Prideful Connections Ep. 8: From Big Macs to Big Impact: A Journey from Business to Advocacy

In this episode of Prideful Connections, we welcome Pattie McKnight, the Executive Director of Health Care Advocates International—one of our podcast’s proud sponsors. Pattie’s journey is anything but ordinary. After 35 years as a McDonald’s Owner/Operator, she shifted her focus to advocacy work, first through Ronald McDonald House Charities and later through her leadership at HCAI. Since 2017, she has been at the forefront of providing healthcare access and support for the LGBTQ+ community. Join us as we discuss her transition from the corporate world to nonprofit leadership, her passion for inclusive healthcare, and why she believes in fighting for a healthier future for all.

Episode Transcript

(00:05):
Thank you to our sponsor, health CareAdvocates International.
Health Care Advocates Internationalis a nonprofit health and advocacy
organization dedicated to servingthe needs of the LGBTQ plus community
through prevention programs,education, advocacy, and treatment.

(00:29):
To learn more about Health CareAdvocate International's mission
and programs, please visit HCI, llc.com.
The views expressed by our guest on
this podcastare not necessarily those of its sponsors.
Hi everyone, and welcometo this episode of Primal Connections
where we have conversationwith no judgment.
This guest today is really goingto number one reach your hearts.

(00:51):
Number two, make you laugh probablymore than you've ever left in your life.
Patty McKnight, who is the executivedirector of Health Care Advocates
International, Health Care AdvocatesInternational, is one of our sponsors.
And truth be told, Patty McKnight.
And she's not going to like that.
I say, this is actually my boss.
I'm the director of Health CareAdvocates Youth and Family program.
Patty, welcome to the show.

(01:12):
Thank you for having me.
Yeah. We're so excited for you to be here.
And we're going to.
Everybody's got to relaxinto this conversation.
And we have a lot of questions for you.
But first,we would love for you to share with us.
Before you were hereas the executive director,
just tell us a little bitabout your journey.
I mean, I know some of it.It's fascinating.
But can you tell everybody about, like,where you came from?

(01:34):
My parents.
Let's start.
So where did I come from?
You know, in a blink of an eye,
I was 16 and got a part time job,like a lot of us do at McDonald's.
And 40 years later, at 56 years old,I realized
I had never applied for another jobor had an interview in my life.
And I was still at McDonald'sas an owner operator,

(01:55):
and owned my own restaurantand had an amazing team of folks
that made it so that I never neededto go to that restaurant.
And I started to focus my attentionon what we did
best as a brand,and it was the Ronald McDonald House.
The more I got involvedwith the Ronald McDonald House,
specifically in New Haven,but also globally.

(02:15):
Board president,you know, keeper of the House,
volunteer overnight,staying with the guests.
I just fell in lovewith that whole ability to help folks who,
you know,were so unassuming and asked for nothing
and had nothing and were comingfrom all over the world at the time.
Lots of liver transplantswe were doing on little ones.

(02:37):
And at the time I met Gary, Doctor Black.
He came to me because he was applyingfor money for his clinic in Africa,
because lots of the kids in Africawere in need.
And I was trying to help him bethe most successful he could be at writing
this grant for some global fundingfrom Ronald McDonald House charities.
He asked me if I'd ever been to Africa.

(02:57):
Of course I said no. He said,do you want to go?
We're leaving in ten days.
And I let this man that I had never metgive me some chops for some diseases.
And I got on a planeand I went to Zimbabwe.
And I will say, I left Zimbabwe thinking
a few things, thinking that this wasan amazing man with a great vision.
But he wasn't going to be building

(03:18):
a clinic there because betweenthe political controversies,
the poverty, the resources or lack thereof,
I mean, we literally went to the sitewhere this clinic was to be built,
one day and we sawwhat was a cinder block wall built under.
And we went back the second dayand the cinder block wall was gone.
And they told us that the elephantshad come through literally.

(03:41):
That's what they told us. My God.
And I thought, there'sjust so many things to to get over.
I went 3 or 4 more times with himbecause I was so intrigued
by these folks that just really hadnothing and really asked for nothing.
And I thought every time I came backthat we can sometimes be so entitled here
and we don't realize how many reallyamazing things that come with,

(04:04):
you know, living here in the States.
So one of the times we went DoctorBlack wasn't able to do it
because of his bad back, but I did bungeejump off Victoria Falls. Wow.
Yeah, it was it was really crazy.
Amazing was.
Yeah,but met a lot of people while I was there.
I got requested.
They said that

(04:25):
some of the locals had heardthat there was a successful business
woman from the States,
and they wanted to knowif I would meet with them
because they were trying to figure outways to kind of microloan like,
if you buy us two chickens, we can supplyeggs for $0.20 to our neighbors.
And that was actually a way for themto make some money.
So I met with them,
and the night I met with them,of course, there's no you.

(04:47):
There's no electricity or anything.
So we sat at a table much like this,surrounded by by young women,
young African womenand me and a tap light.
And they literally tapped the lightin the middle of the table.
And all I saw was these big,beautiful white smiles around the table.
My gosh. But nothing else.
And I thought, you know,and they said to me, like,
you're really the oddball in the room.

(05:08):
And I thought, well, yeah, there's onlyone baldheaded white woman today.
And the woman next to me,there was children everywhere.
Just lots of children.
And I was talking about how beautifulthe children were.
And the woman next to mesaid, ten of them are mine.
And I thought she couldn'tbe more than 30.
And she said ten of them are mine.

(05:29):
So being, you know, a
semi successful American businesswoman,
I said, let's start this conversationwith things we can control.
And we need to talk about birth control.
Because you're asking me,how can you support ten children with
no infrastructure?
And we need to firstaddress the ten children.
And she said to me, oh, I should clarify.

(05:51):
I've never given birth.
These ten children are orphans of HIV.
Wow. Yeah.
And I thought,
now I'm the entitled one, right?
I mean, so we have to check ourselves.
And I thought, you know,there's got to be.
We've got to do something more.Something different. Right?
So I came back and Gary asked me,you know,

(06:13):
would you want to comeand be my executive director?
And I thought,
well, I don't really know medicine,but I know nonprofit and I know business.
So if you take care of the shotsand the swab, know I'll take care of the
I'll take care of the moneyand that end of it.
And that was 2016, 2017 January.
We opened this practice down the street.
And since thenI've just met more and more.

(06:35):
I mean,
you know,I always leave with more than I came with.
I always leave with more than I can with.
Are you and emotionally ableto talk about Ronald?
Sure. Yeah.
Because I think that's an amazing storythat people should hear.
Okay.
So I'm going to give youmy story of Ronald.
I hope it's the one that you're thinkingabout in your head.

(06:55):
So one of my other areasthat I branched off into,
as I had again, my home businessthat was running and profitable
and amazing people taking care of
it was the Ronald McDonald programwithin McDonald's.
And I decided that I would take that overand I would manage that very unique.
You know, people think it's strange, the Ronald McDonald character,

(07:16):
a very prized, very private,very you know, you don't talk about it.
You don't talk about who they are.
If you know who they are,are they really kind of like Santa?
And we were hiring a new
person to fill that
role for us here in Connecticut,in western Massachusetts.
At the same time,I was at a gym, with a trainer.

(07:40):
And, you know, what are you doing today?
And I said, well, I've got this crazy jobI've got to do.
I'm going to go out and interviewsome folks to fill the big red shoes.
And I, I was actually usingthe same agency we're using now,
our PR agency,Cronin and Company and Glastonbury,
and everything would go through them.
And at the end of the day,they would send me headshots
and bios of people that were applying,and our ad couldn't

(08:02):
say what we were even hiring for.
It just said a brand icon in Connecticut.
That's it.
Didn't you didn't know who it was.
So I'm looking at these photosand one of them is my trainer
from the gym, like, well, that's, so I go the next day
and I said, why didn't you tell methat you were going to.
Well, we were talking and, he said, well,I, you know, I didn't want to make this,

(08:26):
you know, different merge things here.
So I didn't say anything.
I said, okay, well, I'mthe one that gets the headshots.
And so I said, you don't make me laugh.
And he's like, what?
And I'm like, don't make me laugh,do something funny and make me laugh.
And he did this stupid little dance thingwith whatever.
And so here and then it progressed.
It progressed to be that
he was the most fabulous brand ambassadorwe could have hoped for.

(08:47):
He was who I chose.
And then I just loved that so muchthat I decided I could walk away from this
business for a minute and starttraveling with him to hospitals and stuff.
And, you know,we think that these kids need so much,
but we would go to hospitals,one in particular, in Bangor, Maine,
where we found this little boy.
They had to take him on a wagonbecause he wasn't able to walk.

(09:09):
And they brought him out.
And you would have thoughtthat you gave him the world just seeing,
you know, seeing Ronald.
And people would say to me like,why do you want to do that?
Like, you're an owner operator.
Like, like we hire somebody to like,and I'm like, no, I can't.
You got to pay me
because this is just fabulous to be ableto go to the Ronald McDonald houses.
And it's funny how sometimes people thinkthat they're putting you down

(09:31):
and they compliment you.
And I remember we had a pretty high levelmeeting at the Ronald McDonald House
in New Haven at one point.
I was there ahead of the gueststhat were coming for the meeting,
and I heard a gentleman
or saw a gentleman walk into the kitchenwhere I was on the floor
playing with some children,
and I heard him walk to the front officeand say,
I'm supposed to be meeting the boardpresident here.

