May 13, 2025 • 29 mins
In this lively episode of the 'Pickleball and Partnership' podcast, hosted by Charlotte Jukes, the conversation revolves around the themes of connection, communication, and injecting fun into relationships through the game of pickleball. Returning Co-host, Neil discusses his recent injury and recovery, reflecting on how pickleball and its community have positively impacted his life.
The episode delves into the broader topic of male loneliness and societal challenges surrounding male vulnerability and communication.
Charlotte and Neil share personal stories about moving to Canada, giving advice on how to build meaningful connections. The episode underscores the value of engaging in shared activities like pickleball, not just for physical health but for mental well-being and fostering deeper relationships.
The podcast wraps up with a fun freebie: 'Top 10 Tips for Playing Pickleball with Your Partner without Losing Your Mind,' aimed at strengthening both your game and your relationship.
00:00 Welcome to the Pickleball and Partnership Podcast
00:44 Reconnecting with Neil: Injury and Recovery
01:26 The Social Side of Pickleball
03:43 The Loneliness Epidemic Among Men
07:35 Struggles and Resilience: Moving to Canada
13:36 The Importance of Connection and Support
14:53 The Essence of Male Friendship
15:17 Pickleball: A Positive Distraction
17:16 Humor in Male Relationships
18:05 Support Systems Among Men
20:27 Advice for Men Feeling Isolated
24:17 The Impact of Social Media on Loneliness
26:12 The Social Benefits of Pickleball
27:56 Conclusion and Freebie Announcement
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Music: Purple Planet Music
Thanks to Purple Planet Music for Pickleball & Partnership Intro and Outro music Purple Planet Music is a collection of music written and performed by Chris Martyn and Geoff Harvey.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Charlotte Jukes (00:10):
This the pickleball and partnership
podcast, the place to talk.
Talk about building betterconnections with your partner.
Learning how to communicate witheach other and how to inject
fun.
Into your relationship allthrough the game of pickleball.
If that sounds like your cup oftea.
Pull up a chair grab your paddleand join me.
(00:32):
Your host, Charlotte Jukes.
For pickleball and partnership.
Charlotte J (00:44):
Well, today I'm really excited because we are
back in the closet for a closetconversation and I'm here with
Neil.
Neil (00:55):
Hey guys.
Charlotte J (00:56):
I bet you thought I'd, stuffed him in a bag and
thrown him in the river orsomething.
Where have you been?
Neil (01:03):
Well, I've been out of action.
I hurt my shoulder I've beenstruggling through making myself
busy with other things.
But I am back, I have gonethrough some treatment I've had
a couple of injections that'sgonna put me hopefully on track.
I've gotta go through somephysio and I will be back on the
court.
Charlotte J (01:23):
Back with a vengeance.
Neil (01:24):
Hey, back with a vengeance.
I
Charlotte J (01:24):
know.
It's been weird.
So last week I talked aboutpreparing for the tournament.
I talked about, it came up on myFacebook page from last year,
how we had played together andwe had done very well.
So it's been really weird notplaying with you and then
(01:46):
finding different partners toplay with.
I know it's been tough for you.
It's been having another
Neil (01:51):
pickle.
Yeah, exactly.
Charlotte J (01:53):
Having another pickle,
Neil (01:54):
another person.
Charlotte J (01:55):
Oh, having another person to pickle with, right.
No, I mean, it's tough for youbecause pickleball is really.
Everything, it's.
Physical activity.
Neil (02:06):
Right.
And I'm not a great spectator.
I love to be out there doing mything.
Yeah, it is, it's part of thephysical, it keeps me mentally
in check with myself takes thatlittle bit of physical energy to
take my mental energy down.
And yeah, I suppose I miss thepeople.
I miss the.
The community that it brings tome, that something that I
(02:29):
haven't really found anywhereelse until we found pickleball.
Well, we used to get it withcamping, and you get some of it
through work, you find thosepeople that you pick up and you
really don't want to drop.
They've been such good peopleand you still hang out with'em
even though you don't work atthe same place or whatever.
But.
Pickleball has definitely pickedup the slack where we left off
(02:49):
with camping with the kids andhaving a really good circle of
friends who you could hang outwith, drink beers, have fire
pits, that kinda stuff.
So yeah, I have missed itterribly.
So any pickles out there?
I've missed you guys a lot.
Charlotte J (03:05):
He has.
He talks about you all the time.
But the great thing is, and Imentioned this last week as
well, is that you have beensupporting me while I've been
playing.
So you've still been showing upand watching games.
You were at the tournament, youtook amazing photos.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then we've gone out withpeople afterwards.
(03:27):
So we have our dinner group ofeight who actually are meeting
this week as well.
So you've had some element ofthat social.
Neil (03:37):
Yeah.
I can't quit that piece, youknow, if there's a chance.
So I'm going to the pub after.
I'm probably gonna be there.
Charlotte J (03:43):
So a few weeks ago as well, I was talking to Sumit
and Rajan from Mega Courts, andSumit happened to mention the
loneliness epidemic that ishappening now in the world and
how he felt that so many menwere lonely and that this is
(04:05):
something that's reallydifficult for men because I
think, men are notorious for.
Finding it difficult to reachout to people, to make friends,
to connect with other,
Neil (04:16):
yeah,
Charlotte J (04:17):
guys, right?
Totally.
Neil (04:18):
Yeah.
Yeah, they do.
I mean, we're conditioned askids to not really, be very
vulnerable.
You don't wanna say anything,you don't wanna say the wrong
thing.
You don't feel, you don't showweakness, you don't show
vulnerability.
You don't share feelings.
That's just not what you do as aguy.
May be different now, but when Iwas a kid, not that way.
(04:40):
So when people need to reachout, I mean, there's so many
good people that we've lost asguys through people taking their
own lives.
'cause maybe they didn't havesomebody to talk to or felt too
vulnerable if they did speak tosomebody.
I know there's a couple ofpeople from school that I've
lost.
And still miss, those peoplethat got left behind.
(05:00):
So yeah, when it comes down topeople talking and guys talking,
especially I've said it at work,that's part of my job and the
guys that I work with, I'vealways said to'em, I'm, maybe
they're not the right guy totalk to.
But I'm always available, I'llopen the door, somebody can come
in and it's not gonna besomething I'll ever bring up to
the guys.
It's just a case of a problem.
(05:22):
Shared is a problem, halvedthat's what I was always told.
But yeah, guys just don't do agreat job of communicating.
But pickleball definitely helpedme build a circle of friends
again.
There's a few absolute gems thatI've picked up on the courts and
I feel pretty lucky to havefound these people.
when you find those, you don'twanna let'em slip through your
fingers.
So I kinda make sure that wehang out and we go for beers
(05:45):
and, things that you don'talways do on the court and you
just make time for that stuff.
Charlotte J (05:50):
So what do you think it is about pickleball
then, and maybe I'm wrong, butit sounds as though you have
found some real connectionsthrough playing pickleball with
other men.
