Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Okay, so our guest today here on Patty's Place is
Debbie Miller, a certifiedsenior advisor, an aging in
place specialist and author ofDoing the Right Thing Simple
Solutions, essential Tips andHelpful Resources for Assisting
Aging Loved Ones.
So, debbie, I'd like to welcomeyou to Patty's Place.
How are you today?
Speaker 2 (00:25):
aging loved ones.
So, debbie, I'd like to welcomeyou to Patty's Place.
How are you today?
Thank you, I'm doing great andI appreciate being invited to
come on your show.
Thank, you.
So I read your book.
So what made you want to writethis book?
Well, it all started back in1995, which sounds like eons ago
but I was responsiblepersonally, as an adult child,
(00:47):
for the care of my parents, myin-laws and two sets of aunts
and uncles who didn't have anychildren.
And it was over a period ofabout two years and I had to do
everything you know run to thegrocery store, fill out Medicare
forms, take them wherever theyhad to go with health issues,
take them wherever they had togo with health issues.
And once they had all passedaway, I just kind of said you
(01:08):
know what?
I'll bet you there's going tobe other baby boomers, adult
children like me, who are notgoing to know what to do and
don't have time to figure it out.
So I'm going to write this bookto help them, you know, educate
and empower them to make betterdecisions for their loved one.
(01:30):
And so over the years I wasalready in real estate, but I'd
always wanted to be a socialworker.
So this was kind of a good fitand I've helped hundreds of
adult children and their parentsmake the move to another
facility or age in place safely.
And the book is a compilationof not everything I've learned,
(01:52):
but the basics to help you getstarted and learn things before
it's too late.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
And it is very overwhelming as an adult child
having to take.
You know my mom had dementiaand trying to figure it out and
navigate.
It's a lot.
So what type of advice wouldyou give someone who's
struggling with a parent whomaybe can no longer live alone?
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Well, I think there's a few things that you can do.
The problem is, many peoplethink, oh well, mom's doing fine
, I'll worry about that when thetime comes.
Well, you need to do theresearch before it's too late,
because once she falls orthere's an emergency, you won't
know who to call, you won't knowwhat questions to ask and you
(02:39):
don't know where to look.
So do some homework beforehandand at least you'll be prepared,
because a lot of times, let'ssay, she fell and now can no
longer live in her own home.
You have to find a place.
Well, a lot of the betterplaces have wait lists, and so
waiting till the last minute isnot good.
(03:00):
And I realized that people say,oh well, mom's doing just great
.
Well, that's wonderful, but andso you need to at least
research, because there are lotsof options out there for her
(03:20):
depending on what the issues arewith her health Exactly.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
So what type of questions do you think someone
should ask themselves todetermine?
Speaker 2 (03:26):
if their loved one can stay at home or they may
need additional care.
Yeah, we refer to it as theADLs activities of daily living.
And when you visit, if you livefar away, it's harder to
ascertain what might be theproblem.
But if you visit her, can shecook for herself easily, can she
get herself dressed, dohousework, even simple things
(03:49):
like changing the sheets on themattress can become a challenge.
So if you notice that she'shaving a bit of problems, or
maybe she forgets something thatshe did or she can't find her
car keys take note, find her carkeys, take note.
(04:09):
It helps to talk to her doctorand see what the doctor thinks,
because they have testing theycan do to ascertain where she is
in the scheme of things.
And the other thing I love ishaving an aging life care
manager to come in.
They will do an assessment ofthe situation, of her living
situation, and makerecommendations and help her get
placed, if that's what has tohappen or how to fix the home so
(04:34):
that it can be lived in moresafely.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
And how would somebody go about even finding
an aging life care manager?
Speaker 2 (04:42):
They have a website.
They're all all over thecountry, so, regardless of where
you live, uh, you come on tothe uh website and it is aging
life care.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Uh, let's see because I know aging life care
association aginglifecareorg orgokay, because I know that's
partly too.
I you know I have a lot offriends right now too.
They're taking care of their,their, their parents, and it's
(05:19):
so overwhelming to even knowwhere to start to get your
parents some help.
So what would an aging lifecare manager?
What would they do for somebody?
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Okay, well, when you come on their website, you can
come up on their they have asection called what is Aging
Life Care and come in there andfind an aging life care expert.
They have a lot of informationthat's a big help on their
website so you can put in yourzip code and they will give you
a list of people.
(05:52):
They can come in and do anevaluation.
They can substitute for you.
If you live far away, they cancome in, make sure she takes her
medicine, make sure she gets tothe doctors things like that as
well as help you if she has tobe placed in some other facility
, help you know what thatfacility should be and how to go
(06:14):
about filling out the paperworkto get in.
They do a myriad of things forthe adult child.
It's a wonderful resource andI've used them many times over
the years to help not only withmy situation, but also just
(06:34):
recommending them to adultchildren that I work with,
because they really it's like asubstitute person to be there in
your place and also they workwith the adult child.
You know they don't leave youout, but it's an encouraging
situation.
They help you with resourcesand lots of ways to deal with
(06:55):
issues that come up.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Do you happen to know is this service free or is
there a charge?
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Well, when you first talk to them, they're not going
to charge you because it may notbe the right fit, and then they
usually will have like aretainer fee or charge an hourly
rate, but each one is different.
When you come up on the websiteand find all the different ones
, you're going to want todefinitely talk to more than
(07:22):
just one, because you're goingto click with somebody, right?
away personality-wise, andthat's what you're looking for,
because this person is going tobe a part of your life care for
a long time and they will tellyou what they charge for
different things, like they'lltake your mom to the doctor or
they'll make sure she gets hermedication.
(07:43):
It depends on how serious andhow detailed the work is that
they have to do, but they willexplain to you.
So it's a good idea to talk totwo or three of them just to see
you know who makes sense foryou in your situation and also
the care that they provide andhow much it costs, Because a lot
of times the adult child ifthey're close by, they can do
(08:07):
some of the things, but if theyneed help, they're a great
resource to help out.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
So what type of advice would you give someone if
their parent isn't ready toaccept the help?
You know, because a lot oftimes you know my mom was very
independent.
She would be like I'm fine, I'mfine, I don't want anyone want
anyone.
You know she would haveresisted someone coming in.
