August 4, 2025 • 32 mins
After last week’s confrontation with Andy Cohen, I found out the Workout reunion was available to stream after all. So this episode is me walking that back—recapping the reunion, eating shit, and trying to make it right. The original plan was to do this with Justin Martindale while we got a spray tan from Sugared and Bronzed. But he overslept, so I ended up doing the recap in my living room with the spray tan girlies. It ended up being the most fun segment ever… until I realized the mics didn’t record. So this one’s mostly narrated. I also meet up with my longtime best friend and reality TV producer Lindsay Weiglein on the roof of the mall to try and salvage what’s left—of the episode and of my credibility. Somewhere in the chaos, we end up spray tanning a Labubu.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Too much shit around. What the fuck is happening? God
damn it. Fuck everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Hi hi.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Ah, best laid plans, Best laid plans. Welcome to Show Pony.
We're going to do things a little bit differently tonight.
This episode is going to be channeling Marina Abramovic. It's
going to be giving Slavic clown college. This is going
(00:47):
to be an art school piece of schlock. Here's why.
Allow me to explain. I have been in show business
for over eighty seven years, and never before in the
history of my long and storied career has chaos and
deluge so befallen me so ethically as it has this weekend.
(01:10):
The long and short of it is, I'm going to
be taking artistic license with this episode. For those of
you paying attention, I have finished season two of Workout,
and I was hot on the hunt for the elusive reunion.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
So relentless was my hunger.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
I snapped at Andy last week and claimed it was
impossible to find. Now, I may look like I have
it all, like I'm the world's coolest person with tons
of money and riches and concubines.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I know it looks that way, but.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
I'm only human.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
And humans. Humans make mistakes.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Last week, I awoke to a comment about last week's episode,
and the comment was someone saying, yeah, the reunion is
available on Amazon. The minimal effort is showing, and I
wanted to reach through my phone and grab that person's
RB's roast beef meat curtains and yanked them out of.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Their stupid, little bitch throat.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
I blocked that person because I practice emotional sobriety, but
then I thought, oh shit, let me just double check, right,
So I fired up my Amazon account. I opened season two,
which I've purchased for nine to ninety nine on Amazon.
I scrolled to the bottom past the finale, and there
(02:32):
it was, yes, and ice cold chill ran down my spine.
It was hard see both season one and season two
of Workout share the same exact thumbnail on Amazon. I
thought I was looking at season two, but I had
clicked season one.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Again.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Couldn't tell because they share a thumbnail. The little square
doesn't say season two or season one. It just says
walk Out and it's really, really, really really diny. So
I had scrolled down to season one, which of course
has say it with me, no reunion, Yes, Ryan, you
(03:13):
stupid little bitch. You were right, and so I must
say thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I won't unblock you, but thank you.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
You'll never know the service you've done for me and
for the entire show pony community, and for the record,
my effort is anything but minimal. I need to talk
about that in therapy. It really upset me more than
it should have. In fact, I'm still pissed. Oh but hey, nanny, Nanny,
look at me going on and on about a block
to lesbian asshole. The important thing is I watched the reunion.
(03:46):
Andy looks adorable. It was a couple of years before
Watch What Happens Live. This was back when these specials
were a live version of Bravos tagline Watch what Happens.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Jackie is seated in a single chair.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
The rest of the cast is on some Risers Meet
Scout concoction.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
It's kind of weird.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
There's like an arm between Rebecca and Jackie.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Large couch, oversized chair.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
It's obviously Rebecca and Jackie aren't dating, even though Jackie
says she's not discussing it. Then she says she's dating
other people. It's not helping combat the theory that the
romance was just for the cameras.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
But what do I know. I believe women.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Jesse's charming, They're all giggling and playful, and Jackie is
such a natural star it's crazy. The biggest takeaway is
Andy's vocal register. He's doing this butch thing where he's
trying to talk straight. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Watch for yourselves. Here's a little clip you all saw.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
Jackie and Rebecca became an item with a little Tiffany
on the side, and this provoked a ton of response
from viewers and trainers alike.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Check him out. That is my perfect like physical tidy.
Speaker 5 (04:55):
If Donald Trump was having relations with one of his employees,
would that be unethical?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
I'm not Donald Trump.
Speaker 6 (05:04):
Sexual feelings for Jackie are different than sexual feelings for
a man.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
So the plan was to recap this episode with Justin
Martindale while we got spray hand by Sugard and Bronze,
my favorite spraystand in the world. They agreed to come
spray ttan us in my home their mobile spraytanding unit
while we recorded this episode, because how hilarious to record
a podcast while you're kidding a spray Dan Isn't that hilarious?
(05:36):
So that was the plan.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Well Justin.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Justin overslept. The appointment was at eleven and he didn't
even check his phone till noon, so he missed the appointment.
But that's okay, no worries. I know how to roll
with this kind of shit. So the adorable girls from
Sugar and Bronze became my co host for this episode.
I gave them a pop quiz about spray standing, I
bought them erawon treats, goodies, fruits and seltzers and grapes.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
I grilled them about Ravo shows. It was so cute.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
They spray tan me and they even gave my new
little baby lab Bubu with spraytan as well. Then then
I went to edit the footage, and that is when
Satan's taint raised up from the pits of hell to
motor boat me into the depths of despair. The receiver
(06:34):
unit of my very expensive mics decided to not transmit
the audio, so basically, you can't hear it.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
You can't you can't hear it.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
You can't hear it.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
So back to what I was saying initially, the remainder
of this episode is going to be me being creative
with the footage. I'll save the impressionist version of my
spray tan montage for the end. And first, how about
we take a look at my FaceTime with Andy where
I called to eat some humble pie.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Hi, oh my god, Hi Manny ensign fell down? How
are you? Thanks for taking a moment? Can you hear me? Okay, yeah, yeah,
I think I can. I have my mic capturing you now.
(07:43):
I just wanted to tell you so last week when
we talked about the reunion that you did for season two,
and I got mad at you and snapped at you.
Somebody commented, I've not someone, I've not blocked. You know.
