June 9, 2025 • 67 mins
In this episode, we sit down with the actor and wellness advocate Shweta Kawaatra to talk about motherhood beyond the highlight reel. You may know her as the iconic Pallavi from Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki, but here, she steps in not as a celebrity, but as a mother, partner, survivor, and seeker.
With unflinching honesty, Shweta shares her raw experiences of postpartum depression, the emotional rollercoaster of raising a teen, and how she navigated early menopause—and remarkably, reversed it. From notes in lunchboxes to questions about how to smile in selfies, she brings to life what it means to mother in a world that often demands perfection.
This episode is a masterclass in self-awareness, gentle strength, and transformation.
💡 Why You Should Listen
- You're a parent wondering, "Am I doing it right?"
- You’ve struggled with postpartum depression, burnout, or identity loss
- You’re seeking stories of resilience, healing through wellness, and embracing the messy beauty of motherhood
- You’re curious how public figures parent behind the scenes (spoiler: it’s not glamorous)
- You want to raise your child without defaulting to control
Whether you're a new parent, a seasoned one, or somewhere in between, this episode offers wisdom without preaching, and vulnerability without shame.
⏱️ Highlights & Timestamps
- [2:00] — The love story behind a name: How Shweta and Manav independently chose “Zahara” for their future daughter—before marriage!
- [9:30] — Parenting under public gaze: How Shweta shielded her daughter from the spotlight, and what happened when Zahara-Tabeetha found out her parents were celebrities.
- [14:00] — That ‘fake smile’ in selfies? Zahra-Tabeetha calls her out—and Shweta explains the intention behind it with profound grace.
- [17:40] — “We never fight in front of her. Maybe we should.” The pros and cons of a peaceful home with no visible conflict.
- [24:30] — The power of connection: Why she leaves handwritten notes for her daughter and husband—and how it helps bridge separation.
- [32:00] — Postpartum depression and 5 years of silence: Shweta shares the emotional and physical toll of isolation, OCD, and guilt—and how she found help.
- [46:00] — “I decided to reverse menopause. And it worked.” Acupuncture, Ayurveda, mindset shifts, and the radical power of belief.
- [55:00] — Motherhood as revolution: “To become a mother is the mother of all human revolutions.” Shweta redefines parenting as a sacred, transformative practice.
- [59:00] — Her message to struggling parents: Educate yourself. Accept yourself. But don’t justify ignorance in the name of acceptance.
📚 Resources & References
- Dr. Laura Markham – Aha! Parenting: https://www.ahaparenting.com (A parenting philosophy rooted in connection over control. Shweta credits Laura’s work as life-changing in her early parenting years.)
- Nichiren Buddhism & Chanting (SGI): https://www.sgi.org (More on Shweta’s spiritual practice for grounding and daily alignment.)
- Understanding Postpartum Depression: Mayo Clinic: Symptoms and Treatment
🧘♀️ About the Guest
Shweta Kawaatra is an award-winning Indian television actor, known for her roles in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki, C.I.D., and reality shows like Nach Baliye. Beyond acting, she is a passionate wellness advocate, mother, and spiritual seeker. Her journey has taken her from the spotlight of entertainment to the quiet (but no less heroic) world of conscious parenting.
Connect with her on Instagram: @shwetakawaatra
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
It's not what I'm trying. I'm not trying to shun him away.
Yeah, yeah, you. Just don't know what to do.
You just don't know what to do. Hello beautiful people, and
welcome back to Parenthood, the space where stories of parenting
meet the many shades of personhood.
(00:22):
I'm your host, Neha Gurkh, and whether you're tuning in on a
commute, during a walk, or just catching a moment of breath
while your little one naps, thank you for letting us be part
of your day this week. I have the absolute joy of
speaking with someone many of ushave grown up watching.
(00:42):
Someone whose on screen presencemade a mark in our living rooms
but whose off screen journey is just as compelling.
You may know her as the strong and stylish Pallavi from Kahani
Ghar Ghar Ki, but today she shows up in an entirely
different light. Joining us is Shweta Khwatra, an
(01:04):
actor, a Wellness enthusiast, a Realty professional, and most
intimately, a mother to her 13 year old daughter, Zahara.
Shweta has navigated fame, reinvention, and the beautiful
chaos of motherhood with grace, honesty, and a deep sense of
inner alignment. I cannot wait to dive into her
(01:26):
story with you. Shweta, Welcome to Parenthood
and thank you so much for sayingyes.
Thank you so much, Neha. That was such a lovely
introduction. I felt like I was talking to
myself. Oh my God.
Sometimes I feel women understand women better.
I mean sometimes the. I know.
(01:49):
Thank you, that was a lovely introduction.
Thank you. Thank you.
And I'd love to begin with you. Not your bio, not your rules,
but you. If you were to describe yourself
using only three words or phrases that capture the essence
of who you are, what would they be and why?
(02:10):
I'd say dynamic, authentic, vulnerable.
Yeah. Ungrounded.
Wow, wow. So beautiful and powerful.
You asked for three, I gave you 4 because I just felt the need.
(02:33):
And we are, we are thankful for that.
Let's let's move a little into your family story now.
Can you introduce us to your family?
Sure. So my married family, we have
three of us, a husband and a 13 year old daughter and Maya, I
should say 4 Maya, our pet poodle.
(02:55):
And yeah, we're a nuclear family.
And Manu and I both are not fromMumbai.
We currently live in Mumbai but we made our way into Mumbai with
aspiration and eyes in our very very young 20s and our paths
(03:17):
crossed in our early 20s and we happened to be married now for
the complete 21 years. Wow, yeah.
Yeah, and other than that, I'm from Delhi.
Yeah. My parents are still there.
In fact, I studied a big chunk of my education in Faridabad.
(03:40):
Yes, IA large part of me actually was I, I went to Saint
Joseph's School, St. Joseph's Convent.
Yeah, I, I started roller skating in Faridabad.
Wow. It was a sport which was very,
not very well known in India at that time.
(04:05):
Faridabad brought up many, many national level roller skaters.
I was one of them. Wow, I.
Didn't know this. Yeah, You know, there is a
Community Center. I thought I don't know what what
it looks like. I don't even know if it's there
anymore. In Sector 15.
Yes, I think it's there. It's there, yes.
So we used to go there and we used to skate to Delhi for our
(04:35):
tournaments to our Faridabad to Delhi and back at 5:00 in the
morning to for stamina, you practice.
Wow. So I have very, very fond
memories growing up there. Then we shifted back to Delhi.
That's where originally we are from.
(04:56):
My parents are still there and Itoo keep going.
My roots, parents over our rootsover there.
Mumbai is Karam bhoomi. Yeah, yeah.
And and your daughter's name, Shweta, I have to talk about it.
Zahara Tabitha. Is that right it?
Is that's right, yeah. It's so striking.
(05:18):
It sounds like it carries a story.
Can you tell us how you arrived at that name?
What does it mean to you? How does it reflect who she is?
So Zahara. She has two first names, Zahara
and Tabitha. When I was very small, I really
(05:40):
fancied this name Zahra. And strangely, you know, when
Manav and I progressed in our relationship, when we were
talking marriage and baby. Yeah.
He came up with the same name that he had been romancing for
his daughter. Wow.
So conflict. And after we had Zara, somehow I
(06:16):
think before delivery, this nameTabitha really caught my fancy
and his too. So we were confused.
Yeah, Zara. OK, because you know we had this
attachment to it from SO. Long, yeah.
We always felt like we betrayed the name.
Yeah, beta was like calling us. At some point we realized, wow.
(06:42):
And. And anyway, I had this fancy for
longish names, so I said, let's do this.
So Zahra is is an Egyptian name.It means flower blossom.
It has many meanings. The meaning that resonated most
with us is flower blossom. The beta is Greek.
(07:05):
It means beautiful and graceful like a gazelle.
Wow. And together we realized it also
has a meaning. It means like a beautiful,
graceful blossom. That's right.
So yeah. How beautiful is that and how
does she feel that you know she because it's not very usual to
(07:28):
have two first names and she's agirl with to, so how does she
feel about that? So it's very, you know, I
normalize it for I realized, youknow, that I realized that
Ektosko logo pronounce initially, but eventually, so I
(07:48):
wanted to normalize it for her, right And right from the time
she was born, because we knew what we have gotten.
So as soon as she started going to even play school, I started
telling the explaining this whole process to the teachers.
Every time the teacher changed or a new grade teacher came in
(08:10):
and other subject teachers that and writing to the school
telling them that her name is Dahara Tabita.
So it's Dahara with a hyphen andTabita.
So which means these are first names, you know, like those
surnames out there, right? So there is a hyphen between the
surnames. That's right.
Which means these are two surnames, Yes.
(08:31):
So I started sounding off the teachers and telling them that
when you call out her attendance, please call her as
Zahra Tabitha Gohil. And when I taught her, when we
were teaching her to write her name right, we would write it as
Zahra Hyphen Tabitha Gohil. Give her a child learning they
are uncle long or short Niotao lack of patients were amniotic
(08:54):
as adults or as growing adults. Yeah, not at that age.
They are not thinking Ilambaya chota.
So she always learn to write hername as Zahra Hyphen Tabitha
Goel. So it was completely normalized.
When she was asked questions, she just found it normal to
(09:15):
answer them. This is how it.
Is wow wow. I really did make an effort
towards that. I I am sure you did because.
You know, I didn't want to confuse the child and create a
conflict in her mind. Yeah.
And then come back as. Why is my name too long?
Yeah. The only condom sort of
complaint I got was his zed secure.
(09:35):
I made a roll call last time. Yeah, yeah, I can imagine how
tough it must be to just wait for her turn while the teacher
calls out everybody. Else that's for that.
I told her that she can give your teacher an idea.
Yes, yes. So she did that and then she was
(09:56):
very happy because she was. Yeah.
And and Shweta, I'm also interested in knowing that, you
know, you and Manav both are public figures, have been public
figures. So navigating parenting under a
certain gaze, you know, you being public figures has how has
(10:16):
your relationship with each other and with the public
evolved over time, especially with Zara Tabita coming into the
picture? Should I think they just such
home birds and we are just so grounded and how many goods are
(10:38):
and it's also normalized for us.So for us, it doesn't really
matter when we are coming, when we come back home or when we're
talking to each other. We are not actors.
We are not public gaze means public gaze is towards the
actors, right? Not necessarily towards people.
Very few like you who would wantto know the person behind the
face. Yes.
(10:59):
Many do, but not to that level, right?
It's mostly like that actor thing.
When we look at each other, we're not looking at each other
as actors. So there's the normalization and
neutralization of that aspect immediately happens.
Right. And for Zara also, we we never
(11:20):
really exposed her to our profession for a very long time.
Yeah. She had no clue she would in
fact, when she was till about 6 or 7, she's to wonder key.
You know she would she happened to I remember the first time she
acknowledged, but she happened to go to a friend's house who
(11:40):
was her close friend in the building and her her grandmother
watches serials. So she also follows one of the
shows that I was doing and Amanda was doing.
So she was very confused and also we did not give her much
exposure to a television, television.
(12:05):
So she was very confused and that is when she asked them
questions, they were also surprised.
