February 18, 2025 • 43 mins
What if public speaking wasn't a performance but a genuine conversation?
In this coaching-focused episode, Lauri works with seasoned creative Emily McGregor, who’s spent 20+ years directing, producing, and leading teams in video sketch comedy and marketing. Despite her confidence behind the camera, Emily struggles with stepping into the spotlight herself. Lauri helps Emily tackle her inner critics though practical tools that ground the voice. Together, they explore how breathwork, alignment, and being intentional can transform performance anxiety into genuine connection.
Whether you’re a seasoned speaker or just finding your voice, this episode offers profound insights to amplify your presence and impact.
TAKEAWAYS:
Know Your Masks: Our sometimes overused strengths, like humor, can become "masks" that hide our true selves. When you know your masks, you can begin to release them.
Stop Performing and Start Connecting: Reframe speaking as a conversation with your audience, inviting connection instead of striving for perfection.
Intention is Powerful: Set simple, clear emotional intentions to harness your energy and unleash your presence when speaking.
Align Your Body and Breath: Rediscover your natural expressive self by releasing tension and reconnecting with your innate charisma.
Quiet the Inner Critic: Recognize and balance your inner stage mom or director so they become constructive rather than controlling.
About Emily:
Emily is a seasoned creative with over 20 years of experience in video sketch comedy, marketing, and leading dynamic teams. As the founder of PenguinCat Creative, her copywriting agency, she has crafted hundreds of high-converting marketing funnels and campaigns. Her work has helped bestselling authors, top influencers, eCommerce giants, and industry-leading coaches achieve remarkable success—selling out events, tripling membership signups, and exceeding launch goals.
Previously, Emily served as VP of Production at Comediva, a comedic content studio, where she wrote and directed viral videos amassing millions of views, created branded content for major brands like Pepsi, and even sold a TV show to Amazon.
Today, she leverages her vast marketing expertise and scrappy filmmaking background to produce entertaining, high-value ads that deliver outstanding results for her clients.
Connect with Emily:
penguincatcreative.com
scrappyads.io
Take the Speaker Alter Ego quiz to find out which protective mask hides your natural radiance so you can learn how to get present, connect deeply, and share your vision when it matters most!
https://voice-matters.com/speaker-alter-ego-quiz/
Thank you so much for listening!
Take the free quiz and learn which Soul Sucker™ you need to release to free your voice: https://voice-matters.com/soul-sucker-quiz/
Follow me on:
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/voice_matters_llc/
Linkedin https://www.linkedin.com/in/lauri-smith-voice-matters/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lauri (00:00):
welcome back listeners.
Today, my guest is emilymcgregor.
She is a seasoned creative withover 20 years of experience in
video sketch comedy, marketingand leading dynamic teams.
Emily (00:14):
Welcome, emily hello, thanks for having me yeah,
thanks for being here.
Lauri (00:20):
Emily has graciously agreed to let me coach her for
all of you on today's episode.
So, emily, thank you so much.
I want to honor your courageand your playfulness in doing
this.
The first thing I'm going to do, before you even speak, is I'm
going to ask you what have feltlike your biggest challenges
(00:44):
when it comes to speaking, andfor Emily and for our listeners.
When I say speaking, some ofthat is what I grew up with,
where it's a person on a stage,live with other people, and
particularly post-pandemic,we're in a whole new speaking
world when I say speaking.
Speaking is this podcast.
(01:05):
Speaking is shooting a video.
Speaking is doing apresentation on Zoom, pretty
much anywhere that you can shareyour message or your magic with
the world, including the stage,but also including those TikTok
videos.
What have been your speakingchallenges?
Emily (01:25):
Yeah.
So it's funny, I'm reallycomfortable one-on-one with
people, make friends easily.
I can direct a set of 40 crewmembers no problem doing that.
Leading teams, that kind ofthing no problem thing, no
problem.
But then, like, getting onstage is like not something I'm
(01:45):
trying to do right now, but I amtrying to do more social media
content.
I am trying to record myselfmore behind the scenes person.
I'm not in front of the cameraperson.