(09:52):
She's not here yet.
And they said,she's here. She's in the kitchen.
And he said, no, there's just some ladysitting on the floor playing with kids.
Oh my. Gosh.
So I got up and went out and I said, it'snice to meet you.
My name is Paddy McNair.
I'm the board president.
And he said,I wouldn't have expected to find a board
president sitting on the floorplaying with children.
And I said, well,maybe we should be expecting that more.
Yeah. It's a townhouse, right?

(10:12):
So yeah.
So Ronald is, So can you disclosehow you disclose who Ronald is now.
While he's Ronald? Yeah. I mean, okay.
Is it the same as the same Ronald? Yes.
It's his Ronald.He there's only one Ronald Reagan.
Oh, there's only one Ronald to one Ronald.
And and is he still around and McDonald.
And are they still is Robert.
Still just at the Thanksgiving Dayparade in New York?

(10:34):
Tony. Oh, I. Didn't watch it. Yes. Okay.
Is it along with the Hamburglar.
Because I never liked that character. Yes.
And Grimace and Birdie as well. So.
So that's my past.
That's your past.
That's your pastwhich went. For a lot of years.
Yeah, a lot of years.
I still, sometimes, probably more oftenthan people would like, but I still refer

(10:54):
to, you know,unlearn 40 years of doing something.
And, yeah, McDonald's is amazing.
Brand standsfor a lot of amazing things, does
a lot of amazing work,and taught me a lot of amazing things.
And aren't you still involvedwith the Ronald McDonald House?
I actually, I actually am.
I just started back not too long ago,realizing that I missed it a bit.
So I do volunteer for them one day a week.

(11:15):
Nice.
Yeah.
You donate one day a week,I go down to New Haven and do whatever,
whatever they, you know,whatever they need you to do.
They I do. So
because you're not busy enough.
You know what it is?
I it's it's funny because they say to me,oh, will you be able to come next week?
And I think they thinkI'm doing something for them. Yes.
From last week, for example,I went in and they said,

(11:37):
would you mind grabbing one of those totebags?
Go downstairs to our toy closet.
We have a young boywho's just awake enough now
he's five, and he's just awake enoughthat he's acknowledging folks.
And we want to send him over some toysto the hospital.
And I'm like, yeah.
So going downstairs with this tote bagand picking out whether I was going
to send him a little truckor could he do a puzzle.

(11:58):
Yeah,
it took me forever to pick outfive toys to make them just right
to bring them upstairs.
And then my only disappointment wasI wasn't able to bring them over to him.
We sent it with his parents.
But, so I'm thinking like, don'tyou don't have to thank me.
Like, he doesn't want a minute to just,
you know,I always say I have to turn my phone off.
I'm volunteeringso I can have my phone on.
And just watching these parentscoming and going that have just

(12:19):
such big weight on them,and they're just always so thankful,
like, for the simplest little things,they're just so, so
thankful when they come in the doorof all mental health.
It's like,
you know, I have a new pass for youso you can park for free because February
1st, the January passes weren't goodand I'm exchanging car passes
and they're like, thank you so much.
You don't know how much we appreciatethe fact that you let us park.

(12:40):
And it's like,
yeah,
just always a reminderthat you don't have to look very far to,
you know, find somebodythat's got to have your load.
Yeah.
Has this always been part of you, though,wanting to help people, wanting to,
to do things, or was it really startedwhen you went to Africa?
Oh, no, I think before that I would,I would say that.
So my, my husband at the timeand I, I want to say

(13:03):
had a very good as a matter of fact,there was multiple times that they named,
either a McDonald's day or a John McKnightor a Patty McKnight or the McKnight day.
I think we always believed in every GirlScout, Boy scout,
softball team, baseball team, hockey team,you know, any denomination of church,
if somebody needed somethingand we were able to give back,

(13:23):
I think that that came frombeing 16 and 17.
And again,
learning from the beginning of McDonaldand that you always
give back to the communitythat you've been to business.
And first and foremost, you do.
You always give back to thosethat are helping you and never forgetting
that that, you know,these minimum paid employees
and the registers are the reasonwhy I'm able to be successful

(13:44):
and not to forget that, thatand it always keep giving back to them.
I think it's something thatand I see that in my kids now, and I hope
I see that my grandkids as, as they startto come up, that you really do.
I mean, I think you guys knowthat you always get more from giving.
Absolutely.
I mean, I think it's selfish in a way,because it makes you realize
that things aren't really as badas we tell ourselves

(14:05):
sometimes when we wake up in the morningand say, woe is me.
You know those old sayings that,
you know, I'm complaining aboutgoing to stop and shop in the mad house
before the storm,but I'm thankful that I had a car
to get there and money to buy myselfgroceries.
I mean, you have to really.
This morning on the way in, Gary and Iwere texting Doctor Flick and I.
And he was in trafficcoming from Stanford.
I was in traffic on the Parkway

(14:25):
and he was saying,this is ridiculous and it's so bad.
And I said, Gary,you know, my mom always said it's
better to be in the trafficthan the cause of the traffic.
And he's like, well,I never looked at it that way.
And I said, yeah,
you know, people will say,your people will say to me
all the time, like, you live in the rosecolored glasses.
I'm like, oh, you know what?
But, but but Patty, that is, it's it'strue.
It's not.
Not very many people thinkthe way that you think.

(14:46):
Yeah, I know,I think, yeah, people say a lot of it.
Like again, rose colored glasses is oneI hear.
And I hear a lot like, God, youyou seem to be so simple minded.
And I'm like, well, that sounds like it.
That sounds like an insult.But I gotta tell.
You, I'm not trying to minimize. Again,I'll tell you a story.
When we went to Africa,
we stayed at the most beautiful placeI've ever been to in my life.
And right outside the doors of those gateswere with such poverty,

(15:08):
it was just hardto even equalize in your mind.
But the first morning there,
I came down to the front deskand the young woman said, can I help you?
And I said, no,I'm just going out for a run.
And she said, hold on, I'll get someone.
And I said, no, I'm good.I can go out for a run.
She said, no, you can't go out for a runwithout someone.
And a gentlemancame out with a long armed weapon
and he said he would come with me.

(15:29):
And I said, well,why do I need you to come with me?
And he said, because if elephantsapproach, we fire shot into the air
just to make sure that you're safe
because you very well can come acrossa herd of elephants on the road.
But that can happen.
So we went out and on the way backI noticed this young person
trying to get my attention,and I went over
to speak with this young personand he warned

(15:50):
me, don't speak to the people,because if you speak to them,
they're going to ask you for moneyand so don't speak to them.
So I said, let's make a deal early on.
I'm going to be here ten days.
You watch the elephants in the gun, watch my wallet.
I don't need you to tell mewhether or not I can or can't.
And you know what? This young womandid not want money.
What she said is,can I ask, when you check out of the hotel

(16:11):
if there's any soap left, wouldyou bring the soap out and give it to us?
Because people commentabout the way we smell,
but we don't have any wayto clean ourselves.
Oh my gosh.
I mean, things you learn, those are the.
Kinds of things that you deal with
and the woman with the ten kidsthat I'm telling we need to talk about,
you know, birth controlwhen they're not hers.

(16:33):
And one of the little boys that they hadintroduced us to, his name was surprise.
And she said, this is surprise.And I said, what's his name?
And she said,
his name is surprise.And we call him that,
because we were literally out one dayand we just found him.
We assume his parents are both deceasedfrom Aids, but we don't know.
We just found him, so we just took him inand he was tiniest little thing,
maybe 3 or 4 years oldand happy as could be running around.

(16:56):
And I thought, you know,then I come back to the States and
I'm atthe West Plains Mall before Christmas,
and there was a woman in front of mejust, just completely berating the person
behind the deskbecause did they understand
that while their ten year old wantedwas the new iPhone?
And how could you be out of them?
And I said to Gary, I texted Garyand I'm like, I just left the mall.

(17:17):
And he's like, what's wrong?
I'm like, I well, I could seewhile I was listening to this woman
was these kidsthat had and asked for nothing,
and you are completely tearing downthis other human
being because you're ten yearold wants an iPhone for Christmas.
And what are we doing? Right?What are we doing?
Wow. So there's a lot I it really is.

(17:38):
I mean, I,I really don't make it up when I say that.
There's really always more in it.There's a story.
But I have.
To agree with Sarah that you youthere's not that
many people that are like you and I,I just want to thank you,
that lately it's been really hard to dothe work that I'm doing.
And you are always there
to say something to me that shifts me,but absolutely makes me laugh.

(18:00):
And sometimes, as you know,
she can say something to me on a Mondayand Saturday, I'm still laughing about it.
So thank you for bringingthat into my life, because,
as asas somebody who leads this organization,
you absolutely lead by example.
You lead with kindness.You know what I mean?
You just let the stories that you'retelling that that's who Patty McKnight is.

(18:21):
You're always willing to help outpeople who are less fortunate.
And I think it's wonderful.
Did it was I had asked before,were you always like this?
So when you were little, did you have thiskind of empathy for others then?
Did you grow up with it with parentswho were like that?
You know what I would say? Yes.
I tell this story a lot.
And again, it's just the truth.

