April 27, 2025 • 28 mins
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In this episode, Vanisha R. Dailey delves into the serious topics of maternal health, community support, and the unique challenges faced by Black mothers. She shares her personal birth story, highlighting the systemic issues in maternal healthcare and the importance of community in navigating motherhood. The conversation emphasizes the need for societal support and understanding of diverse parenting experiences, including those of LGBTQ individuals and the intersectionality of identity in motherhood.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
You
SPEAKER_02 (00:12):
are now tuned into Venetia R Daily.
Please say the daily.
Hey, hey, y'all.
(00:32):
Welcome back.
This is episode seven of PleaseSay the Daily.
I am your host, Venetia R.
Daly.
And as promised, I told y'all Iwould be dropping two episodes
this weekend.
I know I've been gone for aminute.
Now I'm back with a jump off.
But let's shift the energy a bitbecause this will feature more
(00:54):
serious topics pertaining tomaternal health, motherhood,
community, and in the lastsection, I'll even share a bit
of my own birth story.
So let's get into it.
(01:15):
If you're new here, I have a BAin sociology with a focus in
environmental and naturalresources.
And there is a portion ofsociology that recognizes the
intersectionalities and the vastcomplexities of identity within
our society.
And even though I am focusing onthe motherhood experience in
(01:37):
this episode, because that is myown firsthand experience, as an
activist and a voice of theLGBTQ community, I have to
remind you that there are peoplewho do not identify as women
that also have the ability tobirth babies, hence some of the
language and word choices withinthis discussion.
(01:58):
Trans people do exist within oursociety, whether you like it or
not.
A few days ago, someone onthreads tried to convince me
that a person doesn't have to betransphobic to not believe in
trans identity.
To which I replied, to not seepeople for who they are, to be
bothered by their veryexistence, to feel the need to
(02:22):
tear the title away from them,whether that be woman, man,
trans, whatever, and to notrespect their pronouns are all
hateful and definitelytransphobic.
It's all rooted in transphobia.
The definition of transphobiafrom Webster means transphobia.
Discrimination against aversionto or fear of trans people.
(02:46):
And to discriminate against aperson is to treat someone in an
unfair manner or unfavorablybased on characteristics like
race, gender, age, or sexualorientation.
People are often super vocalabout how they believe trans
people should live their livesor how they're an abomination to
(03:08):
society.
But as soon as you label them asbeing transphobic, all of a
sudden they reject and denybeing such a thing.
And it's funny because it soundsoddly familiar to how racists
react when they're called outfor their behavior as well.
Side note, if you are a transperson navigating parenthood,
(03:30):
I'd love to hear your uniquestory.
So if that is you and you'd liketo be featured on my podcast,
please reach out to me onInstagram at VenetiaRDaily, or
you can shoot me an email atSayTheDaily at gmail.com because
your stories are important aswell.
Over the past month or so, I'veobserved and have been hearing a
(03:53):
variety of personal stories frommothers on how they navigate
their motherhood experience.
And of course, that isinterlinked with the overall
family unit, support, andcommunity.
Parenthood can look differentfrom one family to another, just
as anything else, because itisn't a linear experience and
(04:14):
everyone's situation is uniquewithin their household.
Some are single parents.
Some have help fromgrandparents.
Some of us have partners thatare very hands-on.
And others, regardless of beingin some type of partnership, may
not always have a partner tolean on because they are the
ones usually present with thechildren, often called the
(04:35):
default parent.
The birthing person is commonlythe default parent, but there
are definitely some fathers inthat position as well.
Some people do have help fromex-partners, but those
situations come with their ownunique dynamic because maybe the
parents aren't cohabitatinganymore or maybe they were never
living together to begin with.
(04:56):
So they have to be exceedinglyintentional in how they split
their time and spend their timeaccordingly with children being
involved.
All of these different types ofdynamics impact how an
individual is able to navigatetheir own life in conjunction
with being a parent.
The responsibilities that comewith parenthood can often
(05:19):
require a parent's completeundivided attention in many ways
that are completely out of theparent's control, making them
unavailable to the outsideworld.
For example, not being able tohang out after the hour of five
on a weekday.
not being able to take a phonecall because maybe your children
are literally bouncing off thewalls and screaming their heads
(05:40):
off.
Or maybe you can only hang outwith your friend with your child
in tow.
And those situations can differdepending upon age range, how
many children there are, andwhat kind of support system is
available.
I remember before I became amother, I never understood why
mothers always talked aboutneeding mommy friends.
(06:01):
This will come up all the time.
And I'm thinking, a friend is afriend, right?
And while, yes, that is true,the reality is that having
someone that would be moreinclined and likely to
understand your experiencesbecause they themselves have
experienced it, it becomes ashared commonality to bond over.
