Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:23):
Welcome to Patty's Place, a place where we will
talk about grief, dementia andcaregiving.
This podcast is dedicated to mymom, patty.
She passed almost two years agofrom dementia and, you know,
today I wanted to talk aboutwhat it feels like to be a
motherless daughter.
(00:43):
Today I wanted to talk aboutwhat it feels like to be a
motherless daughter.
So pull up a cup of tea, a cupof coffee, a glass of wine if
it's been a rough day, and let'sjust kind of chat about this,
because it is the strangestthing in the world to be a
motherless daughter.
There's really no grief likelosing your mom.
(01:05):
I saw something that said yourmom is home and so losing your
mom is like losing your home.
Even if you didn't have thebest relationship with your mom,
it's still something that she'syour mom.
You know, whether you realizeit or not, you always you go to
(01:25):
her when you call, whensomething's upsetting, you call
when something's happy.
I mean I was lucky.
I had a good relationship withmy mom.
She was my person.
I mean, don't get me wrong, wehad our normal mother-daughter
fights and everything like that,but she was always the one that
could comfort me.
She was the one.
(01:45):
She just knew me.
You know, she one.
She just knew me.
She knew how to talk to me.
She knew how to calm me down.
She knew what I liked, what Ididn't like.
She knew when it was hard forme to say something.
She knew when I might have saidI was okay, but she knew I
really wasn't.
And there was a security inthat.
There's security knowing thatyour mom is there.
(02:07):
Your mom knows who you are andwhat you're doing.
And when she's gone you feel solost.
You feel there are no wordsreally to explain with that and
you mourn For me.
(02:27):
With my mom I mourned her beforeshe died because she didn't
even know I was her daughteranymore.
She just thought I was thisreally nice girl that came to
visit her and she would ask meabout my mom and then I would
tell her about herself and Iwould say you know that she was
really sick and it was her brainand there wasn't anything they
(02:48):
could do for her.
And then she would say, oh,that's just terrible.
You can just come visit mewhenever you want.
She would say, but I mourn herwhen she passed because I mourn
for the things that you won'tever get to experience with her.
You know all those events thatyou always thought your mom
(03:11):
would be at, whether it's awedding, or you have a baby, or
you get that job you alwayswanted, or you know you go on
the trip that you always planned.
Any of those things you mournbecause you realize she's not
there.
Or, like I said, somethinggreat happens and you want to
tell her.
You know, or you're nervousabout something you know, or,
(03:33):
for me, I have a really hardtime going shopping because my
mom and I used to shop all thetime and she would tell she'd be
like, yeah, that looks good onyou.
No, don't wear this.
Okay, you know she would jokeabout how hard she didn't like
going shoe shopping with mebecause I have such a terrible
time finding shoes.
So she'd be like, oh, this isgoing to be a while, you know,
(03:55):
but it's hard for me to be inthe store and shop for clothes
because I used to do that withmy mom all the time and it's
just.
It's like something's missing.
You know, there's justsomething there that should be.
She should be there and she'snot.
You know, whatever thatactivity was that you shared
with her, she's not there.
(04:15):
You know.
Maybe you know, watching TVsometimes there are certain
things that I watch and I thinkabout her and I'm like, oh, we
would watch this together.
You know, every time I have acup of tea I think of her,
because she taught me how tohave tea.
You know, she was like you gotto let it steep and then you put
a little sugar in and put alittle bit of cream, because
that's how her grandma taughther how to have tea.
(04:36):
And I still have a couple ofthe mugs that she bought and she
.
She bought two of them becauseshe's like oh look, we each can
have one and we would.
When I'd come over, we wouldhave tea for it.
And it's just this ache thatdoesn't go away.
You just feel like there's partof you missing because she's
(05:00):
your mom and it's just.
I don't even have words toexplain that you are.
You're a motherless daughter.
You know Mother's Day is sohard.
Even though my mom never reallycared about Mother's Day, she
used to tell me that I should benice to her all year long and
she's like and you are, but whyis it just one day a year?
