#45: Grace, Guilt, Growth, and Parenting Without a Template, ft. Sharadha Ramakrishnan

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
And how she's like, and she's just three.
She's just three. That's the most beautiful part
about all this. And.
Hello, beautiful people, and welcome back to Parenthood, the
podcast where we dive deep into the real, unfiltered stories of

(00:20):
parents navigating family life and everything else life brings
at us. I'm your host, Neha Garg, and
this week I'm joined by someone whose story I find deeply
grounding and inspiring. Sharada Ramakrishnan Shar was an
engineering leader until recently, and now she's a full

(00:40):
time mom. She and her partner Ashwin have
been together for 11 years, and they've built a relationship on
equity, not just in words, but in the way they share
opportunities, challenges, and parenting responsibilities.
Their children with Who's 5, andElla, who's 3, have already
shaped their lives in ways they couldn't have imagined.

(01:04):
Parenting began for them right before COVID hit, and that in
itself brought a whole new set of adjustments.
And then, with their elder childbeing diagnosed as autistic, the
journey took an even more unexpected and transformative
path. What I love about Char's
perspective is that while she acknowledges the initial

(01:26):
isolation, she also talks about how they're found found their
identity as parents in this process.
Today, we are going to hear about what that journey has been
like. The shifts, the joys, the hard
days, and the moments that remind you why it's all worth
it. Char, thank you for being here
and thank you for saying yes to this.

(01:49):
Thank you so much Neha, it was such a lovely intro.
Thank you. And let's start with a little
bit about you. If you had to describe yourself
in just three words or phrases that capture the essence of who
you are as a person, what would they be and why?
Interesting. Empathetic.
I think that is one thing that even more so than my observation

(02:13):
of myself. I've heard a lot of other people
describe me as empathetic, and Ido think it's a strength of
mine. Passionate.
I think I approach anything thatI do with a lot of passion,
which I also think can sometimesbe a weakness.
But mostly. Is a strength.
And I think lastly, I would say loving, Yeah, I have a lot of

(02:38):
love to give and I think that follows through with the empathy
and yeah, I guess loving all kind either ways, I strive to be
more loving and more kind every day.
Wow, beautiful, beautiful. And could you introduce us to
your family way the Neela and Ashwin?
Maybe tell us something about each of them that makes you

(02:58):
smile instantly. Yeah, of course.
So Ashton and I were friends before we got married.
I've known him for the longest time.
We met in college, we didn't date in college, but then after
we graduated, we decided it onlymakes sense to get married.
So on this on this journey for awhile.
And I think that's kind of what made-up the foundation of our

(03:21):
marriage. We knew that whatever comes our
way, that is friendship that we can fall back on.
And once that's there as a foundation, I think you can get
through a lot of things as a team.
I think the thing that makes me smile about him is he always
says we're A-Team. We approach life as a team.
And that's where I think my ideaabout like being the partnership

(03:44):
in marriage is about equity, right?
At the end of the day, it's likenot equality.
I think it's it doesn't fully capture what it is to be in a
marriage. And I think equity is where we
can spend some more time there when we get to it.
And then they came along in 2019and completely changed our

(04:05):
world. Like we went in as a 5 month
old, we went into COVID and we had to figure out how to, you
know, balance parenting with shelter in place.
Like we were at the time, we were in California and it was
like very, very strict in terms of like not expanding our social
bubble. And so we had to figure out how

(04:26):
to parent him as well as maintain 2 full time jobs, which
is very challenging and honestlywithout supportive workplaces.
And I think you were mentioning when we were talking earlier
about how workplaces can be supportive to parents and how,
and that's kind of where I learned how, you know, there is
a whole parents behind the person that comes to work,
right? And so we learned a lot about

(04:48):
each other at work as well during that time.
And then Ella came along in 2021and she again turned our lives
upside down and she's like the brightest part of sunshine in
our lives. I'm more than happy to talk
about both of them in detail as we go.
But I think the thing that I love about both of them, you

(05:08):
mentioned Veda is autistic and Ella is neurotypical, but the,
the journey we're on is very unique.
It's not just that we are parents of an autistic child or
just parents of neurotypical child.
We're parents of both of them. And helping each of them
navigate the world while developing empathy for each
other has been very, very uniqueand very rewarding.

(05:32):
As a slight example, when I makea snack at home and I tell Ella,
oh, you know, mommy made this thing, this chocolate bar, and
you can have it later on, the first thing she asks me is, is
it gluten free, Mama? So Anna can also have it you.
Yeah. So, so I think like seeing that
developed between the both of them, I think is very special.

(05:55):
Yeah, and, and you've been with Ashwin for 11 years now and I
know equity. You talk about that you it's a
huge pillar of your relationship.
You said you've been friends before you became partners in
marriage, so how has your partnership evolved over the
years, especially since becomingparents?

(06:17):
Yeah, I mean, it's it's not it'snot an it's not an easy right,
right. I think there's a lot of ups and
downs. Even even if you have a rock
solid foundation, that foundation can have like develop
a lot of cracks as you grow up as an individual, as you evolve
as an individual, so does your relationship and all of these

(06:37):
things like curveballs that are coming your way.
I mean, becoming a parent and having a child is already a huge
curveball in a relationship. Like you have to rediscover
yourselves. I mean, just in mind, you have a
kid, right? The two weeks after the child is
born, the sleeplessness, the sleep deprivation, just right.

(06:58):
It's insane. And then you have this journey
of breastfeeding and then you have all of these things that
you have this new individual to take care of and you can't
really figure out what is your role here?
Like how, how do you, how do youfigure this out?
You know, and so you're navigating all of that with the
small human being that's like constantly asking for things you
and you're in a mode of continuously giving, right.

