like, oh, mygosh, they have to sing everything.
I'm like, it's a musical.
He's like, yeah, yeah.
But then.

(13:13):
And then they'll say something else.
And it could be Ariana aboutto respond.
Oh, my God, he almost left.
And they are both wonderful singers.
We really big voices, but, youknow, we're holding space.
We're holding space.
I do love.
I do love a musical.
So y.
Easy.
The Musical.
S.C.
the Musical.

(13:33):
Slander.
I love me.
I love Greatest Showman, though.
So I would say I don't lovemusical, but my favorite film is
a musical.
Sweeney Todd from Fleet Streets.
It's a horror musical.
Right?
You really love Sweeney Todd.
From the first time I met aSweeney Todd, Sweeny Todd.
So they said, apologies.
That's what you are.
Well, that's what I am.

(13:53):
So, I mean, I like musicals,but I don't know.
Let's move on.
There are musicals and.
Next question.
So, like I said, we've alldone great things.
Shout out to everyone, youknow, But I think I'm curious about
knowing as mothers, as newmothers, what is something that people
do not tell you?
What is this thing that, youknow about motherhood that, you know,

(14:14):
people didn't tell you thatyou wish they did?
Maybe I can go first.
Do you know what?
I find that questioninteresting because on one hand I'm
like, what?
I feel like everything theytold me, I don't think, honestly,
I don't think there's.
So we all have very different experiences.
But so I will honestly say forme, I don't think there's anything
they could have told me thatwould quite prepare me for the things

(14:37):
I would go through.
Not because I don't know why,but, like, I was with my sister through
her own pregnancy and she hadquite a difficult pregnancy.
So I.
I so can't say, like, I didn'tsee the thing.
Right.
I was with her at the earlystages as well, because we were in
the same house.
So I used to even sometimessleep in the same room with Bandy,

(14:59):
my nephew.
So through the crying,sometimes I would, you know, put
him on my.
When he's crying in the nightto Give high break.
So I can't say that I didn'tknow all these things.
Right.
But I will say, and this iswhere we may differ.
Right.
For me, it wasn't as bad as Ithought it would be.
I'm going to be honest.
So if anything, that's why I'mlike, it wasn't as bad as I heard
it would be in some ways fromme, probably.

(15:23):
Yeah.
From Ajifad, a few others.
Yeah.
That's the thing.
So sometimes, honestly I feellike sometimes maybe being over prepared
helps because then you'relike, oh, that's not.
Well, so maybe not labor.
I don't think you can ever belike labor in itself is quite, is
quite the thing.
Right.
I mean, it's pain.
How do you, you know, I mean,I guess you can mentally, well, leave
that one.
But for the entire experience,pregnancy wasn't bad.

(15:45):
I think it just as much as youknow that you're going to change,
you don't quite know how thechange will feel for you.
So that was the thing.
I knew that things wouldchange, but I just didn't know what
that, how that change, not howthe change would feel like, like
I.
But how I will feel about that change.
Right.
So that's just the parts thatI wasn't prepared for.

(16:06):
And then how other people willreact to the change.
Like how my husband, forexample, reacted to change or how
family.
So those kind of dynamics, Idon't think you can necessarily,
I mean, you can prepare bywatching stuff and, you know, doing
all the cancelling and what,what, what?
But y' all don't know howyou're going to act when you're in
certain situation.
You're not.
You don't know how you'regoing to act when you can't have

(16:27):
sex for 1 billion years.
You don't know how you'regoing to, you know, you don't.
It's not.
These are a PG podcast.
What did you say?
That is bad.
Thank you.
I do not even say F U.
C K I don't, you know, goingthere like, you don't know how you're.
Going to feel when you don'tfeel like it.

(16:50):
You know, you don't know howyou're going to feel when you don't
feel sexy or, you know, notlike I usually go around feeling
sexy anyway, but you don'tknow how you're good.
Those kind of things.
Like you hear other people'sexperience, but sometimes you feel
like, nah, I've got this.
Like, I understand.
So I'll Be better prepared.
And then you, you feel different.
Like not quite what they arefeeling, but you're feeling your
own kind of feeling.

(17:10):
So then you have the child andthey tell you all the time, oh, they
love the love.
But until you experience thelove, you don't really know the love
that they are talking about as well.
So you're like, I really,really love this child.
I don't know how to explain it.
I love this child.
Right.
But then this child really isfrustrating me sometimes.
You know, the strength thatyou have, like, it's amazing the

(17:32):
things that I can do for thelength of time that I can do it.
Like I recently, this week Istopped breastfeeding.
Right?
No, last week.
And for the first time I sleptall through the night and I was like,
I, I just realized for twoplus years I haven't slept for five
hours at a stretch.
Like I just haven't.
And I have been fine.
Honestly speaking, I havethought I was fine until I did sleep

(17:57):
for minimum of five hours uninterrupted.
And I'm like, I, that was theghetto this is, you know.
But still I had the strengthfor that season and I didn't.
Like, I, I figured I was, Iknew I was a strong person, but I
now know that wow, like, oh,that is strength.
Like no matter how long theday has been, that girl doesn't want

(18:18):
me to put her down.
So I'm carrying her on my back.
I'm walking around the housefor hours.
Boo.
And I'm still going to put herdown and.
Because she doesn't want thatday as well.
Right.
So.
And then you go and sleep forlike a few hours and in those few
hours you'll be breastfeedingor mind you, you know, and then you
will wake up to cook and Iwould be the, I would be fine.

(18:41):
I didn't know that I was that strong.
So that was something else.
So that it's, it's a mix ofthings, right?
And yeah, now I'm making hair.
People that, that's my.
Well, you're making hair.
Somebody else is known I likebecause I have a daughter, right.
So I actually have to careabout hair before we're just living
alabiba local life.

(19:02):
Wherever God gives us, we use.
Right?
Interesting.
I don't know who I'm speaking to.
It's not great hair, boy's hair.
All the same.
We do ponytails, we do puff, puff.
Like we do the things.
I might have to, I mightactually have to agree with Bumi
on a lot of things.
I Don't think that.
I think I was prepared interms of, like.

(19:22):
Because I've always beeninterested in kids, as in.
In terms of, like, liking tosee kids, not necessarily of my own,
but just, like, helping out.
So whether it's a friend orlike an older auntie or something,
like.
So kids have always been in mylife since I.
So I've always been interestedin them and helping out.
So I've always been able tochange a diaper.
So I remember when my sistercame, like, the day after I gave
birth, I was like, just see mein go mode.

(19:44):
And she was like, oh, my gosh.
Like, this is so.
I.
I mean, I don't know what.
I was expecting, but just tosee you going and getting it done
is just so.
I think because of just beingexposed to that, you know, I.
I sort of knew a lot.
So I wouldn't say maybe therewasn't anything you told me about
that because I think peopleare very open and honest about tough.
Raising a child is, I think,maybe more around, like, pity and

(20:09):
leading up to having a child.
I would say maybe people don'ttalk about, like, that.
I remember when I.
So I had a miscarriage andthen my.
I'm sorry about that.
You just read through that.
But I'm sorry.
I talked about it so many times.
And I mean, I'm grateful to bein a place where I can just.
Interesting that you said that.

