May 2, 2025 • 33 mins
Join Dr. Pete & Dr. Enmanuel Mercedes - the self titled CHANGE MAKER for a very special, informative conversation honoring Mental Health Awareness Month. Keeping the conversation open about mental health awareness is so important to create change in our ever changing society. Together, we will put in the work and continue to spread awareness & advocate for change.
Dr. Mercedes is a licensed psychologist in New York & New Jersey with over 13 years of work experience in advisement, counseling and clinical psychology. He currently provides private practice services in the tri-state area. Dr. Mercedes is an expert on understanding emotional intelligence and the importance for personal, academic and professional success.
Learn more about Dr. Mercedes here:
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Hello and welcome back to On Air with Dr Pete.
As you all know, we are alwaysdoing our best to bring
awareness to different topicsand we've got two psychologists
here today two for the price ofone because May is Mental Health
Awareness Month and it's beenobserved since 1949 in the
United States and I truly feelthat it's gained so much
(00:40):
awareness and, whether for goodor bad, the reality of it is,
it's a thing that is with us andreally focused on, and so we're
going to keep this conversationgoing and get us kind of
started in this mental healthmonth of May and take action,
raise your voice, whatever youcan do to make change, because
the stats are alarming.
And we're going to dive intosome mental health stuff with a
(01:01):
former classmate of mine howlucky am I for this to share
with you the mental healthchange maker, and this is Dr
Manny Mercedes.
He's a licensed psychologist inNew York, New Jersey over 13
years because it's impossiblethat we were back in school that
long ago in counselingpsychology.
(01:23):
He's a supervising psychologistat Lincoln Hospital in the
Bronx and he provides privatepractice in the tri-state area
and has been pivotal to my lifepersonally and professionally in
his leadership roles at the NewJersey Latino Mental Health
Association.
So welcome, Dr Manny Mercedes.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Thank you so much, pete, for the welcome and I'm
super excited to be part of thisconversation.
You know it's funny for thewelcome and I'm super excited to
be part of this conversation.
You know it's funny.
I don't know if you remember,but back a few years ago we did
the we were doing like a tuckshow, remember?
Yes, we've gone through theseexperiences, man, for years, so
I'm happy to be able to be partof this now.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Oh my god, so that was in Hoboken, did you?
Come to Hoboken, yeah, that wasthe Shrinks, so if anyone's out
there and wants to have a showthe Shrinks we own it.
So it was a bunch ofpsychologists from different
backgrounds talking about whypeople do what they do.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
I forgot that you were there for that.
That was awesome.
That was pretty cool man.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Well, here I am with another project.
So thanks, for you're always ateam, you're a team player.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I'm always happy to support you, but I'm also
inspired by you, so I'm happythat I get to share this
platform with you today, andhopefully the audience will get
a good kick out of what we haveto share today.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Let's see, the feeling is mutual.
The other thing I remember wasour swim lessons yes.
The other thing I remember wasour swim lessons yes, can we
share that?
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Of course, listen, I talk about those swim lessons at
least once a month, man.
No, you don't, I swear.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
You know what it is, what.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
People have a hard time believing that I grew up in
the Caribbean and that I didnot know how to swim until I was
in my 20s, and I always bringup how it happened.
And so, for those of youlistening, dr Pete, who is an
amazing swimmer, right he wasauctioning swimming lessons for
a multicultural event that wehad on our program and it just
(03:13):
kind of like happened that Iheard that and you felt like a
calling.
I was like this is myopportunity to learn how to swim
and I took those lessons, man,I ran with it.
Man, I actually have maintainedthe ability to swim since then.
I love that.
I appreciate it.
Man, that was cool.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
I mean, what a blessing that you trusted me to
do that, and that is just to befair.
Everyone, like you had theskills, like you were good, you
were really easy to teach,actually, from what I remember
Well, thank you.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I think the fact that you kind of threw me in the
deep end and you were like well,you know, you're either going
to make it or not, kind of like,motivates you to actually pick
it up real fast.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Some flooding, some exposure therapy there in a
flooding manner.
But no, I mean I, you know, I'mstill in academia, as you know,
and it's I don't.
I feel like we had such aspecial experience that I don't
know that students have in thesame way today what do you mean?
well, I just think you know, ifwe think about our classmates
(04:13):
and you know how you and I cansee each other, when we see each
other and it's as if we saweach other yesterday, like the
connection is just deep and Idon't know.
I think today's world you know,we went through some really
tough things together Did you goto.
Trinidad together.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Yes, we did, yes, we did.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Tell us about, let's talk, tell the listeners about
the Trinidad and Tobago.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
You know it's funny about that particular experience
.
You know the way that I recallit.
It was an amazing experience,right, because we had an
opportunity to be able to help acommunity provide services and
and, and you know, and alsolearn from the culture, which
was amazing, yeah, uh.
But I was also in the midst of,like, uh, overcoming my
(04:55):
imposter syndrome, stuff, andand so we were.
We had to produce quickly, likewe had to produce quickly.
We had to see our kids duringthe day do the testing, and then
we had a week to turn aroundand have reports ready.
And I was struggling, man.
I was struggling.
(05:16):
I wasn't sure that I was goingto make it through that
experience, to be honest withyou, but it was the support of
everyone in the team thatactually, kind of like, made it
possible.
We worked together I didn't geta lot of sleep, which is, you
know, one of the things thathappened, but we did have a lot
of fun when we were there,though, it could have been the
sleeping arrangements, though itwasn't like a four seasons.
Well, you know, it's supposedto be some level of sacrifice
(05:40):
there.
Oh, we did.
So don't give them back rightof sacrifice there, you know so
we'll get him back right.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
So dr palmer was on the show.
We talked about her work inanimal uh.
So she was the one that waspressuring us to get these
reports done in 24 hours.
Yeah, shout out to her there.
Absolutely, yeah, I rememberthat.
Yeah, so so give us abackground.
So you talked about being fromthe caribbean, so maybe let the
listeners know a bit about youthat you're willing to share of
course so.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
So I'm a child immigrant.
I came here when I was 10 yearsold from the dominican republic
, uh, with my parents, uh, twoyounger siblings.
I grew up in northern newjersey, uh, and then after that
I found my way out to seeingwhole university.
Um, I started, uh, almost likeby accident, falling into
psychology.
I tried a bunch of differentthings and nothing was sticking.
Uh, I I thought I was going tobe a lawyer and that was
(06:25):
horrible.
I did criminal justice,political science, communicate,
I mean, I tried almosteverything in the arts and
science department and it wasn'tworking out.
And eventually I got to thepoint where, you know,
psychology, just I took oneclass and then another and then
another, and before I knew I waslike, oh, psychology is my
(06:45):
thing, and actually my counselorwas the one that my EOF
counselor was the one thatpointed it out and kind of
pushed me in that direction.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
But I still didn't know what the EOF was, because
that would be helpful for people.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Oh sure, eof is.