(07:20):
And so between yourselves, you have to figure out in that mode
of giving, when are you refilling your cup and who is
filling whose cup? You don't really know, right?
So that's a big curveball. And then you have this autism
diagnosis. There's another big curveball
that comes your way. And in the midst of all that,
you have a second child. And before we had Ella, before
we knew about the, the aids, I think it's, it was when I look

(07:45):
back on it, I think it was serendipitous for us that it
happened that way. Because I think we would have
considered reconsidered having another child had we known about
his diagnosis, because we would have wanted to give him all of
the importance and the care and this thing.
And we we did probably wouldn't have believed in ourselves of
being able to expand our hearts and love and time to accommodate

(08:07):
both of them. But now I feel like it was the
best decision ever. Yeah.
So I think the hardest part of our relationship was the last
couple of years, you know, the last year, I think we spent a
lot of time, him and I, in termsof like putting time into
ourselves and our relationship to get back to a place of trust

(08:28):
and safety. But I would be lying if I said
that these things did not test that trust and safety, right.
That was on very, I would say wewere walking on, on egg shells
for a little bit, like not really knowing whether this is
going to work out or not, you know, because it, it's really,
really trying. And so I feel like we've gone

(08:50):
through this arc of where the first five years of our
marriage, we did everything, we travelled, we partied, we, you
know, built our friendships, we built our careers.
Like we were super secure in ourcareers before we we had big and
that was one of our goals. Like we want to be financially
independent. We want to be secure in our
career before we have children. And then you can do all of that

(09:13):
and then it can all go out the window and you have these
challenges that are presented toyou, right?
So I think, I mean, I'm happy todive in deeper about the
challenges we had specifically and how we went about like
addressing them. But I feel like I, I just both
of us in the last year have found a therapist that we talked
to and we found that therapy is actually a big tool in our belt

(09:35):
to figure out how to navigate this because at the end of the
day, we relied too much on each other to support.
And when you don't have that bandwidth and the other, you
know, the other person doesn't have that bandwidth to absorb
what you have to say, you're like, OK, where else do I go
now? You know, and then can go only
so far. So I think therapy has been

(09:56):
really helpful for us. And I think this last 6 to 8
months has definitely been on the up again where we're finding
our way towards that trust and safety.
That's beautiful. That's beautiful.
And I like how you acknowledge the fact that, you know, it's
not been an easy ride because it's so easy to gloss over the

(10:17):
details and say that, you know, Oh my God, my life is perfect.
Or at least to show that side. And it's it's, it speaks to your
honesty and vulnerability, I think in that sense that you are
are willing to, you know, acknowledge it and say it as it
is A. 100% I, I feel like there's a lot of stuff we see

(10:40):
online today, especially after COVID, a lot of stuff has become
online, consumption of information has become Instagram
and social media. And that's what you see.
You see other people's relationships, other people's
lives online and looks picture perfect and you compare yourself
to that. And I feel like it's pointless
because behind every one of those picture perfect lives,

(11:02):
there are challenges and you can't be without challenges.
And I think the best way to bestway to build communities and
best way to like inspire other people or have impact on other
people is to share the hard parts.
Like I go back to even when before I had weed, I took a
bunch of like these classes, right?
It was my first kid. So I was so excited about going

(11:23):
to this breastfeeding class and birthing class and everything
was so rosy. They were like, breastfeeding is
the most natural thing in the world.
You know, you know, you know, nobody talked about C sections.
Everyone was like, oh, you know,you're just the baby just pop
out of you, whatever. You know, it's the most natural
thing ever. And then you get to it and it's
like, what? Why didn't anybody tell me how

(11:44):
hard this is? You know?
So I think nobody talks about the bad stuff.
I think more of us need to need to talk about it and we need to
put it out there so people know that they're not alone.
Yeah, yeah. And I, I'm glad you touched upon
the, you know, whole birding experience and all of that.
So let's talk about becoming a parent.

(12:05):
What do you remember most vividly about those early days
right before or and right maybe after COVID?
After I had with yes, yeah. So again that the the first few
months, so Dave was AC section baby and I was in labor for 45

(12:26):
hours. What?
And he was a very big baby. He was 9 lbs, so almost 4.5 KGS
a very big baby. And even that, that birthing, I
remember so vividly how my mom and my husband were there with
me in the delivery room and you know, we had all the stuff like

(12:46):
the machines were all plugged tome, whatever.
I had my epidural going and it was like hour 45.
I was like, I don't know when this is going to end.
I'm just going to like, relax, Like let's, let's see when this
happens. And my mom and I were just
talking about, she was like, hadmy, had her camera, had my
camera in her hand. She was like, I'm going to
document this thing. And we were just like so relaxed

(13:08):
and chatty. And suddenly the emergency
button gets pushed and this whole bunch of nurses and
doctors and everybody rush in apparently like the baby's heart
rate had started to drop and none of us knew.
And I'm just thought the reason I, I cite this particular
incident is I was so naive abouthow serious this all is, right?

(13:34):
Because you see all of the, you see these, you see movies and
you see your shows and you see all of these like women's, you
know, they go into labor, they come out with a happy baby.
Nobody talks about the nuances of it.
So, so I think from then on, it's all been like 1 after the
other disproving the rosy picture we had.

(13:57):
And so the most vivid thing I remember is I had never seen a
breast pump before. And the day after I delivered, I
mean, after he delivered V8, he latched on and everything.
And you know, but, but because of my C-section meds and things
like that, I wasn't reducing enough milk.
And he was a big baby so he needed a lot of milk.
And they brought a breast pump out and they were like, you

(14:19):
should start pumping. And I was like, what, what is
this thing? And I remember, Oh my God, Neha,
I just remember day in and day out, washing bottles, washing
parts. I mean, my husband and I, right?
Like we did this day in and day out, washing parts, washing
bottles, pumping. I would breastfeed him, I would

(14:39):
bump, I would breastfeed him, I would bump.
Then he would wash the thing I would get, I would breastfeed, I
would bump. Then it was just never.
And I was like, when am I going to get out of this house for a
walk? And I think it lasted for about
two weeks. And then we went to get his
weight checked and they were like, you know, you don't need
to stress yourself out so much. He's gaining weight fine, you

(15:00):
know, And but most two weeks it's like, what am I doing?
Like, am I, am I being a bad mom?
Am I being, I don't even know how to do these things.
So I think that's the thing thatI remember most.
And what about Ella? What about her?
So it was the exact contrast, right?
Because I went in for weed with sky high expectations and this

(15:23):
really rosy picture. And with Eli, I had AB back, I
had a vaginal birth. And basically I told the doctor,
look, I do I want to avoid another major surgery.
So if you'll let me do a trial of Labor, let's see where it
takes me. If there is, if we're in any
danger, like immediately do the C-section.
And I went in with such low expectations.

