September 10, 2025 • 22 mins
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In this episode, Vanisha R. Dailey explores the complexities of sexuality, focusing on bisexuality and the societal challenges faced by bisexual individuals. She discusses the importance of bisexual awareness, the history of Bi Visibility Day, and the misconceptions surrounding bisexuality. The conversation delves into the impact of heteronormativity and cultural hegemony on sexual identity, as well as the unique struggles faced by bisexual people. Vanisha shares personal reflections on her own sexual identity and emphasizes the importance of community and living authentically.
---------------------
Velasco, J., Miranda-Tena, A. & Sanmartín, F.J. Bisexual Discrimination, Internalized Binegativity and their Impact on Mental Health. Sex Res Soc Policy 21, 1100–1111 (2024). https://doi.org/10.1007/s13178-024-00990-9
https://guides.library.unt.edu/LGBTQ/biweek
Queerness in Nature
https://equalitytexas.org/blog/queerness-in-nature-is-all-around-us/
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 01 (00:01):
You are now tuned into Vanisha R Dailey.
Please say the daily.
(00:21):
Ha ha ha.
Hey, hey, y'all.
Welcome back to another episodeof Please Say the Daile y with
your host, moi, Vanisha R.
Dailey.
This is the 11th episode, andI'm going to keep it short,
(00:45):
sweet, and straight to the pointbecause we are going to talk
about sexuality today.
Did y'all catch that unintendedpun?
That's one thing to know aboutme.
I am the queen of punning.
So if you're new here, I have aBA in sociology with a focus in
environmental and naturalresources.
And I'm currently a gradstudent studying digital
(01:08):
sociology.
And today, we'll break down thereasons why bisexual awareness
is necessary and delve into howour society impacts how people
navigate their sexual identity.
I think it's time that I sharea little of my own story as
well.
Also, keep your ears openduring this episode because I
(01:29):
plan to include some first-timedetails Let's get into it.
Happy Bisexual VisibilityMonth! There are actually
(02:09):
multiple timeframes that arecelebrated throughout this
month.
There is Bi-Visibility Week onSeptember 17th through the 23rd,
and then the last day of thatweek, September 23rd, is
Bi-Visibility Day.
So the all-encompassingcelebration month for bisexual
awareness is September.
This month completely embracesbisexuality, pride, and
(02:33):
awareness.
And I know there's someone outthere already scoffing, thinking
that this is some new Gen Zcreation, but it's not.
It was the year of 1990 in SanFrancisco when they had
initially talked about making anofficial day for bisexual
awareness.
But unfortunately, theirinitial plan of creating that
day was not set in stone untilthe year of 99, when the
(02:56):
International Lesbian and GayAssociation Conference was held
in South Africa.
This is where Bi Visibility Daywas officially created by three
Americans, Wendy Curry, MichaelPage, and Gigi Raven Wilbur,
all of whom are bisexual, andthe other special dates for
visibility eventually followed.
(03:17):
So this episode about sexualitywas inspired by something that
someone said to me.
They told me that beingheterosexual, aka straight, was,
of course, the normal way tobe.
It was such an interestingcomment that just so happened to
come about after at the perfecttime for me to ponder on.
(03:37):
Because I had just finishedreading this epic article that
was assigned for one of myclasses entitled, Queerness in
Nature is All Around Us, wherethey speak on countless
scientific discoveries andexamples of sexuality, gender,
and sex diversity within theanimal kingdom.
From same-gender partnershipsin tortoises to clownfish's
(04:00):
ability to change genders andeven how dolphins have sex for
pleasure, like humans withoutthe goal of reproduction in
mind.
All of these cases made mewonder, why would we ever think
that humans, who are alsoanimals, are exempt from this
discussion of being organicallyqueer?
(04:21):
Bisexual people are actuallythe largest group within the
LGBTQIA plus community, and manyof us identify with other terms
that fall under the category ofbeing bi.
For example, I self-identify asqueer first, but I am also bi.
The term pansexual fits too.
(04:42):
And then there are demisexualsand sexually fluid people out
there, as well as many otherterms that you'll have to look
up the definitions for on yourown terms.
Ha! Another pun! It really justdepends on what suits you and
your identity in the moment,because trust and believe I have
(05:03):
had my own journey with labels.
But let me give you a reallygreat quote on what I believe it
means to be bisexual.