(08:04):
The reunion is available on Amazon. Your refusal to do
anything more than the bare minimum is really showing. And
I had a meltdown and a freak out and I
got angry and I blocked this person. And then I thought,
I'll just go ahead and go look.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
It is there.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
It is there. I was looking at season one, which
you did into reunion for and when I went to check,
I had gone into the wrong window because they're identical
on Amazon. So I went to the wrong one, scrolled
down it wasn't there. So it is there, and I
watched it, and I think you need.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
To watch it.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Why Because you're so cute in it. You're so cute,
so handsome, so happy and stoked and excited to be
on TV. And I think it would just be good
looking back fifteen years later or however mini long it
is because watch Rabbins Live hadn't and it started, and
(09:01):
I think it would just give you like newfound gratitude
for what ended up happening for you. I think that
this is a way of you telling me that I
will see how bad I was. No, No, if anything,
I'm saying, like.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
You you'll.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
You've gotten like not complacent, but like I think that
you'll you'll you'll remember what your dream was. Right, Yeah, No,
you were not bad. You're great in it. And you
you talk very straight, you talk with your you're like
trying to be Yeah. I used to be like, yeah,
you really were. It's it's crazy. I'm going to play
(09:45):
some in this.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
But that's so funny.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Well look over here, I mean you were really you
were so sweet too, and you were really just like energized.
Speaker 5 (09:59):
It was.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
It's very good.
Speaker 5 (10:01):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Well I'm gonna watch it.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Watch it, and then let's actually have a conversation about
your thoughts. On it all right, But that's the update.
I was wrong. I stand corrected, Ryan, I think.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
You should unlock that person. It was just like maybe
making a really good point.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Burnt forever.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
No the block for my channel because it's the minimal
effort that I take offense to. I spend my weekends
editing this show. I do the maximum fucking effort anyway.
Welcome back from your trip. I'll talk to you on
the radio. Okay, love you, love you bye?
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Okay. I cannot believe this shit.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
What the fuck kind of geriatric fucking clown show special that?
So again once he watches, we will do a more
in depth recap of the reunion. But back to my
spraytand disaster, because I really and truly wanted to showcase
(11:18):
Sugard and Bronze. I'm a paying member, I love them,
and how hilarious is it again to record a podcast
while getting spray hand. But my dreams of doing that
had been all but dashed. So I went to the
one place I felt safe, the one place I feel
comfortable with the only person I trust. I went to
(11:41):
the mall with my college best friend, fag hag Lindsay.
She's an executive producer of hit reality shows. I needed
her guidance. I want her to steer me straight.
Speaker 7 (11:52):
Take a look. Okay.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
I want to introduce everyone to my best friend, Lindsay. Hi,
do you want to say? We won't say your last name,
so you don't because she works a very important job.
You're the executive producer of a very famous reality show,
but we don't want to say which one, so you
don't get in trouble because you sign an ndia. I'm sure,
I sure did, okay, so we won't blow up your spot.
Speaker 5 (12:21):
Thank you. I love to not get fired.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Okay, let me.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
I'm coming to you not only as my best friend,
but I'm having the worst day. Can I just tell
you what happened and you tell me what to do?
Speaker 5 (12:31):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (12:32):
And honestly, you work in reality television, documentary television, reality.
This is basically a reality show for me of myself,
and I want to just tell you what happened and
you tell me how to fix it in post production?
Speaker 5 (12:47):
Great, okay, I will.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Where are we?
Speaker 5 (12:51):
First of all at Central City in a parking lot.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
We're at the mall. We have plans today, budget Banana's
on parade. Okay, So I made plans with the company
Sugared and Bronze that they were going to come spraytand
me while I recorded my podcast. Okay, these two girls
came to my house like angels. Brooke and Molly came
(13:17):
to my house angels. I recorded them on two cameras,
my nice camera and my regular camera. We had bananas,
I did an interview, I played a pop quiz about
spraytanning in the history and like ancient sounds so good
that their interest in Bravo shows. Because I am still
(13:39):
recapping Workout and there's a whole other update about that.
The mics didn't work. The mics didn't work.
Speaker 5 (13:48):
It looks great, so weird that you would have a
mic on a banana and it wouldn't work.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
These are work.
Speaker 5 (13:54):
What do you mean something wouldn't work?
Speaker 3 (13:58):
But like, I've done fifteen episode of this show. That's
more than the season one of Workout. They only had
six episodes and eight seasons. I've done so many and
they're like long, involved episodes. I've done so much without
that happening, And I'm trying not to beat myself up
about it, But do you think I can still use
that footage? Because I want to promote them because they
they gave me a spreak Dan in exchange for promoting,
(14:21):
because I do love the company. I'm a paying member.
I mean, I could narrate it.
Speaker 5 (14:27):
You could narrate it on you could do like a
found footage like horror mood like. You could do it
in the edit and narrate something and act like it
was make a short and senate to festivals. This could
be something. I mean, it could be.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
This is gonna win slam Dance, Tan Dance, definitely them. Okay,
so maybe I'll start with this. This will be the setup.
We'll say, oh my god, we're at them all and
you're my best friend from college. I wanted to introduce
you anyway. The whole plan of this show was for
you to be my co host anyway, but then you
got scared because you thought you might get sued or
you might say something nasty.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
I would not.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
So there's my sneaky way of getting you in here.
But I'm just thinking about because I have to edit
this and then upload it tomorrow night, and I also
still have to recap the episode, which is drum roll. Okay,
let me back up. Last week, I confronted Andy because
I scrolled down to the end of season two of Workout.
There's no reunion, and he told me there was a reunion.
(15:23):
I confronted him. We kind of had a fight. He said,
I'll go find it for you. It was you loved it,
and somebody commented on the YouTube, Ryan, I believe your
name was Well, I've blocked you so you can't see this. Sorry, Ryan,
he commented, because the whole thing is about I can't
find the reunion. I can't find the reunion, and he goes,
(15:45):
I have to find is the reunion is available for
sale on peacock and then he says, Wow, the refusal
to do anything more than the bare minimum is very evident.
I melted down in a sking rage. I spend hours
(16:06):
every week. I spend my weekends editing this. There are
long episodes on I learned final hard the bare miniportum.
