In this episode, we sit down with Shravya Kaparthi, a parent whose creativity and resilience have not only shaped her own parenting journey, but also hold the promise to touch countless others through her upcoming children’s book series, The Girl with the Red Hearing Aids. Inspired by her daughters, Divi and Urvi—both of whom have hearing loss—Shravya shares how stories became her family’s bridge between worlds of sound, silence, and imagination.
In this conversation, she opens up about raising two daughters with hearing differences, the emotional and practical challenges, and the everyday rituals that bring comfort and connection. More than just bedtime tales, stories emerge as anchors of safety, mirrors of identity, and sparks of resilience. Shravya reminds us that the narratives we tell our children—and ourselves—can transform parenting into a journey of growth, empathy, and joy.
Why You Should Listen
- To discover how storytelling can become a tool for healing, belonging, and resilience in families.
- To learn from the lived experiences of a parent navigating hearing differences with grace and creativity.
- To be inspired by Shravya’s journey from parent to children’s book author, translating personal challenges into universal stories.
- To reflect on the role of rituals, patience, and self-compassion in everyday parenting.
Highlights & Time Stamps:
- [00:04:12] Showing up over perfection: what really matters in parenting.
- [00:07:46] The art of listening without fixing.
- [00:16:52] “Self-care is not selfish—it’s survival.”
- [00:22:14] The daily practice of forgiving yourself.
- [00:28:33] Bedtime stories as rituals of safety and connection.
- [00:35:18] Parenting identity when raising children with hearing differences.
- [00:42:50] When your children become your teachers.
- [00:48:05] How tiny, ordinary moments create childhood.
- [00:54:20] Parenthood as a mirror for self-discovery.
About the Guest
Shravya Kaparthi is a mother of two daughters, Divi and Urvi, both hard of hearing. Through her lived experiences, she has discovered the profound role of stories in parenting—helping her daughters build identity, confidence, and connection. Her upcoming children’s book series, The Girl with the Red Hearing Aids, brings these themes to life for young readers and parents alike. With honesty, warmth, and wit, Shravya encourages us to see parenting not as a quest for perfection, but as a tapestry woven from patience, love, and the stories we choose to tell.
🌟 Follow Shravya:
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/shravya.kaparthi/
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/shravyakaparthi/
🦻 Follow The Girl With The Red Hearing Aids:
- Website: https://thegirlwithredhearingaids.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thegirlwiththeredhearingaids/?hl=en
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
And now we're trying to see how do we bring some of that into
our books and conversations thatour books can enable for
families. Hello beautiful people, welcome
back to Parenthood Spotlight, where we celebrate inspiring
parents and the incredible things they do.
(00:22):
Today's guest is someone truly remarkable, Shravya, a parent
whose creativity and resilience have not only enriched her own
parenting journey but also holdsa promise to touch countless
others through an upcoming children's book series called
The Girl with the Red Hearing Aids.
Inspired by her experiences withher daughters Divi and Urvi, the
(00:47):
series will feature Tara, a protagonist who embodies
curiosity, inclusion, and resilience.
And Shravya is currently busy bringing Tara's world to life
through a vibrant website and anInstagram channel.
Shravya, welcome to Parenthood Spotlight.
Thank you for having me, Neha. Sravir, just to start, can you
(01:09):
tell us about your parenting journey and how it has shaped
who you are today? Sure, I'll try, but whatever you
just told about me was a little overwhelming.
I want to clarify or maybe correct that all parents are
remarkable in some form or shape, right?
We all try to give our best and there is no benchmark, there is
(01:31):
no comparison. There is no what is better than
the best that we do. And having said that though, of
course, I think parent, becominga parent changes you in multiple
ways. And we've all seen changes,
right? We've made career pivots, I
moved countries, I'm raising a family in another country where
(01:54):
I did not grow up in. So we've learnt a lot of things
as we encounter these experiences and opportunities,
but I think becoming a parent iscompletely different from what
we think it is or there is. Everybody says this right?
There is no guidebook and thingschange and what works for your
(02:16):
family doesn't work for somebodyelse.
What what worked for our parentsdoesn't work for us today.
And all of that is true in different senses.
But again, I did not expect thatlife will change in so many ways
and we'll get to know so much more about ourselves, about
(02:36):
humans in general, about how we navigate and how families
navigate various scenarios. So I just don't know if I can
quantify or tell exactly what has changed.
But I know that I'm a completelydifferent person physically,
mentally, the strength that I never thought I had, the how
(02:59):
much how much I've learnt about life in general.
And incidentally, Neha, the moreI talk about this to my other
friends who are mothers now and I've known them since when they
were like us, clueless. Of course, we're still clueless,
but trying to understand life when you know, we we spoke about
(03:21):
everything growing up. And now when we talk about
becoming mothers, I realized that each one of us has embraced
it very differently. And there is no right or wrong.
There is no, this is the way youshould try or that is the way
that might work. So that is the most fascinating
aspect of parenting that I feel it.
It is like, you know, it just can take any direction.
(03:43):
And at the end of the day, everybody feels like, oh gosh,
this is so different from who wewere.
So, yeah, yeah. And also I, I really loved what
you said. You know, it changes in so many,
it changes us in so many ways. But if you could, if you could
now tell us about the people whochanged you.
So Divi and Urvi who who they are as people?
(04:05):
What are they like? Oh gosh, they are.
Their energy levels are inversely proportional to
anybody's energy levels, I feel to begin with, right?
So late at night at 9:00 when you want to wind out the day,
they're like up with full energyand whatnot.
And then there are times when you're like, please sleep for
10-4 minutes. It's Sunday morning and then
(04:27):
they want to be up and whatnot. So I think one beautiful thing
is that they're always happy. There are these little moments
when they're sad versus US who have to like look for moments
and opportunities to be happy ordo something cheerful, right?
So I feel like that kind of balances us where in a sense
(04:47):
that you just look at them with that joy.
I don't even know what makes them happy, right?
Sometimes it's just about something is sticking onto the
wall and they're like burst out laughing about it and you know,
these small little things. And then you're like, that is
what it is. You know, life can be that,
whereas we try so hard for multiple things.
(05:09):
And of course, I mean, we can't get very philosophical because
that's just how life is. But I feel like ultimately all
that joy and that curiosity and that selfless and sincere way of
how they look at life. And then they become these kids
that you're like, not able to recognize after a while.
And then I don't know what future holds.
Like Urvi is 6 1/2 now and Devi is little over 4.
(05:33):
So I'm still and both of them are so different from each other
and I'm just learning a lot in general.
I feel like learning and learning which like relearning
which happens for all of us. But both of them are actually
born with a hearing condition. So they have something called as
bilateral sensory moderate hearing loss which can change.
(05:56):
We don't know. The diagnosis is still on.
They are still young and they are responding to clinical
diagnosis. So that I think has been one
single most aspect which has really shaped our family and our
parenting style. Again, both of them have the
same condition. So I don't have any benchmarking
of what normal kids, the normal families with normal kids, the
(06:19):
parents of normal hearing kids feel like regular hearing kids
rather this. So they, they both of them use
the hearing aids. And then for URVI, I think they
diagnosed it on like day 2 and then they confirmed the
diagnosis on day five. And then they, we had to go
through multiple rounds and we're still, the diagnosis is
(06:39):
still on. But the bottom line I'm trying
to say is that it was, it was bittersweet for us, right?
We didn't know what to expect. We didn't know what to how to go
about with it. We did not even understand what
it meant to begin with. So I think that, and I
specifically called that out because I think all my life and
(07:00):
I think my husband would agree with that because we, we
discussed this multiple times. We've never thought about sense
organs like that, right? Fortunately or unfortunately,
we've not had those experiences in our family or with our
friends. And then you're in the inner
circle that you have you, you know of them, you've read of it.
(07:24):
But when it happens, especially to your child, I feel like it is
very different. There are so many times you
listen to moms or you, you as a mother must have felt this,
right? They're like, why did they hit
the table? Instead?
It should have just happened to it should have been something
else. Just because they hit the table
and the, you know, toe is hurting or whatever.
It's like so avoidable. We should have just avoided
(07:44):
that. We could have like planned it
better or controlled something or things like that for small
things, right? And that this is completely
random and you do not know how you could have controlled the
outcome or what it would have been otherwise.
So I think it took us a very, ittook us quite some time to first
of all, accept it. Second of all, embrace it and
(08:08):
then be like, hey, I don't thinkwe'll ever know why it happened
and why it happened to our kids.So initially reason kicks in,
your rationality kicks in, you'll try to go back and at
least I tried to go back. Oh, that was one time I took an
anti allergic something or was it because of that during
because the rest of my pregnancywas very whatever, you know,
(08:29):
textbook like, or I went back intime to think about what could I
have done differently. Perhaps I travelled way too much
for work during my pregnancy andsomebody was like, oh, that's
what happened. Like you shouldn't have
travelled so much. You should have taken care of
yourself and then you'll think about that.
And then there were people who talk about karma who like, you
know, this happened because I did something at some point in
(08:49):
time or and there are various schools of thought again, right?
Like, and these are all people in your own circle.
They're all your well wishers, your friends and family.
So and then your brain also goesin multiple ways.
But I think one thing, two things.
I think I want to say two things, right?
One is definitely accepting the randomness of life.
(09:10):
It took us a while to understand, or at least we
believe that is the truth of ourfamily.
And maybe there is more more to this.
And I don't even know if we wantto know.
But at this point in time, we'vemade peace that this is a random
act of life. And then how do we live with it?
And 2nd is just understanding that sense organs as let's say
there are tools in your tool kit, right?
(09:32):
And if your child is born with like 1-2 less than the tool kit
is different from how you would think about it, right?
But it took me a very long time to understand that if this is
not it, then there would have been something else perhaps or
something else, right? So it just accepting, like I
said, embracing that this is just our reality.
(09:53):
And then now what do we do next was lot more future looking and
it helped us just having a plan and understanding what we want
to do next gave me the boost which I think like I said, I
took some while to get there. I hope this.
(10:14):
Yeah, yeah, I I want to ask a follow up question on this.
Shravya. I you know, you said a very
important thing. Even I didn't ever think of it
this way. Probably experience makes you
think that way, that to sense organs are just a tool and you
having 1-2 less in your toolkit,probably that's how you navigate
(10:36):
the world then. But do the girls know what
they're missing or do they have a sense?
Or is it like by seeing everyonearound them, are they getting to
know what they're missing or how?
How does it work? Yeah.
So they both of them use hearingaids.
(10:58):
So they do know that they have to use extra tools and it's a
part of their reality. But to begin with, they're aware
that they have to use hearing aids.
And we've always taken a comparison to say, hey, I have
to use glasses because they helpme see better.
You have to use hearing aids because they help you listen
better. They do not.
(11:19):
Again, they do not have a benchmark because they're born
with it. It's not like progressive or it
happened later in life because of whatever reasons.
So those are the hearing levels with which they're born.