So what is it about the game ofpickleball that perhaps
attracts.
Well, I suppose it attractslike-minded people.
Neil (06:13):
You know what I'm gonna say?
It attracts the survivors, theones that really want to do
something for the rest of theirlife, whatever that looks like.
When I'm getting close to 60 andI can still run around with a
lot of goofy guys, it's a lot ofgoofy guys who did the same kind
of things that I did and endedup at the same kind of place
that I did and are still healthyenough to enjoy it.
(06:35):
So they are survivors.
These are the ones that areprobably gonna go till they're
90.
I hope I suppose that's why Ifind myself drawn to these
people because they are verysimilar to me.
Charlotte J (06:46):
There's also quite an age range if you think about
it, because we've played withmen.
In their forties.
And we've also played with menin their fifties, sixties, and
seventies too.
Neil (07:00):
Yeah.
We have and the teenagers, the18 year olds that Oh, yeah,
yeah.
Right.
Charlotte J (07:04):
Yeah, exactly.
Not that we can get our21-year-old son on the court.
Neil (07:10):
No, it's not his thing.
Not his thing.
Charlotte J (07:12):
Not yet.
I did ask him for Mother's Dayif he would bless me with a game
of pickleball, but we'll see.
How did
Neil (07:20):
that work out?
Charlotte J (07:21):
He didn't say no.
Oh.
So
Neil (07:24):
that's a start.
Charlotte J (07:25):
I'm hopeful, mm-hmm.
Well, so we're in the closet,literally anything.
Yeah.
We literally are in the closet.
We're having a closetconversation.
But can you describe a moment,perhaps when you felt truly
lonely and what that experiencewas like for you emotionally?
Neil (07:49):
Yes, I can.
The only time that I felt trulylonely when I felt like there
was.
Yeah, probably the lowest pointof my life was actually when we
left England and came to Canada.
The first, probably the firsttwo years were incredibly lonely
for me.
Just because I didn't feel likeI fitted, I.
There was no people that thatcame from the same place that I
(08:12):
came from.
None of those small connections,the way that we use slang and
humour and all those things Ididn't feel like I fitted for a
few years until I startedfinding some people through
camping and work and, the kidsdoing external stuff, soccer and
dance and ice skating, and.
All those good things came toCanada with a couple of little
(08:33):
girls and it was, it was toughtimes for us.
Mm.
Financially, mentally just beingable to keep ourself on track
and not wanting to quit and goback to where we'd come from.
It's worked out for us over 25years now.
Yeah.
But that was a big deal.
Charlotte J (08:49):
Yeah, it was, yes, our eldest was two.
Our youngest had just been bornliterally when we put the
application in.
Yeah.
Neil (08:57):
Well, she was still in arms, wasn't she?
When we got off the plane, shewas nine
Charlotte J (09:00):
months old.
And actually, here's aninteresting fact that I just
realized is this week is exactlyto the day 25 years ago that we
landed.
Huh?
We left on the 11th of May.
And we landed because it was aday later on the 12th of May.
(09:20):
And that's this week.
I know.
That's crazy.
25 years, years ago, and Iremember that too.
And it's funny because peoplecould look at us now and say,
oh, there's no way you struggledwith money.
But I remember.
Like it was hard for you to findwork.
Neil (09:38):
Yeah.
Charlotte J (09:38):
Even though there was work here.
It was a really hard timeFinding
Neil (09:41):
well-paid work was tough.
Charlotte J (09:43):
Finding well-paid work.
I couldn't work as a nursebecause I hadn't converted my
qualification from the uk.
Yeah.
And I remember, the firstpayment you received, I remember
the check was for$25.
Mm-hmm.
And I thought, oh, thankgoodness we can go to the
grocery store.
(10:04):
We went to Superstore and boughtfood.
It was that tight.
It was a really tough time.
I wasn't working, I was lookingafter the girls.
We hadn't had our son yet.
Right.
And you were out every daypretty much pounding the
pavement trying to find work.
So, yeah.
(10:24):
We connected through thechildren.
Actually, we lived in acommunity that had a community
lake.
Neil (10:30):
Yeah.
Charlotte J (10:30):
And we would go to the lake and there we would meet
people we would meet themthrough the children.
Neil (10:37):
Yeah.
The kids hung out with otherkids and we got to know the moms
and dads.
Right,
Charlotte J (10:41):
right.
Yeah.
Thinking about those mostdesperate times because it was
awful.
It was really tough for both ofus.
But how do you think mentallyyou were able to navigate
through that
Neil (10:54):
I Suppose just that not wanting to quit really, it
wasn't a case of knowing what todo, it was a case of knowing
that I wasn't gonna quit.
That was the only thing that Icould really concentrate on.
And then when camping started tokick in we bought a tent trailer
and I started to get some decentwork friends.
(11:15):
And then what else do we used todo?
Charlotte J (11:18):
I think it was the girls playgroups and stuff, but
I hate to say it.
You're going back to thepractical Yeah.
Like typical, right?
Yeah.
That's men.
Yeah.
And absolutely there were somany practical things that you
did.
And I did, and we did keepgoing.
Neil (11:34):
I started to talk to myself.
Basically just talked to myselfsaying it's gonna work out.
It's gonna work out.
Just keep pushing, keep pushing.
And although my family weren'twith me, I I think I always
thought that they wanted thebest for me.
So I kept pushing.
'cause I didn't want to go back.
I didn't want to go back to theUK and say, okay.
(11:56):
We tried it, it didn't work.
It wasn't the case of it didn'twork, we just quit before it
did.
I.
Mm.
And then that's, that's a bigthing.
I didn't want to go back andsay, you know what?
We should have given it more.
And there's so many people cometo Canada and they have called
it the thousand dollars Cure.
They come to Canada, they saythey're gonna quit.
It costs them a thousand dollarsto go back to the uk and then as
(12:19):
soon as they've had a week ortwo
Charlotte J (12:21):
or home, wherever home is, yeah.
Neil (12:24):
Back.
Yeah.
I know that people have done it,that we've been friends with,
they've gone back to, Liverpoolor wherever it was, and then
they've got, oh my God I'dforgotten what I'd left behind
when I came to Canada.
And they come back again.
They come back and then theyrealize they can settle.
Mm-hmm.
They know they can.
Charlotte J (12:41):
We've had a few friends do that, haven't we?
Yeah.
So I think that sort ofencouraged us not to go back,
although we always said to eachother, if it doesn't work out,
we can go back.
Yeah.
Like we, it,
Neil (12:54):
we probably didn't have the thousand bucks that's
probably what we didn't do.
That's
Charlotte J (12:57):
probably true yeah.
But I love how you talk toyourself, it's that internal
dialogue, yeah.
it totally is 100%.
What you say to yourself and ifyou believe, okay, I did my best
today and tomorrow is a new dayand I'll try again.
Neil (13:15):
Yeah.
Charlotte J (13:16):
It makes a difference.
Neil (13:17):
Right.
So I know my dad always used tosay, if you're in heaven then
you are.
