Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hi everyone, it's
Anna McBride.
Welcome back to she AskedPodcast tools for practical hope
.
This show explores topics ofgrowth, healing and recovery,
offering tips and guidelines tohelp you along your personal
journey.
Today, I'll be sharing with youmy journey that's very pressing
and transformative at this time, as I am literally in
(00:28):
transition back to my maidenname.
What's in a name?
How does your name shape youridentity?
Even numerology accounts forour name.
What does your nickname mean?
What does the family mean?
What does your nickname mean?
What does the family name mean?
All of these are things thatwe'll be talking about today in
(00:53):
this show about changing yourname.
I want to start with telling youabout my family.
I grew up one of seven girls, afamily of 11, with an immigrant
mother and father, and in ourfamily, the family name was very
important.
I had four brothers, and they,of course, keep their name when
(01:13):
they get married, but when itcame to the girls and we were
older, there was this thingabout do you change your name to
your husband's name or do youkeep it.
So I had two older sisters andthey opted to change their name
to their husband's name, takinghis surname, and then they kept
the family name as a part of it,almost either hyphenated in one
(01:38):
case and the other case becamemiddle name.
And I was the third one marriedin my family and I thought
about it and I thought about itand I struggled with it and I
decided to keep my family nameas a part of my changed name.
First I thought abouthyphenating it, which I did, and
(02:00):
that got complicated becauseputting our two names together
was a mouthful, and then Idecided to take out the hyphen
and make it my middle name.
So from there on my marriedname was Anna McBride and then
my married name, and for 36years plus I've carried that
(02:26):
name.
And here's what happens when youget married you become your
husband's last name.
I don't know how you feel aboutthat, but that's been my
experience.
I was known as being attachedto my husband and everything
that went along with that.
We had three children.
Of course they had his lastname and I argued with him and
(02:47):
got two of our children to takemy maiden name as their middle
name, and that was quite astruggle, but I fought for that.
That being said, who was I?
I was slowly, slowly and surelylosing my identity as Anna
McBride.
Well, three years ago, Idivorced, we divorced, and since
(03:10):
then I have been working onmyself to prepare, to get ready
to change your name.
Because here's the thing yourname is attached to everything
your social security, yourlicense, your passport, your
bank accounts, your tax filingsand that's just five things.
There's a lot of legal thingsthat need to be attended to when
(03:31):
you change your name and Ibegan the process of figuring
out how do you go about changingyour name and in what order,
because some things have to comeahead of other things, and this
took me on a bit of a journeyrecently.
As I mentioned, my mother wasan immigrant and we had dual
(03:53):
citizenship with her country andI had to go to the embassy of
her country to get documentationof my birth and my citizenship
and her citizenship and thepassport in order to change my
name.
It was a process Took me to DClast week and why did I wait to
last week, since I've beendivorced for three years?
(04:15):
There were other things I hadto attend to.
There were tax filings, therewas other financial things.
I had to get settled from ourdivorce in order for me to be
legally allowed to do it, andthat just got completed last
month.
So I have been working on this.
It seems like forever, and yetit's been a real important thing
(04:41):
for me to reclaim who I am, whoI was before I got married, who
I want to become after thatmarriage is over and who I want
to retain from that life forsake of our children and the
connections that we had.
(05:02):
These are incredible questions.
I know that what is in a name?
That's a big question for mebecause I have friends and
family that said why change yourname?
It's such a pain in the ass,why do it?
And then I thought about it andI thought I want to be who I've
(05:25):
always been, which is Anna.
I've always been Anna McBride.
To my children I've always beenmom, and to my sisters I've
always been Anna.
My siblings, we've alwaysshared the same last name,
mcbride.
And so this process of changingback to reclaim who I am and
(05:48):
who I want to remain being, orreclaim and become this is a
very emotional process.
It's hard to describe just howemotional it is.
It's hard to describe just howemotional it is because part of
it is a bit of letting go and apart of it is a remembering who
I was before I let myself getlost.