Right. So for the longest time, that
was her exposure. Then yeah, then she would.
(12:25):
It would be very confusing when people would come up and if you
holidaying or going out. See, thankfully Bombay Metrical
Pushtani, right. But only when we go out, you
know, people would want a selfie.
Yes. She didn't think.
But the hot date took to SalviniPushti as a haiku.
(12:45):
Because it's not. It's normal for them.
Right. Later, at some point, she
started noticing and realizing Ki in logo ke pas kuch aate.
So I think we just allowed her to.
(13:08):
We didn't. I didn't work most of the part
of my parenthood I chose that way.
I did for some time. Each was sporadically here and
there. I did.
I never took her to set. Manav happened to take her to
set when we were both sort of stuck, right.
So in those time, most mostly she would be in the makeup zone
(13:30):
or mingling with, you know, people perhaps.
So slowly, slowly, slowly, she got an idea.
But much later, she got an idea.But does she now understands
like? Definitely now, now I would say
babe, after 8 or 9, she started understanding and then she also
started telling us a job. Suddenly buddy fakes smile naked
(13:51):
too. So so I said, why do you say
that? Because you know, I'm genuinely
trying to be genuine when I smile.
Yeah, because I just I think that it's going to be capture
for someone. It's going to be a special for
someone. Yes, but I didn't ask a thing.
But I don't try and be safe. And why do you think I'm being
(14:12):
fake? You know sometimes, but just
catch something that you're not aware of.
Yeah. She said no, because suddenly
you smile. So then I had to tell her that
you know, for me it means that let me give my best smile in the
most genuine way, even though I was not smiling necessarily
before. Because they're going to keep it
and cherish it, perhaps. Yeah, that's such a nice
(14:38):
thought. That's.
Yeah, yeah. And is there?
Is there a parenting philosophy or approach that you and Manav
both align on and as well as disagree on?
Align on Yes, there is one thingwe definitely align on is that
(14:59):
if one is upset with Zahra, bothare not going to be upset with
her even if we are aligning on the what is.
Going to cause of the. Yeah, yeah.
So it's one of us because we don't want her to feel
abandoned. You know, it's can be really
scary and both grown-ups sour over you in such disagreement or
(15:26):
unpleasant. We don't really kind of shout,
shout many, but we are quite mindful parents.
Yeah. So that is something that we
align on for sure and disagree on Sochna Perega.
(15:51):
Disagree. Yeah, Sochna Perega, because
we're quite aligned. And one thing that perhaps I can
call it a disagreement is now it's coming up now to just let
her set her free a little more, which I'm having difficulty.
(16:12):
And Mana feels that, you know, don't be so controlling.
I'm not sure if I don't feel I'mbeing controlling, but perhaps I
am. But it's also comes from the
fear of knowing and seeing what one has with experience.
Yes. And you know your child cannot.
Yes. So wait.
Well, I think that protective thing, that is something
(16:39):
agreeing to disagree, disagreeably agreeing on.
Now I think I need to pull back a little bit.
Yeah, yeah. And your home sounds like such a
peaceful, serene and nice energyplace.
With a teenager around? Not anymore.
(17:04):
So what's what's the energy likeat home these days?
Let's say peacefully here, Zada.Oh yeah.
Because, you know, we Madhav andI disagree.
Also many people becoming so good.
(17:26):
I'm just, I've just come to realize that it is great, it is
actually great for a child to not experience the anxiety of
her parents fighting. Yeah.
But Uske Ek Thor has a disadvantage.
Yeh hai that she will start seeing.
(17:50):
The world is like that and the world is full of conflict.
You step out of the domain and it is full of conflict.
Yeah. I just realised that just for
the sound of it, you know, or when we are disagreeing.
Let's make a see little see. He conflicted home.
(18:17):
Yeah. Some.
Wow, that's, that's like a good,good goal to have, you know, and
like. Abhi Majewski to the downside
dictil, I guess from my child's point of view.
Yeah. Because you know when because
she's a girl and she and Manav'sa 50% bench, he's completely his
(18:42):
50%, he's his complete 50%. So being a girl child and being
a father, their their energies are more synchronized.
The the pan flies here and therea little more with me started
(19:07):
post I think at nines it startedand I understood it.
I said this is a female thing, this is phenomena.
You can add it to their mum. So don't expect this to not
happen in your household. It's natural, I told myself then
and there. Yeah, just brace yourself and
gear up and hold on a strong so.But the downside of, you know,
(19:34):
not seeing conflict that there is too much siding because we
are also 3, right? Yeah.
So the too much siding sometimeshappens from her end.
She feels that, you know, sometimes she's not going along,
that she can get all the one out.
Yeah. So that can happen, but then I
(19:54):
tell myself phenomenon jab Jha 3key family OTA bye.
See you there. Just learning along the way.
That's right. That's right.
But Abhima Sochi, kabhi kabhi, you know, we conflict with
disagreement always. So I'm not going to hold myself
back. Now is a good time because it's
(20:17):
not like we really hold ourselves back.
We just genuinely not trying to put up a face in front of her.
Yeah. Yeah.
But I'm glad that she was. She's not a child who's at least
not be not grown up with this anxiety that my parents don't
get along or they fight too often or they have, you know,
(20:38):
the because they start hearing is that insecurity and they
sometimes can think is it their fault?
Now that she's 13 and turning a new, like least new chapter of
her life, I would be OK, But I'll have to really look.
(21:02):
I'll have to look for opportunities like that.
Now suddenly if Manav is sittingone day and you come shouting
and he won't know what hit him, he will be like, where is this
coming? From Yeah, you're right.
You're right, Yeah. Yeah, but I hope he's he's in
(21:22):
alignment with this thought before you.
He's not. I make sure that he's in
alignment now. I was thinking aloud while
you're asking these questions tome.
Yeah, we'll, we'll send this episode to him then.
Yes, but I'm I'm going to be more myself now.
(21:46):
OK. And I want to also ask you about
those little notes that you sneak into.
I mean, I have I have not seen them for a very long time now,
but I used to see those little notes that you write for Zahara
and as well As for Manav and sneak in their little different
boxes. Is that is that something that
(22:10):
you intentionally thought of or is that how you are as a person?
Just is your love language wordsof?
I'm not like that as a person, just that becoming a parent made
me realize that I have just sat in a bullet train and I don't
(22:31):
know what's the destination. I wasn't geared up for this
momentum and I don't. And I'm the driver and I'm on
the driving seat and I have passengers behind me and I don't
know how to steer this. And so I decided that I'm going
to just learn how to be a parent, else I'll just role
(22:58):
model all the baggage that I come with and that I wasn't OK
with because I was like, the buck has to stop.
And the turning point is here and now.
And I began my journey and I didn't know where to look.
So I started actually at that time, social media had just
(23:19):
about started, but it was so small that Google took a related
thing. So I happened to come across
some very nice courses, one of them being Doctor Laura Markham.
She's amazing ahaparenting.com And I realized much later that I
stumbled upon just the right person.
(23:40):
I made mistakes. Also, I did stumble upon the
ones that said Ki time out Dittoand hold on.
I did those mistakes. But I realized later, but we had
Kaiba police station to. So that's how I think I came
upon these notes because somewhere I came across this
(24:04):
thing about connection. Because 2 year old tantrums are
very real. Yeah.
They just bring out a new personin the child and terrible tools
as they call them. They are terrible.
And they last not just in the tools, they go on to four and
five in a four at least. So I think somewhere I realized
(24:26):
that the any, any time the childloses connection, they kind of
have a tantrum. Right.
And that goes for us human beings.
Even as adults, when we lose connection, we may not know we
are losing connection with the person.
Yeah. And we start having fights or
disagreements or seeing their limitations a little more than
(24:47):
normal. Yeah.
Or feeling victimized. Yeah.
So connection is such an important part of the human
world that then I started reading up more and researching
more and I realized that every time you sleep or you go to
school or you go to the gym, youare disconnected from your
child. Yeah.
Yes, it's called separation. You need to connect back.
(25:09):
And I was like, OK, that's a fewtimes in a day.
Good few times in a day. Every time you step out of the
home or the child steps out of the home, you need to connect
back. Yeah, so so these notes sort of
became my love language to her to let her know that you can
(25:38):
feel connected to me in your heart too.
If if that's the biggest mother or father, that's the connection
of the parent. Connection is the first
connection they go back to. Right.
Teenage with somebody. Yeah, a long time off for me.
(25:58):
Yeah. How old are you?
OK, two. Yeah.
He's 2. Oh, your child is 2?
Yes. OK, yes, long time for you.
Please enjoy it. Always say enjoy what Talia
could be. No, you're such AI, don't know
if you enjoy it. I love it.
(26:19):
Yeah, I love it. I yeah, I am loving it.
I'm loving every moment of it. Nice.
It is beautiful. It is beautiful.
Yes, no doubt, but I wouldn't sugar sugarcoat parenting.
Oh, Oh, yes, yeah. I mean, I think, yeah, parenting
as an act and enjoying that phase, they are two very
(26:45):
different things. Painting is just so hard.
It's exhausting. It's very hard.
It's enjoying there as a as an experience, yes, yes.
But in the moment, there are so many challenges.
Oh. Yes, yeah, yeah.
And you don't get rest. You you are constantly just
(27:09):
moving, moving, moving, moving from one thing to the other.
So yeah. But I.
Want to ask you, Shweta, also, you talked about, you know, how
she's kind of growing as a person and if she were to
introduce you on a podcast like this, what would she say?
(27:29):
Oh my God, she would say. My mother is very boring.
She is overprotective, she's notspontaneous, she's very kind,
she's silly and funny and she's she needs to have more friends.
(27:54):
Do. You more friends?
Yeah. No, I'm happy with the friends
that I have. I I don't feel the need to have
too many. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, at the same time I am friendly.
(28:14):
Yeah. And when I feel that someone
sort of deserves my vulnerability, I just stroke
them in. Yeah.
And make friends. And you know, buddy, OK.
It's a process, right? Yeah.
Socializing is not friendship. Yes.
I said the most friends then. Yeah.
But who do you who do you allow to enter your your personal
(28:36):
space? Yes, is is a selective matter
that way? I don't know why she feels I
should have more friends. Maybe she has a way of maybe
saying that do a bit more than just look at me.
(28:58):
And maybe she's at that point oflife where you know it.
It's, it's good to have a lot offriends.
You have a lot of friends, so. Yeah, she has a lot of friends.
I, I compared to that, I I have a lot of progress.
To do. Or maybe she she needs to
downsize a lot. It's OK, she makes friends very
(29:21):
easily and along the way she's learning.
Yeah, friendships than what it really means, yeah, so.
And and what does life look likethese days?
You've transitioned into real estate, continued to embrace
Wellness, and of course, parent or teenager, how do you hold all
(29:43):
of these things together? I think I'm diverting my gaze
back to myself without losing mygaze.
Yeah. On other aspects of my life that
I have sort of been passionate about parenting A homemaker,
(30:06):
I've decided that that gays has to really come back because you
know, it's such an exhausting emotionally exhausting to
provide constantly provide. It's a burnout, right?
