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August 15, 2025 • 53 mins

This was one of my favorite 4Chan stories I've ever read! What was your favorite he included, I think mine was the third one, comment down below your favorite! Thank you all for watching, I appreciate it so much! Also, please like and subscribe, it helps more than you know!And even though 4chan is anonymous and you can't even ask for permission... IF ANY OF THESE STORIES BELONG TO YOU, PLEASE EMAIL ME AT - officialsnook23@gmail.com before filing a copyright takedown or anything. Please, we can get it sorted out through email or some other form of communication, thank you.And yes, I'm a human voice.Channel sub goal is 1 million subscribers! So subscribe!

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, what's up guys and welcome back to another 4 Chan stories
video. And today we're getting into
some eerie 4 Chan stories and I'm running low on 4 Chan
stories. I think I've read almost every
single Horror Story on 4 Chan sothere only be a few videos like
this left. I still found some good ones so
just enjoy them while I still can make these.
But I love these stories and it'll be sad when the series is

(00:23):
over. But hopefully enjoy.
And thank you so much for stopping by.
Please like the video and subscribe to the channel.
Helps more than you know. And these stories are great.
So sit back, relax, grab a drink, hydrate, grab a snack,
and yeah, enough yapping. So let's get into some eerie 4
Chan stories. So, gentlemen, I've managed to

(00:44):
find a cable for my cheap photo camera and that means that this
is time for some exciting tales.As I already said, my late
grandpa served in Middle Asia. Translators note name for police
forces in the Soviet Union and many Warsaw Pact countries in
the Soviet Union until the very end of the 90s, to be more
precise, he was an inspector in the Seoul Militagia station in a

(01:07):
small town near Moscow. He was a very tight lipped,
solemn man, but he asked him about his work.
He usually became more talkative.
In my opinion, work was the onlything he loved in his life.
So when I was younger I was interested in paranormal stuff.
Even back then I spent a lot of.Evenings in his kitchen
inquiring about the most interesting cases of his career.

(01:28):
After my grandfather died, I found a thick notebook that he
apparently used as a diary of sorts that he kept in his
personal cabinet. In that diary there was a
collection of his most, let's say curious cases.
I've managed to get this diary from my grandma a few times.
And reading it. I was always thinking about my
grandpa as of some mathematician.
No literature style, no personalopinions, only confirmed cold

(01:52):
facts such as place where corpses were found, a
criminologist evaluation suspects and stuff like that.
A few theories and a couple of notes.
I think he kept working on thesecases in his free time, trying
to solve these riddles. Most of his notes correlates
with stories he told me when I was a child, but there were also
few that he never talked about. In case you suddenly enjoy some

(02:12):
of the stories, I might even paya visit to my grandma and ask
her to let me flip through a fewpages of that diary.
Read up on some cases I'm not familiar with and make a few
photos of the former scenes of crimes.
Later we can even try to guess what happened there.
As I have said, I wanted to write some sort of book about
those cases, so I will provide you with some photos that I
already got with some additionalnotes.

(02:34):
But don't expect all my photos to be of the exact crime scenes
for obvious reasons. In some cases I was too chicken
to enter particular houses because neighborhoods here as
the town in general are full of certain criminal elements and if
you enter some shitty hostel full of ex cons and drug
addicts, you might simply never leave.
Also some places got intercoms these days.

(02:54):
I will also add that there will be no Popo Bawas translator's
notes. Popo Bawa is an evil spirit from
Zanzibar that is also a bit of ameme on Russian acts because
this name sounds funny in Russian.
Something like ass joker. No colorful descriptions of
monsters and stuff like that. Many cases have serious mystical
undertones, but with some imagination you probably can

(03:17):
explain them within a framework of habitual phenomena.
But I can promise you a bit of noir dismemberment and romantic
of piss stain staircases in apartment complexes.
Oh yes, I would also ask you notto get all booty blasted about
quality of my photos. I'm no photographer and instead
of proper camera I got this digital piece of shit.

(03:37):
Well, let's start. First case I want to tell you
about. It happened in 93 and it is
particularly interesting becauseno one managed to explain what
happened there. I will add a few photos to this
post. First has an apartment complex
where it happened. Second, an exact place where
body was found. Second stairwell between the
third and fourth floors, if you absolutely must know.

(03:58):
So around 10 O clock in the evening.
An investigatory operative groupin this small town.
It consisted of just random regular cops, but usually had an
investigator. Translator's note, Soviet slash
Russian analogue of a detective rank and an expert criminologist
was called in on reports about discovery of a corpse.
And this is what they saw in that staircase.
A human body leaking a shit loadof blood, head separated from

(04:22):
torso and line not far away. Lacerations look as if someone
chewed him. According to my grandpa, his
clothes that consisted of training pants, sweater and
slippers torn in a dozen of places.
Also some smaller injuries on his naked skin.
It was instantly obvious that his corpse was fresh, which was
confirmed by criminologist on the scene.

(04:43):
Rigor mortis hadn't sat in yet, which indicated that less than
two hours passed since the moment of death.
This was confirmed later during the interrogation of victims.
Inconsolable widow who lived on the 4th floor and whose door was
like 3 meters from the body. By the way, she was the one who
actually found and reported the corpse.
The widow was clearly an alcoholic and already had time

(05:05):
to get wasted, but nonetheless she did provide some
information. Her husband left the flat around
9:30 in the evening to take out some garbage.
When 15 minutes passed, she started to worry that he decided
to stop and chat with his drinking buddies who usually sat
near the entrance of the apartment complex.
Drinking windows of their flats provided no overview of the yard
outside, if I recall correctly. So she decided to go downstairs

(05:29):
herself to look for him. But the moment she left her
flat, she saw disfigured body ofher husband in a pool of blood.
She failed to provide any more details during this later
questioning. Now for the interesting part.
Interrogations of other inhabitants of that complex
provided literally no additionalinformation.
Not a single one of them heard any ruckus, screams or sounds of

(05:50):
fighting. Nothing, and that is considering
the shitty non soundproof doors people had back then.
There was also indeed a bunch ofdrunkards sitting on a porch
downstairs. According to them they were
hanging out there since around 8:00 in the evening.
And then all the time only some old lady who lived on the 1st
floor and a single mother who lived on the second entered the
complex. Both of them also heard and saw