So I don't know they would know what natural hearing or regular
hearing would be like, but they definitely know that they cannot
(11:40):
hear everything that they want to without the hearing aid.
So they've tried, experimented, and I think Ulvi, now that she's
in kindergarten or she's in first grade now and she's gone
to like a regular school with kids who like she was pretty
much the only one who uses hearing aids in her grade, the
entire grade and which is like four or five class, right?
(12:01):
So she definitely notices that she needs these tools, which
others in her immediate friend circle and grade do not need it.
So so yeah, to your point, I think they definitely notice
that they need it. But also thanks to technology,
right? I mean, it is amazing the amount
(12:21):
of progress hearing aids have made.
And now you have like Apple phone, which is helping you
almost replicate some of this. And then you have your lots.
And I mean, I don't even want toget into the amount of options
that people have, but pediatric hearing aids are a little are
still not there yet, but they'redoing a great job.
(12:42):
And that is another area where we as a family have decided to
talk about it always like we do not.
There is no hush hush. There is no talking on the back
about what it is or if family asks or if anybody asks what
they are, they themselves are able to advocate and tell why
they need hearing aids, what they are.
So that is something that we've made sure that as like there is
(13:05):
we we've just wanted to be very open about it.
And in fact, I've signed them upfor a bunch of research studies
in the university here where, you know, pediatric child
development or even, you know, disabilities studies and trying
to understand how does academic caliber is back to hearing loss,
(13:28):
for instance, because it is so important to be able to listen
to understand concepts and, and you know, language, nutrition,
and all of those concepts which are already very evolved.
So both my kids are often participating one weekend or the
other in university studies, trying to help them do better
with research and understand howtechnology is helping them or
(13:50):
lack of it. So there are lots of these
experiments that they participate in.
So they're very well aware that there is this important concept
or component in their lives thatthey'll have to.
I don't know if they're thinkingabout it as much in terms of
comparison yet, but they're definitely very aware.
(14:11):
Point. Yeah, yeah.
And Shravya. You know, it's very inspiring
that you said there are multiplestages to it when you first
accept the reality, then embracethe reality, and then you get to
kind of now you're advocating for it.
And I want to talk about the advocacy part, you know.
(14:33):
Tell us what inspired you to create the girl with the red
hearing aids and tell us more about her.
Absolutely. And I hope I don't know where I
want to go with it. Neha.
Yeah. I am just glad that I'm able to
partner with a few friends and get started to begin with.
Yeah. So I've spoken a little bit
about grief, right? And many of my friends who are
(14:55):
mothers now, fathers now do experience some grief because of
the change in identity, right? You just identity change in
yourself. You missed some parts of your
past life. You were somebody to and you
love yourself then, you love yourself now even then, right?
There are some parts of you thatevery parent is grieving,
perhaps in a good way and a bad way.
(15:17):
I'm not saying whichever way, right?
Then there are some parts of youthat have that have completely
changed and we've discussed someof that just now.
So I think at some point I made the pivot.
I was like, I'm going to focus on the things that have changed
just to see how much has changedand why.
And then in that bit, I really, really wanted to pay it forward.
(15:41):
And when I say pay it forward, that's what I do with the
research studies also, right? We as a family have decided to
pay it forward to science. Whichever way, please use my
kids for research, right. So it's in a similar fashion.
We as a family met so many people through this journey and
strangers that we've never heardof experts that we did not know
(16:03):
existed. As you know, zero to three birth
evaluators and early intervention services is what
it's called here. And I'm sure it's it's there
everywhere. I'm, I only know of my
experiences here parenting in the US, right?
So early intervention providers,speech pathologists,
audiologists, and then there is this psychologist at the special
(16:26):
school that they go to for the hard of hearing.
And there's so many people who've just played such an
important role in US, just just able to even understand what all
we need to do to begin with, right?
And then you get into that, likeI said, once we had a plan, once
we know what to do, you're just energized, you're like, now I
know what to do, let's just go do it, right?
And then we as a family, when wemanaged to do that and I, I just
(16:50):
felt like there is just so much that we have learned and so much
that we got a chance to experience.
And I, I wanted to focus on thatand be like, OK, now that we got
this opportunity, why don't we talk about it?
Yeah. And I chose the medium of a
book. Haven't completed it or done or
(17:13):
made as much progress as I wish I did by now.
But definitely glad that at least I'm trying.
Yeah. And like I said, I don't know
where it'll land. I don't know how many people
will read it or I, I really don't know what I want to
accomplish it with in terms of an author.
But I know what I've accomplished as a parent is to
share what I have learnt, right.So I want to be able to do, I
(17:37):
don't know if I'll be doing justice to all that I want to
share in this format or not. But nevertheless, I wanted to
like make sure that we share what what we've been through as
a family. So yeah.
You talked about, you know, as afamily, this has been what you
want to do. So like, are there conversations
(18:00):
around diversity and inclusion in your own family or like, with
the kids and with your husband and everybody together?
Does this concept, not the implications of it but the
concept as such, come up in conversations?
Oh, yeah, absolutely. And I feel like kids, like you
(18:20):
went back going back to your question about what have you
learnt? I feel like kids question and
question a lot. And every, every family with
kids will tell you this, right? There's a lot of why, why in in
the life. And then there is and it's been
a while that we've questioned like that.
We just have accepted and we've moved on and we said, OK, if
(18:42):
somebody comes back and tells you that they're queer or LGBTQ,
wherever on the spectrum, you listen to it, you respect it and
then that's it. There is very few conversations
about why. How did you get there?
Did you you know, what was your path?
We do it with some really good friends and we read about it.
We look it up, we research, but we're not very comfortable with
(19:03):
really open conversations. We do not randomly go ask
people, why are you wearing whatyou're wearing, for example,
right? I mean, that's, and there's good
and bad for it as adults. But what I'm saying is that
kids, I think are a lot more open.
And, and they also, and they askand they notice some things that
we've taken for granted or we'vejust decided to live with, or we
(19:24):
thought it was inappropriate to talk about or we decided that it
is perhaps not our space or timeto, you know, bring it up.
And so these are the times when I've realized that there is so
much unsaid in like the experiences around us.
And those are the going back to the questioning, There's been a
(19:45):
lot of questioning about, you know, we read a lot of books, we
watch a lot of content here and there, correct.
And they also are exposed to allkinds of people at school.
So they there are questions about names and how some names
are funny and how they sound different just because they
don't know how to pronounce or they've not heard those names
(20:06):
before. There's a lot of conversation
about skin tone and color and, you know, hair color because.
They, there are various races that they're exposed to on a
day-to-day basis and they're like, OK, why am I brown skinned
and why somebody else with yellow hair and blue eyes?
And these are just observations.And like I said, we do not talk
(20:27):
as and when they bring this all up.
There is inherently conversationabout some of this.
And we've also navigated a phasewhere there was lots of
questions about why is this for girls?
Why is this for boys? And I'm sure every family has
these conversations, but I feel like when when they question
(20:47):
more than anything is we pause and we think about some of these
and then you're like, OK, how dowe explain or how do we bring
this up? So both my girls have started
listening to Katy Perry for somereason.
And then I don't even know if it's a good thing or not.
No, not so funny. But so they were listening to
Women's World and Urvi, my the older one is like she talking
(21:12):
about a women's world. That's not even fair.
There should be everybody's world.
You know, how about a man's world?
And I was like, see, because they, it's not the same context
like you and I, the minute she talks about women's world.
And so go get it, like you totally are into it and you know
exactly what she means. Because we've seen certain
context, which perhaps is not even apparent to them.
(21:35):
Yeah. Because in and around them, it's
a different reality that they'regrowing up in, right?
Or they learn about Martin Luther King or Rosa Parks at
school. And it is tough to put race into
a context that they are known that they know today, right.
In today's reality, when we're talking about Black Lives Matter
and of course all lives matter, it takes a long time to explain
(21:57):
that no Black lives matter. And then let's talk about
everything else, right? It is very tough to bring these
conversations into everyday questions that start from kids.
And I feel like that is the space that we have explored, or
rather tried to explore the most, or that is the that is the
(22:20):
part which was really different for us.
And and now we're trying to see how do we bring some of that
into our books and conversationsthat our books can enable for
families. Yeah.
So coming to that, Shravya, tellus, if Tara could walk into this
room right now, what would she say or do?
(22:44):
Oh, that's nice. I think she'll definitely have
an elaborate conversation about your beautiful bindi to begin
with. She's learned a lot about that
from people and India trip and you know, my mom and my
mother-in-law and all of that. So she's she's keen, she's very
observant. And then I'm sure she will look
at all the books and the colorful office space that you
(23:07):
have there. And she'll be like, Mama, your
space is so boring. You have like a plain wall and
that's not even colorful and look at that.
So she'll definitely talk about that.
And then she will, I think I want to believe she'll ask about
all of those things that are on the wall and she'll she'll
definitely talk. Would want to know the story
(23:30):
behind it I would think yeah. I'm so, I'm so enamored by one
thing that you said right now, Shravya, you said, I asked you
about Tara and you said she willsay, Amma, you have a white
wall. So you are, you are literally
you're, you know, it's just the names are different.
(23:51):
But we are talking about Urvi when we talk about Tara.
So Tara I'm I'm very, very sure she's heavily, heavily inspired.
Not just inspired. She's literally Urvi in a
different name. Is that so?
I mean, definitely the inspiration is from our girls.
I mean, no two ways about that. And in fact, the name also, so
(24:13):
Tara was one of the names that we finalized for Urvi.
Wow. At some point in time.
So Ravi, my husband is a big, big fan of stars.
All things start like he'll drive any number of hours to go
see some stars, right? So, so Tara was one of the
names. And then it just so ended up
that we wanted to think of naming Urvi behind or more of an
(24:36):
element so or so then Earth camein and then we thought about
Urvi. And there were a few other
names, you know, like that. And then for Devi, Devi means
sky. So Urvi is Earth and Devi is
sky. And that was then Devi came up.
But yeah, so her name being Karais deliberate, where, you know,
(24:58):
this could have been Ulvi's name.
Definitely inspired by Ulvi for the most part, because it was
when she started going to kindergarten and started asking
us these specific questions. And then we navigated through
play dates, navigated through families who did not know
anything about hearing loss, where we had to tell them things
that they need to do during the play date or things that they
(25:19):
need to be aware of. If, you know, Ulvi doesn't
respond in a certain fashion. Or even for teachers, where we
had to tell them about the accommodations needed is when it
really hit us hard. Till then, we went to a special
school for deaf and the hard of hearing, but everybody knows
exactly what to do. So we were the ones learning
that time. We were like, OK, this seems
(25:40):
like everybody is figured out and we are the ones who need to
figure this out. And now when she went to the
neighborhood school and like I said, she's the only one in the
entire grade, her grade, who uses hearing technology.
And that's when we realized thatthere are so many kids who do
not know what she's, you know, using why she's using them.
What is her reality? What does noise mean to her?
