Deranged Anonymous Confessions

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey, what's up guys, and welcomeback to another anonymous
confessions video. And today we're getting into
some deranged anonymous confessions.
These are all confessions sent in by you guys, and if you'd
like to see your confession in afuture video or something you
want to get off your chest, sendit to this e-mail on screen now
and comment down below if you'd like to see more videos like
this in the future. They're interesting to read,

(00:21):
interesting to record, and you guys seem to find them
interesting as well. So I'm going to keep making them
as long as you guys want them. So comment down below.
Let me know if you would like tosee more in the future.
And please like and subscribe tothe channel.
It helps more than you know. And all right, without further
ado, let's get into some deranged anonymous confessions.
I faked cancer. Hello, Snook.

(00:43):
I'm a passive viewer and watch one of your confession videos.
I don't expect you to add these to your videos, but I really
need to get these off of my chest.
I'll be sending you 3 confessions.
Apologies for flooding your inbox.
All of which are horrible and unforgivable, but I feel like I
feel a little better if I sharedthem, even if they just sit in

(01:05):
your inbox. My first confession is that I
faked cancer. When I was 18 to 20 years old.
I faked having cancer. I can't remember what kind, but
I did it to avoid facing the consequences of skipping classes
when I was in college. To explain further, I was deeply
depressed in college to the point where I never left my room

(01:27):
other than to grab food or attend class when there was a
presentation. I even went as far as finding a
website that provided fake doctor's notes for you if you
paid a fee, which I stupidly did.
I also need you to know that I was going through a hypomanic
state which to explain my state during that time to better
understand how hypomania looked like for me was it felt like 1/2

(01:50):
dream state. Everything I did was technically
under my control but it wasn't coming from a rational place.
I wasn't hallucinating or hearing voices, but I was
emotionally erratic, spending money I didn't have, chasing
dopamine like it owed me something, and of course faking
a horrible disease. It was a horrible time and I

(02:11):
made horrible decisions. I convinced pretty much everyone
I had cancer because they had noreal reason not to believe me.
I even SH myself to make it looklike I had a surgery scar.
I never asked for money or sought support from charities.
So while what I did was horribleand fucking detestable, I didn't

(02:31):
technically commit any crimes. I'm 28 now, fully lucid and in
control of my actions. I regret the hell out of what I
did and pledged to never lie again, though it is something I
still struggle with. I lied a lot as a child to
protect myself from a horribly abusive situation.
I was physically, spiritually, mentally essayed as a child.

(02:52):
In line was a survival tactic. My mom was actually diagnosed
with breast cancer in late 2022 and unfortunately the cancer has
spread to her lymphatic system. It's not looking good but seeing
my family see my mother going through cancer and knowing I
lied about having it myself makes me so angry at myself.
I'm aware I was in a horrible mental state but still I will

(03:15):
live with that guilt every day. I did have a therapist but
unfortunately passed away from cancer but I'm finding another
to further help my mental health.
I'm still in a bad spot, but I'mmuch more mentally sound and
fully acknowledged that despite my horrible mental state when I
was younger, it is no excuse to fake having such a horrible
disease that affects so many people today, including people I

(03:38):
love very much. And for those wondering if I
ever confessed to faking the cancer, no I have not and I
don't think I ever will. I catfished people.
Hello Snook, this is the second confession I'm sending you.
Again, sorry for flooding your inbox.
This one is about how I catfished numerous people from

(03:59):
the ages of 13 to I think 20 something.
I think my early 20s is when I finally grew a brain and stop
being an absolute scumbag. Not that me stopping absolves me
from my detestable actions. To provide some much needed
context before I tell you more about my terrible actions, I'm a
survivor of horrible abuse. From the ages of 6 to 14 I was

(04:22):
abused in every way someone can be.
I was raised in a very religioushousehold and my abuser
discovered quite early on that Iwas exhibiting behavior of a gay
person. Basically I liked people of the
same gender. I'm non binary but was born a
female. Let's call my abuser Trey Mane
since they were almost exactly like the evil stepmother from

(04:44):
Cinderella but on steroids. Anyway, Trey Mane was a devout
Christian and basically raised me in a conversion camp.
I wasn't allowed to attend sex Ed.
I was accused of trying to be S word inappropriate with my own
family members. Trey Mane treated me as a S word
rival with my own father. It was 50 Shades of fucked up.

