July 25, 2025 • 30 mins
Join Dr. Pete as he welcomes his guest, Clay Moffat all the way from Phuket, Thailand. Clay is an EX- Navy weapons tech turned high-performance, mental conditioning specialist & behaviorist. Drawing from his military background and his own personal struggles, Clay focuses on reshaping perspectives and fostering personal accountability for growth. Clay's work focuses on nervous system alignment and breaking self-sabotage patterns that can oftentimes derail success.
Learn more about Clay here:
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:18):
Hello and welcome back to On Air with Dr Pete.
I'm your host, dr Pete Economo,and I'm thrilled to be back
here.
Summer is flying by I cannotimagine how fast it's going, and
I'm thrilled to be back here.
Summer is flying by I cannotimagine how fast it's going, and
I hope you're enjoying everyminute.
With intention, my goal forthis podcast has been a place
for us to come together and tolearn and to grow and gain some
understanding about the world,and today I'm really excited to
(00:38):
share with our next guest, whocomes to us all the way from
Thailand, and so scheduling wasa lot of fun for this.
So this is Clay Moffitt.
He's an ex-Navy weapons techturned high performance mental
conditioning specialist andbehaviorist.
Drawing from the militarybackground and his own personal
struggles, clay focuses onreshaping perspectives and
fostering personalaccountability for growth.
(01:00):
I love that.
His work focuses on nervoussystem alignment, so we're going
to have a lot of fun talkingabout that, and I can't wait
just to learn so much about Clayand the work that he does.
So, again, I appreciate youbeing here because from New
Jersey our time zones it's theend of your day and the
beginning of ours, so, clay,welcome.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Absolutely.
It's a pleasure to be here, andI think all the scheduling
mumbo-jumbo we went through justmakes it all the more
worthwhile to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
All the more worthwhile.
Thank you so much, so tell usabout it.
I mean, I gave you the introhere, Very impressive.
You know performance coach,ex-Navy military, so tell us
about you.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
So the easiest thing to say to start off with is that
I was a complete rat bag forprobably the first 27 years of
my life, so a lot of peoplethink ex-Native.
This guy must be reallydisciplined and he must be this.
And most of my disciplinedidn't come from the Navy, it
came from my parents, my dad'sex-Special Forces, and he was
(02:09):
very much a disciplinarian whenhe was home but and he wasn't in
the military when I was growingup he'd already left, okay.
However, uh, you know, when youtake the boy out of the arm, you
can't take the army out.
The boy kind of thinks thatkind of condition gets in there.
Yeah, uh, and so he was very,very strict with us.
But he also used to be a hotelmanager, so he'd be working 18
19 hours a day, so he wasn'taround that much.
Until the later of my formativeyears, where I'm more on the
(02:29):
socialization stage and I'm like14, 15 and my last few years of
school, he was around a lot,but prior to that I didn't
really get to see him that much,unless we're going on holidays
with the family or somethinglike that every now and again uh
so yeah where was this?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
where was this?
Speaker 2 (02:45):
this is perth australia, okay yeah, so on the
west coast, if you transplantaustralia to the us, I'm in la,
basically okay that's helpfulfor uh us, us folks.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
You know we're not known to have very good
geography in america yeah, likean understanding of it uh,
there's a.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
There's a story that I don't know how true it is, but
I would believe it BecauseAustralians can be pretty big
jerks yeah that when we were inthe Navy there was an American
ship.
It was this Kitty Hawk.
It was one of the last dieselcarriers that you guys had.
And it pulled into Sydney andthey had a shore leave and one
of the guys had met up with theAustralians at the bar and he
(03:26):
had expressed his interest ingoing to perth.
They said I'll just go get thetrain like you had the best.
It's going to be the best daytrip of your life.
You're going to have so muchfun.
Like go to this station, getthis ticket.
It's going to be reallyexpensive because it's a day
trip, so everything's expensivein australia.
So they primed this guy tocompletely mess it up.
It's four days to get fromsydney to perth.
Oh my god.
And they were calling for thisguy on the pa over the broadcast
(03:49):
system when qs kitty hawk istrying to depart.
Yeah, and I can only assumethis poor guy listened to these.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
All these sailors got on the train and one way, not
having any idea that he was notgoing to be back that reminds me
of my, my time in Africa andthey'd be like, well, this is
the fast boat, and it was likebecause they're all trying to
get you to go to Zanzibaractually.
So it was like the fast boatwas actually like four and a
half hours, versus the actualfast boat, which was an hour.
(04:17):
So, yeah, I know sometimes wetake advantage of some tourists,
but that's all right.
So so, clay, you talk openlyabout losing your site.
Uh, gave, gave you true vision,uh, which, uh, so?
So share us, share with usabout that.
So 2010.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Well, technically, december 26, 2009, not that I
remember.
Uh, I was at a music festivaland I was leaving one stage,
making my way across to theother stage and walking along,
very happy talking with mygirlfriend at the time, and just
lost the vision.
My left eye, just completeblack.
Oh, this is strange I don't knowwhat's going on here.
(04:55):
I was drunk at the time sothere was no real big concern
from me like, ah, I'll go seethe doctors tomorrow.
Like, see optometrists, begreat.
Wow.
Short version of that detachedmy retina.
They reattached it.
That surgery failed.
They reattached it.
That surgery succeeded, gotreally amazing vision back.
The stabilizing oil they put into stabilize the retina then
caused cataracts.
(05:16):
They operated to remove thecataract and took my vision away
again.
So I've been blind in my lefteye for 15 odd years.
Fast forward November last year, late November last year, early
December, I was on a road tripwith my now wife and my son and
we're headed up to Khao Sokabout a two and a half three
hour drive off of Phuket and Istart seeing double lines on the
(05:40):
road.
So like it's, one line here, butthe further out I go it just
starts to pair off and I'm likethis doesn't make sense.
But I wear a contact lensbecause I have astigmatism and
high myopia and blah, blah, blah, blah blah.
So if the lens doesn't fitperfectly on the exact angle it
actually can distort, of course.
It's just my contacts, don'tworry about it, it's fine and I
didn't bring my glasses becauseI had plenty of contacts there.
(06:02):
So for that weekend I was justlike, okay, my business is a bit
weird, it's fine.
Then I get back and put myglasses on.
I'm like my glasses aren'tcorrecting this.
This is not a contact problem.
So over the next three and ahalf months, spending thousands
and thousands of dollars andgetting lots of opinions because
of what happened with this eye,I exhausted seven different
(06:25):
ophthalmologists, multipledifferent hospitals, multiple
different optometrists andopticians and everything.
And when it started to reallyget uniformed, like the
prognosis was, this is cataractsI'm like great, because the
only way to repair cataracts issurgery, right, and I am very
acutely aware now at this pointthat there is a chance that this
(06:48):
eye could also go the same way.
Sure, so it was.
Uh, it was an interestingprocess and it was only when I
booked the surgery that thingsactually became real, like I had
a huge wave of relaxation, uh,because I found a surgeon and I
had gone through and I'dinterviewed and I'd select.
It was a selection process forme, right, and I found this one
(07:11):
surgeon.
