8. The Longest Yard

1974 vs 2005

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Welcome to the O GS and their remakes, the podcast where we
ask life most important question, why remake perfection?
Each week we put original and their remake head to head.
So grab your popcorn, your VHS tape, and your streaming
subscription, because we're about to settle the Score 1
remake at a time. Wow.

(00:26):
Yes. Interesting.
It's like that. Alrighty then.
I'm DJ. And I'm Aaron.
And welcome to OG's and their remakes.
So, fun fact of the day, this one's fun.
This is really fun. So did you know that revving

(00:47):
your engine when you see a cute girl, whether it's a truck or a
sports car or hell, even a van, whatever vehicle you got, even a
motorcycle. Even go boom boom.
Grabbing your engine just to gether attention is letting

(01:08):
everybody know you got that small PPE energy.
That's how we see it, just so you know.
Not BDE, it's SDE yes, I mean I can't do that.

(01:28):
My car I go vroom, vroom and that's like God, that's 20 bucks
that's that and I get flat just saying oh, she's cute.
Yes she is. What?
OK, nevermind. I'm good.

(01:54):
I'm just going to, I'm just going to sit over here and think
about that for a moment. Yeah.
So come back. Did you know that you revved
your engine? It gets louder.
Yes. Some people did not know that.
Yeah, yeah. That's also how you let
everybody know you got that small PPE energy.

(02:15):
Especially down here in Toothless.
It's a reference to the movie wejust watched.
That was awesome. Yeah, so, so we watched The
Longest Yard. The original was in 1974 and.

(02:42):
The remake, The 1974 version hasthe Bandit himself.
Was it lost the movie? Pardon me for a moment.
Yeah, Burnt Reynolds is actually.
And there it goes again, Paul Crew in the original and in the

(03:09):
remake he is the Yeah, the coach.
The coach, but in the original he does not look the same.
No, I mean he is definitely a younger bird.
They. They, they cut his hair and then

(03:29):
shaved his face and he, he, I don't know how I feel about
that. I'm almost positive that was
that movie was after Gator but before smoking a man.
I may have been wrong, but it's somewhere in between those two

(03:52):
films. Yeah, who wasn't quite old yet.
Probably old. He's not older.
Looking like he wasn't a bandit,but he's not as young as he
looked in Gator. McCluskey.
Well, I'm not talking about his age.
I'm just talking that it's kind of like when, let's say, oh
hell, anybody that usually has abeard and you see them for years

(04:16):
with a beard and mustache or just mustache or whatever, and
then it's gone. And then it's all gone.
And you don't know how to feel about that because you thought
they looked good with it all. And then and then it's gone and
you're just like, well, I mean, you're not bad looking, but
what's going on here? Yeah, and you know, when they,

(04:40):
when they first shaved his his mustache off, it was like, who
is this guy? Oh, oh, oh, Jesus Christ.
Apparently I'm allergic to my own bullshit.
Oh my Lord. Oh, it came way back in the back
of your head. Oh my God, I felt that one down.

(05:02):
Look, people, you sneeze so damnhard.
Not only does it pop your back, but it makes your collarbones
hurt. Oh, you're.
Getting old. I got allergies are real.
And then we get up there snoring.
Basically living here in Florida.
Oh, allergies are oh here bitch.So the director of the longest
yard in 1974 was Robert Aldrich and 2005 is Peter Siegel Seagal

(05:32):
SEGL Main star of course is BurtReynolds as Paul wrecking crew
and then 2005 Adam Sandler. Amazing.
It's tall crew and the tones foreach one of these movies.
The first one, the the original is is pretty raw, more character

(05:54):
driven. And the newest one, the the 2005
version of the remake is flash year.
More comedy in it and it's not quite as serious.
Now here's the thing. In 1974, it's supposed to be set
at a Georgia prison. You see him get pulled over when

(06:16):
he takes off the Maserati slash Citroen vehicle of his.
Own it, says Citroen right thereon the.
It says Citroen right on the front grill too.
Like like don't take my Ford Mustang and it says Chevrolet
across the tailgate of the truckjust like, are you curious?
Yeah. But when you get stopped by the
cops, they have the patches on the shoulder with Peaches, which

(06:42):
was the old Georgia Highway Patrol patch.
And then of course, when he goesto prison, he's in a Citrus
state prison. I'm assuming a Citrus county,
but they've said they picked himup in Palm Beach County.