(05:05):
I wasn't allowed to use the Internet because Trey main
accused me of being a raging P word addict and I thought I'd
look up inappropriate videos while online.
Man, I could go on and on and onbut basically I had horrible
self esteem issues, extreme bodydysmorphia and I developed an Ed
later on in my life which I still suffer from at the ripe
old age of 28. And I hated who I was, what I

(05:28):
was. Being gay was a sin, therefore I
was a monster and deserved to burn in hell.
So to cope with these terrible thoughts and feelings, I
pretended to be other people. I catfished my fellow
classmates, created untold amounts of drama.
I was eventually found out. I mean I wasn't being smart
about it, but I ended up escaping from my abusive living
situation and living with my other parent.

(05:50):
Tremaine was my step parent and their partner at the time.
I continued catfishing people there and I told people I had an
older brother and pretended to be him.
I even dated one of my own friends.
I managed to keep up that lie until I was in the 10th grade.
Along the way, I pretended to beso many different people.
To me, it was nice for being someone else than myself.

(06:12):
I could be anyone I wanted to be, do whatever I wanted to do,
date whoever I wanted to. But the older I got and the more
I healed from my trauma, the more I realized how horrible
catfishing was. How it destroyed lives and made
people so distrustful. I thought back to all the
people's lives I had potentiallydestroyed, all the trauma I had

(06:33):
caused for my sins. Finally, I stopped catfishing
people. I told my best friend about my
catfishing tendencies, and unfortunately, I don't regret
what I did. That's something I'm actively
working to address. And if I ever meet one of the
people I harmed in person, I will go up to them and
apologize. I don't expect to be forgiven.

(06:53):
Hell, I don't deserve it. If you end up putting this in a
video Snook, I want people to know that I got my due
diligence. I was catfished for two years by
someone and I got a nice dose ofreality.
My best friend even roast my assfor my past mistakes and fully
tells me I got what I deserved with getting myself catfished.
And for anyone wondering, I'm ina much better place now.

(07:16):
I'm 28 years old, non binary anda raging pansexual and damn
proud of who I am. But for anyone who is currently
or is thinking of catfishing, people don't.
Just don't. I was lucky where the people I
affected never committed self deletion, but that is something
that can and will happen if you fuck with people's lives like

(07:37):
that. People aren't playthings.
They aren't there to help you, make you feel better about
yourself. You will regret it later in
life, and if God forbid, someonecommits self deletion as a
result of your horrible actions,it will destroy you from the
inside out. And to be frank, I hope it does.
I may not regret from my past actions, but as I said before,

(08:00):
I'm actively working to make sure I feel guilt.
That I feel horrible for the lives I toyed with carelessly
and cruelly, all because I had such a low opinion of myself.
Don't catfish. It can and will ruin lives.
I was a horrible sibling. Hello Snook.
This is my third and final confession and the 1 I feel the

(08:22):
most guilt for. Once this message sends, I'm
deleting this e-mail. But as a child I was horribly
abused. I spoke about the abuse in a
past confessional e-mail, but tosum it up, from the ages of 6 to
14 I was physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and
essayed by stepparent. Now that stepparent will call

(08:43):
Treyman and my bio parent had two children together, my half
sibling. My first sibling was born when I
was 6, which is when the abuse started.
My second sibling was born when I was 7.
I was a horrible sibling to them.
I put them through the same abuse I went through.
I won't go into any detail because A I'm ashamed and B.

(09:03):
It's not my story to tell. I treated these two so terribly
from the moment they were brought into the world and up
until I moved out. To provide some context so I can
give you a better idea, my grandfather was a diagnosed
psychopath. Manipulative, abusive,
unfeeling, textbook psycho. My mother exhibited the same

(09:24):
symptoms as her father. Manipulative, abusive.
She had emotions, but they weren't, I don't know, as strong
as a normal person's emotions would be.
According to my grandma, my mother was super happy when she
was pregnant with me, which leads me to believe she had an
imbalance of some kind. Anyway, I was apparently a happy

(09:44):
baby, but as I got older I was cruel.
I seem to feel joy whenever I harm my cousins or cause them to
stress, I would lie through my teeth and overall I was just a
problematic child who desperately needed psychological
help and in horrible abuse from a stepparent.
And I was pretty much a feral human when I finally escaped
from my abusive home. Now for those of you who don't

(10:07):
know, it's common for children experiencing abuse to lash out
to those weaker than them, whichunfortunately were my siblings.
My biological parent has told metime and time again that they
both suffer from PTSD. I'm willing to bet that they
have CPTSD from the shit I put them through nightmares and have
a hard time recovering from the terror I instilled upon them.