The reason I selected him wasbecause he treated me like a
human being.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
And was this in Thailand?
Is that in Thailand?
Okay, absolutely yeah.
How long have you been inThailand?
For 11 years.
So so this wave of peace comeson because you find the surgeon,
and then Then, about three dayslater, I'm sitting at home.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I'm like this is just like a slap in the face.
It's like there's a real chanceyou might not be able to coach
anymore.
There's a real chance thatyou're going to be completely
dependent for the rest of yourlife.
There's a real chance that alot of things are going to
change for you.
And so I was like, well, okay,like I've spent the better part
of 15 years in self-development,and I've done basic courses and
(07:51):
I've done this, I've donetrainings, I've done a lot to
create an impact, and it'd be awaste to throw that all away,
right?
So what's something that I cando that can help the most amount
of people for the least amountof investment on their part?
I was like you know what I'lldo like a simple course and I
was like that is the dumbestidea ever, Because then I've got
(08:11):
to maintain servers and I'vegot to maintain websites and
plugins and all the other stuff.
It's a great idea but it's notgoing to work.
It's like, okay, what about abook?
If I can get a book, I'll dothat.
And so I decided to commit towriting a book and I sat down 16
hours a day.
My face was six inches awayfrom my computer screen, I had
(08:34):
the font on 200% and I took anddrew from courses that I taught
and podcasts that I've spoken on.
So I didn't start from likeabsolute scratch.
I had like foundations, all thematerials, I had research and I
wrote the book in three weeks.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
So that's okay.
So that's how the trust trapwas born, yeah, yeah, which
we'll talk I want to talk aboutin a moment, and so that's
before you actually had yoursurgery on the on the good eye.
Yeah, so you were dealing withsort of the anxiety of, like,
what your vision was like andthis pending surgery.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
So that's the thing.
I wasn't really anxious, I wasjust very much.
I say in this way, I wasacutely aware of the reality
that could happen.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
And while I was not privy to like the actual chances
of it going south like theother one did, because I was so
aware of it I was like, okay,you may never get this chance
again, Right.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
So let's do it, let's just get it done, and it was
less about anxiety.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
I think it was a lot more about Motivation, yeah, a
want and desire to actually dosomething meaningful.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Is it genetic?
I mean, that leaves me curious.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Yep, yeah, so we found out after the first
surgery that my mom'sgrandmother lost her left eye.
Oh wow, for, like a long timeago, the cataract thing is I.
I got rejected, I went to ahospital and I made an
appointment.
So in thailand it's a bitdifferent to everyone else.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
You don't need to go see a doctor then get a
specialist.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
They can just go book straight in specialist.
Yeah, so I went and made thispoint with ophthalmologist one
hospitals and I went in andreported for my appointment and
I was like, oh sorry, no, youcan't see the doctor.
What, excuse me, why not?
Oh no, you're under 50, so youcan't have cataracts, so you
can't have an appointment.
Oh wow, I was like okay, andlike your medical degree in
training told you that becausetwo doctors like five minutes
(10:35):
down the road have said that Ihave cataracts.
They might know better than youbecause they've looked in my eye
, right, so you know there's allsorts of things that come on.
But yeah, it was, uh, the firstone with the detached retina
was likely hereditary, right,not entirely sure.
The cataracts is more thanlikely just a fast forward,
(10:57):
because the compensation, thestrain that this eye has had,
now it's been taking the weight,the full brunt, because this
one has not really been doinganything, exactly, okay, yeah,
so, so now, so now you're likeliving this and I know during
that time you talked about howNow it's been taking the weight
and the full brunt, because thisone has not really been doing
anything, exactly Okay, yeah, sonow you're living this and I
know during that time you talkedabout how you wanted to step
away from social media andreally connect with your family.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
So what did you gain from that removing yourself from
social media?
Speaker 2 (11:19):
So there was two things.
One, I started disconnectingeverything so like, okay, this
could be the end.
So I don't really want to gotry and delete social media when
I'm blind.
It's a waste of time.
Second, even though I spent 16hours a day in front of the
computer, the kids were atschool.
So you're probably not going tobelieve me, but I promise you
it's true.
I still went and picked thekids up from school, even though
(11:41):
I couldn't really see Becauseof up from school, even though I
couldn't really see because ofmy wife's work.
She didn't have the capabilityto go pick them up, so someone
needs to pick them up fromschool, so I wouldn't pick them
up, just driving exceptionallyslow and uh yeah, it's not a
smart move, but I wanted tomaximize the time that I did
spend with them.
So when I was with them, I waswith them, and when I was
(12:01):
writing the book, I was writingthe book.
So my wife gave me the space towrite the book and be there to
write the book.
And when I wasn't there havingno social media and having no
emails and no nothing basicallyjust disconnected from
everything, except for my actualcurrent clients at that time
who I was still working with andhelping I was just enjoying
(12:22):
life and focusing fully on thatand actually being able to say,
oh, I'm very good atcompartmentalizing.
Anyway, I think I really dobelieve that I am, and so it
just made it even easier to doso.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
So earlier when we started, I think you actually
said a walking train wreck, andI know I read that you've said
that that you were a walkingtrain wreck, and so was it the
issues in your medical issueswith the eyes that helped you
turn around, or what else kindof was there to help you turn it
all around and rebuild yourlife.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
So I would say the first thing, that there's a
couple of things.
First, I walked around in astate of victimhood for the
majority of my life, which Imentioned.
What actually got me to startchanging wasn't a desire to help
people.
It was a desire to make peopledo what I want, sure.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Because I was such a victim.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
I'm like, oh okay, everyone's screwing me over, so
I'm going to figure out thissecret phrase that when I say it
, it's like open sesame andpeople do what I want, because I
was that naive that I thoughtit existed and I went through
processes and started havingthis some change.
But I'd say the big point wasin.
(13:37):
I think it's around the 21st,11th of February in 2011.
I was training in Katy, texas,just outside of Houston, and I
was working there as a subseaengineer, and the story that I
remember might be slightlydifferent.
I don't think it is.
(13:58):
I'm pretty sure it's quiteaccurate.
I left Australia.
My dad got diagnosed with uh,kidney cancer.
He ended up having a tumor thesize of a gridiron american
football.
in his right kid he's still gotscars like massive anyway, so
that it was the way the doctorswere speaking was like he was
(14:18):
going to die.
And so he said to me look, ifyou stay here and I die, there's
nothing you're going to be ableto do, and if you don't go on
this job for this opportunity,this training, and I survive,
you're going to regret it forthe rest of your life.
You didn't take it, so just go.
If you need to come back, youcan come back.
You can be back within 24 hours.
I don't think I'm going to diethat quickly.
Okay, so I left and the surgerywas complicated.
(14:44):
It was a friday morning, it wasa thursday night in houston.
It's sleeted in houston I don'tknow if you know, but if it
sleeps in houston, basically thewhole city just stops of course
the south.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
I, I know that very well.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Yeah, they don't know how to handle any other yeah,
no, no, right, and so, uh, thatwas the most fortunate turn of
events for me because I wentdrinking that night with a buddy
of mine who I used to be in thenavy with, and I thought I was
being really clever because Iknew I wasn't in the best mood.