So what?
What can you do?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
because it's a hard battle oh yeah, it's one of the
hardest parts of the wholeprocess in my opinion.
But, um, you have what I didonce uh, I've done this more
than once actually but I invitethe person the life care manager
ahead of time and I explain thesituation about mom or dad or
(08:52):
whatever the situation might be,give them a little bit of
background and then have themcome with you on a visit and
just kind of introduce mom tothem gently, because they're
trained social workers andnurses.
They know how to deal withpeople in dire situations, so
they're used to this and theyhave a lot of different
(09:13):
techniques to help you.
And mom may not want it, but ifyou wait until it's too late,
then it's too late, and I'venever met a parent yet who
thought, oh yeah, sure, let'shave them come in and take over.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
no, it doesn't happen that way, trust me on that and
you will know from experienceright they.
They tell you they're like Idon't need your help.
When did my adult child becomemy parent?
You know they get.
They get very upset.
You know which I understand,which I understand as of today.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Mom, I became your parent, exactly, exactly, but
both my mother-in-law and mymother both said no, nobody's
going to take care of me.
You're not putting me intoassisted living.
Exactly, I know that feeling.
I know that feeling.
Yeah, one of the hardest partsis when the adult child becomes
(10:11):
a parent to their parent,because it's a totally different
mindset.
Yes, it is.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
You're reminding mom, did you take your medicine Of?
Speaker 2 (10:16):
course I took my medicine.
What's the matter with you.
You don't think I can do that,oh yeah.
And then you get over there andyou found out that they haven't
taken it in three days.
So you know.
Then you just have to put yourfoot down sometimes and just say
you know, mom, this is whatwe're going to have to do,
because I can't bear the thoughtof having something happen to
you because we didn't takeaction.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Exactly.
So what should somebody lookfor when they're visiting, say,
an assisted living community,because that's overwhelming too
when you go into those places,community, because that's
overwhelming too when you gointo those places.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
I have oh yeah, I put down I I learned so much from
this uh exercise.
Um, as far as what to ask, andI I think I have like three or
four pages in my book, but Iwant you to.
When you go in, you make anappointment and a marketing
person is most likely the firstperson you're going to meet up
with and they're only going totell you what they want you to
know.
What you need to know is whatyou don't know and how to find
(11:15):
out.
So what you want to find out?
Well, what happens if mom fallsand has to go into your rehab
center for a while?
What happens to dad?
(11:36):
And do you have to pay rent orextra fees for both services?
In other words, you're paying amonthly fee to live in the
apartment as an independent, butthen one of you has an issue
and then you have to move intorehab for a while.
It may be 20, 30 days, but howmuch extra does that cost?
And then, if the other big onethat I learned was, let's say,
(12:01):
the facility has 20 beds inrehab, but you're the 21st
person and they don't have a bedfor you, when do you go?
Well, then you want to find out.
Well, where would you take mymom if she had to have rehab for
a while and there's no bedavailable in the facility?
Where will she go and how willyou let me know about where she
(12:24):
is?
And do they have to haverenter's insurance for the
personal items in theirapartment?
Every state requires a residentbill of rights and it has to be
posted somewhere obvious sothat you can read it.
But you want to also talk withother residents about how they
(12:48):
live there.
Do they like it and otherthings to do, or is it all just
kind of sitting around watchingTV all day?
Do the residents socialize withone another?
Are they happy?
Does it smell funny when youwalk in the door?
You know there's nothing worsethan a urine odor when you walk
in.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Yes.
Is there a staff personavailable to coordinate home
health care visits from a nurse,a physical therapist or
whatever, if needed?
What is the procedure that theyuse to respond to a resident's
medical emergency?
If there's an evacuationrequired, like California with
the fires or Florida withflooding, what is their
(13:24):
evacuation plan and is itsomething that you think is
realistic?
And how many people do theyhave on staff to help with that?
And what are the trainingrequirements for staff?
Are they really capable peopleon staff?
Do they have to pass a criminalbackground check?
What training is provided forthe staff on elder abuse and
(13:49):
neglect?
What is the policy forreporting suspected abuse?
Do they allow hospice care?
Some communities you know theycan take you in and have
assisted living facilities, butthen if they have memory care
for a dementia, do they?
have that or do you have to moveagain?
For example, a life carecommunity with a life plan
(14:15):
community is you walk in as anindependent and as long as you
can walk in by yourself, theywill take care of you through
all phases of your life,regardless, until you pass away
and you know you're only in oneapartment and then when you need
to have memory care, you'llmove to another floor and then
when you need hospice, you'llmove to yet another floor so
(14:37):
that they keep you.
It's quiet for you when you'rethere.
You don't need to be involvedin all the hustle bustle of the
independent people.
Is there a staff personavailable to coordinate home
health care visits from a nurse,a physical therapist?
You want to check the residencyagreement before you move in.
That's very important.
(14:59):
You want to know what plan theyhave available.
How much does it cost?
Are there varying levels ofplans?
Some places will have plan A,plan B, plan C, and it depends
on how much you pay as to howmuch you get as far as services.
There's so many other differentthings, but those are just a
(15:21):
few.
But can you go in and spend thenight?
Or can you take yourgrandchildren in to spend the
night and, if they can, how muchdoes that cost?
And what's the reason that aresident might be told to move
out of a community?
Is it because the communityitself doesn't have the care
that is needed?
(15:42):
For example, if they're inassisted living but the
community does not providedementia or Alzheimer's care,
that means they have to move.
And will that staff help themfind a facility that is
agreeable and amenable to yourparents or your loved ones to
care for them?
Or I had one woman she was sodifficult to work with.
(16:05):
We got her in and all she didwas call me.
She said, well, they're justyelling at me all the time.
So I talked to the staff andthey said, well, all she does is
cause trouble, so we can't keepher, because the other people,
they have a right to a quietenvironment.
So she had to move out and shedidn't like that.
(16:26):
But that was the way it was,and there's a lot of different
things that you have to thinkabout, but the marketing people
are not necessarily going to askyou, they're not going to tell
you and you need to know what toask.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Definitely, because it is overwhelming, because when
you, especially you knowsometimes when you go to those
places you don't have a choiceand so you feel overwhelmed
about the whole thing anyway.