(07:03):
Palm Beach County is in Florida are.
You sure Georgia doesn't have one?
I'm almost positive. I mean, you never know they they
might have a wannabe Palm Beach.Well, anyway, they said they
picked them up on Palm Beach. I mean, Atlanta wants to be
South, but they they don't act like it.
So yeah, right. They might have a Palm Beach

(07:24):
that that that wants to be Palm Beach, FL.
I mean they do have a Gainesville, GA.
Yeah. Compared to Gainesville, FL,
yeah. Two totally different things.
I don't know, But then they're in a swamp and then they're
talking, but they're again, eventhe inmates or in the old
Florida prison outfit, which is all white with the blue stripes,
and now they're all blue outfitswith The White Stripes.

(07:48):
Anyway, I don't think they just got.
Confused. They were trying to figure out
where they were. Maybe they're on the line then
they just don't know which side they're on yet.
Reminds me of all the cartoons that are now made now like the
adults, like Archer whatnot. Made in Georgia but we're going
to clean. We're in Florida but with
Georgia cop on the next episode of.

(08:13):
I am so fucking confused on whatstate I'm in.
They're hoping you don't pay attention to that.
They must think that they are inPanama City Beach.
I mean, they were hoping everybody was getting high and
you just didn't notice. The address is Florida, but we
know Panama City is just ran by a bunch of redneck Alabama we
already know. I mean, pretty much.
That is LA. That is Lower Alabama right

(08:35):
there. That is the Redneck Riviera.
If you ever go to Panama City Beach, you know what I'm talking
about. So let's see.
Well, considering the 2005 version has Adam Sandler, Chris

(08:58):
Rock, Reynolds come back, Terry Crews.
Yes. Tracy Morgan, you got Nelly.
I mean, obviously it's going to be nothing but comedy.
Yes, it was an awesome. Movie.
I prefer the newer one because it's just more relatable.

(09:21):
And I'm pretty sure that the older one or the original was, I
mean, for the for the time that it came out, not only they had
to be serious, but they had to. It's like they were almost
trying to break him away from being the bandit or Gator or
some of the other characters he's played, which is always

(09:42):
that happy go lucky woman's band.
But you didn't tell the secretary to be high.
Yeah, compared to you, that's, you know, and apparently he was
very happy to do it. Even dropped the the role the
actual role of film pardon. I mean, at least Adam Sandler
acted a little reluctant. Like do I really have?

(10:04):
To Yeah, but did you see the secretary?
I think the secretary from 2005 movie was the original secretary
from 1974, and she just aged horribly.
Not gracefully, just horribly. Oh my God.
I'm just saying how much Hairspray?
Do you use? Or should I say, how much Aqua

(10:26):
net do you use for that beehive on your head at?
Least 1/2 a can. I mean that's why we have no
hair now. Yes, look at the hair.
Tube taking more of a like a canand a half two cans.
I mean, you know, it's like. That thing did not move.
She could get rained on and never have a one single strand

(10:48):
of wet hair. I mean turn her head and
everything, not one hair out of place.
I bet you the way she just popped it off like a Lego hat it
just there you go I'll weigh youtomorrow.
It's OK a little more awkward itand we're good.

(11:08):
If you don't know anything aboutThe Longest Yard, it is a
football movie, so a. Football, movie and then some.
Yeah, and it's pretty much basedon Paul Cruz, who was a NFL star
who shaved points and through games ended up getting

(11:30):
essentially kicked out of the league.
Now, this goes for both films. OK?
So they pretty much kept that the way that is.
The script are pretty much the same, just minor nuances are
changed here and there, But that's pretty much just of it.
And then he takes his girlfriend's car and both movies
takes it out for Joy Wright whenshe said don't take my car.

(11:50):
And he's like, yeah, you're OK. Like any red blooded man.
If he's already started drinking, he's going to continue
to drink in her car. Yeah.
Wow, that was a. Yeah, our dog that I don't like
who you talk. Yeah, I see.