So I thought I'd just take 20,because 20 to get you two pints
(15:19):
of beer in australia right.
20 will get you 10 pitches whenit's two dollar pitch a night
at the local pub down the roadfrom where we're staying.
So, considering I had theseissues and I had a lot of stuff
that was going on, I got hammerdrunk, ended up in jail for
breaking into the wrong house,and so it wasn't like trying to
do anything malicious, I wasjust in the wrong place at the
(15:40):
wrong time, doing somethingstupid.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
And yeah, I ended up going to court malicious.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time
doing something stupid, yeah,and uh, yeah, I ended up going
to court.
It ended up being a fortunateturn of events.
But, to get to the point I'dset it up, my dad basically
disowned me.
He's like you've screwed up somuch you've done.
He didn't say this to me, buthe refused to talk to me when I
called.
So my mom ended up bailing meout of jail.
That was a very, veryinteresting story.
(16:02):
Language patterns did actuallywork at that point, because I
managed to convince a lady tolet me send an email to my
parents just to let them knowlook, I'm in jail, you probably
won't see me in the next threeto five years.
I'll let you know when I'm out,kind of thing.
And that freaked my mom out,and so they ended up getting
bail and making bail.
And then, when I called back,uh yeah, my dad didn't want to
speak to me and that was prettygut-wrenching.
(16:27):
Yeah, you know to be basicallybasically like I was disowned
and that was the starting pointfor the change in the wake-up
call that okay, like someonethat supported and loved you
your entire life is now thiskind of had enough, then maybe
maybe the problem to you, youknow, maybe it's not everyone
else in the world, and so thatwas kind of like the turning
(16:49):
point.
I'd say that was definitely apivotal moment.
There's a couple of thingsafter that kind of steamrolled
it and carried it going, but I'dsay that was probably the
linchpin and so, and so now youwork with like pga golfers and
high performance businessprofessionals.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
You know, kind of helping them, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
So I got my start with athletes, because in Phuket
you have a lot of fighters here, so I don't know if you're into
MMA, but George St-Pierretrains down here, and then
you've got Alex Volkanovsky.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Since you said that I also work with athletes and I
struggle the most with MMA andboxing.
I've worked with a few topboxers.
Yeah, I just, you know I grewup in like team sports and I
know MMA didn't exist when Igrew up in sports, you know
Right.
So I just and it's a little tooviolent for me, I'm just going
to say it, I know people aregoing to like it it's just a
(17:37):
little too violent for me, butso that so being you have some
big fighters there and so thatwas your entree into working
with athletes.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Yep, so I didn't start with the big fighters,
right.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
I was a no-name, no-neck person I was starting.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
When I started this whole coaching business, I was
charging $20 a session.
Sure, yeah, right, I mean,you've got to start somewhere,
of course.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
I worked for free for a long time.
There you go.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
That's it right.
You got to pay your dues,that's right.
So it was a lot of fun and Igot sub results.
Yeah, and I was working atretreats in Phuket.
I used to speak at retreatsquite often.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Actually every week.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
So people would come in for these retreats.
Yep, and then the retreatswould have me as this adjunct
therapist yeah, so people wouldhear me speak like, hey, what
services do you offer Can?
I work with you, and so I hadguys that come in that were
ranked in the top 100 in the PGA.
I had ladies come in whosenephews were in the AFL and NRL
(18:42):
in Australia I'm like you've gotto speak to my nephew and then
so I got segued into athletesand stuff like that and managed
to get guys who were not goingto be re-signed by their clubs
re-signed for twice the money oftheir previous contract because
they turned their games around,so it was a lot of fun.
And the athletes was a greatthing.
The problem I found withathletes is they all made me
(19:03):
sign bloody NDAs so I couldn'ttalk about anything, which is
fine.
But it's very difficult to runa business when you can't talk
about what you're doing and youcan't tell people who you've
worked with and also I mean,that's my world.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
I mean I legally am not allowed to say anybody,
anybody I work with you know, soI so I, you know, I think, and
this is the world we live in,where the NDA is, you know, at
that level is really common,even just to come over to
people's houses.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Very much so.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Oh yeah.
So then I had a friend who'slike, look, you would do great
with entrepreneurs.
I was like it's the sameprocess, yeah, like it's all
mental for them.
I mean, obviously you've got tohave some skill set.
But what I found when I wasworking with athletes this
difference between the very topand the goats and the greats,
(19:55):
it's all mindset.
They're not that much better inskill.
I mean, it's their mindsets,how they approach this, their
attitudes, how they control, howthey regulate all these systems
and processes and the systemand processes that they have and
they can stack together.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
I always say that's what separates gold from silver,
like in the Olympic Games.
I mean, it's not they're alltrained the same.
They probably have the samekind of team around them.
So on the onset we talked aboutthe nervous system and
regulation there.
So, um, you believe that ournervous system hijacks us,
repeating these toxic patterns?
I know you talk a lot aboutsort of patterns that people
fall into.
(20:29):
So how do you integrate thatand what's your understanding of
that?
Speaker 2 (20:33):
so my understanding that is simple.
We have developed, if you takethe evolutionary psychology
approach, we have developedthese means and mechanisms of
learning to survive.
So, for example, we rememberlocations based on memory
because of high caloric foodsright.
So back in the day, like, oh,this is the mango, we get tons
of nutrients from it.
It's going to be easy toremember Our brain's like this
(20:55):
is important, pay attention.
And it shortcuts the path to getthere.
And then it likes to take theseheuristics and these processes
and it wants to learn everythingas fast as it can in terms of
an automatic process.
So we're having a conversation.
I'm on air with Dr Pete.
Dr Pete and I are doing great.
I can learn that.
I can trust Dr Pete, that he'shonest, that he's integral, he
(21:16):
does all these things.
So now you come into this boxwhere I see you as safe.
So now I stop paying attention.
And this is the trap thatpeople have with their neurology
.
Their neurology has developedto conserve energy as much as
possible.
So if you have to be on 24,seven and paying attention to
(21:36):
every single person, you'regoing to be exhausted.
So your brain takes thesenatural heuristics and shortcuts
and starts to process things.
And then people get put in thissafety zone or this trustworthy
zone or whatever kind of zoneyou want to put them in, and
then we start to negateconflicting signals which come
through cognitive biases that wehave, because it doesn't match
up the internal representationwe've got inside our head.
Beautiful.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
I love how you put that.
So you also mentioned that youfeel like trust.
This was really interesting tome.
That trust is not a feeling,it's a pattern.
Yes, sir, so break that downfor us.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
So that leverages off just what we went over, right?
So my definition of trust isnot in a characteristic and it's
definitely not in a feeling.
It is of a mutually beneficialoutcome.
There's no permanence to it.
It is a evolving process and ifyou break it down from the
English language version, thentrust is the normalization of
(22:27):
the word, of the process.
Trusting yes and then.
So it comes down to how do Iwant to be trusting dr pete
right now?
And the simplest way to put itit's going to be as relevant as
possible for you and youraudience is this right now, you
read my bio.
