A Not So Meet Cute

Lots of couples tell the story of how they first met, but with a fake engagement, fake pregnancy, and angry sex you might call it A Not So Meet Cute! Hang out with us as we chat about this hilarious and steamy book by Meghan Quinn.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
This is Smutty Side Up, where in every episode we deep dive into a popular or not so popular

(00:14):
book in the romance world and all the subgenres that encompasses.
We look at everything from the tropes and characters to weird euphemisms for genitalia
and tell you whether we think it's worth a read.
We're not here kink shame or yuck anyone's yum.
These are our opinions and sometimes we even disagree with ourselves.
Content-Oarning, this is an explicit podcast.

(00:34):
If you're easily offended or have modest sensibilities, please listen at your own discretion.
If you are my father, brother, father-in-law, brother-in-law, identify as a father to me
or have ever called me like a sister to you, please turn this off immediately.
So sit back, let it handle and let's metaphorically crack this fine on this week's book.
I'm Alexis.
And I'm Ricky.

(00:55):
Hi Alexis.
Hello.
You look beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
I had to go in human and go into the office in person today.
You're all dolled up.
I know.
I mean dolled up I put on mascara and some eyeliner.
Hey, it's more than I can say for myself.

(01:15):
It's because it's more effort than I've put in in a little while.
I am wearing my bakeries sweatshirt though.
So I also did work today.
Well, I mean, I love your bakeries sweatshirt.
I don't know why I don't have one.
I feel like I need one.
I can get you one.
My work doesn't require any mascara though.
Well, it turns out the only person I saw today was like the elevator repairman.

(01:38):
So I probably didn't require it either.
There was nobody there.
I did it for Fitsy.
It was just me and Fitsy.
All right.
Are we here?
Let's do this.
All right.
We are diving into the most ridiculous outlandish rom-com that we've covered, I think, so far.
This is, there's going to be not really anything serious.

(02:03):
There's going to be a lot of comical, like it is the bridesmaids if we're talking about
rom-coms.
It's like a little raunchy.
All right.
Okay.
So today we are talking about a not so meat cute by Megan Quinn.
Do you know Megan Quinn?
Like, I've heard her name.
I've never read any of her stuff.

(02:23):
Okay.
So she's another one of those authors that I've like read a lot of.
Again, so weirdly prolific.
Like Tessa Bailey, like I started digging in and there's maybe a hundred titles.
I have read like almost 30 of her books.
All the same, same style.

(02:43):
Like all like the light humor.
All contemporary romances in like different worlds.
So she has created this whole weird like universe.
So there are sports teams and characters that like appear in all the different in the different
books.
So like she has a hockey series, obviously, that I really enjoy.

(03:04):
She did a college and then professional baseball series that like bridges.
Like you meet some of the characters in the college book and then some of them when they're
later and adults in their professional careers and they all are like interconnected in the
second book in this series.
The FMC has a podcast where she talks to couples about their like meant to be story and all

(03:26):
the couples she interviews that like you see snippets throughout the book are different
couples from different Megan Quinn books.
Oh my God.
I mean, that's genius.
But like we literally just said that I can't remember what I said an hour ago.
How do you remember all the characters you've like created?
You think she has like one of those like those like bulletin boards on the wall that like
FBI has to try to solve like serial killers?

(03:47):
Maybe but like the completionist gremlin in me is like googling their names and Megan
Quinn and figuring out what book it was and then reading that book.
Oh my God.
Like you and I are so different.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I might as well just blindfold myself and go this one.
I'm like it's either going to be good or it's going to be terrible.

(04:07):
Yeah.
And that's fine.
I mean, honestly, that book, it was like a bunch of little teasers for other books.
And I was like, Oh, Grumpy Scotsman, American Baker.
Yes, please.
That's amazing.
I want to read that one.
The Highland Fling.
All right.
Adding that to my TBR.
So good.
So she writes like really funny, pretty dirty, but ultimately sweet romances.

(04:33):
And today's offering is like no exception.
This is the first in a series that follows the Kane Brothers, Huxley, JP and Breaker.
So we're just not going to talk about the names.
I was literally going to be like, just like you mentioned in your last one, weird names.
You know what's amazing about that?
As soon as we finished that episode, I started reading like two new books.

(04:55):
Both of them have the most normal names ever.
I was like, I was like, damn it.
Like this is the first two books I've read that have like truly average names.
Like there is a Josh and there is, you know, I was so mad.
I was so mad.
I was like, yeah, this was right.
But looks like you're not.
It's fine.
I mean, obviously this one and the other one I read recently, the guy's name was Rook.

(05:19):
So I think there is a nice.
I know which book you're talking about.
Yeah.
I mean, it was good.
You want some like dark biker stuff.
Let's go.
Not super dark, but you know, lightly dark gray.
So these guys, they're billionaire brothers who came up middle class and took the insurance
money when their dad passed away to create their real estate business, which has made

(05:42):
them billionaires.
The trope we're dealing with, obviously billionaires, fake dating and engagement, forced proximity
and enemies to lovers.
So there's just a nice little smorgasbord of stuff.
I'm going to send you there are two covers.
I've seen them use like interchangeably, I wouldn't say one is the alt cover and one

(06:03):
is the standard.
Okay.
But the first one I'm going to send you is the one that's like on Megan Quinn's website.
And then I'll send you the one that's on the paperback that I have.
Cute.
Okay.
So it's like, it's a pink book.
It's very cute.
See, there's like white writing with pink accents.

(06:24):
And then some of the words are in it, like a hot pink.
And then there's leaves, like multi-colored, like not like realistic looking leaves.
Like we have green and blue and peach and yellow and purple like coming in from the
sides.
I know this isn't like a visual medium, but like if the screen is a rectangle and my

(06:45):
fingers are the, are the,
Yeah.
They're the little fronds, the palm fronds.
And then it looks like maybe there's like Cupid's bow in there and some arrows.
Yeah.
There's like some subtle like pale monochromatic art behind on the background.
And it's like arrows and hearts with little arrows through them.

(07:06):
Oh, I don't see that.
Hang on.
Let me zoom in.
Oh, I can see what you're saying.
The, what the, it looks like it's like scratched into the background almost.
Exactly.
And then this, this is the version that's on the book that I have.
Is this like Valentine's themed?
I don't understand.
Like why is Cupid involved?
I think it's the idea of like, you know, everyone's like meat cute story, like how

(07:29):
they first meet, like how Cupid's arrow first strikes.
I don't know.
I don't really know.
It's not ever discussed.
I really don't know why there's so much Cupid.
Okay.
Well, this one is a navy blue backdrop.
It says I'm not so me cute in light blue.
We've got two, what are those things called?
Not Cupid's.
There's like a word for them.

(07:50):
Cherubs.
The babies with the cherubs.
Thank you.
Babies with the angel with the wings.
On top one's kind of at the bottom.
And then there's just like a very generic hot guy like lounging on a couch with his legs
about as wide as they could go.
Man spreading all the way.
Yeah.
Like I like that he's red hearts everywhere.
Yeah.

(08:10):
I like that he's man spreading across her whole name like knees to the Q and the N.
The G from Megan is like circling his dick.
100%.
Like I'm not wrong.
No, not at all.
Yeah.
It's a choice.
It's a cover.
Yeah.
Neither of these are enticing to me in any way.

(08:32):
No, this was a recommendation and I first did it on audiobook and then obviously got
the paperbacks.
Format wise, it's a dual perspective, first person POV.
The audiobook is really well narrated.
They do a great job.
What's interesting is the next one in the series was done in duet, but the first one
wasn't and I was like a little disappointed.

(08:52):
I'd like to go back and have them read you.
The first one is duet.
I prefer duet for sure.
Yeah.
Spice level.
We're looking at solid three fingers here.
I forgot about our spice system.
Yeah.
I got to add that into my episodes again.
Sorry.
There are a lot of steamy scenes, some toys, dirty talking, but nothing like crazy or out

(09:15):
of the ordinary.
There's no threesome.
There's no, you know, nothing insane.
So it gets a solid three for me.
Okay, so let's dig in to our characters.
We're going to go physical descriptions first.
This is the description that we get from Huxley of Lottie.
She's a small thing, petite, head barely reaches my chin.

(09:36):
Her skin has that California glow to it that tells me she has time to hit up the beach
or pool.
And the definition in her arms makes me believe she has time to go to the gym as well.
Probably some housewife out for a walk trying to get her steps in before the husband comes
home from a late night at the office.
Her green eyes, a sea foam color so light that it's almost startling against her natural
thick black lashes.

(09:56):
Sounds cute.
Yeah.
And then Lottie's description of Huxley.
I'll admit the man is extremely attractive.
A tall man, he must be at least six foot two.
His skin has a golden tan to it.
His hair is a beautiful chestnut brown.
Yes, I said beautiful.
And he has those dark, penetrating eyes that seem like they could cut any human in half

(10:18):
in the boardroom or on the streets.
Okay.
I did do a little AI generation for us.
And I was like, there wasn't a lot to go on there, but I felt like there was enough that
we could get something.
I genuinely get nervous about these now.
They're always scary.
I tried a new one today.
Oh.

(10:39):
Well, these aren't that scary.
I mean, they're not, these are not that scary.
Her eyes are fucking terrifying.
Yeah.
Aside from that though.
Also, she looks like she's on fire.
Okay, so we're starting with Lottie.
She looks like a really athletic young woman, dark hair, the craziest green eyes I've ever
seen.
I think that's where AI really messed this up.

(11:03):
She honest to God looks like she is a trainer that works for the Peloton.
Like she's wearing a sports bra and workout like leggings for some reason.
I don't think that was in the description.
It definitely, I don't know if it was in what I just read, but it definitely was in the
description or like she was walking around in yoga pants.

(11:23):
Oh, okay.
Okay.
So, okay, that, then never mind.
She looks cute.
How old is she supposed to be?
28.
I'm going to go ahead and say she doesn't look 28.
No, but she doesn't look.
She looks like a very young 28.
Yeah.
She doesn't look 15, like a lot of the AI women we've seen.
No, no, no, no.
No, but she also doesn't look that close to 30.

(11:44):
No.
She does to me look like.
Yeah, she's got really, really buff arms.
Yeah.
I was like, oh, she's a operator.
She's a Pilates instructor.
Like that's all I could think.
Yeah.
She looks great.
Okay.
Best AI I've seen so far.
Actually, his is the best AI I've seen so far.
I was just going to say his is the best AI that we've seen so far.
Wow.
Okay.
This guy looks like a real person, which is just like the starting point.

(12:05):
The only thing I'll expect about him is the jacket he's wearing.
What service did you use for this?
I will send you the website.
Thank you.
Okay.
I've got five free generations and then you can change the email address.
So I still have three on mine.
Oh, okay, great.
We can put in like a couple others.
Yeah.
Great.
Okay.
Oh my God, the bakery's going to start getting spam from like an AI jar.

(12:28):
Okay.
We've got a pretty hot guy.
He's like got a good tan, brown eyes.
He's got some stubble, really like sharp jaw.
Like a really sharp jawline.
It's got beautiful hair.
They weren't kidding.
Yeah.
It is chestnut brown.

(12:49):
It's a little bit on the longer side, but kind of like tousled.
I don't know.
What else he got?
He's got a really straight nose.
All I can think is that he looks more like a Huxley in my head than the guy on the cover.
Oh, absolutely.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I agree.
This should be the model on the cover.
Yeah.
Also, his shirt is like unbuttoned, like really low.
Really low.

(13:10):
Probably unnecessarily low.
Yeah.
I don't know about that either, but.
Because he couldn't see his forearms.
Way to go AI.
So they had to do something.
Couldn't see his forearms.
They had to give up something.
Right.
You got to give me some skin here.
Exactly.
No.
This is, he's also, he's wearing like a black suit jacket over a black button down, which
is such a good look.
Such a good look.
Yeah.
They did good.
Yeah.
He's hot.

(13:31):
I know.
It's kind of weird.
I was like, this part is usually funny.
And this one, I was like, it's not.
They're kind of good.
It's not going to be.
Yeah.
The best part is ripping apart these AI characters, but damn, that guy is sexy.
They did a great job here.
All right.
The girl looks like she could be an X-Men though.
Like because of her eyes.
Yeah.
She could be a mutant of some kind.
That isn't that.

