August 8, 2025 • 18 mins
Join Dr. Pete & Dominic Petty the "inner peace advisor" as they explore the deep healing of emotional wounds. Dominic is a trauma-informed relationship & mindset coach helping clients from all over the world. His work is deeply rooted in his own powerful journey through trauma & personal challenges and he shares an important message to help heal emotional wounds and rebuild personal self-worth.
Learn more about Dominic here:
https://explorewithdominic.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Hello and welcome back to On Air with Dr Pete.
Summer is in full swing and wehave been keeping busy, that's
for sure.
I hope you've all been enjoyingthe summer content and we're
always thinking of differentways to bring you some fresh and
exciting ideas.
So if there's something thatyou want to hear about, hit me
up, send us a message, let usknow, because we're always on
the hunt for some new guests.
Or if you're tuning in and youhave a show topic idea and you
(00:37):
want to be on here, let us knowToday.
I'm thrilled to welcome DominicPetty to the show.
Dominic is known as the InnerPeace Advisor, is a
trauma-informed relationship andmindset coach helping clients
all around the world.
His work is deeply rooted inhis own powerful journey through
trauma and personal challenges,and he believes the purpose of
(00:59):
life is to grow, evolve and setaside our own limiting beliefs
to help heal emotional woundsand rebuild self-worth.
I also agree with that, and soI can't wait to jump in and talk
about that today.
Dominic, thanks for being here.
Yeah, thank you.
So let's go.
Like your background, you knowhow, what's your story and how
did it get to this place whereyou're saying now you want to
(01:20):
help other people?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Let's see my background.
I'll give you a brief.
We can expand it as as as hebeing.
So I grew up in Chicago and Ithink the highlights from there
I would look at here, sincewe're talking about trauma,
trauma informed type thing, myown experience, so two big
(01:42):
things.
So I had two older brothers,one I guess I feel neutral about
, or at least at the age youknow, pretty neutral about
oldest brother, and then likehad a middle brother and then
very antagonistic relationship,you know, like I think what we
call like the bully side ofthings.
So I had that, had a reallystrict father, good heart but
(02:04):
strict father.
You know world was pretty blackand white.
So you know I looked at theworld, a lot of rules-based type
thinking, you know, this isgood, this is bad.
I think the good thing with mybrother you know, one of the
gifts he gave me and I think Istill use my clients today a lot
is is the the whole thing aboutsetting boundaries?
Speaker 1 (02:27):
uh, the middle brother, yeah, yeah, so you're
the youngest, I'm the youngest.
Yeah, I like that.
Yeah, baby the baby.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
You know, it's like you know the parents finally get
it right.
You know, when they get to theyoungest right.
That's what we like to say,yeah, we like to think it too,
uh, yeah.
So the thing I really take awayfrom my brother is he's kind of
like an archetype of an energyI encountered many times in the
world, but I felt like Iencountered it early and I said,
(02:57):
oh, I know how to deal withthis when it comes up, so
largely it's it's boundaries,and what can also come up is my
favorite word, which is no, yeah, yeah.
So fast forward, went to school,out in California, went to
Stanford, got an engineeringdegree, worked in tech for a
(03:18):
while, and then I went back toschool, went to Wharton, got an
MBA, did consulting for a bit,went back, did some little tech
and then I wound up actually inmy last position in government
Actually it's Homeland Security,I'm working in our headquarters
and I'm at their trainingcenter for leadership
development, and so it'straining for a lot of the senior
(03:39):
personnel, and that's where Igot into coaching.
Okay, and I got into coachingbecause I really enjoyed the
instruction we were giving.
I just felt we should go deeper, yeah, and so and I also felt
in the work context, most of thetime, you know, people are not
wanting to go deeper or it'sjust maybe it's just not the
(03:59):
context for it.
Yeah, maybe it's just not thecontext for it.
But in coaching I was able tofeel that interest and I found a
lot of the clients I got werepretty much like myself in the
sense of, okay, got theeducation and got the job, got
the relationship, and then kindof the realization sets in wait.
(04:25):
Is this all there is?
So yeah.
So I help a lot of people with,I'd say, say, full range.
But a lot of things are biglife changes, so job changes.