You seem to be going back andforth.
You are trusting that I'm goingto come on this podcast to lose
(22:48):
much value to your audience andhave a great conversation.
I am trusting you to host me inthe best way possible, so it's
mutually beneficial for the bothof us to be here to align and
move forward together.
Right, exactly.
And when that is no longermutually beneficial, I can be
completely trusting that you'regoing to do what's in your best
interest and I'm going to dowhat's in mine, and it doesn't
(23:10):
mean you're screwing me over orI'm screwing you over.
It means we're doing what humanbeings do, which is looking out
to make sure that we're safe.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
End of story.
Yeah, no, I love that it's.
You know, you learn, and Ithink some people are.
When they learn that they'rejust so taken aback and they
think that the human race isdoomed and it's like no, the
fact that you had theexpectation of people to you
know, care about you in the sameway you care about yourself, is
part of it.
So the trust trap I want tomake sure that we get a chance
to hear you talk about that,because I know it's a great book
(23:41):
and so your writing processobviously was really intense.
Yeah, you know, pick up thekids from school and I, like
everything you did was withintentional.
So tell us about the trust trapand I like everything you did
was with intentional.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
So tell us about the trust trap.
So the trust trap was, inessence, this process and a
bunch of systems and tools andtechniques that allow you to go
from seeing the world in a stateof victimhood, if that's where
you're at, or seeing the worldthrough rose-colored glasses, if
that's where you're at, tobeing able to see the world as
objectively as I believe it'spossible.
I don't think we can ever seeit in a truly objective nature.
(24:16):
However, it gives you a set ofsystems and set of protocols
that takes you through a journeywhere, first of all, the first
two chapters of the book I oftenget messages and emails saying
this book is fantastic and I'mtaking a break, and so I'll
email back saying what's goingon?
Are you on chapter two?
They're like yeah, how do youknow?
I'm like this is standard, likethis is perfectly normal,
(24:38):
because it's very confrontingand the bold claim I'm going to
say bold, the bold claim I makeis that there's no such thing as
betrayal, only self-betrayal.
Yeah, and that self-betrayalexists because of this shortcut
that we spoke about just amoment ago, yeah, whereby our
nervous system is trained toshortcut everything and
(24:59):
therefore it frames this personas trustworthy and then we start
going no, no, no, no, butthey're trustworthy, they would
never do that to me.
But the information is there,and so I typically ask people
okay, as a show of hands, don'tput your hand up.
If you can say that you wereblindsided, backstabbed or
(25:22):
betrayed, how are you going tofray?
Because some people see it indifferent lenses.
So that happened to you and youdidn't see it coming.
So if you did see it coming,looking back, but you ignored
the signs with your hand up andit's 100% of the time in every
single room I'm yet to findsomeone in the room that keeps
(25:42):
their hand down.
I'm like, right, so you'retelling me that looking back,
you could see it, which meansyou could see it real time.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
You just ignored it.
But if you couldn't see it.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
If you could see it real time, you just ignored it.
But if you couldn't see, if youput, if you kept your hand down
, you're like okay, I couldn'tsee it, like okay, now we've got
something, something new.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Like you're busting my hypothesis let's dive in,
let's see how we extract thatyeah it's really interesting
because, uh, I think you knowthis is a lot of um, like really
interesting just to hear and Iknow that you and I can talk so
much longer uh, you know, butit's, it's, it's funny how the
you know the brain and thenervous system and I love that
you're building that into yourcoaching, cause it's, it's just
(26:19):
so critical and I know that youalso do the neuroanatomic, uh,
autonomic plasticity kind of theAP and um, it's probably so
much more that we could talkabout, because these toxic
patterns, you know, people don'ttrust their gut.
Uh, and that's what I alwaystalk about, the enteric nervous
system.
It's just trying to build arelationship with it.
I was also thinking that you'vegot some great readers, uh,
because a lot of times readerswould just say this guy doesn't
(26:40):
know what he's talking about and, you know, cancel him.
You know, versus like chaptertwo, they're like, let me sit on
this a little bit and let metake a break.
So, uh, shout out to yourreaders for being open and
listening.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
I try to frame things a lot and I try to frame it
even in a book description Likethis is something that is going
to slap you in the face and I'llput, like, if you are not
prepared to be confronted by abook, don't buy this book,
because you will be confrontedand you'll hate it.
And I don't mind if you hate itand you write me a one-star
(27:13):
review, that's fine, yeah justbe warned this is what's going
to happen this is real, this isreal work.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Yeah, this is real work.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Yeah, yeah, well, definitely go dive in if you're
signed up for that and if you'renot then do yourself a favor
and take another book you heardit here, so I love that.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
It's a good author.
So, uh, clay, thank you so muchfor being here and for sharing
your story and giving ourlisteners a lot to think about.
So we'll have.
Uh, is there any like last youknow bit of wisdom or you know
piece that you'd want somebodyto to hear you say yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
so if you can get the one concept and that is that
trust is this mutuallybeneficial outcome, and you can
take these layers and peel themback and start to understand
that, when you're lookingthrough the lens, of trust is a
mutually beneficial outcome,then you peel it back further
and see that it applies toyourself.
(28:07):
Yeah, and the self part is, themutually beneficial outcome
means if you have your consciousmind and your subconscious mind
working towards a mutuallybeneficial outcome, then you'll
always get that outcome.
And as soon as they are notaligned, you will not get that
outcome because yoursubconscious is always in the
(28:28):
background running the show andyou'll make progress and then
fail, make progress and thenfail.
And so that's why I found itwas so really powerful because,
like you said, this sense ofself-trust is so important when,
when you can start to interpretwhat these things actually mean
which is why in the end of thebook I go into the non-verbals
and linguistic lie detection andstuff like that when you can
(28:50):
peel that back and you can armyour conscious mind with the
information that says actuallypay attention to this, because
there's something going on.
It allows you to revert andstart to understand and really
trust yourself, so therefore youcan get the results you want.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
All right, I just lied.
I have one last question.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
What is one?
Speaker 1 (29:09):
thing you're grateful for.
I just had that thought.
I was like what is one thingyou're grateful for?
I just had that thought.
I was like what is?
Speaker 2 (29:13):
one thing I'm grateful for there's too many to
list.
I'm grateful for my kids.
I'm grateful for my wife.
I'm grateful for my parents forbeing awesome.
I'm grateful I've got afantastic brother.
I've got good friends.
I am grateful as absurd andstupid and corny as this is
going to sound yeah I amgrateful for the kick in the ass
(29:36):
that I got by almost losing myvision and doing the due
diligence that I did to find asurgeon that I could connect
with.
Amen.
I'm so grateful for thatbecause up until that point, I
would say I was just anothermindset coach.
Right, you throw a penny, youhit a million of them.
And it gave me the drive toreally dig into the work that
I've been doing and pull outlike what is the fundamental
(29:58):
part of this?
And now I've got something thatI don't think many people, if
anyone else, is talking about.
I love it and it's awesome.
I've got something of genuinevalue to offer people.
So I'm massively grateful thatthis happened.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
I love it.
