May 13, 2025 • 49 mins
What does it really mean to speak soulfully when you’re in front of a crowd, feeling the nerves, trying to stay connected?
In this intimate follow-up conversation, Dana Baugh returns with thoughtful questions about the deeper layers of Lauri Smith’s Vocal Presence Path approach to soulful speaking. Together, they revisit the roots of the “Intend, Align, Invite” mantra, unpack its evolution, and explore how it can live not just in your mind—but in your body.
From navigating resistance and inner critics to remembering the aliveness you were born with, this episode is a rich, embodied journey into the heart of speaking. It’s not about memorizing steps—it’s about remembering who you are and letting your voice rise from there.
Whether you’re new to this approach or reconnecting with the roots, this episode highlights the magic that happens when we stop trying to control every detail and start trusting the aliveness in the moment.
TAKEAWAYS
- 3’s are “sticky.”
Grouping content into batches of 3 helps everybody remember—from the speaker to the audience. - Trust yourself and the process (in speaking and in life).
When you do, you unlock a deeper connection with your world. - Stop trying to be a know-it-all.
Less explanation can lead to more connection. - You don’t need to micromanage every detail.
True presence emerges when we allow ourselves to respond rather than control. - Old parts might resist.
As we align our body, breath, and energy, protective parts may push back. That’s part of the process—not a problem. - The way out is through.
Instead of pushing discomfort away, feel it. That’s how we transform sensation into presence and aliveness. - Every breath is a chance to begin again.
If things feel off track, you can pause, breathe, and start again—right there in the moment. - Invite, don’t push.
When we invite others into our energy, our speaking becomes magnetic. - Great speaking is an intimate conversation.
When you listen deeply and trust yourself, you create space for real connection.
Connect with Dana
dana@dlbaugh.com
Take the Speaker Alter Ego quiz to find out which protective mask hides your natural radiance so you can learn how to get present, connect deeply, and share your vision when it matters most!
https://voice-matters.com/speaker-alter-ego-quiz/
Thank you so much for listening!
Take the free quiz and learn which Soul Sucker™ you need to release to free your voice: https://voice-matters.com/soul-sucker-quiz/
Follow me on:
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/voice_matters_llc/
Linkedin https://www.linkedin.com/in/lauri-smith-voice-matters/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lauri (00:00):
Hello everyone and welcome back to the Soulful
Speaking podcast.
Dana Baugh is back again withus today.
She's incredibly curious, soshe's going to ask me some
questions that she's curiousabout and you may be curious
about.
And before we dive into that,Dana, I'm curious.
(00:21):
What has it been like for you?
What has come up since youappeared the first time?
Dana (00:29):
Yeah, well, it is connected to what I'm curious
about.
When I was on your podcast as aguest, I very much was holding
the mantra and the practice orprocess intend align, invite,
because it works very well.
It's a great process to groundme and guide me and I just had
(00:57):
realized when I was on as theguest it was like I felt like I
really got into intend.
I was into a line a bit andthen I feel like a line was
sometimes hard to hold on to.
The thing I held on to was theintend, and so it then tied to
(01:21):
some my curiosity about.
We've known each other for awhile and I had the good fortune
early on to meet you and gothrough the process with you of
your process for supportingspeakers as they find their
voice and put it out there inthe world in a authentic,
meaningful and impactful way,and I have not found anything
(01:42):
else quite like this.
So I have big gratitude aboutthat.
When I first met you, it wewent through like a step, it was
like seven steps, it wasthere's deeper process and then,
fast forwarding over time, itbecame intend align, invite,
which I really, reallyappreciated because that I can
(02:04):
remember and I'll hold on towhat's happened.
What happened to me when I wasthe guest speaker speaking was I
realized I, I know the, I knowthe mantra, I know what it means
(02:25):
, but some of the deeper nuances, it's like I've forgotten them
and I want to sort of reconnect,because the mantra is beautiful
, to have the short version tointend to line invite with the
deeper nuances and and I I'm notsure, but I feel like what
(02:52):
happened for me was, again, Iwas getting some of the things
going on, but not all of thethings going on.
Lauri (02:58):
So yeah, yeah, as you're talking about it right now I
can't remember if I've said thisto you before One of the
reasons that I shifted from itwas a seven step path, with
tools and things on each step ofthe path, and I was working
(03:20):
with all seven steps, wantingpeople to remember them, working
with all seven steps, wantingpeople to remember them.
And then I presented at aconference right after a good
friend of mine, meryl Shaw.
She was presenting on thecontent of speaking and the
power of three.
So when I use those words withyou now and talk about how
(03:43):
powerful three is, she was theone who used the phrase the
power of three first and Istarted borrowing it from her.
We both have a theaterbackground and neuroscience says
that threes are sticky for ourbrains and that's sort of
ingrained in us.
(04:04):
We create stories innately witha beginning, a middle and an
end.
A lot of our flags have threecolors in them.
So here in the United Statesit's red, white and blue, and I
decided to lean into thatbecause I would and, to be
honest, that because I would and, to be honest, there was also a
(04:31):
bit going on for me in theearly days of even me thinking I
need to give them every singlething that I have in order for
this to be valuable.
You know, and over time I letgo of more and more and more and
more and more of that.
So the you know stickiness ofthe power of three and me
(04:51):
letting go of feeling like Ineeded to give you every single
thing that could possibly be avalue.
You know, cram as many words asI could into an experience.
So I leaned into that and Ilooked at the seven step path
and it just sort of rose up oneday that it was like, oh, if I
just made the outline a littledifferent, this naturally fits
(05:15):
into three things intend, align,invite.
So the tools and the otherthings are still there and I
frequently talk about it beinglike if we're watching Steph
Curry's basketball shot and wehire a shooting coach, they
(05:36):
might give us three things tofocus on Bend your knees, look
at the back of the rim andfollow through, and you can be
thinking that while you'reshooting and eventually, mastery
is not thinking about it.
Yeah, hurry is not thinking.
Bend my knees, look at the.
(05:58):
His body just knows it.
So I feel like when I work withpeople now I give them this
intend, align, invite, 60,000foot view.
We do some things and break itdown and then go more into
intend and deal with soulsuckers, which are the things
soul suckers and our other partsthat might be not setting the
(06:22):
intention that our highest selfwould set.
Really work with aligning thebody, the breath and the energy.
Really work with.
What does it mean to invite whenyou're in a crowd so that the
body is getting a deeperexperience?
And then we come back up to thephrase intend, align, invite is
(06:45):
intend, align, invite.
And I was even shooting anepisode with someone where we
took that 60,000-foot view.
We went down into it and weplayed with it and then we came
up and he was going to speakagain and I kind of reminded of
all the pieces and I saw thatoverwhelmed look on his face and
I went okay, we justexperienced intend, align,
(07:11):
invite and I said something liketrust that your body has a
lived experience of what thatmeans and just go for it.
And I'm here to be yourshooting coach who says, well,
you could bend your knees alittle more, you could
strengthen the inviting a littlemore, or I was craving a deeper
(07:34):
breath.
It's like having the shootingcoach who looks at what pieces
are still not fully feeling likethey're in Steph Curry mastery.
Dana (07:44):
I really appreciate that how you teach.
Now it sounds like you do takepeople back to those roots, but
then you, like you said, youjust sort of ask them to put it
down and trust themselves andthen coach.
That's how you reconnect themback to the roots I'm hearing is
(08:06):
by seeing what would add tosomething yeah, more and more.
Lauri (08:12):
And, as you're talking to me right now, it's occurring to
me that the more I'm trustingmyself, the more I'm actually
doing things a littledifferently and inviting the
people that I'm working with tostep into a state of trust.
And it also reminds me of howmy favorite acting instructor
(08:33):
ever, richard Side, how he usedto deal with the inner critic.
