Premeditated

Ring-a-ling! Someone pick up the phone! Caller ID says: YOU

America has gripes. Social gripes. Etiquette is going unchecked left, right and center. Our beloved listeners from across the globe have cases they need solved. The law of offices of Premeditated are here to help.

Through guided litigation, we lead our listeners through the murky legal waters of: Venmo request etiquette, breaking up over grammar, naming conventions for cand...

Who run the Court? GIRLS!! Who gives pets as gifts? Hopefully only people who intimately know your schedule and capabilities!!

On this SPECIAL EPISODE of Premeditated our favorite improv group in town, Girls Night (Danielle Shvartsman, Jasmine Elist, Lizzie McGroder) drop by our law office to debate in the teenage-old question: should you give pets as gifts?

Are there be size limitations? Does the gift have to include the tank or cag...

Human parents. The things that everyone, except Mork and Kyle XY, have. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, they’re the reason we all exist. But we’re all (biological) adults now. And adults kiss. So…wait, are you saying? Should we be smooching our parents? 

Cheek, lips or tongue, our dear friend and future White Sox manager Haley OC has a ruling for each part of the face. She lays a lip-smacking legal smackdown on modern parenthood.

How long of a...

Look who’s still here! It’s Jenny Zigrino, the queen of the bicoastal breakup. This week, Los Angeles’ avoidant nature comes face to face with a New York attitude. 

We all know that relationships don’t last, but how do you handle that awkward dismount? 

Should you flick your boyfriend’s forehead, just slap the guy, or send a quick text? Should you even tell your partner that they aren’t the one, or let them figure it out on the inter...

America, listen, parking lots are getting hectic y'all. You ever tried to "swing by" Trader Joe's on a Sunday morning? You ever backed into a fly-away shopping cart? And that's all before you have to wade through the ocean of clipboards guarding the door!

It's all too much handle, unless your name starts with an L and ends in an izzie McGroder. The legend herself (@scootermcgroder) swung by the Premeditated law offices to drop off h...

Ding Dong! No, it’s not the death of the Wicked Witch. It’s the arrival of the elevator at a non-schedule floor.

But, oh poop! Someone’s trying to get on!

Act Quick! Do you:

A)   Hammer Door Close

B)   Heroically throw your arm in between the Jaws of Death

C)   Pretend to do a  NYT mini crossword

D)   Offer your fellow rider a Laffy Taffy

This week’s leather dossier was brought to our desk by the undisputed first chair cellist, Jasmine El...

A crisp autumn breeze on your face. Your hands warmed by a foil-covered casserole dish. Anticipation of spending quality time with friends fresh on your mind. The front door opens, you step into the foyer, a friendly Labrador wags their tale in greeting…but wait, would you mind removing your shoes?

Record scratch. The scene freezes. It’s time we get the lawyers involved.

Enter HALEY OC (@MILFWEEED). She’s got two thumbs, a pending i...

Ooooh boy, we may have stepped in it on this one.

There are picketers outside the courthouse!

Our gavels are in hot water!

No need to schedule your manicurist this week, Judges Neil and Graham are here to settle all your nail care needs. We take an archeological trip through human history to search for one reason why witnessing fingernail trimming is gross.

Is our own mortality? Is nail the same stuff as hair?

It's just the boys and ...

Oh gossip, that ancient pleasure.

A victimless crime... right? 

Right.

This week we’re joined by Jenny Zigrino to dig into the social laws on hot, juicy gossip. Together, we can make America gossip again, and spill the proverbial tea into the Boston Harbor. 

Is it only okay if it’s about someone your gossip partner knows? Can the courts institute men-in-black style gossip forgetting technology? Does Jenny have a power kink?

All of the q...

What’s an excuse to party but not quite as special as your birthday party? That’s right. Someone else’s birthday party. And what’s more complicated than Italian physicist Gabriele Veneziano’s string theory? When your friend doesn’t want to do anything for their birthday but you think that deep down they may want you to actually do something but they don’t want to have to ask you to do something!!! Right again!

The good men at the la...

At what point does "All Inclusive" become all exclusive? Here at Premeditated, we travelling to the Baja Peninsula to celebrate love. But are we supposed to give the well-travelled couple a gift? Does the wedding hangover necessitate a money hangover too? Oh the indignity! We'll deliberate on this question, gift registry culture, chips and guac and more.

For our debut video episode, we had to get a BIG STAR. So we ...

We're all people. We all walk around in society. We all get schitt in our teeth. The PROBLEM? Our eyes are attached to our face in such a way that we can't see our own teeth!

Whether this is a new discovery for you or old hat, the esteemed lawyers at Premeditated Law, LLP have your back. We do what we're known for, and that is tackle unwritten social laws.

Our good good friend, Will Smart, hops over the jury bench...

You know how grocery stores stock their shelves by putting the new stuff at the back and pushing the old stuff to the front? Listen up Lucy, that's called First In, First Out. And well, hear our guest out, what if we FIFO'd our friends?

On the Sweet Seventeenth episode of Premeditated, we invited our good friend Mudslide over to discuss when/how often we should hang with our peripheral friends. Yes yes, your best friends are your b...

Okay, sure, there's some established laws regarding pedestrian rights. But...do we believe them? Do we adhere to them on 100% of our little strolls around the neighborhood? Unless you're some kind of boy/girl scout (nerd!), probably not!

On this episode of Premeditated, co-judges Neil & Graham enlist the help of dear friend and litigator Ben Cassil to put some rules between those horizontal white lines most people ca...

We've all been in a line (or on a line, if you're an East Coast Crusty). It's one of life's unavoidable occurrences. Death, taxes and lines. And YET, the corrupt US Government continues to leave lines as lawless as the 1800s Western Territories.

For too long people have been crossing the line when it comes to being in one! That ends now! It's time for Premeditated to save the day.

Join Neil, Graham and their Disniest Adult friend, ...

Let's say you go out to eat with friends. Let's also say these friends order appetizers with the full intention of ordering a entrée later. What if they raised the steaks higher and suggest that you all order 'Family Style'?

What do we do here folks?! Even if sharing food is your thing, how is a table of 3 supposed to split an order of 8 cream cheese lumpias???!!!

Horror scenes such as the above are happening all arou...

Imagine you're a member of a family.

Imagine you're a man.

Imagine you encounter another man. There is no decision more dangerous or more rewarding.

What NOW? Do you extend one arm? Right or left? Both up high for a double high five? Should you put both arms out and say, "Up!"

And IF you commit to the hug, do you remain firm, pull away or linger? Do you back pat or back SLAP!

Tune in this week for male, inter-family di...

Should we, as citizens, make reservations? 
And if so, should we be offered a little grace with respect for punctuality? 
Also, panthers aren't animals. 

Our guest, Ben Messmer, brings an intriguing case file that promises to tickle your sleuthing fancy and leaves us pondering the depths of dining etiquette. 
From sharing stories about Michelin-starred adventures to debating the merits of spontaneity versus planning in ...