May 2, 2025 • 47 mins
OH DEAR LORD.
My SOUL hurts. My heart HURTS. My heart has been TORN OPEN.
I'm still reeling.
Does AI therapy work? In this episode we find out, and I don't want to spoil it, but it is a JOURNEY!
The Parts:
00:00 - Intro
01:31 - Part 1: The Premise
08:00 - Part 2: The Session
42:54 - Part 3: Review
Here's the prompt:
I want to uncover the masks I'm currently wearing, the roles I'm playing and the illusions I'm believing. Please guide me through the process by asking me ten reflective questions, one at a time to help me recognize the stories the stories I'm currently telling myself. After I answer the tenth question, please step into the role of my higher self and analyse my responses, identify the top negative patterns present in my life and the top positive patterns I can embrace and grow.
Be direct, truthful, and tough love is welcome. Then provide daily affirmations to support my growth, actionable steps to change my behaviours and embody my higher most authentic self. Lastly, send a message of encouragement from my higher self to celebrate how far I've come on my journey.
Here's SEO text, read it or don't, it is just to boost algorithm thing.
What happens when a self-proclaimed people-pleaser confronts his deepest fears with artificial intelligence as his guide? In this raw, transformative journey, I expose my soul to an AI therapy session that cuts straight to the heart of why I've spent a lifetime prioritizing others' comfort over my own truth.
The results are nothing short of revolutionary. What begins as an exploration of boundary-setting quickly unravels into something far more profound – the discovery of what the AI calls my "relational apocalypse script." It turns out I'm not just afraid of conflict; I'm terrified that one authentic "no" might trigger a cascade of rejection, career collapse, and social abandonment.
Through ten penetrating questions, the therapy session reveals how deeply my Zoroastrian upbringing and family dynamics trained me to believe that "good thoughts, good words, good deeds" meant I couldn't even think negatively without becoming spiritually suspect. Listen as I confront the painful truth that I've been "homeless inside my own life," desperately decorating others' houses in hopes someone might invite me in, while never building walls strong enough to shelter myself.
The most powerful revelation? That boundaries aren't acts of cruelty but essential architecture – they're the foundation of the house I get to live in. And the people who respect those walls are the only ones who deserve to see inside. As the AI puts it: "When you show that level of self-respect, you teach people how to treat you, not with fear but with precision."
Whether you're a chronic people-pleaser, someone struggling with authenticity, or simply curious about AI's potential to transform psychological patterns, this episode offers a vulnerable window into what happens when technology meets our deepest human struggles. Try the unmasking prompt yourself – it's in the episode description – and join me in discovering that your feelings are not a threat, your truth is not an attack, and your voice does not need approval to be valid.
Send me Fan Mail! It could be anything, we are desperate at this point.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
AI therapy is here but is it any good?
Speaker 1 (00:04):
In this episode of Sharam Namdarian Starts a
Revolution we dive knee-deep,balls-deep, bravely brazen into
the brave new world of AItherapy to determine is AI
therapy here and is it any good?
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Now I have a huge problem, and that is I am a
massive pushover.
So in this episode, I'm goingto be doing a live therapy
session and I'm going to beexposing my heart, my soul, to
the new AI, omnipresent overlordto see if it can actually fix
(00:45):
me and help me become a bit lessof a pushover, a people pleaser
, someone who I let people walkall over me.
I've been saving this for thispodcast, this episode, and to
determine it.
This podcast is going to bebroken down into three parts.
First part is the premise, likewhat's been happening, what am
(01:09):
I doing, what's been going on.
Part two is the session.
So, like the actual livesession, I'm going to be doing
it text, so I will be reading itout loud.
And part three is the test.
So you'll understand what thetest is when I talk in part one,
which is the actual premise.
So, without further ado, let'sget into the premise.
(01:32):
So I'm a massive pushover,fucking.
That's the key there.
I'm a big old pushover andthat's got to change.
This.
The key there I'm a big oldpushover, uh, and that's got to
change.
It's been a major theme in mylife recently that I will
prioritize someone else'swell-being above my own actual
(01:58):
my own well-being.
Uh, and if someone pisses meoff, I will prioritize a
long-term strategy of subtlymoving away from them rather
than just telling them hey,you've hurt me.
I would prefer to subtly moveaway from people than to tell
(02:18):
them no.
Now I'm a very strong-willedperson.
I have a lot of ideas, a lot ofgoals, a lot of things, but I'm
having, I guess, self-assertionfatigue.
I'm having this thing where I'mconstantly bombarded with
people, especially when bookingcomedy lineups and stuff like
that, where I have to say no,but also I have to be able to
(02:40):
determine hey, no, you'reactually not as good as I would
like you to be in order to be onthis room.
And I'm having to develop thislevel of this taste and
assertion that I'm worried I'mgoing to hurt people, and so
that's the general vibe.
Now what's happened is is agood friend of mine gave me a
(03:00):
prompt for AI therapy, basically, and it's an unmasking prompt.
An unmasking prompt is, if youdon't know what unmasking is,
unmasking is this idea that it'ssort of opening up your soul to
the world, that we'reessentially trying to protect
ourselves from other people andthat you are enough as you are.
Now, I have a history in lifecoaching.
(03:23):
I have a history in, have ahistory in life coaching.
I have a history in like sortof supporting people through
similar journeys, and so I'm alittle bit more further along
than the average band.
But what I mean is is my, oneof my general core beliefs is I
do believe that in mostsituations we're enough.
We're just not necessarily likeit's not really about learning,
it's about unlearning.
(03:44):
But you know, sure, like, say,for example, take any form of
art form, like that, yes, thereis stuff to learn, stuff to grow
, stuff to see, but we're moreoften than not not necessarily
available for that.
Take relationships We've been inrelationships for our whole
life, so why aren't we learningfrom that?
In some cases there's mentalblockages.
(04:05):
So the idea is not to load up,learn up that that can actually
affirm issues, that can actuallyaffirm blockages, but it's
actually to de-learn, to de-load, to unmask.
So I was given this prompt andI'll read it through you in a
second.
But I have been going crazywith this prompt.
(04:26):
I meditate a lot, I process alot of my emotions a lot.
I'm very good at it.
This has been a whole new levelof just insanity.
It's fucking cut to the core ofmy soul and it has exposed my
bare truth at a ruthlessexpressive level that has helped
(04:46):
me expand faster and quicker.
So this session is a dare I saythat, but on steroids.
I have picked a topic that is areally hard topic, something
that's really come and I've beenwanting to be.
I sort of wanted it to almostbe like be like he's doing that,
he's doing that and he's doingit publicly.
(05:09):
That's a bit of an extremesituation, um, so there is a
test.
There is a test to see if itworks.
I am afraid of using the word.
I hesitate even now.
I'm like, oh, I can't use it,the pussy p-u-s-s-y to describe
how I've been.
I can't even say the wordwithout hesitating because I'm
(05:32):
afraid it'll hurt someone, it'llupset someone and some people
might say that's fine, but I nowneed to step into my power.
I am not here to upset anyone.
I'm not, you know, like I,whatever, like I, whatever, like
I know we're humans, we'recapable, we're multi-dimensional
beings.
I'm going to say things thatare going to hurt people and I
need to accept that and maybethere's actually some benefit in
(05:54):
that you say no to someone,you're actually saying hey, you
have an opportunity to step up.
I've started to be aware of it.
So that is going to be theultimate test In part three.
Can I say that word withouthesitating?
We're going to see now, in thisepisode of Sharon and Darren
Starts a Revolution, the onlyshow that will eventually start
a revolution, whether we want toor not, without any purpose or
(06:19):
cause.
You're a revolutionary.
You're listening to thisepisode, okay.
So here's the prompt, and Iwill put this in the description
of the episode.
You're a revolutionary, you'relistening to this episode, okay.
So here's the prompt, uh, and Iwill put this in the the
description of the episode, andI'll put this like, whether or
not you're listening to it onspotify, apple podcast, whatever
, or if you're watching thisalong on youtube, it'll be in
the description.