I call myself bisexual becauseI acknowledge that I have in
myself the potential to beattracted romantically and or
sexually to people of more thanone gender, not necessarily at
(05:26):
the same time, in the same way,or to the same degree.
These are the words ofRobyn Och s, who is an activist
and writer on sexual identity,specifically bisexuality, and I
could not agree more.
But even though she stated thatso eloquently and precisely,
the unfortunate part is thatpeople who identify as bisexual
(05:50):
receive a lot of heat andmisconceptions from not just
straight people, but the LGBTQcommunity as well.
In a study conducted by theDepartment of Psychology,
University of Corduba,Corduba, España (Spain) They
found a positive correlationbetween what they're calling
bi-negativity, which is thediscrimination from
(06:12):
heterosexual, gay, and lesbiancommunities onto bi people and
their mental health.
Their findings concluded thatbisexual people experience more
depression, anxiety, and thatthere's a major need for social
support within theircommunities.
So this is why BisexualVisibility Month is imperative.
(06:33):
The European Institute forGender Equality mentions that,
quote, heteronormativity is whatmakes heterosexuality seem
coherent, natural, andprivileged.
It involves the assumptionsthat everyone is naturally
heterosexual and thatheterosexuality is an ideal
(06:54):
superior to homosexuality orbisexuality, end quote.
This is how compulsoryheteronormativity, also known as
comphet, for short, comes intoplay.
This is a term that was coinedby academic and feminist
Adrienne Rich in her 1980 essayentitled Compulsory
(07:14):
Heterosexuality and LesbianExistence.
The term comphet is all abouthow heterosexuality is the
default sexuality of themajority.
It's assumed and pushed ontoeveryone.
This is all a patriarchaldevelopment of centering men.
Many people have falselybelieved that comphet is a term
(07:36):
for just the lesbian experience,but it's not, because even
straight people experience this.
Let me give you some examplesof what it looks like.
When people assume that a childwill get married to the
opposite gender, have atraditional family, and have
children?
Or what about how religionimposes heterosexuality and
(07:57):
demonizes one for being gay orlesbian?
Or that people ask youngchildren, typically little boys,
whether they have a girlfriendor not.
Remember the movie My Girl,where Veda and Thomas J.
kissed?
Now granted, it was a littlepeck on the lips, nothing crazy,
but they were both 11 yearsold.
old when they starred in thatmovie.
(08:18):
How would people have reactedto seeing two boys or two girls
giving each other a little peckon the lips?
Hmm.
All the Disney movies where theprincess has to be saved and
swept away by her Frenchcharming, often ending in a
kiss.
Side note, but definitelyrelevant to this conversation, I
(08:40):
took a really interesting classduring undergrad that was
called Disney, Race, Gender, andEmpire.
Stay with me.
We had to watch and analyze allof the popular Disney movies
from Cinderella, Snow White,Beauty and the Beast, The Little
Mermaid, old and new versions.
And then we had to analyze anddiscuss all of the forms of
(09:01):
racism, toxic masculinity,heteronormative frameworks,
classism, and really just all ofthe harmful ways that
patriarchal practices have beenso embedded within these movies.
Something as harmless as or sowe've been taught to think
Disney movies are, but theyactually heavily perpetuate the
(09:22):
compulsory heteronormativityassumptions that I'm talking
about right here.
I remember re-watching thesemovies and being completely
shocked and appalled by how allof these not-so-subtle messages
are right there in the moviesthat are predominantly watched
by young children.
And at this point, there's noway to deny the fact that people
(09:45):
are heavily influenced by themedia, especially young children
who are literal sponges towhatever they're being exposed
to.
The amount of full-blownflirtation being shown to
children, aggressive meanbullying behavior, violence, and
the very persistent chasinghabits of some of these male
(10:06):
characters was wild.
Because had these situationstaken place in real life, it
would have been sexual assault.
Anyway, let me bring it backin.
I always find this conversationto be hilarious because this is
exactly what we hear manyconservatives blame the LGBTQ
community for, or as they liketo call it, the gay agenda,
(10:28):
which for the record is not anactual thing.
Because what I really want toknow is, where was that same
energy with all theseheterosexual norms y'all been
shoving down our throats?
Or is that not a concernbecause it's heterosexual norms?
Because it's really givenheterosexual agenda, actually.
Oop.