And if you think you're in hell,then you are.
It's all about how you thinkabout things.
Charlotte J (13:25):
Yeah.
Neil (13:26):
Tough to go back and think about them.
Charlotte J (13:27):
If you think you can or you think you can't, you
are.
Right.
Yeah.
That was Ford how was it?
Yeah, I remember that.
Now you're impressed, aren'tyou?
Yeah.
So you touched on this andyou've mentioned your dad a
couple of times, but what werethe societal expectations or the
cultural messages that reallymade it challenging for you to
(13:49):
openly discuss?
Feeling isolated or feelingvulnerable?
Neil (13:55):
Um, as I say I was brought up by somebody who was brought
up by the people who survivedthe war.
Mm-hmm.
My dad was he was about eightyears old when the war ended and
it was tough times.
You just kept that English stiffupper lip and you just kept
moving forward and you know,things will work out as long as
you don't quit.
So, yeah, I suppose that's whereI was when I got to that point
(14:17):
in Canada.
You find those people, you keep'em with you, and then you just,
you know, your life starts toflourish again.
But you do need connection.
As a guy.
You do need connection.
And I can't say to enough timesthat we all need to, have
somebody to talk to.
Even as, painful at the time.
And if you find the right peopleyou'll be fine.
Charlotte J (14:37):
Yeah, I definitely hear you saying it's about
finding the right people andfrom my perspective, I feel as
though there are so many ofthose right people playing
Pickleball.
Yeah.
But it sounds like you've foundthe same as well.
Neil (14:53):
Yeah.
Charlotte J (14:53):
So what does meaningful male friendship look
like to you?
Neil (15:00):
Well, you know, you've gotta be able to laugh at each
other.
That's one thing that men findthat can be vulnerable.
If they can use humour to do it.
It doesn't make you feel weak.
It doesn't make you feel stupid.
When you look at each other andyou laugh and you know, you find
your people just the way theyreact to what you said.
And pickleball, as I said, theother survivors, they also are
(15:21):
more positive.
They're the positive people whosurvive it.
They just have that forwardthinking or positive outlook
that'll save these guys in thelong run.
Right now inflation and thingshave been tough even on some of
the people we play with thathave now retired.
May be in a place where they'reon a fixed income and inflation
(15:45):
is chewing away at their incomeand they're still positive.
They need to find something tofocus on other than sitting and
looking at the investments andlooking at inflation and looking
at the other things in life.
You can always find the negativeif you look hard enough.
But when you're playingpickleball, there is nothing
else on your mind except forthat darn ball which is good for
(16:06):
men.
It just breaks that little bitof tension that guys focus on
the negative or they focus ontheir issue or their problem or
challenge.
And guys wanna be fixers.
We want to fix it.
You concentrate on it for longenough, it becomes all
consuming.
So.
When you play pickleball, ittakes that little bit of
pressure off it.
I'm sure there's a lot of peoplekicking around on this planet
(16:29):
because of pickleball and beingable to relax, playing something
else and going for a beer afterhaving a laugh.
Win or learn it's good.
Charlotte J (16:37):
Mm-hmm.
And I know we've talked aboutthis before, this has definitely
come up on previous episodes aswell about.
When you're playing the game,and I'm sure this is the same in
other sports too, but definitelyyou are on that smaller court.
You can see your opponents onthe other side.
You make eye contact with them.
(16:58):
You are.
Most of the time a hundredpercent your head is in the game
and you are not thinking aboutthe argument we just had on the
way here, or, that list oferrands we have to do afterwards
and right.
All the other stuff in life.
It sounds as though humour playsa big part, and I notice that
(17:21):
you use humour a lot.
You and I have had manyconversations about humour and
how I find that very frustratingat times, like when I want to be
serious and when I want to havea serious conversation and
things get a little deeper.
(17:42):
Yeah, definitely the humourcomes out.
So not working so well betweenmaybe a husband and wife.
Man and woman, but it soundslike between men, this is
definitely the way to go.
Neil (17:55):
Yeah, exactly.
You can chirp each other.
You can say the wrong thing.
It could be off color, it can beanything.
If it's the right person, it'salways right.
It doesn't matter.
Charlotte J (18:05):
Can you think of a story that you can share about a
time when you felt genuinelysupported by another man and how
perhaps that impacted your senseof connection?
No.
Well, thanks for that.
Neil (18:21):
I, I could probably call 20 guys tonight and say, I've
got a flat tire, can you help mefor an hour?
And I would say that a bunch ofthem would come, because of the
right people and they know ifthey anything happened to them,
they could call me.
And if I had the chance to doit, I would be there for'em.
Totally.
(18:42):
And that's enough.
Charlotte J (18:44):
Love that, but that's very practical.
And I have 20 women I could callif I needed something.
Some help with something too.
Car tire.
Car tire.
Yeah.
Oh yes, yes.
Women can change tires too.
I'm talking about like, I don'tknow, is there ever a time where
(19:04):
you felt like you could, and youdid open up to a guy and say, oh
my God, things are bad.
Neil (19:13):
Yeah, there, there is a couple of guys I could say that
with.
I I spent a lot of time on sitewith a bunch of construction
guys and I've got a couple ofreal gems that I talk to weekly,
although they don't even live inthe same city as me.
And I constantly forward'embackward with a couple of guys.
And yeah I could honestly saythat I could tell'em pretty much
(19:34):
anything.
I know it would be in confidenceand they would never judge me
and I would never judge them forthe same thing.
But there's only a few people inyour life that you could, that I
could do that with.
Mm.
And there's probably one or twowithin pickleball that I could
do that with right now.
If something happened, I couldtalk to him.
Yeah.
Charlotte J (19:51):
And do you think it's always been that way or has
that been something that you'velearned or developed or evolved
over time as you've got older?
Neil (20:00):
I think I've changed my strategy because, me and my
brother were always close untilI left.
England, and it wasn't as easybecause of the time difference
and the distance and just notknowing the setup of our
families and things.
I kinda lost that with mybrother a little bit.
Not that I couldn't call him atany point, but, I just
different.
(20:22):
So I had to find other brothers.
Basically.
That's what I've done.
I've found other brothers andit's pretty cool.
Charlotte J (20:27):
Mm-hmm.
So what advice would you give toany men who are listening who
are perhaps struggling withfeelings of isolation?
They don't know how to buildmeaningful connections, and
they're feeling pretty shittyright now.
Neil (20:46):
Play pickleball.
Go get out there, get yourself aracket, run around for a couple
of hours, you're gonna feeltotally different.
I can't tell you enough.
I found a complete community inmy late fifties by playing a
stupid game with a stupidplastic whiffle ball.
It's just one of those thingswhere you find the right people
in the right situation.
You know, when you go hiking,you find people who love hiking
(21:08):
and they have a passion in life.
You'll find these people.
I'm not sure who they are, butyou'll find them.
It doesn't matter.
When you start, you'll findpeople at your level and you'll
find those gems.
You got through a lot of gravelto find a nugget, but you'll
find a nugget.