I now fully understand whymothers need mommy friends and I
(06:25):
would even venture to say thatparents in general, regardless
of their gender, need others incommunity that they can relate
to while navigating their ownpersonal journey with
parenthood.
It's so good for our well-being.
Thankfully, I have a couple ofchildless friends that are super
loving, understanding, andconsiderate to me being a
(06:45):
mother.
Part of that is likely becausethey are used to interacting
with children.
They either grew up in largefamilies where they had many
siblings, often caring foryounger brothers and sisters, or
they are very present in thelives of their nieces and
nephews.
I say all that to say, justbecause a person does not have
children does not mean that theyare unable to conceptualize the
(07:09):
various nuances of parenthood.
However, there are some folksthat just don't even think about
how your obligations andresponsibilities change when
you're a parent, at least formost of us.
And in their defense, these aretypically people that don't live
their day to day livesconsidering the well-being of
(07:30):
young children.
For instance.
I had Onawa during the pandemic,September 2020, and she had to
have been like two or threemonths old.
She was still an infant.
But an old friend of mine hadinvited Jesse and me to a
kickback at their place.
He said, I'm going to have somefriends over and we will play
(07:52):
games, smoke, drink.
You all should come.
Never mind that I don't smoke ordrink.
I guess he was just giving methe heads up on the vibe.
But my first thought was, Isthere not a full-blown pandemic
happening right now?
I am sitting in bedbreastfeeding a newborn baby in
complete isolation, away fromthe outside world right now.
(08:15):
But thank you for the invite, Iguess.
When I was about five monthspostpartum, I went to this woman
named Ashanti for some waistbeads.
As a matter of fact, herInstagram is at
NayareWaistBeads.
This was my way of trying toreconnect with my new postpartum
(08:36):
body.
So Ashanti ties waist beads inthe most beautiful,
spiritualistic way whilesmudging the waist beads and
really just speaking so muchlove and positivity into you
while tying the waist beads.
While we were talking about mypostpartum journey, I was
(08:56):
explaining to her how I wastrying to find my footing
through all of the changes withbeing a new mother.
The physical changes, the lackof sleep, literally a complete
whirlwind and uprooting of myentire adulthood and womanhood
experience, which is the epitomeof being a new mother.
But when we were talking aboutthe importance of finding
(09:19):
community as we navigate thecomplexities of motherhood, she
said, Where there are women,there are children.
And that line has stuck with meever since, because even though
childbirth is such an innateprocess for many, it is
literally necessary for the veryexistence of humanity.
(09:39):
So why is it so common thatcountless mothers often feel
abandoned and overlooked withinour society?
Where is the village?
Having such a big shift in one'slife, such as becoming a mother,
changes every singlerelationship around that person,
for better or worse.
And it even changes how theworld views them.
(10:02):
Within the motherhood journey,the newness of it all, we try to
find our safe spaces.
Spaces that help uplift,encourage, and pour loving care
into us while we embark on oneof the biggest transitional
periods of our lives.
Yet far too many mothers,especially in American society,
(10:23):
frequently find themselves to bequite drained, overwhelmed, and
lonely in their motherhoodjourney.
Which is exactly why postpartumdepression is so prevalent.
Now is a good time to remindeveryone that the stage of
postpartum starts right afterthe baby is born.
And postpartum depression is about of depression that can
(10:45):
occur when a person is in thatpostpartum window.
Postpartum and postpartumdepression are two different
things.
And I've noticed that people arestarting to use the word
postpartum when they actuallymean postpartum depression.
This is why they say that amother will always remember who
was there for her during herpostpartum period, because it's
(11:08):
such a fragile yet intenseperiod of time with hormonal
chaos.
And on top of that, whattypically happens once a woman
has a child is that There is astark change in the attention
that a mother receives frompeople because now that
attention is being poured intothe baby, leaving a mother
(11:29):
feeling unseen and unsupported.
Visitors will rush over to thehomes of parents to hold their
newborns.
But what about taking a momentto actually check in with the
parents to see how they're doingor asking the parents, what do
you need?
What can I help you with?
Have you eaten?
These are the people thatparents need in their space
(11:52):
during these times.
What does community look likefor a parent?
People that we trust and sharecore values with.
They're respectful to our rulesand boundaries around parenting
and child rearing.
That can encompass literallyanyone.
There are countless roles thatcan help build a cohesive
(12:13):
community of people in whicheveryone feels seen, supported,
and hopefully even cared for andloved in some capacity.
It's an array of people who dotheir part to collectively care
for each other.
But the most important piece tothe equation is that the
community has to be open tochildren and inviting to
(12:33):
children because they are alsocommunity members just as
elders.
But when you have people thatgive parents a hard time for
bringing their children intospaces that are, in fact,
appropriate for all people, itfeeds into the culture of people
who dislike and dehumanizechildren under the belief that
they are undeserving of havingcertain kinds of experiences
(12:57):
just because they are children.