Look, we already know thatsexuality is a very complex
(10:53):
conversation, and it doesn'thelp that people have been
taught to believe thatheteronormativity is not just
the right way to be, but theonly way that we should be.
There is a sociological termcalled cultural hegemony, which
describes how dominance andruling power is achieved by way
(11:13):
of ideological or culturalmeans.
Social institutions are an easyway for those in power to set
specific values, beliefs, andnorms throughout sociopolitical
spaces.
And those individuals in power,the ones on top, they have one
mission, and that is to get thepopulation to willingly abide by
(11:35):
those superficial standardsthat have been set, leading the
masses to believe that therearen't any other ways for one to
exist in society outside ofthat standard.
Religion, heteronormativity,and the practice of doing gender
are just a few of the manyexamples of this.
But these teachings have ledthe majority of us to be
(11:56):
socialized into stricttraditional norms before we're
even able to babble a sound.
It's the conditioning ofindividuals before we're even
cognitively conscious.
Then, because of what we weretaught, many people will lead
with the conviction thateverything that we do has to
(12:17):
align with our gender insociety.
If you are a man, you have tobe masculine and you can only
like women.
And if you are a woman, youhave to be feminine and you can
only be attracted to men.
So where does that leave peoplewho don't satisfy those
requirements?
When the discussion of bisexualmen comes about, they are not
(12:41):
viewed as bisexual.
They're viewed as gay and theirattraction to women is
completely ignored.
They get robbed of having aqueer identity.
Men aren't given the space norgrace to explore their
sexuality.
A man could date mostly womenhis entire life, have sexual
experiences with women as well,but if he shares any level of
(13:04):
intimacy with a man, let's sayit happened once in his past and
he eventually married a woman,he would still be viewed as gay
even if he's married to a woman.
Now that I think about it, thisreminds me of a thread post of
mine that a woman commented on.
She called herself schooling meon the topic of sexuality by
(13:25):
stating that bisexual men arehomosexuals.
And that's a supreme example ofmy point.
Homosexuality actually refersto a person that has an
attraction emotionally,romantically, or sexually with
the same gender.
And bisexuality is that sametype of attraction, but with
(13:47):
more than than one gender.
The terms homosexuality andbisexuality are not
interchangeable.
They are two different things.
How many times have wewitnessed a man that is in a
relationship with a woman, andwe hear people make comments
about him being gay just becausehe may not be super
(14:08):
masculinized?
Personally, I have no issuewith a person questioning one's
sexuality, depending on how theygo about it, of course.
But the The problem here isthat too many people don't give
space for the possibility ofqueerness or bisexuality to
exist.
This is bi-erasure.
And those same people will havethe audacity to be mad when
(14:31):
these men don't feel safe enoughto be honest about who they are
to their partners, or they feellike they have to hide parts of
themselves, being on thedown-low or DL about their
sexuality.
It's because they receive somuch hostility from people in
their lives and society butpeople can only focus on the
fact that they're not beinghonest in their relationships
(14:53):
with women.
And while I can get how that'sproblematic, we can't possibly
think that ignoring the root ofthe problem will somehow make
the issue of DL men disappear.
Listen, this will continue tobe an issue until we learn how
to do away with being homophobictoward these individuals and
(15:14):
simply accept them for who theyare entirely, Now, as far as
bisexual women, we do share alot of the same struggles as the
men.
But bi women are heavilyfetishized and often given a
pass to be sexually fluid.
But that's only when it'sperformative for the male gaze.
(15:37):
Like those women that'll put ona full-blown show with their
bestie at a party while guyswatch and cheer and then come to
find out she's not actuallyinto women like that.
Or what about the pornindustry, that's a major one.
If a guy is with an openlybisexual woman, a lot of people
will often assume that the manis benefiting from that dynamic.
(15:59):
But if it's a seriouswoman-to-woman relationship,
it's not usually respected ortaken seriously.
People look at bisexual womenand think it's just a phase, or
as I've heard people mention,well, they always end up
marrying men.
So were they ever reallybisexual to begin with?
I mean, I know of a couple ofwomen who are queer or bisexual,
(16:23):
and they felt pressured tofollow societal norms by
settling down with a man, whichis viewed as the safe option to
avoid societal scrutiny.
But that's not the case forevery bisexual woman who ends up
with a man.
And here's the thing.