(20:29):
Like, gloves over it now,because it definitely wasn't a glossy
thing.
And my.
And I.
And we're talking about.
And she was just like, oh, yeah.
She went through it like,twice or three times again, glossed
over it, as you said.
And I'm just like, wait, chill.
Like, can we sit on that orsit with that for a second?
Like, how did you not talkabout it?
I think I remember my momgoing through one loss because she

(20:50):
tried to have a baby after me.
And I remember how just rawthat grief was, like, coming back.
You know, you're looking inthe car waiting to see baby in her
hand because she traveled outto have the child, and then she's
solo in the car.
And so, you know, I rememberthat being like a picture I can never
get out of my head.
So I remember that.
But that there were other miscarriages.
Like, I know that.
And then, you know, you spoketo someone else, and they were like,

(21:12):
oh, yeah.
I'm like, why are we nottalking about this?
And so that was when I decidedI was gonna post about that normally.
I mean, you guys know me.
I don't too deep on ig, like,personal stuff.
But I was just like, you know what?
I felt like I saw them to openup about it.
And then you started gettingpeople searching like, oh, thanks
for sharing that.
You know, and I always saythat we go through these experiences

(21:32):
to be able to share withothers and uplift them when they're
going through this.
Maybe the grief around and just.
It's just very wrong.
I think I'm glossing over justbecause I don't want to dip the mood
of the pods.
But even like when you lose achild and then.
Or in this case, lose a fitand you then get pregnant maybe soon
after and you're hoping that.
And you are going, you know,you won't.

(21:55):
I don't want to go too graphic.
But, yeah, you're just hoping that.
Yeah, it won't.
You get.
So.
I think people don't talkabout loss.
People don't talk.
People don't.
People didn't prepare usenough for combos around loss to
do it.
Like instant loss and stuff.
And also getting pregnantafter and just the mental mess and
the fear.
Oh, my goodness.
And I was pregnant in the winter.
I hate winter.

(22:16):
Just because it gets dark.
Like 4pm Bro.
It was drab.
I was fighting in prayer formy life.
Just got my mentor, you know,so it was a lot.
So I think I would say morearound that.
But in terms of having a childoff, I think I agree with women that
it's been so seamless.
And I pray, I'm praying thatit long continues.
You're going through days sowe don't have to.

(22:36):
Exactly.
Because Ajifa did prepare mefor labor.
Oh, she did.
You know, people I've hadaround, honestly, I'm grateful for
Ajifa because just like, for, like.
Because she was so honest andshe is so honest about her experiences.
Every day prepares you.
Yeah.
Yes.
It prepares you.
Your breasts.
You drag it so you're notlike, oh, taken by surprise.

(23:00):
Like, I got this.
I knew you were doing this.
So you can even prepare bettermentally as well because.
Because someone has told youjust what to expect.
Right.
And then when it doesn't getthat bad, you're like, oh, I was
very prepared.
Now I can handle this easy.
I think.
I think that that that was itfor me.
I wish somebody.
So I think that that's anotherreason why I was honest with you
guys and with anybody whoasked me.

(23:21):
So I'm not on the Internetsaying, oh, my God, it's so hard,
blah, blah, blah.
But anybody who asks Me,because I don't want to also be a
fear monger.
Like, there are people, I knowthat they sneezed and the baby came
out.
Like, yeah, I know that theywent through nine months and they
were walking and jumping in heels.
There was no difference.
Right.
But that wasn't my experience.
And so because I know thatthey're different, every, not two

(23:43):
pregnancies are the same.
You know, I don't startspreading fear and tell everybody,
oh, this will happen, thiswill happen.
But for the people who areclose to me, the people who asked
me, the people I knew werehaving babies, that that was the
problem that I had is that itwas like they said it was after I
went through what I wentthrough with my son.
And my mom was like, ah, Ishould have told you first boys.

(24:04):
It's, it's quite tough whentheir labor is tough.
And I was looking at my mom.
Like, this could have beeninformation I.
Would have loved before.
Right.
All I was hearing was thatyour body knows what to do into the
whatever.
Just trust your body to blah,blah, blah.
Oh, Mom.
My body did not know what to do.

(24:25):
I was telling, I said, pleasejust got me.
It's too late.
I said, it's not too late.
Pull him from the other side.
Losing my mind.
You know that by the time I,you guys know this story?
By the time Kenneth came out,I was passed out.
Like, they had to rub, like,my chest to make me, like, to bring
me back.

(24:46):
Your son is here.
Put the child on me.
And I think when I heard himcrying so close to my ears is when
I woke up and I realized that,oh, it's over.
You know, I had given birth.
I hear my husband just saying,her lips are dry.
She's looking, she's looking white.
Let's do something.
Like, you know, I could hearthat, but I had already seen my dad

(25:07):
and I saw white.
I was like, okay, yeah, thank you.
You know, Yeah, I saw my, Isaw my dad in the delivery room.
Like when I was like, yeah, I'm.
Yeah, I was sure.
Like, so.
Oh, just you should probablygive context.
My dad is dead.
Yeah.
Because I remember I realizedthe audience would be quite.
I was like, I was too SC the knowledge.

(25:29):
When you said you saw yourdad, that was like.
I was like, so.
Wait, what?
Yeah, so.
So funny story, guys.
Today is 21 years that hepassed away.
Yeah.
So.
So, yeah, so that, that reallywas it for me.
And so I, I, I, a lot ofthings that I found out.
My mom told me that, ah, evenwhen she Was in labor for her very
first.
Apparently, when boys are yourfirst, the labor is a little bit.

(25:52):
Is longer.
Like, the pregnancy is easier,but the labor is longer according
to what my mom told me.
Right.
Even though it's not a patternthat works with everybody.
Right.
But it's just what hashappened with most people.
So if I had that informationgoing in, I wouldn't have.
Like, I went to all thesedoula classes.
They say, put ice in yourhand, release it, withstand the ice.
You know, I did all the exercises.
Like, I'm ready.

(26:12):
I'm gonna kick lever in the ass.
Like, I did gospel playlist.
Even if Lucifer came andbrought the host of the other singers
that he was using in heavenbefore he was brought down to the
earth, even if they weresinging, I would have not heard one

(26:36):
single thing.
You get.
I said, off that music now.
I said, if you don't get.
If I don't get away from my.
Side, I'll dip it.
I know you now.
I'll give you a dentist slap.
Just leave my side.
So that's why I was very openwith people that asked me.
So I feel like the thing Iwasn't prepared for was the fact
that, yes, it can go well,your body knows what to do, but it's

(27:00):
still the most gruesome painthat you can ever experience.
It has a tendency to surprise you.
And another thing peopledidn't tell me, everybody said, oh,
after your first trimester, Iwas sick till I was seven months.
I was bedridden till I wasseven months.
I was getting drip everysingle day.
And I kept waiting for that.
My first trip has finished.
Okay.
So I should be relieved by now.
And it never came.
Right.
So all these things, you know,there's some expectations that they're

(27:23):
set.
Another thing I want to putout there is that, you know, and
Bumi had easy experiences.
I didn't.
Right.
But I want.
What it was, was that I don'twant women to go away from this feeling.
Like, if mine wasn't easy, ifit wasn't a breeze, wasn't.
I failed as a woman.
Yeah.
Nah.
There's a tendency to put alot of pressure on ourselves as women.

(27:43):
And it's something you can be doing.
I should be doing.
Or even the way Bumi said, Ididn't know I had this much strength.
Or when I gave birth to mybaby, the love for a lot of.
Women, the love you might not have.
That a lot of women, it takesthem months before they actually
look.
Yeah.
Some.
Some women talk about how,like, they're like, get this child
away from me.
I don't want to see you.
And I.
Yes.
And I'm so.
Thank you so much forproviding this balance, Ajifa.

(28:05):
And, and I'm so glad we'redoing this and so important to be
having discussion because justthe way you don't want people to
go away, like being fearridden is the same way we don't want
people to go, oh, you.
Know, maybe there's somethingwrong with me.
Exactly.
Maybe that.
Exactly.
You know, because yes, it canbe like very.
That the experience isdifferent for everyone.
Even for me.
The things that have been easyfor her.

(28:27):
For example, I didn't go, Ididn't push my baby.
I.
They had to cut me.
And for most people, that'slike, oh my God.
When I tell people, like, it'slike the worst thing thin, I'm like,
huh?
I didn't have to go throughwaffle daily.
I'm like, your vagina is the thing.
It's intact.
Unfortunately, I cannot saythe same.

