April 9, 2025 • 46 mins
Have you ever caught yourself reacting in a way that didn’t make sense, even to you? Or wondered why the same relationship patterns keep showing up again and again, no matter how much you grow?
In this [episode 36], Emily and I explore the power of self-awareness as the gateway to true transformation in your relationships, with others and with yourself. Because you can't change what you're not aware of. And once you are, you open the door to healing, deeper connection, and soul-aligned living.
Join us as we break down the 3 types of self-awareness: internal, external, and self-reflective. And how each one plays a vital role in creating more fulfilling, conscious connections. We’ll guide you through real-life reflections, energetic insights, and intuitive tools that help you uncover your own blind spots with grace, not judgment.
What You’ll Discover in This Episode:
- How to recognize when you're reacting from unhealed patterns.
- Why most people think they're self-aware, but aren’t and what to do about it.
- The role of childhood conditioning and ancestral energy in your emotional responses.
- Why becoming the observer of your thoughts and emotions is key to change.
- How to use intuition to uncover your deepest blocks and begin shifting them.
Whether you’re navigating a romantic relationship, deepening your self-love, or trying to finally move past a limiting pattern, this conversation will help you understand yourself in a new light, so that you can create the love, joy, and peace you deserve.
***If you're ready to have a deeper connection to your intuition, so that you can take your journey of self awareness to the next level and connect deeper with your values and motivations. The Link below will give you the inside scoop on our Accessing the Akashic Records course: "Akashic Attunement: A Journey to Intuitive Mastery." You're going to learn how to tap into the transformational resource of your soul's energetic record and quantum shift your life!
Get the Details for Learning How to Access the Akashic Records!
Share what resonated with you the most about self awareness and transformation or ask us a question at vibin@soulvibeinsights.com
Loving Light,
Matty and Emily
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Matty (00:00):
Hello, amazing souls and welcome to today's show.
I've got Emily back withme this week after doing a
meditation myself last week.
Emily (00:08):
Hey everybody.
Matty (00:11):
We are really excited to be back here with you
once again together doingthis podcasting thing.
We're gonna be discussingsomething that we find
super interesting andreally has transformed
both of our lives immensely.
And that is self-awareness.
Emily (00:27):
Yeah.
Cultivating more self-awareness.
Matty (00:30):
Absolutely.
Emily (00:31):
Understanding self-awareness, learning
about self-awareness.
Matty (00:35):
Being willing to ask yourself questions, dive in
deep to what makes yourselftick, what makes yourself tock.
Why did you do thatthing you just did?
What does it mean to you?
Emily (00:50):
Yeah, those are all really important questions,
especially when you are lookingto correct, well, maybe not
correct, but at least changedifferent parts of your
actions or motivationsor, reactions, I guess
is a better word to say.
Matty (01:07):
I was thinking reactions just then too.
Emily (01:09):
Yeah.
When you're looking at likeirrational emotional reactions,
then that's probably somethingthat, you know, at least
causes you to go, Hmm, what?
Why did that happen?
Or why did I react that way?
Or,
Matty (01:24):
what was it in that, that created my reaction in me?
Emily (01:30):
So it's really interesting.
So should we do alife update first?
Matty (01:35):
We've got a pretty good one that's
really meaningful to us.
Emily (01:39):
Yeah.
We're in Sedona right now.
We're hanging out at a housethat we've been to before,
keeping two little kitties.
Well, one is a little kitten.
She's like less than one.
And then the other oneis an older, older cat
that we have met before.
So the younger oneis a, is a new one.
(02:00):
But they have this incrediblecustom built house where
we are basically staringright at courthouse rock.
And then if we walkover a little bit,
we can see Bell Rock.
We can also see, can wesee cathedral from here?
Matty (02:16):
If we step out onto the porch, we can see Cathedral.
Emily (02:19):
Yeah.
And I can't remember whatthat big rock is called, but
Matty (02:21):
well just behind us are the twin sisters and
the famous catholic chapel.
Emily (02:26):
Yeah, so there are lots of the quintessential and just
incredible views in Sedona,just right from the house, but
we have made it out to somereally cool hikes as well.
And yeah, it's just, I don'tknow, it's like a big deep
breath when you're in Sedona.
It's just this incredibleplace to kind of reset
(02:49):
and review your life.
Matty (02:53):
Every time we've come here, since we've been
open-ended traveling sinceAugust of 21, it, it's just
like, in a sense, a bit of acoming of home for my soul.
It just feels that way.
There's something so familiarand peaceful about here.
And I mean, obviously hangingout in these Red Rock canyons
and the energy Vorticesis pretty fantastic and
(03:17):
kind of eyeopening, if youwill, the Conversations with
Mother Nature I've had there.
Emily (03:24):
Yeah.
So if you've never beento Sedona it, put it
on your bucket list.
It is definitelyworth checking out.
I mean, we've never beenreally anywhere in the world
like it, and it's just thisincredible place to, to
recharge your batteries.
Matty (03:41):
All right, so that's our life update.
Yeah.
We are super happy beinghere if you can't tell the
way we're talking aboutSedona and our experiences.
Emily (03:50):
Yeah.
So let's jump in.
Self-awareness, fun stuff.
Matty (03:54):
Yeah.
Okay.
So let's start reallybasic and simple.
The definition of self-awarenessis the conscious knowledge
of one's own character,feelings, motives, and desires.
Emily (04:08):
Yeah.
It seems simple enough, right?
Matty (04:10):
It seems pretty straightforward.
Like check.
I, I understand all those words.
Emily (04:14):
Except it is interesting because it seems
like most people know whatthey don't want more than
what they actually do want.
And I'm gonna lump myselfinto that category as well.
I feel like a lot of my life'sbeen an exploration of what
I don't want and, you know,getting closer and closer
towards what I do want.
Matty (04:34):
I would say the majority of my life, especially 'cause
it's, it's always easier to puton the lens of hindsight and
kind of review the life, butremembering where I came from.
I didn't really know whatI wanted and wasn't, so I
wasn't going after what Iwanted as more, as much as
I was kind of in the flowof what was happening.
I kind of moved with life.
(04:57):
I did resist when I was younger,but once I got into my later
twenties and thirties, I feellike I just moved with life.
But what I was figuring out andwhat I was becoming aware of was
a lot more of what I don't want.
I didn't really love this.
I didn't love howthat worked out.
Gosh, I didn't love my reaction.
What is it in me that, thatI created this reaction
(05:19):
with the stimulus that Ijust experienced in my life?
'cause I don't wannabe doing this again.
I don't want toperpetuate this pattern.
Emily (05:26):
Or, and even more so like, oh man, every time.
Like in this relationship, Icontinue to react in this way
that's like super explosiveand, and I feel like I'm crazy.
Like what is it aboutthis other person that
ignites this aspect of me?
And is this something thatI really want for like a
(05:47):
long-term relationship oris this something that I
feel like maybe is not bestfor me and my nervous system
and just my life as far as along-term relationship goes.
Matty (06:05):
And then you got with me and everything became
so easy and such a breeze.
Uh, there at least there'sbeen a lot of love.
Emily (06:16):
Yes, there's definitely been a lot of love.
And we laugh becauseI don't think any
relationship is really easy.
There are aspects of, you know,being with your person that,
that does, that are easier.
Like I, I remember likethe day we got married.
I'm like talking to my friendsand they didn't know Matty
(06:37):
very well, you know, 'causeone came in from out of the
country and then another onehad some small children.
So she was pretty busy withher own life, and they're,
they're like, all right, youknow, are you ready for this?
And I'm just like, yeah,I, I like felt this
like incredible sense ofpeace on our wedding day.
But I just knew that nomatter what, like no matter
(06:59):
what happened in our life, Iknew that I could just talk
to Matty about anything.
Like I knew that no matterwhat, we could work through it
because we could talk about it.
And we could put itall out on the table.
Matty (07:13):
And it wasn't always a or get out, it
wasn't just a big fight.
I mean, we could put thingson the table it, it may or
may not get a little heated attimes, but we could put it out.
And we had that level of, Ithink, integrity and respect
with and for each other thatI could hear what you had
to say and understand thatyou weren't just trying
(07:34):
to pick me apart.
You wanted to understand, oryou wanted to come together
and, and figure out a wayforward with something.
It wasn't about a powerstruggle with you and that was
one of the, or not one of it.
Yeah, totally.
Emily (07:47):
That is true.
Matty (07:48):
In the past, it's one of the things that I
absolutely adore about youand our relationship is
every other relationship I'vebeen in, there's always been
elements of power struggle.
And you talk to people and yousee it, especially in our
parents' generation, that it'svery much one-upping or I won
that, I won that argument.
And, you know, if somebodyhas to be in the power play
and, and the other not, butfor us, it, it's always been
(08:10):
like, how do we move forwardin the most harmony possible?
I love you.
I want the best for you,and I want the best for me.
And these things alignwithin each other.
So how do we move forward?
And I've always appreciated thatabout you and continue to do so.
Emily (08:26):
Yeah, I've always appreciated the fact that
like we, we decided prettyearly on that compromise
was kind of bullshit.
Everyone's like, oh, for agood marriage to work or a
good relationship to work,you have to compromise.