(13:51):
Yeah.
All right.
So let's dig into who they are as people beyond the surface level.
So Lottie's 28.
She's the oldest of two sisters raised by a single mom.
Their low income in like a super bougie area of Los Angeles where her sister Kelsey is
driven and organized.
She owns her own organization business.

(14:14):
Like think the home edit, but if they were eco-friendly.
Yeah.
So it's like sustainable.
Okay.
Very cool.
Lottie had pursued a master's degree and then was having trouble getting a job with
it.
She's living at home with her mom and her stepdad, Jeff, who they all really like and
treats her mom super well.

(14:36):
About a year ago, Lottie took a job working for her super toxic friend, Angela.
They'd been friends in high school and Angela super wealthy would kind of like rotate best
friend status.
So some weeks Lottie was in, others she was out, which I think we all at some point have
had that.
Yeah.
Anyway, she starts like a goop style competitor that she calls Angel Loop.

(15:01):
Yeah.
Lottie hired Lottie to come on and help get the business up and running.
Lottie hadn't been able to find a job with her brand new master's degree in business.
And so despite her family not thinking it was a good idea and Angela being like, listen,
we're going to bring you in at a below market salary.
But after a year, I'll pay you properly.

(15:23):
Oh no.
Okay.
So in the prologue, we see Lottie meeting with Angela who's firing her literally saying
she doesn't want to give her a race.
So she's like brought in security escorting her out.
My God.
Yeah.
And it's horrible, obviously.
And mainly because she promised her mom and Jeff that she was moving out when she got

(15:46):
the raise.
They've all lived together since Jeff married their mom.
So mom and Jeff have never got to live alone together.
And they desperately wanted to be able to walk around naked.
Like.
Okay.
Yeah.
And she doesn't want to tell them.
She doesn't want to tell them also because they obviously told her like Angela's bad

(16:06):
news don't do this and she's not ready for an I told you so.
She's super close with her sister, Kelsey.
They even talk about her moving into Kelsey's place, but sharing a super tiny studio in West
Hollywood is going to be tough on even the best relationship.
Then we have Huxley at 35.
He's the oldest of three brothers and is the most serious.
He's pursuing a deal with a guy named Dave Tony and I can't get into the double first

(16:32):
name names.
So we're just going to.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm with you.
His brothers don't think it'll happen because Dave wants to work with people he can relate
to and Huxley doesn't really do personal connections.
Like he's not a relatable person.
I don't really understand the timeline.
They started this business.
When they inherited money, when their dad passed away and have grown it to be such a success,

(16:54):
they're now widely publicly known billionaires whose dating lives get covered by page six.
It's like realistically, if they started it when they were 20 was 20, it's a really fast
progression.
It's a book.
Yeah.
Like we need to remember.
I know.
I just need to stay out loud.

(17:15):
I was like, they didn't like wake up with privilege or grow up with privilege, but somehow they
are this massively successful in their early to mid thirties.
That literally always happens.
In books.
Or you're just like, yeah, yeah, in books.
It's like, they start the book and it's like kind of in the past.
It's like, oh, he's a teenager.

(17:35):
He's a bad rebel of a teenager or whatever.
And then it's like the first chapter, you're fast forwarding 10 years and he's like, he's
literally the reason the town survives.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
And then he's like, he's 16 and aging out of about to age out of foster care.
And now he's a 28 year old billionaire.
And I'm like, yeah, yeah.

(17:57):
And it's like, you know, you end up finding out how this happened.
It's almost never realistic.
And I'm going to go ahead and say it's never realistic.
Yeah.
This one we never, we never learn.
It's just, they got this inheritance.
They built their business.
They're good, honorable, respectable human beings.
Okay.
So, hang on, Tony.

(18:17):
Dave, Tony.
Yes, Dave.
Dave, okay.
Dave, Tony doesn't want, doesn't like to work with people he can't relate to.
Yeah.
He can't relate to any of the three brothers.
So they all have different strengths.
Like Huxley does the getting new business from what I understand.
JP.
That's what it's officially called.
JP.
He does the getting new business.

(18:39):
Yeah.
So it's like a real estate development company.
So one of them runs the finances.
Acquisition.
Yeah.
One of them runs the finances.
One of them runs the like day to day management of everything.
And then one of them is like acquisitions, new business.
And I mean, I don't...
You're going to be in charge of our getting new business.
Yes.

(18:59):
Understood.
Lead follower, that's me.
The first time I ever heard that term, I was like, oh, you're the best one.
You're the best follower.
So I was like, no, no, no, like sales leads.
And I was like, well, we work in very different industries.

(19:22):
That's one of those tell me you've never worked in sales.
So that's telling me you've never worked in sales.
That was great.
Yeah.
I fucking hate the term lead.
If I'm never here again, it'll be too soon.
Oh, I know.
It's good times, man.
So we start this first chapter.
Huxley, after his brothers are like, you're never going to make this deal.
He comes in to Dave and Dave's pregnant fiance when they're at the deli grabbing lunch, seeing

(19:49):
how Dave dotes on her.
He's like, this is an opportunity.
And he tells them he has his own pregnant fiance.
That is so...
That is so...
I know.
Yeah.
He on the spot makes up a story about how they met in Georgia, which is where Dave's
fiance is from.
Oh my God.

(20:09):
Yeah.
You're going to get caught.
I know.
So immediately Dave's like, interested.
He's seeing a new side of him.
And Ellie, the fiance who's kind of new to town would love to have them for dinner.
Makes me friends.
Wait, does his fiance now have to have an accent?
We're going to get there.
Oh, okay.

(20:30):
Okay.
All right.
It could have been a thing.
So Lottie trying to find her way out of her predicament, no job, $30,000 in student loans,
no real way to get out of her mom's house is without feeling like she's let everyone
down, gets day drunk on margaritas with her sister as they work on a solve.

(20:50):
They consider the obvious stripping, but Kelsey points out that they don't want someone to
sway to Taylor Swift, Lottie.
Do you even know how to gyrate?
The other problem, though less pressing than the needing money, is that Lottie's high school
reunion is imminent and she really needs to not show up as the single unemployed girl who
lives with her mom, especially when her former boss is organizing the reunion and currently

(21:15):
dating Lottie's ex.
Angie?
Yep, Angela.
What's that her name?
Angela.
You got it.
Her and I are besties.
Oh, wait.
She's also kind enough to text Lottie asking if she wants to help organize the reunion since
she now has time on her hands.
What?
Yeah.

(21:35):
No, this woman is the devil.
What?
Like, fuck you, Angie.
Yeah.
We're not friends anymore.
No, fuck all the way off.
What a bitch.
Oh my god.
I literally wrote here, fuck mean girls in all caps.
So now Lottie can't even, I was about to be like, just tell her to lie, like go to this
fucking reunion and lie, who the fuck knows?

(21:57):
But fucking Angie knows.
Yeah.
Are they still friends?
No, but Angela seems to think they are.
She's like texting is this, everything's fine.
You literally, well now that I know you have some time on your hands, why don't you help
me organize the reunion?
Like oblivious.
Oh my god, I would literally show up with a t-shirt that just fuck you, Angela.

(22:19):
I might even bring extras for other people.
See, and this is why, once again, we can't be the leads in these books because you would
not be worrying about bringing a fake boyfriend.
No, I'd show up with like my fucking middle fingers blazing.
But also, I really do want someone to write a book where I am the lead.
So you heard it here first, guys.

(22:43):
Yeah, not that that's shocking to anyone, obviously, but like, or at least anyone that
knows me.
But if anybody's looking for like, you know, inspiration for a female main character, I
am happy to sit down for some interviews.
Amazing.
Okay.
So I go on a walk to clear their heads, since their house is right on the edge of the flats

(23:04):
in Beverly Hills, Kelsey makes a joke that you never know who you're going to run into.
Slightly tipsy lotties like, that's it.
I'm going to snag myself a rich husband.
And then she Googles it, as you do, and finds lots of tips, including that rich people love
braids.
What?
Yeah.
It's the most random thing.

(23:25):
She's like, she looks it up and they're like, yeah, apparently rich people love braids.
She's like, is that a thing?
Like a braid in your head?
Yeah.
Like one or two or like cornrows.
Okay.
So they laugh it.
It's really not specific enough.
I don't think.
No.
Kelsey laughs it off, but the next day, Lottie is back walking the flats with a braid in
yoga pants and literally runs into Huxley, who is escaping his brothers who are needling

(23:52):
him about the mess he's gotten himself into.
She had he's got a kink for breakfast.
So she admits that she's lost and her phone battery is dead.
She events to him that she needs to get back before her overprotective mother calls the
cops, not because she's a child, just a 28 year old loser looking for a rich husband.
Don't worry.
I'm not a gold digger.
I just need to bring someone to my high school reunion to exact revenge on the thunder cunt

(24:15):
that is my former bestie.
I love this.
This is great.
So Huxley does the logical thing.
He invites her to eat, like to go eat with him.
And her response is my favorite.
She's like, okay, what kind of creep are you?
She's like, okay, I told you I'm looking for a rich boyfriend.
You should be running away.
You should be calling the cops to escort me out of here and back to my mom's modest bungalow.

(24:38):
There's no way in hell you should be asking me to grab something to eat.
So what's your game, man?
Good.
I like her.
Yeah.
If she's in the market for a new best friend.
Sign you up.
Got it.
Mm-hmm.
She's spunky, outspoken, unlike any girl that he's ever met.
She seems to have the kind of tenacity that would like bring a man to his knees and she's
also a qualified candidate for what he's looking for.

(24:58):
And he's three days away from this dinner.
So he's going to roll the dice.
Oh my God.
They chat and she kind of calls, she calls him one of those power dudes.
She's like, you read self-help.
You're brutal in the bedroom.
And he doesn't disagree.
But he says he takes longer to get through self-help books when a new season of the challenge
is on.

(25:19):
So they bond over that reality show.
Is that a show you know, the challenge?
Yeah, I do.
I actually, I used to watch the challenge.
It was crazy.
It's still on.
40 seasons.
Hey, that's crazy.
That and Survivor, I mean, two of them are just going to go on forever.
It's been on since 1998.
That's crazy.
I didn't know that.
I know.
I have vivid, vivid memories of watching the challenge, like illegally, on my computer.

(25:43):
Like I would like make it really small on my laptop while I was doing homework and not
really paying attention to either.
But there's one, there's one episode where like one of the girls is doing, they all have
to do this challenge where they swing over the water and try to like land on this other
thing.
And this girl who has implants, it was her turn to go and she like landed like smacked

(26:03):
into the water and one of her implants busted.
And I didn't even know that was possible at the time.
And I still like to this day, I'm like, whenever I see someone with fake boobs, I'm like, oh
my God.
Don't dive.
Don't.
Yeah.
And she was like screaming and everyone's like, get up, get up, let's go, let's go.
Like they had no idea what was going on.
And she was like, it was an emergency.
Yeah.
And there's a burst thing in her chest.

(26:26):
A foreign object in your body exploded.
Okay.
They do the get to know you thing.
She tells him about getting fired and Angela who she refers to as Satan's daughter, which
not quite as good as ThunderCunt, but I'll take it.
They do the relationship status chat.
She calls him out.
Obviously he's too much of a workaholic to keep a girlfriend.
He's like, I just haven't found the right girl and she's super skeptical.

(26:48):
She's super skeptical that he would start coming.
You're making me keep an head, aren't you?
Yes, I am.
That she's skeptical that he would start coming home early.
And he's like, if I found the right woman, I'd be far more interested in fucking her
against every surface of my house rather than answering monotonous emails or buying a business
partner a drink.

(27:09):
So he has some serious like alpha male energy.
I was going to say, this is like, these are just bold, bold conversations.
Yeah.
She takes that info.
Oxy then comes clean about what he calls his massive fuck up and tells her about the needing
a fake fiance for dinner on Saturday and through the deal being finalized.
She asks if he needs her to be the Julia Roberts to his Richard gear and strike one against

(27:34):
him.
He's never seen pretty woman.
Oh my God.
What?
I know.
That's an abomination, but also sidebar for a second.
Would you say yes or no?
I would say yes.
100%.
Yeah.
I don't even think you'd have to ask.
I think it'd be like, sorry.
Wait, do you need a fake fiance?
Yeah.
I mean, let's do it.
Let's do this and see what happens.