(15:46):
I was like, I don't have any expectations, I'm going to let
it take its course and I think my maturity as a mom by then
really showed through. I went in without any
expectations. Still a 30 hour labor, but my.
Goal. But in one push, she was out.
It was calm. She dressed that immediately
like the lactation consultant came and she's like, OK, you've

(16:08):
got this, there's no need to leave.
And she left. I don't remember pumping as
much. I don't remember all of that
stuff. And it's just the contrast of
being a first time mom versus a second time mom.
And I remember she was such a good baby.
She used to sleep a lot. She used to.
And then I remember little Wade,he was so taken by his sister.
He was like so in love with her.And so it was all, for me, more

(16:31):
than the new baby. It was all about watching him
and that sister. And like that dynamic was really
sweet. Yes, that's what I remember the
most. How old was he too?
Too When? She was yes, too, Exactly.
And and you mentioned, you know,Wade's autism diagnosis as a
turning point in your parenting journey.

(16:52):
What were those? And I'm sure Ella was also very
young at that point of time. So what were those early weeks
and months like for you after finding out?
And how did you process it as a family?
Yeah. So again, that's been another
major learning curve, right. So I feel like with each of
these life experiences with luckily we've grown from it,

(17:16):
we've evolved, we've grown, we've become better human
beings. But when we were in it, it did
not feel like an evolution journey at all.
Felt like we were being dragged through the mud, right?
Because you take this child thatyou think like is, I mean, he is
still perfect in every single way, but at the time you're

(17:37):
like, there can be nothing wrongwith him.
There's there's you know, he's doing fine.
He all of the well child appointments when they ask us to
say, does he have 50 words? Yes, he has 50 words.
Is he walking? Yes, he's walking.
Is he doing this? Yes, he's doing it.
But then the thing with detecting whether a child is
autistic or not is very nuanced think about.

(17:59):
And that's something that I learnt much later.
So we went for these evaluationsand the evaluator would spend 45
minutes with him and have these like random tests, you know,
like of, oh, if, if I show him aremote control car and then the
car is moving, is he looking back at the remote control and

(18:19):
expecting me to move the remote control so that the car moves
again? And I had, I was like, obviously
he doesn't know, He doesn't havea remote control car at home.
Like why is he going? Yeah.
And so there are all these little nuances around picking up
whether a child is autistic or not that we never understood.
So, and nobody really explained it to us because it's a very
hard thing to explain in the 1stplace.

(18:42):
So, and at the at the time they didn't have too many symptoms.
He was still, still is verbal. He was verbal back then as well.
And at two, 2 1/2, it's very difficult to pick it up.
At 3 is when we got his diagnosis after he went to
school. And so it was very, very that
acceptance is a hard thing to come by.

(19:02):
Not the acceptance that oh, you know something wrong with your
child or whatever, but he's different.
There is a there is a if he's going to have a different
childhood than you expected he would have, and you have a
different parenting journey thanyou expected to have.
And what makes it even more isolating in an already
isolating experience is you don't know anybody who went

(19:23):
through this, Nobody, you know, And before then, we hadn't
really talked to anybody that had brought up an autistic
child. We didn't even know what it was,
you know, And so, and you meet with all these providers,
medical providers, and all they say is, oh, yes, your child has
an autism diagnosis. Early intervention is the best
thing. Go talk to therapists.
And from then on, it's up to youto figure it out.

(19:44):
And again, I'm talking about themedical system that I
experienced in, in the US and, and I'm not saying that 1 is
better than the other or anything, but at the end of the
day, I found that parents are pretty much by themselves when
it comes to figuring out what next steps are.
It's a very, very isolating journey, which is why I talk
more about it now. And I, and I try to like help

(20:06):
people understand that there arecommunities, there are people
who are willing to talk about it.
And so that was. Another like crack in everything
that we had built, right, This identity we had built as a
family, the work art, you know, work selves, like how much time
we had to take this child to like different evaluations,

(20:28):
different therapies. How do we figure that out
between ourselves? Because both of us had very
demanding jobs. Who takes ways to which therapy,
who takes a lot to which appointment?
You know, we, we had to figure all of that out and there's all
the more demand on our time, like taking him to speech,
taking him to occupational therapy, taking him to
behavioral therapy. And so at one point you start

(20:49):
questioning why, why did, why dowe have to go through this?
You know, and, and the answer for that came later to me, like
I understood after we went through that journey, I
understood that it's not about why do we have to go through
this and all of that. At the end of the day, if you
choose to have a child, you should be prepared to have an
autistic child. You should be prepared to have a

(21:10):
disabled child. You should be prepared to have
any sort of child. At the end of the day, it's your
child and whatever it takes to help them lead a happy
independent life. But that took a long time to get
to that point, right? Because again, all of these
things are breaking around you like your norms are breaking
your images and everything is breaking around you and it takes
a while to get to the other side.

(21:31):
So that was a very, very, very, very tough journey.
And like to give you a small example, there was a period
where they had severe sound sensitivities.
Ella was in a stage at 5-6 months where she would start
vocalizing, you know, when they're there fighting,
teaching, and he would lose his shit.

(21:54):
He would just cry and cry and cry.
And so there were like, there was a period of 6-7 weeks where
we had to parent them in different rooms.
Wow. Like one parent with one
together, then with the other kid.
And oh God, at that point, Ashley and I were like, what
have we got us into? It was extremely challenging,

(22:15):
but that's what we're past all that.
You know what? What I am really, really taken
by is, are you saying that it has taken you a long time to
come to this conclusion or realization that it's your
child? But I think it's happens, it's

(22:36):
happened quite early for you. It's way this just five years
old. I have seen parents and I have
talked to parents who take yearsand years and years and decades
to come to this realization. And I don't know if they ever
come to this realization or not.So it's quite, it's less than
half a decade of you getting to this realization.

(23:00):
So it's quite impressive in thatsense.
Thank you for saying I still beat myself up about like the
year, year or two that I lost injust trying to like
intellectualize this or like think about why, why, why, why
find the cause, find the dissenter.
I'm like, no, at the end of the day, like I know it.

(23:20):
It took me a while to also educate myself about the
autistic brain and that it's a different neuro type that you
can't. You can't ask why my brain is a
certain way, same way you can't ask why his brain is a certain
way. He just is who he is.
Yeah. And so all that education and
the acceptance and everything has taken a while, but I still
beat myself up about that. I was like, maybe if I hadn't

(23:41):
spent so much time just wasting time those two years, maybe I
could have given more to my child, You know, maybe I could
have focused more on him and notmade it about me because that
this is kind of what I've realized.
It's not about me at all. It's about, it's about giving
him a happy, happy childhood andenjoying him.
And maybe if I hadn't spent so much time on myself those couple

(24:06):
of years where I could have enjoyed him more, I could have
enjoyed a lot more, you know? So that's, you know, this is the
thing about could have, would have, should have that you can
go beating yourself up about that.
But The thing is that sadly or happily that you can't really go
and change the past. So what has happened has
happened and I'm just so glad that kind of are, you know, at a

(24:30):
point in your journey where you can just look back and say that,
OK, this is what is, this is what it is.
And, you know, we have to make the most of what it is.
And I'm also very interested to know, you know, what was what
was what brought upon the diagnosis?

