December 14, 2024 • 25 mins
Text the show a topic request (or just say hello)
Discover the tools for achieving a more balanced and fulfilling life with Kapri and explore the transformative effects of emotional regulation and mindfulness. Have you ever felt caught in a cycle of negativity? Kapri offers insights on how to break free, showing that you can alter your internal narrative by reframing negative thoughts and engaging in joyful activities. Explore practical strategies like affirmations and visualization to convert limiting beliefs formed in our early years into empowering ones.
Explore a rich collection of emotional regulation techniques aimed at helping you effectively manage strong emotions. Kapri highlights various strategies, from engaging in physical activities and practicing slow breathing to enjoying sensory experiences that soothe your emotional reactions. Learn the value of positive self-talk, tracking your thoughts, and engaging in reframing exercises that provide fresh viewpoints on difficult situations. While we celebrate positivity, it's essential to recognize the dangers of toxic positivity and the necessity of seeking professional mental health support when required. This episode offers valuable insights and methods to support your daily emotional and mental well-being.
Find Reframing the Membrane: Crossing Boundaries
- Online @ reframingthemembrane.com
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Help Resources:
Learning Resources:
- DBT Cards for Coping Skills: 125 DBT Skills and Strategies to Find Balance, Joy, and Purpose
- The Neurodivergent Friendly Workbook to Mastering DBT Skills: Empower Yourself with Practical Tools and Strategies for Navigating Life's Challenges and Achieving Emotional Wellbeing
Disclaimer: This podcast serves solely for informational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended to replace professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment, nor does it substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health clinician. Always consult your physician before deciding about your physical or mental health.
#reframingthemembrane #speakout #advocacyseries
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kapri (00:00):
Hello and welcome.
I'm your host, Kapri.
Today, we're continuing ourdiscussion focusing on emotional
regulation, what it means, whyit matters and how you can start
practicing simple changes toimprove and balance your
emotions.
The ideas that we'll exploretoday are drawn from various
therapeutic modalities and,while they're not a substitute
for working with a therapist,they offer opportunities for you
(00:22):
to start practicing reframingand emotional regulation in your
everyday life.
The Reframing the MembraneCrossing Boundaries podcast is
provided solely forinformational and entertainment
purposes.
It is not intended to replaceprofessional medical or mental
health advice, diagnosis ortreatment, nor does it
substitute for a relationshipwith a licensed mental health
(00:43):
clinician.
Always consult your physicianbefore deciding about your
physical or mental health.
There was a time when my mindfelt like it was trapped in a
relentless cycle of negativity.
Every waking moment seemedconsumed by thoughts of what
could go wrong.
The weight of this constantworry manifested as fear and
nervousness, and it permeatedevery aspect of my life.
(01:05):
Looking back, it's clear howdeeply intertwined negative
thoughts and emotions are.
It's like a feedback loop.
Negative thinking fuelsnegative emotions, which, in
turn, reinforce those thoughts.
At its worst, this loop drivesbehaviors that sabotage our
goals and prevent us from livingthe life we truly desire.
(01:26):
Breaking free from this cyclerequired me to recognize that to
change my behaviors, I firsthad to address both my thoughts
and emotions.
The good news transforming onenaturally influences the other.
As I worked to shift my thoughtpatterns, I noticed that my
emotional state was improving.
As I worked to shift my thoughtpatterns, I noticed that my
(01:47):
emotional state was improving.
Likewise, learning to navigatemy emotions more effectively
brought clarity and a sense ofcontrol over my thoughts.
This realization was a turningpoint.
It's not about erasing negativeemotions or pretending that
they don't exist.
Rather, it's about learning howto channel those emotions
constructively.
Our emotions, even thechallenging ones like anger,
fear or sadness, carry valuableinsights and can be powerful
(02:10):
motivators when handledthoughtfully.
For instance, the same fearthat once paralyzed me can now
push me to prepare thoroughlyfor challenges.
Through trial and error, Idiscovered that emotional
regulation isn't aboutsuppression or denial.
It's about integration.
Instead of shoving difficultemotions into this metaphorical
(02:31):
closet, only for them to show upand show out later, I learned
to acknowledge and accept them.
This shift from resistance toacceptance allowed me to work
with my emotions rather thanagainst them.
Our emotions aren't justarbitrary feelings.
They're a vital feedback systemthat help us to navigate the
world.
Imagine them as signals thatare guiding us toward actions
(02:55):
that align with our values andbeliefs, or alerting us when
something feels off.
But here's the catch If we letour emotions run unchecked, they
can misguide us.
Conversely, if we ignore themcompletely, we lose a critical
source of information.
Understanding this dynamicbrought clarity to the interplay
between thoughts, emotions andbehaviors.
(03:15):
Thoughts influence emotions,which in turn drive behaviors.
So if you believe that you'renot good enough, that thought
will likely stir feelings ofinadequacy or anxiety.
Those emotions might lead youto avoid taking risk
perpetuating this belief.
But here's the empowering partChange any one element, whether
(03:36):
it's your thoughts, emotions orbehaviors, and the others will
begin to shift as well.
Let's say you're overwhelmed bynegative thoughts and emotions.
Well, let's say you'reoverwhelmed by negative thoughts
and emotions.
One of the most effective waysto break free is by
intentionally engaging in anactivity that brings you joy or
comfort.
For me, this might mean takinga walk on the beach or in my
favorite park, or diving into acreative project like making
(03:59):
candles or aromatherapy oils.