Charlotte J (21:23):
Okay, so what if, I mean, I love that, and obviously
the answer to every question,every problem is play
pickleball, right?
What happens if somebody'sthinking, oh my gosh, there's no
way I'm playing pickleball.
That looks stupid.
I don't know.
Maybe they're not even at thatpoint where they feel like they
want to go and try somethingnew.
Neil (21:44):
Well, everybody wants to do something more badass.
Everybody wants to throw theirtheirself off a cliff or do
something ridiculous with a fastmotorbike or a gun over.
Pickle ball's the easy way.
You just get out there, you playaround.
It makes you a little bit morevulnerable.
The first time you do it, youmight feel a bit of a jackass.
I did the first night I went outthere.
I'm thinking, why am I playingthis?
(22:05):
It looks like kids stuff, butit's great.
And within the first fiveminutes you're laughing and it
doesn't really stop.
Whenever I'm not playingpickleball, now I'm thinking
about playing pickleball'causethat's where my buddies are.
It's my community.
Charlotte J (22:19):
I suppose it's about taking a risk, isn't it?
Everything in life is abouttaking a risk.
With that next step, there aretwo choices.
We either stay where we aredoing the same thing, thinking
the same thoughts, feeling thesame feelings, acting out that
same behavior, and then tomorrowis the same, tomorrow never
(22:44):
changes.
Neil (22:45):
Yeah.
Or.
Charlotte J (22:47):
The second choice is we shake things up and I
think we did that.
Neil (22:53):
Yeah.
Charlotte J (22:53):
Playing pickleball.
Yeah.
I didn't want to play.
You insisted that we play nowI'm addicted to it, but
sometimes you just have to takethat
Neil (23:03):
risk.
You need to change yourperspective.
That's what it is.
That's what I feel.
And it doesn't matter if it'spickleball, it needs something.
Not only change yourperspective, but if you want a
better relationship with yourspouse, if you're both healthy
enough to play.
Play something.
Doesn't even matter if it'spickleball.
(23:23):
Could be chess, could bewalking, could be, archery could
be anything.
We all need to do something.
You need to find something thatgets you outta bed and keeps you
motivated.
And if you can do it with yourspouse, brilliant.
It's definitely pulled us alittle bit closer together and,
it's been easy to do it.
Because it's such a social sportand it's cheap and it's easy and
(23:45):
it's 12 months of the year.
It's indoor, it's outdoor, youcan play at the competition
level, you can play it at reclevel.
You can find your people whoplayed at your level.
We all need something,especially heading towards
retirement in our case.
I'm 60 next year, so for me, Ihave to have something.
I'd like to retire and dosomething other than watch the
(24:07):
TV or walk the dog, althoughthose are pretty good things
too.
I wanted more for myself, sothat's where I got to this
point.
Charlotte J (24:16):
Oh, I have a question.
How do you think social mediaand phones and endless scrolling
has contributed to maleloneliness?
Neil (24:28):
Wow, that's a big question.
I think it's easy to drop downthat hole, right?
I'll do it myself.
You look on Facebook forsomething or you start looking
on marketplace or just almostyou find that click bait that
makes you press the button andyou go down that road for
sometimes it's an hour, you turnaround, you, oh my God, I had
(24:50):
things to do.
Yeah, pickleball kind ofdefinitely focuses me, I don't I
don't feel like I scroll as muchas I, I used to.
I just, I suppose I don't haveas much time, as much dead time.
What did we do before wepickleball?
Charlotte J (25:04):
Well, we reno'd that flipping house, didn't we?
Yeah.
Neil (25:07):
But if we didn't have pickleball now, what would we
fill the gap with?
Yeah, it would be phone.
It would be phone, TV screens.
I don't even know what we woulddo.
We would probably cook more orsomething.
Charlotte J (25:18):
I dunno.
When your partner is on theirphone, scrolling.
It is so incredibly isolating.
Yeah.
It's so as a woman, I feel this,is it the same for
Neil (25:30):
It is, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
The attention is not each other.
It's this thing.
Right,
Charlotte J (25:34):
exactly.
Yeah.
And it's like you're living inthe same house, but you're
passing like ships in the nightor whatever the saying is.
You are not having any kind ofconversation, meaningful or not,
and honestly, just going anddoing something together like
pickleball or walking the dog oranything that gets us away from
(25:59):
technology.
Off our phones, off those rabbitholes that it's so easy to go
down.
Neil (26:05):
Yeah.
Charlotte J (26:06):
Has definitely helped me feel like we are more
connected.
Neil (26:11):
Totally.
Yeah.
And people know us as a couplenow.
Maybe if we didn't pickleball, Idon't know how many people would
know us as a couple.
We had certain couples we wouldask over for a meal or we got to
them for a meal.
But outside of that circle thatwe'd kept, we hadn't really made
a bigger circle of friends for afew years,
Charlotte J (26:30):
I would say 20 years.
While the children were growingup, our circle of friends pretty
much stayed the same.
Neil (26:38):
Right.
Yeah.
And now it's exploded again.
Charlotte J (26:41):
Yeah.
Neil (26:42):
Yeah.
Great people.
Great people.
And there's
Charlotte J (26:43):
always new people, right?
Every time we go and play.
Neil (26:47):
Yeah.
Charlotte J (26:47):
There's somebody new that you meet.
I mean, gosh, look at thetournament that I just played
in.
Yeah.
Last weekend, how many newpeople did we meet?
Yeah.
How many new conversations?
Oh my gosh.
It was just, we could have stoodthere all day.
Neil (27:02):
That's the one thing that pickleball makes difficult,
remembering everybody's name.
I use buddy, friend.
How you doing?
I have got every.
Single deflection for givingmyself thinking time to remember
anybody's name.
Oh my God.
It's not easy I just aboutremember my old name, mine.
(27:23):
Anybody else is,
Charlotte J (27:24):
I honestly, I think you were like that in your
thirties.
It was always, what's, what'shis name there?
There's a couple coming towardsus.
What's his name?
What's her name?
Neil (27:32):
Yeah.
That's funny.
Charlotte J (27:32):
Well, that was a great closet conversation.
I really enjoyed that.
And it's good to have you back.
Neil (27:37):
Thanks.
Yeah, it was good.
Goofy little conversations, eh,
Charlotte J (27:41):
goofy conversations, but.
Powerful stuff too.
Yeah.
Neil (27:45):
Us guys, we don't give ourself enough credit and we
definitely don't give ourselfenough time to talk.
Anyway, find your people.
Charlotte J (27:51):
Okay.
Till next week.
Neil (27:53):
Okay.
Thanks Chai.
Charlotte J (27:55):
Thanks, Neil.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Before we go, we've put together a fun freebie just
for you.
Top 10 tips for playingpickleball with your partner
without losing your mind.
It's packed with practicaladvice and a few laughs plus
some insights on how theseon-court habits can actually
strengthen your relationship offthe court too.
(28:17):
You can grab it by clicking thelink at the bottom of the show
notes or just message usdirectly and we'll send it your
way.