(12:13):
But I ended up going out drinking and driving in the
girlfriend's car, getting bustedby the cops.
Please. Guilty to drinking and driving,
felonious assault and all kinds of other stuff.
And then next thing you know he's doing 18 months in prison.
Cool. Even the warden of both movies
have pulled little strings. A lot of strings.

(12:35):
Some strings. I'm surprised they don't have an
ad for a tampon commercial when they're somewhere for all the
strings they're pulling. But they pull strings.
They get him sent to this particular prison.
They wanted him in this prison, the warden said, because they
wanted an NFL star, former NFL star, to train their guards to
be better football players because I guess they play among

(12:57):
the other. Yeah.
And he wants to bring on the champion.
Because it would look good. Because he was like going up for
mayor or. The governor or some?
Yeah, something like that. Some some state position which
is just where we don't get into politics.
So anyways. We're not touching that stuff.

(13:18):
So, and that's pretty much the premise of both movies.
Now in the movie, Paul Cruz on and both of them is pretty much
just trying to do his time and not really want to deal with
anybody else. But he gets roped into training
the convict and through trials and tribulations in both movies

(13:39):
because they end up getting it done.
It's just like I said, the the original was more serious, more
down home. Try to teach you some lessons.
Not even really lessons, just moral fortitude, nothing else.
Integrity I guess is the word I'm looking for.
It it was just wasn't as entertaining it.
Was a little. Dryer.

(14:00):
It was, it was a it was an actual movie.
You watched it. You learned very little to
nothing. I mean, you learn what not to
do. I mean, you know, we learned
something from something that's successfully horrible.
What not to do? Hey, don't drink and drive.
If you do drink and drive, have yourself a DVD so that way they
can hold the drink for you whileyou're driving.
Now, I'm not condoning that by any means.

(14:24):
Cup holders are great, but when you need a fresh one, I mean,
the cup holder is not going to open it for you.
That's all I'm saying. But I don't drink and drive.
Don't go to prison if you do, just pretend you can't speak or
hear. You'll be all right.
Wow, yes. You're just full of.
Information, insightful information.

(14:45):
This is life changing for someone.
And the eye rolls continue. Yes, they do.
So. And just like in both movies, at
the end of the game, they end upwhipping the guard down.
Yeah, Which, you know, some of them actually had it coming to
them. Some of them were just like,
hey, you know, we're kind of doing our.
Job now. I didn't see it in the first

(15:07):
one, but the way they sabotage the guards in the second one in
the 2005 one. Oh that was awesome.
Was fantastic. I don't.
Think they really sabotage the guards in the first one.
I'm pretty sure they didn't because there wasn't really
think. I know they still studied the
files and stuff. Yeah, they still went through
the. Patients we went into their like

(15:27):
their lockers, no pushed out medication.
Pretty much the first one was all about who was the worst
convicts that they could get to be on their team to the star
rating system which. Is in both and they focus not on
the playing but on the inflicting pain on the guard
for. Pressed knuckles.
Versus the 2005, they focus on the playing the game, but at the

(15:52):
same time work in a couple jabs here and there if you.
Can and that was the main thing about the first movie is you
want to inflict as much pain on the guards as you can because at
the end of every play you're going to hit a guard, you're
going to hurt a guard and they went you know, stomach, groin,

(16:14):
chest. These are the most painful
places you take them to the ground, you elbow the shit out
of them. Cool and the second one in the
remake, it was more it was more funny.
It was more Comic Relief, which is awesome that movie really
needs. But there again, they did it in

(16:35):
Toothless Country in Texas. Yeah, no, they didn't say what
part of. Texas, I don't I don't remember
what the what the original opened up with, but it was the
the remake that you heard. Welcome to Toothless Country.
Yeah, welcome to Toothless. And it's like, wow, that yeah,
wow. You're going to do a bit just

(16:58):
playing. I think that's my cousin.
No, that's my sister. I already married her.
Welcome to Texas. Wow.
We're having a piece of Texas going to be hating on us now.
That's OK. It's.
OK. I mean, everything's bigger in
Texas. Even he goes.
And assholes. And and noses.