(05:22):
She just wasn't a big deal toher and she used to say you know
so what?
I don't have my mom anymore,and now I understand what she
meant with that and birthdaysand everything else, because
there's just something about it.
You know, this past year Irecently had a birthday and I
(05:42):
just so missed her and eventhough it wasn't the first
birthday without her, I justmissed her so much this
particular year Because my momalways made such a big deal
about it and about anybody'sbirthday, and the fact that she
wasn't here anymore just reallyhurt and it is.
It's like this club you're apart of, you're a motherless
(06:04):
daughter, and there's this bondthat you share with other people
now that have lost their mom,because there is something about
mothers and daughters Whetheryou get along or you don't get
along, there's still somethingabout that.
She's your mom and she's alwaysgoing to be your mom, you know,
and there are things thatyou're always going to go to
with her that you don't go towith anybody else, and there are
(06:28):
.
There are books written aboutit, and I've read several of
them.
One of them is calledMotherless Daughters.
The author is Hope Edelman.
I believe she also has apodcast as well, too.
It's a really good book.
It it goes into all those things, especially if you lost your
mom when you were young.
If you lost your mom when youwere young, if you lost your mom
when you were older, it doesn'tmatter, the ache is the same.
(06:50):
She's your mom and you justmiss her and you don't realize
how much you depend on your mom.
Until your mom isn't thereanymore for you to turn to, to
talk to.
You know, for her to tell youthose stories about the family
and things like that.
And I was always so glad that Ilistened to her when she would
talk about our crazy family,because when she was in the
(07:14):
middle of her dementia and shethought she was back, you know,
when she was younger, I knew whoshe was talking about.
When she would talk aboutdifferent people and that made
me happy because I could be withher, I could share that with
her.
You know, and I knew, knowingmy mom as well as I did, I knew
(07:34):
that she was.
It was almost good that shewasn't aware of how sick she was
, because she would have hatedbeing the way she was.
And I still live with the guiltof that.
I couldn't take care of her athome because I wish I could have
, but I couldn't, and it's aguilt that I'll probably live
(07:56):
with for the rest of my life,because I wish I could have,
because I knew that she wouldhave never wanted to be there,
but it was where I had to puther at that time.
And there's just so many thingsthat I wish I could talk to her
about.
Even if it was, you know, mymom would call me and be like oh
, put this tv show on so andso's on, or did you hear about
(08:16):
this?
Did you hear about that, youknow?
Or she'd call and be like areyou still alive?
I haven't talked to you in afew days, you know, and I miss
having.
I look at my phone and it popsup my mom.
There's just something about itthat you can't call her anymore.
It's a feeling that justdoesn't go away.
(08:38):
You just wish you could callher, you know.
You wish you could go over andsee her.
You know, talk to her, you know, hang out with her.
And you can't.
And it's like you feel likeit's your life before and your
life after, because your life isdifferent.
(08:59):
There's this part of you that'sjust gone and it'll never be
the same.
And it's such a weird feelingbecause, unless you've gone
through it, you don't completelyunderstand.
And when you hear people talkabout, oh I'm going to go see my
mom, or they complain abouttheir mom or things like that
(09:20):
and don't get me wrong, Icomplained about my mom too,
growing up.
It's just normal.
But now I wish I could arguewith her, I wish I could talk to
her, I wish I could go shoppingwith her, and this feeling that
you have, that she's just goneand it's just different, like
that bond gone, and it's justdifferent, like that bond.
(09:41):
And I feel lost a lot of thetime because, like I said, my
mom was the person I called.
She knew me better than anybody.
She knew how to calm me down,she knew how to tell me it was
going to be okay, you know, andI would believe her, even if she
didn't completely believe it.
She would always be like it'sgoing to be okay, it'll be all
right, and then she'd call andcheck on me, make sure I was
(10:01):
feeling better the next day andthat, and it's a lonely feeling
in a way, because you just youjust miss her and you just feel
so lost.
There's this ache inside of youthat you're like it's my mom and
(10:23):
she's not here anymore, and youknow it.