Oh yeah, you know.
So if you have a resource likeyour book to kind of prepare,
that's helpful too to kind ofprepare.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
That's helpful too.
So you mentioned Remember too,lisa, the ones that are
for-profit.
I call them facilities.
They have what I call aheads-in-the-bed mentality,
whereas faith-based orchurch-based, religious-based
groups are not quite asaggressive about that.
But those marketing people haveto fill the empty spaces and as
people pass away they have anempty bed.
(17:28):
So it's a heads-in-the-bedmentality and they like to put
pressure.
They'll come back and I meanI've had clients be told oh well
, we'll pay this and this andthis for you and you can come in
right now, and otherwise theywould have been told oh well,
it's going to be at least a yearbefore we can get you in.
So as soon as you balk at it,they're going to come after you.
So be careful about theaggressive tactics that some
(17:50):
communities use to get yourloved one in their facility.
It's just you need to becareful about that and look at
more than one facility beforeyou make a decision and find out
.
I like to tell people move into move up.
In other words, they might nothave the exact floor plan that
you're looking for initially,but they may have something a
(18:12):
little smaller.
That's not quite perfect, butit's available sooner and that's
important.
You need to get the careprovided as quickly as possible
and then, once you're inside, onthe inside track, so to speak,
oh wow, well, we put you on thelist ahead of everybody on the
outside.
So you stand a better chance ofgetting in if you move in to
(18:33):
move up and you get the one youreally want.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
So those are all very good, because it is a very
overwhelming situation Very muchso.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
And you've got a job, you've got kids and you don't
even know what to look for.
You don't even know if thereare any places near you and if
your parent doesn't live closeby.
Do you keep them in a facilitywhere they live now or do you
move them in with you for awhile until you look for
something?
There's a lot of choices andthey can't be made and quickly.
(19:05):
You have to take your time andhave time to evaluate.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Oh, definitely, and you know if the if your parent
is still living alone or ifthey've moved in with you.
You mentioned about creating asafe space in a person's home.
Yes, like you suggested, likemaybe improving lighting through
the interior, exterior of thehome.
What are some other ways?
You know?
Like I know, with my mom.
She lived with me for a shorttime before we, before she went
(19:30):
into mammary care.
Like for her situation, we hadto take all the knobs off the
stove, you know, and differentthings like that.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
I remember hearing that I listened to your podcast
on that subject and, yeah, youdon't know what can go wrong.
But one thing that's veryimportant, or two things
actually, that I would like tostress.
There are a number of things todo, but one is to make sure, if
they live in a single-familyhome, make sure the exterior
(20:20):
house number is easily readablefrom the street, because when
the ambulance comes, even thoughthey're using GPS, that light
on the house number is a bighelp to them to act quickly and
it just makes a big difference.
And then I've worked with a lotof hoarders and accumulators
over the years, and I find thatif a fireman cannot get in to
(20:45):
the house through a window orthe door because there's so much
trash and stuff blocking theway, that's going to be a
problem, because they need to beable to get in and they're
carrying a backpack of healthsupplies on their back and they
have to get in, and they'reusing an axe or whatever.
So make sure that the areasthere's a clear path to move
(21:08):
around inside the property, andif you have to put the magazines
up and away, then so do it.
Or have one room set aside forstuff that your loved one
doesn't want to part with at all, because it's just the most
wonderful thing they've ever had, even though they don't
remember where they got it orwhat's in it.
Just be sure it's safe and youcan.
(21:32):
The well-lit entrance, though,and getting rid of a throw rug.
Make sure the path that theyhave to walk, because if they're
on a walker or a cane, it'shelpful to have the hallways
wide enough to be able to walk,because if they're on a walker
or a cane, it's helpful to havethe hallways wide enough to be
able to walk next to theminstead of behind them.
But the way houses wereconstructed back in the day, a
(21:52):
lot of hallways are not wideenough and bathrooms are not
large enough to accommodateeither a wheelchair or even a
walker.
So there's different thingsthat you can do, but the safety
is important.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Oh, definitely Like that was our always our biggest
concern.
We just wanted to make sure shewas safe, right.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
And that, to me, is paramount.
Yeah, so, and remember oneother thing.
One other thing, lisa.
I'll just mention it quickly.
A lot of people are saying,well, medicare will pay for me
to have this tub, a walk-in tub.
Just be aware, first of all,before you do it, you need to
(22:31):
find out how far away the firedepartment is, because when the
paramedics come, time is of theessence.
And if that tub takes sevenminutes to fill and seven
minutes to drain, that could bethe difference between life and
death, because they cannot gether out of the tub until the
water's drained.
People don't think about that.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
But that's a big concern.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
That's a big concern, I think, and you know it's
wonderful to be able to take abath, but if you're going to and
if you have a care providerwith her helping her bathe, they
can't lift her out.
She's too heavy.
So the paramedics, when theyget there, or the fire guys get
there, they have to be able toget her out quickly, and every
(23:14):
minute counts, and so if thefire department is further away
than how long it's going to takefor the water to drain, you
really need to rethink that.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Yeah, I didn't even think about that.
And then too, if you do thosewalk-in tubs, those are very
expensive too.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Well, and they say oh , Medicare will pay.
Well, these guys are makingmoney hand over fist and I don't
mean to speak disparagingly ofthem, because I've remodeled a
lot of bathrooms myself over theyears.
But you want to just be carefulbecause sometimes they will
forget or not tell you thatthere's supposed to be a barrier
, a waterproof barrier, behindthe wall and behind the tiles
(23:54):
that they put in.
And if you don't have that,then you can have mold grow
easily and just things like thatthat you don't know about
construction.
That can make all thedifference in the world.
And those tubs it's wonderfulto see them in the picture, you
know, and relaxing and taking abath, but if they have a heart
attack while they're in the tub,it's going to be extremely
(24:16):
difficult to get them out intime to be able to get them to
emergency care.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
And that's the most important If you have to call
the paramedics, you want to makesure they can help them as soon
as possible.
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
Exactly, exactly.
And it takes time for the tubto drain and people think, oh, I
can just get in and out like aregular tub, but you can't.
That door is locked and itwon't unlock until the water is
drained out.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Oh, ok, see, I did not know that.