(17:19):
And bricks. And that's why they wear those
big hats, to contain their big heads.
Because they got a big head doesn't mean it has anything in
it really. Oh no, it's just super inflated.
They're like waterhead babies. Like I said, that's why they
slosh around every time they walk.

(17:41):
You. Guys, Jesus, it's just genuine,
but I mean All in all I mean is poor football movie was actually
pretty good. Yeah, I enjoyed them both, but I
the remake got it. The remake just better.
And I think it's it's that the biggest part is that Comic

(18:02):
Relief in there. The the people that they got to
play those parts and the extras that they added in in in the
first one. The biggest guy really didn't
come off as anything but a big guy like he he just there was,

(18:25):
there was no not much interaction with him.
No. And that big guy was using a lot
of other atoms in the movies we talked about earlier, later on
in Adam's career as the one weird guy that was just super
huge, always in the background somewhere.
Especially Happy Gilmore. That was awesome.
That fucking nail sticking out of his head That.

(18:47):
There, there just wasn't a wholelot of interaction with him
versus the the second one, the remake, the what I would call
big dummy. There was more interaction, you
know? Oh yeah.
Oh, have a victory hug with Caretaker.

(19:07):
OK. Yeah, like, OK, but wow.
Takes some buff off around, justchecks him like a wreck.
I'm gonna pay him and call me Mama, call him George.
You know, it's like, I mean, whoever the actor is, like, I
don't remember who it is, but heis, he is a great actor.
He he played that role really. Really.
Well I actually looked looked him up and he actually is

(19:31):
American mixed martial artist and kickboxer.
Damn. Yeah, he's 65.
He's a big dude. Big 5, yeah, that's that's I
mean, I've gone toe to toe with six, five and I know how big 65
is. That's just how.
Yeah. But that's one guy I don't want
to go toe to toe with. He he got muscle and I'm pretty
sure he knows how to use it. Not when he's an actual MMA

(19:53):
artist. Yeah, no, I'm good.
There's a difference. I'll take the knees out first.
65 inmate talking about I'm going to fuck you up, Johnson.
I'm sorry. What?
Come here. You hold my pocket and my
pocket's got keys in it. I don't, you hold my pocket and
then you put them there and you and they just, everybody just
kind of looks like, Oh my God, what you go up against him for?

(20:16):
Just cause he big doesn't mean anything you know this.
Yeah. My wife has unofficially bounced
heads off concrete. My wife has unofficially run
inmate head. I mean individuals head down
chain link fences. My wife has unofficially done

(20:38):
things to certain individuals that we were in custody of, in
control of and there was care you.
I have unofficially, multiple times in different situations,
taken down People, people, men, overgrown boys.
What do you want to call them? Unofficially taken them down and

(21:03):
they've been twice my size. Yeah.
And then they get up off the ground, look at you like, what'd
you do that? For Why are you so strong?
That's what I did. Why are you so strong?
Really. You're twice my size.
This is coming from the woman who had the nickname on a
compound Terminator. That's why I had that nickname.
That in the damn sunglasses. Yeah, and the boot.

(21:26):
And nobody ever wanted to ask this woman out.
I did. Repeatedly.
Repeatedly. Repeatedly.
And I'm 80 weight every year. And she told me no repeatedly.
And now we're married for almostthree years now, and we've been
driving a truck together for four.
Persistence. Zip face off.

(21:49):
Not just persistence. Now be honest.
OK, I got a lot of work. Really, really good.
Whatever. Wow.
I got her one time, drove her home, did absolutely nothing,
walked through the front door and told her good night.
That's what I did. Uh huh.

(22:09):
That's all I did. Yeah.
Yeah, that makes a big difference.
And how much work did you have to do over the next two years?
Those are major details. I don't want to get too good.
You know, that's a lot. Yeah.
That's like a second. Full time job, I mean for
somebody who got who's used to doing the man and the woman job

(22:30):
in the household because I got two kids take care of.
Yeah. You got to prove you're a man
around me. Well worth.
It like raising kids, just well worth it.
Yeah, yeah. Anyway, back to the movie.
So see, we get talking about inmates and we get on something
totally. Oh my God, Lord.

