June 24, 2025 • 29 mins
In this episode of 'Pickleball and Partnership,' host Charlotte Jukes introduces the concept of 'The Invisible Third,' the unseen energy that affects interactions and connections with partners, whether on the pickleball court or in personal relationships. Drawing parallels between the game of pickleball and life's partnerships, Charlotte shares a personal anecdote about her childhood, discusses the psychological basis of emotional transference, and explores the presence of synchronicities and divine connections in our lives. With interactive exercises and thought-provoking questions, she encourages listeners to become more conscious of their emotional dynamics and choose the energy they want to bring into their relationships.
00:00 Welcome to Pickleball and Partnership
02:08 Special Shoutouts
03:36 The Invisible Third: Introduction
05:31 Understanding Emotional Transference
07:50 Personal Stories and Reflections
15:32 The Power of Synchronicities
21:57 Clearing and Inviting New Energy
27:48 Final Thoughts and Farewell
Pickleball & Partnership Facebook Page
Please jump on over and say "Hi" - we would love to hear from you...
https://www.facebook.com/conejukes
https://www.facebook.com/groups/848118700833703
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pickleball-partnership/id1775742795
Pickleball & Partnership Email cejukes@gmail.com
Music: Purple Planet Music
Thanks to Purple Planet Music for Pickleball & Partnership Intro and Outro music Purple Planet Music is a collection of music written and performed by Chris Martyn and Geoff Harvey.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Charlotte J (00:00):
I want to welcome you to this episode of
Pickleball and Partnership thatI am calling the Invisible
Third, and it's quiteinteresting really, because I
was having a fascinatingconversation with my eldest
daughter actually last night.
And I was talking to her aboutthis episode title and she's why
(00:20):
the invisible third?
And we chatted back and forthand I thought, actually this
could also be called theinvisible second.
And knowing that the PickleballCourt is a microcosm of what is
going on in your life, maybeyour home life, your
relationship with your husbandor your partner, so this is why
(00:43):
I am calling this episode TheInvisible Third, thinking about
playing.
With your doubles partner, inPickleball thinking about
playing life with your partner,and that could be your spouse,
that could be your partner, yourromantic partner, but it could
(01:04):
also be perhaps the relationshipthat you have with your daughter
or your son, your sister or yourbrother.
Your mother, your father,anybody who you are in a
relationship with this episodeis dedicated to you and I am
calling it the invisible third.
Charlotte Jukes (01:34):
This the pickleball and partnership
podcast, the place to talk.
Talk about building betterconnections with your partner.
Learning how to communicate witheach other and how to inject
fun.
Into your relationship allthrough the game of pickleball.
If that sounds like your cup oftea.
Pull up a chair grab your paddleand join me.
(01:57):
Your host, Charlotte Jukes.
For pickleball and partnership.
Charlotte J (02:08):
Before we start, I just want to give two really
important special shoutouts.
One is to my dear friend JulieJo Hughes, who is just adorable.
Her podcast is amazing.
If you haven't listened to it,please do.
And I met her for the first timelast year.
(02:29):
She is just beautiful and herpodcast star Potential is
amazing if you haven't listenedto it.
But I wanted to give a shout outto Julie Jo Hughes because she
listens to my podcast episodesand her husband laughs at her
because she often says, yes, thePickleball podcast.
Is deep and it brought me totears.
(02:50):
So I love you for mentioningthat Julie Joe Hughes and the
other person, a shout out toKathy Morrison, who listened to
last week's podcast episodeabout my Mum, and she sent me
the most beautiful message.
And let me know that the episodegot her thinking about her Mum,
remembering her Mum and thesynchronicities that happened
(03:14):
with her and her sister, andthings that I was talking about
last week with, the relationshipwith my Mum and my Mum's
diagnosis and her passing, andthen Neil and I finding out that
we were pregnant with our firstbaby.
So shout out to Julie Jo Hughesand Kathy Morrison.
Thank you so much for listening.
(03:36):
Okay, let's jump in here.
Welcome back to the Pickleballand Partnership podcast.
Today I'm diving into somethingvery subtle but powerful, and
that is the invisible energythat shows up between you and
your partner, or like I said,you and.
(03:57):
A significant other.
You and a sibling.
A parent, a child, you and yourbest friend, you and your boss.
So whether you are in thekitchen, pickleball style, or
whether you're in the kitchen athome, this is something that we
are going to talk about.
So I just want to ask yousomething.
What if it's never just been thetwo of you on the court?
(04:22):
What if it's never just been thetwo of you at home?
In the kitchen, in the bedroom?
Oh yes, I said it.
I'm English and we don't talkabout these things, but I said
it.
What if there's always a.
Third presence, somethingunspoken, unseen, that's
(04:44):
actually shaping yourcommunication and your flow and
your connection with that otherperson.
And this episode is about what Icall the invisible third.
So it might actually.
Not be a person.
