November 4, 2025 • 24 mins
In this episode of Pickleball and Partnership, we delve into the significance of truly feeling your emotions rather than suppressing them. Using personal anecdotes, Charlotte explores how unprocessed emotions linger in our bodies and impact our behaviour on the pickleball court and in life.
Key topics include the 90-second rule for emotional waves, the body’s role as a messenger, and the importance of loosening both physical and emotional grips.
Learn how to turn discomfort into growth and align yourself more authentically with your true feelings. Join Charlotte for an insightful journey towards emotional fitness and freedom.
00:00 Introduction: Embracing Emotions
00:29 Welcome to Pickleball and Partnership
01:29 Understanding Emotional Suppression
01:56 Personal Stories of Suppressed Emotions
07:44 The Impact of Unfelt Emotions
08:04 Emotions on the Pickleball Court
13:16 Healing Through Emotional Awareness
14:00 The 90-Second Rule
16:18 Practical Exercise: Emotional Fitness
21:58 Key Takeaways and Final Thoughts
Pickleball & Partnership Facebook Page
Please jump on over and say "Hi" - we would love to hear from you...
email: cejukes@gmail.com
https://www.facebook.com/conejukes
https://www.facebook.com/groups/848118700833703
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pickleball-partnership/id1775742795
Music: Purple Planet Music
Thanks to Purple Planet Music for Pickleball & Partnership Intro and Outro music Purple Planet Music is a collection of music written and performed by Chris Martyn and Geoff Harvey.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Charlotte J (00:00):
What did you do the last time you felt something
big?
Whether it was anger maybe, orsadness, or guilt or jealousy,
maybe it was even joy that felttoo much.
Did you let yourself feel it,like really feel it, or did you
(00:22):
quickly move on?
Maybe you distracted yourself,maybe you brushed it off with a,
oh, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Welcome back to Pickleball andPartnership, where we are
talking about the game ofpickleball and the life that
teaches us who we really are.
If that sounds like your cup oftea, pull up a chair, grab your
(00:44):
paddle and join me as we divein.
So in last week's episode, weexplored what keeps us looping
in old patterns, our nervoussystem's, love of familiarity,
and the identity that hasn'tcaught up to our vision.
(01:04):
If you missed last weeks, thekey takeaway was this.
You can't think your way out ofpatterns that live in your body.
And that brings me to today,because once you realise you are
stuck, the next questionbecomes, well, why is it so hard
(01:26):
to feel my way forward?
So the thing is, most of us werenever taught how to feel.
Actually, I think I would takethis one step further and say
most of us were taught how notto feel.
We were taught how to behave, topush those feelings down and
(01:48):
instead be polite, put a smileon our face, be positive, to
calm down.
I can, remember as a very youngchild, maybe five or six years
old, coming home from school andtelling my Mum that I really
(02:10):
wanted this pair of Adidasshorts that I had seen somebody
else wearing, and I feltjealous.
I didn't know it was jealousy atthe time, but I felt this surge
of jealousy because I wantedsomething that somebody else
had.
That feeling felt very real forme.
(02:31):
As a small child, it felt verybig and overwhelming, but I
didn't know what it was.
I don't feel as though I wasgiven the space to explore that,
to understand what was coming upfor me.
I think instead, I was told,don't be selfish.
(02:52):
I should be happy for somebodyelse that I can't have what
everybody else has, and theimpression that I got, the
message that I got from this wasthat I shouldn't be feeling what
I'm feeling I wasn't being agood girl if I wanted something
(03:12):
that somebody else had.
And so I remember notunderstanding that, not, knowing
where this feeling within me,where it had come from, and
that, oh my gosh, there must besomething wrong with me if I'm
feeling this, because it reallyfeels very powerful and I
learned that jealousy was badand that my feelings about that,
(03:38):
my jealous feelings actuallymade other people uncomfortable
that was an emotion thatdefinitely I should push down,
that I should suppress.
Another example is anger.
Growing up with two brothers, itdefinitely was not okay for
girls to feel.