You can try it yourself.
I would recommend doing it firstonce as it is and then, after
(06:40):
that, start to say, hey, nowlet's do it on the topic, now
let's do it on the topic of this, let's do it on the topic of
that.
So I've got a very specifictopic and we're going to be
running through it.
I want to uncover the masks I'mcurrently wearing, the roles
I'm playing, the illusions I'mbelieving.
Please guide me through theprocess by asking me 10
(07:05):
reflective questions, one at atime, to help me recognize the
stories I'm currently tellingmyself.
After I answer the 10thquestion, please step into the
role of my higher self andanalyze the responses.
Identify the top negativepatterns present in my life and
the top positive patterns that Ican embrace and grow.
Be direct, truthful and toughlove is welcome.
(07:29):
Then provide daily affirmationsto support my growth,
actionable steps to change mybehavior and embody my higher
most authentic self, authenticself.
(07:50):
Last, send a message ofencouragement for my higher self
, to celebrate how far I've comeon my journey.
Now, this has been interesting,but without further ado, let's
get into part two, the session.
So I'm going to do my best tohold the microphone.
In a weird way, I'm basicallydoing this on my computer uh,
okay, cool.
Uh, now let's, I'm going toread it out loud and you're
(08:13):
going to, you're going to fuck,you're going to see my responses
real time.
It's going to be veryinteresting.
Now let's do it on the topic ofuh, I'm going to say, do it.
On the topic of, I'm going tosay, being a pushover.
I am afraid of upsetting people, telling people no, thinking
(08:33):
bad of other people.
And, to be honest, it's astrategy that's worked.
Like, I'm very good at sellingthings because I'm capable of
seeing the good in things.
But now I've realized I'veoverdeveloped that aspect of
myself to the point where I'mcapable of seeing the good in
things.
But now I've realized I'veoverdeveloped that aspect of
myself to the point where I'mafraid of saying no to things,
afraid of being bad about myself, thinking bad of other people
(08:53):
and myself.
Yeah, I think that's a good wayof saying it All right now I'll
read what it says yes, this isthe nervous system of your inner
child it's the first sentenceStill trying to survive the
imagined collapse of everyrelationship.
(09:20):
This is going to be a long thing.
If you say the wrong thing, ah,jesus, this isn't about
boundaries.
This is about to be a longthing.
If you say the wrong thing, ah,jesus.
This isn't about boundaries.
This is about core fear.
If I hurt someone, I am bad.
If I disappoint someone, I'llbe abandoned.
If I think something negative,I am something negative.
(09:40):
Oh my fucking God, straight outof the gate.
Something negative.
Oh my fucking God, straight outof the gate.
Oh, this is going to be afucking doozy of an episode.
Let's uncoil this one.
This is old, tangled, learnedand this is not yours to carry
anymore.
Theme being a pushover, the fearof upsetting, disappointing or
(10:02):
being too much.
Let's run through the sameprocess as the others 10
questions to unmask the fear andrewire the core.
Then I'll step as your higherself of clear edges, kind fire
and zero guilt boundaries toreframe it all and lift you out.
Question number one what is theworst thing you imagine will
(10:25):
happen if you clearly upsetsomeone, whether by saying no,
setting a boundary or expressingdislike.
Uh, I'm afraid that they'llhate me and that there will be
massive unknown.
So I'll write that down I'mafraid that they will hate me
(10:45):
and there will be massiveunknown ramifications.
Man, I can't spellramifications with other people.
(11:13):
My career, my self-esteem andmore.
Oh, it's thinking, oh, it'sgiving me.
Which response do you likebetter?
You don't want a therapist tobe like ah, what do you want?
So I just wait for it to talkand I'll just pick response one
Don't care, it goes.
Yes, this is not about boundaryfear.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
This is about relational apocalypse script.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Oh God, oh shit, uh, you don, oh shit.
You don't fear conflicts, youfear social collapse.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Oh fuck.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
You don't fear saying no.
You fear that one no will turninto a dominion of rejection.
Oh, I don't even.
I don't even know how to reply.
Dominion of rejection, careerloss, reputation rot, emotional
(12:24):
abandonment and internalannihilation.
Oh my god, I don't.
Oh shit, son, I can't tell ifI'm crying or laughing, because
(12:55):
at your core the belief isn't ifI upset someone they'll be mad.
It's if I upset someone,they'll hate me and the world
will agree.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
I can't tell if I am laughing or if I am crying.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
It fucking hurts, it's it's like an exaggeration
of the truth, but it's exactlyhow I feel.
Oh, the internal sentence yourbrain whispers is if I let
someone down, they'll punish meby taking everything or worse,
(13:40):
they'll be right to do it.
They'll be right to do it.
I'm not exaggerating how I'mfeeling right now, I'm just
expressing it important.
(14:02):
You are operating under asurvival program that makes
peacekeeping I'm just expressingit Important.
You are operating under asurvival program that makes
peacekeeping feel likeself-preservation.
I am trying to keep the peace.
Oh my God, my nose is snotting.
Your nervous system has mergedtwo very different truths.
People can be upset and if theyare, it feels I'm unsafe.
(14:24):
That is true.
People can be upset and if theyare, it feels I'm unsafe.
That is true, people can beupset.
But I've also merged it with ifthey are, I feel unsafe, it
means I'm up safe.
The second one it's false.
Your body thinks it's um, it'sstill in a room where every
single disappointing look couldcollapse your world.
Let's start pulling you out ofthat room.
(14:45):
Oh my God, that was questionone.
There's nine more questions.
Holy crap, I'm molly, oh shit.
Oh, when you do somethingnegative about someone, a
situation or yourself, what doyou believe it says about you as
a person?
(15:05):
What identity you're afraid ofbeing seen as someone?
So, when you do think somethingnegative about someone, a
situation or yourself, what doyou believe it says about you as
a person that I'm bad.
(15:26):
What identity that, yeah, thatI am bad, just a bad person.
A bad person.
What identity are you afraid of?
Being seen as?
That's it?
That I myself I'm afraid ofthinking bad about other people,
because if I myself, then itmeans I'm capable.
It's like my attempt atthinking good about other people
(15:46):
is actually my attempt atfeeling good about myself, and
that if I think bad about otherpeople, that means other people
are thinking bad about me.
Yes, okay, now let's read whatAI says.
Yes, there, it is the coreinfection.
Yes, there, it is the coreinfection.
If I have a bad thought, I mustbe a bad human, not someone who
(16:12):
had a moment, not someone withfeelings, but rotten at the root
.
Yep, that's how I feel.
You don't just judge yourbehavior.
You use every shadow in yourmind as proof that you are
fundamentally unworthy,unlovable or dangerous.
Oh no, that's soul I'm snotting.
(16:40):
It's like I'm afraid of crying,so I'm snotting.
That's soul.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Death via self-monitoring why do I fucking
do this?
Here's a podcast idea.
Let's fucking tear my soul inhalf on a podcast.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Oh great, that'll get the views but you're not
policing your thoughts to staynice.
You're doing it to uh, to stayallowed to exist the test should
have been.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Am I gonna cry on this fucking?
Speaker 2 (17:22):
thing.
Uh, you've internalized therule good people don't think bad
things.
If I think something mean,selfish, annoyed, resentful,
angry or even blunt, I must notbe a good person.
I can tell you where that comesfrom.
So there's a rastrian thinggood thoughts, good, good deeds,
(17:42):
we're told us as a whole life.
Good thoughts, good words, gooddeeds.
Which means if I don't deserve,which means I don't deserve
love, safety, opportunity orconnection.
So, yeah, good.
So I'll read that wholesentence again Good people don't
think bad things.
So if I think something mean,selfish, annoyed, resentful,
(18:04):
angry, even blunt, I must not bea good person, which means I
don't deserve love, safety,opportunity or connection.
Counter truth thoughts areweather, not identity.
They pass, they do not defineme.
Every person I admire has worseones.
(18:27):
The difference they don'tmistake the storm for their soul
.
That's a very nice thought.
You are not bad.