Yeah, an adult child shouldobtain from their parents.
I know it's a long list.
I'm lucky in the sense thatbefore my mom got sick, my mom
and dad had done the wills andthe powers of attorneys, and all
(25:02):
that at a time, and even now mydad always makes sure I know
where everything is.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Oh, that's wonderful.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Yeah, so how would an adult child even go about
trying to talk to their parentabout this, getting information
that you need, Because sometimesyou don't know you need the
information, until you'restanding in the hospital and
you're like I don't know wherethis is you know, right, and
that's that's very important.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
And just starting a conversation with your parent
about you know what, what theirfuture might be as far as
housing and health care isimportant, and starting the
conversation on you know, mom,where would I find your life
insurance policy?
Or do you have your will in asafe, or is it and you don't
(25:47):
want to put it in a bank safebecause the bank will freeze the
safe and you can't access it.
So you want to have it in afireproof area in the home is
the ideal place, unless she's ina facility, and then it would
be in your home.
But getting that information istricky.
But if you don't act combative,act like well you know, I'd
(26:08):
really like to know have youmade a will?
Is it up to date?
You know who is your attorney?
And just check you know,casually, check with it, because
a lot of times the parentdoesn't even know how to begin
the conversation and they wantto tell you but they don't know
how to start.
So, and it might not be thatyou'll get everything in one
(26:29):
conversation, you'll have to goback again.
But start a master list and youwant things like the death
certificate and you need to havean original death certificate
and you want to have a.
You know if they have a birthcertificate available.
You want their driver's license, keys to the house and their
(26:50):
social security number, the will, the original will and any
codicils or a trust if they havetheir things in a trust who has
power of attorney to act ontheir behalf while they're alive
.
You want insurance policies, asI said.
You want also who should Icontact for you, mom, if you get
(27:11):
sick and you want to tell yourfriends.
Wouldn't you want them to knowtoo?
So you get their emails ortheir phone numbers or whatever
information you can glean andyou add it to that list that
you're collecting.
You need to know who theirdoctors are.
I mean, who should you call ifthere's a real emergency?
The doctor won't necessarilyknow that she's fallen.
(27:34):
I mean, the ambulance will takeher to the hospital, but her
doctor needs to know that she'sthere.
And if they had a business boy,you have to know well who's the
CPA for the business, whoprepares the taxes, who does
this, who does that?
Do they have employees?
And how do you tell theemployees and what do you do
with that?
And any clergy or religiousorganizations that they're
(28:03):
affiliated with if they'reCatholic or Protestant or other
and their friends their friendscan help step in and help out
with care, perhaps, and visitingafter they come home from the
hospital.
If they were in the military,there's a procedure for being
buried at Arlington NationalCemetery.
You need their Medicare andMedicaid numbers and
identification cards.
(28:23):
You need to know who theirhealth insurance is with.
If they own a property, youneed to know what's the address
and the tax record for theproperty.
Is it tenant, occupied?
You need to have the title.
If they've paid off theirautomobile or whatever it might
be, you need to know where thetitle is for that, because
(28:43):
you're going to have to sell itand you want to make sure.
If they have online accounts,you need to know the passwords
and the PIN numbers, for example, if their bank account is
online.
Find out that information youwant to know.
Well, where do you keep yourprevious tax returns, mom?
Is it in a safe or is it inwhatever?
(29:05):
And that will tell you an awfullot about how organized they
are.
Your parent is either going tobe a planner or a procrastinator
.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
That's very true, and you did a really good job
outlining all this in your book.
So I'm going to give you a plugfor your book again, because
people can get it right onAmazon and all those places.
Yes, okay, so it's calledDebbie Miller.
Yes, okay, so it's calledDebbie Miller.
It's Doing the Right ThingSimple Solutions, essential Tips
(29:41):
and Helpful Resources forAssisting Aging Loved Ones.
And I like it because you havea lot of bullet lists and stuff
so people can kind of checkthings off and go along.
It makes it easier.
It doesn't feel so overwhelmingwith it, it's true.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
You don't have time to think about this, oh gosh.
And then they ask you, well,where's the yada yada?
And you say, oh, I don't know,was I supposed to have that?
And this is why I like to tellpeople to try to do this before
it's too late, because there isno do over in dementia or death.
No, they're they once that, andyou know this from your mom.
(30:11):
There is no do over.
Once they're gone, they're goneand you cannot.
Then it's going to take youhours to go through the house
and if they have accumulated alot of stuff you have to sort
through that To find theimportant information.
At least tell them, hey, showme where you keep it so that I
know in case of emergency.
(30:31):
We don't think an emergency isgoing to happen, mom, but you
know it's good to know just incase.
And if they're not organized,that will tell you.
You know it'll be.
Well, I think the lifeinsurance policy is here.
Well, is the life insurancebeneficiary up to date, or is it
20 years old and they haven'tupdated it?
How long has it been sincetheir will was updated?
(30:53):
If it's in a trust, it's awhole lot easier.
But just ask and just say youknow, mom, do you keep all your
things all together?
In other words, are you aplanner or are you a
procrastinator?
Exactly, and that will help you.
Well, you just be gentle, don'tgo in acting.
All you know military and standand salute and stuff.
But just say you know militaryand stand and salute and stuff.
(31:15):
But just say you know, mom.
I was thinking the other daywhat would happen if we needed
to access your records.
For example, if you go to thehospital and you wind up too ill
to speak for yourself,someone's going to be there.
Who did you appoint to be therefor you and where would they
find that information?
And you know your parents arenot going to say that anything's
going to happen to them.
(31:36):
They don't believe that for oneminute.
But it's going to happen andyou need to be prepared.
So it's not like you're comingin and being the boss.
You're just coming in and justsaying you know, I'd really like
to help in case of emergency,but I need to know where some of
these things are case ofemergency, but I need to know
(31:56):
where some of these things are.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Yes, definitely.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Well, this has been very, very helpful today.
Well, I'm glad it is a lot tounderstand.
Lisa, I absolutely agree.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
So I appreciate you taking some time to talk with us
here and again.
This was very insightful, sodefinitely you should check out
Debbie's book and thank youagain for joining us on.
Patty's Place.
Thank you All right, bye-bye,bye.