(28:48):
Good luck to Amara.
That's his problem now.
But.
But it's true.
Like even conversations aroundtears and stuff like that, like,
I had a second degree tear.
I remember Ajifa had what I had.
Second, but my te was insidemy cervix.
I remember.
So I remember my mindimmediately went to Ajifa when they
said I had the second degreebecause she had like fully prepared
me.
I'm telling you.
So was just.

(29:09):
That was the one thing I didn't.
I didn't want to tell.
Cuz I'm just like, oh my gosh.
You know, you hear all these things.
And that's the thing as well.
The stories that you hearthat, oh, that place will be forever.
But I'm good.
So, you know, this housing,it's been tested again.
Congrats in advance, dear.
Congrats in advance.
People will not be okay.
You will.

(29:29):
All I want to say.
Yeah.
Is that, yeah, stories are different.
Yeah.
And experiences are different.
But the strength comes and Iguess, you know, you figure it out
whether I had like six monthsafter my wrists ever.
So, you know, six months afterstrange places.
I had a cyst in my, in my, inmy cervix because of the way you

(29:51):
guys know this for dd.
No, it's that it was bleedingand then he had to take it out because.
Because of the way it was sewn.
I don't remember.
I'm just very surprised aboutthe stories that have been shared
in on because I.
I feel like I kind of like Y'all, when I'm checking in with y'
all, like, we're like, hi, Harry.
It's like, it's a very chillthat I don't know if.

(30:13):
Because I'm a.
I'm a guy, like, maybe thedeets are very important, but, like,
it feels like, yes, you had,in general, your own different individual,
varied experiences.
But there were things thathappened through that process that,
you know, I'm just like, damn,that really happened to y' all.
And, you know, it's like,yeah, I know this person.
Like, I've known.
Like, I know all three of y'all very intimately.

(30:36):
Very, intimately, very guys,like, mentally and emotionally.
Intimately, in a pathetic way.
I am not a heterosexual man,so please, let's get it.
But, yeah, just knowing thaty' all had to experience that is
very like, you know, I'm justlike, whoa.
You know, it's something that I'm.

(30:59):
I have utmost pride.
I respect for y' all.
I think I'll just leave it at that.
Thank you.
Yeah.
And I'm happy that you likejust even going deep.
I like sharing.
I feel like now that you areon the other side and you are here,
you all are working, you'redoing your things, your.
Your family, your wife, you'rea mother, you're.
You're working.
How has that changed theperspective of who you are or how

(31:20):
you look at yourself now?
I know, but me kind of died.
Went into it a little bit.
But, like, looking at you now.
I'm looking at you in.
Where was your child?
I think it was.
Yeah.
Looking at you now.
Looking at you in March 2021,when we were dancing, you know.

(31:40):
Little different.
You know, in our fine native.
What has changed since then?
How do you.
In yourself, Basically, it's changed.
I think, first of all, like,Philadelphia said, my vagina.
Well, it has a little bit of a.
Of a bump now, but it's okay.
It's beautiful.
A beautiful.
Okay.
And I mean, I saw it.

(32:01):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she did.
Like, that's interesting information.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
But what has changed?
I think.
I think my ability to adapt, I think.
I think before, it was more that.
It was more, oh, if I don'tlike it, I change it.

(32:22):
If I don't.
Like, if I'm.
If I.
You know, when we're younger,it was like, both me and I, we walked
up to the office one.
We just made the decision daybefore, wrote our letters.
Yeah, we're done with this place.
We was like, right, guys, welook at each other like we need to
get out of here.
And we wrote our letters, weleft the next day like it wasn't,
it's really like, oh, why?
If we increase your salary?
Nah, we're done three years ortwo months or whatever, right?

(32:44):
And then also even with, andthen leaving TVC and then all the
jobs I've done after, not justjobs like places I've lived, like,
I just, I just moved when I,when it's not serving me anymore,
I move like, you know, thatwas my things that, you know, outside
for nonsense and all of that.
But I think it's more, I'mable to adapt now.
I'm more resilient as a person.

(33:05):
I think that's one thing thathas changed is I, I, I see that I'm
trying to put this in the, thebest of words, but I realize that
I'm actually stronger than Ithought I was.

(33:26):
Like, so I, I, I've alwaysbeen a strong person.
You guys know my history.
Coming from, you know, abackground of like rape and abuse
and all of that, right?
And then coming to be theperson that I am today, it took a
lot of strength to go throughall of that and, and come out on
the other side.
And I thought I was like, wow,I'm a strong lady.
But I am now here in Canada.

(33:49):
Friends I have are like, Imean, you guys can remember, you
guys know very well how wewere in Nigeria, how we had that
community surrounding us andthat was, helped us thrive.
So coming here and just havinglimited to no support.
My husband isn't here.
He's based predominantly in Nigeria.

(34:10):
So it's that cycle of, oh, Iwake up and I am somebody else's.
My, my life revolves aroundsomebody else now.
And it's, it takes a lot ofstrength to be able to go through
that and still be able tochase your career, chase your dreams.
I want to achieve more foryourself, like Fula Dele said, and
still show up joyful, likeBumi said.

(34:31):
Yeah, because, because to behonest, there are many times I don't
feel joyful, but I show up joyful.
Like Bumi said.
I went back to school after 13years and you guys know adult education
is not a joke.
I wish I did school earlier and.
You had a kid while you wereat school.
On the other.
She had to take him to classes.
Sometimes for presentations,like project presentations.

(34:51):
I wrote an exam with him on myback, you know, because he was ill.
And as you know, when childrenare sick, their fathers don't exist,
you know.
Yeah, it's true.
They don't care that they,they have.
There was another person thatwas involved in the making process.
It's just their mothers thatthey're clung to or that they cling
to or that they want to takecare of them and hold them.
I don't know what it is, Right.

(35:13):
So I've had to take an examwith, with kennel on my back.
Right.
So it's.
I didn't realize that it was alife that I could live like to be
this strong and be able to do everything.
I show up every single day.
You know, I think that that's,that's really what has changed.
So right now I think it'sgoing to be really hard to like,

(35:33):
of course you still have, youknow, sometimes I struggle with your
esteem or struggle with your,you know, your, your outlook of yourself,
especially because a lot of usare overthinkers.
The minute you come a mother,I think even you have, you know,
imposter syndrome or whatever.
But I think that's, that'swhat has changed is, is that, you
know, I, I have been throughthe fire and I came out on the other
side.
Respect.

(35:54):
Respect.
I love, I love the layer thatyou're adding to the condition as
well.
Because Boomi and I talkedearlier about how maybe like raising
our daughters hasn't been astough as we had heard or, like thought
it would be.
But we can only say that because.
We have, I was just gonna say.
Physically present, whetherphysically or figuratively or whatever,
or whether literally orfiguratively partners, but also hands

(36:15):
on partners.
Whereas for you it's likemaybe, maybe we won't be girl.
I will not be saying exactly.
I'm just trying to think about time.
One weekend away from herhusband and she called me.
She's like, ajifa, my God.
Exactly.
So honestly, respect, respect.
I don't know how you've doneit for as long as you've done it,
but just even the layer oflike being in a long distance marriage,

(36:38):
that's one convo then being ina long distance marriage, raising
your child is like anotherthing entirely.
I have to say, though, it alsohelps when, even though your partner
is not there physically,because I had to give it to Amara,
like, Amara is my husband.
I think while introducing herhusbands, like I have due to Amar.
Right.
Like, regardless of the factthat he's not here, he's a huge support.

