Beyond the Coliseum: A Kinder Approach to Divorce

Rethinking the Legal Battlefield: Towards a More Humane Approach to Divorce Hosted by Ken Maynard, CDFA and Accredited Family Mediator Featuring the Foundational Episode That Sparked the Soft Landing Podcast

In this episode, Ken Maynard brings clarity and compassion to one of the most misunderstood elements of family law: Canada's deeply entrenched adversarial legal system. As a precursor to the Soft Landing Podcast, this episode lays critical groundwork for a smarter, more humane way forward.

Episode Theme: Breaking Free from the “Coliseum Model”

Drawing on powerful metaphors and real-world insight, Ken explores:

• Why the adversarial “Coliseum” approach is so damaging to families
• The rise of collaborative law, mediation, and therapeutic jurisprudence as viable alternatives
• How the Soft Landing Method helps families escape the financial and emotional fallout of traditional litigation

Impact: Changing the Narrative in Family Law

This episode reframes what it means to “lawyer up,” advocating instead for a process that prioritizes mental wellness, child well-being, and financial clarity—a legacy that continues to shape divorce education today.

💬 Thanks for Listening Ken Maynard Thank you for joining us on the Soft Landing Divorce Podcast, where we believe that separation can be a starting point—not just an end. With the right support, you can navigate this transition with dignity, clarity, and a vision for your future. I’m Ken Maynard, Accredited Family Mediator and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), and founder of Divorce the Smartway. I help separating couples find resolution through constructive dialogue, practical financial planning, and family-first solutions.

• 📞 Phone: [phone]
• 🌐 Website: divorcethesmartway.ca
• 📧 Email: [e-mail]

Sarah Bates I believe every ending can be the beginning of a healthier, more empowered life. I’m Sarah Bates—divorce consultant, educator, and advocate for compassionate separation. If you're navigating separation, co-parenting, or just need guidance on building the right team, I’m here to help.

• 📞 Phone: [phone]
• 🌐 Website: www.thesmartdivorce.com
• 📧 Email: [e-mail]

Let’s build your soft landing—together. Connect with US: to.softlandingpodcast.ca

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
If you're navigating divorce or separationright now, you're probably feeling cue-
overwhelmed, uncertain, and maybe even alittle lost. You're in the right place. cue-
This is the Soft Landing Divorce podcast,where we prove that even in the midst of cue-
ending a marriage, you can move forwardwith dignity, clarity, and yes, peace. But cue-

(00:22):
here's what makes us different. cue-
Ken and Sarah are going to share solutionsand strategies that the divorce cue-
industrial complex never talks about, theapproaches that can save you time, money, cue-
and emotional turmoil, but thattraditional divorce professionals won't cue-
tell you exist. cue-
Whether you're just starting to considerseparation or you're deep in the process, cue-

(00:46):
our goal is simple, to help you and yourchildren land as softly as possible on the cue-
other side. So grab your coffee, getcomfortable, and let's dive in with Ken cue-
and Sarah as they reveal what the industrydoesn't want you to know. cue-
Hey, everyone. Welcome back. Today, we'retaking a deep dive into how to fast track cue-

(01:08):
your divorce agreement without endlesspaperwork, even if you have complex assets cue-
to divide. I'm Sarah, your host, and I'mthrilled to have with me Ken Maynard, a cue-
certified divorce financial analyst andaccredited family mediator, who's been cue-
guiding Ontario families throughseparation and divorce since 2010 via cue-

(01:29):
secure virtual mediation. cue-
Ken's soft landing divorce settlementmethod is a collaborative alternative to cue-
Canada's adversarial family law system,emphasizing compassion and cue-
cost-effectiveness. His clients oftenachieve amicable, sustainable agreements cue-
in four meetings or fewer, avoidingcourtroom conflicts. With nearly two cue-

(01:51):
decades of experience, Ken combinesfinancial expertise and mediation skills cue-
to support families in navigating life'stoughest transitions through alternative cue-
dispute resolution. Welcome, Ken. cue-
Thanks, Sarah. It's great to be here. I'mexcited to chat about this and help folks cue-
understand better options for handlingdivorce. cue-

(02:11):
Absolutely, Ken. Let's start broadly. Youknow, many people think of the legal cue-
system as this big battle, right? Like,the adversarial system, where parties are cue-
pitted against each other. Can you explainwhat that is and some examples from cue-
-Canada's perspective?-Sure thing, Sarah. The adversarial system cue-