Okay, so our guest today here on Patty's Place is
Debbie Miller, a certifiedsenior advisor, an aging in
place specialist and author ofDoing the Right Thing Simple
Solutions, essential Tips andHelpful Resources for Assisting
Aging Loved Ones.
So, debbie, I'd like to welcomeyou to Patty's Place.
How are you today?
Speaker 2 (00:25):
aging loved ones.
So, debbie, I'd like to welcomeyou to Patty's Place.
How are you today?
Thank you, I'm doing great andI appreciate being invited to
come on your show.
Thank, you.
So I read your book.
So what made you want to writethis book?
Well, it all started back in1995, which sounds like eons ago
but I was responsiblepersonally, as an adult child,
(00:47):
for the care of my parents, myin-laws and two sets of aunts
and uncles who didn't have anychildren.
And it was over a period ofabout two years and I had to do
everything you know run to thegrocery store, fill out Medicare
forms, take them wherever theyhad to go with health issues,
take them wherever they had togo with health issues.
And once they had all passedaway, I just kind of said you
(01:08):
know what?
I'll bet you there's going tobe other baby boomers, adult
children like me, who are notgoing to know what to do and
don't have time to figure it out.
So I'm going to write this bookto help them, you know, educate
and empower them to make betterdecisions for their loved one.
(01:30):
And so over the years I wasalready in real estate, but I'd
always wanted to be a socialworker.
So this was kind of a good fitand I've helped hundreds of
adult children and their parentsmake the move to another
facility or age in place safely.
And the book is a compilationof not everything I've learned,
(01:52):
but the basics to help you getstarted and learn things before
it's too late.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
And it is very overwhelming as an adult child
having to take.
You know my mom had dementiaand trying to figure it out and
navigate.
It's a lot.
So what type of advice wouldyou give someone who's
struggling with a parent whomaybe can no longer live alone?
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Well, I think there's a few things that you can do.
The problem is, many peoplethink, oh well, mom's doing fine
, I'll worry about that when thetime comes.
Well, you need to do theresearch before it's too late,
because once she falls orthere's an emergency, you won't
know who to call, you won't knowwhat questions to ask and you
(02:39):
don't know where to look.
So do some homework beforehandand at least you'll be prepared,
because a lot of times, let'ssay, she fell and now can no
longer live in her own home.
You have to find a place.
Well, a lot of the betterplaces have wait lists, and so
waiting till the last minute isnot good.
(03:00):
And I realized that people say,oh well, mom's doing just great
.
Well, that's wonderful, but andso you need to at least
research, because there are lotsof options out there for her
(03:20):
depending on what the issues arewith her health Exactly.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
So what type of questions do you think someone
should ask themselves todetermine?
Speaker 2 (03:26):
if their loved one can stay at home or they may
need additional care.
Yeah, we refer to it as theADLs activities of daily living.
And when you visit, if you livefar away, it's harder to
ascertain what might be theproblem.
But if you visit her, can shecook for herself easily, can she
get herself dressed, dohousework, even simple things
(03:49):
like changing the sheets on themattress can become a challenge.
So if you notice that she'shaving a bit of problems, or
maybe she forgets something thatshe did or she can't find her
car keys take note, find her carkeys, take note.
(04:09):
It helps to talk to her doctorand see what the doctor thinks,
because they have testing theycan do to ascertain where she is
in the scheme of things.
And the other thing I love ishaving an aging life care
manager to come in.
They will do an assessment ofthe situation, of her living
situation, and makerecommendations and help her get
placed, if that's what has tohappen or how to fix the home so
(04:34):
that it can be lived in moresafely.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
And how would somebody go about even finding
an aging life care manager?
Speaker 2 (04:42):
They have a website.
They're all all over thecountry, so, regardless of where
you live, uh, you come on tothe uh website and it is aging
life care.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Uh, let's see because I know aging life care
association aginglifecareorg orgokay, because I know that's
partly too.
I you know I have a lot offriends right now too.
They're taking care of their,their, their parents, and it's
(05:19):
so overwhelming to even knowwhere to start to get your
parents some help.
So what would an aging lifecare manager?
What would they do for somebody?
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Okay, well, when you come on their website, you can
come up on their they have asection called what is Aging
Life Care and come in there andfind an aging life care expert.
They have a lot of informationthat's a big help on their
website so you can put in yourzip code and they will give you
a list of people.
(05:52):
They can come in and do anevaluation.
They can substitute for you.
If you live far away, they cancome in, make sure she takes her
medicine, make sure she gets tothe doctors things like that as
well as help you if she has tobe placed in some other facility
, help you know what thatfacility should be and how to go
(06:14):
about filling out the paperworkto get in.
They do a myriad of things forthe adult child.
It's a wonderful resource andI've used them many times over
the years to help not only withmy situation, but also just
(06:34):
recommending them to adultchildren that I work with,
because they really it's like asubstitute person to be there in
your place and also they workwith the adult child.
You know they don't leave youout, but it's an encouraging
situation.
They help you with resourcesand lots of ways to deal with
(06:55):
issues that come up.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Do you happen to know is this service free or is
there a charge?
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Well, when you first talk to them, they're not going
to charge you because it may notbe the right fit, and then they
usually will have like aretainer fee or charge an hourly
rate, but each one is different.
When you come up on the websiteand find all the different ones
, you're going to want todefinitely talk to more than
(07:22):
just one, because you're goingto click with somebody, right?
away personality-wise, andthat's what you're looking for,
because this person is going tobe a part of your life care for
a long time and they will tellyou what they charge for
different things, like they'lltake your mom to the doctor or
they'll make sure she gets hermedication.
(07:43):
It depends on how serious andhow detailed the work is that
they have to do, but they willexplain to you.
So it's a good idea to talk totwo or three of them just to see
you know who makes sense foryou in your situation and also
the care that they provide andhow much it costs, Because a lot
of times the adult child ifthey're close by, they can do
(08:07):
some of the things, but if theyneed help, they're a great
resource to help out.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
So what type of advice would you give someone if
their parent isn't ready toaccept the help?
You know, because a lot oftimes you know my mom was very
independent.
She would be like I'm fine, I'mfine, I don't want anyone want
anyone.
You know she would haveresisted someone coming in.