This comment was posted onthreads by username TheBodeLife,
where she said, You're entitledto a childless life, but not a
child-free world.
My toddler will be on planes andrestaurants and at stores.
She deserves to experience theworld and I'm not keeping her
(13:19):
home just because you don't wantkids around.
Another user says, nobody askedyou to keep your crotch goblin
locked up in an ivory tower.
Just make sure they're notdisruptive slash destructive.
It's literally your job as aparent.
Then lastly, she says, who saidmy child was being destructive
(13:41):
and disruptive?
She was asleep and still gotcomplaints.
The amount of pushback she gotfrom this very basic post didn't
even make sense.
We are so far gone.
Must I remind everyone that sheis talking about a human being,
her child.
So why are the reactions soharsh?
(14:04):
Why are we talking aboutchildren in this manner?
And also, have we forgotten thatwe've all been children at one
point in time?
One thing that really stood outwas the fact that people from
other countries kept saying,only in America this would be a
thing, implying that theircountries are welcoming to
children and how ridiculous andself-centered American people
(14:28):
are within our communities.
And this is where I completelyagree.
I swear every time I puttogether one of these episodes,
I find a new research topic thatI'd like to spend some time
looking into.
There is a severe culture ofpeople who have a serious
disdain for children.
(14:48):
Some of them are child-free andsome are parents as well.
The dehumanization of childrenis something that runs rampant
in our society.
My question to people thatdislike children is, Where does
this place the people in yourlives that either have children
or will in the future?
How is that type of mentalityconducive to positive community
(15:12):
building?
It's no secret that there is asevere lack of structural
support for parents in America.
I recently heard that in everystate on average, parents are
paying more for childcare thanthey are for their mortgage.
As stated before, mothers inAmerican society have more
(15:33):
issues with postpartumdepression because of the lack
of social support and community.
America is one of the wealthiestindustrialized countries, yet
most of us don't have paidmaternity and paternity leave
from our jobs.
When we look at the values ofhumanity, especially in Western
(15:55):
modern day societies, actually,let me just say in American
society, we are so disconnectedfrom the ideals of genuine
community and having theinfamous village that many of us
crave for, not just parents.
We have been forced into a wayof life that decentralizes the
(16:15):
value of community.
We have no choice but to chasethe fallacies of the American
dream.
We move away from loved ones inhopes of finding better
opportunities for upwardmobility, more money, better
jobs, better schools.
Most of us have no choice but tooverwork ourselves to stay on
top of our livelihood and thenever-ending mound of bills.
(16:39):
All of these factors shift thevalues of people into being more
individualistic.
too busy and self-absorbedwithin the hustle of our own
lives, or we don't have thecapacity or desire to take the
time to care for each other.
Yet here it is, we will go onsocial media after scrutinizing
a parent for wanting their childto experience life with them.
(17:04):
And then we'll watch videos ofpeople from different countries,
praise their cultural norms ofcaring for their neighbors,
sharing food and looking aftertheir elders.
We have the ability to do thesame thing, but it will require
us to lead with softer hearts.
Let's be more empathetic insteadof judging others because that
(17:27):
just creates more division anddivisiveness between us.
And this, my friends, is wherethe village went.
SPEAKER_01 (17:43):
Let
SPEAKER_02 (17:50):
me go ahead and give you a trigger warning before we
start this next discussionpertaining to pregnancy, birth,
and malpractices by medicalpractitioners.
We just wrapped up BlackMaternal Health Week, which was
founded by the Black MamasMatter Alliance to build
awareness, activism andcommunity building to amplify
(18:13):
the voices, perspectives andlived experiences of Black mamas
and birthing people.
They hold a bunch ofdiscussions, activities and even
webinars.
Countless organizations acrossthe globe join in to advocate
and empower this internationalevent for maternal health and
(18:33):
rights.
Dr.
Jamila K.
Taylor, who is the president andCEO of the Institute for Women's
Policy Research, she's also anationally recognized expert on
Black maternal health.
And she stated during lastyear's National Black Maternal
(18:53):
Health Week that, Quote, Endquote.
(19:21):
and the reason behind this issueis systemic racism.
That is why Black women areoften not heard nor considered
when in medical spaces whichdirectly impacts the quality of
care or lack thereof that theyreceive during pregnancy.
The likelihood of death due topregnancy-related complications
(19:42):
are even worse when these Blackwomen reside in states that have
strict policies around access toabortion and reproductive health
services.
The Institute for Women's PolicyResearch woefully states that
45% of Black women and girlsunder the age of 55 that live in
(20:02):
the United States are reside instates that have heavy abortion
and contraceptive restrictionsto their populations, or it's
completely banned in theirareas.