(06:13):
So this process of changing myname has allowed me to come back
, and it's interesting.
I'm feeling emotional right nowbecause it's meaningful.
Names have meaning.
As I mentioned earlier,numerology even accounts for our
name.
Every letter in your name has anumeric value.
(06:34):
According to numerology, addall the numeric values up and it
adds up to one digit.
For me, it's the number six.
I have learned that what itmeans is that I'm meant to be a
healer.
It means that I'm grounded inwisdom.
It means that I am at thecenter of a family formation and
(06:55):
I happen to be the middle child.
So how did numerology know that?
I think that's very interestingand maybe some people might
think it's contrived.
However, I find it verycompelling because I've always
felt like my role in my familywas to be the center, to be the
grounding force, and in mymarried family I did the same
(07:16):
thing.
I was of service early in mylife and I continue to be that
way.
And the name Anna also happensto mean grace and I've always
felt like I've been guided by asense of grace.
I've been afforded grace in mylife and I think the grace is
(07:37):
what's bringing me back home tomyself, think the grace is
what's bringing me back home tomyself, and I think it's
interesting that this process isalso bringing me closer to my
siblings that, based on ourupbringing, we've got a bit of
estrangement going on because ofthe dysfunction that we grew up
in, and now we're finding ourway back to each other,
connecting, staying connected,and all because we share the
(08:02):
same last name.
We share a lot of historytogether, and so names have a
way of bringing us back toourselves, back to our centers
and our cores.
That's why getting back to myoriginal self and my original
name really matters to me.
Now the process is stillongoing for me.
(08:24):
I have a bit more steps to dothat are mostly dictated by
offices being opened or closedor available, and that will be
coming.
But I want to talk right now alittle bit about the history of
name changing, because I thinkthat will give us some context
of name changing, because Ithink that will give us some
(08:45):
context.
So women have been taking theirhusband's name upon marriage,
and that's for centuries, if notfrom the beginning of time, and
that's kind of rooted in commonEnglish law.
This tradition, which has itsroots back to the ninth century
led to women losing their maidennames and becoming legally
considered under their husband'sname at the time of marriage.
(09:06):
Now, while the practice wascommon and often legally
mandated, in the 1970s we saw apush towards women's rights and
more flexibility in name choices, leading to a gradual shift in
legal and social norms InAmerica, for example.
In the United States, thetradition of women adopting
their husband's surname remainsprevalent.
(09:28):
According to the 2023 PewResearch Center survey, 79% of
women in opposite-sex marriagestook their husband's last name.
79%.
14% retained their maiden nameand only 5% opted for a
hyphenation.
(09:48):
Demographic factors influencethis.
You know.
Younger women ages 18 to 49,are more inclined to keep their
maiden names.
Now I happen to have gottenmarried at 21, so I could have
kept my maiden name according tothis trend, but I was trending
separately with my family.
Now, education plays a role inthis 26% of women with
(10:12):
postgraduate degrees tend toretain their maiden names,
versus 13% with a bachelor'sdegree.
And a political affiliationalso affects, with democratic or
democratic-leaning women twiceas likely than their Republican
counterparts to keep theirmaiden names.
How about globally?
Here's some interesting trends.
(10:34):
Japan legally mandates a sharedsurname for married couples.
How progressive, with 96% ofwomen adopting their husband's
name.
Quebec, canada.
Since 1981, women are legallyrequired to retain their maiden
names after marriage.
Go Canada.
Greece enacted a law in 1983mandating women to keep their
(10:59):
maiden names post-marriage.
Love the Greeks.
France, belgium and theNetherlands.
Traditionally, women retaintheir maiden names, with legal
systems supporting this practice.
Very strong women there.
Korea and Malaysia.
Cultural norms dictate thatwomen keep their maiden names
after marriage.
Some incredible trends that wecould probably learn from in the
(11:23):
United States.
It's one thing to get divorced,it's another thing to change
your name.
And what I didn't consider wereall the conversations I had to
have and all the opinions I hadto hear, people who wanted to
just make sure I knew what I wasdoing.