Thanks for being here, clay,this was awesome, and thanks to
those listening at home.
Your support is alwaysappreciated.
We continue to bring you freshnew content every week.
So, as always, please like,follow and share.
Everything is atofficialdrpetecom, and until
then, spread a little kindnessand stay well, thank you.
Hello and welcome back to On Air with Dr Pete.
I'm your host, dr Pete Economo,and I'm thrilled to be back
here.
Summer is flying by I cannotimagine how fast it's going, and
I'm thrilled to be back here.
Summer is flying by I cannotimagine how fast it's going, and
I hope you're enjoying everyminute.
With intention, my goal forthis podcast has been a place
for us to come together and tolearn and to grow and gain some
understanding about the world,and today I'm really excited to
(00:38):
share with our next guest, whocomes to us all the way from
Thailand, and so scheduling wasa lot of fun for this.
So this is Clay Moffitt.
He's an ex-Navy weapons techturned high performance mental
conditioning specialist andbehaviorist.
Drawing from the militarybackground and his own personal
struggles, clay focuses onreshaping perspectives and
fostering personalaccountability for growth.
(01:00):
I love that.
His work focuses on nervoussystem alignment, so we're going
to have a lot of fun talkingabout that, and I can't wait
just to learn so much about Clayand the work that he does.
So, again, I appreciate youbeing here because from New
Jersey our time zones it's theend of your day and the
beginning of ours, so, clay,welcome.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Absolutely.
It's a pleasure to be here, andI think all the scheduling
mumbo-jumbo we went through justmakes it all the more
worthwhile to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
All the more worthwhile.
Thank you so much, so tell usabout it.
I mean, I gave you the introhere, Very impressive.
You know performance coach,ex-Navy military, so tell us
about you.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
So the easiest thing to say to start off with is that
I was a complete rat bag forprobably the first 27 years of
my life, so a lot of peoplethink ex-Native.
This guy must be reallydisciplined and he must be this.
And most of my disciplinedidn't come from the Navy, it
came from my parents, my dad'sex-Special Forces, and he was
(02:09):
very much a disciplinarian whenhe was home but and he wasn't in
the military when I was growingup he'd already left, okay.
However, uh, you know, when youtake the boy out of the arm, you
can't take the army out.
The boy kind of thinks thatkind of condition gets in there.
Yeah, uh, and so he was very,very strict with us.
But he also used to be a hotelmanager, so he'd be working 18
19 hours a day, so he wasn'taround that much.
Until the later of my formativeyears, where I'm more on the
(02:29):
socialization stage and I'm like14, 15 and my last few years of
school, he was around a lot,but prior to that I didn't
really get to see him that much,unless we're going on holidays
with the family or somethinglike that every now and again uh
so yeah where was this?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
where was this?
Speaker 2 (02:45):
this is perth australia, okay yeah, so on the
west coast, if you transplantaustralia to the us, I'm in la,
basically okay that's helpfulfor uh us, us folks.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
You know we're not known to have very good
geography in america yeah, likean understanding of it uh,
there's a.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
There's a story that I don't know how true it is, but
I would believe it BecauseAustralians can be pretty big
jerks yeah that when we were inthe Navy there was an American
ship.
It was this Kitty Hawk.
It was one of the last dieselcarriers that you guys had.
And it pulled into Sydney andthey had a shore leave and one
of the guys had met up with theAustralians at the bar and he
(03:26):
had expressed his interest ingoing to perth.
They said I'll just go get thetrain like you had the best.
It's going to be the best daytrip of your life.
You're going to have so muchfun.
Like go to this station, getthis ticket.
It's going to be reallyexpensive because it's a day
trip, so everything's expensivein australia.
So they primed this guy tocompletely mess it up.
It's four days to get fromsydney to perth.
Oh my god.
And they were calling for thisguy on the pa over the broadcast
(03:49):
system when qs kitty hawk istrying to depart.
Yeah, and I can only assumethis poor guy listened to these.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
All these sailors got on the train and one way, not
having any idea that he was notgoing to be back that reminds me
of my, my time in Africa andthey'd be like, well, this is
the fast boat, and it was likebecause they're all trying to
get you to go to Zanzibaractually.
So it was like the fast boatwas actually like four and a
half hours, versus the actualfast boat, which was an hour.
(04:17):
So, yeah, I know sometimes wetake advantage of some tourists,
but that's all right.
So so, clay, you talk openlyabout losing your site.
Uh, gave, gave you true vision,uh, which, uh, so?
So share us, share with usabout that.
So 2010.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Well, technically, december 26, 2009, not that I
remember.
Uh, I was at a music festivaland I was leaving one stage,
making my way across to theother stage and walking along,
very happy talking with mygirlfriend at the time, and just
lost the vision.
My left eye, just completeblack.
Oh, this is strange I don't knowwhat's going on here.
(04:55):
I was drunk at the time sothere was no real big concern
from me like, ah, I'll go seethe doctors tomorrow.
Like, see optometrists, begreat.
Wow.
Short version of that detachedmy retina.
They reattached it.
That surgery failed.
They reattached it.
That surgery succeeded, gotreally amazing vision back.
The stabilizing oil they put into stabilize the retina then
caused cataracts.
(05:16):
They operated to remove thecataract and took my vision away
again.
So I've been blind in my lefteye for 15 odd years.
Fast forward November last year, late November last year, early
December, I was on a road tripwith my now wife and my son and
we're headed up to Khao Sokabout a two and a half three
hour drive off of Phuket and Istart seeing double lines on the
(05:40):
road.
So like it's, one line here, butthe further out I go it just
starts to pair off and I'm likethis doesn't make sense.
But I wear a contact lensbecause I have astigmatism and
high myopia and blah, blah, blah, blah blah.
So if the lens doesn't fitperfectly on the exact angle it
actually can distort, of course.
It's just my contacts, don'tworry about it, it's fine and I
didn't bring my glasses becauseI had plenty of contacts there.
(06:02):
So for that weekend I was justlike, okay, my business is a bit
weird, it's fine.
Then I get back and put myglasses on.
I'm like my glasses aren'tcorrecting this.
This is not a contact problem.
So over the next three and ahalf months, spending thousands
and thousands of dollars andgetting lots of opinions because
of what happened with this eye,I exhausted seven different
(06:25):
ophthalmologists, multipledifferent hospitals, multiple
different optometrists andopticians and everything.
And when it started to reallyget uniformed, like the
prognosis was, this is cataractsI'm like great, because the
only way to repair cataracts issurgery, right, and I am very
acutely aware now at this pointthat there is a chance that this
(06:48):
eye could also go the same way.
Sure, so it was.
Uh, it was an interestingprocess and it was only when I
booked the surgery that thingsactually became real, like I had
a huge wave of relaxation, uh,because I found a surgeon and I
had gone through and I'dinterviewed and I'd select.
It was a selection process forme, right, and I found this one
(07:11):
surgeon.
The reason I selected him wasbecause he treated me like a
human being.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
And was this in Thailand?
Is that in Thailand?
Okay, absolutely yeah.
How long have you been inThailand?
For 11 years.