(37:00):
Yeah.
And so it also, it, you know,let me tell you, man, if you want
women to fly, if you want themto see them spread their wings, you
just have to be Solid.
I'm sorry, I think I'm gonna say.
So what was she going to say?
Which still applies becauseit's usually said, like, if you want
a woman to open her legs,like, just be like, I literally thought

(37:22):
you were like, I'm.
So sorry, because you can'tlet me not lie.
I thought so.
I thought so as well.
But then she said.
In fact, for both, the guyneeds to be solid for both, because
we need to feel.
Safe and secure and like, this needs.
To be solid for both than justhaving money and not just regretfully,

(37:42):
but physically solid.
But what.
What I'm saying is also helps,you know, it also helps having, you
know, that solid person, likea pillar of strength.
Anytime you fall, you feellike, you know what, somebody's going
to pick me up, whether they'rethere or not.
So I think that that, too, has.
Has really helped me.
Harry.
You know, the problem is thatyou put three of us on this podcast,
you're probably not going toget to half of the questions you

(38:04):
have put.
Yeah, I was like, just thisquestion 3.
I was looking at my questions.
I was like, but you know what?
I feel like, yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
I will add, though, to thequestion just to.
So I won't repeat alleverything Ajifa said, but for me,
it was more trying to redefinewhat I thought my purpose was or

(38:25):
what I thought success was forme or what my ambition would look
like and how that would go.
So I think that was maybe thetoughest thing that I had to come
to terms with and redefine formyself in sense that.
So we having kids, taking astep back from, like, work, that
had been my identity for the longest.

(38:46):
Right?
Like, oh, work.
You know, I had, like, a goodposition at some point.
Then I moved and had to notquite start again, but almost start
again.
So I was already strugglingwith that and getting pregnant and
having a child and having totake time away from work.
And you're like, oh, my God, Icould be here by now.
Or all those things that youhave in your head about where you

(39:07):
want to be and how you turnup, like, oh, now I'm the person
who is having to take sometime off sometimes because my child
needs something and I'm.
And not that I judged.
I really didn't.
I was empathetic with womenthat had to do that.
But I think there was a partof me that didn't think I would be
that.
You know, like, I don't knowhow to explain it, but it's weird.

(39:27):
Like, honestly, I'M just goingto be open and say maybe I saw that
as a weakness.
And I'm like, wow, what did.
I didn't like, oh my God, you.
Know, that is so silly.
And my.
It wasn't for them, it was aweakness for me to be that and having
to accept that, that doesn'tmake sense.
Like that doesn't make youless of a strong woman.

(39:49):
What is even that?
What does that mean?
You know, that like I reallyhad to accept and come to terms with.
Sometimes I will be havingmeetings and you hear her in the
background and that is just mylife because where am I going to
put her if she can't be indaycare for some reason?
And even though there's helparound, you know, if you can get
someone to come around, it'sstill an apartment.
And her voice is quite loud,you know, so things happen.

(40:12):
And just having to deal withwhat that life is and accepting that
it's okay to be a mother, tobe defined as that as well as so
many other things and not seethat as a weakness or settling.
So that for me was, I wouldsay, the biggest struggle.
Everything else was not bad.
You know, like Ajifamentioned, I.
I have someone who is verysupportive, who's very hands on as

(40:35):
well.
Right.
So even with all the nighttimes and stuff, at least I know
that in the morning someone isthere who would.
Who can take, you know, theload off or I can have a good bath
because there's someone who isnot little things like that or go
shopping or even handle allthe cooking because you know, someone
else has taken tiara.
So there's very gooddistribution of labor.

(40:57):
Right.
But it's, it's what I thoughtmy life would look like at this time.
And I was mostly focused oncareer and like goals.
You know, when I was dreamingthat life, I didn't really think
about motherhood, to be honest.
You know, Foladella and I'vehad that conversation a long time.
I know for the longest I was.

(41:18):
Like, I don't know if I wantto have kids to be on.
I don't know.
I don't know if that's my life.
Right.
And then it happened.
It wasn't even planned, mind you.
We were, we tried, we thought,we're careful.
First of all, what did youthink was going to happen?
Yeah, when you have a sexchildren out there.
But yeah, but it wasn'tplanned and guys, we've been having
it.
It was fine.
We didn't know this one time.

(41:38):
It's all right.
Not for me being the onethat's talking about sexual.
This podcast.
Like, do you guys.
You guys see, first of all,that's what has changed.
The sex positivity.
Is like, yeah, I.
Was in the hospital where,like, 20 people.
I had my legs open.
Like, what am I hiding again?

(42:01):
All the styles.
People talk about kissing.
I still forward, though, whenI watch movies.
Let me just.
I still forward all that.
I don't need to see otherpeople doing.
Why do you follow?
It's just doing.
Why are you watching the film?
Was it at your Bachelor?
Was it at your Bachelorette?
Because we had.
We had a coed for you, right?
It was.
It was me.
It was.
It was me.

(42:22):
Yeah.
I don't know if it was yourparty or it was your actual wedding
where y' all were justtonguing each other down really deeply.
No, it would be the.
I think it's the wedding.
I don't think wedding.
I was like, what is going.
I was like, what is happening?
Is this my Christian friend?
What's going on?
Harry, don't kill me.

(42:43):
He said you were talking eachother down deeply.
Harry's exaggerating, guys.
His life exaggerating.
I think I was right there.
I just was right there.
Video of Boomi saying, I'mgoing, please, I have to go and knock.
I can never forget.
Oh, my God.
I remember that video.
I remember that video.
We have the evidence.
We have the evidence.
In my defense, guys, I waiteda really long time.

(43:08):
But I think that I really.
I'm really just happy to hearhow, yes, so many changes have happened,
but.
But I'm still very proud ofwhere y' all are at, which is really
where I wanted to talk to y'all on this podcast.
Very proud of where you are atas, you know, working people, as
parents, and I know that wecould do a better job communicating,

(43:30):
but I feel like there is nolove lost.
You know, we still.
I guess that we have a group chat.
So no love lost.
And I'm just really, really happy.
And I wonder sometimes, like,do y' all ever miss being on TV like
that?
Our.
Our 20s, when we were on TV, Ithought we were going to be.
I thought I was going to be,like, the Nigerian Ryan Seacrest,
you know, everybody, you know,like, this time.

(43:52):
Harry.
Harry held on to that dream.
Harry and I always talkedabout walking at E.
Like.
You know.
Yeah.
Always trying to see morning.
I was.
I listened to somethingrecently, and they talked about how,
like, it's okay to mourn yourdreams or the dreams that you had.

(44:13):
And you know, and it's okay todream again.
Like have new dreams, right?
Because we feel like, oh myGod, I lost that.
Yeah.
I was going to say so it was apoverty job.
I'm sorry.
I was on tv.
People love me.
But I wasn't.
I don't a chop.
I enter bus and then come out.

(44:35):
I entered boss.
Remember we entered boss.
We entered boss.
I'll be there with fishsellers and coins.
I'll come out.
I'm like, oh, do you haveperfume out there?
Like.
Harry came back to the officeone day.
He was like, like you guys onthe bus.
They're like.

(44:59):
First of all, we just have tostate that could never relate.
She was a rich.
Sorry guys driving from the beginning.
But also, but also like I'llbe on the bus and they'll be like,
hey, is this Harry from.
Are you Harry from tvc?
And I guess for folks who arewatching are watching let's say because
I know that there are folksthat have like I have a new community

(45:20):
in the US now and you'll havecommunity in.
In Canada and in the uk.
I think that was just the bus, right?
It's not just the bus.
The bus in the bus in Americaand in the UK and in Canada and in
Europe.
That bus.
That's a different.
But that's a different bustransfer system that I can take today.

(45:44):
Right.
But that bus in Nigeria that Iwould find that boss.
You don't want to be caughtthere in our boss.
Sometimes they don't.
The seats do not have any padding.
So you're sitting on the metal sometimes.
Yeah.
Actually no seats.
Or you're sitting on, you knowthat party front where the.
I don't know what that part ofthe car is that gets hot.

(46:05):
Then you be adjusted becauseyour pop up is on top of that.
Yeah.
Also, also for context.
Go on, go on, Harry.
One time I was on tournamentland bridge coming to work in the
morning because I lived inIbute Meta at the time.
I will go through Tony Bellambridge to get to the office.
The bus.
The tire rolled off the bus ontourney land bridge.