But when you're compromising,no one gets what they want ever.
And so I'm like, instead ofcompromising all the time and
neither one of us getting what,what we want, how about we both
(08:48):
just try to get what we want?
Like how about we both strivefor the things that we do want.
Like, oh, you wantthis and I want that.
Well, let's just do both.
Matty (08:58):
Yep.
Agreed.
Emily (08:59):
So I do think that has kind of been helpful too
because, I mean, obviouslythere are times where
you have to compromise.
That's just kindof a part of life.
But when you're constantlycompromising, do you ever
really get what you want?
Matty (09:13):
And are you truly happy with all that compromise?
Emily (09:17):
Exactly.
You're just basically puttingaside what you actually
do want for this otherthing that the other person
doesn't even want either.
It's like, all right, I'mjust settling for this thing.
And the other person's settlingtoo, and neither one of us are
getting what we want, exactly.
All right.
I feel like we'redigressing though.
Matty (09:37):
In a healthy way, but I, I'm ready to move
forward and get back into Yes.
Self-awareness.
There are three typesof self-awareness that
are generally put forthis a different type of
self-awareness, a differentway to kind of know thyself.
And this first one, Ithink, kind of falls into
(09:58):
the, the general definitionof self-awareness.
And this is yourinternal self-awareness.
This is understandingyour own thoughts,
feelings, your emotions.
How you value yourself,the values you place out
there outside of yourself,on others, or aspects of
(10:19):
your life that you value ordon't, and your motivations.
What's motivating youto do what you do.
This is about recognizingyour internal state
and ultimately how itinfluences your behaviors.
Not just when it's youwith you, but especially
like how you interact withothers as well, because you
(10:43):
understand your internal world.
You have more awareness aroundthat so you can make decisions
for yourself based on trulywhat it is that you want.
What you feel is right foryou, what you know, what you
value, what motivates you.
Emily (11:02):
Totally.
And so the secondtype of awareness is
external self-awareness.
Which is understandinghow others perceive you.
Like how others experience you.
What your strengths are,your weaknesses and your
behaviors in social situations.
So, I mean, this kind ofgoes back to, you know, the
(11:24):
story that we were tellingearlier when you're in this
you know, reallychaotic relationship and
you're like who am I?
Like, I don't even know.
And you know, the, there'sjust a lot of energy
dynamics at play there.
And I mean, you're constantlyinteracting with other people
in an energetic way, andsome of those energies are
(11:45):
going to come together inharmony, and some of them are
gonna come into pure chaos.
And so it's really aboutunderstanding from your
internal self-awareness and yourexternal self-awareness, like
what it it is that you want.
I mean, I don't know if there'sany new girl fans out there, but
it makes me think of this real,this realization that she had
(12:08):
with one of her relationshipsthat, you know, she was dating
this older, older man and it wasjust real easy because he had
already been through a marriage.
He was divorced and like theyhad the chaotic relationship,
he and his ex-wife.
And so their relationship wasjust really just even keel.
There wasn't a lotof ups and downs.
It was just like, you know,this, this kind of even moving.
(12:31):
And she realized like, to her,that felt very boring and she
wanted someone that challengedher and someone who told her
you know, you're acting in acrazy way and someone where
she could have like, in amore explosive relationship.
And so it's really about knowingyourself and what kind of
(12:52):
interactions you wanna have.
'cause you may prefer that evenkeel, you know, more neutral
relationship or you may not.
So it really just kind ofdepends on what you want.
And so that's about the internalself-awareness, understanding
your values and your emotionsand your feelings and why.
And if you do wanta more chaotic
(13:12):
relationship, why is that?
And if you do find a moreneutral relationship,
boring, why is that?
Matty (13:20):
Absolutely great questions to be asking yourself.
What is it about thisrelationship that
isn't satisfying me.
What can I do tocreate more harmony?
Or to create more passion?
Or to create more challengeamongst ourselves in
this relationship withoutit being detrimental?
Emily (13:43):
Mm, that's a really good point that you make up.
'cause the word passion.
Because in this examplethat I'm talking about
with the new girl show.
She associated the, thechaoticness with passion.
So whether that's a truerelationship or not, I mean,
I think maybe in the end of,as far as the show went that
(14:04):
she could possibly say thatshe and Nick did have a lot
of passion for each other.
But I don't think thatthe chaos necessarily
always equals passion.
Matty (14:14):
No, I think passion gets lumped into movement.
Chaos and if you're willingto challenge somebody or have
an argument or you know, havea little chaos and fighting
or whatever, that, thatproves you're passionate.
That proves that, youknow, you're willing to
get rah and this excitableabout it, you know?
(14:34):
So I think it kind of getsequated, you know, that chaos,
energy with passion, theykind of go hand in hand, even
though I don't really think.
Emily (14:42):
That that's chaos
Matty (14:43):
equals passion, and passion equals chaos.
No.
Emily (14:45):
Yeah.
That's interesting.
'cause when I think aboutpassion, I feel like I think
of it more as like beingenthusiastic and more like
Yeah, enthusiastically drivenand not necessarily like the
willingness to get reallypissed about something.
So.
Huh.
That's interestingto think about.
I don't know, I bring up thatexample just because that
(15:06):
was something that causedme to reflect on my own life
and my past relationships.
I'm like, huh, I did havesome relationships that were
super chaotic and just I feltlike I was fucking crazy as
far as, you know, emotional.
And then, you know, you andI have way more harmonious
relationship, where yeah,it's not like I'm just, oh,
(15:28):
so even keel all the timeand never get, you know, a
little bit emotionally crazy.
But maybe it's part ofhow you help, you know,
even my emotions out.
I can actually come to youwhen I'm feeling like that
and you kind of help likebring more harmony within me.
Matty (15:48):
Well, I value emotional intelligence and what they could
be signaling to you, so I don'twanna throw them in your face.
And I was also consideredtoo sensitive or too
emotional as a kid.
I heard things like that andI don't, that's just dumb.
That's bullshit.
There is no such thingas being too sensitive.
(16:09):
Oh, I'm too emotionallyaware of what's going on.
What, that just does notcompute, but I'm a product
of the late seventies andeighties and I think that's just
Emily (16:19):
stoicism was valued.
Matty (16:21):
My parents were very stoic that that was pervasive
in the family, you know?
So if you ever came to mewith whether it was about
us or about some othercircumstance in your life,
even reviewing past things.
I valued your emotions and,you know, respected where you
were at and the intelligencethat they can bring to us.
So I, I did want to, and Ido want to have space for
(16:45):
that to happen within ourrelationship, you know.
Emily (16:48):
Well, are you saying that you've been totally even keeled
in all your relationships?
Matty (16:52):
Good God, no.
Emily (16:55):
I laugh because I actually knew Matty during
a lot of his relationshipsas he knew me as well.
So.
Matty (17:01):
Yeah, I had to work on some things for, I was
ready to hold a space likethat and value emotions in
a certain way, definitely.
Emily (17:09):
Yeah.
You know.
And we had to work on alot of things together too.
Matty (17:13):
Thank you, past relationships and girlfriends
for helping me get to a placewhere I can, you know, do
what I couldn't do then ina much healthier way, now.
I won't name you.
Yes.
But thank you.
Emily (17:28):
Yes, thank you to all my past relationships as well.
Matty (17:31):
So you've got internal self-awareness, knowing what's
going on on the inside, and whatyour values and motivations are.
You've got an externalself-awareness and being
able to objectively look atyourself and understand how
people on the outside perceiveyou, what your strengths are,
what your weaknesses are,what you, your, your go-to,
(17:52):
like social behaviors are.
You know, what peoplecan depend on from you
or would consider kind ofnormal in your behaviors.
And you know, this requires alittle bit of internal knowing
yourself, but also being able tokind of put that aside and then
view yourself from a differentperception and understand like,
(18:14):
well, how do I act typically?
What are my strengths?
Maybe even talk to yourfriends and ask them, Hey,
if you had, if you couldlist three strengths,
what, what comes to mind?
You could list three weaknesses.
External self-awareness, itcould be good to, you know, if
you've got somebody you reallytrust in your life that's known
you for a while, you couldchat with them about that.
(18:34):
And it doesn't justhave to be questions
you're asking yourself.
What I think is the mostimportant of the three, and
the one I really kind of wannadive into today more is the
awareness of self-reflection.
This refers to theability to gain a deeper
understanding of yourselfby critically analyzing your
(18:58):
behaviors, your motivations,and your experiences.
So this involves reflectingon actions that you're taking
if you can, if you're at thatpoint where you can be aware
of what's happening in thepresent moment, or at least
reflecting on your past actions.
Then looking at whatconsequences came
(19:18):
from those actions.
And then considering,because you've done some
internal self-awareness aswell, how these actions and
consequences, like how arethey aligning with your values?
Do your actions and themotivations and what you did
align with your values, andthen the consequences you
received or they came from it.
(19:40):
Are these theconsequences you want?
Does this align with thevalues you wanna see coming
back to you, that you'reputting out in the world?
So there's a reciprocalness about what you put
out and what comes back.
So being able to not justknow yourself, but actually
reflect upon the who youare when no one's around,
(20:02):
the who you are to others.