(10:30):
As a result, I have pulled away from the family.
I refuse to force my way back into their lives unless they are
ready for it. I've gone to therapy.
Unfortunately, my therapist passed away a couple of months
ago and during my sessions my therapist has told me that while
my actions aren't excused what Idid because of my abuse and
undiagnosed mental illnesses, I have ADHD, borderline

(10:50):
personality disorder, anxiety, depression, hyper arousal which
is like paranoia but not a strong.
I can never undo what I did to my siblings.
Never. But what I can do is give them
the space and time they need to heal.
If they want me back in their lives, fantastic.
We'll do that on their own termsand at their own pace.

(11:11):
But if they never want to see meagain, I completely understand
and I will never try to force myway back into their lives in a
fucked up way. I know what they're going
through, the nightmares, the triggers, the dread of
potentially having to see that person again.
But unlike my abusers, I refuse to disrupt their healing
journey. I will do what I can to help
them heal, but other than that, I will stay out of their lives

(11:34):
unless they say differently. Anyway, those are my 3
confessions. If you do end up reading them in
a video, I hope my confessions maybe help people in some weird
way, or maybe they encourage others to send in their
confessions or even take accountability for their past
sins, something I still need to do myself.
Either way, thanks for providinga platform for people to take

(11:55):
some load off. Stay awesome Snook.
My brother killed my dog. Hi Snook, it's really nice to
connect with you. Before I get into anything else,
I wanted to genuinely ask how you're doing.
I know your confession series centers on heavy and emotional
confessions in hearing those kinds of things consistently can

(12:16):
take a toll on your mental health.
I hope you're taking care of yourself, resting, talking to
people when you need to, and remember to eat and stay
hydrated. Your fans truly care.
It would be sad knowing you're not at your best.
And don't worry, I'm doing great.
I paced myself with these videos, but I feel like I'm
doing a good deed letting you guys get, you know, some things
off your chest and helping people watching to realize

(12:37):
they're not alone. I see it as a net positive, not
a net negative. A lot of the true crime can
definitely take a toll, but thisI feel like is kind of providing
a sort of therapy for a lot of you guys out there.
So maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong.
Comment down below if those feelings I have are justified or
I'm kind of imagining those things.
But from the comments I've read and the emails I've gotten, it

(12:59):
seems like a net positive and that means a lot to have kind of
that positive influence people'slives.
And yeah, you guys are the best.And let's get into your
confession. Anyway, on to the reason I'm
messaging you. This is my confession and it's a
long 1 so thank you in advance for reading.

(13:19):
Also, I've made sure it fits with YouTube's guidelines and
I've cut it in half with less detail than I'd like.
So I apologize if something sound rushed slash confusing who
I am. I'm a 23 year old female and
I've been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder,
which many only know by its stigma heavy labels like
psychopathy or sociopathy. People often assume that means

(13:43):
I'm violent or lack humanity. That's false.
Having ASPD just means I processemotions like guilt, sadness,
and happiness differently. I don't feel remorse
instinctively, but I show what'scalled cognitive remorse.
If I hurt someone, I apologize, reflect, and try to do better.
It's logical, not emotional, butit's still genuine in my own

(14:06):
way. I've never hurt someone over
fun. I don't enjoy cruelty.
I'm not Hollywood's idea of a psychopath.
I'm just me, and I try every dayto be a good person, just like
everybody else. My confession.
This is the story of how I believe my brother caused the
death of my dog, and how no one in my family will admit it.

(14:30):
It started with a rough childhood.
Like many people with personality disorders face, I
was the black sheep, rebellious,misunderstood.
My younger brother, three years younger than me, was quieter,
chaotic, and reactive. As kids, we fought, I teased, he
retaliated by destroying my stuff.
It escalated until I stopped antagonizing him altogether, but

(14:51):
he never really stopped trying to get back at me.
In 2019 we got a dog and he immediately attached to me.
He was quiet, gentle, didn't bark, didn't cause trouble.
He was a really good dog and he just wanted to be on my side.
We were soul mates. It was the first time I had that
connection to a living being. Everyone agreed he wasn't a

(15:13):
family dog, he was mine. And that's when the jealousy
started, especially from my younger brother.
He got rough with the dog sometimes.
I caught him a few times and stopped it, but I often worried
about what happened when I wasn't there.
Fast forward to a chaotic divorce.
My parents fought constantly, myolder brother shut down, my
little sister who has disabilities needed help.