It may be something like an oldstory that you are carrying a
(05:08):
wound, an expectation that oneof you has, but sometimes it's
something sacred.
It's a sense of grace, anintuitive nudge.
Or the presence of a loved one,whether living or past.
And so today I'm going to jumpin and we're going to explore
(05:30):
all of those.
Have you ever snapped at yourpartner on the pickleball court,
or have you ever snapped at yourpartner in the kitchen at home
and realised later it actuallywasn't really about them.
I.
Maybe they missed a shot andsuddenly you feel flooded with
(05:52):
frustration.
Maybe they didn't take thegarbage out, and you feel this
sense of infuriation rise upfrom the pit of your belly up
into your throat, and it justfires itself out into the
situation.
(06:13):
In that moment you find yourselfbeing.
Completely reactive to thesituation, but when you sit with
it, you realise that what gotactivated was something much,
much older.
Maybe it was a fear of beingunsupported or a belief.
(06:36):
You always have to carry theteam.
If I don't do it, it doesn't getdone.
It's all on my shoulders.
I have X, Y, Z to do, and it'sme that has to do it.
And that energy, that's yourinvisible third.
So psychologists actually callthis emotional transference.
(07:01):
When we project past experiencesonto present day people, that's
emotional transference.
Our brains, they're actuallymeaning making machines.
Our brain, our ego, constantlywants to make sense of every
situation.
(07:22):
It's constantly trying topredict safety.
So if your nervous systemlearned that mistakes mean
punishment, it may bring thatold fear right into the kitchen
at home.
Into the kitchen on thepickleball court, onto the
(07:43):
pickleball court or whateveractivity it is that you are
doing with your significantother, shall we say.
And it's interesting becausewhen I say that mistakes mean
punishment, that was definitelymy experience and I want to
share this not to place anyblame, not to place any shame
(08:05):
on.
Myself or my dad, but he grew upin an environment where there
was punishment.
He only knew punishment andmaybe his dad before him only
knew punishment.
I don't know, my dad has passedaway.
He was quite young as well.
Actually.
(08:25):
He passed away a few years aftermy Mum did.
And he at the age of 60, I.
He was diagnosed with Lewy bodydementia, which was, I find so
interesting because he workedfor the BB, C all of his life,
the British BroadcastingCorporation in England, and he
spoke so.
(08:47):
Eloquently, he commanded a room.
When he spoke, people listened.
He had this presence about himand his voice was really one.
I loved it.
I could listen to him talkforever.
I remember just sitting andlooking up at him and listening
to him talking and listening tohim, talking on the radio, and
(09:10):
it was just beautiful.
So it was quite interesting thathe ended up with a very early
onset dementia that really tookhis voice and took his presence
away from him.
But maybe that's anotherepisode.
My dad grew up in anenvironment.
Where he was punished a lot.
(09:32):
I know he didn't feel loved.
I remember him telling mestories about being sent away to
boarding school and not feelingthat love from his parents.
And that's my perception as achild, as him telling me these
stories.
That's my perception.
So I just want to convey herethat I'm not sharing any of this
(09:55):
to place blame or to pointfingers.
I'm not.
I'm sharing my experience.
My experience growing up wasthat my dad was very sad and
felt unloved and not.
To make an excuse for him, butwhen I made mistakes, I was
punished.
(10:16):
I was not given room to grow, toexpand, to see it as a stepping
stone into pivoting or movingforward in a different way.
I was punished.
And here's an example.
This sticks with me Every summerwe used to go on holiday to a
beautiful place called Charmouthin England on the coast, and we
(10:39):
would pull our little caravanand the five of us would go for
two weeks.
And sometimes we would, I.
Actually, I think more oftenthan not, we would meet up with
my grandparents, my dad's Mumand dad, and sometimes his
younger brother, and sometimeshis younger brother would come
with whoever he was dating atthe time, and we would all camp
(11:04):
together.
On this campsite in Charmouthand I used to love it.
We played outside.
We were in the sun all the time.
We were at the beach.
I just love these two weeks.
It really signified freedom forme.
So every year I was excited toarrive at the same campsite.
(11:25):
I was very familiar with it.
And one year we arrived and Ithink I would be maybe nine
years old, nine or 10.
And I was so excited and mybrothers were so excited, and my
dad would pull up at the officeand he would get out and he
would go and check the bookingand find out exactly what site
(11:48):
we were.
In and this one year I don'teven remember if I said anything
to my Mum, but I leapt out ofthe car as soon as it stopped,
as soon as my dad had got out togo and confirm the booking.
And I ran off to go and find allthe exciting, familiar places.
(12:08):
I think there was somethinggoing on at the campsite.
Yes.
Because I remember standing atthe edge of this circle and
watching whatever was happening.
And I don't even remember whatit was because all I remember
suddenly my dad was there behindme, gripping my arm tightly and
(12:28):
telling me how angry he was withme for running off.
And I didn't have a chance toexplain my excitement and yes, I
get, he was fearful.