You are wired for care, so muchthat your nervous system
doesn't let you feel anger untilit's been apologized for in
advance.
Let's change that.
(18:51):
Jesus Christ, question three.
We're only at question three.
Jesus Christ, question three.
We're only at question three.
If you could set a boundary, sayno or even just express a
preference without guilt or fear, what kind of space would open
(19:12):
up inside you.
What would you finally feel?
I would say I would feel safe.
I'd feel safe without guilt orfear.
I would feel safe because Icould set boundaries.
I feel like I can create ahouse that I'm safe in.
Like I can create a house thatI can live in.
(19:35):
Like I have walls.
I've created boundaries.
I've said I don't like that, Ilike that.
So it's like I've created aspace, like a wall, a house.
That's how I would feel.
All right, my overlord, let'sgo.
Yes, that is the dream Not topush others around, but to
finally have a home insideyourself, yourself.
(19:57):
Oh, it just says it in such anice way.
Oh, a place where your yesmeans yes and your no means no.
Oh, how nice would that be.
Oh, my god, I can't tell if I'mlaughing or if I'm crying.
You're not at the mercy ofother people's feelings.
To feel like you're allowed toexist when you don't set
(20:26):
boundaries, you're not beingkind, you're being homeless
inside your own life.
That is how I feel.
Oh, my god, you're trying todecorate everyone else's house,
(20:56):
hoping that one of them willinvite you in, but your truth,
your no, your discomfort, yourhonesty is a blueprint for your
house.
Without it, you're justdrifting.
The feeling you crave is safety, stability, sanctuary, a place
(21:25):
where I don't need to earn theright to take up space.
And guess what?
Every time you say no with love, you hammer another nail into
the walls of that house.
Every time you say I don't likethat, you lay another brick in
the floor.
Every time you disappointsomeone and survive, you build a
(21:48):
life where you're finallyallowed to live inside yourself.
Are you ready for question four?
Yes.
Who taught you, directly orindirectly, that other people's
comfort was more important thanyour own truth?
Was there a moment, a pattern,a relationship that cemented the
(22:09):
idea?
If they're upset, I've failed.
Say, looking after my mom.
I felt like I emotionallylooked after her quite a lot as
a kid.
She's great now, but as a kid Idon't know if it was just me.
I did it with her.
(22:34):
Who taught you, directly andindirectly, being Zoroastrian
with the ideas?
Who taught you, directly andindirectly, being Zoroastrian
with the ideas good thoughts,good words, good deeds was
heavily embedded in me and andforced to work in my dad's shop
(22:59):
as a kid, felt like mypriorities were not good and
that I would be attacked at anypoint to go and work in this
shed slash shop.
That was it, basically.
As a kid, my dad would come inyelling and screaming go work in
the farm, go work in the shedBasically how he was raised.
(23:20):
Trauma begets trauma.
Are you ready for me to fuckinghave an ego death?
Holy crap.
Yes, this isn't socialconditioning, it's spiritual and
family encoding.
Yep, oh, fuck, you were.
It's deep.
Oh, you were taught, bothimplicitly and explicitly, that
(23:44):
your job was to manage emotionalweather, even when it was never
yours to manage.
I definitely do compensate forother people's.
Your nervous system gothardwired to believe other
people's peace equals myresponsibility, yep.
(24:07):
My comfort equals irrelevantYep.
That opens up quite a lot ofanger inside me.
My wants are dangerous.
Yep, let's break this down.
Mom, you're emotionally attunedto her needs, even before your
(24:28):
your own even formed.
You became, but you became achild empath, not a child.
Caretaking earned you peace.
Neglecting it caught riskedchaos.
Dad slash shop.
You were made replaceable laborin someone else's dream.
Not a kid, not an artist, notsoul, just a pair of hands.
(25:00):
And if you resisted, you werewrong.
Your desires weren't selfish,they were invalid.
I don't even know what to sayto that.
(25:24):
Oh, I really hope the video isrecording.
I'm using my phone.
I cannot tell if it's stillgoing or not.
I assume it is zoroastrianmorals.
Good thoughts, good good deedsgot warped into clean thoughts,
pleasing words, self-sacrificialdeeds.
Even your inner world had to bepristine, yep.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
And so you didn't just learn to say yes.
You learned that thinking nomade you spiritually suspect.
Here's the truth.
Your higher self would screamfrom the rooftop.
Being a good person doesn't meanbeing a silent one.
I do silence myself.
(26:19):
It doesn't mean being clean.
It doesn't mean being usable,useful, agreeable, digestible or
spiritually pure.
It means being honest withoutpunishment.
That's a strange concept.
(26:45):
What do you wish you could saymore often?
But stop yourself from sayingout of fear you'll sound mean,
difficult, selfish, lazy, coldor bad.
Give me a real sentence orthree.
I want to say you hurt me.
I want to say you are making mylife harder.
I want to say you suck.
(27:06):
I want to say I suck.
I want to say I want to say I'mmad.
I want to say I want to trydifferent things.
I want to say you're hurting me.
(27:29):
That's oh fuck.
I am snotty right now.
All right, what does it say?
These are just some of thethings.
Yes, those aren't justboundaries, they're soul sirens,
real, alive, electric pulses ofself-respect.
(27:49):
They've got traps in yourthroat Because the world taught
you that pain makes you theproblem.
You're not actually trying tobe liked, you're trying to
survive things like I'm tryingto survive.
Things like you hurt me becauseyou learned that admitting harm
(28:10):
invites more of it.
You suck because you weretrained to believe that naming
someone's impact means you'recruel, dramatic or ungrateful.
I suck because you've had toswallow your self-judgment in
silence because it might becomeyour internal religion.
So I've had to swallow myinternal judgments in silence so
(28:35):
many times.
It's become my internalreligion.
Yeah, let me just suck in peace.
I'm mad because you werepunished for for the temperature
of your blood.
Because you, because you evenknew it meant to burn, because
you were punished for thetemperature of your blood before
(28:56):
you knew what it meant to burn.
Yep, I definitely had a lot ofanger bursts as a kid.
I want to try different things,because your desires were
dangerous.
Wanting meant rebellion andrebellion costed everything.
You're hurting me because once,saying that would have made it
(29:22):
worse.
Yeah, I feel like I definitelywould have said things.
Yeah, these sentences aren'tmean.
They're liberating, not justfor you, but anyone else who
grew up apologizing forexistence.
Oh, my God, we're only at stepsix.
Jesus Christ, I hope this isnot a crazy long episode.
(29:47):
What part of you, even if it'stiny, doesn't want to be nice
all the time.
The version of you that wantsto say the truth, walk away, get
weird, burn the bridge or not,just give a shit.
What does their voice soundlike?
Let them speak for a second.
A part of me that doesn't wantto be nice has standards,
(30:11):
standards.
It has a voice that says thatsays I like this, I don't like
this, I like that behavior, Idon't like that behavior, I like
(30:31):
that person, I don't like thatperson, and so on.
It's just, it's the part of methat has standards.
That's why I'm a fuckingpushover.
Oh shit, all right, let's goagain.
Remember there's a question.
Six yes, that part of you is notcruel, it is clear.
The part of you that is nottrying to dominate others, it's
trying to protect the quality ofyour experience on earth.
Ah, and it's been silenced forlong.
(30:56):
It's for so long that now evenbasic preferences feel like
violence.
But they're not.
They're boundaries dressed incalm sentences.
That voice is sacred becauseit's not chaotic, it's curated.
(31:21):
That version of you is saying Ihave taste, I have instincts, I
have non-negotiables.
I'm not here to be everyone'speace, I'm here to build my own
peace.
Let's honor that voice, let'sput it into it, into the light.
Seven.
If you lived more from thatvoice, with one one with
(31:42):
preferences, standards andopinions, how would your life
change?
What would shift?
With your work, love, speak oreven perform?
I would express how I feel more.
I would also create an innerdialogue that I am safe to
(32:04):
express how I feel and probablyhave that in independence of how
people reacted.
That I'm safe.
