Ep. 5: What About Your Friends?

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hello, and welcome to the Sofa Talk podcast. I'm your
co host Astor.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
And I'm your co host seven.

Speaker 1 (00:11):
Let's talk it out and lounge it up. We appreciate
you listening. This is episode five. In the title today's
episode is what About Your Friends? So every time I
say that I want to sing TLC song what about
your friends? Will they stand there ground? Will they let

(00:31):
you down? Hey?

Speaker 2 (00:32):
Hey?

Speaker 1 (00:33):
He shout out to TLC for that song and for
that title that we're gonna be using for this podcast
segment today. Today we're gonna talk about the highs, lows
and lessons and friendship and what it means to show up,
grow apart, and everything in between. Welcome back. So before

(01:17):
we get into the what about your friend's topic, I
just wanted to highlight and mention a few things that
has been brought to my attention. Keep in mind, I
don't need to explain myself, and neither does seven, but
we wanted to provide some clarification which is needed. If

(01:39):
you listen to debuting Sofa Talk, you'll have a better
understanding of the podcast. Seven and I shared personal information
about ourselves and how we want Sofa Talk to impact
and relate to people. Seven and I are on the
couch talking like literally, but we also need to address
our listens at the same time because it's just not

(02:03):
just him and I talking. We ask questions and things
like that, and they say something to y'all, you know,
kind of like directly or indirectly, so the conversation, so
the conversation isn't just focused on us, it's for all
of you too. Remember this podcast isn't just for seven
and I, It's for you all too. That's why we're

(02:24):
doing it. We're here to educate, relate, and have eye
opening discussions topics that make you go hmmm, just like
the song things that make you go hmmm, I'm listening
a musical mew today. We try to give credit where
it's due, like we mentioned before, by referencing our information sources,

(02:44):
especially when it's being read to you all. Although you
can't see us online video platforms. Remember what we said before,
communication is key. Don't focus on visuals. Listen to our
message that we are delivering to you all, remember we
said before. Also, people often criticize podcasters visually that they

(03:09):
miss out on good discussion topics. Since we're audio, which
means you can only hear us. Think about it. It's
a benefit. You won't have to be glued to your
device that you're listening to us from. So think about it.
You call multitask and listen to us at the same time.
Work out, cook clean, listen to us on your way

(03:29):
to work, running errands, you know, things to that nature.
Doing any activity or a hobby that's a good thing.
So keep that in mind. Also, y'all, we just started.
Please give us a chance. I don't like begging people,
but just please give us a chance. We're still trying
to find our rhythm and groove, you know, and find
out what works and what doesn't. We promised you'll like

(03:52):
it here. As we mentioned you're gonna like us. Just
give us some time and let me make another note there.
Sometimes our top may be based on awareness months, So
during that time when we're speaking about a topic that's
based on awareness, there's a lot of educational components that
comes behind that. Seven and nine don't have the research.

(04:15):
We never did the research. We're reading on it. We're
referencing the sources and reading it all to you. And
surprisingly what I found out people like that and people
like to hear statistical facts in numbers, So keep that
in mind too when you listen to Sofa Talk or
think of Sofa Talk when we do educational things in nature,

(04:36):
remember that. And also, to let me make another note,
I told y'all before I'm a professional woman. So you
know I'm professional. Remember I told y'all on the debut
of Sofa Talk, I can go from professional to non professional.
So you'll see a little bit of that of needs sometimes,
especially next month September when we do the work work topic,

(05:01):
because I got things to say, So all this fanciness
professionalism will be going out the door because I'm gonna
be cursing and all and set it and off on there,
and y'all gonna see when I'm passionate and pissed about something,
y'all gonna see my delivery in my tone is not
going to be professional. So you know, I had to
share that with y'all. So if you want to add

(05:22):
anything or you agree what I said seven or are
you agree? Okay, you know we just had to you know,
let y'all know that. Okay, thank y'all for listening for that. Okay,
another thing too, TikTok, let me give you another round
of applause because y'all showing out on there. We don't

(05:43):
got much followers, We got like sixty one, sixty two
or sixty followers on there, but the views, the engagement
that we get some time for comments outweighs the followers.
So we think anybody, even if you don't follow us,
we thank you all for supporting us on that platform.
The views, like I said, are you know, doing really good.

(06:03):
So thank you all for that. And let me give
a special shout out to somebody a listener or a
Sofa talker, Uh Puma on TikTok At Puma, thank you
for sharing our podcast promo video for our episode featuring
the debut of Sofa Talk in our first episode breaking

(06:24):
the stigma around mental health. Thank you so much for
doing that for us on TikTok. We appreciate it when
you when people do stuff like that, share it. You
know that means they like it, they want other people
to engage or listen. We appreciate that. So shout out
to you, Puma, shout out yup. We see you, Puma,
We see you. And also want to thank the other
people who in followers like from Facebook that have also

(06:48):
shared our promo videos for our podcast episodes on Facebook.
See what the thing with Facebook? Sometime I can't see
who who shares the post, but we do. I do
see a few people that do share. So thank you
to you all too. If I can't mention y'all, you
appreciate it, and we think y'all thank you so much.
So the topic is what about your friends? So we

(07:13):
are gonna discuss to us, we're gonna define what friend,
what a friend means to each of us, and what
makes a person a good friend? Starting out, since it's
about friendship the segment.

Speaker 2 (07:27):
So you want me to go first.

Speaker 1 (07:30):
Okay, So when I think of a friend, off the
top of my head, I think of a friend as
somebody who's loyal, who's dependable, who's honest, who's gonna be
there for you, who's gonna keep it real with you,
who might put you in check. Sometimes you don't want
people who are like the Yes, ma'am, Yes, they're kind
of people. We just we just talked about that, right.

(07:53):
We want a friend that's gonna keep it real. We
want a friend that's like a vole. So I'm gonna
talk to him. I'm gonna talk to seven here, talk
to him. He's gonna save guard what I say to
him and not spread it. You know what I'm saying.
He's my ball. So you know, somebody trustworthy, you know,

(08:14):
somebody could open to be open, to open up around
also to not faking the funk. You know what I'm saying.
There's some people out there that have friendships that they
fake the funk with with certain people. But I want
to keep it real with you. You're gonna see me
during my highs, my lows, my good, my bad. I'm
not faking it with you because a real friendship, I

(08:36):
don't have to because you're gonna see me, you know,
through the good, the bad, and the ugly as I mentioned.
So that's what a friendship is. It makes a good
friend pretty much. To me, a good friend is somebody
who's gonna be there, that's gonna support you, be a listener,
be there to listen to you emotionally. Sometimes friends do

(08:57):
help financially with me. You know that's not a big
deal for me. It's just sometimes just listen to what
I gotta say. If I'm gonna event, listen to me,
the friend got my back, you know what I'm saying,
is going to have my back. What else makes a
good friend? It's so much that comes behind this, y'all.
A good friend is always by your side, always by

(09:21):
your side, no matter what, no matter what. A good
friend makes time for you. A good friend makes time
to communicate with you. And communication could come in the
form of a phone call, a voicemail, a text message,
and email, you know, things like that. That's still communicating,
so you know, and keep up the friendship and meet
with you every now and then if you can't meet

(09:41):
all the time because life goes on, life changes, things happen,
but you know, you stay in communication with them. You
just don't let them go or kick them to the curb.
And a friend's going to be by your side when
you are at your down moment. That's how you know
you have a good friend. When there are when you're
at your down moment, they're going to be there by
your side to help you and pick you up. I agree, okay, absolutely,

(10:05):
so that is my.

Speaker 2 (10:08):
I kind of pretty much agree with everything you said.

Speaker 3 (10:12):
I really feel like you know, uh, I mean, yeah,
pretty much everything you said I agree with because those
are the qualities that I also look in friends and
friendships also too, as I got I got older, I
respect more of a genuine friendship. It's not about quantity,

(10:35):
is about quality, and I've learned that from you.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
You know.

Speaker 3 (10:39):
I used to think before you know, have a big
group of crowd of friends and no, no, no no.
But then you start to realize, like, these are really
not my friends. These are more associated or just for
you know, in the moment type people. But I'm one
of those people that do value friendships and I take
it very seriously. So I'm one of those type of friends.

(10:59):
If we're friends are best Pretty much my friends are
my best friends because I don't have a big, large group,
so everybody I have an individual relationship with it, so
I consider that person my best friend. But we all
bring so much quality to one another in life. And
when you get older, certain things, the things that used

(11:19):
to count no longer count. And when you're able to
adjust to life and just things that are happening and
still be able to keep a good, healthy friendship.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
Because communication is key. You know, we're not little kids anymore.

Speaker 3 (11:32):
So it's like you know, you get the loans, you communicating,
checking in and all.

Speaker 2 (11:36):
It's not about always hanging out or going out texation
I wish you well, or I can't wait to see you,
or you're in my prayers or my thoughts. You know,
those type of things like that go a long way
in a friendship.

Speaker 3 (11:52):
So you know, and the people that I have in
my life bring all those qualities, and I believe I
bring all those back.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
Into their lives also three sixty honey.

Speaker 2 (12:01):
I believe in pouring into people. I don't like the
people's cups, you know, empty or half empty, how you
say it, or whatever.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
I like to be there and support my people, no
matter what high low, no matter what it is, I
got you. I'm always for a good time. I'm always
for a good relaxing time. I'm when those tep of
friends don't require much. We're sitting at the house and
we're watching movies or we're reminiscent with so we go
out there and that's everything to me.

Speaker 2 (12:29):
Like it doesn't always have to be a club sing
or vacation, you know, because some people value those types
of things.

Speaker 1 (12:35):
That's fun, that's fine, But I.

Speaker 3 (12:38):
Still have the most fun even even in the smaller
settings or.

Speaker 1 (12:44):
We're not so extravagant.

Speaker 3 (12:45):
Yeah exactly, Yeah, So yeah, those Yeah, I feel like
we kind of pretty much have the.

Speaker 2 (12:51):
Same values and thoughts of what a friend means, and
you know it was a good person.

Speaker 1 (12:55):
All that also too. I want to add on to
seven there. So I came across something on social media.
I don't know the handler's name or the user's name,
but it mentioned something about there was a lady who
went through some difficult times and I think she adopted
a baby. The baby mat had been malnourished and she

(13:16):
was under stressed and things like that, and people would
ask her, do you need support? Let me know if
you need anything. But sometimes pride sets in our way,
so we're not going to tell people, you know what,
I do need the support. You know, I do need that.
But what happened was, guess what the people did in
the circle, whether it's friends, family, neighbors, or what have you.

(13:39):
They went ahead and acted on that. They didn't wait
for her to say I need this or that. They
mowed her lawn, they provided food. I think. So you know,
I said, you know what, that was a lesson learned.
I'm going to take that if I know somebody who's
going through a crisis or something devastating, and you know,

(14:00):
so if they need something maybe I'm not gonna ask anymore.
What do you need? Let me know if you need anything,
matter of fact, do it.

Speaker 3 (14:11):
You know what, just do it, you know honestly, you know,
well I can. I'm gonna speak for myself. The people
that are in my circle that I call friends, best
friends or whatever, I automatically know. I don't have to ask.
Majority of the time the communication line is open. So

(14:32):
if they are dealing with something or going through something,
I'm automatically going to know. That's up to me. However
I act on it or whatever the case may be.
But a lot of the time, depending on how strong
the friendship is, the relationship is, you should just be
able to tell, like by a tone or expression or
energy or vibe. And I'm able pretty much to pick

(14:56):
up on anybody that that's in my circle, which I
called in my village, but my circle, I know when
something's up and when something when something's down for them,
and I'm able to jump right in.

Speaker 2 (15:08):
So I sometimes you don't got to ask questions. I
just automatically know, and you'll.

