Self-Defined Human Podcast

Mental health is a game. Anxiety disorders are made up. You should obey teachers blindly.

It took me a few minutes to get into this one, but I said some good stuff if you’re patient enough to listen to the whole thing.

Watch the video:

* Instagram

* YouTube

(Free class from August 16, 2024 on Instagram)

I learned a new term yesterday: projective identification.

The APA Dictionary of Psychology defines it as follows:

“in psychoanalysis, a defense mechanism in which the individual projects qualities that are unacceptable to the self onto another individual and that person [that’s YOU] internalizes the projected qualities and believes themself to be characterized by them appropriately and justifiably.”

That’s the real danger of the frie...

I don’t know how you’ll get more clients, but let’s look at the truth: you are attracting, right now, the people you should be attracting.

You’re creating relationships, on the fly, as you go through life. Those relationships have natural momentum. You put energy out into the universe and this is who came back.

If you want more clients, and people to pay you money and see you as an expert, you have to start putting out the right ener...

As we all know, Taylor Swift is a great performer who makes lots of money. Everybody loves her and she’s on the cover of every magazine.

Why? Is it because of her looks? Her singing technique? Her guitar playing? Her piano playing? All the people she’s connected to?

No.

But, if you want to be like Taylor Swift…

(your version of it, whatever it is…you’re not going to be Taylor Swift, of course…)

…you’ve got to understand what she’s doing...

If you don’t fix your piano playing, it will continue to sound and look the way it does. No one will ever admire it, it will inspire no one, and you’ll look and sound like an amateur forever.

Those are the stakes.

Here’s how you fix it:

* Admit there’s a problem.

* Admit you want the problem fixed.

* Be willing to be a student and submit to someone who knows more than you.

* Hold them accountable.

You’re not capable of doing this on your ...

You don’t have to believe, but you must at least pretend. Otherwise, the placebo effect won’t work and you’re wasting your time and my time.

You only get out what you put in.

Right now, you’re putting in zero. If you put in 10, you’d get out 10.

So, explain.

What’s the deal? You don’t want 10?

How about 5?

4?3?2?1?

ANYTHING will get you something.

Zero will get you nothing.

You MUST pretend to believe.

This is a cult. I’m the leader.

You must...

You think you need an environment that’s 100% nurturing.

No, that’s not true. You’re more resilient than that.

Sure, it can’t be 0%, but it doesn’t have to be 100%.

That’s an idealistic fantasy. You can’t have 100% nurturing.

What you need is exposure.

You need to face your fears.

You need to do scary things.

They don’t have to be big, but they have to be scary.

Whatever nurturing environment you need is only a container for the exposure.

T...

Claim:

I’m generous and you’re not.

Proof:

I’m taking a risk by calling out your behavior. I could alienate everyone else. You, on the other hand, aren’t taking any risks. You’re playing it safe by giving generic advice anyone could find with a 10-second Google search.

See the difference? I’m taking a risk and you’re not.

Yes, I know what I’m asking you to do isn’t comfortable. I know it doesn’t feel safe. It’s not supposed to.

I’m askin...

I know this doesn’t feel like a good time to start a war, but we have to do this.

If we don’t do it now, when are we going to do it?

This is the time. There’s no “better” time. We’re not going to wait and find a better time.

We are slaves to the Classical Music Culture.

The time to break free is NOW.

We need to begin amassing our forces.

Don’t worry, we’re not going to confront them directly. The CMC feeds off of insubordination. Direct...

I hate having to send emails like this, but here it is.

Let’s get clear on a couple of things: you don’t have to pay money to be a member of the Cult of Kormanism, but you must take it seriously.

This is serious work. We’re changing the world.

You must take it seriously.

In your life, we come first.

We come before your friends, your family, your work, your religion, any other spiritual practice, or anything else:

* If your mother were in...

Last week, I asked for money.

It was a hard decision and I want to tell you why.

My first thought was to try getting the money by selling you something. But, that would have been manipulative, so I decided to ask for the money directly.

It wasn’t easy, since I tend to be hyper-independent, even pushing people away when they try to help. But, I needed help so I stood up to my fear and asked.

That’s why I felt so encouraged by this email...

Yes, it’s cool to hate OJ. But you’re better than that.

Fine, sure, condemn what he did. But don’t condemn him.

You’ve done bad things, too, right? They might be minor things, but we all know the mob would go after you too if they could get away with it. That’s what mobs do. They go after anybody who’s “bad”.

Don’t be part of the mob.

Don’t encourage the mob.

Stand up to the mob.

Go against the flow. Take a risk.

Choose a point of view an...

I want to tell you about a new 1-1 piano program called Removing the Mask.

It’s 2 months long and costs $1000.

In the program, you’ll learn to:

* stop hesitating

* add emotion to your playing

* ensure you’ve accomplished something before quitting a piece, and

* understand which notes are OK to leave out.

Here’s how we’re going to do it:

Over the two months, you’ll practice 4 exercises, one for each of the above outcomes:

* Remove the mask

* ...

Habit trackers are b******t. I know people who have been sober for months and months and then suddenly died from an overdose. So, streaks don’t impress me.

And, by the way, God isn’t impressed by streaks either. He only cares about your actions one at a time.

So, when your kids see you use a habit tracker, this is what they’ll say:

* “Mom taught me never to abandon a sinking ship.”

* “Mom taught me that as long as you clock in, it’s ok...

Here’s the deal: I need money tonight. I don’t need a lot, and I’m embarrassed to tell you what it’s for, but I need it right now.

So, if you can give me money, that would be awesome.

I’m not trying to sell you anything. No product or service. Right now, I just need money. Even a total of $100 (from everyone) would be super-helpful.

If you give me money, I’ll put you in the Hall of Fame. True, we don’t have a Hall of Fame yet, but you...

Yesterday, on Instagram, I was chatting with a former client and she expressed some doubts about my ability to relate to beginners:

“You have a masters in music. You’re an expert. Somewhere along your road, someone drilled into you ‘do not hesitate’. All the things you say to your students.

But when a novice is playing and learning about this terminology, you do not have to extrapolate their hesitation into a dissertation about their...

I’ve been diagnosing a lot of disorders lately, and I’ve got another one to add to the list. It’s called ADV (action-deficient verbosity).

Here’s an example of ADV I received in response to an offer I made to a former client:

“Hey, thank you I enjoyed working with you as well and hope things are going well. At the moment with recent career changes I am not having a lot of disposable income, in the future when I scrape some together I...

I got this email from a former piano player:

“I’ve given up on piano. I’m just not good enough to play the pieces I love.

I took lessons from a teacher once, but he had a short temper and made me feel stupid for not knowing exactly what he wanted me to do. I’m 70 years old. I told him I just wish could play Bach like the 9-year-olds I see on YouTube, but he laughed and told me to ignore them. Finally, I leaned back and said ‘I give ...