(04:00):
Anger.
Anger was something that couldeasily get out of control.
I was taught at a very young agethat if I started to feel the
feelings of anger, I needed toshut that down.
Quickly, I needed to calm down.
I needed to shut that down, thatI was overreacting, that I would
(04:24):
get lost in this, and thengoodness knows what might
happen.
And I saw that play out by mydad because I saw him react to
situations.
I saw him get angry and I sawhim lose control I wasn't given
(04:45):
the space to understand anger,to know where anger was coming
from.
Certainly, it took me years toget that anger was this
secondary emotion that I wasfeeling angry because of, an
initial emotion.
Maybe it was fear, maybe I wasfeeling scared and that.
(05:08):
Showed up as anger.
But I was not given the space toexpress my anger.
What I was taught was that angerwas bad, anger needed to be shut
down quickly, and anger couldquite easily lead you to lose
control.
And it was very much.
If I was angry, I wasoverreacting and that I
(05:30):
shouldn't be feeling this way,it's really not that big of a
deal.
I should be polite, I shouldstay positive and I should get
over it.
And the same with feeling upset.
I think I learned in the sameway from a young age that when I
(05:50):
cried, when I had tears, when Ifelt upset by something that was
not okay, I needed to stopcrying.
I needed to suck it up.
Whatever had caused me to cry,whatever had caused me to,
whatever had triggered thatfeeling of feeling scared or
(06:13):
feeling sad or feeling confusedto the point where tears were
flowing.
That that was not okay, thatthat made other people feel
uncomfortable as well, that thatwas not an acceptable emotion
and that I needed to get myselfin check I honestly can remember
(06:34):
going to bed at night and cryinginto my pillow, I thought there
was something wrong with me, andI'm not blaming my parents.
I think, our parents and myselfas a parent, we do the best we
can with the experience and theknowledge and the wisdom that we
have.
(06:56):
I know my parents love me verymuch, and I know my parents did
the best they could, but talkingabout emotions, expressing
emotions.
Reassuring me that all emotionswere valid and that it was okay
and actually very sacred andsafe and beautiful to feel these
(07:22):
emotions.
That was not how I was broughtup at all.
And so from a young age, ournervous system learn to
suppress, suppress emotionsrather than processing them.
(07:44):
And here's the truth in thatemotions that aren't felt don't
just disappear.
They actually take up residenceSo they live in your body, in
your shoulders, in your jaw, inyour stomach, in your breath,
your diaphragm, your lungs.
(08:04):
On the pickleball court, you canactually see that.
Think about the last time youmissed an easy shot.
Maybe it was matchpoint, thathot flush of embarrassment that
rises up in your chest.
Oh my gosh.
I have felt that.
I grip my paddle even tighter mybreathing.
(08:27):
I.
Stop breathing or it becomesvery shallow.
I step up to serve and my bodyjust feels completely rigid.
That's not just frustration inthe moment.
That's old energy, old emotionthat's never been allowed to
(08:47):
move, and here's what happensnext.
Either you push through and youforce the next point.
Or you find yourself spiralinginto the story and you say to
yourself, oh my gosh, I alwayschoke under pressure.
I am so tense and I just can'tdo this.
(09:08):
Why can't I get it together?
And either way, you're just notpresent anymore.
Either way, you are in a placeof fighting.
And the same thing happens offthe court with your partner in
your relationships.
Because when we don't processour emotions, we end up
(09:30):
stonewalling.
When we need to connect, we snapover the smallest things because
we are carrying the big thingsand we go numb right?
When someone needs us to showup.
And our partner feels it becausea suppressed emotion doesn't
(09:51):
stay contained.
It leaks out sideways in waysthat we don't intend it to.
We don't intend to react in theway that we do, and yet
habitually we find ourselvesreacting in the way that we
always do.
So where do these unfeltemotions actually go?
(10:15):
I read.
Several years ago, the mostamazing book, by.
Dr.
Bessel VanDerKolk, called TheBody Keeps the Score.