(15:36):
My younger brother was out of control.
Drinking, drugs, girls outburstsof anger and I, the one with the
emotionless diagnosis, was the one keeping it all together.
Kept everyone at sane as possible.
One night I asked my mom to talkto my younger brother after he
posted a video of himself drunk driving with terrified exchange
students in the car yelling for help.

(15:57):
She did, and he took it down, but then screamed at me for 20
minutes, told me to die and he'dmake me pay.
That same night, he came downstairs with these energy I
can only describe as ominous or evil.
I watched in my peripherals as he oddly went straight to the
kitchen knives. My dog, who never barked,
growled and placed themselves between me and my brother from

(16:21):
the moment he took his first step into view of him.
That's when I knew something wasseriously wrong.
My mother rushed down, confused about the dog's behavior,
ultimately caused my brother to snap out of his state.
I noticed he glared at my dog and ran upstairs.
That was the day he probably sethis sights on something less
criminal and more out of revengedue to plans of being spoiled.

(16:44):
The night my dog died a couple weeks later, my brother and I
got into a small fight because he'd stolen parts for my PCI,
left it alone, and went to work out upstairs in my room with
headphones in. My sister was put to sleep, my
mother on the phone with men, myolder brother in his room
downstairs playing league, my younger brother in his room next

(17:04):
to mine. Mid workout I heard running
footsteps in my brother's room slam shut and lock.
That was at 11:15 PM. At 11:45 PMI went to get water
and to put my dog in his kennel,locked doors and doggy doors
when I saw what I thought was a coat on the floor.
When I looked closer I realized it was dog like.

(17:25):
I called my dog's name. No answer.
I quickly turned the light on tosee my dog with a bag over his
head. He had suffocated and in that
moment I knew I couldn't resuscitate him.
He was gone and what lay there was no longer my best friend.
I ran upstairs screaming. My mom came down crying.
My older brother held our dog's body alongside my mother.

(17:47):
I watched as something pegged meas odd as I initially grabbed my
mother. I looked up to see my younger
brother peeking through his door.
When he saw me he quickly shut it and locked it.
The look in his eye angry and seemed to say it was your fault.
My older brother went up to the stairs a while.
After holding him for a while I heard him yelling coming from my

(18:08):
younger brother. I already know he suffocated.
Then came the slam into the door.
When we asked him the second time the following morning to
come say goodbye, he angrily refused.
Over the next month he wouldn't talk to me.
Every time the dog was brought up questioning how on earth our
dog died, he would get angry, explode in rage and run out of
the room. He had tells twitches mannerisms

(18:32):
when he lied and they were all there every time the dog was
mentioned. One night he came into my room
crying and said he was sorry. I tried to console him.
I asked if it was about the divorce.
No, he replied. Then the dog.
He looked up, terrified, guilt ridden, and ran out.
One year later, I moved out for a while, then back in with my

(18:53):
mom. She asked me to set up a
memorial shrine for the dog withhis ashes.
I did, coming home later that day.
It was gone. All the photos, memorabilia and
earn missing. My little sister, who can't lie,
she's severely disabled, told memy brother touched it all.
I confronted him calmly. He exploded at me, insisting

(19:15):
again that he didn't hurt the dog, that he didn't kill the
dog, and that I always blame him.
I never said anything about hurting the dog, I simply asked
where his ashes were and if he moved them, but he kept
repeating it wasn't my fault. Eventually the I found the ashes
shoved in the farthest cupboard in the house.
Ashes spilled everywhere, picture frames broken.

(19:35):
I knew it was him. My mother went to ask me why he
did such things and he yelled hedisgusts me.
She deserves it. She ruined my life.
I don't want anything to do withthat dog.
I don't even want to see pictures, see his ashes, or
anything to do with that stupid dog.
I hadn't hurt him, it's all her fault.
As he went on rambling about howit ruined his life and exposed

(19:56):
it addictions, he started crying.
My mom let him be and told me itwas best to move out.
I moved out of state, wanting toleave the burden I took on as my
older sibling and thinking I wasthe only one strong enough to
hold people together. I realized that I had dreams and
I was the one pushing them to the side.
About two years after his untimely departure, I received

(20:18):
the text. As I now have a new phone and
this text no longer exists, I will try to tell you the key
points in this message. I'm sorry that your horrible
sister. Let's make mom proud.
You're the one who ruined my life.
You're going to hell, but I still love you.
I'm going to hell, but so are you.
But I still love you because you're my blood and I have to.