Speaker 1 (15:13):
Do it right, and you'll do it. Yep, you'll do it.
So say somebody says, damn, I don't got fifty dollars
for gas for the week. You heard that, so you
know this person is saying, damn, I don't got fifty
dollars for the gas for the week. I'm gonna go
ahead and cash at them. You will sell them fifty dollars,
you know, acting on that when they're saying things to you.
But you're gonna go ahead and do you know what,
I'm gonna go ahead and help them and if they

(15:35):
need it. So you're one of those kind of friends exactly.
There was also something I saw too, like glance on
social media. You know, I don't do social media, but
I dig glance on. It makes me depressed and sad,
like the stories on there. But there was I think
a chef or something like an event planner. There was
a lady who had a very nice birthday thing set
up food, drinks and everything, and it was for her

(15:57):
birthday and she invited her friends to sell. Guess what, everybody,
No one showed up. She wasted all that money, the decor,
the setup which was beautifully done by the chef and everything.
So the chef, I wish I had his name, the
handler name or user name. The chef said, people don't

(16:19):
celebrate nobody no more. I said, WHOA, that's a good point.
People are not showing out and celebrating their friends anymore.
And this was for her birthday and she paid for
it and to surprise her friends to come and enjoy theirselves.
I just I thought that was fucked up. I'm gonna
keep it real. It was fucked up. So I guess
that's the thing now. People are not celebrating their friends.

(16:41):
And I don't know if that's being with life. Is
life taking over all of us that we don't have
time to celebrate our friends, or are we too consume
with our own selves or maybe quote unquote miserable and
don't want to bring miserable energy, you know, because some
people are like I'm like that. If I'm not in
a good mood, i don't want to be around my

(17:01):
friends or family. I'm protecting their piece as well as
my piece and energy. I wanted to be disturbed disturb
them also. But that lady had a like you all.
The setup was so beautiful, the food, everything, it looked
fun like I would go there, I'll be happy. My
friend did that, and and nobody contributed to that. She
did that for her birthday, to have people come and

(17:23):
for them not to show up, Like he said, are
people not celebrating friends anymore?

Speaker 2 (17:31):
That's what you know.

Speaker 3 (17:31):
It's funny because I'm very selective, Like I've always kind
of probably the past couple of years, I've wanted to
do like big trips or big parties and stuff like that.
But I said, just certain people move differently now and
stuff like that, and I wouldn't want that to be
the reason why the friendship devolves. So what I've also

(17:52):
learned what the friends that I do have, because now
all of us are in one circle like some some
friendships I do have individually. So I've learned how to
deal with those friends, uh.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
Individually, that group or that person that smart.

Speaker 3 (18:09):
It just works better that way because I've just I've learned,
you know, everybody's not the same. You know, we're not
person grown. We've got different lives and stuff like that.
And I'm all about energy. So if I know all
the energies are not going to click or it's going
to be some on hot and cold type of vibes,
I just don't do those type of things like that

(18:30):
where I don't have to set myself up. You know,
if I have to spread myself through selective people or
something like that. Somethings like I was to have an
event or do something big like that, I would just
do it that way.

Speaker 2 (18:42):
If it's just a dinner or a.

Speaker 3 (18:44):
Movie, or there's like an actual house party or go
out somewhere or travel somewhere for some type of thing.
I know, and I'm speaking for myself, I know which
ones that I can pull together.

Speaker 2 (18:55):
Or or I have to do separately with.

Speaker 1 (19:00):
B that because because you're I guess you're caring about
the other friendsfortable.

Speaker 2 (19:05):
Yeah, yeah, I want my people to be comfortable and
have a good time.

Speaker 3 (19:08):
So if if we can't all celebrate together, then it
would be okay. And it's fine, and it's no like,
no malice, there's no tension, there's no craziness or none
of that. I think we're just all grown and we
know where we stand in each other's lives, and it
just works out better that way. Okay, But I can
say I've had several successful situations.

Speaker 2 (19:31):
Where my whole crowded people, my whole group.

Speaker 3 (19:34):
Of friends were in the same room and it was
good vibes and good energy and all that, and we
had a good time. So I'm just thankful for the
people that I have in my life and the friends
that I have and the what they bring into my life,
what I bring into theirs.

Speaker 2 (19:49):
I'm very appreciative of that.

Speaker 1 (19:52):
Yes, because it's hard to come by.

Speaker 2 (19:54):
It's hard.

Speaker 1 (19:54):
It's hard.

Speaker 3 (19:55):
And literally all my friendships are from school, maybe even
elementary school and all the way up to high school.

Speaker 2 (20:04):
And those are the same friendships I still have today.

Speaker 1 (20:07):
So you still have them. So part of our subtopic
was sharing personal stories, and you just let us into
that about childhood friendships and how those friendships have transformed
and or changed over time. Yes, So you mentioned that
you've had childhood friendships and some of them. Are you
friends with all of them? Or do some of them,
like you said, dissolved.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
Some some did dissolve.

Speaker 3 (20:28):
Majority of them are still here today, even like the
ones that even like the ones that were like we
were super tight, like say like elementary or middle school
or something like that, we still communicate. We may not
get together, but it's like, you know, we acknowledge each other.
We knew that we were good friends or whatever, and
it's always been VIPs. But like pretty much all my

(20:51):
best best friends, I've been on school for twenty years
are before that, so that and I'm thirty seven, so
that speaks a lot of how long the friendships have been.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
Am I part of your childhood friends since nineteen ninety six?
Nineteen ninety six, and we're gonna go a little bit deeper,
but thanks to my sister, they were friends first.

Speaker 2 (21:14):
We were friends first.

Speaker 1 (21:15):
First. First, there's a topic too coming up soon, y'all
stay tuned about that.

Speaker 3 (21:22):
I met you guys in nineteen ninety six, Me and
your sister were in the third grade together and we
lost I want to say, we lost contact for for
fifth and six because you guys moved away and then
moved back, and then we reconnected in the seventh grade

(21:42):
and our friendship just bloomed right back to where it was.
And then mean, you became best friends when we got
into hospital. I was a freshman and you were a.

Speaker 2 (21:55):
Like junior, Yeah, something like that.

Speaker 1 (21:57):
Yeah, And we've been tight every sin and since then.
So we're childhood we're also childhood friends.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
Also same neighborhood.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
Also to a special thing about the friendship, my sister
and seven, they've been through a lot together. We did,
so even to this day, we've been through similarities. That's
why our bond is so strong. I did want to
mention our bond is strong because we've been through the
same things in life, you know, and we relate and
then yes, what y'all we can't judge each other because

(22:29):
we've been through the same things, so we have a
better understanding of each other. It all makes sense since
us with me sharing a personal story with my childhood friendships,
I mean, I have a best friend. I don't speak
to her much anymore, but we do communicate a couple
times a year. You know, I known her since middle school.

(22:50):
A lot of my childhood friendships when I relocated to
this area that I'm living in now, I've lost touch
with them As time has went on, I did lose
touch with some of them, and a lot of them
were the female friends that I had. The male friends
we still keep in contact every now and then, but
it was my female friendships. Even when the state I

(23:11):
was born in. I'm not gonna give too much detail.
The state I was born in, we had childhood friends there,
but again when we relocate it, I lost touch with
those people. So I wonder, you know, I might having
regrets or you know, but sometimes you wonder what would
have happened if we would have stayed in contact with
them still, you know, even as adults now we're all adults,
were grown, some have families, some are married, some have children,

(23:33):
so and so forth, successful living their lives, living their
best lives.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
You know.

Speaker 1 (23:37):
I wonder how would that have been if we had
a long distance friendship. But you know, it never happened.
So and that happens. That happens. People grow apart in distance.
Sometimes long distance friendships don't last either at times. So
and this was childhood. I mean, we could have made
an effort on social media to meet up, you know,

(23:59):
but we didn't. And that happens too, Because I guess,
like I said, life, life changes happen in life.

Speaker 2 (24:06):
Life.

Speaker 1 (24:06):
It's all about life. I agree. So let me mention this.
Last year I had a conversation with my little baby
sister and she made a statement and it stuck with
me and I was like, Okay, we're going to use
that for content as a meme for our social media channels.

(24:30):
This is what she said. This was last year, as
we mentioned, and this posted on our social media channels.
As I mentioned. She said, how do people pick and
choose who they selectively want to have in their life
during their up and down moments. I sat back, like, yo,
I had to think about that. That was some real shit,

(24:52):
my sister has said, my baby sister, I said, look
at her speaking the knowledge there, baby sister, given knowledge.
How do people pick and choose who they selectively want
in their life during their up and down moments? To me,
is that using a friend or the friendship when they
do that?

Speaker 3 (25:11):
Like, you know what, I wouldn't even say that, you
know what, something that I learned. I'll say this, Okay,
So me and your sister we graduated high school into
thousand and five, and so before that, you know, the
teen years, all that stuff like that was good and
all that stuff like that fun fun, fun, right, even

(25:33):
though we experienced things coming up, but we could say
we had good team, you know, being preteen team.

Speaker 2 (25:39):
Yeah, and children we got to be kids and all
that stuff like that.

Speaker 3 (25:44):
I felt like the real world hit a lot of
us after we got out of school.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
Oh yeah, And for.

Speaker 3 (25:49):
Some reason, I felt like it also kind of made
us also closer because we understood certain things, we saw
certain things coming up, So I really didn't have to
pick and choose, and I'm just speaking for myself, who
to have around up or down. I just knew who
I was able to share maybe those down or rough

(26:11):
moments with because they will understand. Because it also protected
the friends that may not understand, because they may not
have that type of experience where I would get upsetting
and we're like, well they don't care or they don't understand.
So that part of my life may not have had
anything to do with them. They wouldn't have goid itself.
I wouldn't allow them to be in that in that

(26:36):
space of that situation. But there were certain friends that
I did have that understood or may had the same
struggles and was like okay, and we were able to
like you know, cheer each other on, uplift one another,
or just have a better understanding and relate and get
through certain situations together. But I didn't allow that to

(26:58):
bring a weds between the other friends that may not
understood that, you know, I just I may not just
not share that certain information with them. But what I
will say is as Tom got got as time went
on and we got older, some of those friends that
didn't have those experience or didn't have these childhood experience

(27:18):
or didn't have a rough start out, they started to
experience things, and then they still came to me and
talked to me or shared it with me, So then
I was able to relate to them. Well, yeah, back
during that time, you know, I kind of went through
that and this is what I did there, like okay,
And then the thing about it is it makes the
friendship even stronger.

Speaker 1 (27:37):
And it also too, I want to add on to it,
he said, But Simon said, you don't feel alone. A
lot of times in life, we feel isolated and alone
in certain situations. So am I right on that?

Speaker 2 (27:48):
Yeah you are.

Speaker 1 (27:49):
Yeah, it creates like a sense of connectivity.

Speaker 3 (27:52):
And I'll say this, I'll say this to you guys,
viewers and listeners. I'll say so for talkers, thank you.
When it comes to friendships, this is not talking about
your siblings or your family and nobody like that. With
your friendships, you do have to know who you're talking to.
I personally feel that you everybody should be able to

(28:15):
have a safe space with somebody special in your life
or or in your friendship, somebody out of the click
to note just about everything. I have that with Astor
and not saying and I always say this all the time.
Everything is not for everybody, because once again, you don't
want to get math at certain friends that just don't

(28:37):
understand you at the moment or what you're dealing with
or the changes you're going through and all that. But
there's always one I don't care what nobody says, There's
always that one person. And you could say, this person
gets me in and out. And it doesn't mean that
the other friends aren't good friends. It doesn't mean none
of that. It doesn't take any of their qualities and

(28:58):
values away from the friendship. But you should you should
just always kind of have that. You should be able
to have a safe place in the friendships that you
do have. I'm really really big on that. You've got
to have that one friend where you know they know
the worst of you and it's going right to the
graveyard with them when they leave this ears, you know

(29:19):
what I mean, And it's just good to have that.
You people need to have people that understand them their
their down moments and their high moments. Yes, but once again,
the kind of jump back what we were talking about, Guys,
I did want to say this too. You don't want
it to make it come off as as you're using
certain friends for certain parts of.

Speaker 1 (29:42):
I want to be right, that's not right, and right, your.

Speaker 3 (29:48):
Still friendships and stuff the same with the ones that
do not have a certain experience that you're dealing with.
You know, don't change the friendship because of that, because
because yeah, but still keep the friendship the same. And
it's not saying like you're hiding things or whatever.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
They just may not understand.

Speaker 3 (30:05):
And if you want to protect the friendship and you
don't want to look at them like, oh, they really
don't care because they.

Speaker 2 (30:11):
Just don't know.