Uh, there's a death, parentdies, um, relationship ends, so
those things that like shake youup so much.
Is that your heart that justsoftens or it breaks, yeah, and
so you're kind of in this crisisbecause your belief system that
(04:47):
got you there isn't doesn'twork anymore so that's really
interesting, the engineeringpiece about it, because, uh, I
don't know how many engineers gointo coaching, you know.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
So, like I love that side of it, you know.
And so, um, was there somethingthat transformed, like, so
engineering at stanford, thennba at whart that's where
Pennsylvania came, by the way.
Oh, okay, I can link that.
And so, like, at what pointwere you, you know, working at
Homeland Security?
I guess you started to realizethat people needed coaching, but
I'm sure they didn't hire youto do coaching.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
No, right, no, no, not at all.
I think, yeah, when I firststarted it was a lot of process
improvement, you know, puttingthat engineering type mind to
work.
I think a couple of thingshappened.
One I was doing meditation in agroup and a little bit of like
community formed, and there's awoman there who told me I really
(05:43):
think she's looking to coachingand like over time we became
really good friends, um, but itwas.
It was very kind of her, youknow, she took the time to kind
of set me down.
She goes, listen, like I payfor this stuff and like our
casual conversations are betterthan what I've I paid for, um.
And she also said I I used tothink you were like certified in
(06:04):
Nlp, because like the way thatyou talk, it's, it's just nlp.
And then a certain point Irealized like you weren't, but
like yeah, she goes, I'm tellingyou, look into it, it's, it's
the same thing.
And eventually I took a coursein it and I was so fascinated
wow, they're, they're teachingpeople to think like the way I
think, like all the time, yeah,yeah.
So so there was there, was thatgoing on?
(06:27):
And then the other thing Istarted managing people.
It's like the first time I wasworking with people who I
thought maybe not across theboard, but some of them, I'd say
they just weren't likeself-motivated, intrinsically
motivated to get stuff done.
And it was kind of puzzling tome because that was the first
(06:47):
experience I had of that, and soI had to figure out well, gee,
how do I, how I get someone todo something I want them to do
if they don't want to do it?
And then I realized the way myfather motivated like you can't
do that with adults, you know,you just like tell them do it
because I said so.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
And not with your non-kids.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Yeah, yeah, exactly Exactly.
So you know, I did crazy thingslike taking interest in who
they were, asking what they didover the weekend.
You know, yeah, look, if theytold me they had kids, I asked
them about their kids.
You know.
So that engineering minddeveloped some, I would say,
(07:28):
emotional intelligence along theway.
Yeah, way.
And so first it was very much,I'd say, strategy based.
I said, okay, well, this seemsto be working, I'll keep doing
this.
And then, along the way I Iswitched over and I said, oh,
this is actually interesting.
And it still appeared to appealto my mind, because I tell you
(07:51):
I mean not to be too reductive,but one way I look at people,
it's like, wow, we're justreally robots with programming,
sure, or however you want to sayit, ai with programming, I
don't know, but like we're goingto believe something, we have
an internal operating system,yes, and it's the quality of
that internal operating systemthat determines the quality of
our lives.
(08:11):
And and I realized that, wow,nothing's chaotic in people,
like everyone is, is reallydoing what they're doing.
They're behaving in a way thatis extremely rational and
logical to them.
And so I just took a keeninterest to what people were
telling me I, I, if whateverthey told me, I would just ask
(08:35):
questions and just try tounderstand it more.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
I love it.
I mean it doesn't soundreductive to me.
I think some as a cognitivebehavioral therapist, a lot of
times we are judged withinpsychology or behaviorism about
being too robotic or mechanicaland to be able to identify that
there are a lot of similaritiesacross or patterns of behavior.
You know, you know we all havethis.
Uh, you know a processingsystem inside of us if we think
(09:00):
about like computers and yeah,just trying to, I guess.
So it sounds like you'reworking to reprogram or
understand how people do programtheir own internal computers
yeah, that's for sure.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Um and and then helping them see it.
Because I'm a big frameworksperson, because I say, well, if
there's a framework or aparadigm I can come up with or
find that applies, it can makethings like quicker on my end.
But most people they don't havesome internal framework that
they're following for themselves.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
They're say more about that.
Like, what would you call?
