August 26, 2025 • 18 mins
In this heartfelt episode, Charlotte Jukes shares her personal experiences and emotions as her adult children leave home repeatedly. She discusses the grief, loneliness, and the cyclical nature of goodbyes, offering insights on how to navigate these emotions with self-compassion.
Charlotte invites listeners to embrace their feelings, lean into their emotions, and explore self-kindness during these transitions. This episode serves to connect with parents facing similar challenges, providing both comfort and practical tools for coping.
00:00 Introduction: The Emotional Rollercoaster of Goodbyes
01:40 A Recent Goodbye: My Daughter's Departure
03:13 Navigating the Waves of Emotions
04:02 The First Time They Left: Rediscovering Myself
04:26 The Cycle of Leaving and Returning
06:03 Coping Mechanisms: Distraction vs. Feeling
10:38 Embracing the Emotions: A New Approach
12:04 Self-Compassion and Reflection
16:21 Conclusion: Growing Through Goodbyes
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Music: Purple Planet Music
Thanks to Purple Planet Music for Pickleball & Partnership Intro and Outro music Purple Planet Music is a collection of music written and performed by Chris Martyn and Geoff Harvey.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Charlotte J (00:00):
Have you ever thought you'd already done the
hard goodbye only to findyourself doing it all over
again?
That was my reality yesterday.
My adult child leaves home.
Then they come back for a whileand then they leave again, and
every time it feels like anotherwave crashing over me, the house
(00:25):
feels different.
I feel different, and eventhough I thought I'd get used to
it, the truth is I don't thinkwe ever really do.
Hello, friends, I'm CharlotteJukes, and today I want to
invite you into a really tenderspace, one that so many of us
(00:46):
walk through, but we often don'ttalk about.
Or if we do, it's on a verysuperficial level, and that is
the rollercoaster of emotionswhen our children leave home
again.
This episode isn't aboutpretending to have it all
figured out.
(01:06):
It's about sharing honestly,what this journey feels like for
me, and also how I'm navigatingit differently this time with
more self-compassion, morepresence, and the tools that
I've learned as a coach.
So my hope is that in hearing mystory, you'll feel less alone in
(01:29):
yours.
And maybe even pick up a fewideas that can support you in
whatever goodbyes you arefacing.
So let me take you back to justyesterday.
My middle child, my 26-year-old,I nearly said 25, but it was
(01:50):
actually her birthday last week.
My 26-year-old adventurer, crazyred head, packed up her suitcase
yet again and flew off to Europewith her boyfriend, and in that
moment I felt it all.
(02:11):
I felt the lump in my throat,the ugh, heavy ache in my chest,
the tears that I was trying tohold back.
And when we got back from theairport, the house that
instantly, ugh, I'm choking upnow, instantly felt quieter, and
(02:34):
I caught myself wanting to justget busy to distract myself.
But this time I decided topause.
I decided to actually lean ininstead of rushing past, pushing
down those emotions that werethreatening to bubble up and
(02:57):
overflow.
I decided to sit with theemotions, to really lean into
them, to really feel them.
And that's where I want to startwith you today.
Charlotte Jukes (03:21):
This the pickleball and partnership
podcast, the place to talk.
Talk about building betterconnections with your partner.
Learning how to communicate witheach other and how to inject
fun.
Into your relationship allthrough the game of pickleball.
If that sounds like your cup oftea.
Pull up a chair grab your paddleand join me.
(03:43):
Your host, Charlotte Jukes.
For pickleball and partnership.
Charlotte J (03:55):
So today I'm talking about something that
many of us as parents experiencewhen our adult children leave
home again, and thatrollercoaster of emotions of
saying goodbye only to welcomethem back and then say goodbye
again.
So I want to walk us through, Iwant to walk me through and
(04:18):
please come with me.
What this feels like for me.
How I've learned to sit with thegrief, the loss, the emptiness
instead of rushing past it andthe tools that are helping me to
navigate it.
My hope is that this will serveyou too.
