#36: Murphy Pines - Guerrilla Advertising, Relationship Anarchy, and Healing from Trauma

Murphy Pines shares their journey of self-discovery, from growing up across multiple countries to embracing queerness and building community through art and authenticity. Their story reveals how breaking free from societal expectations can lead to profound healing and connection with oneself and others.

• Growing up across three continents and moving 16 times created adaptability but challenges with maintaining relationships
• Career aspirations evolved from designing chairs to film directing at BuzzFeed to creating independent art
• Coming out as queer at 27 marked a pivotal shift from living on "autopilot" to authentic self-expression
• Practicing "relationship anarchy" - defining connections based on authentic desires rather than societal expectations
• Healing from trauma involves acceptance and grace rather than eliminating triggers or achieving perfection
• Reconnecting with nature helps combat loneliness and provides wisdom about relationships and boundaries
• Creating the world we want to see by living it rather than waiting for permission or validation

Guest bio:
Murphy Pines is a multi-disciplinary artist and storyteller whose work explores themes about emotions, vulnerability and authenticity. Murphy has had a broad range of experience spanning from their years at Buzzfeed to directing music videos, designing props on animated shows and creating a successfully funded kickstarter.

• IG: @hereismysecret / https://www.instagram.com/hereismysecret/
• IG: @hereismyclubhouse / https://www.instagram.com/hereismyclubhouse/
• Linktree: @murphyscottage / https://linktr.ee/murphyscottage

Links/resources:

• “I’M HERE” Deck (cards - website)
• About Time (movie - Wikipedia)
• How Deep Will You Go (card game - website)
• “Braiding Sweetgrass” by Robin Wall Kimmerer (book - Wikipedia)
• Kura Revolving Sushi Bar (sushi restaurant - website)
• Adrienne Maree Brown (author - website)
• Yumi Sakugawa (artist/author - website)

One Thousand Gurus Podcast:
Everyone has a compelling story to tell with insights we can all be inspired by. J.R. Yonocruz is a self-improvement blogger, relationship coach, and serial hobbyist with a passion for learning. He interviews unique guests from various fields to distill the strategies, habits, and mindsets we can use in our own lives. Each “guru” has a chance to give the audience a peek into a new world.

www.onethousandgurus.com
Instagram: @OneThousandGurus
TikTok: @onethousandgurus
YouTube: One Thousand Gurus Podcast
Email: [e-mail]

Episode Transcript

J.R. (00:00):
Hello everyone and welcome back to another fun and
exciting episode of 1000 Guruswith me, your host, jr Yonakruz.
Today's guest is Murphy Pines.
Murphy is a multidisciplinaryartist and storyteller whose
work explores themes aboutemotions, vulnerability and
authenticity.
Murphy has had a broad range ofexperiences, spanning from
their years at BuzzFeed todirecting music videos,

(00:22):
designing props on animatedshows and creating a
successfully funded Kickstarter.
So this episode was so much funto record and personally very
insightful to me.
We touch upon a lot of topicsnot previously explored on this
show, which made it extraengaging for me.
But huge trigger warning we doget into some very dark and
heavy topics like death, suicideand whatnot.

(00:43):
Murphy shares a lot about theirheavy past, which was very
gracious of them, but I'm alsoglad we were able to make the
conversation a bit moredigestible for the audience,
since both Murphy and I havegenerally a more light-hearted
and playful demeanor, which Ifeel like helps out a lot when
talking about these things.
But regardless, we cover topicsof Murphy's career aspirations,

(01:05):
how they've changed over timeworking at BuzzFeed, building
community and relationships,healing from trauma and
improving our relationship tonature and our bodies.
I took so many notes and had alot of insights to ponder for
myself.
So I hope you guys learn a lotfrom this episode as well.
So, without further ado, hopeyou enjoy this episode with
Murphy Pines.

(01:29):
Hello and welcome back to 1000Gurus.
Please welcome my guest, murphyPines.
Hi, I'm happy to be here.
Yeah, thanks for being here.
So, yeah, thank you.
Thank you for stopping by.
We had a pre recording or likea premeeting session beforehand
just to kind of get througheverything and figure out the
flow, but yeah, I think it wasreally productive.
I feel like we have a good pathforward for this conversation,

(01:51):
but yeah, so thanks for beinghere again.
So let me go into how I met you.
We met through mutual friend,my friend Lyndon, who was on
season one for this show, andthen you've been helping me
build out my relationshipcoaching website and then
branding and all that stuff.
Recently we had a photo shootand that was a lot of fun.
We'll not be showing thosephotos.
Murphy kind of had me do somelike cutesy photos for my

(02:12):
girlfriend and yeah, they'repretty embarrassing.
It's my best work.
Yeah, arguably that's verysubjective, but yeah, so I know
you're up to a lot of differentthings that we'll probably get
into A lot of them art related.
You're a very creative personand I was happy to have you on
the show because you were whenwe first met at the coffee shop.
I think we had a really goodconversation.

(02:33):
And I thought that you'd be likeyou're a veteran to being on a
podcast You've had your ownbefore and so I thought that
you'd be a great guest for ouraudience, yeah our audience.

Murphy (02:42):
So, yeah, wow, that's exciting.
Yeah, we had a really greatconversation then.

J.R. (02:46):
Any other clarifications or stuff that you're up to that
you want to talk about?

Murphy (02:51):
Yeah, I mean I've been pretty busy in the last month
working on a project that waspretty, pretty impulsive.
I started, I had the idea andthen three days later I was
signing a lease and no regretsso far.

J.R. (03:03):
Yeah, any project that starts with I signed a lease is
probably going to be fun.

Murphy (03:08):
I'm terrified.
I'm so scared.
I'm like waking up inexcitement and terror at 6am
every morning.
That never happens to me.
So, yeah.
So I mean just to actually saywhat I'm doing.
I'm opening up a like acommunity creative arts space
where you do like workshops andcrafts and like co-working and I
just honestly, just I needed anexcuse to make a space where I

(03:29):
can hang out with all my friends, so yeah, yeah, that's I love
it.

J.R. (03:34):
That's also what this podcast is an excuse for me to
catch up with people.
So I think we're birds of afeather in that sense cool
anything else.

Murphy (03:42):
that's pretty much like my, my.
What's on the forefront of mymind right now?
Nice?

J.R. (03:47):
All right.
So I brought this little cooldeck of cards created by yours
truly, murphy Pines, so this wasa gift and so I really
appreciate it.
So thank you again for this,but it is basically.
Well, I have an idea, but wouldyou like to explain what this
deck of cards is?

Murphy (04:03):
Yeah, okay.
So a few years ago I made aKickstarter campaign because
while I was in lockdown, I justdecided to draw like one thing
every day in the same format.
And then a friend of mine waslike you could turn this into a
deck because I had about 50cards.
And I was like maybe I should.
And so I did the scary thingand made a Kickstarter and it

(04:25):
just, yeah, it took off and Iwas able to get it funded twice,
almost twice over Dang, that'scrazy.
And so it's.
Basically I wrote out a list of50 different ways that I tools
I use to feel better or justnavigate difficult feelings, so
I paired the drawings with thewords and came up with this deck
.
It's called the I'm here Deck.