(18:43):
So I'm just going to say it the way it is.
I didn't grow up
with parents that ever talked about folks,by the way
they looked like it was never,you know, Mary, the tall one.
Are you remember Fred thethe the heavy one.
Like, they just didn'twe didn't use those descriptors.
So I tell people sometimesI think I have like a birth defect

(19:05):
because from being a little, my parentsjust did not talk to us like that.
There was five of us. There was five.
We had bad four siblings.
I'm a middle child, two older sisters,and I have a younger sister
and a younger brother.
And we grew up in New Haven, in the ghetto
on a street called White Street,which was between two streets
where there was in thein the days of the riots.

(19:28):
And many days we would be under the tablewith a table cloth,
and my parents would be saying,just be quiet.
And we knew that there was riots outside.
I can't tell you.
I grew up ever thinking that I didn't haveanything that anyone else had.
I thought I had everything until peoplestarted to say to me, do you realize that
you're the only white familythat lives on White Street?

(19:48):
And I was like, oh, we are, aren't we?
And they were like, yeah, likeall of your friends are people of color.
And I'm like, but yeah, like never notice.
But again, it was neverI know it sounds silly,
but when it's not pointed outas anything different or any that
I had, one of my best friendsthat lived in North Virginia had horses,
and we would go ride horses at her placeone week and be at my house another week.

(20:11):
And I didn't know that she had things
I should have wanted or that I didn't have things.
Yeah.
I mean, with two older sisters,there was lots of hand-me-downs.
My parents both worked full time.
We had a very.
We always lived above my my nannybecause that's what we Italians do.
Right to my 90.And Poppy lived downstairs.
We stayed upstairs,
in a two bedroom apartment with five kids.

(20:33):
And so my mom and dad had their own room.
The four girls had a room,and my brother slept in the den.
And I never there was never a timegrowing up that I ever thought,
I wish I had what they haveor why do they have that?
And I don't, because that just wasn'tthe way my parents, well,
you know,it wasn't that it was strict in a way.
Like I remember growing up,
if anybody ever said there was somethinggoing on on a Sunday, we didn't even look,

(20:56):
look away.
It was we can't do it
because Sunday we go to church together,
we have dinner togetherand watch The Wonderful World of Disney
or the National Geographic, and we do that as a family.
And even as we were olderand people would say,
well, like, you're 21, you're engaged.I'm like, yeah, it doesn't matter.
I'm not married yet. And Sunday
is dinner and church with my family,and so you're welcome to come.
But we don't do anything else.
We would never think of havinga holiday away from home

(21:19):
at Christmas without being home.
But it's justjust what we did. But then you realize
everybody doesn't do that.
But. But people are like,you know, people are down on you
for being for doing that.
It's like, you know,everybody does does things differently.
And I will say, my kids are the same.
I want to say my kids are the same way.
My kids are verymy son's very compassionate

(21:39):
lives in Seattle,
always calling home, checkinglike he called me just the other day
and he said, what do you wantfor your birthday in March?
And I said, just come home and visit me.
Next thing I know,I get a picture of a plane ticket.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah. And he's grown is 40.
Yeah.
So he could have said, well, yeah,my daughter's a nurse.
I think that she's very loving,very compassionate.

(22:01):
Both my parents died in our homewith my kids standing by the bed.
So that's just that's just what you do.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's like a you're you're like you'relike, the the mama bear of mama bears.
You know, I've noticed that very early on,especially coming from,
a childhoodthat I didn't have that nurture and love.

(22:21):
I mean, I remember
when I first started working here, I thinkyou're sending your son there. Was.
She got all, beans with, like.
A chicken cutlet. Yeah. Chicken pasta.
Yeah. Oh. The ethanol. Yeah.
I just thought that was the sweetest thingI on a Fedex.
So it's good.
I just was like.
Well, you sent food, fed it like, oh,it's frozen and things and oh, I bake it.
Is it that. Yeah. It's just like, that's

(22:44):
the I love I love
that part of you and you,you bring that motherly
nurturing into health care advocatesbecause your door is always open.
As an executive director here.
Hope sofor everyone who feels that they need it.
And I think that's a it'snot like that in a lot of places. No.
And I remember
so many times that you'll tell me,you've you've had a hard day or something

(23:06):
and Patty will text you and just say,just stay home.
I've never, I've never and I've worked,you know, I never worked for a nonprofit
before I started working here,but I worked in manufacturing,
and it didn't matterif I was had the flu or whatever.
You were expected to be in work, but what?
Patty, I'm going to talk about.
You're like, you're not here,
but what Patty Valley realizesthat a lot of people don't realize

(23:28):
is that there's emotional workand there's physical work,
and sometimes it can get really hard
sometimes, on a callwith somebody at three in the morning
because I get text,I don't want to live anymore,
and I can't look at it and shutmy phone off and continue sleeping.
She knows the difference.
And to be able to be back and

(23:48):
and last week you said something to mejust stay home.
And she knew that it was hard.
That is like her saying here's
here's $1,000because that I need that support.
It's worth. It.It's so worth it. So worth it.
Yeah.
I mean, people say sometimes,
you know, they'll say,you know, nobody's come to save you.
And I thank GodI've been saved a million times in my life

(24:10):
by people who didn't even knowthey were saving me.
So shouldn't we be just be doing that?
I mean,it doesn't always have to be a big deal.
People will say sometimes, like,
I wish I especially when I was an operatorwith McDonald's, you know,
there's this thought that and we wereit gave us a very good life.
We got in early, times were good.
I've not one complaintabout my 40 years there.
But people would say, well, you know,you're you're a, you're an owner operator.

(24:33):
So why would you do
whatever it is that you would door I wish I had what you have, I
if I had time,if I had money and I'm thinking,
you know, time, treasure, talent,that's what we would say.
Everybody has something.
It doesn't have to be a lot of hours.
It could just be the fact that you maybehad your eyes up and smile.
That somebody when you walked by or,you know, don't question

(24:53):
why did you give $5 to that personon the street?
They should get a job just, you know,
just again,you only have to answer for yourself.
That's what my parents used to say.
If we'd come home and say I hit himbecause he hit me,
my mom would say,you don't have to answer for what he did.
I want to know why you did what you did.
You only need to answer for yourself.
So again, if that person takes that moneyI gave them and does something with it,
I would have not done that.

(25:15):
They could answer for that.
But I have to answer for as I walked bywith $5 in my hand to give, and
I didn't even look at you because I judgedthat maybe you should get a job.
Or maybe you could do betterinstead of just helping you to do better.
Yeah, that's love that.
Really.I love that giving unconditionally.
Yeah. It's hard to do that.
Yeah. No.
Because many people worry about that.

(25:37):
Well, what am I actually giving money?
Well, my daughter does that.
And she says people always say to her,she's like, makes these.
She calls them care bagsand like the plastic bags.
And she puts, like, a granola barand a water and socks and
a toothbrush and toothpaste and a $5 bill.
And then she goes to New Yorkand she's like, mom,
everybody always asks me,why do I do that?
And I tell them,because I only have to answer for myself
and that those people need it

(25:59):
and, well, you don't knowwhat they're going to do with it.
And she's like,I don't care what they do with it.
If you know, that's what I give it to themand then it's theirs.
But we're so busy all that time and energyit takes for you to think about
what they're going to do with the darn $5.
Yeah, I remember, I remember years agoI was going into Stop and shop and stay
in East Haven, and there was a womansitting there on a cart

(26:19):
upside down inside, and she said,excuse me, sir, do you have any money?
And I said, no, but are you hungry?
And I looked her in the eyes,because to me
I was at one point for a small periodof time, homeless myself.
And she says, yeah,they have that fried chicken in there.
So I went and got a fried chicken,some water, some sodas.
I'm Italian too,so I hooked. Her off hook.
There's bread. There,of course, sandwiches and everything.

(26:41):
So when I came out, I handed her
the two bags of groceries, said, ma'am,it's been an honor to help you today.
And I handed her $20.
And when I hear the $20,
this guy walks by and says,you know what you do with that, don't you?
Now, old Tony would have tackled him andbeat the crap out of him, not new Tony.
And I said, excuse me, sir.
And I pulled him away from herbecause I knew exactly what he said.

(27:03):
And I said, what did you say?
You know what she should do with that,don't you?
I said, I don't sure if you see oneI gave her, but I gave her a 20.
Do you think she's gonna buy againan apartment or buy clothes with it?
No, she's.
Go over there and buy a bottle of booze.
That's what she's going to do.
And I said, excuse me,have you ever been homeless?
His answer was shocking. Of course not.
Of course not, I said, well,
I have enough a bottle of booze,so get that poor woman through the night.

(27:26):
It's my honor to give it to her.
It's my honor, because that's what it is.
It's giving unconditionally.What does she need?
Or what does that personneed to feel better about themselves?
Even if it's $5,$20, $10, it's not up to me.
My my role is when I see somebody.
I think that's happens a lot with people.
They've never been in that situation.
You don't know what it's liketo be honored on the street.

(27:47):
You don't know what it's likenot having a home.
So when I walk by and I see it,
I want to help that personbecause now I live a life of abundance.
But you, I don't knowif you have ever been homeless,
but it sounds like you haven't.
But still, in your heart, you know,you see somebody less fortunate than you
and how can you judge somebody?
But let's just think about it.
How can you judgesomebody who is helping somebody else?