At least in New Jersey it'scalled EOF, it's the Education
Opportunity Fund, which at StHall was called the Education
Opportunity Program, and it's aprogram for first generation
college students.
So essentially, if you areacademically disadvantaged and
you're first generation and youdon't have the financial means
(07:18):
to pay for school, you're ableto receive academic and
financial support, which youknow.
In all honesty, even with that,I had to accrue some student
loan debt, but if it wasn't forthat program I don't think I
would have been able to make it.
Plus, I struggled with myreading and writing because I
didn't learn how to read andwrite English until I was close
(07:39):
to like 13.
So I missed a lot of these kindof basic things around.
You know pronunciation andgrammar and things like that.
So I missed a lot of these kindof basic things around.
You know pronunciation andgrammar and things like that.
So I struggled all the waythrough college and so the EOF
provided a lot of supportacademically for me to be able
to make, you know, make do forthat.
But that you know.
That's why, when I was inTrinidad and I had to write a
(08:00):
report in 24 hours, you know,even if I had the skills, the
doubts that I had about theability to perform always played
Well and it wasn't thetechnology that we have today
and for any of the psychologystudents out there, we had to do
it all by hand.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
It wasn't like we were using the computer scoring.
There was no AI.
That didn't exist, I mean, didwe?
Speaker 2 (08:30):
even have.
We must have had laptops then.
No, we didn't.
Oh, that's right, we did Dudewould you bring a typewriter
with you to write the report aswell?
I was like wait, do we havecell phones?
We had cell phones.
We did, man, we did, but it was.
You know, there was also a lotof, even when there was
(08:50):
resources, because I rememberthere was like software that you
could use to write reports Wait, there was, we were still being
pushed.
Yeah, I mean, there wasavailable, but we were not being
allowed to use it.
We were being pushed toactually create everything from
scratch, in a way.
In a way that was very helpfulbecause it does drive into an
(09:13):
understanding of what you'reproducing, which I think is one
of the challenges that we havewith technology right now.
It gives us a quick answer, butsometimes we have a superficial
understanding of that Beforepsychology.
It gives us a quick answer, butsometimes we have a superficial
understanding of that, so itcan become problematic.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Before psychology, so there was law.
You were trying to find it.
So what really?
Speaker 2 (09:35):
got you into psychology and to do this mental
health work.
Well, I mean, I think I havethis sort of like the typical
wounded healer story, right Likeit goes back to my parents.
Obviously you said, yeah, right,obviously you know it's a many
different layers, right.
So you, you think about likewhen you live, when you live in
(09:58):
this country, looking for abetter opportunity.
Sometimes people forget thatthere is another place you left
right and that you left familiesand relationships and you left
your, everything that's familiarto you and that was very
difficult for us and for myfamily.
And you know, in addition tothat, there was the family
(10:20):
history of alcohol abuse anddomestic violence and there was
a lot of cultural norms thatwere, you know, unhealthy for
many of us.
And so what ended up happeningis that you kind of grow up
either feeling that you're notgood enough, feeling like you
(10:42):
don't fit, feeling like you lostsomething you cannot regain.
You know there's so manydifferent problems that come
from that right.
When you become an adult, youfind yourself having difficulty
with relationships, or you findyourself having difficulty with
your emotions and you don'tunderstand it right.
And so, in a way, it's almostlike I gravitated towards
(11:06):
psychology because it startedsort of like giving me some
level of insight into oh, thisis what my family, why my family
was dysfunctional, you know, ina way.
And then ultimately, you have,at the same time, this drive to
help other people, because youknow what it's like to be in
that, you know in that sort oflike dark, dark space.
So I think that that's whatended up happening.
(11:29):
I have more clarity about thatnow because I've been doing my
own work and I've been doing myown therapy and I have a sense
of how a lot of my priorexperiences determine a lot of
what I'm experiencing today.
But I wholeheartedly believethat, you know, it's my need to
heal myself and my need to healother people that eventually
(11:52):
pushed me towards psychology andyou know, and none of the other
.
I mean, I knew I wanted to helppeople.
I didn't know how.
So even when I was looking atsome of the other careers, they
were really about wanting to dosomething for other people in
one way or another.
But I ultimately ended up hereand it feels like it was, you
know kind of like destiny.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
We're launching this, you know, mental health
awareness, and I mean, like itwas uh, you know kind of we're.
We're launching this, you know,mental health awareness, and I
mean, I don't know if thatexisted when we were in school.
I mean, obviously I don't havethe best memory of many things,
but um, over the last decade,how would you say, mental health
has changed.
You know, especially from theline of work where you're in.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
You know, both in private practice but also in the
hospital setting yeah, so, uh,so I I'm not in the hospital
anymore, but what I've done inthe last 10 years or so is my
focus has really shifted ontodoing organizational work, so
helping organizations kind ofdevelop policies and
(12:48):
understanding how to promotemental health in the workplace,
in addition to my privatepractice and, of course, sort of
the public speaking that we,that we tend to do when we are
connected to this work, um, andwhat I think that has happened
in the last 10 years.
One other thing is it's beenlike a boom in terms of
(13:09):
awareness, right, like there'sbeen this influx of information
and knowledge and it'severywhere.
If you are on social media, youcan't, you know, hit, you can't
scroll up many times withoutseeing something related to
mental health, and it's almostbecome like a badge of honor to
some extent to be able to sayI'm aware of my mental health
issues, which is, you know,great, because people are kind
(13:31):
of like at least acknowledgingmental health is a primary part
of our lives.
And then you know, and that'stied, I think, a lot to
technology and information,right, I think that the last 10
years how AI first with thepandemic, this shift into like,
just simply, you don't have tobe in the same room, right, the
(13:53):
telehealth just becoming likealmost like the norm for
delivery of services, at leastfor mental health.
And then you know AI, almostlike trying to play quarterback,
or you know like to mentalhealth services.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Those changes have really are changing the
landscape I had a client readlike a chat gpt response that
they asked uh, about strategies,and I was like you don't need
me like the response was prettydope and and then at a faculty
meeting we were using ai fortraining clinical skills, so it
was like a video.
And then it read your bodylanguage.
(14:33):
It read what you said and thenit gave your body language, it
read what you said and then itgave you a score and some
feedback for how you could do abetter or more effective
intervention.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Oh, let me tell you, scary.
I have a couple of things thatrelate to that One.
I'm in contact with someone interms of a collaboration where
they are trying to use AI tocouples therapy so that people
would talk to their chat boxthroughout the week and then,
prior to the session, it willprovide sort of a summary of
(15:03):
what are some of the main pointsthat they had some challenges
with or that came up Right.
And then to your point aboutlike people using chat GPT for
for advice.
I had a client share with me astory of someone who used chat
GPT to to ask for for, you know,relationship advice, and the
(15:24):
advice was like yeah, right.
And then, and not only that,but then the person said to me
aren't you scared?