(22:52):
Anyway, according to Google, Robert Malcolm Sapp, that's what
his name is. He is now 51 years old.
No. Also known as the Beast.
I can see why. Yeah is an American actor,
professional wrestler, kickboxer, mixed martial artist

(23:13):
and former football player. In 1997, the Chicago Bears
drafted Sapp in the third round of the NFL Draft.
Sapp's foundation style is kickboxing, and his coaches
include Josh Barnett and MauriceSmith.
And then he attended. He also attended the University

(23:36):
of Washington. But he plays a big dummy.
But he no dummy. So not only is he intelligent,
there's the difference between being smart and intelligent.
Not only is he intelligent, it'salso a kickboxer, which takes a
lot of practice. I mean those ties.
And especially if you're a big person for it takes a lot for
big people to be able to move. To be kicked by somebody who

(24:00):
knows how to kickbox is like being kicked by a mule, like a
horse. What's it called that big
working horse? One that pulls the the
Budweiser. Yeah.
Or Pfizdale. Yeah, that that would be the
equivalent. Yeah, I'm going from my head to

(24:21):
my elbow down to my ankles just to get to my asshole.
Meow. Big horse Budweiser, Pfizdale.
Yes, we are connecting dots herepeople.
I mean we are over 40 loosely. Connecting dots, but we're
connecting dots. The brain just does not work
like it used. To I mean to be ground and pound

(24:43):
by Judas over 6 + 5. Over 300 lbs.
And just to be ground and pound,I mean, that's no.
I'm good. I'm not that good.
But usually, usually those type of people though, because they
learned that because I, I, I came across a few inmates that

(25:04):
knew stuff, they refused to messwith me because they knew what
they were capable of and they were comfortable with what they
were capable of. They had an idea of what I was
capable of and they were comfortable with that.
They were not threatened. They didn't feel like less than
a man. Yeah, they didn't feel like they
had to prove. Anything No, no.
So they were more respectful, ofcourse, learning all that stuff,

(25:26):
whether it doesn't matter if you're in just in the gym, if
you're actually taking classes for mixed martial arts or
kickboxing or whatever. You learn discipline, you learn
respect. Oh, yeah.
So those people usually had respect for other people.
And that was one of the big things of why I would encourage
inmates to go work out. They would develop that respect

(25:49):
without even realizing it. Oh yeah, I'm just doing
something regular. Yeah.
But they did do that in these movies.
No. They didn't work out.
Oh absolutely not. You even had the big fat man
losing his underwear and all hisass hanging all out.
So what about Cheeseburger Cherry Cruise?

(26:11):
Oh my God. Why?
Why do you keep a cheeseburger in your crotch?
That's not good. And then the and then the guy
says, does it have cheese on it?It came out of his crotch.
What do you think? It's got ball cheese.
It's got cheese on it. It was in his crotch, in his
sweaty crotch. He's been, he's been on the
field. Practicing with a cup on that's

(26:32):
in his crotch, That's another thing.
I mean, we, I said this before Iowa.
I could never be the quarterback.
I could not be the quarterback. That's a lot of hits.
Not so much hits. Look, I got to put my hands
between another man's leg to catch a ball and granted, excuse

(26:52):
me, I don't have to have it all the way up against this cup.
I got that. But to know exactly where he's
going to put that ball, guess where you need to put your
hands? At the cup after the end of the
day where there's practice, fullgame.
Like I said, there's not enough soap to get the smell of balls
off the back of my hands. I'll be at McDonald's eating the

(27:15):
cheeseburger going. Balls.
Oh shit and. You know, not everybody has the
same hygiene. I mean, I washed everything.
Did you lift the sack? Did you lift ever?
Did you wash your tank? Well, no, you're nasty.

(27:36):
Just no. And that's why I don't want to
refuse to ever work at a female prison ever again.
They just do not have the same hygiene those.
Females at the county jail. Oh my God.
Nope. I'd rather go back to the male
prison. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You expect nastiness for men, You don't expect nastiness from

(27:56):
grown ass women. No, just just no.
I wouldn't even want to play football with them either.
No. No, I got to put my hand up
there and I know they don't havehygiene either.
Oh. Yeah, no, listen.
Except that I want him to try. Well, I'm thinking of it.
No, just no. I'll save you guys that.