And yeah, the second, like Ifeel like I get in front of a
camera, my mind kind of goesblank or I get into like a
(02:05):
really kind of performative kindof place where I feel like I'm
not really myself and I'm justlike I'm now doing speechy
things.
Um, yeah yeah, and I'm feeling alittle like that even right now
, but um, yeah.
Lauri (02:23):
Yeah, thank you for your honesty, and I think you took
the speaker alter ego quiz aboutthe different masks.
Like when you said performative, it made me think of that that
sometimes we feel like we needto be something else when we're
speaking.
What was your top speaker alterego mask?
Emily (02:44):
Yeah, I forget the exact name, it was the jokester one.
Lauri (02:47):
The jiving jokester Jiving jokester, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and as a reminder forpeople listening who may have
just joined us, and for you, themasks are not our true selves.
They're a protection or a thingthat we're doing because we
think we need to and I knowyou're a comic.
(03:10):
So sometimes what happens withthe masks is that there's like
one part of ourselves that weknow we're safe in or we've had
a history of.
I've gotten rewarded for this.
This is the safest part of meto share and sometimes that's
what happens.
Is it like we're only usingthat?
(03:31):
So it's almost like carpaltunnel in my wrist.
If I'm only doing one movement,eventually, all of a sudden, my
wrist is frozen into that onething, and sometimes something
like that can happen.
So it makes sense that your topone might be the jive and
jokester.
It's not that she's not funnyeveryone, it's that she has a
jokester and she also has thiswhole range that's much more
(03:55):
fluid than this mask that mightcome up.
What are your biggest dreamsfor speaking on stages and in
front of those green cameralights, when you, when you step
out of being the support personand start being the one in the
spotlight?
Emily (04:14):
yeah, I think I would just love it to be easier.
Um, so I work with my husbandand he's like a natural
performer, like he couldimprovise a speech on stage like
no problem and have no anxietyabout it and do great.
Um, he like took over emceeinglike an oktoberfest this year
and just like took over, tookthe call sheet, started like
running the show I don't needthat level of ease, but I I
(04:35):
would like it to just be like oh, I can pick up my camera and I
can talk to it.
I don't need to like prep andprepare and feel like, oh, I did
that wrong, oh wrong, oh I didthat wrong, oh I did that wrong,
and like billion takes, likejust takes too much time, and
then like my anxiety level justlike goes like up and I just
rather just feel like naturaland easy, yeah, like yeah, I'm
(04:59):
talking to a friend like noproblem.
Lauri (05:01):
Yeah, yeah, and I'm hearing as you're talking, some
of the soul suckers, the innercritics, and it sounds like
they're they're playing too bigof a role.
So I'm sure you know from beingsomeone who can grab a
megaphone and speak to a wholehuge crew on a set, that there
(05:23):
we have to.
We have to have an inner criticin us and it sounds like for
you it's kind of going haywireand it's making it harder than
it needs to be yeah, I thinkthat would be accurate.
Emily (05:37):
Yeah, I got the uh stage mom for the soul sucker on the
quiz.
Lauri (05:41):
Yeah, the controlling stage, mothers yes, yes, that
that feels right yeah, yeah andagain, there's probably a
critical um assistant directoror director in you that controls
(06:02):
and guides and harnesses thecreativity of everybody on a set
.
And if it teeters over too much, past being an organizer, past
harnessing other people intocontrolling and over-controlling
and kind of sucking the lifeout of you yeah, like usually.
Emily (06:28):
Yeah, I'm just like hyper .
I think I've just reallycreated a story over time that's
like, oh, I'm not good at thisand like I'll never be good at
it.
Instead of I'm trying to shiftmore into like well, you know,
it's like I I do casting, like Iknow like good acting, and it's
like that's maybe not like anatural talent of mine doesn't
come easily, but it's not somedoesn't mean I can't like
(06:49):
develop that skill or yeah yeah,change my mindset around yeah,
and what is it that part of youthat thinks you're not good at
it?
Lauri (07:00):
what is it that that voice thinks other people have
that you don't.
What is it that that voice?
Emily (07:06):
thinks other people have that you don't?