(28:10):
I don't get it.
No, it's not a question for you to answer.I'm just saying.
We don't have it.
That's a rhetorical question.One of those questions.
What?
So you do a lot for other people.
What do you do for yourself?
Oh, what do I do for other people?
Okay,so that is self fulfilling for you, right.
It's yeah, it is, it is.
I'm, you know, I just have so many thingsto look forward to.

(28:30):
I'm going in July.
I'm going to Alaska with my son.
Oh. Well,first of all, I'm not a good flier.
Yeah, I can put all kinds of patchesand wristbands and pills and.
Yeah.
So I've been out to see hima number of times in Seattle
last time, I literally did not leavethe restroom on the plane for seven hours.
The stewardess was bringing meall kinds of trying to help me.

(28:50):
I just was not.
I'm so sick when I fly,but I'm going, okay?
And we have to take a tiny little planethat lands in the water
because that's wherewe're going to sleep with bears.
What's very.
Yeah, very exclusive,unique place called Katmai.
Just the two of you.
Well,so he had to enter a lottery to get to go
because there's very limited availabilityand very limited weeks where the bears

(29:13):
are out of hibernation and get fed enoughthat you can go near them
because there's a salmon run.
So anyway, it's just I don't.
Know about this, Patty.I don't know everything.
I've researched about it.
It really is. It's a trip of a lifetime.
So he, entered the lottery.
And a few years ago, he got.
He won a few nights in a tent,and he did it.

(29:34):
And a couple of years later,he won, two nights in a cabin.
And the cabin has two bunks on each side
and a bathroomwith a curtain in front of you.
And that's what he won the ability to use.
So it's me and him and my sisterand my nephew, and.
But we're not going to just go all the way
to Alaska for two days,so we're putting a long trip around it.
We're going to see the fjordsand the icebergs

(29:56):
that we're taking the train to Denali,and we're going to pet the sled dogs.
But tendays, I want to stay with my son, who,
you know, again, people will say, well,you talk about your son.
I think he's a kid, but he's 40.
I'm like, still my kid.
Doesn't matterwhen he's 100, he's going to be my kid.
And the fact that he chooses to spend time
with a guest,because not everybody has that.

(30:19):
I mean, even when my kids were growingup, that I would say in
between different things thatmaybe they were coming to live back home
for a while, where people would go,oh my God, or now I live in
an attached house to my daughter,my son in law, my grandkids.
And when I was building it, people said,why would you build on like,
your kids finally got old enough
that you can let them goand now you want them back?
I'm like, I don't know how I feel,but you feel for me because I'm living

(30:42):
next door to my kids and I feel for youthat you don't have the relationship
with your kids that would makeyou want to move next to them, right?
So I guess it'sjust a matter of perspective, right?
Yeah, I know my grandkids have a code.
They leave their door, go through atwo car garage, and they're at my door.
And when I hear no answer,can we come in in the morning?
Like, how could you?

(31:03):
Seriously, could you want to listenso that I is and and people question it.
I really do do that for me.
I do that for me.
Yeah I don'tI have three children and my husband
and I have always said, we'll buyyou each a house on the same street.
And we're all likelive on the same street.
I and as as it turns out,one of them is probably going to be

(31:24):
leaving the country for a while.
The other one lives in Texas,and then we have one.
I'm still in college, so they're all overthe place, and I always do
feel very envious to anybodywho has their children around.
I'm I can't understand,
I suppose, why I really can't understandnot wanting
because adult children are just as fun,if not more fun than when.

(31:45):
Good, respectful relationship.
I understand they're adults.
They understand I'm still the mother.
Sometimes.
Yeah, it's it's perfect.
It's just perfect.
I don't know what else to say.It's just perfect.
And you get to watch your grandchildrengrow up. Yeah.
I'll tell you what I have to say.
I don't like this bear. Sleepwith the bear stuff.
Yeah. That's all.
I'm mean, I'm on. I don't know,I might have to boycott this.

(32:05):
We need you here.
I fly to Anchorage,and then we take a small plane to salmon,
like salmon or something.
Then a tiny, tiny plane where they.
They've already askedwhen you buy the ticket, how much.
Do you weigh? Don't lie, don't lie.
And I said, some people kind of stupid.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.They have to move the earth.
They have to move the newspapers.
That's how they do it. They movethe newspapers around the building.

(32:27):
Is that second flight? Oh, 40 minutes.
That's all I could get.
And then once you're there,you got the list of.
You can't have anything with any smell.
No deodorant, no shampoo, no net, becauseyou're literally sleeping with the bears.
So I'm like,how much do these beers weigh?
Well, we're going in July,so they're out of hibernation.
Well fed on salmon.
So they said they'll walk by youand they don't even care that you're there

(32:49):
because they're well fed.
So how much do these bears weigh.
And they're like 1,000 pounds.
I'm like, oh, they're like yeah,they're really, really big.
They're paws like the size of your face.
And you're in a cabin.And you see snuggling next to them.
And you have one placewhere you could go to eat
during the day that says,that electrified fence around it.
So you go in, we leave whatever they are,and then you leave because even though
they're well fed, I guessif they smell the burger, they might.

(33:11):
But I'm, you know what?
I want to eat so much and everything
that I've researched isit is a trip of a lifetime.
So I know it's number two.
And then I'm going to Disneyin, October with
both my kids and their familiesand my grandkids.
What if you were to do one thingby yourself, just you, what would it be?
Oh, God,

(33:32):
if I was to do one thing by myself.
I, you know,I have a lot of things on my bucket list,
but I'd love to travel alone someday.
But I'm just not a loner. I'mjust not a loner.
Maybe go for a walk. Go shopping.
I don't I'm not really a lonertype of person. No.
Go for a massage.
I hate my.
Nails. Done. No.

(33:53):
No, a walk along. That's an. Answer.
That's an answer.
I do have an answerthat I do have an answer.
And I know right nowsomebody's listening and going.
I can't believe youdidn't say I would spend the day cooking.
The problem with that is I love to spend the day cooking.
But then at the end of the night,the dishes are done
and everything's done,and I think I'm like, oh, that's so good.
I had such a good day.

(34:14):
And then I have to find somebodyto take the food I cooked because I live
well, I'll take it,I'll take it yesterday.
I'm, I'm constantlybringing trays of food.
Who brought the chocolate cake yesterday?
Gary, Gary's husband, made that.
I didn't even have a piece for me.
Yes, just.
Even that thoughI have so many videos of my.
The two little ones, they're fiveand three standing by the stove
and my granddaughter will say, noice cream
makes some of that pasta visually today.

(34:35):
I love that I'm letting them help me cook.
What's that?
That's garlic.
That's onions.
So yeah, it's just. It's it's awesome.
There seems to be so many experiencesthat you that you've had.
Could you narrow it down to one experiencethat was life changing?
I mean, was that Africa I suppose, right.
I think that if I had to saylife changing,
maybe it was 2010the week before Thanksgiving.

(34:59):
Everybody starts their Christmas shopping.
I just got out of the shower,
and my daughter was coming overand we were going to go
Christmas shopping,and I got a phone call.
So a few weeks before that,I went for my mammogram
and they said, we found something,but we don't think it's anything.
Okay.
And I went to the breast surgeonand was making an appointment,
and I got a phone call on my phonefrom my doctor.

(35:19):
What are you doing?I said, I'm making an appointment.
I know they just called me for a referral.
You can't make an appointment.
You got to see me first.
I said, no, I don't really need to.
I'm just happy they found something.
I wanted to take it out.
And she said, we don't do that.
We don't just cut women.
Every time they find a lump or a bump,we're going to follow it.
And I said, yeah, no,I'm not going to follow it.
I'm going to have it removed.

(35:39):
Well, let's make a deal,she said. We'll do a biopsy.
When the biopsy is negative,we'll stop this conversation.
I said, okay, schedule me for a biopsythe following week when I went in, very,
very nice. It'smy low. Couldn't ask for more.
They came in to do the biopsy
and after a few tries she said,we're not gonna be able to do this today.
We were going to do a needle biopsy.
You need a full biopsy,so we're going to reschedule you.

(36:00):
And I said, I, I don't wantto be that patient, but I waited my turn.
This is my turn and I'm not getting up.
So you're going to do it today.
Do whatever you have to do.Do it because it's my turn.
And they did.
And that day before Thanksgiving in 2010I think it was
I have it on my calendarstill November 26th.
Maybe the doctor called the same doctor.

(36:20):
They told meI didn't need to be making an appointment
and saidI can't believe you have breast cancer.
Then I said, well,
I've said, now, now you'll listen to mein the future, won't you?
So when can we get this done?
Because I've got Christmas
shopping to do and cookies to makeand let's get it over with.
So we did January 11th, 2011.
Big, big storm.

(36:40):
My family was all sleeping outsidethe doors, and I had surgery for 17 hours,
and I had a double mastectomywith reconstruction at the same time,
and it took 17 hours.
And I learnedthat, again, we have to be thankful.
Right. And so I would say that was it.
I learned a lot.
I had a lot of peopletell me that was too dismissive.

(37:01):
The breast cancercommunity is a very strong community.
I wasn't ever really big on the shirtsand that just wasn't me.
So if you asked me, you know, Patty,tell me some things in your life,
I would tell you.
My grandkids, my kids, my parents, my
my being an operator with McDonald's,my running this organization.