Physical movement in particularhas a profound effect on
shifting emotional and mentalstates.
When we move our bodies, ouremotions often follow suit,
creating a cascade of positivechanges.
But what if you can't changeyour environment or take
immediate action?
This is where tools likeaffirmations, which I shared
(04:20):
with you previously and I'llshare some more by the end of
this episode, and visualizationsensory techniques come in.
Writing down negative thoughtsand reframing them into
affirmations is a powerfulexercise.
For instance, if you oftenthink I'm not capable, try
reframing it with I am learningand growing every day.
Repeat these affirmationsconsistently and over time
(04:42):
they'll start to reshape yourinternal narrative.
Visualization and using yoursensory skills can amplify this
effect.
Take a moment to close youreyes and imagine yourself
succeeding in the very scenariothat feels daunting.
Picture the sights, the soundsand the feelings of that success
.
By engaging your senses, youmake the experience feel real,
(05:07):
which strengthens your belief inthe possibility.
One of the most profound lessonsI've learned is that our
beliefs shape our reality.
Many of the beliefs that wecarry weren't consciously chosen
.
They were handed to us by ourparents, teachers or society.
For example, being toldrepeatedly that you're bad at
(05:27):
math or you'll never amount toanything.
I actually had a grade schoolteacher tell me this when I was
a little girl.
And those are during yourformative years and, while you
might not believe it, it stickswith you and it shapes who you
can become.
It might even lead youunknowingly to avoid challenges
(05:49):
in that area, reinforcing thebelief.
But beliefs are not facts,they're perceptions, and
perceptions can be changed, andthat's why it's very important
to understand our exposure andour experiences that we're
having with teachers and societyin general, especially as youth
in those formative developmentyears, because this is often the
(06:11):
time where the work that we'regoing to carry forward into
adulthood is being developed,nurtured or damaged.
So to shift a limiting belief,you first need to identify it,
then replace it with a moreempowering one.
Using the math example, youmight start telling yourself I
can improve this practice.
(06:31):
Pair this with a small,consistent action that
reinforces the new belief, liketackling a manageable math
problem each day.
Over time, these actions andaffirmations will rewire your
mindset.
I was working with someoneyesterday, and she was very
overwhelmed and convinced thateveryone was blaming her for an
(06:52):
incident that she had no controlover, and that people were
judging her and having all ofthese negative perceptions about
her and they were looking ather funny, looking at her some
sort of way, and so she had allof this going on in her head
about what they might bethinking, and I helped her
ground herself by simply statingcome back to reality.
(07:15):
Is this fact or fiction?
These are grounding techniquesthat are so simple but really
just help you to stop, reframeand understand what's driving
this emotion, what's driving thefeeling, and is this even fact?
Is this even true?
And we agree that none of itwas real.
None of it was true that shewasn't a mind reader.
(07:37):
These were strangers, and soshe actually didn't know what
they were thinking of her, butthese are thoughts that she has
of herself, and so she wasmanifesting that into a reality.
So we have to be very mindfulabout how we talk to ourselves
and how we think about ourselves, and the best thing that we can
do is pour positivity and lightinto ourselves as we're having
(08:00):
those conversations.
Another key to emotionalregulation is taking full
responsibility for yourresponses.
This doesn't mean blamingyourself for everything that
goes wrong.
It means recognizing your powerto choose how you react.
While you can't control otherpeople's actions, you can
control your own.
The shift from external blameto internal empowerment is
(08:20):
liberating.
To internal empowerment isliberating.
It reminds us that, no matterwhat the circumstances are, we
have agency.
Again, it reminds us that nomatter the circumstances, we
have agency.
This journey isn't aboutperfection.
It's about progress.
There will be setbacks, buteach step forward builds
(08:41):
resilience.
As you practice emotionalregulation, you'll notice not
only changes in how you feel,but also improvements in your
relationships, decision-makingand overall well-being.
Mindfulness is about living withawareness in the present moment
.
It involves waking up fromautopilot behaviors to actively
engage in our lives.
(09:01):
It's not about controllingevery thought or emotion, but
observing them without judgmentand with curiosity.
Practicing Thank you.
One is reducing suffering andincreasing happiness.
(09:29):
By observing our experienceswithout judgment, we can reduce
the grip of pain, tension andstress.
Another is increasing controlover the mind.
Instead of being reactive, webecome responsive, making
conscious choices rather thanletting emotions dictate our
actions.
And third is experiencingreality as it is.
(09:50):
When we engage fully with thepresent moment, we see things
clearly our interconnection withothers, our inherent worth and
the opportunities available ineach moment.
For me to continue thediscussion around mindfulness,
and particularly skills that youcan practice every day, that
(10:13):
are simple and easy tounderstand and to follow and
integrate into your daily life,many have also shared that they
feel a lack of worth and a lackof purpose, and so, by focusing
on the benefits that mindfulnessoffers around reducing
suffering and increasinghappiness, increasing control
over the mind and reallyfocusing on reality with
(10:38):
curiosity and a connectedness isthe goal.
Before we discuss specificskills, it's essential to
understand the purpose ofmindfulness practice At its core
.
Mindfulness helps us navigatelife's challenges with greater
clarity and balance.
Life inevitably presentsproblems and our responses shape
our experience.
We have options when facing anychallenge.
We can solve the problem, wecan change how we feel about the
(11:01):
problem.
We can tolerate the problem orwe can stay miserable or make it
worse.