That's an interesting question.
I mean, maybe it's, I guessit's like confidence or I don't
know.
I think I think there's like astory and like, well,
intellectually, I know this isnot true, the idea that like
their brain works differently.
Intellectually, I know this isnot true.
The idea that like their brainworks differently, or you know,
(07:28):
like they can just think ontheir feet, and I don't have
that skill when the spotlight'son me.
I have that skill when thespotlight's not on me.
Mm, hmm, yeah.
Lauri (07:39):
Yeah, yeah, okay, are you ready to play?
I guess I mean I am.
Emily (07:44):
I'm a little nervous, but yes, yeah, okay, are you ready?
To play, I guess.
I mean I am, I'm a littlenervous, but yes.
Lauri (07:49):
Yeah, and how are you experiencing those nerves
mentally, physically,energetically and emotionally
right now?
Emily (08:00):
I can feel the little anxiety bubble sort of in my
chest stomach.
Chest area is where thatusually comes up or there's like
if it gets a little worsethere'll be a lump in my throat.
It's not quite there yet, okay.
Lauri (08:15):
Okay, awesome I mean not awesome that you have that, but
you have an awareness of that.
My feeling is, if you are awareenough to be able to name
what's going on, you're more inyour whole self than if that
takes over and you try topretend it's not happening and
barrel forward.
(08:35):
You become like a disconnectedhead, or we all, when we do that
, become like disconnected heads, and our charisma, our
one-of-a-kind radiance, actuallycomes from our body.
It doesn't come exclusivelyfrom our minds.
So I am going to have you speakfor one minute.
(08:56):
I'm looking down and I'mgrabbing a phone to time it.
You can speak about somethingthat you're passionate about or
a time you lost your voice.
Whenever you're ready, starttalking and I'll hit start on
the timer.
Emily (09:17):
This is where the mind blank thing goes.
That happens.
Somebody asked me what's yourfavorite song.
I'm like I can't think of asong.
I can't think of a single songRight now.
Lauri (09:33):
Oh, I have one.
That's fun.
Also, I forgot.
Door number three is like a 60second style networking
introduction of who are you, whodo you serve, how do you serve
them, which will also give ourlisteners, like that,
information about you if they'refalling in love with you and
want to hire you.
Emily (09:52):
Yeah, I wanted to do the story one but I don't know if I
have like a good, like I lost myvoice, my voice story, but okay
.
Lauri (10:07):
You could speak about what is happening right now, if
you want, okay.
Emily (10:13):
Okay, all right, so talking for one minute.
Yeah, story of losing my voice.
Don't have a specific storyabout that, but I am tapping
into the emotion of what I'mexperiencing right now, which is
just like a pure kind of panicthat happens where somebody asks
(10:34):
me to tell a story, and I'msure there are a billion of them
, and my mind just goes blankand it gets really scary.
And then I think I get likeworried about the gap of time
that's like passed and like I'mnot talking, no one's talking,
and it feels reallyuncomfortable and that sort of
(10:56):
like silence then justreinforces the panic and the
blank just continues to blank.
The panic and the blank justcontinues to blank.
So, which is like funny becauseyou know, if I'm just like in a
small group or I'm talking tosomebody one-on-one and there's
like more of an exchange, I feelreally comfortable and I can
come up with like lots of thingson my feet and like make up
(11:19):
jokes and have fun.
Lauri (11:21):
Oh and that's time.
Yeah, so I asked you part ofwhat's happening is I'm asked.
I'm going to ask you to keepnoticing what's happening
mentally, what's happeningphysically, what's happening
energetically.
So I asked you when I firstsaid you're going to speak now,
what else did you noticementally, physically,
(11:42):
energetically and emotionallyduring that whole experience,
until the moment I said that'stime or waved the phone at you?
Emily (11:52):
I started feeling a little more comfortable talking
into it.
I think that's partiallybecause I used to do this
coaching group where you woulddo thinking sessions and you had
to talk for 20 minutes and theother person couldn't say
anything and you just had totalk at them for 20 minutes and
the person just received, andthat was so brutally
(12:12):
uncomfortable when it startedand I eventually got used to
doing that, so it startedfeeling more like that and I was
, so I started feeling a littlemore comfortable.