(02:32):
is this conflict-based framework whereopposing parties present their arguments cue-
and evidence before a neutral judge orjury. In Canada, it's common in criminal cue-
trials where prosecution and defense go atit, or in civil disputes like lawsuits. cue-
It's all about discrediting the other sideto win. cue-
Right. That makes sense. But I've heardthere are drawbacks. What are some pros cue-

(02:55):
-and cons of this system?-Exactly. On the pro side, it promotes cue-
robust advocacy; ensures transparency, aseverything gets scrutinized; and upholds cue-
due process by letting each side challengethe other. But cons, it creates a cue-
win-at-all-cost mentality, which candistort truth; lead to unequal access if cue-

(03:16):
one side has more money for lawyers; andit's often prolonged and costly- cue-
It's fascinating, isn't it, especially infamily law where emotions run high. cue-
How does this play out in Canadaspecifically? cue-
In Canada, like other common lawcountries, the adversarial model is cue-
default, with parties in court trying topersuade the judge. But we're seeing a cue-

(03:38):
shift. Canada incorporates alternativedispute resolution, or ADR, like mediation cue-
and collaborative law, especially infamily cases, to promote efficiency and cue-
satisfaction. cue-
That sounds promising. So family law hasevolved from this adversarial roots. Tell cue-
us more about that evolution. cue-
Family law used to be all about thatwin-lose mentality in divorces, custody, cue-

(04:03):
property disputes. But now, with betterunderstanding of family dynamics, we're cue-
moving to holistic approaches, things likecollaborative law, where parties and cue-
lawyers work together outside court, ortherapeutic jurisprudence, focusing on cue-
emotional well-being. cue-
I see. In family law, the adversarialsystem seems particularly tough. Why is cue-

(04:26):
-that?-You've hit the nail on the head, Sarah. It cue-
can cause long-lasting damage, especiallyto children whose well-being gets cue-
sidelined in the battle. It doesn'taddress emotional dynamics well, escalates cue-
cost, and prolongs conflicts, leading tomore stress and animosity. cue-
So to everyone listening, have you everthought about how a court battle might cue-

(04:48):
affect your kids long-term? cue-
Ken, what are some alternatives to thisadversarial approach? cue-
Great question. Alternatives includemediation, where a neutral third party cue-
helps negotiate; collaborative law,committing to out-of-court resolution, cue-
arbitration for binding decisions, andeven restorative justice for healing. cue-

(05:09):
These emphasize collaboration andcompromise. cue-
Mediation sounds key. How does it help infamily conflicts? cue-
Mediation is fantastic for defusingtensions. It promotes open dialogue, helps cue-
develop co-parenting plans, divideassets, and set custody. It's cue-
confidential, cost-effective, and empowersfamilies to control outcomes, leading to cue-

(05:34):
sustainable agreements and healthierrelationships. cue-
Absolutely. And the impact on children,that's-Huge. Can you elaborate on how the cue-
adversarial system affects kids andfamilies? cue-
Children often suffer silently in thesebattles. Prolonged fights cause stress, cue-
anxiety, instability. Studies showlong-term effects like academic issues, cue-

(05:55):
behavioral problems. It also drainsfinances, adding hardship. That's why we cue-
advocate for child-centric approaches andearly alternatives. cue-
Right, so moving to a holistic approachmakes sense. What's that look like in cue-
-family law?-It's about nurturing relationships, cue-
prioritizing kids' well-being, integratingmental health pros, community resources, cue-

(06:17):
and ADR, like mediation, to createtailored solutions that foster harmony. cue-
I love the coliseum model analogy fromyour work, Ken. It's like gladiators cue-
fighting in an arena. Can you explain thatto our listeners? cue-
Sure, Sarah. Imagine each side hires agladiator, their lawyer, and they battle cue-
in the courtroom coliseum, with the judgeas Caesar deciding fate. It works for cue-

(06:40):
strangers in accidents or contracts sincethey don't interact after, but for cue-
families, you're still connected,especially co-parenting. It causes cue-
-irreparable damage.-Exactly. And the long-term impact. You say cue-
how you start your divorce is how you'lllive post-divorce. cue-
Yes, contentious litigation leads torepeat court trips, emotional and cue-