You're going to lose your job,and the funny thing about that,
right.
And I responded that I wasn't,and I tell you why.
I think AI feels like it's athreat to some people, but it's
(15:46):
really not right.
The question that came from mewas what did the person do with
that information?
Ultimately, the chat GPT justsimply said in a nutshell this
person you're with is not seeingyour true values, not
validating your emotionalexperiences.
(16:07):
It feels like a toxicrelationship.
You probably are better offcreating some boundaries.
If this person is not able torespect those boundaries, then
you may want to make decisionsabout distancing yourself from
this relationship.
Which is, in a nutshell, butit's pretty good advice.
So what did the person do withthe advice?
Well, they continue in theirrelationship and they ignore it
(16:27):
completely, and my point aboutthat is that the information and
knowledge is not enough.
You have to understand the, howhuman humans function.
You have to understand how themind functions, how emotions
drive behavior, and that youknow.
We can have detaileddescription of what we ought to
do.
Uh, and that doesn't play out.
That doesn't you know, andthat's why I think we are not
(16:49):
going to be ever be out of ourjob at least in our lifetime.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
But it's similar with , like dieticians Most people
know what they, what's good forthem to eat or not eat, and then
yet people don't follow that.
You know strictly, and so youknow.
I'm curious what you thinkabout this.
So the New York Times wasreporting on a study that saying
that we speak too much aboutmental health and that it might
negatively impact us, and so Iwonder what are your thoughts on
that?
Speaker 2 (17:20):
this, and so I wonder what are your thoughts on that?
You know, uh, the thing aboutit is that it it is like it's
sort of like it's become like afat, like you know, like now we
are talking about mental healthin a way that is very
superficial but feels real Right, and then what that may do is
that gives us the impressionthat we are actually doing
(17:43):
something for our mental healthby just simply acknowledging and
saying, oh, this is myexperience, you know, related,
and the one thing that peoplekeep.
I don't know why bipolar stuckso much for everybody, but it's
like oh, I'm bipolar, I'm likeno, you're not, but, let's, you
know, this is a conversation foranother day about diagnosis,
(18:03):
right, but there is.
I think that where the harmcomes in is that there is a
superficial kind of connectionwith it and then people don't
take actually the time to divedeep into it.
And there's there's so manyquick fixes that are being sold
to try to, uh, you know, toaddress mental health concerns,
(18:23):
uh, that ultimately, people feeldisappointed by their
experience and and and they feellike, oh, my god, like I am
doing the thing, I'm doing thework, and I'm like, what does
that even mean to you, right?
Uh, doing the work, you read abook?
Yeah, doing the work, I'm doingthe work.
And I'm like, what does thateven mean to you?
Right, doing the work, you reada book?
Yeah, doing the work.
You went to yoga class once aweek or twice a week.
(18:43):
Like, what do you think doingthe work means for you?
And what you find is that,although there's a lot of more
talk and awareness about it,there isn't so much about, like,
actual work behindunderstanding yourself and and,
uh, making changes, uh, to yourlifestyle that actually improve
your mental health, and lettinggo, or of actions and beliefs
(19:04):
that don't longer serve.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
I love it.
So that there's no quick fix, Iagree.
And so what?
What's your kind of go-to like?
How would you help somebodywho's listening about creating a
plan or how to improve mentalhealth for themselves?
Speaker 2 (19:18):
yeah, so I, I, I have , I have, depending on the on
the presentation, right, there'sa few different ways that you
can approach the problem right,but it usually I, I try to gauge
where are you in terms of justyour, your level of balance, in
terms of your physical andmental health?
Like, if you're not sleepingwell, if you're not eating well,
if you are kind of like working, you know, a crazy number of
(19:41):
hours a week, you're alreadyphysically compromising your
ability to deal with your mentalhealth issues.
So I want to gauge, like, whatare some quick fixes that can
long termterm improve yourchances, right, of actually
having a better experience,right?
And then, with that, like I'm aheavy proponent of focusing on
(20:05):
self-awareness, so that you areable to then, from a place of
being clear-minded, you know,having understanding, then
recognize what is acompassionate action to take.
What direction do I want to go?
Based on the outcome or thevalue that I have for my life,
right, which can be sort of,like you know, very clear
(20:28):
sometimes, and sometimes not somuch, but you have to take the
time to figure that part out.
You know it could be the sameexact action, right?
I tell people, like meditationhas become like a thing.
Everybody wants to meditate.
But the thing is, if you'reentering meditation with the
idea that meditation is gonnafix your relationship problems,
(20:49):
you're done right, because thething is you're entering
meditation with the.
You have to enter with the ideaof, like, I am here to learn
how to just simply be still andpay attention and think clearly
and then, with that clarity,what is it about my relationship
that's not working or no longer.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
So talk about your meditation journey and how is
that in your own personal lifejourney and it's, and how is
that in you know, your own?
Speaker 2 (21:14):
personal life.
I'd love to hear that it it's.
It's been quite a journey.
I started, um, uh, maybe, uh,15 years ago yeah, it's about 15
years ago uh, I I part of the,the dbt kind of movement, uh,
trying to to uh implement someof that in the hospital, at
Lincoln Hospital, where I wasworking, and we couldn't bring
(21:38):
the entire protocol on thehospital.
We couldn't, we didn't haveenough team members to be
trained, blah, blah, blah.
So we decided let's do thegroup focus, the group component
, and meditation was one of thepieces that we were able to
train on and apply for ourpatients.
As a result of that, I startedleaning into meditation as a
(22:01):
clinical skill, right, butlittle by little, like starting
to recognize like this has a lotmore value than just simply
focusing on it as a clinicalintervention, and I started sort
of adopting it for my ownpersonal journey.
Now it was still very limited to, you know, 10, 15 minutes a day
(22:23):
, you know almost you know, on adaily basis, but there were
periods of time where I wouldjust like drop it and then I
would return back to it.
And then, about two and a halfyears ago, I found myself like
longing for a deeper meditationpractice and this also kind of
like you know, acknowledging theshifting changes that I was
(22:58):
going through in terms of mybeliefs and I needed something
to help me connect, you know,with myself first and then with
the universe and other people.
And I found that in meditationpractice.
That was it.
So I reached to my close friendwho I love very much, dr Pete,
(23:18):
and I say, hey, anyrecommendations?
And you made a suggestion aboutone particular meditation
center, I think in Jersey City,but I found a sister, like by
looking at the website, I founda sister Zen center in Montclair
which was closer to my house.
I started attending there.
