April 15, 2025 • 35 mins
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Don't Add Me to Your To-Do List: The Power of Authentic Connection
In this episode of the Pickleball and Partnership Podcast, host Charlotte Jukes reflects on the importance of authentic connections and shares her journey of attending a transformative retreat in Los Angeles. She discusses overcoming imposter syndrome, learning about human design, and developing meaningful relationships. Charlotte introduces a new practice called 'Closet Conversations' with her husband and emphasizes the need for real, deep connections over superficial interactions. The episode underscores how pickleball has fostered strong bonds for Charlotte and provides listeners with insights into creating and nurturing genuine relationships.
00:00 Introduction to Pickleball and Partnership
00:44 The Inspiration Behind Today's Topic
01:53 Attending the Bloom Retreat
02:41 Facing Self-Doubt and Overcoming It
08:06 The Concept of Closet Conversations
09:23 Experiencing Deep Connections at the Retreat
11:53 Understanding Human Design
19:24 The Importance of Authentic Connections
20:21 Pickleball as a Medium for Connection
29:11 Final Thoughts and Reflections
32:59 Conclusion and Call to Action
Link to "It's Not About The Nail"
https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg
Pickleball & Partnership Facebook Page
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https://www.facebook.com/conejukes
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https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pickleball-partnership/id1775742795
Pickleball & Partnership Email cejukes@gmail.com
Music: Purple Planet Music
Thanks to Purple Planet Music for Pickleball & Partnership Intro and Outro music Purple Planet Music is a collection of music written and performed by Chris Martyn and Geoff Harvey.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Charlotte Jukes (00:10):
This the pickleball and partnership
podcast, the place to talk.
Talk about building betterconnections with your partner.
Learning how to communicate witheach other and how to inject
fun.
Into your relationship allthrough the game of pickleball.
If that sounds like your cup oftea.
Pull up a chair grab your paddleand join me.
(00:32):
Your host, Charlotte Jukes.
For pickleball and partnership.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Welcome to another episode of the Pickleball and
Partnership Podcast.
This.
Topic that I want to talk abouttoday came to me by a series of
events that happened to me, andit wasn't until I had the
opportunity to sit down andreflect, and I was actually on
(01:06):
the phone with one of my goodfriends that it suddenly all
fell into place and I realizedthat I just had to record an
episode for you.
On the Pickleball andPartnership podcast entitled,
don't Add Me to Your To-Do List,and it's all about authentic
(01:26):
connection and how importantthat is for me and how I really,
truly believe it's important forall of us.
But let me go back to wherethis.
Started for me, really, whichwas only last week.
Don't worry, I'm not going backyears and years.
It's not another one of my crazylong, oh, back to the age of 10,
(01:49):
but I might do that again, sohold on to your seats.
Anyway, last week I had theopportunity to attend the most
beautiful retreat I flew down toLos Angeles.
I attended quite an intimatebloom retreat for women.
(02:11):
I mean, I think it was for mentoo, but there were just women
who attended this retreat.
it was put on by Cathy Heller,who is an amazing mentor for me,
an amazing teacher.
if you haven't read her book,please Do Abundant Ever After.
It's absolutely phenomenal.
Anyway.
I had the opportunity to attendher Bloom retreat in Los
(02:35):
Angeles, and I have to behonest, it took a lot for me to
get there.
And I don't know whether any ofyou have been in a similar
situation where you have really,really wanted to do something
and it feels so aligned to yoursoul, to the very core of you
(02:57):
who you are, who you want to be,but the mind talks you out of
it.
And this seems to be happeningto me quite a bit or.
I'm becoming more aware of ithappening.
I think it always has happenedwhen I look back over the years,
but now I have become more awareof that voice.
(03:18):
I've become more aware of mythoughts.
I've become more aware of thestories that my thoughts are
telling me, and those thoughtstranspose into feelings and
those feelings transpose intobehaviors and those behaviors
that I was.
Exhibiting are the ones thatwere keeping me small.
(03:40):
They were the ones that wereholding me back.
So here I am having planned togo to this retreat.
I've booked my flights, I'vebooked the hotel.
I've told everyone I'm coming.
I'm actually going there in anassisting capacity also.
Helping Cathy and her team out.
(04:00):
So there's that addedresponsibility.
And my mind is screaming at me.
No, don't go.
You can't do it.
Who are you to think that youcan fly to the us?
Fly to a different country,attend a treat with people that
you don't know, interact withthese women who you know.
(04:24):
You can see where the story'sgoing.
Interact with these amazingwomen who have done amazing
things in their lives, and realimposter syndrome came into my
mind.
And it culminated on, I think,the day before I was due to fly
(04:44):
and I had a huge meltdown.
I'm, I was going to say,embarrassed to say, but I'm not,
because I think, I can't be theonly person that has huge
meltdowns.
I can't be because I'm human.
If nobody has had a meltdown,please reach out to me because I
would love to connect with you.
But anyway, I had a hugemeltdown.
(05:04):
The things that came into mymind, the doubt that crept in
the stories that I was tellingmyself, that negative feedback
loop was just overwhelming.
And I've been doing the work, Icoach people and I am coached
myself.
To support myself and workthrough my shit.
(05:25):
I have been really doing thework to uncover these blocks
that I have, the limitingbeliefs that I'm holding onto so
that I could move on.
But here I am, the day before,just over 24 hours before I'm
due to.
Fly to this retreat and I justhad a huge, huge breakdown and
(05:48):
it started from something smalland insignificant, which is
where I think most things.
it's the straw that breaks thecamel's back so they say.
all this this negative energybuilds up inside of us and
eventually it's that one littlething, that one little thing
(06:09):
that somebody says to you orthat one little action that
happens or a response and.
Hence the huge breakdown.
So here I am, I find myself inmy closet on the floor in tears,
wondering how on earth I amgoing to move forward from this.
(06:33):
How on earth I am going to saveface and not go to this retreat.
But everyone else is okay aboutthat.
And I'm talking about the peoplethat I feel I'm letting down by
not going anyway, my wonderfulhusband.
A poor guy, honestly, had noclue what was going on.
(06:54):
Of course, thought it was aboutone thing.
I dunno whether you've everseen, a conversation between, a
man and a woman.