It sometimes, and it makes methink like why'd she have to get
sick in the first place, youknow?
And and why'd she have tosuffer like that?
I do feel good in the sensethat I know that I was with her
and I took care of her and I didthe best I could.
(10:43):
I knew I did everything I couldhave done for her, you know.
But still makes you think aboutall those things and it just
there's just this ache that Idon't think will ever really go
away, you know.
And there are the grief wavesthat come, that you're, you're
just like they're bursts, thegrief bursts.
(11:05):
They just come and you're likeyou just miss her with it,
whether it's a song or it's it'sa day or it's just a time of
year or something just makes youthink of her, it just makes you
sad and or it makes you angry,or it just makes you feel lost.
(11:26):
You know you almost have tofigure out who you are again,
because you don't have a momanymore.
It's like who are you in thisworld without your mom?
You know, especially if youwere close to your mom like I
was, it just makes you feel sodifferent in the world.
I wish I could have the wordsto explain it, but it does.
(11:51):
It just makes you feel almostdisconnected in a lot of
different ways because she'sjust not there and she connected
you to everything.
And it's such an odd feelingwhen she's not there with it and
you know, I know, that she isalways with me.
(12:12):
But there's something to besaid for you know, when people
are like, oh, she's notsuffering anymore, she's in a
better place, and I know allthat.
But then you think, yeah, butshe's not here physically
anymore, she's not there.
I can't hug her, I can't talkto her, I can't laugh with her.
You know, I can't, she's justnot here.
(12:36):
And it's just hard to be thatdaughter that doesn't have her
mom anymore.
It's such an odd feeling withit, you know, and I never
thought about it because it'snot something you think about,
because you just think that yourmom's going to be here forever.
You know, you think what She'llbe here.
(12:57):
It's not, and then she's not,and then you, just you do, you
feel lost.
The world feels so differentwhen you don't have that
security.
You don't have that personthat's there all the time for
you and you, just you sit backand you're like I.
I feel so different.
I feel disconnected from theworld sometimes, you know, even
(13:23):
feeling sometimes disconnectedfrom your own family, and that
cause you're like she's the onethat kept you connected.
She, she was the reason, shewas the glue, you know, that
puts you connected to otherswith it.
And it's hard sometimes to feelthat.
And for me, I love talking aboutmy mom.
Obviously, you know, it makesme feel like she's still alive.
You know she's still there.
(13:44):
I keep her memory alive.
So for me I like tellingstories about her.
For me it brings me comfort tobe able to laugh and to think
about the things that she didand that.
But I miss her the most when I'mfeeling sad and I am upset
(14:04):
about something.
I miss her the most thenbecause that's when I want to be
able to call her and I want tohear her tell me it's going to
be okay and it'll be all right.
Don't worry about it, you know.
And then I know she'd worry todeath about it because my mom
was a worrier.
Even if there wasn't anythingto worry about, my mom would
worry.
That's just who she was.
(14:25):
But she'd always tell me it'sgoing to be okay, it'll be all
right.
You know, and nobody says thosewords like your mom.
You know, nobody does, at leastfor me anyway, and there's all.
It becomes an instant bond whenyou meet somebody who has lost
(14:46):
their mom, because they knowexactly how you feel.
They know what that feels like.
There are things that, as adaughter, you just can only talk
to your mom about, and therebecomes that bond with other
women that don't have momsanymore.
I can't explain it, but it'sjust like this instant
(15:11):
connection that they understandexactly how you feel about
things, even if it's thesimplest things.
Or you know how you did yourhair or how you did your makeup,
or your mom oh my god, my momwould never let me wear that.
You and it's true, a mom reallycan never be replaced, it's just
(15:37):
, she's just there and there'sthat connection that she just
knew you.
And so I try to keep her aliveas much as I can with her memory
and remember the things thatshe did teach me and how she
treated others, and I try to dothat with other people as much
(15:57):
as I can.
You know, no one's perfect, butthat's what I try to think of
with my mom how she cared aboutpeople and how she she was a
caretaker she really was and totry to bring comfort to people,
because she hated, she didn'tlike to see people hurt.
