#50: Random Show with Aeden Pham - Dieting Tips, Dating Stories, Long-Term Goals, Personality Tests, and More - One Thousand Gurus Podcast

Episode Transcript
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J.R. (00:00):
Hello everyone and welcome back to another fun episode of
1000 Gurus with me, your host,jr Yonaguruz.
Today's episode is a veryspecial random show episode
featuring three-time repeatguest Aiden Pham.
But what makes this recordingso unique is that it's the very
first virtual recording we'vedone on the show.
I've been meaning to try thisnew software as it came highly
recommended from otherpodcasters, but this was my

(00:20):
first attempt at recording withno time limits, so I ended up
splitting up this recording intotwo parts, first so that we
could have a bathroom break andsecond just in case something
happened with one of therecordings.
At least it mitigates the riskof the entire episode being a
wash.
You never know with newtechnologies how reliable it can
be.
But I'm so happy about how thisone turned out, even though
it's mostly just us yapping fortwo hours about various topics.

(00:42):
Even though it might seemrandom, it felt like a very
productive conversation andhopefully some of our musings
will be insightful to you.
We cover our upcoming travelplans, we discuss fitness,
nutrition and health, dating andrelationships, our horoscopes,
goal setting, and then we end itwith what's been on our minds
recently.
Super long-form discussionslike this were always the
ultimate goal of my podcast, soI sincerely hope you guys enjoy

(01:04):
this episode.
So, without further ado, hopeyou enjoy this very long-form
random show episode with AidenPham.
Hello everyone and welcome backto 1000 Gurus.
Please welcome my guest, aidenPham.
Yay, okay, so that was just myregular intro, but this is
obviously a little bit differentthan what you're used to if

(01:27):
you're just watching the video.
So this is Aiden's going to bemy guinea pig for my first
remote video call.
So we're switching to hybridformat.
So that's for a few reasons.
One, I've been wanting to trythis app before, which is kind
of like a.
It's called Riverside and it'slike a Zoom-esque video call

(01:48):
thing, and I've been wanting todo that for a while.
But the first several seasons Iwanted to obviously be in
person, but being remote willallow me to reach more guests
further out who can't come tothe studio.
Yeah, it's first onlinerecording.
It's also more cost efficient,of course, because it's a little
bit.
It's less expensive than goingin studio and the most important
thing is that we can now talkfor forever, because for those

(02:13):
of you who haven't been guests,you'll know that or you won't
know that the studio is limitedby per hour and so I could book
a ton of sessions.
But I kind of like theconstraints of it being just a
one hour, like a tight one hour,where I have to kind of pace
everything and wrap it up andmake it all fit into that time

(02:33):
frame.
So I but I've always wanted toexpand.
Once I've kind of worked onlike the format and the
interviews and everything.
So now we can open it up tomore than an hour, so that'll be
super fun.
And then obviously I wanted tohave someone like Aiden on the
show, who is a good friend ofmine and we have good
conversations.
So it'll be much easier andworst case scenario, if this

(02:53):
episode is totally bad, we couldscrap it and he won't take it
personally.
I won't take it personally.
So hopefully everything goeswell and you guys are actually
listening to this and doesn'tget scrapped.
So yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, so I will have readAiden's bio already, but you
guys already know him if you'rea frequent listener to the show.
I will just start off with yeah, what have you been up to,

(03:15):
aiden?
I know we talk once in a while,we'll go hang out or eat or
something like that.
But what have you been up torecently?

Aeden (03:23):
Wow, hello.
So recently I've been dancing alot more.
I joined a competitive danceteam called Notorious and so
we've been doing a lot ofcompetitions like Pre-League,
Las Vegas WOD Summit or WorldDance Summit, IDL or
International Dance League.
So that's been eating up a lotof my time.

(03:46):
But other than that, I amslowly releasing some of my side
jobs, offloading those to otherfolks, and then also I joined a
book club, so that's beenexciting Nice.

J.R. (04:00):
What jobs have you been offloading?
I don't know if people haveever talked about this on the
podcast, like the different jobsthat you've had and what you're
trying to offload and, I guess,what you currently do.
Do you want to run through thatreal?

Aeden (04:10):
quick for a nonprofit.
I also am a barista at a coffeehouse.
I also assist with nightlifeevent operations specifically
for queer folks, and I also helprun the studio that Snowglobe

(04:35):
rehearses at.
So I'm a shift lead, a rentalscoordinator and a captain for
the team.

J.R. (04:41):
So what's the time commitment for each of those
things?
I'm assuming the full time islike a regular eight to five or
But what about everything else?

Aeden (05:06):
earlier.
If they need me later, I haveto adjust accordingly.
For the barista job I used towork those after I would clock
out of my day job, so it wouldbe 3 pm to 11 pm, for example,
every day.
It would be about four to fivedays a week.
Weekends would be different, soSaturday and Sunday I would
just work whatever hours theyneed me sometimes open,
sometimes midday, but usuallyweekdays would be after my full

(05:29):
time.

J.R. (05:31):
So you're full time and then you work at the coffee shop
four to five days a week.
Afterwards, that is correct.

Aeden (05:38):
Damn, that's crazy.
Between whatever hours I canget, I would squeeze in for the
nonprofit operations job andthen the nightlife event job
would either be Thursday, fridayor Saturday night.
But that one is more touch andgo, just because the events
don't always happen.
So if they happen every monthor every other month or every
other week or something likethat, and then it's based on

(06:00):
need, so if they are fullystaffed they won't reach out to
me, but if they do needassistance or support they'll
reach out, and then if I'm free,I can also reach out and
preemptively ask if they wantfolks.

J.R. (06:11):
So when do you find time to sleep?
If you work all these hours, Ifeel like the math on that is
you have maybe three hours ofsleep per day.

Aeden (06:19):
That's actually, that's really astute of you, because
that is the average.
I am averaging about two tothree hours of sleep a night,
which is why my goal is tooff-board these so I can sleep
more.

J.R. (06:31):
Damn, you're crazy dude.
I don't think I could ever dothat Cool Well.
So you're obviously up to a lotof stuff.
What's the goal?
What's your idea?
Because I know you still wantto dance, right, and you want to
offload some of these otherthings.
So what is the ideal weeklyschedule for you?

Aeden (06:50):
I think the ideal weekly schedule is that I have one
primary job that can pay for allof my needs and then some, and
then I would spend some timedancing, some time singing and
the rest of the time working onpersonal projects or building
friendships and relationshipsand investing in things I enjoy

(07:12):
outside of work.
Productivity, cool.
So I think that's kind of whatI want to ask is like, what
you've been up to, what abouttravel plans?
Do you have any travel planscoming up For the end of this
month?
I am planning a trip to NewYork, so I'll be working regular
hours again.
Thank goodness, everything elseis lining up to nicely give me

(07:34):
a break in that window, so I'mvery excited to be spending that
time away.
Other than that, I know we weresupposed to have a friend group
Japan trip that I thinkeveryone kind of fell through,
so yeah, that's supposed to belike end of September, beginning
of October.
Yeah, that doesn't look likeit's going to happen because it
is already August.

J.R. (07:53):
Yeah, for those of you guys listening to this, this
will probably come out inSeptember, early, mid to
September.
So, yeah, definitely not goingto happen.
Yeah, they sort of tried.
It's one of those.
Didn't make it out of the groupchat, nope.
So yeah, absolutely I mean I'mkind of glad it didn't work out,
because that's choreo'saudition season is the end of
September, beginning of October,because that's when school

(08:15):
starts again.
So I'm like if I did go on thatI'd have to just miss the first
two weeks of choreo stuff.
Two weeks of choreo stuff likeprepping for auditions and then
auditions and then orientation,so basically I wouldn't even
meet people until the first orsecond practice.
So I'm kind of glad and I mean,didn't, it's not working out.

Aeden (08:31):
So yeah, definitely felt that I think my concern is
notorious is slated for a hugeopportunity next year and we
were told to start saving up ptoand I was like I don't know if
I'm ready to throw that much ptoat a not well planned trip, not
well thought out trip, and thenlose out on a potentially big

(08:54):
opportunity elsewhere do youknow like what the opportunity
entails, like time commitment orsomething like that?
I do ish.
They haven't been veryforthcoming with us, but what
it's looking is we need one fullday fully blocked off sometime
in November and then potentially10 to 12 consecutive days fully

(09:17):
blocked off in February.

J.R. (09:19):
Dang 10 to 12 days.
Yeah, what is this?
Like a TV show recording orsome shit.
I'm just throwing ideas outthere that make the most sense
to me, so I'm not perfectinformation.
I can neither confirm nor denyit's either that, or you're
flying out of the country, right, because what else would
require consecutive?

Aeden (09:36):
days I will hang out in the country for a tv show there
is potentially travelopportunities as well.
So these are all things I'mtrying to think about and plan
for ahead of time.

J.R. (09:48):
Travel opportunities and media opportunities.
I see that's exciting, yeah.
So I think I told you that Iwas like, okay, well, if we're
not doing a trip in September,october, I'm trying to do a trip
in December because I want todo at least one international
trip per year.
To do a trip in Decemberbecause I want to do at least
one international trip per year.
But then also my I think I toldyou my parents and my brother

(10:09):
moved back to the Philippinesand so I'm trying to visit them
next summer, 2026.
I don't know, june, july,something like that, after the
school year is done.
So, yeah, so I'm trying to.
So that'd be good, spacing outlike December and then six
months later, philippines, yeah.
Plus, I do want to travel toAsia in the winter Summer's cool

(10:30):
, I guess, and spring and fall,but I want the cold.
I don't want like baking hotand just sweating.

Aeden (10:37):
Absolutely yeah.

J.R. (10:38):
That's what I'm looking forward to.
Cool, All right, Any anythingelse before we go into?

Aeden (10:43):
I know we have some planned things to talk about,
but anything you want to bringup when you talk about traveling
to Asia.
It really reminds me that Ikeep telling myself that I want
to plan a three-country trip toAsia so I can swing by at a
minimum Japan, thailand andKorea.
The idea would be either a loopcoming in Japan, thailand and

(11:04):
Korea and then back to the us,or coming in to korea and
leading through japan how longwould that be if it's three
countries like?
How long would you want to do?
I would love a month I do thatno just do it really take on
yellow work just quit yeah, well, if I save up well enough and
it lines up where I get a monthgap, you know where I'll be,

(11:29):
maybe if we go at the same time,but separately.

J.R. (11:32):
You can stop by japan when I'm there, and then you can do
the other legs of your trip itis because I'm shooting for.
I'm shooting for around likedecember, like right after
school's out, so I know I feellike, at least for me, it's
perfect time.
Huh, end of year is always roughfor companies yeah, well, you
know, what's cool is that mywork.
It's like they encourage andour understanding of people's

(11:55):
breaks, meaning like in december, even my bosses and the other
managers are like the last twoweeks of december are dead.
So if you want to take off,feel free.
So we all get to take.
But like the last few years, Idon't take it off because I'm
like I don't have anywhere to goexcept for home on the weekends
.
So I'll probably take moreadvantage of it this year.
Best of luck to us.
I was supposed to check my PTObut I still feel like I'm like

(12:18):
maxing out again.
I was like trying to take offlike one Monday every month and
I was like, okay, I'm going tobring my PTO down, but I feel
like it's catching back upBecause I think I get about one
per month or something like thatfor sore problems.
That's nice, but then I neverreally take off days.

(12:38):
So, yeah, anything else.

Aeden (12:42):
I think that's it for intros.

J.R. (12:44):
Okay, cool, all right, so let's go into random topics.
So we'll do this the same as wedid for the first one.
I forgot what episode that was20, 20 something.
Yeah, what is?
Do you want to start off anytopics you want to bring up?

Aeden (12:58):
let's see which one we can start with fitness, yeah,
yeah, what about fitness?

J.R. (13:07):
what's your question?

Aeden (13:09):
the reason why I picked fitness is because, being part
of a competitive dance team,again, I am constantly getting
injured, and so there was amoment fighting what are you
doing like?
Combat it's that I'm justfighting with gravity fighting
with the floor.
Absolutely yeah.
Actually I love ourchoreography, but it's so hard

(13:29):
on the body and I feel Idefinitely feel my age catching
up to me.
You are old yeah, I, absolutelyold.
So I think it's been veryimportant for me to focus on
things like fitness andnutrition.
I've been working with mytrainer a little bit more
intentionally aroundstrengthening certain muscles,

(13:50):
increasing flexibility so that Idon't get injured as often, and
also at IDL they had freephysical therapy for us and I'm
going to invest in a physicaltherapist now because that was
amazing.
I came into ideal hobbling andlimping and I left that table
doing backflips.

(14:11):
It's crazy.

J.R. (14:12):
Wow, I can't imagine doing competitive dancing.
The last time when I was doingcompetitive dancing was with
Cabo Modern literally 15 yearsago, and I remember it was
tiring.
But I'm like I can't imaginedoing that at this age now I'd
be dying.

Aeden (14:28):
Yeah, it's hard, so hard on the body.

J.R. (14:31):
So then, what have you been doing?

Aeden (14:32):
then.
So one of the things that Ilearned is about the butt wink.
Are you familiar with that term?

J.R. (14:40):
Isn't that relating to like when you squat or something
?

Aeden (14:42):
Yeah.
So when you squat, the idea isyou don't want your butt to be
coming down, you want to keep itup.
But for me, when I first heardthat, I thought the solution was
to hinge at my back, and sothat meant I was pinching in my
lower back and so when I danced,that pinch would hurt and I

(15:04):
told my trainer that.
And he's like dude, you're notsupposed to do that, you're
supposed to support with yourcore.
And I was like, oh, that makesa lot more sense.
And so we focused a lot more oncore exercises so I can more
instinctually engage my coreversus having to plan around, oh
, when and how do I engage?
And I think that's helped a lotwith my lower back pain.

(15:27):
It's helped a lot with strengthoverall.
So, doing different exercisesthat may not necessarily even
include my back or not focus onmy core, I still feel the
engagement of my core supportingme through those exercises, and
it's also helped with danceright for all the same reasons,
because of all the way that wemove our bodies and the way that

(15:47):
we need to be able to hitcertain pictures or move through
certain textures, that coreengagement, I think, is
something that I've been missingand it's helped a lot.

J.R. (15:56):
I was listening to this podcast recently and how it was.
There was like this fitness guywho was on and he was talking
about how they were talkingabout lower back pain, which is
obviously relevant to me on, andhe was talking about how they
were talking about lower backpain, which is obviously
relevant to me, and he wassaying how, when you have those
sort of pains, and you kind ofmove through them where
sometimes our reaction is tolike hold our breath and like
brace our core right.