Partners Maybe they're married,I'm not sure.
anyway, they're having aconversation and she's trying to
talk about an in-depth, concernthat she has, and I think it's
(07:15):
the woman has a nail stickingout of her her forehead and.
Anyway, the guy is focusing onthe nail and she keeps saying
it's not about the nail, andshe's trying to get to the depth
of what's going on for her, andall the man can see is this nail
(07:35):
sticking out from her head andhe wants to fix it.
And he can't believe that that'snot what she's talking about.
And all she's saying it's notabout the nail.
It's humorous, but it reallyhits home.
So here I am having thismeltdown, and poor Neil is
beside himself because he doesnot know how to fix this because
(07:56):
he doesn't even know what theflipping problem is.
And I, on some level, can't evenvocalize what the problem is.
Although deep down, I know.
So here we are sitting on thefloor of our closet and it
actually turned into this mostamazing conversation and.
We have now brought, even fromlast week, we have brought this
(08:22):
new practice into ourrelationship, and it's called
Closet Conversations, where weliterally sit on the floor of
the closet.
There are no phones, there areno distractions.
We lock the door.
Kids can't come in and.
We sit there in this smallcloset facing each other, having
(08:42):
real heart to heartconversations.
It's truly amazing.
So out of this craziness camethis amazing new strategy that
we have developed called ClosetConversations.
maybe that's another podcastepisode.
Anyway, I digress.
So I talk it through, I talkthrough what's coming up for me.
(09:03):
I talk about my impostersyndrome.
I talk about not being able to.
Believe in myself and to getmyself to this retreat anyway,
with all the tools that I havelearnt and been practicing and
using, for myself and for myclients.
I work my way through it.
(09:23):
And I go to this most amazingretreat, and of course, oh my
goodness, it's phenomenal.
I meet the most amazing people.
I have the most amazingexperiences.
I connect with these.
Beautiful souls on such a deeplevel.
(09:44):
And instead of, I dunno whetheryou've ever felt this, where
you've gone out into a, a groupof people, and it may be the
group, it may be just one personin particular, but you feel
absolutely drained.
Your energy is just zapped fromyou and you come home, you
(10:04):
retreat.
I know this is real for me.
Then I love the time at home onmy own, recharging my batteries.
But this retreat wasn't likethat.
The energy was so nourishing.
It was absolutely amazing.
I think everybody should attendone of these retreats if
possible.
(10:25):
And I grew so much as a personand then.
The events of the weekend beforeand the meltdown in my closet
appeared in my mind as beingsilly, but also as a real lesson
there to not let the mind takeover and really connect to, that
core of who you really are andwho you were sent here onto this
(10:48):
earth to be.
so I throw myself into theseamazing connections, deep
connections with these beautifulwomen.
And we have some incredibleconversations and we sit there
every morning having breakfast,having conversations, and really
getting to know each other andreally pouring our hearts out.
(11:10):
And, we're in sessions duringthe retreat and then We come
back together again for lunchand again, going out for
dinners.
just the most amazingexperience.
I got so much from it.
But what became very clear tome, was that I crave these deep
connections on so much more of adeeper level than I feel that I
(11:36):
have in my everyday life.
And I do have those connections.
But I'm not watering them andnurturing them and growing them
as I should, and in return, I'mnot feeling that from other
people.
So one of the sessions that wewere introduced to on this
(11:59):
retreat was something calledhuman design, and I had come
across this before and wasintrigued by it.
But also felt like maybe it wasa little bit woo woo, a little
bit out there, maybe along thelines of astrology, and I wasn't
sure that I really believed inOkay, everybody that's born
(12:21):
within this certain timeframe isall the same.
And, I went in with an open mindand.
The lovely lady who held thesession for us, Alexandra Cole,
I had been introduced to herbefore, and so I knew that in
human design I am a manifestinggenerator and I didn't really
(12:44):
know what that meant.
One thing I had taken from itbefore was that I'm like a
honeybee and I like to have lotsof different things on the go.
And imagine a honeybee goingfrom buzzing around, flying from
one flower to the next, to thenext, to the next.
Pollinating here, pollinatingthe next flower, pollinating the
(13:08):
next flower, going back to thefirst one.
And that's me.
And that really resonated withme.
So I thought, hmm, maybe thereis something to this human
design.
And so, alexandra Cole gave ussome more information about the
different types within humandesign.
I think there's manifestinggenerator, there's manifesters,
(13:30):
there's generators, there'sprojectors, and there's
reflectors and so she gave usmore information.
She divided us.
Into our separate groups and wewent and stood in different
corners of the room.
And when I looked around to seewho was in my group of
manifesting generators, I waslike, of course, they were all
(13:54):
the people that I had beenattracted to on the first couple
of days of the retreat.
They were all the people thathad the same energy as me and
that I naturally migratedtowards and had.
Started to form these amazingconnections with, so I was like,
yeah.
Okay.
I can see there is something inthis human design.
(14:17):
And so, I listened in moreattentively and we did some more
work into it.
And, what came out from thatsession was that there are
these, I won't go into detailsabout it if you want to find
out.
More about human design.
You can obviously, but there arecertain lines that you take on
(14:40):
or that are part of you.
And my lines are four, one, sopredominantly four and also a
one.
And I have to be honest, I can'tremember what the one
represented because we focusedon the four and we dove deeper
into, the concept of humandesign and me as a manifesting
generator with a dominant lineof four, it's a way of
(15:03):
subdividing the group ofmanifesting generators.
It honestly explains so muchabout how I move through the
world.
So manifesting generators areknown for being.
Energetic, multi-passionate,fast moving.
we light up when we are doingthings that align with us and,
(15:25):
and also we fizzle out fast whenwe are in environments or
relationships that feel forcedor shallow, which absolutely
100% made sense to me.
And then looking at that linefour.
That's where things get reallyreal because line four is all
about relationships, networks,community.
(15:49):
Not just in knowing a lot ofpeople way, but in being deeply
connected kind of way.
I don't want to just knowpeople.
I want to know what makes themtick.
I want to see their heart.
I want to feel safe enough toshow mine which so resonated
(16:09):
with me.