(46:26):
That was steady for me.
Steady.
And then the next one I washearing Jesus, Jesus, man of God.
I was like, this is what I wasjust like this is how I'm going to
go.
You know, I lived a good life.
And to die by my journey usedto be so dumb on third mainland and
guys I used to have a very low.
Because I lived really farfrom the office.

(46:47):
So I was always.
So I was always getting Homelate midnight.
So imagine and this was constant.
We would.
And because they're trying toavoid traffic they will enter places
they don't know.
The boss will not break downall of us Israelite journey will
not be working looking for at midnight.
We don't know where we are.
We'll just be asking peopleplease, where's the way to do you
just want to reach the highwayExpress and hopefully.

(47:08):
My parents be corny.
I don't know they say actsaround I don't.
I'm following people that theyhopefully they are not trying to.
They are not kidnapping me,taking me to my death.
Yeah.
And it's crazy because we are.
We will all be on tv.
All of us.
How do you show us.
I was about to say.
I was about to say for contextfor the international audience like

(47:29):
Nigeria is also a society thatis very like about the optics and
about how things look.
So you can imagine that likeas you guys have said, like bus and
public transport system isassociated with.
Bro.
I need to tell you that myshow was the most watched.
It was, it was.
It was.
This was the show that Harrywould then come onto and I would
then come on to.

(47:49):
I was doing that show before Ileft and Harry started doing that
same show you also started doing.
Yes.
Yeah.
But our show was in Nothingless than 2 million homes every day.
Yeah.
I was not as popular as theywere because I just.
I was a producer so I wasalways behind the camera.
Once in a while I'll on.
So I didn't really have aproblem with saying so you could

(48:10):
get away.
With the boss with me.
Girl, they would havekidnapped me.
But the places they werefighting me, I needed to put the
said it give you the detailand the facts.
Like it got to a point wherethat show was so popular that every
brand wanted to come on thatshow to the point where I hardly
spoke because I needed to cutto commercial every two seconds.

(48:32):
Right.
So much so that.
But even when.
Even, even.
What's the time when Buhariand Jonathan were getting back.
Jonathan, who is and who is a.
An opposing.
In an opposing party toBuhari, who is actually our boss's
friend put his advice.
Our boss's friend is a goodway to describe it.

(48:56):
Our boss's friend put his.
You know, I just.
I'm done managing my life.
So let me just explain it that way.
Put his advertisement on that show.
Like it's like taking.
It's like.
It's like.
It's like CNN advertisingTrump or something like that.
Forget about that.
It's like Trump advertising onKamala's daughters the other way.

(49:18):
Right.
So it was that bad.
Like, that show was that popular.
So I was either losing moneybecause I needed to settle everybody
on divorce or pay for all their.
All their car becauseeverybody thought I was just trying
to be humble and be a part ofthe people.
But I.
I have some money stucksomewhere because I'll let you on

(49:38):
tv.
I'm just trying to be, youknow, a woman of the people.
Love that girl.
She still enters.
She's still grounded.
She loves staying grounded.
So, yeah, I would either losemoney paying for everybody or I would
settle people on the road there.
People call area boys, whichare, in other words, stuck, who stay
around the road and chill.
So chill those ones hoping fora quick buck.

(49:59):
Yep.
Yeah, I did that all the timewhen I lived in Ketu.
All the time was the ghetto or.
You know, I either come to theoffice looking like, you know, I.
You know, I.
Plastic surgery and I'mrecovering because I will wrap my
face like a mommy.
I'll wrap my face to hide the identity.
So I would say I miss.
I miss the outlet that he gave us.

(50:21):
Yeah.
Even though we were not really.
We didn't really have freedomof speech.
What was that?
We.
We were able to expressourselves and.
We had good times and just.
Yeah, I remember egg roll.
No, Working with you guys.
A flashback to working withyou guys.
Working with you guys and then the.
Set that I would work with after.
So, like, Harry, O.J.

(50:42):
like, the second.
The next gang after you guysleft because I then had to find my
new tribe after you guys left.
But, like.
Like, I flashback CBC a lot,and it almost feels like it's.
It's the way Bumi talks about,like, dreaming new dreams.
It almost feels like I can't let.
Go of that memory because Ihaven't been able to almost, like,
refine that.
Yeah.
Like, work tribe.
Like, it's.
So there's something needs tobe said.

(51:03):
There's something that needsto be said about, like, finding a
beautiful work family.
Like, I look forward to goingto work every day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that's something to be saidfor sure.
But to be fair.
Coming to work with you guys.
Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.
Yes.
Yes.
I feel like it made it better.

(51:23):
It made it fun.
I want to think about.
Just an update.

(51:44):
My life looked up.
I started driving to theoffices, you.
Know, and I think that wecould also have, like, we had our
moments where we had tension,but we were able to see through the,
you know.
You know, we actually, weactually didn't have any issues as.
Yeah.
Adults per se.

(52:06):
Yeah, we didn't have any issues.
We had issues, but I had anissue once because of Beyonce.
But.
Breaking up relationships.
It wasn't a major issue.
It lasted all of like three,four days.
But there was a principalitywho we all knew that used to cause

(52:30):
Harry to lose his absolute.
That was when we used to haveall those issues.
Person will not be mentioned.
They know themselves.
I think that that was.
You are problematic.
That was the only thing thatreally rocked our friendship, you
know, and if you ask, to behonest, Bumi and I till today don't

(52:50):
really know the root cause ofthat problem.
But we're like real friends, Jonathan.
Like, and I think we are still.
And that's why it's so organic.
Even though we don't talkevery week, even though I talk to
Bumi almost every day, theyall are like 20.
Minutes from each other.
So yeah, it's 20 minutes from me.
Because she refuses to see meas often as I want to see her.

(53:13):
First of all, Bumi, it's.
I'm doing this single parent life.
I'm not like, should we go?
Should we take the childrenaround 8:00am like please, please.
I barely survive the night.
Just B's privilege is speaking.
As in the privilege is just annoying.
Want to go out at 8:10 shecall me.

(53:34):
Oh, we're taking a walk to thelibrary at 10.
Meanwhile I've already startedwork cuz she starts work at 12.
I'm in the office at 8:30.
So I'm just looking at like what.
Is going on here?
Yeah, stop by your house realquick, girl.
I'm in the office like youknow, so it's.
So it's.
The thing about adultrelationships is that it's really

(53:54):
hard to, to you know, alignyour schedules.
I mean, talk about this call.
Guys, remember how long ittook us to agree to find the time
we would not give?
Harry said, yeah, guys.
So I loved.
I just, I was like, no, I will.
I like it's bedtime now.
But I was like, I will movemountains just to make it like he
has stayed.
I was like.

(54:14):
Yeah, he did that.
He literally just put.
And I said, okay, you know what?
I don't want to be squared.
I shall be there.
You know, but like I, I knowwe're gonna try wrapping up now because
like for Lala said, it'sbedtime and everything and I want
you all to, you know, go backto things you were doing.
But like, how is it making isin the uk.

(54:35):
So that's why it's better.
Yeah, all of us were at thesame time.
So Paladela is in the.
It's still very after daylight here.
But I wanted to ask, how hasit been.
How has it been forming newcommunity now that we are all in
different cities?
What is that looking like fory' all?
This one, I like.

(54:55):
This is a really goodquestion, especially.
As y' all are also.
I think only for La delay hasthe good stock, my dear.
Yeah, yeah, this.
This is a really good.
Question.
Rather.
So for me, I think I got.
I was a bit skeptical.
I mean, I'm very like pro.
Niger.
Like I would.
I can't wait to be able tomove back.
Like, hopefully, you know,things settle and all that.
But I loved.
I wasn't like jumping to leave.