(27:54):
What kind of food are we talking about here?
Do they have gluten free?
He does assure her that she doesn't need to move in with him.
So no luck getting out of her mom's house.
But it would be a business transaction.
So what would she need from him other than attending the reunion?
A lot of he starts to come to her senses.
She's like, I need a job and a life plan, not a fucking fake date.

(28:16):
He offers to help her get a job and she's like, I don't want a charity career.
She gets up.
I know this is going to sound prideful, but I'm not sure I should be taking handouts
right now.
I need to figure out what I'm doing with my life.
But I'm not too proud to take free food.
She scoops up the chips and snags them from the table.
Thank you for these and thank you for your time.
Good day, sir.
Oh, so now she's not going to be a date?

(28:38):
So she's left.
She's like, no, I can't do this.
I got to be a real person.
Also, I forgot to mention it and I don't know how because it's going to come up.
I don't know a lot because they reference it a lot.
They went to Chipotle.
That's where they went to have food.
Okay, that's like a weird choice just in general.

(28:58):
But also, Eli and I were talking about Chipotle today.
It's also super weird.
We never go there.
No, but as I was reading this, I was like, did I not say that's where they were?
Because she grabs the chips that are on the table.
Yeah, the tortilla chips.
Yeah.
And I wrote Chipotle a lot because it comes up because she keeps referencing the guy she
met at Chipotle.
Oh my God, every time you say Chipotle, though, I want to say Chipotle.

(29:22):
I'm not going to say who.
Someone in my life has a habit of mispronunciation just all the time.
Another person in my life and I like to message each other when this happens and keep tabs
on it.
It's really funny and one of the first ones that we wrote down was Chipotle.

(29:43):
I feel like I saw a comedian be like, why is it Aristotle and Chipotle not Aristotle?
Oh, that's interesting.
Yeah.
All right, point one for the person who does the mispronunciations.
But I don't know if it's a really fun game.
Yeah, if they were actually referencing Aristotle, then they get a pass.

(30:04):
But if they weren't, I mean, yeah, they weren't.
But I also, me and the other person also want to make a children's book with just the mispronunciation.
Like an A is for whatever, B is for whatever, and just only this person's words that they
can't pronounce.
I love that a lot.
I would read that book.
Okay, so the next day after staying out of the house pretending to work, Lottie comes

(30:25):
home and there's a giant bouquet of roses with a note, please reconsider.
H. At work, Dave calls to see if his fiance has any allergies they should be aware of
for dinner.
And Huxley just doubles down.
He's like, Dave, we should give in to our fiance's mutual cravings for Chipotle and just
order that for dinner and then gives him Lonnie's order and her name.

(30:50):
Wait, hang on.
Fancy business partner.
Yep.
Like instead of, you know, don't hire a private chef, don't bring something like these pregnant
girls, they just want what they want.
Let's just get them Chipotle because it's literally the only thing he's ever seen her
eat.
So it's the only thing he could answer truthfully.
So he knows what to order for.

(31:11):
Yeah.
Okay.
He's locked in.
He's given Dave Lottie's name and that's not like a common name.
And so he needs to get her on board.
He shows up at her mom's house with chocolates.
Lottie's like, what the fuck, stalker?
And he's like, do you remember when your phone was dead and you were lost and you used my
phone to find your way home?
Like your address was in my Google addresses.

(31:34):
Fine.
I was concerned.
I am not anymore.
Yeah.
And then he introduces himself to her mother as her boyfriend of three months.
Oh my God.
Oh my God, this guy.
I'm so embarrassed.
He's like, we were keeping it quiet since my job is high profile.
He tells her, he knows that she doesn't want her mom to know she doesn't have a job.

(31:56):
And he's going to like, he's using his leverage where he can, they sit down for Sundays.
Her mom outs her living situation asking if this is why she'd been so evasive about moving.
Like is Lottie considering moving in with her boyfriend?
They go to her room and he pushes her like, what do you really want in a perfect world?
She's like, I want to help my sister grow her business.

(32:19):
And if I could afford to be working for her already, I would, but she can't pay me.
And he's like, I can do that.
Like I can also bring you in for a meeting with my brothers.
They could use the services at the office, introduce them to new businesses.
She tries to object saying it's charity and he's like, this is business.
Like taking advantage of connections is how you get ahead.
Yes, absolutely.

(32:39):
Yeah.
Don't fight on this.
So she's coming around, but she doesn't want to live with him.
She's going to move in with Kelsey.
And then he drops the, also if you could pretend to be pregnant, that'd be great.
How far along are we talking?
I mean, we get to it in a bit, but I think she starts by saying she's like six or eight
weeks.
He, hang on, hang on.

(33:00):
She's six or eight weeks pregnant.
Yeah.
Which is like, I know not far enough to even be telling people let alone random strangers.
Most people are not telling anyone.
Some people tell their family.
Yeah.
We're telling a business partner?
Yeah.
They do this one really nice thing early in his introspection about the lie.
And then later when Lottie's playing along, both of them acknowledge it's a really shitty

(33:21):
thing to lie about considering how many people struggle with pregnancy, fertility and having
a family.
It's not harped on, but I do appreciate that they acknowledge it.
Yeah, definitely.
Because, you know, it's going to lead to a lot of fun.
So it was like necessary for the book, but I do like they're at least acknowledging
that's a shitty thing.

(33:41):
That's good.
Yeah.
So she's appalled.
She's like, you are so fucking deep in it.
And he goes, what would your life look like in a perfect world?
She's like, I'd be working with my sister out of my mom's house, could stick it to Angela,
my student loans would be paid off.
And every time it rains, I'd have a place where I can lie there without judgment, like

(34:02):
lying in the rain without judgment.
And he's like, done.
She's she's got her back up.
You can't do that.
Like I'm not a hooker.
It's like, I've never asked you to fuck me.
But 30 K has chump changed to him and less than he would pay to get himself out of a
jam at work.
This is business.
She agrees.
And before he leaves, he tells her he needs her clothing and shoe sizes, her sister's

(34:25):
address, because as hot as she is in a leggings and t-shirt, people expect his fiance to be
dressed more expensively and obviously a ring size.
So she's like, fine, but I'm going to need your dick size.
She's like, I need to know if I'm playing the part of a happy fiance or like a satisfied

(34:46):
fiance.
Okay.
And he just responds, trust me, you're satisfied.
Dropping that big dick energy.
So they move forward.
Do you think do you think anybody's ever written a romance novel where the male main
character didn't have a big dick?
No, but I would love to see that where like they get past his like very small penis.

(35:09):
Even if it's not very small, but like maybe below average, like maybe even just below average,
but like knows how to use it situation.
Maybe.
I think it would be great.
Like I always find it interesting because...
All right, I'm going to put it in my book.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dudes with big dicks and confidence and are like happy to use a toy to like help them

(35:30):
out.
And I was like, there's a...
She uses small dicks.
No, no, in these books, it's always a dude with a big dick.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Huge dick, yeah.
But it's never, it should be a guy who's like, I need the help.
Like I need the assist.
I'm going to get it done.
And I'm fine with it.
I know what to do.
I know you asked me, but it's always like these guys have like 11 inch dicks.
I know.
And these girls are like, amazing.

(35:52):
I don't think that would be my reaction.
No.
I really don't think 11 inch.
Like, no.
There is a woman on TikTok that I saw and she's got a measuring tape and she holds
it out.
She's like three inches, fine.
Four inches, totally passable.
Five, six, great.
Seven, bordering on too much.
And then she pulls it out to like 11.
She's like, no, absolutely not.

(36:12):
She's like, it's a crazy effort.
It's a crazy amount.
And these girls are like, none of them bad and I, like every once in a while they'll
be like, oh, I don't know if that'll fit, but like they're going to make it fit.
Like there's nobody that's like, yeah, I'm not putting an entire foot.
No, this right here is not 12 inches.
Just, that's crazy.

(36:32):
I also just want to, I really want to make that clear though.
I wasn't talking about somebody's foot.
Yes.
I know you got it, but I was like, what if something happened?
I don't know if somebody is like, what the hell is she talking about?
No, it's a new cake.
We're introducing it now.
I haven't gone to that one yet actually.
You heard a fisting.
I'm not going to tell everybody anything.

(36:53):
Wait for footing.
I don't want to know.
I don't want to know from footing.
Oh, okay.
So they move forward.
He has her sign a contract and an NDA.
She gets an exception to be able to tell Kelsey the truth.
So then Kelsey has to sign an NDA and let's be clear, she signs the contract.

(37:17):
She doesn't like dig into it too deeply, which she's going to start regretting very soon.
They tell her parents she's moving in with Huxley, but she and Kelsey move her staff
to Kelsey's tiny studio apartment.
And Huxley shows up, takes in the cushions on the floor that are going to be her bed
and is like, absolutely not.
You're moving in with me.
I have seven bedrooms and Kelsey's weirdly like, yeah, that sounds like a good idea.

(37:41):
Wait, remember when you slept on the cushions on the floor in my house?
Was that not a suitable bed?
They were more, this is literally like individual cushions laid together.
Fine.
That is worse.
Yeah.
I did better.
You did.
Okay.
So wait, does Kelsey want to move into Huxley's house?

(38:01):
I mean, I think she might, but at this point she's just like, she's being really supportive
and I can't genuinely tell if she's just like, yeah, that sounds like a good idea or she's
just looking around her tiny apartment being like, I can't handle this.
I can't fucking get out of here.
There's already too many people in here.
And then he demands that she try on the outfits and she's like, could you use a nicer tone?

(38:22):
Oh, sorry.
When he first, she's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
He's like, did you not read the contract?
Like I have approval on all your outfits.
Oh God.
Oh, I don't like that.
And then she's like, well, could you at least use a nicer tone?
He's like, this is business.
I'm not trying to win you or woo you.
I'm your boss in this moment.
And therefore you should respect my commands and Kelsey fans her face and asks if Lottie

(38:45):
should call him daddy after that domineering little speech.
Okay.
Yeah.
It turns out everything he gets her is like super amazing, flattering, but his response
when she asks if he likes it is like, it'll do.
And she's getting that immediate babe energy like the movie that'll do pig.

(39:07):
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh no.
That's not what you want.
No.
So they're really like rubbing each other the wrong way.
He tells her to take this seriously and she fires back that she is.
She's terrified about the dinner, thinking that she's going to fuck it up somehow without
even knowing it.
Their tense silence is broken by the sound of Kelsey chewing.

(39:29):
He's literally gotten a snack and is enjoying the show and offers up some chelmy.
Which I feel like if either of us were in the situation, the other one would be Kelsey.
Yeah.
I also changed my mind.

(39:50):
If Kelsey is looking for a best friend.
Yeah.
No, I'm with you.
Pulling up a chair and snacks to anything is my move.
Yeah.
Anything.
A fight I'm not in.
Oh, even better.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
The days where I just need somewhere to put my butt and just something to snack on.
Yeah.

(40:10):
Give me some popcorn, please.
Let's just see this.
Let's see what happens.
All right.
This one is really funny.
Okay.
So are they going to like rehearse how they know each other?
Like is that going to?
Oh, okay.
I'm sorry.
The next sense I have is they decide to get their stories straight.
He tells Lottie they met in Georgia when he was visiting his grandmother.
Lottie, who's never traveled farther than Nevada.

(40:33):
They're in California, obviously, is skeptical.
He gives her the engagement ring he's picked up, which a family of five could go skating
on.
What's the cut?
Do we have details on this?
Oh, I think there were.
And I didn't really note on them.
I know.
Basically, it's very, like, very ostentatious, like very big billionaire ring.

(40:57):
Fine.
I'm going to assume that it was an emerald cut.
Okay.
Go for it.
Well, if you say like it's an ice rink, then it's probably like a big rectangle.
Yeah.
He's a super bossy gentleman.
Like he scolds her to stay in the car, but so he can get out and open the door for her
and then demands that she holds his hands.