(26:03):
Why is that she why that why should she sit in the first seat
and be closer to the teacher? And why does why does teacher
have to wear a dear sister? So there are all of these things
which are her reality, right? She needs to charge her hearing
aids. She needs to have a charging pod
at school. She has a charging pod at home.
So there are a lot of things that she needs to do for her day
to be like anybody else's day, right?
(26:25):
So that's when we realized that there are lots of, there is a
lot of opportunity for us to talk about this and make this
the new normal for their classroom to begin with.
Then came recess when there are people from the other class who
do not know who also meet her. And then there is corridors and
then there is so many other areas, right?
And then, OK, then we realized that there is there is more to
(26:46):
this. And yeah, so that's how it all
started again. So definitely.
Yeah, so what's what's, what's your end game here?
You said you don't know what what you want it to look like,
but but why are you doing this? Why?
What message or what do you hopeto achieve by putting out these
(27:09):
stories into the world? Very tough question, Neha.
I've been trying to think about this myself.
It is very tricky. Definitely focusing on bringing
in some kind of awareness to begin with about kids with
disabilities and how there are different kids with different
(27:32):
needs, right. And the more we have these
conversations at home, the more we can amplify those
conversations outside in different environments.
It can start anywhere. It can start at school, it can
start at home, but it should, itshould happen at multiple areas
(27:54):
at the library or let's say a story time.
Or maybe there is some other waythat they just chance upon this.
For me, it doesn't matter where they're hearing the story as
long as they understand that what hearing aids are and what,
what Tara's life is to a certainextent.
But more importantly, I feel like Tara is more than just the
(28:18):
hearing aids, right? I think that is a part of her.
And I want that to become like glasses or like just another
thing that, you know, a kid would need or anybody a person
would need because that helps them do something differently or
something better than what they're able, right?
So going back to how what it should, like, what I'm hoping
(28:44):
happens through this is, is to be able to facilitate families
to have conversations about differences to begin with,
right? And then 2 is that by the end of
it, they should realize that Tara is just another kid, right,
who happens to use hearing aids.So it starts with her
(29:05):
differences and it should like. So she stands out because of her
hearing aids perhaps for a while.
And then she is like everybody else.
So she is just another kid who are who has a normal life day at
school. She has her own apprehensions,
her own excitements and her own areas of whatever she's
(29:26):
navigating like anybody else's. Yeah.
And that is what I'm trying to get to.
And again, like I said, I don't know how we will get there.
No path, no vision, no road map.As such, all I have is a name
like you know, and I'm hoping that we can achieve all of this
through Tara story. Yeah.
(29:49):
So now since you said that, I'm very interested in the creative
process that you have or or the lack of one if if you want to
say that, but because you have aday job and you are.
A mom to two. Very, very, very energetic
girls. And then you have other aspects
of life that need taking care of.
(30:11):
And then comes this whole bringing her story to life.
So what is what is the process like?
How do you do it? What has been some of the
biggest challenges that you havefaced?
Yeah. And you're right, I really do
not have a process, but I'll tell you how we are going about
with it. So First things first, the last
(30:34):
thing I want to do is feel like this is a job, right or there is
a timeline, right. To your point, rightfully so,
there are a few things which arewe have to do and at and like,
and it is what it is, right? So if this becomes like that,
then it becomes a chore or it becomes like something which I'm
(30:54):
forcing myself to do. I think that'll completely
defeat the purpose. So I'm trying hard to keep the
joy alive and do not feel like this is bound by something.
The second thing is definitely, like I said, is most of it is
inspired by our everyday conversations and what my girls
bring back from school and from wherever they are at.
(31:15):
So we we are making notes as we speak, right?
Like we, we talk about somethingtoday or, or yesterday or maybe
a week ago. We're not very particular about
a very diligent or discipline inthat sense, but we Mull over
that. We think about, hey, these are
the questions that are being asked.
The people that I'm working withare friends to begin with.
(31:36):
So one of my best friends from Business School.
And then of course you know thatyou are a part of it, Neha.
So thank you. So the reason for bringing
friends on board again is to andmostly keen on bringing mothers
on board is again, because I think we get it.
We are having these conversations in our own homes.
(31:58):
We are mothers were navigating that journey ourselves.
Like I said, every family has their own story, has their own
way of dealing with some of this.
And I want us to be able to share what we are experiencing
and share whatever we are learning in this process.
So again, keeping it very not formal, friends coming together,
doing this with a sense of purpose more than anything else.
(32:23):
But it's at some point we need to figure out a better way to do
this, perhaps to get to what we're trying to achieve here.
But having said that, it has, ithas been more of an exercise to
bring everybody together so far.I think now we will work towards
putting in the effort in that direction.
(32:47):
But yeah, a long way to go. We'll have to get better at
perhaps doing some of this a little bit more deliberately.
Yeah. Hoping to make progress soon,
yeah? Let's OK forget about the
challenges, they'll come and go,but tell me something that has
(33:07):
brought you the most joy while working on this project so far.
I think it has been Urvi coming and checking on the progress.
I feel like she believes in thismore than any of us are.
She knows that we are putting this together every time, you
(33:32):
know, we make some progress. I share it with her and she
looks at it and she's like excited about what is to come.
I'm worried a little bit worriedabout that also because I do not
want it to be like to your pointin my head, Urvi is Tara and
Tara is Urvi, right? At some point I'll have to work
towards seeing how I want to develop that only because I want
(33:54):
to protect Urvi and and make sure that whatever happens in
whichever way we are doing what is right for the girls.
At the end of the day, in this age of AI, social media, what
not, we all know where this could lead, right?
That was one of the intentions as well.
So Neha, I'm not sure if we're covering about that, but like,
(34:16):
you know, I I started running again after like almost a 10
year gap for a marathon at least.
I mean, I ran in between here and there for half marathons,
but a full marathon was primarily again, because of
those grieving pieces that I wastalking about.
After 10 years of moving to the USI really wanted to do
(34:37):
something which I would feel like my past self and which
would just make me think about how I used to be or what I was
especially. I took up a physical challenge
which, you know, I thought was in my control.
And then when I was training formy marathon and when I was
running, I was really thinking about how I have changed and it
(35:00):
was like act of mindfulness for me.
And that was the time when I really thought about it, thought
about it and how much I want to disassociate, disassociate
myself with it. But I think one single thing
that has really, really changed it for me is motherhood, right?
And who you, who you become and the, and, and we've, we've seen
(35:21):
and heard a lot about motherhoodpenalty, about what comes with
it. And I think there's enough said
about it. And we all know that in some
unique form of fashion, we all relate to it, right.
And I remember Serena Williams when she tried, when she
retired, she wrote this article and we were all like, oh gosh,
we never thought, I mean, SerenaWilliams is somewhere else and
(35:44):
we know where we are, but everybody could relate to what
she had said right word to word.I remember so many of our
friends discussing that and be like, oh gosh, she summed it up
for all of us. And she really, but if she felt
like that, imagine us right likelesser mortals, people like just
trying to get by everyday life. And so that is the truth.
(36:05):
And I, and I say this again and again, right, like I completely
believe in equality. Of course men, man and woman are
equal, but we are wired very, very differently.
Biologically. We are wired differently.
I feel like something just happens to us after we become
mothers, right? It's not about rationality, it
is not about reasoning. It is not that you're not
(36:27):
ambitious. Some of some of them are career
ambitious. It's not like you cannot pay for
childcare or you can pay for childcare.
It does not matter. I don't think it is.
And there are so many times my friends are like, oh, I wish I
could clone myself, right and beat place.
Why do we say that? Because I think we just want to
be able to do it all right? So I think going back to your
(36:47):
question of what gives you the most joy is that I think this is
1 outlet through which I am ableto share one of the many changes
that has happened to me, right? Again, going back to the point
of as much as I want to grieve about my old self, I also want
to focus on these new elements that got added to my life.
(37:08):
And I think this book series might give me the opportunity to
focus on that thing and amplify it and share it beyond.
So I think that's what I'm looking forward to.
And and this, this is very, thisis very inspiring.
Shavia, I want to talk about notyou.
You talked about, you know, how you want to start the book with
(37:32):
a girl who's different or who seems different.
And then she kind of becomes a normalized, her differences are
normalized and she becomes one of the other kids.
So also talking about the broader themes and impact of the
book series, you know, in the coming in the coming editions,
(37:55):
what do you think books like Tara's World and The Girl with
the Hearing Aids are essential for today's children and
families? Yeah, I mean, that's a very
interesting question they have because just about the other day
I was talking to somebody about what do books even mean in the
age of AI created books, right? Like what does content even
(38:16):
mean? Like you do not even know how
much of that is authentic anymore.
What are the illustrations are authentic?
Is it coming from somebody else's experiences or what?
That's when I realized that I think it doesn't matter where it
comes from. Is it AI generated or is it
human experiences LED? Or is it some mother behind it
(38:37):
who's feeling very emotional about the book writing?
I think as long as it strikes the right chord and it does what
it needs to do so it should, theprocess perhaps doesn't matter
anymore. Like if there's a really good
book which AI generated, if I enjoyed it and if I did what it
has to do to me, does it really matter?
(38:59):
Right. And the reason I bring this up
is again, because I don't know if books is the format you want
to go or you've mentioned the website Instagram stories.
I wish there was more method to this madness that's happening in
my head right now, but I just feel like that there is it could
be crowdsourced, it could be, I mean, there's just so many
things that we think about, right?
But so I think as long as Tara'sstory is accepted and and people
(39:29):
can understand at least kids growing up.
So this is what I always felt Neha, that especially when my
girls had to go to a special school, right, to learn how to
use technology, how to advocate for themselves, to understand
that their needs are different. We we do so much for kids who
are different to fit into the normal world, right, or the
(39:50):
regular world. We do very little for the
regular kids to understand the needs of the different ones,
right? We are doing a great job.
I think schools and curriculums and books are doing a really
good job. But I think what empathy and.
The amount of learning that you have in your classmate is one of
them or your friend is one of it's very different.
(40:13):
Like you, it actually becomes very different.
So I want Tara to be this character that they all know,
you know, like, like I how I said when I was growing up, I
did not know of hearing loss or I did not of hearing loss or
understand it as much. Even when I had my kids, right?
I had to learn a lot of things and our family has had to learn
and we had to share so much witheveryone and all of that.
(40:34):
So, and, and I just, and if it was glasses, I don't think we
would have thought so much, correct?
Like we've all seen so many morepeople with glasses and we know
of course there are some limitations.
I'm running with my glasses. If I'm swimming, it's a
different problem. Or if I'm doing something, of
course there are challenges witheverything.
But just that we've somehow accepted glasses and they've
been managed mainstream. They've been enough heroes and,
(40:57):
you know, characters created around it or there is a style
quotient with glasses and it's just become a different thing
all together. Hearing aids are not there yet,
especially for kids, right. So I think some of this takes a
while and and that's what that'swhat I think ultimately
answering your question. I, I just want Tara to be that
(41:19):
person in, let's say some families where they do not see
kids with other needs or they donot know how to have these
conversations or others conversations don't come up at
all. So if there's, if the family is
reading the book together or if the child has happened to chance
upon this book comes back home and talks about Tara to their
parents, I think that is that isthe job done.