(20:41):
I hate you but I love you and I've done nothing wrong.
Let's stop fighting and forgive each other for mom's sake.
As confused as all. Get out.
I responded by saying womp womp.I love you.
I'm sorry you're hurting my my past actions.
But what you did, as much as I'dlove you to, I cannot just
forgive and forget. You've yet to apologize and I do
not have time for your mean comments.

(21:03):
I then decided to leave him withthe message.
I know what you did. I was blocked immediately after
I called my mother to check on him and she called me back
saying he was sitting on his bedhead in his hands crying.
After that night he's looked at me with a softer I'm sorry I'll
do anything to make it up to you.
Look in his eyes. We don't talk.
I'm still blocked and I'm happy to move on.

(21:24):
I miss my dog and as much I would go back in time to fix
everything, I wouldn't. I'd only fix the way he died.
He deserved a better peaceful way.
His death meant my mom could find a new house, I was able to
move out on my own, and overall made it where he could have
focused while the divorce got messier and housing situations
got worse. To this day I'm glad he wasn't

(21:46):
around for all that. Why I'm telling you this, I've
never shared this, not even withmy mother.
People with ASPD are told we can't feel anything.
No one believes someone like me when I say I love that dog, that
I still love that dog. I do.
I wish I remembered telling him I loved him but I don't and I
regret that that day. I think my brother out of

(22:09):
jealousy, anger or spite took him from me and no one will
admit it, no one will punish him.
The world just moved on. But I didn't and I can't.
This is the only way I know to speak and it into reality and as
much as I'd like to cry, I cannot.
My emotions feel trapped deep inside of me and it's very

(22:31):
lonely. So thank you for reading, it
means more than I can explain. I'm sorry for the heaviness this
might bring you and the viewers,but I'd love to hear what
everyone else has to say about this and what you snook.
Thanks as well with love your misunderstood psychopath PSI
have more crazy stories. I will be sending them in in the

(22:54):
near future. Hey thank you so much for
sharing this and in all honesty I don't think I have a ton to
add. I think you really did a good
way of wrapping this all up. He didn't really leave it, you
know, open-ended. But hopefully you and your
brother can repair your guy's relationship.
I'm sure they'll be hard. I don't know if you even want
to. I assume he doesn't want to

(23:16):
since he still has you blocked. But for your mom's sake, for
your sake, for your brother's sake, for your family's sake, I
think it's better if you not forgive and forget because he
even said that's not the bright move.
I just think you, I don't know, maybe you guys can maybe get to
recognize it. I don't know.
I'm sure he won't ever admit to killing your dog, which is

(23:37):
horrible. I'm sorry to go through that
scary, traumatic and hopefully you can move forward.
Like I said, I didn't really have a ton to add but you asked
for my opinion and I'm curious what the viewers.
So everyone watching, what do you think about this confession
or story down below? Please leave some feedback as
I'm sure it will help her a lot and thank you so much for

(24:00):
sending it in. I appreciate the honesty and
just being open on to the next one.
Hey Snook, first I'm sure you read this more than enough but
thank you for creating this space for us to share.
It means a lot. I'm becoming an alcoholic and
I'm well aware of it and I don'twant to stop.
I've been 21 for two months now and I have a drink every day on

(24:24):
the hour drive to work and the hour drive back from work.
Sometimes I keep a drink or two in my car for lunch.
I don't know why I have no urge to pull myself out of this.
I think that I secretly want it.All my life I've been around
drinkers. Both of my parents have been
functional Alcoholics since I was born.
Most of my childhood memories are coming out to the local

(24:45):
gastropubs and watching my parents drink for hours on end.
It's just normal to me that whenyou get home from work that the
first thing you do is crack opena Gold 1.
I've been listening to and writing folk punk music for the
better half of a decade now and most of my songs are about
drinking. The good days in high school
where you go into Walmart and just confidently walk out the
front doors with a handle Tito'sand a 30 pack of Miller High

(25:07):
Lifes. Going to sleep with a good buzz
and getting a good night's rest.A fun night out with the boys
full of vodka bowls and freakingbumps throughout the night.
Drinking just makes me happy, feels nostalgic and it takes
away my pre-existing downright crippling anxiety.
I know what I have to lose, but I'm so overly confident that
I'll be able to hold it together, that I won't lose it.