I've been a member of thatcenter now for about two and a
(23:41):
half years more, or less Is thatEmpty Bowl, no, clear Mountain,
that's.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Carl yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Carl Cocker yes.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
That's a shout out.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
It's been life-changing man, Not in this
sort of like I don't know anyother way to describe it but not
in this hippie kind of like I'mtrying to burn stars and scent
in my office or I'm not shavingmy face sensing in my office, or
I'm not shaving my face, I'mjust simply having a daily
(24:16):
practice where I'm showing upevery day and being present and
that has really shifted myawareness of myself.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Anyone watching on YouTube is going to see this
beautiful beard and the diffuserin the background, so we know
where you're at with the calmingand you bring all of that into
what you do.
uh, I'm just sitting herequestioning my memory, uh,
because I I actually had sort offorgotten about that and yeah,
and then because it's funnybecause it feels like I know,
(24:45):
you know it would have beensmarter for me to tell you to go
to uh clear mountain and carl,because I know that you're out
that way.
But uh, I'm glad that it'sperfect.
You found it perfectly anywayit worked out.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
It worked out.
And you know it's funny becausewhen I was looking for a place
I wasn't even sure what I waslooking for and I just simply
text you and now I realize youjust don't remember anything at
all.
I'm worried about you.
I'm worried about you, okay, butI just text you.
Hey, I'm looking to deepen mymeditation practice, any, any
(25:17):
thoughts and you just sent mesomething and I followed it and
that was it.
From there it took off, youknow, and now it's.
It feels like, uh, I cannotremember not having it being
part of my life.
It was that kind of experienceand I certainly believe that
it's going to probably besomething that I will continue
(25:38):
to do.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
I mean, I'll find different ways to experience it,
but I certainly feel like ithas shifted my life in a
significant way.
When I first started meditatingone of my teachers, miriam
Haley she would say I just can'twait to get in the cushion and
I was like what are you talkingabout?
So weird, you know, like I'mlike counting down and I can't
wait for it to be over.
(25:58):
When I first started, and youknow you do realize as you go
deeper into the practice thatthere's really just like this
piece, like the uncomfortablepiece that it can create is just
so powerful and transformative,and so we're Zen brothers now
too.
This is so cool and so muchmore meaning to me.
So I appreciate that, andactually so recently we were at
(26:21):
the Latino Mental HealthAssociation of New Jersey where
you got the Robert McCormickAward.
Was that this year?
This is my memory.
That's what I thought.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Yeah, I'm remembering your speech, but I'm like was
that this year or last year?
That was definitely this yearor last year.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
That was the members outstanding contribution and
I've been able to watch you doand contribute to this
organization uh, since gradschool, like you were.
Probably you're the reason Igot involved.
I started to get involved in uh, you and uh milton probably
yeah, watching you do that and Iloved your.
Your first line as you acceptedthe award, first or second line
(26:54):
, was what took you guys so longto give you that.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Yeah you know I I part of my trauma response is to
you is use humor to the future,right, uh, you know it's, it's.
It's funny because I uh, thesekind of things you know you
expect as you're getting olderand you're putting work, the
(27:16):
people start kind of likelooking around to see who we're
going to work, and it's notnecessarily a surprise.
And I'm deeply humbled by theconsideration and being the
recipient of the award and atthe same time, I'm trying to
remind myself that while thesethings are, you know, valuable,
(27:37):
there's other ways to to tomeasure life's successes and and
to not get caught up RightCause cause.
Then what happens is and I'veseen this happen to me in other
times where, like when, when youthink you deserve something,
then you get, you get hung up onthe fact that you didn't get it
right, and so I'm grateful thatI received it.
At the same time, if I had notreceived it, I would have still
(27:59):
been grateful for everythingthat the Latino Mental Health
Association has contributed tomy life and the ways that I've
been able to connect with somany different people, not only
in terms of like professionally,but I've met some amazing
people that have become friends.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
What a Zen response, dr.
What a Zen response.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
But listen, you know what I'm not even trying to to
to be like you know, blow, blowsmoke up your ass Right Like the
.
The truth is part of this kindof like um, uh, recovery from
from being uh and sort of likethe imposter syndrome, and it's
that there is a lot of weightthat we put on what other people
(28:44):
think of us right, and you knowI it's taken me a while to get
to a place where I'm like I justhave to be happy with myself.
Man like I, if, if I'm, if Ican get to a place where I'm
like I just have to be happywith myself, man, if I can get
to a place where I'm happy withmyself, then everything else
will fall in place as it needsto.
And it's not a guarantee of aneasy life of any kind, it just
(29:07):
means that I'll be okay.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
And that reminds so.
On your website, I read thisquote a fulfilling life does not
that.
You said.
A fulfilling life does nothappen by accident.
You must invest in your mentalhealth, your relationship with
yourself and your relationshipwith your loved ones.
So this speaks to me how do youencourage the people you work
with Because obviously you'remotivating?
I mean, if you're listeningright now, you want to get up
(29:40):
off your couch or you want to,you know, get to wherever you're
going and just go betteryourself because you have that
touch of people.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
So how do you kind of take that quote and put that
into action for your clients?
Yeah, it's like a question, man.
I'll tell you real quick.
There is a client I was workingwith earlier today.
He's sharing with me some ofthe struggles that he's going
through, as he's making somevery tough decisions about his
life, and it's been a journeyfor him.
It's about two or three yearsof a lot of difficult choices,
(30:05):
things related to relationships,things related to his work, of
his work and at the end, thething that was very clear for
him is I am making difficultchoices, but I don't feel the
sense of despair that I feltwhen I had to make difficult
choices before.
Right, you still have to makedifficult choices, no matter
(30:27):
what.
But the difference is, when youare investing in yourself, in
your mental health, when you arelooking at prioritizing your
well-being, then you putyourself in a better position to
be able to deal with thedifficulties that are going to
come your way, no matter how.
You cannot stop it fromhappening.
So instead, you just prepareyourself the best way possible
(30:51):
and that is the best investmentthat you can make right.
Once you are able to understandthat, you know that by
investing in yourself, you'regoing to be a better parent,
you're going to be a betterpartner, you're going to be a
better employee or a betterbusiness owner, whatever it is.
By focusing on yourself first,which is you know where we often
make the mistake, because wethink we have to focus on the
(31:12):
outside first.
Right, because that's where thepressure comes from.
But the reality is, the morepressure that comes from the
outside, the more time that wehave to spend on the answer.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Mercedes, I am inspired by you.
I'm so thankful for you.
I loved listening and I couldjust keep talking, so maybe
you'll come back on, but untiluntil then, where can listeners
find you if they want to workwith you or hire you?
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Well, listen, you can obviously on LinkedIn.
Everyone is on LinkedInnowadays.
You can look me up Make sureyou spell it correctly E-N and
manual yes, mercedes.
And then, of course, you canlook me up on Instagram,
mercedesphd, and I think alsothe website is.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
My website is MercedesPhDcom, so we'll have
all that in the show notes, butI really appreciate you being
here and a shout out big thanksto those listening at home.
You all know how passionate Iam about mental health and I
encourage you to keep sharingyour stories, spread awareness
and advocate for the change thatwe need.
Every action you take willbreak the stigma surrounding
mental illness.