So what?
What can you do?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
because it's a hard battle oh yeah, it's one of the
hardest parts of the wholeprocess in my opinion.
But, um, you have what I didonce uh, I've done this more
than once actually but I invitethe person the life care manager
ahead of time and I explain thesituation about mom or dad or
(08:52):
whatever the situation might be,give them a little bit of
background and then have themcome with you on a visit and
just kind of introduce mom tothem gently, because they're
trained social workers andnurses.
They know how to deal withpeople in dire situations, so
they're used to this and theyhave a lot of different
(09:13):
techniques to help you.
And mom may not want it, but ifyou wait until it's too late,
then it's too late, and I'venever met a parent yet who
thought, oh yeah, sure, let'shave them come in and take over.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
no, it doesn't happen that way, trust me on that and
you will know from experienceright they.
They tell you they're like Idon't need your help.
When did my adult child becomemy parent?
You know they get.
They get very upset.
You know which I understand,which I understand as of today.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Mom, I became your parent, exactly, exactly, but
both my mother-in-law and mymother both said no, nobody's
going to take care of me.
You're not putting me intoassisted living.
Exactly, I know that feeling.
I know that feeling.
Yeah, one of the hardest partsis when the adult child becomes
(10:11):
a parent to their parent,because it's a totally different
mindset.
Yes, it is.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
You're reminding mom, did you take your medicine Of?
Speaker 2 (10:16):
course I took my medicine.
What's the matter with you.
You don't think I can do that,oh yeah.
And then you get over there andyou found out that they haven't
taken it in three days.
So you know.
Then you just have to put yourfoot down sometimes and just say
you know, mom, this is whatwe're going to have to do,
because I can't bear the thoughtof having something happen to
you because we didn't takeaction.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Exactly.
So what should somebody lookfor when they're visiting, say,
an assisted living community,because that's overwhelming too
when you go into those places,community, because that's
overwhelming too when you gointo those places.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
I have oh yeah, I put down I I learned so much from
this uh exercise.
Um, as far as what to ask, andI I think I have like three or
four pages in my book, but Iwant you to.
When you go in, you make anappointment and a marketing
person is most likely the firstperson you're going to meet up
with and they're only going totell you what they want you to
know.
What you need to know is whatyou don't know and how to find
(11:15):
out.
So what you want to find out?
Well, what happens if mom fallsand has to go into your rehab
center for a while?
What happens to dad?
(11:36):
And do you have to pay rent orextra fees for both services?
In other words, you're paying amonthly fee to live in the
apartment as an independent, butthen one of you has an issue
and then you have to move intorehab for a while.
It may be 20, 30 days, but howmuch extra does that cost?
And then, if the other big onethat I learned was, let's say,
(12:01):
the facility has 20 beds inrehab, but you're the 21st
person and they don't have a bedfor you, when do you go?
Well, then you want to find out.
Well, where would you take mymom if she had to have rehab for
a while and there's no bedavailable in the facility?
Where will she go and how willyou let me know about where she
(12:24):
is?
And do they have to haverenter's insurance for the
personal items in theirapartment?
Every state requires a residentbill of rights and it has to be
posted somewhere obvious sothat you can read it.
But you want to also talk withother residents about how they
(12:48):
live there.
Do they like it and otherthings to do, or is it all just
kind of sitting around watchingTV all day?
Do the residents socialize withone another?
Are they happy?
Does it smell funny when youwalk in the door?
You know there's nothing worsethan a urine odor when you walk
in.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Yes.
Is there a staff personavailable to coordinate home
health care visits from a nurse,a physical therapist or
whatever, if needed?
What is the procedure that theyuse to respond to a resident's
medical emergency?
If there's an evacuationrequired, like California with
the fires or Florida withflooding, what is their
(13:24):
evacuation plan and is itsomething that you think is
realistic?
And how many people do theyhave on staff to help with that?
And what are the trainingrequirements for staff?
Are they really capable peopleon staff?
Do they have to pass a criminalbackground check?
What training is provided forthe staff on elder abuse and
(13:49):
neglect?
What is the policy forreporting suspected abuse?
Do they allow hospice care?
Some communities you know theycan take you in and have
assisted living facilities, butthen if they have memory care
for a dementia, do they?
have that or do you have to moveagain?
For example, a life carecommunity with a life plan
(14:15):
community is you walk in as anindependent and as long as you
can walk in by yourself, theywill take care of you through
all phases of your life,regardless, until you pass away
and you know you're only in oneapartment and then when you need
to have memory care, you'llmove to another floor and then
when you need hospice, you'llmove to yet another floor so
(14:37):
that they keep you.
It's quiet for you when you'rethere.
You don't need to be involvedin all the hustle bustle of the
independent people.
Is there a staff personavailable to coordinate home
health care visits from a nurse,a physical therapist?
You want to check the residencyagreement before you move in.
That's very important.
(14:59):
You want to know what plan theyhave available.
How much does it cost?
Are there varying levels ofplans?
Some places will have plan A,plan B, plan C, and it depends
on how much you pay as to howmuch you get as far as services.
There's so many other differentthings, but those are just a
(15:21):
few.
But can you go in and spend thenight?
Or can you take yourgrandchildren in to spend the
night and, if they can, how muchdoes that cost?
And what's the reason that aresident might be told to move
out of a community?
Is it because the communityitself doesn't have the care
that is needed?
(15:42):
For example, if they're inassisted living but the
community does not providedementia or Alzheimer's care,
that means they have to move.
And will that staff help themfind a facility that is
agreeable and amenable to yourparents or your loved ones to
care for them?
Or I had one woman she was sodifficult to work with.
(16:05):
We got her in and all she didwas call me.
She said, well, they're justyelling at me all the time.
So I talked to the staff andthey said, well, all she does is
cause trouble, so we can't keepher, because the other people,
they have a right to a quietenvironment.
So she had to move out and shedidn't like that.
(16:26):
But that was the way it was,and there's a lot of different
things that you have to thinkabout, but the marketing people
are not necessarily going to askyou, they're not going to tell
you and you need to know what toask.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Definitely, because it is overwhelming, because when
you, especially you knowsometimes when you go to those
places you don't have a choiceand so you feel overwhelmed
about the whole thing anyway.