I don't know if you all haveseen that viral video
circulating of that white doctortalking about how she witnessed
doctors practice procedures onBlack women when those
(20:25):
procedures were completelyunnecessary.
She said there was a black womanwho was in labor having her
fourth or fifth baby.
She never had any issuesbirthing her babies vaginally.
And after the baby came out, thedoctor was talking to one of the
students in the room.
I'm sorry, I don't know theproper academic name for those
(20:46):
people who basically are soon tobe doctors themselves.
But the doctor asked thisindividual, had they ever
repaired a fourth degreelaceration?
The medical term for this is anepisiotomy.
To which the person replied, no.
This woman said that shewitnessed the doctor take a pair
(21:08):
of scissors and he put one bladeinto the vagina and the other
into the anus and he cut thepatient just so that the student
could practice stitching afourth degree laceration that
was completely unnecessary andnot consensual.
She said that she witnessedmultiple things like this happen
(21:30):
and that they could neverintervene or say what occurred
in those events, which is reallyalarming.
She now dedicates her work toadvocating for Black women and
drawing attention to this majorissue because she's seen how so
many Black women are beingmistreated and overlooked in
many medical spaces.
(21:51):
I have even heard stories frommy own loved ones that have
experienced similar situationswith episiotomies that were not
consensual.
So as you can imagine, fromthese statistics and stories
mentioned, It is imperative tocontinue the conversation of
Black maternal health to bringawareness to the disparities and
(22:13):
its negative impacts on Blackwomen to hopefully ignite the
necessary changes to encouragethere to be better maternal
health care services forbirthing people in general and
especially Black women who arethe most impacted.
I am one of the many Black womenthat developed preeclampsia,
(22:35):
which is when a pregnant persondevelops high blood pressure
during their pregnancy, as wellas protein being present in
their urine samples.
As stated by the Agency forHealthcare Research and Quality,
quote, African-American womenare 60% more likely to suffer
from preeclampsia while pregnantand develop severe preeclampsia
(22:57):
compared to white women in theUnited States, end quote.
I developed preeclampsia duringthe very last week of my
pregnancy, and this diagnosiscompletely derailed my original
birth plan of having anunmedicated vaginal water birth.
I was heartbroken, absolutelydevastated to find out that I
(23:20):
needed a C-section because whena person has preeclampsia, not
only is the mother's healthbeing jeopardized, but the
environment is not thehealthiest for the baby anymore.
And depending upon how far alongthe mother is in her pregnancy,
they will likely try to expeditethe laboring process to get the
baby out.
And in my situation, I waspregnant for 41 weeks and three
(23:44):
days, or maybe even four days atthis point.
So she was more than a weekoverdue.
My entire body was swollen andthey wanted her out ASAP.
Even after all of the researchand preparation that I had done
during my entire pregnancy, Iknew that there would come a
(24:05):
point where I I would just haveto surrender and really trust
the process of birthing my baby.
Because let's be honest, no onelegitimately knows how their
birthing story will unfold.
It can happen at any point,under any circumstance, at any
location, whether you're readyor not.
And since my body was notshowing any signs of labor, they
(24:28):
started the induction process.
After laboring for about twodays unmedicated, the night of
day two, I got an epiduralbecause they were really
concerned about how my bloodpressure continued to rise.
Their theory was that it wasbecause I was fighting
contractions and unable to restmy body.
(24:49):
The morning of day three ofbeing in the hospital, Onawa was
born via C-section.
Even though I did not have theexperience that I wanted, and I
felt so rushed in my laboringprocess despite being in the
hospital for so long, myC-section went as smooth as it
could have possibly gone.
(25:10):
And I'm sure that's because Iadvocated for myself so
intensely.
I researched like crazy duringmy entire pregnancy.
I will admit it was obsessive,but it was for good reason.
I prepared myself as best as Icould in case I would be faced
with a serious situation.
I had my amazing doula present,Casey Griffin.
(25:32):
I had midwives.
I told my husband, Jesse,exactly what I wanted so that he
would know what to say in case Iwas unable to communicate.
I had no problem telling thedoctors that I wanted a gentle
C-section and explain what thatlooked like as well.
I even asked them for privacy inmoments when I needed time to
(25:53):
properly assess what I was upagainst and how I wanted to face
it.
I am beyond thankful that I wasable to safely make it to the
other side alive and healthywith a healthy baby in my arms,
because there are many peoplewho do all of the preparation
just as I did.
But unfortunately, the outcomeis not always the same.
SPEAKER_01 (26:19):
Running up the numbers out the way I stay low.
Ask me why.
SPEAKER_02 (26:31):
Goodness, that was a lot of information and personal
accounts that I shared.
I would love to hear yourthoughts and personal stories
about this episode because I'msure it's relatable to many of
you.