I blocked him, fucker and report him, so mad, I
should report him and report him. Don't to who though anyway,
So however, I was like, well, maybe I'll check again.
(16:31):
I scrolled down. I was looking at the wrong season.
It's not at the end of season one, and I
checked it wasn't there, and I just got confused. I
thought I was against season two. It's fully there. Yeah,
it's fully there. I don't I've bought the episodes, That's
what he was saying. He was kind of like, you
can't even google. Somebody said that to me about Jesse too.
(16:52):
He was like, Wow, you didn't know his son died
like a little one Google you would have figured that out.
And I was like, I'm trying not to google these people.
I'm trying to learn in the moment.
Speaker 5 (17:01):
Kind of lot going on too.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
I'm going above and beyond. Anyway, this is post spray tand.
Speaker 5 (17:07):
It looks so good.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
These girls were so cute. We had such a fun
time I did.
Speaker 5 (17:12):
I'm so sorry.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
How do I narrate it?
Speaker 5 (17:14):
I would do something where you narrate it and you
say that what happened with your day? What happened? How
much you love these girls? How amazing they are?
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Do I say the one on the right, because see
people listening to this, it won't I want it to
make sense for them too. People watching, they'll get it
because I'll say on the right, that's Molly, that's Brooke.
On the left, they're now they're talking about how they
do sugaring. They don't let straight men and just like.
Speaker 5 (17:38):
Make up what they say. That's all, but in a
good way, like write them like a really good script.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
I guess I could make them adr it. Yeah, do
you do you think it's worth my time to like
go find them for ten minutes tomorrow and do like
a redo of just the intro, like what's your names?
What do you do? Where are you from?
Speaker 5 (17:56):
I think you're a really talented writer, and I think
you could write something. I think you could write something
for them. I think you could do their voices even
if you wanted to. You could just do a little
like that's so cute, cute thing your arm.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
I took my clothes off in front of these girls.
Speaker 5 (18:14):
You hate that. I've never seen you without your clothes.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
I'm rebranding. I'm not doing that anymore. You can look.
I took them all off my grid. There's one picture
of me and my shirt off of my grid one
and they're the Speedo pictures.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
I can't believe it, but that's.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Because I hi again. We are at the mall, and
we are at the parking garage.
Speaker 5 (18:32):
Bananas talking into.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
And these look like to be portable buildings on the roof.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
It looks like my classrooms from like the fifth grade.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
There's a school at the top of this mall.
Speaker 5 (18:43):
I think there is.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
Okay, so your advice is to be creative.
Speaker 5 (18:47):
Be creative, not so creative. Do it. You can do it.
It'll be great. It might be the best thing you've
ever done. Like a Bottle episode that's always we'd like
to remember that one episode where he like did this
narration and did the voices. Yeah, it's gonna be so good.
Do some graphics. Oh my god, you love graphics.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
I love graphics, but I don't have the time to
I just want to do it all with a comedic
there's this touch.
Speaker 5 (19:10):
Yeah, you can do it, it'll be great. Pick a song,
do whatever.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Okay, I'll put some music underneath it. I mean, once
we get to the actual spray stanning, I can. Okay.
The kernel of my fear is that they're gonna see
it and go, why did we come over there? If
we're not even.
Speaker 5 (19:27):
I mean, they sound like sweet girls, understand.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
They just I think they just as long as I
brag about how much I do love sugar and bronze.
Speaker 5 (19:36):
Pretty great.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
What's your favorite memory of me from college?
Speaker 5 (19:41):
When you pissed on a bush in like a very
sacred uh British like? Was it? The was the name
of the castle, bucking him, sucking him palace? And then
got caught.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
I pissed.
Speaker 5 (19:55):
I have a picture of it, took off your pants,
squatted and I thought.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
That was just a pic, a joke.
Speaker 5 (20:02):
Sure it was a joke, It was just a picture.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
I seem to remember when you pissed on a cemetery,
a landmark cemetery in the Czech Republic, I.
Speaker 5 (20:15):
Don't remember, probably didn't.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
We did absence shots and at the entire church group
we were with when pissed on the ancestors of the
tour guid who had let us around all day. And
then I woke up covered in my own vomit, and
you hosing me off in the shower.
Speaker 5 (20:30):
And and you were in the fetal position, you wouldn't
get out of it. I thought maybe you were stuck
that way, You're born this way.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
Bringing it back, Okay, one more, what's your what's your
least favorite memory?
Speaker 5 (20:43):
Oh, God of college. Yeah, to be honest, we when
we weren't in a show together, we weren't.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Give me a time of shine to go back.
Speaker 5 (20:57):
You know never in a show together.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Fock our theater directors, they did not know what they
were doing. I'm I'm beach, just being funny. We love them,
we love, we love, we love everyone who has to college.
Speaker 5 (21:08):
Let's this one too, Okay, let's take out.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
Damn banana, this damn banana. Okay, I guess we should
go see our movie. We are being looked at. We
are it's pretty yes, Okay, so you believe in me.
I can salvage this episode.
Speaker 5 (21:24):
So creative, you've got this.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Okay, say that again. Oh my fucking we should see.
Speaker 5 (21:36):
There's an earthquake, earthquake, earthquake.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
Okay, okay, we have to go. There's an earthquake, the
big one's coming.
Speaker 5 (21:42):
What's coming.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
We're gonna go see a movie. I love you, thank you. Oh,
we'll be five minutes of the movie. We do. Okay,
we have to go. Earthquake. Lindsay over and ow.
Speaker 5 (21:51):
I love you.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Ah.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
So now the moment you've all been waiting for. Ladies
and gentlemen, little john monsters enjoy. If you're listening to
this on audio only, maybe stop now, because what you're
about to hear or not hear, is the result of
me taking the jaws of goddamned life to my final
(22:15):
cut software and manually raising up the audio. The audio
which the camera was right next to the blaring air
conditioner as well, so not only did the MIC's not work,
the AC is cock blocking the audio. Anyway, long story, short,
technical difficulties aside. It's barely audible. But I hope you
(22:35):
enjoy watching. And if you are watching and not listening,
you're in for a very special treat because these girls
are delightful, very intelligentic gorgeous supermodels even.