(37:21):
I wouldn't say toyou and I had breast cancer.
So I didn't let it. Likeit just never defined me.
It was a moment in time
and people would say, well,you don't wear it on your shirt.
And I'm like, but it was a moment in time,and if I let it define me,
then I mean, if I meet peoplethat are going through it
and I have people close to me now that areI share a little bit,
I could share in it and say thathopefully, you know, that there's,

(37:46):
you know,
a part therecan be there can be positive outcomes.
But I don't always say, hi,I'm Patty McKnight.
Yeah, I had breast cancer in 2010, surgeryand 11 reconstruction.
Then I had, you know, uterine cancertwo years ago.
It was a, you know, had to have itthat just so those kinds of things,
I think refocus youand make you realize that

(38:06):
you have to be thankful, right.
Life is short. We all say it.
And then tomorrow we're complaining,screaming at somebody in the drive to.
They didn't give us our ketchup.
It's like we forget so quicklythat if the person you're arguing
with was gone tomorrow,would that argument really have mattered?
Like, do you really need to be that upsetwith them over something?
And then tomorrowwe're all saying life is short.

(38:27):
We wish we knew, but we don't know. Yeah.
And we know life is short.
I mean, so I would say thatthose that diagnosis and then again
the recurrence a few years agoand then people are like,
oh my gosh, aren'tyou mad that they didn't
do a total hysterectomy with the,you know, when they thought I'm like, no.
How would they have known?
You know, there's lots ofI say, I say it all the time, mean
I work for a doctorand I say all the time,

(38:49):
doctors are the best,best thing we have the best thing.
We have to keep ourselves healthy.But they're not. God.
So if we think that they are,then, you know, who are we fooling?
We're fooling ourselves, right?
And we have to advocate for ourselves.I don't think we do that enough.
Yes, I believe in I being Italianbecause I can say to my mom,
you should get a second, second opinion.You can't get a second opinion.

(39:09):
The doctor will be angry.
Don't buy dow, stop and get an antibiotic.
We got to go to the doctor instead. Well,I get that.
I don't say that.
I mean, I appreciate my doctor's thoughts,but I didn't need that.
And I heard her and I thought that wasgreat, that that was her recommendation.
But I knew that day,I'm going to have to take this out.
I'm not going to follow anything,and I'm not going to watch anything.

(39:31):
I'm going to take care of this.
So I think that
people will say,I bungee jumped after that surgery.
So people will say, after that surgery,you seem to be much more carefree.
I don't feel likeI've ever really had a heavy backpack.
So. Yeah.
So as you know, I had cancer twice,
and I was first diagnosedright before Thanksgiving in 2013.

(39:51):
And,because when you were talking about,
I was like, oh my God, that's exactly.I don't talk about kidney cancer.
I've had it twice.
Thank God it was stage one both times.
But I don't talk about itand I don't even know.
And this might sound ridiculous.
I don't even knowif that changed my life at all.
I don't think having it, like, you know,made me wake up the next day saying,

(40:12):
oh my God.
Okay, so, I survived this.
Now I'm going to change everything.
I'm going to start,you know, being more mindful.
I'm going to start beingnothing like that happened to me.
But to to get like from the community.
Well, wait a minute.
Why don't you talk about itwhen you speak?
Why don't you talk aboutyour kidney cancer?
I just don't I don't know, it doesn'tdefine I guess it doesn't define who I am.

(40:33):
So I'm very grateful that I survived it.
You also already.
Or maybe you weren't at the time.
I don't know, but you've always beena mindful person, right?
I've always beenjust getting into the coaching.
I was just getting into healing.
And you've also,
I think a lot of time peoplethat respond to certain things
that happen in their life like thator because their life has been pretty good

(40:54):
for the most part,and all of a sudden, yeah,
something's thrown into their lifethat shakes them up.
And they're it's very difficult of thatfor them to handle it.
I remember not telling anybodylike publicly
until I was leaving the hospitalafter my surgery.
Really? Yeah.
I mean, my friends knew.
My parents knew,
my family knew, but I didn't like, say,hey, everybody, I'm going in for.

(41:16):
I didn't want anybody to know until I was.
I survived it because I didn't knowI was my first experience.
I didn't know what it would be like.
You know what I mean?
Yeah. I'm thinking that that.
Did you recognizeyou guys have such good questions.
So that's the first thingthat came to my mind when I thought,
what's the big life moment?
But when someone will say to me sometimes,how did you do that?
Or how did you deal with that?
Or how did you let thatroll off your back?

(41:38):
I say to them, like,I buried my parents, I could do anything
and I could bury my parents.
And my parentsboth literally died in my home.
Like, like literally, I think to myself,
like when the person came that morning,whoever it is.
But like the person that comeswhen someone passes away
with the black car and picks, oh.The Undertaker, the.
Under contractwith The Undertaker under Death Day,

(41:59):
I afterwards, in hindsight, made me smileand I thought they must have thought
what is going on here?
Because we literally me, my kids,my husband, my sisters, I called that
we were all standinglike we knew my mom had passed,
but we were with heruntil they came to get her.
So once you care for somebody like that,which is such a blessing, you know people.
But how could you do that?
Like, what an honor to be ableto help someone out of this life

(42:23):
that took care of youthrough your whole life and.
Brought you into. Life? Yes.
But I think if I could bury my parents,I could do anything.
Like what?
Give me somethinghard to do. Like breast cancer.
Okay.
But again, I sometimes get a little,you know, people don't
aren't always happy with mebecause they say you don't honor it.
You don't give it the respect it deserved.
I think that the people that are goingthrough it, and the warriors

(42:46):
that get through it and that have foughtand are still fighting,
are the people that you should respect,not necessarily the disease itself.
Right.
I mean, I don't have a lot of respectfor the disease itself,
but they would say to me,you make it sound, you minimize it.
But again,because I don't want to give it
any more power than itsometimes has or takes from people.

(43:07):
Yeah. So.
With the
what's happening in this country rightnow, because,
listen, you're the executive directorof an LGBTQ organization.
What once you said to Gary.
Yes, I'll be the executive director,
was there anything like what?

(43:29):
What drew you to this work?
What what keeps you hereas the executive director?
Because I know itcan't be. It's not easy all the time.
So what?
What keeps you workingas hard as you're working?
Especially now that it seems likethings are not too cool
with the LGBTQ,especially the T and Q communities?
Well, I think first of all, I think thatit's not a time for the weak of heart.

(43:50):
I think it's not a time to take our footoff the gas and pump the brake.
I think if anything, it'sa time for people to more people to,
to rally around folks who've always saidthat they've been advocates.
You know what?
Quite frankly,it's not always a positive place to be.
You know, as a straight,cisgender female.

(44:10):
I know I've told you this before.
I sometimes
sat around the table with the community,that there's a lot of assumptions,
whether it's my haircut or whether it'smy Birkenstock Birkenstocks.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, and and quite frankly,again, there's a lot of things
that you might think I am or am not thatit doesn't it doesn't really.
I mean, I know who I am and it doesn'tit doesn't really doesn't bother me.

(44:31):
But if you think that I can't bea part of the solution, because I think
that there's a lot of strengthin having walked in the shoes.
But if we don't let other folkscome around us, and maybe you know what?
Everything that I say is well intended.
If it's, not put in the right way,I'm always open for correction.

(44:52):
But I would say to folks all the time,we would gather
like groups of folks, right?
For for focus groups or for ideasor for whatever
and for love and for all of that.
And I found itlike we're we're drawing together groups
of, trans women of colorbecause trans women of color

(45:13):
is high on our radarfor for being, targeted and for being,
you know, just just bulliedand abused and murdered. So.
And then I thought one day, like,
you know, trans women of color are killingtrans women of color.
We need folks like me to saywe embrace you, we love you.
We accept you.
You're part of our family.We're we're all equal.

(45:36):
And if we can't work with our advocates,
and our allies and bring them in, thenI don't know how we're ever going to get.
Because again, I just don't feel likewithout generalizing,
I don't feel like a lot of theill will and, a lot of what's going on
that, quite frankly, the hate, it'snot coming from within the community.
It's coming from outside the community.

(45:56):
So it is important that we have peopleat the table that are willing to speak
and speak when no one's in the room,you know, speak positively.
And I really have a very strong beliefthat if I stand in a conversation
with folks that are talking negativelyabout any group of people,
whatever that happens to be,and people will go like, yeah,
I heard what they were saying,but I didn't comment.

(46:18):
But you stood thereand you passively said, I agree.
So again, is it controversial to sayyou don't want to be controversial?
You know what, I need to gomake a phone call or whatever,
but I have to separate myself
from the conversationbecause I feel like that passive.
Patty stood there and she listened to it.
So she must agree it's not.
Or maybe we don't have to agree.

(46:39):
We don't
have to agree with anywith any of our stances here. But
can we just agree that we're all peopleand that there's really no reason?
Like all of the other folkswe've talked about,
whether it's the folks in Africa,whether it's the people that were coming
to the Ronald McDonald Housefrom Guatemala
that we realized at a December morning,we're going over to the hospital
to see their child,and they have no coats,

(47:00):
and they didn't ask for anything.
And do I, you know, people would say,why are you helping all these folks
from all over the world?
And there's folksright down the street that need help,
but these are the folks
that are presenting themselves to us,and they all need help.
And again,
when you say no one's coming to save you,we've all been saved.
We can all think of a time in our lives
where we were savedfor whatever big or small reason that was.