Dr.
Bessel VanDerKolk is a traumaresearcher and he explains so
beautifully that the bodyliterally stores unprocessed
(10:38):
emotions as memories in ourcells.
When we don't express andresolve emotional experiences,
those emotions don't vanish.
They actually manifest in thebody as tension, fatigue pain
(10:58):
and even chronic illness.
So your body is not betrayingyou in these moments.
Your body is not betraying you.
It's actually speaking to you.
Think about someone whoconstantly has tight shoulders.
Their shoulders are pointinginwardly towards the center of
(11:21):
their body.
Their back is hunched a littlebit.
Maybe their neck is down.
They're carrying this invisibleburden.
Or perhaps the person who avoidseye contact, they keep their
head down.
The body is reflecting asubconscious wish to stay
(11:42):
unseen.
It's like, please don't see me.
Don't notice me.
If I don't look at you, youwon't see me.
Or maybe you feel your chesttighten every time you're asked
to speak your truth and you feelas though your heart is actually
guarding old pain.
(12:02):
Every ache in the body, everyconstriction, every contraction
is a message asking for ourattention.
And here's where I lovepickleball comes into this
again, the pickleball metaphorbecomes very powerful here
because when we tighten up onthe court, what happens?
(12:24):
Our game falls apart.
I mean, maybe it's just me, butwhen I tighten up, when I grip
my handle of my paddle, eventighter, when my body tenses.
My game falls apart.
That's when I miss shots thatnormally I would hit very
(12:45):
easily.
We get into that state ofoverthinking and our partner,
the person we are playing with,can feel that tension too, and
they start to compensate.
They tighten up and perhaps theyoverachieve.
Perhaps they jump into poachwhen really it wasn't the place
(13:06):
that they should be poaching, ormaybe they start taking 85% of
the shots and then they startmissing shots as well.
But the moment we loosen ourgrip, the moment we breathe and
return to the rhythm of play,the rhythm of life, everything
(13:29):
starts flowing again.
Healing works the same way.
So it's really not about fixing,it's rather about allowing.
I also.
Loved when I first heard about,the Neuroanatomist, Dr.
(13:50):
Jill Bolt Taylor.
Her work is incredible, and ifyou've never heard her story,
please go and look her upbecause she's fascinating.
She teaches us that when wefully allow an emotion, when we
allow ourselves to stay presentwith it, the physiological wave
(14:10):
of that emotion lasts for just90 seconds.
That's it.
90 seconds.
Let that one land.
And after 90 seconds, what keepsthe feeling alive isn't the
emotion itself.
It's the story that we'veattached to it, so that looping
(14:34):
thought that says, I shouldn'tfeel this way, or they shouldn't
have done that.
And so what this looks like inreal life is you miss that match
point.
You get that hot flush ofembarrassment.
If you breathe through it, just90 seconds, it passes.
(14:57):
It really does.
Honestly, don't just believe me,go and try it.
But if you start the story, ohmy gosh, I always choke under
pressure.
I tighten up.
Everyone saw me fail.
I'm such an idiot.
You will carry that for hours,maybe days, maybe even longer
(15:18):
all that emotion really wantedwas 90 seconds, and you gave it
your whole week.
You told the story when you wentfor coffee with your friend.
You told the story on thatsocial media post.
You came home and you told yourhusband the story.
(15:39):
You were then telling your kidsabout it two weeks later.
So what if instead of judgingour emotions, what if we
practice just being with themfor that minute and a half?
What if next time frustrationrises up on the court with your
(16:01):
partner in traffic?
What happens if you simplypause, breathe, and let it move
through the body?
90 seconds.
That's emotional fitness.
That's emotional hygiene, that'shealing, and that's what we're
(16:23):
going to practice together rightnow.
Oh my gosh.
If you are up for it, if you areable, if you're in a place or if
not, hit pause right now and getyourself into a place where for
just three minutes we can jointogether and take a short pause.
You can stay standing up.
(16:44):
You can sit down.