Like, how would you define aframework?
Or what are some examples offramework for listeners?
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yeah.
So I think this is heavilydiscredited.
So I apologize, people don'tdon't care for it.
But Myers Briggs, yeah, mbti, II happen to like it and that's
a framework for people and ifpeople need to know more, that's
just an assessment.
You answer a bunch of questions, it'll tell you what you are
(10:00):
across different dimensions andit gives you a way of
understanding yourself indifferent scenarios.
And there's another one.
I really love the Enneagram.
That's another framework ninedifferent scenarios.
And there's another one.
I really love the Enneagram.
That's another framework ninedifferent types.
Again, you just take aself-assessment and it'll tell
you which one of the nine typesyou are.
But at the end of the day andthe reason I like the Enneagram
(10:23):
it tells you that you're reallyplaying like a protection game
and so your personality isreally like a set of coping
mechanisms to that you're doingto keep you safe.
And the encouragement Enneagramat the end is just like to
really just put your copingmechanisms down like let let
(10:44):
them go.
And it was scary for people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And if you think about it justlike a basic framework, you know
telling people that most ofwhat you're doing is just a way
of keeping you safe, right.
I think that's a big revelationto people, because people think
(11:04):
they are their personality orthey cling to these different
identities.
That's right.
And I think for some reason,I've just never really clung to
an identity.
I mean, I always realized likewhatever I thought I am or
whoever I thought I am, it'slike yeah, it's probably just
part of the story.
(11:24):
I'm sure there's like a lotmore.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah, I mean, humans are complex people, so you're
not just like ENFJ 100% of thetime.
Yeah, those are characteristicsthat might cut across different
aspects of your life, butcertainly recognizing that you
know once.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Yeah, absolutely, I'm essentially helping them get to
a better place, and so theycome to me with problems.
So my engineering mind lovesthat, because they're like
little puzzles and it's alsothings that they've probably
spent quite some time trying toresolve themselves, so it's not
a trivial problem to them.
(12:04):
And what I find it's always dueto some lack of clarity Sure,
(12:41):
no-transcript, and when it comesto their personality or what
they're doing, they think it'sthe only way they can show up,
are, and maybe on thesubconscious level, they they
never thought that maybe whatthey're doing, their personality
, is actually the core source ofwhat the issue is like.
(13:02):
The challenge.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
So you mentioned it could be during a life
transition, like a loss of aparent, loss of a relationship,
things of that nature.
So then, how, like, can youshare how you help clients do
this?
So you talk about framework andgaining clarity through these
major life transitions.
So how would you approach that?
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Yeah.
So relationships are reallygood, for I think exactly this
example, and so I love workingwith people on relationships
because it's it's when I findthey're the most open.
They, they want to, they wantto change things.
So let's say so, we'll use one,let's say enneagram type three.
(13:42):
That's the achiever.
And so if a person assesses itas that, they know that their
way of seeking approval, of love, connection the world is
through performance.
So you can always tell typethree, because they have endless
certifications and degrees andthey're and they're getting more
all the time.
(14:03):
And so, like in a relationshipbreakup, invariably I'll, I'll
ask them hey, what do you thinkhappened?
Eventually I'll guide them backto themselves because I let
them know I really don't need toknow anything about the other
person, because it's all you,everything you want is going to
(14:26):
be through you.
So the quicker we get back tofocusing on you, the quicker
we're going to get to resolution, the quicker we're going to get
to resolution.
And so what happens with thistype three the chief are using
this framework is they'll bereally busy.
It might be like a workaholic.
They might really prioritizelike achievement and and really
getting the next thing, and sowhat they really want is
(14:48):
connection with what they'retrying to do.
That is, through this work,through this performance, and so
relationship issues.
A lot of times they'll tell methat they run into is well, I
didn't have enough time for mypartner.
Or my partners always tell methat, like I invested too much
in work.
Or my partner tell me I wasn'ta priority.
(15:10):
I always had like something Iwas learning or something, a
next rung that I was trying toget to.
Or, you know, my partners tellme I was never happy.
And so I think one of theeasiest ways, I think, to put
the Enneagram to use with aperson is to say OK, so what
would the opposite be?
And this is you mentioned.
