Episode 11: Quick Hits - Being Inspired By and With Lori Gay

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What happens when you've spent years helping communities increase home ownership only to see everything burn down? Beyond the ashes of wildfire devastation, communities face the dual challenge of rebuilding structures while preserving their human spirit.

Sean had the chance to connect with Lori Gay, CEO of Neighborhood Housing Services of LA County during a 2-day working session focused on recovery and rebuilding in LA.  

She offers a profound perspective on recovery that challenges our very understanding of resilience. "In many communities of color, they do not want to be defined as resilient," she explains, "because the thinking is why do I have to appear as though I'm bouncing back?" This powerful reframing shifts our focus away from expecting communities to demonstrate superhuman recovery.  Rather, how might we create genuinely sustainable futures where people don't lose themselves in the process of finding their way back home.

The conversation reveals the emotional weight carried by those supporting disaster-affected communities. Gay shares her personal approach to sustainability: "If I need to cry every day, let it happen. Just keep pushing forward, but not forgetting that I need to walk or swim or sit and be quiet." This balance of action and reflection forms the foundation for effective long-term recovery work.

Most remarkably, the discussion uncovers unexpected wellsprings of hope emerging from disaster's aftermath. From a 90-year-old determined to rebuild to strangers donating cars to pastors who've lost everything, these "goodness stories" represent our collective hunger for connection after years of pandemic isolation. "Post-COVID, people are ready," Gay observes about this extraordinary outpouring of support, suggesting that within horrific circumstances, we might also discover our renewed capacity for compassion.

Subscribe to hear more conversations exploring how communities rebuild with resilience while honoring both their structures and souls. Share your own stories of unexpected goodness emerging from difficult circumstances in the comments below.

Shared Ground is produced by Sean Knierim and Allan Marks. Thanks to Cory Grabow, Kara Poltor, Corey Walles (from The Recording Studio) for your support in launching this effort.

For more stories of resilience & rebuilding, kindness & generosity: visit shared-ground.com and subscribe to Sean's substack. We invite you to share your own stories of resilience at the Shared Ground website - whether in response to the January fires in LA or other situations.

Follow us at seanknierim.substack.com, Instagram, or wherever you listen to podcasts (Apple Podcasts, Spotify, etc).

Episode Transcript

Sean Knierim (00:00):
Thanks so much for agreeing to talk and to be part
of this last day of talkingabout resilient rebuilding.
Could you introduce yourselfand share what you're up to
these days?

Lori Gay (00:10):
Sure, I'm Lori Gay.
I'm currently the CEO ofNeighborhood Housing Services of
LA County and we're up tohelping families figure out how
to rebuild from the wildfires,as well as doing our day-to-day
work of buy, fix, keep, sellhousing.

Sean Knierim (00:26):
So you're working through these communities in the
last five, six months here inLos Angeles, but then for a
career you've been around a lotof resilience.
Can you talk to it?
How would you define or explainresilience, that concept, well?

Lori Gay (00:41):
I go in and out of whether I use it as a word
because people, it impactspeople differently.
In many communities of color.
They do not want to be definedas resilient, because the
thinking is why do I have toappear as though I'm bouncing
back?
There are a number of otherfolks, of color and not, who say

(01:01):
, well, we're survivors, don'tdescribe me as a victim, right
of color and not who say, well,we're survivors, don't describe
me as a victim, right.
And so I think the wordresilience in a lot of circles
can weave through like a thread,hopefully a hopeful one, that
helps people figure out wheretheir North Star is.
And if resilience looks like alight down this tunnel and I

(01:23):
feel like that tunnel can leadme to a better space, some
pasture that I need, then that'swho I am and that's what I'm
doing and it keeps me going.
I don't know if I want it todefine me as a person, but I
definitely can see it as anoutcome driven space, and so we
hear that all the time in ourwork lots of financial

(01:44):
counseling, case management,work before we ever make a loan
or before we ever build a houseat NHS, and so I think all these
terms come into play when we'redealing with disaster and, in
the end, all we care about atNHS is that families feel
they're in a sustainable future.
That's how we would talk aboutit, and we assume upon their

(02:06):
bounce back, we assume upontheir capacity and that people
join the journey and jump offthe journey.
At all different points, whatwe have in common is that
everything burned down.
So how do we deal with thatright in our human condition,
while we also think about theproperty condition and I think
that is the tough space we're atright now, five plus months in

(02:31):
is that people are trying not tolose themselves as they deal
with finding their way back home.