(06:12):
nothing during that time. Not a single person left the
complex. By the way, my grandfather
almost instantly suspected some sort of large dog.
What else could dismember a person in such a manner in the
middle of civilization? Later investigation revealed
that there were two dog owners in that complex, but their dogs
were not nearly big enough to inflict such wounds, which was

(06:32):
also later confirmed by the coroner.
Head was indeed separated from the body, as if with the teeth
of a large animal. His spine was literally grinded
in places. Also, one of his legs had very
clear markings of jaws and according to the coroner it
looked very deliberate, as if left there intentionally.
Every single tooth of both lowerand upper jaw left a clean mark,

(06:55):
which almost never happens in normal coroner's practice.
That one sure never seen such a thing.
Jaws indeed were similar to dogs, but a really big one, and
there were 48 of those teeth marks there, while normal dogs
only have 42. Sometimes a bit more, sometimes
a bit less, but rarely and not by much.
Now couple of my own thoughts. Large dog is indeed capable to

(07:17):
separate grown man's head from body in about 15 to 20 minutes.
I can't confirm this as an ownerof a large dog.
No my dog didn't kill anyone butcan chew three large bone in
around 10 minutes. But there would be a fuck load
of noise and shouts. OK, if the dog somehow managed
to RIP that guy's vocal cords onthe first bite, there wouldn't
be many shouts, which I guess ispossible considering the size of

(07:40):
those jaws. But how could no one notice a
huge ownerless dog entering and exiting the apartment complex?
Such animals tend to be remembered.
Another strange thing is that blood was only found near the
body. There was no blood on the stairs
themselves, neither above nor below.
As if he was first put on the floor and then got his head
calmly chewed off in silence. My dog attacked a homeless dog

(08:03):
once. There was a lot of blood.
It was fucking dripping from itsjaws and chest all the way home.
And let me remind you that humanhas way more blood than the dog.
Nothing like that here. Everything is crispy clean.
So we have something big that appeared on the staircase
between the floors. That house had no garbage chute
if you would like to entertain such a wild theory of its method

(08:24):
of movement. Silently chewed a grown man head
off, left a dozen injuries on his body without any signs of
resistance, and then disappeared.
So it goes. Officially the case was
explained by a wild dog attack and closed the fuck down.
Not before informing all the local dog catchers that they
should do their work better in the future.

(08:46):
A story from the same Anon's childhood Part 1.
This story also happened around 93 in that same small town near
Moscow. I tried and failed to Google
anything about it and I've neverheard anyone discussing it here
in this town, so I guess there'sno reason to give away the name.
To be quite honest, my gramps worked in local middle Asia and
I asked him about that case manytimes, so I guess I didn't

(09:08):
completely imagine it, even though I was like 4 years old
back then and my memories are a bit foggy.
Back then. Young women started to disappear
in our town. Absolutely normal girls, not
some criminals, girlfriends or anything like that.
According to my grandpa, in a single month six of them
disappeared in a single month and then the 7th was lost.
Her father was a trainer in a local boxing club popular with

(09:31):
Wolf sportsman and local thugs from a whole bunch of his
clients and friends who were willing to help him.
He created some sort of militia patrol aimed at looking for his
daughter and preventing similar abductions in the future.
This militia started to stroll around the neighborhood in small
groups and one night I woke up from some loud noises from the
outside. I ran to my window and saw my

(09:51):
mother and father standing therelooking at a bunch of guys who
were trying to widen some tiny cellar window that was right
under mine first floor with sledgehammers.
Now for some facts for my gramps.
Guys from one of those patrols saw three guys carrying
something big towards that cellar.
They immediately ran after them,but those three guys have
managed to close the heavy steeldoor before they were caught.

(10:12):
Later I learned that they also built a barricade from some
garage lying inside. When they realized that guys
from militia are not joking. So the militia guys called all
the others and broke into the basement through that window
where they found those 3 crazy fuckos armed with knives and
girls already dismembered body. I now know that they were also a

(10:32):
handwritten book in unknown language.
It was later apparently lost or stolen right from the evidence
box. A hacksaw for metal and a dog's
skull, walls and floor was covered in some symbols written
in chalk, which were mostly destroyed under the feet of two
dozen boxers who entered that basement.
But nothing of value was lost. I guess by the time the cops
arrived, those three guys were already heavily beaten by the

(10:54):
boxers. 2 of them got crippled for life, one actually died.
Few boxers received some superficial cuts.
Interrogation by raging father gave no results, same as ladder
interrogations by Middle Asia. Many traces of blood were found
in that basement, though from different people and from a long
period of time. As you can expect, no bodies

(11:15):
were found. Even though search parties come
through every neighborhood. In a nearby forest, the two
survivors kept their silence. Come to think of it, those guys
were some sort of fucked in the head N EE T necromancy
cosplayers or something. And even though they managed to
hide those bodies very well, imagine what smarter person with
no mental issues to do. Second case Part 1.

(11:37):
I just stumbled upon those photos, so I guess I'll tell you
about them. I have to warn you that some
people might not find it too scary, but this case always
captivated me. There is something about it.
Also, when I once saw those tinylights in the woods at night, I
figuratively shot my pants. It'll be longer than the first
one, but do prepare yourself forI have no idea how long the

(11:57):
third one will be either. It happened in the winter of 95.
One evening around 8:00, a strange visitor came to local
Metalusia station. A priest of the local church,
which by the way, happens to be in the middle of fucking
nowhere. He came to report threats he's
been receiving for some time now.
Priest bought a bunch of notes with them, which were written on
torn notebook pages and crooked block letters.