I've spent some time in my lifecraving connection, not
understanding why I didn't feelconnected to people, and then
thinking or believing, well,maybe I'm not destined to
connect with people.
Maybe I'm actually destined tobe more of a lone bird, and I am
happy at home on my own hiding,but when this was revealed to
(16:36):
me, it made a hundred percentsense.
In that the connections were notreal.
They were not authentic.
And I can think of moments in mylife where I stayed in
friendships or, or evencollaborations, way past their
expiration date just because ofthe depth that used to be there.
(16:57):
And I'd hold on hoping that thatconnection would come back, but
the truth is.
You know, I really believe this.
My energy knows it, knows whatit needs.
My body knows all of our bodiesknow what they need.
Our bodies are incredible.
They heal themselves.
They know what they need.
(17:17):
And when we are not aligned,when the body is not aligned,
when our energy is not aligned,we are not aligned.
Full stop that's it.
And as a line four, thatdisconnection feels like grief.
It really, really does.
We live in this bizarre paradoxwhere we are more connected to
(17:41):
each other than ever, by socialmedia.
Technology has connected us inways that we would never have
imagined previously.
I would never have imaginedgrowing up, and yet I really
feel like people are lonelier.
They're more anxious, they'remore isolated.
We follow people.
(18:01):
We like people, we scrollendlessly, but we don't see each
other.
I read somewhere recently thatloneliness has the same impact
on our health as smoking 15cigarettes a day.
Wow.
Let that sink in.
We need connection, not justemotionally, but physically,
(18:23):
spiritually, energetically.
And it's not, for me, it's notabout quantity, it's about
quality.
I remember a season in my lifewhere I was surrounded by
people.
I was immersed in my work.
I was engaged in work events,community gatherings, going out
(18:46):
social events, seeing differentpeople every weekend, going out
after work in the evening, goingaway with people.
But I felt completely unseen,like I was showing up for
everyone else, but not reallybeing known by anyone.
And going on that retreat lastweek and experiencing those deep
(19:10):
connections, those true,authentic connections with
people really woke me up to thetruth that Surface connection
doesn't sustain us.
It doesn't sustain me, and Ithink that's why I love
pickleball so much.
I think that's why I have grownso much as a person playing
(19:34):
pickleball because it seems tome that.
There are so many like-mindedpeople, like, I've honestly
found my tribe, I found mypeople playing pickleball.
Not everyone, I'm not sayingeverybody that I go and play
pickleball with I'm going tohave a deep connection with
(19:56):
that's just not possible.
There are so many differentpeople that I play with, but I
think about our core group.
I think about when Neil and I goand play together and we go and
play with our core group ofpeople.
Those people are my people.
Those people light me up.
(20:16):
I feel nourished when I spendtime with.
My deep connections that I havewith the people I play
pickleball with and pickleballhas allowed that to happen
because, and I know I'vementioned this before in
previous episodes, because youare suddenly.
(20:37):
Forced into a fairly small spaceon a small pickleball court with
your partner who you came with,and you now have to do this
dance with, and you have tocommunicate with, and you have
to communicate effectively within order to do well.
Or you've been forced onto thiscourt, this small court, this
(21:00):
small space with a partner whoyou've never met before, and all
of a sudden you have to figurethings out and in front of you,
on the other side of the net aretwo more people and you can see
into their eyes and you can seewhether they're having fun,
whether they're supporting you,whether they are.
(21:21):
Out to get you whether theydesperately want to win, and
they'll take you down no matterwhat.
but you are forced into thissituation where you become
vulnerable quicker than anyother sport I've ever played
quicker than any other activityI've ever played.
(21:42):
And.
The connection with myselfbecomes so raw and real and okay
in my face.
I have no option but to dealwith what's coming up for me.
I mean, I suppose I do have anoption in a way because I could
continue to push it down, but Ithink it comes up in such a
(22:07):
real, hey, in your face way thatit was a wake up call for me
anyway.
It was, uh, definitely, okay,something's happening here and I
need to get to the bottom ofthis.
Just going back to, I mentionedthat series of events that got
me to this place.
So after the retreat, after thisamazing, wonderful connection
(22:33):
with people I know I am going tocontinue nurturing these
relationships, these friendshipswith, and they're from all over
the place.
But isn't it funny how weconnect as well?
I have to tell you this quickstory actually about the first
connection I made there and howreal and just so aligned I felt
(22:55):
with this lovely lady calledAngie.
So it's the first morning andthe hotel is divided into two
sections and I find myselfstaying in the building that's.
Further away from the mainbuilding, and it's up a very
steep hill, and the firstmorning it's raining and we have
(23:15):
to be at breakfast for eighto'clock.
And because I'm helping out onthis retreat, I want to be there
on time.
I actually want to be thereearly.
So I wake up that morning plentyof time.
I know there is a shuttle.
It's a golf cart that takes youdown the hill to the main
building.
I've got myself all ready.
(23:35):
I love the way I'm looking.
I'm excited.
I'm ready to throw myself in.
It's pouring with rain, so Iknow I'm definitely going to be
taking this shuttle and notwalking down the hill and
ruining my hair and I decided towear white runners for some
reason.
But anyway, I am not walkingdown the hill in my white
runners with my hair done.
(23:57):
So I'm waiting, waiting, waitingfor the shuttle and it doesn't
come.
And then I see a phone on thewall and so I phone reception
and say, Hey, I'm up the hill,please, could you send the
shuttle?
And she says, yes, yes, hang on,hang on.
Anyway, long story short, I endup waiting 20 minutes and the
shuttle has not arrived.
(24:18):
And then this lovely lady, Angiecomes walking over with a big
smile on her face and we standunder the big umbrella together
and we start talking and I'mlike, oh, are you here for the
Bloom retreat?
She says, yes, I am.
Are you?
And.
So that started theconversation.
We found out that we are bothnurses, we have both
(24:41):
transitioned.
We are both married, we havechildren, you know, so many
similarities.
Immediately I'm feeling thisconnection and I get a.
Sense that she is as well.
And so instead of me standingthere thinking, oh my gosh, I'm
late for breakfast.
This is not good.
I'm not in the right place, I'mnot where I should be, I was
(25:02):
exactly where I should bebecause I was there.
Ready, open waiting to make thisamazing connection with this new
person who, and actually shelives in Canada.