I find this deeply challengingand satisfying at the same time.
And I also find that this isthe awareness that a lot of
people run from because itinherently means if you're
willing to critically analyzeyour own self, you're willing
(20:23):
to take responsibility foryour actions, or you're at
least working towards that.
That you're the kind ofperson that can go crap,
that was not my best effort.
You know, I'm gonnahave to say, I'm sorry.
I need to own up to this.
If you're willing to be,you know, critical of
yourself, please have alittle patience and grace
(20:45):
because no one's perfect.
But it also is one of themost amazing things that can
happen to any human being, andthat is self-responsibility.
There's not a lot of thatin the world, unfortunately.
I, I have definitely run into itamongst others, but there is a
lot of it that isn't that way.
(21:06):
There's more of people thatwant to do something and
push on it and then blameyou for their actions.
Well, you made me do this.
If you hadn't done this oryou didn't look like that
or didn't give me this orthat and blah, blah, blah, I
wouldn't have done X, Y, or Z.
Well, it doesn'tmatter what you did.
You're responsiblefor your actions.
(21:26):
No one else is.
There may be reasons ormotivations why you did
your actions, but it doesn'tmake the other person who
was a part of the reason orwhat created a motivation
within you responsible, no.
The words that came outta yourmouth, the actions you took are
solely of your responsibility.
And if you're willing to haveawareness from self-reflection,
(21:49):
that means you're on theroad or already willing
to be self-responsible.
I love to tie thosetwo things together.
Emily (21:57):
Definitely.
So you may be listeningto this and you're like,
Hmm, how self-aware am I?
I'm probably self-aware.
Well, so let me ask,are you self-aware?
And according to studies,there's a high probability, high
probability that you aren't.
(22:18):
In fact, there's ahigh probability that
really none of us are.
There was a study doneby, uh, Tasha Eurich.
Do you think Eurich?
I think it's Eurich.
She did a TED Talk andshe reviewed 750 published
studies on self-awareness.
(22:38):
And her conclusion afterreviewing all of these studies
is that 95% of people thinkthat they're self-aware, but
in reality, only 10 to 15% ofpeople are actually self-aware.
So what does this mean?
Like I said, it means thatthere's a high probability
(22:59):
that, not that we are allnot as aware of ourselves
as we think that we are.
And that there are probablyblind spots in our awareness
that is probably affectingour relationships, our
success, and our way forward.
Matty (23:18):
Oh, absolutely agreed.
Everyone is at, is at leasta little self-aware, you
know, but this is about beinglike sufficiently self-aware
Emily (23:29):
that you like to thrive.
Matty (23:30):
That you know yourself well enough that internally
and externally and you reflecton your behaviors and you're
willing to make changes andstuff and you're responsible
like only 10 to 15% of thepopulace is self-aware.
That's,
Emily (23:46):
well, I think a better way of phrasing.
Matty (23:48):
It's crazy to me that, yeah, it's that little.
Emily (23:51):
Well, but that's also just according to this one
person and her reviews, andI mean, I don't know too
much about what the publishedstudies were on self-awareness,
but it is an interestingthing to think about.
But I think even more so, it'sabout having balance between
the external self-awarenessand balance with the
(24:12):
external self-awareness.
Because if you're too oneway or the other, you know,
if you have so much internalself-awareness and you're
constantly like reflecting andand going back and what,
what do I think about this?
And what are my feelingsand what are my emotions?
But you don't consider othersin this then it's probably
gonna lead to low levels of,of happiness because you're
(24:37):
just constantly criticizingyourself all the time and
you're constantly justquestioning and questioning
and questioning, and you'renot really getting anywhere if
you're constantly questioning.
And then the same withthe external awareness.
Matty (24:50):
How are you enjoying life if all you're doing is,
is constantly questioning orinternalizing the little bit
of life that you're living?
Emily (24:57):
Exactly.
Matty (24:58):
Yeah.
Totally.
Emily (24:58):
So I mean, and then of course there's the external
self-awareness and if you'reconstantly focused on how
other people take you and youaren't ever thinking about
yourself and what yourthoughts and feelings are.
You're just constantly trying tomake everyone happy around you.
Um, does that sound familiar?
You're probably a peoplepleaser, big time people pleaser
(25:22):
if all you care about is howother people perceive you and
how your behaviors affect them.
So it's always, I mean, allof life is about balance and
sometimes you're gonna teeterone way more than the other, but
having balance inlife is always key.
You're gonna wanna try tobalance out the internal
(25:43):
self-awareness with theexternal self-awareness, and
it's really about using thatself-reflection to make sure
that your actions reallyalign with your values, with
focusing your thoughts andyour feelings and your emotions
towards what it isthat you really want.
And if it aligns withyour values and your
(26:05):
motivations, then youknow that's even better.
That's probably rightthere with manifestation.
Matty (26:12):
Absolutely.
I think you're gonna becloser to, I mean, we're all
manifesting, but I mean alignedmanifesting, I think is what
you were more referring to.
Well, yeah, that'sgonna definitely be
getting our closer.
Emily (26:24):
Well, I think what I was trying to say is when
you're in alignment, thenyou can manifest quicker.
Matty (26:29):
Oh yes, absolutely.
Emily (26:30):
You know, if all that stuff is aligned, you know,
your motivations, your thoughts,your emotions, your actions,
and you're focused in this way.
And the people around youare right there, like with
you, then it's probably a loteasier, you know, to manifest
things in a faster way.
But that's kind of, um, youknow, a whole other podcast.
(26:54):
So, how do you bring thisbalance into your life?
Matty (26:58):
Well, especially with the awareness of self-reflection,
I definitely want to talk abouttrying to take your awareness as
becoming or being the observer.
And being the observeris knowing you are a
divine lightbody soul,having a human experience.
(27:22):
You are human and somuch more simultaneously.
But being the observer,you're going to realize
you are not your thoughts,you are not your emotions.
You are the soul having thishuman experience that has
thoughts about the experiencesor stimulus you're experiencing.
(27:46):
You're this divine essence thathas emotions while in a body
from your experiences or fromyour beliefs or the stimulus
that you're experiencing.
The thoughts and emotions area part of it, but your identity
doesn't align or lie with thethoughts or with the emotions.
(28:10):
You've probably heard, you're,you've probably even said
things like this yourself.
I know I did for a long time.
I'm sad, I'm happy, or I'maligning myself with my emotion.
Or I just can't getthis outta my mind,
I'm really pissed off.
As opposed to, I'mfeeling sad today.
Or I'm feeling really happy inthis moment and I'm enjoying it.
Emily (28:32):
Or, Hmm, this is what happiness feels like, or, Hmm,
this is what sadness feels like.
Matty (28:38):
That little tweak right there is the difference between
being your thoughts and emotionsversus being the observer, the
divine soul, having thoughtsand emotions to experience.
Emily (28:50):
Yeah, and I just want to point out that the words I am.
Followed by whatever you followit by, is very, very powerful.
Because like Matty said, youare actually identifying and
you are creating this identityaround what you put after I am.
(29:10):
So it is very important for yourself-worth, for your wellbeing
to really pick and choose andbe very careful about what
you say after the words I am.
Matty (29:27):
Very good point.
Thank you.
Emily (29:29):
And I'm not saying, you know, it's easy because
we're all so conditionedto self-deprecate.
I know that that is very commonin a lot of families, I mean,
I see it happening in mine.
I see it happening in.
And other people where theythink that, they think that
(29:51):
self-deprecating is like away to, laugh at yourself.
Matty (29:56):
Yeah, I was gonna say, I think humor's
wrapped up in it too.
Emily (29:59):
I feel like there's a really fine line between
laughing at yourself andlaughing at your, you know,
quirks and your individualityand your deficiencies and just
straight up self-deprecating.
I mean, I do think it'sgood to be able to laugh
at yourself, and in fact,that's definitely part of my
lesson in life is learninghow to, to do that more.
Matty (30:23):
But self-deprecation is not humor.
It's not a positiveform of humor, at least.
Emily (30:30):
Yeah.
Like I feel very uncomfortablewhen I'm hanging out with
someone and they're likemaking comments about their
weight or the way theylook, or it's not necessary.
I don't think it's necessary.
And I, and I really think thatthat self-deprecation leads
to negative thought formswithin your own energetic body.
(30:54):
I mean, the more yousay something, the more
you believe it yourself.
And even if it's something thatyou're like, well, this is true.
But if it's done in a selfre, re, self-deprecating
manner, then you're makingthe truth about yourself
this terrible thing.
Matty (31:12):
And we're kind of hitting on this point because
we've both been there.
Emily mentioned thiswas something she's
seen in her family.
It's somethingthat was, you mean
Emily (31:21):
that I've been
Matty (31:22):
very prevalent in my own, yeah.
And very prevalentin my own family.
And I, I'm still, Imean, I have bouts of
self-deprecation moments too.
You know, I mean,we're, we're all human.
We live in duality.
You know, just because youfound a good balance point
with your life doesn'tmean you get to stay in
your balance point forever.
(31:43):
No, you're stillgonna fluctuate.
Life ebbs and flows.
There's ups and downs.