Mindfulness equips us toapproach problems with awareness
, giving us the tools to chooseone of the first three options
rather than defaulting to thelast.
It also serves as the gatewayto emotional regulation,
providing the clarity we need tobalance emotional reactivity
(11:22):
with thoughtful responses.
By grounding ourselves in thepresent, we're better able to
pause, reflect and chooseresponses that align with our
values.
More in a minute.
Are you ready to make adifference in your community?
In our Speak Out Advocacyseries, we're here to empower
you to use your voice for change.
Whether improving access tomental health care, reducing
(11:45):
stigma or shaping importantsocial policies, this series
provides the tools to create alasting impact.
If advocating for better care,breaking down barriers or
transforming mental healthservices speaks to your heart,
this is the perfect space tolearn and take action.
Do you have a topic you'repassionate about or need support
advocating for yourself orothers?
(12:05):
We'd love to hear from you.
Text the show to share yourthoughts.
Just check the details in theshow notes.
Together, let's build acommunity that fosters change.
Keep enjoying reframing themembrane reacting impulsively
(12:33):
from raw emotion or overanalyzing with cold, detached
logic.
Neither extreme serves us wellin the long run.
Emotional regulation is aboutfinding a middle ground,
acknowledging our emotions whiletempering them with reason.
It's about learning how torespond to situations in ways
that are both thoughtful andauthentic.
Emotional regulation doesn'tmean suppressing your feelings
or ignoring facts.
Instead, it means integratingthese aspects of yourself to
(12:56):
create a response that feelsbalanced and intentional.
Think of it like balancing on atightrope Emotion provides the
energy and drive, while logicprovides the stability and
direction.
Together, they help you moveforward.
The balance of emotion andlogic is sometimes referred to
as the integration of emotion,mind and logic.
Mind In emotion mind, we'reoverwhelmed by feelings, making
(13:18):
it hard to think clearly.
In logic mind, it's theopposite, so we're detached,
analytical and focused solely onthe facts.
Neither state fully encompassesour needs.
When we combine the best ofboth, often referred to in DBT
practice as wise mind, we reachwhat's known as a balanced state
of mind, one that integratesemotional intuition and rational
(13:41):
problem solving.
One practice for cultivatingemotional balance is
visualization.
Imagine yourself as a smallstone released into a calm lake.
As the stone sinks, it passesthrough layers of water, each
layer quieter and more stillthan the one above.
The ripples created by thestone's entry into the water
fade quickly, leaving thesurface calm again.
(14:02):
At the bottom of the lake, thestone rests in complete
stillness, untouched by theturbulence above.
This visualization representsfinding your center, a place
within you that remains calm andsteady even when life feels
chaotic.
Another helpful visualizationis descending a spiral staircase
.
If you're able, pictureyourself walking slowly down a
(14:25):
winding set of stairs, each stepbringing you deeper into your
core.
As you descend, you leavebehind the noise and
distractions of daily life.
When you reach the bottom,you're grounded, present and
ready to approach challengeswith clarity and balance.
Emotional regulation involvesrecognizing these moments and
(14:50):
applying practical skills tomanage them effectively.
These skills are not aboutignoring your emotions, but
about creating space to respondthoughtfully rather than to
react impulsively.
One approach is to use yourbody's natural systems to calm
your mind.
For example, splashing yourface with cold water can
activate the body's dive reflex,which slows your heart rate and
(15:13):
calms your nervous system.
Intense physical activity, evenfor a short time, can help burn
off excess emotional energy,slowing your breathing, focusing
on long exhales, then inhalescan signal your body to relax.
Another set of strategiesinvolves distraction when
emotions are too intense toprocess.
(15:34):
Temporarily shifting your focuscan provide relief.
Engage in an activity thatrequires your attention, like
cooking, organizing or solving apuzzle.
Helping someone else, even withsomething small, can also shift
your perspective and reduceemotional overwhelm.
Watching a humorous video orlistening to uplifting music can
lift your mood and reduceemotional overwhelm.
Watching a humorous video orlistening to uplifting music can
lift your mood and create asense of distance from the
(15:56):
immediate intensity of yourfeelings.
In addition to distraction,self-soothing is a vital
component of emotionalregulation.
This involves using your sensesto create comfort and calm.
For instance, you might look ata beautiful sunset artwork or
cherished photographs, or listento soothing music, nature
(16:17):
sounds or a favorite podcast.
Smelling a calming scent likelavender, fresh coffee or even
baked goods can help, or tastesomething comforting like a
piece of dark chocolate orherbal tea, or touching
something soft like a blanket,or taking a warm shower.
Self-soothing is not aboutavoiding your emotions, but
creating a safe space toexperience and process them
(16:39):
without becoming overwhelmed.
And then there's reframingthrough acceptance.
A cornerstone of emotionalregulation is the ability to
accept reality as it is.
This doesn't mean giving up orcondoning harmful situations,
but recognizing that resistanceto reality often creates
additional suffering.
For example, if you're stuck intraffic, resisting that reality
(17:01):
by stewing in frustrationdoesn't change the situation.
It only makes it worse.
By accepting the situation, youfree yourself to think more
clearly and respond in ways thatalign with your values.
Acceptance also applies toemotions themselves.
If you're feeling sadness, angeror anxiety, fighting those
feelings often intensifies them.
Instead, try saying to yourselfthis is what I'm feeling right
(17:24):
now and that's okay.
This simple act ofacknowledgement can reduce the
intensity of the emotion andcreate space for thoughtful
action.