(12:19):
They were written with a bunch of mistakes that desk cop on
duty that night had a field day with, but he didn't laugh for
long. According to the priest, he
regularly received those notes in his mailbox 1st every three
days, later every day, which wasthe reason he decided to finally
report them. After being asked if he wanted
to add something else to his report.
He hesitantly added that recently he started to hear the

(12:42):
sound of slaps in his apartment as if someone was slapping
linoleum in his quarter in kitchen with bare hands.
Very distinctly, when asked if he could actually checked what
it was, he answered that he was too scared to leave his room and
just prayed to God, hoping for his protection.
He was clearly worried that people would think that he was
just insane, and people at the station indeed thought so, but

(13:06):
his report was officially accepted nonetheless.
It was a busy period for Middle Asia and since priests didn't
look well in the head, the case and those notes were forgotten
for a time. Around a week later, an
investigation operative group gets a call in the forest around
200 to 250 meters deep on the glade.
You can see on the first photo abody was found, and not just

(13:28):
somebody, but as you probably guessed, body of that very
priest state of that corpse was pretty fucking terrible.
Almost all of the muscle tissue on his hands and legs were
missing. Body was covered in liver
mortise and blemishes. Facial features were distorted
by the rot. He was only recognized so
quickly thanks to his cross, which was the only element of

(13:48):
his clothes on him, long hair and beard.
Later, it was concluded that he died 7 1/2 to 8 days before the
discovery. Additionally, his body clearly
was kept indoors for some time since it wouldn't have rotten so
much in the winter forest. It was confirmed by the elderly
guy who found the body since he used to walk with his dog every
day on the same route in this forest and only discovered body

(14:09):
that morning also, which was especially bizarre, many prints
that were found around the body looked like the prints of human
hands. They didn't look like
handprints, they were the handprints.
It was just fucking ridiculous at that point.
Quoting my grandfather. There was a trail of such prints
leading around the forest, strangely enough.
Not on the clear trail, but around it in the snowdrifts.

(14:31):
There was no evidence of the body being dragged.
All the other prints belong to that elderly guy and cops.
Previous night there was a serious snowfall which would
have covered the tracks, so the body clearly wasn't there for
long and it clearly didn't happen to appear there by
itself. Questionings of the elderly guy,
residents of the nearby houses, and guards of a garage
cooperative close by didn't clarify much, though.

(14:53):
The elderly guy kept nagging about finding corpses of animals
on that glade, dogs, cats, rats,cows and such.
He reported it to Middle Asia many times, but nothing was done
about it and he had to bury animals himself.
He also just had to share his theory about Satan this with his
investigators. The place itself was far away
from anything. The closest houses were like 600

(15:14):
to 700 meters away, same as thatgarage cooperative.
No car stopped nearby, no mysterious people were seen
there, not even ordinary people with a big bag or parcel.
Literally fuck all. And that's when someone
remembered about the notes. Earlier notes were rather
simplistic, basically threats like reject your faith or we
will kill you. But those that came later were a

(15:36):
bit more interesting. Take off your cross or you will
feed the hungry one with yourself.
My grandfather quoted from his memory.
There was more, but he didn't recall what those were about.
Sadly, all of them had a bunch of mistakes.
As he already stated, no handwriting expertise was done
to my knowledge. But those notes were quickly
given away to experts in order to check out for fingerprints.

(15:58):
While investigators decided to visit priest flat door wasn't
closed, though there were no signs of forced entry.
Remembering priests words about slaps on the floor, linoleum in
this corridor in kitchen was checked without much hope for
fingerprints. But is was a sudden success.
A few clear handprints, huge fingers certainly were not.
The priests fingers looked like they belong to some hammer, says

(16:21):
Smith. According to my grandfather,
other than that, everything in his flat looked in order.
All the obvious valuables like the icons were still there, but
there was no way to know for sure since that priest lived
alone and had no relatives, being an orphan.
In short, fingerprints on the notes were identical to those on
the floor, but neither the localMalaysia station nor the bigger

(16:42):
regional archive had those prints in their databases.
Meanwhile, coroner reports stated that muscles in his hands
and legs weren't eaten by the animals, but neatly removed the
surgical accuracy using either scalpel or a small and very
sharp knife. No additional wounds are found
on his body. No traces of known poisons are
found either. Middle Asia had to stop

(17:04):
questioning members of Priest Church parish.
He wasn't seen there since the day he reported death threats to
the local station. Obvious conclusion was that he
would disappeared after visitingin it since it happened after
the evening service. So it happened either on his way
home or at his flat, consideringit was found open.
Questioning his neighbors revealed that he probably didn't

(17:24):
come home that day. One old lady even came to his
door at around 9:00 in the evening to ask for some life
advice, but no one opened. She didn't hear any suspicious
sounds or seen any suspicious people either.
It seemed to be a complete dead end.
All the local invalids were checked just in case
investigators really tried to somehow work that strange
handprint angle. At first they started to check

(17:45):
those who live nearby and after Chinchaya in Afghanistan there
were many. By the end of it, Middle Asia
checked almost all towns invalids but found no
fingerprint matches. They didn't really expect any
results at that point to be honest, so they just wrote it
off to probable local cultist, which was really easy to do back
then because of the story that happened when I was a child.

(18:06):
Even those two guys that were caught two years ago were
questioned, but to no avail. Maybe it was their friends doing
or something, but I doubt it since modus operandi seems too
difficult. Of course, if Priest wasn't
largely ignored when he came to the station, he probably could
have told them something else and that info might have
resulted in a solved case. But we have what we have and it

(18:27):
really smells of some mysticism in my opinion.
By the way, here's another photoof that place.
Made it around 11 in the evening.
Those little lights that I told you about in the beginning,
zooming didn't result in anything.
In the flash of my camera was sofucking bright that I got scared
and decided to leave that place in case I was seen.
Not that I'm a coward, but you know that Forest becomes really

(18:48):
creepy when you know the story. The lights are around the place
where the glave is. There are certainly not
cigarette lights not too far away to be seen so clearly.
Possibly small campfires of motorcycle lights.
There's no way to get the car there.
It remains a mystery. Third case Part 1.
So gentlemen, let's go further. There probably won't be much
paranormal sounding stuff in this one, since real question

(19:10):
here is not how someone would dothis.
Why the fuck would someone do this?
Let's go. It happened in 91, which was a
hard time. Levels of apathy and general
unprofessionalism in Russia we're off the charts back then,
which played a role in this case.
No one was sure about tomorrow and the future of their country.
It all began with a call from a very bad address for a very
shitty reason Apartment complex where it all happened can be

(19:34):
seen on a photo I add to this post.
For as long as I can remember this particular place was always
considered bad and dangerous, but not because I had ghosts or
some shit like that. Of course, Reason was much
simpler. It was a former dorm that in
those times was filled with people from the very bottom of
society. Robberies, king things and

(19:54):
murderers happened there regularly.
Even I had a chance to see localso to say customs personally
when I was a kid. I was riding my bicycle nearby
when a human head flew out of someone's window and landed
about 30 meters away from me. According to rumors, some drug
addicts had an argument. But anyway, I'm just telling
this so that you can better understand what kind of
atmosphere that place had and why I didn't go inside to make

(20:16):
some photos for you. Yes, I pissed myself.
Getting back on the topic and one of the flats on the 2nd
floor, a family was murdered. Said family consisted of a
single mother, her seven-year old daughter, and as was found
out later, a year old infant. They're extremely poor and
according to the old lady livingin the next apartment, poor
thing was nearly driven to a heart attack when she discovered

(20:37):
the bodies. Mother held no job, drank
non-stop and often brought some suspicious men home.
Daughter was practically homeless and never went to any
sort of kindergarten or school. How did the infant manage to
survive in such a family is unclear.
According to grandpa, you shoulddivide anything those old Soviet
granny say by two if you want toget closer to the truth.