So please leave me a comment orreach out to me on Instagram at
Venetia R.
Daly.
Please make sure you subscribeto my podcast and share it with
(26:55):
a friend before you head outtoo.
Until next time.
You
SPEAKER_02 (00:12):
are now tuned into Venetia R Daily.
Please say the daily.
Hey, hey, y'all.
(00:32):
Welcome back.
This is episode seven of PleaseSay the Daily.
I am your host, Venetia R.
Daly.
And as promised, I told y'all Iwould be dropping two episodes
this weekend.
I know I've been gone for aminute.
Now I'm back with a jump off.
But let's shift the energy a bitbecause this will feature more
(00:54):
serious topics pertaining tomaternal health, motherhood,
community, and in the lastsection, I'll even share a bit
of my own birth story.
So let's get into it.
(01:15):
If you're new here, I have a BAin sociology with a focus in
environmental and naturalresources.
And there is a portion ofsociology that recognizes the
intersectionalities and the vastcomplexities of identity within
our society.
And even though I am focusing onthe motherhood experience in
(01:37):
this episode, because that is myown firsthand experience, as an
activist and a voice of theLGBTQ community, I have to
remind you that there are peoplewho do not identify as women
that also have the ability tobirth babies, hence some of the
language and word choices withinthis discussion.
(01:58):
Trans people do exist within oursociety, whether you like it or
not.
A few days ago, someone onthreads tried to convince me
that a person doesn't have to betransphobic to not believe in
trans identity.
To which I replied, to not seepeople for who they are, to be
bothered by their veryexistence, to feel the need to
(02:22):
tear the title away from them,whether that be woman, man,
trans, whatever, and to notrespect their pronouns are all
hateful and definitelytransphobic.
It's all rooted in transphobia.
The definition of transphobiafrom Webster means transphobia.
Discrimination against aversionto or fear of trans people.
(02:46):
And to discriminate against aperson is to treat someone in an
unfair manner or unfavorablybased on characteristics like
race, gender, age, or sexualorientation.
People are often super vocalabout how they believe trans
people should live their livesor how they're an abomination to
(03:08):
society.
But as soon as you label them asbeing transphobic, all of a
sudden they reject and denybeing such a thing.
And it's funny because it soundsoddly familiar to how racists
react when they're called outfor their behavior as well.
Side note, if you are a transperson navigating parenthood,
(03:30):
I'd love to hear your uniquestory.
So if that is you and you'd liketo be featured on my podcast,
please reach out to me onInstagram at VenetiaRDaily, or
you can shoot me an email atSayTheDaily at gmail.com because
your stories are important aswell.
Over the past month or so, I'veobserved and have been hearing a
(03:53):
variety of personal stories frommothers on how they navigate
their motherhood experience.
And of course, that isinterlinked with the overall
family unit, support, andcommunity.
Parenthood can look differentfrom one family to another, just
as anything else, because itisn't a linear experience and
(04:14):
everyone's situation is uniquewithin their household.
Some are single parents.
Some have help fromgrandparents.
Some of us have partners thatare very hands-on.
And others, regardless of beingin some type of partnership, may
not always have a partner tolean on because they are the
ones usually present with thechildren, often called the
(04:35):
default parent.
The birthing person is commonlythe default parent, but there
are definitely some fathers inthat position as well.
Some people do have help fromex-partners, but those
situations come with their ownunique dynamic because maybe the
parents aren't cohabitatinganymore or maybe they were never
living together to begin with.
(04:56):
So they have to be exceedinglyintentional in how they split
their time and spend their timeaccordingly with children being
involved.
All of these different types ofdynamics impact how an
individual is able to navigatetheir own life in conjunction
with being a parent.
The responsibilities that comewith parenthood can often
(05:19):
require a parent's completeundivided attention in many ways
that are completely out of theparent's control, making them
unavailable to the outsideworld.
For example, not being able tohang out after the hour of five
on a weekday.
not being able to take a phonecall because maybe your children
are literally bouncing off thewalls and screaming their heads
(05:40):
off.
Or maybe you can only hang outwith your friend with your child
in tow.
And those situations can differdepending upon age range, how
many children there are, andwhat kind of support system is
available.
I remember before I became amother, I never understood why
mothers always talked aboutneeding mommy friends.
(06:01):
This will come up all the time.
And I'm thinking, a friend is afriend, right?
And while, yes, that is true,the reality is that having
someone that would be moreinclined and likely to
understand your experiencesbecause they themselves have
experienced it, it becomes ashared commonality to bond over.
I now fully understand whymothers need mommy friends and I
(06:25):
would even venture to say thatparents in general, regardless
of their gender, need others incommunity that they can relate
to while navigating their ownpersonal journey with
parenthood.
It's so good for our well-being.