If you are in that season ofletting go, whatever that is,
(04:41):
you are letting go of.
I've gone through this manytimes.
I have three children.
My two eldest daughters haveleft home many times.
My son is still here, but itfeels like every time he leaves
the house or every time he goesto his girlfriends, or every
time he.
(05:03):
Goes on a trip with his friends.
It feels as though he's leaving.
And so all three of them haveleft home many times, and all
three of them have returned thefirst time they all left, it was
exciting for them.
It was exciting for me.
I felt like this was a newchapter in my life and I
(05:26):
approached their leaving withexcitement and eagerness to
discover who I am without mychildren.
It wasn't easy.
It really wasn't easy the firsttime.
There was so much.
Uh, loss that I felt.
There was so much emptiness thatI felt, but there was also
(05:51):
excitement about rediscoveringwho I was without them, without
being mum, who was always thereto pick up the pieces.
And then there was thisin-between time when they
returned and the joy and theroutine and the comfort that we
all fell back into, which wasabsolutely amazing.
(06:15):
But then when they leave again,that's when I experience that
emotional hit again.
And every time they go, I feellike it hits even harder.
The house is just so empty.
My body feels so heavy, and eachtime I notice myself wanting to
(06:41):
distract instead of feel.
I want to be busy.
I want to find that new project.
I need to have something tooccupy my time and occupy my
mind so that I don't allowmyself to feel that incredible
sense of loss, that incredible.
(07:05):
Emptiness and heaviness.
I'm doing it now.
I'm thinking, oh my gosh.
This time last week we weregetting ready to all go and play
golf together, and the fun thatwe had and the craziness of it
all, and even two nights ago, wewere all sitting there at the
(07:26):
long dinner table and there werewhat, seven, eight of us around
the table.
And I sat there and I listenedto, my son talking about.
His interview that he had comingup in a couple of days for a new
job since he's graduated.
I was listening to my eldestdaughter talk about what her
(07:46):
week looked like and how sheabsolutely loved the salmon that
had been cooked by my otherdaughter's boyfriend, who is a
chef and my middle daughtertalking about.
Her kind of music and how sheabsolutely loves this particular
style and wants to play itloudly for everyone and nobody
(08:10):
else can really feel the jibe ofthat music.
And I just took it all in.
I just absorbed it and I was inthe moment and enjoying.
So much each one of them sodifferent.
And my husband trying to get aword in and nobody letting him
speak and him really wanting tooffer his fatherly advice and it
(08:35):
was so.
Touching and so connecting andthere was such this sense of
connection between all of us.
It felt like I really was home.
I mean, I was home and my familywas there, and everyone, my
closest people that I loved wereall there and all having fun and
(09:01):
enjoying the moment and nowtoday, I feel like it's all
gone.
I feel like that carpet has beenpulled from underneath my feet
again, and I think this isnormal.
I'm telling myself this isnormal.
This is what we all feel.
Every Goodbye.
Reopens that place in us thatloves so deeply, and thank
(09:27):
goodness we do love so deeply.
I'm really feeling grateful forthe fact that I have these
amazing human beings in my life,my husband, my children, my
children's partners.
I have so much in my heart thatI share with these beautiful
(09:49):
human beings, and so this isnormal when that changes, when
suddenly, I don't have to unpackthe dishwasher quietly because
they're still sleeping in thenext room, or, I'm sitting there
eating breakfast by myselfwondering why the house.
(10:10):
Feels so quiet.
This is normal.
This is, that normal cycle ofanticipation and grief and
adjustment and renewal.
I mean, huge adjustment and,humans are not good with change.
We know that It is a hugeadjustment.
(10:30):
It's a huge adjustment when theycome home and then we fall into
that routine and that feels likenormal.
And now it's a huge adjustmentwhen they leave again and again,
I'm having to adjust myself tothis new normal, and I think as
parents, as mums.
(10:53):
It's not that once and done.
It's like that rollercoasterwith its ups and downs.