Speaker 7 (22:49):
Enjoy it's a heavy chair.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Oh my god, Oh my god, you're too sweetly, I'm it's.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
Gonna I'm Jera with the gorgeous angels from Sugar and Ronz.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Okay, introduce yourselves.
Speaker 6 (23:12):
Hi, I'm brook Cil, I'm Molly Corella.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
What's going on behind us?
Speaker 6 (23:18):
Do a little mobile tan today and this is our
mobile pop up tent.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
It sures thank you, because you know.
Speaker 6 (23:28):
We're just trying to get all kinds of blowing. It
actually is really helpful to hydrate. This hasn't around the
castid it so that's been really good for nineteen years
for tan.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Oh Okay, that's actually good. That's goods.
Speaker 6 (23:41):
Yes, I'm Fao is our mobile sprayer.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
And now we've arrived at the narration portion of the
spray tanning montage. Again, please go get a spray tan
of sugared and bronze. Look at these girls. I didn't
want this page to end up entirely on the cutting
room floor. I'm giving them a pop quiz. I asked
(24:07):
them what was the invention of the spray tan all about?
How did it come about? And without even blinking an eye,
Molly said, a chemist in the nineteen fifties accidentally spilled
dha on a patient, thus turning him brown and henceforth
(24:28):
berthing what we now know today as the spray tan.
I asked them back in ancient Egypt, how did people
tan their bodies? The answer crushed up red bugs around
now is when Molly and Brooke told me that each
(24:49):
Egyptians are also the people that pioneered the art of sugaring,
which is fifty percent of the namesake sugar and bronzed.
I myself have never gotten sugared because I have too
harry an ass. But that doesn't matter because they don't
do men's privates, only women. God, I missed them already.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
I want to give you a wife to start. I'm
gonna have you put a little barrier cream on your hand, okay,
and on.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
The backs of your heels anywhere that you're like extra dry.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Okay.
Speaker 6 (25:25):
So the big thing about these wives, I'll explain a
lot of people think exploding and taking up.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
That shower right before you get a sprays hand is
the way to go. It's not so.
Speaker 6 (25:35):
If you are going to shower right before, you want
to make sure it's cold water because your body will hold.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
In that heat and your pH will be off. So
this helps bring.
Speaker 6 (25:43):
Your pH to the level that we want to allow
you to get the most even spraytown without running directs
and things. Yeah, do it it kind of yeah, it
can heal, it can get a mess, that's fine.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Yeah, I didn't have a funny idea. I think I
want you to spray hand. I'm a boo boo oh.
Yes we will with an angel, are you?
Speaker 5 (26:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (26:10):
This is how the magic is made.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
This is it?
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Here's the magic, Ali, right, Wow, this is the before
I know, I'm look kind of tan.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
You know, this moment is very intimate and special. It's
a very special relationship between a grown man nearing the
age of fifty and two young ladies fully clothed spraying
him down in his underwear in his one bedroom rental
in West Hollywood. It's a relationship rarely seen on camera,
(26:46):
and I'm grateful to be able to showcase it for
you now, to pull the curtain back on this very
special dynamic. I feel honored. I feel chosen to be
able to stand here confidently being taken from a casper
(27:06):
powder white shade of desperate to what will end up
being a glowing, vibrant, radiant, shining example of tanness from
the best place to get a spray tan in the world,
Sugar and Bronze. It reminds me of when I was
growing up and my family was adducted by clowns, rodeo
(27:29):
clowns to be exact.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
And have you ever heard.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
Of Stockholm syndrome? You know, you fall in love with
your captor. I felt sort of like that was happening
with Brooke and Molly from Sugar and Bronze. I felt like,
after this spray tan, we had become so close.
Speaker 5 (27:50):
That I.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Was now experiencing Stockholm syndrome. I wanted them to take
you with them when they left I didn't want them
to leave. And even as my skin was going from
Caucasian to Julianne Huff from twenty thirteen, in her Halloween
costume is Crazy Eyes from Orange is the New Black,
(28:13):
I felt closer than ever, closer than I've ever felt
to another human being. I love sugar and bronze.
Speaker 7 (28:24):
I love being tank.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
So I have been noticing that my little boo boo
just looks shabby, She looks pale, she looks unhealthy, she
doesn't vibrant, and so I was wondering if you would
also spread time.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
My boo boo. Sure, sure, so have you spreading before?
This will be her first time, okay and probably her last. Okay,
what are we going for?
Speaker 6 (28:47):
Are we going for a weekend glow, weekend tan or
a week long tan?
Speaker 2 (28:52):
What are we looking for? I think like month long vacation?
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Okay, I agree with me.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
I got yeah.
Speaker 6 (28:58):
I think it's giving level four O four okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Have you do sunburn easily or she does sunrays? And
you can see here there's a couple of ye rosy spots.
Yeahs is that okay? Yeah, that's okay.
Speaker 6 (29:11):
We might we might actually do a three then in
that case.
Speaker 5 (29:14):
Okay, and yeah, we'll be up.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Said I'm I'm excited.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
She has a little bit of exzemam but r psoriasis,
but I think it's managed string.
Speaker 5 (29:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Yeah, well this is great for that. That a little
raisation too. Yeah well it won't even be able to
see it.
Speaker 5 (29:30):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Yeah. She also can't really raise.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
Her arms or turn around or anything, so you're just
gonna have to work around her body constraints.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
She's immobile. She could turn her head thirty.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Sixty though, purpose Yeah, got it.
Speaker 4 (29:46):
Okay, let's do this. Are you ready?
Speaker 3 (30:20):
She's gorgeous, giving week months Greece.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
My father like daughter. Oh my gosh, it's really perfect.
She looks three. She looks beautiful.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Honestly, I love my little brown La boo boo boo
boo dolos. All everybody please share this episode with the
world or share it with your worst enemies if it
was that painful, Where else are you getting artistry.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
And creativity such as this?
Speaker 5 (30:45):
No?
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Literally, where else are you getting it?
Speaker 3 (30:50):
I think for season three of Workout, I'm going to
do two episodes per episode of show Pony, because this
bitch is too much work for someone addicted to minimal effort. Right, Ryan,
and Ryan and wherever you are, I hope you're sleeping well,
but I also hope you're suffering. I hope you all
have a great week, and I hope you've enjoyed my
(31:10):
homage to the reunion and also to my love of
spray tens. We'll see you next week.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Fucking kill me.