And remember, it's not justabout playing well together.
It's about growing together.
Speaker (28:30):
Thanks so much for listening today.
I hope you enjoyed thatconversation as much as I did.
Anything mentioned, includinglinks, notes, and a full episode
list, will be over on ourwebsite at
pickleballandpartnership.
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Com.
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(28:52):
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(29:14):
This will help more peopleaccess these real conversations.
And if you haven't connectedwith myself or Neil personally,
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Thanks again for listening.
Please tune in next week foranother exciting episode of
Pickleball and partnership.
(29:36):
Remember, we're all learning,growing, and showing up in our
own ways.
And that's what matters most.
This the pickleball and partnership
podcast, the place to talk.
Talk about building betterconnections with your partner.
Learning how to communicate witheach other and how to inject
fun.
Into your relationship allthrough the game of pickleball.
If that sounds like your cup oftea.
Pull up a chair grab your paddleand join me.
(00:32):
Your host, Charlotte Jukes.
For pickleball and partnership.
Charlotte J (00:44):
Well, today I'm really excited because we are
back in the closet for a closetconversation and I'm here with
Neil.
Neil (00:55):
Hey guys.
Charlotte J (00:56):
I bet you thought I'd, stuffed him in a bag and
thrown him in the river orsomething.
Where have you been?
Neil (01:03):
Well, I've been out of action.
I hurt my shoulder I've beenstruggling through making myself
busy with other things.
But I am back, I have gonethrough some treatment I've had
a couple of injections that'sgonna put me hopefully on track.
I've gotta go through somephysio and I will be back on the
court.
Charlotte J (01:23):
Back with a vengeance.
Neil (01:24):
Hey, back with a vengeance.
I
Charlotte J (01:24):
know.
It's been weird.
So last week I talked aboutpreparing for the tournament.
I talked about, it came up on myFacebook page from last year,
how we had played together andwe had done very well.
So it's been really weird notplaying with you and then
(01:46):
finding different partners toplay with.
I know it's been tough for you.
It's been having another
Neil (01:51):
pickle.
Yeah, exactly.
Charlotte J (01:53):
Having another pickle,
Neil (01:54):
another person.
Charlotte J (01:55):
Oh, having another person to pickle with, right.
No, I mean, it's tough for youbecause pickleball is really.
Everything, it's.
Physical activity.
Neil (02:06):
Right.
And I'm not a great spectator.
I love to be out there doing mything.
Yeah, it is, it's part of thephysical, it keeps me mentally
in check with myself takes thatlittle bit of physical energy to
take my mental energy down.
And yeah, I suppose I miss thepeople.
I miss the.
The community that it brings tome, that something that I
(02:29):
haven't really found anywhereelse until we found pickleball.
Well, we used to get it withcamping, and you get some of it
through work, you find thosepeople that you pick up and you
really don't want to drop.
They've been such good peopleand you still hang out with'em
even though you don't work atthe same place or whatever.
But.
Pickleball has definitely pickedup the slack where we left off
(02:49):
with camping with the kids andhaving a really good circle of
friends who you could hang outwith, drink beers, have fire
pits, that kinda stuff.
So yeah, I have missed itterribly.
So any pickles out there?
I've missed you guys a lot.
Charlotte J (03:05):
He has.
He talks about you all the time.
But the great thing is, and Imentioned this last week as
well, is that you have beensupporting me while I've been
playing.
So you've still been showing upand watching games.
You were at the tournament, youtook amazing photos.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then we've gone out withpeople afterwards.
(03:27):
So we have our dinner group ofeight who actually are meeting
this week as well.
So you've had some element ofthat social.
Neil (03:37):
Yeah.
I can't quit that piece, youknow, if there's a chance.
So I'm going to the pub after.
I'm probably gonna be there.
Charlotte J (03:43):
So a few weeks ago as well, I was talking to Sumit
and Rajan from Mega Courts, andSumit happened to mention the
loneliness epidemic that ishappening now in the world and
how he felt that so many menwere lonely and that this is
(04:05):
something that's reallydifficult for men because I
think, men are notorious for.
Finding it difficult to reachout to people, to make friends,
to connect with other,
Neil (04:16):
yeah,
Charlotte J (04:17):
guys, right?
Totally.
Neil (04:18):
Yeah.
Yeah, they do.
I mean, we're conditioned askids to not really, be very
vulnerable.
You don't wanna say anything,you don't wanna say the wrong
thing.
You don't feel, you don't showweakness, you don't show
vulnerability.
You don't share feelings.
That's just not what you do as aguy.
May be different now, but when Iwas a kid, not that way.
(04:40):
So when people need to reachout, I mean, there's so many
good people that we've lost asguys through people taking their
own lives.
'cause maybe they didn't havesomebody to talk to or felt too
vulnerable if they did speak tosomebody.
I know there's a couple ofpeople from school that I've
lost.
And still miss, those peoplethat got left behind.
(05:00):
So yeah, when it comes down topeople talking and guys talking,
especially I've said it at work,that's part of my job and the
guys that I work with, I'vealways said to'em, I'm, maybe
they're not the right guy totalk to.
But I'm always available, I'llopen the door, somebody can come
in and it's not gonna besomething I'll ever bring up to
the guys.
It's just a case of a problem.
(05:22):
Shared is a problem, halvedthat's what I was always told.
But yeah, guys just don't do agreat job of communicating.
But pickleball definitely helpedme build a circle of friends
again.
There's a few absolute gems thatI've picked up on the courts and
I feel pretty lucky to havefound these people.
when you find those, you don'twanna let'em slip through your
fingers.
So I kinda make sure that wehang out and we go for beers
(05:45):
and, things that you don'talways do on the court and you
just make time for that stuff.
Charlotte J (05:50):
So what do you think it is about pickleball
then, and maybe I'm wrong, butit sounds as though you have
found some real connectionsthrough playing pickleball with
other men.
So what is it about the game ofpickleball that perhaps
attracts.
Well, I suppose it attractslike-minded people.
Neil (06:13):
You know what I'm gonna say?
It attracts the survivors, theones that really want to do
something for the rest of theirlife, whatever that looks like.
When I'm getting close to 60 andI can still run around with a
lot of goofy guys, it's a lot ofgoofy guys who did the same kind
of things that I did and endedup at the same kind of place
that I did and are still healthyenough to enjoy it.
(06:35):
So they are survivors.
These are the ones that areprobably gonna go till they're
90.
I hope I suppose that's why Ifind myself drawn to these
people because they are verysimilar to me.
Charlotte J (06:46):
There's also quite an age range if you think about
it, because we've played withmen.
In their forties.
And we've also played with menin their fifties, sixties, and
seventies too.
Neil (07:00):
Yeah.
We have and the teenagers, the18 year olds that Oh, yeah,
yeah.
Right.
Charlotte J (07:04):
Yeah, exactly.
Not that we can get our21-year-old son on the court.
Neil (07:10):
No, it's not his thing.