And every actor in the world Imean every actor that I know
wants to get up on stage and becompletely and utterly in the
moment.
What the rest of the worldknows as the flow state, and we
(08:54):
want to hate the inner critics,we don't want them to be there.
And he was the first person whokind of drew a dividing line in
the sand.
There's a point to the innercritics.
When you're in rehearsals,there's a time that you want to
try a thing and then criticize,critique, judge, assess.
(09:17):
What did I like about that runthrough and what did I not like
about that run through?
And everybody's doing that,from the director to all of the
actors.
Your inner critics are doingsome judging.
You feel it, something feelsoff, and then you figure out
what was it that felt off?
And then you go in and do itagain and then at a certain
(09:39):
point it's time to jump inwithout that voice, and
particularly in theater it'stime to jump in without that
voice.
And particularly in theater.
You, as the actor, jump inwithout that voice 100%, and it
feels like a kid playingmake-believe and that's why we
all want that in-the-momentfeeling and you trust your
(10:00):
director to then critiqueanything that you might need for
you.
And I believe that whole processfrom actors to speakers is much
better when you have that trustbetween the director and the
actors or someone watching yourspeech, and that it's all better
(10:25):
when the actor or the speakeris in a state of that kind of
vibrance and aliveness.
That's how I work as a director.
I don't tell them where to move, like I don't come in on day
one with like on this line, you,you're going to move over to
the plant.
I watch them play and move andthen I shape it and then later
(10:57):
on I invite them to play likethe children, just going for it,
trusting that if somethingisn't working, I'm out here to
give you the fine tuning and theadjustments to have it work
even better.
And to me the aliveness is themost important part.
It's how I'm built, so that'swhy I would rather start with
let's help everybody to bereally alive and connected, and
(11:17):
then, as a director, anyfinishing touches are much, much
easier than chasing everysingle detail of how they move,
what they say when they crossover to the plant, when they sit
down.
Dana (11:30):
What's so interesting when you share that One.
I recognize it because Irecognize that's how you have
coached me, and appreciate itbecause there's something so
mixed.
I think it makes people veryself-conscious, that other kind
of way of doing it, like standhere, say this, do this, move
this way.
But I do know, are there stillpeople that, and particularly
(11:55):
from speaking and acting that,coach that way?
I mean I'm just curious, howdoes that?
Does that even work?
It just feels like it brings upso much self-consciousness and
just performing without heart.
I don't know if that's true.
Lauri (12:12):
It does happen.
I don't actually know how manyspeaking coaches are still
working that way.
I have a feeling they're outthere because they are out there
in theater, okay, and so I willsay this I have been in a
production very recently wherethe director's style was more of
(12:34):
a precision based at times,leading toward micromanaging
rather than letting us be theclay and play and find some
things, and we were all asking,because we're a physical,
ensemble based, innovativetheater company and we're used
(12:56):
to a certain level of just try athing a million times and it
was incredibly challenging and Ithink people on both sides
learned a lot and as an actor,it is our job to work with
whoever the director is.
Yeah, so if they're, you knowit's your job to take how
(13:20):
they're asking you to do it, totry it, to try it with 100%
commitment and also to say Itried it with 100% commitment
and here's why it's not workingfor me and it's still not my
favorite.
It's very hard for me to do andin this particular production
that I'm thinking of the endresult for me from the day after
(13:46):
opening and onward.
You know we got this amazingreview, um, audiences loved the
show on opening day people werelooking at me and saying, oh,
what an incredible performance.
And with the ones that I knewand trusted who were also, you
know, like my husband and othercore members who were not in the
(14:09):
show I kind of went just waituntil we've breathed into this,
a little bit Like great, I'mhappy that it looks so amazing
on the outside and I happy thatit looks so amazing on the
outside.
And when we debriefed it, I didtell people like I'm 52 years
old, I've got a lot of adultlife post-college.
(14:31):
I have never, ever, been thattight on an opening night Ever.
Now I did work through it, likeon the day after opening, which
happened to be when a lot ofthe reviewers came.
It was like I was cravingsurrender, so much that it
(14:52):
didn't take as long, like Ithought it was going to take a
while to breathe into it.
It's like I just went, I'mjumping into the sandbox and I'm
going to do the shape that wehave and I'm going to completely
open and soften and surrenderinto it, including, like, all of
the muscles in my physical body.
I felt more like me.
Dana (15:11):
Okay, wow.
Again, what I'm hearing isthere are different ways to do
it, but you sort of know whatworks for you.
And now it's really interestingI'm curious about if we just
took them one at a time, likehow they have changed for you
over time, like what intendmeans to you now, and just how
(15:35):
that might have evolved.
Lauri (15:38):
Yeah, there's a lot less words.
There's a lot less words.
Intend.
Originally came the words andthey're in my book.
If anybody out there reads itthey're all the old ones are in
there.
So it was root in a sense ofpurpose, and I still love the
(16:03):
phrase root in a sense ofpurpose.
And yet when I'm attempting togive it to people who can be
stepping out on a stage andgoing, oh my God, what did Lori
tell me?
Intend is much shorter and sowe, when we are doing intend,
that's when you can probablyfeel like, oh hey, I vaguely
remember when we first startedworking together.
There was something about rootsand values and purpose.
(16:27):
I'm still bringing those wordsin and bringing those concepts
in, and now it feels more likeit comes up when it's in the
room Rather than me thinkingthat I need to use the words
root in a sense of purpose and Ineed to tell you what a value
(16:49):
is and we need to come up withwhat is your life purpose
statement?
I I start with what serves thepeople and then the other things
that can sort of take thatdeeper and make it richer come
up when someone in the roomneeds it, or even more so if a
wave of people in the programsthat I'm leading all feel like
(17:14):
they're saying they don't knowwhat their purpose is, they
don't know why they're here,they're called but they don't
even know why they're called,then we might go off and do a
whole values excavation exerciseI really love that because,
again, it's trusting what peopleneed and um, and I also think
it's powerful.
Dana (17:33):
if you start with intend and people are experiencing that
, you can sort of check in tosee if I'm from my own
experience, having been inclasses people just sort of
naturally talk about purpose andthen you can build from there
versus which is more powerfulthan you giving us a bunch of
(17:54):
stuff to remember.
Lauri (17:55):
Yeah, yeah, and helping you if you don't need to
remember it so much when you'respeaking, as it needs to be
there and you be connected to it.
Dana (18:12):
I love how you just said that yeah, yeah, and I really
appreciate that because, asyou're sharing this, I hadn't
thought of those words.
But that is what I'm wanting.
I don't want to memorize it.
I hadn't thought of it that way.
The way my brain usually worksis like I'm going to memorize
(18:32):
this and then I'll have it toconnect back to, but I just want
it to be there and I want tofeel connected to it, so I
believe.
Lauri (18:41):
Yeah, like we don't need Steph Curry to turn and give us
a dissertation on why, bendingyour knees, how the knee
functions, all that kind ofstuff.
We just want Steph Curry toshoot the ball and have it go in
the net.
Steph Curry only wants to shootthe ball and have it go in the
net.
Steph Curry only wants to shootthe ball and have it go in the
net.
At some point I shifted or overtime shifted to knowing Dana
(19:04):
doesn't really want to turn andgive a dissertation on what a
soul's purpose is and whatvalues are and how those relate
to the moment that she'sspeaking.
Dana wants to speak At somepoint.
If I teach other people to dowhat I do, then those people
(19:29):
might actually need to be ableto not give a dissertation but
to answer questions and to helppeople find those things the way
that I do.
But if you're not going toteach it, you don't need to know
all that stuff.
You need to know what helps youput the ball in the basket,
what helps you speak in the waythat you want to speak.
Dana (19:52):
And I'm also hearing you say, when someone gets there on
their own, they are, you know,have the power of the three.