Suddenly I wasn't there.
There was a big crowd.
He had lost me, but it reallydidn't give me a sense of
(12:49):
security and safety to be ableto explore, to be able to sit
and have a conversation and.
Say, you know what?
You need to tell somebody ifyou're going somewhere, or you
need to just hang on and wait,and we could have all gone
together to see what theexcitement was.
And so I really felt this senseof I couldn't trust myself, I
(13:11):
couldn't explore, and I waspunished for that mistake.
I guess going back down memorylane for myself and realizing
that when I make a mistake, mywhole body tenses and I now
bring into my consciousness, oh,this is not about the mistake
(13:31):
that I made.
This is not about.
What other people may be sayingabout the mistake or about me.
This goes way back to that fear,that old fear I had about being
punished, about doing the wrongthing.
And so our nervous system learnsthis, and this is what shows up
(13:55):
in our adult life.
Our partner, our significantother in whatever relationship
we are talking about feels thatAlso, even if I don't say
anything, I.
Neil on the pickleball court,Neil at home in a situation in
our relationship, feels thatfear from me.
(14:18):
He doesn't know what it is atthe time, unless I share that
with him and let him know whatwas coming up.
But first, I need to be aware ofthat myself.
I need to be aware of it, andthen I need to accept that, oh
yes, hello, fear.
I see you.
I get why you're scared.
(14:38):
I get why you are worried aboutmaking a mistake.
So we are never really just in arelationship with the other
person.
We are also in a relationshipwith our history, and we're in a
relationship with their historytoo.
(14:59):
So think about a time perhapswhen something minor turned into
a major reaction.
What was really between you andthe other person, what energy
was playing the game with you?
What energy was showing up inthe relationship with you?
(15:20):
What energy was there when.
That other person didn't takethe garbage out or didn't put
their shoes away, or whateverthat was.
Now, let's shift gears a littlebit because the invisible third
isn't always heavy.
Sometimes it's holy.
(15:42):
Have you ever played in flowwhere everything clicked and it
felt like you weren't thinkingyou were just moving?
Or have you had a moment perhapswhere you just knew, or maybe
you just had a moment withsomeone else where you just knew
(16:03):
what they needed without themsaying a word, you knew they
needed a hug or that hand ontheir shoulder, or they needed
you to put the kettle on andmake a cup of tea?
Actually it was Carl Young whocalled these experiences
(16:23):
synchronicities.
Oh, I love synchronicities.
They're all around us, and theuniverse is so juicy sending us
these delicious synchronicities.
We watch out for them.
Those meaningful coincidencesthat defy logic.
And Carl Young believed thatthere're signs that we are
(16:46):
connected to something beyondour conscious minds.
Albert Einstein said, the mostbeautiful thing we can
experience is the mysterious.
It is the source of all true artand science.
Doesn't that just evokeexcitement within you?
(17:07):
Honestly, I feel childlikeagain.
Okay.
I feel that excitement ofarriving at the Charmouth
campsite, our two week summerholiday.
I feel that excitement again nowbecause I've addressed the fear
I've become aware of andaccepted the fear surrounding
that, surrounding my reluctanceto make mistakes.
(17:31):
I can really drop back into mybody and.
Feel that excitement ofsomething new, of something
mysterious and magical.
And Einstein also believed inwhat he called spooky action at
a distance.
So a quantum phenomenon wheretwo particles can instantly
(17:56):
affect each other no matter howfar apart they are.
That's real science.
Have you ever thought ofsomebody?
And then in the next moment youget a text from them or they
call you or something comes intoyour awareness connected to that
(18:16):
person.
And you're like, wow, what theheck?
I was just thinking about you.
Of course you were.
That's the two particles thatinstantly affect each other even
no matter the distance.
I think about that with my Mum,no matter the distance, no
matter the space, the time.
(18:37):
The physical level of I'm hereon Earth, she has passed into
another realm, but we can stillaffect each other.
And it mirrors what many of usfeel in relationships that
something unseen that'sconnecting us.
(18:58):
And I've had moments on thecourt where I feel like.
Someone is with me.
Something is with me and energy.
Is there perhaps a loved onewho's passed or I get a
download?
Have any of you ever hadsomething where it just
(19:19):
downloads and you're like, whoa,where did that come from?
An intuitive hit that says, staycalm, trust, move now.
On the court in your love life,at work, wherever you may be.
(19:40):
So this too, I think, is thatinvisible.
Third, it's that deeperintelligence, the divine
presence that.
Unexplainable connection andit's there available to all of
us.
It's throughout the universe.
(20:02):
Was it that episode I wastalking to Siri.
Yes.
Siri, Baruch Thornton.
Amazing episode.
And I was talking aboutconnecting with the fairies at
the bottom of the garden when Iwas three, four years old.
It's that.
That deeper intelligence, thatpresence, and it is available to
(20:22):
all of us.
We've just forgotten.