Speaker 3 (30:12):
They never experienced that, so you don't want And everybody's
feelings are different, so people may. I have a best
friend another another best friend in my life that is,
he's on the same level as Astor. But when it
goes deep and if I'm bringing something deep into our conversation,
he can't. He doesn't go there because that's not his thing.

(30:35):
But it doesn't make him any any lesson a friend,
or that makes it if he doesn't have a reply
back to what I'm discussing or what I'm feeling, just
that happen that listening and I know it's not going nowhere,
and he's not judging me. Yep, it doesn't get no
better than.

Speaker 1 (30:53):
Shout out to him, I know who you are, so you.

Speaker 3 (30:57):
And as you get older, guys, y'all will need that
and you'll look and you'll and it'll make why you
have these people in your lives. And the person that
I'm talking about has been my best friend since the
sixth grade. He's a male, he's my male best friend,
and he knows just about everything that Astor knows. But

(31:18):
the thing about it is is that just our experience
are a little more different. So if I have to
go deep and I'm dealing with some deep, crazy shit,
He's just going to be there and he's going to
listen and he'll say it's going to be all right,
it's okay. He may not can't have a resolution or
dig deep into the conversation, but he's there. He's still

(31:38):
being encouraging and he's listening, and I don't feel judged.

Speaker 2 (31:42):
So you you.

Speaker 3 (31:42):
Gotta be able to read between your friends, because at
one point I was going through third going through a
time and I was like, no, some of my friends
may just don't understand me, or they you know, they're
not locked in the way that I'm locked in with them.
But you you have to learn your friend's personalities, you
have to understand them, You got to understand where they're
coming from. Because some people also aren't able to carry

(32:04):
other people's baggages in their weight, you.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
Know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (32:08):
Some of us can to take on every everybody's problem,
but then you got some of the people that take
on everybody's problems, and then it's like, well, damn, who's
going to be there for me? I fixed everybody else
and now I'm going through something. Everybody's all happy da
da dah, dah dah, and now I don't have the
same support that I was given. Yes, So you just
have to have those relationships, know the relationships, and that's

(32:29):
what that will keep your friendships going. And you don't
have to pick and choose who's there. Everybody's going to
be there in their own kind of way when you're
up and when you're down.

Speaker 2 (32:39):
Or when you're just right in the middle.

Speaker 3 (32:41):
It's just how you deal with them accordingly and how
the relationship is, and then you don't have no problems
in the friendships.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
You won't you won't check me.

Speaker 1 (32:52):
So with that being said, there was a popular DJ
that I had listened to. This was about maybe two three,
could be even four years ago. I'm not gonna name
his name, but he was on a local radio station.
And this is relating to friends choosing who they want

(33:13):
during their selectively choosing who they want during their up
and down moments. He had ended friendships because when he
started reaching new heights in his life, his friends couldn't
afford his new it's okay, it's okay, okay. So when

(33:36):
he started elevating in life, he ended friendships because his
friends couldn't afford his new lifestyle. And I guess how
the way he was elevating in life, he mentioned that,
I guess something to the fact that they didn't have
money to partake in his activities. I guess doing the luxury,
lavishing things, doing new things, exploring new things, traveling to places,
things like that. And to me, I personally think that

(33:59):
was wrong. I think that is wrong. It does not
matter if you reach success in life, because that's what
we're supposed to do. We want to, you know, attain
and like we said, elevate and reach higher heights. But
the people that were there for you during your moment
when you didn't have much money or you were not
quote unquote successful. I feel that you still owe those

(34:23):
people some type of loyalty. And let me tell you
something else. I'm gonna add on to that. There's no
problem with him, you know, wanting to try new things,
new hobbies, because we're not supposed to stay stagnant in life.
We're supposed to change. We're supposed to meet new people,
and that's in the cards for us. Meet new friends. Say,
for instance, if this DJ, if he met a friend

(34:43):
that could afford his lifestyle, he hangs out with them
and they do things together. But don't forget about the
friends that were there for you when you couldn't afford
the lifestyle you're living now. So still keep in touch,
still also do things with them that they could afford.
Or if you have the money you sent you big
baller are doing it. How about true half. You know

(35:03):
what I'm saying, don't just come people to the curve
because you're elevating and making it and looking down on
people because you never know when you might fall on
your ass. As I mentioned earlier, agree keep those friendships,
meet new people that could you know, that could afford
your lifestyle. But still keep in touch, in contact with
the people that were there for you when you were

(35:24):
at the bottom. Before you reach that, be humble, be humble,
half humility, half humility. I always tell seven here, seven
when I'm making big, because I'm claiming that when I
make it big with my business whatever, I will always
remain true and humble. I'm not shitting on nobody, and
I'm not looking down on nobody. Why because I know

(35:45):
what it's like to be at the bottom of the
bottom of the bottom and sacrifice it for multiple years,
decades on everything. I know what it's like. So I'm
not gonna shit on you. I'm not gonna look down
on you. You know what I'm saying. That's my my.

Speaker 3 (36:00):
Friends of my friends, no matter what, and no matter
what I have whatever, no matter what. And that's and
that's the thing. That's the thing about friendships when they
are able to uh to remain a friendship no matter
where you are, and like my friendship stays the same.

Speaker 2 (36:18):
I'm so big on that. I'm so big on that.

Speaker 1 (36:21):
Like I would even explain to seven here him and
I had talked about this before, Like I said, seven,
if I can't go on vacation with you because my
money might be funny. Right now, I said another thing
with me to y'all. I want my people to do
good and do without me. I said, go ahead and
go without me. You don't need me to go. You're
gonna miss out on life.

Speaker 2 (36:39):
Go without me, Go without me.

Speaker 1 (36:41):
Because I don't want you to stop because your friend
can't afford to go, or don't have the money to go,
or the timing may not be right. I always enforce him,
go ahead and go, go ahead and go. I can't
get mad.

Speaker 3 (36:52):
And what do I say? What do I always say?
If I got it, then you're the one.

Speaker 1 (36:58):
You got it? Yes, But sometime my probably said, I'm
gonna be real with y'all. My privy in the way.
Sometimes I like to do things myself. It's hard for
me to ask for that. He knows that it's hard
for me to ask, but I appreciate it. But it's
so hard, y'all. I'm working on that because it could
be a blessing. But it's very hard. So but I'm
just telling go, other people go. Even with my sister.
My sisters are my best friends, the middle sister and

(37:21):
the baby sister. We're best friends. Also I'd be like,
I'm like, do your thing. I'm not stopping y'all. I
want people to have fun. I want people to live life,
experience it. I don't want to be the reason to
hold somebody back from doing something that's not light. Y'all
gotta live and I'm okay with that. And I think
that's big enough for me to say that there's no jealousy,
there's no endie there. I want my people to do
good and live life. This is what life is about.

(37:42):
We got to live our life. I also forgot to
mention this is a good topic. This was based on
the friends and being a better friend and things like that.
What I noticed is that some people are so reserved
with telling their friends their business. If you're not okay,
if your friends asks you let them know you're not okay.

(38:05):
Oftentimes people don't want to show that vulnerable side and
want to put a brave face on. So if you're
always feeling good as you claim, your friends will always
see you as a go to, happy, go lucky person. Y'all.
Remember that. I learn this is myself personally, to be
vocal to my friends and family. If I'm not feeling
my best, I feel people have friends for different reasons.

(38:29):
You may have a friend to party with. You may
have a friend that you treat like a vault like
seven and nine, and we could also party to seven.
If it's all my characteristics of being a friend. He's
all that, But you know, treat like a vault because
you trust a friend and they can hold your secrets.
You may have a friend you just talk to when
you have a problem. You know, you just go to

(38:49):
that person. I'm gonna call them up because I know
they'll have my back, they'll be there for me, and
you know, you get my point there. Also, this is
something so big, so big, so big, so big, so big,
the term and y'all heard it moving in silence. Okay,

(39:10):
I got opinions on that, y'all with friends or even
I'm gonna put family in there too. This family could
be friends too, like my Like I said, my sisters
are my best friends. Also, should we use that term
moving in silence? I thought that term is more mainly
for social media or your social media friends that don't
give a really a fuck about you, that are nosy
and everything like that. Y'all know you'll be like in

(39:31):
that Jews on social media that are nosy moving in silence.
I feel like friends should see your highs, your lows,
your failures, your successes if you get rejected and accept it.
As we know, life is imperfect, and when we hold
on to things and not share with friends, it promotes

(39:52):
like a front, like you're living a perfect life, unscathed.

Speaker 2 (39:57):
Let me tell you something too, with the old school.

Speaker 1 (39:59):
People, old school person at heart, The old school people
like my late grandparents rest in peace of them both
on my mother and my father's side, They value friendships.
Let me tell you what. Back in the day, I
used to call their friends aunts or uncles or aunt
or uncle. And it wasn't until I was a teenager

(40:20):
or a young adult I found out those people weren't
my aunts or uncles by blood or marriage. But you
see how the love my grandparents have for these people,
they became family like, so let's put that in perspective.
Friends become family. I remember when seven and I talked
all the time with him and I be having our
conversations off the record from here. Seven mentions disposable friends

(40:44):
all the time, and I love when he mentions that,
like you could just trash your friend away, You could
just stole them in the trash, and I know he
came across the story on social media of a lady
and she thought she had a friend and they were close,
but the other friend didn't take it that way. Remember
the friend remember.

Speaker 2 (41:01):
That story about the Yeah, I remember that.

Speaker 1 (41:02):
I remember about I think there was a baby and
she's like, oh, I don't let people come in my house.
But the girl was like, I thought we was friends.

Speaker 3 (41:08):
Yeah, yeah, that was crazy. She felt really portrayed, betrayed
by that. That was I remember that. And she was
like she kept reaching out to her, she wanted to
give her time, and then the girl didn't want her
to come around or she went answer the calls and yeah,
then she thought the friendship was there was an actual friendship,
and the.

Speaker 2 (41:26):
Other girls like, nah, I don't think so.

Speaker 1 (41:30):
So that's kind of hard. That makes you think, like,
how how do you know if this you have? You
have one way of thinking this person your friend, but
then you have the other person thinking now a cul
like that.

Speaker 3 (41:41):
You know, there's some people that don't really think about
stuff like that. Some people think because they hit it off,
that automatically makes some friends like like you can use
oh I met somebody at work, We're gonna go out
for drinks one day and then automatically because y'all or
y'all had to drink or something like that, y'all like
really good friends.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
And it was just like, well, maybe that just was
for that moment.

Speaker 3 (42:03):
You know, I'm not really interested in you know, opening,
opening to a new friendship and stuff like that. So
that's why I say, God, you got to just be
able to you know, read into people and just kind
of really pick.

Speaker 2 (42:14):
Up their vibe.

Speaker 3 (42:14):
You know, know where they're coming from, who they are,
you know, are they looking for friends, are they you
know all that stuff like it's just like dating.

Speaker 2 (42:21):
You know, you kind of got to get to know
to see where it goes.

Speaker 3 (42:26):
So you won't have no high expectations of this person
and they're not you know, delivering anything to a friendship
or making a friendship or anything like that.

Speaker 2 (42:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (42:36):
I guess also too, So I think that everybody's your
friends an associate.

Speaker 2 (42:44):
I don't have to learn that the hard way, boy,
do I tell you? And I.

Speaker 3 (42:49):
Have also been a disposable friend, and you know what
that could just be me me said in my ways
looking at the situation as look as being looked at
as as a disposable friend, like I was being disposed
But what I've also learned to in this grown age
is seasons and reasons. Yes, And my thing is if

(43:10):
the situation ended like it just kind of just okay,
you went your way, I went my way.

Speaker 2 (43:15):
There was no.

Speaker 3 (43:16):
Arguments, there was no beef, and there was nothing that
really led to it, and you just separated from the friendship.
I'll take that. And I had to go back and
look at some things. But then I also kind of
think about, like especially some of the friendships that carried
out after high school and another decade after high school,
and you know, those types of things like that and
some really memorable times and just good vibes and just

(43:40):
spending so much time together and then it's just one
day you just stop speaking and then you look and
it's been like five six years.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
I'm like, what happened? You know?

Speaker 3 (43:50):
And it's like, you know, I know, life gets in
the way, but it's just like I thought I was
closer to this person.