Speaker 8 (31:30):
Oh my fucking god, you little lesbian, you little lesbian.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Fuck stay put, you little bitch.
Too much shit around. What the fuck is happening? God
damn it. Fuck everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Hi hi.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Ah, best laid plans, Best laid plans. Welcome to Show Pony.
We're going to do things a little bit differently tonight.
This episode is going to be channeling Marina Abramovic. It's
going to be giving Slavic clown college. This is going
(00:47):
to be an art school piece of schlock. Here's why.
Allow me to explain. I have been in show business
for over eighty seven years, and never before in the
history of my long and storied career has chaos and
deluge so befallen me so ethically as it has this weekend.
(01:10):
The long and short of it is, I'm going to
be taking artistic license with this episode. For those of
you paying attention, I have finished season two of Workout,
and I was hot on the hunt for the elusive reunion.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
So relentless was my hunger.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
I snapped at Andy last week and claimed it was
impossible to find. Now, I may look like I have
it all, like I'm the world's coolest person with tons
of money and riches and concubines.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I know it looks that way, but.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
I'm only human.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
And humans. Humans make mistakes.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Last week, I awoke to a comment about last week's episode,
and the comment was someone saying, yeah, the reunion is
available on Amazon. The minimal effort is showing, and I
wanted to reach through my phone and grab that person's
RB's roast beef meat curtains and yanked them out of.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Their stupid, little bitch throat.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
I blocked that person because I practice emotional sobriety, but
then I thought, oh shit, let me just double check, right,
So I fired up my Amazon account. I opened season two,
which I've purchased for nine to ninety nine on Amazon.
I scrolled to the bottom past the finale, and there
(02:32):
it was, yes, and ice cold chill ran down my spine.
It was hard see both season one and season two
of Workout share the same exact thumbnail on Amazon. I
thought I was looking at season two, but I had
clicked season one.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Again.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Couldn't tell because they share a thumbnail. The little square
doesn't say season two or season one. It just says
walk Out and it's really, really, really really diny. So
I had scrolled down to season one, which of course
has say it with me, no reunion, Yes, Ryan, you
(03:13):
stupid little bitch. You were right, and so I must
say thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I won't unblock you, but thank you.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
You'll never know the service you've done for me and
for the entire show pony community, and for the record,
my effort is anything but minimal. I need to talk
about that in therapy. It really upset me more than
it should have. In fact, I'm still pissed. Oh but hey, nanny, Nanny,
look at me going on and on about a block
to lesbian asshole. The important thing is I watched the reunion.
(03:46):
Andy looks adorable. It was a couple of years before
Watch What Happens Live. This was back when these specials
were a live version of Bravos tagline Watch what Happens.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Jackie is seated in a single chair.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
The rest of the cast is on some Risers Meet
Scout concoction.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
It's kind of weird.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
There's like an arm between Rebecca and Jackie.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Large couch, oversized chair.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
It's obviously Rebecca and Jackie aren't dating, even though Jackie
says she's not discussing it. Then she says she's dating
other people. It's not helping combat the theory that the
romance was just for the cameras.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
But what do I know. I believe women.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Jesse's charming, They're all giggling and playful, and Jackie is
such a natural star it's crazy. The biggest takeaway is
Andy's vocal register. He's doing this butch thing where he's
trying to talk straight. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Watch for yourselves. Here's a little clip you all saw.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
Jackie and Rebecca became an item with a little Tiffany
on the side, and this provoked a ton of response
from viewers and trainers alike.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Check him out. That is my perfect like physical tidy.
Speaker 5 (04:55):
If Donald Trump was having relations with one of his employees,
would that be unethical?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
I'm not Donald Trump.
Speaker 6 (05:04):
Sexual feelings for Jackie are different than sexual feelings for
a man.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
So the plan was to recap this episode with Justin
Martindale while we got spray hand by Sugard and Bronze,
my favorite spraystand in the world. They agreed to come
spray ttan us in my home their mobile spraytanding unit
while we recorded this episode, because how hilarious to record
a podcast while you're kidding a spray Dan Isn't that hilarious?
(05:36):
So that was the plan.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Well Justin.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Justin overslept. The appointment was at eleven and he didn't
even check his phone till noon, so he missed the appointment.
But that's okay, no worries. I know how to roll
with this kind of shit. So the adorable girls from
Sugar and Bronze became my co host for this episode.
I gave them a pop quiz about spray standing, I
bought them erawon treats, goodies, fruits and seltzers and grapes.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
I grilled them about Ravo shows. It was so cute.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
They spray tan me and they even gave my new
little baby lab Bubu with spraytan as well. Then then
I went to edit the footage, and that is when
Satan's taint raised up from the pits of hell to
motor boat me into the depths of despair. The receiver
(06:34):
unit of my very expensive mics decided to not transmit
the audio, so basically, you can't hear it.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
You can't you can't hear it.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
You can't hear it.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
So back to what I was saying initially, the remainder
of this episode is going to be me being creative
with the footage. I'll save the impressionist version of my
spray tan montage for the end. And first, how about
we take a look at my FaceTime with Andy where
I called to eat some humble pie.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Hi, oh my god, Hi Manny ensign fell down? How
are you? Thanks for taking a moment? Can you hear me? Okay, yeah, yeah,
I think I can. I have my mic capturing you now.
(07:43):
I just wanted to tell you so last week when
we talked about the reunion that you did for season two,
and I got mad at you and snapped at you.
Somebody commented, I've not someone, I've not blocked. You know.