One of my favorites ispracticing opposite actions.
So sometimes emotionalregulation involves doing the
opposite of what your emotionsare urging you to do or what
people expect you to do.
If anger makes you want to lashout, practice speaking kindly
(17:48):
instead.
If fear tempts you to avoid asituation, take a small step
toward confronting it.
If sadness makes you want towithdraw, seek out connection
with someone you trust.
These small, deliberate actionscan shift your emotional state
and help you regain a sense ofcontrol.
Successful people quicklyrecognize when they are having
(18:08):
negative thoughts and utilizeseveral strategies to change
their thinking.
Let's develop three phrasesthat you can use to reframe your
membrane from negative thinkingto positive thinking.
Pause, grab a pen and pad andwrite down three powerful
phrases that you'll use toreframe negative thinking into
positive self-talk.
These phrases need to bepowerful so when you use them,
(18:29):
you believe wholeheartedly thatyou will be successful at
whatever task is currently athand.
Over the next week, practicethis skill.
Look for situations where yournegative thoughts seem to take
over.
Pause and reflect on thesituation.
Then use the positive self-talkskill to transform the
unpleasantness of the situationand write down your experiences.
You can also share yourthoughts with me by texting the
(18:52):
show.
If you need more help, listento episode 9 to learn more about
reframing negativity intoempowering self-talk.
As you practice the skill ofpositive self-talk, note the
following what event occurred toactivate your emotion?
What negative thoughts occurred?
What positive self-talk phrasesdid you use to change the way
you felt?
(19:12):
What did you observe?
What changed?
What emotion did you experience?
How helpful did you find thisskill was to reduce unpleasant
emotions?
As you practice self-care, bekind and non-judgmental toward
yourself.
Be mindful of the moment andfocus on the desired outcome for
each situation.
Remember that I encouraged youto speak kindly to yourself and
(19:35):
highlighted the impact ofaffirmations.
Here are more you can customizeand practice.
I exude beauty, intelligence andgrace.
I am a beacon of light and apillar of strength for those
around me.
The love I have for myselfreflects my strength and inner
beauty.
I am an ongoing work of art,continuously evolving and
eternally beautiful.
I am enough, just as I am anongoing work of art,
(19:55):
continuously evolving andeternally beautiful.
I am enough, just as I am.
I recognize my worth and standconfidently in my power.
My dreams hold value, my goalsare attainable and my vision is
clear.
Now hug yourself.
You earned it.
Jasper (20:12):
Reframing can be a powerful tool for shifting our
mindset, processing experiencesand practicing self-care.
By looking at situations fromdifferent perspectives, we can
often find new insights,opportunities for growth or a
sense of relief.
However, it's important toacknowledge that not everything
can or should be reframed tocreate a positive mindset.
We are not here to promotetoxic positivity which dismisses
(20:36):
genuine pain or invalidatesdifficult emotions.
Instead, we recognize thatwhile reframing can be helpful,
there are limits, especiallywhen it comes to trauma and
harrowing experiences.
If you can, practicingreframing can be part of a
broader self-care toolkit tohelp you navigate life's
challenges.
But remember self-care isn't areplacement for professional
(20:58):
mental health support.
When self-care practices aren'tenough, seeking help from a
therapist or counselor isessential.
You'll find resources andsupport options in the show
notes.
Now let's review a fewpractical exercises you can use
anytime to help shift yourthinking and approach
challenging situations with afresh perspective.
Let's try a thought trackingand reframing exercise.
(21:20):
This exercise helps identifyautomatic negative thoughts and
encourages a positive reframe.
Take a piece of paper anddivide it into three columns
negative thought, evidence andreframed thought.
In the negative thought column,write down a recent negative or
limiting thought youexperienced.
For example, I always fail atnew tasks.
(21:41):
In the evidence column, writedown facts or situations that
support this thought and factsthat contradict it.
For example, I struggled in thebeginning but I eventually
mastered a new software at worksoftware at work.
In the reframed thought column,challenge the negative thought
and rewrite it in a balanced orpositive way, for example.
I may struggle initially, but Ihave proven that I can learn
(22:03):
and succeed over time.
The goal is to help recognizecognitive distortions and
practice generating a morebalanced perspective.
How did go Text the show?
And let me know Pause if youneed more time to complete the
exercise.
Otherwise we'll try another one.
(22:23):
The next activity helps tochallenge assumptions and find
alternative explanations fordifficult situations.
Recall a recent situation thatactivated a strong emotional
reaction, for example, feelingignored during a meeting.
Write down your initialinterpretation.
For example, during a meeting,write down your initial
interpretation.
For example, they ignored mebecause my input wasn't valuable
.
Ask yourself what else couldthis mean?
Brainstorm at least threealternative explanations.
(22:45):
For example, they may have beenpreoccupied with their agenda.
It could be that they didn'thear me.
Perhaps it wasn't the righttime for my input.
Choose the most plausiblealternative and reflect on how
this reframe changes yourfeelings about the situation.
The goal is to disruptautomatic negative
interpretations and create spacefor more flexible and adaptive
thinking.
(23:05):
How did it go?
Text the show and let me knowPause if you need more time to
complete the exercise.
Kapri (23:13):
As we close, I encourage you to reflect on the ideas we
explored today and in previousepisodes.
Emotional regulation is apractice, not a destination.
It's about small, consistentsteps that build resilience over
time.
Start by noticing youremotional patterns.