Even if they did pick ahetero-presenting relationship
with that purpose in mind, thatstill doesn't have an influence
(16:46):
on their sexuality.
As I've previously covered inmy fifth episode of this podcast
where I discussed sexualidentities, just because you're
in a heterosexual-presentingrelationship does not always
mean that you are a heterosexualperson.
It doesn't matter how longyou've been together.
A person's relationship doesnot always coincide with their
(17:10):
sexual identity.
Do you know how many people arebisexual, but they're in a
lesbian, gay, or in my case,heterosexual- Don't assume you
know a person's sexualorientation based off of who
they're with, because even ifthey were a single person, their
sexual identity would stillexist outside of that
(17:31):
relationship as well, just likestraight people.
Moving right along, I'm sureyou all have heard the argument
that LGBTQ people are not bornthat way, like gay, lesbian,
bisexual people, etc.
have chosen to live their livesthat way.
So if this is what you believe,I have a question for you.
(17:53):
When did you choose yoursexuality?
When did you choose to be astraight person?
Because as far as my ownexperience around my sexuality,
it may surprise some of you toknow that I've always been a
bisexual person.
As far back as I can remember,which is the age of four, I can
(18:16):
vividly remember being indaycare and having an innocent
liking for both genders.
I never thought twice about itbecause it's always been a very
natural and normal thing in myworld.
And maybe you're afraid of howpeople will take that
information in, the best advicethat I can give you is to really
lean into being unbothered.
(18:38):
You don't have to have some bigcoming out story.
You should be able to live yourlife openly.
People will always have anopinion about what the next
person is doing.
Who cares?
You deserve the space to liveyour life authentically.
What Glorilla say?
Because at the end of the day,the day got to end.
No, but seriously, this is iswhy y'all hear me harp on and on
(19:04):
about community.
People in general needcommunity, but it's imperative
for marginalized groups ofpeople because the world can
just be so ugly to those thatchoose to go against the grain.
Find your people, the peoplethat love you for you, and do
away with or create distance andboundaries for the Thank you.
(19:34):
Oh, this just might be myfavorite episode yet.
Actually, I can only imaginethe comments that I'm going to
receive about this episode.
But I look forward to hearingall about your thoughts and
opinions on the discussion thatwe had today.
I would really love to hearabout your personal experiences
(19:56):
navigating your own sexualidentity as well.
If you'd like to join in on theconversation, just click the
hyperlink in the description boxto leave a comment.
And of course, you know you canalways catch up with me on
Instagram.
@ VanishaRDailey.
Shoot me a DM.
I appreciate you all for tuningin.
And as always, make sure youfollow and share this episode
(20:18):
with one of your friends outthere because I'm sure there are
many people that can relate tothis.
Until next time.
You are now tuned into Vanisha R Dailey.
Please say the daily.
(00:21):
Ha ha ha.
Hey, hey, y'all.
Welcome back to another episodeof Please Say the Daile y with
your host, moi, Vanisha R.
Dailey.
This is the 11th episode, andI'm going to keep it short,
(00:45):
sweet, and straight to the pointbecause we are going to talk
about sexuality today.
Did y'all catch that unintendedpun?
That's one thing to know aboutme.
I am the queen of punning.
So if you're new here, I have aBA in sociology with a focus in
environmental and naturalresources.
And I'm currently a gradstudent studying digital
(01:08):
sociology.
And today, we'll break down thereasons why bisexual awareness
is necessary and delve into howour society impacts how people
navigate their sexual identity.
I think it's time that I sharea little of my own story as
well.
Also, keep your ears openduring this episode because I
(01:29):
plan to include some first-timedetails Let's get into it.
Happy Bisexual VisibilityMonth! There are actually
(02:09):
multiple timeframes that arecelebrated throughout this
month.
There is Bi-Visibility Week onSeptember 17th through the 23rd,
and then the last day of thatweek, September 23rd, is
Bi-Visibility Day.
So the all-encompassingcelebration month for bisexual
awareness is September.
This month completely embracesbisexuality, pride, and
(02:33):
awareness.
And I know there's someone outthere already scoffing, thinking
that this is some new Gen Zcreation, but it's not.
It was the year of 1990 in SanFrancisco when they had
initially talked about making anofficial day for bisexual
awareness.
But unfortunately, theirinitial plan of creating that
day was not set in stone untilthe year of 99, when the
(02:56):
International Lesbian and GayAssociation Conference was held
in South Africa.