(15:31):
You know people being terrifiedabout not doing their
personality.
So imagine a person thinkinglike you know, this is, this is
how.
Yeah, my security blanket islike achieving, and so the
opposite is like don't achieve.
It might actually be it's justbe lazy, right, do and, and just
(15:51):
don't do it.
So gain full awareness and sayyeah, I'm not, I'm not going to
do it this time, I'm not goingto get the next degree, I'm not
going to get the nextcertification, and it says okay.
So, in the midst of not doingthat, what could be available
for you and your relationship?
And I said, well, gee, I guess,I guess I could plan something
with my partner, or I could bemore present or I could really
(16:15):
dive into these things that theysaid they would like.
And you know, maybe I'll plan adate, maybe I'll plan a
vacation or something like that.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
This feels like a good segue because I love you
talked about relationships and Iknow that you.
I've read that you say the mostimportant relationship is the
one they have with ourselves,and it's such an important
aspect of a lot of work in myown daily practice, so I'd love
to hear how you put that intopractice and help others do the
same.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Yeah, well, it's, as you said, daily practice.
You know, still working on itmyself, I think.
To put it simplistically andmaybe some people might say it's
tritely it's the wholeself-love side of things, and if
that's too hard for people, Iwould say like self-acceptance.
In my experience, I would saymost people are their own worst
(17:03):
enemy, or worst friend, shall wesay, when it comes to accepting
themselves.
So we all are keenly aware ofwhat we don't like about
ourselves, and so we're alwaysreminding ourselves I'm not good
enough.
I, I should have said thisthing, you know not versus what
we are yeah, yeah.
So you know, I encourage myclients and I encourage myself
(17:26):
just find different ways to toappreciate myself.
You know small things.
Hey, you set an alarm and gotup with it, you know?
Speaker 1 (17:34):
or got some early morning light, such good advice
and I don't care what people sayif it's trite or whatever, but
that self-love is important andtaking those small victories and
remember listeners to celebratethose small victories that's a
really important mindfulnesspractice.
So, dominic, thanks again forbeing here and for those
listening at home, thank you.
You can check out Dominic'swebsite, explorewithdominiccom.
(18:00):
We'll also have that link inthe show notes and, as always,
we encourage you to like, followand share everything's at
official Dr Pete, I'll be backhere next week, so until then,
spread a little kindness andstay well, thank you.
Hello and welcome back to On Air with Dr Pete.
Summer is in full swing and wehave been keeping busy, that's
for sure.
I hope you've all been enjoyingthe summer content and we're
always thinking of differentways to bring you some fresh and
exciting ideas.
So if there's something thatyou want to hear about, hit me
up, send us a message, let usknow, because we're always on
the hunt for some new guests.
Or if you're tuning in and youhave a show topic idea and you
(00:37):
want to be on here, let us knowToday.
I'm thrilled to welcome DominicPetty to the show.
Dominic is known as the InnerPeace Advisor, is a
trauma-informed relationship andmindset coach helping clients
all around the world.
His work is deeply rooted inhis own powerful journey through
trauma and personal challenges,and he believes the purpose of
(00:59):
life is to grow, evolve and setaside our own limiting beliefs
to help heal emotional woundsand rebuild self-worth.
I also agree with that, and soI can't wait to jump in and talk
about that today.
Dominic, thanks for being here.
Yeah, thank you.
So let's go.
Like your background, you knowhow, what's your story and how
did it get to this place whereyou're saying now you want to
(01:20):
help other people?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Let's see my background.
I'll give you a brief.
We can expand it as as as hebeing.
So I grew up in Chicago and Ithink the highlights from there
I would look at here, sincewe're talking about trauma,
trauma informed type thing, myown experience, so two big
(01:42):
things.
So I had two older brothers,one I guess I feel neutral about
, or at least at the age youknow, pretty neutral about
oldest brother, and then likehad a middle brother and then
very antagonistic relationship,you know, like I think what we
call like the bully side ofthings.
So I had that, had a reallystrict father, good heart but
(02:04):
strict father.
You know world was pretty blackand white.
So you know I looked at theworld, a lot of rules-based type
thinking, you know, this isgood, this is bad.
I think the good thing with mybrother you know, one of the
gifts he gave me and I think Istill use my clients today a lot
is is the the whole thing aboutsetting boundaries?