She always tried to comfortthem as best as she could.
(16:18):
I think because she had so muchtragedy in her life.
She always wanted people tofeel comforted in a way that
sometimes I think she felt shedidn't get.
So she wanted to always comfortothers in that way and so I try
to do that with her, with hermemory, with that.
But it's just, you just alwaysfeel like something's missing
(16:40):
when your mom is gone.
You know, being a motherlessdaughter is hard, you know,
because you do, you just feellost, you feel like something's
just missing in your world withit and there really is no grief
like losing your mom.
There just isn't, because shewas that person that was there
all the time.
I mean, even if you argue withyour mom, she's still your mom.
(17:03):
You know, even if you didn'tget along with her, she's still
your mom.
You know you think that youwon't care, but you do because
she's your mom.
You know she brought you intothis world and there's that
connection that never kind ofgoes away.
You know for it Like you do,you just feel kind of lost with
(17:24):
it.
So I hope maybe I gave you somecomfort or you didn't feel so
alone as I try with this.
I want people to not feel alonein their grief, in their
caregiving or dealing withdementia, because it can feel
pretty alone, even sometimes ingrief it can, and my goal is
(17:45):
that people don't feel alonewith it.
So please, you know, reach outto me, tell me what you like,
what you don't like about it,what subjects you'd like me to
talk about.
I'd love to talk some moreabout it as we continue on with
this journey here at Patty'sPlace, you know, as we try to
let people know that grief isnormal and that it's okay to
(18:08):
miss people and caregiving ishard.
It's very hard to miss peopleand caregiving is hard.
It's very hard and just knowingthat they're always with you,
even when you miss them terriblyand you wish that they were
always there with you.
I always believe that my mom'salways with me, even though I
miss her, and I wish she wasphysically here with us.
(18:30):
So I hope there was a littlebit of comfort today.
Hope you enjoyed your cup oftea, your cup of coffee or wine
if you needed it, because somedays you do right.
So hopefully you will join usfor another edition of Patty's
Place.
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Welcome to Patty's Place, a place where we will
talk about grief, dementia andcaregiving.
This podcast is dedicated to mymom, patty.
She passed almost two years agofrom dementia and, you know,
today I wanted to talk aboutwhat it feels like to be a
motherless daughter.
(00:43):
Today I wanted to talk aboutwhat it feels like to be a
motherless daughter.
So pull up a cup of tea, a cupof coffee, a glass of wine if
it's been a rough day, and let'sjust kind of chat about this,
because it is the strangestthing in the world to be a
motherless daughter.
There's really no grief likelosing your mom.
(01:05):
I saw something that said yourmom is home and so losing your
mom is like losing your home.
Even if you didn't have thebest relationship with your mom,
it's still something that she'syour mom.
You know, whether you realizeit or not, you always you go to
(01:25):
her when you call, whensomething's upsetting, you call
when something's happy.
I mean I was lucky.
I had a good relationship withmy mom.
She was my person.
I mean, don't get me wrong, wehad our normal mother-daughter
fights and everything like that,but she was always the one that
could comfort me.
She was the one.
(01:45):
She just knew me.
You know, she one.
She just knew me.
She knew how to talk to me.
She knew how to calm me down.
She knew what I liked, what Ididn't like.
She knew when it was hard forme to say something.
She knew when I might have saidI was okay, but she knew I
really wasn't.
And there was a security inthat.
There's security knowing thatyour mom is there.
(02:07):
Your mom knows who you are andwhat you're doing.
And when she's gone you feel solost.
You feel there are no wordsreally to explain with that and
you mourn For me.
(02:27):
With my mom I mourned her beforeshe died because she didn't
even know I was her daughteranymore.
She just thought I was thisreally nice girl that came to
visit her and she would ask meabout my mom and then I would
tell her about herself and Iwould say you know that she was
really sick and it was her brainand there wasn't anything they
(02:48):
could do for her.
And then she would say, oh,that's just terrible.
You can just come visit mewhenever you want.