(04:45):
I'm here.
Because, it's here for you, yeah.

J.R. (04:48):
I'll link everything so you can check it out if you are
interested in getting your owndeck.
And so it has these really cool, cute-looking drawings and
stuff like that.
The card's really nice.
It's kind of shiny andlaminated on the side.
So this is for the peoplelistening and they don't like
know what I'm holding, but it'skind of like tarot cards, sort
of like length cards, right, andthen all the drawings in the

(05:10):
front, and then I guess this isthe one.
There was two decks that yougave me.
One of them was mostly likeimages, but this one has like
words and, I guess, intention.
So I thought it'd be nice to gothrough the deck and pull out
something as like a intentionfor this episode and see, since
it's also related, yeah, wouldyou like to pull?
It doesn't make sense for me tojust do this and then you can

(05:31):
pull one, or what do you want?
I would love for.

Murphy (05:33):
Usually, sometimes I'll let other people pull cards.
We could also take turnspulling cards, okay.
Okay, how about uh-huh?
Is you just pull from the top?
You could pull from the top orbottom, or sometimes you shuffle
until something pops out.
But I, yeah, let's do.
Maybe we could just like fan itout and then pick one for each
other.

J.R. (05:50):
That's what I thought.
Okay, it's like kind of like amagic trick show yeah, yeah,
it's like all right, here's yourdestiny.
It's my destiny.
Good thing, I am a expert cardshark and I actually made you
pull that one.

Murphy (06:00):
I'm just kidding oh, we, we'll see Imagine.
Oh okay, very seasonallyappropriate.
What does it say?
It says bloom.
It's time to blossom intoyourself.
Okay.
Just like all the flowers thatare blooming in the spring.
Yeah, that's definitely a cardthat's speaking to me, because

(06:26):
it's also a card about potentialenergy.
Right, when you're like a budand you're just like it doesn't
look like anything's happening,but there's a lot happening on
the inside and it's you'retaking all this time to prepare
and prepare and eventually itjust explodes.
You know it pops open andyou're like, wow, I'm here.
Yeah, and that's how it's beenfeeling like these days oh yeah,
so you feel like it reallyresonates, definitely.

J.R. (06:41):
and then, like in this, there's like a guidebook in here
that kind of has an explanation, if I'm not wrong, of each kind
of card.
Yeah, yeah, that was prettycool.
Yeah.
So you fan this one out, andthen I pull one.
Yeah, yeah.

Murphy (06:52):
Okay, do that?
Okay, great, great.
Yeah, I wanted to make anoracle deck that feels like a
hug from a friend.
I like it, yeah.

J.R. (07:01):
We love hugs from friends.
It's true.
Even if they are flatcard-based friends.

Murphy (07:05):
Yeah, flat friends, flat friends.
That's what I'm going to callthese cards Nice.

J.R. (07:10):
I like the side lamination , like the yeah the rainbow yeah
.
It's very-.
I'm almost on shrooms, not thatI know what that's like.

Murphy (07:18):
So mine Nice.

J.R. (07:36):
Mine says look outside.
So for the viewers, I guessyou'll have to get your own deck
and see.
It says maybe we've beenstaying inside a box.
What's outside and what'spossible?
I kind of like it.
It's like potential or likethinking about what is beyond
the space that I've beenfocusing on and going beyond
that, because there's probably alot more out there.

Murphy (07:51):
Yeah, yeah, definitely we do put ourselves in boxes.
We're trained to do that a lotof times.

J.R. (07:57):
And then we go out in a box.

Murphy (07:58):
Yay.

J.R. (07:59):
Oh yay, If not cremated.

Murphy (08:03):
Getting emo here, yes.

J.R. (08:05):
All right, so let's jump into the topics you ready, okay.
So first one.
We already went through thisbeforehand, but it is like
origin story, main influences,current career trajectory and
aspirations.
I like to have the audience getto know my guest, the TLDR sort
of thing, and we can divedeeper into what makes the most
sense.
But main questions where didyou grow up?
What?
We can dive deeper into whatmakes the most sense, but main
questions where did you grow up?
What were your main influencesand how have your life

(08:27):
aspirations changed over time,from when you were young to
where you are today?

Murphy (08:31):
Okay, cool, cool, let's start.
My origins my villain origins.
Villain origins sorry, I grewup in Hong Kong.

J.R. (08:45):
I was born in New York and then moved around a bunch and
then landed in Hong Kong forabout 10 years from the age of
10 to 18, which isn't 10 years,but yeah, like around that time
Pretty formative, then yeah,yeah, definitely.

Murphy (08:51):
And I lived three years in Korea too, and yeah, I just
jumped around a lot because myfamily was moving.
I went to six different highschools, I believe and like
middle schools, elementaryschools, and then lived in three
different continents countries,I'm not sure.
Um, yeah and it yeah definitelyI moved 16 times houses wise,

(09:14):
so very good at moving, made megreat at adapting to things and
not so great at maintainingrelationships.

J.R. (09:21):
Past two years I I see I see You're like I'm used to
things changing up, so I thinkthis is a little bit too long
yeah.

Murphy (09:28):
Yeah, no, I'd have a best friend for a year and then
it would just be like, yeah, I'mokay now.
Yeah, we're good.

J.R. (09:35):
I like that.
I've never thought about havinga lease on friends.

Murphy (09:40):
It's a very new thing for me to have friends for over
10 years.

J.R. (09:43):
It's a very new thing for me to have friends for over 10
years and you said you is thisthe longest you've stayed in an
area?

Murphy (09:49):
Oh yeah definitely, I moved here 2014.

J.R. (09:55):
Okay, yeah, 11.

Murphy (09:56):
About 11 years Okay.

J.R. (09:57):
And so I guess what were your career or life aspirations
when you were younger?
And then comparing it to liketoday, oh man.

Murphy (10:06):
Okay, so in middle school I had two interests,
three interests, so it was Iwanted to design chairs,
specifically chairs, designchairs.
Yeah, I just wanted to be aproduct designer for chairs and
then quickly changed to mediaand advertising and like that.
Like I just loved gorillaadvertising and psychology,

(10:28):
social experiments and things,and you say gorilla advertising,
yeah, gorilla kind of likegorilla warfare.
But so you're just using, like,different tactics to get
people's attention and stuffcould you give us an example of
that I'm not familiar.
There's it's like creative outof the box kind of thing.
So one I can think of from thatI remember seeing on the
internet ages ago was like youknow how glass elevators will do

(10:51):
this thing where there's layersright, and so the glass
elevator would have an Oreo onit and there would be a glass of
milk on the bottom floor and soit would just dunk every time
the elevator goes down.
It's like things that arehidden in plain sight are kind
of playful and things like that.
Yeah, that's how I see girladvertising.

J.R. (11:10):
Okay, sorry, I cut you off .

Murphy (11:12):
So then, chairs girl advertising, and then naturally
that led to film, film studies,like in my high school course.
And then I went to film schoolwhere I was like, yeah, I went
to film school because, like thenatural path to success for
that would be to be a successfulHollywood director who wins
Oscars, so that for a while thatwas like, yeah, that's what I'm

(11:34):
going to do.