And I, I don't want to keep he patted without looking at myself
(30:30):
because the cup has to be full. So I'm, I'm making a very
conscious effort to because if my parenting has been all about
role modelling in this aspect, it's something that I came to
very last, but not because, not that I regret it, also not
(30:51):
because I wanted it to be last, but I think it was so much more
work that I wanted to do and give my all before I came to
this. Yeah.
You know, because I'm, I've beenvery conscious about the fact
that who my child is, not just somebody who I'm bringing up,
bringing up. Yeah.
(31:13):
I'm very conscious about the fact that what who is going out
there in the world? Yeah.
And what kind of value she can bring to her life and others
through the process of the very grain that she's made of.
Yeah. So that really was important for
(31:36):
me. And that does take so much more
than just time, right? Yes.
It really takes your all. Yeah.
And I think now is just the right time lately, like in the
past one year or so. Yeah.
So I started with sort of starting to work out when she
(31:57):
was about 7. Yeah.
Yeah, I realized that I'm just so you know, my the Gorega
blinder pancake Gujarati. So yeah, doing that, focusing on
back on my career. Yeah.
At 9:00, I saw traits of a teenager, a preteen, and it it
(32:19):
was I I thought very was time, man.
And I said no, no, no, Shweta Gavatra, don't think this is
going to happen at 13 because at13 something else is going to
happen. This is this is happening at 9.
You've given her a voice. Yeah.
You made her fearless. Yeah.
She's going to test that voice on you and at home.
Yeah. So it is difficult for the
parent, but just remember she has a voice and she speaks up
(32:44):
and that child is going to take you to the world.
So just bear it, but don't bear it like a victim, like a poor
ma. Get a hold of yourself and now
start thinking, changing the gaze towards your own self as
well. So it's been a slow process, but
I think this year, last year I just came out.
I just came out, came out of when I say came out, I think
(33:06):
that this self hibernation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And do you have a regular day inyour life?
What does it look like when personal and professional now go
together? So what does what does the day
look like in your life? More chaotic because you don't
(33:29):
stop being a mom and a homemaker.
Yes, I I wake up very early. I think there is no chance that
because I I need some me time. I wake up.
I before I wake up Zara for school.
I just I don't want to have I'm on days if I have you know, my
(33:52):
alarm has not gone off or I haven't heard it.
If I wake up at the same time, Iam like I'm not grounded and
centered. I haven't met myself before.
I meet the world within my. Household.
Wow. Yes.
And that, that doesn't feel very, that doesn't feel very
(34:19):
balanced for anybody. I think it's very important that
I've always kept to meet myself before I meet anybody else.
Yeah. And for that, I wake up early
with the alarm. But that's mana will insist
fine. The mouth, it snoozes.
(34:44):
And then I pray. We practice Buddhism.
I maybe you know that. So it's an integral part of our
life. We just first and foremost, I
just sit and read something and sit down to pray, chant.
And then when I'm ready to sort of, yeah, then to the kitchen.
I just feel that, you know, it'simportant to be happy.
(35:06):
Not like not that relative happiness, too happy, too happy,
anxious, nahi ho, too happy, toohappy.
I just feel that. I just feel it's important for a
child to meet the mother in a more, you know, like the swan.
(35:30):
Yeah. She looks like she's gliding so
easily, but under the water if you look, she's paddling very
heavily. Yes.
And also, it cannot be a freak. Yes.
One has to paddle curiously as amum.
Yeah. But how do you why you're
paddling so furiously? How do you bring that calm and
(35:52):
composure if you haven't met yourself early in the morning?
Yeah. And centered yourself.
Yeah. So for me, it is my practice of
Buddhism and my chanting and forwhatever suits anybody.
And I, I went to depression Nehafor postpartum depression for
almost five years. And that was a very, very, very
(36:14):
challenging aspect of my life. And that's where I, I, I faced
the the aspects of my life that I realized that how can I, I'm a
fighter. I've always been a fighter in
life. I'd battle it out.
I don't cow down. How is it?
(36:36):
Yes, it's tough, yeah. But So what?
What is it that I'm not able to do about it?
And I aspect of these questions is where I realized that there's
something else going on. I was so tough that, you know,
because depression shows in youraggression sometimes in your
(36:57):
behaviour. Yeah, because it's a or or Kahan
has a, right? It's not a pretty disease.
Yeah. So it taught me many things.
Yeah. At the same time, I also learned
to because that I don't have to portray myself as perfect.
(37:23):
Yeah. Get off that.
Trying to be somebody who you'renot.
This is how it is. This is how it is for now.
I want to be accepted for who I am and as I am and 1st I had to
do that. Yeah.
So there were many learnings underneath it.
Yes. Yeah.
But you talked about depression and as a fellow patient on that
(37:48):
journey, I am also very interested, how did you, how did
you put your finger to it that yes, this is what I'm going
through? Was it you?
Was it someone else, Manav, someone else who who brought
your attention to the fact that this is not who you are?
You're going through something. It was a friend who one day
(38:17):
asked me that how are you doing?So I started.
I had isolated myself a lot, yeah, And I was trying to deal
with everything on my own, and Ifelt heavily judged.
And also because I did know motherhood and I was being
judged for knowing what motherhood really.
(38:38):
Yeah, and performing. Performing.
So I started, I think I started judging myself.
Yeah. So I'd isolated and after a very
long time, I happened to meet a friend.
Then she in a gathering actually.
And she said, how are you? So I would have a face.
And I said, Gee, I'm, I'm not fine, but I'm battling it.
(39:02):
I think she recognized it. She she has older kids.
So she said that let's meet. And then she said that, you
know, do you know that postpartum depression is real?
I had no clue what is postpartumdepression?
(39:23):
And that seed made me think that.
Oh, my God. Really?
Could it be? Yeah.
True. Maybe because I'm not myself.
Yeah. I think issues in your life.
Hey, what relationships were sorted?
Yeah. Relationships in some normal
(39:45):
field attack right, But yeah, mymy dog was I think I was just I
was I burnt out my dog at that time he went into depression
also and he could not take the sibling rivalry from the day
Zara and that our Zara entered the home.
(40:07):
He was completely a trained dog.He started peeing at home.
He started marking his territory.
Right. I think he sensed his my anxiety
of not knowing what to do anymore.
Right. And focusing on the child and
you're being protective towards someone else too.
And he couldn't take it. And he started paying crazily
(40:32):
everywhere, every inch of the house eventually.
Wow. And then back.
And thanks to that, no house help would stay.
Yeah. And it was just becoming very
challenging because day or night, like I would hear his
footsteps in the night and recently babies crying for yeah,
(40:57):
feeding everyone and 1/2 hours. So mainly one year I didn't
sleep, plus I kept scrubbing thefloors.
Plus I kept feeling guilty for the fact that how do I clean my
hands because I have to, you know, the same how do I touch
hygiene? I think I just went into that
OCDOCD trip and justified so because I'm cleaning tea and all
(41:22):
the time, morning and night, 7080 times in a day round the
clock. Wow, I've been mad.
I think I've been crazy and I didn't know this outcome.
Yeah, I tried taking help from, you know, the the the trainers,
(41:42):
but I felt judged they would pass on weird remarks at me and
I felt he. But that's not what I'm trying.
I'm not trying to shun him away.Yeah, yeah, you.
Just don't know what to do. You just don't know what to do.
Yeah. But then I just really felt
helpless anyway. But then I decided I'm going to
(42:03):
do what I'm going to do. 3 1/2 years.
I took care of him like that too, with a newborn child with
practically no health help because in a year and a half I
had 22 who came and went, which in itself was like a crazy
ordeal. Yes.
I sometimes said it, I don't want anybody 24 hours, I'll tell
(42:25):
myself halt your life. No need to go out.
It's OK. Yeah, at least get control of
the kitchen and things happeningin the right in the in a timely.
Right. That is when it just went into
hibernation. I decided he after 1 1/2 years
that I need to be on top of this.
(42:46):
I need to take charge of the basic basics of the life, right?
You know, because you dependent.When I took charge, I was more
myself, but I think by then my hormones, they're supposed to
sort of retrieve back, or I don't know what you call it.
(43:11):
Also, I realized very recently that my perimenopause started at
that time, so no wonder it was acrazy time of my life.
Yeah. But nobody's talking about.
It yes. So my depression was the cause
(43:31):
of perimenopause. My hormone is depleting and
yeah. And a.
Newborn. Yeah, yeah.
And and you know how they say ittakes a village to raise a
child? But yeah, it just, it just
(43:53):
sounds so isolating. That journey can be so isolating
for some people. What does your village look like
now and what it looked like at that point of time when you were
so alone? And how did you muster up the
village? So I think I decided to become
(44:14):
the village. My husband had to work.
And that is not a point of conflict in my mind, right?
It never was. Yeah.
And the wife who's like you set quote there.
I'll set quote here. Yeah.
Goodnight, Buddega. Right.
At the same time, Neha, I've been a working woman all my
life. Yeah, like all my all my adult
(44:35):
life, actually. Yeah, yeah.
I am that. I'm a very nurturing person, so
there was no fight in my head about sitting at home, but the
fight was within. There was this other me that
said up to me. Yeah.
Karna Barega and that cell almost like imprisoned within my
(44:58):
own body. Yeah.
Then why do I have to fight thisalone?
At the same time, I'm aware thathe's got and the nature of our
world doesn't have him come backat 7:00.
Eight o'clock. Yeah.
Or have a Sunday or a Saturday off.
Yeah. He's got to work.
Yeah. So when there was no issue with
(45:20):
that understanding what there was this other cell which meant
that which which was like, why should you do everything?
Yeah. And that conflict was terrible.
Yeah, within, but I think it wasjust very when it was only if
someone can tell you now there'ssomething which is not OK with
(45:42):
you. And this is this is what it is.
Yeah. 1 is OK to fight it out, but when one doesn't know why is
1 behaving? Because there is a voice which
you know is very clear in understanding.
You understand your role. You understand it's not going to
be forever. Yeah.
From the end of the hour, yet there is a conflict.
It is very confusing. Yeah.
(46:04):
Then you wonder who which one are you?
Yes, yes. And then there are many
sometimes. Yeah, yeah.
And you start other like in addition to resenting the other
person, you start resenting yourself.
Yeah, we're thinking that way, that how when did I become this
person that I'm thinking this way about my partner.
(46:24):
And you know, it's, it's just that.
Just angered me a lot. I became very angry.
Yeah. And then I don't know what you
asked me, but I just. We were just talking about your
postpartum depression journey. And yes, and now my my next
question in that is that I thinkthat's what you were coming to
(46:45):
also. How did you come out of it?
I'm trying to. I'm trying to.
It's such an important question,and there's no simple answer.
Yeah, there's one thing that I held on to was actually my
(47:11):
practice of Buddhism. Yeah.
It's actually a philosophy that teaches us to to just also care
for other human beings. Yes, and I wouldn't say we count
still anybody, but also be interested in other people's
(47:31):
struggles and their suffering and sort of see them and need
them from, need them where they are and help them move forward.
Yes. I never like doing that, no
matter how tough my life became.And somewhere that gave me the
(47:56):
somewhere that I think I didn't get swallowed by my pain.
It gripped me, but not hard enough that I give up.