(24:50):
You've spoken about it, you've touched upon it, you know, a
little briefly saying that it was when he went to school that
the diagnosis was, you know, thediagnosis happened.
But what really LED it on? Yeah.
So I think mainly speech was waswas the indicator that that

(25:12):
could be some challenges that hehas.
Because the questionnaire itselfasks things like when you go for
a well child appointment in the US, there's a questionnaire
that's given which says does thechild have 50 words?
Does the child have 100 words based on their age?
And it's very easy to check, check that off because my child
had words, he had academic words, he had, he could label

(25:35):
all colours, he could say the numbers, he could name people
around him. What they're really looking for
at that age is whether they havefunctional communication.
Is the child saying thing like when Ela was born is when and I
understood, right? Is it social, social
communication? Do they have like for example,
Mama, look, there's an airplane or Mama, look at this flower.

(25:56):
It's the same flower that was there in grandma's house.
So things like that, you know, that's what children are trying
to establish joint attention with people that they love, you
know, people that they care about.
They're saying, oh, look at thisthing that I'm finding joy from.
I want you also to look at it sothat you can share in my joy,
right? And that's what hard concept to

(26:18):
explain to a new parent of what is communication, what is social
communication. So when he went to school, even
though at home he was expressingall his needs and wants to us
and he was playing with us and he, we used to play a lot of
hide and seek and catch and thisand that.
So we, we didn't see any red flags at all.
But when he went to school, he was unable to, in that

(26:38):
environment, talk to his peers or me, communicate with and
joint attention for the most part so that the teacher is
reading a book and, you know, the children are all looking at
the book. And she's like depending on that
joint attention, which is the fundamental building block of
social communication for the children to understand what
she's doing. But they didn't pick up on that

(26:59):
cue at all. He was really looking.
He was didn't even click for himthat the story is being read out
for him and because his peers are looking at the book, he is
supposed to look at the book because that's a cue he has to
pick up on right. So these are the sorts of things
that kind of left track that OK,this child may be having
differences in how he learns howhe perceives his environment and

(27:23):
one-on-one he does great he he'swonderful one-on-one.
But when he's in a group setting, it's harder for him to
notice that. So for example, when the, the,
you know, monkey see, monkey do,right?
When children all line up, when one, a couple of children line
up, other children kind of go and fall in line.
They're all social cues that youpick up.
They're like, oh, this person's doing that.

(27:44):
Let me go do that. Wait, has no such thing like
because someone else is doing it, I need to go do it.
None of that, you know. So I, I think these are all
things that we try to, these arethe things that we try to work
on in therapy. Like how do you pick up on?
How can he generalize imitation skills?
How can he generalize picking upsocial cues in larger settings,

(28:09):
not just one-on-one settings, inlarger settings as well?
And he has like auditory, like the children on the spectrum
have a lot of sensory difficulties, right?
Sensory integration difficulties, so tactile
difficulties like visual auditory.
And so for weed, I think primarily it's auditory where

(28:29):
he's not able to isolate. So when you're talking to me and
you have a lot of different noises around you, we're in a
noisy restaurant, you're still able to pay attention to me.
For him, all of the audio channels are the same volume.
So he's not able to pay attention to what someone is
saying to him. And so in a school environment,
it's very high. He even hears the buzz of the
fluorescent lights, you know, sohe, it's, it's very hard for

(28:51):
him. So these are all things that we
work on in therapy with goals toOK, this is what we want to get.
At the end of six months, he should be able to do XYZ.
So yeah, that's kind of what ledus down that path.
But this is so interesting, you know, just just because beyond
beyond the diagnosis, knowing what brought upon the diagnosis

(29:15):
is just so interesting, even as an intellectual exercise.
Like I am listening to it as an outsider of your family unit.
And I find it so interesting because these are the kind of
things that can be easily missedout.
And, you know, to pick up on that and to say that, you know,
this child has this problem and let me solve that for him or her

(29:41):
is such an such an important part of this journey.
Because it is so easy to just look over these things and just
say that. Yeah, it's, it's a matter of
time or it's a matter of, you know, him picking up this later
in life or something of that sort.
And because it's, as you rightlymentioned in the beginning, it's

(30:03):
so nuanced. Yeah.
So you, it's it, if it's, I mean, I'm just amazed at the
kind of, you know, details this diagnosis goes into to call a
child what he or she should be called.
And then they should be given that kind of therapy, that kind
of treatment. They should be given that at

(30:25):
least that opportunity should exist.
Because if there is no diagnosis, how do you then go in
for that kind of therapy? Exactly, exactly.
I think the thing that you rightly hit upon is it is
nuanced. It's very, very, very nuanced.
And I saw a lot of child children go undiagnosed as well.
Like for him, his biggest red flag was speech.

(30:46):
But let's say he had speech, right?
A lot of children do, a lot of girls in fact, have speech, but
they are autistic and it gets missed because they're social
because and, and what people think is that they think of
autistic kids as very stereotypical or, you know,
flapping their hands, sitting ina corner, not being social.
That's not how autism presents at all.

(31:08):
My, my son is extremely affectionate.
He hugs and kisses everybody he can find, right?
But that's not what you typically think when you think
of it, right? There are some children that are
very, very verbal, that articulate as anything, but they
get missed because they have speech.
They're like, oh, you know, possibly be autistic, but there
are the the I keep trying to like articulate this in my posts

(31:32):
as well. You must have heard, you know,
there are levels for autism, right?
They say mild, moderate and severe, high functioning, low
functioning and all of that. And I feel it's such a
disservice to these children to explain it that way because like
you rightly said, there are so many different traits.
Like if you think of it as a pie, there are so many slices of

(31:54):
the pie that have different traits.
And each of these traits can be amped up or amped down in terms
of like how much the child is finding a challenge with.
It could be speech, it could be sensory, it could be social
communication, it could be anything in the spy.
And it's hard to say low or highfunctioning because low or high
functioning in any one of these things, right?

(32:16):
And they each need individual attention to each one of these
things too. And then it takes a lot of
debugging by the parent and the therapist to find out exactly
what is this child's trigger. If, if this child is putting
everything, which a lot of autistic children do, is put
everything in their mouths because they're trying to
explore their surroundings by mouthing things.