J.R. (11:35):
Do you have like inspirations that kind of made
you want to pursue that?
Or was it just inherently aboutthe film industry that you
wanted to be a part of?

Murphy (11:43):
A little bit of both.
So part of of it was just, itwas the natural.
It felt like the course that Iwas set to go on.
I didn't really question itthat much until later on in
college and also because I justgrew up with a lot of like most
of my quality time with myfamily was watching movies and
TV shows, and so I really likedPixar at the time RIP and yeah,
I think I really liked Pixar atthe time RIP and yeah, I think I

(12:05):
really wanted to work at Pixaror any, yeah, just one of those
big companies.
And yeah, for some reason, whenI entered film school, I had
the choice of given the choiceof either doing animation or
film, and I knew I would be goodat animation, so I chose film.
So I knew it was going to beway too easy for me.

J.R. (12:25):
Oh, I see, okay.
So you wanted like thechallenge or the growth
opportunity?

Murphy (12:29):
Yeah, otherwise I would be stuck in a room very
comfortably and not talk toanybody ever again.

J.R. (12:34):
You don't like comfortable rooms where you don't talk to
people.

Murphy (12:38):
I like it too much, unfortunately, oh I see, I see.

J.R. (12:41):
Okay.
So then any more sort ofinflection points that led you
to where you are today, and thenthe next question after that is
what are your current, untilthe future, aspirations?
I mean, can you repeat thatyeah, yeah so any other big
major influences that kind ofguided you towards this.
I don't know if there wereturning points that like oh, I

(13:01):
made a hard pivot at this pointin time, or, oh, this thing
happened.
And then I saw somethingdifferent yeah, oh yeah, for
sure.

Murphy (13:08):
Later in college I, the academy awards, came to do a
presentation and a sizzle showedus a sizzle reel and a trailer
of the Oscars to a group ofcollege students and I was like,
oh, this is bullshit, I don'twant an Oscar anymore, I don't
want that so what about?
What about it like made youfeel that way?
Because I think, because I wassuch a, I knew so much about
marketing and all that stuffalready.

(13:29):
I was like why?

J.R. (13:30):
am I being?

Murphy (13:30):
marketed to and that kind of devalued it for me,
where I was like what are youtrying to sell me?
You're just like a bunch ofwhite dudes like making
judgments on art.
I don't need that.
I see, I see, I see yeah, andthen eventually I got into.
I moved out here to LA to getinto Hollywood.
And then the natural everybodyat film school would tell me,

(13:52):
because I went to film school inNew York, they were like you're
supposed to get on a desk,you're supposed to be an
assistant to somebody who worksin Hollywood.
And I was a shit assistant.
I was so bad, like in what way?
I just I no organizationalskills.
I was.
I'm pretty sure I have ADHD, soit's just like all over the
place wrong coffee orders wrongcoffee orders stuttering, saying

(14:16):
really awkward things on thephone, like not being able to
follow certain protocol, justbecause I forgot.
And eventually, after a month ofbeing an assistant my friend,
he's my friend now but my bossfired me after a month.
I was like I'm so sorry, but weneeded a functioning assistant.
And so I was like, oh, I'mcooked, because that's all.

(14:37):
There is right the path.
And he was like my boss waslike gave me the best advice I
ever got, which was never workat a desk again.
And instead I followed thatpath of okay, well, how can I
challenge that?
And so I applied to BuzzFeed.
I got in there and it sent meon a different path.

J.R. (14:57):
Okay, so at that point got into BuzzFeed.
What were you doing there?
And then what was the pivot, orI guess, what was that journey
like?

Murphy (15:06):
at buzzfeed I made.
I got rid of my fear of makingthings because you were.
We were constantly churning outcontent every day, like it was
like two somewhere between twoto five pieces of content a week
and it definitely made me jaded.
I was very tired and grumpyabout it and it also made me

(15:27):
really hungry to develop my ownartistic voice, because they
made it very hard for you tohave your own artistic voice is
it because they wanted you tolike follow their script or
their like path, or what theywanted to produce partially that
it was like a branding thing,and it was also this save your
best work for buzzfeed, kind ofthing, or I mean, yeah, a lot of

(15:51):
people made a why I leftbuzzfeed oh right, right,
remember that yeah I never madeone because I was let go with
like a bunch of people and Ijust didn't really have the
energy to.

J.R. (16:00):
But you know there are a lot of reasons to both love and
hate buzzfeed, and part of itwas that they were very unfairly
treating their producers I see,I see, okay, so then left
buzzfeed and then you felt likeyou now you got over that sort
of doing and creating thing andnow you want to do your own
thing.
So what was the next step afterthat?

Murphy (16:21):
relancing, which was terrifying, and yeah, it was
basically like training wheelsare off and now I gotta
self-promote, which is alsoscary as heck, and then yeah.
I think it was a matter oftrusting myself, and I think in
that process I decided to startwriting comics and posting them
on Instagram just as a way forme to process my own feelings,

(16:44):
but it ended up being a reallygood way for me to develop the
skills needed to like tellreally succinct stories and also
capture specific feelings andlike explore them and that kind
of fed into my current sort ofartistic voice theme that keeps
coming up, which is feelings andart.

J.R. (17:05):
Yeah, I like it.
So I guess in an well, I knowyou're doing a lot of different
things, but how would you?
I don't want to say, labelyourself, but what are the
things that you're doing now?
And then, what is in store foryou in the future?
What do you aspire to do?

Murphy (17:22):
So, after my Kickstarter and then, like now, at this
point, like something that Ithink we were talking about
earlier, if the past, if past me, found out what I was doing now
for my day job and then what Imostly do day to day, they think
I was a failure.
Like, why would you, why aren'tyou at the oscar recycling?

(17:43):
Why aren't you hanging out withthe celebrities?
Because I'm hanging out withcooler people and I love my life
.
I'm no longer chasing somethingthat is defined by what other
people view is valuable, becauseI define it for myself.
And, yeah, like in myday-to-day now I just I do what

(18:05):
I do to pay the bills, whichcurrently, for me, is like
social media content creation,and then the rest of my time I
spend building out my dreams,which has changed over time.
It's no longer about likemonetary gain or I mean, that's
also pretty nice.

J.R. (18:22):
I like money.
Yeah, I'll just do thingsExactly.

Murphy (18:26):
But it's the things that I want to do with that money
has changed.
Now I just want to mostly justgive it away to all my friends,
like I just want to share it.
That's my, my future dream isjust to be able to like, share,
like abundance, with friends andone of my steps I'm taking for
that goal is to create a spacelike a community space, creative

(18:46):
space, where everyone can hangout and be creative together.

J.R. (18:49):
Yeah, I like it.
So this might segue into thenext thing.
But the last thing on thistopic and I put this in quotes
because you mentioned it in theform which is how queerness
informs how I love my life.
So would you like to elaborateon that, steven?

