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July 14, 2025 14 mins

The Call to Freedom | She Asked Podcast with Anna McBride

Today, I break down how to break free from limiting beliefs, inherited narratives, and lifelong patterns shaped by addiction, trauma, and self-doubt.

💬 “We are creating our future selves with the choices we make today.” — Mark Hyman

🔍 Topics We Cover:

How childhood experiences shape adult identity

Recovery as a path to personal freedom

Releasing the belief: “I’m unlovable”

Redefining womanhood beyond inherited roles

The power of choice in creating a new future

✨ Whether you're navigating a life pivot, healing from heartache, or simply seeking clarity, this episode offers tools to begin rewriting your own story.

🛎️ Subscribe for more episodes every week to support your healing, growth, and transformation.

🎧 Follow the She Asked Podcast

#RecoveryJourney #HealingAfterDivorce #RewriteYourStory #SheAskedPodcast #AnnaMcBride #TraumaRecovery #CodependencyHealing #LifeAfterAddiction #ChangeYourNarrative

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to.
She Asked Tools for PracticalHope.
I'm Anna, your friend and host,and I'm so glad you're here.
In the last episode, I sharedwhat it meant to walk the
open-hearted path of recovery.
Today, I want to talk aboutwhat comes next.
How do we rebuild after thewreckage of chaos, addiction or

(00:27):
trauma?
How do we move from survivalinto sovereignty?
I call this the architecture ofsafety, the inner home we build
brick by brick as we unlearnfear and relearn trust.
Let me take you into a momentfrom my own life.

(00:47):
I like to start with a story,and this just happened recently.
It was a month or so ago afterI began working the SLAA program
this is the Sex and LoveAddictions Anonymous program,
12-step program and I remembersitting down in my room in my
home and I noticed that I didn'tfeel anxious.

(01:09):
I wasn't scanning my phone, Iwasn't looking up on X's, I
wasn't scrolling through socialmedia or trying to fix something
.
I realized I felt safe, notjust externally but internally.

(01:30):
Getting there wasn't a straightline.
I can assure you that I had tomeet three of my biggest
character defects to get therePerfectionism, people-pleasing
and control.
These traits once protected me.
Perfectionism made me feelworthy.

(01:50):
People-pleasing kept me feelingloved, and control gave me the
illusion of safety, but inrecovery they become barriers to
connection and healing.
What I was learning in recoverywas also echoed in the research

(02:11):
, and that validation mattered.
It helped me realize that Iwasn't alone and I wasn't crazy.
Dr Brene Brown, whose work onshame and vulnerability has
helped millions, describesperfectionism not as a striving
for excellence but as a shieldagainst the pain of being seen

(02:35):
as flawed.
And Pete Walker, in his work oncomplex PTSD, which was
published back in 2013,.
On Complex PTSD, which waspublished back in 2013, explains
that people-pleasing is often atrauma response known as
spawning, an unconscioussurvival strategy that says if I

(02:56):
stay agreeable, I'll stay safe.
And Dr Richard C Schwartz, withhis breakthrough work on
internal family systems theory,says that the impulse to control
is understood as a protectivepart, one trying to manage an

(03:16):
inner world that feels chaotic.
So, as it turns out, I wasn'tbroken, I was surviving, and now
I could choose to heal.
So let's talk about whatrebuilding looks like.
In my own healing, I came to seethree anchors that made all the

(03:36):
difference.
I call them the pillars ofsafety, but I want you to think
about it.
It's like a structure, ascaffolding that I used to lean
on.
I literally wrapped my lifearound recovery, not the other
way around.
I didn't make recovery fit intomy life, I made my life fit
into recovery, not the other wayaround.

(03:57):
I didn't make recovery fit intomy life, I made my life fit
into recovery.
That's how much I needed it,and I knew this because my
nervous system needed help.
So the first pillar I callnervous system literacy.
This is learning what calm feelslike.
It's recognizing when you're infight, flight, freeze or fawn

(04:20):
to breathe, to pause and to slowdown.
I remember the day when I wasfirst starting my work in
Al-Anon, and it was months intoworking the steps with my
sponsor that I woke up in themorning and I literally felt my
shoulders relax For the firsttime, like ever.

(04:42):
It's as if my nervous systemfinally was ready to let go,
like I had it, like I was beingsupported.
It no longer had to be rigidanymore.
And in recovery there's thisterm.
It's a slogan and it goes likethis one day at a time when I
stay in today, my body softens.

(05:06):
I don't have to solve my wholelife, I just have to breathe
through this hour, this moment,this, whatever it is right in
front of me.
So many of us live our lifeeither in the past, through
ruminating, or in the future,and that's called worrying.

(05:26):
And when we take our bodies,our minds, out of today, we
automatically send our nervoussystem into panic, into
challenge, into trying to bracefor something.
But knowing what safety feelslike isn't enough.
We also need ways to protect it.