Speaker 1 (02:27):
uh, the middle brother, yeah, yeah, so you're
the youngest, I'm the youngest.
Yeah, I like that.
Yeah, baby the baby.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
You know, it's like you know the parents finally get
it right.
You know, when they get to theyoungest right.
That's what we like to say,yeah, we like to think it too,
uh, yeah.
So the thing I really take awayfrom my brother is he's kind of
like an archetype of an energyI encountered many times in the
world, but I felt like Iencountered it early and I said,
(02:57):
oh, I know how to deal withthis when it comes up, so
largely it's it's boundaries,and what can also come up is my
favorite word, which is no, yeah, yeah.
So fast forward, went to school,out in California, went to
Stanford, got an engineeringdegree, worked in tech for a
(03:18):
while, and then I went back toschool, went to Wharton, got an
MBA, did consulting for a bit,went back, did some little tech
and then I wound up actually inmy last position in government
Actually it's Homeland Security,I'm working in our headquarters
and I'm at their trainingcenter for leadership
development, and so it'straining for a lot of the senior
(03:39):
personnel, and that's where Igot into coaching.
Okay, and I got into coachingbecause I really enjoyed the
instruction we were giving.
I just felt we should go deeper, yeah, and so and I also felt
in the work context, most of thetime, you know, people are not
wanting to go deeper or it'sjust maybe it's just not the
(03:59):
context for it.
Yeah, maybe it's just not thecontext for it.
But in coaching I was able tofeel that interest and I found a
lot of the clients I got werepretty much like myself in the
sense of, okay, got theeducation and got the job, got
the relationship, and then kindof the realization sets in wait.
(04:25):
Is this all there is?
So yeah.
So I help a lot of people with,I'd say, say, full range.
But a lot of things are biglife changes, so job changes.
Uh, there's a death, parentdies, um, relationship ends, so
those things that like shake youup so much.
Is that your heart that justsoftens or it breaks, yeah, and
so you're kind of in this crisisbecause your belief system that
(04:47):
got you there isn't doesn'twork anymore so that's really
interesting, the engineeringpiece about it, because, uh, I
don't know how many engineers gointo coaching, you know.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
So, like I love that side of it, you know.
And so, um, was there somethingthat transformed, like, so
engineering at stanford, thennba at whart that's where
Pennsylvania came, by the way.
Oh, okay, I can link that.
And so, like, at what pointwere you, you know, working at
Homeland Security?
I guess you started to realizethat people needed coaching, but
I'm sure they didn't hire youto do coaching.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
No, right, no, no, not at all.
I think, yeah, when I firststarted it was a lot of process
improvement, you know, puttingthat engineering type mind to
work.
I think a couple of thingshappened.
One I was doing meditation in agroup and a little bit of like
community formed, and there's awoman there who told me I really
(05:43):
think she's looking to coachingand like over time we became
really good friends, um, but itwas.
It was very kind of her, youknow, she took the time to kind
of set me down.
She goes, listen, like I payfor this stuff and like our
casual conversations are betterthan what I've I paid for, um.
And she also said I I used tothink you were like certified in
(06:04):
Nlp, because like the way thatyou talk, it's, it's just nlp.
And then a certain point Irealized like you weren't, but
like yeah, she goes, I'm tellingyou, look into it, it's, it's
the same thing.
And eventually I took a coursein it and I was so fascinated
wow, they're, they're teachingpeople to think like the way I
think, like all the time, yeah,yeah.
So so there was there, was thatgoing on?
(06:27):
And then the other thing Istarted managing people.
It's like the first time I wasworking with people who I
thought maybe not across theboard, but some of them, I'd say
they just weren't likeself-motivated, intrinsically
motivated to get stuff done.
And it was kind of puzzling tome because that was the first
(06:47):
experience I had of that, and soI had to figure out well, gee,
how do I, how I get someone todo something I want them to do
if they don't want to do it?
And then I realized the way myfather motivated like you can't
do that with adults, you know,you just like tell them do it
because I said so.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
And not with your non-kids.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Yeah, yeah, exactly Exactly.
So you know, I did crazy thingslike taking interest in who
they were, asking what they didover the weekend.