(41:41):
I mean, that's the mission to begin with, yeah.
Yeah. And you talked about, you know,
kids using the book as as a conversation starter for these
conversations. But what about parents using the
books or, or whatever the Tara'sworld, as we call it to, as a
(42:03):
tool to inspire deeper conversations?
How? How do you see that?
Oh, absolutely. So I am assuming or I am safely
assuming that when they look at some of the illustrations in the
book or when they talk about or when they read about, like I
said, Tara has to do a few things, right?
She has to charge her hearing aids, put them on and turn on
(42:25):
the DM system at classroom. Or there are a few things which
are quintessential for her to have a regular day.
And when those things are spokenabout in some form or fashion in
the series, right? Because it's a part of who she
is. I want them to talk about
technology that helps people with certain needs.
I want them to talk about hearing happens to be one of the
(42:47):
many disabilities, right? There are so many more.
And I'm I'm sure that as parents, when we explain
something, we give examples, we crystallize the concept.
We try to make it simplify it, make it as be relatable as
possible. And that could perhaps be
something else that their grandmother is using or
something else the neighbor is using or or they could come drop
(43:08):
parallels. This is exactly like what your
grandfather uses or whatever, right?
So we want that to happen. So that again goes back to
saying Tara is not very different.
She's just somebody who we all know and this happened to be
this, right? So I think as long as we are
enabling that to happen, that will always continue to be
(43:30):
better than not having any of these conversations in in
families, right. So yeah.
Yeah, and, and Shravya, I am, you might say that you don't
have a plan and you know, but I,I am seeing it as a long lasting
forever kind of an endeavor where we just keep adding to the
stories and we could, we could just keep enriching Tara's world
(43:52):
with details and with scenarios.So here's my long, you know,
short question to you. What do you hope the impact that
Tara's world and these stories have on parents and children
1020 years from now? Or what do you hope it become?
(44:15):
Do you like I'm, I'm preempting some of it that you said you
constantly draw parallels to theglasses that so do you see it as
normalized as glasses are hearing aids as normalized as
glasses are? Or is there some kind of a, you
know, more nuanced hope that youhave?
(44:36):
Yeah, I mean glasses is an easy parallel.
Neha, you're right. I quote, I quoted it a few
times. More importantly, I, I do not
want any other parent 10 years from now to feel as lost if they
get the news like how our familydid.
Had we thought of hearing aids like glasses, we would have
(44:58):
reacted very differently perhapsfor the 1st 18 months, right?
We just felt lost. We felt like, oh gosh, we were
dramatic. Like, Oh my God, why did this
happen to us? At the end of the day, all
they're using is hearing aids, right?
Of course there are challenges with it, but it's not like it
could have been worse is what I'm trying to tell you.
But at that point in time as a new mother or a new parent, and
(45:20):
if you hear that, oh gosh, this is hearing loss and she's born
with it. And whatever it I, I, I needed
some support system and I got itfrom a lot of people,
thankfully. But what I'm trying to say is
that if it was like glasses whenI first heard this news, I think
I would have enjoyed my first 18months and motherhood
differently. Well, at least I don't know if I
(45:41):
would have enjoyed it because itis a lot of work, but I wouldn't
have been so, you know, scared for the future.
So lost. So not knowing what it was and,
and imagine the progress we've made that we decided to have
another child despite knowing that there is a 25% chance or
whatever. We got a chance number that was
(46:02):
thrown at us. But we were like, but if this is
what it is, we don't mind havinganother kid, right?
So I want that for other parentsto be parents by then to be
like, this is nothing. There is so much more that could
go differently, right? So I think that is that is what
(46:23):
I hope. I hope Tara becomes this
character who helps new parents or anybody who's not familiar
with this feel like they can navigate it.
If our family could, anybody should be able to.
And again, we don't know enough.Like I said, the diagnosis is
still on. I don't know how they will be
when they're teenagers with their hearing aids.
(46:45):
I don't know they might. I mean, there are schools of
thought which tell that you do not, should not use technology
for children. They need to make a decision
when they're older if they need to, if they want to use it or
not or or they want to learn sign language.
We've explored that as a family.So there is a lot more.
And that's why when you said howdo you see Tara evolving?
(47:06):
I want to bring all of that to life.
How, how is a teenage Tara feeling like when she's thinking
about her acne and what not? Is she also thinking about her
hearing aids or her hair, which is like going to cover it or not
cover it or get tangled in it orI don't know where it how it
happens and how she's going to think about it or, or is she
going to be like this, whoever that is going to make do
(47:29):
something more with science and hearing technology or she's
going to take inspiration from it and do some kind of work,
which might be truly inspiring for her.
So there are lots of things thatI'm that I'm feeling that her
hearing aids will inspire her todo as she evolves.
And with her, I want everybody who knows Tara to evolve in that
(47:51):
journey. Right.
So yeah. Yeah, I I am again struck by
something you said. You know, you don't know how
Tara will evolve because how youdon't know how Urvi will evolve
in life, right. So now, talking about the book
as it is now, and the Girl with the Red Herring AIDS and the
(48:12):
world around her, does it? Is it your expression of who
Urvi is, or is it Urvi's expression of who Urvi is?
What what? What is it more like?
I'm, I mean, definitely inspiredby Urvi, but Neha, there are a
lot of questions and topic areaswhich I've gathered from a lot
(48:35):
of other parents as well. Parents in general navigate
gender conversations. They navigate so many of these
questions that I was talking about because kids question.
So it is the topic areas are crowd sourced are sound.
I mean the more people get to know it, they will understand
that it is something that happens across most families,
(48:57):
not just families with when navigating hearing loss or use
hearing aids. So that Tara is more than just
her hearing loss like I said. So there will be topics that
will be beyond just that. So inspired by Urvi for sure,
and her journey, but I think shewould be any other child by the
(49:17):
as, as it evolves is what I'm thinking.
Yeah. So yeah.
Something that I want to touch upon, Shravya, you said, you
know, in your personal life, yousaid you knowingly made the
decision to have another child, second child and then getting to
know that Divi was also born with the same condition or the
(49:38):
similar diagnosis, was it, was it a surprise again?
It was not a surprise because weknew that there is a possibility
now that would be his condition was diagnosed by then to a
certain extent. And we got a percentage like
doctors have said that there's 25% chance.
We wanted to take that chance, right?
I mean, that's how life is. We were like, OK, it wasn't a
(50:02):
surprise, but it was definitely a re reconfirmation that this is
our reality, right? Even with one, one of them not
having it would have been a family which is still learning
empathy for each other and for differences with both of them
having it. Fortunately or unfortunately,
(50:22):
they have each other. They know exactly what they must
be feeling, what they're going through.
And Urvi could be a walking, talking mentor encyclopedia for
DV, right? And we definitely felt like we
were a lot more prepared for DV's journey because we we've
taken care of a lot of things for Urvi.
But the guilt was still the same, right?
(50:44):
The guilt was more for Divi because this time we knew, I
mean, for Ruby, it was OK, random act of life, right?
We said OK, we did not know. Not our fault.
She's here. And now we're taking care of it.
But for Divi, despite knowing wewent through it, I mean, we
selfish people, right? Like we, we are bringing in
another child. And what if Divi tomorrow
(51:06):
sometime ends up asking us like,you know, knowing would be
hazard, why did you do this? I mean, you know what?
So definitely, like I said, there was guilt the first time
there was. I feel like the guilt the second
time felt was but this again, this is our reality.
This is the girl's reality, right?
(51:28):
I want to look at it like they have each other.
I think, like I said, none of usunderstand till now what exactly
they can hear, what they cannot.We're trying our best with
diagnosis, with hearing aids, and you know all of those that
we do. But I feel like they will get
each other perhaps. And when they navigate, at least
they have each other to talk about it and to exchange notes
(51:52):
or whatever that siblings do. I think that's our way of making
peace with it. But it went back to the point
that I often talk about control,right?
You think that you have things in control.
You think that you've done everything.
You went to the doctors, you've got a genetic whatever
(52:12):
percentage, you found out what it is, but it is what it is.
It could have been 75% versus 25%.
So there is no way we could know.
That's why it's called chance, right?
Yeah. And then when it happens to you
in life, then you realize that chance, data points, proof
points, the thing matters just how it is like it is what it is.
(52:39):
And this is our reality today. And it is very easy for me to
talk like this because it's beena while and we've, you know,
like I said, we've come a long way as a family, but we have a
long, long way to go. I'm sure there will be
questions. I'm sure they'll come back and
ask us some of these where we won't even be prepared and we
wouldn't even know how to have this conversation.
(53:00):
But I want to, I'm looking forward to how they will embrace
the reality like we made peace with it.
I don't know if they know enoughyet.
And when will they make these? There are times when I'm running
and I'm like, I've embrace contact lenses much before.
And you know, there are days when you're swimming and I like,
I wish see underwater and actually see those colours,
whatever that is, right? So there are times when we talk
(53:23):
about it with our glasses as well, right?
But so I don't know how they aregoing to deal with it.
And that is again will be a learning journey for all of us.
Yeah, yeah. And you talked about, you know,
your, your journey, your learning journey.
And I'm very interested to know that now from what you know you,
(53:44):
I mean with what you know now, if you could go back in time and
tell your younger self one thing, what would be it?
I was always a planner. I still am a planner, right?
I like to plan. I'd like to have like a view, I
(54:04):
cannot embrace ambiguity. Too much of it is like whatever,
like I can deal with it. But I in life, I mean, at work
it's a different scenario, but in life you want more plan.
I would say again, you think you're planning.
You think there are a lot of things in control.
You feel like you're doing everything that you can do
(54:26):
reduce the surprises in your life.
But it will always, life will always surprise us and we will
surprise ourselves. My parents are surprised by how
much we as a family have made progress.
My parents surprised me by how they've embraced this.
(54:46):
My father, especially the role he had played during all of
this. So I think all through, it's
filled with a lot of surprises. So I would have just told myself
that there is only so much you can do as long as you're at it
like you don't like. I don't want anybody to give up
(55:07):
on anything as long as you're not giving up and like, OK, this
is like totally not in my control.
So why are we even doing what we're doing?
I don't want anybody to do that,but understand that there is
only so much we can control. So I think that would be the
only thing about it myself. And what would you tell the
others? Probably the first people
(55:27):
listening to us right now or watching us right now.
What would you tell them if you were to give a piece of advice?
Advice and all, I don't know, but I will.
I will definitely ask people to try and embrace whatever their
reality is. It's very.
It's easier said than done, but once we make peace, we just
(55:51):
because I feel like when they'regrateful for certain parts of
our life, we should be grateful for all of it.
We cannot pick and choose parts that I will be grateful for.
So if this happened again, random act of life, at least I,
my, my school of thought is thatmost of life is random, right?
So it isn't. So there is again going back.