Murphy (19:03):
Yeah absolutely so.
One of the big major pivotsthat I hadn't mentioned yet,
which is like kind of bothinformed my artistic and
personal life, is that Irealized I was queer at BuzzFeed
, which makes a lot of sense andthen, yeah, that was like 27.
I was 27, which is pretty latebloomer, but yeah, I've been

(19:24):
pretty pretty much on autopilotmy whole life, defining who I
was based on, what other peopleexpected of me other people,
meaning my parents, and then theprocess of coming out like in
that process they decided todisown me and that was
incredibly difficult, but alsothe best thing that ever
happened to me, because it mademe.

(19:45):
It forced me to really realizewhat I had been neglecting,
which was just who I was andlike my authenticity I barely
knew.
Like my favorite color was likeI.
When you're on autopilot, yourroom looks like shit.
You're not taking care ofyourself.
You're classic taking care ofyourself, your classic trans
story.
Actually A lot of people likethat who are like.

(20:07):
I was just.
I didn't know what I was doing.
I was just floating throughlife and I realized I was queer
and then years later I knew Iwas figured out, I was trans and
so now I'm like I went frombeing trans masc more like
masculine, heavily masculine,and then I went back to the
middle because I think that'swhere I'm the most comfortable.
I like being androgynous andconfusing.

J.R. (20:30):
We like confusion For ourselves and for others.
So maybe you answered this, butwhat?
So I'm curious on elaboratingon the last part, which is like
how I love my life.
So I guess, if I'm trying tounderstand correctly, so kind of
identity, this thing that weall struggle with, and figuring
out who we are, andself-awareness.
So then, once you've found thatcomfort space of where you

(20:52):
think you are, where you thinkyou belong, how has that
informed how you love your life?
Maybe you touched upon it, butI'm just digging deeper.

Murphy (20:59):
Maybe there's nothing there but oh yeah, there's
definitely a lot there.
I think that the part aboutautopilot, it's this idea that
you're not questioning anythingin your life, you're just, oh,
this is what you're supposed todo.
For example, something thatcaused me a lot of anxiety in my
early relationships was that Igrew up being told if your
boyfriend doesn't buy you atleast a dozen roses for

(21:21):
Valentine's Day, he doesn'tthink you're worthy of love.
And so it's this weird thingwhere I didn't give a shit about
roses, but every timeValentine's Day rolls around, I
would feel like a nervous schoolteacher grading papers.
I was like you better succeedin this, otherwise my parents
aren't going to be happy, it'snot even me.
And then these days I'm likefuck all the rules, like none of

(21:45):
this.
It's like waking up from theMatrix.
You're like wait a minute, Ican just be whoever I want and I
can also navigate relationshipsthe way that two people truly
want to authentically and notwhat they're expected of.
Yeah, people truly want toauthentically and not what
they're expected of yeah.

(22:05):
So that's how my queernessinforms my life decisions,
including androgyny, where allof a sudden, all the gendered
rules are gone.
I don't have to be the oneopening doors for people on a
date, but I could.
There's this idea of do I wantto do it?
That's the important question,not, should I?

J.R. (22:20):
I see.
So it's like stepping into yourauthenticity and realizing that
all these constraints put on usby either society or family or
friends or whatever that was soconstricting because it didn't
feel right, and we're kind ofjust, like you said, going on
autopilot and it's reallyfreeing in that sense and then
you can love more right yourselfand other people.
I like that a lot.
All so let's.

(22:42):
It's not really a pivot, butyou mentioned community and
community building a lot.
So my next question is how doyou approach community?
What role does it play in yourlife and why is it important?
Maybe some of this is intuitiveto you and the audience, but
you could elaborate on that.

Murphy (22:55):
Yeah, community has become the most important aspect
of my life for me.
Become the most importantaspect of my life for me and I
think part of it was when Istarted therapy, like about
seven or eight years ago.
One of the big questions waswhat's your support network?
And my therapist was likehelping me build out a support
network that isn't just mypartner, and that really helped

(23:18):
a lot, because I found myselfgoing from relationship to
relationship and just latchingonto to whatever they had.
So their friends became myfriends and once we broke up it
was like I was just leftstranded, gone yeah.

J.R. (23:29):
Yeah.

Murphy (23:29):
And so I really spent a lot of time building friendships
all over, like from alldifferent backgrounds.
I just wanted to create thatsense of oh, I'm connected to
this web of people and also likemore than human, like friends,
our pets, trees that are in ourneighborhood.
They're all part of ourrelationships and part of the

(23:51):
community.

J.R. (23:54):
So many things you touched on that are future questions in
this list, so we'll see howmuch we get to.
So you mentioned in the formcodependent relationship pattern
, so that might be a good kindof next idea.
But what ideas do you have onthis topic and what do you think
the audience might gain someinsights from?

Murphy (24:11):
oh man, yeah, that was one of the biggest points that,
like I was tackling duringtherapy was like realizing how
easy I get enmeshed inrelationships and lose myself.
That happened a lot with evenmy relationship to my dog.
I was like starting to like theedges were blurring and I was
like, oh, you are an extensionof me and therefore I need to be

(24:33):
controlling everything that youdo.
And, yeah, I started letting goof a lot of that, realized that
a lot of that stems from earlychildhood trauma.
Like.
I grew up getting used tohaving somebody else define my
value and worth for me, and Iwould have to predict
everybody's mood in order to winaffection and love and even a

(24:57):
right to be alive.
And so unlearning.
That is a process, and part ofit is that healing doesn't mean
you're suddenly what's the word?
Invulnerable to all of thetriggers that you had.
You're still going to gettriggered.
It's just a matter of now.
You have tools to get out of itand recognize what happened and

(25:19):
just make sense of it and makeit part of your story.

J.R. (25:23):
What is one of the things that you feel like you've
learned in that process thathelped you a lot, that you think
someone could benefit from ifthey're?

Murphy (25:32):
in a similar situation.
I would say, if you findyourself in a pattern of
codependency which a lot of us,I'm still in a cycle of that
that I'm continuing to untangleSelf-compassionependency which a
lot of us, I'm still in a cycleof that that I'm continuing to
untangle Self-compassion veryimportant because a lot of shame
comes up whenever you recognizethe cycle and that's happening.
And then it's bothself-compassion and, I think,

(25:54):
curiosity is extremely importantin that when you approach
something with curiosity, itminimizes the fear that comes up
.
It's curiosity, I wouldn't say,kills fear but tames it.

J.R. (26:08):
Right, or at the very least, refocuses your attention
right, so that you're now.
Fear might still be there, butat least you're focused on the
thing that you want to befocused on.
Could you elaborate on thisidea of redefining how we look
at and organize relationships?

Murphy (26:24):
Yeah, I think it ties into the idea of queerness too,
like querying the way that weapproach relationships in life.
I've been a practicing likerelationship anarchist and solo
polyamorous for a long time,which sounds really intense, but
basically it's just being likeI'm going to define what I want

(26:45):
and what other people inrelationship to me want in the
most authentic way possible, andso, yeah, you said relationship
anarchist.