And there began my journey of wanting to sort of come out of
(48:17):
it. Every year I would have a new
revelation. When Zahra was one, I realized I
have depression. I also realized that the need of
the hour is to meet. It took me two months to go to a
psychiatrist. I've never been to 1.
I didn't know. How do you go to 1?
(48:38):
My mind would say you don't needto, You can deal with it.
But then I just two months. I really, really, really, really
reflected and contemplated. And I said, yeah, Hogan, you
would say. I told my husband, I don't think
it's easy for a person undergoing depression to take
herself for himself. You take me even on the day I
(49:01):
tell you not, maybe I'll tell you I'd understood about
depression, that it's very peculiar.
And I said, maybe on the day when we are going, I'm going to
chicken out. But you take charge.
Don't go by my comfort. Because, you know, he was also
thinking she should be comfortable if she doesn't want
to let me. So I said, no, you take charge,
take control of this. And so I asked, I took control
(49:24):
about you, and you weren't sure.So I think the OCD started
showing its dignified aspects. Yeah, the other side of the
coin. Yeah.
But I had an objective view to what I was being.
You know what? I.
Yes. Subject also I was also the I
had a bird's eye view yes to my own life, and that's exactly how
(49:45):
it happened and we fixed it. I knew I'm I was ready, but then
I wanted to chicken out, but then I chickened out and then I
was just hoping that she's goingto.
Yeah. Do and remember that's how it
started and I think the first day when I met a psychiatrist,
she heard me and the first time I heard that it's you.
(50:08):
What you're going through is normal up till now.
Too many series. Sunatha but lower Napco gharmini
but bhar SE play judgments. You need to change.
Don't you know? Look at the energy you're
sending to your child. Yeah, it's money, but that's OK
to ma ho. It's not really so much tea.
That made me go more into guilt.Anyway, so the long to cut the
(50:31):
Long story short, I did go on medication because I was really
under stress. So yeah, I need her, but not to
test me. Yoga hormone cortisol was so
high perhaps? Yeah.
I went on to medication and it was frightening because I
started sleeping too much. Karmico Hailey I first day I
didn't wake up to my child's cries that put me in a frenzy.
(50:54):
It's like I'm not doing this. But then soon enough, I think
wisdom prevailed because there was this part of me that was
constantly also caring for strangers.
Yeah. That objective view to my own
life constantly. Yeah.
So while I wanted to be swollen by my own pain, I only didn't
(51:16):
allow it and I took the medication for about 9 months
only to realize that it's helpedme but it's going to just make
me keep it at that because if I'm off with him, doctor would
be in it off I would go back-to-back to square one.
I realized I have to find a more.
(51:41):
It can get better. Right what?
You feel you do when you are on medication, you you do feel a
little normal. Your thinking capacity changes,
your perspectives change. Yeah.
Now try and figure out what are the most natural ways to get
your body kicking in. Yes, your body is like a
pharmaceutical company. How do you do it?
(52:02):
Yeah. I think that the the perspective
to when you are suffering to getthat perspective, it was the
most beautiful aspect. And I think that is where I
became very ambitious about how to do it.
And then I tried various, various, various lot of various
ways. I wean myself off with my
(52:23):
doctor's permission, against herwishes, but with her permission,
I it took me 3 months to wean off and then went back into the
spiral. Then I found probiotics that
gave me little more thinking capacity, normal thinking
capacity to find a large aspect,actually a lot of thinking
(52:45):
capacity. Then I found, I have heard that
I found acupuncture. I think my life just started to
flow. I was so sure that there is a
way without putting my brain to sleep.
Medicine helps. I wouldn't say it doesn't help,
but I didn't want to stick to just that kind of help.
(53:06):
I wanted my own body to work foritself rather than becoming
dependent. So for me, I realized there has
to be a better thing. And that belief in myself, that
belief in my body and my body supported, you know, body has
its own wisdom. When you respect and appreciate
(53:27):
by acknowledging it, it respondsto you.
So and likewise, the environmentresponds too.
And I did find people from out of my environment and
acupuncture worked for me. I will not say acupuncture
necessarily works. Yes, I'd say nothing works
(53:48):
unless you have that inner determination and that inner
genuine, authentic need to find a more organic resolution to
(54:08):
things. I had that and that's that's
great. That's how it unfolded for me.
Yeah. And acupuncture did just that.
It helped me to realize that howit just it's not too immune.
Kidney functions, not spleen function, not pancreas, not
(54:30):
liver, not everything has sloweddown.
And the doctor told me that everything will function without
medication. And during this time, just
before I went to the acupuncturist, I also menopaused
so. And all of a sudden now I have
no idea why I'm not getting my periods.
(54:51):
I'm not expecting this to happenat 40.
Yeah. I said by the way, I've been so
naive. I'm not sure if you're stressed
me in today's world, maybe maybemost people will not be.
But 1013 years ago there was no inlet into an understanding
(55:12):
about yeah, who can I just understanding that it's
depression. So my periods regret to my care
Doctor said Tescara look Tescara.
So, she said. You menopause.
I'm like, what? I wasn't ready for it.
(55:32):
Yeah. And menopause kisat or normalize
horiti a lot more. I was escaping seeing the hot
flashes. Yeah.
I didn't want to acknowledge them, but then I realized that
that's it. Do you know, Neha, I, I just
(55:54):
decided I just made-up. I simply made-up my mind because
I went so under my negativity. My negativity had such a grip on
me that I decided that I'm goingto reverse my melons.
What? Yeah, I was so done and sick of
(56:19):
this negativity of my own life. Yet mind you, I have this
overview. I have a bird's eye view so I
was sick of it. Yeah.
And I'm done being controlled. I'm going to pave the way.
And that's how I found this person who their acupuncture and
(56:43):
I went with it and I just flowedwith wisdom, like sort of that
inner knowing that I've got to go there.
I didn't go anywhere recklessly and my periods came back.
Wow. And regularized.
Wow. Like in my 20s wow.
(57:05):
With no hassle, no brakes, absolutely new.
Like new. Like a new reproductive system.
And my doctors were shocked because three doctors, 3 gynax,
I was I was just, I think being over hopeful.
(57:29):
I went to my test, said so, right?
Yeah. I asked one of them.
So I never get my two things. You want to laugh?
She say no. Yeah, I think it was a stupid
question for her, but I genuinely wanted to know.
Yeah, that this is it. I'm done.
I'm done like you just get done one day.
Yeah. So, but now I realize you don't
(57:52):
get done one day, right? Yeah, it takes a while to get
done. But there was no education
there. Nobody educated at that time.
And I'm asking this question. It's a great way to sleep in
education then. Yes.
It didn't happen. I'm surprised how.
Yeah, yeah. Anyhow, I was done for a good
three to four months. It's just that I was able to get
(58:15):
the system working in a way thatit bounced back.
It's not necessary. I was menopaused.
My report said so too. Yeah.
So, yeah, I think I was just disbelief that sort of that I, I
(58:36):
wanted this, this whole, the whole thing about it can't be
just it, right? Yeah, this is it.
Yeah. This is depression.
This is medication. Yeah.
Now take it. Yeah.
Now live with it. Now it's menopause.
I just felt that my life should be in our control, right?
Yeah. But why is it and how so?
(59:00):
Yeah. Sort of led me to find my
answers and a large part of it so that I speak about it, so
that I just want to tell women that all men be curious to
understand how you yourself, your body, your mind, how you
(59:22):
function. Yeah.
There is more to you than you can see.
You may not have developed it yet.
Yes. But it doesn't mean this is it
not? There, Yeah.
Yeah, there is a deeper potential.
Let's not just go by what reality says.
(59:44):
So yeah. Yeah.
I've I've always been sort of a rebel.
I'm glad that the rebellious nature has shown it's more
dignified aspects the other sideof the coin.
Yes, yes. And so constructive and it could
be, it could turn out any which way, right.
(01:00:06):
It could be disruptive. Yes, yes, yes, absolutely.
And yeah, I've menopause now andmenopause again came with a lot
of it's, it does come with a lotof issues.
Yeah. But I've been able to navigate
it so beautifully. The only perhaps very few
(01:00:26):
symptoms, brain fog being one ofthem.
But I'm able to navigate it so beautifully because if it's
brain fog, it only gets me in the present moment to be more
present. Yes. 8 Neurotransmitters don't
work in the brain when estrogen says goodbye.
Yeah. So one really has trouble
(01:00:48):
processing but I'm just thinkingthat it's OK.
I still want to be able to live normally and use this aspect of
my life to bring out the better on it's own to it will not bring
out the better. Yeah.
So I think I'm a rebel with the cause.
(01:01:11):
How beautiful. How beautiful is that?
And I, I, I think it's such AI think you're very, very self
aware. That's, that's, that's something
that you know, it's very striking because I initially
spoke about the peace that comes.
(01:01:31):
You know, you carry this aura ofpeace.
And then while we speak, you realize it's not just, it's a
cultivated piece. It's not just, you know, oh,
it's, it's peace. You've you've worked for it and
you've, you know, you've. Built.
A hustled for it. Yeah, yeah.
(01:01:55):
And what's one thing that you'restill learning about yourself,
still learning about parenting, even after 13 years?
New Face 13 Trust Me brings a new face every child, every time
the child takes a new turn. Yeah.
The the mother in oneself takes the new turn because I don't
(01:02:16):
know how to handle A-Team. Yeah.
So it's a new chapter. OK.
Shweta Kawatra, did you think you've got it?
Let's start a fresh, fresh, opentool.
Nothing written. Now you decide what you're going
to write. But one thing that I have
learned and deeply accepted about myself that it's OK to
(01:02:41):
make mistakes. Yeah.
And through this journey I will make mistakes and I don't have
to be scared. Yeah.
Because I'm a person, if I'm a person, who's going to learn
from mistakes. Also, kya problem with Tumari
Kudlu. Yeah.
Kujan Buchke, Toni Karnevali. It's unintentional.
(01:03:05):
So Kudlu. Yeah.
So I've become very forgiving ofmyself.
Yeah, that's that's. And that's how I plan to embrace
the jeans. That's how actually I have
planned. Wow, wow.
And Shweta, we are coming to theend of this conversation, but I
have two more questions for you before we close.
(01:03:28):
If you were sitting across your pre parent self, the one who was
you know who, who was not a mom yet or and if you could say
anything to her, what would you say to her?
I would say nothing, I would just allow her to take the same
journey all over again. Wow, wow.
(01:03:49):
Beautiful. Beautiful.
And and finally, for all the parents out there who feel like
they're getting it wrong, they're not doing it properly,
they're struggling, what would you like to tell them from where
you stand? Two things.
(01:04:10):
Yes, it's great to say that I want to be a forgiving parent.
Yeah. But I also come from a space of
deeply, intensely educating myself as a parent and really
revolutionising the human withinme to become that parent.
Without that, to say I'll forgive and accept myself would
(01:04:34):
be a crutch and a justification.And weakness always shows up as
a justification. So I'd say to parents, don't
presume that parenthood, which is the most important occupation
in the world, does not come witha manual.
(01:04:58):
But maybe it doesn't come with amanual for you.
In today's times of social media, there are manuals and
how? Don't just scroll, use.
Use these times to educate yourself.
Bring this curiosity, this learning.