(55:17):
I only left because my husbandwanted to come study, do his masters
here.
And so we just decided, okay,there's a whole scheme on like routes
to being able to get passportor like Livia or whatever.
So we decided to stay.
It just made sense.
But I wasn't ready to leaveNigeria at the time, even though
I had left TBC at this time.
But so I was skeptical or likereluctant, I guess is the word of

(55:37):
moving here because I was justlike, oh my gosh.
I mean, I had gone to unihere, but I decided not to stay at
the time.
So I had my tribe from thattime, but everybody had moved to
different parts of the world.
So I'm just like, what will itbe like?
So.
But we also moved at a timewhere everyone was sort of jack buying.
So maybe, I guess I alsothought, okay, maybe it will be okay.
But I was just a bit.
So I would say that obviouslymy sister is here and then I have

(55:59):
a lot of friends thanks toJackpot, which is, sorry for context,
for like your international audience.
It's just the relocation, the.
The mass relocation that has happened.
You know, a lot of.
A lot of really solid talentsand solid people in Nigeria are leaving
just because our government is.
Government has been forever.
And so people are leaving tofind opportunities anyway.
So I know a lot of people whohad done that.

(56:21):
So I was like, okay.
I knew there would be that familiar.
Thing of like finding thosepeople, but I think just starting
over, I was just like.
But for me, work community hasprobably been the toughest one because
my relocation story was a bitchallenging in terms of like, imagine
you've gotten to like seniorproducer level where you're coming
from, and you were apresenter, you Know the show that
Achifa was talking about wasthe show that I would then go on

(56:43):
to inherit and so the fan basewas solid and you'd be going on the
street.
You were basically a minicelebrity in your side of town.
And so now come here and I'mstruggling with like 21 year olds
and 23 year olds to get intothe industry and yeah, so, so I then
that then meant like finding atribe of like people of color, people

(57:03):
from different backgroundsbecause those are.
There are a lot of supportgroups here where you can find opportunities
in those ways.
So it took a lot of just likehumbling myself, starting afresh
knowing that.
I decided to move here.
I have to start over.
So I would say in terms oflife like my tribe it was easy to
maybe adjust because therewere people already here but in terms
of like finding my feet workwise and finding that community and

(57:25):
that tribe I think that's morewhere I would be able to answer that
question from and that it was challenging.
But we thank God, I mean wecan't happen and things are happening
so.
We give God, we give God the glory.
You want to talk about howfinding how community has been for
y' all?
Building and finding community.
I was going to let you.
I'll keep it very brief.
You know I don't talk a lotfor me, wow guys, you just broke

(57:48):
my heart.
Anyway, for me guys it.
Do you know what, it's been tough.
I'm going to be honest becauseI don't think I've ever had to reevaluate
what kind of person I am interms of like friendship or the kind
of friends you know I justalways had people like in Nigeria
or had family.
So even if I didn't like havefriends around at the time because

(58:08):
kind of like for ladily I didhave, have a few friends that even
if they didn't Japan like outof the country they moved states
and then I would be in anotherstates all the time where I didn't
really know people but I hadfamily right.
So I always had people.
And then moving out of that Ijust, it was work wasn't quite a
problem fortunately but then Iworked remotely.

(58:29):
That's.
Yeah, you have goodrelationships on the laptop but it
doesn't translate to.
And I want to go out, I wantto like, like go out with friends.
That's why I'm always workingat Jifa's life but she doesn't have
my time right.
So I want to go out, I want tohang out, I want like I Didn't have
to search for that.
Right.
And I'm relatively a friendlyperson, so I'll meet someone and

(58:49):
we'll have good bands,especially in like, these countries
that we're in.
And you just think, oh, myGod, I made a friend for life.
And tomorrow, coffee, nobody's available.
And two months later, I said,boy, we just live like down the road.
I didn't really understandthese things.
We'll say hi.
And I thought, you know, we connected.
We are going to be besties andwe just can't.
So I'm gonna be honest.

(59:10):
For a while I wondered if Ihad a problem.
Like, maybe I just wasn't thekind of person people wanted to make
friends with.
Like, Ajifa has a community,not a differ.
You at least you can call.
Like, you can throw a partyand then tell people.
Finds the tribe everywhere she goes.
Yeah, she's Ajifa is that kindof person.
Yeah.

(59:31):
So let me tell you something.
For me, you went to Tomo beachor one of all those schools, right?
So, like, like when you.
So nobody exists in my.
Room.
My tribe is because of theschools I went to.
Not really, because.
I don't even know anybody inmy entire.

(59:56):
Behalf.
It's all right.
So I.
I struggled because I just,like, I had my core family.
Amazing Love my child, love my husband.
But I've always had more.
And I just didn't understandthat every day these are the only
people I'm going out with,hanging out with.
God, I need more.
So that's something I'd.
I had to just come to termswith that.

(01:00:19):
Okay, you know what?
You have to just re.
Evaluate things, you know, andit's not you, it's.
And maybe it's you.
Maybe you have to find out,you know, so just having.
Thinking through that process,and now I've let go and I am finding.
So sometimes also just let goand let things happen.
And small, small I want to.
At least now there's oneperson I can call outside at GFA

(01:00:40):
to say, you know, should we gofor a walk or what?
What?
What?
And hopefully in time.
Who is that?
My latest friend I really like.
First of all, Harry, let me.
Let me.
Let me put this thing incontext for you guys.
Let me tell you, first of all,the reason why I feel like a lot
of people struggle withfinding a tribe here or whatever.

(01:01:01):
People really think thatthat's this tribe I'm talking about.
Like, for example, I went out with.
Them on Mother's Day.
Mother's Day.
The last time I saw Them was February.
Like, I'm just trying to tellyou that it's not like I said.
No.
I see these people all the time.
The only thing is that mysister lives three minutes from me.
Like I live in chosen fromhere and it would land in her house.
Right.
So here's the truth now.

(01:01:24):
So really and truly, that's myonly tribe per se, that I say is
consistent.
Yeah.
Apart from Bumi.
Right.
Because Bumi and I.
Bumi, I.
I can stop by her house on myway to work or coming back or like
I take my laptop and work frommy house a couple of times.
Right.
And she has done the same,come to work, work from my house.
Right.
Once or twice.

(01:01:44):
But my thing is that why itseems that way for Bumi is because
you also need to understandliving in these countries, when we're
back in Nigeria, we had peoplewho were taking care of things that
we are taking care of now,which freedoms up a lot more to be
able to socialize and havetime for our social lives and cultivate
our friendships, our tribe,our communities.

(01:02:06):
Because you weren't like, forexample, me, I am the nanny.
I am the driver.
I am the electrician.
I am the cook.
I am the mechanic.
I am the.
Do you get what I'm saying?
I'm a carpenter.
Sometimes, like, I'm into upholstery.
It depends on whatever theneed is per day.
Bear in mind, there is aliving, breathing toddler who I am

(01:02:27):
in.
Who I am responsible for everysingle day.
Right.
And so it's.
It is tough in this part ofthe world to be able to have.
And I'm sure, Boomi, you'veseen that it's not just even me,
even your other friends inCanada like that you have like them
Jamachi and all that, like,they just had a new baby and all
of those kinds of things.
It's tough.
It's really, really hard to,you know, be so spent.

(01:02:48):
So every time I'm able to hangout with somebody, it's a huge sacrifice
for me.
The sacrifice either maybe I'mlosing a lot of money or I am literally
in agony.
No.
Yeah.
I'm literally in agony becauseI haven't slept.
For example, you guys aretalking about Boomi Step.
She stepped five hours since Ithink it's going almost three years

(01:03:10):
now.
I haven't slept more than two hours.
Two hours uninterrupted sleep.
I've never slept for more thantwo hours.
Even me that I'm stillbreastfeeding, I still see more than
two hours here and there.
Wow.
Yeah.
So I haven't slept more thantwo hours.
So my body clock has nowadjusted to that.
Even if my son is sleeping, Ijust can't sleep.
Even if he cries like, youknow, children cry in their sleep.