The intend align and invite,and an intend is they're playing
back what they're experiencingand they have this talk about a
(20:15):
sense of purpose.
Yeah, I'm just thinking abouthow it can come, that's how it
can come out and that's all theyneed.
Lauri (20:24):
Yeah, yeah, and they it's like they know what they want
to have happen in the room.
And a lot of times we end upfeeling a sense of purpose when
we set an intention.
If anybody is ever confusedabout what intention should I
(20:46):
set for this talk versus thattalk, versus this podcast,
experience, that might be a timewhere I might say experience.
That might be a time where Imight say what's your soul's
work?
How does it connect to yourlife purpose?
How does this moment connect toyour life purpose?
And then they get a clarityover which intention they're
(21:07):
going to go with on that day.
From how does it connect toyour greater life purpose?
Dana (21:14):
I appreciate you saying that, because that is another
thing that has caught me in amoment of like.
When we're doing the intend isit's like a lot of times what
comes to me is I want clarityand connection.
I want clarity for myself, Iwant clarity for people who are
listening and I want to feelconnection and I want them to
(21:36):
feel connection, and sometimesI'm like, well, that can't
always be what it is.
So I was curious about like, ok, what I'm doing now is I sort
of just see what comes up.
But I appreciate how you askthat question to help possibly
something different come up.
Lauri (21:54):
Yeah, yeah, and I love both letting it come up.
Yeah, yeah, and I love bothLetting it come up.
There are times where ourintuition is really talking to
us nice and loud.
If we ask ourselves what do Iwant my intention to be today,
we feel something, we hearsomething, we just know.
And then there are other dayswhere we're a little more off or
(22:17):
it's higher stakes, and thenhaving a question like how does
this moment connect to my lifepurpose can help kind of cut
through our own static.
Dana (22:31):
Yeah, Would you mind talking about the other two
align again, just as?
How has that evolved for you?
Yeah?
Lauri (22:44):
Align is aligning the body, the breath and the energy
with that intention and with ourfullest expression.
Our fullest expression In theold seven-step model there were
three different, separate stepsout of the seven Embody what's
(23:05):
important, breathe life into theexperience and energize
yourself and the space Stilllike those words?
Yeah, I might still come out atsome point.
And if the end result now,which it is and as I'm saying
(23:31):
this, I think I just simplifiedand I didn't know what is true
that's about to come out of mymouth when I simplified If the
goal is for someone to more justbe able to feel it and do it,
feel this way of speaking and doit instead of doing it their
old way, like if I used to shoota three-pointer with my elbow
(23:52):
out really wide and not bendingmy knees, and I've taught myself
this new way and the goal isjust go in the game and shoot it
, the new way where the ballgoes in.
Having embody what's important,breathe life into the
experience, energize yourself inthe space is very different
from a line and knowing whatthat means for your body, your
(24:15):
breath and your energy.
Yeah, because you've broken itdown, but you don't need that
many words to be going throughyour head to go align.
Yeah, and I am remembering nowI don't remember if it was one
of your classes or another oneclasses or another one we would
(24:35):
do some things where we playedwith sounds and aligning the
body, aligning the breath andaligning the energy, and making
ohm sounds and S's and Z's.
And there was another momentwhere it was time for people to
speak again and they started toget that like wait.
And I said do you feel thething that you just did when we
(24:57):
were making the Z sounds?
Do that while you're talking?
Oh, okay, that I can do.
That's the difference betweenembody what's important, breathe
life into the experience andenergize the space and align.
Okay, let's just do that andthen we'll give it a go.
Dana (25:21):
Yeah, I'm going to play back just to make sure that I'm
catching some things, because Ijust, yeah, I find that really
interesting.
So now you're trusting that youdon't have to start with all of
that foundational thing.
You can say a line and theshort version of what that means
(25:47):
, as you just did yeah.
Then, as they start doing that,you might say let's do some Zs,
let's do this or that, yeah.
Lauri (25:57):
Okay, yeah, based on what's actually happening with
aligning body, breath and energyfor that person.
Okay, and, as you asked thatquestion, it's also trusting.
I would say this a lot, and Istill say this that we came in
(26:27):
as babies and our bodies, ourbreath and our energy were
aligned for fullest expressionwhen we were born, so we knew it
and then we got taught not todo it.
So we don't necessarily needthe 10,000 plus hours that a
great basketball player is goingto need to become great,
because we're remembering ratherthan learning fresh, and I feel
(26:48):
like, on some level, I startedgiving a you intend align,
invite and align body, breathand energy, and a snippet of
what that was pretty high level,pretty quick, because I'm
helping people remember andreconnect with what they already
(27:09):
knew when they were a baby.
Dana (27:11):
Yeah, is there you mentioned before when we were
talking about intent, aboutthere, in this part of the
process of Align.
Is there anything differenthappening with this dance
(27:44):
between your parts and thehigher self?
Lauri (27:48):
What a beautiful question .
Yeah, so what happened in mybody when you asked that
question is I feel like settingthe intention really helps.
So I have a background intheater voice for the theater,
(28:10):
not singing, but voice for thetheater to project enough that
people can hear you and feel youin the pre microphones in the
floor and on every single actorsbody era.
and so theater, voice, people,they're doing this align body,
breath and energy thing hmm,that's what they're doing, and I
(28:33):
went to a conference once and Ibrought in the idea of intend,
probably in an older form.
So I'm working withprofessional breathers and
colleagues who do the same alignbody, breath and energy thing
that I do.
But I only did intend get upand do something, and then I
(29:00):
worked with Intend, with thewhole group, and then I had them
get up and do it again and theywere shocked and in awe and
amazed that, without touchinganybody's rib cage or talking
about the breath, they were allbreathing deeper and had more
ease and aliveness in theirperformances.
Oh, interesting, wow.
Had more ease and aliveness intheir performances oh,
interesting, wow.
So that's why intend alwayscomes first, even if somebody
(29:23):
has a strong intention.
We're still going to visit it,for you know, 80% of the people
in the room can use revisitingit.
Yeah, when we start to workdeeply with aligning the body,
the breath and the energy, workdeeply with aligning the body,
the breath and the energy.
When you asked that question, Ifelt for myself and others
(29:47):
memories of when it feelsvulnerable and the parts want to
come back in to protect us.
Yeah, because out in theoutside world we've been
suppressed and armored andprotecting ourselves and hiding
and doing what all the otherbodies seem to be doing.
And when we open up, when wealign our bodies I talk a lot
about opening the heart Well,that can feel really vulnerable.
(30:10):
So then, you know, we mighthave an inner critic thought or
we might feel more of a visceralsensation and it's like a part
of us is wanting to shut thatback down.
And we're not even necessarilyhaving the thought of this is
dangerous, but a part of usfeels danger and wants to shut
(30:32):
it down.
Dana (30:33):
Yeah.
Lauri (30:35):
And same thing with breath and kind of keeping the
energy small.
I feel like some of the partsare in there trying to shut down
the vulnerability and theexpansion, and for some people
they might have thoughts aboutthat and for some of us it's
more like we start feeling awhole lot of visceral sensations
(30:56):
and fighting impulses, like myheart wants to open, but then
another part is trying to shutit down at the same time, and I
of course, always get reallyexcited when that confusion
happens.
For the poor person that'sexperiencing it it's incredibly
uncomfortable.
Dana (31:14):
but when that confusion hits the body, but when that
(31:35):
confusion hits the body, thepart of the person that's
willing to experience the changeis actually already.
You know it's like whoa.
You know parts are wanting tocome in and not have us be so
vulnerable, not have the heartopen so much, and on the one
hand, it is extremelyuncomfortable and the thought is
oh my gosh, I'm going to blowthis because this is happening.
(31:57):
The other thought that came inwas what a great learning
experience like to learn whatthis feels like, to pay
attention to it happening, eventhough it was like I sort of
didn't want it to happen, but itwas like wow, this is to really
understand what this feels likeand then how to come back.