(56:14):
There's not so much you can do, right?
And if you're grateful for some parts of your life, this random
act is also a part of your life.So you just have to be grateful
for all of it. And once we make peace, I feel
like our best will just come outbecause now that we've made
peace with what it is, and then you'll be like, OK, I'll
continue to do what I'm going todo, and I'm going to be my
awesome self. So how does it matter?
(56:36):
Right? So yeah.
Now, how beautiful is that, Shravya?
How beautiful. I think you just sound like, you
know, so, so I don't know what'sthe word for it, but it's very,
very inspiring to hear you talk.And I just want to go on
forever. But we have come to an end to
(56:57):
our conversation. But thank you so much for being
here, for sharing your heart, your wisdom and the magic of,
you know, the girl with the red herring aids with us.
Your journey is very, very inspiring and I'm sure it will
resonate deeply with our listeners and people who are
watching us. Great.
Thank you. Thank you so much again for the
(57:18):
opportunity. And all that you're doing for
the guy with the red herring is thank you.
Yeah, we'll, we'll get there. We'll get there.
We'll make it happen. We'll make it happen and we'll
make it. We'll make it come alive very,
very soon. And to everyone tuning in, thank
you for joining us on this special episode of Parenthood
Spotlight. If you enjoyed today's
(57:38):
conversation, please subscribe, share, and leave us a review.
Until next time, take care and remember, parenting may not
always be perfect, but it's always worth it.
And now we're trying to see how do we bring some of that into
our books and conversations thatour books can enable for
families. Hello beautiful people, welcome
back to Parenthood Spotlight, where we celebrate inspiring
parents and the incredible things they do.
(00:22):
Today's guest is someone truly remarkable, Shravya, a parent
whose creativity and resilience have not only enriched her own
parenting journey but also holdsa promise to touch countless
others through an upcoming children's book series called
The Girl with the Red Hearing Aids.
Inspired by her experiences withher daughters Divi and Urvi, the
(00:47):
series will feature Tara, a protagonist who embodies
curiosity, inclusion, and resilience.
And Shravya is currently busy bringing Tara's world to life
through a vibrant website and anInstagram channel.
Shravya, welcome to Parenthood Spotlight.
Thank you for having me, Neha. Sravir, just to start, can you
(01:09):
tell us about your parenting journey and how it has shaped
who you are today? Sure, I'll try, but whatever you
just told about me was a little overwhelming.
I want to clarify or maybe correct that all parents are
remarkable in some form or shape, right?
We all try to give our best and there is no benchmark, there is
(01:31):
no comparison. There is no what is better than
the best that we do. And having said that though, of
course, I think parent, becominga parent changes you in multiple
ways. And we've all seen changes,
right? We've made career pivots, I
moved countries, I'm raising a family in another country where
(01:54):
I did not grow up in. So we've learnt a lot of things
as we encounter these experiences and opportunities,
but I think becoming a parent iscompletely different from what
we think it is or there is. Everybody says this right?
There is no guidebook and thingschange and what works for your
(02:16):
family doesn't work for somebodyelse.
What what worked for our parentsdoesn't work for us today.
And all of that is true in different senses.
But again, I did not expect thatlife will change in so many ways
and we'll get to know so much more about ourselves, about
(02:36):
humans in general, about how we navigate and how families
navigate various scenarios. So I just don't know if I can
quantify or tell exactly what has changed.
But I know that I'm a completelydifferent person physically,
mentally, the strength that I never thought I had, the how
(02:59):
much how much I've learnt about life in general.
And incidentally, Neha, the moreI talk about this to my other
friends who are mothers now and I've known them since when they
were like us, clueless. Of course, we're still clueless,
but trying to understand life when you know, we we spoke about
(03:21):
everything growing up. And now when we talk about
becoming mothers, I realized that each one of us has embraced
it very differently. And there is no right or wrong.
There is no, this is the way youshould try or that is the way
that might work. So that is the most fascinating
aspect of parenting that I feel it.
It is like, you know, it just can take any direction.
(03:43):
And at the end of the day, everybody feels like, oh gosh,
this is so different from who wewere.
So, yeah, yeah. And also I, I really loved what
you said. You know, it changes in so many,
it changes us in so many ways. But if you could, if you could
now tell us about the people whochanged you.
So Divi and Urvi who who they are as people?
(04:05):
What are they like? Oh gosh, they are.
Their energy levels are inversely proportional to
anybody's energy levels, I feel to begin with, right?
So late at night at 9:00 when you want to wind out the day,
they're like up with full energyand whatnot.
And then there are times when you're like, please sleep for
10-4 minutes. It's Sunday morning and then
(04:27):
they want to be up and whatnot. So I think one beautiful thing
is that they're always happy. There are these little moments
when they're sad versus US who have to like look for moments
and opportunities to be happy ordo something cheerful, right?
So I feel like that kind of balances us where in a sense
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that you just look at them with that joy.
I don't even know what makes them happy, right?
Sometimes it's just about something is sticking onto the
wall and they're like burst out laughing about it and you know,
these small little things. And then you're like, that is
what it is. You know, life can be that,
whereas we try so hard for multiple things.
(05:09):
And of course, I mean, we can't get very philosophical because
that's just how life is. But I feel like ultimately all
that joy and that curiosity and that selfless and sincere way of
how they look at life. And then they become these kids
that you're like, not able to recognize after a while.
And then I don't know what future holds.
Like Urvi is 6 1/2 now and Devi is little over 4.
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So I'm still and both of them are so different from each other
and I'm just learning a lot in general.
I feel like learning and learning which like relearning
which happens for all of us. But both of them are actually
born with a hearing condition. So they have something called as
bilateral sensory moderate hearing loss which can change.
(05:56):
We don't know. The diagnosis is still on.
They are still young and they are responding to clinical
diagnosis. So that I think has been one
single most aspect which has really shaped our family and our
parenting style. Again, both of them have the
same condition. So I don't have any benchmarking
of what normal kids, the normal families with normal kids, the
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parents of normal hearing kids feel like regular hearing kids
rather this. So they, they both of them use
the hearing aids. And then for URVI, I think they
diagnosed it on like day 2 and then they confirmed the
diagnosis on day five. And then they, we had to go
through multiple rounds and we're still, the diagnosis is
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still on. But the bottom line I'm trying
to say is that it was, it was bittersweet for us, right?
We didn't know what to expect. We didn't know what to how to go
about with it. We did not even understand what
it meant to begin with. So I think that, and I
specifically called that out because I think all my life and
(07:00):
I think my husband would agree with that because we, we
discussed this multiple times. We've never thought about sense
organs like that, right? Fortunately or unfortunately,
we've not had those experiences in our family or with our
friends. And then you're in the inner
circle that you have you, you know of them, you've read of it.
(07:24):
But when it happens, especially to your child, I feel like it is
very different. There are so many times you
listen to moms or you, you as a mother must have felt this,
right? They're like, why did they hit
the table? Instead?
It should have just happened to it should have been something
else. Just because they hit the table
and the, you know, toe is hurting or whatever.
It's like so avoidable. We should have just avoided
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that. We could have like planned it
better or controlled something or things like that for small
things, right? And that this is completely
random and you do not know how you could have controlled the
outcome or what it would have been otherwise.
So I think it took us a very, ittook us quite some time to first
of all, accept it. Second of all, embrace it and
(08:08):
then be like, hey, I don't thinkwe'll ever know why it happened
and why it happened to our kids.So initially reason kicks in,
your rationality kicks in, you'll try to go back and at
least I tried to go back. Oh, that was one time I took an
anti allergic something or was it because of that during
because the rest of my pregnancywas very whatever, you know,
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textbook like, or I went back intime to think about what could I
have done differently. Perhaps I travelled way too much
for work during my pregnancy andsomebody was like, oh, that's
what happened. Like you shouldn't have
travelled so much. You should have taken care of
yourself and then you'll think about that.
And then there were people who talk about karma who like, you
know, this happened because I did something at some point in
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time or and there are various schools of thought again, right?
Like, and these are all people in your own circle.
They're all your well wishers, your friends and family.
So and then your brain also goesin multiple ways.
But I think one thing, two things.
I think I want to say two things, right?
One is definitely accepting the randomness of life.
(09:10):
It took us a while to understand, or at least we
believe that is the truth of ourfamily.
And maybe there is more more to this.
And I don't even know if we wantto know.
But at this point in time, we'vemade peace that this is a random
act of life. And then how do we live with it?
And 2nd is just understanding that sense organs as let's say
there are tools in your tool kit, right?
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And if your child is born with like 1-2 less than the tool kit
is different from how you would think about it, right?
But it took me a very long time to understand that if this is
not it, then there would have been something else perhaps or
something else, right? So it just accepting, like I
said, embracing that this is just our reality.
(09:53):
And then now what do we do next was lot more future looking and
it helped us just having a plan and understanding what we want
to do next gave me the boost which I think like I said, I
took some while to get there. I hope this.
(10:14):
Yeah, yeah, I I want to ask a follow up question on this.
Shravya. I you know, you said a very
important thing. Even I didn't ever think of it
this way. Probably experience makes you
think that way, that to sense organs are just a tool and you
having 1-2 less in your toolkit,probably that's how you navigate
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the world then. But do the girls know what
they're missing or do they have a sense?
Or is it like by seeing everyonearound them, are they getting to
know what they're missing or how?
How does it work? Yeah.
So they both of them use hearingaids.
(10:58):
So they do know that they have to use extra tools and it's a
part of their reality. But to begin with, they're aware
that they have to use hearing aids.
And we've always taken a comparison to say, hey, I have
to use glasses because they helpme see better.
You have to use hearing aids because they help you listen
better. They do not.
(11:19):
Again, they do not have a benchmark because they're born
with it. It's not like progressive or it
happened later in life because of whatever reasons.
So those are the hearing levels with which they're born.
So I don't know they would know what natural hearing or regular
hearing would be like, but they definitely know that they cannot
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hear everything that they want to without the hearing aid.
So they've tried, experimented, and I think Ulvi, now that she's
in kindergarten or she's in first grade now and she's gone
to like a regular school with kids who like she was pretty
much the only one who uses hearing aids in her grade, the
entire grade and which is like four or five class, right?
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So she definitely notices that she needs these tools, which
others in her immediate friend circle and grade do not need it.
So so yeah, to your point, I think they definitely notice
that they need it. But also thanks to technology,
right? I mean, it is amazing the amount
(12:21):
of progress hearing aids have made.
And now you have like Apple phone, which is helping you
almost replicate some of this. And then you have your lots.
And I mean, I don't even want toget into the amount of options
that people have, but pediatric hearing aids are a little are
still not there yet, but they'redoing a great job.
(12:42):
And that is another area where we as a family have decided to
talk about it always like we do not.
There is no hush hush. There is no talking on the back
about what it is or if family asks or if anybody asks what
they are, they themselves are able to advocate and tell why
they need hearing aids, what they are.
So that is something that we've made sure that as like there is
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we we've just wanted to be very open about it.