(01:03:32):
I fire alarms myself.
What are you burning?
Go ahead.
So even if my contest in hissleep, I'm awake and that's it, I
can't go back to sleep.
So sometimes it's really not about.
And, and that's, that's,that's the reason why for me I don't
feel so bad with community nowI've understood that adulting is
really, really, it's reallytough for a lot of people, particularly

(01:03:53):
even me.
I'm using my experience to join.
So when somebody doesn't evencall me back, I just take it as oh,
their son or their child was probably.
So I think that's why becauseI removed that pressure from what
I'm expecting my community ormy relationships to be.
I realized that they're easier.
So I don't take it personallywhen somebody can make it or can't
come or cancels talking about me.

(01:04:15):
She has canceled on me likethree, four times before or even
more.
And it's not a big dealbecause I understand how it works
with having children andhaving, you know.
But at least you have support, right?
Yeah.
So, so I think, I think it'stough when you move to these new
places.
It's really hard to formrelationships especially when you've,
you come here in your adult life.
I feel like the children thefriends were supposed to have, we

(01:04:37):
made them a long time ago whenwe were younger.
Right.
Because at this stage formingnew relationships are really, really
hard.
Really?
Because, because you're a fullblown person with your own ideals,
with your own values, withyour own life experiences with you
know, your has been formedfully and completely.
Right.
So it's hard to be able to,to, to make new friends at this point.

(01:04:58):
But yeah, I have a try becauseI went to Queen's College and Queens
College.
Wherever you go anywhere inthe world, you find 5 million of
them.
Like I can like 7 that live injust this.
I live in an area like a suburb.
I can count like seven thatlive in this suburb alone.
But that, that, that prettymuch is it.
But I, I don't see them asoften as I used to in Nigeria.

(01:05:20):
I don't see, I don't hang outeven me and I, we live 20 minutes
away.
We just take what we can.
I, okay, stop by, we stand outoutside in her house Talk for like
five minutes and we're gone.
Right.
It happened a couple of times.
So it is what it is.
We just, just, just, just forgive.
Everybody is tough.
Sorry.
Although I want to say Ajifais very right.

(01:05:41):
There's the understanding andfor most of the time, I think we
all have that right.
Because you also cancel on people.
But doesn't change the factthat sometimes it is hard even though
you understand.
Right.
It's tough.
Yeah.
So I think there's that thingwhere you just feel like you feel
lonely even though you're not alone.
So it's not, it's notloneliness that it's like, oh, I'm
crying.
But I think it should bebetter because you're coming from

(01:06:03):
the uk.
The UK is not a place that youusually like.
Yeah, but in the uk, remember,my husband had his family there and
I did.
And I still had, like,Faladele was there chige.
So I still had a few people.
Then I was.
And I was going into theoffice, so I made friends in the
office.
And my UK experience wasreally short, you know, it was like,
what, a year plus?
Right, Right.
Yeah, it was in the uk.

(01:06:24):
No, but she used to come,like, I think she came a few times.
So we start.
And in the uk, people visit alot more because it's closer to Nigeria.
So at every given time,honestly, I didn't feel that in the
uk because there were people.
I'm very shocked.
Like, I.
I know it's tough.
It's really.
It really is hard.
And Bumi, I love you.
I know you always want to doactivities, like, something.

(01:06:46):
I think the problem is Ialways want to do.
I was like, oh, let's go to arcade.
Let's go to the arcade.
Or let's go.
Let's go and sweat.
I just want to sit down.
I just want to sit down and we eat.
Or like, just like.
Because I.
My life is on a kid.
My son is an acrobat.
You have to go into theoffice, right?

(01:07:06):
Yeah, I go into the office.
But, like, for this quarternow, I'm not going as much.
But last quarter I was goingthree times a week.
So you wanna, you wanna, like, rest.
I feel like.
I think for me, it hasn'treally been so bad because I have
a.
I have a.
I have friend groups here,folks that came from Nigeria.
But also, like, I'm single, Idon't have any kids.

(01:07:26):
I don't have any, like, responsibilities.
And so it's like, it's easierfor me to be, you know, like, other
Things I have, like, almostrespect for y' all.
And you know what?
I.
I just.
I feel like it still is niceto know that even though you don't
have, like, I'm happy so that,you know, Bumi, that you're.
You're 20 minutes away from Atifa.
I comforting to know that ifthere is anything, you're gonna be

(01:07:48):
right there.
You know, you all have each other.
You might not see each otheras often as you did.
I'm my contact and she's mine.
Exactly.
So she can go pick up mydaughter if I can't make it.
You know, I'm glad that thatis something that, you know, y' all
have and, you know, for, likethe reason the UK and there's.
Nigeria is in the uk.

(01:08:09):
So she's good too.
So.
Yeah.
I think that my final questionis, if we were to do this again in
5 years, what do you hope wewill all be celebrating?
True.
That means.
I didn't get that.

(01:08:30):
That's okay for me.
I'll send you a text to get.
What else do you hope we'll be celebrating?
Maybe, like major jobs, Iwould say.
Yeah.
Because we're.
Yeah, we're international now.
We're in, like, differentparts of the world.
I mean, we have sense andwe're really creative.
So I'm hoping for, like, yeah,major opportunities, newsworthy moments

(01:08:51):
and mind shattering news,like, work wise.
Yeah.
Do you guys still have, like,obviously you probably have dreams,
but do you still have.
Have the dream?
Like, do you still havesomething that in five years.
It's not vague.
I want this, like, in terms of ambition.
Like, do you feel.
Do you feel that it's harder to.

(01:09:12):
Oh, my gosh, Bummy, stop.
You have me in my feelsbecause I've been wrestling with
this in the last, like, few weeks.
Just like, you know, somethings that I felt so strongly about
back then and did.
And then now I'm here and I'mlike, I'm here.
Am I still holding on to.
So passionate.
Like, I want to achieve that,but I'm not in Nigeria, so.
Whereas Nigeria is where Iwant to achieve that.

(01:09:33):
I feel like Nigeria is raw andripe for that.
So am I just holding on tothat dream?
Okay, I'm here now.
Am I going to have somethingof my own here?
So.
Girl, you just triggered me,so please stop.
You know, you know, I will saysomething, right?
I had like a particular.
And y' all know, like, y' allwere there.
I had a particular dream.
What I Wanted to be how Iwanted to live.
I didn't let being in TVCstopped me.

(01:09:55):
I had a podcast when it wasn'teven cool, you know, it was 2015.
Yes, Harry, you know what I'm saying?
Before IG, my friend, you knowwhat I'm saying?
I would.
I would walk, I would edit thepodcast, I would walk, I would do
go reports, come back, recordmy podcast, edit the podcast before
I go home.

(01:10:15):
With the TV news.
I will do all those things.
And I.
And I really had a focus on Nigeria.
Think that as I got older andlife started to happen to me, I started
to lose that because life was happening.
Right.
But I think that this year Iwas really struggling with myself,

(01:10:36):
really struggling with myself.
I felt like I did not.
I just didn't feel connectedto who I was anymore.
And I didn't know why,because, you know, I was like, why
am I feeling so disconnected?
You know, I'm.
I know that, you know thatthose were the dreams of the past.
I don't want to do pop culturecommentary anymore.
Like, that's not me anymore.
There's so much in the worldright now.
I want to have much morenuanced conversations if I'm going
to do something like that.

(01:10:56):
But also just realizing thatthe fact that your dreams can just
take a different way, they canevolve, they can change.
Yeah.
And so when I decided that,okay, fine, I'm going to go back
to podcast.
And not because I want to bethe biggest podcaster or because
I want to recreate what I.
What the wheel of what I did,what I had back in the day, but because
I want to connect with theparts of myself that I really love.

(01:11:18):
And I want to just share that.
Ever since I've been workingon this podcast, it's been amazing.
It's an investment.
Yes.
I have to, you know, invest ina couple of equipment and things,
but I don't feel asdisconnected as I did at the start
of the year.
Right.
And this conversation.
Yes.
Will be published to everybodyon social media, on YouTube.
But it's really, for me, like,this is feeding me, feeding my soul.