I have no idea what I actuallydid to come back, except
(32:20):
probably I don't know I wasn'tconsciously thinking about it,
but what do you help people withto come back when that happens?
Lauri (32:29):
Yeah, I immediately wanted to ask you how did you
come back?
What happened?
It can depend on the person,and the kind of overarching
headline that I want the worldto know is that the way out is
through.
When you feel that moment of Ifeel vulnerable, different parts
(32:53):
are trying to shut me back down.
Different parts are trying toshut me back down.
It's not to do what the rest ofthe world is doing, which is
shut down, numb up, put a smileon your face, pretend to be fine
.
It's feel the vulnerability anda lot of times it's
(33:15):
reconnecting back to theintention and finding a
connection with someone in theroom, or the knowing that
someone in the room needs tohear what you have to say, which
can help the, the personexperiencing it, to go through.
Because, in reality, we alldeserve to be seen for who we
(33:42):
really are.
For a lot of my clients whohave some kind of a soul-driven
mission, they like to serveothers when it can be.
Both.
You, dana, deserve to be seenand heard and felt for who you
are, and there's somebody outthere who also needs what you're
(34:03):
bringing.
That makes it enough for theperson to keep going, whereas if
I just said, well, dana, you'rea human who's beautiful.
You are one in eight billionsoul.
You deserve to be seen andloved exactly as you are.
You might be like that's nice.
(34:23):
I need this to be for me andothers in order to have the
courage to keep going throughall that sensation.
Yeah, that's so true.
Dana (34:35):
What's really resonating with me is when you talked about
the way through.
When that happens when you'respeaking, is to not try to get
away from the feeling, which isabsolutely what happens, at
least to me.
First, it's like get out ofhere, you know, push it.
I always have this image ofthat.
I have a big beach ball and I'mholding it underwater like get
(34:57):
down, get down, which takes alot of energy and attention,
yeah.
Lauri (35:02):
And the way through is like to feel it like, oh, that's
there now and not let it takeover, but to like, oh, that,
whatever it is, um, yeah, itfeels yeah, yeah, and harnessing
it and channeling it into theexperience is where the real
(35:23):
charisma, presence, energy inthe room comes from, whereas
shoving the beach ball down andI'm good, there's no beach ball
here we're holding back.
What can be the charisma if wedo that?
Dana (35:42):
Yeah, you're just reminding me.
I don't remember when was it.
It was last year.
I went to meet with someone,that a very high profile person
in Washington DC.
It felt like a very high stakessituation and they were like so
(36:02):
tell me about yourself.
And I remember, you know andhad thought about it before,
that they might ask me this andso launching into you know some
kind of credentials, you knowthat pedigree kind of thing.
And all of a sudden I'm like,oh my God, there's a voice in my
head.
It's like you're a talking head, like you know.
I couldn't feel anything fromhere down and I'm just, you know
(36:24):
, doing what you're saying,smiling, doing this thing, and
inside myself I'm.
I know I wasn't consciouslythinking this, but it was sort
of like what?
do I do now, because I do notwant to keep being in this numb
smiley tell my credential kindof state, I'm not feeling or
(36:45):
connecting with this person.
So I just stopped and I saidyeah, I took a breath and I said
let me start again there.
I said you asked me a questionand I went down this path.
I said I would like to take usdown another path and then I
just started again from a placeof being in my body again and
having acknowledged that partthat thought it needed to
(37:08):
impress this person and sort oflet it do that but then shift it
and it was to your point.
I think what you're saying isby doing that, it really maybe
was even more powerful than if Ihad started off, you know, and
that hadn't happened.
Something happened in thatmoment.
Lauri (37:29):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, they got to see you as avulnerable, whole human being
Most of us love to see.
Especially if we're going towork with someone, we want to
know can I work with this personthrough the tough times?
And if you're having a momentwhere you go, I'm going to start
again.
It's like they've seen what youwill be like.
(37:58):
What I would probably say tosomeone and I have a very good
friend who introduced me to myhusband she's a singing
instructor, the harmonica Zsthat we do come from her, and
she said the phrase when I wasworking with her every breath is
(38:19):
a chance to begin again.
Oh, I like that, and it's truefor speaking, for being in a
meeting with someone.
You can just stop and startover and that breath.
You know we can take more if weneed to take a couple breaths,
and it was hugely freeing toknow if it feels like I'm
(38:41):
totally off on the wrong foot,Inhale, take a breath and choose
to go where you'd rather thisbe going, instead of the hamster
wheel of like, oh God, I'mperforming and I don't want to
be.
Dana (38:57):
What's funny is you said that and I appreciate how you
gave the examples is I realizedthat when I'm one-on-one with
another human being, I feel Inow feel I didn't before, I now
feel the ability to do that andcan do it fairly easily.
I still really struggle to doit when I'm speaking in a group
(39:26):
or being recorded.
It feels like you're on a traingoing one way and it's going at
a certain speed and you cannotjust say stop.
But I love the reminder thatthe same principles apply.
Lauri (39:39):
Yeah, and the more we it's working a new muscle.
So it's harder for you rightnow to do that when you're in a
group circumstance or there's arecording button that's gone on,
and the more you practice it,the easier it will get, just
(40:02):
like it did in the one-on-onesituations from the practicing
of it yeah it occurred to methat I haven't really said much
about inviting.
That used to be connect truly,madly and deeply with others and
(40:26):
take people along for the ride.
If I could replace the wordtake with invite, if I could
(41:02):
replace the word take withinvite, you know that was very
conscious because take peoplealong for the ride, it was
catchy, it served at the timeand what I know now is I'm
holding the space, I'm invitingyou.
There's an amazing ride oftransformation and growth and
coming home to yourself, andit's not.
I'm not taking you.
I'm holding a space and you'rechoosing when to get on that
ride.
And so it's invite and I knowit includes listening to the
(41:27):
non-verbal half of theconversation that I put the
holding space kind of back inthe energy piece, hugging the
room with your energy space,kind of back in the energy piece
, hugging the room with yourenergy, and the people choose
when they want to come.
I feel like I'm really, reallygood at that when I'm teaching
and giving a speech and theplace that I have learned it
(41:51):
more is in the like marketingfor my own business.
When I really want to work withyou is on the line.
You know that's.
That's my NBA finals or SuperBowl, and and right in this
moment, it feels like I've had abig breakthrough, where it's
(42:13):
starting to just feel like I'mhaving conversations with people
and if we choose to worktogether, we choose, choose to
work together, and if we don't,it's you know, nobody's going to
explode, nobody's going to dieif we don't work together.
Dana (42:33):
It sounds like the words, like the connect madly deeply,
authentically.
It's again still all in there,but it is just the letting
people find their way into whatit means to just having the word
invite and then yeah, andhaving the word invite, I feel
(43:02):
like it.
Lauri (43:02):
It opens everyone up and if I were teaching other people
to do what I do, I wouldprobably bring the truly madly
deeply back and sometimes Imight even say it to someone
again, like we've been talkingabout, when it's in the room,
when it looks like they'remaking eye contact, but it feels
(43:25):
like you're connecting, butyou're not connecting truly
madly deeply.
Yeah, something you know and Iget curious of like is there a
veil here?
What is it that's sort ofmaking it feel like you're
connected, but it's not thistruly madly deeply intimate
(43:46):
feeling connected and I getcurious and I just start to play
and ask questions and have themtry things until all of a
sudden there's a ah there it isthings until all of a sudden
there's a ah, there it is.
Dana (44:01):
Yeah, that it's funny.
You use the word.
Intimacy is what I was thinkingabout when it, when it unfolds
organically in that way of youinvite, hold the container and
they step into it, is the youfeel that intimacy yeah, yeah,
and that's so funny.