You know, yeah, look, if theytold me they had kids, I asked
them about their kids.
You know.
So that engineering minddeveloped some, I would say,
(07:28):
emotional intelligence along theway.
Yeah, way.
And so first it was very much,I'd say, strategy based.
I said, okay, well, this seemsto be working, I'll keep doing
this.
And then, along the way I Iswitched over and I said, oh,
this is actually interesting.
And it still appeared to appealto my mind, because I tell you
(07:51):
I mean not to be too reductive,but one way I look at people,
it's like, wow, we're justreally robots with programming,
sure, or however you want to sayit, ai with programming, I
don't know, but like we're goingto believe something, we have
an internal operating system,yes, and it's the quality of
that internal operating systemthat determines the quality of
our lives.
(08:11):
And and I realized that, wow,nothing's chaotic in people,
like everyone is, is reallydoing what they're doing.
They're behaving in a way thatis extremely rational and
logical to them.
And so I just took a keeninterest to what people were
telling me I, I, if whateverthey told me, I would just ask
(08:35):
questions and just try tounderstand it more.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
I love it.
I mean it doesn't soundreductive to me.
I think some as a cognitivebehavioral therapist, a lot of
times we are judged withinpsychology or behaviorism about
being too robotic or mechanicaland to be able to identify that
there are a lot of similaritiesacross or patterns of behavior.
You know, you know we all havethis.
Uh, you know a processingsystem inside of us if we think
(09:00):
about like computers and yeah,just trying to, I guess.
So it sounds like you'reworking to reprogram or
understand how people do programtheir own internal computers
yeah, that's for sure.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Um and and then helping them see it.
Because I'm a big frameworksperson, because I say, well, if
there's a framework or aparadigm I can come up with or
find that applies, it can makethings like quicker on my end.
But most people they don't havesome internal framework that
they're following for themselves.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
They're say more about that.
Like, what would you call?
Like, how would you define aframework?
Or what are some examples offramework for listeners?
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yeah.
So I think this is heavilydiscredited.
So I apologize, people don'tdon't care for it.
But Myers Briggs, yeah, mbti, II happen to like it and that's
a framework for people and ifpeople need to know more, that's
just an assessment.
You answer a bunch of questions, it'll tell you what you are
(10:00):
across different dimensions andit gives you a way of
understanding yourself indifferent scenarios.
And there's another one.
I really love the Enneagram.
That's another framework ninedifferent scenarios.
And there's another one.
I really love the Enneagram.
That's another framework ninedifferent types.
Again, you just take aself-assessment and it'll tell
you which one of the nine typesyou are.
But at the end of the day andthe reason I like the Enneagram
(10:23):
it tells you that you're reallyplaying like a protection game
and so your personality isreally like a set of coping
mechanisms to that you're doingto keep you safe.
And the encouragement Enneagramat the end is just like to
really just put your copingmechanisms down like let let
(10:44):
them go.
And it was scary for people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And if you think about it justlike a basic framework, you know
telling people that most ofwhat you're doing is just a way
of keeping you safe, right.
I think that's a big revelationto people, because people think
(11:04):
they are their personality orthey cling to these different
identities.
That's right.
And I think for some reason,I've just never really clung to
an identity.
I mean, I always realized likewhatever I thought I am or
whoever I thought I am, it'slike yeah, it's probably just
part of the story.
(11:24):
I'm sure there's like a lotmore.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah, I mean, humans are complex people, so you're
not just like ENFJ 100% of thetime.
Yeah, those are characteristicsthat might cut across different
aspects of your life, butcertainly recognizing that you
know once.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Yeah, absolutely, I'm essentially helping them get to
a better place, and so theycome to me with problems.
So my engineering mind lovesthat, because they're like
little puzzles and it's alsothings that they've probably
spent quite some time trying toresolve themselves, so it's not
a trivial problem to them.
(12:04):
And what I find it's always dueto some lack of clarity Sure,
(12:41):
no-transcript, and when it comesto their personality or what
they're doing, they think it'sthe only way they can show up,
are, and maybe on thesubconscious level, they they
never thought that maybe whatthey're doing, their personality
, is actually the core source ofwhat the issue is like.