(41:17):
And then inside the dinner, they play the part.
They write some comments to each other under their breath.
Dave and Allie are totally taken with them.
They bicker when they're alone.
And Lottie doesn't understand where the guy from Chipotle has gone.
Like this dude is a dead fish in a suit.
He should lighten up, be more personable.
She thinks that he thinks she should leave business to him and she's super unpleasant

(41:39):
to be around.
And she reminds him that she's the life of this party and would absolutely rather be
fucking anywhere other than talking about babies, weddings and linens.
Touche.
He's like, what would you like to talk about?
And she's like, I don't know.
My newest dildo.
It's got a suction cup base so I can use it in the shower.
Okay.
On the way home, Huxley's pissy because he didn't get any alone time with Dave.

(42:03):
Like there was no business being done.
Did he think there was going to be?
I think he thought so.
Yeah.
They were eating Chipotle with their quote unquote pregnant fiance.
It's true.
But he does realize that Dave's more receptive now and he's going to have to keep this up.
Lottie's kind of needling him and he snaps at her.
She threatens to go back and show Dave and Ellie a negative pregnancy test and his only

(42:27):
response is you're under contract.
Like you can't.
That's fair.
They get to the house, which is much more chic and modern and not at all what Lottie
was expecting.
She doesn't really expect.
I think one of those like ostentatious like Italian villa style things in California.
Oh, okay.
Fine.
Fine.

(42:48):
And Huxley is really kind to his staff and it kind of it pisses her off.
She's like, why do they get treated like human beings?
And then Huxley drops another little bomb.
Well his staff is under NDA.
There's just too many of them to not worry about something leaking.
So they need to keep up pretenses here.
The fake engage it.
Yeah.
Oh no.
Yeah.

(43:08):
And she's appalled.
Does this mean we have to like share a room?
But no, Huxley thought of that.
No, he's told the staff they're waiting till marriage.
Oh my God.
Please.
So she's staying in her own room.
But as they get in there, she finds that his staff has unpacked her things, including
her collection of dildos, which they have a rain.

(43:30):
And she's like, won't they be like a Paul?
And he's like, it's not new to them.
They know I use toys.
Oh my God, that is so funny.
Yeah.
Why were they arranged on the dresser?
I don't know.
They couldn't put them in a drawer?
Like, why?
They thought they were like.
Nightstand.

(43:51):
She makes a joke about, you know, him bringing other women around.
And he's like, let's get one thing straight.
I don't have a wandering eye.
Never have, never will.
And I signed a contract with you.
That means I belong to you and you belong to me until our obligations are fulfilled within
our agreement.
Do you understand?
I'll be loyal to you and I demand the same respects.
How long is the agreement?

(44:12):
Until the deal is done.
Oh God.
Okay.
So she's like, he's mercurial and treating her a bit like the beast-treated Belle, but
this alpha thing is super hot.
And so she goes over to the dresser to decide what she's going to use.
He's still in the room.
And when asked what she's doing, she's happy to tell him.

(44:36):
Okay.
I'm going to read this book.
We need to get to the ending.
Oh, that's great.
He gets huffy.
And it's really funny.
Yeah, he gets huffy, storms out.
It's like breakfast is at 7.30.
Wait, why is he mad about that?
I don't know.
It's so flattering.
It's like the ultimate compliment.

(44:56):
You're like, you're kind of a dick, but that was hot.
So I'm going to deal with it.
So like, which one of these is most like you?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know, like, which one of these is most like you?
Oh my God, if she'd asked him to like pick the one that's most comparable.
Tell me when to stop.
Oh my God.
Okay.

(45:17):
She have actual tears.
This is really jokes.
So he's like breakfast at 7.30 tomorrow, even though it's Sunday, because they have things
to discuss.
They have one more little fight before bed because when she goes into the closet, she
realizes that what's filled with beautiful clothes and shoes like Louboutin, pure plural,

(45:42):
he hasn't brought any of her clothes.
So like the only option she has for sleeping are some like slinky little negligee's and
two piece pajamas.
So she stops.
I'm kind of surprised she wears pajamas.
Yeah.
She stopped.
She's like, you know, ratty T-shirt leggings like she's not a, yeah.
Okay, fine.

(46:03):
She stomps onto his room.
Stomps over to his room and gets our first view of shirtless Huxley because while he's
an asshole, he's an extremely hot asshole.
I disagree with that statement because we got a glimpse of shirtless Huxley via AI.
That's true.
It's hot.
It's true.
And he casually tells her that nothing she owned was suitable.

(46:23):
And nothing.
Yeah.
And now.
And she's like, yes, suitable just to be, to be his fiance.
Oh, yeah.
Huxley.
So she's pissed.
She's like, I might be contractually obligated to be here, but I'm going to make his life
a fucking horror movie.
Here we go.
Yeah.
So the next day after he begrudgingly admits to his brothers that Lottie did a good job

(46:46):
last night, which he hasn't said to her, he complains that she's an absolute pill, which
is such an old timey phrase.
I love it though.
Yeah.
I don't like someone a pill.
And then JP and Breaker call him out.
They're like, you're going to end up fucking her.
We are certain of it.
At breakfast, he confirms he's paid off her loans and he's surprised by how different

(47:09):
she is around him than when she was around Dave and Ellie or even her staff.
She drops all pretenses and is unapologetically herself.
She drinks his coffee, shovels food in her face, and he's even more surprised that he
doesn't dislike it.
Like that she's just like super honest in herself.
He tries to bring up helping Kelsey's business and she's hesitant to take it.

(47:29):
He makes a shot at her about not getting paid.
And so she gets pissed off and leaves.
The next day she sneaks out early, heads to Kelsey's house.
But when she gets there, Huxley's already there.
He gives her the key to the new Tesla Model 3 he got her and tells her to have a nice
day.
She snuck out of the house, got a new Burr, went to her sister's house to find Huxley

(47:52):
there waiting with her brand new Tesla.
He just knew it was going to happen.
Yeah.
He knew she was going to try and sneak out.
Sneak out?
Is she not allowed to leave?
I'm confused.
I think she didn't want to have an interaction with him.
She snuck out without seeing him.
He makes a joke about how he just came because she didn't say goodbye.
Oh, God.
Love it.

(48:12):
Okay.
Yeah.
She rants to Kelsey and Kelsey's like, I mean, he's doing a lot of nice things for
you.
He just paid off all of your debt.
He bought you a car.
Like maybe we should cut him a little slack.
They work on the business and then later they head to a meeting and it isn't until they're
in the lobby and waiting when Huxley and two other men step in that Lottie realizes they're
at Huxley's company for this meeting.

(48:34):
Apparently, that was the other reason he came by this morning was to set up the pitch about
making their offices more sustainable.
She doesn't trust his motives, but she doesn't want to disappoint Kelsey.
She's also like mad.
No one gave her a heads up.
We're going to get into this.
Why the fuck did you ask who you were meeting with?
Yeah, that's weird.
So this meeting wasn't set up prior to all of this.

(48:56):
No.
It wasn't like a coincidence that they were there.
No.
Kelsey and Huxley made this plan.
Yeah.
He came over and was like, I would like you to come pitch our business.
And she was like, yes, we'll be there this afternoon.
Because he's a billionaire real estate developer.
No, no.
I'm not judging the business decision.
I would do the same thing, but not telling your sister who works for you and who is contractually

(49:18):
obligated to be this guy's pregnant fiance.
That's weird.
It's weird.
There was a lot of weird happen in that sentence, but yeah.
So she isn't sure what the protocol is.
She knows they're supposed to...
Which side of the table does she sit on?
But even just there, there's other people in the room now.
And at home, they're supposed to pretend.
So she's like...

(49:38):
She does a terrible job of putting on an act to greet him, to which his brother JP is like,
Jesus, I hope that's not what she did in front of Dave.
Well, yeah, but she's right.
Is she supposed to pretend to be his fiance or is she not?
Yeah.
And she's still...
This is his fault.
Yeah.
She's still trying to suss out what's happening and she's pushing him, asking if these fine
gentlemen know their exciting news.

(49:59):
And Kelsey's mortified.
She's just like, let's get to the fucking presentation.
Lottie ignores her, keeps pushing.
She and Huxley take a moment privately.
They argue.
She calls him a cock hole, like a cocky asshole.
But a cock hole is a thing.
That comes across.
No.
It's a thing.
Yeah.
Like what she has to explain it.

(50:20):
I was just calling Eurythra.
Who do you mean?
That's the cock hole, right?
I had to dig into my high school bio for that one.
I am only calling people Eurythra from now on.
That's amazing.
It works for both males and females.
Yeah.
100%.

(50:41):
Like you're a piss tube, basically.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Like with the proper terminology.
Yeah.
He's pretty brutal back to her, but he's not wrong.
He's like, who goes to a meeting and doesn't ask who they're meeting with and does some
research.
No, he's not wrong.
I mean, unless she's not leading, like this isn't her passion.
Yeah, but she wants to help her sister develop her business.

(51:05):
Yeah.
Yeah.
She is the business major.
You're right.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
And he's like, you keep calling me an asshole, but so far I've made sure you have safe transportation.
I sent your mom and Jeff flowers to congratulate them on having an empty house and I got your
sister an important opportunity for her business.
Okay.
And those are all really great things.

(51:25):
Yeah.
You're still an asshole.
Yes, 100%.
And then he's pulled away for like an important phone call and now he doesn't have time for
the meeting.
And Lottie's like, oh, I fucked this up for my sister.
She tries to go to bat, pleading with him.
She's like, Kelsey's worked really hard and he's like, I guess you should have thought
of that.
Okay.
And he's pissed.
She's like, I get you're in a weird place, but why are you antagonizing someone who literally

(51:50):
did what you spent years at school learning how to do, built a successful thriving business,
like give him some respect.
Like I know you.
I know how you're responding to him.
Like you're not giving him any respect.
So why is he, why would he give you any?
Okay.
At the office, Huxley's brothers are like, are you trying to make her hate you?
Like is this your goal?

(52:11):
I love that both siblings on both sides are like chastising.
Yeah.
But then they find out.
Is it your fault?
Yeah.
Then they find out he had good reason for canceling the meeting.
There was a big emergency at one of their New York buildings, like an electrical fire.
People evacuated.
Some of their employees were like severely injured and he's working on making sure everyone
was okay had that they needed like getting dinners delivered to the families of the guys

(52:33):
in the hospital.
Like it's very much just like, do you know the term save the cat?
Like if there's a fire run in and save the cat or is that like something specific?
No.
So it's like an old, it's like an old screenwriting term where you have a like character that
maybe isn't the nicest person, like, you know, like kind of an anti-hero.
And towards the beginning of the movie, they'll have him do something to prove to the audience

(52:56):
that he's a nice guy.
Like he's grumpy and mean and asshole, but he scoops the cat up and he's the nice guy.
But the people exactly don't necessarily know.
Okay.
Exactly.
So it's the save the cat moment.
So here he's like, he's not just a dick who canceled the meeting.
They never are.
He did have a reason.
I guess they are sometimes, but a lot of the times they are the nice guy that's actually

(53:20):
an asshole.
Like like an asshole that's actually a nice guy, I guess.
So I'm going to use that a lot.
Okay.
And they're like, we get that.
We still think you should be nicer to her.
And Hux is like, I don't know why this is a means to means to an end.
She's a loose cannon.
I don't need this in my life.
And they're just like, no, this is exactly what you need in your life.

(53:41):
Also, you invited this into your life.
Yeah.
I'm not sorry for you.
Yeah.
He's like, he knows that they're right or they could be right.
It's why he needs to keep his distance.
He saw it at Chipotle.
She's different.
And if he lets himself go, he'd be all in and get wrecked in the end.
So he's got to keep it like be stoic.

(54:01):
He texts her to join him for dinner and she comes down on a robe because she was in the
bath when he texted.
She looks sad.
All of her normal bravado has been stripped away and his guilt about his part in that
comes up.
He tries to tell her it was an important call and she's like, I'm sure.
And I'm sure it's not in my business.
Then she decides she's not hungry and goes to leave.