It's like the ocean with itswaves.
It doesn't just happen once andthen we adapt and we adjust and
we evolve.
No, it happens over and over andover.
(11:16):
So what's different for me thistime?
What I'm really leaning into isa way of being with my feelings,
allowing my feelings, and mywork as a coach has really
allowed me to look at thisadjustment and this roller
(11:38):
coaster of emotions in adifferent way instead of finding
ways to distract myself ways topush away those feelings and not
acknowledge them.
I'm now leaning into thoseemotions.
I'm allowing the tears.
(12:00):
I'm allowing myself to feel thatheaviness on my heart and to
really sit with the ache ofspace of loneliness.
I mean, that's what it is.
I'm feeling lonely.
I feel incredibly lonely todaywithout the hustle and the
(12:21):
bustle and the noise, and myhusband's gone back to work.
Yes, I can clean the house anddo the laundry, and strip the
bed and keep myself busy in aphysical way.
But I am also acknowledging thefeelings that are coming up for
(12:42):
me and that incredibleloneliness.
And this time I'm choosing tospeak to myself in a kind way.
Rather than judging myself andsaying things that I used to
say, like, oh, come on, snap outof it, or, come on, you are
(13:03):
stronger than this.
Pull yourself together.
Move on to the next thing.
Do the next thing, be the nextthing.
I'm now speaking kindly tomyself.
I have compassion for the partof me that loves them so
fiercely, so strongly, the partof me that has that connection
(13:26):
with them, that I truly feelblessed to have and that I truly
value.
And so, yes, I'm allowing.
The tears.
I'm allowing the sadness.
I'm allowing the grief.
I'm really feeling into my body.
I'm feeling into the heaviness Ifeel that in my heart space,
(13:51):
around my heart chakra, aroundmy upper chest, into my
shoulders, that lump in mythroat.
I'm allowing all of thosefeelings.
And I'm breathing into thosefeelings.
I'm letting the tears flow.
I'm breathing into everysensation that's coming up in my
(14:14):
body.
I'm grounding myself to bring meback to this present, back to
this moment, and I'm askingmyself, what does this moment
need from me?
So instead of pushing the griefaway, I'm allowing it.
(14:37):
I'm inviting it in like a dearfriend who has something very
special to share with me.
And so I invite you now toperhaps reflect on the same
questions that I'm asking myselfand really thinking about where
(14:59):
in your life are youexperiencing repeated goodbyes
or contemplating a goodbye?
The next goodbye.
And how do you usually cope withthat?
Like me in the past, do you numband distract and rush past it or
(15:21):
me today?
Do you allow space for theemotion to breathe, to be
present, to be here, to let meknow the message that it has for
me?
And I also want to invite you toask yourself, what would
self-compassion look like foryou in those moments?
(15:47):
So if this resonates with, you,know, that you don't have to
navigate these waves alone.
The same tools that I'm applyingin my life are the ones that I
guide my clients through also,and they can support you as I'm
using them to support myself atthis time.
(16:08):
So I invite you to perhapsjournal, perhaps free write
whatever is coming up for youright now.
Maybe you have recently.
Experienced a painful goodbye,or maybe you are about to in the
near future, or maybe like metoday, you are actually going
(16:30):
through that painful feeling,the sensations of loss because
one of my children went off onher big adventure again.
So I would invite you to call afriend up and go and have coffee
and share what you are feelingand also share this episode if
(16:51):
there's someone you know who maybenefit from feeling like
they're not alone.
If they're going throughsomething similar, share this
episode with them So in closing,I want to recap what the key
takeaways are for me today.
Grief shows up in cycles andevery goodbye is another
(17:16):
opportunity to practice love andcompassion for the people we are
saying goodbye to and forourselves as well.
And if you are in the middle ofthis, know that you are not
alone.
I know I'm not alone.
I know there are thousands ofwomen, thousands of mums out
(17:38):
there who are saying goodbye.
In their own ways, for their ownreasons, and know that you are
doing the best that you can.