This is where Bi Visibility Daywas officially created by three
Americans, Wendy Curry, MichaelPage, and Gigi Raven Wilbur,
all of whom are bisexual, andthe other special dates for
visibility eventually followed.
(03:17):
So this episode about sexualitywas inspired by something that
someone said to me.
They told me that beingheterosexual, aka straight, was,
of course, the normal way tobe.
It was such an interestingcomment that just so happened to
come about after at the perfecttime for me to ponder on.
(03:37):
Because I had just finishedreading this epic article that
was assigned for one of myclasses entitled, Queerness in
Nature is All Around Us, wherethey speak on countless
scientific discoveries andexamples of sexuality, gender,
and sex diversity within theanimal kingdom.
From same-gender partnershipsin tortoises to clownfish's
(04:00):
ability to change genders andeven how dolphins have sex for
pleasure, like humans withoutthe goal of reproduction in
mind.
All of these cases made mewonder, why would we ever think
that humans, who are alsoanimals, are exempt from this
discussion of being organicallyqueer?
(04:21):
Bisexual people are actuallythe largest group within the
LGBTQIA plus community, and manyof us identify with other terms
that fall under the category ofbeing bi.
For example, I self-identify asqueer first, but I am also bi.
The term pansexual fits too.
(04:42):
And then there are demisexualsand sexually fluid people out
there, as well as many otherterms that you'll have to look
up the definitions for on yourown terms.
Ha! Another pun! It really justdepends on what suits you and
your identity in the moment,because trust and believe I have
(05:03):
had my own journey with labels.
But let me give you a reallygreat quote on what I believe it
means to be bisexual.
I call myself bisexual becauseI acknowledge that I have in
myself the potential to beattracted romantically and or
sexually to people of more thanone gender, not necessarily at
(05:26):
the same time, in the same way,or to the same degree.
These are the words ofRobyn Och s, who is an activist
and writer on sexual identity,specifically bisexuality, and I
could not agree more.
But even though she stated thatso eloquently and precisely,
the unfortunate part is thatpeople who identify as bisexual
(05:50):
receive a lot of heat andmisconceptions from not just
straight people, but the LGBTQcommunity as well.
In a study conducted by theDepartment of Psychology,
University of Corduba,Corduba, España (Spain) They
found a positive correlationbetween what they're calling
bi-negativity, which is thediscrimination from
(06:12):
heterosexual, gay, and lesbiancommunities onto bi people and
their mental health.
Their findings concluded thatbisexual people experience more
depression, anxiety, and thatthere's a major need for social
support within theircommunities.
So this is why BisexualVisibility Month is imperative.
(06:33):
The European Institute forGender Equality mentions that,
quote, heteronormativity is whatmakes heterosexuality seem
coherent, natural, andprivileged.
It involves the assumptionsthat everyone is naturally
heterosexual and thatheterosexuality is an ideal
(06:54):
superior to homosexuality orbisexuality, end quote.
This is how compulsoryheteronormativity, also known as
comphet, for short, comes intoplay.
This is a term that was coinedby academic and feminist
Adrienne Rich in her 1980 essayentitled Compulsory
(07:14):
Heterosexuality and LesbianExistence.
The term comphet is all abouthow heterosexuality is the
default sexuality of themajority.
It's assumed and pushed ontoeveryone.
This is all a patriarchaldevelopment of centering men.
Many people have falselybelieved that comphet is a term
(07:36):
for just the lesbian experience,but it's not, because even
straight people experience this.
Let me give you some examplesof what it looks like.
When people assume that a childwill get married to the
opposite gender, have atraditional family, and have
children?
Or what about how religionimposes heterosexuality and
(07:57):
demonizes one for being gay orlesbian?
Or that people ask youngchildren, typically little boys,
whether they have a girlfriendor not.
Remember the movie My Girl,where Veda and Thomas J.
kissed?
Now granted, it was a littlepeck on the lips, nothing crazy,
but they were both 11 yearsold.
old when they starred in thatmovie.
(08:18):
How would people have reactedto seeing two boys or two girls
giving each other a little peckon the lips?
Hmm.
All the Disney movies where theprincess has to be saved and
swept away by her Frenchcharming, often ending in a
kiss.
Side note, but definitelyrelevant to this conversation, I
(08:40):
took a really interesting classduring undergrad that was
called Disney, Race, Gender, andEmpire.