(32:38):
But it's because of a certain things, because of a trigger,
it's because of a sensory need, or it's because of an attention
need or it's because of an access need or something like
that. They're doing it for a purpose
because behaviour is also communication.
And so debugging that takes weeks.
Wow. And addressing it to say, OK,
This is why this behaviour is happening and this is what the

(33:01):
child is trying to tell us. And here's how we can, you know,
help the child. It takes it takes a really long
time. Yeah, yeah.
Wow. This is this is a master class
in itself. You know, I'm I'm just glad we
are having this conversation. Not not for the very, very
selfishly for myself because I'mgetting to know so much about

(33:21):
this at at at, you know, this conversations expense, so to
say. But also tell me something,
Shar, you said that you know in you were kind of you are you're
left to fend for yourself. Once the diagnosis is there in
terms of what is the next step, what is the therapy going to be

(33:42):
like and all of that. So how did you figure it out?
What was your journey like? Yeah, so another superpower in
the autistic community is autistic parents of autistic
children who have walked this path before and who are willing
to share. Right.
So I think my first thing to do,and I'm the kind of person is I

(34:03):
do this with every single problem I'm presented in life.
I go find a community or I make my own community because I'm
like, as much as you can share, you will learn, you know, and
you'll give back to the community as well.
So first thing I did, I went looking for other autistic
children's parents because the medical system is only equipped
to do so much. They're already over.
They're like, here's your diagnosis, go find your

(34:25):
therapist. But then you have wait list.
You have like 6-7 months that you have to wait for therapist.
What do you do in that meantime?Like you know, you're like, OK,
leave intervention is important.But if you wait eight months, 10
months to get like, when does the child start?
And so the I will be forever grateful to the parents who have
walked this path before me and who took time out of their day

(34:48):
to coach me to help me understand how to navigate this,
shared tips and you know where to look for what, who to talk
to. And then finally, they put
somehow I stumbled upon this amazing woman who was doing this
pro bono work of just talking toparents who had newly diagnosed
children, guiding them on what the next steps are.

(35:10):
And, you know, there was like a free master class that you could
take. And that's kind of where my
journey started of like, OK, howdo I even wrap my head around
what this diagnosis is? And then from then on, it's all
everything that I have learned is via other parents, parents
who have walked this path beforeme.
And like, honestly, it's been like the biggest asset to have

(35:34):
that community. And in my own way, I started
building our community as well of other moms who have reached
out and said, Hey, you know, I've seen your posts, I've seen
your, you'd be vocal about this.Like, can we can I just have a
newly diagnosed son? Or they might be struggling with
even getting a diagnosis or getting to an acceptance and get

(35:55):
kind of pushing them to that place where it's like, you know,
you need to do this for your child's sake and, you know,
begin that journey of acceptance.
So that's kind of where I learned most of it.
And then of course, after that it was like a snowball effect of
reading papers, reading other articles and educating myself.
Beautiful, beautiful. And tell me about yourself in

(36:16):
terms of how has parenting, especially in your circumstances
you know, changed who you are atthe core?
Has it changed you in that sense?
I am like not the same person I was 10 years at all.
Like I'm deeply, deeply changed in I think a lot of good ways.

(36:38):
I definitely do think like I called myself an empathetic
person, but after having weighedthe amount of empathy, I like
the empathy is just gone. Sky, like it's skyrocketing now,
right? Like, I can't even imagine being
in a world where you don't understand how things work.

(36:59):
Like why is this thing so loud or why is this thing so bright?
Or why is this person saying this or why is this person
behaving as how scary it must beto live in that world.
And just helping him navigate that has humbled me, has given
me new perspective, has given meempathy beyond beyond reason.
Like it's, it's just like every time someone does something, the

(37:24):
first instinct for me is to say,OK, what, what must they be
feeling for them to react this way?
Or what must they be feeling forthem to instead of anger or
instead of like any sort of reaction, my first instinct is
to think, except my husband, OK,I sometimes get upset with him.
He's like, why can't you show methe same empathy?
But like, that's another story. But I, I think I mean in those

(37:46):
ways, like I, and it's, it's translated so positively into my
work as well. As of last month, last month, I
quit my job. But until then, I was an
engineering coach and I've been a coach for the last three, 3
1/2 years. But even then, before that, as
an engineering leader, my leadership approach was very

(38:06):
much coaching based. And so as a coach, you need to
be on the sidelines, you need tobe extremely empathetic.
You need to be listening. You need to be thinking about
how you can provide servant leadership to people, how you
can like, help them realize their maximal potential.
And for that, you need to truly understand where the other
person is so that you can guide them to where they need to be.

(38:29):
And I speak about this a lot as well.
If I was not the parent that I am and if I not have this
parenting journey, I would not be the coach that I could be at
work and I would not be able to impact the lives of the people
that I did impact at work, you know, the, the engineers that I
did coach. And so for that, I'm extremely,

(38:49):
extremely grateful that, you know, impossible, yeah.
Positive experience. Yeah, yeah.
And tell me, tell me about your Co parenting journey with
Ashwin. How do you guys divide parenting
responsibilities? Can you share some examples of
you know how how this works between the two of you?

(39:12):
Yeah. So that's also evolving, right.
And I think in the beginning we had equality in our mind and we
had interpreted it in very, in avery literal sense.
If I wake up in the night, you wake up in the night.
If I change a diaper, you changea diaper, if I feed you like,
you know, straight down the middle, we split the

(39:33):
responsibilities and we're like,you do this, we do, I do this,
but I, I don't think it works out that way.
And we're seeing that especiallyafter now I'm, I'm, I'm a stay
at home mom full time stay at home, It's even more evident
that I have some strengths and he has some strengths and we

(39:54):
both have to feed off of each other, right?
And but it takes a lot of security and understanding and
maturity to get to that stage because my identity is very
deeply tied with the person I amat work.
My career is extremely importantto me.
And it's taken me a long time toget to this point where I'm
like, no, the thing that I'm actually should be doing right

(40:14):
now is focus on. Focus on my family.
And the reason I did this is because I'm home schooling with
yeah, which is why I took the took the break in the 1st place.
And I was like, no, this is everything that I've done so far
has prepared me for this moment.It's for me.
In my head. Previously it was like, no, it's
preparing me for my next big thing in my career, but I truly

(40:37):
do believe it's prepared me. All the things that I went
through, even my in professionallife has prepared me for this
moment right to, for me to capitalize on the strengths that
I have to focus on my family andget my family to the next stage,
which means focusing on on the children right now, focusing on