(20:57):
But it all looked shitty nonetheless.
The door was slightly ajar, which allowed for bodies to be
found. As for the bodies, at the first
glance it looked like a typical case of domestic violence with
some excessive force. Though around 30 knife wounds on
each body, Wounds were at least two days old.
Criminology experts theory was that those wounds were inflicted

(21:18):
on the already dead bodies. Mother was killed in the
kitchen, signs of struggle were all around.
Furniture was overturned, fridgehandle torn off, some dishes
broken, a bottle of uncharacteristically expensive
vodka and some rotting delicacies was picturesquely
lying on the cheap, dilapidated table.
Daughter, it looked, was killed in her sleep because she was

(21:38):
found in her bed in an embryo pose.
No signs of resistance. As for the infant, no trace of
him was found except for a baby fence in his sister's room.
Infant's very existence was onlycorroborated by the same old
lady and later other neighbors. No diapers, no baby food, no
stroller, no birth certificate, nothing which is considering the
social status of that family could be possible.

(22:01):
But even the surface search of the apartment revealed a lot of
interesting things. Not only the freezer was choke
full of expensive food and alcohol, there was also a very
large sum of money hidden in theicebox.
Literally a few packs of money hidden inside the cheap
wrappings, which is a normal wayto hide money and valuables from
possible robbers those days. But what were they doing here in
the apartment of these piss poorpeople?

(22:24):
That raised some questions because connection between those
valuables and deaths was obvious.
Further questionings of the neighbors and local Alcoholics
in the yard clarified 3 important things.
First of all, murdered women waspopular here, you know what I
mean? And her door was usually open.
Second, according to a score of witnesses, a strange man started

(22:45):
to visit her in the last week. He clearly wasn't a local, and
even though the descriptions slightly vary from witness to
witness, they painted a certain picture.
Uncertain age, completely bald head, always in the same brown
three piece suit, patent leathershoes and a bow tie in short,
and he looked like he was loadedwith some dough.
No one could provide any investigators with any

(23:06):
distinctive details of his physical appearance or face.
Such people rarely if ever visitthis place and it is a whole
separate question as to why didn't anyone try to rob or just
beat him up because that kind ofpeople was not too popular in
that house to say the absolute bloody least.
Many people saw him entering theapartment complex in victim's
flat but no one saw him leave. Another thing was suspects

(23:29):
interesting in unusual manner ofspeech.
According to people who talk to him, it was Florida, Artsy, old
fashioned and extremely polite. Sadly, no one could quite recall
what the man asked him about, though all witnesses could
recall that he had some questions, which wasn't
completely unusual in such places since inhabitants were
usually drunk or on something. He was seen at least three times

(23:51):
in the last week, though by the time Middle Asia arrived, he
wasn't seen there for three daysstraight.
And finally, the third importantpiece of info.
The moment this man started to come to this apartment complex,
victims stopped to receive visitors in her flat.
For the first time in years, fell silent.
No shouts, no loud noises, no baby cries.

(24:13):
So yes, infant's existence was finally corroborated by the
counts of most witnesses, but noone remembered dead woman ever
being pregnant. Bodies then were brought to the
corner. When they were loading them
under the car, it looked as if every bone in these bodies was
broken. Basically behaved like a couple
of rag dolls. Further search of the apartment
didn't provide investigators with any additional details.

(24:36):
No signs of 4th century. No traces of blood except for
those of the victims. The bottle of vodka and glasses
on the table were of course checked her fingerprints, but
only prints that belong to the victim were found.
Door knobs in her flat gave sucha wild range of different
fingers that experts exhausted themselves to no end just by
comparing every set with what they had in their databases.

(24:57):
In any case, almost all fingerprints belong to local
lowlifes who haven't seen her for at least two weeks now.
Coroner's report was much more fucking interesting.
Indeed, injuries on the bodies were inflicted when victims were
already dead for around a day atthat point.
But this is not the interesting thing.
Autopsy showed that every bone in their bodies except for the

(25:17):
skull and cervical vertebrae became extremely brittle and
were basically heavily damaged by fuck knows what.
They certainly weren't broken bythe blunt trauma, since there
were no signs of such damage on the bodies themselves.
Not to mention that it would be a very tiring process breaking
every tiny bone in a human body.Also, bodies would look like a

(25:38):
couple of torn bloody bags. After that.
Damage dealt to the bones reminded local militia experts
of the effects of highly concentrated hydrofluoric acid.
But there were two big problems with this theory.
First, hydrofluoric acid of suchconcentration would have left
extreme fucking chemical burns, considering that all of mothers
and daughters bones were heavilydamaged, they had to take a bath

(26:02):
in that acid to achieve such effect, but there were no
surface traces of that. Second, this acid leaves such a
chemical book wet and human bodythat tests would surely have
identified it. But the only regular thing about
their bones was a critical lack of calcium and that was that.
At the same time the tests were conducted, a call came from one
of the witnesses interrogated earlier.

(26:23):
He saw the suspect entering boiler house near the apartment
complex. Not wasting any time, my
grandfather got 2 operatives andmoved out.
Door to that. Boiler house territory was
indeed open. Whether it was locked, picked by
the suspect or just left unclosed by the sloppy workers
was never found out. But according to all
regulations, that door must havebeen locked on the.

(26:45):
Photos you can see. That are very boiler house.
Kindly forgive me for not tryingto get inside.
There is an actual lock hanging there now and trying to climb
over the concrete walls of the barbed wire is not my idea of
fun. So grandpa went there and met 2
middle-aged women working inside.
By the way, they're supposed to be 5 or 6 personnel working at
all times according to regulations.