Like, regardless of how peoplereacted, I probably'm safe.
Like, regardless of how peoplereacted, I probably tell myself
I'm still safe.
I'm safe in my career, comedychoices, family, friends, love,
(32:27):
whatever.
Yes, that is the exit door ofbeing a pushover Not loud, not
mean, not meaner, not colder,not safer.
Just enough to speak withoutchecking with their face first.
Yeah, I want, yeah, safe enoughto feel without pre-clearing
(32:47):
your emotions.
Yeah, that is what I do.
I do pre-screen everything.
I'm feeling safe enough toexist without auditing,
auditioning for permission,auditioning for permission.
(33:11):
I want you to understandeverything in this that I've
read for you.
Or most things have been likeit's felt like daggers in the
heart, but it's felt likepulling daggers out of my heart.
This is where you finally tellyourself my feelings are not a
threat, not sorry, my feelingsare not a threat, my truth is
(33:36):
not an attack.
My voice does not need approvalto be valid.
I can be honest without beingexiled.
Oh shit, that's what I want.
If you live from that voice,you'd stop whispering your needs
(33:59):
like favors.
You'd build relationships thatexpand your truth, not shrink
you into roles.
You perform differently, notfor laughs alone, but for the
joy of being present as yourself.
I love that, okay.
What belief still clings to theidea of that being nice is
better than being real?
What false value is stillliving up to that nice has
(34:24):
people like you and that real isunsafe?
I don't, and, just as a thing,I don't even know what some of
my standards are Like.
(34:44):
So if I'm real, I don't evenknow what I'm trying to be real
as, yes, this is what you'vebeen trained to believe that
niceness earns connection Whilerealness.
While realness earns isolation.
That being liked equals safe.
That being real equals beingrisky.
(35:05):
But here's the wound under ityou've never learned what you
actually like because you aretoo busy making sure you are
likable.
When you say I don't even knowwhat my standards are, what
(35:33):
you're really saying is I'venever been allowed to disappoint
people long enough to figureout what I actually want.
At this point I'm not evengoing to fucking.
You know how I'm feeling.
That's not weakness, that'ssurvival.
(35:55):
You grew up editing yourinstincts before you could even.
You grew up editing yourinstincts before they could even
become opinions.
So of course, they feel vague,blurry or dangerous.
But here's your counter truth.
I don't need to have standardsfully figured out before I start
(36:16):
respecting my sense of no.
My preferences don't need to beperfect, they just need to be
mine.
I'll find them using my voice,not by waiting in silence, okay,
(36:36):
I'll do that.
Not by waiting in silence, okay, I'll do that.
If you start expressing yourpreferences, even small ones,
how would you feel in your body?
How might you imagine peoplechange?
I would feel powerful, a bitunsafe, but powerful.
I'd feel like I'm respectingmyself.
(36:57):
People might also treat me withthat same respect.
Okay, there's question nine, bythe way, and then one more
question after this, and then wehave the final segment, which
is the reflection.
So maybe you've got somethoughts.
Let them know in the comments,or there's also, if you're
(37:18):
listening to on Spotify, deepdown in the description, there
is a fan mail thing you can textOkay, yes, that's real power.
It feels unsafe because it'sreal power, not domination, not
(37:47):
cruelty, just finally actinglike you exist.
When you show that level ofself-respect, you teach people
how to treat you, not with fearbut with precision.
They stop guessing, they startrespecting.
You don't just become assertive, you become magnetic in a
(38:08):
different way.
People no longer feel the quietresentment, the background,
people-pleasing, emotion,coercions.
They feel someone who is.
This is what I like, this iswhat I don't like.
No drama, no guilt, no apology,just truth.
They feel safer around you.
They feel safer around me, notbecause you're nice, but because
(38:34):
you're real.
Fuck, I never thought of itthat way.
Last question if you fullytrusted that being clear, direct
and real wouldn't destroy yourlife but build a better one,
what's one small truth you couldsay out loud this week, without
apology or a spin?
(38:54):
I don't have a small truthcould say out loud this week,
without apology or a spin Idon't have a small truth.
I don't even know what that is,but I would start to notice I
am, uh, start to have a dialoguewith myself that I have truths,
(39:15):
that I am, that I have opinionsand I am safe to have opinions
without apology, regardless ofif I express them or how people
react.
That's how I would.
I'd start to develop a muchmore powerful inner dialogue.
(39:36):
I wouldn't be like, yeah, I'mgonna express this one thing.
It would be like, nah, I haveopinions, I'm safe.
I just got to start tellingmyself that that's the core of
it.
Okay, you ready for the finalbreakdown?
It goes yes, this is realreprogramming.
Not blurting out the truth, butbelieving you're allowed to
have one before you say it, evenbefore you know it, even before
(39:57):
anyone else agrees.
Just, I have truths, I havepreferences, I have instincts.
I am safe to hold them, whetheror not I speak them.
This isn't about becomingassertive.
This is about reclaiming yourexist, to exist with edges.
You've lived so long as ashapeshifter you forgot.
Your soul has bones,shapeshifter, so let's bring
(40:23):
them back.
Your higher self speaks.
You are not here to be smoothsurface or of someone else's
emotions.
You are not a bomb.
You are not an assistantmanager of vibes.
You are not moral proof ofdecency.
You are a person, and the andyour boundaries are not violence
(40:46):
, they're architecture.
They build the house you get tolive, and the only people who
respect the walls deserve to seeinside.
Oh my God, that is so nice.
Start small, don't rush theroar, just begin whispering.
I have truth, I have opinions.
(41:07):
I am safe to think and feel,even if I don't act, even if I
never say it out loud, even ifit's messy or unclear or dumb.
I am real, that is enough.
Self-talk mantras.
I'm real, that is enough.
What does it say?
I have preferences and theymatter.
It's okay for me.
It's okay if people don't likeme, I like me.
(41:29):
Oh, that's nice, I candisappoint others without
destroying myself.
Oh shit, I've been saying it'sokay for me to say no and still
make friends.
But this is I can disappointothers and without destroying
myself.
This is not about makingfriends, this is about identity,
fucking nuclear warfare.
(41:49):
I am not cruel, I am just clear.
Even if I am not ready to speak, I am allowed to feel it.
Action steps for stop being apushover this week.
(42:11):
Say no to one small thing, evenif it's just to yourself, like
a dm for an event you don't wantto go to.
Catch one moment.
Who people?
Yeah, whatever these actionsteps, the healing is done, I
swear.
Uh, catch one moment where youpeople please, in your head,
pause and say they'll surviveand so will I.
Oh, that's nice, right, onething you like and one thing you
(42:33):
don't like, withoutjustification.
Let it sit.
Let's start the sovereigntyEach day.
Whisper before bed.
I was real today, even just alittle, and that's enough.
(42:54):
Part three the Review Prettyfucking good, pretty effing good
.
I don't know whether or notit's because I needed it or it
(43:15):
was because it's a long timecoming, but I literally feel
like I've had my soul ripped out.
I feel like, well, let's seethe results.
I feel like I'm capable ofthinking more positive thoughts
about myself, that I'm not, thatI'm going'm gonna be if not in
(43:39):
this very moment, not gonna be amassive pushover and start to
develop my own identity ofboundaries.
I have them.
I'm just up until now I've beensafe with them.
I prefer to slowly breadcrumb aperson than selling them.
(44:01):
No, but that's still sellingthem, no, in disguise.
Oh shit, this is.
You already know what I think.
Has this replaced therapy?
Look, there is that idea that,uh ai, stuff like this is only
(44:23):
as good as the person doing it,and I think I was really ready
for the change.
The other thing is, you know,if I have a fucking panic attack
during this whole thing, itcan't look after me.
So there is still a role forsome humans in a thing that is,
until we give it eyeballs andhands and whatever.
Then it can stroke me and petme and tell me, tell me, I'm a
good boy.
Does it replace therapy?
(44:45):
I don't think it replacestherapy, but holy crap, amoly is
it probably currently.
Was that better than I've hadtherapy as a kid?