(11:43):
And those opinions stillcontinue.
But the important conversationthat I wanted to have was with
my children, whose last name Iwas changing my name away from,
so we weren't going to share thesame last name.
That wasn't a difficultconversation to have with them.
(12:03):
It just was an emotional one.
In fact, one of my daughterswanted to change her name to
match mine.
That's how much she wanted toidentify with me.
And these are importantconversations to have with your
loved ones so that you can be atpeace with your decision, which
is why it's taken me so long toget here Now.
(12:26):
All the opinions that I receiveand continue to receive about
whether it's the right thing orthe wrong thing to change my
name away from the one I've hadlegally for 40 years.
Here's what I have to say aboutthat.
I didn't ask them.
I didn't ask them.
It's a hard enough decision toarrive at on my own.
(12:48):
People who love me I wouldexpect to just support me in my
decisions.
If it's right for me, it's theright thing, particularly if I'm
at peace with it and mychildren are at peace with it
and my happiness matters.
I offer that to you as areminder that change is always
(13:11):
difficult, particularly for thepeople who aren't going to be
pleased with your decisions.
And yet the one person that youneed to please the most is
yourself.
In the end, that's the onlyopinion that really matters is
yours.
Now, what about reverting afterseparation?
(13:32):
Right, changing your name back.
It's common for women to resumetheir birth names after
separation, like I'm doing Inthe United States.
This process typically involvesa legal name change, which can
be addressed during divorceproceedings.
Legal name change which can beaddressed during divorce
proceedings.
Changing your name when you getmarried is probably the easiest
(13:53):
paperwork to file.
Changing your name back to yourmaiden name post-divorce is a
hassle.
There's a lot to go through.
My situation isn't unique and Ihave had conversations with
many women that have had to dothe same.
It is interesting to me that noone ever mentioned this to me
(14:16):
when I was getting married.
To think about that what aboutyour career, about your life,
about your identity?
It was just assumed that I wasgoing to just become a we and
share the name of my husband,and I didn't understand or
appreciate what that meant to myself-esteem, to my professional
(14:37):
career, to all theopportunities that I had hopes
and dreams of when I was younger.
It just complicates it younger.
It just complicates it.
I'm not suggesting that anyoneneeds to hold on to their maiden
name if they want to change thename to their husband.
I just think you ought toconsider what it means and what
(14:59):
it might do.
I have a lot of friends whohave professional careers in
areas that either politics orcelebrity, or in front of the
camera, behind the camera, doingthings in that capacity, that
chose to keep their maiden namefor consistency because they
(15:21):
began their career early in lifeand they got married a little
bit after that.
I, on the other hand, didn'tlaunch my career till well after
I got married.
I have sisters who use theirmaiden name for professional
purposes and yet their legalname still has their husband's
name in it, so it's possible todo that too.
(15:43):
Luckily, in today's day and age,it is not so difficult to
represent yourself from yourorigin.
Yet, legally, it's importantthat you define it all the way
through.
In my case, to be very specific, it was important to me to
change my name back post-divorcebecause, as you move forward in
(16:06):
your life, I wanted to be knownfor who I always have been Anna
McBride.
That's how I came into thisworld and that's how I want to
leave it.
Women keeping their name.
It's a very personal decisionand one that I hope that from
this podcast, you've learnedthat it's important to just know
(16:28):
that you have options.
You don't have to go with norms, you don't have to go with any
type of social trend.
You don't even have to go withwhat your family has always done
.
I would just really offer toany woman out there to consider
what is right for you and gowith that.
(16:48):
So you have options.
You have things to considerwhat is right for you and go
with that.
So you have options, you havethings to consider and it's
really a very personal process.
It's been a pleasure servingand sharing with you my
experience, strength and hope tohelp you along your personal
journey about your name, themeaning of it, the role it plays
in your life and how to reclaimwhere you came from
(17:12):
post-divorce.
This is the she Asked Podcast.
I am Anna McBride and untilnext time, be well.