Write them down.
When do you tend to reactimpulsively?
When do you shut down?
How can you begin to createspace for balance in those
(23:36):
moments?
Remember the tools we'vediscussed today mindfulness,
visualization, self-soothing,reframing and opposite actions
are starting points.
They're not quick fixes, butpractices that grow stronger
with time and effort.
And if you find yourselfstruggling, reach out to a
therapist or trustedprofessional who can guide you
further on this journey.
Thank you for joining me onReframing the Membrane.
(23:59):
Each moment is an opportunityto practice and grow.
If you enjoyed today's episode,don't forget to subscribe and
follow, leave a review and shareit with someone who might
benefit from these insights.
For more resources, check theshow notes, visit our website at
reframingthemembranecom andfollow us on social media.
Together, let's continueexploring ways to build balance
(24:23):
and resilience.
Until next time, stay curious.
Hello and welcome.
I'm your host, Kapri.
Today, we're continuing ourdiscussion focusing on emotional
regulation, what it means, whyit matters and how you can start
practicing simple changes toimprove and balance your
emotions.
The ideas that we'll exploretoday are drawn from various
therapeutic modalities and,while they're not a substitute
for working with a therapist,they offer opportunities for you
(00:22):
to start practicing reframingand emotional regulation in your
everyday life.
The Reframing the MembraneCrossing Boundaries podcast is
provided solely forinformational and entertainment
purposes.
It is not intended to replaceprofessional medical or mental
health advice, diagnosis ortreatment, nor does it
substitute for a relationshipwith a licensed mental health
(00:43):
clinician.
Always consult your physicianbefore deciding about your
physical or mental health.
There was a time when my mindfelt like it was trapped in a
relentless cycle of negativity.
Every waking moment seemedconsumed by thoughts of what
could go wrong.
The weight of this constantworry manifested as fear and
nervousness, and it permeatedevery aspect of my life.
(01:05):
Looking back, it's clear howdeeply intertwined negative
thoughts and emotions are.
It's like a feedback loop.
Negative thinking fuelsnegative emotions, which, in
turn, reinforce those thoughts.
At its worst, this loop drivesbehaviors that sabotage our
goals and prevent us from livingthe life we truly desire.
(01:26):
Breaking free from this cyclerequired me to recognize that to
change my behaviors, I firsthad to address both my thoughts
and emotions.
The good news transforming onenaturally influences the other.
As I worked to shift my thoughtpatterns, I noticed that my
emotional state was improving.
As I worked to shift my thoughtpatterns, I noticed that my
(01:47):
emotional state was improving.
Likewise, learning to navigatemy emotions more effectively
brought clarity and a sense ofcontrol over my thoughts.
This realization was a turningpoint.
It's not about erasing negativeemotions or pretending that
they don't exist.
Rather, it's about learning howto channel those emotions
constructively.
Our emotions, even thechallenging ones like anger,
fear or sadness, carry valuableinsights and can be powerful
(02:10):
motivators when handledthoughtfully.
For instance, the same fearthat once paralyzed me can now
push me to prepare thoroughlyfor challenges.
Through trial and error, Idiscovered that emotional
regulation isn't aboutsuppression or denial.
It's about integration.
Instead of shoving difficultemotions into this metaphorical
(02:31):
closet, only for them to show upand show out later, I learned
to acknowledge and accept them.
This shift from resistance toacceptance allowed me to work
with my emotions rather thanagainst them.
Our emotions aren't justarbitrary feelings.
They're a vital feedback systemthat help us to navigate the
world.
Imagine them as signals thatare guiding us toward actions
(02:55):
that align with our values andbeliefs, or alerting us when
something feels off.
But here's the catch If we letour emotions run unchecked, they
can misguide us.
Conversely, if we ignore themcompletely, we lose a critical
source of information.
Understanding this dynamicbrought clarity to the interplay
between thoughts, emotions andbehaviors.
(03:15):
Thoughts influence emotions,which in turn drive behaviors.
So if you believe that you'renot good enough, that thought
will likely stir feelings ofinadequacy or anxiety.
Those emotions might lead youto avoid taking risk
perpetuating this belief.
But here's the empowering partChange any one element, whether
(03:36):
it's your thoughts, emotions orbehaviors, and the others will
begin to shift as well.
Let's say you're overwhelmed bynegative thoughts and emotions.
Well, let's say you'reoverwhelmed by negative thoughts
and emotions.
One of the most effective waysto break free is by
intentionally engaging in anactivity that brings you joy or
comfort.
For me, this might mean takinga walk on the beach or in my
favorite park, or diving into acreative project like making
(03:59):
candles or aromatherapy oils.
Physical movement in particularhas a profound effect on
shifting emotional and mentalstates.
When we move our bodies, ouremotions often follow suit,
creating a cascade of positivechanges.
But what if you can't changeyour environment or take
immediate action?
This is where tools likeaffirmations, which I shared
(04:20):
with you previously and I'llshare some more by the end of
this episode, and visualizationsensory techniques come in.
Writing down negative thoughtsand reframing them into
affirmations is a powerfulexercise.
For instance, if you oftenthink I'm not capable, try
reframing it with I am learningand growing every day.
Repeat these affirmationsconsistently and over time
(04:42):
they'll start to reshape yourinternal narrative.
Visualization and using yoursensory skills can amplify this
effect.
Take a moment to close youreyes and imagine yourself
succeeding in the very scenariothat feels daunting.
Picture the sights, the soundsand the feelings of that success
.