That's what we're trying to do,and maybe for this month of May
(32:18):
being Mental Health AwarenessMonth, you might visit
mhanationalorg, where maybe youcan share a story there or make
a donation.
So thank you for being here and, as always, please like, follow
and share the show wherever youfollow along and your social
channels.
We'll be back next week withsome more mental health stories
and until then, spread a littlekindness.
(32:48):
Stay well, thank you.
Hello and welcome back to On Air with Dr Pete.
As you all know, we are alwaysdoing our best to bring
awareness to different topicsand we've got two psychologists
here today two for the price ofone because May is Mental Health
Awareness Month and it's beenobserved since 1949 in the
United States and I truly feelthat it's gained so much
(00:40):
awareness and, whether for goodor bad, the reality of it is,
it's a thing that is with us andreally focused on, and so we're
going to keep this conversationgoing and get us kind of
started in this mental healthmonth of May and take action,
raise your voice, whatever youcan do to make change, because
the stats are alarming.
And we're going to dive intosome mental health stuff with a
(01:01):
former classmate of mine howlucky am I for this to share
with you the mental healthchange maker, and this is Dr
Manny Mercedes.
He's a licensed psychologist inNew York, New Jersey over 13
years because it's impossiblethat we were back in school that
long ago in counselingpsychology.
(01:23):
He's a supervising psychologistat Lincoln Hospital in the
Bronx and he provides privatepractice in the tri-state area
and has been pivotal to my lifepersonally and professionally in
his leadership roles at the NewJersey Latino Mental Health
Association.
So welcome, Dr Manny Mercedes.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Thank you so much, pete, for the welcome and I'm
super excited to be part of thisconversation.
You know it's funny for thewelcome and I'm super excited to
be part of this conversation.
You know it's funny.
I don't know if you remember,but back a few years ago we did
the we were doing like a tuckshow, remember?
Yes, we've gone through theseexperiences, man, for years, so
I'm happy to be able to be partof this now.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Oh my god, so that was in Hoboken, did you?
Come to Hoboken, yeah, that wasthe Shrinks, so if anyone's out
there and wants to have a showthe Shrinks we own it.
So it was a bunch ofpsychologists from different
backgrounds talking about whypeople do what they do.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
I forgot that you were there for that.
That was awesome.
That was pretty cool man.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Well, here I am with another project.
So thanks, for you're always ateam, you're a team player.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I'm always happy to support you, but I'm also
inspired by you, so I'm happythat I get to share this
platform with you today, andhopefully the audience will get
a good kick out of what we haveto share today.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Let's see, the feeling is mutual.
The other thing I remember wasour swim lessons yes.
The other thing I remember wasour swim lessons yes, can we
share that?
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Of course, listen, I talk about those swim lessons at
least once a month, man.
No, you don't, I swear.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
You know what it is, what.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
People have a hard time believing that I grew up in
the Caribbean and that I didnot know how to swim until I was
in my 20s, and I always bringup how it happened.
And so, for those of youlistening, dr Pete, who is an
amazing swimmer, right he wasauctioning swimming lessons for
a multicultural event that wehad on our program and it just
(03:13):
kind of like happened that Iheard that and you felt like a
calling.
I was like this is myopportunity to learn how to swim
and I took those lessons, man,I ran with it.
Man, I actually have maintainedthe ability to swim since then.
I love that.
I appreciate it.
Man, that was cool.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
I mean, what a blessing that you trusted me to
do that, and that is just to befair.
Everyone, like you had theskills, like you were good, you
were really easy to teach,actually, from what I remember
Well, thank you.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I think the fact that you kind of threw me in the
deep end and you were like well,you know, you're either going
to make it or not, kind of like,motivates you to actually pick
it up real fast.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Some flooding, some exposure therapy there in a
flooding manner.
But no, I mean I, you know, I'mstill in academia, as you know,
and it's I don't.
I feel like we had such aspecial experience that I don't
know that students have in thesame way today what do you mean?
well, I just think you know, ifwe think about our classmates
(04:13):
and you know how you and I cansee each other, when we see each
other and it's as if we saweach other yesterday, like the
connection is just deep and Idon't know.
I think today's world you know,we went through some really
tough things together Did you goto.
Trinidad together.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Yes, we did, yes, we did.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Tell us about, let's talk, tell the listeners about
the Trinidad and Tobago.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
You know it's funny about that particular experience
.
You know the way that I recallit.
It was an amazing experience,right, because we had an
opportunity to be able to help acommunity provide services and
and, and you know, and alsolearn from the culture, which
was amazing, yeah, uh.
But I was also in the midst of,like, uh, overcoming my
(04:55):
imposter syndrome, stuff, andand so we were.
We had to produce quickly, likewe had to produce quickly.
We had to see our kids duringthe day do the testing, and then
we had a week to turn aroundand have reports ready.
And I was struggling, man.
I was struggling.
(05:16):
I wasn't sure that I was goingto make it through that
experience, to be honest withyou, but it was the support of
everyone in the team thatactually, kind of like, made it
possible.
We worked together I didn't geta lot of sleep, which is, you
know, one of the things thathappened, but we did have a lot
of fun when we were there,though, it could have been the
sleeping arrangements, though itwasn't like a four seasons.
Well, you know, it's supposedto be some level of sacrifice
(05:40):
there.
Oh, we did.
So don't give them back rightof sacrifice there, you know so
we'll get him back right.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
So dr palmer was on the show.
We talked about her work inanimal uh.
So she was the one that waspressuring us to get these
reports done in 24 hours.
Yeah, shout out to her there.
Absolutely, yeah, I rememberthat.
Yeah, so so give us abackground.
So you talked about being fromthe caribbean, so maybe let the
listeners know a bit about youthat you're willing to share of
course so.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
So I'm a child immigrant.
I came here when I was 10 yearsold from the dominican republic
, uh, with my parents, uh, twoyounger siblings.
I grew up in northern newjersey, uh, and then after that
I found my way out to seeingwhole university.
Um, I started, uh, almost likeby accident, falling into
psychology.
I tried a bunch of differentthings and nothing was sticking.
Uh, I I thought I was going tobe a lawyer and that was
(06:25):
horrible.
I did criminal justice,political science, communicate,
I mean, I tried almosteverything in the arts and
science department and it wasn'tworking out.
And eventually I got to thepoint where, you know,
psychology, just I took oneclass and then another and then
another, and before I knew I waslike, oh, psychology is my
(06:45):
thing, and actually my counselorwas the one that my EOF
counselor was the one thatpointed it out and kind of
pushed me in that direction.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
But I still didn't know what the EOF was, because
that would be helpful for people.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Oh sure, eof is.
At least in New Jersey it'scalled EOF, it's the Education
Opportunity Fund, which at StHall was called the Education
Opportunity Program, and it's aprogram for first generation
college students.
So essentially, if you areacademically disadvantaged and
you're first generation and youdon't have the financial means
(07:18):
to pay for school, you're ableto receive academic and
financial support, which youknow.