Speaker 2 (43:55):
And we shared so much, like how did it?

Speaker 3 (43:58):
But my mom always as you know, people come in
your life for seasons and reasons, and you kind of
just got to be able to pick up on that,
and I have, and so I can honestly say today
in twenty twenty five, the people that I call my friends,
my village, my people. They're the closest thing to blood.

(44:19):
They are here for every reason in my life and
probably to the end of my life.

Speaker 2 (44:24):
I don't see them. They're not They're not seasonal.

Speaker 3 (44:28):
We might have had ups and downs in the beginning
of the friendship, especially when we were younger and teeny boppers,
but to carry these friends friendships out and we're.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
Adulthood to adulthoods.

Speaker 3 (44:39):
In our you know, thirties and early forties, that speaks up,
how speaks a lot about them, their character, my character.
So obviously, you know, I brought something to the friendship
to make the friendship last as long. So I'm just
thankful for that. And I'm even thankful for the seasonal people,
because obviously they were my life for lessons, I mean,
for a reason, and we have our time and it

(45:00):
was fun while lasted, and then you know, life moves on,
so I'm even thankful for them. But my people that
are still solid twenty plus years, ten toes down, I'm
grateful and thankful for my love them and I always
have their back there like family or you know, we
have our children or with our parents or whatever, our families.

Speaker 2 (45:21):
And I'm just grateful for the people that have remained
in my life.

Speaker 1 (45:25):
Absolutely, and I here, same here, same here, same here here.
I mentioned this a little bit earlier. I said, hold on, y'all,
because we're gonna get to another part of the segment
about this topic. Do SOFA talkers, do you honestly think
there can be an issue with befriending your best friend's
sibling and you may bomb better. The same can go

(45:49):
with a mutual friend. I'm gonna give an example that, like,
my mom had a friend and then she had another friend,
and then she had introduced them to each other. And
guess what happened. Those two friends became closer than my
mother and they had their own friendship and they built
that friendship example seven and nine. We're close. Also, he's

(46:14):
close with my sister. Still, they're best friends. We're all
best friends, like the Three amigos or whatever. Yeah, three amigos,
But him and I bond closer. So, and I just
wonder if that's an issue. My father, he has a
best friend and then he is also close with his
best friend's sister, and I think they might be a

(46:35):
little bit closer. These things happen in life. This happens,
and it happens. And I always say, what is there
to get mad about or feel some kind of way about?
Because the friend is gonna be around the family, You're
around the new family. We're all together, so we're all
friends and family best friends, you know, and every family

(46:55):
you're around us, So you're gonna become a best friend
and we're gonna bond and everything like that. You know,
I think that's beautiful to having those relationships, even though
they could be kind of there could be some type
of conflict you know, that could arise from that, like oh,
you took my friend or that's my friend first, or
you weren't worried at us, and things like that. I
think it's a beauty behind it, because like it's good

(47:16):
because you know, it's all a family. It's on the
family now. But the mutual friend thing, I don't know
how honestly, how would I feel about that?

Speaker 3 (47:26):
Like, damn, you know what, I had a damn we're.

Speaker 2 (47:31):
No longer we're no longer friends anymore.

Speaker 3 (47:33):
But and that was one of those seasonal friendships and
it lasted for a long time also too. But this
guy that I was super close to that became a
best friend, one of his homeboys became my best friend
also too, and it kind of drew a little wedge
between them. But I was looking at like, yeah, we
all bros like you, all three of us did together,

(47:55):
but you can't help who you click with. But the
other other friend got to look at was, you know, ship,
I brought all of us together, so we're all as one.

Speaker 2 (48:03):
You know.

Speaker 3 (48:03):
It shouldn't be like, oh, you took my friend or
you hang out with this friend more than the other,
not like we all you know. And you know, God
rest my my bros. So may he rest in peace.

Speaker 2 (48:15):
But even if he was still tire today, I would
not call that a seasonal friendship.

Speaker 3 (48:26):
Even though the person that made us become or helped
us become friends, think about it that that wasn't seasonal friendship.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
Unfortunately, unfortunately, But.

Speaker 3 (48:38):
The gentleman that you know that passed, if he was
still here today, he would still me and him would
still be bros, absolutely, because we were when he left this earth,
and then we were when the other person no longer
were in a friend's place, you know, a brotherhood, what
have you. He still remained there and so and our

(49:01):
relationship was actually stronger.

Speaker 1 (49:04):
And he respected you because you were loyal and he respected.
Always loyal to him, Always loyal to him.

Speaker 2 (49:09):
Always remember that.

Speaker 1 (49:10):
People. People remember those small things and the loyalty that's big.

Speaker 2 (49:14):
We're friendships. Absolutely do He always remember that.

Speaker 3 (49:17):
He went through a little rough time and he was
away for a while and we still communicated. To remember
that all of that when he was free, you know,
it was like nothing never changed. So I know that
that was probably one of my persons, one of my
peoples to be in my life. Yeah, definitely wasn't a
seasonal friendship.

Speaker 1 (49:35):
Hell no, hell no.

Speaker 2 (49:37):
And we met in adulthood. We were in our twenties,
rearly twenties.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
See, so yeah, see this is you know, this is
very common, y'all. Some of y'all may be dealing with this.
Some of this, y'all may know somebody dealing with us.
Friendship jealousy. Let's let's let's hit that out out ou ouch,
Can you be friends or can the friends work? Can
the friendship if your friend is jealous of you?

Speaker 2 (50:02):
No, it cannot work.

Speaker 1 (50:03):
It cannot work.

Speaker 2 (50:03):
I agree, it cannot work.

Speaker 1 (50:04):
Okay, so it cannot work, Okay, I agree. And how
can you tell if your friend is jealous of you?
What are the red flags?

Speaker 2 (50:14):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (50:15):
Well, I think that's simple. You're not feeling supported, or
them talking about you behind your back, or comparing or comparing,
or them looking competing or them looking down on you. You
could just you could pick up a jealousy energy. I
mean you could just pick it up. Like there's no
way you can you can tell when somebody really doesn't

(50:36):
fuck with you or it is jealous with you. And
it's crazy because these are your people that you shared
the most intimate times and whatever within life, but you
are able. I have picked it up, and I was like,
I'm not the type that's really argument of And I
really don't if I don't have to address something, I don't.

Speaker 2 (50:58):
What I've also learned get older kind of as like
silence is deadly. Sometimes you don't have to say.

Speaker 3 (51:04):
Anything, you know what I'm saying, Just kill people with
conness and just kind of like fall back, fall back.
But I've also caught myself even knowing and even knowing
that the person may be jealous.

Speaker 2 (51:16):
I also know the good in them.

Speaker 3 (51:18):
Okay, so I still kind of keep them in my life,
but I also kind of different distance myself, but I still.

Speaker 2 (51:25):
Keep that relation.

Speaker 3 (51:26):
There's still a relationship there, but I just fall back
because I'm keeping things, you know, characters of them that
I don't really care for, but I don't want to
clash over it, because if you do address it or can,
it can go left and it may not have to
go there. And that person might be dealing with their
own securities or their own issues and their life. And
because you might be going through you might be in

(51:48):
a good place in your life, they're looking at you
a certain way, or they're not understanding your growth, they're
not understanding your life or why you might be in
a good season, and they're not you know what I mean.
And I'm one of them type of people. Even when
I'm able to read that or see that and say
one of my peers is not are in their season,

(52:09):
I'm not the one to throw my season in their
faith yes, yes, or make them feel like, well this
is where I'm at and no, no, no no. So
if I have a friend that's not in their season,
say they're dealing with some stuff they're struggling, mental health, finances, job,
whatever the case may need. I'm still going to show
them that I'm there and that I'm I haven't changed.

(52:30):
I'm so you're going to get through this because this.

Speaker 2 (52:32):
Is going to change.

Speaker 3 (52:33):
Watch doors are going to open, that's going to go away,
or this is going to get better. I'm that's the
type of friend. So when I do feel that energy,
I know, and especially because everybody that has in my circle,
I know them. So if I am getting a jealous
spirit for them is because of what they are. It's
not because of me. I think it's their own insecurity.

Speaker 2 (52:53):
Of what they're dealing with.

Speaker 3 (52:55):
But I'm able to kind of step out of myself
and kind of be like, nah, this is still my person.
They still good, but they're going through some stuff. So
I'm here just because I'm in my season, don't make
me any different from you. Still we still rollers. I
still got your back, you still got mine. So sometimes
you have to let it be no no matter where
you are in your life, if we if we supposed

(53:17):
to be friends or family, it's going to be that.
Nothing's not going to change it. As far as on
my end, I know, it's not but some people have
their traumas. People have their things, they have their their
own things that they're dealing with and stuff like that.
Sometimes they don't get to see the bigger picture and
that's unfortunate. And when you are able to tell that
that person, well, you know what, maybe this is really them,

(53:40):
then that's when you're able to kind of be like,
you know what, maybe this ain't the friendship that I
thought it was. And that's when you start to handle
them accordingly. You fall back, especially if you're not ready
to speak on it, or if they really don't but
their actions are speaking louder than words, you kind of
got to take that.

Speaker 2 (53:56):
You can't ignore that.

Speaker 1 (54:00):
So what are some So what are some signs here
that identify or indicate a friendship may be unhealthy or toxic.
We mentioned jealousy is the number of jealousy. Jealousy, that's
the number one.

Speaker 2 (54:15):
And negative negativity. I mean.

Speaker 3 (54:19):
If if a person, if a person is comfortable to
talk down to talk down on you in your face
or in your space or even behind your back, you
have the question like, huh, is this really my person?

Speaker 2 (54:34):
Is this really my people? Now?

Speaker 3 (54:35):
I don't expect none of my friends to gaslight me
or gas me up or all. That's just because we tight.
I expect you to keep keep it real with me.
I'm that type of friend. Now, if I'm acting a
certain way or doing something that's not of me that
you know because you so called know me and you
check me on that face and face over, then I
have the utmost respect for you. But if they kind

(54:57):
of doing funny things behind your back or making comments
or talking about things that they shouldn't be talking about
that's pertaining to you.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
Yeah, absolutely absolutely.

Speaker 1 (55:08):
So you know, I want to share something because we
mentioned jealousy, and you know, at my many jobs I've
been at, you know, a job hopper, I've been in
many jobs. This was over a decade ago. I came
across the coworker listened to what she told me. She
mentioned to me that jealousy is not a bad thing.
It's natural. And again it isn't bad. She said, it's

(55:29):
used as a motivator or to inspire you. So when
she told me that, y'all know, I analyze things and
I have to sit back and process it, I said, Oh.
She was like, if somebody had a car, we'll say,
like a lexus. If somebody had that lexus, I might
be jealous because I want that lexus too, but I
know I can get it, so I see what she's saying.

(55:51):
So I had That's why I wanted to put that
in here with the whole jealousy thing. I think this
was appropriate for me to mention that. And from a
personal discussion I had, she was older than this and
true rue.

Speaker 3 (56:01):
Maybe because I hate the word jealousy because it's such
a negative thing. I think it's all about the character,
like or not the character, but how they go about it.

Speaker 2 (56:12):
Like okay, like for instance, let's we can say that.

Speaker 3 (56:14):
Oh, all right, she got a house. Okay, well I
want one. I want to get a house, you know
what I mean. But that doesn't necessarily kind of like
make you jealous. It would make you jealous if you're like, well,
how do he or she get that house? They didn't
work hard for that or this and that. When there's negativity,

(56:35):
when it's negativity into something like that, yes that's criticize it.

Speaker 2 (56:40):
Yes that's jealous a normal natural instinct of any human being.

Speaker 3 (56:45):
But it's about how And that's why I said, I
don't like using that word, the word jealousy, in certain situations,
like because jealousy is a negative, I don't care nobody
it's negative.

Speaker 1 (56:57):
But she said it's not that Jelsey is a bash.
That's inspiration and motivator. So that that that's what she's
what she told me, and that's what she said. She said,
this is what tells me. So I was like, oh, okay,
but my thing is too. Seven and nine. We both
when people are up and it's personal and they're winning seasons,
doing good, even doing better than we are, we are

(57:20):
the cheerleaders. We are always happy, even if we are
at the bottom. Like I said, you know, I've been
at the bottom of the bottom for so long. I'm
pulling myself back up now. You know, it's only one way,
like they say, to go up.