(27:07):
This is probably the reason why something blew up inside when I
was a kid. They were noticeably twitchy and
were not acting normal as of afraid.
When questioned about the suspect, they nervously laughed
and denied any knowledge about him.
The way they tried to bullshit me was pretty cartoonish
according to my grandpa. But at that.
Point my gramps didn't give muchof A fuck about them, just left
one of his operatives there to watch the main entrance and

(27:28):
those two the other one of his subordinates he took with them
to more effectively conduct the search of the area.
By the way, building was pretty fucked up.
It as you can see from the photos is very old and multi
tired so everywhere there was moisture, rust and only one out
of every 10 light bulbs was working.
So they had to get the flashlights in the far corner of
that building, one that probablyno one visited for years, Baby's

(27:51):
loose jacket was found hanging between the interweaving pipes.
Grandpa and his subordinate started to frantically search
everywhere in the area. They literally looked under
every single pipe in that building but found nothing.
Even the criminology expert who arrived later had no luck with
fingerprints or any prints whatsoever.
Baby's jacket had no traces of blood on it or any other traces

(28:13):
at all. It looks so clean, as if it was
just recently washed. Two women were recalled later
for questioning. One of them kept stating that
she saw or knew nothing, that the other disappeared after the
very first interrogation. As her melancholic drunkard of a
husband said later, she just left home without even packing
any of her belongings. Despite all the numerous
questions Middle Asia asked her husband and colleague, despite

(28:36):
checking all possible connections, nothing gave any
result. For all intents and purposes,
those women were completely normal.
Even their fingerprints were taken and compared to those
found in the victim's flat. But this naturally ended with
failure. At that point the case came to a
grinding halt and it seemed thatthere was nowhere left to dig.
Suddenly, a month later, anothercall came from the same

(28:59):
apartment complex from the same old lady who found the bodies.
According to her, faint sounds of crime were coming from now
sealed apartment where murders took place.
Operative Investigatory Group answered the call.
My Gramps told me that he almostphysically felt surrealism of
that situation. Sealed door of the dead
apartment had no signs of forcedentry and Gramps indeed heard a

(29:20):
faint sound of a baby crying inside.
It took them half an hour to getinside the apartment and indeed
an infant was found there. Only he had no eyes.
I mean, there was no blood or anything, just no eyes.
As was later found out, they were surgically removed from his
sockets. A thin layer of pink skin was
covering places where eyes should have been, with tiny

(29:42):
scars marking them as if after plastic surgery.
No injuries or pathologies beyond that were found.
If you are curious about his fate, he was first brought to
the children hospital, then to an orphanage for infants.
I don't know what happened to him later, but I suggest he had
a very unhappy life. Though I'm curious if anything
else strange happened to him. So it goes gentlemen.

(30:02):
I'm tired as fuck typing all of this translators notes.
Imagine what it's like typing and translating it, bitch.
But I will add my grandpa's theory and a couple of my own
thoughts nonetheless. His theory was that infant was
basically brought from an alcoholic mother by that guy in
a three piece suit. But something went wrong with
the deal and led to him killing the mother and the daughter as a

(30:23):
witness. Method of murder itself was much
less clear. Let's suppose knife wounds were
either a way to lead the investigation on the wrong path.
Though murderer seemed too clever to think that they would
fool the experts considering that he clearly knew how to not
leave any traces of his presenceor mask a way that bone damaging
substance enter the body. Though injuries on both bodies

(30:43):
seems very random. Some parts of bodies were
covered with injuries while others were left untouched.
And again experts had no idea what kind of poison could have
such an effect without leaving any traces.
Next thing. Who would leave?
Such a huge sum of money to a corpse.
There really was a fuck load of money there and only some poor
woman who drank away her brains could think that no one could

(31:04):
find them. The fact is, the fact money was
there, how to tie it in with those two women from the boiler
house, I have no fucking idea. By the way, the one that left
and never came back? My grandpa often returned to the
case and checked for any new information about her possible
whereabouts. I guess someone managed to scare
them really good, but there's really no way to know really.

(31:25):
And fuck if I know what that baby jacket was doing there
next. The infant.
Where did the victim get him? Was he stolen?
Left on our doorstep, Scars fromsuch things as eye removal don't
heal in a mere month, as you might know.
Was it some other baby? But how and why?
Also, those who saw the child before all this happened stated

(31:48):
that he had a birthmark on the right side of his forehead.
Babe with no eyes had exact samebirthmark.
I guess getting inside the sealed apartment wasn't much of
a challenge since the killer might have had the keys.
But even without all that, I think there are many mysterious
things about this story. That's it.
You might fling some shit at me because this case didn't have
much in terms of paranormal, butbelieve me, next case has it in

(32:12):
spades. First of all, I have to
disappoint you because the most paranormal story will have to be
reserved for later. I didn't pick the best of times
to go out and make photos. Not only I will shot my pants
because of some creepy dude there, but also visibly with
shit. However, few of these photos
will fit another story quite nicely.
Use your imagination to envisionthe locals I'm going to tell you

(32:34):
about because some of these places are too far away.
Slash too creepy slash don't exist anymore.
Still, I think you will find this case to your liking.
Here it goes. It's 92, the country is still
shaking. My grandpa's still serving in
middle Asia of our town. One day a weird guy comes to a
station acting all awkward and shy, obviously nervous.

(32:54):
According to my grandpa, he looks like a drunken bum and
dirty torn clothes. Despite his looks though, he had
prop both proper passports and the legal address.
In short, he told them this in one of the farthest and worst
parts of town that consisted of garage, cooperative and had
abandoned train depot. You can see the depot gates on
the first photo. I have no fucking idea why does

(33:15):
it glows green, but I guess it looks amusing.
His friends started to go missing.
By the way, I have no idea what that depot is even there.
I've never seen a single train on those fucked up tracks in my
life. Those people were not just some
random guys but true to life vagabonds who had some sort of
spot there where they hid from people's eyes.
Also there was scrap and copper reception point nearby.