And in fact, I've signed them upfor a bunch of research studies
in the university here where, you know, pediatric child
development or even, you know, disabilities studies and trying
to understand how does academic caliber is back to hearing loss,
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for instance, because it is so important to be able to listen
to understand concepts and, and you know, language, nutrition,
and all of those concepts which are already very evolved.
So both my kids are often participating one weekend or the
other in university studies, trying to help them do better
with research and understand howtechnology is helping them or
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lack of it. So there are lots of these
experiments that they participate in.
So they're very well aware that there is this important concept
or component in their lives thatthey'll have to.
I don't know if they're thinkingabout it as much in terms of
comparison yet, but they're definitely very aware.
(14:11):
Point. Yeah, yeah.
And Shravya. You know, it's very inspiring
that you said there are multiplestages to it when you first
accept the reality, then embracethe reality, and then you get to
kind of now you're advocating for it.
And I want to talk about the advocacy part, you know.
(14:33):
Tell us what inspired you to create the girl with the red
hearing aids and tell us more about her.
Absolutely. And I hope I don't know where I
want to go with it. Neha.
Yeah. I am just glad that I'm able to
partner with a few friends and get started to begin with.
Yeah. So I've spoken a little bit
about grief, right? And many of my friends who are
(14:55):
mothers now, fathers now do experience some grief because of
the change in identity, right? You just identity change in
yourself. You missed some parts of your
past life. You were somebody to and you
love yourself then, you love yourself now even then, right?
There are some parts of you thatevery parent is grieving,
perhaps in a good way and a bad way.
(15:17):
I'm not saying whichever way, right?
Then there are some parts of youthat have that have completely
changed and we've discussed someof that just now.
So I think at some point I made the pivot.
I was like, I'm going to focus on the things that have changed
just to see how much has changedand why.
And then in that bit, I really, really wanted to pay it forward.
(15:41):
And when I say pay it forward, that's what I do with the
research studies also, right? We as a family have decided to
pay it forward to science. Whichever way, please use my
kids for research, right. So it's in a similar fashion.
We as a family met so many people through this journey and
strangers that we've never heardof experts that we did not know
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existed. As you know, zero to three birth
evaluators and early intervention services is what
it's called here. And I'm sure it's it's there
everywhere. I'm, I only know of my
experiences here parenting in the US, right?
So early intervention providers,speech pathologists,
audiologists, and then there is this psychologist at the special
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school that they go to for the hard of hearing.
And there's so many people who've just played such an
important role in US, just just able to even understand what all
we need to do to begin with, right?
And then you get into that, likeI said, once we had a plan, once
we know what to do, you're just energized, you're like, now I
know what to do, let's just go do it, right?
And then we as a family, when wemanaged to do that and I, I just
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felt like there is just so much that we have learned and so much
that we got a chance to experience.
And I, I wanted to focus on thatand be like, OK, now that we got
this opportunity, why don't we talk about it?
Yeah. And I chose the medium of a
book. Haven't completed it or done or
(17:13):
made as much progress as I wish I did by now.
But definitely glad that at least I'm trying.
Yeah. And like I said, I don't know
where it'll land. I don't know how many people
will read it or I, I really don't know what I want to
accomplish it with in terms of an author.
But I know what I've accomplished as a parent is to
share what I have learnt, right.So I want to be able to do, I
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don't know if I'll be doing justice to all that I want to
share in this format or not. But nevertheless, I wanted to
like make sure that we share what what we've been through as
a family. So yeah.
You talked about, you know, as afamily, this has been what you
want to do. So like, are there conversations
(18:00):
around diversity and inclusion in your own family or like, with
the kids and with your husband and everybody together?
Does this concept, not the implications of it but the
concept as such, come up in conversations?
Oh, yeah, absolutely. And I feel like kids, like you
(18:20):
went back going back to your question about what have you
learnt? I feel like kids question and
question a lot. And every, every family with
kids will tell you this, right? There's a lot of why, why in in
the life. And then there is and it's been
a while that we've questioned like that.
We just have accepted and we've moved on and we said, OK, if
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somebody comes back and tells you that they're queer or LGBTQ,
wherever on the spectrum, you listen to it, you respect it and
then that's it. There is very few conversations
about why. How did you get there?
Did you you know, what was your path?
We do it with some really good friends and we read about it.
We look it up, we research, but we're not very comfortable with
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really open conversations. We do not randomly go ask
people, why are you wearing whatyou're wearing, for example,
right? I mean, that's, and there's good
and bad for it as adults. But what I'm saying is that
kids, I think are a lot more open.
And, and they also, and they askand they notice some things that
we've taken for granted or we'vejust decided to live with, or we
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thought it was inappropriate to talk about or we decided that it
is perhaps not our space or timeto, you know, bring it up.
And so these are the times when I've realized that there is so
much unsaid in like the experiences around us.
And those are the going back to the questioning, There's been a
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lot of questioning about, you know, we read a lot of books, we
watch a lot of content here and there, correct.
And they also are exposed to allkinds of people at school.
So they there are questions about names and how some names
are funny and how they sound different just because they
don't know how to pronounce or they've not heard those names
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before. There's a lot of conversation
about skin tone and color and, you know, hair color because.
They, there are various races that they're exposed to on a
day-to-day basis and they're like, OK, why am I brown skinned
and why somebody else with yellow hair and blue eyes?
And these are just observations.And like I said, we do not talk
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as and when they bring this all up.
There is inherently conversationabout some of this.
And we've also navigated a phasewhere there was lots of
questions about why is this for girls?
Why is this for boys? And I'm sure every family has
these conversations, but I feel like when when they question
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more than anything is we pause and we think about some of these
and then you're like, OK, how dowe explain or how do we bring
this up? So both my girls have started
listening to Katy Perry for somereason.
And then I don't even know if it's a good thing or not.
No, not so funny. But so they were listening to
Women's World and Urvi, my the older one is like she talking
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about a women's world. That's not even fair.
There should be everybody's world.
You know, how about a man's world?
And I was like, see, because they, it's not the same context
like you and I, the minute she talks about women's world.
And so go get it, like you totally are into it and you know
exactly what she means. Because we've seen certain
context, which perhaps is not even apparent to them.
(21:35):
Yeah. Because in and around them, it's
a different reality that they'regrowing up in, right?
Or they learn about Martin Luther King or Rosa Parks at
school. And it is tough to put race into
a context that they are known that they know today, right.
In today's reality, when we're talking about Black Lives Matter
and of course all lives matter, it takes a long time to explain
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that no Black lives matter. And then let's talk about
everything else, right? It is very tough to bring these
conversations into everyday questions that start from kids.
And I feel like that is the space that we have explored, or
rather tried to explore the most, or that is the that is the
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part which was really different for us.
And and now we're trying to see how do we bring some of that
into our books and conversationsthat our books can enable for
families. Yeah.
So coming to that, Shravya, tellus, if Tara could walk into this
room right now, what would she say or do?
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Oh, that's nice. I think she'll definitely have
an elaborate conversation about your beautiful bindi to begin
with. She's learned a lot about that
from people and India trip and you know, my mom and my
mother-in-law and all of that. So she's she's keen, she's very
observant. And then I'm sure she will look
at all the books and the colorful office space that you
(23:07):
have there. And she'll be like, Mama, your
space is so boring. You have like a plain wall and
that's not even colorful and look at that.
So she'll definitely talk about that.
And then she will, I think I want to believe she'll ask about
all of those things that are on the wall and she'll she'll
definitely talk. Would want to know the story
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behind it I would think yeah. I'm so, I'm so enamored by one
thing that you said right now, Shravya, you said, I asked you
about Tara and you said she willsay, Amma, you have a white
wall. So you are, you are literally
you're, you know, it's just the names are different.
(23:51):
But we are talking about Urvi when we talk about Tara.
So Tara I'm I'm very, very sure she's heavily, heavily inspired.
Not just inspired. She's literally Urvi in a
different name. Is that so?
I mean, definitely the inspiration is from our girls.
I mean, no two ways about that. And in fact, the name also, so
(24:13):
Tara was one of the names that we finalized for Urvi.
Wow. At some point in time.
So Ravi, my husband is a big, big fan of stars.
All things start like he'll drive any number of hours to go
see some stars, right? So, so Tara was one of the
names. And then it just so ended up
that we wanted to think of naming Urvi behind or more of an
(24:36):
element so or so then Earth camein and then we thought about
Urvi. And there were a few other
names, you know, like that. And then for Devi, Devi means
sky. So Urvi is Earth and Devi is
sky. And that was then Devi came up.
But yeah, so her name being Karais deliberate, where, you know,
(24:58):
this could have been Ulvi's name.
Definitely inspired by Ulvi for the most part, because it was
when she started going to kindergarten and started asking
us these specific questions. And then we navigated through
play dates, navigated through families who did not know
anything about hearing loss, where we had to tell them things
that they need to do during the play date or things that they
(25:19):
need to be aware of. If, you know, Ulvi doesn't
respond in a certain fashion. Or even for teachers, where we
had to tell them about the accommodations needed is when it
really hit us hard. Till then, we went to a special
school for deaf and the hard of hearing, but everybody knows
exactly what to do. So we were the ones learning
that time. We were like, OK, this seems
(25:40):
like everybody is figured out and we are the ones who need to
figure this out. And now when she went to the
neighborhood school and like I said, she's the only one in the
entire grade, her grade, who uses hearing technology.
And that's when we realized thatthere are so many kids who do
not know what she's, you know, using why she's using them.
What is her reality? What does noise mean to her?
(26:03):
Why is that she why that why should she sit in the first seat
and be closer to the teacher? And why does why does teacher
have to wear a dear sister? So there are all of these things
which are her reality, right? She needs to charge her hearing
aids. She needs to have a charging pod
at school. She has a charging pod at home.
So there are a lot of things that she needs to do for her day
to be like anybody else's day, right?
(26:25):
So that's when we realized that there are lots of, there is a
lot of opportunity for us to talk about this and make this
the new normal for their classroom to begin with.
Then came recess when there are people from the other class who
do not know who also meet her. And then there is corridors and
then there is so many other areas, right?
And then, OK, then we realized that there is there is more to
(26:46):
this. And yeah, so that's how it all
started again. So definitely.
Yeah, so what's what's, what's your end game here?
You said you don't know what what you want it to look like,
but but why are you doing this? Why?
What message or what do you hopeto achieve by putting out these
(27:09):
stories into the world? Very tough question, Neha.
I've been trying to think about this myself.
It is very tricky. Definitely focusing on bringing
in some kind of awareness to begin with about kids with
disabilities and how there are different kids with different
(27:32):
needs, right. And the more we have these
conversations at home, the more we can amplify those
conversations outside in different environments.
It can start anywhere. It can start at school, it can
start at home, but it should, itshould happen at multiple areas
(27:54):
at the library or let's say a story time.
Or maybe there is some other waythat they just chance upon this.
For me, it doesn't matter where they're hearing the story as
long as they understand that what hearing aids are and what,
what Tara's life is to a certainextent.