You can even imagine yourselfwalking onto the pickleball
court, feeling the warmth of thesun on your skin.
Your paddle is in your hand.
Now take a deep breath inthrough your nose and slowly
exhale through your mouth.
(17:06):
Bring your awareness to yourbody.
And notice where you might beholding tension right now.
Maybe it's in your shoulders oryour jaw.
Maybe there's a tightness inyour stomach or your chest.
(17:26):
Don't try to change it.
Just notice and imagine thateach exhale is creating space.
So you are not forcing itsrelease.
You are giving your bodypermission to soften.
Now, think of an emotion you'vebeen resisting lately.
(17:49):
Maybe it's frustration orsadness, fear, guilt.
See if you can just name itquietly in your mind and then
simply feel it.
Just like it's a wave movingthrough the body, so you don't
(18:09):
need to fix it.
You don't need to explain it.
Simply breathe through the 90seconds and let your body show
you that you can stay present.
And be safe even when you feelinto that emotion on a deeper
(18:34):
level.
And that's the practice, that'sthe healing.
And when you're ready, take onemore deep breath in and let it
go.
'cause when we.
Allow our emotions to be felt.
What we do is we stop fightingourselves.
(18:57):
We stop living in this place,split between who we are and who
we think we should be.
And feeling isn't weakness.
It really isn't.
It's actually incredible wisdomand our emotions are.
(19:18):
Absolutely guidance.
Our emotions are guidance.
They are energy in motionshowing each of us where
alignment is waiting to berestored.
So where there is thisimbalance, this dis-ease within
the body that Sensation thatimbalance, shows you where
(19:44):
alignment is waiting to berestored.
So my invitation to you thisweek is when something comes up,
maybe you are on the pickleballcourt, during a heated rally, or
maybe it's off the pickleballcourt, maybe you're in a
conversation with your partner.
Maybe you are having aninteraction with your boss at
(20:06):
work, or maybe you are guidingyour child through something
that's coming up for them.
I invite you to pause beforereacting.
Breathe.
Feel it in your body and askyourself, what is this emotion
trying to tell me?
(20:27):
That's how you turn discomfortinto growth.
And the same way that we resetbetween points on the court.
So the same way that we can takethat moment to pause and reset,
even if we've just won a point,but especially if we've lost a
point, we can also reset betweenemotions in life.
(20:52):
So you don't need to hold itall.
It's about letting each feelingmove through you.
One point, one breath at a time.
90 seconds.
And when you feel yourselftighten your grip, maybe you are
gripping your paddle or maybeyou are gripping onto life, ask
(21:15):
yourself.
What am I holding?
That's not mine to carry.
Because when we stop storingemotions in the body, when we're
able to feel them as they arise,what we're actually doing is
reclaiming that flow of life.
We are reclaiming the flowwithin the body in our
(21:38):
relationships, in the game oflife.
Thank you for being here today.
Thank you for showing up anddoing this work with me, and if
this episode resonated, take amoment to share it with a friend
who might need this reminderthat, they don't have to carry
it all alone.
(21:58):
Here are the key takeaways fromtoday's episode.
1.
the 90 second Rule.
Any emotion when fully feltwithout resistance passes
through your body in just 90seconds.
What keeps it alive longer isthe story you attach to it.
(22:18):
Practice.
Feel the wave, skip thenarrative.
2.
Your body is speaking, notbreaking.
Tension in your shoulders,tightness in your chest, shallow
breathing, these aren'tbetrayals.
They are messengers showing youwhere unfelt emotions are
(22:39):
stored.
Listen, before you medicate orignore.
3.
Suppression, leaks sideways.
Emotions you don't process,don't stay contained.
They show up as snapping at yourpartner.
Stonewalling when connection isneeded or rigidity on the court.
(23:01):
Unfelt emotions affect everyonearound you.
4.
Loosen your grip to find yourflow.
Just like on the pickleballcourt, when you tighten up,
everything falls apart.
When you breathe and soften, thegame flows again.
This applies to your body, yourrelationships, and your life.