(33:38):
Translator's note. Selling stolen scrap and copper
was an integral part of survivalfor many bums back in the 90s.
That explains why they sent an emissary who actually had some
legal papers instead of one of their own.
Because no one wanted to spend their night at the Monkey House,
a slang for a cell that houses drunks and bums, or used as a
scapegoat to help metalesia to close some dead cases, which was

(34:01):
regrettably a quite widespread practice back then.
As he explained, something strange was happening there.
Just three days ago. One of the bums walked away from
the bonfire to take a piss and just never came back.
Around 30 minutes later, his friends lit some sticks and went
looking for him with some improvised torches.
You never know, he might have fallen asleep in a ditch or

(34:21):
something, but despite all theirefforts, they failed to locate
their friend. Although drunk bombs are not
very good at nocturnal search operations, let's be honest
here, their friend didn't come back tomorrow or the day after
tomorrow either. They didn't think much of it,
especially because a full bottleof vodka went missing that night
too, which apparently was a commodity valuable enough for

(34:41):
them to justify their friend's sudden flight.
He didn't take any of their stuff with them, so they're
waiting for him to come back, ready to kick his ass.
But on the next night, another one of them went missing under
much more frightening circumstances.
Similarly, one of them walked away from the bonfire to take a
leak, but as soon as he left thecircle of lights provided by it
and entered the bushes, he let out a terrifying scream that was

(35:04):
abruptly cut short. This prompted another bum to
action as a rush to his rescue. But at that moment, according to
the emissary, they heard some sort of growl which made them
stop in their tracks. He didn't see much himself
because no one thought to prepare torches for such an
occasion, but some of his friends claim to see a scary
person who was grinning at them from the darkness, barely

(35:27):
dissipated by the weak light of their bonfire.
To cut the story. Short, they got really scared
and went back to their bonfire, not daring to go to sleep till
the morning. At that point, bums were forced
to take extreme measures and askfor help from one of their sworn
enemies, the Middle Asia. Legally speaking, Metalesia had
no basis to reject this report, so it was accepted, discussed

(35:49):
during the smoke break, and probably dismissed as mad
homeless ravings or some sort ofprank.
Cops had enough of their plate already, but next his appearance
forced them to ponder and act. One of the town's citizens
disappeared. A simple regular guy who liked
to drink and not to drive aroundhis car in his free time.
According to his wife he was a responsible Family Guy who never
left for a long time without warning.

(36:10):
But two days have passed and there was no sign of them.
By the way, fuck if I know why she didn't report the
disappearance up to the 1st 24 hours past.
In the last place where he was seen was, you've guessed it,
that very same garage cooperative which situated near
bums spot. We left his car and went home
using familiar and the shortest route, old railway tracks.

(36:30):
Connecting his disappearance with those of the bums was of
course an obvious thing to do. And as you can see on the
photos, forest clearly surroundsthe tracks from both sides.
Similar situation is in the other direction, except there is
a bridge there that you can see on the photo.
I decided not to climb that bridge because I saw a corpse
line there my childhood, which didn't leave me with a lot of

(36:51):
pleasant memories. That corpse itself is not
interesting. Typical story of the late 90s.
After the bridge there is more force on the right and concrete
while on the left. Separating railway from old
houses were almost abandoned back then.
By the mid 2000s they were demolished.
After that some sort of buildingmaterials market was constructed
there, but by now it is abandoned too.

(37:13):
I guess this place just have such fate.
And so it goes like that for a kilometer and a half till it
reaches more or less civilized areas of town.
At first they suspected the bombs themselves, obviously, but
on the other hand, if any of them was guilty, he would have
run away after their emissary and formed the Malaysia.
But one operative was sent to question them anyway, although
he either was a dumb fuck or thebombs left their usual place

(37:36):
because he didn't find anyone. Meanwhile, my grandfather took a
group of subordinates and went to visit those old warehouses
which were the obvious place to hide potential bodies.
Besides, at that point in time there wasn't even a single
security guard working there. Skipping the boring details,
what they found there was a checkered shirt with some traces
of blood that, according to missing guy's wife, was on him

(37:58):
when he left home. In addition, there was a lot of
various trash and a couple of mattresses.
The room they found them in was relatively clean too, in
comparison to the rest of the warehouse.
Experts immediately detected some fingerprints there and
that's when a certain surprise awaited them.
It was revealed that fingerprints belong to two
convicts who escaped from some prison near Silica Mask whole 15

(38:20):
years ago and were largely forgotten about by that point.
By the way, they were imprisonedfor some pretty heavy stuff.
Our word and something else. As far as I can remember, one of
them was local, the other one used to live in Moscow.
The local 1 was 62 years old at that point, the one from Moscow
41 years old. The next logical step was to

(38:41):
check the address where local escaped convict used to live.
His flat was on the 1st floor ina pretty bad part of town.
Apartment complex itself was in critical state.
It has been demolished by now and the flat itself belonged to
town's housing fund for some reason.
Khan would have been quite surprised if he chose to return
home legally at bed, but no one lived there.
Anyway, it turned out that getting the keys wasn't a

(39:03):
problem, since the door a piece of plywood, was already broken
into. The lock was torn out.
Inside the apartment, or to be more precise, inside its
bathroom, They found, without any exaggeration, a fucking
pandemonium. First, traces of blood were
found on the floor, in walls of the corridor and in the bathroom
itself. There was a bath full of body

(39:23):
parts belonging to three people in total, though heads and
torsos were never found as far as I know.
Apparently chopped with an axe that hasn't been found either.
Those parts floated in dirty cold water.
No idea where did they get it since water supply to the flat
was cut off long ago. Sense of decomposition and feces
was horrible. Toilet was literally covered in

(39:43):
excrements. But neighbors didn't contact
Malaysia, which was understandable since nobody
lived on the first three floors except for an ancient blind
gaffer. For the second kitchen had a
portable gas stove baked in, canned with traces of blood on
it, half full bag of potatoes and a pile of human bones just
laying in the corner. This is when the realization had
the operatives cons whose fingerprints were found

(40:06):
everywhere around the apartment were eating these people.
Fuck if I know why and for what reason.
I mean, you can just steal food like those potatoes, but they
were eating them. Everything pointed to this
conclusion. Questioning the other tenants
didn't give investigators anything new to go on.
Those few who still live there, less than 10 people in total,
unanimously claimed that they had not seen any unfamiliar men

(40:26):
there. But that blind old man said the
night before Middle Asia paid a visit to the flat, someone was
trying to force themselves in his apartment for a few hours
straight, but to no avail. Case was turning more and more
serious by the minute. 2 operatives were left in the
apartment to lay ambush while mygrandfather went straight to the
prosecutor's office demanding them to revolve the Federals
because this case was clearly out of his league and he knew

(40:49):
only too well who would have to answer for all this shit if it
turned even more serious. Imagine that, a mass murder +2
wanted escape convicts. Case was taken away from
surprisingly fast. Almost no one there even tried
to argue with him. Two operatives who spent the
night in that flat and almost went mad from stench and disgust
were freed from their unpleasantduty.