Every wave is a chance to growin compassion for your children,
for your partners, for yourloved ones, and for yourself.
(18:00):
If you've got something fromthis episode, I invite you to
reach out to me.
I would love to send you apersonal email.
I send out personal emails everySunday, and I would love to send
you a personal email.
So please, reach out to me anddrop me a line and let me know.
If you like this episode, Iwould love to hear from you.
(18:24):
Thanks for listening.
Please tune in next week foranother exciting episode of
Pickleball and partnership.
Remember, we're all learning,growing, and showing up in our
own ways.
And that's what matters most.
Have you ever thought you'd already done the
hard goodbye only to findyourself doing it all over
again?
That was my reality yesterday.
My adult child leaves home.
Then they come back for a whileand then they leave again, and
every time it feels like anotherwave crashing over me, the house
(00:25):
feels different.
I feel different, and eventhough I thought I'd get used to
it, the truth is I don't thinkwe ever really do.
Hello, friends, I'm CharlotteJukes, and today I want to
invite you into a really tenderspace, one that so many of us
(00:46):
walk through, but we often don'ttalk about.
Or if we do, it's on a verysuperficial level, and that is
the rollercoaster of emotionswhen our children leave home
again.
This episode isn't aboutpretending to have it all
figured out.
(01:06):
It's about sharing honestly,what this journey feels like for
me, and also how I'm navigatingit differently this time with
more self-compassion, morepresence, and the tools that
I've learned as a coach.
So my hope is that in hearing mystory, you'll feel less alone in
(01:29):
yours.
And maybe even pick up a fewideas that can support you in
whatever goodbyes you arefacing.
So let me take you back to justyesterday.
My middle child, my 26-year-old,I nearly said 25, but it was
(01:50):
actually her birthday last week.
My 26-year-old adventurer, crazyred head, packed up her suitcase
yet again and flew off to Europewith her boyfriend, and in that
moment I felt it all.
(02:11):
I felt the lump in my throat,the ugh, heavy ache in my chest,
the tears that I was trying tohold back.
And when we got back from theairport, the house that
instantly, ugh, I'm choking upnow, instantly felt quieter, and
(02:34):
I caught myself wanting to justget busy to distract myself.
But this time I decided topause.
I decided to actually lean ininstead of rushing past, pushing
down those emotions that werethreatening to bubble up and
(02:57):
overflow.
I decided to sit with theemotions, to really lean into
them, to really feel them.
And that's where I want to startwith you today.
Charlotte Jukes (03:21):
This the pickleball and partnership
podcast, the place to talk.
Talk about building betterconnections with your partner.
Learning how to communicate witheach other and how to inject
fun.
Into your relationship allthrough the game of pickleball.
If that sounds like your cup oftea.
Pull up a chair grab your paddleand join me.
(03:43):
Your host, Charlotte Jukes.
For pickleball and partnership.
Charlotte J (03:55):
So today I'm talking about something that
many of us as parents experiencewhen our adult children leave
home again, and thatrollercoaster of emotions of
saying goodbye only to welcomethem back and then say goodbye
again.
So I want to walk us through, Iwant to walk me through and
(04:18):
please come with me.
What this feels like for me.
How I've learned to sit with thegrief, the loss, the emptiness
instead of rushing past it andthe tools that are helping me to
navigate it.
My hope is that this will serveyou too.
If you are in that season ofletting go, whatever that is,
(04:41):
you are letting go of.
I've gone through this manytimes.
I have three children.
My two eldest daughters haveleft home many times.
My son is still here, but itfeels like every time he leaves
the house or every time he goesto his girlfriends, or every
time he.
(05:03):
Goes on a trip with his friends.
It feels as though he's leaving.
And so all three of them haveleft home many times, and all
three of them have returned thefirst time they all left, it was
exciting for them.
It was exciting for me.
I felt like this was a newchapter in my life and I
(05:26):
approached their leaving withexcitement and eagerness to
discover who I am without mychildren.