She would say, but I mourn herwhen she passed because I mourn
for the things that you won'tever get to experience with her.
You know all those events thatyou always thought your mom
(03:11):
would be at, whether it's awedding, or you have a baby, or
you get that job you alwayswanted, or you know you go on
the trip that you always planned.
Any of those things you mournbecause you realize she's not
there.
Or, like I said, somethinggreat happens and you want to
tell her.
You know, or you're nervousabout something you know, or,
(03:33):
for me, I have a really hardtime going shopping because my
mom and I used to shop all thetime and she would tell she'd be
like, yeah, that looks good onyou.
No, don't wear this.
Okay, you know she would jokeabout how hard she didn't like
going shoe shopping with mebecause I have such a terrible
time finding shoes.
So she'd be like, oh, this isgoing to be a while, you know,
(03:55):
but it's hard for me to be inthe store and shop for clothes
because I used to do that withmy mom all the time and it's
just.
It's like something's missing.
You know, there's justsomething there that should be.
She should be there and she'snot.
You know, whatever thatactivity was that you shared
with her, she's not there.
(04:15):
You know.
Maybe you know, watching TVsometimes there are certain
things that I watch and I thinkabout her and I'm like, oh, we
would watch this together.
You know, every time I have acup of tea I think of her,
because she taught me how tohave tea.
You know, she was like you gotto let it steep and then you put
a little sugar in and put alittle bit of cream, because
that's how her grandma taughther how to have tea.
(04:36):
And I still have a couple ofthe mugs that she bought and she
.
She bought two of them becauseshe's like oh look, we each can
have one and we would.
When I'd come over, we wouldhave tea for it.
And it's just this ache thatdoesn't go away.
You just feel like there's partof you missing because she's
(05:00):
your mom and it's just.
I don't even have words toexplain that you are.
You're a motherless daughter.
You know Mother's Day is sohard.
Even though my mom never reallycared about Mother's Day, she
used to tell me that I should benice to her all year long and
she's like and you are, but whyis it just one day a year?
(05:22):
She just wasn't a big deal toher and she used to say you know
so what?
I don't have my mom anymore,and now I understand what she
meant with that and birthdaysand everything else, because
there's just something about it.
You know, this past year Irecently had a birthday and I
(05:42):
just so missed her and eventhough it wasn't the first
birthday without her, I justmissed her so much this
particular year Because my momalways made such a big deal
about it and about anybody'sbirthday, and the fact that she
wasn't here anymore just reallyhurt and it is.
It's like this club you're apart of, you're a motherless
(06:04):
daughter, and there's this bondthat you share with other people
now that have lost their mom,because there is something about
mothers and daughters Whetheryou get along or you don't get
along, there's still somethingabout that.
She's your mom and she's alwaysgoing to be your mom, you know,
and there are things thatyou're always going to go to
with her that you don't go towith anybody else, and there are
(06:28):
.
There are books written aboutit, and I've read several of
them.
One of them is calledMotherless Daughters.
The author is Hope Edelman.
I believe she also has apodcast as well, too.
It's a really good book.
It it goes into all those things, especially if you lost your
mom when you were young.
If you lost your mom when youwere young, if you lost your mom
when you were older, it doesn'tmatter, the ache is the same.
(06:50):
She's your mom and you justmiss her and you don't realize
how much you depend on your mom.
Until your mom isn't thereanymore for you to turn to, to
talk to.
You know, for her to tell youthose stories about the family
and things like that.
And I was always so glad that Ilistened to her when she would
talk about our crazy family,because when she was in the
(07:14):
middle of her dementia and shethought she was back, you know,
when she was younger, I knew whoshe was talking about.
When she would talk aboutdifferent people and that made
me happy because I could be withher, I could share that with
her.
You know, and I knew, knowingmy mom as well as I did, I knew
(07:34):
that she was.
It was almost good that shewasn't aware of how sick she was
, because she would have hatedbeing the way she was.
And I still live with the guiltof that.