Lauri (44:17):
As we're recording this, it's Valentine's Day week, it's
almost Valentine's Day tomorrowand the mini so that I released
this week was great.
Speaking is intimate, yeah.
Dana (44:31):
I can see that.
Yeah, well, you have answeredmy questions that I was curious
about in terms of and I just soappreciate I really do feel
connected back to the roots ofthe deeper things that live, the
nuances that are there, andthen how to hold that into the
(44:54):
mantra of intend, align, invite.
Was there anything else that wehaven't talked about that you
wanted to put on the table today?
Lauri (45:02):
I don't think so.
Well, I will say I am gratefulfor you bringing your curiosity
and doing this experiment.
I am at my best when I'mresponding to something that's
in the room, so this is aversion of that you saying hey,
(45:23):
I'm curious about this, andsaying yes when I invited you to
come do this.
I know there are other peopleout there who have similar
questions, and if I had sat hereon my own and just tried to do
a solo episode, it would havebeen a much different experience
than responding to yourquestions, knowing that that
(45:45):
will help other people.
So thank you for playing andsaying yes to this.
I really enjoyed it.
Hello everyone and welcome back to the Soulful
Speaking podcast.
Dana Baugh is back again withus today.
She's incredibly curious, soshe's going to ask me some
questions that she's curiousabout and you may be curious
about.
And before we dive into that,Dana, I'm curious.
(00:21):
What has it been like for you?
What has come up since youappeared the first time?
Dana (00:29):
Yeah, well, it is connected to what I'm curious
about.
When I was on your podcast as aguest, I very much was holding
the mantra and the practice orprocess intend align, invite,
because it works very well.
It's a great process to groundme and guide me and I just had
(00:57):
realized when I was on as theguest it was like I felt like I
really got into intend.
I was into a line a bit andthen I feel like a line was
sometimes hard to hold on to.
The thing I held on to was theintend, and so it then tied to
(01:21):
some my curiosity about.
We've known each other for awhile and I had the good fortune
early on to meet you and gothrough the process with you of
your process for supportingspeakers as they find their
voice and put it out there inthe world in a authentic,
meaningful and impactful way,and I have not found anything
(01:42):
else quite like this.
So I have big gratitude aboutthat.
When I first met you, it wewent through like a step, it was
like seven steps, it wasthere's deeper process and then,
fast forwarding over time, itbecame intend align, invite,
which I really, reallyappreciated because that I can
(02:04):
remember and I'll hold on towhat's happened.
What happened to me when I wasthe guest speaker speaking was I
realized I, I know the, I knowthe mantra, I know what it means
(02:25):
, but some of the deeper nuances, it's like I've forgotten them
and I want to sort of reconnect,because the mantra is beautiful
, to have the short version tointend to line invite with the
deeper nuances and and I I'm notsure, but I feel like what
(02:52):
happened for me was, again, Iwas getting some of the things
going on, but not all of thethings going on.
Lauri (02:58):
So yeah, yeah, as you're talking about it right now I
can't remember if I've said thisto you before One of the
reasons that I shifted from itwas a seven step path, with
tools and things on each step ofthe path, and I was working
(03:20):
with all seven steps, wantingpeople to remember them, working
with all seven steps, wantingpeople to remember them.
And then I presented at aconference right after a good
friend of mine, meryl Shaw.
She was presenting on thecontent of speaking and the
power of three.
So when I use those words withyou now and talk about how
(03:43):
powerful three is, she was theone who used the phrase the
power of three first and Istarted borrowing it from her.
We both have a theaterbackground and neuroscience says
that threes are sticky for ourbrains and that's sort of
ingrained in us.
(04:04):
We create stories innately witha beginning, a middle and an
end.
A lot of our flags have threecolors in them.
So here in the United Statesit's red, white and blue, and I
decided to lean into thatbecause I would and, to be
honest, that because I would and, to be honest, there was also a
(04:31):
bit going on for me in theearly days of even me thinking I
need to give them every singlething that I have in order for
this to be valuable.
You know, and over time I letgo of more and more and more and
more and more of that.
So the you know stickiness ofthe power of three and me
(04:51):
letting go of feeling like Ineeded to give you every single
thing that could possibly be avalue.
You know, cram as many words asI could into an experience.
So I leaned into that and Ilooked at the seven step path
and it just sort of rose up oneday that it was like, oh, if I
just made the outline a littledifferent, this naturally fits
(05:15):
into three things intend, align,invite.
So the tools and the otherthings are still there and I
frequently talk about it beinglike if we're watching Steph
Curry's basketball shot and wehire a shooting coach, they
(05:36):
might give us three things tofocus on Bend your knees, look
at the back of the rim andfollow through, and you can be
thinking that while you'reshooting and eventually, mastery
is not thinking about it.
Yeah, hurry is not thinking.
Bend my knees, look at the.
(05:58):
His body just knows it.
So I feel like when I work withpeople now I give them this
intend, align, invite, 60,000foot view.
We do some things and break itdown and then go more into
intend and deal with soulsuckers, which are the things
soul suckers and our other partsthat might be not setting the
(06:22):
intention that our highest selfwould set.
Really work with aligning thebody, the breath and the energy.
Really work with.
What does it mean to invite whenyou're in a crowd so that the
body is getting a deeperexperience?
And then we come back up to thephrase intend, align, invite is
(06:45):
intend, align, invite.
And I was even shooting anepisode with someone where we
took that 60,000-foot view.
We went down into it and weplayed with it and then we came
up and he was going to speakagain and I kind of reminded of
all the pieces and I saw thatoverwhelmed look on his face and
I went okay, we justexperienced intend, align,
(07:11):
invite and I said something liketrust that your body has a
lived experience of what thatmeans and just go for it.
And I'm here to be yourshooting coach who says, well,
you could bend your knees alittle more, you could
strengthen the inviting a littlemore, or I was craving a deeper
(07:34):
breath.
It's like having the shootingcoach who looks at what pieces
are still not fully feeling likethey're in Steph Curry mastery.
Dana (07:44):
I really appreciate that how you teach.
Now it sounds like you do takepeople back to those roots, but
then you, like you said, youjust sort of ask them to put it
down and trust themselves andthen coach.
That's how you reconnect themback to the roots I'm hearing is
(08:06):
by seeing what would add tosomething yeah, more and more.
Lauri (08:12):
And, as you're talking to me right now, it's occurring to
me that the more I'm trustingmyself, the more I'm actually
doing things a littledifferently and inviting the
people that I'm working with tostep into a state of trust.
And it also reminds me of howmy favorite acting instructor
(08:33):
ever, richard Side, how he usedto deal with the inner critic.
And every actor in the world Imean every actor that I know
wants to get up on stage and becompletely and utterly in the
moment.
What the rest of the worldknows as the flow state, and we
(08:54):
want to hate the inner critics,we don't want them to be there.
And he was the first person whokind of drew a dividing line in
the sand.
There's a point to the innercritics.
When you're in rehearsals,there's a time that you want to
try a thing and then criticize,critique, judge, assess.
(09:17):
What did I like about that runthrough and what did I not like
about that run through?
And everybody's doing that,from the director to all of the
actors.
Your inner critics are doingsome judging.
You feel it, something feelsoff, and then you figure out
what was it that felt off?
And then you go in and do itagain and then at a certain
(09:39):
point it's time to jump inwithout that voice, and
particularly in theater it'stime to jump in without that
voice.
And particularly in theater.
You, as the actor, jump inwithout that voice 100%, and it
feels like a kid playingmake-believe and that's why we
all want that in-the-momentfeeling and you trust your
(10:00):
director to then critiqueanything that you might need for
you.
And I believe that whole processfrom actors to speakers is much
better when you have that trustbetween the director and the
actors or someone watching yourspeech, and that it's all better
(10:25):
when the actor or the speakeris in a state of that kind of
vibrance and aliveness.