(40:57):
my relationship, focusing on myself and my health and my
well-being as well. And he has a lot of strengths.
Like he thinks about wealth creation, He thinks about the
future of the family. He thinks it's very naturally
comes to him. He enjoys doing it as well.
I couldn't care less about wealth creation.
I don't have the aptitude for itas well.
So I think like figuring out, understanding that equity in

(41:22):
marriage is about access to opportunity and respecting each
other's choices, having the choice and then respecting when
someone makes that choice is what we truly want, right?
And I, I think him respecting the fact that I've taken this
decision to focus on the family instead of reminding he used to

(41:43):
like that was once before where I had contemplated this.
And he was like, I, I've broughtfierce feminism into this
relationship. And so he's now fiercely
feminist. And so he would, he, he would,
he reminded me saying no, Shard your careers, your identity,
like you will your mental healthbe affected in this and that.
But then this time around, he actually listened to what I had

(42:04):
to say and said, no, I respect your choice and vice versa,
right. And me being comfortable with
him being the person who takes care of the finances and not
feeling threatened by that, that's the that's the place I
really needed to be. And I'm finally there.
So yeah, I, I think that's what makes us better parents as well.

(42:27):
And that translates into how we think about how we parent these
children. Ashwin's better, honestly,
really good at entertaining the children.
Like he can go hours and hours and hours to play with them.
I take care of the executive functioning, right?
Like I take care of appointmentsand social calendars and
birthday parties and whatever itis and, and we recognize each

(42:48):
other's strengths and weaknessesthere as well.
So I think, I think that's kind of what what it is at the end of
the day. And we do find out opportunities
to spend time as a family and create those memories, create
those moments, create traditions, like maybe every
Sunday's beach day or, you know,every birthday is, you know,

(43:09):
there's a tradition for every birthday.
So we try to find moments to do that as well.
I'm, I'm so glad you spoke abouttraditions because I have a
question about that. You know that I want to ask you,
you talked talked about Sunday'sbeing beach days, but are there
any family rituals or traditionswhich are more like these that
you've created that you hope your children will carry forward

(43:31):
into their lives? A very good question.
I don't think we have done anything in the hopes that our
children will carry on, but maybe that just speaks about the
about our attitude towards parenting as well.

(43:53):
I think at the end of the day, we had children to enjoy them.
Didn't really think about them carrying on a legacy or carrying
on a family name or anything like that.
Maybe it'll come in the future, I'm not sure.
But for now it's just, you know,I, I feel like we're very much
just coming out of survival mode.
Yeah, we could thrive as a family.

(44:14):
So all of that is just things that maybe we haven't thought
about, you know? Yeah.
Yeah, and talking about survival, you know, I, I am a
very big proponent of that. It takes a village to raise a
child, and you have two. So what does your village look
like? The people with resources or

(44:35):
routines that makes it all possible.
Yeah, I think I, I in search of that village is where we decided
to move continents and move fromthe West back home because I, I
think grandparents both are bothour parents are big, you know,
they play a big role in both my children's lives and they're

(44:57):
very present grandparents, very involved grandparents willing to
educate themselves on everythingthat we're going through to
update themselves and their parenting styles.
You know, with how even, you know, when we talk about body
autonomy, for example, or we talk about, you know, for Eli
especially, how I don't want to bring in any shame about body

(45:20):
even at this age, teach her likegood touch, bad touch and things
like that. They're very willing to listen
to how our parenting has, you know, attitude has evolved and
update themselves. And so when when that is in the
mix, why won't I make use of that?
Why won't I make that part of myvillage, right.
So the primarily it's them. Then I have two younger sisters

(45:41):
were also very in for both the kids and then for extremely good
set of friends. Like we had a very good set of
friends back in the US and we have very, very good set of
friends here as well. Who treat our kids like their
own and I could trust them with their lives.
So I think that's definitely part of it.

(46:02):
And of course, you know, for Wade specifically, his entire
care team like his and people who like he, he goes to parkour
for example, and his parkour coach is wonderful.
Like he has so much, so much knowledge about how to handle
neuro divergent children and having someone like him in our
lives is it's insane. You know, it's like insane.

(46:25):
Like how did you, how did you get it?
Yeah, yeah. So, so it's yeah.
So that I think, I think we're slowly starting to like find
that community and village and it's been amazing.
Wow, wow, so so, so heartening to hear that.
And tell me about now earlier you were talking about that you

(46:48):
can talk about Wade and Ela a lot more.
So let I'm ready to hear a lot more about them.
So tell us about some little things that they do or the
things that they have surprised you with, maybe a question and
observation or something that stopped you in your tracks and
made you rethink. Tell us about those things.

(47:10):
Yeah, I think I've spent a lot of time talking about rape.
This is where I'll talk about Ella.
She is an absolute gift for us. Like honestly, like how I have
no doubt in my head that she will be her brother's biggest
advocate. Because even now I can see that
even as a three-year old she is obviously she has all the all

(47:32):
the usual things of a neurotypical 3 year old child.
She has her tantrum, she has allof that, but she's mature beyond
her years because she's seeing how her brother has challenges
that she doesn't have. And we make it in a point to
actively tell her that. Like, for example, because he's
dairy and gluten free, for several reasons, we tell her,

(47:55):
see, Anna is not able to have ice cream or Anna is not able to
have cake. Whereas you can have all of
these things. So when there's a thing that you
cannot have, think about Anna and how he handles those
situations. And so you should derive
strengths from that. And so she takes in all of these
things and then she'll say it atthe most random places.
You know, she'll say it. You know, if we're talking about

(48:16):
something, she'll suddenly remind us and she'll be like,
oh, Amma, But you know, can Annahave this?
Or she'll be like, oh, Amma, if if I tell her, you know, maybe
we can go on a trip next month, The first thing she'll ask is
can we do come? And God, we need thinking about
her brother. She's constantly thinking about
her brother, like if we're goingout and they both are putting

(48:36):
shoes on and he's having, he's having a little bit of trouble,
she'll go and she'll be like Anna, do you want any help?
And she'll like, help him out. And so they, they are forming a
very, very beautiful bond. And my son, anytime Ella is not
around, the first thing he'll ask is where is Ella?
You know, he wants Ella to be there all the time.