(16:17):
But then when you do that as ahabit and then you're trying to
like brace before you get intothose positions, it tight, it
kind of like locks up your spineso that it doesn't allow for
more movement.
And so hopefully I'm notgetting this wrong.
But what he said was when youdo those motions, obviously
doing it with the correct formbut also being able to breathe

(16:40):
through those positions, likewhatever position you're in, if
you have to hold your breath inthose positions you don't own
the position.
But you know that, saying, ifyou can breathe in a position,
you own that position.
And so I was thinking about thatin my last workout.
It's like, okay, yeah, you'rebracing, you're going into
position to do a regularstrength training roots like a
motion.

(17:00):
But I was like, okay, let mefocus on breathing through and
not tensing everything so that Ican not lock up my spine.
Obviously, in some instancesyou need to like, do that
technique, to like bracelet.
You know people do like squatsand they have a belt to increase
their internal pressure to keepeverything in line, like I
think that makes sense, and hewas saying, yeah, it's not in

(17:21):
that case, but in other motions.
You need to be able to breathethrough those movements and
those motions, and so I was justthought that was interesting.

Aeden (17:28):
Yeah, that's definitely important as well.
That's something I'm remindingmyself through dance, because we
always forget to breathe, andeven at IDL, when we were
rehearsing for IDL, one of thethings that the directors kept
insisting on us was I'm gonnaplay the mix, you guys do the
dance.
I'm gonna play the mix, youguys do the dance.
I'm gonna mute the music onoccasion.
Keep dancing, but I need tohear you breathing together.
I'm like I need to heareveryone breathing, because if

(17:50):
you guys aren't breathing,they're not gonna be able to do
this, and so it was really funny, because we would be dancing
and then he would mute the musicand all you hear is like all
these breathing noises and he'syeah, good job, guys, you're
breathing.
Like, oh, you're breathingyou're alive, exactly.
I feel like the isn't the hardpart like syncing up your
breathing, because everyone haslike different breathing

(18:12):
cadences and especially likewhat moves you're doing, unless
you guys choreograph thebreathing yeah, so definitely
the breathing was in some placesvery popcorn-y, because people
breathe as they need to, ofcourse, but then obviously there
are also certain points whereeveryone hits the image together
, hits like the angle together,and so that's always a good

(18:34):
opportunity for everyone toalign their breathing.
Yeah, and of course, it's superfunny when most people align
and one person doesn't.
This is who was that who?
Who breathed after everyone'slike whoo, and one person
doesn't.
Who was that?
Who breathed after Everyone'slike who and one person's like
what?
Yeah, exactly.
So it's like what are you doing, man?
What's going on over there?

J.R. (18:51):
Anything else you've been doing differently with fitness
and nutrition?

Aeden (18:56):
I think it's like the combination of fitness and dance
has reminded me to be a lotmore aware of my body.
So something I've startednoticing is when I'm working,
I'll tend to raise my shoulders,and anytime I catch myself
doing that, I have to remindmyself to lower my shoulders
again and relax through it,because that's me holding

(19:18):
tension in my shoulders and myupper back, which also
translates to stiffness in mydancing.
So even at the coffee shop,when I was making coffee, making
drinks, I was like, oh, I feellike my shoulders are really up
and it's like okay, big coffeelike this, yeah, I'm like I was
like mixing a thing and I waslike this and I was like wait, I
can just relax and still havemy arms at the same height, and

(19:40):
I think that that kind of bodyawareness and the way that I
move has really, I think,grounded me in my body.
I think it's helped a lot withsometimes feeling like
disconnected.
Yeah.

J.R. (19:57):
That makes sense, like being more aware.
I've been trying to do thatmore with my posture too,
because I have all this backpain.
Sometimes I'll have so muchtension in my back that if I'm
not working out it means I don'tusually roll up my back,
because I roll up my posteriorchain after I work out, so I
notice it when I don't roll outduring those non-gym days and I
have sometimes I'll develop analmost like a pre-headache where

(20:20):
, like, I just feel the tensiongoing up my neck and and then I
start to feel a little tinglingNot tingling, but you know that
before you actually have aheadache you can kind of feel
like a buzzing.
I don't know if you've everexperienced that, but for me I'm
like oh, it's probably becausethere's tension there, but if I
roll it out and moving around inmy posture, it definitely helps
out a lot.

(20:40):
Yeah, but I think it's alsobecause I sit a lot, because I'm
always sitting in front of thisdesk when I work yeah so I
think that's another thing, is Ijust gotta I feel great when
I'm walking around, but not whenI'm like at home all day?

Aeden (20:53):
yeah, I mean honestly.
That's one of the reasons why Ilove hanging out with you,
because not only do we eat goodfood and have great combos, we
always walk afterwards.

J.R. (21:01):
So I always leave feeling both like emotionally,
psychologically and physicallybetter yeah, it's like an
intellectual, mental stimulation, but also we get to move around
and stuff.
Yeah, I was gonna say yeah,I've been recently.
I've been uh did I mention this?
Like the last month and a halfI've been like a hermit, like
not really hanging out withpeople, especially since dance

(21:22):
is over for the summer, andi've've not been going to
anything, signing up for coversor just hanging out except for
podcast recordings.
So I've been catching up oneverything.
I've been hyper productive.
I got through all my backlog ofeverything to do my book
summaries, editing for thispodcast and so I've also been
diligently walking every day andso I've hit 10,000 steps at the
minimum every single day forthe last almost two years.

(21:43):
But then the last couple oflike month, couple of weeks, a
month and a half, I've been atlike averaging 12, 13, 14,000
steps per day, and some daysI'll just go okay, we'll do 20k
steps today just to offset that.
And so I've been walking a lotmore and caught up on my book
summaries and stuff.
So it's been good.
And I've also been dialing inmy diet, since I'm not hanging

(22:05):
out with people, so now I'm moreconsistent.
So I've actually lost weight,which was my goal right Is to
slim down a bit.
I was like hovering 145, 147 bythe end of the school year in
June.
Now I'm almost down to 140.
I'm like at 141.
So I was like nice I, when Idial it in, get sleep and walk a
lot like my weight goes down.

Aeden (22:26):
So I was like when yeah, that's my goal 140, 145.

J.R. (22:32):
That's crazy, I mean we weighed the same amount but
you're taller than me.
That means you'd be like hellaslim.
I'll take it Even when I had atrainer another trainer six
years ago like my lowest weightwas like 143.
But now I'm like 141.
So I'm technically the leanestI've ever been, but I definitely
have more muscle and I'mstronger than before.
So I'm like it's a good feeling, like I feel like I'm at the

(22:55):
healthiest.
Minus my back pain, I feel likeI'm at the healthiest I'm at.
So I just need to slim down alittle bit more, lower my body
fat, and then I'll be likepretty good, at least my, that's
my goal for before the schoolyear starts.
So, yeah, what about you?

(23:15):
Do you have any goals?

Aeden (23:16):
and or different things that you want to do for health,
nutrition, fitness, etc.
Yeah, definitely I want toincrease flexibility and
resilience in my body.
I want to get it to a placewhere, if I injure myself, I
understand like how, why, andthen I can recover from that
more gracefully.
I suppose I also want to lookbetter right the aesthetics of
working out.

(23:36):
So, definitely, slim down, toneup.
I think my strength is at agood place where I'm steadily
increasing weight every time Iwork out and I'm like continuing
to push in that direction.
So I think strength building isgood.
But those other pieces, I think, are what I'm going to lock
down.
Definitely, I think portioncontrolling and watching my diet

(23:58):
or what I'm eating, when I'meating, how much I'm eating
those things are important, butthey're so hard.

J.R. (24:07):
Yeah, it's the hard, it's the important hard things, right
.
Yeah, so you know, what'sworked for me in the last
three-ish months is so I havethis meal service, right and
okay.
So, stepping back, for me whatI found most effective is to
simplify my food, and so I'vemeal prepped for years and I

(24:28):
know macros and I know how muchprotein I need to get right.
The part that I fall off is Iknow how much I need to eat and
all these sort of things.
But whenever I run out of mymeal preps right, and like I
don't have planned food for theday Basically it's if I have
structure, like something thatvery pre planned, I can stick to

(24:48):
my diet.
But if I have too many up inthe air meals let's say, before
I used to have five meals perday and a meal is basically just
at least 20 grams of proteinand anywhere from two to 500
calories, something like thatright, and if I have five meals
per day and three of them areplanned, then I have two up in
the air and those two are therisky ones, because I can be
like oh, like boba is like 200calories or something like, or

(25:11):
300 sometimes, or if I go a mealwith friends, that can be
easily 800 to 1000 calories,right.
But when I don't go out and Idon't get like excess sweets and
I can dial in those four tofive meals, then everything's
peachy right.
So I was like all right, allthis meal prep for me personally
is a little bit time consuming.
So what I did was let me getone of these meal services that

(25:31):
give you around 50 grams ofprotein so that's like a third
of my day's worth of protein andget only two of those.
So what I do is one in themorning and one at night, so
that's about.
So that's about.
They're about five-ish 500calories per meal.
They're about 40 to 50 grams ofprotein.
So I basically just have onefree meal and that would usually
be either a protein shake, solike another 30 grams of protein

(25:53):
, or like an overnight oats sortof bundle, which is also like
about 400 calories three, 30grams of protein, or if I go out
for something that day.
That's about right.
So basically I simplified it toonly three meals, two of them
planned, but I had to make suremy third meal is high protein
and if I do that consistently, Iusually stick within the for me
, for my weight and my goalslike 15 to 1700 calories.

(26:16):
So if I just do that five tosix times a week and then the
sixth, the seventh day is kindof like up in the air then I'll
slowly lose about one poundevery single week on the dot.
No, I don't have to think aboutit at all.
And another thing I've beendoing is I don't like going to
sleep hungry.
So some people like to not eatafter a certain time and some

(26:36):
people don't eat breakfast.
Some people do eat breakfast,but for me what I found works
best is having a high proteinbreakfast.
I can kind of have more leewayduring the day with a protein
shake or something when I go out.
But I always save my last mealfor an hour before I sleep
because I don't want to feellike carb starved before I sleep
and which messes up my sleep.
And so I feel like for mesaving my last meal an hour, two

(26:58):
hours, before I sleep hashelped a lot because now I have
better sleep, but also like Idon't overeat, so I feel so
bloated that you can't sleep.
You know that sort of extremelike food coma.
So, my 500 calorie meal does notmake me like blah, so that's
what's worked for me and if I dothat I can easily lose a pound
a week, like on the dot.

(27:19):
But I don't know if you had anythoughts on that or what's
worked for you.

Aeden (27:24):
I mean, I think, the time that a diet worked best for me
I was not eating stress, stress,no, not even stress.
It was like this was when I wastraining with the SM trainer and
take a picture of everything Iwas eating to send to her so
that she can approve it, andthen how much of it I could have
.
And she was so so on top of methat I was going to sleep hungry

(27:50):
every night, and the only way Icould get through it was by
sleeping.
So I had to force myself tosleep and I was cranky all the
time.
If people looked at me funny ortook up too much space in the
hallway I would instantly beangry at them, but I was losing
like five pounds a week.

J.R. (28:09):
Five pounds a week for you guys at home is definitely not
healthy or sustainable, andAiden knows that.

Aeden (28:15):
Absolutely not sustainable because after I left
it was like three months ofslowly getting back to where I
was yeah, your body's like allright.

J.R. (28:24):
we're going to get back to what feels more neutral.

Aeden (28:28):
Yeah, but I will say that was like, aside from the hanger
, I think that was thehealthiest I've ever felt, just
because I felt really like spry.

J.R. (28:41):
So like you felt like slimmer, but your energy was.

Aeden (28:45):
Energy was good, yeah, so the outside of, like I said,
the hanger right, like theenergy I felt like throughout
the day was better.
I felt a lot more rejuvenatedto be able to do things.
I know, coming into it I washeavier and so I was struggling
with things like two sets ofstairs.
I would have a hard time likebreathing.

J.R. (29:05):
My endurance was quite low , so you noticed it like
weighing less, that it feltbetter than when you were
heavier.

Aeden (29:11):
Absolutely.
The contrast was insane.
But the thing I did strugglewith was missing good food.
It's not like I didn't havegood food, but because I had so
little of it compared to what.
I normally yeah, it was sorestricted that I think I really
entered this mindset of cravingall the time.
It was easy to fight off thatcraving when I had someone at my

(29:33):
back with a knife and a gun,being like don't you dare.
But the moment she was gone,there's really nothing holding
me to account except for myself.
So accountability works then?
Yeah, I think so theaccountability works then yeah,
absolutely.

J.R. (29:47):
I think accountability and fear and fear violence, fear of
violence, definitely will dothat for you.

Aeden (29:52):
Yeah, for over a consistent period of time yeah,
honestly, sometimes I thinkabout seeing if I can hunt her
down and get back in it, justbecause I was like damn.

J.R. (30:04):
I'll pay you to hold a knife to my throat so that
basically like that's a physicaltrainer, right.
That's what they do.
Yeah, just emotionally, butyeah, for people listening, if
you're not really familiar withweight loss, a good rule of
thumb that I was told by mytrainers like a healthier amount
to lose per week is like one totwo pounds, anything more than

(30:26):
that and it's like your body'sin starvation mode and then it's
like it's gonna bounce back.
So I mean google this, do yourown research, but that's what I
was told my okay, that checksout for me.
Because if I go any lower thanwhat I'm doing like my 15 1400
calories, like I feel alsohungry and it doesn't really do
well for my mood.
But also also like I think whatpeople don't know about people

(30:47):
with low body fat percentage andif you've ever gone through a
weight loss before, you knowthat it you like you feel hungry
all the time and it doesn'tfeel good.
Like people who are inbodybuilding competitions and
they're leaning and cutting.
What they don't tell you aboutgetting that lean is that you're
constantly thinking about foodand your body's like super
hungry, like it's notsustainable to stay that lean

(31:09):
all the time.
Like people can prep forbodybuilding competitions and do
that temporarily, but why doyou think people like crush a
box of donuts afterwards andthen like they bounce back to
whatever like a more sustainableweight.
I was talking to friends aboutthis.
Yeah, you know those people whoare like super shredded.
I just think about, damn, thisperson's hungry as fuck, because

(31:31):
when I lean down, I'm alwaysthinking about food and I have
dreams about food if I don't eatbefore I sleep.
So, just for people who don'tknow, that's what it's like when
you lose weight is that you,your body is yo, where's the
food?
It's changing.
I don't like change, I likehomeostasis.
Yo, where's the food.

Aeden (31:44):
It's changing.
I don't like change, I likehomeostasis.
Yeah, I definitely very sadthroughout that process.
I think there was at least onenight when I was like I'm so
hungry.
I'm like laying in bed gettingready to sleep, I was like I'm
so hungry, I think I'm gonna cry.