She lives on the East Coast.
And I know we are going toremain friends and I hope at
some point she's going to comeon the podcast because I think I
(25:24):
have excited her enough that shewants to go and play pickleball.
So watch this space.
Following this retreat, I thenhad a really long conversation
on the phone with one of myother really good friends, and
we were talking about theamazing connections and how.
Authentic, it felt to us.
(25:45):
And she is also a manifestinggenerator.
And so we really connected onthat level too.
And we talked about how in ourlives we have felt these sort of
more superficial connectionswith people and how that really
wasn't serving us and how movingforward we want to really make a
(26:08):
conscious effort to stayconnected with these amazing
people with people that we feelaligned with, but in a very
authentic way.
And we were chatting about howwe would do that.
when we are all at a distance,when we can't just go and say,
(26:28):
Hey, let's meet for coffee andsit down and have a chat.
And what that looked like forus, which, is a great question
and something I'm really puttinga lot of thought into now as I
move forward.
And, we came up with thisconcept we were just throwing
things back and forth, but wecame up with this concept of,
(26:50):
don't put me on your to-do list.
Seriously, if you are one of myfriends, don't put me on your
to-do list.
If you feel as though we haven'ttalked in a long time and you
feel obligated to reach out tome.
Check me off your to-do list as,oh, I connected with Charlotte.
(27:13):
There we go.
Move on next person.
Please don't bother.
Because I'm not looking forthose kind of connections.
I'm looking for real raw,vulnerable conversation we can
have where we can both open upand share our hearts with each
other.
I'm not into the superficialstuff, so I'm letting you off
(27:36):
the hook.
If you want to come playpickleball with me, absolutely.
I'm open to that anytime.
And if you want to really sitdown and have a great
conversation with me, I am so upfor that.
And if we haven't spoken in along time and you really feel.
Energetically that you want toreach out to me and you really
(27:59):
miss me, and I'm going to bedoing this with friends of mine
as well.
Please do reach out because Iknow that those friendships,
those true friendships.
I have with people where Ihaven't perhaps spoken to them
in a year or two years, or,whatever that looks like, we
will just pick up where we leftoff.
(28:20):
And I know that there are peoplethat I did my nurse training
with, we're in that position.
where if you reach out to me orif I reach out to you, we are
going to just pick up thatconversation where we left off,
and I love that.
But if you feel like you areobligated to reach out to me and
(28:42):
connect with me just to put thattick next to my name and say
that you did it, please don't.
It's okay.
It's really okay.
Please don't do that.
As a manifesting generator, Imove fast, but I crave realness.
I'm not here for shallowconversations or performative
(29:04):
friendships.
I'm here to build bridges thatlast, and I believe you are too.
So how can we cultivate thosedeep connections?
How do we start creating more ofwhat we crave?
I really believe it starts withyourself.
It started with me.
Are you connected to you?
(29:26):
Was I really connected to me?
Are you being real with yourselfabout what you want and what you
need?
And stop saying yes torelationships that drain you,
especially like me as a linefour manifesting generator.
Our energy is sacred.
I actually believe all of ourenergies are sacred.
(29:49):
It's magnetic when we are in theright space, but it gets blocked
when we are forcing something.
And practice presence.
This is such a good lesson forme.
Put the phone down, make eyecontact, and ask the questions
that matter.
(30:09):
Actually that really thattouched me, that caught in my
throat as I said, that ask thequestions that matter because
are we really asking thequestions of each other that
matter?
Are we really asking thequestions of ourselves that
matter?
And lead with vulnerability.
It is not a weakness, Charlotte.
(30:31):
It is not a weakness.
Vulnerability is my connection.
Superpower.
When we go first, we createspace for others to meet us
there.
I am so learning thisvulnerability is not a weakness.
Oh my gosh.
(30:51):
I start every morning with thatmantra.
One of the most healing thingsthat Neil and I ever did was
start playing pickleballtogether, not because we're good
at it.
We weren't, but because it gaveus this space to reconnect, to
communicate differently, tolaugh and mess up and learn
(31:14):
something new together, itreminded me that connection
doesn't always have to be deeptalks and tears.
I love the closet conversations,but it doesn't always have to be
those deep talks, and it doesn'talways have to be tears.
Sometimes it's just showing up,pickleball, paddle in hand,
(31:35):
ready to play and figure it outas we go along as a team.
On the pickleball court, you cantell when partners are in sync
because I know when Neil and Iare in sync, we move fluidly.
We trust each other.
We talk to each other as we areplaying.
I love that about pickleball.
You can have conversationsabout, oh, what out for the,
(31:57):
they're about to smash you.
Watch out for that.
Put it down the line, move withme, move back.
you can have those conversationsand you can also tell when
there's tension or disconnect.
The pickleball court does notlie, and honestly, it's the same
in life because we feel it whenwe don't feel that connection
(32:17):
with somebody else.
Connection is something that wecultivate.
We need to water our own garden.
We need to water our own grass.
That's where the grass isgreener and it really takes
intention and it starts with achoice, and that is to be real,
even when it's awkward orvulnerable or new.
(32:42):
So if you are a line 4 like me,or even if you're not into human
design, that's okay.
Let this be your reminder.
Your need for real connection isnot a weakness.
It's actually your wisdom.
It's your gift.
So that's my heart for today.
Real talk about real connection.
(33:05):
That honestly touches my heart.
It really does.
I hope this lands somewhere softinside you.
If this episode spoke to you,I'd love to hear about it.
Send me a DM or share it withsomeone else who needs this
reminder that they deserveconnection that goes beyond the
surface.
(33:26):
Until next time, keep showingup.
Keep playing together, and keepchoosing real.
Here are a few questions for youto reflect on.
Who are the people in your lifethat you can truly be yourself
with?
Where are you settling forsurface?
When your soul wants substance,how can you begin connecting
(33:51):
more deeply with yourself, withothers, and with your purpose?
please share this episode withsomeone that you want to
reconnect with.
Have them listen Ask them tosend you a message the moment
that they feel deeply seen orheard.
Speaker (34:10):
Thanks so much for listening today.
I hope you enjoyed thatconversation as much as I did.