In all honesty, even with that,I had to accrue some student
loan debt, but if it wasn't forthat program I don't think I
would have been able to make it.
Plus, I struggled with myreading and writing because I
didn't learn how to read andwrite English until I was close
(07:39):
to like 13.
So I missed a lot of these kindof basic things around.
You know pronunciation andgrammar and things like that.
So I missed a lot of these kindof basic things around.
You know pronunciation andgrammar and things like that.
So I struggled all the waythrough college and so the EOF
provided a lot of supportacademically for me to be able
to make, you know, make do forthat.
But that you know.
That's why, when I was inTrinidad and I had to write a
(08:00):
report in 24 hours, you know,even if I had the skills, the
doubts that I had about theability to perform always played
Well and it wasn't thetechnology that we have today
and for any of the psychologystudents out there, we had to do
it all by hand.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
It wasn't like we were using the computer scoring.
There was no AI.
That didn't exist, I mean, didwe?
Speaker 2 (08:30):
even have.
We must have had laptops then.
No, we didn't.
Oh, that's right, we did Dudewould you bring a typewriter
with you to write the report aswell?
I was like wait, do we havecell phones?
We had cell phones.
We did, man, we did, but it was.
You know, there was also a lotof, even when there was
(08:50):
resources, because I rememberthere was like software that you
could use to write reports Wait, there was, we were still being
pushed.
Yeah, I mean, there wasavailable, but we were not being
allowed to use it.
We were being pushed toactually create everything from
scratch, in a way.
In a way that was very helpfulbecause it does drive into an
(09:13):
understanding of what you'reproducing, which I think is one
of the challenges that we havewith technology right now.
It gives us a quick answer, butsometimes we have a superficial
understanding of that Beforepsychology.
It gives us a quick answer, butsometimes we have a superficial
understanding of that, so itcan become problematic.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Before psychology, so there was law.
You were trying to find it.
So what really?
Speaker 2 (09:35):
got you into psychology and to do this mental
health work.
Well, I mean, I think I havethis sort of like the typical
wounded healer story, right Likeit goes back to my parents.
Obviously you said, yeah, right,obviously you know it's a many
different layers, right.
So you, you think about likewhen you live, when you live in
(09:58):
this country, looking for abetter opportunity.
Sometimes people forget thatthere is another place you left
right and that you left familiesand relationships and you left
your, everything that's familiarto you and that was very
difficult for us and for myfamily.
And you know, in addition tothat, there was the family
(10:20):
history of alcohol abuse anddomestic violence and there was
a lot of cultural norms thatwere, you know, unhealthy for
many of us.
And so what ended up happeningis that you kind of grow up
either feeling that you're notgood enough, feeling like you
(10:42):
don't fit, feeling like you lostsomething you cannot regain.
You know there's so manydifferent problems that come
from that right.
When you become an adult, youfind yourself having difficulty
with relationships, or you findyourself having difficulty with
your emotions and you don'tunderstand it right.
And so, in a way, it's almostlike I gravitated towards
(11:06):
psychology because it startedsort of like giving me some
level of insight into oh, thisis what my family, why my family
was dysfunctional, you know, ina way.
And then ultimately, you have,at the same time, this drive to
help other people, because youknow what it's like to be in
that, you know in that sort oflike dark, dark space.
So I think that that's whatended up happening.
(11:29):
I have more clarity about thatnow because I've been doing my
own work and I've been doing myown therapy and I have a sense
of how a lot of my priorexperiences determine a lot of
what I'm experiencing today.
But I wholeheartedly believethat, you know, it's my need to
heal myself and my need to healother people that eventually
(11:52):
pushed me towards psychology andyou know, and none of the other
.
I mean, I knew I wanted to helppeople.
I didn't know how.
So even when I was looking atsome of the other careers, they
were really about wanting to dosomething for other people in
one way or another.
But I ultimately ended up hereand it feels like it was, you
know kind of like destiny.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
We're launching this, you know, mental health
awareness, and I mean, like itwas uh, you know kind of we're.
We're launching this, you know,mental health awareness, and I
mean, I don't know if thatexisted when we were in school.
I mean, obviously I don't havethe best memory of many things,
but um, over the last decade,how would you say, mental health
has changed.
You know, especially from theline of work where you're in.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
You know, both in private practice but also in the
hospital setting yeah, so, uh,so I I'm not in the hospital
anymore, but what I've done inthe last 10 years or so is my
focus has really shifted ontodoing organizational work, so
helping organizations kind ofdevelop policies and
(12:48):
understanding how to promotemental health in the workplace,
in addition to my privatepractice and, of course, sort of
the public speaking that we,that we tend to do when we are
connected to this work, um, andwhat I think that has happened
in the last 10 years.
One other thing is it's beenlike a boom in terms of
(13:09):
awareness, right, like there'sbeen this influx of information
and knowledge and it'severywhere.
If you are on social media, youcan't, you know, hit, you can't
scroll up many times withoutseeing something related to
mental health, and it's almostbecome like a badge of honor to
some extent to be able to sayI'm aware of my mental health
issues, which is, you know,great, because people are kind
(13:31):
of like at least acknowledgingmental health is a primary part
of our lives.
And then you know, and that'stied, I think, a lot to
technology and information,right, I think that the last 10
years how AI first with thepandemic, this shift into like,
just simply, you don't have tobe in the same room, right, the
(13:53):
telehealth just becoming likealmost like the norm for
delivery of services, at leastfor mental health.
And then you know AI, almostlike trying to play quarterback,
or you know like to mentalhealth services.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Those changes have really are changing the
landscape I had a client readlike a chat gpt response that
they asked uh, about strategies,and I was like you don't need
me like the response was prettydope and and then at a faculty
meeting we were using ai fortraining clinical skills, so it
was like a video.
And then it read your bodylanguage.
(14:33):
It read what you said and thenit gave your body language, it
read what you said and then itgave you a score and some
feedback for how you could do abetter or more effective
intervention.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Oh, let me tell you, scary.
I have a couple of things thatrelate to that One.
I'm in contact with someone interms of a collaboration where
they are trying to use AI tocouples therapy so that people
would talk to their chat boxthroughout the week and then,
prior to the session, it willprovide sort of a summary of
(15:03):
what are some of the main pointsthat they had some challenges
with or that came up Right.
And then to your point aboutlike people using chat GPT for
for advice.
I had a client share with me astory of someone who used chat
GPT to to ask for for, you know,relationship advice, and the
(15:24):
advice was like yeah, right.
And then, and not only that,but then the person said to me
aren't you scared?
You're going to lose your job,and the funny thing about that,
right.
And I responded that I wasn't,and I tell you why.
I think AI feels like it's athreat to some people, but it's
(15:46):
really not right.
The question that came from mewas what did the person do with
that information?
Ultimately, the chat GPT justsimply said in a nutshell this
person you're with is not seeingyour true values, not
validating your emotionalexperiences.