(54:21):
He follows her and pins her to the wall trying to get her to talk to him to bring back that
fire.
He tells her that the hatred she has for him isn't mutual.
He's been annoyed by her, frustrated, but he doesn't hate her.
His hands are on her and he asks how he can prove himself to her.
And she's like, follow through on your promises, even your silent ones, and looks pointedly

(54:43):
at his hands on her body and the robe that he started to open.
She is like provoking him into action and now we have our cold read section.
Okay.
I love her.
Yeah, yeah.
She's real fun.
She's got balls that I would never have.
All right.

(55:05):
From behind, I grip her pussy and pull her ass against my cross so she can feel how hard
I am.
Her raspy gasp brings me pleasure as I slide my finger across her clit again and again.
Do you hate me right now?
I ask her, toying with the little nub, making her entire body tremble against mine.
More now than ever.
Because I know how to bring you pleasure, I ask my lips pressing against her ear.

(55:26):
Yes, I slide two fingers inside her now.
She lets out a low moan.
You wish that I wasn't fucking you with my fingers right now?
I start to pull them out, but she lets out a protest.
No, I do.
You do what, I ask.
My cock's so goddamn hard that it's pressing painfully against the zipper of my pants.
Fuck me.
I want you to fuck me.
With my other hand, I smooth up the column of her neck and tilt her head back so I'm

(55:50):
talking directly into her ear.
So you hate me, but you want to fuck me.
My thumb presses down on her clit and she lets out a strangled gasp.
How close are you?
Close, she whispers, her body shaking under my hold.
So close.
Good, I say, just before removing my hand from her pussy.
What are you doing?
Her confused gasp gives me great pleasure.

(56:12):
Why should I give you an orgasm, Lottie?
Why should I finish you off?
Because you're a bastard if you don't.
Her palms flatten against the wall as her head bends forward.
Every muscle, every fiber of her being is tense.
I work my fingers over her clit again, watching carefully as she tenses more.
Her back arching.
I want to bring her to the edge, to the point where she's about to fall over.

(56:32):
You already think I'm a bastard, so what does it matter?
You think the worst of me, Lottie.
If I let you come, you will still think the worst about me.
But at least I'll know you can command my body and isn't that what you want?
Control.
Nice.
Yeah, and this brings us to the hot plot spot.
Ooh, we're already there, okay.
We're already there.

(56:55):
This is the hot plot spot.
If you want to read this book with no spoilers, now is your chance to leave.
Oh, you're sticking around.
Do you remember your safe word?
Good girl.
Okay, so they continue to argue while he plays with her, pinned against the wall, and then

(57:15):
he's like, I wasn't going to let you come.
I was going to edge you until you were crying, begging for more.
But your lack of trust or even regard for me is disconcerting.
I'm a good man.
You might not see it now, but you will.
And then he gets her off.
Oh, okay.
I like the banter.
And like, while they're hooking up, I think that's hilarious and great.

(57:35):
He tells her that his assistant is going to be rescheduling the meeting with Kelsey,
and then he leaves.
Where does this take place?
Like what wall is she up against?
The dining room.
Oh, okay, yeah.
So I was like, is this in a bedroom or is this just like, or anything to go on fire?
No, like he invited her down for dinner.
Oh, it happens like after dinner.
At dinner.

(57:56):
So they sit down.
She comes down in a fucking robe with no hands.
Oh, this was right after the robe thing.
Oh, it was the same scene.
This is, yes.
Okay, okay, okay.
Sometimes my cold reads have nothing to do with the thing I just said, so I was like,
confused.
Oh, I might always, I've set them up for you.
We're in the moment.
So yeah, he's, again, I don't really understand the part where it's like, you texted me, I

(58:19):
was in the bath, so I didn't have time to put on pants.
I just came down in a row.
No, no, you always have time to put on pants.
Yeah, always.
Like, I mean, there are a few exceptions to that rule.
And it's literally like life or death emergencies of any kind.
You don't have time.
But like, I don't care who's knocking at my door.
No, I'm gonna put pants on first.

(58:41):
Or at the very least in this case, fucking panties.
Well, I mean, if you're gonna wear the robe, like, what's the point?
The thing is, I don't know.
And one thing if she thought she just had to like run downstairs quickly for something.
Like somebody ran into her belt.
She was going there.
Yeah, that's where I'm like, no, this wasn't like you were just, you know, a package arrived.
You're going to sit down for dinner and you're just choosing not to wear clothes.

(59:03):
Yeah.
100%.
I mean, I like her style.
I respect it.
Yeah.
So the next day, oh, shoot, he gets her off, then he tells her, his assistant will be rescheduling
the meeting with Kelsey and he just pieces out of there.
Yes.
As desperate as he was to fuck her, he keeps reminding himself like she is not for you.

(59:26):
You just got her off in the dining room.
Yeah, she could be for you.
What difference does it make at this point?
Yeah.
Like, a lot of times people are like, okay, but there's a line, right?
We don't want to cross that line.
He's aware that he crossed the line.
But is there one line?
Like, is it not just one line?
I thought there was one line, but I don't know.

(59:49):
This guy seems to think that maybe there's two lines and they might be close together,
but they're different.
I think he just keeps crossing the line and then be like, oh, fuck, I tried to jump back
over the line.
Yeah.
I don't think he can do that.
I think the line is permanent in his mind.
It doesn't break when he crosses it.
No, I was like, she crossed it, it disappears.
It's gone.
Yeah.

(01:00:10):
No, it's like one of those, you know, you cross the marathon and break the ribbon.
Like once the ribbon is gone.
Yeah, it's gone.
You just keep it taped back together behind you.
Yeah.
No, but like in Huxtes world...
In his world maybe there's more than one.
Apparently.
Okay.
So the next day she is reeling over what happened, desperately wants to fix things with her
sister.

(01:00:31):
A, because she needs to, but B, because she really needs to talk about the angry finger
bit.
Totally.
I get it.
Yeah.
Her best friend's a bitch.
She can't talk to her about it.
Just thought I'd talk to her sister.
No.
This is it.
place with donuts and coffee.
Kelsey is softened because Huxley's assistant has already
called to reschedule and also filled her in on what happens.

(01:00:52):
Kelsey tells Lottie that Huxley's a good guy.
She also points out that Lottie would never
have done what she did yesterday when
she was working for Angela.
Like she would never have been that unprofessional.
Yeah, OK.
Yeah.
And Lottie admits she's been really
angry about the being fired and she's
taking it out on the wrong people, mostly Huxley.

(01:01:13):
Mostly Huxley.
But she'll be professional from here on out,
so they get down to business.
OK.
Are you going to be a professional from here on out?
I don't know what is wrong with my mouth.
Dude, I couldn't get through the dry read.
I literally could not read.
I had to take it one sentence at a time, which never happens.

(01:01:34):
Oh my god.
That's literally like, I felt like I was teaching Grayson
to read.
Wait, why are you stopping?
Oh my god.
I know that it's an important thing to do as a parent,
but reading a book right now, while the little one is trying
to learn to read, is testing my patience in a way

(01:01:54):
that I've never been tested before.
I don't want to know.
It took us 45 minutes to get through the very hungry caterpillar.
And I'm just like.
Did you have any memories of learning to read?
No.
OK.
I do, for some reason.
I couldn't remember is.

(01:02:14):
Is is.
I don't know what word I thought it was,
but I kept getting it wrong.
And I kept saying like, I.
My mom and dad would be like, what does this sentence?
Like, why can't it?
It doesn't make any sense.
I just couldn't get is.
It was a hard one for me.
No, that's amazing.
My son seems to like.
No, obviously he doesn't know how to read.

(01:02:37):
He's like almost four and like we have not tried teaching him.
But when we take him to swim class,
like there's these whiteboards on the walls that
have like the instructor's names on them.
And you're supposed to like go wait under the whiteboard
with your instructor.
And he can find his instructor's name.
Which is pretty.
Yeah, I mean, that's pretty.
That's that's good.
I mean, very accurate, like a little bit older.

(01:02:58):
And they can like identification of like names and stuff.
He'll start spelling his name.
Yeah.
So he literally was like looking for Leora.
And he's like, oh, there it is, Leora.
I was like, oh, that's adorable.
That is pretty cool.
He can't read that.
Yeah.
Our big thing is that she's really good at context clues.

(01:03:18):
So like 80% of the time, she just looks at the picture
and then guesses the word she doesn't know.
And the problem is she's like accurate a lot.
So I said, I'm like, I know you didn't read that.
And then she just like smiles at me.
I was like, this is not why we're this exercise.
That's what I was missing.
Like I couldn't figure out that the word was is.

(01:03:39):
And I should have been able to just look at what was happening
and see the next word and be like, oh, the cow is happy.
Like not the cow eyes happening.
Are you trying to read the words?
I was so scared.
I couldn't get it.
Oh my god.
All right.
So they get through a bunch of stuff.
She does share angry finger bang.

(01:04:01):
And it turns out a lot of by the way,
is actually like pretty good at this job.
Like has some good ideas.
They're putting things together.
And then she gets a text from Huxley.
They're going to meet Dave and Ellie for a LaMaz class.
They're way too early for this.
Yeah.
They acknowledge that it's too early,
but they're just interested in learning.

(01:04:22):
And Dave and Ellie have invited them to go.
So they're going to go with Dave and Ellie.
The class is led by a woman named Heaven.
And Ellie is already like happily bouncing
on an exercise ball looking like she was released
from an insane asylum.
They're really bad at this.
They can't remember how pregnant they told Ellie
and Dave they were.
Oh my god.

(01:04:46):
But it's OK because Ellie knows and reminds them.
OK.
She's like, well, I know you're only eight weeks.
So blah, blah, blah.
Thank god.
And now they're on a yoga mat.
Huxley's on top of Lottie being told to pulse into her.
Because this isn't just a class for pregnant couples,
but also for once we're trying to get pregnant.

(01:05:08):
And the instructor says, connecting
to the moment of conception will bring you closer and closer
to the little seedling growing inside of you.
Remember that night, the way it felt.
Was it passionate?
Was it seductive?
Was it involved?
If you're currently in the phase of trying to get pregnant,
think about connecting with your partner.
Eye contact.
Always eye contact.

(01:05:28):
Oh my god.
This would never happen.
This would never happen.
The group of people that are actively
trying to get pregnant so much so that they are taking classes
does not want to be in a class with a bunch of people that
are already fucking pregnant.
And that is so uncomfortable.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
It keeps getting worse.

(01:05:49):
Dave and Ellie are like model students.
They're really into it.
And then when the instructor comes up
to them asking how they got pregnant,
Lottie babbles and makes up a story about jumping him
after drunkenly, sorry, jumping him drunkenly
after a night of catchphrase.
OK, sorry.
That sounds amazing.
I know.
I was like, yeah, done.

(01:06:09):
That is the best game ever.
That's the best game ever.
Catchphrase.
That is the best game ever.
OK.
And then the instructor's like, well, of course, that's
what's wrong.
If you jumped him, you'd be on top.
So she makes them change positions.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.

(01:06:30):
Like the second end embarrassment in this book,
you're going to die.
I'm not going to be able to read it, am I?
Lottie goads him to try not to get an erection.
He's like, I'm not a teenager.
I'll be fine.
So she tests him and tells him how hot she was last night
and how she got herself off again with her vibrator
thinking about him, bam, Instaboner.

(01:06:53):
Obviously.
OK.
That's OK, because the teacher's moving on now.
He didn't ask which one.
Yeah.
The teacher's moving on now.
And next to them, Dave stands up,
his giant erection pointing out of his pants.
And no shame.
He wants the room to know he's the Boner champion.
Ha!

(01:07:15):
This episode is just going to be us cackling.
Like no real words.
I know.
I mean, this book is amazing.
I haven't even read it.
I'm so excited.
Sidebar, we're not going to read them,
but like the text chains in all of her books are amazing.
And the one between the brothers in this moment is so good.

(01:07:36):
Can I just say that because you wore mascara today
and you are crying from laughing so hard?
Oh my god, I look like the eyes.
I look like the eyes.
Oh my god.
We got to get you that waterproof shit.
Oh my god.
It's never a problem.
It's never happens.
I'm going to go wash my face.
No one's ever made you laugh before.
Oh god.
You just, you just, you never wear mascara.
And you also don't have a funny boss at work.
No.
I got to beep that.