(05:49):
That brings me to the nextpillar.
I call it boundaries.
That bless.
So boundaries aren't walls.
They're not meant to be rigid.
They're meant to invite deepertrust within ourselves.
I had to learn to say nowithout guilt and to stop saying

(06:14):
yes when I meant no.
Just please love me anyway.
And boundaries have really grownto be sacred for me, because I
used to think like boundariesare about the other person, like
what am I going to do so thatthey don't hurt me?
And the truth is, I've learnedthrough recovery that all these

(06:37):
situations where I was harmed,at least as an adult, I was
participating in them.
I was putting myself in harm'sway, in other words, when I
didn't need to.
Now, it's one thing as a childwhen we're powerless to adults.
It's another thing as an adultto give over your sovereignty to

(06:59):
somebody else because of thingslike people pleasing.
So for me, boundaries havegrown to be something more
sacred.
They're about me and what am Iwilling to do and what am I no
longer willing to do, either inrelationship to someone else or
in relationship to myself, andthis can cover lots of areas.

(07:23):
For me, self-care hasboundaries.
For me, my work life hasboundaries.
For me also, relationships withother people big boundaries,
and it's really just about me.
What am I no longer going to do?
Because I'm the one who has towake up each day with myself and

(07:44):
I want to feel good about that.
So my principle from recoverythat I apply here is called
radical honesty, without shame.
That means I need to be clear.
What is my part in a situation?
If I'm struggling with someoneor struggling in my own life, I
want to get clarity around whatthat is.
That is the honesty, and Idon't want to feel shame around

(08:07):
it.
There's nothing wrong withstruggle.
There's nothing wrong withstruggling to take care of
yourself or relating to otherpeople.
The thing that's the problem isnot being willing to see it or
not being willing to ask forhelp.
So honesty doesn't meanconfessing your flaws, it just
means telling the truth toyourself, to others, with

(08:31):
kindness, clarity and withself-respect.
Kindness, clarity and withself-respect.
And finally, safety needsrhythm a container, a practice,
a way to root our healing intoour daily life.
That's what brings us to thethird pillar, which I call the
sacred structure.
My healing accelerated when Imade rhythm my ritual.

(08:54):
That included my morningpractices.
So I wake up every morning andthe first thing I do after I go
to the bathroom I meditate andpray.
I've done this now.
I've meditated for about 20years now, but I started prayer
when I began my recovery process.
So this is about seven yearsago.

(09:16):
I invited in prayer.
Seven years ago I invited inprayer, and so what it does is
it creates a dialogue between memyself and my spirit and my
higher power.
It sets the trajectory for myday.
I start thinking of myself andmy life and my body as something
sacred, and it's the firstthing I do and it really grounds

(09:39):
me in myself.
Then I get up and I journal.
I've got tons of journals foryears now, but the ones lately
have been more structured aroundrecovery perspectives.
Like I have a differentperspective, and they are 12,

(10:02):
12-step related, on every day ofthe week, and so I choose a
different step and I journal onit first thing in the morning.
I have some daily readers and Iread them ahead of journaling
and again, it just informs me,opens me up, grounds me more.
And then I begin my day afterthat by attending a phone
meeting related to one or twodepending on my timing for the

(10:25):
day of the recovery programsthat I'm working.
And so this is the beginning ofmy day.
This is my morning ritual.
It's a part of my self-care.
I don't even think about it, Ijust do it now because it's my
routine, my ritual.
I start my day in that ease andthen I continue it throughout

(10:47):
the day by checking in on myfeelings, checking in through
prayer.
I keep the conversation goingwith myself, with my feelings,
and I use that as a part of mydaily reflection, and it's truly
a structure that helps me.
Whether I'm heading into ameeting, I pray and connect

(11:10):
before that, or if I'm comingout of a meeting, I digest and
reflect on that.
That may sound like a lot, butit's the structure that became
my sanctuary.
It really saved my life, and sothe recovery principle that I
incorporate into that issurrendering what you cannot

(11:33):
control, what I cannot control,we learn through recovery years.
What I cannot control, we learnthrough recovery years.
Other people places, situations, so anything that's outside of
me I can't control.
I've been taught that I can'teven control my first thought.
Yet through practice ofmeditation, prayer, journaling

(11:55):
and recovery, I can redirectevery thought after that.
And, believe me, as somebodywho's been a chronic overthinker
, that was a lot ofrestructuring and I needed that
sacred structure of these dailypractices to help me unlearn and

(12:16):
relearn how to train my mind.
There is no power in sayingthis is not mine to hold, I
don't need to have my hand ineverything.
Recovery has taught me thatsurrender isn't weakness, it's
wisdom, and all of myrelationships, all of my work

(12:38):
has really been benefited by mywillingness to let go.
So I want to invite you toreflect on something when in
your life are you still tryingto earn your safety through
over-efforting control orperformance, and then ask
yourself what would it feel liketo lay that down and begin

(13:03):
building something new from theinside out?
If you can be open toconsidering what is that you're
trying to control, or what hascontrol over you, and try to
incorporate some of thesepractices of self-reflection,

(13:24):
self-study, self-recovery.
I think it may be an opening tosomething more for you.
I know it was for me.
So let's close with a breathand a blessing.
So, together, let's take a longblessing.
So, together, let's take a long, slow, deep breath in and
exhale.
Let it go.
And I want you to say inrepeating after me I am safe to

(13:48):
rest, I am safe to rebuild, I amsafe to belong to myself.
So thank you for joining withme today as we talked about the
architecture of safety,rebuilding after chaos.
Until next time, it's yourfriend and host, anna McBride,

(14:08):
and this is she Asked, wherehealing meets practical hope.
So until soon, be well.
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