J.R. (31:56):
I feel the way I was rationalizing this is I know
that during the day, if I'mdoing my diet correctly, I will
feel some level of hunger,obviously not super intense like
what you were doing, but it'skind of okay.
When do I want to feel hungry?
For me personally, I don't mindfeeling hungry during the day
and I can drink like coffee orsomething to stave off the
hunger a little bit.
But I definitely don't want tofeel hungry when I go to sleep

(32:19):
and that's why I'm like Alright,let me just save my high
protein and some carbs fornighttime so that I can sleep
better.
Because if my sleep's messed up, then it's like what's the
point?
Because sleep is the mostimportant thing.
Yeah.

Aeden (32:32):
Definitely about that.

J.R. (32:33):
Okay, well, I think that's if I don't know if you have any
other thoughts on fitness andnutrition.
We have a few other things wecan talk about too.
What's that?
Our unlimited time random show?
What do you want to do?

Aeden (32:44):
Anime movies, stand-up comedy, dating relationships or
horoscopes, or astrology, let'sdo dating and relationship, just
because I feel like this ties alittle bit.

J.R. (32:54):
Okay, okay, I'll go first.
I'm in a relationship.
Okay, your turn.

Aeden (32:59):
I'm good, I hate you, I'm very single, and what else do
you want?

J.R. (33:03):
me to say you, I'm very single, and I mean, what else do
you want me to say?
I mean, we've been together foralmost like me and bless you've
been together for almost sixyears now.

Aeden (33:09):
Wow, six years, that's like a whole first grader yeah,
yeah, pretty much.

J.R. (33:15):
Actually.
It's technically my longestrelationship, starting actually
in july, yet this past monthit's now officially my longest
relationship, wowcongratulations, exciting.

Aeden (33:27):
I've been trying to put myself out there a little bit
more, especially since I'm likeoffboarding some work and
freeing up some time.
So you're trying to onboard aperson yeah, one responsibility
for another, but I will say Ihad this interesting date where
we met up at a food court likeone, one of those outdoor food
courts, almost like a steelcraft, and it was a nice place.

(33:53):
It wasn't steel craft, but itwas so awkward and I was like
damn, I really hate dating insituations like this, because
why was it awkward?
Well, one I was on time and hewas quite late, so I was like
sitting there and I was like amI being stood up?
And then when we got there, Iwas like I can't handle this,

(34:17):
yeah right, oh sorry guy.
when he did finally show up, Iwas let's walk around and see
what's up.
And he's like, oh, I know whatI want.
And I was like, okay, did youwant to go together?
Then he was like no, it's fine,I know what I'm getting.
You go get what you want.
And I was like, so we're doingokay, friend this is so sorry

(34:39):
sorry.

J.R. (34:40):
Can I ask where you met this guy and what was like the
expectations going in, if youhad any, or if you guys talked
about it?

Aeden (34:47):
we met on a dating app.
We said we would go out to graba bite, meet each other all
that jazz and get to know eachother.
So I think expectations arepretty set Like straightforward.
Yeah, it's nothing too crazy,it's just some dating app.

J.R. (35:02):
Yeah.

Aeden (35:04):
Yeah, I don't know, it was just so weird.
And then when we finally gotour food separately and then we
sat down across the table fromeach other, he would make these
strange comments that wouldalways throw me off.
He would be asking himquestions about himself and he
would barely respond like oneword responses, because he was
texting the entire time.
So in my head I had alreadydismissed the hangout and I was

(35:28):
like, okay, you know what he'sclearly not into this?
yeah, I'm not into it, so I'mgonna finish up the dinner be
and then excuse myself to gohome.
And then he would make commentswhere he would say things like
do you do skincare?
Because you should do more, oryou should do better.
Your skin is like not good.
And I was like oh.

(35:48):
And then he would compare it tohimself and say, see, I work
really hard for my skincare andyou can tell, everyone can tell
because it's that good.
And I was like damn All right,because it's that good.
And I was like damn all right.
Well, way to call me ugly.
And then he was like do youwork out?
Because you should?
And I was like this is.
And so I was just like allright, clearly he is not into me

(36:13):
.
But then, after we finishedeating and we were just sitting
there because he wasn'tresponding to my questions, I
was letting him lead theconversation he started asking
me why I wasn't sitting closerand I was like what?
Why that's so weird?
And he was like yeah, youshould sit over here next to me.
And I was like sure, I guess.
And so when I moved over to sitnext to him, he reached across

(36:34):
to hold my hand and I was likewhy?
You?
And I was like why, like youspent this entire time kind of
bagging on me and now you'retrying to be super touchy.
It was weird, I didn't like itoh man.

J.R. (36:49):
Wait, what were the vibes before you guys met?

Aeden (36:50):
up.
It was pretty quick.
We had just talked a little bitand then he was like, let's
meet up.
And I was like, okay, sure, soI don't think there was a lot to
go off of.

J.R. (36:59):
Okay, you weren't.

Aeden (37:00):
You didn't really get any of those vibes beforehand yeah,
and so I was like this is avery strange place for this to
have evolved to what did you?

J.R. (37:08):
what drew you to him initially?
Was it just it looked good?

Aeden (37:12):
yeah, honestly, the pics were good.
I was like the pics were alittle face tuned in my opinion
what's face?
tuned.
Face tune is an app that doesfilters, but specific for your
face, gotcha.
So like you can shape andcontour your jawline, for
example, or like you can perfectyeah, we don't need real life
references.
Yeah.

(37:33):
So I was just like I don't know, there's like consistency
across the photos and differentangles at different places in
different times.
So I was like I know thesearen't fake photos or you
haven't like face tuned it tosmithereens, but it's a little
sussy just because of howpolished it looks.
And so I was like okay,whatever.
But yeah, that's where it endedup and I was like never again

(37:54):
yeah, are you still?
in contact with this person orno sort of.
He's been a little snippy aboutme not messaging him more and I
was like I don't know, I'vebeen busy with the dance
competitions so I haven't seenanyone.

J.R. (38:10):
Good for you for being busy, because I don't think
you'd want to be available for aguy like that.

Aeden (38:15):
Yeah.
So that was rough.
But I did have two other datesthat went, I think went pretty
decent.
One was like we were walkingthrough brunson nobles looking
at books and like talking aboutbooks, and I was like like he's
a good conversationalist but hedid say he like left a pretty
significant relationshiprecently.
So he wasn't looking foranything too serious right away
and I was like that's fine.

(38:36):
But he has been quite liketouchy in public, like we'll be
walking and then he'll reachacross to hold my hand and I was
like oh, that's kind of cute.
But I'm also intrigued as tolike where you think this is
going.
Are we just friends who aretouchy or are we pursuing
something more?
So that's that one has beeninteresting.

(38:57):
We're still in touch and we'restill set to hang out again.
And then there was another onethat I started talking to as
well.
Similarly, we met up at acoffee shop.
We had coffee, we walked aroundwhile talking and that also
went well.
I think my only concern thatI'm like running into with him

(39:19):
is that capacity feels quite low.
I don't know what does thatmean?
My thing is because I do somuch all the time.
What I'm with other people and Ilike introduce one thing and
they're like that's too much forme.
It always baffles me and I waslike I don't know if we can.

J.R. (39:38):
What does that mean?
That's to you introducesomething and it's too much for
them.

Aeden (39:42):
Yeah.
So like, for example, what's anexample?
For the example, if I say, oh,hey, let's go like to a movie
and they're like, oh, I don'tknow, like my social battery's
out, I don't want to be inpublic, and I was like, okay,
well, like it's in the dark andit's just a movie theater.
So it's not like we'reinteracting with people, but of
course I want to respectpeople's boundaries.

(40:03):
So I say, okay, that's fine, wedon't have to do that thing,
then we'll find something else.
But at the same time, I'm alsolike, if there's like a
consistent struggle to findcapacity to do things, or find
capacity to like haveconversations, I think that's
like an early flag for me.
So capacity meaning socialbattery, it could be social

(40:25):
battery.
Sometimes it's other things.
What's an example of anon-social battery thing?

J.R. (40:30):
because it's to me.
It's kind of crazy to say thatyou have a low social battery,
so you don't want to go to amovie with one person, right?
Isn't social battery like, oh,I'm going to a party and I have
to talk to a bunch of randompeople?
I don't know?

Aeden (40:42):
yeah, so that's why I think things like this are
always a little bit of a flag tome, because, I don't know, I
feel like we're still early daysand to have things like just
throw you out of like for a loopso easily is not necessarily
concerning, but something I'mkeeping an eye out for yeah
we're slated to hang out thatevening and then, oh, I'm so

(41:04):
sorry, I have to cancel becauseI don't know.
Like my mom and I had a talk andnow I feel bad and I was like,
okay, well, my mom and I have atalk and I feel bad all the time
.
So feeling bad is a constantfor me.
Yeah, let's come on, buck up,let's go.
We have plans.
So what would be?

J.R. (41:19):
Yeah, let's come on, buck up, let's go.
We have plans.
What would be an alternative to, let's say, the movie example?
Right, what is lower capacitythan a movie with one?

Aeden (41:28):
person, it's me.
The last time that particularexample happened, we just
canceled.

J.R. (41:40):
I feel like it's I guess that's an interesting way to put
it to saying my capacity is lowwhen I think really is.
Well, I guess how I'd phrase itis that they just don't want to
go out, but specifically withyou, of course, because I'm sure
they could go to a movie bythemselves and be fine, or maybe
do some other thing and be finein public.
But I can see how going outwith someone who's like an
acquaintance or someone you'rejust dating or something like
that, can be like the thingthat's too much of a hassle,

(42:03):
right, like you need to more ofa social battery, if that makes
sense.
If it's, for example, you hangout with a close friend, it
doesn't take too much energy.
But if you hang out with anacquaintance or someone you
don't really know, of courseit's going to take a lot of
energy.
So I don't even think it's theactivity.
I think it's the activity.
I think it's just the fact thathanging out with you probably
they don't feel up to it forwhatever reason, right?

Aeden (42:22):
I don't know, I think for me it's like I have a lot going
on and I have a lot of thingsplanned, and so when I set aside
time to be somewhere withsomeone doing something, I do my
best to commit to it, becauseotherwise I could have been
doing literally anything elsewith anyone else, anywhere else,
of course.

J.R. (42:41):
Yeah, I'm the same way.
I like to follow through withplans and commitments and stuff
like that.
So I mean, I'm on board withyou.
I don't like people who areflaky and cancel.
Like I have some friends likethat where I'm like there's a
50% chance this person is goingto flake because I know and
they're friends, we're friends,we're not dating or like
acquaintances, like I know thisperson but I know they have a
50% hit ratio of showing up ontime, which is kind of wild to

(43:05):
me.

Aeden (43:05):
Yeah, yeah, I don't like.

J.R. (43:06):
I don't like hanging out with those people.
It's like you, just yourfeelings are just so.
Yeah, and so like I never wantto schedule a thing with them,
like you schedule with me, andthen maybe, if you want to do
this and then if you cancel,I'll be like this was your idea.

Aeden (43:23):
By the way, I'm not forcing you to be anywhere.
Yeah, oh man, yeah.
But all that to say dating isrough.
It's so rough out here and Ithink whenever I bring that up,
people always ask about what'syour ideal?
What are you looking for?

J.R. (43:34):
you gotta put yourself out there, and I don't know how
much more out there I could be,like yeah, I'm never home yeah,
you're accommodating, you makeyourself available, you show up
and then, but it's just like whydo I get these top shelf picks
over here?

Aeden (43:49):
yeah, tough the streets.
The streets are rough on me,nice, but I think that's why,
like whenever, whenever we talkabout relationships, I'm always
like what do you do?
And I think the tough thing iswhen we do talk about
relationships and you talk about, like, your strategy for
maintaining a positiverelationship, things like that,

(44:10):
I'm like, damn, I'm not even atthe point where I can practice
that.
I still need to find someone,thanks a lot?

J.R. (44:16):
Yeah, definitely, because I've had a lot of long-term
relationships and or a handfulof long ones.
So where I'm getting my reps inis like that committed,
long-term relationship.
Obviously, I haven't been inthe dating market in a while,
but it's, yeah, more excitingand there's more possibilities
and I've dated around here andthere, but it's obviously more

(44:37):
energy, more stressful or, yeah,you just get hit or miss and
then it's, oh my God, one goodperson.
I think I need to lock thisdown because all the other ones
were like misses.
But I think a lot of that isprobably luck.
As much as you can have a goodstrategy, even if you do well
with the people you're dating,if you don't get lucky with a

(44:58):
good person, then there's nopoint in any strategies or
mindsets or whatever.

Aeden (45:02):
Yeah, there was that other guy that I told you about
where he had expressed interestin me, but it took us like two
years to communicate that toeach other and then he
eventually was dating someone.
By the time we like said it toeach other.
But he and that person broke upand so I was like, okay, well,
it's been some time since you'vetoo broken up, would you be

(45:22):
interested in dating?
And by the second date he wasjust like I think I'm no longer
interested, and I was like, goddamn it.
Dang.
Well, it was good while itlasted.
We are in a book club now nice.

J.R. (45:34):
Well, there's something.
At least more friends, right,yeah, for sure definitely more
friends, right yeah?
For sure, definitely morefriends, anything else on dating
relationships.

Aeden (45:44):
I think it's so interesting because I talked to
my therapist about it as welland because I don't have an
actual partner to practice thisthrough.
I'll talk to her through myideation of how I would go about
things and she's like I feellike you would be a great
partner and I was like you wantto tell people, be my guest girl
, go out, tell the world.

J.R. (46:03):
I think you're just built for the mid game, not the early
game, if that makes sense.

Aeden (46:08):
Yeah, it does, but that's what pisses me off, because I
know so many guys are good atthe early game and not the mid
game, not me, I, not me, I'm waybetter.

J.R. (46:17):
So I have a friend who was just like you as a boyfriend
Amazing, right, comfort building.
We talk about this like thestages of attraction, right,
like attraction, comfortbuilding, intimacy building.
He was a hundred percentcomfort, so good as a boyfriend,
always be there for you,communicate, all this other

(46:38):
stuff.
But he could not get past thatinitial dating phase and having
the girl be like into him andattracted to him long term.
And then I gave him a littlebit of coaching and then
eventually worked out and I'mnot trying to take all the
credit for anything like he putin the work right, but I think
what helped is the mindset shift, is that he was always trying
to jump into, like how can Imake her comfortable?
How can I be reliable?
But I told him I was like,being comforting and reliable is

(47:00):
not how you get someoneattracted to you and we both
know this.
The attraction phase is allabout mystery, anxiety,
emotional rollercoaster.
How do you get someone to fallin love with you?
You make them think about youall the time, but if you're
always showing your cards,they're never going to think
about you.
They're like oh, I know thisperson likes me, right, and
they're never going to thinkabout you.
They're like, oh, I know, thisperson likes me, right, and
they're just going to shut theirbrain off to you.