Sean Knierim (02:37):
So, laurie, here's a question we've been exploring
with a lot of people in theseconversations, like in these
tough times when you're dealingwith these conditions that we
didn't expect right, we didn'tanticipate this.
How do you take care ofyourself in these moments?
Like I know, you live a life ofcaring for others.
How are you taking care ofyourself as you're moving
through these?

Lori Gay (02:58):
Well, truth is that I'm a person of faith, so I
start the day in the day withprayer If I'm doing what that
little voice tells me I'msupposed to do.
I work on an eight to eightschedule, six days a week.
For me, that's less than Inormally work when I'm serving
throughout the Los Angelesregion, so that's been a hard
mental adjustment, and I thinkthat for myself, I really am

(03:25):
focusing my mind and my body onsustainable outcomes, and so
trying to walk every day ifpossible, swim something that's
physical, as they say, get theendorphins going, and then
keeping my mind focused sharplyon the outcomes that matter and

(03:46):
not losing the people we'reserving all along the way.
And so what that means for aperson like me is I got to feel
it.

Sean Knierim (03:53):
Yeah.

Lori Gay (03:54):
And taking the weight on of others is significant.
It's not a small thing, but Ican't get stuck.
If I'm carrying people or theyneed to drag me for a bit and
carry me, just let it happen.
If I need to cry every day, letit happen.
Right, and just keep pushingforward, but not forgetting that

(04:14):
I need to walk or I need toswim or I need to sit and be
quiet.

Sean Knierim (04:18):
Thanks for sharing that.
I also try and start everymorning with a prayer of
gratitude.
Just the opportunity to haveanother day to wake up next to
my wife, with whom we justcelebrated 24 years of marriage,
to be on this journey withfolks like you.
So, as you look out at allthese threads that are starting
to emerge and get woven intosomething that we can't quite
see yet, where are you seeinghope?

Lori Gay (04:41):
I still find hope in people like Roosevelt, who I
talked about earlier today,who's 90 and wants to rebuild.
I still find hope in thefamilies who I cried with at our
Legacy Summit over the weekend.
They're unsure of their journeyright now, but I can find hope
in knowing I give them somelight right.

(05:01):
I can find hope in knowing that, whether they're a person of
faith or not, they'll accept aprayer and that I get to be
giving more than I'm taking, andso I think the hope that I'm
seeing is I won't go into thedeep story, but with a person I
met last week, pastor Debbie,who was given a car, all kinds

(05:24):
of clothing and other items andthen a $500 Costco gift card by
a couple she didn't know fromNorthern California, because
they had somehow heard PastorDebbie needed a car.
Those kinds of goodness storiesdo it for me.
I'm that person.
I still need goodness.
I need to see it every day.
I need to know it for me.
I'm that person.
I still need goodness, I needto see it every day.

Sean Knierim (05:45):
I need to know what's happening, and I can
assure you that it is more thanI've ever seen it and really why
we started this whole effortthat brought us here talking
today is having seen thisextraordinary outpouring, and
many times without anyexpectation of reciprocity.
People are just giving theirbeef to their brothers.
No, they're just doing it.

Lori Gay (06:04):
And I think post-COVID they're ready.

Sean Knierim (06:06):
Yeah.

Lori Gay (06:06):
I don't know how else to say it.
It sounds so awful, but we hadjust death in our space as the
place we were grieving.
For what?
Three to four years, yeah.
So people are ready to dosomething else and in that,
doing something else, god helpus that.
We've had wildfires, but itgives them opportunity.

Sean Knierim (06:28):
And it's interesting it's similar in
COVID that you come throughthese disasters and there's
gifts that emerge, gifts ofmeeting new people, getting to
work with new folks, learn fromnew folks, and I'm glad you're
one of those gifts that we gotthrough this.
So thanks for being here withme.

Lori Gay (06:43):
I'm humbled and I'm grateful.