Not his thing.
Charlotte J (07:12):
Not yet.
I did ask him for Mother's Dayif he would bless me with a game
of pickleball, but we'll see.
How did
Neil (07:20):
that work out?
Charlotte J (07:21):
He didn't say no.
Oh.
So
Neil (07:24):
that's a start.
Charlotte J (07:25):
I'm hopeful, mm-hmm.
Well, so we're in the closet,literally anything.
Yeah.
We literally are in the closet.
We're having a closetconversation.
But can you describe a moment,perhaps when you felt truly
lonely and what that experiencewas like for you emotionally?
Neil (07:49):
Yes, I can.
The only time that I felt trulylonely when I felt like there
was.
Yeah, probably the lowest pointof my life was actually when we
left England and came to Canada.
The first, probably the firsttwo years were incredibly lonely
for me.
Just because I didn't feel likeI fitted, I.
There was no people that thatcame from the same place that I
(08:12):
came from.
None of those small connections,the way that we use slang and
humour and all those things Ididn't feel like I fitted for a
few years until I startedfinding some people through
camping and work and, the kidsdoing external stuff, soccer and
dance and ice skating, and.
All those good things came toCanada with a couple of little
(08:33):
girls and it was, it was toughtimes for us.
Mm.
Financially, mentally just beingable to keep ourself on track
and not wanting to quit and goback to where we'd come from.
It's worked out for us over 25years now.
Yeah.
But that was a big deal.
Charlotte J (08:49):
Yeah, it was, yes, our eldest was two.
Our youngest had just been bornliterally when we put the
application in.
Yeah.
Neil (08:57):
Well, she was still in arms, wasn't she?
When we got off the plane, shewas nine
Charlotte J (09:00):
months old.
And actually, here's aninteresting fact that I just
realized is this week is exactlyto the day 25 years ago that we
landed.
Huh?
We left on the 11th of May.
And we landed because it was aday later on the 12th of May.
(09:20):
And that's this week.
I know.
That's crazy.
25 years, years ago, and Iremember that too.
And it's funny because peoplecould look at us now and say,
oh, there's no way you struggledwith money.
But I remember.
Like it was hard for you to findwork.
Neil (09:38):
Yeah.
Charlotte J (09:38):
Even though there was work here.
It was a really hard timeFinding
Neil (09:41):
well-paid work was tough.
Charlotte J (09:43):
Finding well-paid work.
I couldn't work as a nursebecause I hadn't converted my
qualification from the uk.
Yeah.
And I remember, the firstpayment you received, I remember
the check was for$25.
Mm-hmm.
And I thought, oh, thankgoodness we can go to the
grocery store.
(10:04):
We went to Superstore and boughtfood.
It was that tight.
It was a really tough time.
I wasn't working, I was lookingafter the girls.
We hadn't had our son yet.
Right.
And you were out every daypretty much pounding the
pavement trying to find work.
So, yeah.
(10:24):
We connected through thechildren.
Actually, we lived in acommunity that had a community
lake.
Neil (10:30):
Yeah.
Charlotte J (10:30):
And we would go to the lake and there we would meet
people we would meet themthrough the children.
Neil (10:37):
Yeah.
The kids hung out with otherkids and we got to know the moms
and dads.
Right,
Charlotte J (10:41):
right.
Yeah.
Thinking about those mostdesperate times because it was
awful.
It was really tough for both ofus.
But how do you think mentallyyou were able to navigate
through that
Neil (10:54):
I Suppose just that not wanting to quit really, it
wasn't a case of knowing what todo, it was a case of knowing
that I wasn't gonna quit.
That was the only thing that Icould really concentrate on.
And then when camping started tokick in we bought a tent trailer
and I started to get some decentwork friends.
(11:15):
And then what else do we used todo?
Charlotte J (11:18):
I think it was the girls playgroups and stuff, but
I hate to say it.
You're going back to thepractical Yeah.
Like typical, right?
Yeah.
That's men.
Yeah.
And absolutely there were somany practical things that you
did.
And I did, and we did keepgoing.
Neil (11:34):
I started to talk to myself.
Basically just talked to myselfsaying it's gonna work out.
It's gonna work out.
Just keep pushing, keep pushing.
And although my family weren'twith me, I I think I always
thought that they wanted thebest for me.
So I kept pushing.
'cause I didn't want to go back.
I didn't want to go back to theUK and say, okay.
(11:56):
We tried it, it didn't work.
It wasn't the case of it didn'twork, we just quit before it
did.
I.
Mm.
And then that's, that's a bigthing.
I didn't want to go back andsay, you know what?
We should have given it more.
And there's so many people cometo Canada and they have called
it the thousand dollars Cure.
They come to Canada, they saythey're gonna quit.
It costs them a thousand dollarsto go back to the uk and then as
(12:19):
soon as they've had a week ortwo
Charlotte J (12:21):
or home, wherever home is, yeah.
Neil (12:24):
Back.
Yeah.
I know that people have done it,that we've been friends with,
they've gone back to, Liverpoolor wherever it was, and then
they've got, oh my God I'dforgotten what I'd left behind
when I came to Canada.
And they come back again.
They come back and then theyrealize they can settle.
Mm-hmm.
They know they can.
Charlotte J (12:41):
We've had a few friends do that, haven't we?
Yeah.
So I think that sort ofencouraged us not to go back,
although we always said to eachother, if it doesn't work out,
we can go back.
Yeah.
Like we, it,
Neil (12:54):
we probably didn't have the thousand bucks that's
probably what we didn't do.
That's
Charlotte J (12:57):
probably true yeah.
But I love how you talk toyourself, it's that internal
dialogue, yeah.
it totally is 100%.
What you say to yourself and ifyou believe, okay, I did my best
today and tomorrow is a new dayand I'll try again.
Neil (13:15):
Yeah.
Charlotte J (13:16):
It makes a difference.
Neil (13:17):
Right.
So I know my dad always used tosay, if you're in heaven then
you are.
And if you think you're in hell,then you are.
It's all about how you thinkabout things.
Charlotte J (13:25):
Yeah.
Neil (13:26):
Tough to go back and think about them.
Charlotte J (13:27):
If you think you can or you think you can't, you
are.
Right.
Yeah.
That was Ford how was it?
Yeah, I remember that.
Now you're impressed, aren'tyou?
Yeah.
So you touched on this andyou've mentioned your dad a
couple of times, but what werethe societal expectations or the
cultural messages that reallymade it challenging for you to
(13:49):
openly discuss?
Feeling isolated or feelingvulnerable?
Neil (13:55):
Um, as I say I was brought up by somebody who was brought
up by the people who survivedthe war.
Mm-hmm.
My dad was he was about eightyears old when the war ended and
it was tough times.
You just kept that English stiffupper lip and you just kept
moving forward and you know,things will work out as long as
you don't quit.
So, yeah, I suppose that's whereI was when I got to that point
(14:17):
in Canada.
You find those people, you keep'em with you, and then you just,
you know, your life starts toflourish again.