I've done a lot of lifecoaching.
I've been life coached.
Was that more insane than 90%of every session I've had,
(45:05):
including the therapy and lifecoaching.
Yes, scary to say.
Yes, scary to say yes, my soulhas been turned inside out.
Are you ready for the test?
(45:28):
Can I say that word?
This is where I say fuck off.
I don't have to say that word.
If I don't want to, I'm allowedto go.
I don't feel comfortable withthat word.
I think that's really what it'sbeen about.
I think I've been uncomfortablewith that word.
I think it's a lazy word.
I don't think it fullydescribes how I feel.
(45:48):
Maybe for other people it mightdescribe how I feel about them,
but for me, on this currentpoint, I don't feel like it.
How I feel about them, but forme, on this current point, I
don't feel like it.
I feel like I don't like itbecause the word is too vague.
It describes so many things.
If you call someone a pussy,it's an anatomical thing.
You're basically saying they'realso a bit of a pushover.
(46:11):
So I hear the change here isit's not that I'm Like I did
hesitate a tiny bit before, butit's more now.
I feel fine hesitating.
It's like let me hesitate, fuckoff.
Why do I have to not hesitate?
Let me have my space to be alittle pansy boy.
(46:34):
Let me be assertive about mylack of assertiveness.
I don't need your validationfor me to feel good about my own
boundaries, so I think we couldcall it a success.
AI therapy is here but is it any good?
Speaker 1 (00:04):
In this episode of Sharam Namdarian Starts a
Revolution we dive knee-deep,balls-deep, bravely brazen into
the brave new world of AItherapy to determine is AI
therapy here and is it any good?
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Now I have a huge problem, and that is I am a
massive pushover.
So in this episode, I'm goingto be doing a live therapy
session and I'm going to beexposing my heart, my soul, to
the new AI, omnipresent overlordto see if it can actually fix
(00:45):
me and help me become a bit lessof a pushover, a people pleaser
, someone who I let people walkall over me.
I've been saving this for thispodcast, this episode, and to
determine it.
This podcast is going to bebroken down into three parts.
First part is the premise, likewhat's been happening, what am
(01:09):
I doing, what's been going on.
Part two is the session.
So, like the actual livesession, I'm going to be doing
it text, so I will be reading itout loud.
And part three is the test.
So you'll understand what thetest is when I talk in part one,
which is the actual premise.
So, without further ado, let'sget into the premise.
(01:32):
So I'm a massive pushover,fucking.
That's the key there.
I'm a big old pushover andthat's got to change.
This.
The key there I'm a big oldpushover, uh, and that's got to
change.
It's been a major theme in mylife recently that I will
prioritize someone else'swell-being above my own actual
(01:58):
my own well-being.
Uh, and if someone pisses meoff, I will prioritize a
long-term strategy of subtlymoving away from them rather
than just telling them hey,you've hurt me.
I would prefer to subtly moveaway from people than to tell
(02:18):
them no.
Now I'm a very strong-willedperson.
I have a lot of ideas, a lot ofgoals, a lot of things, but I'm
having, I guess, self-assertionfatigue.
I'm having this thing where I'mconstantly bombarded with
people, especially when bookingcomedy lineups and stuff like
that, where I have to say no,but also I have to be able to
(02:40):
determine hey, no, you'reactually not as good as I would
like you to be in order to be onthis room.
And I'm having to develop thislevel of this taste and
assertion that I'm worried I'mgoing to hurt people, and so
that's the general vibe.
Now what's happened is is agood friend of mine gave me a
(03:00):
prompt for AI therapy, basically, and it's an unmasking prompt.
An unmasking prompt is, if youdon't know what unmasking is,
unmasking is this idea that it'ssort of opening up your soul to
the world, that we'reessentially trying to protect
ourselves from other people andthat you are enough as you are.
Now, I have a history in lifecoaching.
(03:23):
I have a history in, have ahistory in life coaching.
I have a history in like sortof supporting people through
similar journeys, and so I'm alittle bit more further along
than the average band.
But what I mean is is my, oneof my general core beliefs is I
do believe that in mostsituations we're enough.
We're just not necessarily likeit's not really about learning,
it's about unlearning.
(03:44):
But you know, sure, like, say,for example, take any form of
art form, like that, yes, thereis stuff to learn, stuff to grow
, stuff to see, but we're moreoften than not not necessarily
available for that.
Take relationships We've been inrelationships for our whole
life, so why aren't we learningfrom that?
In some cases there's mentalblockages.
(04:05):
So the idea is not to load up,learn up that that can actually
affirm issues, that can actuallyaffirm blockages, but it's
actually to de-learn, to de-load, to unmask.
So I was given this prompt andI'll read it through you in a
second.
But I have been going crazywith this prompt.
(04:26):
I meditate a lot, I process alot of my emotions a lot.
I'm very good at it.
This has been a whole new levelof just insanity.
It's fucking cut to the core ofmy soul and it has exposed my
bare truth at a ruthlessexpressive level that has helped
(04:46):
me expand faster and quicker.
So this session is a dare I saythat, but on steroids.
I have picked a topic that is areally hard topic, something
that's really come and I've beenwanting to be.
I sort of wanted it to almostbe like be like he's doing that,
he's doing that and he's doingit publicly.
(05:09):
That's a bit of an extremesituation, um, so there is a
test.
There is a test to see if itworks.
I am afraid of using the word.
I hesitate even now.
I'm like, oh, I can't use it,the pussy p-u-s-s-y to describe
how I've been.
I can't even say the wordwithout hesitating because I'm
(05:32):
afraid it'll hurt someone, it'llupset someone and some people
might say that's fine, but I nowneed to step into my power.
I am not here to upset anyone.
I'm not, you know, like I,whatever, like I, whatever, like
I know we're humans, we'recapable, we're multi-dimensional
beings.
I'm going to say things thatare going to hurt people and I
need to accept that and maybethere's actually some benefit in
(05:54):
that you say no to someone,you're actually saying hey, you
have an opportunity to step up.
I've started to be aware of it.
So that is going to be theultimate test In part three.
Can I say that word withouthesitating?
We're going to see now, in thisepisode of Sharon and Darren
Starts a Revolution, the onlyshow that will eventually start
a revolution, whether we want toor not, without any purpose or
(06:19):
cause.
You're a revolutionary.
You're listening to thisepisode, okay.
So here's the prompt, and Iwill put this in the description
of the episode.
You're a revolutionary, you'relistening to this episode, okay.
So here's the prompt, uh, and Iwill put this in the the
description of the episode, andI'll put this like, whether or
not you're listening to it onspotify, apple podcast, whatever
, or if you're watching thisalong on youtube, it'll be in
the description.
You can try it yourself.
I would recommend doing it firstonce as it is and then, after
(06:40):
that, start to say, hey, nowlet's do it on the topic, now
let's do it on the topic of this, let's do it on the topic of
that.
So I've got a very specifictopic and we're going to be
running through it.
I want to uncover the masks I'mcurrently wearing, the roles
I'm playing, the illusions I'mbelieving.
Please guide me through theprocess by asking me 10
(07:05):
reflective questions, one at atime, to help me recognize the
stories I'm currently tellingmyself.
After I answer the 10thquestion, please step into the
role of my higher self andanalyze the responses.
Identify the top negativepatterns present in my life and
the top positive patterns that Ican embrace and grow.
Be direct, truthful and toughlove is welcome.
(07:29):
Then provide daily affirmationsto support my growth,
actionable steps to change mybehavior and embody my higher
most authentic self, authenticself.
(07:50):
Last, send a message ofencouragement for my higher self
, to celebrate how far I've comeon my journey.
Now, this has been interesting,but without further ado, let's
get into part two, the session.
So I'm going to do my best tohold the microphone.
In a weird way, I'm basicallydoing this on my computer uh,
okay, cool.
Uh, now let's, I'm going toread it out loud and you're
(08:13):
going to, you're going to fuck,you're going to see my responses
real time.
It's going to be veryinteresting.