(01:07:57):
I was going to say, I think we may be ruined,
Tim.
He listened to one episode and was like,
That's fine.
Just beep the name.
I'm not going to say that.
I'm not going to say that.
I'm not going to say that.
I'm not going to say that.
I'm not going to say that.
I'm not going to say that.
I'm not going to say that.
I'm just like, just beep the name.
I'm not getting in trouble for this.
Okay.

(01:08:18):
So outside they run into Angela who in truly worst human ever style says she's hurt that
Lottie didn't share her engagement with her.
Jesus Christ.
And then has the audacity to be like, they miss, we miss you at the company.
And now that you're dating Huxley Cain, maybe we can find a way to work together again.

(01:08:39):
Oh my God.
Suck a dick that is just like made of razor blades.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Huxley realizes he's never actually seen Lottie truly angry.
Like the anger he thinks he'd seen from before.
No, nothing compared to what he sees right now.
So he intervenes and gets them the fuck out of there.

(01:09:01):
Okay.
And that night at dinner, Lottie's like, I don't think I can do this anymore.
Like I need a timeline.
She'd agreed to this because he seemed like someone she could get along with.
But all they seem to do is aggravate each other.
He doesn't seem interested in getting to know her at all.
And Huxley suggests that they try to get to know each other.
Let's do two questions during the day and two questions at dinner.

(01:09:22):
So they start, he shares why the Dave Tony deal is so important, which isn't really,
it's just like he wants to prove to his brothers that he can do it.
Like it's a weird, I don't really understand the fascination with this deal.
It wasn't important at the beginning, but then when he was told he couldn't.
Now it's important.
I think so.
She tells him why she doesn't want to tell her mom and Jeff, but Angela like doesn't want the,

(01:09:43):
the I told you so's their second questions are lighter.
He asks her what concert about concerts and she's like, my dream would be to sleep.
See Fleetwood Mac and concert, which I just thought was weird.
That is so weird.
Yeah.
The next day they do their questions during the day via text and he seems to like loosen up more.
But then at dinner, things are tense again.

(01:10:04):
So she busts out question time.
And when he says like he doesn't have time to take his dream vacation to Alaska, she's like, you have more money than you could ever spend.
Like, why are you working so hard?
And he's like, well, it's for all the people that work for me until I can find someone I'd feel comfortable delegating to.
I'm going to keep working hard.
So they're all employed, which again, that's beautiful.
It's like a good, like a good reason for being a workaholic.

(01:10:28):
Back to the text questions the next day, things are getting more personal.
Have they ever been in love?
She revealed she hasn't.
And the guy she's dated were lackluster.
He's the only person other than herself that's ever made her come.
Well, she just offers up.
That seems to be a theme in these books.
Yeah.
And he follows up asking like, what's the hardest she's ever made herself come.

(01:10:49):
And she's like the night after you got me off in the hallway, like replaying that memory with my vibrator.
She asks him what's the naughtiest thing you've ever done.
And he's like, naughty in my eyes, probably isn't naughty in someone else's.
I fucked women in some pretty weird places, but that's just fucking naughty to me means crossing a line.
A line that probably shouldn't be crossed something forbidden.
So the naughtiest thing I've ever done was undoing your robe and slipping my fingers inside your sweet cunt.

(01:11:14):
Okay.
Yeah.
He follows that up with I crossed a line that night, you're forbidden off limits part of a business deal and I lost control.
I allowed myself to give into temptation.
Be happy I only touched your pussy because if I'd had it my way that robe wouldn't have stayed on.
I have a meeting.
I'll see you at dinner.
Oh, okay.
Great.
Yeah.
This is all like by a text.

(01:11:35):
Yeah, yeah.
But it's just like, okay, bye.
Yeah.
So at that night of dinner, Lottie kind of reveals that the angel of shit is taking up a lot of real estate.
And he's like, I can help you with that.
He brings her over, puts her on the table in front of him, pushes her to tell him if she wants this, wants him to use his mouth on her to clear her mind.

(01:11:56):
She's like, yes, please.
During it, she admits that she's been using her toys every night thinking about him.
And he's like, why haven't I heard you?
And she's like, well, I've been keeping it quiet.
He's like, don't if you play with yourself at night.
I want to fucking hear it.
I want to know you're satisfied.
What about his staff?
This is going to be so awkward for the staff.

(01:12:18):
The staff seems to leave before they serve dinner and then leave.
Okay.
So by the time dinner is happening, the staff are the staff are gone.
Wait, no, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.
If the staff leave after dinner, they didn't serve, they serve dinner and then leave while they're eating dinner.
Yes, whatever.
If the staff leave during dinner, they wouldn't have needed to lie about her having a separate bedroom.

(01:12:44):
Oh, no, because then cleaning the sheets and stuff.
Okay, never mind.
I answered my own question.
It's fine.
Okay.
I got this.
We got there.
It's good.
Anyway, it's after eating her out like it's his fucking job, he gets up and leaves as much as Lottie wants to return the favor.
She's like, from what I know of him, if he'd wanted me to suck his cock, he would have asked.

(01:13:05):
Also, this guy just seems to like leave whenever.
Like any situation he's just like, and this is my exit and it's never an inappropriate exit.
No, he doesn't seem to be able to like have a conversation.
It's like, here's an orgasm.
I have to run.
He's scheduled.
Orgasm at noon, meeting at 12.

(01:13:28):
I'll see you at dinner.
Tenors at seven.
The next day, Huxley realizes that taking that taste was dangerous.
He just wants her now more than ever.
They're coming in later that day to pitch them.
Like they're coming into the office to pitch them.
This is their rescheduled meeting.
But he's already done his research on Kelsey and he knows they're going to be hiring them.

(01:13:51):
But he thinks the practice would be good for Kelsey and a confidence boost for Lottie.
So he's going to have them pitch anyway.
They're all three of them waiting in the lobby when Kelsey and Lottie arrive at the same time as Dave Tony,
who has dropped by to talk about the deal with Huxley.
Lottie seeing Dave there immediately heads over, kisses Huxley to keep up appearances,

(01:14:13):
but the kiss just knocks him out.
And when she realizes Dave's there to meet, she assumes that means he's going to push the pitch.
But Huxley shocks them all by telling Dave he's got a prior meeting
and they'll have to set something up for another time.
He even tells Dave about Kelsey and Lottie's business because Dave's like,
you make your fiancee pitch to you.
He's like, yes, everyone has to.

(01:14:34):
He's like, she wouldn't have it any other way.
It's a real, like it's a business and they kill it at the meeting, obviously.
And then they confirm they're getting a contract with Kane Enterprises.
Kelsey and Lottie go out to have drinks to celebrate.
That night she's not home for dinner.
She comes to see Huxley and thank him for the sacrifice,
not blowing them off with their meeting, for her meeting with Dave.

(01:14:55):
She offers to thank him properly with a blow job and he refuses.
He doesn't want her to do anything out of some like misplaced gratitude.
She calls him out for shutting down.
And when she tries to ask one, ask why saying this is one of her dinner questions,
he's like, you missed dinner, so you forfeit those questions.
Oh my God.
So she's, yeah, she's mad, but she needs help because Kelsey had done up the dress for her.

(01:15:21):
She can't undo it.
So he unzips her dress, sees her ass and her lovely panties.
So she leaves, heads into her room, but leaving her door wide open and heads into the shower.
Yeah, here we go.
He's following her into her room when she parades back out of the bathroom naked,
grabs the suction cup dildo from her bedside table back into the bathroom.

(01:15:44):
And he's literally in trance.
He follows, watches her suction it to the wall, put on a little show getting wet and then backs herself onto it,
fucking herself from behind while moaning his name, like literally talking to him as if he's fucking her.
And she's not there.
Yeah.
And so he strips, gets into the shower where she grabs his cock and is like, this is what I wanted for dessert.

(01:16:14):
Oh my God.
Yeah.
She goes down on him while continuing to work herself on the dildo, which is just like excellent multitasking.
That is really impressive.
I don't understand.
How high on the wall is this dildo?
Like, is she bent over 90 degrees?
Like, or is she lower?
I have no idea.
Well, she's sucking him off, so she has to be mostly, I don't know, mostly 90 degrees.

(01:16:35):
But the thing is stuck to the wall.
So like, unless his hips come up to where she is at 90 degrees.
I don't know.
We need that diagram.
This is where the diagrams come in handy.
Yes.
We are diagrams.
Oh God.
After he comes, he like lays her out on the bench in the shower, finishes her off with his mouth,

(01:16:59):
and he's like, have a great night and pieces out again.
What is wrong with this guy?
Yeah.
Regretting it from his own room, she texts him, trying to get him back to come back to
the room and fuck her.
He turns it down, but then they go back to their questions and she like asks what he
likes about himself.
She shares what she does, asks what he likes about her.

(01:17:21):
And he says she's fearless.
And all of a sudden she's at the door.
She wants to see him to make sure he's telling the truth.
She tells him that the thing she likes about him is the helping heart that he tries so
hard to hide from the world.
And she leaves Huxley, Texas brothers.
They're right.
He's fucked.

(01:17:42):
Like, what am I supposed to do now?
And they're like, ask her on a date, dumbass.
Yeah, well, this is very simple.
Yeah.
The next morning Huxley's out on a run and he now gives his staff the weekends off now
that Lottie's around.
So Lottie has the house to herself.
She decides to do a little naked sunbathing in the pool as you do.

(01:18:06):
He gets back and is like, what the hell are you doing?
And she invites him to join her.
He seems frozen.
So she swims over, takes his shoes and socks off, checks his pockets for his wallet and
phone and then guides him into the water with her.
And she asks him, like, get cuddled up on the pool float and she's like, what's the
scrunchy face about?
And he's like, I don't want any.

(01:18:27):
He's wearing a bathing shirt.
He's wearing running shorts.
Oh, OK.
So he's not naked.
No, just her.
And she's like, what's the thing about it?
He's like, I don't want anyone else to see you naked.
And she jokes that she didn't remember her body being on the contract.
And he grabs her nipple, pinches real hard and is like, did I not have my mouth on your
pussy last night?

(01:18:48):
That means I laid claim to you this body is mine.
And then they just go back to chatting.
Oh, OK.
I guess she really needed to read the fine print on that one.
She admits she doesn't hate him and then she falls asleep.
She wakes up later.
He's carrying her inside.
He didn't want her to get sunburned.
He's tucking her into her bed.

(01:19:09):
She's like, can I borrow a t-shirt?
Like I just want to wear something oversized and comfy and you didn't let me bring any
of my clothes.
They decide to eat.
And the body teaches Huxley how to make a grilled cheese because despite growing up middle
class, he doesn't know how to cook for himself.
No, I'm sorry.
No, I know.
I'm not buying that.
I know.
Grilled cheese is not cooking, although I do pretend it is because I make it for my son

(01:19:32):
at least once a week, usually twice.
Yeah.
The next day while she's working in her room, he comes to get her.
It's raining.
He remembered that she wanted a place where she could lay in the rain with no judgment
and takes her up to this small rooftop patio she didn't even know existed in the house.
There isn't anything there except for a teak floor.

(01:19:52):
She lays there and invites him to join her.
They get close, mostly naked, dry humping.
While he admits he wants her to be happy and doesn't want her to feel trapped, they get
off but he doesn't kiss her.
And then they head inside in part ways and she's upset that he's pulling away.
And she's like, oh, I'm starting to have feelings for him and obviously he doesn't have feelings

(01:20:12):
for me.
The next day, she goes breast pump shopping with Ellie because Ellie's invited her to
go breast pump shopping.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Okay.
Waiting for her to arrive.
She's talking to Kelsey on the phone.
She's feeling guilty about lying to Ellie.
And when Kelsey's like, well, just tell her the truth, Lottie's like, but he would lose

(01:20:33):
the deal for sure.
Like, I can't do that.
And then she tells Kelsey about the no kissing thing.
She's like, is he vivying me?
Is he what?
Viviening me.
Like Vivian from Pretty Woman.
No kissing.
Oh my God.
No kissing.
Yeah.
Great movie.
So good.
Although darker than I ever remember it.
Like when I think about it and then I go back and watch it, I was like, oh, it's much darker

(01:20:55):
than I think about when I remember it.
Well, like George Costanza's character.
Trying to rate.
I mean, true asshole.
Yeah.
But also like her friends are like dying and overdosing.
Like they're just like a lot half.
It's a lot darker than I.
Yeah.
Still so good.
Anyways, Ellie arrives at the store and it's as weird as the Lamaze class.