I couldn't take care of her athome because I wish I could have
, but I couldn't, and it's aguilt that I'll probably live
(07:56):
with for the rest of my life,because I wish I could have,
because I knew that she wouldhave never wanted to be there,
but it was where I had to puther at that time.
And there's just so many thingsthat I wish I could talk to her
about.
Even if it was, you know, mymom would call me and be like oh
, put this tv show on so andso's on, or did you hear about
(08:16):
this?
Did you hear about that, youknow?
Or she'd call and be like areyou still alive?
I haven't talked to you in afew days, you know, and I miss
having.
I look at my phone and it popsup my mom.
There's just something about itthat you can't call her anymore.
It's a feeling that justdoesn't go away.
(08:38):
You just wish you could callher, you know.
You wish you could go over andsee her.
You know, talk to her, you know, hang out with her.
And you can't.
And it's like you feel likeit's your life before and your
life after, because your life isdifferent.
(08:59):
There's this part of you that'sjust gone and it'll never be
the same.
And it's such a weird feelingbecause, unless you've gone
through it, you don't completelyunderstand.
And when you hear people talkabout, oh I'm going to go see my
mom, or they complain abouttheir mom or things like that
(09:20):
and don't get me wrong, Icomplained about my mom too,
growing up.
It's just normal.
But now I wish I could arguewith her, I wish I could talk to
her, I wish I could go shoppingwith her, and this feeling that
you have, that she's just goneand it's just different, like
that bond gone, and it's justdifferent, like that bond.
(09:41):
And I feel lost a lot of thetime because, like I said, my
mom was the person I called.
She knew me better than anybody.
She knew how to calm me down,she knew how to tell me it was
going to be okay, you know, andI would believe her, even if she
didn't completely believe it.
She would always be like it'sgoing to be okay, it'll be all
right, and then she'd call andcheck on me, make sure I was
(10:01):
feeling better the next day andthat, and it's a lonely feeling
in a way, because you just youjust miss her and you just feel
so lost.
There's this ache inside of youthat you're like it's my mom and
(10:23):
she's not here anymore, and youknow it.
It sometimes, and it makes methink like why'd she have to get
sick in the first place, youknow?
And and why'd she have tosuffer like that?
I do feel good in the sensethat I know that I was with her
and I took care of her and I didthe best I could.
(10:43):
I knew I did everything I couldhave done for her, you know.
But still makes you think aboutall those things and it just
there's just this ache that Idon't think will ever really go
away, you know.
And there are the grief wavesthat come, that you're, you're
just like they're bursts, thegrief bursts.
(11:05):
They just come and you're likeyou just miss her with it,
whether it's a song or it's it'sa day or it's just a time of
year or something just makes youthink of her, it just makes you
sad and or it makes you angry,or it just makes you feel lost.
(11:26):
You know you almost have tofigure out who you are again,
because you don't have a momanymore.
It's like who are you in thisworld without your mom?
You know, especially if youwere close to your mom like I
was, it just makes you feel sodifferent in the world.
I wish I could have the wordsto explain it, but it does.
(11:51):
It just makes you feel almostdisconnected in a lot of
different ways because she'sjust not there and she connected
you to everything.
And it's such an odd feelingwhen she's not there with it and
you know, I know, that she isalways with me.
(12:12):
But there's something to besaid for you know, when people
are like, oh, she's notsuffering anymore, she's in a
better place, and I know allthat.
But then you think, yeah, butshe's not here physically
anymore, she's not there.
I can't hug her, I can't talkto her, I can't laugh with her.
You know, I can't, she's justnot here.
(12:36):
And it's just hard to be thatdaughter that doesn't have her
mom anymore.
It's such an odd feeling withit, you know, and I never
thought about it because it'snot something you think about,
because you just think that yourmom's going to be here forever.
You know, you think what She'llbe here.
(12:57):
It's not, and then she's not,and then you, just you do, you
feel lost.
The world feels so differentwhen you don't have that
security.
You don't have that personthat's there all the time for
you and you, just you sit backand you're like I.
I feel so different.
I feel disconnected from theworld sometimes, you know, even
(13:23):
feeling sometimes disconnectedfrom your own family, and that
cause you're like she's the onethat kept you connected.