(08:04):
The reunion is available on Amazon. Your refusal to do
anything more than the bare minimum is really showing. And
I had a meltdown and a freak out and I
got angry and I blocked this person. And then I thought,
I'll just go ahead and go look.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
It is there.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
It is there. I was looking at season one, which
you did into reunion for and when I went to check,
I had gone into the wrong window because they're identical
on Amazon. So I went to the wrong one, scrolled
down it wasn't there. So it is there, and I
watched it, and I think you need.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
To watch it.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Why Because you're so cute in it. You're so cute,
so handsome, so happy and stoked and excited to be
on TV. And I think it would just be good
looking back fifteen years later or however mini long it
is because watch Rabbins Live hadn't and it started, and
(09:01):
I think it would just give you like newfound gratitude
for what ended up happening for you. I think that
this is a way of you telling me that I
will see how bad I was. No, No, if anything,
I'm saying, like.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
You you'll.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
You've gotten like not complacent, but like I think that
you'll you'll you'll remember what your dream was. Right, Yeah, No,
you were not bad. You're great in it. And you
you talk very straight, you talk with your you're like
trying to be Yeah. I used to be like, yeah,
you really were. It's it's crazy. I'm going to play
(09:45):
some in this.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
But that's so funny.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Well look over here, I mean you were really you
were so sweet too, and you were really just like energized.
Speaker 5 (09:59):
It was.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
It's very good.
Speaker 5 (10:01):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Well I'm gonna watch it.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Watch it, and then let's actually have a conversation about
your thoughts. On it all right, But that's the update.
I was wrong. I stand corrected, Ryan, I think.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
You should unlock that person. It was just like maybe
making a really good point.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Burnt forever.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
No the block for my channel because it's the minimal
effort that I take offense to. I spend my weekends
editing this show. I do the maximum fucking effort anyway.
Welcome back from your trip. I'll talk to you on
the radio. Okay, love you, love you bye?
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Okay. I cannot believe this shit.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
What the fuck kind of geriatric fucking clown show special that?
So again once he watches, we will do a more
in depth recap of the reunion. But back to my
spraytand disaster, because I really and truly wanted to showcase
(11:18):
Sugard and Bronze. I'm a paying member, I love them,
and how hilarious is it again to record a podcast
while getting spray hand. But my dreams of doing that
had been all but dashed. So I went to the
one place I felt safe, the one place I feel
comfortable with the only person I trust. I went to
(11:41):
the mall with my college best friend, fag hag Lindsay.
She's an executive producer of hit reality shows. I needed
her guidance. I want her to steer me straight.
Speaker 7 (11:52):
Take a look. Okay.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
I want to introduce everyone to my best friend, Lindsay. Hi,
do you want to say? We won't say your last name,
so you don't because she works a very important job.
You're the executive producer of a very famous reality show,
but we don't want to say which one, so you
don't get in trouble because you sign an ndia. I'm sure,
I sure did, okay, so we won't blow up your spot.
Speaker 5 (12:21):
Thank you. I love to not get fired.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Okay, let me.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
I'm coming to you not only as my best friend,
but I'm having the worst day. Can I just tell
you what happened and you tell me what to do?
Speaker 5 (12:31):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (12:32):
And honestly, you work in reality television, documentary television, reality.
This is basically a reality show for me of myself,
and I want to just tell you what happened and
you tell me how to fix it in post production?
Speaker 5 (12:47):
Great, okay, I will.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Where are we?
Speaker 5 (12:51):
First of all at Central City in a parking lot.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
We're at the mall. We have plans today, budget Banana's
on parade. Okay, So I made plans with the company
Sugared and Bronze that they were going to come spraytand
me while I recorded my podcast. Okay, these two girls
came to my house like angels. Brooke and Molly came
(13:17):
to my house angels. I recorded them on two cameras,
my nice camera and my regular camera. We had bananas,
I did an interview, I played a pop quiz about
spraytanning in the history and like ancient sounds so good
that their interest in Bravo shows. Because I am still
(13:39):
recapping Workout and there's a whole other update about that.
The mics didn't work. The mics didn't work.
Speaker 5 (13:48):
It looks great, so weird that you would have a
mic on a banana and it wouldn't work.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
These are work.
Speaker 5 (13:54):
What do you mean something wouldn't work?
Speaker 3 (13:58):
But like, I've done fifteen episode of this show. That's
more than the season one of Workout. They only had
six episodes and eight seasons. I've done so many and
they're like long, involved episodes. I've done so much without
that happening, And I'm trying not to beat myself up
about it, But do you think I can still use
that footage? Because I want to promote them because they
they gave me a spreak Dan in exchange for promoting,
(14:21):
because I do love the company. I'm a paying member.
I mean, I could narrate it.
Speaker 5 (14:27):
You could narrate it on you could do like a
found footage like horror mood like. You could do it
in the edit and narrate something and act like it
was make a short and senate to festivals. This could
be something. I mean, it could be.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
This is gonna win slam Dance, Tan Dance, definitely them. Okay,
so maybe I'll start with this. This will be the setup.
We'll say, oh my god, we're at them all and
you're my best friend from college. I wanted to introduce
you anyway. The whole plan of this show was for
you to be my co host anyway, but then you
got scared because you thought you might get sued or
you might say something nasty.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
I would not.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
So there's my sneaky way of getting you in here.
But I'm just thinking about because I have to edit
this and then upload it tomorrow night, and I also
still have to recap the episode, which is drum roll. Okay,
let me back up. Last week, I confronted Andy because
I scrolled down to the end of season two of Workout.
There's no reunion, and he told me there was a reunion.
(15:23):
I confronted him. We kind of had a fight. He said,
I'll go find it for you. It was you loved it,
and somebody commented on the YouTube, Ryan, I believe your
name was Well, I've blocked you so you can't see this. Sorry, Ryan,
he commented, because the whole thing is about I can't
find the reunion. I can't find the reunion, and he goes,
(15:45):
I have to find is the reunion is available for
sale on peacock and then he says, Wow, the refusal
to do anything more than the bare minimum is very evident.
I melted down in a sking rage. I spend hours
(16:06):
every week. I spend my weekends editing this. There are
long episodes on I learned final hard the bare miniportum.
I blocked him, fucker and report him, so mad, I
should report him and report him. Don't to who though anyway,
So however, I was like, well, maybe I'll check again.
(16:31):
I scrolled down. I was looking at the wrong season.
It's not at the end of season one, and I
checked it wasn't there, and I just got confused. I
thought I was against season two. It's fully there. Yeah,
it's fully there. I don't I've bought the episodes, That's
what he was saying. He was kind of like, you
can't even google. Somebody said that to me about Jesse too.