Speaker 2 (57:30):
Now.

Speaker 1 (57:31):
We have always been the cheerleaders we have all when
we're going through our own mental issues, problems or whatever.
When people are still coming to us, venting about us,
celebrating their mouthstones, their achievements, their successes, we have always
been happy and had their back even when we were
not where we want to be or are not at
our best. And I think that's very good friendship friendship.

Speaker 3 (57:54):
And I'm and and to kind of piggyback on the
jail's thing with that too, go ahead, especially.

Speaker 2 (58:00):
When you're at the bottom. I'm one of them type
of people.

Speaker 3 (58:02):
If Okay, I'm not in my season and one of
my friends are you are, in the back of my
mind is like, my time is going.

Speaker 1 (58:10):
To get.

Speaker 3 (58:13):
Going to be upset my person in their season celebrate this.

Speaker 2 (58:18):
Actually, yeah, been working hard.

Speaker 1 (58:20):
And you saw when you see me, when you see
that's what I want.

Speaker 3 (58:27):
So why would I be jump I'm just my time
will come, will come. And I feel like everybody that
like I can just speak for my circle, the people
that I have in my circle, they encourage me when
I'm at my love So even if they're high, they're
not looking down saying well, you're never going to get here,

(58:47):
this is never going to happen for you or anything
like that. They're like, oh, watch and believe you can
do this. This is going to happen. This is what
you and and and and so it.

Speaker 2 (58:55):
Makes you even so why would you have to be jealous?
Why would you have to be jealous?

Speaker 1 (58:59):
Because we could all get that. Anybody I know in
my life I found out and my forty year old
self it's taken me longer to get the things. That
don't mean I won't get there, but it's just taking
me a little bit longer. I'm okay with that.

Speaker 2 (59:12):
I'm just.

Speaker 1 (59:15):
I'm comfortable with my shoes and my timing and understanding
my timing the right person, right place, and right time.
I understand that I'm comfortable with that. Hello, hold on,
let's let's seven cough it out. Let's seven cough it out.
So we identify signs that indicator friendship may be unhealthy

(59:37):
or toxic. Now, what strategies should we use for addressing
issues with friends in a respectful way? Like I guess
with all the jealousy, the toxicness, handling them accordingly.

Speaker 2 (59:49):
Well, I mean, like what I would do.

Speaker 3 (59:54):
If you know the person, You know the person, So obviously,
if if you've been friends with person for a long time,
you should be able to know that they're dealing with
something or something's going on in their life. They might
be in a dark place or whatever. So even during
my season, to make them still feel good. And this

(01:00:15):
is not taking the light off of you, to shine
off for you, but you're still being there. Because some
people don't want to be forgotten about or feel like
they're never going to have a chance, they're never going
to have a good season, things are never going to
work out for them. So if you kind of give
them that reassurance and still be supportive even though you're
in your season and maybe your friend is not, that
will uplift and then that will stop the jealousy because

(01:00:38):
I don't honestly think people will keep and I don't
think people will keep a relationship with anybody that is
jealous of them, that really actually has jealousy is their thing.
They're jealous person. You might go through jealous moments, but
being a jealous person that's something totally different. Some people
may get off on that, they might like to dram

(01:00:58):
in all the excellnists, But I wouldn't want anybody to
be jealous over me, So.

Speaker 1 (01:01:02):
You would want you want no doings with the friendship
at all.

Speaker 3 (01:01:05):
They were jealous, if they were a jealous person and
that was their character, yes I wouldn't.

Speaker 2 (01:01:11):
Yeah, that's a character trait. That's a character trait.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
Can you clarify one more time, how like, like in
a respectful way, like how would you address this with them?
Or do you just leave it alone?

Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
Or I would I would address it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:22):
I would speak and say you know what, once again,
all right, I'm speaking for myself. So what I'm saying
is I would know. So okay, let's let's use this.
You know you walk away, Okay, So let's let's let's
say this. For instance, right, say I get a new
job and it pays a lot of money and you
just lost yours. Yes, yes, me as a friend and

(01:01:45):
this is just me. I'm not going to throw my
new job and how much money I'm making in your
face while you're already feeling down about your situations, because
that can draw jealousy. That could that Not that you
would be a jealous person, right, but that could cause
jealousy because you might be thinking like, well, damn, I

(01:02:06):
did this, I did that, and this happened to me,
and now my best friend's taken off. They got pretty
much what I want. So I wouldn't even that wouldn't
be our discussion. I would kind of be able to
put that to the side. I'm the type of friend.
So what's going on, Well, let's have you looked here,
have you applied here? You know a job is going
to come, this is going to happen that's the type

(01:02:27):
of friend that I am, and I feel like if
I'm reinsuring that person, I don't think.

Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
That it could lead to jealousy.

Speaker 1 (01:02:33):
Well also too with friendships too, As we mentioned, friends
got to understand when friends when we have to still
be happy. Like we mentioned earlier, how we're still happy
for people when.

Speaker 2 (01:02:42):
Oh, everybody is different.

Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
It's sad that you know you have to feel that way,
or because.

Speaker 2 (01:02:49):
Life has gotten so much harder for people over the
past decade, you.

Speaker 1 (01:02:53):
Have to filter that you just accomplishment.

Speaker 2 (01:02:55):
You have to.

Speaker 3 (01:02:56):
But if you care, I'm speaking for myself. I can't
speak for everybody else. So for talking to you guys,
I can't speak for how y'all may feel. Because some
people want, Hey, I'm gonna both, I'm gonna I'm gonna
talk about it. I worked hard, I did that, I've
been through this and I'm here and I'm not going
to take that away from your But I'm one of

(01:03:17):
those type of people that I'm proudly enough to say
that I'm able to kind of still step down from
my light to make sure still that my people that
may be going through something to still make them feel good.
During my season That's all I'm saying to reassure them,
to support them so they won't have to feel low
or feel that there is a competition or they're feeling

(01:03:37):
some type of way towards me. You know what I'm saying,
Like like say one of your friends, like we just
talked about the trips or whatever, and you were talking
about finances.

Speaker 2 (01:03:48):
And I know now and you don't have to do this.

Speaker 3 (01:03:51):
But once again, I'm speaking about the type of person
I am. If that's my ride to die, that's my
best friend, and I know the same would be in
return for me, and I'm able to sponsor them or
support anything, so they because I want them along on
that journey, I'm gonna make that happen.

Speaker 2 (01:04:06):
They don't owe me anything.

Speaker 3 (01:04:07):
But once again, that that that depends on the relationship
that you have with that particular friend, because every friend
is not like that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:15):
You have to know who your friends are.

Speaker 3 (01:04:17):
So with that being said, that's why I said I
I wouldn't have a jealous person in my in my
friendship circle if that's their character. Now they can be
going through a jealous moment, but to be a jealous
person and that be your character. Because we've heard of
people that are that person's always that's a jealous He's jealous.
He's jealous.

Speaker 2 (01:04:37):
They're jealous. You can feel it.

Speaker 3 (01:04:39):
Their words say it, Oh, their actions say it off.
So me, I wouldn't choose to have that in my company.
But I'm also one of them type of friends that
would Also, I don't like conflict in my relationship. So
if I can avoid anything going south in a friendship,
I'm able to step back and kind of Now I'm.

Speaker 2 (01:04:59):
Not a pushover. Yeah yeah, Now, if I have.

Speaker 3 (01:05:01):
To address something, I will dress it, but far as
you know, me being able to kind of step out
of the moment to make sure they okay, so they
don't feel some type way because I'm I'm always concerned
about other people's feelings.

Speaker 2 (01:05:12):
I care about everybody's feelings.

Speaker 1 (01:05:14):
But I still say if you I still say, if
you got that raise, don't hold it back like I
got that brais no.

Speaker 3 (01:05:21):
And I'm not gonna I'm gonna celebrate, but I'm not
going to throw that in that person's face while they're
I'll talk about, hey, I got a job.

Speaker 2 (01:05:30):
This happened, but it's not gonna you know, I got
the new job. You know this money coming.

Speaker 3 (01:05:33):
In, We about to move, you know, move on to
the job car next what you Yeah, because I don't
damn while they're in now moment I wanted to do that,
it will be like a one time discussion and then
that would be it. Now they asked questions here, I
would share, but I wouldn't put all that on them
while they're in a low place. That's like, that's like

(01:05:55):
a recovery addict going to event where there's a lot
of smoking or drinking. Why would you want to put
them in that type of way and they have to
sit back and be reserved because they don't do that,
and they'll make them uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (01:06:07):
They don't do that, you.

Speaker 3 (01:06:08):
Know, so you have to also kind of I don't know,
maybe that's just me, but I just care. I care
for people's feelings and I don't want to make anybody
feel uncomfortable or feel some type of way no matter what.

Speaker 2 (01:06:20):
And that kind of can go with the whole.

Speaker 3 (01:06:22):
If a person's in recovery or you know, falling back
from certain stuff like that, I wouldn't bring that to
them because they are in a sensitive place.

Speaker 1 (01:06:34):
This one, this question is kind of hard and for
us to offer advice when it's time to walk away
from a friendship. That's hard whenever you have to say goodbye,
you know, to end it.

Speaker 2 (01:06:48):
I've only said goodbye once once.

Speaker 1 (01:06:50):
But if we're talking to sofa talkers, even the youngsters
out there, if we have to give you advice when
it's time to walk away from your friendship or how
to do it. Walking away is never easy saying, you know,
closing that chapter, especially if you have years invested, especially
if you feel the person has potential, you know, especially
you have really good moments. Uh, this is hard for

(01:07:15):
us to answer.

Speaker 3 (01:07:16):
I feel like a lot of the friendships that I've had,
I've had to work. I kind of want the extra
mile to make them so they wouldn't dissolve. But I
also kind of feel like that kind of helped them
carry also too, because they also showed a side of like,
you know, this person really, you know, really fuck with me,
this is really my friend, this is really who he

(01:07:36):
says he is, who he presents to be, whatever. But
I also have learned where I shouldn't have to keep
on pouring out my qualities in my traits that I
bring to a friendship. If you don't see it or
don't receive it, then it's not meant to be.

Speaker 1 (01:07:52):
Or you keep on pouring into the friend and not
pouring back and pouring back. So that's advice when it's
time to walk away from the friendship.

Speaker 3 (01:07:58):
Yeah, or so when there's just when there's no you
just know when it's time to end the friendship you
know there's not and don't end the friendship because a
person doesn't. I've had a friend that I was and
I'm gonna say it. I had a friend that I
was friends with for a very long time and that
friendship ended about five years ago, and on my end,

(01:08:21):
I'm just gonna speak my truth. I felt like that
friendship dissolved. Not because I wasn't loyal, not because I
didn't bring good character or characteristics to the friendship. I
wasn't loving, kind, trustworthy, none of that. It was because
I wasn't doing the same thing that that person wasn't
because I don't go to the club every weekend, or
I don't drink or I stay out late. Is that

(01:08:42):
a reason for friendship to dissolve? Know, Unfortunately that happened
to me. Because if that if that friendship never, if
that person pretty much never treated me as I was
disposable at the end, we would probably still be friends
today also too, to kind of go back to what
we were talking about earlier, guys, about the being disposable,
that was a time I shared so much with this person.

(01:09:06):
I mean so much. I mean we had ups, we
had down while crazy stuff. I mean almost even went
to jail. Like that's how deep the friendship was. And
because I got to a place in life and I'm
just speaking my truth, where not saying my because my
friends are always one of my priorities. But becoming a father,

(01:09:29):
being a fiance, you know, being at home, having more
responsibilities and can't be that person no more shouldn't have
dissolved the friendship, but it did.

Speaker 2 (01:09:40):
I was still loyal, I was still there, my phone
still worked, I still didn't meetups, I still kept secrets.

Speaker 3 (01:09:47):
I still got the secrets today. But to me, I
felt disposable because I wasn't that out outside. That's what
we say now outside. You know, I wasn't outside no more.
In a decade plus, friendship pretty much dissolved because of that,
and that made me feel like I was disposable.

Speaker 2 (01:10:10):
There wasn't no beef.