J.R. (26:55):
It almost sounds like a joke, but, like you know, I'm
like, oh, that sounds kind offunny, but what is so you're
saying just basically not beingdefined by these normal rules,
or like figuring out what worksfor both of you, or sort of
thing?
It means burn the whole systemdown.
Right, Okay, everyone'srelationship.
You know what?
Screw your marriage.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Murphy (27:15):
Screw societal norms next generation, which is like,
essentially part of it, but in amore.
I don't approach it in that.
What's the word?
Intensity is that?
I think the main point of allof that is that everybody is has
agency and autonomy and theright to express what they want
and then yeah, and that can looklike anything.

(27:37):
You could be monogamous and arelationship anarchist.
You can be non-monogamous and arelationship anarchist.
You can even be asexual andaromantic and never have be in
like a romantic relationship ina traditional sense and still be
that.
It's more of a philosophy andan approach to relationships,
more than anything.

J.R. (27:55):
I see Okay.
Anything else on redefining howwe look at organized
relationships?
Any thoughts that we might havemissed?

Murphy (28:03):
For me, what's really changed my life about this
approach to life is that I'vede-centered romance in my life
in pretty big ways, where I AI've started romanticizing
everything, which is really fun.
Actually, it's really nice.

J.R. (28:19):
How does that?

Murphy (28:20):
manifest.
What do you?
Mean by that.
It's like seeing thisoverwhelming beauty in every
moment in my life and in everyrelationship, whether romantic
or platonic or whatever else.
So, like I just find it,everything is just meaningful
and special, including my likemorning talks with my, when I

(28:40):
run into one of my neighbors.
That's yeah.
It's seeing everything in apoetic way.
Yeah.
Hmm.

J.R. (28:45):
I like that a lot.
It reminds me of and maybe thisis my own weird connection.
But what?
Is that movie.
It's called that one movie withRachel McAdams.
Maybe it's time travelers, whyfrom?
Maybe it's one of those otherones where it's no dude.
He can go back in time, do you?
know what I'm talking about whenhe can go back in time About
time, About time.
That one, Okay, two time ones,Anyways.

(29:05):
So, yeah, so the big takeaway Igot from that movie is like the
dude can go back and forwardhim back in time and it's only
the guys in his family orsomething like that, and he
lives his life.
But he learns from his dad thatthe best way to do it is to
live those days the first timeand experience what it's like,
but then go back and nowexperience it with more

(29:27):
gratitude and love and thatcompletely changes how you
experience your life.
And obviously we don't have theability to go back in time and
relive days, but I thought itwas a very good lesson or
takeaway or like theme, which isyou don't have the ability to
go back, but you can appreciatethe day as if it was the second
time you're going through it.
So I really like that idea andit reminds me of that.
And something I wish I could domore of is sometimes you get

(29:50):
into our own heads and we getfrustrated by those things or we
don't really appreciate what wehave in front of us, and then
maybe retrospectively we thinkabout wow, that was such a great
month or day or week or year,but then it's like you could
just appreciate it in the moment.
But it's so hard to do you know, yeah.

Murphy (30:04):
yeah, I mean if I may get a little dark here.
Do it, we were all emo kidsonce.
Yeah, I think it was definitelytough going through what I did
with my parents and stuff.
There was low points where,pretty much up until like maybe
the last few years, I've beenlike more consistently suicidal
and every time I have a closecall, it's almost it is like

(30:27):
having a new lease on life whenyou realize, oh my god, wait,
there's still so many thingsthat are calling my name.
There's all these reasons to be, to stay, and one of the cool
things I heard from my ownsubconscious, like one of those
like hypnosis classes, wherethey were like, yeah, take 10
steps down the stairs and openthe door, what do you see?

(30:48):
Kind of thing.
And it was like your higher selfhas a message for you.
What is it?
And just whatever, the firstthing that pops up in your head
is the message For me.
It was like my higher self waslike you can leave anytime,
anytime, you can leave anytime.
And I was like, oh, you'reright, so why won't I stick
around and find out what happens?

(31:08):
Why not?
And that made me a lot more ofa whimsical person than I used
to be Interesting.

J.R. (31:18):
So it's hey, the exit's always there, so why don't you
just stay and have?
Fun or something like that Ilike it.

Murphy (31:21):
Yeah, step into the unknown.
That's why I have this tattoo.
I don't know how to show it.
It's a portal and it's kind oflike in tarot there's the fool
card.
It's like this jester typethat's going off into an
adventure.
That's how I like to approachlife.

J.R. (31:36):
Okay, so a similar vein.
So last night I was playingthis card game called how deep
will you go, so one of thosequestion card games you play
with friends and you pull aquestion, and it's like levels,
of like depth.
And so I was playing with myfriend and the card that we
pulled one of the cards wepulled last night was like why
are you?
What keeps you going?
Or like why have you continuedon?

(31:56):
And so it was my question,meaning I was supposed to answer
it, and my friend was like wait, does this mean?
Like why haven't you offedyourself?
and I interpret this question aswhat motivates you right but
then in retrospect I was like itdoes kind of sound like why
haven't you offed yourself yetthanks cards?
I was trying to get to know myfriend and now you're making me
question my existence why areyou still here?

Murphy (32:17):
why are you exactly my?

J.R. (32:17):
cards are saying why are you still here?
I don't know, bro.
Okay.
My cards are saying why are youstill here?
I don't know, bro.
Okay, you know what?
I'm just playing a game, Idon't know.
I thought that was prettytimely and relevant.
Okay, let's see.
On that note.
So one of the things that's inthe list is or questions I had
for you is how do you approachthis idea of quote unquote
healing from trauma and anyparts you think that people

(32:40):
might get wrong or insights thatmight help people to navigate
their own like journey ofhealing from trauma?

Murphy (32:46):
Yeah, that's definitely a really good question.
I think I touched on a littlebit earlier where it's when you
heal, you don't heal from yourtriggers and you're suddenly
free from all the symptoms oftrauma.
That's baked into the wiring ofwho we are and that's kind of
part of the acceptance of it.
That's something I've been on ajourney of, is the idea of grace
keeps coming up, that youaccept something with this sense

(33:08):
of peace and be like, oh, thisis something that happens
sometimes and I'm able to belike, okay, that happened
without judgment.
And then be like how do I moveforward with this?
There is this whole industryaround healing where it's you
gotta be like how do I moveforward with this?
There is this whole industryaround healing where it's you
got to be better, you got tolevel up, like upgrade, be the
best version of yourself, higherself, like all these.

(33:29):
No, just be the best that youcan be in the moment that you
can and keep going and don'tgive up.
That's all there is to it.
And it doesn't have to be thislike grand goal.
At the the end of the day, whatit is is just finding a sense
of presentness and groundednessand peace as much as you can.

(33:50):
And of course, there's going tobe things disrupting me,
because that's part of life.
You where, I don't know, maybewe're in a glass jar or
something and people shake it.
There's no control over that,but what we do have control over
is how we navigate itafterwards.

J.R. (34:08):
So my question is how do you approach then, getting to
that point where you can morecontrol or have this sort of
peace and acceptance and grace?
Because I'm thinking as anaudience member easier said than
done, obviously, and I wouldlike to get to that place, but
do you have any thoughts or tipsor advice on how to get to that
point?