Anything mentioned, includinglinks, notes, and a full episode
list, will be over on ourwebsite at
pickleballandpartnership.
buzzsprout.
com.
Com.
If you got something outta thisepisode, be sure to follow or
(34:32):
subscribe to Pickleball andPartnership on Apple Podcasts,
Spotify, or wherever you listenso that you are notified of new
and upcoming episodes.
And if you're finding value inthis podcast, a free way to
support us is to leave a five.
It truly means the world to us.
(34:54):
This will help more peopleaccess these real conversations.
And if you haven't connectedwith myself or Neil personally,
we would love to meet you andsay hi over on our Facebook
page.
Thanks again for listening.
Please tune in next week foranother exciting episode of
Pickleball and partnership.
(35:16):
Remember, we're all learning,growing, and showing up in our
own ways.
And that's what matters most.
This the pickleball and partnership
podcast, the place to talk.
Talk about building betterconnections with your partner.
Learning how to communicate witheach other and how to inject
fun.
Into your relationship allthrough the game of pickleball.
If that sounds like your cup oftea.
Pull up a chair grab your paddleand join me.
(00:32):
Your host, Charlotte Jukes.
For pickleball and partnership.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Welcome to another episode of the Pickleball and
Partnership Podcast.
This.
Topic that I want to talk abouttoday came to me by a series of
events that happened to me, andit wasn't until I had the
opportunity to sit down andreflect, and I was actually on
(01:06):
the phone with one of my goodfriends that it suddenly all
fell into place and I realizedthat I just had to record an
episode for you.
On the Pickleball andPartnership podcast entitled,
don't Add Me to Your To-Do List,and it's all about authentic
(01:26):
connection and how importantthat is for me and how I really,
truly believe it's important forall of us.
But let me go back to wherethis.
Started for me, really, whichwas only last week.
Don't worry, I'm not going backyears and years.
It's not another one of my crazylong, oh, back to the age of 10,
(01:49):
but I might do that again, sohold on to your seats.
Anyway, last week I had theopportunity to attend the most
beautiful retreat I flew down toLos Angeles.
I attended quite an intimatebloom retreat for women.
(02:11):
I mean, I think it was for mentoo, but there were just women
who attended this retreat.
it was put on by Cathy Heller,who is an amazing mentor for me,
an amazing teacher.
if you haven't read her book,please Do Abundant Ever After.
It's absolutely phenomenal.
Anyway.
I had the opportunity to attendher Bloom retreat in Los
(02:35):
Angeles, and I have to behonest, it took a lot for me to
get there.
And I don't know whether any ofyou have been in a similar
situation where you have really,really wanted to do something
and it feels so aligned to yoursoul, to the very core of you
(02:57):
who you are, who you want to be,but the mind talks you out of
it.
And this seems to be happeningto me quite a bit or.
I'm becoming more aware of ithappening.
I think it always has happenedwhen I look back over the years,
but now I have become more awareof that voice.
(03:18):
I've become more aware of mythoughts.
I've become more aware of thestories that my thoughts are
telling me, and those thoughtstranspose into feelings and
those feelings transpose intobehaviors and those behaviors
that I was.
Exhibiting are the ones thatwere keeping me small.
(03:40):
They were the ones that wereholding me back.
So here I am having planned togo to this retreat.
I've booked my flights, I'vebooked the hotel.
I've told everyone I'm coming.
I'm actually going there in anassisting capacity also.
Helping Cathy and her team out.
(04:00):
So there's that addedresponsibility.
And my mind is screaming at me.
No, don't go.
You can't do it.
Who are you to think that youcan fly to the us?
Fly to a different country,attend a treat with people that
you don't know, interact withthese women who you know.
(04:24):
You can see where the story'sgoing.
Interact with these amazingwomen who have done amazing
things in their lives, and realimposter syndrome came into my
mind.
And it culminated on, I think,the day before I was due to fly
(04:44):
and I had a huge meltdown.
I'm, I was going to say,embarrassed to say, but I'm not,
because I think, I can't be theonly person that has huge
meltdowns.
I can't be because I'm human.
If nobody has had a meltdown,please reach out to me because I
would love to connect with you.
But anyway, I had a hugemeltdown.
(05:04):
The things that came into mymind, the doubt that crept in
the stories that I was tellingmyself, that negative feedback
loop was just overwhelming.
And I've been doing the work, Icoach people and I am coached
myself.
To support myself and workthrough my shit.
(05:25):
I have been really doing thework to uncover these blocks
that I have, the limitingbeliefs that I'm holding onto so
that I could move on.
But here I am, the day before,just over 24 hours before I'm
due to.
Fly to this retreat and I justhad a huge, huge breakdown and
(05:48):
it started from something smalland insignificant, which is
where I think most things.
it's the straw that breaks thecamel's back so they say.
all this this negative energybuilds up inside of us and
eventually it's that one littlething, that one little thing
(06:09):
that somebody says to you orthat one little action that
happens or a response and.
Hence the huge breakdown.
So here I am, I find myself inmy closet on the floor in tears,
wondering how on earth I amgoing to move forward from this.
(06:33):
How on earth I am going to saveface and not go to this retreat.
But everyone else is okay aboutthat.
And I'm talking about the peoplethat I feel I'm letting down by
not going anyway, my wonderfulhusband.
A poor guy, honestly, had noclue what was going on.
(06:54):
Of course, thought it was aboutone thing.
I dunno whether you've everseen, a conversation between, a
man and a woman.
Partners Maybe they're married,I'm not sure.
anyway, they're having aconversation and she's trying to
talk about an in-depth, concernthat she has, and I think it's
(07:15):
the woman has a nail stickingout of her her forehead and.
Anyway, the guy is focusing onthe nail and she keeps saying
it's not about the nail, andshe's trying to get to the depth
of what's going on for her, andall the man can see is this nail
(07:35):
sticking out from her head andhe wants to fix it.
And he can't believe that that'snot what she's talking about.
And all she's saying it's notabout the nail.
It's humorous, but it reallyhits home.
So here I am having thismeltdown, and poor Neil is
beside himself because he doesnot know how to fix this because
(07:56):
he doesn't even know what theflipping problem is.
And I, on some level, can't evenvocalize what the problem is.