(48:57):
He wants to know where Ella is all the time.
And he gets up in the morning, gives her a big kiss.
And so that seeing that bond is is very, very beautiful, both
from the perspective of seeing siblings, but also siblings who
are not typical. You know, she's not going to
reciprocate the love in the sameway that she's giving it to him,

(49:18):
but they think it out. You know, then she came home
from school with a card that shehad made for Wade and she had
written some stuff and all on that.
And she's like, wait, here you go.
This is a card that I made for you.
And previously when she had donethis, we took the card and
crushed it. Immediately said to him this
time she's like, don't crush shit, OK, I'll put it on the

(49:40):
fridge for you. And she goes and she puts it on
the fridge and puts a magnet on it.
So I just think how she picks upon all of these things and how
she's like, she's just three. She's just three.
That's the most beautiful part about all this.
And yeah, it's just very beautiful to see that.
You know what I you know, I'm I'm tell me if it's

(50:01):
overstepping, but I just want toknow something that you know,
you just mentioned that a way this dairy free and gluten free.
And when Ella eats something, there may be situations where
you know, she's having an ice cream or she's having a cake.
Doesn't he feel that? Why am I not having that or how

(50:21):
do you navigate that? So 95% of the time we try to
ensure that he has an option like a free option or that she
doesn't get, she doesn't get getit if she he doesn't have it.
Because at home we don't have, we don't do sugary treats or
snacks or anything. And if we do do it as a special

(50:43):
occasion where we can afford to like make sure he has an option
as well. And today the empty of gluten
free, dairy free options. But in rare cases, like when
we're in at a party or things like that where she can have
something and he can't, she'll ask first like can Anna have
this? And if we say no, she knows to
go somewhere where he can't see her and, you know, eat her snack

(51:07):
or whatever. But in the case where there's
other children also, she he he'svery understanding.
Like if we tell him, you know, this is something that you cause
your tummy to hurt, He's very understanding.
Like he's not a child who like. Yeah, they.
Pick up on the cues as well. You know they know that some
somewhere, they know that. You know, if my mom is saying

(51:29):
this, it's for my good. Yeah.
Yeah, I think, yeah, that that and also how you communicate
with the child is also, I like your approach that you are very
communicated. It feels like that.
I'm not sure how it works out inthe real life, but from whatever
I have been hearing of you, it feels that you are a very, very

(51:50):
commutative family that you communicate about everything
with each other. We do, and we try to be as
transparent as we can with the children, right from like naming
proper body parts and calling itits names to telling them, you
know, about talking about Vaid'sdiagnosis to Ella talking about
how his brain is different. Like we, we do communicate a lot

(52:13):
and it's because honestly, Ella has made us that way.
She's very inquisitive, she's very curious.
She's asking why all the time. I don't, I need to have answers
for I might as well tell her thetruth.
So. Yeah, yeah.
And it also saves you from that bit of storytelling, right, That
what did I tell her exactly? Exactly.
Exactly. OK, I have AI have a reflective

(52:37):
question for you. If you could distill your
parenting journey so far into maybe one or two moments of, you
know, some memories that feel like the heart of it all, what
would they be? Yeah, I I will.
I have one very distinct memory that I can recall and tell you

(53:01):
like it changed how we think about parenting and how where
we, you know, I was talking about how Ashwin and I think of
ourselves as a team where that kind of like came to the
spotlight. There was this time, I think I
mentioned this, right, There wasthis time where where it was
very, very sensory auditory, hadauditory sensories and Ella was

(53:24):
screeching and they had this. So there were one of those
weekends when that was going on,we decided to take a road trip
to this place called Yosemite in, in Lithonia.
And that entire trip, it was a four hour drive.
The children cried the entire trip.
They cried and Ashley and I werelike, this is unbearable.

(53:47):
But where I knew we both were special and where this this
relationship was different and where, you know, we we could
actually make it out. The other end is we came back
home and both of us said at the same time, we need to get this
right. We need to do it again.
So next weekend we packed the kids back up in the car, we

(54:09):
decided to drive to Lake Tahoe and we're like, we're doing a
road trip again. We're going to figure this out.
And that trip went so well because we had like talked about
all these strategies to, you know, make sure that they're not
like riding each other up. And we have, we had finally
invested in a nice pair of noisecancelling headphones for weird.

(54:30):
We're like, we're going to figure this out.
We're not going to give up our love for travelling.
We're going to like totally do this.
And so that I, I, I distinctly remember that weekend because it
was 2 very different weekends, but, you know, pretty much the
same setup of like doing these trips.
And it gave me a lot of confidence, you know, that we're
gonna keep trying until we get things right.

(54:51):
So yeah. How beautiful.
And I think it also speaks to, you know, the kind of challenges
that you've spoken about large, larger challenges in your
marriage and you know, how you are willing to work on them as a
team. And, you know, going to the
therapist and talking about whatis what is, what is happening

(55:15):
and you know all of that. So and figuring it out.
So it's it's very inspiring to hear you talk about that And
tell me about tell me about yourtime.
Do you have me time? How do you carve out time for
yourself? Yes, that's one thing that
Ashwin Devil let's me compromiseon.
So he makes sure that I get my me time.

(55:38):
So off late, maybe for the last eight months or so, working out
has been non negotiable. So that's my time.
I either go to the gym or I go to like a group class and I get
the time there and then once thekids are in bed, like we're
they're in bed by 8:30. Then it's Ashwin and I get our

(55:59):
time or I get my time to like toread my books or whatever.
But every once in a while I willdo a trip, like a girls trip or
I will go on by myself. I'll go see my sister or he gets
a reason he went to do a school reunion.
So he gets to do his thing. And then every once in a while
when my parents are willing to take, it's the two of us get to

(56:22):
do something together. So somehow or the other, we we
make time for that. Yeah, you know, you're making me
feel guilty about taking away time from you and Ashwin to No,
no, no. No, this is my.
This is my thing. This is me time.
This has been so invigorating. Thanks.
I'm so. Glad you said that.
Yeah, OK, I want to, I want to ask 2 very related but different

(56:48):
questions to you now. What's a piece of advice about
parenting you received very early on that you've completely
ignored and you're glad you did?Take a lot of advice from other
parents. I mean, I am just, I'm only half

(57:12):
joking, but I, I feel like it istrue.
It's, it's good to talk to otherparents and get advice and, but
I think at the end of the day, it's also important to interpret
that and see how it applies in your own life.
And because blindly following something because somebody else
did, it has backfired for me, has backfired several times for

(57:33):
me. Sleep training is is one of
those things where I sleep trained both children but I wish
I hadn't followed it to such a pedantic level where it was
stressing me out and my childrenout as well.
I wish Co sleeping was more accepted at least when I was
parenting both of them who was more because I I go sleep with

(57:56):
them all the time right now and I've spent so much time sleeping
when they were younger. Right.
So I think it depends on each family situation.
Each families and I think what happens when you take out their
advice from other parents is also you feel a little bit of
FOMO because they come to you with advice that worked.
Yeah, we training worked for us.So it's going to work for you.