(28:19):
But Nelly, yes, the rap star, Rap God, pop God, whatever the
hell you would have called it, Nelly, Mr. Band-Aid himself,
yes, who obviously does not haveanything wrong with his face,
but he's going to wear a Band-Aid.
Mr. Nelly himself was in the Sofia.
He was a running back. He was a wide receiver.

(28:40):
Someone, something. Like that?
Yeah. But it's funny because he was
running a Chris Rock Flash caretaker.
Just look at him. Look at him move.
He don't even have any cleats on.
Chris Rock goes this because yougot slave feet.
Yeah, look at you got slave feet.
Yeah, It's like, wow, yeah, you brought that in.

(29:00):
He did that. He.
He but I mean, that's Chris Rock.
That's that's the type of dogs he has.
It is awesome too. Yeah, it is awesome.
What I did like was they put allGoldberg in there and they gave
him that cup. Yeah, but more.
For like an elephant prunk. Yeah.
And all you're going to say is, yeah, we'll see you and your
pick one up on the on the filterpractice.

(29:22):
You can tackle him or hit him over the head with that hammer.
Right I. Want to hurt him, not kill him.
I'm like damn Jesus, Lord Almighty.
They look like I was damn near 2feet long and weigh like 8 lbs
each. That's what we women call
overcompensation. You don't need all that.

(29:45):
How much blood would it take to even get that thing to be like?
You don't need all that it. Would be like like he'd be
passed the hell out. I wonder how, when, how many
women would go no and walk out? Oh my God, it's so thick and
vainy. Oh, no, no, no, no, not that
one. No, no.

(30:07):
I need both hands and both feet.Just even get anything close to
being around it. No, I promise it won't bite.
Bullshit. I've seen the size of that
thing. You're lying.
God, we're so wrong. Probably start a podcast on

(30:29):
just. That shit.
Homo Jesus. But yeah, the longest yard.
I mean they were both really good movies.
I like the second one but the remake I think they.
Yeah, absolutely. And that's just because it's got
all the good comic medians in it, and it's just.

(30:50):
Comic Relief is there. Yeah, it's got everything you
need. What I did like is at the very
beginning of of the remake, whenhe sit there watching the movie,
his girlfriend walks in and says, look, you're going to wear
this outfit and you come downstairs and you're going to
you're going to entertain these guests that I have here at this
park. And she brings out a sailor suit

(31:10):
that a three-year old would wear.
Yeah. Like are you kidding me?
He's a grown ass man. Former.
I would probably have the same reaction he did.
He's like, oh but honey, don't be mad, I got you a.
Gift. Yeah, I got.
You a gift? It's like a unit no I.
Just want you to wear. I want you to wear something
nice. I got to tell you where it's in
the closet. It's a very bag.

(31:32):
Put it back there. That way you wouldn't find it.
And she doesn't like the closet.I like the shit out.
I would definitely do that aftershe brings out that outfit.
Oh, absolutely. Yeah.
I mean, I wouldn't. Do that for you.
Our daughter would be a different story.

(31:57):
Both our daughters, we did that.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's them for you way back there, says door lock it, pop
the grandbabies up on a bunch ofsugar and.
Unlock it, bye, see ya. Reality.
He decided to stop corn, huh? That is great.
That's it, guys. I mean, if you want nostalgia,

(32:20):
you want the old school. You want to see Burt Reynolds
without a mustache, which he looks hilarious as hell without.
Oh, my God. Watch the original if you want
more of the comedy stylings of the early 2000s.
This movie is it. It has a little bit of
everything. Yeah, I'm going for the remake.

(32:41):
Absolutely, definitely remake. She said absolutely.
I mean, they're both good, but Iif I had something to have on
repeat it'd be the remake. So there it is.
But it is the remake for the win.

(33:02):
Somebody bears. I am.
Anyway, until next time. You guys have a good one.
Be safe.