That's how I work as a director.
I don't tell them where to move, like I don't come in on day
one with like on this line, you,you're going to move over to
the plant.
I watch them play and move andthen I shape it and then later
(10:57):
on I invite them to play likethe children, just going for it,
trusting that if somethingisn't working, I'm out here to
give you the fine tuning and theadjustments to have it work
even better.
And to me the aliveness is themost important part.
It's how I'm built, so that'swhy I would rather start with
let's help everybody to bereally alive and connected, and
(11:17):
then, as a director, anyfinishing touches are much, much
easier than chasing everysingle detail of how they move,
what they say when they crossover to the plant, when they sit
down.
Dana (11:30):
What's so interesting when you share that One.
I recognize it because Irecognize that's how you have
coached me, and appreciate itbecause there's something so
mixed.
I think it makes people veryself-conscious, that other kind
of way of doing it, like standhere, say this, do this, move
this way.
But I do know, are there stillpeople that, and particularly
(11:55):
from speaking and acting that,coach that way?
I mean I'm just curious, howdoes that?
Does that even work?
It just feels like it brings upso much self-consciousness and
just performing without heart.
I don't know if that's true.
Lauri (12:12):
It does happen.
I don't actually know how manyspeaking coaches are still
working that way.
I have a feeling they're outthere because they are out there
in theater, okay, and so I willsay this I have been in a
production very recently wherethe director's style was more of
(12:34):
a precision based at times,leading toward micromanaging
rather than letting us be theclay and play and find some
things, and we were all asking,because we're a physical,
ensemble based, innovativetheater company and we're used
(12:56):
to a certain level of just try athing a million times and it
was incredibly challenging and Ithink people on both sides
learned a lot and as an actor,it is our job to work with
whoever the director is.
Yeah, so if they're, you knowit's your job to take how
(13:20):
they're asking you to do it, totry it, to try it with 100%
commitment and also to say Itried it with 100% commitment
and here's why it's not workingfor me and it's still not my
favorite.
It's very hard for me to do andin this particular production
that I'm thinking of the endresult for me from the day after
(13:46):
opening and onward.
You know we got this amazingreview, um, audiences loved the
show on opening day people werelooking at me and saying, oh,
what an incredible performance.
And with the ones that I knewand trusted who were also, you
know, like my husband and othercore members who were not in the
(14:09):
show I kind of went just waituntil we've breathed into this,
a little bit Like great, I'mhappy that it looks so amazing
on the outside and I happy thatit looks so amazing on the
outside.
And when we debriefed it, I didtell people like I'm 52 years
old, I've got a lot of adultlife post-college.
(14:31):
I have never, ever, been thattight on an opening night Ever.
Now I did work through it, likeon the day after opening, which
happened to be when a lot ofthe reviewers came.
It was like I was cravingsurrender, so much that it
(14:52):
didn't take as long, like Ithought it was going to take a
while to breathe into it.
It's like I just went, I'mjumping into the sandbox and I'm
going to do the shape that wehave and I'm going to completely
open and soften and surrenderinto it, including, like, all of
the muscles in my physical body.
I felt more like me.
Dana (15:11):
Okay, wow.
Again, what I'm hearing isthere are different ways to do
it, but you sort of know whatworks for you.
And now it's really interestingI'm curious about if we just
took them one at a time, likehow they have changed for you
over time, like what intendmeans to you now, and just how
(15:35):
that might have evolved.
Lauri (15:38):
Yeah, there's a lot less words.
There's a lot less words.
Intend.
Originally came the words andthey're in my book.
If anybody out there reads itthey're all the old ones are in
there.
So it was root in a sense ofpurpose, and I still love the
(16:03):
phrase root in a sense ofpurpose.
And yet when I'm attempting togive it to people who can be
stepping out on a stage andgoing, oh my God, what did Lori
tell me?
Intend is much shorter and sowe, when we are doing intend,
that's when you can probablyfeel like, oh hey, I vaguely
remember when we first startedworking together.
There was something about rootsand values and purpose.
(16:27):
I'm still bringing those wordsin and bringing those concepts
in, and now it feels more likeit comes up when it's in the
room Rather than me thinkingthat I need to use the words
root in a sense of purpose and Ineed to tell you what a value
(16:49):
is and we need to come up withwhat is your life purpose
statement?
I I start with what serves thepeople and then the other things
that can sort of take thatdeeper and make it richer come
up when someone in the roomneeds it, or even more so if a
wave of people in the programsthat I'm leading all feel like
(17:14):
they're saying they don't knowwhat their purpose is, they
don't know why they're here,they're called but they don't
even know why they're called,then we might go off and do a
whole values excavation exerciseI really love that because,
again, it's trusting what peopleneed and um, and I also think
it's powerful.
Dana (17:33):
if you start with intend and people are experiencing that
, you can sort of check in tosee if I'm from my own
experience, having been inclasses people just sort of
naturally talk about purpose andthen you can build from there
versus which is more powerfulthan you giving us a bunch of
(17:54):
stuff to remember.
Lauri (17:55):
Yeah, yeah, and helping you if you don't need to
remember it so much when you'respeaking, as it needs to be
there and you be connected to it.
Dana (18:12):
I love how you just said that yeah, yeah, and I really
appreciate that because, asyou're sharing this, I hadn't
thought of those words.
But that is what I'm wanting.
I don't want to memorize it.
I hadn't thought of it that way.
The way my brain usually worksis like I'm going to memorize
(18:32):
this and then I'll have it toconnect back to, but I just want
it to be there and I want tofeel connected to it, so I
believe.
Lauri (18:41):
Yeah, like we don't need Steph Curry to turn and give us
a dissertation on why, bendingyour knees, how the knee
functions, all that kind ofstuff.
We just want Steph Curry toshoot the ball and have it go in
the net.
Steph Curry only wants to shootthe ball and have it go in the
net.
Steph Curry only wants to shootthe ball and have it go in the
net.
At some point I shifted or overtime shifted to knowing Dana
(19:04):
doesn't really want to turn andgive a dissertation on what a
soul's purpose is and whatvalues are and how those relate
to the moment that she'sspeaking.
Dana wants to speak At somepoint.
If I teach other people to dowhat I do, then those people
(19:29):
might actually need to be ableto not give a dissertation but
to answer questions and to helppeople find those things the way
that I do.
But if you're not going toteach it, you don't need to know
all that stuff.
You need to know what helps youput the ball in the basket,
what helps you speak in the waythat you want to speak.
Dana (19:52):
And I'm also hearing you say, when someone gets there on
their own, they are, you know,have the power of the three.
The intend align and invite,and an intend is they're playing
back what they're experiencingand they have this talk about a
(20:15):
sense of purpose.
Yeah, I'm just thinking abouthow it can come, that's how it
can come out and that's all theyneed.
Lauri (20:24):
Yeah, yeah, and they it's like they know what they want
to have happen in the room.
And a lot of times we end upfeeling a sense of purpose when
we set an intention.
If anybody is ever confusedabout what intention should I
(20:46):
set for this talk versus thattalk, versus this podcast,
experience, that might be a timewhere I might say experience.
That might be a time where Imight say what's your soul's
work?
How does it connect to yourlife purpose?
How does this moment connect toyour life purpose?
And then they get a clarityover which intention they're
(21:07):
going to go with on that day.
From how does it connect toyour greater life purpose?
Dana (21:14):
I appreciate you saying that, because that is another
thing that has caught me in amoment of like.
When we're doing the intend isit's like a lot of times what
comes to me is I want clarityand connection.
I want clarity for myself, Iwant clarity for people who are
listening and I want to feelconnection and I want them to
(21:36):
feel connection, and sometimesI'm like, well, that can't
always be what it is.