And that means the energycoming your way, the energy
we're putting out there, how wethink and feel about ourselves.
I mean, it just, life is life.
It's all the things.
It gets messy sometimes.
It's freaking beautiful too.
But if this is you, this couldbe one of those self-reflection
(32:06):
moments right here.
Emily (32:08):
And it could be an easy tweak to start catching yourself
in the moment and start, youknow, putting something more
positive behind that, I am.
I am powerful.
I'm a divine being.
I am capable of more thanI ever thought imaginable.
Matty (32:30):
I am in love with my body, and my body loves me.
Emily (32:34):
I am amazing.
I'm powerful.
Matty (32:38):
I'm like, I'm in love with my body and
you're all, I'm amazing.
I'm powerful.
You're hitting thenail on the head.
Thanks babe.
Emily (32:44):
I say, I say those things now on the podcast
to try to, you know, helpother people think those
things about themselves.
But I can't say that my internalchatter's always like that.
Matty (32:55):
All right, so being the observer, awareness of
self-reflection, like yourawareness of self, this is the
key to changing or transforminganything in your life.
If you even want to changesomething about your
life, you are essentiallylooking for transformation.
(33:17):
Several steps of change canlead to big transformations.
The fact that you'rehaving this realization.
You even want to changesomething that something's
off in your life and you'dlike it to be different.
This means that you'reself-aware on some level, and
at least most likely you're,it's internal awareness
(33:40):
that's guiding you withthe self-reflection, now.
There's somethinginternally that you're not
liking your experience.
You're not enjoying somethingabout life anymore, or you're
finally realizing you'venever enjoyed this aspect
that's part of your life.
You've outgrown something,maybe, or you've realized
(34:01):
that you know somethingin your life no longer
serves your highest good.
But the fact that you'recoming to these realizations
means that you're willing toreflect and you're willing to
listen to your internal values,feelings, thoughts, motivations.
That you are self-aware.
That you're on the path,if you're not already,
(34:23):
you're on the path to beingin the 10 to 15% that are
sufficiently self-aware.
Because you're paying attentionto your internal world.
And what does it mean for you?
You're having thesereflections now you're,
you're being the observer.
You're becoming awareof your internal world.
Reflecting and analyzing,what can you do about it?
(34:46):
What do you want to change?
What do you want to try firstto create new behaviors, new
experiences, new paths forward.
Emily (34:55):
Yeah, for sure.
So I feel like self-reflectionas a form of evaluation is
being aware in a way thatcan create transformation
by finding the limitedbeliefs in the energy blocks.
Basically, the things likewe're talking about, like
how you speak about yourself.
(35:18):
Are your motivationsand your actions aligned
with your values?
What are your motivations?
Are your motivations comingfrom a pure place, or are they
coming from something thatyou think you should be doing
or coming from something thatyou learned growing up or you
(35:40):
know, someone told you thatyou should want or check out?
So finding these limitingbeliefs in these energetic
blocks are about bringingmore self-aware, like you
find these by having moreself-awareness in your life.
You start to become moreself-aware, more aware of these
(36:02):
little gaps between your actionsand your motivations, or your
values and your actions, oryour thoughts and your feelings.
Absolutely.
You know, finding the patterns,finding those, those small
(36:22):
gaps between okay, doesthis align with, with what
it is that I actually want?
Or am I taking all these actionsthat are not moving me towards
what it is that I desire at all?
Matty (36:37):
I feel like too, kind of on the theme of these
gaps, this misalignment.
One way you can in, inself-reflection, like
you're looking for theirrational or the illogical.
Before we even talk aboutusing your intuition to get,
to get down into some, someof the nitty gritty and the
(36:59):
answers for, you know, what liesunderneath for your experiences.
You can use your emotionsand your mind and
look for things thatare out of alignment.
Look for these gaps.
Find this.
When your stimulus orexperience isn't in alignment
with your like internalor external reactions.
(37:22):
This is, there's somethingirrational or logical
because you can self-reflect,Hey, I'm having this
experience, this generallyshould be something that
yeah, might be a littlefrustrating, but I'm
like level 10 angry,pissed off, frustrated.
Like, why is the gap there?
Why is there thishuge difference there?
(37:44):
Or, you know, on the sameother side, this should
be an amazing experienceand I'm just not into it.
I'm ho-hum, like,what's off here?
Or even sometimes it'sreally irrational, like this
was a really cute moment,but I'm angry about it.
Uh, what's going on?
Emily (38:00):
Well, shame is another one of those emotions that
cause like, I mean, mostpeople experience shame in
a similar way where they getthis full body heat, like this
redness and this heat thatovercomes their entire body.
And this reaction happensbefore you're even like
understanding, oh, what, what,what am I actually feeling
(38:23):
shameful about right now?
And it could be anything, itcould be you have a thought
about where your personalitymay be deficient or, oh man,
you know, I really wish Iwas more in extroverted.
I use that example because I, Ido wish I was more extroverted
(38:45):
and sometimes it does bringa little bit of shame within
me, but there are times whereI am really extroverted.
So, but there are justtimes, you know, where
you might feel that shamereaction and it may not feel
completely logical to whatis happening in your reality.
Matty (39:05):
And kind of on that note, like your central
nervous system in your bodyknows before your feelings
or your mind are gonna know.
Emily (39:15):
Mm-hmm.
Matty (39:16):
You may have definitely be having a reaction in your
body before there's any sortof input coming into your mind
and understanding mentallyor emotionally happens.
Your body knows andkeeps the score.
So that is something to be onthe lookout as well as, you
know, like physically, what,what sort of reactions are you
(39:37):
having within your own body?
That's a real goodpoint to bring up.
And I feel like at thispoint you, you want to use
your intuition to dig intothese kinds of moments.
And when you're coming to theunderstanding like, oh, I've
got a gap here, or somethingirrational is going on between
(40:00):
how I'm feeling and reactingto what I'm experiencing.
I found it easier towork in hindsight.
Review things that hadalready happened in my life.
What did I experience?
What did I feel?
What did I react?
Literally start asking yourown self, your intuition,
(40:21):
where is this belief or thisenergetic block coming from?
Where does it reside?
Where's the beginning, the rootcause for this, that's creating
this gap in my life now?
And this is a reallyimportant one.
What is it about mycurrent situation that
reminds me of this energy?
(40:42):
And diving into childhood'sa really good place.
There's a lot of thingsfrom childhood before
our consciousnesswas really developed.
We're taking on beliefs andwe're learning things, and
these programs are stillat play in our adult life.
Until we become self-awareand realize, and then
decide, oh, this is a greatprogram that's running, yay.
Way to go, 3-year-old.
(41:03):
Or, you know, I, I feel likeI've learned a lot since I
was seven and can, you know,maybe tweak some of this.
Emily (41:11):
Yeah.
Isn't it like before the ageof seven, that's when most of
these patterns are created.
Yeah.
So think about from the timethat you were born to the time
that you were seven, that'swhen a lot of your thought
patterns and your subconscioustrainings all started.
Matty (41:32):
And if you're not finding something in your
life intuitively of yourcurrent life, your childhood,
then this is when you couldbe bringing, this could
be ancestral or geneticbeliefs or energies that
are passed on for you to tryto, you know, kind of break
the cycle on or part of yourlearning your life lessons
and stuff for this lifetime.
(41:54):
Uh, that could be past lifehangover energy coming in.
So experiences from the pastthat are left unresolved
are at play now to try to beresolved in this lifetime.
And another really importantquestion I think to ask your
intuition is, how do I healor transform this energy?
What steps can I take toshift this in my life?
(42:16):
To lessen this gap?
To lessen the triggersthat I'm experiencing?
To make the irrationalmore rational, to have more
experiences that make sense.
To have more experiencesin the present moment.
And I think the more you workin hindsight and work through
these things and you workwith your intuition and you
(42:37):
develop that intuitive trust,the more you can get to where
you're starting to becomeself-aware and self-reflective
in the present moments of life.
Catching things quicker.
Instead of wishing yourbehavior would be different,
you can catch your behaviorand change it in the moment.
And when you cantake a new action.
(42:58):
Then you're not only thinkingit and feeling it and
physically doing it, you'rereally starting to reset
those subconscious programsto something different because
you're catching in that actionand you're self-correcting
in the moment, if you can.
Emily (43:12):
I think this is a beautiful place to wrap up.
Matty (43:16):
Yeah, and I, I just want to reiterate.
If this is resonating withyou, bring some grace to the
table and have some patiencewith yourself as you're
working to become even moreself-aware than you already are.
That is one of the numberone things you could do.
I personally spent a lot,way too much time being
(43:38):
frustrated with myself ordisappointed in myself.
Instead of just accepting myselfwhere I was and where I am and
working towards something thatwould create more harmony and
more alignment and more joy,and more meaningfulness and
more fulfillment in my life.
I, I didn't bringmyself enough grace.
Emily (43:57):
Yeah, same.
Matty (43:58):
Until later in life.
And that, you know, no regrets.
But man, if I could do somethingover with the information I have
now, it would definitely bringmyself more grace and patience.
So.
Yeah, please dothat for yourselves.
Is there anythingelse you want to add?