But you do need connection.
As a guy.
You do need connection.
And I can't say to enough timesthat we all need to, have
somebody to talk to.
Even as, painful at the time.
And if you find the right peopleyou'll be fine.
Charlotte J (14:37):
Yeah, I definitely hear you saying it's about
finding the right people andfrom my perspective, I feel as
though there are so many ofthose right people playing
Pickleball.
Yeah.
But it sounds like you've foundthe same as well.
Neil (14:53):
Yeah.
Charlotte J (14:53):
So what does meaningful male friendship look
like to you?
Neil (15:00):
Well, you know, you've gotta be able to laugh at each
other.
That's one thing that men findthat can be vulnerable.
If they can use humour to do it.
It doesn't make you feel weak.
It doesn't make you feel stupid.
When you look at each other andyou laugh and you know, you find
your people just the way theyreact to what you said.
And pickleball, as I said, theother survivors, they also are
(15:21):
more positive.
They're the positive people whosurvive it.
They just have that forwardthinking or positive outlook
that'll save these guys in thelong run.
Right now inflation and thingshave been tough even on some of
the people we play with thathave now retired.
May be in a place where they'reon a fixed income and inflation
(15:45):
is chewing away at their incomeand they're still positive.
They need to find something tofocus on other than sitting and
looking at the investments andlooking at inflation and looking
at the other things in life.
You can always find the negativeif you look hard enough.
But when you're playingpickleball, there is nothing
else on your mind except forthat darn ball which is good for
(16:06):
men.
It just breaks that little bitof tension that guys focus on
the negative or they focus ontheir issue or their problem or
challenge.
And guys wanna be fixers.
We want to fix it.
You concentrate on it for longenough, it becomes all
consuming.
So.
When you play pickleball, ittakes that little bit of
pressure off it.
I'm sure there's a lot of peoplekicking around on this planet
(16:29):
because of pickleball and beingable to relax, playing something
else and going for a beer afterhaving a laugh.
Win or learn it's good.
Charlotte J (16:37):
Mm-hmm.
And I know we've talked aboutthis before, this has definitely
come up on previous episodes aswell about.
When you're playing the game,and I'm sure this is the same in
other sports too, but definitelyyou are on that smaller court.
You can see your opponents onthe other side.
You make eye contact with them.
(16:58):
You are.
Most of the time a hundredpercent your head is in the game
and you are not thinking aboutthe argument we just had on the
way here, or, that list oferrands we have to do afterwards
and right.
All the other stuff in life.
It sounds as though humour playsa big part, and I notice that
(17:21):
you use humour a lot.
You and I have had manyconversations about humour and
how I find that very frustratingat times, like when I want to be
serious and when I want to havea serious conversation and
things get a little deeper.
(17:42):
Yeah, definitely the humourcomes out.
So not working so well betweenmaybe a husband and wife.
Man and woman, but it soundslike between men, this is
definitely the way to go.
Neil (17:55):
Yeah, exactly.
You can chirp each other.
You can say the wrong thing.
It could be off color, it can beanything.
If it's the right person, it'salways right.
It doesn't matter.
Charlotte J (18:05):
Can you think of a story that you can share about a
time when you felt genuinelysupported by another man and how
perhaps that impacted your senseof connection?
No.
Well, thanks for that.
Neil (18:21):
I, I could probably call 20 guys tonight and say, I've
got a flat tire, can you help mefor an hour?
And I would say that a bunch ofthem would come, because of the
right people and they know ifthey anything happened to them,
they could call me.
And if I had the chance to doit, I would be there for'em.
Totally.
(18:42):
And that's enough.
Charlotte J (18:44):
Love that, but that's very practical.
And I have 20 women I could callif I needed something.
Some help with something too.
Car tire.
Car tire.
Yeah.
Oh yes, yes.
Women can change tires too.
I'm talking about like, I don'tknow, is there ever a time where
(19:04):
you felt like you could, and youdid open up to a guy and say, oh
my God, things are bad.
Neil (19:13):
Yeah, there, there is a couple of guys I could say that
with.
I I spent a lot of time on sitewith a bunch of construction
guys and I've got a couple ofreal gems that I talk to weekly,
although they don't even live inthe same city as me.
And I constantly forward'embackward with a couple of guys.
And yeah I could honestly saythat I could tell'em pretty much
(19:34):
anything.
I know it would be in confidenceand they would never judge me
and I would never judge them forthe same thing.
But there's only a few people inyour life that you could, that I
could do that with.
Mm.
And there's probably one or twowithin pickleball that I could
do that with right now.
If something happened, I couldtalk to him.
Yeah.
Charlotte J (19:51):
And do you think it's always been that way or has
that been something that you'velearned or developed or evolved
over time as you've got older?
Neil (20:00):
I think I've changed my strategy because, me and my
brother were always close untilI left.
England, and it wasn't as easybecause of the time difference
and the distance and just notknowing the setup of our
families and things.
I kinda lost that with mybrother a little bit.
Not that I couldn't call him atany point, but, I just
different.
(20:22):
So I had to find other brothers.
Basically.
That's what I've done.
I've found other brothers andit's pretty cool.
Charlotte J (20:27):
Mm-hmm.
So what advice would you give toany men who are listening who
are perhaps struggling withfeelings of isolation?
They don't know how to buildmeaningful connections, and
they're feeling pretty shittyright now.
Neil (20:46):
Play pickleball.
Go get out there, get yourself aracket, run around for a couple
of hours, you're gonna feeltotally different.
I can't tell you enough.
I found a complete community inmy late fifties by playing a
stupid game with a stupidplastic whiffle ball.
It's just one of those thingswhere you find the right people
in the right situation.
You know, when you go hiking,you find people who love hiking
(21:08):
and they have a passion in life.
You'll find these people.
I'm not sure who they are, butyou'll find them.
It doesn't matter.
When you start, you'll findpeople at your level and you'll
find those gems.
You got through a lot of gravelto find a nugget, but you'll
find a nugget.
Charlotte J (21:23):
Okay, so what if, I mean, I love that, and obviously
the answer to every question,every problem is play
pickleball, right?
What happens if somebody'sthinking, oh my gosh, there's no
way I'm playing pickleball.
That looks stupid.
I don't know.
Maybe they're not even at thatpoint where they feel like they
want to go and try somethingnew.
Neil (21:44):
Well, everybody wants to do something more badass.
Everybody wants to throw theirtheirself off a cliff or do
something ridiculous with a fastmotorbike or a gun over.
Pickle ball's the easy way.
You just get out there, you playaround.
It makes you a little bit morevulnerable.
The first time you do it, youmight feel a bit of a jackass.
I did the first night I went outthere.
I'm thinking, why am I playingthis?
(22:05):
It looks like kids stuff, butit's great.
And within the first fiveminutes you're laughing and it
doesn't really stop.
Whenever I'm not playingpickleball, now I'm thinking
about playing pickleball'causethat's where my buddies are.
It's my community.