(58:16):
It's like we have the best time.Our children are in bed by 7:00
and we have, you know, our time to ourselves and that's great.
And you see that and you're likewhy can't we have that?
We should have that at all costs.
It's not really like that, but you know that there could be
circumstances and situations that are different for you.
So I think, yeah. So that's one thing that I feel
like I don't do as much at face take as much as faith at face

(58:40):
value anymore. I shall look like whatever other
people are saying as experiences, which maybe there's
something that I can learn, but maybe it's just an experience
that somebody else has had. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting.
And now flipping the question, what's a piece of advice about
parenting that you received early on that you took a took to
heart and you're glad you did? That's a tough one.

(59:08):
I'm trying to think what I have to take into heart and that I
still believe in. I think at the end of the day, I
have heard, especially from my mother, that children are very
forgiving and they're very resilient.

(59:30):
And your bad moments are worse in your head than they are in
their head. So don't beat yourself up about
the bad moments because childrenwill forget it and they will
move on from it. And yes, as a parent you should
set the right example by apologizing for your bad moment.

(59:53):
But continue to Stew in that badmoment and continue to beat
yourself up about it they are missing out on.
The best version you can be of yourself, right?
So that is something that I think I've definitely taken to
heart and it's been a very toughthing to practice.
Yeah. But it is something that I think

(01:00:14):
works. How beautiful.
I'm going to take that back as well.
And and we are coming to an end for this conversation, at least
for the time being. I have a few more questions
left, but tell me about your preparenting self.
When you think back to that version of yourself, what's 1

(01:00:37):
quality or belief? You've talked about some of
them, but tell me about something fundamental that is
completely shifted since becoming a mother.
Yeah, there's, I mean, obviouslythere's a lot of things that has
shifted since becoming a mother.But I think 1 fundamental thing

(01:00:57):
is I used to be a person who expected quick results.
I used to be a person who believed that putting in the
work right now should give me results tomorrow.
And obviously this, this belief hasn't shifted just because I've
become a parent. I think this belief has shifted
because of a lot of other things, but more so because of

(01:01:18):
being a parent. Because nothing can teach you
the nothing can teach you what is delayed gratification more
than parenting can, right? And especially when you're
parenting A neurodivergent child, there is only delayed
gratification. You put in all the work you
want, but you won't see the results of it.
You won't even know if you'll see the results of it, right?

(01:01:40):
So I think even for neurotypicalchildren, it's the same thing.
You keep putting in the work, you keep putting in the effort
in hopes that at some point in the future, your child will
remember this. So your child will have this
value imbibed in her or him thatthey can put to use.
And so accepting that and no, and understanding that value has

(01:02:04):
made me a different individual in so many other places as well.
For example, I talked about how wealth creation is not even
something that I've thought about, right?
But understanding that, oh, our horizons does doesn't my horizon
doesn't have to be 5 months out,six months out in terms of like
the goals I have in my life. It actually can be five years
out and taking that those five years gives me so much more time

(01:02:28):
to hone and to practice and to plan how to get to that point,
whereas the six months is probably just going to get me a
quick win. And so that has been a big, big,
huge shirt. Wow yeah and looking back, if
you were to give advice to your pre parent self, what would you
say to her? More jovially, I would tell her

(01:02:53):
not to judge other parents in restaurants.
I think we all would tell our pre parent selves that.
Or in the airplanes. Yeah, exactly.
Exactly. But I think maybe I would tell,
I would tell my pre parenting self to give myself more grace

(01:03:20):
because I think giving yourself grace is a big, another big tool
that you can you basically buildon to become the best version of
yourself. And this is kind of going off of
what I said before about beatingyourself about the bad parts,
right? So giving yourself grace to
through, however, you know, through self-care, through more

(01:03:42):
forgiveness for yourself, through taking some more time to
get, get through whatever you need to get through.
I think as moms and as women especially, there's a lot of
pressure from society, from yourself, from expectations.
Like your kids need you all the time.
Your partner needs you, your parents need you.
Your society has a certain expectations of you.

(01:04:03):
Your job needs you, Right. And so I think finding that
grace of saying, OK, this is this is what I can give.
Yeah. The reason I had this bad moment
is because I was pushed beyond my bandwidth understanding that
and making peace with that. I think it's we're not taught

(01:04:24):
that before we become parents, and I wish we were.
Yeah. So that when we transition into
motherhood, it's a little more smoother.
I don't have to learn it all on the job.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How amazing.
And finally, my last question toyou, if you could leave our
listeners with one piece of insight or advice or

(01:04:46):
encouragement, what would that be?
I think the piece of encouragement is, I think, I
think advice is, is something that is a, a, a term that I
don't fully resonate with, but encouragement is, I truly

(01:05:07):
believe each one of us is doing our best at any point in time.
We can always be doing more. We can always learning more, but
every one of us as a parent is doing our best and we should
fundamentally believe that. We should fundamentally rejoice
that and celebrate that. That doesn't, like I said, that
doesn't mean you don't grow fromhere.
You continue growing, but you also believe that you're doing

(01:05:28):
your best. Wow, wow.
I'm going to take so much back, you know, from this
conversation. Shar, thank you so much for this
and for sharing. Not just the milestones, the
nuances, the that happened quietly in the background of
parenting. I think your story is such an
important reminder that parenthood is not just about

(01:05:49):
fitting into a template. It's about learning your own
rhythm as a family and honoring it also.
And even when the journey doesn't look what you imagined
it to be, you know when you started taking it.
And I'm just so grateful for youto have shared a bit of your

(01:06:10):
journey with us today. Thank you.
Thank you so much. I thought the questions were so
insightful and you're such a great host.
Neha, thank you for being so gracious.
Thank you, thank you. And to everyone listening, if
today's conversation resonated with you or reminded you of a
moment in your own parenting journey, I'd love for you to
share this episode with someone who might need to hear it.

(01:06:31):
And of course, subscribe so you never miss a story from
parenthood. Until next time, take care of
yourselves, take care of each other, and remember, No2
journeys are the same, and that's exactly what makes them
worth telling. I'll see you next week.
Bye bye.

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