Emily (44:14):
No, I think that's a beautiful message to
Matty (44:18):
Okay.
Emily (44:18):
Wrap up on.
Matty (44:20):
Well, thanks for joining us on this little chat
about self-awareness and whyit's just key to change and
transformation in your life.
Emily (44:29):
Yeah, I mean, self-awareness in
itself can be healing.
Bringing awareness toany sort of situation can
help you cultivate thatgrace and self-compassion.
Matty (44:41):
Absolutely.
'cause if you're not awareof your behaviors, then
you're just being you.
But when you're aware, youcan actually do something
different if you want to.
You're right.
Just, just the awareness inand of itself can be healing.
That's a really important point.
Y'all.
Well have a fantastic week.
We're gonna enjoy the restof our time in Sedona, and
(45:01):
then we're gonna shove onoutta here and move on.
Emily (45:06):
Let's reconvene next week.
Matty (45:08):
Take care.
Hello, amazing souls and welcome to today's show.
I've got Emily back withme this week after doing a
meditation myself last week.
Emily (00:08):
Hey everybody.
Matty (00:11):
We are really excited to be back here with you
once again together doingthis podcasting thing.
We're gonna be discussingsomething that we find
super interesting andreally has transformed
both of our lives immensely.
And that is self-awareness.
Emily (00:27):
Yeah.
Cultivating more self-awareness.
Matty (00:30):
Absolutely.
Emily (00:31):
Understanding self-awareness, learning
about self-awareness.
Matty (00:35):
Being willing to ask yourself questions, dive in
deep to what makes yourselftick, what makes yourself tock.
Why did you do thatthing you just did?
What does it mean to you?
Emily (00:50):
Yeah, those are all really important questions,
especially when you are lookingto correct, well, maybe not
correct, but at least changedifferent parts of your
actions or motivationsor, reactions, I guess
is a better word to say.
Matty (01:07):
I was thinking reactions just then too.
Emily (01:09):
Yeah.
When you're looking at likeirrational emotional reactions,
then that's probably somethingthat, you know, at least
causes you to go, Hmm, what?
Why did that happen?
Or why did I react that way?
Or,
Matty (01:24):
what was it in that, that created my reaction in me?
Emily (01:30):
So it's really interesting.
So should we do alife update first?
Matty (01:35):
We've got a pretty good one that's
really meaningful to us.
Emily (01:39):
Yeah.
We're in Sedona right now.
We're hanging out at a housethat we've been to before,
keeping two little kitties.
Well, one is a little kitten.
She's like less than one.
And then the other oneis an older, older cat
that we have met before.
So the younger oneis a, is a new one.
(02:00):
But they have this incrediblecustom built house where
we are basically staringright at courthouse rock.
And then if we walkover a little bit,
we can see Bell Rock.
We can also see, can wesee cathedral from here?
Matty (02:16):
If we step out onto the porch, we can see Cathedral.
Emily (02:19):
Yeah.
And I can't remember whatthat big rock is called, but
Matty (02:21):
well just behind us are the twin sisters and
the famous catholic chapel.
Emily (02:26):
Yeah, so there are lots of the quintessential and just
incredible views in Sedona,just right from the house, but
we have made it out to somereally cool hikes as well.
And yeah, it's just, I don'tknow, it's like a big deep
breath when you're in Sedona.
It's just this incredibleplace to kind of reset
(02:49):
and review your life.
Matty (02:53):
Every time we've come here, since we've been
open-ended traveling sinceAugust of 21, it, it's just
like, in a sense, a bit of acoming of home for my soul.
It just feels that way.
There's something so familiarand peaceful about here.
And I mean, obviously hangingout in these Red Rock canyons
and the energy Vorticesis pretty fantastic and
(03:17):
kind of eyeopening, if youwill, the Conversations with
Mother Nature I've had there.
Emily (03:24):
Yeah.
So if you've never beento Sedona it, put it
on your bucket list.
It is definitelyworth checking out.
I mean, we've never beenreally anywhere in the world
like it, and it's just thisincredible place to, to
recharge your batteries.
Matty (03:41):
All right, so that's our life update.
Yeah.
We are super happy beinghere if you can't tell the
way we're talking aboutSedona and our experiences.
Emily (03:50):
Yeah.
So let's jump in.
Self-awareness, fun stuff.
Matty (03:54):
Yeah.
Okay.
So let's start reallybasic and simple.
The definition of self-awarenessis the conscious knowledge
of one's own character,feelings, motives, and desires.
Emily (04:08):
Yeah.
It seems simple enough, right?
Matty (04:10):
It seems pretty straightforward.
Like check.
I, I understand all those words.
Emily (04:14):
Except it is interesting because it seems
like most people know whatthey don't want more than
what they actually do want.
And I'm gonna lump myselfinto that category as well.
I feel like a lot of my life'sbeen an exploration of what
I don't want and, you know,getting closer and closer
towards what I do want.
Matty (04:34):
I would say the majority of my life, especially 'cause
it's, it's always easier to puton the lens of hindsight and
kind of review the life, butremembering where I came from.
I didn't really know whatI wanted and wasn't, so I
wasn't going after what Iwanted as more, as much as
I was kind of in the flowof what was happening.
I kind of moved with life.
(04:57):
I did resist when I was younger,but once I got into my later
twenties and thirties, I feellike I just moved with life.
But what I was figuring out andwhat I was becoming aware of was
a lot more of what I don't want.
I didn't really love this.
I didn't love howthat worked out.
Gosh, I didn't love my reaction.
What is it in me that, thatI created this reaction
(05:19):
with the stimulus that Ijust experienced in my life?
'cause I don't wannabe doing this again.
I don't want toperpetuate this pattern.
Emily (05:26):
Or, and even more so like, oh man, every time.
Like in this relationship, Icontinue to react in this way
that's like super explosiveand, and I feel like I'm crazy.
Like what is it aboutthis other person that
ignites this aspect of me?
And is this something thatI really want for like a
(05:47):
long-term relationship oris this something that I
feel like maybe is not bestfor me and my nervous system
and just my life as far as along-term relationship goes.
Matty (06:05):
And then you got with me and everything became
so easy and such a breeze.
Uh, there at least there'sbeen a lot of love.
Emily (06:16):
Yes, there's definitely been a lot of love.
And we laugh becauseI don't think any
relationship is really easy.
There are aspects of, you know,being with your person that,
that does, that are easier.
Like I, I remember likethe day we got married.
I'm like talking to my friendsand they didn't know Matty
(06:37):
very well, you know, 'causeone came in from out of the
country and then another onehad some small children.
So she was pretty busy withher own life, and they're,
they're like, all right, youknow, are you ready for this?
And I'm just like, yeah,I, I like felt this
like incredible sense ofpeace on our wedding day.
But I just knew that nomatter what, like no matter
(06:59):
what happened in our life, Iknew that I could just talk
to Matty about anything.
Like I knew that no matterwhat, we could work through it
because we could talk about it.
And we could put itall out on the table.
Matty (07:13):
And it wasn't always a or get out, it
wasn't just a big fight.
I mean, we could put thingson the table it, it may or
may not get a little heated attimes, but we could put it out.
And we had that level of, Ithink, integrity and respect
with and for each other thatI could hear what you had
to say and understand thatyou weren't just trying
(07:34):
to pick me apart.
You wanted to understand, oryou wanted to come together
and, and figure out a wayforward with something.
It wasn't about a powerstruggle with you and that was
one of the, or not one of it.
Yeah, totally.
Emily (07:47):
That is true.
Matty (07:48):
In the past, it's one of the things that I
absolutely adore about youand our relationship is
every other relationship I'vebeen in, there's always been
elements of power struggle.
And you talk to people and yousee it, especially in our
parents' generation, that it'svery much one-upping or I won
that, I won that argument.
And, you know, if somebodyhas to be in the power play
and, and the other not, butfor us, it, it's always been
(08:10):
like, how do we move forwardin the most harmony possible?
I love you.
I want the best for you,and I want the best for me.
And these things alignwithin each other.
So how do we move forward?
And I've always appreciated thatabout you and continue to do so.
Emily (08:26):
Yeah, I've always appreciated the fact that
like we, we decided prettyearly on that compromise
was kind of bullshit.
Everyone's like, oh, for agood marriage to work or a
good relationship to work,you have to compromise.
But when you're compromising,no one gets what they want ever.
And so I'm like, instead ofcompromising all the time and
neither one of us getting what,what we want, how about we both
(08:48):
just try to get what we want?
Like how about we both strivefor the things that we do want.
Like, oh, you wantthis and I want that.
Well, let's just do both.
Matty (08:58):
Yep.
Agreed.
Emily (08:59):
So I do think that has kind of been helpful too
because, I mean, obviouslythere are times where
you have to compromise.
That's just kindof a part of life.
But when you're constantlycompromising, do you ever
really get what you want?
Matty (09:13):
And are you truly happy with all that compromise?
Emily (09:17):
Exactly.
You're just basically puttingaside what you actually
do want for this otherthing that the other person
doesn't even want either.
It's like, all right, I'mjust settling for this thing.
And the other person's settlingtoo, and neither one of us are
getting what we want, exactly.
All right.