Stay with me.
We had to watch and analyze allof the popular Disney movies
from Cinderella, Snow White,Beauty and the Beast, The Little
Mermaid, old and new versions.
And then we had to analyze anddiscuss all of the forms of
(09:01):
racism, toxic masculinity,heteronormative frameworks,
classism, and really just all ofthe harmful ways that
patriarchal practices have beenso embedded within these movies.
Something as harmless as or sowe've been taught to think
Disney movies are, but theyactually heavily perpetuate the
(09:22):
compulsory heteronormativityassumptions that I'm talking
about right here.
I remember re-watching thesemovies and being completely
shocked and appalled by how allof these not-so-subtle messages
are right there in the moviesthat are predominantly watched
by young children.
And at this point, there's noway to deny the fact that people
(09:45):
are heavily influenced by themedia, especially young children
who are literal sponges towhatever they're being exposed
to.
The amount of full-blownflirtation being shown to
children, aggressive meanbullying behavior, violence, and
the very persistent chasinghabits of some of these male
(10:06):
characters was wild.
Because had these situationstaken place in real life, it
would have been sexual assault.
Anyway, let me bring it backin.
I always find this conversationto be hilarious because this is
exactly what we hear manyconservatives blame the LGBTQ
community for, or as they liketo call it, the gay agenda,
(10:28):
which for the record is not anactual thing.
Because what I really want toknow is, where was that same
energy with all theseheterosexual norms y'all been
shoving down our throats?
Or is that not a concernbecause it's heterosexual norms?
Because it's really givenheterosexual agenda, actually.
Oop.
Look, we already know thatsexuality is a very complex
(10:53):
conversation, and it doesn'thelp that people have been
taught to believe thatheteronormativity is not just
the right way to be, but theonly way that we should be.
There is a sociological termcalled cultural hegemony, which
describes how dominance andruling power is achieved by way
(11:13):
of ideological or culturalmeans.
Social institutions are an easyway for those in power to set
specific values, beliefs, andnorms throughout sociopolitical
spaces.
And those individuals in power,the ones on top, they have one
mission, and that is to get thepopulation to willingly abide by
(11:35):
those superficial standardsthat have been set, leading the
masses to believe that therearen't any other ways for one to
exist in society outside ofthat standard.
Religion, heteronormativity,and the practice of doing gender
are just a few of the manyexamples of this.
But these teachings have ledthe majority of us to be
(11:56):
socialized into stricttraditional norms before we're
even able to babble a sound.
It's the conditioning ofindividuals before we're even
cognitively conscious.
Then, because of what we weretaught, many people will lead
with the conviction thateverything that we do has to
(12:17):
align with our gender insociety.
If you are a man, you have tobe masculine and you can only
like women.
And if you are a woman, youhave to be feminine and you can
only be attracted to men.
So where does that leave peoplewho don't satisfy those
requirements?
When the discussion of bisexualmen comes about, they are not
(12:41):
viewed as bisexual.
They're viewed as gay and theirattraction to women is
completely ignored.
They get robbed of having aqueer identity.
Men aren't given the space norgrace to explore their
sexuality.
A man could date mostly womenhis entire life, have sexual
experiences with women as well,but if he shares any level of
(13:04):
intimacy with a man, let's sayit happened once in his past and
he eventually married a woman,he would still be viewed as gay
even if he's married to a woman.
Now that I think about it, thisreminds me of a thread post of
mine that a woman commented on.
She called herself schooling meon the topic of sexuality by
(13:25):
stating that bisexual men arehomosexuals.
And that's a supreme example ofmy point.
Homosexuality actually refersto a person that has an
attraction emotionally,romantically, or sexually with
the same gender.
And bisexuality is that sametype of attraction, but with
(13:47):
more than than one gender.
The terms homosexuality andbisexuality are not
interchangeable.
They are two different things.
How many times have wewitnessed a man that is in a
relationship with a woman, andwe hear people make comments
about him being gay just becausehe may not be super
(14:08):
masculinized?
Personally, I have no issuewith a person questioning one's
sexuality, depending on how theygo about it, of course.
But the The problem here isthat too many people don't give
space for the possibility ofqueerness or bisexuality to
exist.
This is bi-erasure.