(01:21:18):
There's a wall of different size and shaped breasts, all of which produce liquids so you
can test the different pumps.
I need you to tell me this isn't real.
This is when I needed a breast pump.
No, it's not real.
Are you kidding?
I bought mine in the hospital from the hospital store where they sold exactly one kind of

(01:21:38):
breast pump.
Yeah.
This store has many, many, many kinds and they discuss it and the size of Lottie's nipples
and then Ellie's like, let's just see mine and busts her boobs out.
Okay.
I guess I shouldn't say it doesn't exist.
It might exist.
It doesn't exist in my world.
Yeah.
I also have a pretty hilarious story about breast pumps.
I feel like I have a lot of weird stories on this podcast.

(01:22:01):
But when we got our swim in the hospital, whatever, I had Eli set it up and I was like, it comes
with different sizes, like phalanges, four different size nipples.
So I was like, okay, this is the size you're going to use because I checked for myself and
I was like, this is the one.
It's like, okay.
A week goes by, two weeks go by and I'm like, man, one of these suction is just not working.

(01:22:29):
One of them, great, but after I would have to like switch it and I shouldn't have to
do that.
Like one of the pumps, like the suction just like was not working.
So I emailed the company and I was like, I don't know what's going on.
The left side of the machine just never works.
So I ended up switching the right one and they send me like a whole new set of like,
there's like all these attachment pieces with the phalange and the bottom, whatever.

(01:22:52):
And that's when I realized that Eli had put the wrong size phalange on that side.
So when they say that that's important, it's really, really fucking important.
And now I have a whole second set of everything for no reason.
That's amazing.
If you're using a breast pump, be sure to double check your measurements and make sure

(01:23:14):
you're using the right size.
Excellent.
Good to know.
PSA.
Yeah.
When Huxley finds Lottie at home later saying Dave called and Eli was raving about their
morning and Lottie's like, I touched Ellie's boob and I got sprayed in the face by a tit
on the tit wall.
Like, this was a bad day.

(01:23:36):
And he commiserates and then he gives her a gift of vintage Fleetwood Mac tour T-shirt.
He asks if she has plans today.
He wants to take her somewhere.
He's nervous and she thinks he might be asking her out and despite the weird no kissing thing.
And so she's very Lottie.
She's like, does this mean like a date and he's like, yeah, on a date.
And then he gives her this Fleetwood Mac T-shirt end up being her sleeping shirt.

(01:23:59):
No, he gives her an envelope and inside our concert tickets and she's scored because they're
real tickets.
She thought like he just like done the cute thing of like, and then he was going to put
music on in the backyard.
But no.
And then she realized the mistake he's made.
This show isn't in LA, it's in Portland.

(01:24:21):
And he's like, I know our private jet is fueled up and ready to take us.
She darts off to get ready and then is upset.
She's like, I don't have any of my jeans shorts, which would be perfect with this cool vintage
tee.
And he's like, your clothes are also now in the closet.
Like I got your clothes.
Oh, there we go.
They play hangman on the plane to distract Lottie who's a nervous flyer since she doesn't

(01:24:44):
really done it much.
And she guesses his first word without a single letter pussy.
So they play a little bit of a dirty word hangman.
At the concert, he admits that he likes her.
He knows that this is crossing a line in terms of their agreement, but she's different than
anything he was prepared for.
She tells him that she likes him too and was worried he didn't and maybe thought of her

(01:25:09):
as a plaything.
He's like, why the fuck would you think that?
She's like, because you didn't kiss me when we were intimate and he's like, because I
knew if I did, I wouldn't be able to stop.
And honestly, I wasn't sure you've been wanting me to kiss you.
And she's like, I don't think I've ever wanted something as much as I wanted.
I want you to kiss me.
You've commanded my body, Huxley.
Now I want you to command my mouth.

(01:25:31):
So they kiss, then the concert starts.
They have an amazing time.
What's interesting, there's a note of the concert starts and it just starts and he's like, what?
No opening band.
I was like, I do love that a Betta Fleetwood Mac concert.
They know their audience.
They're not interested in watching somebody else for an hour.
No, just Monday morning immediately.

(01:25:51):
Just such shows that we can.
Yeah.
Yeah.
OK.
On the way home, on the plane, they make use of the plane's bed and get down and it's
very hot.
Join the Mile High Club.
Yeah.
Reconsting in a book you already did.
I know.
Mile.
Miles.
Miles High.
Isn't that what they say about it?
Yeah.

(01:26:11):
Although it should be Miles.
You're right.
I love that Lottie's an FMC with a super dirty mouth.
I feel like in these books, it's usually the MMC that's a dirty talker and in this one,
it's genuinely both of them.
They're both have really, really dirty mouths.
I feel like that's why this is funny.
Yeah.
Like some of the humor is just from that.

(01:26:31):
100%.
They host a little family barbecue with his brothers and her sister and mama and Jeff
and she's like weirdly nervous to meet his brothers now that she's dating her fake fiance.
They have made up for last time and they have fucked in every conceivable spot inside and
outside of the house.
When they sit down, he whispers that her mom is sitting in the exact spot where she came

(01:26:52):
so hard she squirted.
That is so awkward.
I know.
Don't point that out.
The best is, obviously she shared that story with Kelsey because Kelsey looks over and
gets uncomfortable.
For dinner, we find out that Huxley has called the beautification committee who awards people
for their landscaping and Jeff's always wanted to be a part of this neighborhood beautification

(01:27:17):
thing but their house isn't within the designation so he's always been left out.
It's been a thing that he takes a lot of pride in it and the landscaping and works really
hard and they receive this letter complimenting it and it turns out that Huxley made a call
and he doesn't want to take praise for it.
He's like, it's nothing.
It was small and she's just like, you did something out of the goodness of your heart

(01:27:39):
that made someone I love incredibly happy.
It's not a small thing and you did it weeks ago when we were still arguing and hated each
other.
That's cute.
They have another outing with Dave and Ellie who've invited them.
How are they still pretending to be pregnant?
Yeah, they've invited them to a newborn class.
They're both like, it feels really weird continuing to lie to them and she's like, what do you

(01:28:01):
think Dave will do when he finds out and Huxley's like, I don't think he'll go well.
This class is also led by heaven from the crazy Le Mans class.
Oh my God, okay.
And has them all paired with real creepy real life baby dolls like the ones that yeah look
and Huxley and Lottie get the last baby, a literal one-eyed monster named Judith.

(01:28:24):
She's what nightmares are made of.
The minute they switch them on, she starts wailing and then spews a sour milk fluid at
them and they end up getting kicked out of the class, covered in fake baby vomit and
fake baby shit because Lottie swears of the fake baby.
All right, well, if you don't get to be a mom because you do that, I might get my license

(01:28:48):
revoked.
Yeah.
Oh, they wait for Dave and Ellie.
They go to lunch with them.
Dave tells Huxley he's ready to talk about the deal and is setting up time with the assistants
for next week.
And Lottie's like, this means the arrangement's coming to an end.
And she's not sure what that means.
She starts to panic.
Their contract with Kane Enterprises means Lottie's getting paid now.

(01:29:09):
So she opens up Zillow on her phone and starts looking for apartments and Huxley sees it and
is super pissed.
He asks if she's leaving and she's like, I assumed that we would still date, but I
didn't want to impose.
Like, I don't want to assume I'm in your house and he goes, Lottie, trust me when I say you're
not imposing.
I want you in my house, in my room, in my bed.
I want you on my couch holding my hand while watching a show.

(01:29:31):
You forced me to reluctantly binge.
I want you in my pool, skinny dipping, like you enjoy so much.
I want you on my roof, feeling the rain bounce off you during a storm.
I want you at my dining room table, eating dinner next to me, giving me a hard time for
whatever reason you come up with that day.
She jokes that he sounds attached and he's like, I'm very attached to you, Lottie.
I don't know how you did it, but I'm addicted.
You're not going anywhere.

(01:29:52):
So the next day at the office, they had a little morning shower fun where Lottie showed
him that she could get him off in 30 seconds by using a vibrator on his balls.
I mean, yeah.
And then a colleague shows up to meet with Huxley and is like, I guess congratulations
are in order or should I say fake congratulations.

(01:30:14):
This guy's heard from Dave Tony that Huxley is faking an engagement and that he'd been
clueless that it was fake until his fiance, Ellie had told him.
Huxley and his brothers freak out and they think Lottie must have said something to Ellie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
At the house, Lottie's getting dressed up because she's planning on telling Huxley that
she loves him.

(01:30:34):
But he arrives and has a big ball of anger and accuses her of telling Ellie and she's
devastated.
She's a loyal person.
She would never have told someone their secret.
And the fact that he's asking her is insulting.
She storms up to her room, grabs her things, calls Kelsey to come get her.
Huxley starts to soften.
He's like, I heard Ellie told him what was I supposed to think.

(01:30:56):
And she's like, you were supposed to approach me with a problem, not accuse me.
Like, you know what happened with me and Angela who ripped away everything, like ruined me
in a business thing.
The fact that you think I would do anything to jeopardize this business deal for you in
this way.
I might not have liked you at the beginning, but I never would have stooped as low as to
ruin a deal that you were working on.

(01:31:17):
She's like, I was going to tell you my feelings for you tonight.
But instead of doing that, you made accusations tore apart the trust we built and you broke
my heart.
And then she gets in the car and leaves before he can say anything else.
Kelsey commiserates, but is like, I know he has feelings for you.
Like you could see it when you were, he was chasing after you.
Everyone makes mistakes.

(01:31:38):
He must have just freaked out and reacted and Lottie's like, that's the problem.
His gut reaction was to not trust me.
Their relationship was founded on a lie of his and the contracts he wrote to cover them
up.
How was this ever going to have worked?
Like I was an idiot.
The next morning after sleeping on the pillows on the floor that were her bed in Kelsey's
apartment, Lottie wakes up to Huxley at the door.

(01:32:01):
Kelsey, who is unable to handle awkward situations, lets him in and pieces out to the shower.
She's like, he's giving me a puppy dog face.
I don't know how to deal with this, bye.
Good luck.
Yeah.
He's brought her some of her things, which she finds annoyingly thoughtful.
He apologizes profusely.
He was so scared he fucked everything up for his brothers and took those fears out on her

(01:32:22):
instead of leaning on her.
He's got to go into the office to do damage control, but he needed to see her and he begs
her to have dinner with him.
And she nods and he leaves.
Like she can't talk to him, but she sort of agrees.
And at the office, he meets with Dave and comes clean.
Dave admits he didn't think Ellie was right at first.
She clocked it at the first dinner, how stiff they were with each other, but then they went

(01:32:46):
to the LaMaz class and he just kept pushing.
Ellie kept coming up with more and more outrageous things to drag them to.
And Dave's like, I wanted to see how far you'd go.
Just how unethical was Huxley Kane?
He's like, you're the most uptight person I know, but he could see this connection he
had with Lottie and he wanted to see if something would come of it and it has, right?

(01:33:10):
He's like, after the last outing, I'm pretty sure you're in love with her.
And he and Ellie were betting on who would cave first.
Oh, that is really funny.
That is so funny.
So all of these insane things were absolutely 1000% on purpose.
I love that.
So really the people pulling up the snacks was Ellie and Dave.

(01:33:32):
Yeah, 100%.
I love it.
Okay, great.
So nobody actually told the secret, right?
Ellie just clocked it?
Yeah, right away.
And then was like, also she knows like fuck all about Georgia.
Huxley admits it was a really stupid thing to do.
He'd been trying to prove to his brothers that he could get the deal and be relatable
and now not only has he fucked that up, but he's lost Lottie.