Thankfully, I have a couple ofchildless friends that are super
loving, understanding, andconsiderate to me being a
(06:45):
mother.
Part of that is likely becausethey are used to interacting
with children.
They either grew up in largefamilies where they had many
siblings, often caring foryounger brothers and sisters, or
they are very present in thelives of their nieces and
nephews.
I say all that to say, justbecause a person does not have
children does not mean that theyare unable to conceptualize the
(07:09):
various nuances of parenthood.
However, there are some folksthat just don't even think about
how your obligations andresponsibilities change when
you're a parent, at least formost of us.
And in their defense, these aretypically people that don't live
their day to day livesconsidering the well-being of
(07:30):
young children.
For instance.
I had Onawa during the pandemic,September 2020, and she had to
have been like two or threemonths old.
She was still an infant.
But an old friend of mine hadinvited Jesse and me to a
kickback at their place.
He said, I'm going to have somefriends over and we will play
(07:52):
games, smoke, drink.
You all should come.
Never mind that I don't smoke ordrink.
I guess he was just giving methe heads up on the vibe.
But my first thought was, Isthere not a full-blown pandemic
happening right now?
I am sitting in bedbreastfeeding a newborn baby in
complete isolation, away fromthe outside world right now.
(08:15):
But thank you for the invite, Iguess.
When I was about five monthspostpartum, I went to this woman
named Ashanti for some waistbeads.
As a matter of fact, herInstagram is at
NayareWaistBeads.
This was my way of trying toreconnect with my new postpartum
(08:36):
body.
So Ashanti ties waist beads inthe most beautiful,
spiritualistic way whilesmudging the waist beads and
really just speaking so muchlove and positivity into you
while tying the waist beads.
While we were talking about mypostpartum journey, I was
(08:56):
explaining to her how I wastrying to find my footing
through all of the changes withbeing a new mother.
The physical changes, the lackof sleep, literally a complete
whirlwind and uprooting of myentire adulthood and womanhood
experience, which is the epitomeof being a new mother.
But when we were talking aboutthe importance of finding
(09:19):
community as we navigate thecomplexities of motherhood, she
said, Where there are women,there are children.
And that line has stuck with meever since, because even though
childbirth is such an innateprocess for many, it is
literally necessary for the veryexistence of humanity.
(09:39):
So why is it so common thatcountless mothers often feel
abandoned and overlooked withinour society?
Where is the village?
Having such a big shift in one'slife, such as becoming a mother,
changes every singlerelationship around that person,
for better or worse.
And it even changes how theworld views them.
(10:02):
Within the motherhood journey,the newness of it all, we try to
find our safe spaces.
Spaces that help uplift,encourage, and pour loving care
into us while we embark on oneof the biggest transitional
periods of our lives.
Yet far too many mothers,especially in American society,
(10:23):
frequently find themselves to bequite drained, overwhelmed, and
lonely in their motherhoodjourney.
Which is exactly why postpartumdepression is so prevalent.
Now is a good time to remindeveryone that the stage of
postpartum starts right afterthe baby is born.
And postpartum depression is about of depression that can
(10:45):
occur when a person is in thatpostpartum window.
Postpartum and postpartumdepression are two different
things.
And I've noticed that people arestarting to use the word
postpartum when they actuallymean postpartum depression.
This is why they say that amother will always remember who
was there for her during herpostpartum period, because it's
(11:08):
such a fragile yet intenseperiod of time with hormonal
chaos.
And on top of that, whattypically happens once a woman
has a child is that There is astark change in the attention
that a mother receives frompeople because now that
attention is being poured intothe baby, leaving a mother
(11:29):
feeling unseen and unsupported.
Visitors will rush over to thehomes of parents to hold their
newborns.
But what about taking a momentto actually check in with the
parents to see how they're doingor asking the parents, what do
you need?
What can I help you with?
Have you eaten?
These are the people thatparents need in their space
(11:52):
during these times.
What does community look likefor a parent?
People that we trust and sharecore values with.
They're respectful to our rulesand boundaries around parenting
and child rearing.
That can encompass literallyanyone.
There are countless roles thatcan help build a cohesive
(12:13):
community of people in whicheveryone feels seen, supported,
and hopefully even cared for andloved in some capacity.
It's an array of people who dotheir part to collectively care
for each other.
But the most important piece tothe equation is that the
community has to be open tochildren and inviting to
(12:33):
children because they are alsocommunity members just as
elders.
But when you have people thatgive parents a hard time for
bringing their children intospaces that are, in fact,
appropriate for all people, itfeeds into the culture of people
who dislike and dehumanizechildren under the belief that
they are undeserving of havingcertain kinds of experiences
(12:57):
just because they are children.
This comment was posted onthreads by username TheBodeLife,
where she said, You're entitledto a childless life, but not a
child-free world.