Although deep down, I know.
So here we are sitting on thefloor of our closet and it
actually turned into this mostamazing conversation and.
We have now brought, even fromlast week, we have brought this
(08:22):
new practice into ourrelationship, and it's called
Closet Conversations, where weliterally sit on the floor of
the closet.
There are no phones, there areno distractions.
We lock the door.
Kids can't come in and.
We sit there in this smallcloset facing each other, having
(08:42):
real heart to heartconversations.
It's truly amazing.
So out of this craziness camethis amazing new strategy that
we have developed called ClosetConversations.
maybe that's another podcastepisode.
Anyway, I digress.
So I talk it through, I talkthrough what's coming up for me.
(09:03):
I talk about my impostersyndrome.
I talk about not being able to.
Believe in myself and to getmyself to this retreat anyway,
with all the tools that I havelearnt and been practicing and
using, for myself and for myclients.
I work my way through it.
(09:23):
And I go to this most amazingretreat, and of course, oh my
goodness, it's phenomenal.
I meet the most amazing people.
I have the most amazingexperiences.
I connect with these.
Beautiful souls on such a deeplevel.
(09:44):
And instead of, I dunno whetheryou've ever felt this, where
you've gone out into a, a groupof people, and it may be the
group, it may be just one personin particular, but you feel
absolutely drained.
Your energy is just zapped fromyou and you come home, you
(10:04):
retreat.
I know this is real for me.
Then I love the time at home onmy own, recharging my batteries.
But this retreat wasn't likethat.
The energy was so nourishing.
It was absolutely amazing.
I think everybody should attendone of these retreats if
possible.
(10:25):
And I grew so much as a personand then.
The events of the weekend beforeand the meltdown in my closet
appeared in my mind as beingsilly, but also as a real lesson
there to not let the mind takeover and really connect to, that
core of who you really are andwho you were sent here onto this
(10:48):
earth to be.
so I throw myself into theseamazing connections, deep
connections with these beautifulwomen.
And we have some incredibleconversations and we sit there
every morning having breakfast,having conversations, and really
getting to know each other andreally pouring our hearts out.
(11:10):
And, we're in sessions duringthe retreat and then We come
back together again for lunchand again, going out for
dinners.
just the most amazingexperience.
I got so much from it.
But what became very clear tome, was that I crave these deep
connections on so much more of adeeper level than I feel that I
(11:36):
have in my everyday life.
And I do have those connections.
But I'm not watering them andnurturing them and growing them
as I should, and in return, I'mnot feeling that from other
people.
So one of the sessions that wewere introduced to on this
(11:59):
retreat was something calledhuman design, and I had come
across this before and wasintrigued by it.
But also felt like maybe it wasa little bit woo woo, a little
bit out there, maybe along thelines of astrology, and I wasn't
sure that I really believed inOkay, everybody that's born
(12:21):
within this certain timeframe isall the same.
And, I went in with an open mindand.
The lovely lady who held thesession for us, Alexandra Cole,
I had been introduced to herbefore, and so I knew that in
human design I am a manifestinggenerator and I didn't really
(12:44):
know what that meant.
One thing I had taken from itbefore was that I'm like a
honeybee and I like to have lotsof different things on the go.
And imagine a honeybee goingfrom buzzing around, flying from
one flower to the next, to thenext, to the next.
Pollinating here, pollinatingthe next flower, pollinating the
(13:08):
next flower, going back to thefirst one.
And that's me.
And that really resonated withme.
So I thought, hmm, maybe thereis something to this human
design.
And so, alexandra Cole gave ussome more information about the
different types within humandesign.
I think there's manifestinggenerator, there's manifesters,
(13:30):
there's generators, there'sprojectors, and there's
reflectors and so she gave usmore information.
She divided us.
Into our separate groups and wewent and stood in different
corners of the room.
And when I looked around to seewho was in my group of
manifesting generators, I waslike, of course, they were all
(13:54):
the people that I had beenattracted to on the first couple
of days of the retreat.
They were all the people thathad the same energy as me and
that I naturally migratedtowards and had.
Started to form these amazingconnections with, so I was like,
yeah.
Okay.
I can see there is something inthis human design.
(14:17):
And so, I listened in moreattentively and we did some more
work into it.
And, what came out from thatsession was that there are
these, I won't go into detailsabout it if you want to find
out.
More about human design.
You can obviously, but there arecertain lines that you take on
(14:40):
or that are part of you.
And my lines are four, one, sopredominantly four and also a
one.
And I have to be honest, I can'tremember what the one
represented because we focusedon the four and we dove deeper
into, the concept of humandesign and me as a manifesting
generator with a dominant lineof four, it's a way of
(15:03):
subdividing the group ofmanifesting generators.
It honestly explains so muchabout how I move through the
world.
So manifesting generators areknown for being.
Energetic, multi-passionate,fast moving.
we light up when we are doingthings that align with us and,
(15:25):
and also we fizzle out fast whenwe are in environments or
relationships that feel forcedor shallow, which absolutely
100% made sense to me.
And then looking at that linefour.
That's where things get reallyreal because line four is all
about relationships, networks,community.
(15:49):
Not just in knowing a lot ofpeople way, but in being deeply
connected kind of way.
I don't want to just knowpeople.
I want to know what makes themtick.
I want to see their heart.
I want to feel safe enough toshow mine which so resonated
(16:09):
with me.
I've spent some time in my lifecraving connection, not
understanding why I didn't feelconnected to people, and then
thinking or believing, well,maybe I'm not destined to
connect with people.
Maybe I'm actually destined tobe more of a lone bird, and I am
happy at home on my own hiding,but when this was revealed to
(16:36):
me, it made a hundred percentsense.
In that the connections were notreal.
They were not authentic.
And I can think of moments in mylife where I stayed in
friendships or, or evencollaborations, way past their
expiration date just because ofthe depth that used to be there.
(16:57):
And I'd hold on hoping that thatconnection would come back, but
the truth is.
You know, I really believe this.
My energy knows it, knows whatit needs.
My body knows all of our bodiesknow what they need.
Our bodies are incredible.
They heal themselves.
They know what they need.
(17:17):
And when we are not aligned,when the body is not aligned,
when our energy is not aligned,we are not aligned.