(16:52):
He was like, Wow, you didn't know his son died
like a little one Google you would have figured that out.
And I was like, I'm trying not to google these people.
I'm trying to learn in the moment.
Speaker 5 (17:01):
Kind of lot going on too.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
I'm going above and beyond. Anyway, this is post spray tand.
Speaker 5 (17:07):
It looks so good.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
These girls were so cute. We had such a fun
time I did.
Speaker 5 (17:12):
I'm so sorry.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
How do I narrate it?
Speaker 5 (17:14):
I would do something where you narrate it and you
say that what happened with your day? What happened? How
much you love these girls? How amazing they are?
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Do I say the one on the right, because see
people listening to this, it won't I want it to
make sense for them too. People watching, they'll get it
because I'll say on the right, that's Molly, that's Brooke.
On the left, they're now they're talking about how they
do sugaring. They don't let straight men and just like.
Speaker 5 (17:38):
Make up what they say. That's all, but in a
good way, like write them like a really good script.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
I guess I could make them adr it. Yeah, do
you do you think it's worth my time to like
go find them for ten minutes tomorrow and do like
a redo of just the intro, like what's your names?
What do you do? Where are you from?
Speaker 5 (17:56):
I think you're a really talented writer, and I think
you could write something. I think you could write something
for them. I think you could do their voices even
if you wanted to. You could just do a little
like that's so cute, cute thing your arm.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
I took my clothes off in front of these girls.
Speaker 5 (18:14):
You hate that. I've never seen you without your clothes.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
I'm rebranding. I'm not doing that anymore. You can look.
I took them all off my grid. There's one picture
of me and my shirt off of my grid one
and they're the Speedo pictures.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
I can't believe it, but that's.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Because I hi again. We are at the mall, and
we are at the parking garage.
Speaker 5 (18:32):
Bananas talking into.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
And these look like to be portable buildings on the roof.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
It looks like my classrooms from like the fifth grade.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
There's a school at the top of this mall.
Speaker 5 (18:43):
I think there is.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
Okay, so your advice is to be creative.
Speaker 5 (18:47):
Be creative, not so creative. Do it. You can do it.
It'll be great. It might be the best thing you've
ever done. Like a Bottle episode that's always we'd like
to remember that one episode where he like did this
narration and did the voices. Yeah, it's gonna be so good.
Do some graphics. Oh my god, you love graphics.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
I love graphics, but I don't have the time to
I just want to do it all with a comedic
there's this touch.
Speaker 5 (19:10):
Yeah, you can do it, it'll be great. Pick a song,
do whatever.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Okay, I'll put some music underneath it. I mean, once
we get to the actual spray stanning, I can. Okay.
The kernel of my fear is that they're gonna see
it and go, why did we come over there? If
we're not even.
Speaker 5 (19:27):
I mean, they sound like sweet girls, understand.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
They just I think they just as long as I
brag about how much I do love sugar and bronze.
Speaker 5 (19:36):
Pretty great.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
What's your favorite memory of me from college?
Speaker 5 (19:41):
When you pissed on a bush in like a very
sacred uh British like? Was it? The was the name
of the castle, bucking him, sucking him palace? And then
got caught.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
I pissed.
Speaker 5 (19:55):
I have a picture of it, took off your pants,
squatted and I thought.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
That was just a pic, a joke.
Speaker 5 (20:02):
Sure it was a joke, It was just a picture.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
I seem to remember when you pissed on a cemetery,
a landmark cemetery in the Czech Republic, I.
Speaker 5 (20:15):
Don't remember, probably didn't.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
We did absence shots and at the entire church group
we were with when pissed on the ancestors of the
tour guid who had let us around all day. And
then I woke up covered in my own vomit, and
you hosing me off in the shower.
Speaker 5 (20:30):
And and you were in the fetal position, you wouldn't
get out of it. I thought maybe you were stuck
that way, You're born this way.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
Bringing it back, Okay, one more, what's your what's your
least favorite memory?
Speaker 5 (20:43):
Oh, God of college. Yeah, to be honest, we when
we weren't in a show together, we weren't.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Give me a time of shine to go back.
Speaker 5 (20:57):
You know never in a show together.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Fock our theater directors, they did not know what they
were doing. I'm I'm beach, just being funny. We love them,
we love, we love, we love everyone who has to college.
Speaker 5 (21:08):
Let's this one too, Okay, let's take out.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
Damn banana, this damn banana. Okay, I guess we should
go see our movie. We are being looked at. We
are it's pretty yes, Okay, so you believe in me.
I can salvage this episode.
Speaker 5 (21:24):
So creative, you've got this.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Okay, say that again. Oh my fucking we should see.
Speaker 5 (21:36):
There's an earthquake, earthquake, earthquake.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
Okay, okay, we have to go. There's an earthquake, the
big one's coming.
Speaker 5 (21:42):
What's coming.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
We're gonna go see a movie. I love you, thank you. Oh,
we'll be five minutes of the movie. We do. Okay,
we have to go. Earthquake. Lindsay over and ow.
Speaker 5 (21:51):
I love you.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Ah.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
So now the moment you've all been waiting for. Ladies
and gentlemen, little john monsters enjoy. If you're listening to
this on audio only, maybe stop now, because what you're
about to hear or not hear, is the result of
me taking the jaws of goddamned life to my final
(22:15):
cut software and manually raising up the audio. The audio
which the camera was right next to the blaring air
conditioner as well, so not only did the MIC's not work,
the AC is cock blocking the audio. Anyway, long story, short,
technical difficulties aside. It's barely audible. But I hope you
(22:35):
enjoy watching. And if you are watching and not listening,
you're in for a very special treat because these girls
are delightful, very intelligentic gorgeous supermodels even.
Speaker 7 (22:49):
Enjoy it's a heavy chair.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Oh my god, Oh my god, you're too sweetly, I'm it's.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
Gonna I'm Jera with the gorgeous angels from Sugar and Ronz.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Okay, introduce yourselves.
Speaker 6 (23:12):
Hi, I'm brook Cil, I'm Molly Corella.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
What's going on behind us?