Murphy (34:27):
Yeah, well, there's that path can look different for
anybody.
For me it was a mixture ofslightly concerning spiritual
awakening stuff, like where Iwas like I'm going to astral
projection.

J.R. (34:38):
Oh, this is where the mushrooms come in.
That's how these cards aredesigned.

Murphy (34:45):
Surprisingly, I didn't take hallucinogens until very
recently, but I did do a lot ofdifferent types of meditation
and stuff early on, kind ofstuff you do when you hit rock
bottom and look for some kind ofmeaning.
And yeah, I think it was thislong process of very messy just
being messy I'm still messy.
And then, yeah, like for me,I've done stuff like some things

(35:06):
that were effect, somethingthat were effective was like
spell work.
So I started doing likepracticing different kind of
magical practices and ritualsthat are very specifically
designed for me and meaningfulto me, and so things like inner
child healing.
I have meditated and traveledback in time, either

(35:27):
figuratively or literally,however you choose to look at it
to my past self.
I met my past self and gavethem a hug in a moment that they
really needed it and to me thatthe emotional release that came
from that was very real.
Maybe I did create a timeparadox, who knows?
Maybe I'm Rachel McAdams.
Don't we all want to be RachelMcAdams?

J.R. (35:48):
Yeah, yeah, I like that.
It's funny because, wow, lastnight I was having a
conversation with the samefriend playing the same card
game and it was like I don'tknow what the question was, but
I was telling her that one ofthe reflections that I have is
oh, we're talking about like ouryounger self to our current

(36:10):
self could travel back in timeto meet my younger self, let's
say my 11 or 12 year old self,because my current self I know
myself pretty well.
I do a lot of daily reflections, so I know where my mind is at.
But I would love to go back to,like my sixth grade self and
open up my mind and figure outwhat my motivations were.
And I broke it down to this,explaining how I can probably

(36:33):
look back and think of, okay,during this time in my life,
these were the focus pointsbecause I was thinking about
school or girls or this sort ofthing, or dancing, so I can put
together maybe what mymotivations were.
But I don't really have a sliceof, I don't have journal entries
from back then, like I startedin high school, not in, like
middle school.
So I can pick my brain fromthose periods, but not from when

(36:54):
I didn't have anything recorded.
So I was like I really wish Icould talk to my younger self
and I wouldn't even say anything.
I would just want to listen,just to understand my younger
self and I would imagine maybeI'm similar, but I still don't
really know, because it was solong ago.
And it's just crazy because youbring that up and I'm like wow,
I was just talking about thislast night.

Murphy (37:13):
Yeah, yeah, that's really interesting.
I do think about the idea thatthere is an unchanging part of
us that is like the core of whowe are, and sometimes it gets
lost in the noise of and thetrauma of growing up and that,
like fundamental part of us, isstill somewhere in here.

J.R. (37:31):
Yeah, have you.
Well, I know you said you movedaround a lot, but have you ever
had that experience where youreconnected with someone from
way long time ago and they gaveyou perspective on how they saw
you back then and either it'schanged or it's not changed?
But, like, for me it was likemy high school reunion and it
was like a 10 year right, and soI was meeting with my high
school classmates and they werelike man, jared, you have not

(37:53):
changed in a good way, likemeaning obviously we're all
older and wiser, but like,fundamentally I was a similar
person, like lighthearted, fun,a little bit deep, philosophical
, but generally just likeplayful and stuff like that, and
I really enjoyed that.
I really appreciated how I'mlike wow, I'm pretty consistent,
like nothing, I'm glad thatnothing crazy happened in my
life where I'm just completelyflipped.

(38:14):
But it was nice to get thatreflection back at me, where
they're like yeah, you're thesame person.
I was like nice, but I don'tknow if you had that experience
or anything similar.

Murphy (38:23):
Yeah, I have met up with one of my friends from high
school that like, yeah, I hadn'tseen in person in a long time,
and we met up, like she visitedme maybe a couple years ago.
She was like, yeah, rememberwhen you were like the school
talent show, you went up andjust sang gloria gainers, I will
survive, it's a good song, it'sa great song.

(38:44):
But she was like I don't knowyour song choice and just your
complete what's?
Lack of self-consciousness.
Like she was like, oh, youdon't give a fuck.
And I was like, yeah, actuallyI just did whatever I felt like,
and I think that part hasn'tchanged at all.
I really could give less of afuck what other people think

(39:04):
about my decisions, which isreally funny.
I do think that there are partsof me that have changed.
Externally and otherwise Ithink I've become a more
confident person, butfundamentally I think that I
have always been a weirdo and afucking freak.

J.R. (39:21):
Great, hey, we love weirdos.
We're all weirdos, right?
It's just what kind ofstandards are you holding
yourself to, I think?
Last thing I want to ask onthis topic is maybe pick and
choose your adventure.
One is can our relationship tonature transform how we love
each other?
And the second one is the ideaof creating the world we want to
see by living in it, instead ofwaiting for permission.

(39:42):
If you want to elaborate onthat, or either one of those two
.

Murphy (39:44):
Okay, so with something I've been navigating, learning
and embracing recently, maybe inthe last few years, is my
relationship to nature.
I've grown up in most of likevery urban, like environments
and cities for a long time, andso I haven't really been like a
nature person, but I enjoyed itand I've been more actively

(40:07):
learning about nature.
I've started gardening and themore you learn about it, the
more like the separationdisappears where it's no longer
this niche topic, it's not ahobby or a lifestyle.
It's what we should be focusingon.
It's where we learn the mostfrom the wisdom.
Our body is nature, it's madeof nature and something I

(40:28):
brought the book actually butthere's a book that's been
really blowing my mind calledreturning home to our bodies by
Abigail Rose Clarkark, and talksabout our like relationship to
our body and the wisdom that italready holds in the way that it
works.
Like biologically, like cellmembranes are both create a

(40:49):
boundary, but it's alsosemi-permeable, so it lets
things in and you can apply thatto the way that we navigate
relationships.

J.R. (40:56):
Do you have any other examples on that's, removing the
boundary between you and natureand or, I guess, our body?

Murphy (41:03):
Yeah, I think one of the books that really changed my
views about that was BraidingSweetgrass.
That's on my list.
Yeah, highly recommend it.
And it's this just what's theword like?
It reframes everything in a waywhere, oh, this is who we're
supposed to like, this is whatwe forgot.
In the whole mess ofindustrialization, colonization

(41:26):
and all these things, we havebecome separated from what is
essentially, I think, acollective organism.
We're all supposed to beconnected to all of these, all
of the life around us includingrocks and trees and all these
things, and it actually helps mea lot, even with loneliness.
I don't feel as lonely anymorebecause now I talk to trees as

(41:50):
tree-huggery as that sounds,that is actually part of it.
We are in relation with trees,we're in relation with the grass
, with the dandelion that yousee on the ground, and they're
all friends.
I like taking my morning walksand flirting with the flowers
that are nearby.

J.R. (42:08):
Good looking.
Yeah, how's your morning?