Now let's do it on the topic ofuh, I'm going to say, do it.
On the topic of, I'm going tosay, being a pushover.
I am afraid of upsetting people, telling people no, thinking
(08:33):
bad of other people.
And, to be honest, it's astrategy that's worked.
Like, I'm very good at sellingthings because I'm capable of
seeing the good in things.
But now I've realized I'veoverdeveloped that aspect of
myself to the point where I'mcapable of seeing the good in
things.
But now I've realized I'veoverdeveloped that aspect of
myself to the point where I'mafraid of saying no to things,
afraid of being bad about myself, thinking bad of other people
(08:53):
and myself.
Yeah, I think that's a good wayof saying it All right now I'll
read what it says yes, this isthe nervous system of your inner
child it's the first sentenceStill trying to survive the
imagined collapse of everyrelationship.
(09:20):
This is going to be a long thing.
If you say the wrong thing, ah,jesus, this isn't about
boundaries.
This is about to be a longthing.
If you say the wrong thing, ah,jesus.
This isn't about boundaries.
This is about core fear.
If I hurt someone, I am bad.
If I disappoint someone, I'llbe abandoned.
If I think something negative,I am something negative.
(09:40):
Oh my fucking God, straight outof the gate.
Something negative.
Oh my fucking God, straight outof the gate.
Oh, this is going to be afucking doozy of an episode.
Let's uncoil this one.
This is old, tangled, learnedand this is not yours to carry
anymore.
Theme being a pushover, the fearof upsetting, disappointing or
(10:02):
being too much.
Let's run through the sameprocess as the others 10
questions to unmask the fear andrewire the core.
Then I'll step as your higherself of clear edges, kind fire
and zero guilt boundaries toreframe it all and lift you out.
Question number one what is theworst thing you imagine will
(10:25):
happen if you clearly upsetsomeone, whether by saying no,
setting a boundary or expressingdislike.
Uh, I'm afraid that they'llhate me and that there will be
massive unknown.
So I'll write that down I'mafraid that they will hate me
(10:45):
and there will be massiveunknown ramifications.
Man, I can't spellramifications with other people.
(11:13):
My career, my self-esteem andmore.
Oh, it's thinking, oh, it'sgiving me.
Which response do you likebetter?
You don't want a therapist tobe like ah, what do you want?
So I just wait for it to talkand I'll just pick response one
Don't care, it goes.
Yes, this is not about boundaryfear.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
This is about relational apocalypse script.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Oh God, oh shit, uh, you don, oh shit.
You don't fear conflicts, youfear social collapse.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Oh fuck.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
You don't fear saying no.
You fear that one no will turninto a dominion of rejection.
Oh, I don't even.
I don't even know how to reply.
Dominion of rejection, careerloss, reputation rot, emotional
(12:24):
abandonment and internalannihilation.
Oh my god, I don't.
Oh shit, son, I can't tell ifI'm crying or laughing, because
(12:55):
at your core the belief isn't ifI upset someone they'll be mad.
It's if I upset someone,they'll hate me and the world
will agree.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
I can't tell if I am laughing or if I am crying.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
It fucking hurts, it's it's like an exaggeration
of the truth, but it's exactlyhow I feel.
Oh, the internal sentence yourbrain whispers is if I let
someone down, they'll punish meby taking everything or worse,
(13:40):
they'll be right to do it.
They'll be right to do it.
I'm not exaggerating how I'mfeeling right now, I'm just
expressing it important.
(14:02):
You are operating under asurvival program that makes
peacekeeping I'm just expressingit Important.
You are operating under asurvival program that makes
peacekeeping feel likeself-preservation.
I am trying to keep the peace.
Oh my God, my nose is snotting.
Your nervous system has mergedtwo very different truths.
People can be upset and if theyare, it feels I'm unsafe.
(14:24):
That is true.
People can be upset and if theyare, it feels I'm unsafe.
That is true, people can beupset.
But I've also merged it with ifthey are, I feel unsafe, it
means I'm up safe.
The second one it's false.
Your body thinks it's um, it'sstill in a room where every
single disappointing look couldcollapse your world.
Let's start pulling you out ofthat room.
(14:45):
Oh my God, that was questionone.
There's nine more questions.
Holy crap, I'm molly, oh shit.
Oh, when you do somethingnegative about someone, a
situation or yourself, what doyou believe it says about you as
a person?
(15:05):
What identity you're afraid ofbeing seen as someone?
So, when you do think somethingnegative about someone, a
situation or yourself, what doyou believe it says about you as
a person that I'm bad.
(15:26):
What identity that, yeah, thatI am bad, just a bad person.
A bad person.
What identity are you afraid of?
Being seen as?
That's it?
That I myself I'm afraid ofthinking bad about other people,
because if I myself, then itmeans I'm capable.
It's like my attempt atthinking good about other people
(15:46):
is actually my attempt atfeeling good about myself, and
that if I think bad about otherpeople, that means other people
are thinking bad about me.
Yes, okay, now let's read whatAI says.
Yes, there, it is the coreinfection.
Yes, there, it is the coreinfection.
If I have a bad thought, I mustbe a bad human, not someone who
(16:12):
had a moment, not someone withfeelings, but rotten at the root
.
Yep, that's how I feel.
You don't just judge yourbehavior.
You use every shadow in yourmind as proof that you are
fundamentally unworthy,unlovable or dangerous.
Oh no, that's soul I'm snotting.
(16:40):
It's like I'm afraid of crying,so I'm snotting.
That's soul.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Death via self-monitoring why do I fucking
do this?
Here's a podcast idea.
Let's fucking tear my soul inhalf on a podcast.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Oh great, that'll get the views but you're not
policing your thoughts to staynice.
You're doing it to uh, to stayallowed to exist the test should
have been.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Am I gonna cry on this fucking?
Speaker 2 (17:22):
thing.
Uh, you've internalized therule good people don't think bad
things.
If I think something mean,selfish, annoyed, resentful,
angry or even blunt, I must notbe a good person.
I can tell you where that comesfrom.
So there's a rastrian thinggood thoughts, good, good deeds,
(17:42):
we're told us as a whole life.
Good thoughts, good words, gooddeeds.
Which means if I don't deserve,which means I don't deserve
love, safety, opportunity orconnection.
So, yeah, good.
So I'll read that wholesentence again Good people don't
think bad things.
So if I think something mean,selfish, annoyed, resentful,
(18:04):
angry, even blunt, I must not bea good person, which means I
don't deserve love, safety,opportunity or connection.
Counter truth thoughts areweather, not identity.
They pass, they do not defineme.
Every person I admire has worseones.
(18:27):
The difference they don'tmistake the storm for their soul
.
That's a very nice thought.
You are not bad.
You are wired for care, so muchthat your nervous system
doesn't let you feel anger untilit's been apologized for in
advance.
Let's change that.
(18:51):
Jesus Christ, question three.
We're only at question three.
Jesus Christ, question three.
We're only at question three.
If you could set a boundary, sayno or even just express a
preference without guilt or fear, what kind of space would open
(19:12):
up inside you.
What would you finally feel?
I would say I would feel safe.
I'd feel safe without guilt orfear.
I would feel safe because Icould set boundaries.
I feel like I can create ahouse that I'm safe in.
Like I can create a house thatI can live in.
(19:35):
Like I have walls.
I've created boundaries.
I've said I don't like that, Ilike that.
So it's like I've created aspace, like a wall, a house.
That's how I would feel.
All right, my overlord, let'sgo.
Yes, that is the dream Not topush others around, but to
finally have a home insideyourself, yourself.
(19:57):
Oh, it just says it in such anice way.
Oh, a place where your yesmeans yes and your no means no.
Oh, how nice would that be.
Oh, my god, I can't tell if I'mlaughing or if I'm crying.
You're not at the mercy ofother people's feelings.
To feel like you're allowed toexist when you don't set
(20:26):
boundaries, you're not beingkind, you're being homeless
inside your own life.
That is how I feel.