(25:29):
At the same time, rationally aware that the same time down
the road 1 slip up means living in my O2 Honda.
I just got home from work and had three beers on the drive
home and I had a -, 196 C when Iwalked in the door.
I weigh less than £120 to put itin perspective on how those
affected me. I don't know what I plan on
getting out of riding this, but it was the only thing I felt

(25:51):
comfortable writing about. Thanks for reading this, Nook.
Keep doing what you're doing, brother.
It's really honorable and I havea good day.
This message was sent by Slime Man.
And hey man, I know you didn't ask for any sort of feedback on
this, but I think you kind of opened up a little bit right
there on when he said you had a crippling anxiety.
I think that is maybe where a lot of this stems from and this

(26:14):
is not sustainable. I've had plenty of people who
have drinking problems right into me and they more often than
not have an anxiety or depression problem and the
drinking masks that. So I think the best thing you
need to do is talk to somebody. I don't usually advocate for

(26:34):
medication immediately, but you know, maybe some anxiety
medication could help you out greatly because that is a lot
better than drinking and driving, which you just admitted
to doing. That is not good drinking on the
job. Please stop.
This is just going to go down. This is going to go down a road
that is not going to have a goodend.

(26:55):
I recommend stopping while, you know now before it gets even
worse, which this could easily spiral into.
I really think you should talk to somebody about your anxiety.
I think that might be a big stemof it.
I'm not saying don't drink. I'm just saying, you know, keep
it under control. But drinking all day every day

(27:16):
when he just turned 21 is not healthy.
You know, drink maybe maybe juston the weekends or just on
Fridays, you know, or take it a day at a time.
That's what I usually tell people.
Take it a day at a time. Just say today, I'm not going to
drink. And that's how you, so you don't
need to be like, oh, I'm going to stop drinking all week or
whatever. Just take it a day at a time and

(27:40):
you might have some slip UPS, but try to focus on getting
better. I really think you need to stop
now before it gets into something really bad and I think
a lot of people watching this will agree with me but yeah this
could really go down a bad Rd. so I really really hope you can
get a stop to this and stop thisdestructive behavior.

(28:02):
I wish you the best man and get healthy.
Hi Snook, I just finished your latest video and thought why not
share a confession whether this makes it into a video or not.
Thank you for reading and allowing me to get this off my
chest. About two months ago I had my
first edible. I'm not an active weed user and

(28:23):
only wanted to try an edible because I cannot smoke and I was
told the ones I bought were light on the weed slash, good
for beginners. A whole week went by and only
felt like 2 days. I could barely get out of bed,
every conversation with anyone didn't feel real.
I watched hours pass and could only panic knowing times going
by and way too fast. I've never wished for anything
as much as I've wished I'd wake up and feel better.

(28:44):
I was so sure this would foreverbe my life that my brain was
deteriorating and I'll never go back to normal.
I cut my hand during this time and I didn't feel a thing for
four to seven days. I felt nothing physically except
for the excruciating pain I feltin my head.
I live with my parents still andthey would not be happy with me
if they knew what I took. I had to lie through my high

(29:05):
that I was sick and very very out of it.
I'm shocked they believe me to this day.
Some things that seem off make me worry that things aren't
real. It had caused dissociation and
anxiety. No one I knew understood or knew
the true hell I was going through and it brings me a lot
of anxiety even thinking about weed.
I'm sure there are people who think I'm weak for not being
able to handle it, but that was genuinely the worst experience

(29:27):
of my life and I never want to go back.
Tend this off on a good note andwith the moral of the story.
Don't ever let people convince you drugs are cool.
Stay safe, don't do things that can have negative effects on
you. I can say that after this I will
only live out my life sober. I never want to experience the
hell again and I hope my story can help people make good

(29:49):
choices for their life. Thank you for reading.
Hey Snook, I wanted to start offby saying thank you.
Don't forget to make time for yourself.
Reading so many confessions withso many sad endings can be hard
on a person. Please take care of yourself and
don't push yourself too hard. This story is one I've told a
select few people but none of myfamily knows.

(30:11):
It's a sad one with a very happyending.
Back in 2017 through 2018, I went through some really bad
stuff. I'm not going to talk about it.
The details aren't necessary forthe story.
Besides, I haven't processed allof it quite yet.
I was only 12 and scared of everything.
Unfortunately our fuse therapy and started to spiral.