We've just forgotten that it'sthere, that we can connect to
it, and that it's there to fillus, to guide us, to support us.
So let me ask you this.
When have you felt support fromthe unseen?
(20:45):
Who or what have you felt withyou, especially perhaps in
moments of clarity or courage?
Once we recognize the invisiblethird, we get to choose what
energy we allow to play with us.
Oh my gosh, this is so exciting.
(21:05):
This is so exciting.
It's that child excitement, thatchild energy again, that we
forget.
We forget.
We can connect to it.
Oh my gosh, I had forgotten forso many years.
How to connect to that, and it'sjust so exciting.
It's that moment when you wakeup in the morning and connect to
(21:29):
something so much bigger thanourselves and really tap into
that energy.
And perhaps we snuggle down alittle bit.
Tighter a little bit deeper intoour pillow or our duvet, and
we're like, oh my gosh, yes.
This is contentment.
(21:49):
This is joy.
This is the feeling I amcarrying into my day every day.
Hey, I have an idea.
Let's just do a quick clearingtogether.
Wherever you are, let's justtake a pause.
If you're driving, perhaps not agood idea, but if you're in a
safe place let's just take apause and let's breathe
(22:12):
together.
Deep inhale, hold it at the top,and then exhale.
Now, if you play pickleball,let's imagine that you're
standing at the baseline on thecourt.
(22:33):
If you don't play pickleball,first question, why aren't you
playing pickleball?
Go out and try.
But if you haven't playedpickleball yet, imagine you're
on the tennis court or thebasketball court, or the
volleyball court, or.
You can just be standing in yourown kitchen at home, wherever
(22:53):
you want to be.
But if you do play pickleball,let's imagine that you're
standing at the baseline.
Picture your partner across fromyou.
Now feel into the space betweenyou, close your eyes, feel into
that space.
Is there tension?
(23:15):
Is there an expectation?
I.
Or a memory and whatever comesup, trust it in that moment and
acknowledge it and breathe.
Let's take another deep breathin.
Hold it, acknowledge whatever isthere, and exhale.
(23:39):
Now imagine clearing that spaceso you could wipe it clean like
a chalkboard, grab a cloth, grabthe eraser, or maybe you have a
can of paint and you grab abrush and dip it in the paint,
and then just paint overwhatever that energy is.
(24:00):
Let's do that now.
And invite in something new.
Invite in trust, curiosity,ease, joy.
You get to choose the energythat you play with.
So you might want to journal onthis or you might want to just
reflect on this, what energy doI often bring into my
(24:25):
partnership?
And again, we are talking aboutany partnership.
Partnership on the PickleballCourt, partnership at Home,
partnership at Work, partnershipin any area of your life.
Partnership with yourselfbecause that's the most
important relationship, yourpartnership with yourself.
(24:48):
What energy do I bring tomyself?
What energy do I bring to theday?
What energy do I bring to everysituation with every other
person that I meet, whether Iknow them or whether they're a
stranger?
And what am I ready to release?
(25:09):
Ooh, that's a big one.
Take a moment to think aboutthat.
What am I ready to release?
And then you can release thatwith a big, long exhale.
And what do I want to feelbetween us next time we play
pickleball, next time we playwhatever sport, next time we
(25:31):
connect.
We are never just two peopleplaying a game.
We are never just two people ina relationship.
We are energetic beings inmotion.
We're influenced by memory, bymeaning, by mystery, but the
more conscious we become, themore intentional.
(25:53):
In every part of our life, themore intentional in our game and
in our relationships.
So I leave you with this, whatinvisible energy have you been
playing with and what do youwant to invite in instead?
The choices yours and you cantry on anything.
(26:14):
Imagine you are going into yourcloset now and there is a full
rack of all emotions and you getto choose.
Pick an emotion, pick a highvibrational emotion, joy, love.
Authenticity, whatever you want,and try it on.
(26:35):
Put it on as though you'retrying on a coat, and really
feel into it and see what thatfeels like.
Really experience it.
Open up all of your senses andfeel it.
Taste it, touch it, smell it.
Listen to it.
And really try on differentemotions and think about what
(26:59):
you want to invite in instead.
And that closet is available toyou every single day that you
wake up, every single moment ofthat day, go into that closet in
your imagination, and the braindoesn't know the difference
between real and imaginary.
Go into that closet.
Pull off the rack, that coat orthat jacket, or that beautiful
(27:23):
shimmery dress of whateveremotion, whatever energy you
want to feel and try it on.
I would love to hear yourstories, message me on Instagram
or Facebook or send me a voicenote.
I want to know what yourinvisible third has been and
what you are ready to call in.
So until next time.
(27:45):
Keep playing and keep livinglife with presence.
Thanks so much for listeningtoday.
I hope you enjoyed thatconversation as much as I did.
Anything mentioned, includinglinks, notes, and a full episode
list, will be over on ourwebsite at
pickleballandpartnership.
buzzsprout.
com.