(13:02):
The challenge.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
So you mentioned it could be during a life
transition, like a loss of aparent, loss of a relationship,
things of that nature.
So then, how, like, can youshare how you help clients do
this?
So you talk about framework andgaining clarity through these
major life transitions.
So how would you approach that?
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Yeah.
So relationships are reallygood, for I think exactly this
example, and so I love workingwith people on relationships
because it's it's when I findthey're the most open.
They, they want to, they wantto change things.
So let's say so, we'll use one,let's say enneagram type three.
(13:42):
That's the achiever.
And so if a person assesses itas that, they know that their
way of seeking approval, of love, connection the world is
through performance.
So you can always tell typethree, because they have endless
certifications and degrees andthey're and they're getting more
all the time.
(14:03):
And so, like in a relationshipbreakup, invariably I'll, I'll
ask them hey, what do you thinkhappened?
Eventually I'll guide them backto themselves because I let
them know I really don't need toknow anything about the other
person, because it's all you,everything you want is going to
(14:26):
be through you.
So the quicker we get back tofocusing on you, the quicker
we're going to get to resolution, the quicker we're going to get
to resolution.
And so what happens with thistype three the chief are using
this framework is they'll bereally busy.
It might be like a workaholic.
They might really prioritizelike achievement and and really
getting the next thing, and sowhat they really want is
(14:48):
connection with what they'retrying to do.
That is, through this work,through this performance, and so
relationship issues.
A lot of times they'll tell methat they run into is well, I
didn't have enough time for mypartner.
Or my partners always tell methat, like I invested too much
in work.
Or my partner tell me I wasn'ta priority.
(15:10):
I always had like something Iwas learning or something, a
next rung that I was trying toget to.
Or, you know, my partners tellme I was never happy.
And so I think one of theeasiest ways, I think, to put
the Enneagram to use with aperson is to say OK, so what
would the opposite be?
And this is you mentioned.
(15:31):
You know people being terrifiedabout not doing their
personality.
So imagine a person thinkinglike you know, this is, this is
how.
Yeah, my security blanket islike achieving, and so the
opposite is like don't achieve.
It might actually be it's justbe lazy, right, do and, and just
(15:51):
don't do it.
So gain full awareness and sayyeah, I'm not, I'm not going to
do it this time, I'm not goingto get the next degree, I'm not
going to get the nextcertification, and it says okay.
So, in the midst of not doingthat, what could be available
for you and your relationship?
And I said, well, gee, I guess,I guess I could plan something
with my partner, or I could bemore present or I could really
(16:15):
dive into these things that theysaid they would like.
And you know, maybe I'll plan adate, maybe I'll plan a
vacation or something like that.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
This feels like a good segue because I love you
talked about relationships and Iknow that you.
I've read that you say the mostimportant relationship is the
one they have with ourselves,and it's such an important
aspect of a lot of work in myown daily practice, so I'd love
to hear how you put that intopractice and help others do the
same.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Yeah, well, it's, as you said, daily practice.
You know, still working on itmyself, I think.
To put it simplistically andmaybe some people might say it's
tritely it's the wholeself-love side of things, and if
that's too hard for people, Iwould say like self-acceptance.
In my experience, I would saymost people are their own worst
(17:03):
enemy, or worst friend, shall wesay, when it comes to accepting
themselves.
So we all are keenly aware ofwhat we don't like about
ourselves, and so we're alwaysreminding ourselves I'm not good
enough.
I, I should have said thisthing, you know not versus what
we are yeah, yeah.
So you know, I encourage myclients and I encourage myself
(17:26):
just find different ways to toappreciate myself.
You know small things.
Hey, you set an alarm and gotup with it, you know?
Speaker 1 (17:34):
or got some early morning light, such good advice
and I don't care what people sayif it's trite or whatever, but
that self-love is important andtaking those small victories and
remember listeners to celebratethose small victories that's a
really important mindfulnesspractice.
So, dominic, thanks again forbeing here and for those
listening at home, thank you.
You can check out Dominic'swebsite, explorewithdominiccom.
(18:00):
We'll also have that link inthe show notes and, as always,
we encourage you to like, followand share everything's at
official Dr Pete, I'll be backhere next week, so until then,
spread a little kindness andstay well, thank you.
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