Why You Learned to Cope Instead of Connect

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Episode Transcript

Dr. Michael Barta (00:02):
Welcome back to Reconnection Moments, a space
where we get real about intimacydisorders and healing from
sexual compulsivity. Not throughwillpower or shame, but by
gently rewiring the brain andbody back into connection. I'm
Doctor. Michael Barter, creatorof The Reconnection Model. In
each episode, I'll be answeringquestions I hear most from

(00:23):
clients and therapists, and Iwill also be sharing fresh
insights from my ongoing work.
Most people think connection isa choice, but it's not just
emotional. It's biological. Ourability to truly connect with
others depends on one thing, aproperly functioning autonomic

(00:47):
nervous system. That system iswhat allows us to feel safe,
present, and emotionallyavailable. But here's the hard
truth.
For the nervous system tofunction well, we need certain
essential needs met early inlife. We need stability,
emotional safety, andpsychological safety. If these

(01:08):
needs weren't met in ourformative years, the system
doesn't develop in a way it'ssupposed to. We don't learn to
connect. We learn to cope.
And for many of us, that copingturned into self reliance. Not
the healthy kind, but the kindwhere we manage our own moods,
our pain, our overwhelm throughour sexual behaviors. Not

(01:30):
because we're broken, butbecause our nervous system was
doing its best to survive. Inthe reconnection intensive, we
help the nervous system get whatit needed so that you can
finally connect. And when youcan connect, you no longer need
the sexual coping mechanisms youonce depended on.
Thanks for joining me today. Ifyou want to learn more about how

(01:54):
this healing happens, visitdrmichaelbarta.com. And if this
episode spoke to you, share itwith someone who might need to
hear it. Until next time, keepreconnecting.