Oh, my god, you're trying todecorate everyone else's house,
(20:56):
hoping that one of them willinvite you in, but your truth,
your no, your discomfort, yourhonesty is a blueprint for your
house.
Without it, you're justdrifting.
The feeling you crave is safety, stability, sanctuary, a place
(21:25):
where I don't need to earn theright to take up space.
And guess what?
Every time you say no with love, you hammer another nail into
the walls of that house.
Every time you say I don't likethat, you lay another brick in
the floor.
Every time you disappointsomeone and survive, you build a
(21:48):
life where you're finallyallowed to live inside yourself.
Are you ready for question four?
Yes.
Who taught you, directly orindirectly, that other people's
comfort was more important thanyour own truth?
Was there a moment, a pattern,a relationship that cemented the
(22:09):
idea?
If they're upset, I've failed.
Say, looking after my mom.
I felt like I emotionallylooked after her quite a lot as
a kid.
She's great now, but as a kid Idon't know if it was just me.
I did it with her.
(22:34):
Who taught you, directly andindirectly, being Zoroastrian
with the ideas?
Who taught you, directly andindirectly, being Zoroastrian
with the ideas good thoughts,good words, good deeds was
heavily embedded in me and andforced to work in my dad's shop
(22:59):
as a kid, felt like mypriorities were not good and
that I would be attacked at anypoint to go and work in this
shed slash shop.
That was it, basically.
As a kid, my dad would come inyelling and screaming go work in
the farm, go work in the shedBasically how he was raised.
(23:20):
Trauma begets trauma.
Are you ready for me to fuckinghave an ego death?
Holy crap.
Yes, this isn't socialconditioning, it's spiritual and
family encoding.
Yep, oh, fuck, you were.
It's deep.
Oh, you were taught, bothimplicitly and explicitly, that
(23:44):
your job was to manage emotionalweather, even when it was never
yours to manage.
I definitely do compensate forother people's.
Your nervous system gothardwired to believe other
people's peace equals myresponsibility, yep.
(24:07):
My comfort equals irrelevantYep.
That opens up quite a lot ofanger inside me.
My wants are dangerous.
Yep, let's break this down.
Mom, you're emotionally attunedto her needs, even before your
(24:28):
your own even formed.
You became, but you became achild empath, not a child.
Caretaking earned you peace.
Neglecting it caught riskedchaos.
Dad slash shop.
You were made replaceable laborin someone else's dream.
Not a kid, not an artist, notsoul, just a pair of hands.
(25:00):
And if you resisted, you werewrong.
Your desires weren't selfish,they were invalid.
I don't even know what to sayto that.
(25:24):
Oh, I really hope the video isrecording.
I'm using my phone.
I cannot tell if it's stillgoing or not.
I assume it is zoroastrianmorals.
Good thoughts, good good deedsgot warped into clean thoughts,
pleasing words, self-sacrificialdeeds.
Even your inner world had to bepristine, yep.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
And so you didn't just learn to say yes.
You learned that thinking nomade you spiritually suspect.
Here's the truth.
Your higher self would screamfrom the rooftop.
Being a good person doesn't meanbeing a silent one.
I do silence myself.
(26:19):
It doesn't mean being clean.
It doesn't mean being usable,useful, agreeable, digestible or
spiritually pure.
It means being honest withoutpunishment.
That's a strange concept.
(26:45):
What do you wish you could saymore often?
But stop yourself from sayingout of fear you'll sound mean,
difficult, selfish, lazy, coldor bad.
Give me a real sentence orthree.
I want to say you hurt me.
I want to say you are making mylife harder.
I want to say you suck.
(27:06):
I want to say I suck.
I want to say I want to say I'mmad.
I want to say I want to trydifferent things.
I want to say you're hurting me.
(27:29):
That's oh fuck.
I am snotty right now.
All right, what does it say?
These are just some of thethings.
Yes, those aren't justboundaries, they're soul sirens,
real, alive, electric pulses ofself-respect.
(27:49):
They've got traps in yourthroat Because the world taught
you that pain makes you theproblem.
You're not actually trying tobe liked, you're trying to
survive things like I'm tryingto survive.
Things like you hurt me becauseyou learned that admitting harm
(28:10):
invites more of it.
You suck because you weretrained to believe that naming
someone's impact means you'recruel, dramatic or ungrateful.
I suck because you've had toswallow your self-judgment in
silence because it might becomeyour internal religion.
So I've had to swallow myinternal judgments in silence so
(28:35):
many times.
It's become my internalreligion.
Yeah, let me just suck in peace.
I'm mad because you werepunished for for the temperature
of your blood.
Because you, because you evenknew it meant to burn, because
you were punished for thetemperature of your blood before
(28:56):
you knew what it meant to burn.
Yep, I definitely had a lot ofanger bursts as a kid.
I want to try different things,because your desires were
dangerous.
Wanting meant rebellion andrebellion costed everything.
You're hurting me because once,saying that would have made it
(29:22):
worse.
Yeah, I feel like I definitelywould have said things.
Yeah, these sentences aren'tmean.
They're liberating, not justfor you, but anyone else who
grew up apologizing forexistence.
Oh, my God, we're only at stepsix.
Jesus Christ, I hope this isnot a crazy long episode.
(29:47):
What part of you, even if it'stiny, doesn't want to be nice
all the time.
The version of you that wantsto say the truth, walk away, get
weird, burn the bridge or not,just give a shit.
What does their voice soundlike?
Let them speak for a second.
A part of me that doesn't wantto be nice has standards,
(30:11):
standards.
It has a voice that says thatsays I like this, I don't like
this, I like that behavior, Idon't like that behavior, I like
(30:31):
that person, I don't like thatperson, and so on.
It's just, it's the part of methat has standards.
That's why I'm a fuckingpushover.
Oh shit, all right, let's goagain.
Remember there's a question.
Six yes, that part of you is notcruel, it is clear.
The part of you that is nottrying to dominate others, it's
trying to protect the quality ofyour experience on earth.
Ah, and it's been silenced forlong.
(30:56):
It's for so long that now evenbasic preferences feel like
violence.
But they're not.
They're boundaries dressed incalm sentences.
That voice is sacred becauseit's not chaotic, it's curated.
(31:21):
That version of you is saying Ihave taste, I have instincts, I
have non-negotiables.
I'm not here to be everyone'speace, I'm here to build my own
peace.
Let's honor that voice, let'sput it into it, into the light.
Seven.
If you lived more from thatvoice, with one one with
(31:42):
preferences, standards andopinions, how would your life
change?
What would shift?
With your work, love, speak oreven perform?
I would express how I feel more.
I would also create an innerdialogue that I am safe to
(32:04):
express how I feel and probablyhave that in independence of how
people reacted.
That I'm safe.
Like, regardless of how peoplereacted, I probably'm safe.
Like, regardless of how peoplereacted, I probably tell myself
I'm still safe.
I'm safe in my career, comedychoices, family, friends, love,
(32:27):
whatever.
Yes, that is the exit door ofbeing a pushover Not loud, not
mean, not meaner, not colder,not safer.
Just enough to speak withoutchecking with their face first.
Yeah, I want, yeah, safe enoughto feel without pre-clearing
(32:47):
your emotions.
Yeah, that is what I do.
I do pre-screen everything.
I'm feeling safe enough toexist without auditing,
auditioning for permission,auditioning for permission.
(33:11):
I want you to understandeverything in this that I've
read for you.
Or most things have been likeit's felt like daggers in the
heart, but it's felt likepulling daggers out of my heart.
This is where you finally tellyourself my feelings are not a
threat, not sorry, my feelingsare not a threat, my truth is
(33:36):
not an attack.
My voice does not need approvalto be valid.
I can be honest without beingexiled.
Oh shit, that's what I want.
If you live from that voice,you'd stop whispering your needs
(33:59):
like favors.
You'd build relationships thatexpand your truth, not shrink
you into roles.
You perform differently, notfor laughs alone, but for the
joy of being present as yourself.
I love that, okay.
What belief still clings to theidea of that being nice is
better than being real?