(23:24):
5.
Feeling is wisdom, not weakness.
Your emotions are guidance, notproblems to fix.
They are energy in motionshowing you where alignment
needs to be restored.
The question isn't, how do Istop feeling this, but what is
(23:46):
this trying to tell me?
6.
You don't have to carry it all.
Reset between points, resetbetween emotions.
You don't need to holdeverything.
Just let each feeling movethrough you, one breath at a
time, and ask yourself, what amI holding that's not mine to
(24:08):
carry.
And if you're ready to explorethis work more deeply to
reconnect with your true selfand move beyond old patterns.
You can find me on Facebook, onInstagram, or send me an email.
So until next time, keepbreathing, keep playing, and
(24:28):
keep feeling, because that'swhere real freedom begins.
What did you do the last time you felt something
big?
Whether it was anger maybe, orsadness, or guilt or jealousy,
maybe it was even joy that felttoo much.
Did you let yourself feel it,like really feel it, or did you
(00:22):
quickly move on?
Maybe you distracted yourself,maybe you brushed it off with a,
oh, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Welcome back to Pickleball andPartnership, where we are
talking about the game ofpickleball and the life that
teaches us who we really are.
If that sounds like your cup oftea, pull up a chair, grab your
(00:44):
paddle and join me as we divein.
So in last week's episode, weexplored what keeps us looping
in old patterns, our nervoussystem's, love of familiarity,
and the identity that hasn'tcaught up to our vision.
(01:04):
If you missed last weeks, thekey takeaway was this.
You can't think your way out ofpatterns that live in your body.
And that brings me to today,because once you realise you are
stuck, the next questionbecomes, well, why is it so hard
(01:26):
to feel my way forward?
So the thing is, most of us werenever taught how to feel.
Actually, I think I would takethis one step further and say
most of us were taught how notto feel.
We were taught how to behave, topush those feelings down and
(01:48):
instead be polite, put a smileon our face, be positive, to
calm down.
I can, remember as a very youngchild, maybe five or six years
old, coming home from school andtelling my Mum that I really
(02:10):
wanted this pair of Adidasshorts that I had seen somebody
else wearing, and I feltjealous.
I didn't know it was jealousy atthe time, but I felt this surge
of jealousy because I wantedsomething that somebody else
had.
That feeling felt very real forme.
(02:31):
As a small child, it felt verybig and overwhelming, but I
didn't know what it was.
I don't feel as though I wasgiven the space to explore that,
to understand what was coming upfor me.
I think instead, I was told,don't be selfish.
(02:52):
I should be happy for somebodyelse that I can't have what
everybody else has, and theimpression that I got, the
message that I got from this wasthat I shouldn't be feeling what
I'm feeling I wasn't being agood girl if I wanted something
(03:12):
that somebody else had.
And so I remember notunderstanding that, not, knowing
where this feeling within me,where it had come from, and
that, oh my gosh, there must besomething wrong with me if I'm
feeling this, because it reallyfeels very powerful and I
learned that jealousy was badand that my feelings about that,
(03:38):
my jealous feelings actuallymade other people uncomfortable
that was an emotion thatdefinitely I should push down,
that I should suppress.
Another example is anger.
Growing up with two brothers, itdefinitely was not okay for
girls to feel.
(04:00):
Anger.
Anger was something that couldeasily get out of control.
I was taught at a very young agethat if I started to feel the
feelings of anger, I needed toshut that down.
Quickly, I needed to calm down.
I needed to shut that down, thatI was overreacting, that I would
(04:24):
get lost in this, and thengoodness knows what might
happen.
And I saw that play out by mydad because I saw him react to
situations.
I saw him get angry and I sawhim lose control I wasn't given
(04:45):
the space to understand anger,to know where anger was coming
from.
Certainly, it took me years toget that anger was this
secondary emotion that I wasfeeling angry because of, an
initial emotion.
Maybe it was fear, maybe I wasfeeling scared and that.
(05:08):
Showed up as anger.
But I was not given the space toexpress my anger.