Otherwise you'll just learn fromcontrol.
(01:05:21):
Yeah. And to unlearn control is also
an education as human beings, you know, the the to become a
mother is actually the mother ofhuman revolutions.
So please undergo that the this this most harrowing bosses
(01:05:45):
because it revolutionizes you. Yeah.
How else are you going to bring?There are Gonsi values, Joe, AKA
baggage. He values by default.
There you can tell yourself thatI can still accept myself,
because then you can look withinwhen nobody's watching and you
(01:06:09):
know your truth. Yes.
In your most vulnerable self andauthentic self, you can look at
yourself and say, yet I gave it my all and I did my best, not
the outward best. Then you can say that you know
it's OK if you make mistakes. Wow.
But yes, the underlying the cruxis don't be, don't bend by
(01:06:34):
default. Please educate yourself.
Beautiful, beautiful Shweta. Thank you, truly, for your
stories, for your honesty and your ability to sit with the
complexity of life with such grace.
Whether it's navigating the layers of public identity,
building a life rooted in love and everyday rituals, or raising
(01:06:57):
a teenager with curiosity and connection, you brought it all
to the table with a kind of quiet strength that's both
grounding and inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story
with us today. Thank you so much, Neha, it was
a pleasure. Thank you and to everyone
listening, thank you as always for spending spending this hour
(01:07:18):
with us on Parenthood. If today's episode touched
something in you, if it made yousmile, pause, or even reflect on
your own journey as a parent or a partner, I hope you'll share
it with someone else who might need to hear it.
Until next time, I'm Neha Gurg and this is Parenthood.
Take care of yourself. Bye bye.
It's not what I'm trying. I'm not trying to shun him away.
Yeah, yeah, you. Just don't know what to do.
You just don't know what to do. Hello beautiful people, and
welcome back to Parenthood, the space where stories of parenting
meet the many shades of personhood.
(00:22):
I'm your host, Neha Gurkh, and whether you're tuning in on a
commute, during a walk, or just catching a moment of breath
while your little one naps, thank you for letting us be part
of your day this week. I have the absolute joy of
speaking with someone many of ushave grown up watching.
(00:42):
Someone whose on screen presencemade a mark in our living rooms
but whose off screen journey is just as compelling.
You may know her as the strong and stylish Pallavi from Kahani
Ghar Ghar Ki, but today she shows up in an entirely
different light. Joining us is Shweta Khwatra, an
(01:04):
actor, a Wellness enthusiast, a Realty professional, and most
intimately, a mother to her 13 year old daughter, Zahara.
Shweta has navigated fame, reinvention, and the beautiful
chaos of motherhood with grace, honesty, and a deep sense of
inner alignment. I cannot wait to dive into her
(01:26):
story with you. Shweta, Welcome to Parenthood
and thank you so much for sayingyes.
Thank you so much, Neha. That was such a lovely
introduction. I felt like I was talking to
myself. Oh my God.
Sometimes I feel women understand women better.
I mean sometimes the. I know.
(01:49):
Thank you, that was a lovely introduction.
Thank you. Thank you.
And I'd love to begin with you. Not your bio, not your rules,
but you. If you were to describe yourself
using only three words or phrases that capture the essence
of who you are, what would they be and why?
(02:10):
I'd say dynamic, authentic, vulnerable.
Yeah. Ungrounded.
Wow, wow. So beautiful and powerful.
You asked for three, I gave you 4 because I just felt the need.
(02:33):
And we are, we are thankful for that.
Let's let's move a little into your family story now.
Can you introduce us to your family?
Sure. So my married family, we have
three of us, a husband and a 13 year old daughter and Maya, I
should say 4 Maya, our pet poodle.
(02:55):
And yeah, we're a nuclear family.
And Manu and I both are not fromMumbai.
We currently live in Mumbai but we made our way into Mumbai with
aspiration and eyes in our very very young 20s and our paths
(03:17):
crossed in our early 20s and we happened to be married now for
the complete 21 years. Wow, yeah.
Yeah, and other than that, I'm from Delhi.
Yeah. My parents are still there.
In fact, I studied a big chunk of my education in Faridabad.
(03:40):
Yes, IA large part of me actually was I, I went to Saint
Joseph's School, St. Joseph's Convent.
Yeah, I, I started roller skating in Faridabad.
Wow. It was a sport which was very,
not very well known in India at that time.
(04:05):
Faridabad brought up many, many national level roller skaters.
I was one of them. Wow, I.
Didn't know this. Yeah, You know, there is a
Community Center. I thought I don't know what what
it looks like. I don't even know if it's there
anymore. In Sector 15.
Yes, I think it's there. It's there, yes.
So we used to go there and we used to skate to Delhi for our
(04:35):
tournaments to our Faridabad to Delhi and back at 5:00 in the
morning to for stamina, you practice.
Wow. So I have very, very fond
memories growing up there. Then we shifted back to Delhi.
That's where originally we are from.
(04:56):
My parents are still there and Itoo keep going.
My roots, parents over our rootsover there.
Mumbai is Karam bhoomi. Yeah, yeah.
And and your daughter's name, Shweta, I have to talk about it.
Zahara Tabitha. Is that right it?
Is that's right, yeah. It's so striking.
(05:18):
It sounds like it carries a story.
Can you tell us how you arrived at that name?
What does it mean to you? How does it reflect who she is?
So Zahara. She has two first names, Zahara
and Tabitha. When I was very small, I really
(05:40):
fancied this name Zahra. And strangely, you know, when
Manav and I progressed in our relationship, when we were
talking marriage and baby. Yeah.
He came up with the same name that he had been romancing for
his daughter. Wow.
So conflict. And after we had Zara, somehow I
(06:16):
think before delivery, this nameTabitha really caught my fancy
and his too. So we were confused.
Yeah, Zara. OK, because you know we had this
attachment to it from SO. Long, yeah.
We always felt like we betrayed the name.
Yeah, beta was like calling us. At some point we realized, wow.
(06:42):
And. And anyway, I had this fancy for
longish names, so I said, let's do this.
So Zahra is is an Egyptian name.It means flower blossom.
It has many meanings. The meaning that resonated most
with us is flower blossom. The beta is Greek.
(07:05):
It means beautiful and graceful like a gazelle.
Wow. And together we realized it also
has a meaning. It means like a beautiful,
graceful blossom. That's right.
So yeah. How beautiful is that and how
does she feel that you know she because it's not very usual to
(07:28):
have two first names and she's agirl with to, so how does she
feel about that? So it's very, you know, I
normalize it for I realized, youknow, that I realized that
Ektosko logo pronounce initially, but eventually, so I
(07:48):
wanted to normalize it for her, right And right from the time
she was born, because we knew what we have gotten.
So as soon as she started going to even play school, I started
telling the explaining this whole process to the teachers.
Every time the teacher changed or a new grade teacher came in
(08:10):
and other subject teachers that and writing to the school
telling them that her name is Dahara Tabita.
So it's Dahara with a hyphen andTabita.
So which means these are first names, you know, like those
surnames out there, right? So there is a hyphen between the
surnames. That's right.
Which means these are two surnames, Yes.
(08:31):
So I started sounding off the teachers and telling them that
when you call out her attendance, please call her as
Zahra Tabitha Gohil. And when I taught her, when we
were teaching her to write her name right, we would write it as
Zahra Hyphen Tabitha Gohil. Give her a child learning they
are uncle long or short Niotao lack of patients were amniotic
(08:54):
as adults or as growing adults. Yeah, not at that age.
They are not thinking Ilambaya chota.
So she always learn to write hername as Zahra Hyphen Tabitha
Goel. So it was completely normalized.
When she was asked questions, she just found it normal to
(09:15):
answer them. This is how it.
Is wow wow. I really did make an effort
towards that. I I am sure you did because.
You know, I didn't want to confuse the child and create a
conflict in her mind. Yeah.
And then come back as. Why is my name too long?
Yeah. The only condom sort of
complaint I got was his zed secure.
(09:35):
I made a roll call last time. Yeah, yeah, I can imagine how
tough it must be to just wait for her turn while the teacher
calls out everybody. Else that's for that.
I told her that she can give your teacher an idea.
Yes, yes. So she did that and then she was
(09:56):
very happy because she was. Yeah.
And and Shweta, I'm also interested in knowing that, you
know, you and Manav both are public figures, have been public
figures. So navigating parenting under a
certain gaze, you know, you being public figures has how has
(10:16):
your relationship with each other and with the public
evolved over time, especially with Zara Tabita coming into the
picture? Should I think they just such
home birds and we are just so grounded and how many goods are
(10:38):
and it's also normalized for us.So for us, it doesn't really
matter when we are coming, when we come back home or when we're
talking to each other. We are not actors.
We are not public gaze means public gaze is towards the
actors, right? Not necessarily towards people.
Very few like you who would wantto know the person behind the
face. Yes.
(10:59):
Many do, but not to that level, right?
It's mostly like that actor thing.
When we look at each other, we're not looking at each other
as actors. So there's the normalization and
neutralization of that aspect immediately happens.
Right. And for Zara also, we we never
(11:20):
really exposed her to our profession for a very long time.
Yeah. She had no clue she would in
fact, when she was till about 6 or 7, she's to wonder key.
You know she would she happened to I remember the first time she
acknowledged, but she happened to go to a friend's house who
(11:40):
was her close friend in the building and her her grandmother
watches serials. So she also follows one of the
shows that I was doing and Amanda was doing.
So she was very confused and also we did not give her much
exposure to a television, television.
(12:05):
So she was very confused and that is when she asked them
questions, they were also surprised.
Right. So for the longest time, that
was her exposure. Then yeah, then she would.
(12:25):
It would be very confusing when people would come up and if you
holidaying or going out. See, thankfully Bombay Metrical
Pushtani, right. But only when we go out, you
know, people would want a selfie.
Yes. She didn't think.
But the hot date took to SalviniPushti as a haiku.
(12:45):
Because it's not. It's normal for them.
Right. Later, at some point, she
started noticing and realizing Ki in logo ke pas kuch aate.
So I think we just allowed her to.
(13:08):
We didn't. I didn't work most of the part
of my parenthood I chose that way.
I did for some time. Each was sporadically here and
there. I did.
I never took her to set. Manav happened to take her to
set when we were both sort of stuck, right.
So in those time, most mostly she would be in the makeup zone
(13:30):
or mingling with, you know, people perhaps.
So slowly, slowly, slowly, she got an idea.
But much later, she got an idea.But does she now understands
like? Definitely now, now I would say
babe, after 8 or 9, she started understanding and then she also
started telling us a job. Suddenly buddy fakes smile naked
(13:51):
too. So so I said, why do you say
that? Because you know, I'm genuinely
trying to be genuine when I smile.
Yeah, because I just I think that it's going to be capture
for someone. It's going to be a special for
someone. Yes, but I didn't ask a thing.
But I don't try and be safe. And why do you think I'm being
(14:12):
fake? You know sometimes, but just
catch something that you're not aware of.
Yeah. She said no, because suddenly
you smile. So then I had to tell her that
you know, for me it means that let me give my best smile in the
most genuine way, even though I was not smiling necessarily
before. Because they're going to keep it
and cherish it, perhaps. Yeah, that's such a nice
(14:38):
thought. That's.