(16:07):
It feels like a toxicrelationship.
You probably are better offcreating some boundaries.
If this person is not able torespect those boundaries, then
you may want to make decisionsabout distancing yourself from
this relationship.
Which is, in a nutshell, butit's pretty good advice.
So what did the person do withthe advice?
Well, they continue in theirrelationship and they ignore it
(16:27):
completely, and my point aboutthat is that the information and
knowledge is not enough.
You have to understand the, howhuman humans function.
You have to understand how themind functions, how emotions
drive behavior, and that youknow.
We can have detaileddescription of what we ought to
do.
Uh, and that doesn't play out.
That doesn't you know, andthat's why I think we are not
(16:49):
going to be ever be out of ourjob at least in our lifetime.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
But it's similar with , like dieticians Most people
know what they, what's good forthem to eat or not eat, and then
yet people don't follow that.
You know strictly, and so youknow.
I'm curious what you thinkabout this.
So the New York Times wasreporting on a study that saying
that we speak too much aboutmental health and that it might
negatively impact us, and so Iwonder what are your thoughts on
that?
Speaker 2 (17:20):
this, and so I wonder what are your thoughts on that?
You know, uh, the thing aboutit is that it it is like it's
sort of like it's become like afat, like you know, like now we
are talking about mental healthin a way that is very
superficial but feels real Right, and then what that may do is
that gives us the impressionthat we are actually doing
(17:43):
something for our mental healthby just simply acknowledging and
saying, oh, this is myexperience, you know, related,
and the one thing that peoplekeep.
I don't know why bipolar stuckso much for everybody, but it's
like oh, I'm bipolar, I'm likeno, you're not, but, let's, you
know, this is a conversation foranother day about diagnosis,
(18:03):
right, but there is.
I think that where the harmcomes in is that there is a
superficial kind of connectionwith it and then people don't
take actually the time to divedeep into it.
And there's there's so manyquick fixes that are being sold
to try to, uh, you know, toaddress mental health concerns,
(18:23):
uh, that ultimately, people feeldisappointed by their
experience and and and they feellike, oh, my god, like I am
doing the thing, I'm doing thework, and I'm like, what does
that even mean to you, right?
Uh, doing the work, you read abook?
Yeah, doing the work, I'm doingthe work.
And I'm like, what does thateven mean to you?
Right, doing the work, you reada book?
Yeah, doing the work.
You went to yoga class once aweek or twice a week.
(18:43):
Like, what do you think doingthe work means for you?
And what you find is that,although there's a lot of more
talk and awareness about it,there isn't so much about, like,
actual work behindunderstanding yourself and and,
uh, making changes, uh, to yourlifestyle that actually improve
your mental health, and lettinggo, or of actions and beliefs
(19:04):
that don't longer serve.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
I love it.
So that there's no quick fix, Iagree.
And so what?
What's your kind of go-to like?
How would you help somebodywho's listening about creating a
plan or how to improve mentalhealth for themselves?
Speaker 2 (19:18):
yeah, so I, I, I have , I have, depending on the on
the presentation, right, there'sa few different ways that you
can approach the problem right,but it usually I, I try to gauge
where are you in terms of justyour, your level of balance, in
terms of your physical andmental health?
Like, if you're not sleepingwell, if you're not eating well,
if you are kind of like working, you know, a crazy number of
(19:41):
hours a week, you're alreadyphysically compromising your
ability to deal with your mentalhealth issues.
So I want to gauge, like, whatare some quick fixes that can
long termterm improve yourchances, right, of actually
having a better experience,right?
And then, with that, like I'm aheavy proponent of focusing on
(20:05):
self-awareness, so that you areable to then, from a place of
being clear-minded, you know,having understanding, then
recognize what is acompassionate action to take.
What direction do I want to go?
Based on the outcome or thevalue that I have for my life,
right, which can be sort of,like you know, very clear
(20:28):
sometimes, and sometimes not somuch, but you have to take the
time to figure that part out.
You know it could be the sameexact action, right?
I tell people, like meditationhas become like a thing.
Everybody wants to meditate.
But the thing is, if you'reentering meditation with the
idea that meditation is gonnafix your relationship problems,
(20:49):
you're done right, because thething is you're entering
meditation with the.
You have to enter with the ideaof, like, I am here to learn
how to just simply be still andpay attention and think clearly
and then, with that clarity,what is it about my relationship
that's not working or no longer.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
So talk about your meditation journey and how is
that in your own personal lifejourney and it's, and how is
that in you know, your own?
Speaker 2 (21:14):
personal life.
I'd love to hear that it it's.
It's been quite a journey.
I started, um, uh, maybe, uh,15 years ago yeah, it's about 15
years ago uh, I I part of the,the dbt kind of movement, uh,
trying to to uh implement someof that in the hospital, at
Lincoln Hospital, where I wasworking, and we couldn't bring
(21:38):
the entire protocol on thehospital.
We couldn't, we didn't haveenough team members to be
trained, blah, blah, blah.
So we decided let's do thegroup focus, the group component
, and meditation was one of thepieces that we were able to
train on and apply for ourpatients.
As a result of that, I startedleaning into meditation as a
(22:01):
clinical skill, right, butlittle by little, like starting
to recognize like this has a lotmore value than just simply
focusing on it as a clinicalintervention, and I started sort
of adopting it for my ownpersonal journey.
Now it was still very limited to, you know, 10, 15 minutes a day
(22:23):
, you know almost you know, on adaily basis, but there were
periods of time where I wouldjust like drop it and then I
would return back to it.
And then, about two and a halfyears ago, I found myself like
longing for a deeper meditationpractice and this also kind of
like you know, acknowledging theshifting changes that I was
(22:58):
going through in terms of mybeliefs and I needed something
to help me connect, you know,with myself first and then with
the universe and other people.
And I found that in meditationpractice.
That was it.
So I reached to my close friendwho I love very much, dr Pete,
(23:18):
and I say, hey, anyrecommendations?
And you made a suggestion aboutone particular meditation
center, I think in Jersey City,but I found a sister, like by
looking at the website, I founda sister Zen center in Montclair
which was closer to my house.
I started attending there.
I've been a member of thatcenter now for about two and a
(23:41):
half years more, or less Is thatEmpty Bowl, no, clear Mountain,
that's.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Carl yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Carl Cocker yes.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
That's a shout out.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
It's been life-changing man, Not in this
sort of like I don't know anyother way to describe it but not
in this hippie kind of like I'mtrying to burn stars and scent
in my office or I'm not shavingmy face sensing in my office, or
I'm not shaving my face, I'mjust simply having a daily
(24:16):
practice where I'm showing upevery day and being present and
that has really shifted myawareness of myself.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Anyone watching on YouTube is going to see this
beautiful beard and the diffuserin the background, so we know
where you're at with the calmingand you bring all of that into
what you do.
uh, I'm just sitting herequestioning my memory, uh,
because I I actually had sort offorgotten about that and yeah,
and then because it's funnybecause it feels like I know,
(24:45):
you know it would have beensmarter for me to tell you to go
to uh clear mountain and carl,because I know that you're out
that way.