(47:22):
Why would you not?
And it always ends for me with
you don't have to agree with just tell mewhat is what they're doing in their life.
How is it affecting you?
Tell me that because I understandthat it isn't what you may do.
Is it what you may choose?
It isn't how you may live your life,but how does them living their best life?
How does that impact you?

(47:42):
Because I'm.
You do have rights,but they stop where their rights begin.
You don't have your rightsand their rights.
That's that's that'swhere it gets muddled for me, where people
will want to raise the roofabout how can this be happening?
But okay,but what does that have to do with you?
How does that affect you?
And look where we are now because you allwe're worried about a dozen eggs.

(48:03):
Yeah. Yeah.
And for $12 this weekendthe vegetable market near me.
And I have to tell you,I just spoke about something that you said
to me a long time agowhen I first joined at the team here.
You said, you know, it's greatwhen you talk to people
in the audience that support you,
but how can we get peoplewho don't support you in the audience?
Like, how can we speak to the people?
And then and then when you're talkingabout like being in a space without, say,

(48:26):
just say a trans person, somebody startstalking negatively about trans people.
A super duper ally will say, excuse me,that's not true.
You know, and really stand upfor a community when they're not present.
That's the that's the type of alliesI like to surround myself with.
Because, listen,if I'm standing next to you,
peopleare probably not going to say anything
or they're going to say something or say,hey, wait a minute, Tony.

(48:46):
Oh my God, you're hurting Tony's feelings.
But when I'm not nowhere in earshotand you stick up for me as an ally,
that's a super duper ally.And I know you're one of them.
I will say that when
I first started to do some of the workthat I'm trying to do,
that that was what I heard a lot,was that you're not gay.
You're, you know,you're not in the community.

(49:07):
And it
irritated me because I thought,
well, I have a child who is transgender.
I am trying to learn and become,
a better person and individual and parent
and an ally and learnsomething that I knew nothing about.

(49:27):
And just because I'm not in the community,
why would you not want me toto do the work?
I couldn't quite understand it.
And it got to the pointwhere I was so upset by it
one time, because it was consistentlysaid to me that, well,
you need more of the community involvedand you need more.

(49:48):
And I thought,
well, do you want me to go aroundand just ask somebody, are you gay? Yes.
Okay,then would you like to do this for me,
or do you prefer to just have
somebody who really wants to be hereand do the work and help?
And what does it matter? And also,
if you feel so strongly about itbeing done
only by people in the community,then why didn't you step up to do it?

(50:09):
Like,are we just supposed to sit around and
and not helpbecause we are not part of that community?
I was very, very confusing to me.
And you and I talked about that a lotbecause I it almost really put me off
doing what I was doing, because I feltcompletely criticized and judged.
And I thought, why don'twe all just try to do the same thing here?

(50:31):
Well, I'm glad you didn'tstep down from doing anything because
your your presence in this communitymeans a lot to me and a lot.
I mean,look what you did with Guilford Pride.
I mean, nobody I mean, how many yearshad somebody else in the community
have the opportunity to say, hey,you know,
maybe we should have a pride in Guilford,but nobody stepped up.
No, they didn't.And that was my big thing is I.
Appreciate the allies, to be honest.

(50:52):
I really, really do because we needour allies around us and surrounding us.
Just like, just like I feel like,you know, not everybody
who is in the LGBTQ plus community really
has to stand up andand say, hey, I'm fighting for the rights.
There's a lot of people who don'twant to play that role, which they.
Also don't agree.
So, so, so.There are some people who don't agree.

(51:13):
Right?
Of the people in the community whoand I've heard this, somebody said to me,
the lesbian community is annoyedwith the transgender community. Yes.
And I thought, what?
Well, I can tell you this,that when they were doing the testimony
last Friday for SJ 35 here in Connecticut,we're trying to amend the Constitution

(51:33):
to have more protectionsfor LGBTQ people and pregnant people.
There was quite a few LGBT
peopletestifying in opposition of that bill.
And somebody that was in the audience, sent something on Facebook like,
I am very disheartened here.
How can people in the community

(51:55):
be against protecting the community,especially when it came to trans kids?
And that's sad to me.That's just sad to me.
And their reason is because of the kids.
Yeah.
And again, I'm going to say it again,if you're not engrossed
in the community, if you're not engrossedin the suffering like we are.
Yeah, okay.
I mean, the youth and family program,that's all we do is help kids

(52:15):
come from I don't want to live anymoreto oh, wait a minute,
there is a place for me in this worldand I want to live.
I mean that
if you're not sitting in the pain,then you don't have an opinion on this.
Because opinions are based on knowledge,in fact, not personal beliefs.
That's all you know, right?
I mean, I used to call itand I still do sometimes
say that sometimes it's oppressionfrom the oppressed, because I will

(52:38):
I will often be at a table and
and first of all, we have to remember,like we talk about everything, right?
There's there's positive and negativeor people that see things,
the glass half full, peoplethat see it half empty in every group, in
every community, everywhere.
But I've been corrected.
It's funny, we have a young woman,a very talented young woman

(52:59):
that works for us here.
And she tells me she identifies as gay.
So that's how I identify her as gay,and I'm corrected.
Why do you say she's gay?
She's not gay.She's a lesbian. Lesbians aren't gay.
Who stood. By the craziest. Thing?
So I just, you know,very nicely say, okay, I apologize,
but but what I have voicedis we have to be kind, right?

(53:23):
Love has to flow in and flow out.
It can't just flow into the communitybecause that's never going to happen.
It's got to flow in and flow out.
And there have been timeswhere whether it's something like
that, where, first of all, that wasn'teven my best guess at identifying her.
I identify her that way because that'show she identifies herself to me.
And I hear her in in public saying that,or else I would just call her by name.

(53:43):
I won't even bother to say,but to be corrected.
As if to your point, your,you know, a heterosexual woman, that
you are a straight woman and says, woman,you don't know what you're talking about.
It's you know, I'm honoring herand now you're dishonoring me.
Like, why. It's honoring her.
Because what it does is and I've saidthis, I'm on the other side of the street.

(54:05):
And I'm saying to all my friends, listen,these are good folks.
Let's let them in.Why are you judging them?
Why do I care about all of these thingsthat you're bringing to the table
about them?
Like, I think about that if I thinkabout that with Toni, I couldn't imagine.
I couldnot imagine how I could think more of him,
have more respect for himthat, you know, like him.

(54:28):
Well, I can't imagine how anything wouldchange if I knew Toni before, you know.
Call it. Yeah. Treat your.
Lesbian.
Yeah. Then realism. Right, I would.
I it's part of my life.
So when somebody were to say to me,oh my God, you know, he's,
I would say like, well, you know,that's great.
That's part of who Toni is.And Toni is just great.
But but why does that have to matter?

(54:49):
Like, how could that possibly matter to meand make me say,
you know, I really like Toni and I reallywish, but, you know, he's trans.
I can't can be friends with them. Yeah.
Let's just like for educational purposes,for educational purposes,
that the term gay, is generally usedfor men who are attracted to men.
But it's also, for womenwho are attracted to women.
And a lot of, like you said,a lot of people who are typically gay men

(55:14):
don't feel that gay should be used.
For somebody who women whowho are attracted to.
What aren't. We doing?
It's it's exactly. You're not who. You.
Exactly.
This is this is athis is like a self-selected thing.
This is what I like to be known as. This.
I'm not a I'm a gay woman. I'm not.
I'm not like,I used to be a gay woman, but now I'm a.
That's a whole other part.
That's a whole other podcast. Hello?

(55:35):
Yeah.
I think we have to be carefulbecause, you know.
So the other side of the coin is ifif you hold me accountable
for the folksthat have come at you in the past,
then what you're creating is a lotmore folks that are coming at you because,
you know, people will say, well,I tried, but, you know, they really

(55:55):
and to your point, don't apologize.
Just try your best at whenif you use the wrong pronouns or stuff.
We have to be compassionate againboth ways.
You know when someone is doing itto be absolutely dishonor you
and you knowwhen someone is really trying their best.
So if if the answer to meis I'm better off
not even having communicationswithin this group because I'm

(56:16):
probably going to make a mistake and I'mprobably going to get beat over the head.
That's not a good feeling.
I always enter it in.
I know I walked in the doorwith the right intentions.
I know I walked in the door to help
and if I make a mistake, I'm going to hopethat you walked in the door with that
same grace to offer to me to say,we know that wasn't intentional, but yeah.
And we know and I've done it.
And you've had to correct me.
Yes. And and and it's so bad with me, it'sbecause once I make that mistake, I'm

(56:40):
try to be so
not so, you know, intentional about itthat I almost continue to make the mistake
because now I'm so focused on itthat I keep making the mistake.
Yeah.
But then there's some timesthat I'm thinking, like,
I could never even I could nevereven imagine making that mistake.
Yeah.
So it's it's just it
just we're all trying, you know,we have to all try to do our best, right?
And I just want to say, you'reabsolutely right.

(57:01):
As a trans person myself, I know exactly
when somebody is misgendering me purposelyand I know when they're not.
And there is a difference.
So yeah, and I've been in your presencethrough a lot of meetings.
And you do.
You don't always get it. Right.You don't always get it right.
But when when you're corrected,you get it right.
And you're always correct with kindness.