Yeah, yeah. And is there?
Is there a parenting philosophy or approach that you and Manav
both align on and as well as disagree on?
Align on Yes, there is one thingwe definitely align on is that
(14:59):
if one is upset with Zahra, bothare not going to be upset with
her even if we are aligning on the what is.
Going to cause of the. Yeah, yeah.
So it's one of us because we don't want her to feel
abandoned. You know, it's can be really
scary and both grown-ups sour over you in such disagreement or
(15:26):
unpleasant. We don't really kind of shout,
shout many, but we are quite mindful parents.
Yeah. So that is something that we
align on for sure and disagree on Sochna Perega.
(15:51):
Disagree. Yeah, Sochna Perega, because
we're quite aligned. And one thing that perhaps I can
call it a disagreement is now it's coming up now to just let
her set her free a little more, which I'm having difficulty.
(16:12):
And Mana feels that, you know, don't be so controlling.
I'm not sure if I don't feel I'mbeing controlling, but perhaps I
am. But it's also comes from the
fear of knowing and seeing what one has with experience.
Yes. And you know your child cannot.
Yes. So wait.
Well, I think that protective thing, that is something
(16:39):
agreeing to disagree, disagreeably agreeing on.
Now I think I need to pull back a little bit.
Yeah, yeah. And your home sounds like such a
peaceful, serene and nice energyplace.
With a teenager around? Not anymore.
(17:04):
So what's what's the energy likeat home these days?
Let's say peacefully here, Zada.Oh yeah.
Because, you know, we Madhav andI disagree.
Also many people becoming so good.
(17:26):
I'm just, I've just come to realize that it is great, it is
actually great for a child to not experience the anxiety of
her parents fighting. Yeah.
But Uske Ek Thor has a disadvantage.
Yeh hai that she will start seeing.
(17:50):
The world is like that and the world is full of conflict.
You step out of the domain and it is full of conflict.
Yeah. I just realised that just for
the sound of it, you know, or when we are disagreeing.
Let's make a see little see. He conflicted home.
(18:17):
Yeah. Some.
Wow, that's, that's like a good,good goal to have, you know, and
like. Abhi Majewski to the downside
dictil, I guess from my child's point of view.
Yeah. Because you know when because
she's a girl and she and Manav'sa 50% bench, he's completely his
(18:42):
50%, he's his complete 50%. So being a girl child and being
a father, their their energies are more synchronized.
The the pan flies here and therea little more with me started
(19:07):
post I think at nines it startedand I understood it.
I said this is a female thing, this is phenomena.
You can add it to their mum. So don't expect this to not
happen in your household. It's natural, I told myself then
and there. Yeah, just brace yourself and
gear up and hold on a strong so.But the downside of, you know,
(19:34):
not seeing conflict that there is too much siding because we
are also 3, right? Yeah.
So the too much siding sometimeshappens from her end.
She feels that, you know, sometimes she's not going along,
that she can get all the one out.
Yeah. So that can happen, but then I
(19:54):
tell myself phenomenon jab Jha 3key family OTA bye.
See you there. Just learning along the way.
That's right. That's right.
But Abhima Sochi, kabhi kabhi, you know, we conflict with
disagreement always. So I'm not going to hold myself
back. Now is a good time because it's
(20:17):
not like we really hold ourselves back.
We just genuinely not trying to put up a face in front of her.
Yeah. Yeah.
But I'm glad that she was. She's not a child who's at least
not be not grown up with this anxiety that my parents don't
get along or they fight too often or they have, you know,
(20:38):
the because they start hearing is that insecurity and they
sometimes can think is it their fault?
Now that she's 13 and turning a new, like least new chapter of
her life, I would be OK, But I'll have to really look.
(21:02):
I'll have to look for opportunities like that.
Now suddenly if Manav is sittingone day and you come shouting
and he won't know what hit him, he will be like, where is this
coming? From Yeah, you're right.
You're right, Yeah. Yeah, but I hope he's he's in
(21:22):
alignment with this thought before you.
He's not. I make sure that he's in
alignment now. I was thinking aloud while
you're asking these questions tome.
Yeah, we'll, we'll send this episode to him then.
Yes, but I'm I'm going to be more myself now.
(21:46):
OK. And I want to also ask you about
those little notes that you sneak into.
I mean, I have I have not seen them for a very long time now,
but I used to see those little notes that you write for Zahara
and as well As for Manav and sneak in their little different
boxes. Is that is that something that
(22:10):
you intentionally thought of or is that how you are as a person?
Just is your love language wordsof?
I'm not like that as a person, just that becoming a parent made
me realize that I have just sat in a bullet train and I don't
(22:31):
know what's the destination. I wasn't geared up for this
momentum and I don't. And I'm the driver and I'm on
the driving seat and I have passengers behind me and I don't
know how to steer this. And so I decided that I'm going
to just learn how to be a parent, else I'll just role
(22:58):
model all the baggage that I come with and that I wasn't OK
with because I was like, the buck has to stop.
And the turning point is here and now.
And I began my journey and I didn't know where to look.
So I started actually at that time, social media had just
(23:19):
about started, but it was so small that Google took a related
thing. So I happened to come across
some very nice courses, one of them being Doctor Laura Markham.
She's amazing ahaparenting.com And I realized much later that I
stumbled upon just the right person.
(23:40):
I made mistakes. Also, I did stumble upon the
ones that said Ki time out Dittoand hold on.
I did those mistakes. But I realized later, but we had
Kaiba police station to. So that's how I think I came
upon these notes because somewhere I came across this
(24:04):
thing about connection. Because 2 year old tantrums are
very real. Yeah.
They just bring out a new personin the child and terrible tools
as they call them. They are terrible.
And they last not just in the tools, they go on to four and
five in a four at least. So I think somewhere I realized
(24:26):
that the any, any time the childloses connection, they kind of
have a tantrum. Right.
And that goes for us human beings.
Even as adults, when we lose connection, we may not know we
are losing connection with the person.
Yeah. And we start having fights or
disagreements or seeing their limitations a little more than
(24:47):
normal. Yeah.
Or feeling victimized. Yeah.
So connection is such an important part of the human
world that then I started reading up more and researching
more and I realized that every time you sleep or you go to
school or you go to the gym, youare disconnected from your
child. Yeah.
Yes, it's called separation. You need to connect back.
(25:09):
And I was like, OK, that's a fewtimes in a day.
Good few times in a day. Every time you step out of the
home or the child steps out of the home, you need to connect
back. Yeah, so so these notes sort of
became my love language to her to let her know that you can
(25:38):
feel connected to me in your heart too.
If if that's the biggest mother or father, that's the connection
of the parent. Connection is the first
connection they go back to. Right.
Teenage with somebody. Yeah, a long time off for me.
(25:58):
Yeah. How old are you?
OK, two. Yeah.
He's 2. Oh, your child is 2?
Yes. OK, yes, long time for you.
Please enjoy it. Always say enjoy what Talia
could be. No, you're such AI, don't know
if you enjoy it. I love it.
(26:19):
Yeah, I love it. I yeah, I am loving it.
I'm loving every moment of it. Nice.
It is beautiful. It is beautiful.
Yes, no doubt, but I wouldn't sugar sugarcoat parenting.
Oh, Oh, yes, yeah. I mean, I think, yeah, parenting
as an act and enjoying that phase, they are two very
(26:45):
different things. Painting is just so hard.
It's exhausting. It's very hard.
It's enjoying there as a as an experience, yes, yes.
But in the moment, there are so many challenges.
Oh. Yes, yeah, yeah.
And you don't get rest. You you are constantly just
(27:09):
moving, moving, moving, moving from one thing to the other.
So yeah. But I.
Want to ask you, Shweta, also, you talked about, you know, how
she's kind of growing as a person and if she were to
introduce you on a podcast like this, what would she say?
(27:29):
Oh my God, she would say. My mother is very boring.
She is overprotective, she's notspontaneous, she's very kind,
she's silly and funny and she's she needs to have more friends.
(27:54):
Do. You more friends?
Yeah. No, I'm happy with the friends
that I have. I I don't feel the need to have
too many. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, at the same time I am friendly.
(28:14):
Yeah. And when I feel that someone
sort of deserves my vulnerability, I just stroke
them in. Yeah.
And make friends. And you know, buddy, OK.
It's a process, right? Yeah.
Socializing is not friendship. Yes.
I said the most friends then. Yeah.
But who do you who do you allow to enter your your personal
(28:36):
space? Yes, is is a selective matter
that way? I don't know why she feels I
should have more friends. Maybe she has a way of maybe
saying that do a bit more than just look at me.
(28:58):
And maybe she's at that point oflife where you know it.
It's, it's good to have a lot offriends.
You have a lot of friends, so. Yeah, she has a lot of friends.
I, I compared to that, I I have a lot of progress.
To do. Or maybe she she needs to
downsize a lot. It's OK, she makes friends very
(29:21):
easily and along the way she's learning.
Yeah, friendships than what it really means, yeah, so.
And and what does life look likethese days?
You've transitioned into real estate, continued to embrace
Wellness, and of course, parent or teenager, how do you hold all
(29:43):
of these things together? I think I'm diverting my gaze
back to myself without losing mygaze.
Yeah. On other aspects of my life that
I have sort of been passionate about parenting A homemaker,
(30:06):
I've decided that that gays has to really come back because you
know, it's such an exhausting emotionally exhausting to
provide constantly provide. It's a burnout, right?
And I, I don't want to keep he patted without looking at myself
(30:30):
because the cup has to be full. So I'm, I'm making a very
conscious effort to because if my parenting has been all about
role modelling in this aspect, it's something that I came to
very last, but not because, not that I regret it, also not
(30:51):
because I wanted it to be last, but I think it was so much more
work that I wanted to do and give my all before I came to
this. Yeah.
You know, because I'm, I've beenvery conscious about the fact
that who my child is, not just somebody who I'm bringing up,
bringing up. Yeah.
(31:13):
I'm very conscious about the fact that what who is going out
there in the world? Yeah.
And what kind of value she can bring to her life and others
through the process of the very grain that she's made of.
Yeah. So that really was important for
(31:36):
me. And that does take so much more
than just time, right? Yes.
It really takes your all. Yeah.
And I think now is just the right time lately, like in the
past one year or so. Yeah.
So I started with sort of starting to work out when she
(31:57):
was about 7. Yeah.
Yeah, I realized that I'm just so you know, my the Gorega
blinder pancake Gujarati. So yeah, doing that, focusing on
back on my career. Yeah.
At 9:00, I saw traits of a teenager, a preteen, and it it
(32:19):
was I I thought very was time, man.
And I said no, no, no, Shweta Gavatra, don't think this is
going to happen at 13 because at13 something else is going to
happen. This is this is happening at 9.
You've given her a voice. Yeah.
You made her fearless. Yeah.
She's going to test that voice on you and at home.
Yeah. So it is difficult for the
parent, but just remember she has a voice and she speaks up
(32:44):
and that child is going to take you to the world.
So just bear it, but don't bear it like a victim, like a poor
ma. Get a hold of yourself and now
start thinking, changing the gaze towards your own self as
well. So it's been a slow process, but
I think this year, last year I just came out.