(47:21):
But if they don't know how youfeel and it feels kind of
manipulative.
But it's more of an approach.
Instead of lying to someone,right, it's more of like you're
busy, you have a lot of friends,you want to do all this stuff
and you're present and connectedand playful and lighthearted
and flirty with them, but notalways showing your cards and
being like hey, I'm gonna behonest with you, I want to marry
you.
If you hear that, wouldn'tanyone get the ick and be like,

(47:43):
okay, this guy's too needy, Iknow exactly how he feels, I'm
not going to think about him andI don't need to try.
As opposed to those flirty guysor flirty people who everyone's
always interested in thembecause they don't know how this
person feels, because, like,they're so playful and flirty
and they always make me feelgood but then sometimes I don't
hear from them or they're aloofor whatever and I'm hot and cold

(48:05):
sort of thing.
That person's always going toget more dates and be more
attractive than the comfortingalready trying to be your
boyfriend kind of guy.
Yeah, my friend changed it andnow he was more flirty and
playful and relaxed and nottrying to be a boyfriend, and
then his dates were moresuccessful and then now he's a
girlfriend.
But, yeah, it's it.
Sometimes it is like a mentalhurdle you need to overcome to
get to that point because it's adifferent mode you have to be

(48:26):
in when you're dating as opposedto when you are in a
relationship and you're buildingthat relationship for the long
term.
Yeah, which sucks because it'slike you have to be good at the
game, but it's not always likeyour authentic self.
But I see it as a skill set,not necessarily you're being
fake yeah dang oh, yeah,definitely.

Aeden (48:43):
It's definitely something I think about too.
Anytime I'm like interested infolks, I was like, okay, how do
I tease this out?
A little bit like just flirtyand playful it's so hard because
sometimes I was like I justwant to tell you everything I
know same.

J.R. (48:57):
Yeah, I think that's the hardest part is like you can't
just.
It's like poker you can't justshow your hand all the time.
Yeah, be fun, be playful andstuff like that, and be your
best self.
But also number one rule that Ialways tell my friends who I'm
giving this advice to, likecoaching, is don't be needy.
Be self sufficient, grounded,because anything that shows like
neediness oh, I need you to behere, I need this, whatever If

(49:20):
you're too much like that, itwill give any person the ick.
Maybe some people are into thatand they're also needy, so they
want someone who's also orsorry, they have this, I want to
be needed, and so it makes themfeel it's like an ego thing.
But for most people, if you areself-sufficient, confident,
grounded and not needy, you havea thousand percent better
chance at making them like you,as opposed to someone who's

(49:42):
constantly needy and constantlyavailable.

Aeden (49:46):
I think I talked to you about this before, but there was
a guy who was doing that hotcold, hot cold with me and I was
like, damn, I'm thinking abouthim all the time, but it pisses
me off.
I was like I'm so angry I'mangry all the time because of
how like unpredictable this is.

(50:06):
And for a moment I was like doI like feel attraction to this
hot cold?
Because it's I don't knowwhat's going on.
So now I'm like thinking aboutit more and I want to figure it
out.
And then it just kept going.
And then I finally crossed thethreshold into you know what?
I'm not even attracted anymore.
This is just annoying, yeah I'mjust like tired.

J.R. (50:22):
Yeah, I'm annoyed.

Aeden (50:23):
I was like I am so over this.

J.R. (50:25):
I think like maybe on his end, maybe he does that all the
time, maybe it works or maybeit's that's just his mode now.
But I feel like for seriouspeople who actually want to date
, there's a certain point intime where you have to be like
now you switch from theattraction, like clearly at
certain point there's plenty ofattraction.
Now you need to flip and belike all right, let's date and

(50:46):
let's commit, and let's be likelet's show our cards now, once
we both know that we'reattracted to each other.
But obviously this guy wasn'tserious, right like he's, just
like being like that so I wantto go into horoscopes, because
we were talking about this too.
So one of our topics- yeah let'sdo it so.
I think I mentioned this on aprevious episode, but I recently
got my birth certificate and Ididn't know what time I was born

(51:07):
, so I didn't get my full likeastrological profile and so
finally I have it.
So I know what my sun, moon andrising are, and you know yours
right yeah okay, do you know,like, the characteristics of
each, because I have mine pulledup, because I was like I spent
three hours a couple weeks agojust going down a deep dive I
found out that chad gbt was alot more.
It was more accurate than thethree different websites I was

(51:29):
using to calculate.
So I was like, okay, chad gbtlike more of 100.
These other websites it waslike 75, 85, but yes, I think
this one is more right.
But do you know what yours are?

Aeden (51:39):
yeah, I do, and I only have a general understanding of
what it means, but apparentlythat's enough to get me by.
So wait, what are your bigthree?

J.R. (51:48):
you, want me to go first?
Yeah, okay, so I already know Iwas.
My sun sign is aries.
For people who don't know again, I'm just regurgitating sun is
kind of like your corepersonality, I guess.
Every suns are bold,independent, assertive and often
natural leaders.
I'm like, okay, again, I'm justregurgitating Sun is kind of
like your core personality, Iguess.
Aries suns are bold,independent, assertive and often
natural leaders.
I'm like, okay, I knew allthese sort of traits from Aries.
My moon sign is Leo, and soapparently it gives you a flair

(52:10):
for drama, strong emotional needfor recognition, warmth and
self-expression.
You probably have a big heartand enjoy feeling seen and
appreciated.
I mean, yes, but also is that alittle too generic, because
don't we all appreciate beingseen and appreciated?
But I do resonate with that, soI don't know how applicable
that is.
And then my ascending, orrising, is Gemini, and

(52:34):
apparently that gives me acurious, quick thinking and
communicative outwardpersonality.
You may come across as witty,friendly, adaptable and mentally
agile.
I think that checks out a lotfor me.
Pm word agile yeah, exactly,this trio gives you a dynamic,
expressive and quick-wittedenergy.
You're likely someone withstrong opinions, charm and a
natural talent for leadershipand communication.

(53:00):
Yeah, I mean, I went through thewhole chart where it tells you
like, oh, 10th house, thirdhouse, all this other stuff.
I'm like, actually, this checksout.
So I was kind of pleasantlysurprised.
I don't know if it's real ornot.
I haven't checked out everyoneelse's profiles.
It's like how in horoscopesit's always tricky because you
want to avoid those websitesthat are like yeah, you love
independence and freedom, butyou also like structure.
I'm like those are the twooptions.
Oh, yeah, you're very rigid inyour opinions, but you're also

(53:24):
very flexible.
I'm like, girl, that's boththings.
You can't just say that.
So I'm always veryhypercritical, like how
applicable could this be toanyone?
And are you saying both things?
So I was like all right, itdoesn't look like they're saying
both things.
And, as I'm going through, likethe people you're compatible
with, for me it's other fire andair signs which checks out,

(53:45):
because I was going through mylist of friends Okay, this
checks out.
I always vibe with these peopleCareer paths Like all right,
I'm happy with this.

Aeden (53:52):
Yeah, I'll give you mine and then you can tell me what it
means.
I'll let your chat shoot me tea.
So my sun sign is Capricorn,because I'm January 12.
My moon is Aries.

J.R. (54:03):
And what's it?
What's Capricorn Like?
Do you know the traits or didyou want me to look it up?

Aeden (54:08):
You can look it up and then let me know if I'm
absolutely wrong.
But generally speaking, whatpeople have told me is that
Capricorns are very rigid, so asan earth sign they tend to be
very stick in the mud.
But particularly withcapricorns is that not only are
they rigid, they're likeemotionally stunted.
It's like capricorns have areally hard time engaging with

(54:29):
emotion, but they love structureand order and because of that
that's why they like distancethemselves from wrong on shit
switch body chaos and sometimesunpredictability.
I don't know if this is like thechicken or the egg, but because
I tend to be very structuredand organized, like I love
spreadsheets, I love excelpeople have told me that is one

(54:51):
of the most capricorn thingsabout me, really.
Yeah, that's interesting.
When I cook eggs, I cook themover hard and people have asked
me why.
And I told them that I don'tlike over easy because when you
break the yolk and it leaks out,you lose out on yolk, unless
you're licking the plate.
But even then it's always likeyou're still missing some yolk

(55:12):
and I feel like that's a loss.
And someone was like damn, whata Capricorn way to eat an egg.
Interesting.

J.R. (55:18):
I don't know, I didn't.
What a Capricorn way to eat anegg.
Interesting, I don't know, Ididn't know.
Those are Capricorn things.

Aeden (55:22):
So you said sun Capricorn moon is what Aries, and my
rising is also Aries.

J.R. (55:29):
Do you know how those two things affect your personality
or how it manifests?

Aeden (55:34):
Generally speaking, what I have been told is that both my
moon and my rising being Ariesgives people the perception that
I am like a fun outgoing personup until when they work with me
.
And then they see the Capricornand they're like nevermind,
he's not fun and it's a pain inthe ass.
It also explains some of myspontaneity or how direct I am.

(55:59):
So when people say that you'revery willing to burn bridges,
and I was like no, I just liketo be direct with people and
sometimes, if that hurts them,I'm like I'm sorry, but I don't
know how else to put this dealwith it, and they're like, yeah,
that's the aries and he'sspeaking.
And I was like, oh, I guess so.
And so the way that I have cometo describe it is I come in
with that scorched earth energy.

(56:20):
So the Aries and the Capricorntogether means we're going to
burn down this town, but as wedo this, we're going to do it in
clear rows to make sure we getevery building.

J.R. (56:33):
So Sun is like core personality, moon is like your
internal emotion sort of thing,and then Rising is how you
appear on the outside to people,like when they first meet you.
Rising is usually one of themore like apparent traits or
From what I've, this is I'mjust regurgitating right.
So for your combination suncapricorn, moon aries rising

(56:55):
aries they intense,action-oriented, with a powerful
presence.
Let's see how it combines.
Sun Capricorn ambitious,strategic, responsible,
hardworking values, achievement,takes life seriously, wants to
build something lasting,self-disciplined, practical,
often emotionally reserved.
May appear cool and cautious,but determined, core motivation,
success, stability and mastery.

(57:16):
Wants to be respected and leavea legacy.
Okay, so I mean I like I align.
I align with that too.
I'm trying to see if I alignwith this as a non-capricorn,
maybe just because we're bothlike aries in our other ones,
because I vibe well with otherfire types.
Okay.
Moon aries your emotional worldemotionally you're impulsive
and quick to react, independentand hates feeling controlled.

(57:39):
Gets fired up fast, cools downfast, craves excitement and
stimulation in an emotional life.
Can be emotionally brave, butalso impatient.
Emotional needs freedom,challenge, action.
Needs to feel alive, not bordertied down.
Sorry, how do you feel aboutthat?

Aeden (57:52):
so far, I think that's pretty true like I've talked to
a lot of like differentworkplaces and also a lot of
different relationships to saythat I'm here because I'm
intrigued or I'm interested andthe moment I'm bored I'm gone.
I cannot tell you how manymanagers I've talked to say that
, hey, I know I do my job welland I know you love me where I
am, but also, please give mesomething that'll keep me
engaged, otherwise I'm quitting.

(58:13):
Interesting, okay.

J.R. (58:15):
I like that because I also don't exactly align with that,
so for me that's a good thing.
Wait so the Capricorn, what Iread out.
Do you feel like you align withthat too?

Aeden (58:24):
Yeah, definitely.
I do feel like I'm veryachievement and goal driven.
I always want to make sure thatwhatever I'm working on laps
beyond me, but also that it'sattributed to me.
So I want people to recognizelike, oh, we did not have this
before he came in.
He built this and now it workssuper well because he built it.
Do I need to be, like, praisedfor it?

(58:47):
Not necessarily, but I do wantthe acknowledgement of my
expertise or my mastery and Ithink that's also like why I
have such a growth mindedapproach to a lot of things,
because I want to make sure thatI am mastering whatever I want
to do.

J.R. (59:03):
Okay, rising Aries, assertive, bold, competitive.
Comes across as confident,maybe a bit intense.
Leads with action.
Doesn't hesitate to initiate,blunt and direct in first
impressions high energy,spontaneous, charismatic, fiery
trailblazer.
You walk into a room and you'reon a mission.
How do you feel about that?

Aeden (59:20):
Absolutely.
I do not walk into a roomunless I have a reason to be
there, and so I feel like thatmakes a lot of sense.
People have definitely told methat I'm intense.
I think that's also true withthe whole relationship aspect
that we were talking aboutbefore.
Something that I've been toldis that I tend to scare people
away with how strong I come onand I was like I don't, what do
you want me to do?
Lie to you and say I'm notinterested, I like it.

(59:42):
That all seems pretty apt to me, yeah that checks out.

J.R. (59:45):
Okay, here's your combined personality profile.
You're a strategic warrior, aperson who plans like a
Capricorn but acts like an Aries.
That checks out.
There's a fascinating blend ofself-control and explosive
energy.
Strengths, strengths, leader bynature, ambitious and driven,
independent thinker, blunt butgrounded yeah, that's aiden.
Challenges impatience versuscaution.

(01:00:06):
Your airy sides want to act now, but your capricorn sun urges.
Planning and control can causefriction.
Emotional impulsiveness youmake snap, emotional decisions
or outbursts that you laterregret.
Control issues you wantindependence and control, so
it's hard for you to surrenderor be vulnerable.
You align with this.
So far, you've been so funny.
Yeah, I think that's reallyfunny.

(01:00:27):
I had the same when I wasreading this, like, oh shoot,
this is why this is so accuratefor me.

Aeden (01:00:32):
It's funny to me when it was just like oh yeah, you want
both.
And I think the most apt way todescribe it is when I watch
devil wears prada.
One of the questions thatpeople often ask each other, in
my circles at least, is like whowould you want to be right, do
you want to be emily, do youwant to be andy or do you want
to be miranda?
And I was like I want to beboth miranda and andy, like I

(01:00:55):
want to be the big boss whomakes all the decisions, who
just sees the vision and justgets shit done.
But I also want to be the bigboss who makes all the decisions
, who just sees the vision andjust gets shit done.
But I also want to be theperson that that person can turn
to and just do the things thatare asked for, maybe impossible
tasks, but it's not a problemfor me and that's what I want to
be known for and that makessense.
I think that's like the dualityof the space that I exist in,

(01:01:16):
as I want to be both CEO butalso executive assistant to the
CEO.

J.R. (01:01:22):
Yeah, or the CEO, or something.

Aeden (01:01:24):
Yeah, exactly, in reality I think I'm actually Emily.
Which one's Emily?
Emily is the one that hiresAndy and then gets replaced by
her.

J.R. (01:01:32):
She does a good job, but she's constantly frantic and
frazzled about it, and becauseof that Miranda kind of does not
look on her as positively, andso okay so you say you lean more
towards the ceo or the coo type, because one is the boss
visionary, makes like the finaldecisions, and one is the
execution organization, sort of.
I know those are yourconflicting personality types,

(01:01:54):
but yeah, what do you feel likeyou would lean more towards?