Speaker 6 (23:18):
Do a little mobile tan today and this is our
mobile pop up tent.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
It sures thank you, because you know.
Speaker 6 (23:28):
We're just trying to get all kinds of blowing. It
actually is really helpful to hydrate. This hasn't around the
castid it so that's been really good for nineteen years
for tan.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Oh Okay, that's actually good. That's goods.
Speaker 6 (23:41):
Yes, I'm Fao is our mobile sprayer.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
And now we've arrived at the narration portion of the
spray tanning montage. Again, please go get a spray tan
of sugared and bronze. Look at these girls. I didn't
want this page to end up entirely on the cutting
room floor. I'm giving them a pop quiz. I asked
(24:07):
them what was the invention of the spray tan all about?
How did it come about? And without even blinking an eye,
Molly said, a chemist in the nineteen fifties accidentally spilled
dha on a patient, thus turning him brown and henceforth
(24:28):
berthing what we now know today as the spray tan.
I asked them back in ancient Egypt, how did people
tan their bodies? The answer crushed up red bugs around
now is when Molly and Brooke told me that each
(24:49):
Egyptians are also the people that pioneered the art of sugaring,
which is fifty percent of the namesake sugar and bronzed.
I myself have never gotten sugared because I have too
harry an ass. But that doesn't matter because they don't
do men's privates, only women. God, I missed them already.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
I want to give you a wife to start. I'm
gonna have you put a little barrier cream on your hand, okay,
and on.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
The backs of your heels anywhere that you're like extra dry.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Okay.
Speaker 6 (25:25):
So the big thing about these wives, I'll explain a
lot of people think exploding and taking up.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
That shower right before you get a sprays hand is
the way to go. It's not so.
Speaker 6 (25:35):
If you are going to shower right before, you want
to make sure it's cold water because your body will hold.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
In that heat and your pH will be off. So
this helps bring.
Speaker 6 (25:43):
Your pH to the level that we want to allow
you to get the most even spraytown without running directs
and things. Yeah, do it it kind of yeah, it
can heal, it can get a mess, that's fine.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Yeah, I didn't have a funny idea. I think I
want you to spray hand. I'm a boo boo oh.
Yes we will with an angel, are you?
Speaker 5 (26:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (26:10):
This is how the magic is made.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
This is it?
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Here's the magic, Ali, right, Wow, this is the before
I know, I'm look kind of tan.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
You know, this moment is very intimate and special. It's
a very special relationship between a grown man nearing the
age of fifty and two young ladies fully clothed spraying
him down in his underwear in his one bedroom rental
in West Hollywood. It's a relationship rarely seen on camera,
(26:46):
and I'm grateful to be able to showcase it for
you now, to pull the curtain back on this very
special dynamic. I feel honored. I feel chosen to be
able to stand here confidently being taken from a casper
(27:06):
powder white shade of desperate to what will end up
being a glowing, vibrant, radiant, shining example of tanness from
the best place to get a spray tan in the world,
Sugar and Bronze. It reminds me of when I was
growing up and my family was adducted by clowns, rodeo
(27:29):
clowns to be exact.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
And have you ever heard.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
Of Stockholm syndrome? You know, you fall in love with
your captor. I felt sort of like that was happening
with Brooke and Molly from Sugar and Bronze. I felt like,
after this spray tan, we had become so close.
Speaker 5 (27:50):
That I.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Was now experiencing Stockholm syndrome. I wanted them to take
you with them when they left I didn't want them
to leave. And even as my skin was going from
Caucasian to Julianne Huff from twenty thirteen, in her Halloween
costume is Crazy Eyes from Orange is the New Black,
(28:13):
I felt closer than ever, closer than I've ever felt
to another human being. I love sugar and bronze.
Speaker 7 (28:24):
I love being tank.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
So I have been noticing that my little boo boo
just looks shabby, She looks pale, she looks unhealthy, she
doesn't vibrant, and so I was wondering if you would
also spread time.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
My boo boo. Sure, sure, so have you spreading before?
This will be her first time, okay and probably her last. Okay,
what are we going for?
Speaker 6 (28:47):
Are we going for a weekend glow, weekend tan or
a week long tan?
Speaker 2 (28:52):
What are we looking for? I think like month long vacation?
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Okay, I agree with me.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
I got yeah.
Speaker 6 (28:58):
I think it's giving level four O four okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Have you do sunburn easily or she does sunrays? And
you can see here there's a couple of ye rosy spots.
Yeahs is that okay? Yeah, that's okay.
Speaker 6 (29:11):
We might we might actually do a three then in
that case.
Speaker 5 (29:14):
Okay, and yeah, we'll be up.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Said I'm I'm excited.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
She has a little bit of exzemam but r psoriasis,
but I think it's managed string.
Speaker 5 (29:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Yeah, well this is great for that. That a little
raisation too. Yeah well it won't even be able to
see it.
Speaker 5 (29:30):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Yeah. She also can't really raise.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
Her arms or turn around or anything, so you're just
gonna have to work around her body constraints.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
She's immobile. She could turn her head thirty.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Sixty though, purpose Yeah, got it.
Speaker 4 (29:46):
Okay, let's do this. Are you ready?
Speaker 3 (30:20):
She's gorgeous, giving week months Greece.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
My father like daughter. Oh my gosh, it's really perfect.
She looks three. She looks beautiful.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Honestly, I love my little brown La boo boo boo
boo dolos. All everybody please share this episode with the
world or share it with your worst enemies if it
was that painful, Where else are you getting artistry.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
And creativity such as this?
Speaker 5 (30:45):
No?
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Literally, where else are you getting it?
Speaker 3 (30:50):
I think for season three of Workout, I'm going to
do two episodes per episode of show Pony, because this
bitch is too much work for someone addicted to minimal effort. Right, Ryan,
and Ryan and wherever you are, I hope you're sleeping well,
but I also hope you're suffering. I hope you all
have a great week, and I hope you've enjoyed my
(31:10):
homage to the reunion and also to my love of
spray tens. We'll see you next week.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Fucking kill me.
Speaker 8 (31:30):
Oh my fucking god, you little lesbian, you little lesbian.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Fuck stay put, you little bitch.
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