But uh, I'm glad that it'sperfect.
You found it perfectly anywayit worked out.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
It worked out.
And you know it's funny becausewhen I was looking for a place
I wasn't even sure what I waslooking for and I just simply
text you and now I realize youjust don't remember anything at
all.
I'm worried about you.
I'm worried about you, okay, butI just text you.
Hey, I'm looking to deepen mymeditation practice, any, any
(25:17):
thoughts and you just sent mesomething and I followed it and
that was it.
From there it took off, youknow, and now it's.
It feels like, uh, I cannotremember not having it being
part of my life.
It was that kind of experienceand I certainly believe that
it's going to probably besomething that I will continue
(25:38):
to do.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
I mean, I'll find different ways to experience it,
but I certainly feel like ithas shifted my life in a
significant way.
When I first started meditatingone of my teachers, miriam
Haley she would say I just can'twait to get in the cushion and
I was like what are you talkingabout?
So weird, you know, like I'mlike counting down and I can't
wait for it to be over.
(25:58):
When I first started, and youknow you do realize as you go
deeper into the practice thatthere's really just like this
piece, like the uncomfortablepiece that it can create is just
so powerful and transformative,and so we're Zen brothers now
too.
This is so cool and so muchmore meaning to me.
So I appreciate that, andactually so recently we were at
(26:21):
the Latino Mental HealthAssociation of New Jersey where
you got the Robert McCormickAward.
Was that this year?
This is my memory.
That's what I thought.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Yeah, I'm remembering your speech, but I'm like was
that this year or last year?
That was definitely this yearor last year.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
That was the members outstanding contribution and
I've been able to watch you doand contribute to this
organization uh, since gradschool, like you were.
Probably you're the reason Igot involved.
I started to get involved in uh, you and uh milton probably
yeah, watching you do that and Iloved your.
Your first line as you acceptedthe award, first or second line
(26:54):
, was what took you guys so longto give you that.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Yeah you know I I part of my trauma response is to
you is use humor to the future,right, uh, you know it's, it's.
It's funny because I uh, thesekind of things you know you
expect as you're getting olderand you're putting work, the
(27:16):
people start kind of likelooking around to see who we're
going to work, and it's notnecessarily a surprise.
And I'm deeply humbled by theconsideration and being the
recipient of the award and atthe same time, I'm trying to
remind myself that while thesethings are, you know, valuable,
(27:37):
there's other ways to to tomeasure life's successes and and
to not get caught up RightCause cause.
Then what happens is and I'veseen this happen to me in other
times where, like when, when youthink you deserve something,
then you get, you get hung up onthe fact that you didn't get it
right, and so I'm grateful thatI received it.
At the same time, if I had notreceived it, I would have still
(27:59):
been grateful for everythingthat the Latino Mental Health
Association has contributed tomy life and the ways that I've
been able to connect with somany different people, not only
in terms of like professionally,but I've met some amazing
people that have become friends.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
What a Zen response, dr.
What a Zen response.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
But listen, you know what I'm not even trying to to
to be like you know, blow, blowsmoke up your ass Right Like the
.
The truth is part of this kindof like um, uh, recovery from
from being uh and sort of likethe imposter syndrome, and it's
that there is a lot of weightthat we put on what other people
(28:44):
think of us right, and you knowI it's taken me a while to get
to a place where I'm like I justhave to be happy with myself.
Man like I, if, if I'm, if Ican get to a place where I'm
like I just have to be happywith myself, man, if I can get
to a place where I'm happy withmyself, then everything else
will fall in place as it needsto.
And it's not a guarantee of aneasy life of any kind, it just
(29:07):
means that I'll be okay.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
And that reminds so.
On your website, I read thisquote a fulfilling life does not
that.
You said.
A fulfilling life does nothappen by accident.
You must invest in your mentalhealth, your relationship with
yourself and your relationshipwith your loved ones.
So this speaks to me how do youencourage the people you work
with Because obviously you'remotivating?
I mean, if you're listeningright now, you want to get up
(29:40):
off your couch or you want to,you know, get to wherever you're
going and just go betteryourself because you have that
touch of people.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
So how do you kind of take that quote and put that
into action for your clients?
Yeah, it's like a question, man.
I'll tell you real quick.
There is a client I was workingwith earlier today.
He's sharing with me some ofthe struggles that he's going
through, as he's making somevery tough decisions about his
life, and it's been a journeyfor him.
It's about two or three yearsof a lot of difficult choices,
(30:05):
things related to relationships,things related to his work, of
his work and at the end, thething that was very clear for
him is I am making difficultchoices, but I don't feel the
sense of despair that I feltwhen I had to make difficult
choices before.
Right, you still have to makedifficult choices, no matter
(30:27):
what.
But the difference is, when youare investing in yourself, in
your mental health, when you arelooking at prioritizing your
well-being, then you putyourself in a better position to
be able to deal with thedifficulties that are going to
come your way, no matter how.
You cannot stop it fromhappening.
So instead, you just prepareyourself the best way possible
(30:51):
and that is the best investmentthat you can make right.
Once you are able to understandthat, you know that by
investing in yourself, you'regoing to be a better parent,
you're going to be a betterpartner, you're going to be a
better employee or a betterbusiness owner, whatever it is.
By focusing on yourself first,which is you know where we often
make the mistake, because wethink we have to focus on the
(31:12):
outside first.
Right, because that's where thepressure comes from.
But the reality is, the morepressure that comes from the
outside, the more time that wehave to spend on the answer.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Mercedes, I am inspired by you.
I'm so thankful for you.
I loved listening and I couldjust keep talking, so maybe
you'll come back on, but untiluntil then, where can listeners
find you if they want to workwith you or hire you?
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Well, listen, you can obviously on LinkedIn.
Everyone is on LinkedInnowadays.
You can look me up Make sureyou spell it correctly E-N and
manual yes, mercedes.
And then, of course, you canlook me up on Instagram,
mercedesphd, and I think alsothe website is.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
My website is MercedesPhDcom, so we'll have
all that in the show notes, butI really appreciate you being
here and a shout out big thanksto those listening at home.
You all know how passionate Iam about mental health and I
encourage you to keep sharingyour stories, spread awareness
and advocate for the change thatwe need.
Every action you take willbreak the stigma surrounding
mental illness.
That's what we're trying to do,and maybe for this month of May
(32:18):
being Mental Health AwarenessMonth, you might visit
mhanationalorg, where maybe youcan share a story there or make
a donation.
So thank you for being here and, as always, please like, follow
and share the show wherever youfollow along and your social
channels.
We'll be back next week withsome more mental health stories
and until then, spread a littlekindness.
(32:48):
Stay well, thank you.
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