Charlotte J (22:19):
I suppose it's about taking a risk, isn't it?
Everything in life is abouttaking a risk.
With that next step, there aretwo choices.
We either stay where we aredoing the same thing, thinking
the same thoughts, feeling thesame feelings, acting out that
same behavior, and then tomorrowis the same, tomorrow never
(22:44):
changes.
Neil (22:45):
Yeah.
Or.
Charlotte J (22:47):
The second choice is we shake things up and I
think we did that.
Neil (22:53):
Yeah.
Charlotte J (22:53):
Playing pickleball.
Yeah.
I didn't want to play.
You insisted that we play nowI'm addicted to it, but
sometimes you just have to takethat
Neil (23:03):
risk.
You need to change yourperspective.
That's what it is.
That's what I feel.
And it doesn't matter if it'spickleball, it needs something.
Not only change yourperspective, but if you want a
better relationship with yourspouse, if you're both healthy
enough to play.
Play something.
Doesn't even matter if it'spickleball.
(23:23):
Could be chess, could bewalking, could be, archery could
be anything.
We all need to do something.
You need to find something thatgets you outta bed and keeps you
motivated.
And if you can do it with yourspouse, brilliant.
It's definitely pulled us alittle bit closer together and,
it's been easy to do it.
Because it's such a social sportand it's cheap and it's easy and
(23:45):
it's 12 months of the year.
It's indoor, it's outdoor, youcan play at the competition
level, you can play it at reclevel.
You can find your people whoplayed at your level.
We all need something,especially heading towards
retirement in our case.
I'm 60 next year, so for me, Ihave to have something.
I'd like to retire and dosomething other than watch the
(24:07):
TV or walk the dog, althoughthose are pretty good things
too.
I wanted more for myself, sothat's where I got to this
point.
Charlotte J (24:16):
Oh, I have a question.
How do you think social mediaand phones and endless scrolling
has contributed to maleloneliness?
Neil (24:28):
Wow, that's a big question.
I think it's easy to drop downthat hole, right?
I'll do it myself.
You look on Facebook forsomething or you start looking
on marketplace or just almostyou find that click bait that
makes you press the button andyou go down that road for
sometimes it's an hour, you turnaround, you, oh my God, I had
(24:50):
things to do.
Yeah, pickleball kind ofdefinitely focuses me, I don't I
don't feel like I scroll as muchas I, I used to.
I just, I suppose I don't haveas much time, as much dead time.
What did we do before wepickleball?
Charlotte J (25:04):
Well, we reno'd that flipping house, didn't we?
Yeah.
Neil (25:07):
But if we didn't have pickleball now, what would we
fill the gap with?
Yeah, it would be phone.
It would be phone, TV screens.
I don't even know what we woulddo.
We would probably cook more orsomething.
Charlotte J (25:18):
I dunno.
When your partner is on theirphone, scrolling.
It is so incredibly isolating.
Yeah.
It's so as a woman, I feel this,is it the same for
Neil (25:30):
It is, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
The attention is not each other.
It's this thing.
Right,
Charlotte J (25:34):
exactly.
Yeah.
And it's like you're living inthe same house, but you're
passing like ships in the nightor whatever the saying is.
You are not having any kind ofconversation, meaningful or not,
and honestly, just going anddoing something together like
pickleball or walking the dog oranything that gets us away from
(25:59):
technology.
Off our phones, off those rabbitholes that it's so easy to go
down.
Neil (26:05):
Yeah.
Charlotte J (26:06):
Has definitely helped me feel like we are more
connected.
Neil (26:11):
Totally.
Yeah.
And people know us as a couplenow.
Maybe if we didn't pickleball, Idon't know how many people would
know us as a couple.
We had certain couples we wouldask over for a meal or we got to
them for a meal.
But outside of that circle thatwe'd kept, we hadn't really made
a bigger circle of friends for afew years,
Charlotte J (26:30):
I would say 20 years.
While the children were growingup, our circle of friends pretty
much stayed the same.
Neil (26:38):
Right.
Yeah.
And now it's exploded again.
Charlotte J (26:41):
Yeah.
Neil (26:42):
Yeah.
Great people.
Great people.
And there's
Charlotte J (26:43):
always new people, right?
Every time we go and play.
Neil (26:47):
Yeah.
Charlotte J (26:47):
There's somebody new that you meet.
I mean, gosh, look at thetournament that I just played
in.
Yeah.
Last weekend, how many newpeople did we meet?
Yeah.
How many new conversations?
Oh my gosh.
It was just, we could have stoodthere all day.
Neil (27:02):
That's the one thing that pickleball makes difficult,
remembering everybody's name.
I use buddy, friend.
How you doing?
I have got every.
Single deflection for givingmyself thinking time to remember
anybody's name.
Oh my God.
It's not easy I just aboutremember my old name, mine.
(27:23):
Anybody else is,
Charlotte J (27:24):
I honestly, I think you were like that in your
thirties.
It was always, what's, what'shis name there?
There's a couple coming towardsus.
What's his name?
What's her name?
Neil (27:32):
Yeah.
That's funny.
Charlotte J (27:32):
Well, that was a great closet conversation.
I really enjoyed that.
And it's good to have you back.
Neil (27:37):
Thanks.
Yeah, it was good.
Goofy little conversations, eh,
Charlotte J (27:41):
goofy conversations, but.
Powerful stuff too.
Yeah.
Neil (27:45):
Us guys, we don't give ourself enough credit and we
definitely don't give ourselfenough time to talk.
Anyway, find your people.
Charlotte J (27:51):
Okay.
Till next week.
Neil (27:53):
Okay.
Thanks Chai.
Charlotte J (27:55):
Thanks, Neil.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Before we go, we've put together a fun freebie just
for you.
Top 10 tips for playingpickleball with your partner
without losing your mind.
It's packed with practicaladvice and a few laughs plus
some insights on how theseon-court habits can actually
strengthen your relationship offthe court too.
(28:17):
You can grab it by clicking thelink at the bottom of the show
notes or just message usdirectly and we'll send it your
way.
And remember, it's not justabout playing well together.
It's about growing together.
Speaker (28:30):
Thanks so much for listening today.
I hope you enjoyed thatconversation as much as I did.
Anything mentioned, includinglinks, notes, and a full episode
list, will be over on ourwebsite at
pickleballandpartnership.
buzzsprout.
com.
Com.
If you got something outta thisepisode, be sure to follow or
(28:52):
subscribe to Pickleball andPartnership on Apple Podcasts,
Spotify, or wherever you listenso that you are notified of new
and upcoming episodes.
And if you're finding value inthis podcast, a free way to
support us is to leave a five.
It truly means the world to us.
(29:14):
This will help more peopleaccess these real conversations.
And if you haven't connectedwith myself or Neil personally,
we would love to meet you andsay hi over on our Facebook
page.
Thanks again for listening.
Please tune in next week foranother exciting episode of
Pickleball and partnership.
(29:36):
Remember, we're all learning,growing, and showing up in our
own ways.
And that's what matters most.
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