So I was curious about like, ok, what I'm doing now is I sort
of just see what comes up.
But I appreciate how you askthat question to help possibly
something different come up.
Lauri (21:54):
Yeah, yeah, and I love both letting it come up.
Yeah, yeah, and I love bothLetting it come up.
There are times where ourintuition is really talking to
us nice and loud.
If we ask ourselves what do Iwant my intention to be today,
we feel something, we hearsomething, we just know.
And then there are other dayswhere we're a little more off or
(22:17):
it's higher stakes, and thenhaving a question like how does
this moment connect to my lifepurpose can help kind of cut
through our own static.
Dana (22:31):
Yeah, Would you mind talking about the other two
align again, just as?
How has that evolved for you?
Yeah?
Lauri (22:44):
Align is aligning the body, the breath and the energy
with that intention and with ourfullest expression.
Our fullest expression In theold seven-step model there were
three different, separate stepsout of the seven Embody what's
(23:05):
important, breathe life into theexperience and energize
yourself and the space Stilllike those words?
Yeah, I might still come out atsome point.
And if the end result now,which it is and as I'm saying
(23:31):
this, I think I just simplifiedand I didn't know what is true
that's about to come out of mymouth when I simplified If the
goal is for someone to more justbe able to feel it and do it,
feel this way of speaking and doit instead of doing it their
old way, like if I used to shoota three-pointer with my elbow
(23:52):
out really wide and not bendingmy knees, and I've taught myself
this new way and the goal isjust go in the game and shoot it
, the new way where the ballgoes in.
Having embody what's important,breathe life into the
experience, energize yourself inthe space is very different
from a line and knowing whatthat means for your body, your
(24:15):
breath and your energy.
Yeah, because you've broken itdown, but you don't need that
many words to be going throughyour head to go align.
Yeah, and I am remembering nowI don't remember if it was one
of your classes or another oneclasses or another one we would
(24:35):
do some things where we playedwith sounds and aligning the
body, aligning the breath andaligning the energy, and making
ohm sounds and S's and Z's.
And there was another momentwhere it was time for people to
speak again and they started toget that like wait.
And I said do you feel thething that you just did when we
(24:57):
were making the Z sounds?
Do that while you're talking?
Oh, okay, that I can do.
That's the difference betweenembody what's important, breathe
life into the experience andenergize the space and align.
Okay, let's just do that andthen we'll give it a go.
Dana (25:21):
Yeah, I'm going to play back just to make sure that I'm
catching some things, because Ijust, yeah, I find that really
interesting.
So now you're trusting that youdon't have to start with all of
that foundational thing.
You can say a line and theshort version of what that means
(25:47):
, as you just did yeah.
Then, as they start doing that,you might say let's do some Zs,
let's do this or that, yeah.
Lauri (25:57):
Okay, yeah, based on what's actually happening with
aligning body, breath and energyfor that person.
Okay, and, as you asked thatquestion, it's also trusting.
I would say this a lot, and Istill say this that we came in
(26:27):
as babies and our bodies, ourbreath and our energy were
aligned for fullest expressionwhen we were born, so we knew it
and then we got taught not todo it.
So we don't necessarily needthe 10,000 plus hours that a
great basketball player is goingto need to become great,
because we're remembering ratherthan learning fresh, and I feel
(26:48):
like, on some level, I startedgiving a you intend align,
invite and align body, breathand energy, and a snippet of
what that was pretty high level,pretty quick, because I'm
helping people remember andreconnect with what they already
(27:09):
knew when they were a baby.
Dana (27:11):
Yeah, is there you mentioned before when we were
talking about intent, aboutthere, in this part of the
process of Align.
Is there anything differenthappening with this dance
(27:44):
between your parts and thehigher self?
Lauri (27:48):
What a beautiful question .
Yeah, so what happened in mybody when you asked that
question is I feel like settingthe intention really helps.
So I have a background intheater voice for the theater,
(28:10):
not singing, but voice for thetheater to project enough that
people can hear you and feel youin the pre microphones in the
floor and on every single actorsbody era.
and so theater, voice, people,they're doing this align body,
breath and energy thing hmm,that's what they're doing, and I
(28:33):
went to a conference once and Ibrought in the idea of intend,
probably in an older form.
So I'm working withprofessional breathers and
colleagues who do the same alignbody, breath and energy thing
that I do.
But I only did intend get upand do something, and then I
(29:00):
worked with Intend, with thewhole group, and then I had them
get up and do it again and theywere shocked and in awe and
amazed that, without touchinganybody's rib cage or talking
about the breath, they were allbreathing deeper and had more
ease and aliveness in theirperformances.
Oh, interesting, wow.
Had more ease and aliveness intheir performances oh,
interesting, wow.
So that's why intend alwayscomes first, even if somebody
(29:23):
has a strong intention.
We're still going to visit it,for you know, 80% of the people
in the room can use revisitingit.
Yeah, when we start to workdeeply with aligning the body,
the breath and the energy, workdeeply with aligning the body,
the breath and the energy.
When you asked that question, Ifelt for myself and others
(29:47):
memories of when it feelsvulnerable and the parts want to
come back in to protect us.
Yeah, because out in theoutside world we've been
suppressed and armored andprotecting ourselves and hiding
and doing what all the otherbodies seem to be doing.
And when we open up, when wealign our bodies I talk a lot
about opening the heart Well,that can feel really vulnerable.
(30:10):
So then, you know, we mighthave an inner critic thought or
we might feel more of a visceralsensation and it's like a part
of us is wanting to shut thatback down.
And we're not even necessarilyhaving the thought of this is
dangerous, but a part of usfeels danger and wants to shut
(30:32):
it down.
Dana (30:33):
Yeah.
Lauri (30:35):
And same thing with breath and kind of keeping the
energy small.
I feel like some of the partsare in there trying to shut down
the vulnerability and theexpansion, and for some people
they might have thoughts aboutthat and for some of us it's
more like we start feeling awhole lot of visceral sensations
(30:56):
and fighting impulses, like myheart wants to open, but then
another part is trying to shutit down at the same time, and I
of course, always get reallyexcited when that confusion
happens.
For the poor person that'sexperiencing it it's incredibly
uncomfortable.
Dana (31:14):
but when that confusion hits the body, but when that
(31:35):
confusion hits the body, thepart of the person that's
willing to experience the changeis actually already.
You know it's like whoa.
You know parts are wanting tocome in and not have us be so
vulnerable, not have the heartopen so much, and on the one
hand, it is extremelyuncomfortable and the thought is
oh my gosh, I'm going to blowthis because this is happening.
(31:57):
The other thought that came inwas what a great learning
experience like to learn whatthis feels like, to pay
attention to it happening, eventhough it was like I sort of
didn't want it to happen, but itwas like wow, this is to really
understand what this feels likeand then how to come back.
I have no idea what I actuallydid to come back, except
(32:20):
probably I don't know I wasn'tconsciously thinking about it,
but what do you help people withto come back when that happens?
Lauri (32:29):
Yeah, I immediately wanted to ask you how did you
come back?
What happened?
It can depend on the person,and the kind of overarching
headline that I want the worldto know is that the way out is
through.
When you feel that moment of Ifeel vulnerable, different parts
(32:53):
are trying to shut me back down.
Different parts are trying toshut me back down.
It's not to do what the rest ofthe world is doing, which is
shut down, numb up, put a smileon your face, pretend to be fine
.
It's feel the vulnerability anda lot of times it's
(33:15):
reconnecting back to theintention and finding a
connection with someone in theroom, or the knowing that
someone in the room needs tohear what you have to say, which
can help the, the personexperiencing it, to go through.
Because, in reality, we alldeserve to be seen for who we
(33:42):
really are.
For a lot of my clients whohave some kind of a soul-driven
mission, they like to serveothers when it can be.
Both.