(41:09):
The murderers never returned to their apartment anyway.
Everyone involved was thoroughlyquestioned by the feds, grand by
himself and his immediate superiors got their asses kicked
by them for sloppiness, but no one lost their office or got
demoted. Who took the case over?
What info I have left could be classified as rumors told during
the smoke breaks, but if you start to tell the story you have
to finish it, even though I don't know all the details.

(41:32):
Perpetrators tracks were found not too far from town, near a
big forest that stretches for dozens of kilometers.
There's a place there called theLodge, even though it was in
fact more of a country house cooperative consisting of
something around 40 houses. My guest call came from there.
Federals failed to apprehend both of them though, and here's
why. They're already pursuing them
through the woods when suddenly,as they stumbled upon the older

(41:54):
one lying on the ground and grinning like a madman.
Apparently his friend broke his leg with something heavy and
proceeded to escape alone. He was dragged to a car and
interrogated, but no one managedto squeeze out a single word
from him. He just kept whining and
growling like an animal. The younger one was never found,
even though a search party combed through the whole fucking
forest of dogs. The older con kept whining and

(42:14):
shaking all the way to the precinct, but at one point fell
silent. It turned out he managed to gnaw
his own tongue off. Doctors managed to save his life
again. According to rumors, he proved
uncooperative, was officially recognized insane, and got
locked away in some specialized asylum for the rest of his days.
Neither I nor my grandpa could vouch for a single word in a
previous part, as you can understand.

(42:36):
But there's only one proper version of events.
No mysteries here. Two escaped convicts were
fucking around somewhere for 15 whole years and managed to get
from rural to Moscow. They probably went through a lot
in their travels and at some point were forced to eat someone
to avoid death from hunger. Maybe another bum or just some
random tourist. Apparently this experience took

(42:56):
a heavy toll on them psychologically and they
acquired a taste for human meat.After that they switched to a
new menu, slowly turning more and more into a couple of
fucking animals if the older oneis any indication, and only here
in the Moscow region. They became bolder and ate
someone who'd be searched for because finding them basically
wasn't really that hard. But there is another factor.

(43:18):
They had almost animal like sense of danger, always managing
to outpace Middle Asia's pursuit.
Just by a day or two. That's it.
By the way, it was really creepytaking these photos.
Knowing that in theory one of them is still on the run, even
though he must be really old today.
Those locals now are as far awayfrom any popular civilization as

(43:39):
it was back then. Also, I would never want to be
in shoes of that blind old man during that night.
This part of the story always chilled me to the bone. 5th case
Part 1. This happened during the summer
of 96. This case differs from the
previous ones because firstly, it happened in a good part of
town in which I lived by the way, and secondly because I

(44:00):
heard part of the story first hand even before my grandpa told
me about it. One night around one AMA man
burst into my grandpa's precinctraving like a lunatic and
holding a crying woman in a torndress.
After managing to calm him down,officers on duty started to
listen to his story. He, 32 year old small time
businessman was visited by some friends that evening and asked

(44:22):
his wife, 27, housewife, to taketheir eight-month old boy and go
for a scroll around the block. What kind of visit and from what
kind of friends makes you ask your wife to take your child and
leave the house at 11:00 PM is aseparate question and some
investigators tried to tie this visit to what happened next and
had certain success with it. After running some checks on
those friends who had pretty evident connection to a big

(44:44):
local gang, he clearly paid themprotection money since both he
and his business. We're doing fine, but I'll come
back to it. Later.
Around one hour and 10 minutes later he finally managed to get
rid of his friends and started to worry about his wife who
hasn't come back yet. When he came out of the house he
couldn't see her anywhere and started to circle their
apartment complex shouting her name when suddenly he literally

(45:06):
stumbled on pawn, the overturnedstroller lying there in the
dark. Stroller was lying on the
asphalt Rd. you can see on the first photo.
There were no lanterns on the road back then, and there are
none today. The closest ones are something
like 30 meters away near the walkway line along the edge of
the forest. So yeah, you can't see shit
there at night. When he realized that stroller
was empty, he started to seriously panic.

(45:27):
But then he heard sobbing comingfrom the forest and rushed
towards it, where he found his wife weeping and wandering
between the trees and nigh unconscious state.
Failing to get any sort of response from her, he just put
her in his car and drove towardsthe precinct.
My grandpa had nearly as much success.
She was answering slowly, couldn't even recall her own
name at first. She was clearly in a state of

(45:48):
shock, so doctor was called in immediately.
But something my grandfather didlearn by basically asking her
the same questions over and overagain.
To sum her incoherent speech up,this is what happened.
She was walking along that very same Rd. when something big
rushed towards her from the direction of an apartment
complex, pushed her away, grabbed her child from a
stroller and ran towards an irontower and then into the woods.

(46:12):
She followed this something to the forest but failed to catch
up with it. Also, yes, this is exactly how
she called it, something that mygrandfather remembered very
well. After that there was a theory
about a big animal, but I'll tell you about it later.
The Doctor Who arrived by then examined her, finding bruises
and small scratches that she probably received while pursuing
the abductor through the woods. No further damage was found, but

(46:34):
she was indeed in a state of shock.
Doctor advised to give her some glycine or glycerol.
Fuck if I know what I have written in my notes here, don't
ask me about it. Let her have some sleep and
advise to avoid stress. He chastised my grandfather for
question her in such a state. He also advised to hospitalize
her if her condition wouldn't improve.
On the next day. It was decided without much hope
to conduct a search while the trail was hot.