What false value is stillliving up to that nice has
(34:24):
people like you and that real isunsafe?
I don't, and, just as a thing,I don't even know what some of
my standards are Like.
(34:44):
So if I'm real, I don't evenknow what I'm trying to be real
as, yes, this is what you'vebeen trained to believe that
niceness earns connection Whilerealness.
While realness earns isolation.
That being liked equals safe.
That being real equals beingrisky.
(35:05):
But here's the wound under ityou've never learned what you
actually like because you aretoo busy making sure you are
likable.
When you say I don't even knowwhat my standards are, what
(35:33):
you're really saying is I'venever been allowed to disappoint
people long enough to figureout what I actually want.
At this point I'm not evengoing to fucking.
You know how I'm feeling.
That's not weakness, that'ssurvival.
(35:55):
You grew up editing yourinstincts before you could even.
You grew up editing yourinstincts before they could even
become opinions.
So of course, they feel vague,blurry or dangerous.
But here's your counter truth.
I don't need to have standardsfully figured out before I start
(36:16):
respecting my sense of no.
My preferences don't need to beperfect, they just need to be
mine.
I'll find them using my voice,not by waiting in silence, okay,
(36:36):
I'll do that.
Not by waiting in silence, okay, I'll do that.
If you start expressing yourpreferences, even small ones,
how would you feel in your body?
How might you imagine peoplechange?
I would feel powerful, a bitunsafe, but powerful.
I'd feel like I'm respectingmyself.
(36:57):
People might also treat me withthat same respect.
Okay, there's question nine, bythe way, and then one more
question after this, and then wehave the final segment, which
is the reflection.
So maybe you've got somethoughts.
Let them know in the comments,or there's also, if you're
(37:18):
listening to on Spotify, deepdown in the description, there
is a fan mail thing you can textOkay, yes, that's real power.
It feels unsafe because it'sreal power, not domination, not
(37:47):
cruelty, just finally actinglike you exist.
When you show that level ofself-respect, you teach people
how to treat you, not with fearbut with precision.
They stop guessing, they startrespecting.
You don't just become assertive, you become magnetic in a
(38:08):
different way.
People no longer feel the quietresentment, the background,
people-pleasing, emotion,coercions.
They feel someone who is.
This is what I like, this iswhat I don't like.
No drama, no guilt, no apology,just truth.
They feel safer around you.
They feel safer around me, notbecause you're nice, but because
(38:34):
you're real.
Fuck, I never thought of itthat way.
Last question if you fullytrusted that being clear, direct
and real wouldn't destroy yourlife but build a better one,
what's one small truth you couldsay out loud this week, without
apology or a spin?
(38:54):
I don't have a small truthcould say out loud this week,
without apology or a spin Idon't have a small truth.
I don't even know what that is,but I would start to notice I
am, uh, start to have a dialoguewith myself that I have truths,
(39:15):
that I am, that I have opinionsand I am safe to have opinions
without apology, regardless ofif I express them or how people
react.
That's how I would.
I'd start to develop a muchmore powerful inner dialogue.
(39:36):
I wouldn't be like, yeah, I'mgonna express this one thing.
It would be like, nah, I haveopinions, I'm safe.
I just got to start tellingmyself that that's the core of
it.
Okay, you ready for the finalbreakdown?
It goes yes, this is realreprogramming.
Not blurting out the truth, butbelieving you're allowed to
have one before you say it, evenbefore you know it, even before
(39:57):
anyone else agrees.
Just, I have truths, I havepreferences, I have instincts.
I am safe to hold them, whetheror not I speak them.
This isn't about becomingassertive.
This is about reclaiming yourexist, to exist with edges.
You've lived so long as ashapeshifter you forgot.
Your soul has bones,shapeshifter, so let's bring
(40:23):
them back.
Your higher self speaks.
You are not here to be smoothsurface or of someone else's
emotions.
You are not a bomb.
You are not an assistantmanager of vibes.
You are not moral proof ofdecency.
You are a person, and the andyour boundaries are not violence
(40:46):
, they're architecture.
They build the house you get tolive, and the only people who
respect the walls deserve to seeinside.
Oh my God, that is so nice.
Start small, don't rush theroar, just begin whispering.
I have truth, I have opinions.
(41:07):
I am safe to think and feel,even if I don't act, even if I
never say it out loud, even ifit's messy or unclear or dumb.
I am real, that is enough.
Self-talk mantras.
I'm real, that is enough.
What does it say?
I have preferences and theymatter.
It's okay for me.
It's okay if people don't likeme, I like me.
(41:29):
Oh, that's nice, I candisappoint others without
destroying myself.
Oh shit, I've been saying it'sokay for me to say no and still
make friends.
But this is I can disappointothers and without destroying
myself.
This is not about makingfriends, this is about identity,
fucking nuclear warfare.
(41:49):
I am not cruel, I am just clear.
Even if I am not ready to speak, I am allowed to feel it.
Action steps for stop being apushover this week.
(42:11):
Say no to one small thing, evenif it's just to yourself, like
a dm for an event you don't wantto go to.
Catch one moment.
Who people?
Yeah, whatever these actionsteps, the healing is done, I
swear.
Uh, catch one moment where youpeople please, in your head,
pause and say they'll surviveand so will I.
Oh, that's nice, right, onething you like and one thing you
(42:33):
don't like, withoutjustification.
Let it sit.
Let's start the sovereigntyEach day.
Whisper before bed.
I was real today, even just alittle, and that's enough.
(42:54):
Part three the Review Prettyfucking good, pretty effing good
.
I don't know whether or notit's because I needed it or it
(43:15):
was because it's a long timecoming, but I literally feel
like I've had my soul ripped out.
I feel like, well, let's seethe results.
I feel like I'm capable ofthinking more positive thoughts
about myself, that I'm not, thatI'm going'm gonna be if not in
(43:39):
this very moment, not gonna be amassive pushover and start to
develop my own identity ofboundaries.
I have them.
I'm just up until now I've beensafe with them.
I prefer to slowly breadcrumb aperson than selling them.
(44:01):
No, but that's still sellingthem, no, in disguise.
Oh shit, this is.
You already know what I think.
Has this replaced therapy?
Look, there is that idea that,uh ai, stuff like this is only
(44:23):
as good as the person doing it,and I think I was really ready
for the change.
The other thing is, you know,if I have a fucking panic attack
during this whole thing, itcan't look after me.
So there is still a role forsome humans in a thing that is,
until we give it eyeballs andhands and whatever.
Then it can stroke me and petme and tell me, tell me, I'm a
good boy.
Does it replace therapy?
(44:45):
I don't think it replacestherapy, but holy crap, amoly is
it probably currently.
Was that better than I've hadtherapy as a kid?
I've done a lot of lifecoaching.
I've been life coached.
Was that more insane than 90%of every session I've had,
(45:05):
including the therapy and lifecoaching.
Yes, scary to say.
Yes, scary to say yes, my soulhas been turned inside out.
Are you ready for the test?
(45:28):
Can I say that word?
This is where I say fuck off.
I don't have to say that word.
If I don't want to, I'm allowedto go.
I don't feel comfortable withthat word.
I think that's really what it'sbeen about.
I think I've been uncomfortablewith that word.
I think it's a lazy word.
I don't think it fullydescribes how I feel.
(45:48):
Maybe for other people it mightdescribe how I feel about them,
but for me, on this currentpoint, I don't feel like it.
How I feel about them, but forme, on this current point, I
don't feel like it.
I feel like I don't like itbecause the word is too vague.
It describes so many things.
If you call someone a pussy,it's an anatomical thing.
You're basically saying they'realso a bit of a pushover.
(46:11):
So I hear the change here isit's not that I'm Like I did
hesitate a tiny bit before, butit's more now.
I feel fine hesitating.
It's like let me hesitate, fuckoff.
Why do I have to not hesitate?
Let me have my space to be alittle pansy boy.
(46:34):
Let me be assertive about mylack of assertiveness.
I don't need your validationfor me to feel good about my own
boundaries, so I think we couldcall it a success.
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