Aeden (01:01:58):
To be honest, probably COO.

J.R. (01:02:03):
The more operations organized part.

Aeden (01:02:06):
I think because, as I'm working at the dance studio now,
something that I'm realizing isI'm gaining responsibility in
different aspects, right, soI've become a captain on the
team, I've become a shift leadat studio, but I also manage our
rentals now, and because ofthis, I have hands in different
buckets and like pots that mostpeople don't get to touch and I

(01:02:29):
work with the owner directly toget things moving.
And so, because of that, I liketo be in operations to be able
to push things in certaindirections.
But at the same time, I likethe distance from responsibility
of what happens to the studio.
Okay, that makes sense.
Yeah, so, like sometimes peoplewill tell me this oh well,
that's not really your problem,but you fixed it, so yay.

(01:02:51):
And then at the same timethey'll say if you tried and it
didn't work and somethinghappens, just know, at the end
of the day that's not yourproblem.
And I was like nice, I likethat.

J.R. (01:03:01):
Nice.
Oh, there's one more thing inrelationships.
So in relationships, you needsomeone who respects your
independence, but also someoneemotionally grounded to balance
your fire.
You likely show love throughacts of leadership, protection
and loyalty, but may need towork on emotional patience and
you crave mutual respect anddislike clinginess or weakness.
How do you feel about that?

Aeden (01:03:23):
Man.
I think that's really funny,especially the impatience part,
because I think something I raninto with my last relationship
was my partner and I will talkabout things and we'll go
through pretty lengthydiscussion about what do you
think, what do I I think, howare we going about this, what we
would like to do, movingforward.
And then they'll go quiet forthe next couple hours and I was

(01:03:45):
like, okay, come on, let's get amove on the processing, like
we're done, we've moved on,let's like.
And so I definitely feel theemotional impatience piece and I
definitely appreciate theindependence piece, because I
have voiced before that whoeverI'm dating needs to have their
own life, because if I am theend-all, be-all, that would
drive me insane.
I'm not going to be available24-7.

(01:04:07):
I need you to also havesomething else so that when we
do meet up and we do come toeach other, it's like a nice
respite from everything elsewe're doing, versus you sitting
at home waiting for me.

J.R. (01:04:17):
I think that would drive me insane else we're doing,
versus you sitting at homewaiting for me.
I think that would drive meinsane.
I feel the same way.
I think some people might likethat the ego thing of oh yeah,
my partners, I'm the mostimportant person.
But I feel like, in my opinion,if you want a good partnership,
a healthy partnership, and youwant to have good mental health
for both of you, you both needto have a purpose.
That's not each other.
Yeah, your partner should bethe most important person to you

(01:04:39):
, but you and they shouldn't beeach other's end, all be all,
because you could never actuallydo that, if that makes sense,
like you're on a team withsimilar missions and purposes or
whatever, but you're not eachother's purpose.

Aeden (01:04:53):
Exactly, yeah, and to be honest, I don't even think that
I would want my partner to viewme as the most important person
in their life either.
I think there's like a healthybalance and understanding that
relationships ebb and flow, andI would prefer that in certain
instances I'll be the one thatmatters and then in certain

(01:05:14):
other instances I will be theone that doesn't, and I'm very
happy with that.

J.R. (01:05:18):
Like.
In what instances do you meanby like?

Aeden (01:05:21):
you don't matter, I think for example, I would want my
partner to have best friendsoutside of me, and if they are
going to hang out with a bestfriend and I was like, well, I'm
at home and I'm free today, weshould hang out.
I would absolutely want them togo out instead with their
friend, because those are plansthat you've made.
That person is also your bestfriend.
There's no reason that youshould prioritize me over them,

(01:05:44):
and I think I would feel awkwardif they're like oh wait, you're
free, let me cancel all myfriends and hang out with you.

J.R. (01:05:49):
I would never want okay, I see what you're saying because
I think I agree too.
In that scenario it's someoneis choosing to put someone else
below you because they feel likethere's a conflict and they
need to choose you, when in fact, I mean, I think we align on
this.
But you should have yourpartner, your family, your
friends and these differentcircles and your alone time,

(01:06:11):
right, and it shouldn't be letme cancel my friend's plans and
hang out with you.
I think a good partnershipshould be like yeah, we have our
friends time and we have our ustime and we nurture everything,
but we don't put ourselves insituations where we need to
choose one or the other, becausethat's not how our life should
be structured, right, and also Ithink it would.

Aeden (01:06:31):
I think a situation where it would make more sense to
have that distinction is if yourpartner and, let's say, a
friend of yours are arguing orthere's some sort of you have to
choose, but I feel like yourlife shouldn't be set up where
you have to choose between twoimportant people exactly yeah,
and to be honest, I feel like ifmy partner was ever in a
position where it's like theyhave to choose me or their

(01:06:53):
friend, I would want to stepback and remove myself from that
equation, just because I didset up that situation and that's
not what I would want to do,like I don't want to make my
partner choose and if they feellike they have to choose, I'm
going to step back and reassess.
Or even if I don't know, ifthey have a secret and they tell
someone else but not me, I'mlike that's totally fine, I get

(01:07:13):
it right.
Some secrets are meant forothers.
You don't have to tell meeverything.

J.R. (01:07:16):
Would it?

Aeden (01:07:16):
be nice Sure others.
You don't have to tell meeverything, would it be nice,
sure?
I would love to know.
I also love Goss.
I would love it if you told methe secret things that are
happening.
But I also recognize that ifyou have secrets with other
people, that's the nature ofyour relationship to them and I
do not feel the need to insertmyself into that, to be a part
of that.

J.R. (01:07:33):
I think that's definitely a healthier way to look at
relationships and boundaries.
And, of course, maybe somepeople want a relationship where
you guys are 100% tight at thehip.
You're one brain.
Sure I'll have more power toyou if it works out.
It works out Not my approachand not what I would recommend
to people, but you know, sowe're at like about a little bit
over an hour.

(01:07:53):
Are you good for a break?
Yeah, let's do it.
Okay, let me pause thisrecording and then we'll start
it up again.
All right, we are back from ourbreak.
So we just finished randomtopics, or at least we went
through a lot of them, Unlessyou had anything else you wanted
to cover.
The other things I wanted to goover is goal setting.

Aeden (01:08:28):
Yeah, definitely we can do that.
I wanted to go into first justa quick overview of how your
life has changed in the last oneyear and the last five years,
like a TLDR of like how you'rethinking about it's changed, and
then we'll look forward and gothrough both of our goals for
the next however many years.
Okay, how's my life changed inthe past one year?
I will say the biggest changeis probably my day job.
Being able to be a projectmanager at a well-paying tech
company is insane.
It's really shifted the waythat I move about the world,
like how.
So Honestly, I think one thingis like having that kind of
revenue shifts how I engage witha lot of things, like how I

(01:08:52):
plan travel, how I hang out withfriends, how I contribute to
like nonprofits or charities, oreven the dance studio that I'm
at.
I think it also puts pressure onme to plan better.
So historically I just kind oflive paycheck to paycheck.
I just money come in, money goout.
But now that I have moredisposable income, it's putting

(01:09:14):
a pressure on me to figure outhow I'm going about using it.
I think that's pushing me tohave better financial tracking
as well as spending habits.
Am I fully realized yet?
No, I still just throw money atrandom things, and then I
forget, has your spending caughtup to now?

J.R. (01:09:29):
your new income?

Aeden (01:09:30):
I'm gonna say yes and no.
I think I am paying things offbetter and so it feels like my
spending is catching up to myincome, but I also remind myself
that it's not all going to justexpenditures.
It's also balancing it withlike me paying bills better and
paying more of my credit cardoff and things like that, or

(01:09:52):
like more off education debt.

J.R. (01:09:54):
So you've been paying off more debt, so you are making
progress.

Aeden (01:09:57):
Yeah, so I'm making progress, but it doesn't feel
like it because my bank accountis always like where's the money
?

J.R. (01:10:04):
So maybe you do need to tighten up a little bit more
yeah absolutely Definitely.
When do you think you're goingto pull the trigger on that, or
are you going to keep kickingthe can down the road?
I'm asking as a friend, givingyou accountability, okay let's
do this.

Aeden (01:10:17):
It is August.
I will give myself until theend of the year to have a
solidified, consistent financialsystem set up.

J.R. (01:10:25):
What does a solidified, consistent financial system mean
?

Aeden (01:10:28):
To me, I think that means that I have clear visibility
into the income that's coming in, because, as of right now,
because I have so many differentstreams of income that are
direct deposits, sometimes Iforget that money is coming in
and I don't realize until I'mlike paying bills.
That was like, oh shoot, thisis like more money than I
thought I had.
This is not what I wasexpecting to see.

(01:10:51):
So I think I want to have morevisibility and more control
around that.
So that's one.
Another thing is having a moreprecise.
So I want to make sure that Ineed to count how much I plan to
pay into the different thingsthat I want to pay off.
So, for example, how much am Iputting towards my credit card?
How much am I putting towardsmy education debt?
That's my car, and then I wantthat to be established a little

(01:11:13):
bit more consistently in my mind.
And for that to be moreconsistent in my mind, I have to
be able to see it.
So, setting up a system thatwill help track money that's
coming in, money that's goingout where it's going out to, and
then adjusting that from there.

J.R. (01:11:26):
So you just need to finally get a financial software
then, because it seems likevisualizing it in a project
management sort of thing.
Right, you just need tovisualize the stuff coming in
and out in the budget.

Aeden (01:11:37):
Yeah, so part of that is definitely that.
And then I want to be able toleverage that for future
planning, because I think in thepast when I've done financial
tracking, it's just tracking, soit'll give me an assessment of
what I've spent and where I'm at, but it won't help me project
into the future.
And I do know I have difficultyworking with financial apps

(01:11:57):
because I've tried out a coupleof different ones, some with
that functionality and somewithout, and I always get a
little stuck when it comes toplanning.
So something I want to do aspart of this financial goal is
put more time into researchinghow these platforms or these
softwares can help plan and howI can become better adept at it
so I can leverage that featureto my benefit.

J.R. (01:12:18):
What is planning exactly?

Aeden (01:12:20):
What do you mean by?

J.R. (01:12:20):
financial planning.

Aeden (01:12:21):
So, for example, like budgeting would be one thing,
right, so on a weekly or monthlybasis, to understand, like this
is how much money I've setaside for, let's say, eating out
.
So if I already know that Ihave a birthday party coming up,
I have a family outing, I havea reunion with an old friend,
whatever, I'm already planningto budget around that, I think

(01:12:43):
that is a win relative to whereI'm at now.

J.R. (01:12:45):
So then, as long as your financial software has a
budgeting function, then youshould be good, right, yes and
no.

Aeden (01:12:51):
So that's why I was saying like, historically, I've
had a finance software that hasthat feature and I'll try to use
it, but I don't ever fullyunderstand how to go about it
with consideration to where I'mat now.
So, for example, I think youneed a budget was one that I was
trying out, and it allows forme to say this is where all my
like financial status is at,like how much I have in each

(01:13:13):
account, how much I owe, andthen these are my paychecks.
So I need to attribute mypaychecks to the different
buckets.
And I was like wait, I don'tunderstand that, because how am
I doing this If I'm talkingabout a paycheck that I received
, like last week, and part of italready went to pay off
something, and so I was like,okay, let's mark that, but then
it was deducting in that fromthe total that I was putting in

(01:13:36):
or something like I don't know.
That's why I was just like Idon't fully understand, and I
think it's mostly not because ofthe software, but because of my
own investment in the software.

J.R. (01:13:44):
So, in selection Because of your own investment in
software.
What?

Aeden (01:13:46):
do you mean Like my own understanding of the software I
think I needed more time andlike understanding how the
software works, like the logicbehind it, so that I can better
use it to my benefit?

J.R. (01:13:57):
Interesting, Huh, maybe once you get something I would
like to look in to see whatyou're doing.
Maybe I can help out, becausethat would be sick.
Yeah, because I'm trying tounderstand how that manifests to
me and obviously maybe myfinance is how mine set up is a
lot different.
But how I've done in the pastis like a good software will

(01:14:19):
show you what you're pretty muchgetting every month, right,
like it looks like on average,you can see your income is X
amount per month, right.
And then, if you're consistentwith your spending, you can see
that, okay, I tend to spendabout this much per month and
then I have this much difference.
It also shows you what yourwell, credit card debts or bill
payments aside should be able totell you in that total like

(01:14:40):
income versus expenses, right.
And then from there you can seeit seems like you're averaging
every month this much percentagein the pie chart of like food
and this much into entertainment, this much into travel or
whatever.
And then from there you can belike, ok, it seems like I'm
spending, let's say, $500 amonth on food, then you can
budget it.
Ok, let me tighten that up abit.
Or OK, you can be like okay, itseems like I'm spending, let's
say, $500 a month on food, thenyou can budget it Okay, let me

(01:15:01):
tighten that up a bit.
Or okay, I can open it up andspend more on food.
I imagine that's how I woulduse it.
I'm not understanding how itwould be more complicated than
just like knowing what theaverage is each month.
But you're saying futureplanning and how to
differentiate between what'sgoing in and what's coming out
your planning and how todifferentiate between what's

(01:15:21):
going in and what's coming out.

Aeden (01:15:21):
Yeah, I think the way that I had approached you need a
budget was that I wasn't goingabout it in averages, I was
tracking actuals through it, andso I think it was like I was at
that weird, a weird placebetween like money came in and
then money went out, and so Iwas trying to use the planning
portion of it for the part ofthe month that we had already

(01:15:41):
passed.
You're planning for the past.
I think that's the best way todescribe how I went about this.
In the wrong way.
It was saying my income wouldbe consistent, but that was also
the other thing.
My income's not consistent, andso it fluctuates based on, for
example, how many hours I put inat the cafe or how many hours I
log at the nonprofit, whichvaries on a week to week basis,

(01:16:02):
and so when the program wassaying that, oh, you get this
amount a month, therefore youhave that much to spend, and I
would try to allocate it to thedifferent buckets.

J.R. (01:16:11):
I see.
So you're trying to calculatebased on what it's telling you
is coming in.

Aeden (01:16:14):
Yeah.
And then I was like also tryingto fight it because I was like
I also know that's not thecorrect number, Because this
month, like last month, Ireceived a different number than
this month and I was liketrying to make adjustments for
that.
And I think at one point I waslike I need to sit down and go
through this a little bit inmore detail and then my trial
expired so I was like, nevermind, I just won't.