She, she was the reason, shewas the glue, you know, that
puts you connected to otherswith it.
And it's hard sometimes to feelthat.
And for me, I love talking aboutmy mom.
Obviously, you know, it makesme feel like she's still alive.
You know she's still there.
(13:44):
I keep her memory alive.
So for me I like tellingstories about her.
For me it brings me comfort tobe able to laugh and to think
about the things that she didand that.
But I miss her the most when I'mfeeling sad and I am upset
(14:04):
about something.
I miss her the most thenbecause that's when I want to be
able to call her and I want tohear her tell me it's going to
be okay and it'll be all right.
Don't worry about it, you know.
And then I know she'd worry todeath about it because my mom
was a worrier.
Even if there wasn't anythingto worry about, my mom would
worry.
That's just who she was.
(14:25):
But she'd always tell me it'sgoing to be okay, it'll be all
right.
You know, and nobody says thosewords like your mom.
You know, nobody does, at leastfor me anyway, and there's all.
It becomes an instant bond whenyou meet somebody who has lost
(14:46):
their mom, because they knowexactly how you feel.
They know what that feels like.
There are things that, as adaughter, you just can only talk
to your mom about, and therebecomes that bond with other
women that don't have momsanymore.
I can't explain it, but it'sjust like this instant
(15:11):
connection that they understandexactly how you feel about
things, even if it's thesimplest things.
Or you know how you did yourhair or how you did your makeup,
or your mom oh my god, my momwould never let me wear that.
You and it's true, a mom reallycan never be replaced, it's just
(15:37):
, she's just there and there'sthat connection that she just
knew you.
And so I try to keep her aliveas much as I can with her memory
and remember the things thatshe did teach me and how she
treated others, and I try to dothat with other people as much
(15:57):
as I can.
You know, no one's perfect, butthat's what I try to think of
with my mom how she cared aboutpeople and how she she was a
caretaker she really was and totry to bring comfort to people,
because she hated, she didn'tlike to see people hurt.
She always tried to comfortthem as best as she could.
(16:18):
I think because she had so muchtragedy in her life.
She always wanted people tofeel comforted in a way that
sometimes I think she felt shedidn't get.
So she wanted to always comfortothers in that way and so I try
to do that with her, with hermemory, with that.
But it's just, you just alwaysfeel like something's missing
(16:40):
when your mom is gone.
You know, being a motherlessdaughter is hard, you know,
because you do, you just feellost, you feel like something's
just missing in your world withit and there really is no grief
like losing your mom.
There just isn't, because shewas that person that was there
all the time.
I mean, even if you argue withyour mom, she's still your mom.
(17:03):
You know, even if you didn'tget along with her, she's still
your mom.
You know you think that youwon't care, but you do because
she's your mom.
You know she brought you intothis world and there's that
connection that never kind ofgoes away.
You know for it Like you do,you just feel kind of lost with
(17:24):
it.
So I hope maybe I gave you somecomfort or you didn't feel so
alone as I try with this.
I want people to not feel alonein their grief, in their
caregiving or dealing withdementia, because it can feel
pretty alone, even sometimes ingrief it can, and my goal is
(17:45):
that people don't feel alonewith it.
So please, you know, reach outto me, tell me what you like,
what you don't like about it,what subjects you'd like me to
talk about.
I'd love to talk some moreabout it as we continue on with
this journey here at Patty'sPlace, you know, as we try to
let people know that grief isnormal and that it's okay to
(18:08):
miss people and caregiving ishard.
It's very hard to miss peopleand caregiving is hard.
It's very hard and just knowingthat they're always with you,
even when you miss them terriblyand you wish that they were
always there with you.
I always believe that my mom'salways with me, even though I
miss her, and I wish she wasphysically here with us.
(18:30):
So I hope there was a littlebit of comfort today.
Hope you enjoyed your cup oftea, your cup of coffee or wine
if you needed it, because somedays you do right.
So hopefully you will join usfor another edition of Patty's
Place.
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
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