I just came out, came out of when I say came out, I think
(33:06):
that this self hibernation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And do you have a regular day inyour life?
What does it look like when personal and professional now go
together? So what does what does the day
look like in your life? More chaotic because you don't
(33:29):
stop being a mom and a homemaker.
Yes, I I wake up very early. I think there is no chance that
because I I need some me time. I wake up.
I before I wake up Zara for school.
I just I don't want to have I'm on days if I have you know, my
(33:52):
alarm has not gone off or I haven't heard it.
If I wake up at the same time, Iam like I'm not grounded and
centered. I haven't met myself before.
I meet the world within my. Household.
Wow. Yes.
And that, that doesn't feel very, that doesn't feel very
(34:19):
balanced for anybody. I think it's very important that
I've always kept to meet myself before I meet anybody else.
Yeah. And for that, I wake up early
with the alarm. But that's mana will insist
fine. The mouth, it snoozes.
(34:44):
And then I pray. We practice Buddhism.
I maybe you know that. So it's an integral part of our
life. We just first and foremost, I
just sit and read something and sit down to pray, chant.
And then when I'm ready to sort of, yeah, then to the kitchen.
I just feel that, you know, it'simportant to be happy.
(35:06):
Not like not that relative happiness, too happy, too happy,
anxious, nahi ho, too happy, toohappy.
I just feel that. I just feel it's important for a
child to meet the mother in a more, you know, like the swan.
(35:30):
Yeah. She looks like she's gliding so
easily, but under the water if you look, she's paddling very
heavily. Yes.
And also, it cannot be a freak. Yes.
One has to paddle curiously as amum.
Yeah. But how do you why you're
paddling so furiously? How do you bring that calm and
(35:52):
composure if you haven't met yourself early in the morning?
Yeah. And centered yourself.
Yeah. So for me, it is my practice of
Buddhism and my chanting and forwhatever suits anybody.
And I, I went to depression Nehafor postpartum depression for
almost five years. And that was a very, very, very
(36:14):
challenging aspect of my life. And that's where I, I, I faced
the the aspects of my life that I realized that how can I, I'm a
fighter. I've always been a fighter in
life. I'd battle it out.
I don't cow down. How is it?
(36:36):
Yes, it's tough, yeah. But So what?
What is it that I'm not able to do about it?
And I aspect of these questions is where I realized that there's
something else going on. I was so tough that, you know,
because depression shows in youraggression sometimes in your
(36:57):
behaviour. Yeah, because it's a or or Kahan
has a, right? It's not a pretty disease.
Yeah. So it taught me many things.
Yeah. At the same time, I also learned
to because that I don't have to portray myself as perfect.
(37:23):
Yeah. Get off that.
Trying to be somebody who you'renot.
This is how it is. This is how it is for now.
I want to be accepted for who I am and as I am and 1st I had to
do that. Yeah.
So there were many learnings underneath it.
Yes. Yeah.
But you talked about depression and as a fellow patient on that
(37:48):
journey, I am also very interested, how did you, how did
you put your finger to it that yes, this is what I'm going
through? Was it you?
Was it someone else, Manav, someone else who who brought
your attention to the fact that this is not who you are?
You're going through something. It was a friend who one day
(38:17):
asked me that how are you doing?So I started.
I had isolated myself a lot, yeah, And I was trying to deal
with everything on my own, and Ifelt heavily judged.
And also because I did know motherhood and I was being
judged for knowing what motherhood really.
(38:38):
Yeah, and performing. Performing.
So I started, I think I started judging myself.
Yeah. So I'd isolated and after a very
long time, I happened to meet a friend.
Then she in a gathering actually.
And she said, how are you? So I would have a face.
And I said, Gee, I'm, I'm not fine, but I'm battling it.
(39:02):
I think she recognized it. She she has older kids.
So she said that let's meet. And then she said that, you
know, do you know that postpartum depression is real?
I had no clue what is postpartumdepression?
(39:23):
And that seed made me think that.
Oh, my God. Really?
Could it be? Yeah.
True. Maybe because I'm not myself.
Yeah. I think issues in your life.
Hey, what relationships were sorted?
Yeah. Relationships in some normal
(39:45):
field attack right, But yeah, mymy dog was I think I was just I
was I burnt out my dog at that time he went into depression
also and he could not take the sibling rivalry from the day
Zara and that our Zara entered the home.
(40:07):
He was completely a trained dog.He started peeing at home.
He started marking his territory.
Right. I think he sensed his my anxiety
of not knowing what to do anymore.
Right. And focusing on the child and
you're being protective towards someone else too.
And he couldn't take it. And he started paying crazily
(40:32):
everywhere, every inch of the house eventually.
Wow. And then back.
And thanks to that, no house help would stay.
Yeah. And it was just becoming very
challenging because day or night, like I would hear his
footsteps in the night and recently babies crying for yeah,
(40:57):
feeding everyone and 1/2 hours. So mainly one year I didn't
sleep, plus I kept scrubbing thefloors.
Plus I kept feeling guilty for the fact that how do I clean my
hands because I have to, you know, the same how do I touch
hygiene? I think I just went into that
OCDOCD trip and justified so because I'm cleaning tea and all
(41:22):
the time, morning and night, 7080 times in a day round the
clock. Wow, I've been mad.
I think I've been crazy and I didn't know this outcome.
Yeah, I tried taking help from, you know, the the the trainers,
(41:42):
but I felt judged they would pass on weird remarks at me and
I felt he. But that's not what I'm trying.
I'm not trying to shun him away.Yeah, yeah, you.
Just don't know what to do. You just don't know what to do.
Yeah. But then I just really felt
helpless anyway. But then I decided I'm going to
(42:03):
do what I'm going to do. 3 1/2 years.
I took care of him like that too, with a newborn child with
practically no health help because in a year and a half I
had 22 who came and went, which in itself was like a crazy
ordeal. Yes.
I sometimes said it, I don't want anybody 24 hours, I'll tell
(42:25):
myself halt your life. No need to go out.
It's OK. Yeah, at least get control of
the kitchen and things happeningin the right in the in a timely.
Right. That is when it just went into
hibernation. I decided he after 1 1/2 years
that I need to be on top of this.
(42:46):
I need to take charge of the basic basics of the life, right?
You know, because you dependent.When I took charge, I was more
myself, but I think by then my hormones, they're supposed to
sort of retrieve back, or I don't know what you call it.
(43:11):
Also, I realized very recently that my perimenopause started at
that time, so no wonder it was acrazy time of my life.
Yeah. But nobody's talking about.
It yes. So my depression was the cause
(43:31):
of perimenopause. My hormone is depleting and
yeah. And a.
Newborn. Yeah, yeah.
And and you know how they say ittakes a village to raise a
child? But yeah, it just, it just
(43:53):
sounds so isolating. That journey can be so isolating
for some people. What does your village look like
now and what it looked like at that point of time when you were
so alone? And how did you muster up the
village? So I think I decided to become
(44:14):
the village. My husband had to work.
And that is not a point of conflict in my mind, right?
It never was. Yeah.
And the wife who's like you set quote there.
I'll set quote here. Yeah.
Goodnight, Buddega. Right.
At the same time, Neha, I've been a working woman all my
life. Yeah, like all my all my adult
(44:35):
life, actually. Yeah, yeah.
I am that. I'm a very nurturing person, so
there was no fight in my head about sitting at home, but the
fight was within. There was this other me that
said up to me. Yeah.
Karna Barega and that cell almost like imprisoned within my
(44:58):
own body. Yeah.
Then why do I have to fight thisalone?
At the same time, I'm aware thathe's got and the nature of our
world doesn't have him come backat 7:00.
Eight o'clock. Yeah.
Or have a Sunday or a Saturday off.
Yeah. He's got to work.
Yeah. So when there was no issue with
(45:20):
that understanding what there was this other cell which meant
that which which was like, why should you do everything?
Yeah. And that conflict was terrible.
Yeah, within, but I think it wasjust very when it was only if
someone can tell you now there'ssomething which is not OK with
(45:42):
you. And this is this is what it is.
Yeah. 1 is OK to fight it out, but when one doesn't know why is
1 behaving? Because there is a voice which
you know is very clear in understanding.
You understand your role. You understand it's not going to
be forever. Yeah.
From the end of the hour, yet there is a conflict.
It is very confusing. Yeah.
(46:04):
Then you wonder who which one are you?
Yes, yes. And then there are many
sometimes. Yeah, yeah.
And you start other like in addition to resenting the other
person, you start resenting yourself.
Yeah, we're thinking that way, that how when did I become this
person that I'm thinking this way about my partner.
(46:24):
And you know, it's, it's just that.
Just angered me a lot. I became very angry.
Yeah. And then I don't know what you
asked me, but I just. We were just talking about your
postpartum depression journey. And yes, and now my my next
question in that is that I thinkthat's what you were coming to
(46:45):
also. How did you come out of it?
I'm trying to. I'm trying to.
It's such an important question,and there's no simple answer.
Yeah, there's one thing that I held on to was actually my
(47:11):
practice of Buddhism. Yeah.
It's actually a philosophy that teaches us to to just also care
for other human beings. Yes, and I wouldn't say we count
still anybody, but also be interested in other people's
(47:31):
struggles and their suffering and sort of see them and need
them from, need them where they are and help them move forward.
Yes. I never like doing that, no
matter how tough my life became.And somewhere that gave me the
(47:56):
somewhere that I think I didn't get swallowed by my pain.
It gripped me, but not hard enough that I give up.
And there began my journey of wanting to sort of come out of
(48:17):
it. Every year I would have a new
revelation. When Zahra was one, I realized I
have depression. I also realized that the need of
the hour is to meet. It took me two months to go to a
psychiatrist. I've never been to 1.
I didn't know. How do you go to 1?
(48:38):
My mind would say you don't needto, You can deal with it.
But then I just two months. I really, really, really, really
reflected and contemplated. And I said, yeah, Hogan, you
would say. I told my husband, I don't think
it's easy for a person undergoing depression to take
herself for himself. You take me even on the day I
(49:01):
tell you not, maybe I'll tell you I'd understood about
depression, that it's very peculiar.
And I said, maybe on the day when we are going, I'm going to
chicken out. But you take charge.
Don't go by my comfort. Because, you know, he was also
thinking she should be comfortable if she doesn't want
to let me. So I said, no, you take charge,
take control of this. And so I asked, I took control
(49:24):
about you, and you weren't sure.So I think the OCD started
showing its dignified aspects. Yeah, the other side of the
coin. Yeah.
But I had an objective view to what I was being.
You know what? I.
Yes. Subject also I was also the I
had a bird's eye view yes to my own life, and that's exactly how
(49:45):
it happened and we fixed it. I knew I'm I was ready, but then
I wanted to chicken out, but then I chickened out and then I
was just hoping that she's goingto.
Yeah. Do and remember that's how it
started and I think the first day when I met a psychiatrist,
she heard me and the first time I heard that it's you.
(50:08):
What you're going through is normal up till now.
Too many series. Sunatha but lower Napco gharmini
but bhar SE play judgments. You need to change.