What I was taught was that angerwas bad, anger needed to be shut
down quickly, and anger couldquite easily lead you to lose
control.
And it was very much.
If I was angry, I wasoverreacting and that I
(05:30):
shouldn't be feeling this way,it's really not that big of a
deal.
I should be polite, I shouldstay positive and I should get
over it.
And the same with feeling upset.
I think I learned in the sameway from a young age that when I
(05:50):
cried, when I had tears, when Ifelt upset by something that was
not okay, I needed to stopcrying.
I needed to suck it up.
Whatever had caused me to cry,whatever had caused me to,
whatever had triggered thatfeeling of feeling scared or
(06:13):
feeling sad or feeling confusedto the point where tears were
flowing.
That that was not okay, thatthat made other people feel
uncomfortable as well, that thatwas not an acceptable emotion
and that I needed to get myselfin check I honestly can remember
(06:34):
going to bed at night and cryinginto my pillow, I thought there
was something wrong with me, andI'm not blaming my parents.
I think, our parents and myselfas a parent, we do the best we
can with the experience and theknowledge and the wisdom that we
have.
(06:56):
I know my parents love me verymuch, and I know my parents did
the best they could, but talkingabout emotions, expressing
emotions.
Reassuring me that all emotionswere valid and that it was okay
and actually very sacred andsafe and beautiful to feel these
(07:22):
emotions.
That was not how I was broughtup at all.
And so from a young age, ournervous system learn to
suppress, suppress emotionsrather than processing them.
(07:44):
And here's the truth in thatemotions that aren't felt don't
just disappear.
They actually take up residenceSo they live in your body, in
your shoulders, in your jaw, inyour stomach, in your breath,
your diaphragm, your lungs.
(08:04):
On the pickleball court, you canactually see that.
Think about the last time youmissed an easy shot.
Maybe it was matchpoint, thathot flush of embarrassment that
rises up in your chest.
Oh my gosh.
I have felt that.
I grip my paddle even tighter mybreathing.
(08:27):
I.
Stop breathing or it becomesvery shallow.
I step up to serve and my bodyjust feels completely rigid.
That's not just frustration inthe moment.
That's old energy, old emotionthat's never been allowed to
(08:47):
move, and here's what happensnext.
Either you push through and youforce the next point.
Or you find yourself spiralinginto the story and you say to
yourself, oh my gosh, I alwayschoke under pressure.
I am so tense and I just can'tdo this.
(09:08):
Why can't I get it together?
And either way, you're just notpresent anymore.
Either way, you are in a placeof fighting.
And the same thing happens offthe court with your partner in
your relationships.
Because when we don't processour emotions, we end up
(09:30):
stonewalling.
When we need to connect, we snapover the smallest things because
we are carrying the big thingsand we go numb right?
When someone needs us to showup.
And our partner feels it becausea suppressed emotion doesn't
(09:51):
stay contained.
It leaks out sideways in waysthat we don't intend it to.
We don't intend to react in theway that we do, and yet
habitually we find ourselvesreacting in the way that we
always do.
So where do these unfeltemotions actually go?
(10:15):
I read.
Several years ago, the mostamazing book, by.
Dr.
Bessel VanDerKolk, called TheBody Keeps the Score.
Dr.
Bessel VanDerKolk is a traumaresearcher and he explains so
beautifully that the bodyliterally stores unprocessed
(10:38):
emotions as memories in ourcells.
When we don't express andresolve emotional experiences,
those emotions don't vanish.
They actually manifest in thebody as tension, fatigue pain
(10:58):
and even chronic illness.
So your body is not betrayingyou in these moments.
Your body is not betraying you.
It's actually speaking to you.
Think about someone whoconstantly has tight shoulders.
Their shoulders are pointinginwardly towards the center of
(11:21):
their body.
Their back is hunched a littlebit.
Maybe their neck is down.
They're carrying this invisibleburden.
Or perhaps the person who avoidseye contact, they keep their
head down.
The body is reflecting asubconscious wish to stay
(11:42):
unseen.