Oh yeah, you know.
So if you have a resource likeyour book to kind of prepare,
that's helpful too to kind ofprepare.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
That's helpful too.
So you mentioned Remember too,lisa, the ones that are
for-profit.
I call them facilities.
They have what I call aheads-in-the-bed mentality,
whereas faith-based orchurch-based, religious-based
groups are not quite asaggressive about that.
But those marketing people haveto fill the empty spaces and as
people pass away they have anempty bed.
(17:28):
So it's a heads-in-the-bedmentality and they like to put
pressure.
They'll come back and I meanI've had clients be told oh well
, we'll pay this and this andthis for you and you can come in
right now, and otherwise theywould have been told oh well,
it's going to be at least a yearbefore we can get you in.
So as soon as you balk at it,they're going to come after you.
So be careful about theaggressive tactics that some
(17:50):
communities use to get yourloved one in their facility.
It's just you need to becareful about that and look at
more than one facility beforeyou make a decision and find out
.
I like to tell people move into move up.
In other words, they might nothave the exact floor plan that
you're looking for initially,but they may have something a
(18:12):
little smaller.
That's not quite perfect, butit's available sooner and that's
important.
You need to get the careprovided as quickly as possible
and then, once you're inside, onthe inside track, so to speak,
oh wow, well, we put you on thelist ahead of everybody on the
outside.
So you stand a better chance ofgetting in if you move in to
(18:33):
move up and you get the one youreally want.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
So those are all very good, because it is a very
overwhelming situation Very muchso.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
And you've got a job, you've got kids and you don't
even know what to look for.
You don't even know if thereare any places near you and if
your parent doesn't live closeby.
Do you keep them in a facilitywhere they live now or do you
move them in with you for awhile until you look for
something?
There's a lot of choices andthey can't be made and quickly.
(19:05):
You have to take your time andhave time to evaluate.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Oh, definitely, and you know if the if your parent
is still living alone or ifthey've moved in with you.
You mentioned about creating asafe space in a person's home.
Yes, like you suggested, likemaybe improving lighting through
the interior, exterior of thehome.
What are some other ways?
You know?
Like I know, with my mom.
She lived with me for a shorttime before we, before she went
(19:30):
into mammary care.
Like for her situation, we hadto take all the knobs off the
stove, you know, and differentthings like that.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
I remember hearing that I listened to your podcast
on that subject and, yeah, youdon't know what can go wrong.
But one thing that's veryimportant, or two things
actually, that I would like tostress.
There are a number of things todo, but one is to make sure, if
they live in a single-familyhome, make sure the exterior
(20:20):
house number is easily readablefrom the street, because when
the ambulance comes, even thoughthey're using GPS, that light
on the house number is a bighelp to them to act quickly and
it just makes a big difference.
And then I've worked with a lotof hoarders and accumulators
over the years, and I find thatif a fireman cannot get in to
(20:45):
the house through a window orthe door because there's so much
trash and stuff blocking theway, that's going to be a
problem, because they need to beable to get in and they're
carrying a backpack of healthsupplies on their back and they
have to get in, and they'reusing an axe or whatever.
So make sure that the areasthere's a clear path to move
(21:08):
around inside the property, andif you have to put the magazines
up and away, then so do it.
Or have one room set aside forstuff that your loved one
doesn't want to part with at all, because it's just the most
wonderful thing they've ever had, even though they don't
remember where they got it orwhat's in it.
Just be sure it's safe and youcan.
(21:32):
The well-lit entrance, though,and getting rid of a throw rug.
Make sure the path that theyhave to walk, because if they're
on a walker or a cane, it'shelpful to have the hallways
wide enough to be able to walk,because if they're on a walker
or a cane, it's helpful to havethe hallways wide enough to be
able to walk next to theminstead of behind them.
But the way houses wereconstructed back in the day, a
(21:52):
lot of hallways are not wideenough and bathrooms are not
large enough to accommodateeither a wheelchair or even a
walker.
So there's different thingsthat you can do, but the safety
is important.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Oh, definitely Like that was our always our biggest
concern.
We just wanted to make sure shewas safe, right.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
And that, to me, is paramount.
Yeah, so, and remember oneother thing.
One other thing, lisa.
I'll just mention it quickly.
A lot of people are saying,well, medicare will pay for me
to have this tub, a walk-in tub.
Just be aware, first of all,before you do it, you need to
(22:31):
find out how far away the firedepartment is, because when the
paramedics come, time is of theessence.
And if that tub takes sevenminutes to fill and seven
minutes to drain, that could bethe difference between life and
death, because they cannot gether out of the tub until the
water's drained.
People don't think about that.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
But that's a big concern.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
That's a big concern, I think, and you know it's
wonderful to be able to take abath, but if you're going to and
if you have a care providerwith her helping her bathe, they
can't lift her out.
She's too heavy.
So the paramedics, when theyget there, or the fire guys get
there, they have to be able toget her out quickly, and every
(23:14):
minute counts, and so if thefire department is further away
than how long it's going to takefor the water to drain, you
really need to rethink that.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Yeah, I didn't even think about that.
And then too, if you do thosewalk-in tubs, those are very
expensive too.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Well, and they say oh , Medicare will pay.
Well, these guys are makingmoney hand over fist and I don't
mean to speak disparagingly ofthem, because I've remodeled a
lot of bathrooms myself over theyears.
But you want to just be carefulbecause sometimes they will
forget or not tell you thatthere's supposed to be a barrier
, a waterproof barrier, behindthe wall and behind the tiles
(23:54):
that they put in.
And if you don't have that,then you can have mold grow
easily and just things like thatthat you don't know about
construction.
That can make all thedifference in the world.
And those tubs it's wonderfulto see them in the picture, you
know, and relaxing and taking abath, but if they have a heart
attack while they're in the tub,it's going to be extremely
(24:16):
difficult to get them out intime to be able to get them to
emergency care.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
And that's the most important If you have to call
the paramedics, you want to makesure they can help them as soon
as possible.
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
Exactly, exactly.
And it takes time for the tubto drain and people think, oh, I
can just get in and out like aregular tub, but you can't.
That door is locked and itwon't unlock until the water is
drained out.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Oh, ok, see, I did not know that.