J.R. (01:16:42):
Interesting.
Okay, I feel like I have abetter idea now, but yeah, I
think you are doing it in thereverse.
Because I would recommend andmaybe this is hard to
conceptualize for us or even forpeople listening I would
separate it first and just lookat your expenses per month and
then categorize all of those.
At least when you have two tothree months worth of expenses,
you can see what you'reaveraging for entertainment,
food, travel, whatever right.
And then from there, regardlessof how much you're making, you

(01:17:05):
can see okay, I'm spending,let's say, $2,000 a month and I
think I can shrink these thingsand budget it so that I'm a
little bit tighter, to get itdown to $1,500 a month.
Let's say right.
And then I think that's how youwould approach it, because then
now you have more of adifference.
But now that, even if you havea high paying, consistent, like
nine to five sort of job, what Iwould recommend is budgeting

(01:17:26):
based on just that income andeverything else is just extra
money that you can throw intosavings or debt and not worry
about that extra fluctuatingincome and just basing your
current expenses and lifestyleoff of your full time work.

Aeden (01:17:40):
That makes a lot of sense , so maybe I'll do that.

J.R. (01:17:45):
Yeah, and then not trying to budget last month based on
things that you aren't sureyou're actually getting, because
I feel like that's complicatedas opposed to just being like
this is what I actually spendand here's how I budget.
I tighten things up, right,yeah, and not worrying about
like the money, because now youshould ideally have a surplus of
income so you don't have toworry about paycheck to paycheck
, but now you can actually go inand like.

(01:18:06):
All right, I know I have asurplus, but now let's try to
figure out this expense thing,because I think that's the hole
in the bucket you might comeacross, right?

Aeden (01:18:12):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Okay, so we're sidetracked, but, yeah, go ahead.
Yeah, yeah.
So I will say my financialsituation has improved in the
past year, looking to improve iteven more.
Other things is I'm back intodance and I'm committing a lot
into dance again, so I feel likemy physical health is moving in

(01:18:33):
a better direction as well.
I have built like newrelationships, like, for example
, through joining the dance teamin the dance studio that I
think are valuable relationshipsI am committing to, so that has
also improved.
And as I have transitioned intothis higher paying job, I feel
like I've been given a lot ofnew challenges as well that
really have pushed me to developmy pm experience in different

(01:18:54):
ways than when my last job did.
I think my last job was verylike whatever you think is good,
good dude, sure we'll do it.
I guess We'll try.
We don't care Whatever, but thisone, they're very directed and
say no, as a PM, we need you todo this, we need you to step in
in these ways and we need you toback up in these ways, and I
was like, wow, that's likereally directed and because of

(01:19:22):
that, yeah, I think that's mypast year change and then for
the last five years I think alot has changed.
Definitely, health has improveda lot, because I think five
years ago, in pandemic era, waswhen I was at the worst health
condition.
I was not exercising, I was notgoing out, I was staying only
in my room, only playing games.
So I think that was like themost sleep I've ever had in my

(01:19:44):
life.
But other than that, everythingelse was very unregulated.
I had no job, I had nomotivation to do things outside
of just my regular routine ofwake up, eat, play games, eat,
go back to bed.
So I feel like it's been a hugeshift from that.
Also, I have a lot of cool typenew relationships that I think

(01:20:05):
are feeding me in different waysand pushing me to develop more
as both like an individual butalso a member of a community
Huge jump from five years?

J.R. (01:20:14):
Yeah, definitely.
Well, I guess we can expectthat from a five-year change.

Aeden (01:20:18):
Especially coming from a global pandemic shutdown.

J.R. (01:20:22):
Yeah, a year ago Well, it was summer still yeah, I guess I
was dancing.
I mean, right now we're onbreak, so it's the same thing.
We were just finishing upStrawberry Era.
So, yeah, I mean it wasexciting.
I was like second or secondyear on leadership finished.
I think that's the biggestthing, honestly.

(01:20:42):
And then I was preparing forthis podcast, like launching it
in the summer and then kind ofrecording in August and then
releasing it in October.
So it's been a year and that'sbeen exciting.
This episode number 50 under mybelt, so it's been fun to have
this project come to fruitionand manifest.
Yeah, so excited.
I think it was always like letme show, let me see if I can do

(01:21:05):
this for one season, 10 episodes.
And then at the end of that Iwas like, wow, I could do this
for 10 years.
Like it was a green light.
So I'm excited for that.
Yeah, I've been working outconsistently.
Everything else has been prettyconsistent.
Last five years, yeah, pandemicI think.
Yeah, blessley and I were justlike starting our social media
type stuff, but didn't reallytake off until 2021.

(01:21:26):
So I think at this time fiveyears ago we were just starting
YouTube and Instagram and TikTokand stuff like that.
Yeah, it definitely was not ashealthy either, but like we're
all stuck.
I was trying to work out andmeal prep and everything, but it
definitely didn't work.
I think staying indoors is nothealthy for anyone.
And then I realized, and yeah,my health metrics weren't even
that good, like when I got myblood work back.
I'm like, why is everything sobad?

(01:21:47):
I was trying to walk more, butnow, yeah, fast forward five
years.
It's a lot better.
So yeah, hey, we love growth.
I know I On an upwardtrajectory is always a good sign
, right?
Yeah, how about goals for thenext 5, 10, 20 years?
We can also sum it up too, orlike TLDR but do you have any
big aspirational goals for thenext those few years intervals?

(01:22:08):
Yes, I have a ton.

Aeden (01:22:10):
Yeah, I mean definitely, aside from the health ones that
we've talked about, the financeones that we've talked about,
the relationship one we'vetalked about yeah, I think one
of the goals that I have formyself is to continually
challenge myself for growth andto keep an open mind.
I've read a number of researchesthat talk about how, as we age,

(01:22:30):
our mind becomes more rigid, webecome more settled in our ways
, and so I would like tochallenge myself to try to
promote as much elasticity in mythinking as possible.
Part of that is like having somesort of engagement with younger
folks, right, and beingopen-minded to different
perspectives and opinions oreven trends.

(01:22:51):
To be honest, I think differenttrends have been a challenge
for me, because as I get older,I'll see it and say, damn, these
are like really dumb trends,like I don't relate, like I
don't get it, it doesn't makesense to me, but I have to
remind myself that that thinkingis what leads to rigidity, and
so constantly trying to beaccountable to myself and remind

(01:23:12):
myself of what is my goal, whatis the purpose of doing this?
And to me it's so that I cancontinue to be a part of a
community and be able to helpshape like conversations based
on the community needs, right?
The last thing I would want isto get to a place where I say,
well, these young RipperSchnappers don't know what's up
like, they should just listen tome and then be completely

(01:23:34):
disconnected to the immediateneeds of the community at that
given time.

J.R. (01:23:38):
Yeah, that's kind of why, as you get older, the more
conservative you get, likepolitically, socially.
It's like why is it all mostlyold people who are the
conservatives who have thosesort of perspectives, and
liberals tend to be younger?
It's a physiological thingwhere our brains get more
settled into how we think andwe've seen.
The plus side is we seepatterns where pattern

(01:23:58):
recognition we can connect thedots better.
But the downside of that isthat we're less flexible and
open minded to certain things.
And so as you get older, justexactly like you're saying, we
have to make more of an effortto stay open minded, because
it's so easy to get older andthen start to be like a
Republican, for example, butregardless of political parties.
Right, it's the rigidity in themindset of I know better, I've

(01:24:21):
been around the block.
Yeah, sure, you're not wrong.
But also the most expensivething you can own is a closed
mind and if you're always justkind of in that you're not
really growing, you're stuntingyour growth.
If you're green, you're growing, if you're red, you're rotting,
or something like that.

Aeden (01:25:00):
Yeah, and so I totally agree with that.
Years at least, if not more,really challenges me to look at
different projects withdifferent perspectives, so that
I can provide new value ratherthan rebuilding the wheel with
each project that I come across.
Yeah, and I think, because oflike the diversity of the
projects that I work on and likethe different people that I
engage with, I really hope thisalso is an opportunity for me to
continue to find ways to betterunderstand people, and so

(01:25:20):
that's a skill set that I'd liketo develop over the next few
years is to be able to assesswhere folks are coming from when
they work with me or when theyjust engage with me, because the
skill set will expand beyondwork Is to now be able to
receive the input of anindividual and then respond in a
catered way for that specificperson.

(01:25:41):
I think other things is I havebeen working with the dance
studio a lot on reshaping anumber of their internal
procedures and processes, so Iwould say, by the five-year mark
, I would love everything to bepolished and super shiny, with
in-depth documentation, so thateverything can just operate

(01:26:02):
without me touching anything,and I think that would be a
solid place for me to be able totake a step back and just view
the studio as a studio and knowthat things are going to go well
because we work together tobuild them to go well.
I'd also like to move out withmy family right now and I think

(01:26:23):
it'd be nice to be able to getto a place where I feel like I
can financially spread my legs alittle bit, set up my own space
that's set aside for myself.
What's the projection for thattimeline man?
I mean, when I moved home in2020 because of the pandemic, I
told myself two years is likemax.
I was like, at the two yearmark, I'm out, no matter what.

(01:26:46):
Five years later, I'm still here, so I think this goal setting
is adaptable, but I think therealso needs to be an intention
for it.
I think as I strengthen myfinance and this goal will
likely solidify more, because alot of the rationale around
current like the currentrationale around not doing so is
I want to get a better hold ofmy finances before doing so.

J.R. (01:27:08):
Okay, so order of operations you want to.
Whenever the finance thingbecomes important, then you
might have the capacity to moveout.

Aeden (01:27:15):
Yes Makes sense, and I think, like my 20, oh man, it's
so weird to think about thingspast two years.
How old are we?
I think my long-term goal is,by the end of, let's say, the 20
years is I want to be able toopen a community space that does

(01:27:37):
local vendors, community events, being able to allow folks to
just exist and connect with eachother.
I know I've talked to you aboutthis before.
It's having a space for folksto play board games together or
Dungeons and Dragons if that'stheir vibe, but it's also like
almost like a cafe space whereif folks want to work remote,
like they can work their remote,and then there will be a stage

(01:27:59):
so that, like at night, if wewant to do an open mic or have
some sort of performances, canstill post those through the
space.
And I think that's my long-termgoal.
This would be a goal to havethat space and create that space
and allow the community toreally come together nice.
So you think that's possible andyou said 20 honestly, it's so

(01:28:19):
hard for me to look like, yeah,that's one year that 20 years
seems like forever.
But I also want to be cautiousand not overcommit myself to
what could potentially be tighttimeline.

J.R. (01:28:31):
So you think 20 years is a tight timeline.

Aeden (01:28:34):
I think 20 years might be too much, but at the same time
I feel like it might be notenough.

J.R. (01:28:38):
Okay so you're a horoscope now.
It's too much, but also notenough, Exactly exactly, no man.

Aeden (01:28:50):
I it's too much, but also not enough.
Exactly, Exactly, no man.
I think I talked to mytherapist about this.
But growing up with this senseof dying young, I don't really
have a well-adapted tool forlong-term planning or even
short-term planning, right.
So planning, yeah, planning ingeneral like a horoscope, right,
short-term and long-term.

J.R. (01:29:02):
Yeah, I can see why the money part is a tough thing to
get used to, or to improve.

Aeden (01:29:07):
Yeah, because even at I think it was 18 I was like yeah,
no, this is the year I'm dying.
And then I didn't.
And then I was like oh well,maybe now what do I do, yeah,
exactly, and I was like, maybeI'll die at 21, and then I
didn't.
And I was like, okay, so maybe25, and then I didn't.
And I was like, okay, maybe 30,and I didn't.

(01:29:28):
And I was like god, I just keepwaiting for the shoe to drop,
and it hasn't dropped.
And so now I'm kind of at apoint in life where I was like I
just need to plan as if it'snot gonna drop, but I don't know
how, because for the past 30years, yeah, I've been waiting
for it to drop, though you'vebeen planning for not having to
plan for so long.

J.R. (01:29:47):
Exactly now you're like okay, maybe I should start
planning to plan.

Aeden (01:29:50):
Yes, exactly that and I don't know how to go about it
okay, so maybe this topic isyour achilles, heel it
definitely is.
It's both my heels nice.

J.R. (01:30:01):
Well, I guess I'm.
That's where we differ isbecause all I do is long-term
planning.
I'm like a long-term sort ofguy.

Aeden (01:30:07):
I always think long-term you're the goal, man, you're the
goal what are your part-time?

J.R. (01:30:12):
plays so, yeah, I don't have them.
I don't have them necessarilyin the year increments I don't
personally believe in okay,here's the timeline and I hit
these milestones at these dates.
I'm not chasing a date, but Iam'm chasing like, like
visualizing certain outcomes.
So I wrote a list.
Well, socially, I want to hostmore things.
So, again, these aren't, theseare just general goals.

(01:30:32):
Right, I know if I'm marchingtowards them, whatever the years
are.
If it takes 510 or 20 years,it's fine Hosting things.
I think once I have my own place, it'd be nice to host like
movie nights, game nights,dinners, karaoke.
Nice to host like movie nights,game nights, dinners, karaoke,
wine nights, stuff like that,get togethers, bible studies If
I have my own, like Bible study,small group Fitness wise yeah,

(01:30:57):
I want to.
I know that long term, I wantto get into yoga and or Tai Chi
as like internal health, notmartial art, but an internal
sort of thing, because I knowthat people who live to 100,
they do those things.
So I'm like, okay, there'sobviously something there.
We all know that those are goodfor your health, endurance
sports.
So I know, as we get older,people ask you to run marathons.
We talked about this in myrecording with my Cobb Modern
class.
But I know that I would enjoyendurance sports.
I just haven't had that, likethe timing hasn't been right.

(01:31:20):
But I know once I stop dancingI'm going to be like an
endurance athlete or like evenjust running, maybe not like
swimming and biking, but Idefinitely want to get into
endurance sports.
I feel like my mind and body isbuilt for more endurance rather
than just like power and speed.
More charity, work,consistently, like.
Maybe I'll get more involved inmy church I think that would be
nice.
Maybe like working with theunhoused, or like kids or

(01:31:40):
something.
Art this is more interesting,because I've been thinking about
this more recently.
Kids or something this is moreinteresting because I've been
thinking about this morerecently.
Now I for sure know I want toget into producing film.
I don't know if it's long orshort, but we've talked about
this before where my vision oraspiration is to do Adam
Sandler-esque sort of comedywith a lot of heart, dumb humor,
whatever.
My humor is maybestraightforward, acting, nothing

(01:32:03):
crazy, nothing award-winning,it just like lighthearted and
fun.
Underneath the surface of thatis a really deep message that
like really gets to the core ofhumanity and those things that
really touch you like family orlove or dreams or aspirations.
So it's coded in stupid humorand like a bad acting but on the
inside is wow.
Actually, why does this moviemake me feel a certain way?

(01:32:25):
That's that would be so muchfun.
So maybe I start small and thenwork my way up with the bigger
films.
That in music I think music hasalways been a thing that I
wanted to get into.
Never had an avenue andopportunity.
But if I become, I don't know,write music or rapping or music
producing, something that wouldallow me to tour at least the
country with music, maybe in agroup or something, but maybe
not by myself because it's notmy forte.