Murphy (42:11):
Hey cutie.
I'm going to be such a weirdold person Like it.
Yeah, so nature is family.

J.R. (42:22):
Nice.
I think I've already admittedthis on the podcast, but, like,
my dream one day is toessentially be a tree hugger,
but to live in nature or forestand be disconnected from social
media, specifically, but alsothe greater society, and just be
more at peace and one withnature.

(42:42):
But in a sense of, I know,because it's obvious, when any
of us go outside and touch grassor be in a park or go somewhere
where it is naturey, we do feelbetter and it feels natural.
And I think once you have thatself-awareness or attunement
with your body, then you can belike, yeah, being in nature is
really feels good and it feelsnatural.
So I do aspire to do that oneday.
One day.
So, yeah, maybe we'll beflirting with the flowers

(43:03):
together as my dream, sorry.
So anything else on this thelast thing, which is creating
the world that we want to see byliving it instead of waiting
for permission I don't know ifyou've touched on it already but
oh yeah, that definitely linksback to my approach to queerness
too.

Murphy (43:22):
And being trans is I no longer follow the rules, right,
which means I'm like how do Iwant my body to look and feel?
You can customize yourcharacter however you want.
And when I found out that I canchange the pitch of my voice
with like hormone therapy, I wasokay, let's do it, let's go,
and I'm just happier now I can.

(43:44):
I like how my voice sounds in away that that discomfort is
gone.
And I think that a lot ofpeople have different kinds of
discomforts that they're scaredto explore because it's not
normal or that's seen asstandard.
And I think that trans peopleespecially are the living
embodiments of oh, we can createour own world and live it even

(44:08):
if, like, there is nopre-existing framework for it,
we're like, nah, I'm hereanyways.
So, including the world that wewant to see, where I want to see
a world that's like beyondcapitalism, beyond all these
kind of frameworks, beyondimperialism and these systems of
harm and extraction, I wantthere to be a world where we

(44:30):
exist, where we don't have tomoney isn't part of the equation
where we can just be there foreach other and help each other
for the sake of it, and thereare ways to do that.
Now you can help somebodywithout expecting anything in
return.
There, you have it.
You did it.
That world is now real for you,yeah, and you just keep doing

(44:52):
that and the world will change.

J.R. (44:54):
I like it.
You just keep doing that andthe world will change.
I like it.
It what you're talking aboutreminding me of.
You know in video games, whereyou can character select but
then people buy their own skinsand modify their characters.
It's like most of us are likeokay, you get to choose from one
or two characters, and then itseems like trans people's like
well, we can customize ourperson as much as we want.
This is way more fun I'm likeoh wait, actually that sounds

(45:14):
more fun than just picking, oneor two exactly I like it nice.

Murphy (45:20):
Any last thoughts on that topic before we move to
rapid fire yeah, I mean, thequickest way to changing the
world is just living it.
Yeah, be the change you want tosee there you go.

J.R. (45:32):
yeah, I was thinking of the quote that's on seven leaves
, which is be the change youwant to see Attributed to Gandhi
.
But if you read it it's likebecause okay weird tangent.
Have you ever been to SevenLeaves?
No.
Okay, so it's just a boba shop,right.
And then it has the quote thatwas not what I was expecting.
Yeah, so there's a poster,right.

(45:52):
It says be the change you wantto see in the world.
But it's designed like thosevision tests where the first
line is big and the second lineis smaller and smaller, so it's
like that.
But it's because it's one line.
It's like be the change.
So it's like cut off.
So I always read it weird likethat.
I'm sorry, this is a peek intomy brain.
It's our version of live laugh.

(46:19):
Exactly.
Okay, Rapid fire, Cool.

Murphy (46:20):
First one billboard question, If you could put up a
sign for millions of people tosee.
What would it say Slow down.
Slow down, slow the heck down,you know what?
Even stop, sometimes, like onthe freeway.
Yeah, yeah, anarchist, trafficanarchist.
I meant it when I said burn itall down, there you go I like it
.

J.R. (46:36):
That's it Okay.
Cool Next one.
What is the?

Murphy (46:40):
hardest challenge you faced and what did you learn
from it?
Whoa, rapid fire, hardestchallenge I faced and how I
dealt with it?
Probably like navigating what Ithought would be my worst
nightmare, which is losing myparents, and then surviving it
and realizing, oh, I mean,sometimes I think, oh, nothing
scares me anymore because thatwas my worst nightmare.

(47:01):
For the longest time I wasdisappointing my parents and I'm
like, oh, I'm still here and mylife is great.
Yeah.

J.R. (47:11):
Self-inflicted wound?
Do you have a story aboutsomething that's gone wrong in
your life?
That was your own fault and youcan't blame anyone else?

Murphy (47:17):
Interesting, I would say .
I don't know why self-inflictedwound made me think of this,
but obviously there are causesfor it.
But I was bulimic for a longtime, not that I mean I don't
want to victim blame, but thereis like the idea of taking
responsibility for the woundsthat you carry, especially the
ones that you end up causingyourself because of the past

(47:39):
wounds.
And I, yeah, for about two orthree years I was bulimic and
then I have haven't had arelapse in a very long time and
it's because I was able toforgive myself for it and I had
to take responsibility for whatI did to myself, because once
you do something to hurtyourself, that's still a

(48:02):
relationship and you have to.
There's going to be a part ofyou that's mad that you did that
and another part of you thatwants to be forgiven.

J.R. (48:10):
Yeah, I like it.
If you could redo one thing.
What would you do differently?
And I guess the other side ofthe coin is if you could redo
one thing what would you dodifferently?

Murphy (48:20):
And I guess the other side of the coin is if you could
give your younger self advice,what would it be now?
Weirdly, nothing.
I don't have any regrets in howI've moved through life and of
course I've made mistakes.
But I think one of my ex's momsaid this what was it?
Any decision you make was thebest decision you could make,
given the information you had atthe time.
Any decision, you make was thebest decision you could make,
given the information you had atthe time, and so if I were to

(48:46):
go back, and tell my past selfanything, it would just be thank
you, and you're going to makeit through this.

J.R. (48:48):
In the last few years, what new belief, behavior or
habit has improved your life?

Murphy (48:52):
Building community, hanging out with friends a lot
yeah, those two thingsdefinitely I like it.

J.R. (48:59):
How do you define success, friends?

Murphy (49:03):
Just have lots of friends, be friend rich and also
be good friends with yourself.

J.R. (49:11):
So value friendship and nurture and cultivate those
relationships, especially withyourself.
Value friendship and nurtureand cultivate those
relationships, especially withyourself.
If you knew you couldn't fail,what would you try or be doing
right now?
And the opposite is, if youknew you absolutely would fail
what would you still be doing?

Murphy (49:29):
Opening this community space For both?
Yeah, for both.
It's the scariest thing I'veever done so far and I'm all for
it whether or not it crashesand burns or if it takes off.

J.R. (49:40):
Lovely.
What's something you've beenpondering recently or something
you think about often deeply, orwhat is a favorite hot take you
have that you feel like mostpeople won't agree with?