Yeah, an adult child shouldobtain from their parents.
I know it's a long list.
I'm lucky in the sense thatbefore my mom got sick, my mom
and dad had done the wills andthe powers of attorneys, and all
(25:02):
that at a time, and even now mydad always makes sure I know
where everything is.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Oh, that's wonderful.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Yeah, so how would an adult child even go about
trying to talk to their parentabout this, getting information
that you need, Because sometimesyou don't know you need the
information, until you'restanding in the hospital and
you're like I don't know wherethis is you know, right, and
that's that's very important.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
And just starting a conversation with your parent
about you know what, what theirfuture might be as far as
housing and health care isimportant, and starting the
conversation on you know, mom,where would I find your life
insurance policy?
Or do you have your will in asafe, or is it and you don't
(25:47):
want to put it in a bank safebecause the bank will freeze the
safe and you can't access it.
So you want to have it in afireproof area in the home is
the ideal place, unless she's ina facility, and then it would
be in your home.
But getting that information istricky.
But if you don't act combative,act like well you know, I'd
(26:08):
really like to know have youmade a will?
Is it up to date?
You know who is your attorney?
And just check you know,casually, check with it, because
a lot of times the parentdoesn't even know how to begin
the conversation and they wantto tell you but they don't know
how to start.
So, and it might not be thatyou'll get everything in one
(26:29):
conversation, you'll have to goback again.
But start a master list and youwant things like the death
certificate and you need to havean original death certificate
and you want to have a.
You know if they have a birthcertificate available.
You want their driver's license, keys to the house and their
(26:50):
social security number, the will, the original will and any
codicils or a trust if they havetheir things in a trust who has
power of attorney to act ontheir behalf while they're alive
.
You want insurance policies, asI said.
You want also who should Icontact for you, mom, if you get
(27:11):
sick and you want to tell yourfriends.
Wouldn't you want them to knowtoo?
So you get their emails ortheir phone numbers or whatever
information you can glean andyou add it to that list that
you're collecting.
You need to know who theirdoctors are.
I mean, who should you call ifthere's a real emergency?
The doctor won't necessarilyknow that she's fallen.
(27:34):
I mean, the ambulance will takeher to the hospital, but her
doctor needs to know that she'sthere.
And if they had a business boy,you have to know well who's the
CPA for the business, whoprepares the taxes, who does
this, who does that?
Do they have employees?
And how do you tell theemployees and what do you do
with that?
And any clergy or religiousorganizations that they're
(28:03):
affiliated with if they'reCatholic or Protestant or other
and their friends their friendscan help step in and help out
with care, perhaps, and visitingafter they come home from the
hospital.
If they were in the military,there's a procedure for being
buried at Arlington NationalCemetery.
You need their Medicare andMedicaid numbers and
identification cards.
(28:23):
You need to know who theirhealth insurance is with.
If they own a property, youneed to know what's the address
and the tax record for theproperty.
Is it tenant, occupied?
You need to have the title.
If they've paid off theirautomobile or whatever it might
be, you need to know where thetitle is for that, because
(28:43):
you're going to have to sell itand you want to make sure.
If they have online accounts,you need to know the passwords
and the PIN numbers, for example, if their bank account is
online.
Find out that information youwant to know.
Well, where do you keep yourprevious tax returns, mom?
Is it in a safe or is it inwhatever?
(29:05):
And that will tell you an awfullot about how organized they
are.
Your parent is either going tobe a planner or a procrastinator
.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
That's very true, and you did a really good job
outlining all this in your book.
So I'm going to give you a plugfor your book again, because
people can get it right onAmazon and all those places.
Yes, okay, so it's calledDebbie Miller.
Yes, okay, so it's calledDebbie Miller.
It's Doing the Right ThingSimple Solutions, essential Tips
(29:41):
and Helpful Resources forAssisting Aging Loved Ones.
And I like it because you havea lot of bullet lists and stuff
so people can kind of checkthings off and go along.
It makes it easier.
It doesn't feel so overwhelmingwith it, it's true.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
You don't have time to think about this, oh gosh.
And then they ask you, well,where's the yada yada?
And you say, oh, I don't know,was I supposed to have that?
And this is why I like to tellpeople to try to do this before
it's too late, because there isno do over in dementia or death.
No, they're they once that, andyou know this from your mom.
(30:11):
There is no do over.
Once they're gone, they're goneand you cannot.
Then it's going to take youhours to go through the house
and if they have accumulated alot of stuff you have to sort
through that To find theimportant information.
At least tell them, hey, showme where you keep it so that I
know in case of emergency.
(30:31):
We don't think an emergency isgoing to happen, mom, but you
know it's good to know just incase.
And if they're not organized,that will tell you.
You know it'll be.
Well, I think the lifeinsurance policy is here.
Well, is the life insurancebeneficiary up to date, or is it
20 years old and they haven'tupdated it?
How long has it been sincetheir will was updated?
(30:53):
If it's in a trust, it's awhole lot easier.
But just ask and just say youknow, mom, do you keep all your
things all together?
In other words, are you aplanner or are you a
procrastinator?
Exactly, and that will help you.
Well, you just be gentle, don'tgo in acting.
All you know military and standand salute and stuff.
But just say you know militaryand stand and salute and stuff.
(31:15):
But just say you know, mom.
I was thinking the other daywhat would happen if we needed
to access your records.
For example, if you go to thehospital and you wind up too ill
to speak for yourself,someone's going to be there.
Who did you appoint to be therefor you and where would they
find that information?
And you know your parents arenot going to say that anything's
going to happen to them.
(31:36):
They don't believe that for oneminute.
But it's going to happen andyou need to be prepared.
So it's not like you're comingin and being the boss.
You're just coming in and justsaying you know, I'd really like
to help in case of emergency,but I need to know where some of
these things are case ofemergency, but I need to know
(31:56):
where some of these things are.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Yes, definitely.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Well, this has been very, very helpful today.
Well, I'm glad it is a lot tounderstand.
Lisa, I absolutely agree.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
So I appreciate you taking some time to talk with us
here and again.
This was very insightful, sodefinitely you should check out
Debbie's book and thank youagain for joining us on.
Patty's Place.
Thank you All right, bye-bye,bye.
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