So so this wave of peace comeson because you find the surgeon,
and then Then, about three dayslater, I'm sitting at home.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I'm like this is just like a slap in the face.
It's like there's a real chanceyou might not be able to coach
anymore.
There's a real chance thatyou're going to be completely
dependent for the rest of yourlife.
There's a real chance that alot of things are going to
change for you.
And so I was like, well, okay,like I've spent the better part
of 15 years in self-development,and I've done basic courses and
(07:51):
I've done this, I've donetrainings, I've done a lot to
create an impact, and it'd be awaste to throw that all away,
right?
So what's something that I cando that can help the most amount
of people for the least amountof investment on their part?
I was like you know what I'lldo like a simple course and I
was like that is the dumbestidea ever, Because then I've got
(08:11):
to maintain servers and I'vegot to maintain websites and
plugins and all the other stuff.
It's a great idea but it's notgoing to work.
It's like, okay, what about abook?
If I can get a book, I'll dothat.
And so I decided to commit towriting a book and I sat down 16
hours a day.
My face was six inches awayfrom my computer screen, I had
(08:34):
the font on 200% and I took anddrew from courses that I taught
and podcasts that I've spoken on.
So I didn't start from likeabsolute scratch.
I had like foundations, all thematerials, I had research and I
wrote the book in three weeks.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
So that's okay.
So that's how the trust trapwas born, yeah, yeah, which
we'll talk I want to talk aboutin a moment, and so that's
before you actually had yoursurgery on the on the good eye.
Yeah, so you were dealing withsort of the anxiety of, like,
what your vision was like andthis pending surgery.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
So that's the thing.
I wasn't really anxious, I wasjust very much.
I say in this way, I wasacutely aware of the reality
that could happen.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
And while I was not privy to like the actual chances
of it going south like theother one did, because I was so
aware of it I was like, okay,you may never get this chance
again, Right.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
So let's do it, let's just get it done, and it was
less about anxiety.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
I think it was a lot more about Motivation, yeah, a
want and desire to actually dosomething meaningful.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Is it genetic?
I mean, that leaves me curious.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Yep, yeah, so we found out after the first
surgery that my mom'sgrandmother lost her left eye.
Oh wow, for, like a long timeago, the cataract thing is I.
I got rejected, I went to ahospital and I made an
appointment.
So in thailand it's a bitdifferent to everyone else.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
You don't need to go see a doctor then get a
specialist.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
They can just go book straight in specialist.
Yeah, so I went and made thispoint with ophthalmologist one
hospitals and I went in andreported for my appointment and
I was like, oh sorry, no, youcan't see the doctor.
What, excuse me, why not?
Oh no, you're under 50, so youcan't have cataracts, so you
can't have an appointment.
Oh wow, I was like okay, andlike your medical degree in
training told you that becausetwo doctors like five minutes
(10:35):
down the road have said that Ihave cataracts.
They might know better than youbecause they've looked in my eye
, right, so you know there's allsorts of things that come on.
But yeah, it was, uh, the firstone with the detached retina
was likely hereditary, right,not entirely sure.
The cataracts is more thanlikely just a fast forward,
(10:57):
because the compensation, thestrain that this eye has had,
now it's been taking the weight,the full brunt, because this
one has not really been doinganything, exactly, okay, yeah,
so, so now, so now you're likeliving this and I know during
that time you talked about howNow it's been taking the weight
and the full brunt, because thisone has not really been doing
anything, exactly Okay, yeah, sonow you're living this and I
know during that time you talkedabout how you wanted to step
away from social media andreally connect with your family.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
So what did you gain from that removing yourself from
social media?
Speaker 2 (11:19):
So there was two things.
One, I started disconnectingeverything so like, okay, this
could be the end.
So I don't really want to gotry and delete social media when
I'm blind.
It's a waste of time.
Second, even though I spent 16hours a day in front of the
computer, the kids were atschool.
So you're probably not going tobelieve me, but I promise you
it's true.
I still went and picked thekids up from school, even though
(11:41):
I couldn't really see Becauseof up from school, even though I
couldn't really see because ofmy wife's work.
She didn't have the capabilityto go pick them up, so someone
needs to pick them up fromschool, so I wouldn't pick them
up, just driving exceptionallyslow and uh yeah, it's not a
smart move, but I wanted tomaximize the time that I did
spend with them.
So when I was with them, I waswith them, and when I was
(12:01):
writing the book, I was writingthe book.
So my wife gave me the space towrite the book and be there to
write the book.
And when I wasn't there havingno social media and having no
emails and no nothing basicallyjust disconnected from
everything, except for my actualcurrent clients at that time
who I was still working with andhelping I was just enjoying
(12:22):
life and focusing fully on thatand actually being able to say,
oh, I'm very good atcompartmentalizing.
Anyway, I think I really dobelieve that I am, and so it
just made it even easier to doso.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
So earlier when we started, I think you actually
said a walking train wreck, andI know I read that you've said
that that you were a walkingtrain wreck, and so was it the
issues in your medical issueswith the eyes that helped you
turn around, or what else kindof was there to help you turn it
all around and rebuild yourlife.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
So I would say the first thing, that there's a
couple of things.
First, I walked around in astate of victimhood for the
majority of my life, which Imentioned.
What actually got me to startchanging wasn't a desire to help
people.
It was a desire to make peopledo what I want, sure.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Because I was such a victim.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
I'm like, oh okay, everyone's screwing me over, so
I'm going to figure out thissecret phrase that when I say it
, it's like open sesame andpeople do what I want, because I
was that naive that I thoughtit existed and I went through
processes and started havingthis some change.
But I'd say the big point wasin.
(13:37):
I think it's around the 21st,11th of February in 2011.
I was training in Katy, texas,just outside of Houston, and I
was working there as a subseaengineer, and the story that I
remember might be slightlydifferent.
I don't think it is.
(13:58):
I'm pretty sure it's quiteaccurate.
I left Australia.
My dad got diagnosed with uh,kidney cancer.
He ended up having a tumor thesize of a gridiron american
football.
in his right kid he's still gotscars like massive anyway, so
that it was the way the doctorswere speaking was like he was
(14:18):
going to die.
And so he said to me look, ifyou stay here and I die, there's
nothing you're going to be ableto do, and if you don't go on
this job for this opportunity,this training, and I survive,
you're going to regret it forthe rest of your life.
You didn't take it, so just go.
If you need to come back, youcan come back.
You can be back within 24 hours.
I don't think I'm going to diethat quickly.
Okay, so I left and the surgerywas complicated.
(14:44):
It was a friday morning, it wasa thursday night in houston.
It's sleeted in houston I don'tknow if you know, but if it
sleeps in houston, basically thewhole city just stops of course
the south.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
I, I know that very well.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Yeah, they don't know how to handle any other yeah,
no, no, right, and so, uh, thatwas the most fortunate turn of
events for me because I wentdrinking that night with a buddy
of mine who I used to be in thenavy with, and I thought I was
being really clever because Iknew I wasn't in the best mood.
So I thought I'd just take 20,because 20 to get you two pints
(15:19):
of beer in australia right.
20 will get you 10 pitches whenit's two dollar pitch a night
at the local pub down the roadfrom where we're staying.