Full stop that's it.
And as a line four, thatdisconnection feels like grief.
It really, really does.
We live in this bizarre paradoxwhere we are more connected to
(17:41):
each other than ever, by socialmedia.
Technology has connected us inways that we would never have
imagined previously.
I would never have imaginedgrowing up, and yet I really
feel like people are lonelier.
They're more anxious, they'remore isolated.
We follow people.
(18:01):
We like people, we scrollendlessly, but we don't see each
other.
I read somewhere recently thatloneliness has the same impact
on our health as smoking 15cigarettes a day.
Wow.
Let that sink in.
We need connection, not justemotionally, but physically,
(18:23):
spiritually, energetically.
And it's not, for me, it's notabout quantity, it's about
quality.
I remember a season in my lifewhere I was surrounded by
people.
I was immersed in my work.
I was engaged in work events,community gatherings, going out
(18:46):
social events, seeing differentpeople every weekend, going out
after work in the evening, goingaway with people.
But I felt completely unseen,like I was showing up for
everyone else, but not reallybeing known by anyone.
And going on that retreat lastweek and experiencing those deep
(19:10):
connections, those true,authentic connections with
people really woke me up to thetruth that Surface connection
doesn't sustain us.
It doesn't sustain me, and Ithink that's why I love
pickleball so much.
I think that's why I have grownso much as a person playing
(19:34):
pickleball because it seems tome that.
There are so many like-mindedpeople, like, I've honestly
found my tribe, I found mypeople playing pickleball.
Not everyone, I'm not sayingeverybody that I go and play
pickleball with I'm going tohave a deep connection with
(19:56):
that's just not possible.
There are so many differentpeople that I play with, but I
think about our core group.
I think about when Neil and I goand play together and we go and
play with our core group ofpeople.
Those people are my people.
Those people light me up.
(20:16):
I feel nourished when I spendtime with.
My deep connections that I havewith the people I play
pickleball with and pickleballhas allowed that to happen
because, and I know I'vementioned this before in
previous episodes, because youare suddenly.
(20:37):
Forced into a fairly small spaceon a small pickleball court with
your partner who you came with,and you now have to do this
dance with, and you have tocommunicate with, and you have
to communicate effectively within order to do well.
Or you've been forced onto thiscourt, this small court, this
(21:00):
small space with a partner whoyou've never met before, and all
of a sudden you have to figurethings out and in front of you,
on the other side of the net aretwo more people and you can see
into their eyes and you can seewhether they're having fun,
whether they're supporting you,whether they are.
(21:21):
Out to get you whether theydesperately want to win, and
they'll take you down no matterwhat.
but you are forced into thissituation where you become
vulnerable quicker than anyother sport I've ever played
quicker than any other activityI've ever played.
(21:42):
And.
The connection with myselfbecomes so raw and real and okay
in my face.
I have no option but to dealwith what's coming up for me.
I mean, I suppose I do have anoption in a way because I could
continue to push it down, but Ithink it comes up in such a
(22:07):
real, hey, in your face way thatit was a wake up call for me
anyway.
It was, uh, definitely, okay,something's happening here and I
need to get to the bottom ofthis.
Just going back to, I mentionedthat series of events that got
me to this place.
So after the retreat, after thisamazing, wonderful connection
(22:33):
with people I know I am going tocontinue nurturing these
relationships, these friendshipswith, and they're from all over
the place.
But isn't it funny how weconnect as well?
I have to tell you this quickstory actually about the first
connection I made there and howreal and just so aligned I felt
(22:55):
with this lovely lady calledAngie.
So it's the first morning andthe hotel is divided into two
sections and I find myselfstaying in the building that's.
Further away from the mainbuilding, and it's up a very
steep hill, and the firstmorning it's raining and we have
(23:15):
to be at breakfast for eighto'clock.
And because I'm helping out onthis retreat, I want to be there
on time.
I actually want to be thereearly.
So I wake up that morning plentyof time.
I know there is a shuttle.
It's a golf cart that takes youdown the hill to the main
building.
I've got myself all ready.
(23:35):
I love the way I'm looking.
I'm excited.
I'm ready to throw myself in.
It's pouring with rain, so Iknow I'm definitely going to be
taking this shuttle and notwalking down the hill and
ruining my hair and I decided towear white runners for some
reason.
But anyway, I am not walkingdown the hill in my white
runners with my hair done.
(23:57):
So I'm waiting, waiting, waitingfor the shuttle and it doesn't
come.
And then I see a phone on thewall and so I phone reception
and say, Hey, I'm up the hill,please, could you send the
shuttle?
And she says, yes, yes, hang on,hang on.
Anyway, long story short, I endup waiting 20 minutes and the
shuttle has not arrived.
(24:18):
And then this lovely lady, Angiecomes walking over with a big
smile on her face and we standunder the big umbrella together
and we start talking and I'mlike, oh, are you here for the
Bloom retreat?
She says, yes, I am.
Are you?
And.
So that started theconversation.
We found out that we are bothnurses, we have both
(24:41):
transitioned.
We are both married, we havechildren, you know, so many
similarities.
Immediately I'm feeling thisconnection and I get a.
Sense that she is as well.
And so instead of me standingthere thinking, oh my gosh, I'm
late for breakfast.
This is not good.
I'm not in the right place, I'mnot where I should be, I was
(25:02):
exactly where I should bebecause I was there.
Ready, open waiting to make thisamazing connection with this new
person who, and actually shelives in Canada.
She lives on the East Coast.
And I know we are going toremain friends and I hope at
some point she's going to comeon the podcast because I think I
(25:24):
have excited her enough that shewants to go and play pickleball.
So watch this space.
Following this retreat, I thenhad a really long conversation
on the phone with one of myother really good friends, and
we were talking about theamazing connections and how.
Authentic, it felt to us.
(25:45):
And she is also a manifestinggenerator.
And so we really connected onthat level too.
And we talked about how in ourlives we have felt these sort of
more superficial connectionswith people and how that really
wasn't serving us and how movingforward we want to really make a
(26:08):
conscious effort to stayconnected with these amazing
people with people that we feelaligned with, but in a very
authentic way.