By engaging your senses, youmake the experience feel real,
(05:07):
which strengthens your belief inthe possibility.
One of the most profound lessonsI've learned is that our
beliefs shape our reality.
Many of the beliefs that wecarry weren't consciously chosen
.
They were handed to us by ourparents, teachers or society.
For example, being toldrepeatedly that you're bad at
(05:27):
math or you'll never amount toanything.
I actually had a grade schoolteacher tell me this when I was
a little girl.
And those are during yourformative years and, while you
might not believe it, it stickswith you and it shapes who you
can become.
It might even lead youunknowingly to avoid challenges
(05:49):
in that area, reinforcing thebelief.
But beliefs are not facts,they're perceptions, and
perceptions can be changed, andthat's why it's very important
to understand our exposure andour experiences that we're
having with teachers and societyin general, especially as youth
in those formative developmentyears, because this is often the
(06:11):
time where the work that we'regoing to carry forward into
adulthood is being developed,nurtured or damaged.
So to shift a limiting belief,you first need to identify it,
then replace it with a moreempowering one.
Using the math example, youmight start telling yourself I
can improve this practice.
(06:31):
Pair this with a small,consistent action that
reinforces the new belief, liketackling a manageable math
problem each day.
Over time, these actions andaffirmations will rewire your
mindset.
I was working with someoneyesterday, and she was very
overwhelmed and convinced thateveryone was blaming her for an
(06:52):
incident that she had no controlover, and that people were
judging her and having all ofthese negative perceptions about
her and they were looking ather funny, looking at her some
sort of way, and so she had allof this going on in her head
about what they might bethinking, and I helped her
ground herself by simply statingcome back to reality.
(07:15):
Is this fact or fiction?
These are grounding techniquesthat are so simple but really
just help you to stop, reframeand understand what's driving
this emotion, what's driving thefeeling, and is this even fact?
Is this even true?
And we agree that none of itwas real.
None of it was true that shewasn't a mind reader.
(07:37):
These were strangers, and soshe actually didn't know what
they were thinking of her, butthese are thoughts that she has
of herself, and so she wasmanifesting that into a reality.
So we have to be very mindfulabout how we talk to ourselves
and how we think about ourselves, and the best thing that we can
do is pour positivity and lightinto ourselves as we're having
(08:00):
those conversations.
Another key to emotionalregulation is taking full
responsibility for yourresponses.
This doesn't mean blamingyourself for everything that
goes wrong.
It means recognizing your powerto choose how you react.
While you can't control otherpeople's actions, you can
control your own.
The shift from external blameto internal empowerment is
(08:20):
liberating.
To internal empowerment isliberating.
It reminds us that, no matterwhat the circumstances are, we
have agency.
Again, it reminds us that nomatter the circumstances, we
have agency.
This journey isn't aboutperfection.
It's about progress.
There will be setbacks, buteach step forward builds
(08:41):
resilience.
As you practice emotionalregulation, you'll notice not
only changes in how you feel,but also improvements in your
relationships, decision-makingand overall well-being.
Mindfulness is about living withawareness in the present moment
.
It involves waking up fromautopilot behaviors to actively
engage in our lives.
(09:01):
It's not about controllingevery thought or emotion, but
observing them without judgmentand with curiosity.
Practicing Thank you.
One is reducing suffering andincreasing happiness.
(09:29):
By observing our experienceswithout judgment, we can reduce
the grip of pain, tension andstress.
Another is increasing controlover the mind.
Instead of being reactive, webecome responsive, making
conscious choices rather thanletting emotions dictate our
actions.
And third is experiencingreality as it is.
(09:50):
When we engage fully with thepresent moment, we see things
clearly our interconnection withothers, our inherent worth and
the opportunities available ineach moment.
For me to continue thediscussion around mindfulness,
and particularly skills that youcan practice every day, that
(10:13):
are simple and easy tounderstand and to follow and
integrate into your daily life,many have also shared that they
feel a lack of worth and a lackof purpose, and so, by focusing
on the benefits that mindfulnessoffers around reducing
suffering and increasinghappiness, increasing control
over the mind and reallyfocusing on reality with
(10:38):
curiosity and a connectedness isthe goal.
Before we discuss specificskills, it's essential to
understand the purpose ofmindfulness practice At its core
.
Mindfulness helps us navigatelife's challenges with greater
clarity and balance.
Life inevitably presentsproblems and our responses shape
our experience.
We have options when facing anychallenge.
We can solve the problem, wecan change how we feel about the
(11:01):
problem.
We can tolerate the problem orwe can stay miserable or make it
worse.
Mindfulness equips us toapproach problems with awareness
, giving us the tools to chooseone of the first three options
rather than defaulting to thelast.
It also serves as the gatewayto emotional regulation,
providing the clarity we need tobalance emotional reactivity
(11:22):
with thoughtful responses.
By grounding ourselves in thepresent, we're better able to
pause, reflect and chooseresponses that align with our
values.
More in a minute.
Are you ready to make adifference in your community?
In our Speak Out Advocacyseries, we're here to empower
you to use your voice for change.
Whether improving access tomental health care, reducing
(11:45):
stigma or shaping importantsocial policies, this series
provides the tools to create alasting impact.
If advocating for better care,breaking down barriers or
transforming mental healthservices speaks to your heart,
this is the perfect space tolearn and take action.
Do you have a topic you'repassionate about or need support
advocating for yourself orothers?