It's like, please don't see me.
Don't notice me.
If I don't look at you, youwon't see me.
Or maybe you feel your chesttighten every time you're asked
to speak your truth and you feelas though your heart is actually
guarding old pain.
(12:02):
Every ache in the body, everyconstriction, every contraction
is a message asking for ourattention.
And here's where I lovepickleball comes into this
again, the pickleball metaphorbecomes very powerful here
because when we tighten up onthe court, what happens?
(12:24):
Our game falls apart.
I mean, maybe it's just me, butwhen I tighten up, when I grip
my handle of my paddle, eventighter, when my body tenses.
My game falls apart.
That's when I miss shots thatnormally I would hit very
(12:45):
easily.
We get into that state ofoverthinking and our partner,
the person we are playing with,can feel that tension too, and
they start to compensate.
They tighten up and perhaps theyoverachieve.
Perhaps they jump into poachwhen really it wasn't the place
(13:06):
that they should be poaching, ormaybe they start taking 85% of
the shots and then they startmissing shots as well.
But the moment we loosen ourgrip, the moment we breathe and
return to the rhythm of play,the rhythm of life, everything
(13:29):
starts flowing again.
Healing works the same way.
So it's really not about fixing,it's rather about allowing.
I also.
Loved when I first heard about,the Neuroanatomist, Dr.
(13:50):
Jill Bolt Taylor.
Her work is incredible, and ifyou've never heard her story,
please go and look her upbecause she's fascinating.
She teaches us that when wefully allow an emotion, when we
allow ourselves to stay presentwith it, the physiological wave
(14:10):
of that emotion lasts for just90 seconds.
That's it.
90 seconds.
Let that one land.
And after 90 seconds, what keepsthe feeling alive isn't the
emotion itself.
It's the story that we'veattached to it, so that looping
(14:34):
thought that says, I shouldn'tfeel this way, or they shouldn't
have done that.
And so what this looks like inreal life is you miss that match
point.
You get that hot flush ofembarrassment.
If you breathe through it, just90 seconds, it passes.
(14:57):
It really does.
Honestly, don't just believe me,go and try it.
But if you start the story, ohmy gosh, I always choke under
pressure.
I tighten up.
Everyone saw me fail.
I'm such an idiot.
You will carry that for hours,maybe days, maybe even longer
(15:18):
all that emotion really wantedwas 90 seconds, and you gave it
your whole week.
You told the story when you wentfor coffee with your friend.
You told the story on thatsocial media post.
You came home and you told yourhusband the story.
(15:39):
You were then telling your kidsabout it two weeks later.
So what if instead of judgingour emotions, what if we
practice just being with themfor that minute and a half?
What if next time frustrationrises up on the court with your
(16:01):
partner in traffic?
What happens if you simplypause, breathe, and let it move
through the body?
90 seconds.
That's emotional fitness.
That's emotional hygiene, that'shealing, and that's what we're
(16:23):
going to practice together rightnow.
Oh my gosh.
If you are up for it, if you areable, if you're in a place or if
not, hit pause right now and getyourself into a place where for
just three minutes we can jointogether and take a short pause.
You can stay standing up.
(16:44):
You can sit down.
You can even imagine yourselfwalking onto the pickleball
court, feeling the warmth of thesun on your skin.
Your paddle is in your hand.
Now take a deep breath inthrough your nose and slowly
exhale through your mouth.
(17:06):
Bring your awareness to yourbody.
And notice where you might beholding tension right now.
Maybe it's in your shoulders oryour jaw.
Maybe there's a tightness inyour stomach or your chest.
(17:26):
Don't try to change it.
Just notice and imagine thateach exhale is creating space.
So you are not forcing itsrelease.
You are giving your bodypermission to soften.
Now, think of an emotion you'vebeen resisting lately.
(17:49):
Maybe it's frustration orsadness, fear, guilt.
See if you can just name itquietly in your mind and then
simply feel it.
Just like it's a wave movingthrough the body, so you don't
(18:09):
need to fix it.