Speaker 3 (01:10:11):
Now we had times where we had split up and
didn't talked for a while, but then we made right
back up afterwards. But the last straw it did make
me feel disposable, was like, well, you're not this person
no more. You're not doing that, this and that. So
but I that made me feel disposable because I felt
like I still had the same characteristics and the same
values that made us become friends.

Speaker 2 (01:10:32):
You know, unfortunately they you know should happened.

Speaker 1 (01:10:35):
And also too, when you're always being the one to
put more effort into the friendship that I'm going to
add that might be when it's time to walk away,
when they're not engaged anymore, you're putting more effort into
it than they are. That is the time were it
would probably be to walk away, because.

Speaker 2 (01:10:52):
Your friendship is in value. It's not value. It's not value.
And you guys know you guys, y'all know, y'all know
what we're talking about. So that might be.

Speaker 3 (01:11:00):
It's different when you were a kid. It's different when
you're a teenager because you don't see it. But in
your adulthood and your adult adulthood, like you know, you're
able to really be able to see who's your friends
and who's not and who's here for you know, for
a season or reason, you're able to pick up on that.
You're very, very able to pick up on that. But

(01:11:21):
when you're younger, you know, you look past a lot
of stuff. You don't pay no attention.

Speaker 1 (01:11:27):
You know, you don't know like you know experiences. Always
remember to y'all. Friends are in your life for a reason,
season or a lifetime. And I was dating this one
guy and he used to make jokes about seasonal friendships
and he was saying, Oh, any friends during the summertime,
but not friends. They're in the fall or winter or spring,
their friends making up. So you know you got those

(01:11:48):
kind of friends too. And I thought that was cute
when he said that seasonal friendships. That was cute.

Speaker 2 (01:11:55):
So we're adults.

Speaker 1 (01:11:57):
Remember our podcast is catered to the eighteen years and older.
And there are challenges into making friends as an adult,
and we're gonna list some challenges. I think some people
are set already with their their friends or their friend
circle or their friend group where they had that model,
like Drake said, no new friends, no new friends, no

(01:12:19):
new friends, no no news, So they're down with the
day ones. So we have those where people are not
really open to making new friends.

Speaker 2 (01:12:27):
I tried it. I tried it. I'm I'm day one.
I'm day one. I'm really day one.

Speaker 3 (01:12:34):
I have clicked with people at work. It's difficult building
friendships with people at work. I will say that it's different.
It's different. It's different. Y'all also have to have a
relationship outside of the job for that friendship to work.
Like work friendships aren't real friendships. Let's keep it real

(01:12:56):
unless it's carried outside out. And I've had I have
one that we have been buddies and we no longer
work together, where we keep in contact and all that,
you know, over five years now. But I've tried to
uh because I told you guys before and to begin, I
have a lot of female friends, not to not too
heavy on the mail on the mail buddies, but the

(01:13:17):
recent recently when I tried to make, you know, more
male buddies, it's very awkward.

Speaker 2 (01:13:25):
And I'm just like, this is what this is not
how us grown men I supposed to act. And I
know it wasn't me acting a certain way.

Speaker 3 (01:13:31):
And I was like, yeah, these cats in my type
of cats, and so you know, and I met them
at work, and I thought we was going to have
a you know, outside friendship outside.

Speaker 2 (01:13:40):
Of work where we like bros and you know, meet
up support.

Speaker 3 (01:13:43):
We all were fathers, we all had, you know, all
that stuff going on, wives whatever, and all that stuff
like that. So there was definitely some some common traits.
But it didn't work, and I was like, you know what,
I that's why I just stayed with my day ones.
I always say I like to meet new people and
stuff stuff like that, but as long as I got
my day ones, honestly, I'm good. I don't mind associates,

(01:14:05):
you know, and stuff like that. You know, meet people
at a bar restaurant and say hi goodbye, you know,
party people stuff like that. But as far as me
trying to, at this grown age that i'm at now,
to get a deep connection with another person, I'm good.

Speaker 2 (01:14:18):
I have that with what I got now.

Speaker 1 (01:14:20):
I would be open to making a new female friend,
maybe one or two. Yeah, somebody like you and a
female form. Obviously I'm open to that, but it's very
hard because I have trust issues. I'm really guarded. Also
timing sometimes y'all ain't gonna lie. Sometime I don't like
to be bothered I'm sure some of y'all like that too.
You're not gonna admit it. Sometimes I don't want to

(01:14:41):
be bothered. Sometimes I'm not gonna be your everyday friend,
your every club and partner friend going out every weekend.

Speaker 2 (01:14:46):
You know.

Speaker 1 (01:14:46):
I just want to deal with you, you know, accordingly
occasionally and have good conversation and women empowerment and stuff
like that. But I think it is tough, like I
said earlier, making new friends, because people have their childhood
friends or have their friends they made in adulthood and
they had that motto, like Drake said, no new friends,
So that can be challenging. I think people have been
burnt in the past by people again they're reserved drama,

(01:15:14):
they're philodrama. You have to learn a new personality all
over again. It's like dating a person and it may
work and it may not work, you know. So it's
kind of like that thing to each his own. So
I think there's challenges and it's not like how school.
Back in school, you kind of were forced to be
friends with people because classmates, lunchtime, you know, after school,
beginning of school, school bus rides, walking home or whatnot.

(01:15:36):
So it's a little different now.

Speaker 2 (01:15:37):
As adults.

Speaker 1 (01:15:38):
It's different, you know, compared to being a child, it's
easier to make friends, but adulthood is very challenging. It
is to as making friends as an adult. So, and
I'm going to read an article Reading Time a little
bit later at the end of the show to highlight
some of this, to educate us a little bit more.
Is there a difference between a girl's night out versus

(01:16:00):
a guys night out? When friends hang out. Discuss what
each gender typically seeks from these outings. Is it fun, bonding, support,
et cetera.

Speaker 2 (01:16:13):
So it depends that that right there, depends that depends on.

Speaker 3 (01:16:19):
If it's the single ladies, if it's the single fellas,
if it's the married fellas, the married ladies, or you know,
people that aren't relationships. It's a little different because when
you're single and you're hanging out with friends or whatever,
you can do whatever you want and there's nothing wrong
with that. But when you're in a relationship or married,

(01:16:39):
it is a little different. But I have bound for
the longest, I was the single, the single friend, while
all my friends had kids and boyfriends and girlfriends, yeah,
you know, or married or whatever.

Speaker 2 (01:16:51):
And so now I'm the one that's with the kids
and all that. But I don't. I don't care about
none of that stuff because I'm one type people.

Speaker 3 (01:16:56):
I respect my family all that, I respect my friends,
so that whole that.

Speaker 2 (01:17:02):
That shit, don't I'm not gonna.

Speaker 3 (01:17:03):
I know what I gotta go home to, and no,
one night is not worth ruining your family over.

Speaker 2 (01:17:08):
Personally, I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:17:10):
Tell people take some and I'm not knocking nobody who
does what they do.

Speaker 2 (01:17:14):
I'm not knocking no fellas, fellas. We're gonna be fellas
at the end of the day.

Speaker 3 (01:17:18):
I'm speaking for seven and I'm just saying I can
go out with the fellas and conduct myself, still have
a good time.

Speaker 2 (01:17:25):
And go home to my my wife and kids.

Speaker 1 (01:17:27):
Okay, So with girls night out, so we're gonna because
I'm a female, you're a male. So with girls night out.
When I think when we think of girls night out,
it's about, like I said, like bonding. We're having fun,
We're we're having good conversation. We may be drinking, we're eating,
we may be dancing and socializing, speaking of goals, accomplishments,

(01:17:47):
things that are bothering us. With girls light out, also, too,
some women are on the prow especially if you're single,
looking for these men out here too, looking for the
next ball, the next sugar zatty what you call it. Look,
you know, look for opportunities. Sometimes men pay for drinks
if you're in those kind of social bar settings, lounges
or clubs, they may pay for the ladies dreams, especially

(01:18:08):
during ladies night out Thursty Thursdays, things like that. So
I'm thinking with girls night out versus guys, it's more
of being cute, and I'm not sure if it's attention seeking.
I personally, when I go out, I go out to
dress and look good. I'm not going out with intentions
on Oh I'm gonna pick this man up. I'm gonna

(01:18:31):
go home and sleep with him. I'm gonna find whatever
man I can find. I'm gonna find the ballers out there.
When I go out, I just dressed impress for myself.
Usually men do you know I'm attractive, They'll they'll approach me,
they want to dance with me, they want to talk
to me. But that's not my intentions. When I go out,
I'm just going out to have a good time. I think,
you know what I'm saying as a woman and have

(01:18:53):
a good time. I'm not going out looking for no man.

Speaker 3 (01:18:56):
Yeah, I think the part right here, this whole discussion
right here, it's kind of like a what you call it.

Speaker 1 (01:19:04):
Like is it like a contradiction or is it like.

Speaker 3 (01:19:07):
Uh something like that, Because like I said, it depends
on the friendship. It depends on ther dating status or
the relationships and all that stuff like that. So it
doesn't have to automatically go into well, the fellas go
out there, you know, probably out there messing with girls.
Fellows can go out and go drink beers, watch a
game or something like that, have a good time, talk

(01:19:28):
about their wives, and then go home.

Speaker 1 (01:19:30):
But but befellas, U y'all, men are wired a little
bit different, y'all. Men be on the proud, y'all. Y'all
be praised sometimes.

Speaker 2 (01:19:39):
But it depends It depends on.

Speaker 1 (01:19:43):
Women.

Speaker 3 (01:19:44):
Look men, look, women look men look. Everybody looks. What
the fuck do you got eyes in your head? For
everybody looks that doesn't have That doesn't mean anything about
going out with your friends. If that's a problem that
male girls go out or if the males go out, because.

Speaker 1 (01:19:59):
I mean, because woman can say, like, oh, I wonder how.

Speaker 2 (01:20:04):
That doesn't mean anything. Okay, So it's a it's a
difference because Okay, going out can be going to a club.

Speaker 3 (01:20:10):
Going out can be we're gonna go play golf, we're
gonna go shoot hoops, We're going to the movies. We're
gonna go drink beers and watch a game. You know,
we're gonna go shoot guns, or we're going hiking or
we're going So it depends. Now, if a group of
fellas are said, oh, yeah, we're going to the club
or we're going to the strip club or something like that, yeah,
you can expect for something to get a little wild.

(01:20:30):
But if these are men that are family men or
god you know that aren't out there in the streets
looking for anything, the night out with the fellas probably
won't pertain to a lot of that.

Speaker 1 (01:20:39):
But I'm gonna say this, I don't care who likes
it or not. Seven YouTube. Y'all men be looking at
us women. I said what I said, And I.

Speaker 2 (01:20:48):
Said what I said, And I said said what I said.

Speaker 1 (01:20:50):
I said what I said. Y'all be looking at us women.
I know firsthand. Yeah, y'all look at us woman.

Speaker 3 (01:20:56):
I said, I said what I said, and y'all women
be looking to you. I'm with.

Speaker 2 (01:21:06):
You to look and when you see something that's nasty,
you look you like. So there's it's human nature. We
can't we can't get around that. The pastor looks look
down on us, like come on, now, come on, come on.

Speaker 1 (01:21:22):
Well, here's another question. Is there a difference or can
problems arise with the girls or guys might out when
they're single and mary friends hanging together. Absolutely, and I'm
gonna tell you, can I can?

Speaker 2 (01:21:34):
I go on.

Speaker 1 (01:21:34):
I'm gonna tell you a lot of the married couples, uh,
they say, uh, uh, you're not going out with him.
I know how he moves, he's a player, he does
this that, And then I know my mom would say
sometimes married couples should stay with married couples.

Speaker 2 (01:21:51):
My dad says, I'm like, I don't know, Like.

Speaker 1 (01:21:55):
I don't know how I feel about that. I'm a
respectful woman. So my like say seven married, whatever we
go out, I'm not gonna egg them all like, oh
look at that shorty or whatever like that. I'm not
gonna egg him on like that because I have to respect.
There's boundaries and levels again to this. So I think
there could be issues. I'm gonna be honest, there is
gonna be issues.

Speaker 2 (01:22:14):
But if the friends.