(57:22):
I mean, you know, that'swhat we're all about.
When, just to talk about a term quickly,when I was growing up,
the wordqueer was a very negative gravitation.
And that's completely changed.Correct? Correct.
And queer is something that you.
So if you weren't sureif you should say gay or lesbian,
you could say queer, but clear.
A queer is for a termused by typically younger folks now.

(57:44):
And yes, an anti-gay, but it's now it'sacceptable to most people, not all people.
So you have to be careful. Okay.
But but, but queer is for somebody
who feels like gay,lesbian, bisexual is too limited.
It's not how they identify.
So they identify as queer.
It's more a broad, broader statement.
But we have to assume we can't assume thateverybody is comfortable with that term,

(58:08):
because it was a pretty nastyit was a nasty term.
But it is then it's a reclaimed right.
And it is in the last.
So as I say, when I'm training,
if Patty and I went out to eatand we're going to go to sushi,
we'll go to, the NIU and frontage roadbecause I have the best sushi plug.
Plug. Sorry.
And Patty says to me, hey, Tony,I just want you to know I'm identifying
as queer now

(58:29):
for Patty to say that to me, she'strusting me more than anybody.
And my reactions would be like, oh my God,thanks for sharing that with me, Patty.
Let's say.
But they'll never be a social situation,that we're both in a room and I'm like,
hi, queer Patty.
Hi, queer Patty,how are you doing? Queer pride.
We all use that language.
Well, he's language,
but if someone comes out to you,especially if it's a youth,
LGBTQ kid, I'm telling you, they trust youmore than anybody in the world,

(58:52):
and your reaction to themis going to make them or break them.
It's funny you should say that,
because back in the Ronald McDonald Housedays in 2011,
there was a volunteerthere, young guy, teenager,
and after my surgery,of course, I was home for a while
and I would find himcoming over during the day.
He was in college at this point, andhe would come over and bring ice cream.
We would just sit, watch cartoons

(59:14):
and and people would go like,that's so odd, Taylor.
It just comes overjust to sit with you and watch cartoons
and bring ice cream and,like, curry got the most loving heart,
like he's got to have a millionother things to do than sit with me.
I can't even get up.
I can't even sit up. Yeah.
And he would just sit with me.
So we stayed in touchand he would hang out at my house, and,

(59:35):
he was about the same ageas my daughter at the time.
And so everybody was talking,chattering about, you know, Taylor must,
you know, maybe Taylorlike your daughter or whatever.
And then one day, Taylor called meand he said to me,
I just wanted to let you knowI'm moving to Boston.
And I thought, oh, God. Well,
I'm happy for you, but I'm sad for usbecause he was just such a good soul.
And he said to me, I'm

(59:57):
not going alone, though I have,I'm, I'm moving in with someone.
And I said, oh, you have a roommate?
And he said, actually, I have a boyfriend.
And I said, oh my God,
he must be amazing if you've chosen him,but you've got to bring around to meet me.
And we, we blurbed right past that.
And then he later said, like, you know,
I don't know if you realizedlike when I told you, just like you.
Just like what? Right past it. Yeah.

(01:00:18):
So then flash forward to a few years ago.
He came overand brought me a bottle of wine,
and I thought that was funnybecause I never learned to like wine.
And it was in a bag that said,Will you marry us?
And I thought,oh my God, they're getting married.
And they're inviting me to their wedding.
And my daughter was like,mom, did you read the bag?
And I'm like, yeah,they want me to go to their wedding.
And he's like, no, I want you to marry us.
Oh my gosh, I'm not.

(01:00:39):
I'm not a.
Ordained. Ordainedor any of those things.
And he said, I know.
That's why I'm telling you now,will you do it and go through the process?
Because we want you to marry us.
You've alwaysjust been so accepting and loving.
Oh my.
But in my head I'm thinking,how could you not love these guys?
They're just amazing.
Him and his now husband, they're amazing.
So I got to do it.
I did, I took a ministry courseand I got my ministry license.

(01:01:01):
And then it was Covid stuff going on,and they needed to get married
the year before the actual wedding,because of insurance stuff.
So I drove up to this little parkin Massachusetts,
where they lived in Boston,
and I married them in the park,and then I married them again
on their actual wedding dayat their wedding ceremony. So cool.
And but I thought I could never imagine,
like, I can't imagine Taylorbeing with anybody else but Gary.

(01:01:22):
They're just absolutely the perfect,most loving couple ever.
So the fact that he would be surprisedat what he got from me surprises me.
Yeah, because I can't imagine thatyou would give them anything else but love
because they're that's
just they're just the kindest, most lovingguys you'd ever meet in your life.
Yeah, we know that. That's that.
There's many timesthat that would have happened

(01:01:44):
where they would have not receivedthe love and the support.
Yeah. And I just, I guess I just again.
And that's and that's what
that's like, that's like the lovethat you bring into this position here.
I mean I like thatthat is why you're good at what you do.
That's why, you know,all the organizations that we help, it
financially or otherwise,is because of the person that's

(01:02:08):
sitting behind your desk to be honest,it is.
Alone. But I just I'm always perplexed.
I'm always just perplexed because, again,like in this situation,
how could I have thought anythinglike they're just great people.
Like, how could I have said, you knowwhat, you are such an amazing human being.
You've done so much for me.I think the world of you.
But you have a boyfriend.

(01:02:29):
Oh, well, I guess that's all off.
Like, how could I do that? Like,what did that?
How did that impact my lifeother than to bring another amazing human
being into my life? And it's husband.
That's all that did.
Yeah.
So it is like I see whypeople say that it seems so simple to you
because to you, you're just like,I don't understand.
Yeah, I don't I don't get.
No she doesn't get,she doesn't understand the other the way.

(01:02:51):
And we can't like I I'll never understandhow somebody can say to those
two gentlemen
forget it.
Because to me, listen, love is love. Yeah.
And I know. That's a sound like,you know, a poster, but.
But love is love.
And I'm going to show up every dayand try to be as kind as I can to people.
And hopefully they're kind to me back,
but I don'tI don't judge anyone for anything.

(01:03:12):
But how has this position here?
Because you've been here.How long is held?
Scrapbooking 7th January 2017.
Okay, okay.
And then the Youth and family programhas been, what, four year?
What? Our fifth year? Yes.
No, this is this is five, right?
This is five Iyeah I think this is five working with
you know everybody for the pasthow many years.

(01:03:32):
How how has that changed.
Has it changed you personally.
What have youpersonally gotten out of this work.
Because sometimes it can be really hard.
I know that's a big question, butI would love to end with that question.
You know what I think?
I think it could be harderif we weren't blessed enough to be so
in this nonprofit world.
Right?
Again,like with the Ronald McDonald House,
there are a lot of timesI hear a know for funding

(01:03:54):
because people would say,you don't need funding.
You're funded by the biggest,one of the biggest brands in the world,
which isn't true.
The Ron McDonald housesare self reliant on fundraising.
They do get some money from differentthings that the restaurants do,
but every time you put in that box
doesn't get carried down the streetto that Ronald McDonald house at night.
So here what a huge, huge, huge blessing.

(01:04:15):
Number one, that we're funded thatwe don't have to worry about going out
and knocking on doors to get a dollar.
We're very fortunate that we're funded.
So a lot of the things that would be hardare made easier.
I feel like because we have that funding,whether it's a grassroot organization
that's doing great workand their heads are down,
working hard and there no funding,we can help them

(01:04:35):
or it's someone that needs surgeryand can't afford their hotel.
Or it's, the young person that we helped.
I mean, I feel like it's just writer.
It's just.
Yeah, natural to say, what can I bring up?
In my experience, when you talked aboutwriter and said, going through something,
going to have to go home but not, well,a cancer diagnosis, I, you know,

(01:04:59):
I the first thing I thought of was, okay,what does that person need.
Well, they're going to need a hospital bed
and they're going to need some foodand they're going to and I'm like, well.
Actually, actually, I'mgoing to remind you what you said to me.
I want to remind you what you said to me,because I know
I remember this day like it was yesterday.
I was coaching this guyfor quite a few years,
found out he had cancer pretty bad,and he couldn't work because of the chemo.
So I said to her,you know, I'm just telling her the story.

(01:05:21):
I just had a coaching session with them.He has stomach cancer.
And she says, how much does he pay for?
I want you to find out how much he paysfor rent and his utilities.
We're going to fund him so he doesn'thave to worry about paying his bills.
And we carried him.
He died like 4 or 5 months later.
But then when he was getting really sickand they were supposed to transfer him
to his aunt's house, I said, you know,just letting you know this was happening.

(01:05:43):
Do they need a hospital bed? Do they need,
insurer?
What do they need? Whatever they need.Let's get it.
That that
not pausing, not even thinking.
That's that's yourthat's because you live in your heart.
Not in your head.
And I just thoughtand I tell say something.
The support you gave to him, was.

(01:06:04):
Well, we gave him to the organization.
Gave to him.
But you as the lead without hesitation.
He didn'thave to worry about anything. Right.
But he he was also goingto a place of where, unfortunately,
he had to spend his final daysnot being honored.
Well, yeah,but then they he never made it.
He never made it there.
So he was going into his aunt'swhere they didn't very religious family.