(01:33:54):
Dave is shocked, Huxley tells him everything and Dave asks him right now if you had to
choose Lottie or the deal, what would you pick?
And Huxley is like, Lottie, no question.
And Dave's like, okay, well, we have a deal.
Despite everything, he's like watching Huxley grow through all of this and genuinely considers
him a friend.
He needs to go grovel because Ellie would really like to have them all over for a celebratory

(01:34:16):
dinner and actually be friends with them.
Amazing, okay.
Yeah.
And Dave's Huxley tells his brothers the good news and he has an idea how to fix things.
He leaves the office early.
He's got some work to do before tonight.
In the car on the way over, Lottie's talking to Kelsey and she's really uncertain if she's
doing the right thing.
Kelsey's like, hear him out.
That's what you do when you love someone.

(01:34:37):
You're open to forgiveness.
Just like Kelsey forgave her not that long ago when Lottie ran her mouth off without
thinking.
She's a mess, couldn't stop crying long enough to put makeup on, sort of like me.
Except not crying for the same reasons.
You did put makeup on.
Yeah.
And Kelsey tells her, be a mess in front of him.

(01:34:58):
You have this beautiful heart.
It's okay to share it.
She pulls up.
He offers her his hand to help her out and she's not ready for physical contact.
They go to the dining room where he's set up.
He says he knows he fucked up and they need to go back to the beginning.
He pulls up their original contract, walks over and drops it in a paper shredder.
They need to start fresh.
And she panics and is weirdly upset that he's destroying the thing that brought them together

(01:35:22):
and also has a moment of like, does this mean I have to pay my student loans back?
That's where my head went first.
I was like, oh my God, he's shredding the only legal document.
And she freaks out and just goes to leave.
And he pins her against the wall and she's like, I don't want to hear it.
He's like, if you didn't want to be here, you would never have gotten in the car.
I know you, Lottie.

(01:35:43):
I know you love me.
She denies it.
He presses harder.
He's like, you're fucking lie to me.
You don't lose feelings like that overnight.
Now is that how you want to have this conversation with me possessing you?
Because I'd rather be civil with you and not revert to our old ways of communication.
But if I need to, I'll hold you here all night until you listen.
So like literally pinning her against the same wall where he finger banged her the first
time.

(01:36:05):
He tells her that he loves her and presents her with their new contract, one that he
has hastily written up himself with some questionable legal language.
And it includes one.
For careful thought and consideration, Lottie agrees to forgive Huxley for being a massive
ass.
Okay.
Two, after a solid makeup session that will include whatever Lottie wants, Lottie will

(01:36:28):
be required to permanently move in with Huxley and into his bedroom where he's already made
space for her clothes.
She clarifies, is this her clothes or the personal items he picked out?
He's like, whatever you want.
She's like, I'd like a mixture of both.
Is there like an option that like if they break up, she is no longer required to live
there?
They don't get into that.

(01:36:49):
I feel like that's really important.
It is.
Number three, Lottie will drop all previous roles of fake fiance and fake pregnant woman.
Huxley realizes what a bad idea this was and has already cleared the air with Dave and
wants Lottie to live her best life free of any fake premises.
Okay.
Number four, even with the previous contract being destroyed, Huxley is still indebted

(01:37:13):
to Lottie and therefore will attend any social events to help stick it to her old boss.
But this time prefers to act as her real fiance.
He rushes straight past that without giving her a chance to respond.
Oh, okay.
Five, Lottie realizes Huxley was a shell of a man without her and he needs her in his
life as a permanent fixture.
Six, Lottie will follow Huxley to the rooftop.

(01:37:35):
On the roof, he set up lounge chairs with rose petals and fake candles, pulls out a
ring box and presents her with a more antique style, edgier, much more Lottie style engagement
ring and asks her to accept the contract and be his wife.
And when she says yes, he jokes that she snagged herself a rich husband after all and she's

(01:37:56):
like, I think it was the braids.
It was definitely the braids.
I like that.
We get an epilogue where they go to the reunion, which is being held per the book at the Beverly
Hillshire Hotel.
And he's like, it's ironic given the pretty woman vibes their early relationship.
That hotel is called the Beverly Wilshire.

(01:38:18):
I don't know if this is a legal thing where they couldn't say it in the book.
It's probably a legal thing.
And I know I'm focusing on the wrong details, but it bumps me every time.
I was like, that's not the name of it.
I love that you know the real name now or did you Google it?
No, I know.
I've been there.
It's fine.
I've been there.

(01:38:40):
And they see Angela, who's there with her new boyfriend, who can't seem to keep his
eyes off other women's asses.
Hang on, not Lottie's ex-boyfriend?
No.
She says he was boring, but obviously he left her.
And when they tell her they're going to do a little destination wedding in Tulum, she's
like, great, when should I get my ticket?

(01:39:01):
And Lottie's like, no, we're good getting married without you.
And so sorry to hear that you lost two of your major sponsors.
I know how hard I always had to work to keep those accounts happy, but it's okay at least
you're saving money with mediocre employees.
Yes, girl.
And then they decide to ditch the reunion and fly to Portland for a burger.

(01:39:23):
Same thing.
As you do.
Yeah, that's what I did after my tenure reunion.
Yeah.
And that is the end of a not so meek cute.
I'm definitely going to read that book.
That was hysterical.
How long were they together before he actually proposed?
Not long.
Like we're talking a couple of weeks.
Like the whole thing takes place in like, I think two and a half weeks, maybe three

(01:39:47):
weeks.
It's very short.
That is insane.
I could have lived without that, I think.
Like where they just end the book with them just like in a relationship and like happily
in a relationship.
Yeah.
But at this point, they were already fake engaged, so they may as well just like go
all the way.
That's not how that works.

(01:40:07):
I know.
Just because you're fake engaged.
Like yeah, we've fake been in a relationship for 15 years.
You haven't.
You don't know anything about each other.
I know.
It's true, but most fake marriages end up with them staying real married.
So it feels book accurate.
And how many fake marriages do you know in real life?

(01:40:29):
That's why I'm saying I don't know any.
Obviously, I meant in books.
Okay, but like that's also weird.
Yeah.
It's funny.
I was about to say I like my books to be more realistic.
No, we know the kind of books you like.
No, you don't.
I really don't want them to be more realistic.
No.

(01:40:50):
So the next book is JP, the middle brother and Kelsey.
Oh, this happens a lot.
Yeah.
And it's called Not So Meant To Be.
Okay.
And then the last, the third book is Breaker.
But it's his like long time best friend.

(01:41:11):
So it's like a friends to lovers.
Cute.
Yeah.
It's very cute.
It's just they're really funny.
Is her writing style always funny?
Yeah.
Like should I get into her stuff more?
Because that was a fucking holler and a half.
I mean, her more like her more reason to honestly like she has a hockey series called
the Vancouver agitators.

(01:41:32):
Oh, I know that series.
And it comes up all the time.
Yeah.
That's Megan Quinn.
Oh, okay.
In the first one, this like girl is taking a trip in the Rockies to like go on a quest
basically for her dead mom and her car gets stuck in the mud and she stumbles on a cabin
full of professional hockey players and they have to convince each other that they're not

(01:41:54):
murderers.
I love that.
What?
Yeah.
Okay.
No, it's great.
Like all of them, there's a there's a fake dating one like an age gap one.
Oh my God.
It's yeah, it's so good.
Vancouver agitators.
Okay.
I this is all over.
Yeah.
Also, how weird is it that we lived through the one day TikTok ban?

(01:42:15):
And we didn't really because we're in Canada.
So I know.
Like the day before it got banned, like everyone on my TikTok scroll, whatever you call that
algorithm was like doing their goodbyes and like they were really sad.
It was so somber.
There's one guy that I follow named Rod and he just does like millennial, millennial like
music throwbacks and like he's really, really funny.

(01:42:39):
And his, his goodbye was just him like basically like kind of staring at the camera as vitamin
C's graduation song played like as we do.
Dude, that, that is a missed opportunity.
Because he should have played closing time.
Okay.
But hang on.
Then he said, he said, his caption was like, all right millennials, here we go again.

(01:43:01):
Let's do it upright.
Use my comment section like a, like a yearbook and like say your goodbyes and the comments
were so fucking funny because everyone was like, I'm going to miss you.
Have an awesome summer.
Like can't wait to see you again in September.
Like, you know, I was like, man, such good times in Miss Miller's English class.

(01:43:21):
Like hopefully we get to jam again soon.
Like it was so good.
That's amazing.
Like everyone really like bought into it.
So it was good.
Closing time is.
I saw one.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Uh, this comedian who's like, he's like a teacher and he's gay and he's like, I need
to let you in on my secret now that this app is closing.

(01:43:42):
Like I've been straight the whole time bitches.
Well, that's cause all the influencers were like coming clean.
Did you see this?
Yeah.
But none of them were they really coming?
I don't know.
I thought they were all jokes.
I hope I think like one or two of them were real and then all the other ones started doing
them as jokes.
Okay.
But like I don't, I don't follow enough or even really pay attention enough to tick

(01:44:02):
talk famous people.
So I don't know which ones were like the fake ones, but apparently there was some like,
there was some, some influencer that had like a get ready with me routine or something.
It was like 16 steps or something.
And she is one of the ones that came clean first and hers was like real.
She was like, yeah, I don't, I don't do any of this stuff.
It's all fake.
And people were legitimately pissed.

(01:44:24):
And I'm like, guys, like I can barely find time to wash my face.
Like, like, and I mean that genuinely, I don't wash my face every day.
I do a phone, I'm wearing makeup, but as, as you can tell, I don't wear makeup every
day.
Um, so yeah, like whoever thought these people were like really doing this like 15 step face

(01:44:47):
routine every single day, that's crazy.
But then there was apparently there's like an ice influencer.
Have you heard of this?
This girl just like bought like a bunch of different silicone shapes, like ice molds
and makes a bunch of ice and puts them in her freezer in like cool containers and everyone
loves her.

(01:45:08):
And she like came, I quote unquote came clean and was like, I don't like ice.
Like, like I like my water room temperature.
Oh my God, that has to be a joke.
I think that was a joke.
But her entire Instagram page, I had her story, TikTok page was like, she makes ice.
That's so funny.
My favorite reaction to it coming back was Tessa Bailey was like, I now fully understand

(01:45:32):
what you guys say when you say third act breakups are messy and unnecessary.
Let's not do this again.
Thank you.
Thank you, Tessa Bailey.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was wild.
That was the weirdest 24 hours.
So weird.
It was a very weird 24 hours.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I guess we're going here now.
I also like wasn't going to be pissed about getting more Canadian content.

(01:45:55):
I was kind of excited about it.
And then I didn't even go on it in the 24 hours that Americans weren't allowed to use
it.
So missed my opportunity there.
I just kept seeing Instagrams of people showing us the screen capture of TikTok not being
available.
Oh yeah.
So many.
I mean, at midnight or something and some people were getting it at like 8 30 PM like

(01:46:16):
the day before.
They were so mad.
I was like, I was like, yeah, they jipped you like four hours.
That sucks.
It came back the next day.
Like it's not a big deal, but wild.
We're living in the wild times.
We are.
We are living in the wild times.
All right.
Do you have a preview for us next week?

(01:46:37):
Yes.
All right, Alexis.
Close your eyes and picture it.
You are a successful young author and you're starting to settle into your grandmother's
sprawling gothic mansion that she left to you when your world starts taking a very weird
and dark turn.
Someone keeps breaking into your mansion and leaving you roses.

(01:46:58):
But in the words of Glinda, is he a good stalker or a bad stalker?
On the one hand, he helps you try to figure out the details of your grandmother's murder.
But on the other hand, well, let's just say he's a bad guy.
We're blurring just about all the lines with this one.
Make sure you're buckled in.
It's going to be a bumpy ride.

(01:47:19):
Oh my God, I'm really excited.
I'm going back to my roots.
We're doing a dark romance.
I'm real excited about it.
I'm real excited about it.
That's all I can say.
So tune in next week as we dive deeper into our TBR list.
From a collection of dildos to a fake pregnancy, it'll always be served.

(01:47:40):
Smuddy side up.
This week I read A Not So Meat Cute by Megan Quinn, published by Bloom Books, copyright
2021 Megan Quinn.
The audiobook is produced by Audibly Addicted Productions and is narrated by Ava Erickson
and Aaron Shedlock.
And as always, special thanks to Wayne Davis for the hot plot spot intro.