You, dana, deserve to be seenand heard and felt for who you
are, and there's somebody outthere who also needs what you're
(34:03):
bringing.
That makes it enough for theperson to keep going, whereas if
I just said, well, dana, you'rea human who's beautiful.
You are one in eight billionsoul.
You deserve to be seen andloved exactly as you are.
You might be like that's nice.
(34:23):
I need this to be for me andothers in order to have the
courage to keep going throughall that sensation.
Yeah, that's so true.
Dana (34:35):
What's really resonating with me is when you talked about
the way through.
When that happens when you'respeaking, is to not try to get
away from the feeling, which isabsolutely what happens, at
least to me.
First, it's like get out ofhere, you know, push it.
I always have this image ofthat.
I have a big beach ball and I'mholding it underwater like get
(34:57):
down, get down, which takes alot of energy and attention,
yeah.
Lauri (35:02):
And the way through is like to feel it like, oh, that's
there now and not let it takeover, but to like, oh, that,
whatever it is, um, yeah, itfeels yeah, yeah, and harnessing
it and channeling it into theexperience is where the real
(35:23):
charisma, presence, energy inthe room comes from, whereas
shoving the beach ball down andI'm good, there's no beach ball
here we're holding back.
What can be the charisma if wedo that?
Dana (35:42):
Yeah, you're just reminding me.
I don't remember when was it.
It was last year.
I went to meet with someone,that a very high profile person
in Washington DC.
It felt like a very high stakessituation and they were like so
(36:02):
tell me about yourself.
And I remember, you know andhad thought about it before,
that they might ask me this andso launching into you know some
kind of credentials, you knowthat pedigree kind of thing.
And all of a sudden I'm like,oh my God, there's a voice in my
head.
It's like you're a talking head, like you know.
I couldn't feel anything fromhere down and I'm just, you know
(36:24):
, doing what you're saying,smiling, doing this thing, and
inside myself I'm.
I know I wasn't consciouslythinking this, but it was sort
of like what?
do I do now, because I do notwant to keep being in this numb
smiley tell my credential kindof state, I'm not feeling or
(36:45):
connecting with this person.
So I just stopped and I saidyeah, I took a breath and I said
let me start again there.
I said you asked me a questionand I went down this path.
I said I would like to take usdown another path and then I
just started again from a placeof being in my body again and
having acknowledged that partthat thought it needed to
(37:08):
impress this person and sort oflet it do that but then shift it
and it was to your point.
I think what you're saying isby doing that, it really maybe
was even more powerful than if Ihad started off, you know, and
that hadn't happened.
Something happened in thatmoment.
Lauri (37:29):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, they got to see you as avulnerable, whole human being
Most of us love to see.
Especially if we're going towork with someone, we want to
know can I work with this personthrough the tough times?
And if you're having a momentwhere you go, I'm going to start
again.
It's like they've seen what youwill be like.
(37:58):
What I would probably say tosomeone and I have a very good
friend who introduced me to myhusband she's a singing
instructor, the harmonica Zsthat we do come from her, and
she said the phrase when I wasworking with her every breath is
(38:19):
a chance to begin again.
Oh, I like that, and it's truefor speaking, for being in a
meeting with someone.
You can just stop and startover and that breath.
You know we can take more if weneed to take a couple breaths,
and it was hugely freeing toknow if it feels like I'm
(38:41):
totally off on the wrong foot,Inhale, take a breath and choose
to go where you'd rather thisbe going, instead of the hamster
wheel of like, oh God, I'mperforming and I don't want to
be.
Dana (38:57):
What's funny is you said that and I appreciate how you
gave the examples is I realizedthat when I'm one-on-one with
another human being, I feel Inow feel I didn't before, I now
feel the ability to do that andcan do it fairly easily.
I still really struggle to doit when I'm speaking in a group
(39:26):
or being recorded.
It feels like you're on a traingoing one way and it's going at
a certain speed and you cannotjust say stop.
But I love the reminder thatthe same principles apply.
Lauri (39:39):
Yeah, and the more we it's working a new muscle.
So it's harder for you rightnow to do that when you're in a
group circumstance or there's arecording button that's gone on,
and the more you practice it,the easier it will get, just
(40:02):
like it did in the one-on-onesituations from the practicing
of it yeah it occurred to methat I haven't really said much
about inviting.
That used to be connect truly,madly and deeply with others and
(40:26):
take people along for the ride.
If I could replace the wordtake with invite, if I could
(41:02):
replace the word take withinvite, you know that was very
conscious because take peoplealong for the ride, it was
catchy, it served at the timeand what I know now is I'm
holding the space, I'm invitingyou.
There's an amazing ride oftransformation and growth and
coming home to yourself, andit's not.
I'm not taking you.
I'm holding a space and you'rechoosing when to get on that
ride.
And so it's invite and I knowit includes listening to the
(41:27):
non-verbal half of theconversation that I put the
holding space kind of back inthe energy piece, hugging the
room with your energy space,kind of back in the energy piece
, hugging the room with yourenergy, and the people choose
when they want to come.
I feel like I'm really, reallygood at that when I'm teaching
and giving a speech and theplace that I have learned it
(41:51):
more is in the like marketingfor my own business.
When I really want to work withyou is on the line.
You know that's.
That's my NBA finals or SuperBowl, and and right in this
moment, it feels like I've had abig breakthrough, where it's
(42:13):
starting to just feel like I'mhaving conversations with people
and if we choose to worktogether, we choose, choose to
work together, and if we don't,it's you know, nobody's going to
explode, nobody's going to dieif we don't work together.
Dana (42:33):
It sounds like the words, like the connect madly deeply,
authentically.
It's again still all in there,but it is just the letting
people find their way into whatit means to just having the word
invite and then yeah, andhaving the word invite, I feel
(43:02):
like it.
Lauri (43:02):
It opens everyone up and if I were teaching other people
to do what I do, I wouldprobably bring the truly madly
deeply back and sometimes Imight even say it to someone
again, like we've been talkingabout, when it's in the room,
when it looks like they'remaking eye contact, but it feels
(43:25):
like you're connecting, butyou're not connecting truly
madly deeply.
Yeah, something you know and Iget curious of like is there a
veil here?
What is it that's sort ofmaking it feel like you're
connected, but it's not thistruly madly deeply intimate
(43:46):
feeling connected and I getcurious and I just start to play
and ask questions and have themtry things until all of a
sudden there's a ah there it isthings until all of a sudden
there's a ah, there it is.
Dana (44:01):
Yeah, that it's funny.
You use the word.
Intimacy is what I was thinkingabout when it, when it unfolds
organically in that way of youinvite, hold the container and
they step into it, is the youfeel that intimacy yeah, yeah,
and that's so funny.
Lauri (44:17):
As we're recording this, it's Valentine's Day week, it's
almost Valentine's Day tomorrowand the mini so that I released
this week was great.
Speaking is intimate, yeah.
Dana (44:31):
I can see that.
Yeah, well, you have answeredmy questions that I was curious
about in terms of and I just soappreciate I really do feel
connected back to the roots ofthe deeper things that live, the
nuances that are there, andthen how to hold that into the
(44:54):
mantra of intend, align, invite.
Was there anything else that wehaven't talked about that you
wanted to put on the table today?
Lauri (45:02):
I don't think so.
Well, I will say I am gratefulfor you bringing your curiosity
and doing this experiment.
I am at my best when I'mresponding to something that's
in the room, so this is aversion of that you saying hey,
(45:23):
I'm curious about this, andsaying yes when I invited you to
come do this.
I know there are other peopleout there who have similar
questions, and if I had sat hereon my own and just tried to do
a solo episode, it would havebeen a much different experience
than responding to yourquestions, knowing that that
(45:45):
will help other people.
So thank you for playing andsaying yes to this.
I really enjoyed it.
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