Speaker 3 (01:22:17):
Have that respect for your situation that you're in, I
don't think that would have to But that's one thing.
As when you are in a relationship and say, and
let's say like you're the person that you're in a
relationship doesn't know your friends, then it's a little different
because then you shouldn't certain things you may know, Like

(01:22:37):
you may have that one wild friend, but it's going
out with y'all. She's the best friend, but you know
she might be a little fast or gets a little
slocked in a drink.

Speaker 2 (01:22:44):
That's true.

Speaker 3 (01:22:44):
You don't tell your man that because then he would
kind of have the idea of thinking that you're like
that or you get like that when you're out with her,
or being or being influenced. And sometimes some things should
be left alone. But say your man knows all y'all
went to school together or college or whatever have for
friendships and relationships outside of that, then it's looked at
a little bit more different. Firstus, when somebody knows and

(01:23:06):
doesn't know who your friends are. My my wife knows
all my friends, and she doesn't know all their business
but she knows what she needs to know of them
to know that they respect our relationship and that I'm
also safe with them. Okay, I feel like when y'all
got that type of communication and that type of understanding

(01:23:26):
in a relationship, you're not going to have that problem.

Speaker 2 (01:23:28):
The only time you have those problems when you don't
communicate it and you don't.

Speaker 1 (01:23:31):
Talk about it, and you got to set boundaries for
your friend and for your reassure your partner. So there's
no insecurity, absolutely, you know, just everybody respect.

Speaker 3 (01:23:41):
My wife knows, she knows all my free female friends,
and it's all love when we all together, and ain't
you know. And I spend time with my female friends
without her being around, and it's no disrespect. One of
my best female friends, she's married, her husband knows me.
I'm welcome to their home. Even if it's not none

(01:24:01):
of that. It's all respect. But once again, it also
goes back to the beginning of the relationship and communicating
that with your partner, like hey, my best friend is
a male, or hey my best friend is a female.
We've never crossed the line, but this is how we
wrote where like brothers and sis and once you lay
that out there, you won't have those insecurities of those problems.

Speaker 1 (01:24:21):
In the relationship checkmate checkpoints. So if your friend gets
into a new relationship, say for me, for instance, gets
engaged or married and you're still single, can that really
change your friendship? Do some friendship suffer or thrive during
this transition? It could be emotional.

Speaker 3 (01:24:40):
I think it can because some people feel like they're
gonna lose They're gonna lose their friend. Maybe I got
two best friends that are actually married right now. Females,
and our relationships are pretty much the same, Okay, just
the one. There's one I don't get to see her much,
but it's not because she's married. She just lives a
little differently. But her husband welcomes me to their home.
We all talk even when he's not there. You know,

(01:25:02):
you go to the house to swim, hang with their kids.
It's all that. So it just really depends how how
people are carrying their friendships and still keeping the friendships going.
Could you hear there's people that have been friends for twenty, thirty,
forty fifty years, and then you have friends that hey,
once we got out of college, or hey, once we
got married, then we split and those kind of go

(01:25:24):
to those seasonal type of relationships. But in my adulthood
where I'm at, I don't have no more seats. I
don't have space for seasons, and I just don't have
those seasonal people.

Speaker 2 (01:25:33):
In my lives now. And it works.

Speaker 3 (01:25:35):
It works for the people that are in my life,
It all works. I have my cousin, he's my cousin,
but he's my best friend.

Speaker 2 (01:25:41):
He's married also too, and it didn't change the dynamic
of our relationship, you know. So it really depends on
the people, because there are people that will go into
new settings of life and then forget, We'll forget about
their friends. Because there's some people that don't value.

Speaker 1 (01:25:55):
Friendships or their partner might have a stronghold over that,
like I don't want you being with these friends or whatever.
They're single that here that could be something to the single.
Do they know they're going to influence you also to
do wrong or gonna give you bad advice.

Speaker 3 (01:26:09):
You got to be able to stand on your own
ten on that one. That's up to you. Because if
you know, if you know the person that's your friend
and you know the person that you are, that you
don't let any outside or outside of your marriage or
your relationship. Yes, control anything that's going on, then there shouldn't.

Speaker 2 (01:26:25):
Be no problem. There should be no.

Speaker 3 (01:26:27):
Problem anybody that wants to control their partner's friends or
situations as somebody that doesn't want nobody to know what
they might be doing or what they might be going
not going on. You have to know the real them,
because a real friend's wanna look out for you, A
real friend's gonna have your back, A real friend's gonna
tell you when you need to pack the back. The
real friends gonna tell you when you need to sign

(01:26:48):
those papers. But then okay, wait, wait wait, But because
and the reason why I'm saying that is because if
you don't have nobody in your life that have your back,
and when you're dealing with stuff of going through it,
you don't have nobody to give you the outlet to
talk to you. So you're stuck with whatever you're dealing
with in the person that you're with. So you have

(01:27:10):
no other choice because what you're out here in the
world alone. I don't have my family, I don't have
my friends because my husband or my wife wanted me
to cut all ties with them, and so I feel
like when you have when you are married or dating
or engaged to a person that doesn't want you to
have relationships with family and friends, you've got to be
concerned about that person that doesn't want other people in

(01:27:32):
your lives.

Speaker 1 (01:27:33):
Because you know what, some people do take marriage really strongly,
and you know what I'm talking about. They take it
strongly like it's just our vows outsiders between us. What
happens in our house stays in our house. They're going
to influence you to break up or you separate. They're
going to influence your mind because that that's the mindset of.

Speaker 2 (01:27:48):
Some some people.

Speaker 3 (01:27:49):
But speaking from my mindset, nobody can't get into my
mind but myself, and I'm not going to make my
own my own decisions. My partner doesn't have my decisions
for me, and my children don't. Nobody doesn't make decisions
decisions for me but myself. But I'm glad that when
I'm dealing with life or dealing with things that are
happening in my life, I have these people that can
talk to and because I know the relationships that I

(01:28:12):
have with them and how much they care about me,
how much they rot for me, They're not going to
stir me in the wrong direction.

Speaker 1 (01:28:17):
Okay, because that is a good question because sometimes people
feel that what could you learn from a single person
as a merried person.

Speaker 3 (01:28:23):
There's a reason why they might be single, because they
may not want to be dealing with what.

Speaker 1 (01:28:29):
So you get to like, like, okay, don't talk to
the single people. They don't understand what the marriage is about.

Speaker 2 (01:28:33):
It's different. You're sure you heard that.

Speaker 1 (01:28:39):
It's a choice because anybody could get married. Anybody, anybody
could get married. But that that's what that's what happens.
Society does that they're not gonna understand. Stay away from
single people.

Speaker 2 (01:28:48):
I don't like that. Yeah, I don't either. I wouldn't.
I wouldn't go into a relationship where I had to
pick and choose. I wouldn't go into a marriage that
I have to pick and choose because all my cards
will be laid out.

Speaker 3 (01:29:04):
There just like that. These are my people. Yeah, this
is my day one. This is that right right there.

Speaker 1 (01:29:10):
But you got secret sigh, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (01:29:12):
But and like.

Speaker 3 (01:29:13):
I said, you lay that out that that person has
no other choice but the respect and not if they
don't respect it, then.

Speaker 2 (01:29:22):
Go out and in relationships.

Speaker 1 (01:29:23):
With my people that was with me before you, and
you may not understand the test of time.

Speaker 2 (01:29:28):
Hello, Hello, sorry.

Speaker 1 (01:29:31):
Hello, hello. Speaking of this, and we heard this numerous times,
and this will never go away, the famous gender debate.
Can guys and girls just be friends? We're gonna I agree,
I agree, I like. I love UNISEX friendships. If you
heard the debut of Silva talk, when you hear my
part of me talking, I talked about that. I'm passionate

(01:29:53):
about UNICEX friendships, friendships and societal perceptions surrounding them. We
could talk about the boundaries, trust and potential romantic feelings
that can complicate these relationships, because sometimes they do. Sometimes
you may think you have a friend, but they might
want more, or they may love you, or may think
they have the potential to be with you in the future.

(01:30:15):
This happens too. And think of the movie When Harry
Met Sally. I had to watch that movie during my
human relations class at my junior college. That movie was
really good. I watched a clip of it. I said, Okay,
I'm gonna go home and watch it. And it's pertaining
to this debate. Can men and women really be friends?
That movie is really good. I saw Saw, I loved
Jones Jaw.

Speaker 2 (01:30:34):
I know.

Speaker 1 (01:30:34):
Don't don't judge me. Remember I don't watch all the movies,
Please don't judge me. But I think that's similar to
when Harry met Sally I heard. I think I'm gonna
like that too. Partners are not happy with unisex friendships,
so I'll just go from there. I think personally, I
think that men and women could be friends, and here

(01:30:57):
we can do the boundary drawing. If your friend is
attracted to you or wants to be with you, just
tell them I don't see you in that kind of way,
and you know, we could either be friends, or if
it's going to be too hard for you, we can
either leave the friendship. I think that's the way to
kind of stop that. If I'm wrong, people leave a
comment or leave a voicemail on sofa talk dot com

(01:31:17):
on the voicemail feature that we have that little icon
we have if I'm wrong, Like I said, said boundaries,
let them know you don't want them, and if you do,
you know, be with them. You never know. They say,
sometimes your friend could be your partners. I've heard stories
like that. I think that's beautiful and I can understand

(01:31:40):
how partners might be upset with the unisex friendships. There's
gonna be some possibly jealousy, a little bit in security.
They may feel that, you know, there might be something
going on, or you might invest more of your time
or hype your friend up more so than you do
the partner. And that happens at times where they might
feel inadequate it and that will give them again insecurities. Yeah,

(01:32:03):
I could see that happening. I would say, how to
maintain a healthy units that's friendship even when the friends
is in a relationship. Again, it comes to boundaries. It
comes to boundaries. If you want to hang out, maybe
invite the person sometimes the other partner to hang out
to or maybe ask permission. Do you mind if I
go hang out with my homegirl, my homeboy. We're gonna

(01:32:24):
go do this. You know this said be a serious relationship.
We're gonna go do this that you know your mind?
We hang out and then I come back. You know,
you know nothing like you know nothing like that.

Speaker 2 (01:32:34):
You know it's all communications.

Speaker 1 (01:32:35):
And trust, and there has to be some type of trust.
I know it's hard, y'all. I know it's hard, like
I said, And that's how friends can respect their friends
and relationships with their partners. Is just respecting that they're
in a committed relationship and the activities you partake in
some of the conversations you have, you know, don't be
rude again and disrespectful. Yep, and set boundaries. It's all

(01:32:58):
about boundaries and communicating open and open communication for sure?
Was that right on that?

Speaker 2 (01:33:04):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:33:04):
It was all right? If I'm not ad, y'all add
on to that. Sofa talkers, y'all know what to do.
Add on to leave a review, comment or call the
voicemail again on sofa talk dot com. Good question here,
trust issues, friends around your partner. Oh, let me go
back to say something too with the Okay, I'm so glad.

(01:33:25):
I remember this with the famous gender debate. I'm gonna
go back to Dame Dash Mogul there, hip hop mogul
and this pertains the unisex friendships. About five years ago,
Dame Dash was on the Breafix Breafics Club Dame feels
that women watch your back. He was talking about the
Bible and the religion and stuff like that. But some
key pointers that he highlighted about unisex friendships is that

(01:33:48):
Dane Dash feels that women watch your back more. He said,
men have violated God, and men violate each other or
other men, so he keeps his circle tight and keeps
more women around him. He doesn't like dudes, he said
that much, because they be worried about the wrong shit.

Speaker 2 (01:34:07):
That's true. Uh huh.

Speaker 1 (01:34:09):
He feels women are more trustworthy than men because women
have estrogen instead of testosterone. Women also have that motherly nature,
that nurturing spirit, you know, emotional. Remember we're emotional. So
we let men open up us to talk to m
especially with units. That's friendship. So I thought that was interesting.
And this one he mentioned too. Men tend to resent

(01:34:32):
other men because they want to be the boss. Every
real man wants to be the boss. They would spend
some ship there. When a man talks to Okay, when
a man talks bad about another dude in front of
a woman, he's afraid that woman likes the other dude.
So I said, okay, fact, so from a man's perspective,
what Dame's ash is saying. But I had to share

(01:34:52):
this with y'all and I said, okay, Dane representing units
test friendship because people consider that taboo or or you know,
things like that. But listen to what he said. You'd
rather have a bunch of woman behind him than then.