(01:32:46):
Same with the film thing is Ithink I would want to be a
writer, not necessarily, I don'tnecessarily need to be the
director or maybe one of theproducers, but yeah.
And then same thing with standup comedy to get good enough at
stand up comedy that I can justtour the country, maybe if I
meet people and they want me togo on tour internationally.
But I think if I can just getto the level where I'm funny
enough to like tour at likecollege campuses or places like

(01:33:08):
in the States where it's okay,that level, like I'd be fine
with that.
I don't need the money, I'mjust doing it for the vibes of
traveling.
And then some other stuff likebowling.
I want to get into a bowlingleague, bowl at 300, get into
archery and then freestylepopping again.
Do that more regularly, maybejoin a free like a popping crew.
Yeah, if it takes five years,10 years, whatever.
But as long as I'm doing thosethings, I think that's what I

(01:33:30):
want to do is just getting in.
It's just like how I'm doingpodcasting, like I'm doing it,
and if I commit to 10 years, Iknow I'll be fine.
If I do these things and startas soon as possible, I think
I'll be fine.

Aeden (01:33:39):
I'm gonna be a leech and actually just take most of what
you just said as thanks but howcan you do?

J.R. (01:33:46):
how can you do it when you have all these other things
you're doing?
I don't know same question no, I, because I can commit and do
some of these things.
I'm not overbooking myself, see.
That's the difference is.
See, aidan, I would ask you todo some of this stuff with me,
but you are not free, so youcan't do this with me.
Okay, let me just quit somemore jobs, real quick.
You actually have to offloadyour jobs and you have to not

(01:34:07):
keep committing to other things,and then maybe I'll be like,
hey, you're finally free.
Do you want to do some of theseprojects with me?
Because I'm not going to askyou if you're not free.
That's real.

Aeden (01:34:15):
Yeah, because I'm very similar to you.
I have a ton of board games, soI've been wanting to like
monthly board game nights wherewe play different board games
each time, and some of theseboard games are quite intense
and require like a significantamount of prep time, and so I
would love to find committedfolks who are like no, I would
love to read through this rulebook with you, if you set up a

(01:34:35):
Secret Hitler night.

J.R. (01:34:36):
I'm all in because I've spent five hours playing that
with groups of people.

Aeden (01:34:40):
I have a love hate relationship with Secret Hitler,
just because it is such afascinating game to play.
But the last time I played it,I think two people left cursing
me out and I was like, oh thereyou go.

J.R. (01:34:52):
Then you just weed those people out until you get only
the survival of the fittest.

Aeden (01:34:56):
Jeez, yeah, there's that, and then also I have the
speaker and mics.
So I was hoping to do monthlykaraoke night.
It'd be cute if we did a themetonight where you can only sing
songs within theme.
I think that'll reallychallenge people.
One of the themes that I hadbrought up to some of my singer
friends was we should do a nightwhere you sing karaoke but you
can only sing songs given to youby other people, and I was like

(01:35:18):
oh, we've done that before that.
Yeah, that would be so fun liketo really be able to lead into
things that you don't normallydo.
But other people think that youwould sound great on what's
stopping you from doing that.

J.R. (01:35:28):
Now you have the space to host those things.
For me it's the time.

Aeden (01:35:32):
And like it's the time because you're committed to so
many things, yeah no, also it'sbecause, like anytime I sit down
to start inviting folks tostuff, everyone's like, no, I'm
busy and I wasmind.
Then Forget it, but I think Ineed to just commit.
I just need to do it.
Whoever shows shows.

J.R. (01:35:50):
I feel like for those things, if you consistently have
like once a month sort ofgathering and people are like,
oh yeah, they'll start to blockit off, it's part of their
monthly routine.
Now I think there needs to besome momentum built.

Aeden (01:36:05):
Yeah, and I think part of the thing that makes it hard
for me with the most likebuilding momentum around these
things is I live so much furthersouth than a lot of my friends.
Like everyone is like up in LAproper, and so anytime I say, oh
, I can host, oh, but you liveso far and like it takes so long
to get there, and I was likeokay, well, yeah then, and
they're like no.

J.R. (01:36:24):
But then see if the time investment is worth it, meaning
like it's not just a 30-minutehangout, right, but if it's like
a okay, it's like an all-nightsort of six-hour thing or
whatever, I feel like that'sworth it because you have the
space to do it.
I think it's just finding theright people who are available
and want to do the same funthings, right.

Aeden (01:36:43):
Yeah, available and want to do the same fun things right.

J.R. (01:36:47):
Yeah, maybe if I sit down and project plan it out, get a
board and then have thesecertain activities and plan it
out and move it across, I wouldlove to jira all of these things
wait.
But see, you are the coo type,so why don't you just execute on
it?
I could just do it.

Aeden (01:37:01):
So you need someone to tell you what to do or to do it
I think this is like where Ikind of get caught in the in
between being like the C-suiteexec and being the executive
assistant is sometimes.
I just want to be told what todo.

J.R. (01:37:12):
Right, exactly that's what I mean.
So you need to be told to do it.

Aeden (01:37:15):
I don't need to like.
Well, actually that's not true,I do need to.
But sometimes the need can beself-fulfilled, Like I can just
tell myself to do it and I'll doit.
But I think that issignificantly harder because the
only person I'm accountable tois myself in that situation,
versus if someone else, so theaccountability is not there, so
it's harder for you.
Yeah, it makes sense, notimpossible, just harder, more

(01:37:39):
difficult, yeah, yeah.
And like also, I wanted to doarchery for forever.
I've started but I don't get inenough practice or I don't know
where I can go to get morepractice.
It was a lot easier when Ilived in Korea because of the
archery cafe.

J.R. (01:37:52):
Yeah, I was looking it up, there is like an archery range
that's like open to the publicin OC somewhere.
I forgot Somewhere in betweenus two there is one or two
ranges in our area, so I knowit's feasible, but I'll get back
to it when I'm at that time.

Aeden (01:38:07):
Yeah there was one I found where it's like you had to
book it out or something andit's attached to a store where
you can buy archery equipment.
But I was like, let me go checkout the venue first, and so I
actually paid for a trainingclass just so I can be there and
start shooting.
And I was like, okay, so theyhave a separate range for like
teaching and then a separaterange for like people who are

(01:38:27):
practicing.

J.R. (01:38:28):
I think I went to a similar place Maybe it's the
same place you're talking aboutlike twice to do like a
beginner's class.
But then there's another rangewhere it's like people can come
in.
It's attached to a store thathas like a bunch of different
stuff.

Aeden (01:38:47):
And then also I've been wanting to ice skate.
I like taught myself enough togo in circles, like at an ice
skating rink.
Yeah, but am I the best atstopping?
Absolutely not.
You're like, I can go, I don'tneed to stop, right?
Yeah, exactly, I either letlike friction stop me or I body
slam the wall and I was likethese both are viable options to
stop, just not the nice lookingone, yeah, not ideal.

J.R. (01:39:08):
Yeah, man, I have so much to do.
I didn't go into financialgoals or career goals.
My financial goal has alwaysbeen eight figures Exactly.
I'm looking at my little visionboard that says $10 million in
the bank.
That's always been my goal.
If I get eight figures, I'll beset.
I don't need more money thanthat.
Everything else will go tocharity, not my kids, they can
figure it out themselves.

(01:39:28):
Having a family obviously isthere too, but I think it'd be
nice to have that money and thenI could just do whatever else I
want, maybe invest.
I think I need to be like anangel investor in order to get
to that level, but I need tostart first by starting my own
companies and running them,maybe selling them and then
getting into consulting andangel investing.
My main career goal objectiveis to be an author, speaker,

(01:39:53):
coach, and then all my otherbusinesses will be kind of
focused on that Education, media, branding, what I'm trying to
do with this podcast, consulting, and then that will lead into
investing, which is the nexttier of making money.
So that'd be fun.
And then continue learning andgrowing and sharing what I've
learned as a teacher here,eventually becoming a professor
at an actual university ormultiple or whatever would be

(01:40:15):
nice too, but that's like fourthcareer down the line Definitely
want.
Like several businesses, Ithink the cafe like we've talked
about would be like my third orfourth business as well.
The cafe would be break even atmost.
I think that's definitelyfeasible in the next 10 years,
especially like at my currentpace, and then making different
breakthroughs.
Yeah, I'm gonna steal some ofthose too.

Aeden (01:40:33):
Thank you, good luck.
No, I.
One of the things I had told myparents before because they
insisted that I get my PhD wasthat I want to work first, I
want to get experience in thefield and enjoy making money,
and then, when I'm done witheverything and I was like you
know what, let's go back toschool.
Then I'll get my PhD and thenI'll teach at a university level

(01:40:54):
and that'll be like the careercareer that I end on, Because I
don't like at that point, if Ihave my PhD, it's really only
like research work or teaching.
I don't want to lock myselfinto that.
Until I'm like ready to committo just that, yeah, and then
I'll run with that until Iretire Same.

J.R. (01:41:18):
I never wanted to be a professor that just teaches on
studies and academics.
I'd want to be a professor thatteaches from experience.
Yeah, yeah, sure, I have a PhD,but I also have created success
myself, and not researchsuccess, and so therefore I'd
want to teach that way and thereare more practical ways to make
a living off of that.
And then it's once you'vealready made it and you've
achieved those goals, then youcan teach on that.
I feel like there's more groundto stand on in that
circumstance.

Aeden (01:41:38):
Yeah, definitely, and I think there's like a lot of
value, especially as like foryou and me, as there's like a
lot of value, especially as likefor you and me as PMs and
taking our knowledge as PMs andour practices as PMs into a
teaching space.
I think there's been times whenI felt like the lessons were
slogs because it's so much workto get through, but, at the same

(01:41:59):
time, there's no pragmaticapproach to how this was
designed for it to be aconducive learning experience,
and so I would want to leveragemy experience as a PM, working
in different industries withdifferent folks on different
projects, and use that to nowhave more nuance and more
insight into how I, for example,would develop a lesson plan.

J.R. (01:42:22):
Yeah, definitely More practical application and
approach to it.

Aeden (01:42:25):
Yeah, I'll also add one of my goals is to be able to see
you work with a team, justbecause I feel like every time
you talk about how you PM, itvastly differs from how I feel
when I PM, and so I would loveto see like a PM at work, like
even through training.
A lot of our training is likehypotheticals and I feel like
hypotheticals, or likeconditional situations, are

(01:42:48):
always so hard for me to learnfrom because, it's well, this
only applies under thesespecific circumstances.
So I would like to see in thefield your adaptability and your
mindset in approaching a liveset of people who have a very
real thing they need to work ontogether.

J.R. (01:43:06):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
I do have a lot of differentcontexts from, like, larger
companies, smaller companies,large teams, big teams, multiple
teams, singular teams, and Ithink, especially in those
interviews I haven't had one ina while, but it's always fun to
pull out the skills, like theknowledge, but also the
practical experience andmarrying that.
I always like interviews becauseI get to show off how much I

(01:43:27):
know.
It's crazy because theselessons learned don't even come
until one to two years with ateam, and so I have to look back
holistically at how I'veapproached these small little
challenges that you can't evenimprove until three months in
with the team, and so the realvalue comes from having been
like a project manager or scrummaster for six, seven, eight
years and then you're like, ohokay, now that I've worked in

(01:43:49):
these different contexts, I cansee how we can connect the dots
and see those patterns.
So, yeah, I'm grateful to havehad those experiences.
I don't know if you'd ever seeme work with a team directly
unless I go into consulting,then you also go into consulting
and then you can see.
You can like shadow orsomething, but we'll see.
I think that'd be fun.

Aeden (01:44:06):
You just shows up at your job, just stands right behind
you.
Continue, please, yeah.

J.R. (01:44:12):
Or unless, like I, have a consulting company and then,
like you also, I hire you asalso one, you have to learn a
style, or we create our ownstyle and you adapt to it.
Then I think that would be asituation where you would be
able to learn what is somethingthat you've been pondering
deeply or frequently recently, Iguess.

Aeden (01:44:29):
There are a couple different things.
So one is what is my egopreventing me from doing and or
learning?
I think, for example, inworking at the cafe or the
coffee house, most of the time Iwill be much older than folks
who are working there, and sosometimes I catch myself feeling
some level of superiority I'molder, I'm more educated, I have

(01:44:51):
more work experience andbecause of all of these things,
obviously I'm going to work at ahigher efficiency rate.
And so people will look to meand say things like oh my God,
you do so well, oh my God, youlearn so much, etc.
Etc.
And for me it's well, yeah,well, yeah, obviously.
But I also want to humble myselfand I need to remind myself on
occasion when, like people atthe coffee house and I don't

(01:45:11):
necessarily click, is it becauseof them or because of me?
And I think my first thoughtsare always like well, it's
because they're young, becausethey don't get it, because they
don't know like I'm such aresource.
They really should tap intothat and be able to benefit off
of that because I'm giving itfor free.
But then I also have to remindmyself that that may not be what

(01:45:32):
people want or where people areat, and for me to expect that
or to want that is me speakingfrom my own ego and assessing
myself in a way in which I'mvaluing what I contribute to the
team more than them.
And just because they'recontributing differently doesn't
necessarily mean that they'recontributing less.
And so I have had to try tofind ways of checking myself for

(01:45:53):
letting my ego run wild orun-rampant a little bit.
And now I'm wondering, likewhere are areas of my life in
which I'm practicing thisbehavior and it's preventing me
from doing more or being moreimpactful?
That's one.
Another one is really learninghow to use what I know in the

(01:46:15):
positions of leadership.
So, as I said before, I am nowcaptain for our dance team, but
I'm still trying to figure outmy footing here, because folks
are here to dance but at thesame time they don't want to
deal with the admin.
But when I push the adminbecause it's what gets us to be
able to do what we want to dothere's a way to finesse it and
go about it, and I think that'ssomething I'm still exploring.

(01:46:37):
So I'm constantly trying tothink on and figure out what are
different ways in which I cantake what I know and what I can
do to meet the needs of the teamin a way that the team can
receive it as such, like, forexample, I've definitely gotten
feedback that, like I can speaktoo harshly to some folks or
that I am expecting too much.

(01:46:58):
So our space is for me toreally reconsider.
How am I going about this?
What is the intention, what isthe purpose?
And if that intention is notbeing felt, how can I adjust to
make sure it is?
So if I'm saying I'm doing thisfor the team, but someone on
the team is saying I don't likeit, then is it really for the
team?
And I think that's like thebalance I'm trying to strike,

(01:47:19):
because you also can't pleaseeverybody.
So what's like the nice mediumof I'm doing my best to meet the
needs of the team but at thesame time, I'm putting it in a
way that is receivable by mostof the team and is still honest
to who I am Makes sense.