(30:31):
I was going through a depressiveepisode by a bowler. 2 is an
awful thing. It was traveling down the
darkest paths of my head. The best way I can describe it
is I was on the outside looking in.
Everything I did and said didn'tfeel real and I wanted it to
stop. I tried alcohol which only
amplified the feeling. My life was turning into a

(30:53):
nightmare I was creating for myself.
The only option in my head was Sword so I planned it.
I was going to do it after my family watched our weekly movie
together late at night so no onewould notice until morning.
I stayed up and at 2:00 AM started on my note.
I got everything ready. I went through a brief moment of
sanity or insanity based on how you view it and started talking

(31:15):
to my dead grandma in my head. I begged her to give me a reason
to stay, any reason at all. Everyone I knew and loved was
asleep and I thought all hope islost.
All of the sudden my little sister, only 8 years old, sat
straight up minutes prior. She's snoring like a baby.
I turned off my little night light when I heard her in the
smallest voice talk to me. I feel like I need to say this.

(31:39):
I love you. And she laid back down snoring
again only a minute later. I sat there staring in the dark
and realized grandma listened. She gave me a reason.
She gave me hope. And I thank the world every day
for creating my beautiful sistera built in best friend.
Since then I've graduated high school pursuing a nursing degree

(32:01):
and have an amazing boyfriend of2 1/2 years looking like a
fiance at any point. My sister is now in high school
and the smartest, most talented woman I know.
I still wonder what would have happened if I didn't ask for a
reason, If I didn't look for anyhope.
I want to say this by saying theusual talk to people.
I started a journal where I write my favorite things about

(32:22):
each month to give myself a reason to live, things to look
forward to. People love you.
You just got to look past the fog and into the eyes of those
who care about you. You'll make it out, you'll be
OK. We will all be OK.
Once again, thank you and I hopethis wasn't too much for you to
read. You're amazing.

(32:45):
Hey Snook, I'm crying as I writethis.
Getting straight into it. I have schizophrenia, I would
say that I'm rather lucky as I have friends and family who
support me, but I still would have wished this illness upon
anyone. I began to show symptoms at the
age of 10 and received an official diagnosis at 17.
Before this I had been diagnosedwith depression, anxiety, autism

(33:08):
spectrum disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder.
The full 5 Infinity stones. The peak of my psychosis
happened when I was about 14 to 17 years old.
I've had everything from audiblehallucinations to visual and
physical and even smell. Voices in my head telling me to
kill myself. Voices in my head telling me to

(33:30):
kill everyone else. The sensation of my flesh riding
with maggots crawling throughoutmy skin.
One of my closest friends being an imposter.
People watching me through my eyes and recording me through my
ears. I've had everything.
Nobody seems to understand how terrifying schizophrenia really
is. I've received treatment now,
medications that have ruined my weight, sleep, and memory.

(33:52):
But there's something you don't forget.
Fear. That pure, gut wrenching fear.
The fear while you lay in bed, while the covers over your head
in pitch black darkness because you're afraid that people look
through your eyes and track yourdress.
The fear of voices in your head,the ones you don't recognize,
laughing at you, telling you that the only way to finally be

(34:13):
free is to grab the knife, grab the pills and shut them up
yourself, even if that means youyourself disappear too.
Then you see it, the light. Your best friend, a quiet boy
your age. He walks into your life, no
opinions, no home, and no personality, but he's there for
you. His presence functions like a
dream, nothing makes sense, but you finally have someone to be

(34:35):
your everything. His name is Daniel, and I loved
him with everything I had. Part of me still does.
He would sit with me after school and smile quiet.
All I knew is that he was good for me.
I can hardly remember him now. He wore a purple scarf and thick
round glasses. Dark hair.
I don't remember his eyes. I can't remember his eyes.

(34:56):
That should have been an indication.
At around 16, I started new drugs to help fix my life.
They worked. The voices faded.
The rotting subsided. Us, the people in the trees left
me alone. It was wonderful.
It was perfect. Perfect, until I noticed that
Daniel left too. I was still so sick, so I didn't

(35:18):
realize what had happened. I would stay out past my curfew,
just looking for my best friend,roaming the streets like a lost
soul. I would beg my parents to drive
me around and look for my lost friend.
The day I realized that my best friend never existed was
unimaginably painful. I would write to him every day.
I was told to let him go. So now I only write to him on

(35:39):
his birthday, the 8th of April. I miss him so much.
I have a new best friend now, a real one.
I love him more than I've ever LED that anyone, but there's
still a crumbling in my brain. My current best friend and I
will probably fall out because we're so young.
I dread that day. I resent it.
It's terrible when I catch myself wishing for Daniel over

(36:01):
the man who has done nothing butlove me.
Daniel was for me. Daniel is me, I am Daniel.
My relationship with Daniel is now over.
Once something can't grow anymore, it rots.
So now I'm stuck watching my relationship with Daniel.
With her away. I hope I can hold on to some of
the pieces, but that may be wishful thinking.