You don't need to explain it.
Simply breathe through the 90seconds and let your body show
you that you can stay present.
And be safe even when you feelinto that emotion on a deeper
(18:34):
level.
And that's the practice, that'sthe healing.
And when you're ready, take onemore deep breath in and let it
go.
'cause when we.
Allow our emotions to be felt.
What we do is we stop fightingourselves.
(18:57):
We stop living in this place,split between who we are and who
we think we should be.
And feeling isn't weakness.
It really isn't.
It's actually incredible wisdomand our emotions are.
(19:18):
Absolutely guidance.
Our emotions are guidance.
They are energy in motionshowing each of us where
alignment is waiting to berestored.
So where there is thisimbalance, this dis-ease within
the body that Sensation thatimbalance, shows you where
(19:44):
alignment is waiting to berestored.
So my invitation to you thisweek is when something comes up,
maybe you are on the pickleballcourt, during a heated rally, or
maybe it's off the pickleballcourt, maybe you're in a
conversation with your partner.
Maybe you are having aninteraction with your boss at
(20:06):
work, or maybe you are guidingyour child through something
that's coming up for them.
I invite you to pause beforereacting.
Breathe.
Feel it in your body and askyourself, what is this emotion
trying to tell me?
(20:27):
That's how you turn discomfortinto growth.
And the same way that we resetbetween points on the court.
So the same way that we can takethat moment to pause and reset,
even if we've just won a point,but especially if we've lost a
point, we can also reset betweenemotions in life.
(20:52):
So you don't need to hold itall.
It's about letting each feelingmove through you.
One point, one breath at a time.
90 seconds.
And when you feel yourselftighten your grip, maybe you are
gripping your paddle or maybeyou are gripping onto life, ask
(21:15):
yourself.
What am I holding?
That's not mine to carry.
Because when we stop storingemotions in the body, when we're
able to feel them as they arise,what we're actually doing is
reclaiming that flow of life.
We are reclaiming the flowwithin the body in our
(21:38):
relationships, in the game oflife.
Thank you for being here today.
Thank you for showing up anddoing this work with me, and if
this episode resonated, take amoment to share it with a friend
who might need this reminderthat, they don't have to carry
it all alone.
(21:58):
Here are the key takeaways fromtoday's episode.
1.
the 90 second Rule.
Any emotion when fully feltwithout resistance passes
through your body in just 90seconds.
What keeps it alive longer isthe story you attach to it.
(22:18):
Practice.
Feel the wave, skip thenarrative.
2.
Your body is speaking, notbreaking.
Tension in your shoulders,tightness in your chest, shallow
breathing, these aren'tbetrayals.
They are messengers showing youwhere unfelt emotions are
(22:39):
stored.
Listen, before you medicate orignore.
3.
Suppression, leaks sideways.
Emotions you don't process,don't stay contained.
They show up as snapping at yourpartner.
Stonewalling when connection isneeded or rigidity on the court.
(23:01):
Unfelt emotions affect everyonearound you.
4.
Loosen your grip to find yourflow.
Just like on the pickleballcourt, when you tighten up,
everything falls apart.
When you breathe and soften, thegame flows again.
This applies to your body, yourrelationships, and your life.
(23:24):
5.
Feeling is wisdom, not weakness.
Your emotions are guidance, notproblems to fix.
They are energy in motionshowing you where alignment
needs to be restored.
The question isn't, how do Istop feeling this, but what is
(23:46):
this trying to tell me?
6.
You don't have to carry it all.
Reset between points, resetbetween emotions.
You don't need to holdeverything.
Just let each feeling movethrough you, one breath at a
time, and ask yourself, what amI holding that's not mine to
(24:08):
carry.
And if you're ready to explorethis work more deeply to
reconnect with your true selfand move beyond old patterns.
You can find me on Facebook, onInstagram, or send me an email.
So until next time, keepbreathing, keep playing, and
(24:28):
keep feeling, because that'swhere real freedom begins.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!