So, considering I had theseissues and I had a lot of stuff
that was going on, I got hammerdrunk, ended up in jail for
breaking into the wrong house,and so it wasn't like trying to
do anything malicious, I wasjust in the wrong place at the
(15:40):
wrong time, doing somethingstupid.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
And yeah, I ended up going to court malicious.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time
doing something stupid, yeah,and uh, yeah, I ended up going
to court.
It ended up being a fortunateturn of events.
But, to get to the point I'dset it up, my dad basically
disowned me.
He's like you've screwed up somuch you've done.
He didn't say this to me, buthe refused to talk to me when I
called.
So my mom ended up bailing meout of jail.
That was a very, veryinteresting story.
(16:02):
Language patterns did actuallywork at that point, because I
managed to convince a lady tolet me send an email to my
parents just to let them knowlook, I'm in jail, you probably
won't see me in the next threeto five years.
I'll let you know when I'm out,kind of thing.
And that freaked my mom out,and so they ended up getting
bail and making bail.
And then, when I called back,uh yeah, my dad didn't want to
speak to me and that was prettygut-wrenching.
(16:27):
Yeah, you know to be basicallybasically like I was disowned
and that was the starting pointfor the change in the wake-up
call that okay, like someonethat supported and loved you
your entire life is now thiskind of had enough, then maybe
maybe the problem to you, youknow, maybe it's not everyone
else in the world, and so thatwas kind of like the turning
(16:49):
point.
I'd say that was definitely apivotal moment.
There's a couple of thingsafter that kind of steamrolled
it and carried it going, but I'dsay that was probably the
linchpin and so, and so now youwork with like pga golfers and
high performance businessprofessionals.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
You know, kind of helping them, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
So I got my start with athletes, because in Phuket
you have a lot of fighters here, so I don't know if you're into
MMA, but George St-Pierretrains down here, and then
you've got Alex Volkanovsky.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Since you said that I also work with athletes and I
struggle the most with MMA andboxing.
I've worked with a few topboxers.
Yeah, I just, you know I grewup in like team sports and I
know MMA didn't exist when Igrew up in sports, you know
Right.
So I just and it's a little tooviolent for me, I'm just going
to say it, I know people aregoing to like it it's just a
(17:37):
little too violent for me, butso that so being you have some
big fighters there and so thatwas your entree into working
with athletes.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Yep, so I didn't start with the big fighters,
right.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
I was a no-name, no-neck person I was starting.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
When I started this whole coaching business, I was
charging $20 a session.
Sure, yeah, right, I mean,you've got to start somewhere,
of course.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
I worked for free for a long time.
There you go.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
That's it right.
You got to pay your dues,that's right.
So it was a lot of fun and Igot sub results.
Yeah, and I was working atretreats in Phuket.
I used to speak at retreatsquite often.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Actually every week.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
So people would come in for these retreats.
Yep, and then the retreatswould have me as this adjunct
therapist yeah, so people wouldhear me speak like, hey, what
services do you offer Can?
I work with you, and so I hadguys that come in that were
ranked in the top 100 in the PGA.
I had ladies come in whosenephews were in the AFL and NRL
(18:42):
in Australia I'm like you've gotto speak to my nephew and then
so I got segued into athletesand stuff like that and managed
to get guys who were not goingto be re-signed by their clubs
re-signed for twice the money oftheir previous contract because
they turned their games around,so it was a lot of fun.
And the athletes was a greatthing.
The problem I found withathletes is they all made me
(19:03):
sign bloody NDAs so I couldn'ttalk about anything, which is
fine.
But it's very difficult to runa business when you can't talk
about what you're doing and youcan't tell people who you've
worked with and also I mean,that's my world.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
I mean I legally am not allowed to say anybody,
anybody I work with you know, soI so I, you know, I think, and
this is the world we live in,where the NDA is, you know, at
that level is really common,even just to come over to
people's houses.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Very much so.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Oh yeah.
So then I had a friend who'slike, look, you would do great
with entrepreneurs.
I was like it's the sameprocess, yeah, like it's all
mental for them.
I mean, obviously you've got tohave some skill set.
But what I found when I wasworking with athletes this
difference between the very topand the goats and the greats,
(19:55):
it's all mindset.
They're not that much better inskill.
I mean, it's their mindsets,how they approach this, their
attitudes, how they control, howthey regulate all these systems
and processes and the systemand processes that they have and
they can stack together.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
I always say that's what separates gold from silver,
like in the Olympic Games.
I mean, it's not they're alltrained the same.
They probably have the samekind of team around them.
So on the onset we talked aboutthe nervous system and
regulation there.
So, um, you believe that ournervous system hijacks us,
repeating these toxic patterns?
I know you talk a lot aboutsort of patterns that people
fall into.
(20:29):
So how do you integrate thatand what's your understanding of
that?
Speaker 2 (20:33):
so my understanding that is simple.
We have developed, if you takethe evolutionary psychology
approach, we have developedthese means and mechanisms of
learning to survive.
So, for example, we rememberlocations based on memory
because of high caloric foodsright.
So back in the day, like, oh,this is the mango, we get tons
of nutrients from it.
It's going to be easy toremember Our brain's like this
(20:55):
is important, pay attention.
And it shortcuts the path to getthere.
And then it likes to take theseheuristics and these processes
and it wants to learn everythingas fast as it can in terms of
an automatic process.
So we're having a conversation.
I'm on air with Dr Pete.
Dr Pete and I are doing great.
I can learn that.
I can trust Dr Pete, that he'shonest, that he's integral, he
(21:16):
does all these things.
So now you come into this boxwhere I see you as safe.
So now I stop paying attention.
And this is the trap thatpeople have with their neurology
.
Their neurology has developedto conserve energy as much as
possible.
So if you have to be on 24,seven and paying attention to
(21:36):
every single person, you'regoing to be exhausted.
So your brain takes thesenatural heuristics and shortcuts
and starts to process things.
And then people get put in thissafety zone or this trustworthy
zone or whatever kind of zoneyou want to put them in, and
then we start to negateconflicting signals which come
through cognitive biases that wehave, because it doesn't match
up the internal representationwe've got inside our head.
Beautiful.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
I love how you put that.
So you also mentioned that youfeel like trust.
This was really interesting tome.
That trust is not a feeling,it's a pattern.
Yes, sir, so break that downfor us.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
So that leverages off just what we went over, right?
So my definition of trust isnot in a characteristic and it's
definitely not in a feeling.
It is of a mutually beneficialoutcome.
There's no permanence to it.
It is a evolving process and ifyou break it down from the
English language version, thentrust is the normalization of
(22:27):
the word, of the process.
Trusting yes and then.
So it comes down to how do Iwant to be trusting dr pete
right now?
And the simplest way to put itit's going to be as relevant as
possible for you and youraudience is this right now, you
read my bio.
You seem to be going back andforth.
You are trusting that I'm goingto come on this podcast to lose
(22:48):
much value to your audience andhave a great conversation.
I am trusting you to host me inthe best way possible, so it's
mutually beneficial for the bothof us to be here to align and
move forward together.