Murphy (49:52):
Something I've been pondering deeply is resisting
categorization and labeling,where I think there's a lot of
impulses to put ourselves inboxes, me included.
I do that a lot where I'm like,even with gender.
I'm like am I genderqueer, am Igenderfluid, am I like this or
that?
It's endless and it'scomforting and there's a purpose

(50:13):
for it.
At the same time, it islimiting and it also creates
division where there will betension if there's like
differences, and I think I'mmore and more looking into ways
where we can dissolve thoseborders and boundaries not
boundaries because those areimportant, but like those, like

(50:33):
hard lines that keep us fromhaving conversations with people
, and I think that's like a bigissue in general, societally.

J.R. (50:42):
I like that.
I feel like I've had theconversation before with a
friend.
But you know, a lot ofstereotypes or generalizations
are born out of heuristics,because it's easier for our
brains to think of, to putpeople in categories and boxes,
because it's like men do this,women do this and these people
do this and this.
You know right, but it'sbecause our brains can't handle
the nuance or it's just ashortcut, right?

(51:03):
But then that turns into thosegeneralizations, stereotypes,
and it doesn't.
It's not accurate, because lifeis actually very nuanced and it
takes a little bit more brainpower to have to understand that
there's a lot of nuance ineverything and it's stepping out
of that, but also realizingthat some people just don't care
about nuance and they preferthe generalizations.
It's like all right, fine, Iguess.
But yeah, do you have anyfavorite hot takes or something

(51:23):
that you think most people won'tagree with, or was that?

Murphy (51:25):
mostly it.
Yeah, I would say that's.
My hot take is let's stop,let's slow down on the labeling,
basically.

J.R. (51:38):
Nice.

Murphy (51:38):
Nice what is one of the best or most worthwhile
investments you've ever made ineither time money, energy or et
cetera, I would say, buying myfriends food.
I just really like feeding myfriends and people.
I love, and no amount of foodthat I give people has ever felt
like a regret.

J.R. (51:55):
I like that, except for my ex, except for that one.
If, if I could redo something,take back all the food.
Nice, favorite recent purchasein the 50 to 100 range that has
impacted your life the most inthe last few months.

Murphy (52:09):
this is the capitalism question consumerism question,
the consumerism question.
Yeah, I go to Kura RevolvingSushi I love Kura.
Yeah, and when I go there Iusually spend about 60 to 70
bucks just on me.
It's always a fucking good time.
What do you like about Kura?
There's a lot of options, it'sinteractive, it's exciting and

(52:33):
you get to try a little ofeverything.
And who doesn't like sushi?

J.R. (52:36):
I mean some people do, but I love sushi.
Yeah, I mean I'm there with you, I like your answer.
So, kura, you're welcome forthe plug.
The handful of people will belistening to this.
Yeah, now I'm craving Kura.
Yeah.
I like it All.

Murphy (52:49):
Right, last rapid fire questions Favorite books, movies
, videos, articles, media oranything at all that you share
or recommend, the mostdefinitely braiding sweetgrass,
and also anything written byadrian marie brown.
I'm like, oh, please do it.
And also the artwork of yumisakugawa is like just always
spoken to me.

(53:09):
It's so just beautifullyconnective and I like they also
have a deck that came outrecently called cosmic comfort,
and that one is.
It's just like such a beautifulway to just start your morning.
You just pull a card and it'slike oh yeah that's what I
needed to hear oh, so similar tolike this your deck.

J.R. (53:29):
What was the artist's name ?
Yumi yumi sakugawa sakugawa.
Okay, cool, I will just formyself to link that later on
yeah okay, okay, all right, thatis it for rapid fire questions.
You ready for ending questions?
So we always end with gratitude.
Shout out to my mom what areyou grateful?

Murphy (53:44):
for I'm grateful for my friends.
I had a birthday partyyesterday.

J.R. (53:49):
Oh, was your birthday recently.

Murphy (53:50):
Yeah, happy birthday, thank you.

J.R. (53:54):
You're old now.

Murphy (53:55):
I am 33.
I love it.

J.R. (53:58):
Nice.

Murphy (53:58):
Other than the joint pain, everything else is great.

J.R. (54:00):
Oh, yeah same.
I just turned 34, like a fewweeks ago.
So yeah, I feel the joint pain.
It only gets worse guys, I'msorry yeah.

Murphy (54:09):
Yeah.
I even love the silver, justlike the white hair coming up
and it's nice.
You said what was it?
Just gratitude, gratitude, ohgratitude.
Yeah, my friends, I wassurrounded by my favorite people
and I you ever feel that whereyou're like I could die right
now, yeah, and I would be sohappy.
That's, that was the feeling Igot.

(54:30):
I got the feeling a lot, notbecause I want to die, but right
right why have you kept going?

J.R. (54:35):
yeah, you already got what you wanted exits right there.
Yeah, sorry guys, I need atrigger warning this episode.
I apologize sorry, is that?

Murphy (54:47):
it anything else?
Yeah, just gratitude for myfriends, my cat, for my brother,
just everybody in my life, andgratitude for the trees and the
ground and the sky.

J.R. (54:57):
I love it all right, final ask from the audience or any
final takeaways you would likethem to have from this
conversation final ask for fromthe audience from the audience,
please oh like plugs and stuff.

Murphy (55:10):
Plugs exactly, you do it .
Yeah, definitely check out.
Like here is my clubhouse, ismy handle for, especially if
you're local and you're lookingfor a place to bring your
friends and hang out and, youknow, do crafty things, fun
events, that's going to be theplace where I post all the
things and here is my secret ismy Instagram, where I post more

(55:31):
comics and stuff about emotions,relationships, mental health,
all those things.
So yeah, check it out.

J.R. (55:37):
And my deck is there too.
Perfect, yeah, so yeah, thatwas.
My next question was like wherecan we find you if they want to
see what you're up to and wantto connect?
So we'll link all of yoursocials and websites.
Any final takeaways you wantthem to have from the
conversation?

Murphy (55:50):
Yeah, I would say let go of perfectionism, stop
expecting perfection of yourself, of others, and be messy and
have fun.
Have fun, be playful, nice.

J.R. (56:05):
Yes, I like that, so that's a great way to cap this
off.
Thank you so much, murphy, forbeing here.
I really appreciate it.
I learned a lot from thisconversation.
I feel like it's genuinelygiven me a lot of insights to
think about and just wrap myhead around.
So hopefully the audience, youguys, got the same and I know we
have a lot we could talk about.
So, again, as with all of myguests, if part two is in the

(56:27):
cards, I think it'd be a lot offun and we can explore more of
these topics.
So thank you so much for beinghere.

Murphy (56:31):
Thank you for having me this.
Thank you for having me.
This was so much fun.

J.R. (56:34):
Thank you, thank you, yeah , and so for my final sign off,
this is where the music plays.
Thank you guys for being here.
I really appreciate it.
Yes, be sure to like, subscribe, comment If you like this
episode.
If you want to just give ashout out, I will see it.
And just a friendly reminder toalways be kind to other people,
especially yourself, andremember that you can always
learn something.