J.R. (01:47:34):
You can't please everyone.
There probably is a most idealbalance or medium between those
two that I feel like.
Maybe just take some exploringand constant iterating and
feedback to get to that point.

Aeden (01:47:49):
Yeah, and I think that's hard because I have taken some
practices from you and a lot ofour discussions and trying to
get feedback from folks bysetting up retros and having
like open conversation withfolks.
But sometimes folks just don'twant to give feedback.
They're like I have nothing tosay and I was like okay, cool,
and then like still trying tofind a way to learn and grow

(01:48:09):
through that and I think thatkind of like from lack of
feedback.
Yeah, like, how can I find waysto still do better without
people telling me what I'm doingwell and what I'm not doing
well?
And I was gonna say I feel likethis also segues to the other
question I have when it comes towork is like, how do I know
what I don't know?
Because I've had conversationswith my manager before where

(01:48:30):
he'll say, well, as a PM, youshould go about it this way.
And my response was, oh, I hadnever considered that as an
option or as something thatcould be done.
So that's why I've never did it, because I didn't know.
And I want to try to get aheadof that as much as possible.
I want to be as open-minded asI can, to think outside the box,

(01:48:51):
to really problem solvecreatively, and I don't know how
to work on that skill ordevelop that skill, and so
that's also something else I'vebeen thinking on Lots to think
about.

J.R. (01:49:01):
Yeah, the main thing I've been thinking about a lot.
I mentioned I'm going on abunch of walks.
I'll go to the park and walktwo hours straight, or two and a
half hours cumulatively for theday, to get my 15,000 steps or
whatever.
So I have a lot of time tothink and I'm listening to this
book called 101 Essays that WillChange the Way you Think and it
is a great book, but it issuper dense.

(01:49:23):
I don't know.
Have you ever heard of it.

Aeden (01:49:25):
Yeah, it's actually on my TBR to be read, so it's good.

J.R. (01:49:29):
It's just super dense that there's 101 chapters and each
chapter has 20 points and eachpoint is fairly good, but it's a
point that it's like this onechapter could have been a book
and so no narrative, no story,and it's like drinking from a
fire hose of information, like asemester class condensed into
two days.
Each time I have to stop midchapter and just think about and

(01:49:50):
digest it because it's okay,that was very profound and
thoughtful, but now I can'tfinish the book and I can't
progress because I have to thinkabout the stupid point that it
made.
So it's a good problem to haveand I'm just trying to get
through it and get to my nextfiction book.
So I've been thinking a lot andnow that I'm on these long

(01:50:12):
walks I'm thinking a bunch andit's nice to be by myself and
being a hermit these last fewmonths, much happier being less
on social media.
I have this desire of beingsurrounded by people who inspire
me to be better and make mewant to chase them, and so I
have this like rooted desire towant to have my high volume
friends be the ones that alsoare people who I'm chasing and
who we keep each otheraccountable, because I don't

(01:50:33):
have those people who keep me.
I mean, I'm fortunate enoughthat I keep myself accountable,
but it would be nice to likethat sort of gym bros who go to
the gym and they push each otherand that's how you go further
and farther.
But have that not only in thegym but in life or in career and
projects and other stuff likethat.
And it seems like in most ofthe circles I'm usually
mentoring other people and I'mfortunate to be in a place where

(01:50:54):
I develop myself that I can dothat.
But it would be nice to notalways be the one trying to
mentor or being in that position, but also being mentored by
someone.
Once I get out of this laststage of my life and not dancing
as much and going into the nextphase, I can start to find
those communities where I canfind those people who are more
driven and motivated andambitious and hopefully that'll

(01:51:14):
help take me to the next level.
But I also don't want toobviously rely on someone to
make me get there, but I'm justsaying that I want to be
surrounded by those people.

Aeden (01:51:23):
Yeah, I totally get that, and I think the last time we
talked about this I was likethat's why I love you, because
you're the one I'm chasing, andI think it like echoes previous
conversations we've had before,where I always feel a desire to
identify like a mentor in aspace or someone who I can turn
to and feel like there isguidance or there is like a plan

(01:51:45):
that is beyond me.
There's like a road that goesbeyond what I know and I don't
have to walk it alone becausethere's someone who's walked
this road before and now I canwalk it with them yeah, yeah,
and there's like that concept ofthe 33 percent or like 33
percent of people that yousurround yourself with.

J.R. (01:52:04):
That should be like above you or ahead of you.
33% should be like below youthat you're helping and 33%
should be like at your level,who you guys are both sort of at
the same stage, and so I feellike you in your, your first
episode you're talking aboutmentorship, so you have that
sort of someone that you'rechasing or like someone who's
older than you and moreexperienced.

Aeden (01:52:22):
Yeah.

J.R. (01:52:23):
And we're also in spaces where we mentor other people who
are like behind us and we'reteaching them and I feel like
for me, that's the part whereI'm missing is like my peers,
Because, again, a lot of myfriends who are around my age
don't really necessarily aretrying to build something Like.
I think at least half of mypodcast guests are those types
of people I'm referring to, butI don't hang out with them by

(01:52:44):
volume.

Aeden (01:52:45):
Yeah.

J.R. (01:52:45):
And anyways, the time will be right soon enough, but
that's something I've beenpondering deeply and frequently,
at least in the last couple ofmonths.
Big things to think about bigquestions, a lot of projects to
get these thoughts and work likethoughts and writing into
vocally out there on thisrecording, because thinking

(01:53:07):
about the future and planningand like, like being a creating
a vision for myself is alwaysexciting to me.
That's one of my strengths.
Finder 2.0 have you ever takenthat?
Did we talk about this?
We?

Aeden (01:53:16):
did.

J.R. (01:53:16):
Oh, yeah, definitely yeah, like I have mine on my board,
but it's like futuristicsignificance maximizer, focus
and communication those I'vealigned with ever since I took
that test, initially like in2016.
And so I'm like, okay, I am abig like focus maximizer,
futuristic person and, yeah,communication.

Aeden (01:53:34):
Yeah.

J.R. (01:53:34):
Recommend anyone Take StrengthsFinder.
It's worked out for me, I guess.
It's like a horoscope, but in adifferent capacity.
It's like your MBTI, Exactly,yeah.
Yeah, it's like your mbti, butexactly yeah, yeah, I find that
it's even better than mbti, oreven like the ocean personality
test big five, but it's theocean's the acronym.
Like openness,conscientiousness, extroversion,
agreeableness and neuroticism,that personality test is usually

(01:53:56):
noted to be one of the moreaccurate ones and I think I
mostly agree, whereas mbti islike popular but some people
don't feel like it's a goodrepresentation and I took the
strengths finder test four times.

Aeden (01:54:11):
To my knowledge, did they change?
For the first three?
It did not.
So I took it in 2010, 2012 and2015.
At first because being at ucithat's when like they would give
it to staff for free.
So every chance I got I took itand those were consistent for

(01:54:32):
the most part, it stayed thesame.
I was always number one woo andthen the others would like two
and three would swap, and thenfour and five would swap, and
then like it would go back.
Something like that.
I took it again in 2017, whenwork paid for it and my top five
are completely different and Iwas like, oh, that's wild.

J.R. (01:54:49):
Do you think it was accurate, Like the change was
like oh yeah, that makes sense,I've changed somehow.
Or do you think it was not?

Aeden (01:54:55):
I think at the time I thought it was accurate because
I was like Well, I definitelydon't woo as much anymore,
because at that point in my lifelife I think winning others
over had been deprioritized,just because my goal was no
longer just to win others over,it was to get other things, and
sometimes winning others overwas like a means to an end.

(01:55:15):
But that was a significantshift from when I was entering
college and winning others overwas the end.
I just want people to love mewait.

J.R. (01:55:23):
So do you know what your current one is now?

Aeden (01:55:26):
all right, the most recent, most recent one man I
don't remember what it was.
I think I noted it downsomewhere, but I'll, it's for
sure not woo.
Then you're saying definitelynot woo, that one fell off the
top five real quick.
You don't think you're woo,though, like now, I think it
might be close to the top five,but I don't think it would be

(01:55:46):
top five, and I think part ofthat reason is because at this
point in my life now I feel likeI know the moves to be able to
communicate with people and tobe able to address, like,
emotional needs and instances inwhich that's necessary, but
it's not something I turn to asone of the things that I want to

(01:56:06):
practice all the time.
Okay, makes sense.
Yeah, it's like I built theskill out of need to make sure
that I was like taking care ofthe folks around me, but it's
not the skill that I like haveclosest in reach.
Yeah, that makes sense Like Iwould much rather jira board
something than sit down withsomeone and like their pies them

(01:56:27):
.

J.R. (01:56:27):
but if I need to, I can so it's, yeah, not top five and
not as important as it is, as itwas before, but still there
yeah that's how I would go aboutit but I'll definitely retake
this test and I'll let you knowI want to, yeah yeah, no, I mean
, I I don't know if I'll everretake it because I'm like, okay
, I'm good with my top five,because I think it still aligns,

(01:56:47):
but whatever, maybe I just I'm.
I'd be happy to hear that I'mconsistent.
I think part of me would be sadif it changed, because I'm like
, great, now I got to reshape myidentity of how I see myself,
but I think it's still the same.
Cool.
Okay, we are at like the almosttwo and a half hour mark.
Wow, this is double the lengthof any other podcast I've.
Well, actually, aside from myCabo Modern reunion one that was

(01:57:09):
straight two hours, but thisone is two and a half almost.
So, yeah, this is the type offormat that I've always wanted
to do, so it's nice to have lessconstraints.
I want to wrap it up soon, butdid you have any other last
minute topics you want to bringup and or takeaways?

Aeden (01:57:25):
oh, so many takeaways.
One last thing that I justremembered is something my vocal
coach brought up to me.
But there's this concept offake it till you make it, and he
clocked me for it this pastweek where he was saying, like I
know, we've been working atthis for a number of years now
and I know you want to get whereI want you to get to, so we're

(01:57:48):
aligned to there, but for somereason you're just not getting
there.
Like you're putting in the work, you have the desire, the
results just don't show.
And we were talking about itand we boiled it down to a
question of self-confidence, andhe's.
I think what it is is, when itcomes to engaging with this
vulnerable aspect of yourartistry, you become so

(01:58:09):
self-conscious that you losetouch with all the training that
we've done, with all of yourintention, with all of your
purpose and all of the work thatyou've put in.
And you lose all that becauseof self-confidence and like the
question around yourself-confidence.
And so for me, the thing I'vebeen pondering is like how do we
get through that?
Or how do I get through that?
It's like no matter how muchstudying I've done, no matter

(01:58:31):
how much work I've put in, nomatter how much experience I
have.
If the question ofself-confidence or if there is
doubt and I lose touch to all ofthat, then what's the point?
How can I still hang on to allthe things I've worked to build
when I start feeling doubt?
Or, on the other end, how do Ibuild myself up or build up my

(01:58:51):
self-confidence enough so thatthose questions don't crop up?

J.R. (01:58:55):
If you have answers, let me know.
In that book I referenced the101 Essays there was a chapter
on self-esteem.
If I'm not getting incorrect,self-esteem is comprised of two
things self-efficacy andself-respect.
Self-esteem if I'm not gettingincorrect, self-esteem is
comprised of two thingsself-efficacy and self-respect.
Self-esteem is how you feelabout yourself.
It is a combination ofself-efficacy, which is your
confidence in being able to dosomething, and then your

(01:59:17):
self-respect, which is like howyou feel about yourself, how
much you respect yourself.
That's the two elements ofself-esteem and it made me about
.
That's okay.
If you feel like you have lowself-esteem, maybe you're
missing one or two of thosethings, or maybe it's lower than
it needs to be in order toimprove that.
So I don't know if that helpsanyone else listening to that,
but I thought it was insightful.
Again, that was one of 0.1 outof 20 points of one chapter of

(01:59:41):
100.
I was like god damn.

Aeden (01:59:43):
I just remembered that I did buy that book, so I was like
looking over on this shelf tosee if I had the physical book.
Yeah, I thought it was new butokay, it's not a recent book it
might be, but I also recentlywent to barntown nobles gotcha.

J.R. (01:59:58):
Okay, maybe you did see it .
Yeah, because blessyrecommended to me and also I
heard it on a podcast.
So then I was like I'll justput on my wish and also I heard
it on a podcast.
So then I was like I'll justput it on my wishlist, and then
I picked it up because I hadtime.
But it's a good read.
It's just very time-consumingto go through and I take notes,
so that's why it takes me solong.

Aeden (02:00:15):
It might be on the shelf behind me instead of the one
over here beside me.

J.R. (02:00:18):
Well, I think that should be a good place to end this,
since free, flowing format,unlimited time, don't really
know when to end it.
I'm sure we could talk forhours, of course, but let's wrap
this up.
I feel like for the audience,maybe this episode you never get
this far and maybe this is onlymeaningful to us too.
But if you stuck around to theend, congratulations and thanks
for being here.
Hopefully our musings andreflections have been useful to

(02:00:41):
you or at least just fun tolisten to.
That's a weird thing too.
Just as an aside, like I'vegotten feedback that people like
to watch the YouTube videos ofmy podcast.
My intention for this podcastwas always to be only audio.
The only reason I did video isbecause I know I got to throw up
some like short form, but Iwould prefer people to just
consume the audio.
Go listen to this when you'redriving or working out or maybe

(02:01:03):
no one drives and works out, Idon't know.
I want the audience members whoare like doing something to
listen to it and then absorb it.
I listen to podcasts at the gym.
So, anyways, if you got thisfar, I encourage you listen to
the audio.
The videos will be up and it'scool and everything, but, like I
would want this podcast to besomething you can do while you
do other things and just digestit at your own pace, because
it's obviously long form.

(02:01:23):
I want you to take your timeand absorb it slowly.
So, yes, that is my ask for theaudience, but otherwise, thank
you guys for being here again,for making it past this two and
a half hour episode.
Hope you guys enjoyed it More.
To come Next, my season six isalmost exclusively.
No, that's not true.
At least half of them are goingto be remote recording, so I'm

(02:01:45):
excited for that.
We saw some people who want tobe in person and they can be in
person, but I think this is thefirst season that's going to be
like hybrid, so I'm excited forthat.
Thank you guys for being here.
Be sure to like, comment,subscribe, leave us love in the
comments wherever you'reconsuming this, and a reminder
to always be kind to otherpeople, especially yourself, and
remember that you can alwayslearn something from someone if
you take the time to listen.
So so thanks for being here.
Insert applause.

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#50: Random Show with Aeden Pham - Dieting Tips, Dating Stories, Long-Term Goals, Personality Tests, and More

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#50: Random Show with Aeden Pham - Dieting Tips, Dating Stories, Long-Term Goals, Personality Tests, and More