It wasn't easy.
It really wasn't easy the firsttime.
There was so much.
Uh, loss that I felt.
There was so much emptiness thatI felt, but there was also
(05:51):
excitement about rediscoveringwho I was without them, without
being mum, who was always thereto pick up the pieces.
And then there was thisin-between time when they
returned and the joy and theroutine and the comfort that we
all fell back into, which wasabsolutely amazing.
(06:15):
But then when they leave again,that's when I experience that
emotional hit again.
And every time they go, I feellike it hits even harder.
The house is just so empty.
My body feels so heavy, and eachtime I notice myself wanting to
(06:41):
distract instead of feel.
I want to be busy.
I want to find that new project.
I need to have something tooccupy my time and occupy my
mind so that I don't allowmyself to feel that incredible
sense of loss, that incredible.
(07:05):
Emptiness and heaviness.
I'm doing it now.
I'm thinking, oh my gosh.
This time last week we weregetting ready to all go and play
golf together, and the fun thatwe had and the craziness of it
all, and even two nights ago, wewere all sitting there at the
(07:26):
long dinner table and there werewhat, seven, eight of us around
the table.
And I sat there and I listenedto, my son talking about.
His interview that he had comingup in a couple of days for a new
job since he's graduated.
I was listening to my eldestdaughter talk about what her
(07:46):
week looked like and how sheabsolutely loved the salmon that
had been cooked by my otherdaughter's boyfriend, who is a
chef and my middle daughtertalking about.
Her kind of music and how sheabsolutely loves this particular
style and wants to play itloudly for everyone and nobody
(08:10):
else can really feel the jibe ofthat music.
And I just took it all in.
I just absorbed it and I was inthe moment and enjoying.
So much each one of them sodifferent.
And my husband trying to get aword in and nobody letting him
speak and him really wanting tooffer his fatherly advice and it
(08:35):
was so.
Touching and so connecting andthere was such this sense of
connection between all of us.
It felt like I really was home.
I mean, I was home and my familywas there, and everyone, my
closest people that I loved wereall there and all having fun and
(09:01):
enjoying the moment and nowtoday, I feel like it's all
gone.
I feel like that carpet has beenpulled from underneath my feet
again, and I think this isnormal.
I'm telling myself this isnormal.
This is what we all feel.
Every Goodbye.
Reopens that place in us thatloves so deeply, and thank
(09:27):
goodness we do love so deeply.
I'm really feeling grateful forthe fact that I have these
amazing human beings in my life,my husband, my children, my
children's partners.
I have so much in my heart thatI share with these beautiful
(09:49):
human beings, and so this isnormal when that changes, when
suddenly, I don't have to unpackthe dishwasher quietly because
they're still sleeping in thenext room, or, I'm sitting there
eating breakfast by myselfwondering why the house.
(10:10):
Feels so quiet.
This is normal.
This is, that normal cycle ofanticipation and grief and
adjustment and renewal.
I mean, huge adjustment and,humans are not good with change.
We know that It is a hugeadjustment.
(10:30):
It's a huge adjustment when theycome home and then we fall into
that routine and that feels likenormal.
And now it's a huge adjustmentwhen they leave again and again,
I'm having to adjust myself tothis new normal, and I think as
parents, as mums.
(10:53):
It's not that once and done.
It's like that rollercoasterwith its ups and downs.
It's like the ocean with itswaves.
It doesn't just happen once andthen we adapt and we adjust and
we evolve.
No, it happens over and over andover.
(11:16):
So what's different for me thistime?
What I'm really leaning into isa way of being with my feelings,
allowing my feelings, and mywork as a coach has really
allowed me to look at thisadjustment and this roller
(11:38):
coaster of emotions in adifferent way instead of finding
ways to distract myself ways topush away those feelings and not
acknowledge them.
I'm now leaning into thoseemotions.
I'm allowing the tears.
(12:00):
I'm allowing myself to feel thatheaviness on my heart and to
really sit with the ache ofspace of loneliness.