My toddler will be on planes andrestaurants and at stores.
She deserves to experience theworld and I'm not keeping her
(13:19):
home just because you don't wantkids around.
Another user says, nobody askedyou to keep your crotch goblin
locked up in an ivory tower.
Just make sure they're notdisruptive slash destructive.
It's literally your job as aparent.
Then lastly, she says, who saidmy child was being destructive
(13:41):
and disruptive?
She was asleep and still gotcomplaints.
The amount of pushback she gotfrom this very basic post didn't
even make sense.
We are so far gone.
Must I remind everyone that sheis talking about a human being,
her child.
So why are the reactions soharsh?
(14:04):
Why are we talking aboutchildren in this manner?
And also, have we forgotten thatwe've all been children at one
point in time?
One thing that really stood outwas the fact that people from
other countries kept saying,only in America this would be a
thing, implying that theircountries are welcoming to
children and how ridiculous andself-centered American people
(14:28):
are within our communities.
And this is where I completelyagree.
I swear every time I puttogether one of these episodes,
I find a new research topic thatI'd like to spend some time
looking into.
There is a severe culture ofpeople who have a serious
disdain for children.
(14:48):
Some of them are child-free andsome are parents as well.
The dehumanization of childrenis something that runs rampant
in our society.
My question to people thatdislike children is, Where does
this place the people in yourlives that either have children
or will in the future?
How is that type of mentalityconducive to positive community
(15:12):
building?
It's no secret that there is asevere lack of structural
support for parents in America.
I recently heard that in everystate on average, parents are
paying more for childcare thanthey are for their mortgage.
As stated before, mothers inAmerican society have more
(15:33):
issues with postpartumdepression because of the lack
of social support and community.
America is one of the wealthiestindustrialized countries, yet
most of us don't have paidmaternity and paternity leave
from our jobs.
When we look at the values ofhumanity, especially in Western
(15:55):
modern day societies, actually,let me just say in American
society, we are so disconnectedfrom the ideals of genuine
community and having theinfamous village that many of us
crave for, not just parents.
We have been forced into a wayof life that decentralizes the
(16:15):
value of community.
We have no choice but to chasethe fallacies of the American
dream.
We move away from loved ones inhopes of finding better
opportunities for upwardmobility, more money, better
jobs, better schools.
Most of us have no choice but tooverwork ourselves to stay on
top of our livelihood and thenever-ending mound of bills.
(16:39):
All of these factors shift thevalues of people into being more
individualistic.
too busy and self-absorbedwithin the hustle of our own
lives, or we don't have thecapacity or desire to take the
time to care for each other.
Yet here it is, we will go onsocial media after scrutinizing
a parent for wanting their childto experience life with them.
(17:04):
And then we'll watch videos ofpeople from different countries,
praise their cultural norms ofcaring for their neighbors,
sharing food and looking aftertheir elders.
We have the ability to do thesame thing, but it will require
us to lead with softer hearts.
Let's be more empathetic insteadof judging others because that
(17:27):
just creates more division anddivisiveness between us.
And this, my friends, is wherethe village went.
SPEAKER_01 (17:43):
Let
SPEAKER_02 (17:50):
me go ahead and give you a trigger warning before we
start this next discussionpertaining to pregnancy, birth,
and malpractices by medicalpractitioners.
We just wrapped up BlackMaternal Health Week, which was
founded by the Black MamasMatter Alliance to build
awareness, activism andcommunity building to amplify
(18:13):
the voices, perspectives andlived experiences of Black mamas
and birthing people.
They hold a bunch ofdiscussions, activities and even
webinars.
Countless organizations acrossthe globe join in to advocate
and empower this internationalevent for maternal health and
(18:33):
rights.
Dr.
Jamila K.
Taylor, who is the president andCEO of the Institute for Women's
Policy Research, she's also anationally recognized expert on
Black maternal health.
And she stated during lastyear's National Black Maternal
(18:53):
Health Week that, Quote, Endquote.
(19:21):
and the reason behind this issueis systemic racism.
That is why Black women areoften not heard nor considered
when in medical spaces whichdirectly impacts the quality of
care or lack thereof that theyreceive during pregnancy.
The likelihood of death due topregnancy-related complications
(19:42):
are even worse when these Blackwomen reside in states that have
strict policies around access toabortion and reproductive health
services.
The Institute for Women's PolicyResearch woefully states that
45% of Black women and girlsunder the age of 55 that live in
(20:02):
the United States are reside instates that have heavy abortion
and contraceptive restrictionsto their populations, or it's
completely banned in theirareas.
I don't know if you all haveseen that viral video
circulating of that white doctortalking about how she witnessed
doctors practice procedures onBlack women when those
(20:25):
procedures were completelyunnecessary.