Com.
(28:06):
If you got something outta thisepisode, be sure to follow or
subscribe to Pickleball andPartnership on Apple Podcasts,
Spotify, or wherever you listenso that you are notified of new
and upcoming episodes.
And if you're finding value inthis podcast, a free way to
(28:26):
support us is to leave a 5 StarReview It truly means the world
to us.
This will help more peopleaccess these real conversations.
And if you haven't connectedwith myself or Neil personally,
we would love to meet you andsay hi over on our Facebook
page.
Thanks again for listening.
(28:48):
Please tune in next week foranother exciting episode of
Pickleball and partnership.
Remember, we're all learning,growing, and showing up in our
own ways.
And that's what matters most.
I want to welcome you to this episode of
Pickleball and Partnership thatI am calling the Invisible
Third, and it's quiteinteresting really, because I
was having a fascinatingconversation with my eldest
daughter actually last night.
And I was talking to her aboutthis episode title and she's why
(00:20):
the invisible third?
And we chatted back and forthand I thought, actually this
could also be called theinvisible second.
And knowing that the PickleballCourt is a microcosm of what is
going on in your life, maybeyour home life, your
relationship with your husbandor your partner, so this is why
(00:43):
I am calling this episode TheInvisible Third, thinking about
playing.
With your doubles partner, inPickleball thinking about
playing life with your partner,and that could be your spouse,
that could be your partner, yourromantic partner, but it could
(01:04):
also be perhaps the relationshipthat you have with your daughter
or your son, your sister or yourbrother.
Your mother, your father,anybody who you are in a
relationship with this episodeis dedicated to you and I am
calling it the invisible third.
Charlotte Jukes (01:34):
This the pickleball and partnership
podcast, the place to talk.
Talk about building betterconnections with your partner.
Learning how to communicate witheach other and how to inject
fun.
Into your relationship allthrough the game of pickleball.
If that sounds like your cup oftea.
Pull up a chair grab your paddleand join me.
(01:57):
Your host, Charlotte Jukes.
For pickleball and partnership.
Charlotte J (02:08):
Before we start, I just want to give two really
important special shoutouts.
One is to my dear friend JulieJo Hughes, who is just adorable.
Her podcast is amazing.
If you haven't listened to it,please do.
And I met her for the first timelast year.
(02:29):
She is just beautiful and herpodcast star Potential is
amazing if you haven't listenedto it.
But I wanted to give a shout outto Julie Jo Hughes because she
listens to my podcast episodesand her husband laughs at her
because she often says, yes, thePickleball podcast.
Is deep and it brought me totears.
(02:50):
So I love you for mentioningthat Julie Joe Hughes and the
other person, a shout out toKathy Morrison, who listened to
last week's podcast episodeabout my Mum, and she sent me
the most beautiful message.
And let me know that the episodegot her thinking about her Mum,
remembering her Mum and thesynchronicities that happened
(03:14):
with her and her sister, andthings that I was talking about
last week with, the relationshipwith my Mum and my Mum's
diagnosis and her passing, andthen Neil and I finding out that
we were pregnant with our firstbaby.
So shout out to Julie Jo Hughesand Kathy Morrison.
Thank you so much for listening.
(03:36):
Okay, let's jump in here.
Welcome back to the Pickleballand Partnership podcast.
Today I'm diving into somethingvery subtle but powerful, and
that is the invisible energythat shows up between you and
your partner, or like I said,you and.
(03:57):
A significant other.
You and a sibling.
A parent, a child, you and yourbest friend, you and your boss.
So whether you are in thekitchen, pickleball style, or
whether you're in the kitchen athome, this is something that we
are going to talk about.
So I just want to ask yousomething.
What if it's never just been thetwo of you on the court?
(04:22):
What if it's never just been thetwo of you at home?
In the kitchen, in the bedroom?
Oh yes, I said it.
I'm English and we don't talkabout these things, but I said
it.
What if there's always a.
Third presence, somethingunspoken, unseen, that's
(04:44):
actually shaping yourcommunication and your flow and
your connection with that otherperson.
And this episode is about what Icall the invisible third.
So it might actually.
Not be a person.
It may be something like an oldstory that you are carrying a
(05:08):
wound, an expectation that oneof you has, but sometimes it's
something sacred.
It's a sense of grace, anintuitive nudge.
Or the presence of a loved one,whether living or past.
And so today I'm going to jumpin and we're going to explore
(05:30):
all of those.
Have you ever snapped at yourpartner on the pickleball court,
or have you ever snapped at yourpartner in the kitchen at home
and realised later it actuallywasn't really about them.
I.
Maybe they missed a shot andsuddenly you feel flooded with
(05:52):
frustration.
Maybe they didn't take thegarbage out, and you feel this
sense of infuriation rise upfrom the pit of your belly up
into your throat, and it justfires itself out into the
situation.
(06:13):
In that moment you find yourselfbeing.