Speaker 2 (01:35:06):
Okay, Dane, I've been like that ever since I was
a kid.

Speaker 1 (01:35:08):
Okay, I know because I'm one of them. I'm one
of the friends, I'm one of the females. I'm one
of them. So I had to go back and that.
I didn't want to forget that, y'all. I was like, Okay,
I remember, I have to say something, and I came
across that and I wanted to share that with y'all.
Shout out to Dame Dash for that. Thank you, Dane. Now, okay,
trust issues friends around your partner? Can friends not trust
their friends around their partner? Is that being insecure? Relationships

(01:35:32):
are built on trust for both for friendships and when
you're in an romantic relationship. Does that mean you don't
have trust for either of them? That's a hard ask question.
So that question is right and hard.

Speaker 3 (01:35:47):
I had two guy friends that I was very very
close with, but I knew their character, so I went
and put them in a situation where I would have
to question if they would try some funny business behind
my back with my woman. So I never put them

(01:36:09):
in that type of environment for that to happen, because
the type of guys they were, they would try their
hand and I wouldn't and I don't and I'm not,
but I'm only saying that because I knew them. They
were my boys, so I knew how they roll and
the ins and out, so I would be not saying that.
And and my woman's defense, Do I think she would

(01:36:30):
go along with it? No, And I'm not just saying
it because she's my woman, But I know her, I
know how she feels. She knows how I feel about
my friendships, my relationships and all that, so I don't
think she would even play on that. I know I'm
the prized in the relationship, just like she's the prizing ours.
That's how we both look at each other. But those
two friends, that didn't make them less than anything. They

(01:36:50):
were still my best homies. But I just knew that
in that department. I couldn't have them in that type
of department without me being there also too.

Speaker 1 (01:37:00):
You don't want to ever give any inclination like because
we don't know what people could really do. Absolutely, you know,
if my man, whatever, my female friend, we don't know
the moment.

Speaker 2 (01:37:16):
Why we do that.

Speaker 1 (01:37:18):
You know, that's like setting it up, and you don't know,
even though we want to have faith and believe that
they won't do that to us. But should happens?

Speaker 2 (01:37:25):
We see stories all the time, should happen?

Speaker 1 (01:37:27):
Should happened? And I'm gonna say something about this. This
was some old school learn and I learned a couple
of years ago. Let me see here. I remember my
mom's friend and I had a conversation and when I
was a young adult in entering adulthood, and she told
me to never tell your female friend about your intimate sex,
like with your man. She said, women take notes little

(01:37:51):
do you know, and want to then try your man out,
and in some cases they will take your man from you,
is what she told me. This happened to someone we knew.
A lady had a really close friend. They were like
best friends, and she was dating this guy, in a
relationship with him, and then all of a sudden, her
close best friend was with her man took the man.

(01:38:13):
You know what I'm saying. So sadly the lady's man
had left her for her best friend, and surprisingly they
were together for many years too. That has always stuck
with me, So I do agree. I listened to that
old school, you know, an old school, old fashioned. I
agree with that certain things do not let your you know,
let them know. Even with fellas, don't love what your

(01:38:34):
woman like. You know that that freakiness whatever, that kinkiness
behind the doors fetishes and all that. I just keep
that to yourself.

Speaker 3 (01:38:41):
I can see if the person isn't like somebody that
you're like, oh, I'm just having hooked doing hookups about
hook up.

Speaker 1 (01:38:47):
Yeah, but with a partner, Yeah, that's different. There's levels
against that. There's there's levels to that.

Speaker 3 (01:38:53):
Again, I would be I will kind of be weird,
not weird output that's kind of like a little uncomfortable
with like my homeboys, like talking about all the nancy
stuff that his girl does.

Speaker 1 (01:39:02):
Yeah, and you're gonna be looking at her and that
girl get down like that innocent look you want to
get down like that homegirl getting down like that. Let
me find that, y'all be crazy. This is a good topic, y'all.
I'm not goinga bore y'all. But what'll we be about
to do now? Storry time we're reading time with ass,

(01:39:22):
reading time with ass or about friendships. I'm gonna try
to make this fast. If I stumble my words, I'm
trying to get y'all you know uh in the segment,
so bear with me. It won't be long. This is
from Mayo Clinic Health Healthy Lifestyle, Adult Health Discover the
connection between health and friendship and how to promote and
maintain healthy friendships by Mayo Clinic staff. Friendships can have

(01:39:47):
a big effect on your health and well being, but
it's not always easy to make or keep friends. Understand
the importance of social connection in your life. Know what
can know what you can do to build and feel
lasting relationships. Good friends are good for your health. Remember that, y'all.
Friends can help you celebrate good times and support you

(01:40:10):
during bad times. Friends help keep you from feeling alone.
Friends can also raise your sense of connection, belonging, and purpose,
boost your happiness and lower your stress. Improve your self
confidence and feelings of self worth. Help you cope through
hard times such as divorce, serious illness, job loss, or

(01:40:32):
the death of a loved one. Urge you to change
or avoid habits that aren't healthy. These might include drinking
too much or not exercising. Friends also play a role
in their overall health. Adults with strong connections have a
lower risk of many health problems that includes depression, high
blood pressure in an unhealthy way. In fact, studies have

(01:40:56):
found that older adults who have close friends and healthy
social supports are likely to live longer than do their
peers who have fewer friends. Interesting on that many friends
find it hard to make new friends or keep the
ones they have. Work on caring for children or aging
parents might come before friends. You and your friends may

(01:41:19):
have grown apart due to changes in your lives or interests,
or maybe you've moved to a new town and having
yet found a way to meet new people. Making and
keeping friends I'm sorry, making and keeping good friends takes effort.
The pleasure, comfort, and health benefits you can get from
friends make it worth the effort. How good your friendships

(01:41:42):
are count more than how many friends you have. Remember
it's always about the quality and not the quantity. As
we always preach here. Having a broad network of friends
and contacts might be good, but having close friends who
mean a lot to you does more for your sense
of self. Yes to that. You can make friends with
people you meet in your social network. Think about people

(01:42:05):
you talked with even just a little, who you liked
and whose company you enjoyed. You may make new friends
and feed friendships you already had by doing the following.
Stay in touch with people with whom you've worked or
taken classes. Get back in touch with old friends. Reach

(01:42:25):
out to people you've met and enjoy that social events.
Meet your neighbors. I don't know about that, y'all. Sorry.
Make time to reconnect with family members if you have
that kind of relationship with them. There's a lot of
issues going on with families, and that's gonna be another
podcast segment coming up very soon in the next couple weeks.
Be on the lookout for that because we're gonna keep

(01:42:45):
it real on that. But again, I'll reread that again
for positive news. Make time to reconnect with family members.
If you think someone you like to know better, reach out.
That first step is often the hardest, but it might
be easier to take than you think. Ask people who

(01:43:06):
know both of you to put you in touch with
a text, email, phone call, or visit. Invite the person
to coffee or lunch to meet new people. You might
become friends. Go to places where people gather. Use more
than one way to meet people. The more you try,

(01:43:26):
the easier it gets, and the more likely you're to succeed.
Keeping at it also matters reach out instead of waiting
for others to come to you. Keep trying. You may
need to suggest plans a few times before you call
I'm sorry, I'm gonna read that again. You may need
to suggest plans a few times before you can tell

(01:43:48):
if a new friend wants to be with you, For example,
try several of these ideas. Go to events in the community.
Look for groups or clubs that gather around an interest
or hobby. You may find the groups online, in the
newspaper or on local message boards. There are also websites
that help you connect with new friends in your neighborhood

(01:44:09):
or city. Do a Google search using terms such as
your city plus social network or your neighborhood plus meetups.
Volunteer off of your time or talents at a hospital,
place of worship, museum, community center, charity, or something similar.
You can form strong links when you work with people

(01:44:31):
who have interests like yours. Give and accept invitations. Invite
a friend to join you for coffee or lunch when
you're i'm sorry. When you invite it to social events,
say yes, then return the invitation. Take up a new interest,
take a college or community education course. To meet people

(01:44:54):
who have interests like yours, join a class at a
local gym, senior center, or community fitnesses. Join a faith community,
then go to special activities and get to know you
events for new members. Take a walk, grab your kids
or pet and head outside. Chat with others you see
along the way, or go to a popular park and

(01:45:17):
talk to people there. Calm your nerves. I know this
is hard to do. My nerves are bad, y'all. This
can be hard. If you're nervous about meeting new people,
you may be tempted to stay home. Use deep breathing, yoga,
or other mind body techniques to help you relax. Above all,
stay positive. You may not become friends with everyone you meet,

(01:45:39):
but being positive and reaching out can help make the
relationships you have better. It is also I'm sorry. It
also may help you make friends with people you meet.
Joining a chat group or online community might help you
make or keep friends and help you feel less lonely,
but research suggests that use of social networking sites doesn't

(01:46:03):
always lead to a larger offline network or closer offline
links with network members. Also, be careful when sharing information
about yourself and take care when meeting with someone you've
met online. That's very important. Making and keeping friends involves
give and take. Sometimes you're the one giving support, other
times you're getting it. Letting friends know that you care

(01:46:26):
about them can help strengthen your bond. It is as
important for you to be a good friend as it
is to have good friends. To nurture your friendships, be kind.
Kindness is at the core of good friendships. Think of
friendships as an emotional bank account. Every act of kindness
is a deposit into this account. Being unkind takes away

(01:46:47):
from it. Be a good listener. This is important. Asks
what's going on in your friends' lives. Let others know
you hear them. When friends share details of hard times.
Let them know you get how they feel. Don't give
advice unless your friend asks for it. Open up. Build

(01:47:09):
closeness with your friends by opening up about yourself. Being
willing to share your feelings and concern shows that your
friend is special to you. Show that you can be trusted.
Let your friends know that they can rely on you.
Show up on time, do what you say you'll do,
Keep what your friends tell you in private to yourself.

(01:47:32):
Show that you can be trusted. Oh I already read that,
I'm sorry. Make an effort. Building a close friendship takes
time together. Try to see new friends often check in
with them in between meetups. You may feel odd the
first few times you talk on the phone or get together,
but this feeling gets easier as you get more comfortable

(01:47:54):
with each other. Remember it's never too late to make
new friendships or we connect with old friends. Putting time
into making and keeping friends can play off and a
better health and a brighter outlook for years to come.
That is it from that the Mayo Clinics article, and
it was very insightful. So Semmon's going to mention something

(01:48:21):
like he usually does.

Speaker 2 (01:48:22):
Yeah, So we want to give thanks to everyone that.

Speaker 3 (01:48:25):
Follow us on social media, Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. We
all thank you so much for supporting us view and
us liking us sharing.

Speaker 2 (01:48:35):
Uh. We appreciate you all.

Speaker 3 (01:48:39):
And for the olds that don't follow us, follow us
come check us out. We got some good stuff on
the TikTok and Facebook and uh Instagram, you want to
go ahead with that one.

Speaker 1 (01:48:53):
We also have a website. Now you've been hearing us
say that we're proud of it. You can go to
Sofa Talk s O F A t a wk dot com.
Thank you for listening to our episode What about your friends?
Are you currently facing a dilemma or issue and you
need advice from seven Tone? Feel free to write to

(01:49:15):
the Dear Sofa Talk letter at Sofa Talk s O
F A t awk at gmail dot com and we
can see how we can help you. Our next episode,
which is about work.

Speaker 2 (01:49:28):
Work, work, work, work, work, work.

Speaker 1 (01:49:31):
Shout out to Rihanna. We'll heir next month in September,
on either the twentieth or the twenty seventh. Please subscribe, like, follow, share, comment,
or leave a review wherever you're listening. We are available
on multiple podcast directories. Remember the talk will have you
talking on the sofa. Goodbye until next time.

Speaker 2 (01:50:00):
The band

Speaker 1 (01:50:06):
Practice practice, practice, practice,

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ep. 5: What About Your Friends?

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Ep. 5: What About Your Friends?

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