(01:06:24):
And they and I remember saying to AaronMiller, who we've had on the show,
what are we going to do?
How can you spend his last daysnot being honored?
His name and pronoun. And,
the night
that he passed away, the aunt calledand said, hey, how's he doing?
The nurse went in and said,yeah, he's doing he's doing good.
She went in like and a half an hour laterand he was dead.

(01:06:44):
And I always thought that God took himbefore and said, you know what?
You're not going to disrespect my guy,all right?
I'm taking him before that can happen.
And he passed away.
But.To have the ability to do that again.
What a blessing.
Yeah, what a.
Blessing to say yes to the folksand and to be able to see beyond.
Because let's face it,

(01:07:04):
every day, I'm also faced with some people
who think they have a needand need is a relative term.
And I will say that toanybody who asked me is a relative term.
Yeah.
And even back in my days againwith Ronald McDonald House,
I would go out to dogrant reviews of people asking for grants.
And they'd say,in a very wealthy community,
you know, our kids will learn on laptops.
And right now we've got 24 laptopsand 25 kids and one kid's doubling up.

(01:07:27):
And then I would go to another schooland they would say, we really want
to have a library for our kids.And this is what we have so far.
And you know what? It was bookcases.There was no books.
So need is a relative term.
And unfortunately, sometimesyou have to remind people because while
we think, why would you be askingif you didn't need it?
Again, need is a relative term. Yeah.
And for this personthat was asking for nothing but some,

(01:07:50):
you know, companionshipsand somebody to talk to, some coaching
obviously why should they have to haveon their mind.
You know, this bed is uncomfortable.
I don't have any foodand they're not on mine.
You know, like, do you want to try to takewhatever burden you can off of them?
And again, I think we're blessedthat we're able to do that.
We're just blessedthat we're able to do that here.
And I think that if I've learned anything,it's I, I come here to try to get some

(01:08:12):
hope that for my two little granddaughtersthat whoever they grow up to be,
whoever they grow up to be,I want them to know.
And now it's so funny.
They just started watching a new showon TV.
It's a it's a remake of Dorothyand the Wizard of Oz.
It's called D and friends,but you know, it's Dorothy and Oz,
and Dorothy is a little girl of color,and they don't question that.

(01:08:33):
They don't say, mom, how come Dorothyskin is dark or they don't question that?
Lovely.
And and my kids have multiple friendswhere there's two moms and two dads
and they all come over togetherand they all play together.
And my grandkids will say,do you want to go ask one of your moms?
Or like. They love. It.

(01:08:53):
I love that, yeah.
There is no question.
And not that the question would be badbecause you would use that to to educate
and to tell them.
But I love the factthat there is no question.
Yeah, there's no question as towhy does she have two moms
and he has twodads, and I have a mom and a dad.
It's just we're just all that's exactlythe way I want them to be able to grow up

(01:09:13):
so that someday,if they want to tell me who they are
and it isn't who I may have assumedthey were, that I can just again
say, isn't that great?
And yeah, we share, you know, well,how can I help you be who you are?
You know, that's what I want them to livein that environment and.
To be that person.
Like they're going to grow up being thatway, like your daughter is that way,

(01:09:35):
and they're going to be that way,and they're kids. So.
So you reallyyour parents actually started
that legacy ofwe love people for who they are,
not what they are,how they look and stuff.
And what they, you know, if you can lendsomebody I mean, again, one of our other
team members here, is a very goodfriend of mine, Lenny.

(01:09:55):
And, you know, a couple of yearsback, Lenny,
who looks like the fittest personyou'll ever meet in
your life, has to have an openheart surgery at the Cleveland Clinic
and said, Will you come with me?
Or you sit with mewhen I have the surgery?
And I said, of course I will.
And what do peoplepeople would say things to be easy
for people to say the silliest thing,you know, he's gay.
Don't like I. Go.
Yeah, yeah,I wouldn't have it any other way.
They go, you know, he's gay.

(01:10:16):
I'm like, yeah, like not I.
What did you think I didn't know? Like,what does that mean to me and.
What does that matter.
Because this is what I break it down to.
And I don't mean to minimize it,
but first of all, I'mnot interested in Lenny in that way.
So the fact that he's gay,
what does who he sleeps with or how like,what does that mean to me?
Because that's what it means to me.

(01:10:36):
We go to Disney, we have the best time.
That means that'swho he chooses to be in love with
and a relationship with and sleep with.
And none of those affectmy friendship with him.
So why do you feel the need to keep sayingyou realize he's your best friend?
You realize he's gay like, okay.
Now everybody wants a gay best friend.
What does that mean?
I, you know, so yeah, I don't know.

(01:10:56):
I, I'm either going to denyit till death or.
Just keep denying.
Yeah, yeah, just keep denying gets there.
But I just don't understand some ofthe things that people choose to call out.
Take.
Could you take the same timeto call out, like,
I like those shoesor you look great today or.
Yeah, yeah, well, if we could.
Just continue having you not realize
all these things, that would be great,because.
Which is to continue, it'syou being Patty McKnight.

(01:11:18):
It's just such an amazing individual.
I'm so glad you agreed to be a gueston the show.
I knew we were going to have a lot of fun,
and I knew that you were goingto really open people's hearts to,
you know, not judging peopleand just loving people for who they are.
Well, you know what?
I when I was thinking about what
things that you might ask meand maybe you did ask me this, but I did.
You ask me like I sent you the questions.

(01:11:40):
What do I thinkwas one of my biggest accomplishments
since being part of health care?I haven't I haven't asked that.
But if you want to answer that,that was just funny.
I wanted to saybecause as I look through the questions,
first of all, I'm not a very good studier.I think you have to study.
Then you don't really know the answers.
It should just be the truth. Of course.
But when I when I saw that question,I thought that it was like immediately.

(01:12:00):
So, yes,I'm proud of a lot of things that we do.
I don't think any of us do anything alone.
But I think what we do with grantsand our scholarships,
I think we're doing a lot of amazing workin Africa.
We're with our case management programnow to help a patient full circle,
not just medically,but with rent and food and transportation.
But, you know, I'm pretty damn proudof calling you and inviting you

(01:12:23):
to breakfast on State Street in NorthHaven saying, like, I want this guy.
Yeah. Are crazy. And what are you doing?
And what if we could put the mechanismin place for you to do that full time?
Because quite frankly.
And I talked to you about this.
I look forward to sitting in the front rowwatching all the amazing things
that the folks around me are doing,and think, maybe I had an opportunity

(01:12:47):
to buy the lunch once,and that's why they're here.
Yeah.
And and and,we could never do what we do,
especially for a community that'sso in need right now without you.
And, I'm pretty damn
proud of myself that I saidI don't know this guy.
Little did I know afterwards.
That you want to tell the story,but I didn't.

(01:13:08):
Know this guy.
But I know I need him, we need him.
This is what our community knew. Met.
And then I called youand we had breakfast or whatever.
We had breakfast because I was at.
I was going to ask you to sponsora night of kindness right before Covid.
And you know, I got.
And then the next thing, she was in the back of my,
she was on the deckin the back of my house
having a conversationand telling me that my older brother

(01:13:30):
and his wife were swingers.That's how she knew them.
But then she quickly said,I'm only kidding.
I got a wife for that.
Stuff, you know, that was hysterical.
So my wife, my brother grew up.
He bought a house to rightacross the street from Pat.
So my niece, my oldest nieceand her daughter, we're best friends.
Oh my gosh. Oh, yeah.
I don't ever put it together.
So then when he asked me,how do you know my brother?

(01:13:52):
He first of all, his sister isthe sweetest, quietest, most conservative.
Yeah. So I just was like, oh,you don't know.
You know, they're swingers.And they invited me on walks.
And he looked at me and I was like,no, I'm just kidding.
That's excellent.I knew I was that I had to work for her.
Like, seriously, we could not do thisreally important work right now.
I mean, you'd still be doing it.
We'd still be asking you to tap in. But.

(01:14:14):
Yeah, you know,sometimes people will say, like,
you call this person, you ask this person,do you know them?
And I always think, you know,you can't blame a girl for asking.
What are you going to say? No.
Listen, that we were ableto get you out of your old life
so that you could do this full time.
I appreciate it,
and I know a lot of families appreciate itbecause it is a dream job for me.
But I would continue doing itlike I was doing it, but I was doing it

(01:14:36):
working a full time job.So what did I tell you?
You should be able to do great workand not have to eat cat food.
That's what she said.
Yeah, and she's right. She's right.Yeah, yeah.
But it's really I, I'm grateful she's.
So that's.So. I mean, nothing wrong with sushi.
But anyways, listen,thank you so much for being on the show.
You know, who knows?
Maybe you're going to be on the show againsometime.
Thank you for having me.And thank both of you for what you do.

(01:14:58):
Because again, I mean,it takes a village seriously.
It takes a village.
It does keep our arms open. Yep.
So everyone,thank you so much for tuning in.
This episode. See you next time.Thank you.
This episode is brought to youby Alex Incorporated.
Alex is a nonprofit organizationdedicated to creating
a safe, compassionate communitywhile empowering LGBT, Q plus youth,

(01:15:20):
families, and allies through educational,emotional, and financial support.
We hold annual events to raise fundsin support of these goals.
Visit Alex Inc Dawg for more information.