Don't you know? Look at the energy you're
sending to your child. Yeah, it's money, but that's OK
to ma ho. It's not really so much tea.
That made me go more into guilt.Anyway, so the long to cut the
(50:31):
Long story short, I did go on medication because I was really
under stress. So yeah, I need her, but not to
test me. Yoga hormone cortisol was so
high perhaps? Yeah.
I went on to medication and it was frightening because I
started sleeping too much. Karmico Hailey I first day I
didn't wake up to my child's cries that put me in a frenzy.
(50:54):
It's like I'm not doing this. But then soon enough, I think
wisdom prevailed because there was this part of me that was
constantly also caring for strangers.
Yeah. That objective view to my own
life constantly. Yeah.
So while I wanted to be swollen by my own pain, I only didn't
(51:16):
allow it and I took the medication for about 9 months
only to realize that it's helpedme but it's going to just make
me keep it at that because if I'm off with him, doctor would
be in it off I would go back-to-back to square one.
I realized I have to find a more.
(51:41):
It can get better. Right what?
You feel you do when you are on medication, you you do feel a
little normal. Your thinking capacity changes,
your perspectives change. Yeah.
Now try and figure out what are the most natural ways to get
your body kicking in. Yes, your body is like a
pharmaceutical company. How do you do it?
(52:02):
Yeah. I think that the the perspective
to when you are suffering to getthat perspective, it was the
most beautiful aspect. And I think that is where I
became very ambitious about how to do it.
And then I tried various, various, various lot of various
ways. I wean myself off with my
(52:23):
doctor's permission, against herwishes, but with her permission,
I it took me 3 months to wean off and then went back into the
spiral. Then I found probiotics that
gave me little more thinking capacity, normal thinking
capacity to find a large aspect,actually a lot of thinking
(52:45):
capacity. Then I found, I have heard that
I found acupuncture. I think my life just started to
flow. I was so sure that there is a
way without putting my brain to sleep.
Medicine helps. I wouldn't say it doesn't help,
but I didn't want to stick to just that kind of help.
(53:06):
I wanted my own body to work foritself rather than becoming
dependent. So for me, I realized there has
to be a better thing. And that belief in myself, that
belief in my body and my body supported, you know, body has
its own wisdom. When you respect and appreciate
(53:27):
by acknowledging it, it respondsto you.
So and likewise, the environmentresponds too.
And I did find people from out of my environment and
acupuncture worked for me. I will not say acupuncture
necessarily works. Yes, I'd say nothing works
(53:48):
unless you have that inner determination and that inner
genuine, authentic need to find a more organic resolution to
(54:08):
things. I had that and that's that's
great. That's how it unfolded for me.
Yeah. And acupuncture did just that.
It helped me to realize that howit just it's not too immune.
Kidney functions, not spleen function, not pancreas, not
(54:30):
liver, not everything has sloweddown.
And the doctor told me that everything will function without
medication. And during this time, just
before I went to the acupuncturist, I also menopaused
so. And all of a sudden now I have
no idea why I'm not getting my periods.
(54:51):
I'm not expecting this to happenat 40.
Yeah. I said by the way, I've been so
naive. I'm not sure if you're stressed
me in today's world, maybe maybemost people will not be.
But 1013 years ago there was no inlet into an understanding
(55:12):
about yeah, who can I just understanding that it's
depression. So my periods regret to my care
Doctor said Tescara look Tescara.
So, she said. You menopause.
I'm like, what? I wasn't ready for it.
(55:32):
Yeah. And menopause kisat or normalize
horiti a lot more. I was escaping seeing the hot
flashes. Yeah.
I didn't want to acknowledge them, but then I realized that
that's it. Do you know, Neha, I, I just
(55:54):
decided I just made-up. I simply made-up my mind because
I went so under my negativity. My negativity had such a grip on
me that I decided that I'm goingto reverse my melons.
What? Yeah, I was so done and sick of
(56:19):
this negativity of my own life. Yet mind you, I have this
overview. I have a bird's eye view so I
was sick of it. Yeah.
And I'm done being controlled. I'm going to pave the way.
And that's how I found this person who their acupuncture and
(56:43):
I went with it and I just flowedwith wisdom, like sort of that
inner knowing that I've got to go there.
I didn't go anywhere recklessly and my periods came back.
Wow. And regularized.
Wow. Like in my 20s wow.
(57:05):
With no hassle, no brakes, absolutely new.
Like new. Like a new reproductive system.
And my doctors were shocked because three doctors, 3 gynax,
I was I was just, I think being over hopeful.
(57:29):
I went to my test, said so, right?
Yeah. I asked one of them.
So I never get my two things. You want to laugh?
She say no. Yeah, I think it was a stupid
question for her, but I genuinely wanted to know.
Yeah, that this is it. I'm done.
I'm done like you just get done one day.
Yeah. So, but now I realize you don't
(57:52):
get done one day, right? Yeah, it takes a while to get
done. But there was no education
there. Nobody educated at that time.
And I'm asking this question. It's a great way to sleep in
education then. Yes.
It didn't happen. I'm surprised how.
Yeah, yeah. Anyhow, I was done for a good
three to four months. It's just that I was able to get
(58:15):
the system working in a way thatit bounced back.
It's not necessary. I was menopaused.
My report said so too. Yeah.
So, yeah, I think I was just disbelief that sort of that I, I
(58:36):
wanted this, this whole, the whole thing about it can't be
just it, right? Yeah, this is it.
Yeah. This is depression.
This is medication. Yeah.
Now take it. Yeah.
Now live with it. Now it's menopause.
I just felt that my life should be in our control, right?
Yeah. But why is it and how so?
(59:00):
Yeah. Sort of led me to find my
answers and a large part of it so that I speak about it, so
that I just want to tell women that all men be curious to
understand how you yourself, your body, your mind, how you
(59:22):
function. Yeah.
There is more to you than you can see.
You may not have developed it yet.
Yes. But it doesn't mean this is it
not? There, Yeah.
Yeah, there is a deeper potential.
Let's not just go by what reality says.
(59:44):
So yeah. Yeah.
I've I've always been sort of a rebel.
I'm glad that the rebellious nature has shown it's more
dignified aspects the other sideof the coin.
Yes, yes. And so constructive and it could
be, it could turn out any which way, right.
(01:00:06):
It could be disruptive. Yes, yes, yes, absolutely.
And yeah, I've menopause now andmenopause again came with a lot
of it's, it does come with a lotof issues.
Yeah. But I've been able to navigate
it so beautifully. The only perhaps very few
(01:00:26):
symptoms, brain fog being one ofthem.
But I'm able to navigate it so beautifully because if it's
brain fog, it only gets me in the present moment to be more
present. Yes. 8 Neurotransmitters don't
work in the brain when estrogen says goodbye.
Yeah. So one really has trouble
(01:00:48):
processing but I'm just thinkingthat it's OK.
I still want to be able to live normally and use this aspect of
my life to bring out the better on it's own to it will not bring
out the better. Yeah.
So I think I'm a rebel with the cause.
(01:01:11):
How beautiful. How beautiful is that?
And I, I, I think it's such AI think you're very, very self
aware. That's, that's, that's something
that you know, it's very striking because I initially
spoke about the peace that comes.
(01:01:31):
You know, you carry this aura ofpeace.
And then while we speak, you realize it's not just, it's a
cultivated piece. It's not just, you know, oh,
it's, it's peace. You've you've worked for it and
you've, you know, you've. Built.
A hustled for it. Yeah, yeah.
(01:01:55):
And what's one thing that you'restill learning about yourself,
still learning about parenting, even after 13 years?
New Face 13 Trust Me brings a new face every child, every time
the child takes a new turn. Yeah.
The the mother in oneself takes the new turn because I don't
(01:02:16):
know how to handle A-Team. Yeah.
So it's a new chapter. OK.
Shweta Kawatra, did you think you've got it?
Let's start a fresh, fresh, opentool.
Nothing written. Now you decide what you're going
to write. But one thing that I have
learned and deeply accepted about myself that it's OK to
(01:02:41):
make mistakes. Yeah.
And through this journey I will make mistakes and I don't have
to be scared. Yeah.
Because I'm a person, if I'm a person, who's going to learn
from mistakes. Also, kya problem with Tumari
Kudlu. Yeah.
Kujan Buchke, Toni Karnevali. It's unintentional.
(01:03:05):
So Kudlu. Yeah.
So I've become very forgiving ofmyself.
Yeah, that's that's. And that's how I plan to embrace
the jeans. That's how actually I have
planned. Wow, wow.
And Shweta, we are coming to theend of this conversation, but I
have two more questions for you before we close.
(01:03:28):
If you were sitting across your pre parent self, the one who was
you know who, who was not a mom yet or and if you could say
anything to her, what would you say to her?
I would say nothing, I would just allow her to take the same
journey all over again. Wow, wow.
(01:03:49):
Beautiful. Beautiful.
And and finally, for all the parents out there who feel like
they're getting it wrong, they're not doing it properly,
they're struggling, what would you like to tell them from where
you stand? Two things.
(01:04:10):
Yes, it's great to say that I want to be a forgiving parent.
Yeah. But I also come from a space of
deeply, intensely educating myself as a parent and really
revolutionising the human withinme to become that parent.
Without that, to say I'll forgive and accept myself would
(01:04:34):
be a crutch and a justification.And weakness always shows up as
a justification. So I'd say to parents, don't
presume that parenthood, which is the most important occupation
in the world, does not come witha manual.
(01:04:58):
But maybe it doesn't come with amanual for you.
In today's times of social media, there are manuals and
how? Don't just scroll, use.
Use these times to educate yourself.
Bring this curiosity, this learning.
Otherwise you'll just learn fromcontrol.
(01:05:21):
Yeah. And to unlearn control is also
an education as human beings, you know, the the to become a
mother is actually the mother ofhuman revolutions.
So please undergo that the this this most harrowing bosses
(01:05:45):
because it revolutionizes you. Yeah.
How else are you going to bring?There are Gonsi values, Joe, AKA
baggage. He values by default.
There you can tell yourself thatI can still accept myself,
because then you can look withinwhen nobody's watching and you
(01:06:09):
know your truth. Yes.
In your most vulnerable self andauthentic self, you can look at
yourself and say, yet I gave it my all and I did my best, not
the outward best. Then you can say that you know
it's OK if you make mistakes. Wow.
But yes, the underlying the cruxis don't be, don't bend by
(01:06:34):
default. Please educate yourself.
Beautiful, beautiful Shweta. Thank you, truly, for your
stories, for your honesty and your ability to sit with the
complexity of life with such grace.
Whether it's navigating the layers of public identity,
building a life rooted in love and everyday rituals, or raising
(01:06:57):
a teenager with curiosity and connection, you brought it all
to the table with a kind of quiet strength that's both
grounding and inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story
with us today. Thank you so much, Neha, it was
a pleasure. Thank you and to everyone
listening, thank you as always for spending spending this hour
(01:07:18):
with us on Parenthood. If today's episode touched
something in you, if it made yousmile, pause, or even reflect on
your own journey as a parent or a partner, I hope you'll share
it with someone else who might need to hear it.
Until next time, I'm Neha Gurg and this is Parenthood.
Take care of yourself. Bye bye.
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