I feel like we'redigressing though.
Matty (09:37):
In a healthy way, but I, I'm ready to move
forward and get back into Yes.
Self-awareness.
There are three typesof self-awareness that
are generally put forthis a different type of
self-awareness, a differentway to kind of know thyself.
And this first one, Ithink, kind of falls into
(09:58):
the, the general definitionof self-awareness.
And this is yourinternal self-awareness.
This is understandingyour own thoughts,
feelings, your emotions.
How you value yourself,the values you place out
there outside of yourself,on others, or aspects of
(10:19):
your life that you value ordon't, and your motivations.
What's motivating youto do what you do.
This is about recognizingyour internal state
and ultimately how itinfluences your behaviors.
Not just when it's youwith you, but especially
like how you interact withothers as well, because you
(10:43):
understand your internal world.
You have more awareness aroundthat so you can make decisions
for yourself based on trulywhat it is that you want.
What you feel is right foryou, what you know, what you
value, what motivates you.
Emily (11:02):
Totally.
And so the secondtype of awareness is
external self-awareness.
Which is understandinghow others perceive you.
Like how others experience you.
What your strengths are,your weaknesses and your
behaviors in social situations.
So, I mean, this kind ofgoes back to, you know, the
(11:24):
story that we were tellingearlier when you're in this
you know, reallychaotic relationship and
you're like who am I?
Like, I don't even know.
And you know, the, there'sjust a lot of energy
dynamics at play there.
And I mean, you're constantlyinteracting with other people
in an energetic way, andsome of those energies are
(11:45):
going to come together inharmony, and some of them are
gonna come into pure chaos.
And so it's really aboutunderstanding from your
internal self-awareness and yourexternal self-awareness, like
what it it is that you want.
I mean, I don't know if there'sany new girl fans out there, but
it makes me think of this real,this realization that she had
(12:08):
with one of her relationshipsthat, you know, she was dating
this older, older man and it wasjust real easy because he had
already been through a marriage.
He was divorced and like theyhad the chaotic relationship,
he and his ex-wife.
And so their relationship wasjust really just even keel.
There wasn't a lotof ups and downs.
It was just like, you know,this, this kind of even moving.
(12:31):
And she realized like, to her,that felt very boring and she
wanted someone that challengedher and someone who told her
you know, you're acting in acrazy way and someone where
she could have like, in amore explosive relationship.
And so it's really about knowingyourself and what kind of
(12:52):
interactions you wanna have.
'cause you may prefer that evenkeel, you know, more neutral
relationship or you may not.
So it really just kind ofdepends on what you want.
And so that's about the internalself-awareness, understanding
your values and your emotionsand your feelings and why.
And if you do wanta more chaotic
(13:12):
relationship, why is that?
And if you do find a moreneutral relationship,
boring, why is that?
Matty (13:20):
Absolutely great questions to be asking yourself.
What is it about thisrelationship that
isn't satisfying me.
What can I do tocreate more harmony?
Or to create more passion?
Or to create more challengeamongst ourselves in
this relationship withoutit being detrimental?
Emily (13:43):
Mm, that's a really good point that you make up.
'cause the word passion.
Because in this examplethat I'm talking about
with the new girl show.
She associated the, thechaoticness with passion.
So whether that's a truerelationship or not, I mean,
I think maybe in the end of,as far as the show went that
(14:04):
she could possibly say thatshe and Nick did have a lot
of passion for each other.
But I don't think thatthe chaos necessarily
always equals passion.
Matty (14:14):
No, I think passion gets lumped into movement.
Chaos and if you're willingto challenge somebody or have
an argument or you know, havea little chaos and fighting
or whatever, that, thatproves you're passionate.
That proves that, youknow, you're willing to
get rah and this excitableabout it, you know?
(14:34):
So I think it kind of getsequated, you know, that chaos,
energy with passion, theykind of go hand in hand, even
though I don't really think.
Emily (14:42):
That that's chaos
Matty (14:43):
equals passion, and passion equals chaos.
No.
Emily (14:45):
Yeah.
That's interesting.
'cause when I think aboutpassion, I feel like I think
of it more as like beingenthusiastic and more like
Yeah, enthusiastically drivenand not necessarily like the
willingness to get reallypissed about something.
So.
Huh.
That's interestingto think about.
I don't know, I bring up thatexample just because that
(15:06):
was something that causedme to reflect on my own life
and my past relationships.
I'm like, huh, I did havesome relationships that were
super chaotic and just I feltlike I was fucking crazy as
far as, you know, emotional.
And then, you know, you andI have way more harmonious
relationship, where yeah,it's not like I'm just, oh,
(15:28):
so even keel all the timeand never get, you know, a
little bit emotionally crazy.
But maybe it's part ofhow you help, you know,
even my emotions out.
I can actually come to youwhen I'm feeling like that
and you kind of help likebring more harmony within me.
Matty (15:48):
Well, I value emotional intelligence and what they could
be signaling to you, so I don'twanna throw them in your face.
And I was also consideredtoo sensitive or too
emotional as a kid.
I heard things like that andI don't, that's just dumb.
That's bullshit.
There is no such thingas being too sensitive.
(16:09):
Oh, I'm too emotionallyaware of what's going on.
What, that just does notcompute, but I'm a product
of the late seventies andeighties and I think that's just
Emily (16:19):
stoicism was valued.
Matty (16:21):
My parents were very stoic that that was pervasive
in the family, you know?
So if you ever came to mewith whether it was about
us or about some othercircumstance in your life,
even reviewing past things.
I valued your emotions and,you know, respected where you
were at and the intelligencethat they can bring to us.
So I, I did want to, and Ido want to have space for
(16:45):
that to happen within ourrelationship, you know.
Emily (16:48):
Well, are you saying that you've been totally even keeled
in all your relationships?
Matty (16:52):
Good God, no.
Emily (16:55):
I laugh because I actually knew Matty during
a lot of his relationshipsas he knew me as well.
So.
Matty (17:01):
Yeah, I had to work on some things for, I was
ready to hold a space likethat and value emotions in
a certain way, definitely.
Emily (17:09):
Yeah.
You know.
And we had to work on alot of things together too.
Matty (17:13):
Thank you, past relationships and girlfriends
for helping me get to a placewhere I can, you know, do
what I couldn't do then ina much healthier way, now.
I won't name you.
Yes.
But thank you.
Emily (17:28):
Yes, thank you to all my past relationships as well.
Matty (17:31):
So you've got internal self-awareness, knowing what's
going on on the inside, and whatyour values and motivations are.
You've got an externalself-awareness and being
able to objectively look atyourself and understand how
people on the outside perceiveyou, what your strengths are,
what your weaknesses are,what you, your, your go-to,
(17:52):
like social behaviors are.
You know, what peoplecan depend on from you
or would consider kind ofnormal in your behaviors.
And you know, this requires alittle bit of internal knowing
yourself, but also being able tokind of put that aside and then
view yourself from a differentperception and understand like,
(18:14):
well, how do I act typically?
What are my strengths?
Maybe even talk to yourfriends and ask them, Hey,
if you had, if you couldlist three strengths,
what, what comes to mind?
You could list three weaknesses.
External self-awareness, itcould be good to, you know, if
you've got somebody you reallytrust in your life that's known
you for a while, you couldchat with them about that.
(18:34):
And it doesn't justhave to be questions
you're asking yourself.
What I think is the mostimportant of the three, and
the one I really kind of wannadive into today more is the
awareness of self-reflection.
This refers to theability to gain a deeper
understanding of yourselfby critically analyzing your
(18:58):
behaviors, your motivations,and your experiences.
So this involves reflectingon actions that you're taking
if you can, if you're at thatpoint where you can be aware
of what's happening in thepresent moment, or at least
reflecting on your past actions.
Then looking at whatconsequences came
(19:18):
from those actions.
And then considering,because you've done some
internal self-awareness aswell, how these actions and
consequences, like how arethey aligning with your values?
Do your actions and themotivations and what you did
align with your values, andthen the consequences you
received or they came from it.
(19:40):
Are these theconsequences you want?
Does this align with thevalues you wanna see coming
back to you, that you'reputting out in the world?
So there's a reciprocalness about what you put
out and what comes back.
So being able to not justknow yourself, but actually
reflect upon the who youare when no one's around,
(20:02):
the who you are to others.
I find this deeply challengingand satisfying at the same time.
And I also find that this isthe awareness that a lot of
people run from because itinherently means if you're
willing to critically analyzeyour own self, you're willing
(20:23):
to take responsibility foryour actions, or you're at
least working towards that.
That you're the kind ofperson that can go crap,
that was not my best effort.
You know, I'm gonnahave to say, I'm sorry.
I need to own up to this.
If you're willing to be,you know, critical of
yourself, please have alittle patience and grace
(20:45):
because no one's perfect.
But it also is one of themost amazing things that can
happen to any human being, andthat is self-responsibility.
There's not a lot of thatin the world, unfortunately.
I, I have definitely run into itamongst others, but there is a
lot of it that isn't that way.
(21:06):
There's more of people thatwant to do something and
push on it and then blameyou for their actions.
Well, you made me do this.