She said there was a black womanwho was in labor having her
fourth or fifth baby.
She never had any issuesbirthing her babies vaginally.
And after the baby came out, thedoctor was talking to one of the
students in the room.
I'm sorry, I don't know theproper academic name for those
(20:46):
people who basically are soon tobe doctors themselves.
But the doctor asked thisindividual, had they ever
repaired a fourth degreelaceration?
The medical term for this is anepisiotomy.
To which the person replied, no.
This woman said that shewitnessed the doctor take a pair
(21:08):
of scissors and he put one bladeinto the vagina and the other
into the anus and he cut thepatient just so that the student
could practice stitching afourth degree laceration that
was completely unnecessary andnot consensual.
She said that she witnessedmultiple things like this happen
(21:30):
and that they could neverintervene or say what occurred
in those events, which is reallyalarming.
She now dedicates her work toadvocating for Black women and
drawing attention to this majorissue because she's seen how so
many Black women are beingmistreated and overlooked in
many medical spaces.
(21:51):
I have even heard stories frommy own loved ones that have
experienced similar situationswith episiotomies that were not
consensual.
So as you can imagine, fromthese statistics and stories
mentioned, It is imperative tocontinue the conversation of
Black maternal health to bringawareness to the disparities and
(22:13):
its negative impacts on Blackwomen to hopefully ignite the
necessary changes to encouragethere to be better maternal
health care services forbirthing people in general and
especially Black women who arethe most impacted.
I am one of the many Black womenthat developed preeclampsia,
(22:35):
which is when a pregnant persondevelops high blood pressure
during their pregnancy, as wellas protein being present in
their urine samples.
As stated by the Agency forHealthcare Research and Quality,
quote, African-American womenare 60% more likely to suffer
from preeclampsia while pregnantand develop severe preeclampsia
(22:57):
compared to white women in theUnited States, end quote.
I developed preeclampsia duringthe very last week of my
pregnancy, and this diagnosiscompletely derailed my original
birth plan of having anunmedicated vaginal water birth.
I was heartbroken, absolutelydevastated to find out that I
(23:20):
needed a C-section because whena person has preeclampsia, not
only is the mother's healthbeing jeopardized, but the
environment is not thehealthiest for the baby anymore.
And depending upon how far alongthe mother is in her pregnancy,
they will likely try to expeditethe laboring process to get the
baby out.
And in my situation, I waspregnant for 41 weeks and three
(23:44):
days, or maybe even four days atthis point.
So she was more than a weekoverdue.
My entire body was swollen andthey wanted her out ASAP.
Even after all of the researchand preparation that I had done
during my entire pregnancy, Iknew that there would come a
(24:05):
point where I I would just haveto surrender and really trust
the process of birthing my baby.
Because let's be honest, no onelegitimately knows how their
birthing story will unfold.
It can happen at any point,under any circumstance, at any
location, whether you're readyor not.
And since my body was notshowing any signs of labor, they
(24:28):
started the induction process.
After laboring for about twodays unmedicated, the night of
day two, I got an epiduralbecause they were really
concerned about how my bloodpressure continued to rise.
Their theory was that it wasbecause I was fighting
contractions and unable to restmy body.
(24:49):
The morning of day three ofbeing in the hospital, Onawa was
born via C-section.
Even though I did not have theexperience that I wanted, and I
felt so rushed in my laboringprocess despite being in the
hospital for so long, myC-section went as smooth as it
could have possibly gone.
(25:10):
And I'm sure that's because Iadvocated for myself so
intensely.
I researched like crazy duringmy entire pregnancy.
I will admit it was obsessive,but it was for good reason.
I prepared myself as best as Icould in case I would be faced
with a serious situation.
I had my amazing doula present,Casey Griffin.
(25:32):
I had midwives.
I told my husband, Jesse,exactly what I wanted so that he
would know what to say in case Iwas unable to communicate.
I had no problem telling thedoctors that I wanted a gentle
C-section and explain what thatlooked like as well.
I even asked them for privacy inmoments when I needed time to
(25:53):
properly assess what I was upagainst and how I wanted to face
it.
I am beyond thankful that I wasable to safely make it to the
other side alive and healthywith a healthy baby in my arms,
because there are many peoplewho do all of the preparation
just as I did.
But unfortunately, the outcomeis not always the same.
SPEAKER_01 (26:19):
Running up the numbers out the way I stay low.
Ask me why.
SPEAKER_02 (26:31):
Goodness, that was a lot of information and personal
accounts that I shared.
I would love to hear yourthoughts and personal stories
about this episode because I'msure it's relatable to many of
you.
So please leave me a comment orreach out to me on Instagram at
Venetia R.
Daly.
Please make sure you subscribeto my podcast and share it with
(26:55):
a friend before you head outtoo.
Until next time.
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