(36:22):
I already can't remember if his eyes were blue or brown, if his
hair was WAVY or curly, if his face was flushed or pale.
All I remember is that I loved him and he loves me.
Schizophrenia as a monster. All these jokes about being
schizo are slightly painful, butit's best to suffer in silence
and explain to someone that you yourself are in fact the crazy

(36:44):
one. Thank you, Snook for giving me a
platform to speak on. You're a fantastic person.
Much love to anyone out there, particularly those who can
relate to me very well. And thank you so much for
sharing that. I don't have anything to really
add, but that was very impactful.

(37:05):
That was the most impactful story on, you know, mental
illness such as schizophrenia I've ever read.
I just want to say thank you forsending them in.
I really appreciate it. I'm sure to help anyone out
there who might be struggling with something and might feel a
little bit alone, but anyone watching, you're not alone.
You've got this. Stay strong, things will get
better. I just wanted to say thank you

(37:26):
for sending that in. On to the next one.
Hi Snook, First I just want to say thank you for giving people
the space to share their stories.
I really appreciate the way you handle each confession with care
and respect. I've been watching your videos
for a while now and I love how calm, honest, and comforting
your voice is. Your channel has become one of

(37:47):
those safe spaces for me, and I'm really grateful for that.
I'd like to share something that's been on my mind for a
long time now. If you choose to read it on your
channel, I'd appreciate it a lot.
Please keep my name private. When I was in elementary school,
we lived in an apartment building.
My uncle lived upstairs and had access to the rooftop.
I used to go up there a lot to hang out with my cousins.

(38:09):
Most of the girl cousins were older, so I usually played with
the cousin who was my age. We play Xbox, Minecraft,
zombies, wrestling, just regularkids stuff.
We'd usually go up after school and head back down before it got
dark. But there was one night that
stands out to this day, mostly because of what my mom remembers
about it. She said I was unusually
persistent about sleeping over at my uncle's that night.

(38:32):
I kept insisting, which wasn't normal for me.
Eventually she gave in, but later that night I came back
downstairs crying hard. My mom didn't know what had
happened and I couldn't explain it either.
I just remember crying and feeling overwhelmed.
She made a small bed for me on the floor next to her and her my
dad. Then in the middle of the night
she said something really scary happened.

(38:53):
I started shaking, my whole bodystiffened and I trembled like I
was having a seizure. My eyes were open and I wasn't
responding. She said I locked up and froze.
I don't remember any of it. We talked about it again
recently and something about it hit me differently.
She's always said that my uncle gave her a weird vibe and
looking back I do remember feeling uncomfortable around him

(39:16):
sometimes. My cousin too.
He'd get a little too physical when we played and at the time
we didn't think anything about it.
But now I'm starting to wonder. After that night I was put on
antidepressants for a while, butI didn't stay on them long.
What really haunts me is that I basically lost two years of
memory after that night. Not completely gone, but I only
remember tiny fragments and eventhose are mostly from looking at

(39:38):
old photos or hearing people talk about things that happened.
It still feels like those two years of my life just
disappeared and I still don't know why.
I'm not sure what exactly happened that night, but I've
started to accept that somethingprobably did, and maybe my brain
just did that what it had to do to protect me.
Thanks again for reading this and thank you for everything you

(39:59):
do on your channel. You make people feel less alone
from a listener. And all right guys, that wraps
up some deranged anonymous confessions.
I hope you enjoyed this video. I enjoyed reading these
confessions for you guys. I really hope these videos help
you out. And if they do, please comment
down below. I love seeing those comments.
I love reading the comments and I read every single comment on

(40:21):
all these videos. I really love seeing your guys
feedback, positive or negative. I so appreciate it.
You guys are the best. Thank you so much for just
watching at the end of the videoand please like and subscribe to
the channel. It helps more than you know.
And this is Snook and I'll see you next time.
Bye.