Completely reactive to thesituation, but when you sit with
it, you realise that what gotactivated was something much,
much older.
Maybe it was a fear of beingunsupported or a belief.
(06:36):
You always have to carry theteam.
If I don't do it, it doesn't getdone.
It's all on my shoulders.
I have X, Y, Z to do, and it'sme that has to do it.
And that energy, that's yourinvisible third.
So psychologists actually callthis emotional transference.
(07:01):
When we project past experiencesonto present day people, that's
emotional transference.
Our brains, they're actuallymeaning making machines.
Our brain, our ego, constantlywants to make sense of every
situation.
(07:22):
It's constantly trying topredict safety.
So if your nervous systemlearned that mistakes mean
punishment, it may bring thatold fear right into the kitchen
at home.
Into the kitchen on thepickleball court, onto the
(07:43):
pickleball court or whateveractivity it is that you are
doing with your significantother, shall we say.
And it's interesting becausewhen I say that mistakes mean
punishment, that was definitelymy experience and I want to
share this not to place anyblame, not to place any shame
(08:05):
on.
Myself or my dad, but he grew upin an environment where there
was punishment.
He only knew punishment andmaybe his dad before him only
knew punishment.
I don't know, my dad has passedaway.
He was quite young as well.
Actually.
(08:25):
He passed away a few years aftermy Mum did.
And he at the age of 60, I.
He was diagnosed with Lewy bodydementia, which was, I find so
interesting because he workedfor the BB, C all of his life,
the British BroadcastingCorporation in England, and he
spoke so.
(08:47):
Eloquently, he commanded a room.
When he spoke, people listened.
He had this presence about himand his voice was really one.
I loved it.
I could listen to him talkforever.
I remember just sitting andlooking up at him and listening
to him talking and listening tohim, talking on the radio, and
(09:10):
it was just beautiful.
So it was quite interesting thathe ended up with a very early
onset dementia that really tookhis voice and took his presence
away from him.
But maybe that's anotherepisode.
My dad grew up in anenvironment.
Where he was punished a lot.
(09:32):
I know he didn't feel loved.
I remember him telling mestories about being sent away to
boarding school and not feelingthat love from his parents.
And that's my perception as achild, as him telling me these
stories.
That's my perception.
So I just want to convey herethat I'm not sharing any of this
(09:55):
to place blame or to pointfingers.
I'm not.
I'm sharing my experience.
My experience growing up wasthat my dad was very sad and
felt unloved and not.
To make an excuse for him, butwhen I made mistakes, I was
punished.
(10:16):
I was not given room to grow, toexpand, to see it as a stepping
stone into pivoting or movingforward in a different way.
I was punished.
And here's an example.
This sticks with me Every summerwe used to go on holiday to a
beautiful place called Charmouthin England on the coast, and we
(10:39):
would pull our little caravanand the five of us would go for
two weeks.
And sometimes we would, I.
Actually, I think more oftenthan not, we would meet up with
my grandparents, my dad's Mumand dad, and sometimes his
younger brother, and sometimeshis younger brother would come
with whoever he was dating atthe time, and we would all camp
(11:04):
together.
On this campsite in Charmouthand I used to love it.
We played outside.
We were in the sun all the time.
We were at the beach.
I just love these two weeks.
It really signified freedom forme.
So every year I was excited toarrive at the same campsite.
(11:25):
I was very familiar with it.
And one year we arrived and Ithink I would be maybe nine
years old, nine or 10.
And I was so excited and mybrothers were so excited, and my
dad would pull up at the officeand he would get out and he
would go and check the bookingand find out exactly what site
(11:48):
we were.
In and this one year I don'teven remember if I said anything
to my Mum, but I leapt out ofthe car as soon as it stopped,
as soon as my dad had got out togo and confirm the booking.
And I ran off to go and find allthe exciting, familiar places.
(12:08):
I think there was somethinggoing on at the campsite.
Yes.
Because I remember standing atthe edge of this circle and
watching whatever was happening.
And I don't even remember whatit was because all I remember
suddenly my dad was there behindme, gripping my arm tightly and
(12:28):
telling me how angry he was withme for running off.
And I didn't have a chance toexplain my excitement and yes, I
get, he was fearful.
Suddenly I wasn't there.
There was a big crowd.
He had lost me, but it reallydidn't give me a sense of
(12:49):
security and safety to be ableto explore, to be able to sit
and have a conversation and.
Say, you know what?
You need to tell somebody ifyou're going somewhere, or you
need to just hang on and wait,and we could have all gone
together to see what theexcitement was.
And so I really felt this senseof I couldn't trust myself, I
(13:11):
couldn't explore, and I waspunished for that mistake.
I guess going back down memorylane for myself and realizing
that when I make a mistake, mywhole body tenses and I now
bring into my consciousness, oh,this is not about the mistake
(13:31):
that I made.
This is not about.
What other people may be sayingabout the mistake or about me.