And we were chatting about howwe would do that.
when we are all at a distance,when we can't just go and say,
(26:28):
Hey, let's meet for coffee andsit down and have a chat.
And what that looked like forus, which, is a great question
and something I'm really puttinga lot of thought into now as I
move forward.
And, we came up with thisconcept we were just throwing
things back and forth, but wecame up with this concept of,
(26:50):
don't put me on your to-do list.
Seriously, if you are one of myfriends, don't put me on your
to-do list.
If you feel as though we haven'ttalked in a long time and you
feel obligated to reach out tome.
Check me off your to-do list as,oh, I connected with Charlotte.
(27:13):
There we go.
Move on next person.
Please don't bother.
Because I'm not looking forthose kind of connections.
I'm looking for real raw,vulnerable conversation we can
have where we can both open upand share our hearts with each
other.
I'm not into the superficialstuff, so I'm letting you off
(27:36):
the hook.
If you want to come playpickleball with me, absolutely.
I'm open to that anytime.
And if you want to really sitdown and have a great
conversation with me, I am so upfor that.
And if we haven't spoken in along time and you really feel.
Energetically that you want toreach out to me and you really
(27:59):
miss me, and I'm going to bedoing this with friends of mine
as well.
Please do reach out because Iknow that those friendships,
those true friendships.
I have with people where Ihaven't perhaps spoken to them
in a year or two years, or,whatever that looks like, we
will just pick up where we leftoff.
(28:20):
And I know that there are peoplethat I did my nurse training
with, we're in that position.
where if you reach out to me orif I reach out to you, we are
going to just pick up thatconversation where we left off,
and I love that.
But if you feel like you areobligated to reach out to me and
(28:42):
connect with me just to put thattick next to my name and say
that you did it, please don't.
It's okay.
It's really okay.
Please don't do that.
As a manifesting generator, Imove fast, but I crave realness.
I'm not here for shallowconversations or performative
(29:04):
friendships.
I'm here to build bridges thatlast, and I believe you are too.
So how can we cultivate thosedeep connections?
How do we start creating more ofwhat we crave?
I really believe it starts withyourself.
It started with me.
Are you connected to you?
(29:26):
Was I really connected to me?
Are you being real with yourselfabout what you want and what you
need?
And stop saying yes torelationships that drain you,
especially like me as a linefour manifesting generator.
Our energy is sacred.
I actually believe all of ourenergies are sacred.
(29:49):
It's magnetic when we are in theright space, but it gets blocked
when we are forcing something.
And practice presence.
This is such a good lesson forme.
Put the phone down, make eyecontact, and ask the questions
that matter.
(30:09):
Actually that really thattouched me, that caught in my
throat as I said, that ask thequestions that matter because
are we really asking thequestions of each other that
matter?
Are we really asking thequestions of ourselves that
matter?
And lead with vulnerability.
It is not a weakness, Charlotte.
(30:31):
It is not a weakness.
Vulnerability is my connection.
Superpower.
When we go first, we createspace for others to meet us
there.
I am so learning thisvulnerability is not a weakness.
Oh my gosh.
(30:51):
I start every morning with thatmantra.
One of the most healing thingsthat Neil and I ever did was
start playing pickleballtogether, not because we're good
at it.
We weren't, but because it gaveus this space to reconnect, to
communicate differently, tolaugh and mess up and learn
(31:14):
something new together, itreminded me that connection
doesn't always have to be deeptalks and tears.
I love the closet conversations,but it doesn't always have to be
those deep talks, and it doesn'talways have to be tears.
Sometimes it's just showing up,pickleball, paddle in hand,
(31:35):
ready to play and figure it outas we go along as a team.
On the pickleball court, you cantell when partners are in sync
because I know when Neil and Iare in sync, we move fluidly.
We trust each other.
We talk to each other as we areplaying.
I love that about pickleball.
You can have conversationsabout, oh, what out for the,
(31:57):
they're about to smash you.
Watch out for that.
Put it down the line, move withme, move back.
you can have those conversationsand you can also tell when
there's tension or disconnect.
The pickleball court does notlie, and honestly, it's the same
in life because we feel it whenwe don't feel that connection
(32:17):
with somebody else.
Connection is something that wecultivate.
We need to water our own garden.
We need to water our own grass.
That's where the grass isgreener and it really takes
intention and it starts with achoice, and that is to be real,
even when it's awkward orvulnerable or new.
(32:42):
So if you are a line 4 like me,or even if you're not into human
design, that's okay.
Let this be your reminder.
Your need for real connection isnot a weakness.
It's actually your wisdom.
It's your gift.
So that's my heart for today.
Real talk about real connection.
(33:05):
That honestly touches my heart.
It really does.
I hope this lands somewhere softinside you.
If this episode spoke to you,I'd love to hear about it.
Send me a DM or share it withsomeone else who needs this
reminder that they deserveconnection that goes beyond the
surface.
(33:26):
Until next time, keep showingup.
Keep playing together, and keepchoosing real.
Here are a few questions for youto reflect on.
Who are the people in your lifethat you can truly be yourself
with?
Where are you settling forsurface?
When your soul wants substance,how can you begin connecting
(33:51):
more deeply with yourself, withothers, and with your purpose?
please share this episode withsomeone that you want to
reconnect with.
Have them listen Ask them tosend you a message the moment
that they feel deeply seen orheard.
Speaker (34:10):
Thanks so much for listening today.
I hope you enjoyed thatconversation as much as I did.
Anything mentioned, includinglinks, notes, and a full episode
list, will be over on ourwebsite at
pickleballandpartnership.
buzzsprout.
com.
Com.
If you got something outta thisepisode, be sure to follow or
(34:32):
subscribe to Pickleball andPartnership on Apple Podcasts,
Spotify, or wherever you listenso that you are notified of new
and upcoming episodes.
And if you're finding value inthis podcast, a free way to
support us is to leave a five.
It truly means the world to us.
(34:54):
This will help more peopleaccess these real conversations.
And if you haven't connectedwith myself or Neil personally,
we would love to meet you andsay hi over on our Facebook
page.
Thanks again for listening.
Please tune in next week foranother exciting episode of
Pickleball and partnership.
(35:16):
Remember, we're all learning,growing, and showing up in our
own ways.
And that's what matters most.
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