I mean, that's what it is.
I'm feeling lonely.
I feel incredibly lonely todaywithout the hustle and the
(12:21):
bustle and the noise, and myhusband's gone back to work.
Yes, I can clean the house anddo the laundry, and strip the
bed and keep myself busy in aphysical way.
But I am also acknowledging thefeelings that are coming up for
(12:42):
me and that incredibleloneliness.
And this time I'm choosing tospeak to myself in a kind way.
Rather than judging myself andsaying things that I used to
say, like, oh, come on, snap outof it, or, come on, you are
(13:03):
stronger than this.
Pull yourself together.
Move on to the next thing.
Do the next thing, be the nextthing.
I'm now speaking kindly tomyself.
I have compassion for the partof me that loves them so
fiercely, so strongly, the partof me that has that connection
(13:26):
with them, that I truly feelblessed to have and that I truly
value.
And so, yes, I'm allowing.
The tears.
I'm allowing the sadness.
I'm allowing the grief.
I'm really feeling into my body.
I'm feeling into the heaviness Ifeel that in my heart space,
(13:51):
around my heart chakra, aroundmy upper chest, into my
shoulders, that lump in mythroat.
I'm allowing all of thosefeelings.
And I'm breathing into thosefeelings.
I'm letting the tears flow.
I'm breathing into everysensation that's coming up in my
(14:14):
body.
I'm grounding myself to bring meback to this present, back to
this moment, and I'm askingmyself, what does this moment
need from me?
So instead of pushing the griefaway, I'm allowing it.
(14:37):
I'm inviting it in like a dearfriend who has something very
special to share with me.
And so I invite you now toperhaps reflect on the same
questions that I'm asking myselfand really thinking about where
(14:59):
in your life are youexperiencing repeated goodbyes
or contemplating a goodbye?
The next goodbye.
And how do you usually cope withthat?
Like me in the past, do you numband distract and rush past it or
(15:21):
me today?
Do you allow space for theemotion to breathe, to be
present, to be here, to let meknow the message that it has for
me?
And I also want to invite you toask yourself, what would
self-compassion look like foryou in those moments?
(15:47):
So if this resonates with, you,know, that you don't have to
navigate these waves alone.
The same tools that I'm applyingin my life are the ones that I
guide my clients through also,and they can support you as I'm
using them to support myself atthis time.
(16:08):
So I invite you to perhapsjournal, perhaps free write
whatever is coming up for youright now.
Maybe you have recently.
Experienced a painful goodbye,or maybe you are about to in the
near future, or maybe like metoday, you are actually going
(16:30):
through that painful feeling,the sensations of loss because
one of my children went off onher big adventure again.
So I would invite you to call afriend up and go and have coffee
and share what you are feelingand also share this episode if
(16:51):
there's someone you know who maybenefit from feeling like
they're not alone.
If they're going throughsomething similar, share this
episode with them So in closing,I want to recap what the key
takeaways are for me today.
Grief shows up in cycles andevery goodbye is another
(17:16):
opportunity to practice love andcompassion for the people we are
saying goodbye to and forourselves as well.
And if you are in the middle ofthis, know that you are not
alone.
I know I'm not alone.
I know there are thousands ofwomen, thousands of mums out
(17:38):
there who are saying goodbye.
In their own ways, for their ownreasons, and know that you are
doing the best that you can.
Every wave is a chance to growin compassion for your children,
for your partners, for yourloved ones, and for yourself.
(18:00):
If you've got something fromthis episode, I invite you to
reach out to me.
I would love to send you apersonal email.
I send out personal emails everySunday, and I would love to send
you a personal email.
So please, reach out to me anddrop me a line and let me know.
If you like this episode, Iwould love to hear from you.
(18:24):
Thanks for listening.
Please tune in next week foranother exciting episode of
Pickleball and partnership.
Remember, we're all learning,growing, and showing up in our
own ways.
And that's what matters most.
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