This goes way back to that fear,that old fear I had about being
punished, about doing the wrongthing.
And so our nervous system learnsthis, and this is what shows up
(13:55):
in our adult life.
Our partner, our significantother in whatever relationship
we are talking about feels thatAlso, even if I don't say
anything, I.
Neil on the pickleball court,Neil at home in a situation in
our relationship, feels thatfear from me.
(14:18):
He doesn't know what it is atthe time, unless I share that
with him and let him know whatwas coming up.
But first, I need to be aware ofthat myself.
I need to be aware of it, andthen I need to accept that, oh
yes, hello, fear.
I see you.
I get why you're scared.
(14:38):
I get why you are worried aboutmaking a mistake.
So we are never really just in arelationship with the other
person.
We are also in a relationshipwith our history, and we're in a
relationship with their historytoo.
(14:59):
So think about a time perhapswhen something minor turned into
a major reaction.
What was really between you andthe other person, what energy
was playing the game with you?
What energy was showing up inthe relationship with you?
(15:20):
What energy was there when.
That other person didn't takethe garbage out or didn't put
their shoes away, or whateverthat was.
Now, let's shift gears a littlebit because the invisible third
isn't always heavy.
Sometimes it's holy.
(15:42):
Have you ever played in flowwhere everything clicked and it
felt like you weren't thinkingyou were just moving?
Or have you had a moment perhapswhere you just knew, or maybe
you just had a moment withsomeone else where you just knew
(16:03):
what they needed without themsaying a word, you knew they
needed a hug or that hand ontheir shoulder, or they needed
you to put the kettle on andmake a cup of tea?
Actually it was Carl Young whocalled these experiences
(16:23):
synchronicities.
Oh, I love synchronicities.
They're all around us, and theuniverse is so juicy sending us
these delicious synchronicities.
We watch out for them.
Those meaningful coincidencesthat defy logic.
And Carl Young believed thatthere're signs that we are
(16:46):
connected to something beyondour conscious minds.
Albert Einstein said, the mostbeautiful thing we can
experience is the mysterious.
It is the source of all true artand science.
Doesn't that just evokeexcitement within you?
(17:07):
Honestly, I feel childlikeagain.
Okay.
I feel that excitement ofarriving at the Charmouth
campsite, our two week summerholiday.
I feel that excitement again nowbecause I've addressed the fear
I've become aware of andaccepted the fear surrounding
that, surrounding my reluctanceto make mistakes.
(17:31):
I can really drop back into mybody and.
Feel that excitement ofsomething new, of something
mysterious and magical.
And Einstein also believed inwhat he called spooky action at
a distance.
So a quantum phenomenon wheretwo particles can instantly
(17:56):
affect each other no matter howfar apart they are.
That's real science.
Have you ever thought ofsomebody?
And then in the next moment youget a text from them or they
call you or something comes intoyour awareness connected to that
(18:16):
person.
And you're like, wow, what theheck?
I was just thinking about you.
Of course you were.
That's the two particles thatinstantly affect each other even
no matter the distance.
I think about that with my Mum,no matter the distance, no
matter the space, the time.
(18:37):
The physical level of I'm hereon Earth, she has passed into
another realm, but we can stillaffect each other.
And it mirrors what many of usfeel in relationships that
something unseen that'sconnecting us.
(18:58):
And I've had moments on thecourt where I feel like.
Someone is with me.
Something is with me and energy.
Is there perhaps a loved onewho's passed or I get a
download?
Have any of you ever hadsomething where it just
(19:19):
downloads and you're like, whoa,where did that come from?
An intuitive hit that says, staycalm, trust, move now.
On the court in your love life,at work, wherever you may be.
(19:40):
So this too, I think, is thatinvisible.
Third, it's that deeperintelligence, the divine
presence that.
Unexplainable connection andit's there available to all of
us.
It's throughout the universe.
(20:02):
Was it that episode I wastalking to Siri.
Yes.
Siri, Baruch Thornton.
Amazing episode.
And I was talking aboutconnecting with the fairies at
the bottom of the garden when Iwas three, four years old.
It's that.
That deeper intelligence, thatpresence, and it is available to
(20:22):
all of us.
We've just forgotten.
We've just forgotten that it'sthere, that we can connect to
it, and that it's there to fillus, to guide us, to support us.
So let me ask you this.
When have you felt support fromthe unseen?
(20:45):
Who or what have you felt withyou, especially perhaps in
moments of clarity or courage?
Once we recognize the invisiblethird, we get to choose what
energy we allow to play with us.
Oh my gosh, this is so exciting.
(21:05):
This is so exciting.
It's that child excitement, thatchild energy again, that we
forget.
We forget.
We can connect to it.
Oh my gosh, I had forgotten forso many years.
How to connect to that, and it'sjust so exciting.
It's that moment when you wakeup in the morning and connect to
(21:29):
something so much bigger thanourselves and really tap into
that energy.