But more importantly, I feel like Tara is more than just the
(28:18):
hearing aids, right? I think that is a part of her.
And I want that to become like glasses or like just another
thing that, you know, a kid would need or anybody a person
would need because that helps them do something differently or
something better than what they're able, right?
So going back to how what it should, like, what I'm hoping
(28:44):
happens through this is, is to be able to facilitate families
to have conversations about differences to begin with,
right? And then 2 is that by the end of
it, they should realize that Tara is just another kid, right,
who happens to use hearing aids.So it starts with her
(29:05):
differences and it should like. So she stands out because of her
hearing aids perhaps for a while.
And then she is like everybody else.
So she is just another kid who are who has a normal life day at
school. She has her own apprehensions,
her own excitements and her own areas of whatever she's
(29:26):
navigating like anybody else's. Yeah.
And that is what I'm trying to get to.
And again, like I said, I don't know how we will get there.
No path, no vision, no road map.As such, all I have is a name
like you know, and I'm hoping that we can achieve all of this
through Tara story. Yeah.
(29:49):
So now since you said that, I'm very interested in the creative
process that you have or or the lack of one if if you want to
say that, but because you have aday job and you are.
A mom to two. Very, very, very energetic
girls. And then you have other aspects
of life that need taking care of.
(30:11):
And then comes this whole bringing her story to life.
So what is what is the process like?
How do you do it? What has been some of the
biggest challenges that you havefaced?
Yeah. And you're right, I really do
not have a process, but I'll tell you how we are going about
with it. So First things first, the last
(30:34):
thing I want to do is feel like this is a job, right or there is
a timeline, right. To your point, rightfully so,
there are a few things which arewe have to do and at and like,
and it is what it is, right? So if this becomes like that,
then it becomes a chore or it becomes like something which I'm
(30:54):
forcing myself to do. I think that'll completely
defeat the purpose. So I'm trying hard to keep the
joy alive and do not feel like this is bound by something.
The second thing is definitely, like I said, is most of it is
inspired by our everyday conversations and what my girls
bring back from school and from wherever they are at.
(31:15):
So we we are making notes as we speak, right?
Like we, we talk about somethingtoday or, or yesterday or maybe
a week ago. We're not very particular about
a very diligent or discipline inthat sense, but we Mull over
that. We think about, hey, these are
the questions that are being asked.
The people that I'm working withare friends to begin with.
(31:36):
So one of my best friends from Business School.
And then of course you know thatyou are a part of it, Neha.
So thank you. So the reason for bringing
friends on board again is to andmostly keen on bringing mothers
on board is again, because I think we get it.
We are having these conversations in our own homes.
(31:58):
We are mothers were navigating that journey ourselves.
Like I said, every family has their own story, has their own
way of dealing with some of this.
And I want us to be able to share what we are experiencing
and share whatever we are learning in this process.
So again, keeping it very not formal, friends coming together,
doing this with a sense of purpose more than anything else.
(32:23):
But it's at some point we need to figure out a better way to do
this, perhaps to get to what we're trying to achieve here.
But having said that, it has, ithas been more of an exercise to
bring everybody together so far.I think now we will work towards
putting in the effort in that direction.
(32:47):
But yeah, a long way to go. We'll have to get better at
perhaps doing some of this a little bit more deliberately.
Yeah. Hoping to make progress soon,
yeah? Let's OK forget about the
challenges, they'll come and go,but tell me something that has
(33:07):
brought you the most joy while working on this project so far.
I think it has been Urvi coming and checking on the progress.
I feel like she believes in thismore than any of us are.
She knows that we are putting this together every time, you
(33:32):
know, we make some progress. I share it with her and she
looks at it and she's like excited about what is to come.
I'm worried a little bit worriedabout that also because I do not
want it to be like to your pointin my head, Urvi is Tara and
Tara is Urvi, right? At some point I'll have to work
towards seeing how I want to develop that only because I want
(33:54):
to protect Urvi and and make sure that whatever happens in
whichever way we are doing what is right for the girls.
At the end of the day, in this age of AI, social media, what
not, we all know where this could lead, right?
That was one of the intentions as well.
So Neha, I'm not sure if we're covering about that, but like,
(34:16):
you know, I I started running again after like almost a 10
year gap for a marathon at least.
I mean, I ran in between here and there for half marathons,
but a full marathon was primarily again, because of
those grieving pieces that I wastalking about.
After 10 years of moving to the USI really wanted to do
(34:37):
something which I would feel like my past self and which
would just make me think about how I used to be or what I was
especially. I took up a physical challenge
which, you know, I thought was in my control.
And then when I was training formy marathon and when I was
running, I was really thinking about how I have changed and it
(35:00):
was like act of mindfulness for me.
And that was the time when I really thought about it, thought
about it and how much I want to disassociate, disassociate
myself with it. But I think one single thing
that has really, really changed it for me is motherhood, right?
And who you, who you become and the, and, and we've, we've seen
(35:21):
and heard a lot about motherhoodpenalty, about what comes with
it. And I think there's enough said
about it. And we all know that in some
unique form of fashion, we all relate to it, right.
And I remember Serena Williams when she tried, when she
retired, she wrote this article and we were all like, oh gosh,
we never thought, I mean, SerenaWilliams is somewhere else and
(35:44):
we know where we are, but everybody could relate to what
she had said right word to word.I remember so many of our
friends discussing that and be like, oh gosh, she summed it up
for all of us. And she really, but if she felt
like that, imagine us right likelesser mortals, people like just
trying to get by everyday life. And so that is the truth.
(36:05):
And I, and I say this again and again, right, like I completely
believe in equality. Of course men, man and woman are
equal, but we are wired very, very differently.
Biologically. We are wired differently.
I feel like something just happens to us after we become
mothers, right? It's not about rationality, it
is not about reasoning. It is not that you're not
(36:27):
ambitious. Some of some of them are career
ambitious. It's not like you cannot pay for
childcare or you can pay for childcare.
It does not matter. I don't think it is.
And there are so many times my friends are like, oh, I wish I
could clone myself, right and beat place.
Why do we say that? Because I think we just want to
be able to do it all right? So I think going back to your
(36:47):
question of what gives you the most joy is that I think this is
1 outlet through which I am ableto share one of the many changes
that has happened to me, right? Again, going back to the point
of as much as I want to grieve about my old self, I also want
to focus on these new elements that got added to my life.
(37:08):
And I think this book series might give me the opportunity to
focus on that thing and amplify it and share it beyond.
So I think that's what I'm looking forward to.
And and this, this is very, thisis very inspiring.
Shavia, I want to talk about notyou.
You talked about, you know, how you want to start the book with
(37:32):
a girl who's different or who seems different.
And then she kind of becomes a normalized, her differences are
normalized and she becomes one of the other kids.
So also talking about the broader themes and impact of the
book series, you know, in the coming in the coming editions,
(37:55):
what do you think books like Tara's World and The Girl with
the Hearing Aids are essential for today's children and
families? Yeah, I mean, that's a very
interesting question they have because just about the other day
I was talking to somebody about what do books even mean in the
age of AI created books, right? Like what does content even
(38:16):
mean? Like you do not even know how
much of that is authentic anymore.
What are the illustrations are authentic?
Is it coming from somebody else's experiences or what?
That's when I realized that I think it doesn't matter where it
comes from. Is it AI generated or is it
human experiences LED? Or is it some mother behind it
(38:37):
who's feeling very emotional about the book writing?
I think as long as it strikes the right chord and it does what
it needs to do so it should, theprocess perhaps doesn't matter
anymore. Like if there's a really good
book which AI generated, if I enjoyed it and if I did what it
has to do to me, does it really matter?
(38:59):
Right. And the reason I bring this up
is again, because I don't know if books is the format you want
to go or you've mentioned the website Instagram stories.
I wish there was more method to this madness that's happening in
my head right now, but I just feel like that there is it could
be crowdsourced, it could be, I mean, there's just so many
things that we think about, right?
But so I think as long as Tara'sstory is accepted and and people
(39:29):
can understand at least kids growing up.
So this is what I always felt Neha, that especially when my
girls had to go to a special school, right, to learn how to
use technology, how to advocate for themselves, to understand
that their needs are different. We we do so much for kids who
are different to fit into the normal world, right, or the
(39:50):
regular world. We do very little for the
regular kids to understand the needs of the different ones,
right? We are doing a great job.
I think schools and curriculums and books are doing a really
good job. But I think what empathy and.
The amount of learning that you have in your classmate is one of
them or your friend is one of it's very different.
(40:13):
Like you, it actually becomes very different.
So I want Tara to be this character that they all know,
you know, like, like I how I said when I was growing up, I
did not know of hearing loss or I did not of hearing loss or
understand it as much. Even when I had my kids, right?
I had to learn a lot of things and our family has had to learn
and we had to share so much witheveryone and all of that.
(40:34):
So, and, and I just, and if it was glasses, I don't think we
would have thought so much, correct?
Like we've all seen so many morepeople with glasses and we know
of course there are some limitations.
I'm running with my glasses. If I'm swimming, it's a
different problem. Or if I'm doing something, of
course there are challenges witheverything.
But just that we've somehow accepted glasses and they've
been managed mainstream. They've been enough heroes and,
(40:57):
you know, characters created around it or there is a style
quotient with glasses and it's just become a different thing
all together. Hearing aids are not there yet,
especially for kids, right. So I think some of this takes a
while and and that's what that'swhat I think ultimately
answering your question. I, I just want Tara to be that
(41:19):
person in, let's say some families where they do not see
kids with other needs or they donot know how to have these
conversations or others conversations don't come up at
all. So if there's, if the family is
reading the book together or if the child has happened to chance
upon this book comes back home and talks about Tara to their
parents, I think that is that isthe job done.
(41:41):
I mean, that's the mission to begin with, yeah.
Yeah. And you talked about, you know,
kids using the book as as a conversation starter for these
conversations. But what about parents using the
books or, or whatever the Tara'sworld, as we call it to, as a
(42:03):
tool to inspire deeper conversations?
How? How do you see that?
Oh, absolutely. So I am assuming or I am safely
assuming that when they look at some of the illustrations in the
book or when they talk about or when they read about, like I
said, Tara has to do a few things, right?
She has to charge her hearing aids, put them on and turn on
(42:25):
the DM system at classroom. Or there are a few things which
are quintessential for her to have a regular day.
And when those things are spokenabout in some form or fashion in
the series, right? Because it's a part of who she
is. I want them to talk about
technology that helps people with certain needs.
I want them to talk about hearing happens to be one of the
(42:47):
many disabilities, right? There are so many more.
And I'm I'm sure that as parents, when we explain
something, we give examples, we crystallize the concept.
We try to make it simplify it, make it as be relatable as
possible. And that could perhaps be
something else that their grandmother is using or
something else the neighbor is using or or they could come drop
(43:08):
parallels. This is exactly like what your
grandfather uses or whatever, right?
So we want that to happen. So that again goes back to
saying Tara is not very different.