If you hadn't done this oryou didn't look like that
or didn't give me this orthat and blah, blah, blah, I
wouldn't have done X, Y, or Z.
Well, it doesn'tmatter what you did.
You're responsiblefor your actions.
(21:26):
No one else is.
There may be reasons ormotivations why you did
your actions, but it doesn'tmake the other person who
was a part of the reason orwhat created a motivation
within you responsible, no.
The words that came outta yourmouth, the actions you took are
solely of your responsibility.
And if you're willing to haveawareness from self-reflection,
(21:49):
that means you're on theroad or already willing
to be self-responsible.
I love to tie thosetwo things together.
Emily (21:57):
Definitely.
So you may be listeningto this and you're like,
Hmm, how self-aware am I?
I'm probably self-aware.
Well, so let me ask,are you self-aware?
And according to studies,there's a high probability, high
probability that you aren't.
(22:18):
In fact, there's ahigh probability that
really none of us are.
There was a study doneby, uh, Tasha Eurich.
Do you think Eurich?
I think it's Eurich.
She did a TED Talk andshe reviewed 750 published
studies on self-awareness.
(22:38):
And her conclusion afterreviewing all of these studies
is that 95% of people thinkthat they're self-aware, but
in reality, only 10 to 15% ofpeople are actually self-aware.
So what does this mean?
Like I said, it means thatthere's a high probability
(22:59):
that, not that we are allnot as aware of ourselves
as we think that we are.
And that there are probablyblind spots in our awareness
that is probably affectingour relationships, our
success, and our way forward.
Matty (23:18):
Oh, absolutely agreed.
Everyone is at, is at leasta little self-aware, you
know, but this is about beinglike sufficiently self-aware
Emily (23:29):
that you like to thrive.
Matty (23:30):
That you know yourself well enough that internally
and externally and you reflecton your behaviors and you're
willing to make changes andstuff and you're responsible
like only 10 to 15% of thepopulace is self-aware.
That's,
Emily (23:46):
well, I think a better way of phrasing.
Matty (23:48):
It's crazy to me that, yeah, it's that little.
Emily (23:51):
Well, but that's also just according to this one
person and her reviews, andI mean, I don't know too
much about what the publishedstudies were on self-awareness,
but it is an interestingthing to think about.
But I think even more so, it'sabout having balance between
the external self-awarenessand balance with the
(24:12):
external self-awareness.
Because if you're too oneway or the other, you know,
if you have so much internalself-awareness and you're
constantly like reflecting andand going back and what,
what do I think about this?
And what are my feelingsand what are my emotions?
But you don't consider othersin this then it's probably
gonna lead to low levels of,of happiness because you're
(24:37):
just constantly criticizingyourself all the time and
you're constantly justquestioning and questioning
and questioning, and you'renot really getting anywhere if
you're constantly questioning.
And then the same withthe external awareness.
Matty (24:50):
How are you enjoying life if all you're doing is,
is constantly questioning orinternalizing the little bit
of life that you're living?
Emily (24:57):
Exactly.
Matty (24:58):
Yeah.
Totally.
Emily (24:58):
So I mean, and then of course there's the external
self-awareness and if you'reconstantly focused on how
other people take you and youaren't ever thinking about
yourself and what yourthoughts and feelings are.
You're just constantly trying tomake everyone happy around you.
Um, does that sound familiar?
You're probably a peoplepleaser, big time people pleaser
(25:22):
if all you care about is howother people perceive you and
how your behaviors affect them.
So it's always, I mean, allof life is about balance and
sometimes you're gonna teeterone way more than the other, but
having balance inlife is always key.
You're gonna wanna try tobalance out the internal
(25:43):
self-awareness with theexternal self-awareness, and
it's really about using thatself-reflection to make sure
that your actions reallyalign with your values, with
focusing your thoughts andyour feelings and your emotions
towards what it isthat you really want.
And if it aligns withyour values and your
(26:05):
motivations, then youknow that's even better.
That's probably rightthere with manifestation.
Matty (26:12):
Absolutely.
I think you're gonna becloser to, I mean, we're all
manifesting, but I mean alignedmanifesting, I think is what
you were more referring to.
Well, yeah, that'sgonna definitely be
getting our closer.
Emily (26:24):
Well, I think what I was trying to say is when
you're in alignment, thenyou can manifest quicker.
Matty (26:29):
Oh yes, absolutely.
Emily (26:30):
You know, if all that stuff is aligned, you know,
your motivations, your thoughts,your emotions, your actions,
and you're focused in this way.
And the people around youare right there, like with
you, then it's probably a loteasier, you know, to manifest
things in a faster way.
But that's kind of, um, youknow, a whole other podcast.
(26:54):
So, how do you bring thisbalance into your life?
Matty (26:58):
Well, especially with the awareness of self-reflection,
I definitely want to talk abouttrying to take your awareness as
becoming or being the observer.
And being the observeris knowing you are a
divine lightbody soul,having a human experience.
(27:22):
You are human and somuch more simultaneously.
But being the observer,you're going to realize
you are not your thoughts,you are not your emotions.
You are the soul having thishuman experience that has
thoughts about the experiencesor stimulus you're experiencing.
(27:46):
You're this divine essence thathas emotions while in a body
from your experiences or fromyour beliefs or the stimulus
that you're experiencing.
The thoughts and emotions area part of it, but your identity
doesn't align or lie with thethoughts or with the emotions.
(28:10):
You've probably heard, you're,you've probably even said
things like this yourself.
I know I did for a long time.
I'm sad, I'm happy, or I'maligning myself with my emotion.
Or I just can't getthis outta my mind,
I'm really pissed off.
As opposed to, I'mfeeling sad today.
Or I'm feeling really happy inthis moment and I'm enjoying it.
Emily (28:32):
Or, Hmm, this is what happiness feels like, or, Hmm,
this is what sadness feels like.
Matty (28:38):
That little tweak right there is the difference between
being your thoughts and emotionsversus being the observer, the
divine soul, having thoughtsand emotions to experience.
Emily (28:50):
Yeah, and I just want to point out that the words I am.
Followed by whatever you followit by, is very, very powerful.
Because like Matty said, youare actually identifying and
you are creating this identityaround what you put after I am.
(29:10):
So it is very important for yourself-worth, for your wellbeing
to really pick and choose andbe very careful about what
you say after the words I am.
Matty (29:27):
Very good point.
Thank you.
Emily (29:29):
And I'm not saying, you know, it's easy because
we're all so conditionedto self-deprecate.
I know that that is very commonin a lot of families, I mean,
I see it happening in mine.
I see it happening in.
And other people where theythink that, they think that
(29:51):
self-deprecating is like away to, laugh at yourself.
Matty (29:56):
Yeah, I was gonna say, I think humor's
wrapped up in it too.
Emily (29:59):
I feel like there's a really fine line between
laughing at yourself andlaughing at your, you know,
quirks and your individualityand your deficiencies and just
straight up self-deprecating.
I mean, I do think it'sgood to be able to laugh
at yourself, and in fact,that's definitely part of my
lesson in life is learninghow to, to do that more.
Matty (30:23):
But self-deprecation is not humor.
It's not a positiveform of humor, at least.
Emily (30:30):
Yeah.
Like I feel very uncomfortablewhen I'm hanging out with
someone and they're likemaking comments about their
weight or the way theylook, or it's not necessary.
I don't think it's necessary.
And I, and I really think thatthat self-deprecation leads
to negative thought formswithin your own energetic body.
(30:54):
I mean, the more yousay something, the more
you believe it yourself.
And even if it's something thatyou're like, well, this is true.
But if it's done in a selfre, re, self-deprecating
manner, then you're makingthe truth about yourself
this terrible thing.
Matty (31:12):
And we're kind of hitting on this point because
we've both been there.
Emily mentioned thiswas something she's
seen in her family.
It's somethingthat was, you mean
Emily (31:21):
that I've been
Matty (31:22):
very prevalent in my own, yeah.
And very prevalentin my own family.
And I, I'm still, Imean, I have bouts of
self-deprecation moments too.
You know, I mean,we're, we're all human.
We live in duality.
You know, just because youfound a good balance point
with your life doesn'tmean you get to stay in
your balance point forever.
(31:43):
No, you're stillgonna fluctuate.
Life ebbs and flows.
There's ups and downs.
And that means the energycoming your way, the energy
we're putting out there, how wethink and feel about ourselves.
I mean, it just, life is life.
It's all the things.
It gets messy sometimes.
It's freaking beautiful too.
But if this is you, this couldbe one of those self-reflection
(32:06):
moments right here.
Emily (32:08):
And it could be an easy tweak to start catching yourself
in the moment and start, youknow, putting something more
positive behind that, I am.
I am powerful.
I'm a divine being.
I am capable of more thanI ever thought imaginable.
Matty (32:30):
I am in love with my body, and my body loves me.
Emily (32:34):
I am amazing.
I'm powerful.
Matty (32:38):
I'm like, I'm in love with my body and
you're all, I'm amazing.
I'm powerful.
You're hitting thenail on the head.
Thanks babe.
Emily (32:44):
I say, I say those things now on the podcast
to try to, you know, helpother people think those
things about themselves.