And perhaps we snuggle down alittle bit.
Tighter a little bit deeper intoour pillow or our duvet, and
we're like, oh my gosh, yes.
This is contentment.
(21:49):
This is joy.
This is the feeling I amcarrying into my day every day.
Hey, I have an idea.
Let's just do a quick clearingtogether.
Wherever you are, let's justtake a pause.
If you're driving, perhaps not agood idea, but if you're in a
safe place let's just take apause and let's breathe
(22:12):
together.
Deep inhale, hold it at the top,and then exhale.
Now, if you play pickleball,let's imagine that you're
standing at the baseline on thecourt.
(22:33):
If you don't play pickleball,first question, why aren't you
playing pickleball?
Go out and try.
But if you haven't playedpickleball yet, imagine you're
on the tennis court or thebasketball court, or the
volleyball court, or.
You can just be standing in yourown kitchen at home, wherever
(22:53):
you want to be.
But if you do play pickleball,let's imagine that you're
standing at the baseline.
Picture your partner across fromyou.
Now feel into the space betweenyou, close your eyes, feel into
that space.
Is there tension?
(23:15):
Is there an expectation?
I.
Or a memory and whatever comesup, trust it in that moment and
acknowledge it and breathe.
Let's take another deep breathin.
Hold it, acknowledge whatever isthere, and exhale.
(23:39):
Now imagine clearing that spaceso you could wipe it clean like
a chalkboard, grab a cloth, grabthe eraser, or maybe you have a
can of paint and you grab abrush and dip it in the paint,
and then just paint overwhatever that energy is.
(24:00):
Let's do that now.
And invite in something new.
Invite in trust, curiosity,ease, joy.
You get to choose the energythat you play with.
So you might want to journal onthis or you might want to just
reflect on this, what energy doI often bring into my
(24:25):
partnership?
And again, we are talking aboutany partnership.
Partnership on the PickleballCourt, partnership at Home,
partnership at Work, partnershipin any area of your life.
Partnership with yourselfbecause that's the most
important relationship, yourpartnership with yourself.
(24:48):
What energy do I bring tomyself?
What energy do I bring to theday?
What energy do I bring to everysituation with every other
person that I meet, whether Iknow them or whether they're a
stranger?
And what am I ready to release?
(25:09):
Ooh, that's a big one.
Take a moment to think aboutthat.
What am I ready to release?
And then you can release thatwith a big, long exhale.
And what do I want to feelbetween us next time we play
pickleball, next time we playwhatever sport, next time we
(25:31):
connect.
We are never just two peopleplaying a game.
We are never just two people ina relationship.
We are energetic beings inmotion.
We're influenced by memory, bymeaning, by mystery, but the
more conscious we become, themore intentional.
(25:53):
In every part of our life, themore intentional in our game and
in our relationships.
So I leave you with this, whatinvisible energy have you been
playing with and what do youwant to invite in instead?
The choices yours and you cantry on anything.
(26:14):
Imagine you are going into yourcloset now and there is a full
rack of all emotions and you getto choose.
Pick an emotion, pick a highvibrational emotion, joy, love.
Authenticity, whatever you want,and try it on.
(26:35):
Put it on as though you'retrying on a coat, and really
feel into it and see what thatfeels like.
Really experience it.
Open up all of your senses andfeel it.
Taste it, touch it, smell it.
Listen to it.
And really try on differentemotions and think about what
(26:59):
you want to invite in instead.
And that closet is available toyou every single day that you
wake up, every single moment ofthat day, go into that closet in
your imagination, and the braindoesn't know the difference
between real and imaginary.
Go into that closet.
Pull off the rack, that coat orthat jacket, or that beautiful
(27:23):
shimmery dress of whateveremotion, whatever energy you
want to feel and try it on.
I would love to hear yourstories, message me on Instagram
or Facebook or send me a voicenote.
I want to know what yourinvisible third has been and
what you are ready to call in.
So until next time.
(27:45):
Keep playing and keep livinglife with presence.
Thanks so much for listeningtoday.
I hope you enjoyed thatconversation as much as I did.
Anything mentioned, includinglinks, notes, and a full episode
list, will be over on ourwebsite at
pickleballandpartnership.
buzzsprout.
com.
Com.
(28:06):
If you got something outta thisepisode, be sure to follow or
subscribe to Pickleball andPartnership on Apple Podcasts,
Spotify, or wherever you listenso that you are notified of new
and upcoming episodes.
And if you're finding value inthis podcast, a free way to
(28:26):
support us is to leave a 5 StarReview It truly means the world
to us.
This will help more peopleaccess these real conversations.
And if you haven't connectedwith myself or Neil personally,
we would love to meet you andsay hi over on our Facebook
page.
Thanks again for listening.
(28:48):
Please tune in next week foranother exciting episode of
Pickleball and partnership.
Remember, we're all learning,growing, and showing up in our
own ways.
And that's what matters most.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.