(07:01):
financial tolls. Better ways protectrelationships. cue-
So, your soft landing method is a betterway. Tell us about it. cue-
The soft-landing separation and divorcesettlement method emphasizes cue-
collaboration, empathy. Using mediationand collaborative law, it reduces cue-
conflict, supports families, and aims forfair and sustainable solutions in four cue-

(07:24):
meetings or less, often via video orin-person. cue-
That's awesome. Now, rethinking lawyeringup. Why seek mediation and financial cue-
-guidance first?-Divorce is 90% finances and children, not cue-
just legal. Start with a mediator and CDFAfor control, financial clarity, cue-
comprehensive disclosure, and focusednegotiations. It's cost-effective, reduces cue-

(07:49):
animosity, holistic, and better for kids. cue-
Can you see how that plays out in your ownexperience, listeners? Ken, let's touch cue-
on some FAQs. Where is the adversarialsystem most used? cue-
Mostly in common law countries likeCanada, US, UK, Australia, New Zealand. cue-
-And when did it originate?-In medieval England, evolving over cue-

(08:11):
-centuries.-How is it different from inquisitorial? cue-
Adversarial has parties presenting to ajudge. Inquisitorial has a judge cue-
-investigating.-Advantages? cue-
Thorough evidence examination, fairness,equal opportunity. cue-
-How does it work in practice?-Parties present evidence and arguments to cue-
-a neutral decider.-Starting family mediation or collaborative cue-

(08:33):
-law?-Contact a mediator or trained lawyer. cue-
-They'll assess and guide.-Alternatives in family law? cue-
Mediation, collaborative law, arbitrationfocusing on cooperation. cue-
-Why avoid adversarial in family law?-Reduces conflict, saves time and money, cue-
promotes amicable resolutions, especiallywith kids. cue-

(08:54):
-What is it in family law?-Two parties argue before a judge, often cue-
-increasing conflict.-Now, those seven key takeaways about the cue-
-adversarial system.-It escalates conflict, involves opposing cue-
parties before a judge, CDFA's providefinancial insights, mediation reduces cue-
costs and aims for mutual solutions,offers control and clarity, reduces cue-

(09:17):
animosity, and takes a holistic approach,including kids' welfare. cue-
Can you see how that plays out in your ownexperience, listeners? At DTSW, you offer cue-
this soft-landing method to simplifydivorce. cue-
Yes, we help couples craft agreements infour meetings or less, via video or in six cue-
Greater Toronto Centers. cue-

(09:38):
Have you ever thought about it that way,folks? Switching to alternatives could cue-
-change everything.-Absolutely. cue-
So, as we wrap things up, what's a finaltakeaway, Ken? cue-
Embrace alternatives like mediation for acompassionate, efficient divorce that cue-
protects your family. cue-
And on that note, stay curious. Keep thosequestions coming. Until next time, keep cue-

(10:01):
exploring better ways to resolveconflicts. What might you do differently cue-
now that you understand exploring Canada'sadversarial system and its alternatives cue-
in family law? cue-
And that's a wrap on today's episode.Remember, the path you're on right now, it cue-
doesn't have to be as hard, as expensive,or as damaging as the divorce industry cue-

(10:22):
wants you to believe. cue-
You have more options than they're tellingyou and more power than you realize. cue-
If today's conversation resonated withyou, here's what we'd love you to do. cue-
First, subscribe to the Soft LandingDivorce podcast so you never miss these cue-
strategies that could change everythingfor your family. cue-

(10:43):
Second, leave us a review. It helps otherpeople who desperately need this cue-
information find us. And if you knowsomeone who's struggling through cue-
separation or divorce, please share thisepisode with them. cue-
Sometimes, the kindest thing we can do islet someone know they're not alone and cue-
there's a better way forward. You can findall our resources, show notes, and ways cue-

(11:07):
to connect with us at detsw.ca. Andremember, we're not just here once a cue-
week. We're building a community of peoplewho believe that divorce doesn't have to cue-
destroy families. cue-
Hit that subscribe button because we'vegot so much more to share with you in the cue-
weeks ahead. cue-
Until then, keep moving toward your softlanding. You've got this and we've got cue-

(11:32):
you. That's Ken and Sarah, and they'll seeyou next time. cue-

Disclaimer: cue- (11:36):
undefined
The information provided in this podcastis intended for general informational cue-
purposes only and does not constitutelegal advice. cue-
For legal guidance specific to yoursituation, please consult a qualified cue-
legal professional in your jurisdiction.