She's just somebody who we all know and this happened to be
this, right? So I think as long as we are
enabling that to happen, that will always continue to be
(43:30):
better than not having any of these conversations in in
families, right. So yeah.
Yeah, and, and Shravya, I am, you might say that you don't
have a plan and you know, but I,I am seeing it as a long lasting
forever kind of an endeavor where we just keep adding to the
stories and we could, we could just keep enriching Tara's world
(43:52):
with details and with scenarios.So here's my long, you know,
short question to you. What do you hope the impact that
Tara's world and these stories have on parents and children
1020 years from now? Or what do you hope it become?
(44:15):
Do you like I'm, I'm preempting some of it that you said you
constantly draw parallels to theglasses that so do you see it as
normalized as glasses are hearing aids as normalized as
glasses are? Or is there some kind of a, you
know, more nuanced hope that youhave?
(44:36):
Yeah, I mean glasses is an easy parallel.
Neha, you're right. I quote, I quoted it a few
times. More importantly, I, I do not
want any other parent 10 years from now to feel as lost if they
get the news like how our familydid.
Had we thought of hearing aids like glasses, we would have
(44:58):
reacted very differently perhapsfor the 1st 18 months, right?
We just felt lost. We felt like, oh gosh, we were
dramatic. Like, Oh my God, why did this
happen to us? At the end of the day, all
they're using is hearing aids, right?
Of course there are challenges with it, but it's not like it
could have been worse is what I'm trying to tell you.
But at that point in time as a new mother or a new parent, and
(45:20):
if you hear that, oh gosh, this is hearing loss and she's born
with it. And whatever it I, I, I needed
some support system and I got itfrom a lot of people,
thankfully. But what I'm trying to say is
that if it was like glasses whenI first heard this news, I think
I would have enjoyed my first 18months and motherhood
differently. Well, at least I don't know if I
(45:41):
would have enjoyed it because itis a lot of work, but I wouldn't
have been so, you know, scared for the future.
So lost. So not knowing what it was and,
and imagine the progress we've made that we decided to have
another child despite knowing that there is a 25% chance or
whatever. We got a chance number that was
(46:02):
thrown at us. But we were like, but if this is
what it is, we don't mind havinganother kid, right?
So I want that for other parentsto be parents by then to be
like, this is nothing. There is so much more that could
go differently, right? So I think that is that is what
(46:23):
I hope. I hope Tara becomes this
character who helps new parents or anybody who's not familiar
with this feel like they can navigate it.
If our family could, anybody should be able to.
And again, we don't know enough.Like I said, the diagnosis is
still on. I don't know how they will be
when they're teenagers with their hearing aids.
(46:45):
I don't know they might. I mean, there are schools of
thought which tell that you do not, should not use technology
for children. They need to make a decision
when they're older if they need to, if they want to use it or
not or or they want to learn sign language.
We've explored that as a family.So there is a lot more.
And that's why when you said howdo you see Tara evolving?
(47:06):
I want to bring all of that to life.
How, how is a teenage Tara feeling like when she's thinking
about her acne and what not? Is she also thinking about her
hearing aids or her hair, which is like going to cover it or not
cover it or get tangled in it orI don't know where it how it
happens and how she's going to think about it or, or is she
going to be like this, whoever that is going to make do
(47:29):
something more with science and hearing technology or she's
going to take inspiration from it and do some kind of work,
which might be truly inspiring for her.
So there are lots of things thatI'm that I'm feeling that her
hearing aids will inspire her todo as she evolves.
And with her, I want everybody who knows Tara to evolve in that
(47:51):
journey. Right.
So yeah. Yeah, I I am again struck by
something you said. You know, you don't know how
Tara will evolve because how youdon't know how Urvi will evolve
in life, right. So now, talking about the book
as it is now, and the Girl with the Red Herring AIDS and the
(48:12):
world around her, does it? Is it your expression of who
Urvi is, or is it Urvi's expression of who Urvi is?
What what? What is it more like?
I'm, I mean, definitely inspiredby Urvi, but Neha, there are a
lot of questions and topic areaswhich I've gathered from a lot
(48:35):
of other parents as well. Parents in general navigate
gender conversations. They navigate so many of these
questions that I was talking about because kids question.
So it is the topic areas are crowd sourced are sound.
I mean the more people get to know it, they will understand
that it is something that happens across most families,
(48:57):
not just families with when navigating hearing loss or use
hearing aids. So that Tara is more than just
her hearing loss like I said. So there will be topics that
will be beyond just that. So inspired by Urvi for sure,
and her journey, but I think shewould be any other child by the
(49:17):
as, as it evolves is what I'm thinking.
Yeah. So yeah.
Something that I want to touch upon, Shravya, you said, you
know, in your personal life, yousaid you knowingly made the
decision to have another child, second child and then getting to
know that Divi was also born with the same condition or the
(49:38):
similar diagnosis, was it, was it a surprise again?
It was not a surprise because weknew that there is a possibility
now that would be his condition was diagnosed by then to a
certain extent. And we got a percentage like
doctors have said that there's 25% chance.
We wanted to take that chance, right?
I mean, that's how life is. We were like, OK, it wasn't a
(50:02):
surprise, but it was definitely a re reconfirmation that this is
our reality, right? Even with one, one of them not
having it would have been a family which is still learning
empathy for each other and for differences with both of them
having it. Fortunately or unfortunately,
(50:22):
they have each other. They know exactly what they must
be feeling, what they're going through.
And Urvi could be a walking, talking mentor encyclopedia for
DV, right? And we definitely felt like we
were a lot more prepared for DV's journey because we we've
taken care of a lot of things for Urvi.
But the guilt was still the same, right?
(50:44):
The guilt was more for Divi because this time we knew, I
mean, for Ruby, it was OK, random act of life, right?
We said OK, we did not know. Not our fault.
She's here. And now we're taking care of it.
But for Divi, despite knowing wewent through it, I mean, we
selfish people, right? Like we, we are bringing in
another child. And what if Divi tomorrow
(51:06):
sometime ends up asking us like,you know, knowing would be
hazard, why did you do this? I mean, you know what?
So definitely, like I said, there was guilt the first time
there was. I feel like the guilt the second
time felt was but this again, this is our reality.
This is the girl's reality, right?
(51:28):
I want to look at it like they have each other.
I think, like I said, none of usunderstand till now what exactly
they can hear, what they cannot.We're trying our best with
diagnosis, with hearing aids, and you know all of those that
we do. But I feel like they will get
each other perhaps. And when they navigate, at least
they have each other to talk about it and to exchange notes
(51:52):
or whatever that siblings do. I think that's our way of making
peace with it. But it went back to the point
that I often talk about control,right?
You think that you have things in control.
You think that you've done everything.
You went to the doctors, you've got a genetic whatever
(52:12):
percentage, you found out what it is, but it is what it is.
It could have been 75% versus 25%.
So there is no way we could know.
That's why it's called chance, right?
Yeah. And then when it happens to you
in life, then you realize that chance, data points, proof
points, the thing matters just how it is like it is what it is.
(52:39):
And this is our reality today. And it is very easy for me to
talk like this because it's beena while and we've, you know,
like I said, we've come a long way as a family, but we have a
long, long way to go. I'm sure there will be
questions. I'm sure they'll come back and
ask us some of these where we won't even be prepared and we
wouldn't even know how to have this conversation.
(53:00):
But I want to, I'm looking forward to how they will embrace
the reality like we made peace with it.
I don't know if they know enoughyet.
And when will they make these? There are times when I'm running
and I'm like, I've embrace contact lenses much before.
And you know, there are days when you're swimming and I like,
I wish see underwater and actually see those colours,
whatever that is, right? So there are times when we talk
(53:23):
about it with our glasses as well, right?
But so I don't know how they aregoing to deal with it.
And that is again will be a learning journey for all of us.
Yeah, yeah. And you talked about, you know,
your, your journey, your learning journey.
And I'm very interested to know that now from what you know you,
(53:44):
I mean with what you know now, if you could go back in time and
tell your younger self one thing, what would be it?
I was always a planner. I still am a planner, right?
I like to plan. I'd like to have like a view, I
(54:04):
cannot embrace ambiguity. Too much of it is like whatever,
like I can deal with it. But I in life, I mean, at work
it's a different scenario, but in life you want more plan.
I would say again, you think you're planning.
You think there are a lot of things in control.
You feel like you're doing everything that you can do
(54:26):
reduce the surprises in your life.
But it will always, life will always surprise us and we will
surprise ourselves. My parents are surprised by how
much we as a family have made progress.
My parents surprised me by how they've embraced this.
(54:46):
My father, especially the role he had played during all of
this. So I think all through, it's
filled with a lot of surprises. So I would have just told myself
that there is only so much you can do as long as you're at it
like you don't like. I don't want anybody to give up
(55:07):
on anything as long as you're not giving up and like, OK, this
is like totally not in my control.
So why are we even doing what we're doing?
I don't want anybody to do that,but understand that there is
only so much we can control. So I think that would be the
only thing about it myself. And what would you tell the
others? Probably the first people
(55:27):
listening to us right now or watching us right now.
What would you tell them if you were to give a piece of advice?
Advice and all, I don't know, but I will.
I will definitely ask people to try and embrace whatever their
reality is. It's very.
It's easier said than done, but once we make peace, we just
(55:51):
because I feel like when they'regrateful for certain parts of
our life, we should be grateful for all of it.
We cannot pick and choose parts that I will be grateful for.
So if this happened again, random act of life, at least I,
my, my school of thought is thatmost of life is random, right?
So it isn't. So there is again going back.
(56:14):
There's not so much you can do, right?
And if you're grateful for some parts of your life, this random
act is also a part of your life.So you just have to be grateful
for all of it. And once we make peace, I feel
like our best will just come outbecause now that we've made
peace with what it is, and then you'll be like, OK, I'll
continue to do what I'm going todo, and I'm going to be my
awesome self. So how does it matter?
(56:36):
Right? So yeah.
Now, how beautiful is that, Shravya?
How beautiful. I think you just sound like, you
know, so, so I don't know what'sthe word for it, but it's very,
very inspiring to hear you talk.And I just want to go on
forever. But we have come to an end to
(56:57):
our conversation. But thank you so much for being
here, for sharing your heart, your wisdom and the magic of,
you know, the girl with the red herring aids with us.
Your journey is very, very inspiring and I'm sure it will
resonate deeply with our listeners and people who are
watching us. Great.
Thank you. Thank you so much again for the
(57:18):
opportunity. And all that you're doing for
the guy with the red herring is thank you.
Yeah, we'll, we'll get there. We'll get there.
We'll make it happen. We'll make it happen and we'll
make it. We'll make it come alive very,
very soon. And to everyone tuning in, thank
you for joining us on this special episode of Parenthood
Spotlight. If you enjoyed today's
(57:38):
conversation, please subscribe, share, and leave us a review.
Until next time, take care and remember, parenting may not
always be perfect, but it's always worth it.
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