And those same people will havethe audacity to be mad when
(14:31):
these men don't feel safe enoughto be honest about who they are
to their partners, or they feellike they have to hide parts of
themselves, being on thedown-low or DL about their
sexuality.
It's because they receive somuch hostility from people in
their lives and society butpeople can only focus on the
fact that they're not beinghonest in their relationships
(14:53):
with women.
And while I can get how that'sproblematic, we can't possibly
think that ignoring the root ofthe problem will somehow make
the issue of DL men disappear.
Listen, this will continue tobe an issue until we learn how
to do away with being homophobictoward these individuals and
(15:14):
simply accept them for who theyare entirely, Now, as far as
bisexual women, we do share alot of the same struggles as the
men.
But bi women are heavilyfetishized and often given a
pass to be sexually fluid.
But that's only when it'sperformative for the male gaze.
(15:37):
Like those women that'll put ona full-blown show with their
bestie at a party while guyswatch and cheer and then come to
find out she's not actuallyinto women like that.
Or what about the pornindustry, that's a major one.
If a guy is with an openlybisexual woman, a lot of people
will often assume that the manis benefiting from that dynamic.
(15:59):
But if it's a seriouswoman-to-woman relationship,
it's not usually respected ortaken seriously.
People look at bisexual womenand think it's just a phase, or
as I've heard people mention,well, they always end up
marrying men.
So were they ever reallybisexual to begin with?
I mean, I know of a couple ofwomen who are queer or bisexual,
(16:23):
and they felt pressured tofollow societal norms by
settling down with a man, whichis viewed as the safe option to
avoid societal scrutiny.
But that's not the case forevery bisexual woman who ends up
with a man.
And here's the thing.
Even if they did pick ahetero-presenting relationship
with that purpose in mind, thatstill doesn't have an influence
(16:46):
on their sexuality.
As I've previously covered inmy fifth episode of this podcast
where I discussed sexualidentities, just because you're
in a heterosexual-presentingrelationship does not always
mean that you are a heterosexualperson.
It doesn't matter how longyou've been together.
A person's relationship doesnot always coincide with their
(17:10):
sexual identity.
Do you know how many people arebisexual, but they're in a
lesbian, gay, or in my case,heterosexual- Don't assume you
know a person's sexualorientation based off of who
they're with, because even ifthey were a single person, their
sexual identity would stillexist outside of that
(17:31):
relationship as well, just likestraight people.
Moving right along, I'm sureyou all have heard the argument
that LGBTQ people are not bornthat way, like gay, lesbian,
bisexual people, etc.
have chosen to live their livesthat way.
So if this is what you believe,I have a question for you.
(17:53):
When did you choose yoursexuality?
When did you choose to be astraight person?
Because as far as my ownexperience around my sexuality,
it may surprise some of you toknow that I've always been a
bisexual person.
As far back as I can remember,which is the age of four, I can
(18:16):
vividly remember being indaycare and having an innocent
liking for both genders.
I never thought twice about itbecause it's always been a very
natural and normal thing in myworld.
And maybe you're afraid of howpeople will take that
information in, the best advicethat I can give you is to really
lean into being unbothered.
(18:38):
You don't have to have some bigcoming out story.
You should be able to live yourlife openly.
People will always have anopinion about what the next
person is doing.
Who cares?
You deserve the space to liveyour life authentically.
What Glorilla say?
Because at the end of the day,the day got to end.
No, but seriously, this is iswhy y'all hear me harp on and on
(19:04):
about community.
People in general needcommunity, but it's imperative
for marginalized groups ofpeople because the world can
just be so ugly to those thatchoose to go against the grain.
Find your people, the peoplethat love you for you, and do
away with or create distance andboundaries for the Thank you.
(19:34):
Oh, this just might be myfavorite episode yet.
Actually, I can only imaginethe comments that I'm going to
receive about this episode.
But I look forward to hearingall about your thoughts and
opinions on the discussion thatwe had today.
I would really love to hearabout your personal experiences
(19:56):
navigating your own sexualidentity as well.
If you'd like to join in on theconversation, just click the
hyperlink in the description boxto leave a comment.
And of course, you know you canalways catch up with me on
Instagram.
@ VanishaRDailey.
Shoot me a DM.
I appreciate you all for tuningin.
And as always, make sure youfollow and share this episode
(20:18):
with one of your friends outthere because I'm sure there are
many people that can relate tothis.
Until next time.
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