Right, exactly.
And when that is no longermutually beneficial, I can be
completely trusting that you'regoing to do what's in your best
interest and I'm going to dowhat's in mine, and it doesn't
(23:10):
mean you're screwing me over orI'm screwing you over.
It means we're doing what humanbeings do, which is looking out
to make sure that we're safe.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
End of story.
Yeah, no, I love that it's.
You know, you learn, and Ithink some people are.
When they learn that they'rejust so taken aback and they
think that the human race isdoomed and it's like no, the
fact that you had theexpectation of people to you
know, care about you in the sameway you care about yourself, is
part of it.
So the trust trap I want tomake sure that we get a chance
to hear you talk about that,because I know it's a great book
(23:41):
and so your writing processobviously was really intense.
Yeah, you know, pick up thekids from school and I, like
everything you did was withintentional.
So tell us about the trust trapand I like everything you did
was with intentional.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
So tell us about the trust trap.
So the trust trap was, inessence, this process and a
bunch of systems and tools andtechniques that allow you to go
from seeing the world in a stateof victimhood, if that's where
you're at, or seeing the worldthrough rose-colored glasses, if
that's where you're at, tobeing able to see the world as
objectively as I believe it'spossible.
I don't think we can ever seeit in a truly objective nature.
(24:16):
However, it gives you a set ofsystems and set of protocols
that takes you through a journeywhere, first of all, the first
two chapters of the book I oftenget messages and emails saying
this book is fantastic and I'mtaking a break, and so I'll
email back saying what's goingon?
Are you on chapter two?
They're like yeah, how do youknow?
I'm like this is standard, likethis is perfectly normal,
(24:38):
because it's very confrontingand the bold claim I'm going to
say bold, the bold claim I makeis that there's no such thing as
betrayal, only self-betrayal.
Yeah, and that self-betrayalexists because of this shortcut
that we spoke about just amoment ago, yeah, whereby our
nervous system is trained toshortcut everything and
(24:59):
therefore it frames this personas trustworthy and then we start
going no, no, no, no, butthey're trustworthy, they would
never do that to me.
But the information is there,and so I typically ask people
okay, as a show of hands, don'tput your hand up.
If you can say that you wereblindsided, backstabbed or
(25:22):
betrayed, how are you going tofray?
Because some people see it indifferent lenses.
So that happened to you and youdidn't see it coming.
So if you did see it coming,looking back, but you ignored
the signs with your hand up andit's 100% of the time in every
single room I'm yet to findsomeone in the room that keeps
(25:42):
their hand down.
I'm like, right, so you'retelling me that looking back,
you could see it, which meansyou could see it real time.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
You just ignored it.
But if you couldn't see it.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
If you could see it real time, you just ignored it.
But if you couldn't see, if youput, if you kept your hand down
, you're like okay, I couldn'tsee it, like okay, now we've got
something, something new.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Like you're busting my hypothesis let's dive in,
let's see how we extract thatyeah it's really interesting
because, uh, I think you knowthis is a lot of um, like really
interesting just to hear and Iknow that you and I can talk so
much longer uh, you know, butit's, it's, it's funny how the
you know the brain and thenervous system and I love that
you're building that into yourcoaching, cause it's, it's just
(26:19):
so critical and I know that youalso do the neuroanatomic, uh,
autonomic plasticity kind of theAP and um, it's probably so
much more that we could talkabout, because these toxic
patterns, you know, people don'ttrust their gut.
Uh, and that's what I alwaystalk about, the enteric nervous
system.
It's just trying to build arelationship with it.
I was also thinking that you'vegot some great readers, uh,
because a lot of times readerswould just say this guy doesn't
(26:40):
know what he's talking about and, you know, cancel him.
You know, versus like chaptertwo, they're like, let me sit on
this a little bit and let metake a break.
So, uh, shout out to yourreaders for being open and
listening.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
I try to frame things a lot and I try to frame it
even in a book description Likethis is something that is going
to slap you in the face and I'llput, like, if you are not
prepared to be confronted by abook, don't buy this book,
because you will be confrontedand you'll hate it.
And I don't mind if you hate itand you write me a one-star
(27:13):
review, that's fine, yeah justbe warned this is what's going
to happen this is real, this isreal work.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Yeah, this is real work.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Yeah, yeah, well, definitely go dive in if you're
signed up for that and if you'renot then do yourself a favor
and take another book you heardit here, so I love that.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
It's a good author.
So, uh, clay, thank you so muchfor being here and for sharing
your story and giving ourlisteners a lot to think about.
So we'll have.
Uh, is there any like last youknow bit of wisdom or you know
piece that you'd want somebodyto to hear you say yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
so if you can get the one concept and that is that
trust is this mutuallybeneficial outcome, and you can
take these layers and peel themback and start to understand
that, when you're lookingthrough the lens, of trust is a
mutually beneficial outcome,then you peel it back further
and see that it applies toyourself.
(28:07):
Yeah, and the self part is, themutually beneficial outcome
means if you have your consciousmind and your subconscious mind
working towards a mutuallybeneficial outcome, then you'll
always get that outcome.
And as soon as they are notaligned, you will not get that
outcome because yoursubconscious is always in the
(28:28):
background running the show andyou'll make progress and then
fail, make progress and thenfail.
And so that's why I found itwas so really powerful because,
like you said, this sense ofself-trust is so important when,
when you can start to interpretwhat these things actually mean
which is why in the end of thebook I go into the non-verbals
and linguistic lie detection andstuff like that when you can
(28:50):
peel that back and you can armyour conscious mind with the
information that says actuallypay attention to this, because
there's something going on.
It allows you to revert andstart to understand and really
trust yourself, so therefore youcan get the results you want.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
All right, I just lied.
I have one last question.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
What is one?
Speaker 1 (29:09):
thing you're grateful for.
I just had that thought.
I was like what is one thingyou're grateful for?
I just had that thought.
I was like what is?
Speaker 2 (29:13):
one thing I'm grateful for there's too many to
list.
I'm grateful for my kids.
I'm grateful for my wife.
I'm grateful for my parents forbeing awesome.
I'm grateful I've got afantastic brother.
I've got good friends.
I am grateful as absurd andstupid and corny as this is
going to sound yeah I amgrateful for the kick in the ass
(29:36):
that I got by almost losing myvision and doing the due
diligence that I did to find asurgeon that I could connect
with.
Amen.
I'm so grateful for thatbecause up until that point, I
would say I was just anothermindset coach.
Right, you throw a penny, youhit a million of them.
And it gave me the drive toreally dig into the work that
I've been doing and pull outlike what is the fundamental
(29:58):
part of this?
And now I've got something thatI don't think many people, if
anyone else, is talking about.
I love it and it's awesome.
I've got something of genuinevalue to offer people.
So I'm massively grateful thatthis happened.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
I love it.
Thanks for being here, clay,this was awesome, and thanks to
those listening at home.
Your support is alwaysappreciated.
We continue to bring you freshnew content every week.
So, as always, please like,follow and share.
Everything is atofficialdrpetecom, and until
then, spread a little kindnessand stay well, thank you.
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