But I can't say that my internalchatter's always like that.
Matty (32:55):
All right, so being the observer, awareness of
self-reflection, like yourawareness of self, this is the
key to changing or transforminganything in your life.
If you even want to changesomething about your
life, you are essentiallylooking for transformation.
(33:17):
Several steps of change canlead to big transformations.
The fact that you'rehaving this realization.
You even want to changesomething that something's
off in your life and you'dlike it to be different.
This means that you'reself-aware on some level, and
at least most likely you're,it's internal awareness
(33:40):
that's guiding you withthe self-reflection, now.
There's somethinginternally that you're not
liking your experience.
You're not enjoying somethingabout life anymore, or you're
finally realizing you'venever enjoyed this aspect
that's part of your life.
You've outgrown something,maybe, or you've realized
(34:01):
that you know somethingin your life no longer
serves your highest good.
But the fact that you'recoming to these realizations
means that you're willing toreflect and you're willing to
listen to your internal values,feelings, thoughts, motivations.
That you are self-aware.
That you're on the path,if you're not already,
(34:23):
you're on the path to beingin the 10 to 15% that are
sufficiently self-aware.
Because you're paying attentionto your internal world.
And what does it mean for you?
You're having thesereflections now you're,
you're being the observer.
You're becoming awareof your internal world.
Reflecting and analyzing,what can you do about it?
(34:46):
What do you want to change?
What do you want to try firstto create new behaviors, new
experiences, new paths forward.
Emily (34:55):
Yeah, for sure.
So I feel like self-reflectionas a form of evaluation is
being aware in a way thatcan create transformation
by finding the limitedbeliefs in the energy blocks.
Basically, the things likewe're talking about, like
how you speak about yourself.
(35:18):
Are your motivationsand your actions aligned
with your values?
What are your motivations?
Are your motivations comingfrom a pure place, or are they
coming from something thatyou think you should be doing
or coming from something thatyou learned growing up or you
(35:40):
know, someone told you thatyou should want or check out?
So finding these limitingbeliefs in these energetic
blocks are about bringingmore self-aware, like you
find these by having moreself-awareness in your life.
You start to become moreself-aware, more aware of these
(36:02):
little gaps between your actionsand your motivations, or your
values and your actions, oryour thoughts and your feelings.
Absolutely.
You know, finding the patterns,finding those, those small
(36:22):
gaps between okay, doesthis align with, with what
it is that I actually want?
Or am I taking all these actionsthat are not moving me towards
what it is that I desire at all?
Matty (36:37):
I feel like too, kind of on the theme of these
gaps, this misalignment.
One way you can in, inself-reflection, like
you're looking for theirrational or the illogical.
Before we even talk aboutusing your intuition to get,
to get down into some, someof the nitty gritty and the
(36:59):
answers for, you know, what liesunderneath for your experiences.
You can use your emotionsand your mind and
look for things thatare out of alignment.
Look for these gaps.
Find this.
When your stimulus orexperience isn't in alignment
with your like internalor external reactions.
(37:22):
This is, there's somethingirrational or logical
because you can self-reflect,Hey, I'm having this
experience, this generallyshould be something that
yeah, might be a littlefrustrating, but I'm
like level 10 angry,pissed off, frustrated.
Like, why is the gap there?
Why is there thishuge difference there?
(37:44):
Or, you know, on the sameother side, this should
be an amazing experienceand I'm just not into it.
I'm ho-hum, like,what's off here?
Or even sometimes it'sreally irrational, like this
was a really cute moment,but I'm angry about it.
Uh, what's going on?
Emily (38:00):
Well, shame is another one of those emotions that
cause like, I mean, mostpeople experience shame in
a similar way where they getthis full body heat, like this
redness and this heat thatovercomes their entire body.
And this reaction happensbefore you're even like
understanding, oh, what, what,what am I actually feeling
(38:23):
shameful about right now?
And it could be anything, itcould be you have a thought
about where your personalitymay be deficient or, oh man,
you know, I really wish Iwas more in extroverted.
I use that example because I, Ido wish I was more extroverted
(38:45):
and sometimes it does bringa little bit of shame within
me, but there are times whereI am really extroverted.
So, but there are justtimes, you know, where
you might feel that shamereaction and it may not feel
completely logical to whatis happening in your reality.
Matty (39:05):
And kind of on that note, like your central
nervous system in your bodyknows before your feelings
or your mind are gonna know.
Emily (39:15):
Mm-hmm.
Matty (39:16):
You may have definitely be having a reaction in your
body before there's any sortof input coming into your mind
and understanding mentallyor emotionally happens.
Your body knows andkeeps the score.
So that is something to be onthe lookout as well as, you
know, like physically, what,what sort of reactions are you
(39:37):
having within your own body?
That's a real goodpoint to bring up.
And I feel like at thispoint you, you want to use
your intuition to dig intothese kinds of moments.
And when you're coming to theunderstanding like, oh, I've
got a gap here, or somethingirrational is going on between
(40:00):
how I'm feeling and reactingto what I'm experiencing.
I found it easier towork in hindsight.
Review things that hadalready happened in my life.
What did I experience?
What did I feel?
What did I react?
Literally start asking yourown self, your intuition,
(40:21):
where is this belief or thisenergetic block coming from?
Where does it reside?
Where's the beginning, the rootcause for this, that's creating
this gap in my life now?
And this is a reallyimportant one.
What is it about mycurrent situation that
reminds me of this energy?
(40:42):
And diving into childhood'sa really good place.
There's a lot of thingsfrom childhood before
our consciousnesswas really developed.
We're taking on beliefs andwe're learning things, and
these programs are stillat play in our adult life.
Until we become self-awareand realize, and then
decide, oh, this is a greatprogram that's running, yay.
Way to go, 3-year-old.
(41:03):
Or, you know, I, I feel likeI've learned a lot since I
was seven and can, you know,maybe tweak some of this.
Emily (41:11):
Yeah.
Isn't it like before the ageof seven, that's when most of
these patterns are created.
Yeah.
So think about from the timethat you were born to the time
that you were seven, that'swhen a lot of your thought
patterns and your subconscioustrainings all started.
Matty (41:32):
And if you're not finding something in your
life intuitively of yourcurrent life, your childhood,
then this is when you couldbe bringing, this could
be ancestral or geneticbeliefs or energies that
are passed on for you to tryto, you know, kind of break
the cycle on or part of yourlearning your life lessons
and stuff for this lifetime.
(41:54):
Uh, that could be past lifehangover energy coming in.
So experiences from the pastthat are left unresolved
are at play now to try to beresolved in this lifetime.
And another really importantquestion I think to ask your
intuition is, how do I healor transform this energy?
What steps can I take toshift this in my life?
(42:16):
To lessen this gap?
To lessen the triggersthat I'm experiencing?
To make the irrationalmore rational, to have more
experiences that make sense.
To have more experiencesin the present moment.
And I think the more you workin hindsight and work through
these things and you workwith your intuition and you
(42:37):
develop that intuitive trust,the more you can get to where
you're starting to becomeself-aware and self-reflective
in the present moments of life.
Catching things quicker.
Instead of wishing yourbehavior would be different,
you can catch your behaviorand change it in the moment.
And when you cantake a new action.
(42:58):
Then you're not only thinkingit and feeling it and
physically doing it, you'rereally starting to reset
those subconscious programsto something different because
you're catching in that actionand you're self-correcting
in the moment, if you can.
Emily (43:12):
I think this is a beautiful place to wrap up.
Matty (43:16):
Yeah, and I, I just want to reiterate.
If this is resonating withyou, bring some grace to the
table and have some patiencewith yourself as you're
working to become even moreself-aware than you already are.
That is one of the numberone things you could do.
I personally spent a lot,way too much time being
(43:38):
frustrated with myself ordisappointed in myself.
Instead of just accepting myselfwhere I was and where I am and
working towards something thatwould create more harmony and
more alignment and more joy,and more meaningfulness and
more fulfillment in my life.
I, I didn't bringmyself enough grace.
Emily (43:57):
Yeah, same.
Matty (43:58):
Until later in life.
And that, you know, no regrets.
But man, if I could do somethingover with the information I have
now, it would definitely bringmyself more grace and patience.
So.
Yeah, please dothat for yourselves.
Is there anythingelse you want to add?
Emily (44:14):
No, I think that's a beautiful message to
Matty (44:18):
Okay.
Emily (44:18):
Wrap up on.
Matty (44:20):
Well, thanks for joining us on this little chat
about self-awareness and whyit's just key to change and
transformation in your life.
Emily (44:29):
Yeah, I mean, self-awareness in
itself can be healing.
Bringing awareness toany sort of situation can
help you cultivate thatgrace and self-compassion.
Matty (44:41):
Absolutely.
'cause if you're not awareof your behaviors, then
you're just being you.
But when you're aware, youcan actually do something
different if you want to.
You're right.
Just, just the awareness inand of itself can be healing.
That's a really important point.
Y'all.
Well have a fantastic week.
We're gonna enjoy the restof our time in Sedona, and
(45:01):
then we're gonna shove onoutta here and move on.
Emily (45:06):
Let's reconvene next week.
Matty (45:08):
Take care.
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