(01:11:41):
And so I want to let you allknow that whatever your dreams were,
they can evolve and they canchange and it can shift.
Shift.
Right.
It can change something new.
And there is room for you to,like, you have trj, you know, it
doesn't.
It can evolve into something new.
You know, you wanted to do video.
Maybe now is the time for video.
Maybe now it's time to go backto recent content and just Sharing
kind of like a humans of NewYork vibe that you were going for

(01:12:03):
before.
And so it's like, all thesethings can change, and that's what
I'm learning, that my dreamscan shift.
They can change.
And I'm opening up myself tosee, okay, where would this journey
take me as I'm moving here, asI'm being present, because life is
gonna happen.
You know, I gotta say, Harry,you know, when you started, I was
so happy.

(01:12:28):
This place.
Now you are banned.
What?
Ultimate.
Is wild.
She said it so confidently.
I don't even know why thatman's name is in my mouth.
Oh, my God.
When you started it, I was.
I was so happy for you.

(01:12:48):
Like, I gotta tell you, I'm soproud of you for going back to your
roots.
And, like, it's so obviousthat you were made for this, right?
Yeah.
And it's.
It's.
Happy to see how.
I mean, it's.
It's.
It's just.
I'm excited to see how youhave evolved as a human being.
You know, when we talk aboutpop culture commentary in two minutes
or less, in one minute orless, like, we.
We talk about whole, you know,things that really didn't.

(01:13:11):
Right.
It's just.
Even when I talk to you, theconversations I have with you, I.
This was very, very much needed.
Not just for everyone, but,like you said, for you to see how
far you've come.
And I'm sure when you watchthese things back, you're just like,
wow, I'm definitely not theguy that I was.
Four.

(01:13:31):
Four years.
Harry's matured.
We're talking.
I'll be like.
Like, I'm talking to Harry.
I'm just like, God, like, isit like he's talking like.
Like what you just said?
Harry, you got me my pills.
I was like, yes, my Dre, I can change.
Honestly.
I gotta give you grace for.
I was like, give me grace.
Hello.

(01:13:51):
I'm holding space.
Harry, do you still like food?
Please.
I love food.
Please.
I'm trying to.
I'm trying to not.
That's the one thing I wouldnever change.
I'm trying to now.
You know, calories.
You now, like.
Like, cook.
Like, I saw you, like, we were talking.
I was like, okay, okay, you go.
But also, I want to say onthis podcast, I'm so proud of you

(01:14:13):
and the person that you arenow and how you've.
I think you've finally gottento your own where you know who you
are.
You're unapologetic about itand not as you're Not.
You're not scared to haveuncomfortable conversations with
anybody.
Right.
And in any space.
And you're not afraid to also.
And he's never been.
And he's never been as well.

(01:14:34):
100.
But right now.
But before, if I, If Iconvinced Harry, he'll be like, okay,
you know, and the conversationwill end.
But now Harry would definitelymake a point to let you know that
I don't agree with this, but this.
But it's okay for you to haveyour opinion, but I don't.
But it doesn't align with whatI believe.
And also another thing thathas happened to Harry is that he's

(01:14:56):
able to also recognize peoplethat he doesn't need in his life
for different reasons and ableto walk away from those situations,
which is stuff that back thenhe struggled with.
I'm like, Harry, just.
Clean break.
Let it go, you know?
Yeah.
Shows that you've really,really matured and evolved as a person.
I'm so proud of you.
I love you so much.
And I.

(01:15:16):
I can't wait to see you in thenext five years because I really
feel like you've opened, youknow, the gates for something.
Was it gates of hell?
Those were the gates forsomething that could be really, really
amazing.
Yeah.
Thank you for leaving us there because.
So my madame is crying, so Ido have to go.

(01:15:36):
But I just wanted to also addto that and say that, like, I think
for me, I just want to say howmuch of, like, how much respect I
have for the OG Ness of this.
Or like, like, Harry, you weredoing things, like, ahead of your
time, yada.
Magazine, like, Harry, Harryset the pace.
Like, you, You've been.
You've always been ahead ofthe curve.
You've always had vision.

(01:15:57):
You've always been.
And so even for you, where itfelt like, oh, what am I doing?
Where do I go?
Blah, blah, blah.
I think what we see is like,you've always.
You've always been ahead.
You've always had a plan, evenwhen it was not to do these things.
But you did it.
Yes.
Harry.
Consistency.
It doesn't matter if.
If he fails, if he succeeds,Harry will do it.
Yes.
And.
And those things the otherday, I think.

(01:16:18):
I can't remember if I just.
I don't know if I googled yourname or like, I googled something
that just took me back to oneof the Harry minutes we had done
years ago.
And it's like stamped onGoogle on the.
On the web forever.
And so for me, it's just like.
Yeah.
I just want to say, like, how.
Much respect I have for that.
And even what you said, like,we came on to share our story with
you and for you to, you know.
Maybe be inspired or thinkit's cool.

(01:16:39):
But I'm living feeling likeI've been reminded that, like, my
dreams can evolve.
My dreams can shape shift.
You know, I can go another route.
And, you know, I've beentalking about how, like, oh, do I
want to do a podcast?
The whole world is doing podcasts.
Who is now listening foreverybody's doing podcast reminded
me.
Oh, yeah, but I want to produce.
And if I can't produce on alarge scale like we used to, I'm

(01:17:01):
like, I want to producecontent that is my.
Not work.
Yeah, right, right, right, right.
Oh, I know that.
I know that.
Sorry, I was just like, yeah, but.
You were doing podcasts beforepeople even were talking about it.
So it's like, it was only SoundCloud.
We had, like, when it was onlySoundCloud, we had.
Harry, your dedication.
I just like, oh, my.
I just need to say it's like.
Like, on this platform, Harry would.

(01:17:23):
We would be doing work, andhe'll be committed to that work.
Oh, he will give his.
Would do the work, do it diligently.
And then he will still find time.
For his dreams, like, hourslater, you know, come.
Oh, yeah, you guys, you're onthe pod today.
This one would.
He will sit and edit, and theepisode will be out on the day he
says it will be out.
Bruh.
Respect.
And I think there's somethingfor me to take away from this.

(01:17:44):
Like, just be inspired.
Don't cry, because you'regonna set me off.
Don't cry.
I really try.
I really try not to cry,because y' all have no idea how hard
it was.
Start of the start of the yearfor me, it was really hard.
And I felt like.
I felt like I was in limbo,you know, I was just in limbo.
And maybe I am in some areasof my life, but I feel like I needed

(01:18:08):
to go back.
And I want.
I want all of us.
We are all on differentjourneys in our lives, but I need
us to go back.
The things that you are sayingto me at Chiffa for Ladybumi, y'
all were also doing greatthings at the time.
I had dreams and passions that were.
That.
That was motivating us.
We all will talk about.
We were.
Our minds were expanding, andI don't want us to lose that, you

(01:18:30):
know, however way we cannurture that, just keep going.
And the reason why we are inthe space that we are in is because
God has willed it.
So, you know, in this point inour journeys, we are where we are
supposed to be.
So please, whatever.
Whatever way it is, even ifit's on a small scale, Even if it's
five views or 10 views youhave, whatever you do, keep it as

(01:18:52):
a motivation to keep going.
You don't know who's watching.
I don't know who will beinspired, number one.
I don't know whether that willbe this next step.
And also, we are all doing bigthings in our own way.
You know, it looks different,but it's huge.
You know, Wicked was huge forthat day.
That was a huge.
It was huge.
You have your name in thecredits forever.
IMDb stamped.

(01:19:12):
So you need to hold on to that.
Hold on to that.
I know you'll have to leave,but I'm really thankful.
Thank you all so much.
I love you all so much.
Sometime, take care ofyourself, y' all.
And will the folks watching,thank you for watching.

(01:19:34):
I will see you on the next episode.
If you made it to this point.
Like subscribe and share, please.
Yes.
Hit the subscribe button below.
Thank you.
And Ode Juma.

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