(12:05):
We'd love to hear from you.
Text the show to share yourthoughts.
Just check the details in theshow notes.
Together, let's build acommunity that fosters change.
Keep enjoying reframing themembrane reacting impulsively
(12:33):
from raw emotion or overanalyzing with cold, detached
logic.
Neither extreme serves us wellin the long run.
Emotional regulation is aboutfinding a middle ground,
acknowledging our emotions whiletempering them with reason.
It's about learning how torespond to situations in ways
that are both thoughtful andauthentic.
Emotional regulation doesn'tmean suppressing your feelings
or ignoring facts.
Instead, it means integratingthese aspects of yourself to
(12:56):
create a response that feelsbalanced and intentional.
Think of it like balancing on atightrope Emotion provides the
energy and drive, while logicprovides the stability and
direction.
Together, they help you moveforward.
The balance of emotion andlogic is sometimes referred to
as the integration of emotion,mind and logic.
Mind In emotion mind, we'reoverwhelmed by feelings, making
(13:18):
it hard to think clearly.
In logic mind, it's theopposite, so we're detached,
analytical and focused solely onthe facts.
Neither state fully encompassesour needs.
When we combine the best ofboth, often referred to in DBT
practice as wise mind, we reachwhat's known as a balanced state
of mind, one that integratesemotional intuition and rational
(13:41):
problem solving.
One practice for cultivatingemotional balance is
visualization.
Imagine yourself as a smallstone released into a calm lake.
As the stone sinks, it passesthrough layers of water, each
layer quieter and more stillthan the one above.
The ripples created by thestone's entry into the water
fade quickly, leaving thesurface calm again.
(14:02):
At the bottom of the lake, thestone rests in complete
stillness, untouched by theturbulence above.
This visualization representsfinding your center, a place
within you that remains calm andsteady even when life feels
chaotic.
Another helpful visualizationis descending a spiral staircase
.
If you're able, pictureyourself walking slowly down a
(14:25):
winding set of stairs, each stepbringing you deeper into your
core.
As you descend, you leavebehind the noise and
distractions of daily life.
When you reach the bottom,you're grounded, present and
ready to approach challengeswith clarity and balance.
Emotional regulation involvesrecognizing these moments and
(14:50):
applying practical skills tomanage them effectively.
These skills are not aboutignoring your emotions, but
about creating space to respondthoughtfully rather than to
react impulsively.
One approach is to use yourbody's natural systems to calm
your mind.
For example, splashing yourface with cold water can
activate the body's dive reflex,which slows your heart rate and
(15:13):
calms your nervous system.
Intense physical activity, evenfor a short time, can help burn
off excess emotional energy,slowing your breathing, focusing
on long exhales, then inhalescan signal your body to relax.
Another set of strategiesinvolves distraction when
emotions are too intense toprocess.
(15:34):
Temporarily shifting your focuscan provide relief.
Engage in an activity thatrequires your attention, like
cooking, organizing or solving apuzzle.
Helping someone else, even withsomething small, can also shift
your perspective and reduceemotional overwhelm.
Watching a humorous video orlistening to uplifting music can
lift your mood and reduceemotional overwhelm.
Watching a humorous video orlistening to uplifting music can
lift your mood and create asense of distance from the
(15:56):
immediate intensity of yourfeelings.
In addition to distraction,self-soothing is a vital
component of emotionalregulation.
This involves using your sensesto create comfort and calm.
For instance, you might look ata beautiful sunset artwork or
cherished photographs, or listento soothing music, nature
(16:17):
sounds or a favorite podcast.
Smelling a calming scent likelavender, fresh coffee or even
baked goods can help, or tastesomething comforting like a
piece of dark chocolate orherbal tea, or touching
something soft like a blanket,or taking a warm shower.
Self-soothing is not aboutavoiding your emotions, but
creating a safe space toexperience and process them
(16:39):
without becoming overwhelmed.
And then there's reframingthrough acceptance.
A cornerstone of emotionalregulation is the ability to
accept reality as it is.
This doesn't mean giving up orcondoning harmful situations,
but recognizing that resistanceto reality often creates
additional suffering.
For example, if you're stuck intraffic, resisting that reality
(17:01):
by stewing in frustrationdoesn't change the situation.
It only makes it worse.
By accepting the situation, youfree yourself to think more
clearly and respond in ways thatalign with your values.
Acceptance also applies toemotions themselves.
If you're feeling sadness, angeror anxiety, fighting those
feelings often intensifies them.
Instead, try saying to yourselfthis is what I'm feeling right
(17:24):
now and that's okay.
This simple act ofacknowledgement can reduce the
intensity of the emotion andcreate space for thoughtful
action.
One of my favorites ispracticing opposite actions.
So sometimes emotionalregulation involves doing the
opposite of what your emotionsare urging you to do or what
people expect you to do.
If anger makes you want to lashout, practice speaking kindly
(17:48):
instead.
If fear tempts you to avoid asituation, take a small step
toward confronting it.
If sadness makes you want towithdraw, seek out connection
with someone you trust.
These small, deliberate actionscan shift your emotional state
and help you regain a sense ofcontrol.
Successful people quicklyrecognize when they are having
(18:08):
negative thoughts and utilizeseveral strategies to change
their thinking.
Let's develop three phrasesthat you can use to reframe your
membrane from negative thinkingto positive thinking.
Pause, grab a pen and pad andwrite down three powerful
phrases that you'll use toreframe negative thinking into
positive self-talk.