(46:57):
With help of a sinologist and his dog, the iron tower was
found pretty fast. 250 meters away from the spot stroller was
found. There was an overhead power line
which you can see on the attached photo.
I actually found two of such towers there, but the second one
is too far away and there's somewarehouses near it in the
forest, so I bet I got the rightone.
During the examination of the stroller some strange things

(47:18):
started to happen. Dog long haired German Shepherd,
a huge male. Saw that dog a few times in my
childhood and was indeed enormous.
Started to act erratic, growlingat the house, pressing its tail,
ignoring sinologist command who was pretty surprised by that
behavior from an adult dog that never acted like that before.
He was the only one who proposeda theory about a large wild

(47:38):
animal that might have caused dog unfamiliar with hunting to
react that way. On the fabric that covered the
stroller, there was a small torngap no one paid much attention
to. After all, it could have torn
during its fall, and the asphaltcovered in small pebbles and
pieces of broken glass. But my grandfather noted this
anyways. Maybe he had some thoughts about
it. No traces of blood were found

(47:59):
inside the stroller or on the ground around it.
They even double checked it during the day.
Nothing but stroller was taken for an expertise anyway, which
gave no results. When they finally reached the
tower, despite the dog acting completely inadequate and now
Wright refusing to pick up the trail, they started to ponder
what to do next. There were no obvious signs and
the dog wasn't helping, so the cynologist was dismissed, while

(48:21):
operatives started to rummage through the nearest part of the
forest with flashlights just to clear their conscience, but to
no avail. OP has computer troubles, but
another Anon finishes translating.
Another Russian ain't on here. In Opie's absence.
I will conclude the story in themorning.
They have called the man whose child has gone missing, but he
had reported that his wife had not become a hum better and that

(48:42):
he was taking her to the hospital.
She was sent to the loony bin for some time, but even after
getting released she couldn't tell anything new, as if she had
just lost her memory. There was only one connection
left, the man's friends. But not to turn all of this into
one of the boring episodes of criminal Russia, translators
note a once popular TV show documenting all kinds of juicy
crimes. In brief, it did not lead

(49:03):
anywhere. And look for yourself.
The businessman was a small time, to put it mildly, and no
demands followed his disappearance.
And what's so strange and scary about the story?
We might think the fact that in a month's time the same house
had a similar case. Two brothers, the elder was 10,
the younger 7 played behind the house, rummaging under the
windows, hoping to find something interesting.

(49:24):
The elder brother, naturally, was tasked by the parents to
keep an eye on Junior. The rest is taken from the elder
brother's testimony after his father had taken him to the
Middle Asia. It was a short while before
10:00 PM time to return home, when the elder brother had
suddenly noticed that the younger brother was standing
still and staring into a dark alcove under the first floor

(49:44):
balcony. You can see such outcomes on the
photo here. Perhaps it's even one of them.
The elder brother tried calling the kid several times, but he
did not react, setting on his way to him.
He froze in place when fur covered paws appeared out of the
alcove and dragged the child inside, and the kid did not make
a single sound. How he had managed to spot the
fur on the paws in the dark is an interesting question.

(50:06):
As there were no St. lamps thereat first, the guy stood dead and
peered Into Darkness. For a moment he even thought he
had seen big white eyes, something that he would
certainly would never be able tosee, and then dashed off as fast
as he would come back home to his father who was sipping beer
after long days work and he having smacked the lat for line
when looking for the younger sonwith a flashlight.

(50:26):
It examined every alcove but didnot find anything at all except
a hole punched in a corner of one of them which probably led
to the basement of the house. But that hole was too narrow for
an adult man, only a child couldget through.
And sorry I couldn't add that picture.
This isn't the original post, this is an archive, so I can't
get to the original picture. Spoiler that was obviously
supposed to be part 6. I fucked up.

(50:48):
But the father wasn't intent to giving up so easily.
He took a crowbar, busted the lock on the basement door, and
climbed down there. Unfortunately, having gone
through the entire basement, he had found nothing.
There was a strong stink of rotsthat was verified by
Grandfather, who examined the cellar later, and something else
in the air, a strange, almost heavy smell, although
Grandfather could smell nothing of that kind.

(51:09):
But in the end, nothing was found.
That's all folks. Funny thing is here, I knew that
boy from my childhood. We were in that same crowd.
He was slightly older than me and the story he told of the
middle Asia is nearly a perfect fit for the what he told us.
After those events, he never wasa particularly merry fellow and
soul of the company. But after those events he barely

(51:29):
went out, became somewhat fearful and almost panicked when
faced with the backside of his own house, flat out refusing to
go there. So on one hand I personally
believe it, but on the other, who knows what a story a child
can concoct. But there is the matter of the
woman's accounts, who again was in a state of shock and thus
made a shitty witness, and of a guard dog who would put its tail

(51:51):
between his legs and act like a little puppy, which is highly
atypical. The animal version is doubtful
I'd say. Firstly, what kind of animal
likes to snatch little kids without leaving any tracks?
Seriously, 2 similar cases in the same place and in a whole
month nobody saw anything. And secondly, if we take into
account the whole leading to thecellar, no large animal would

(52:11):
fit into it. There are of course the man's
friends from the first case, butas I said, there's just no sense
in it for them. Since the second man in it had
nothing to do neither with commerce nor with crime.
It would make more sense to steal both children, I reckon.
So, truth be told, I have no ideas to share about this one.
Unfortunately, that's all there is.
The Anon with the investigator grandfather was never heard from

(52:34):
again and just wow, I love this story.
I love these long 4 Chan stories.
You know, in all honesty, I think 4 Chan has some of the
best stories on the Internet, you know, because they're so
unique, so anonymous and just sointeresting and just, it's just
really interesting what goes on there.

(52:54):
I really believe that Opie's grandfather was a Soviet cop,
which is super interesting. You know, for some reason, I
know I've read a few, you know, Soviet slash Russian stories.
You guys seem to love them. But these stories are always
great. Yeah, the Soviet Russian stories
are great. And like I said in the intro, I

(53:15):
don't have a lot of 4 Chan stories left.
So, you know, cherish these while I can still release them.
But I appreciate you guys watching.
You guys are the best. Thank you so much for watching
the end of the video. I really love this video.
It was 1 long story of a bunch of different stories, but yeah,
I really liked it. Hopefully you did as well.
If you like this video, I'm sureyou'll like another video on the
channel. So go watch some other videos on
the channel and yeah, like and subscribe.

(53:36):
It helps so much. This is Snook.
I'll see you next time. Bye.
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Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com

NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal

NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal

Gregg Rosenthal and a rotating crew of elite NFL Media co-hosts, including Patrick Claybon, Colleen Wolfe, Steve Wyche, Nick Shook and Jourdan Rodrigue of The Athletic get you caught up daily on all the NFL news and analysis you need to be smarter and funnier than your friends.

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