These phrases need to bepowerful so when you use them,
(18:29):
you believe wholeheartedly thatyou will be successful at
whatever task is currently athand.
Over the next week, practicethis skill.
Look for situations where yournegative thoughts seem to take
over.
Pause and reflect on thesituation.
Then use the positive self-talkskill to transform the
unpleasantness of the situationand write down your experiences.
You can also share yourthoughts with me by texting the
(18:52):
show.
If you need more help, listento episode 9 to learn more about
reframing negativity intoempowering self-talk.
As you practice the skill ofpositive self-talk, note the
following what event occurred toactivate your emotion?
What negative thoughts occurred?
What positive self-talk phrasesdid you use to change the way
you felt?
(19:12):
What did you observe?
What changed?
What emotion did you experience?
How helpful did you find thisskill was to reduce unpleasant
emotions?
As you practice self-care, bekind and non-judgmental toward
yourself.
Be mindful of the moment andfocus on the desired outcome for
each situation.
Remember that I encouraged youto speak kindly to yourself and
(19:35):
highlighted the impact ofaffirmations.
Here are more you can customizeand practice.
I exude beauty, intelligence andgrace.
I am a beacon of light and apillar of strength for those
around me.
The love I have for myselfreflects my strength and inner
beauty.
I am an ongoing work of art,continuously evolving and
eternally beautiful.
I am enough, just as I am anongoing work of art,
(19:55):
continuously evolving andeternally beautiful.
I am enough, just as I am.
I recognize my worth and standconfidently in my power.
My dreams hold value, my goalsare attainable and my vision is
clear.
Now hug yourself.
You earned it.
Jasper (20:12):
Reframing can be a powerful tool for shifting our
mindset, processing experiencesand practicing self-care.
By looking at situations fromdifferent perspectives, we can
often find new insights,opportunities for growth or a
sense of relief.
However, it's important toacknowledge that not everything
can or should be reframed tocreate a positive mindset.
We are not here to promotetoxic positivity which dismisses
(20:36):
genuine pain or invalidatesdifficult emotions.
Instead, we recognize thatwhile reframing can be helpful,
there are limits, especiallywhen it comes to trauma and
harrowing experiences.
If you can, practicingreframing can be part of a
broader self-care toolkit tohelp you navigate life's
challenges.
But remember self-care isn't areplacement for professional
(20:58):
mental health support.
When self-care practices aren'tenough, seeking help from a
therapist or counselor isessential.
You'll find resources andsupport options in the show
notes.
Now let's review a fewpractical exercises you can use
anytime to help shift yourthinking and approach
challenging situations with afresh perspective.
Let's try a thought trackingand reframing exercise.
(21:20):
This exercise helps identifyautomatic negative thoughts and
encourages a positive reframe.
Take a piece of paper anddivide it into three columns
negative thought, evidence andreframed thought.
In the negative thought column,write down a recent negative or
limiting thought youexperienced.
For example, I always fail atnew tasks.
(21:41):
In the evidence column, writedown facts or situations that
support this thought and factsthat contradict it.
For example, I struggled in thebeginning but I eventually
mastered a new software at worksoftware at work.
In the reframed thought column,challenge the negative thought
and rewrite it in a balanced orpositive way, for example.
I may struggle initially, but Ihave proven that I can learn
(22:03):
and succeed over time.
The goal is to help recognizecognitive distortions and
practice generating a morebalanced perspective.
How did go Text the show?
And let me know Pause if youneed more time to complete the
exercise.
Otherwise we'll try another one.
(22:23):
The next activity helps tochallenge assumptions and find
alternative explanations fordifficult situations.
Recall a recent situation thatactivated a strong emotional
reaction, for example, feelingignored during a meeting.
Write down your initialinterpretation.
For example, during a meeting,write down your initial
interpretation.
For example, they ignored mebecause my input wasn't valuable
.
Ask yourself what else couldthis mean?
Brainstorm at least threealternative explanations.
(22:45):
For example, they may have beenpreoccupied with their agenda.
It could be that they didn'thear me.
Perhaps it wasn't the righttime for my input.
Choose the most plausiblealternative and reflect on how
this reframe changes yourfeelings about the situation.
The goal is to disruptautomatic negative
interpretations and create spacefor more flexible and adaptive
thinking.
(23:05):
How did it go?
Text the show and let me knowPause if you need more time to
complete the exercise.
Kapri (23:13):
As we close, I encourage you to reflect on the ideas we
explored today and in previousepisodes.
Emotional regulation is apractice, not a destination.
It's about small, consistentsteps that build resilience over
time.
Start by noticing youremotional patterns.
Write them down.
When do you tend to reactimpulsively?
When do you shut down?
How can you begin to createspace for balance in those
(23:36):
moments?
Remember the tools we'vediscussed today mindfulness,
visualization, self-soothing,reframing and opposite actions
are starting points.
They're not quick fixes, butpractices that grow stronger
with time and effort.
And if you find yourselfstruggling, reach out to a
therapist or trustedprofessional who can guide you
further on this journey.
Thank you for joining me onReframing the Membrane.
(23:59):
Each moment is an opportunityto practice and grow.
If you enjoyed today's episode,don't forget to subscribe and
follow, leave a review and shareit with someone who might
benefit from these insights.
For more resources, check theshow notes, visit our website at
reframingthemembranecom andfollow us on social media.
Together, let's continueexploring ways to build balance
(24:23):
and resilience.
Until next time, stay curious.
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