Lauri (12:22):
So there's a comfort in the.
You're being received withoutinterruption, or just I think I
was like used to.
Emily (12:33):
I was like I was getting, like it was like hard to start,
but like, once I started it wasfeeling more comfortable, I
guess.
Lauri (12:40):
Yeah, yeah, okay.
So I share a framework withpeople.
I love to give people threewords and then we're going to
play with you experiencing thosewords, because on one level,
it's as if I looked atsomebody's three point shot and
I said, in order to shoot itmore like your version of Steph
(13:02):
Curry, you need to bend yourknees, you need to look at the
back of the rim and you need tofollow through.
I can tell you that, and wecould all spend the rest of our
lives learning to shoot morelike our version of Steph Curry.
The same is true with ourpresence, aka our one of a kind
(13:22):
radianceiance or our charisma,except that we were all born
with it.
We all had it, and then thingshappened in our lives and the
world told us to do it wrong,like if they told me to stick my
elbow out when shooting, to tryto shoot like steph curry when
I came into the world with theperfect form.
So we're reminding your body ofhow to do it.
(13:49):
The three words are intend,align and invite.
Intend is setting an emotionalintention for what you want the
audience to experience,emotional or energetic, like
what's the vibe.
And I did this in our kind ofgrounding moment together before
(14:11):
we started.
It can even be like a sound ora short phrase.
You don't want it to be a novel.
For people who are listeningand for Emily, it's like one
word, one sound, one gesture ora short phrase.
Emily (14:24):
It's like one word, one sound, one gesture or a short
phrase.
Lauri (14:28):
So if you were in a group and somebody asked you to tell
a story and you said okay, I'm,I'll tell a story, what might
your intention be?
Emily (14:42):
I mean usually it would be like to relate probably with
the other person or connect withthe other person.
Lauri (14:50):
Okay, okay, let's remember that.
Okay, so it's to connect andthis can serve you in a lot of
different circumstances and thiscan serve you in a lot of
different circumstances.
And then you mentioned whenyou're in conversation and
there's a more natural ebb andflow back and forth that feels
more comfortable to you than thelike.
Here's a microphone, everyone'sstaring at you.
(15:12):
Go, yes, the inviting of intend,align, invite is going to draw
on that natural skill.
You have to be in conversationand listen to their half of the
conversation.
That's what you're going to do.
As you're inviting, you've setan intention to connect and
(15:34):
underneath the story that you'retelling, whatever is coming out
of your mouth, you're listeningto their nonverbal half of the
conversation, their facialexpressions, their body language
, any sounds that they make andpossibly even feeling the vibe
(15:54):
in the room.
When there's a lot of people,you can sometimes feel when it's
like it's dead or it'sfractured in here and when it's
become connected, the peoplelook different and the room has
a different feel in it.
So you're doing all of thatwith your inviting.
(16:16):
Interesting, any questions sofar?
Emily (16:25):
No, let's keep going.
Lauri (16:28):
Any ahas so far?
Emily (16:34):
Yeah, there's something interesting in like thinking of
speaking more as a conversationthan necessarily like a
performance.
I think I think of it as aperformance and that's probably
why I act performative.
Um, yeah, yeah there's a it.
Lauri (16:51):
It makes sense because it's like it's a wall of chairs
and we're the only one with themicrophone.
And in theater, if I'm up onstage with my scene partner,
we're in it together.
And the beautiful reframe withpublic speaking is to start to
(17:11):
understand or treat youraudience as both your scene
partner and your audience.
And one other hack or trick foryou and others when you look
out at a sea of faces and youreally start to listen to their
half of the conversation, you'llprobably notice about a third
(17:34):
of the people seem to havekindred eyes.
They're already more open andconnected, so look at them first
.
Interesting, while hugging thewhole space and this is getting
into a line.
I'll get into that in a secondso that everybody feels like
they're a part of it, just likeif I'm on stage with four other
(17:57):
people, I might be looking atone other character and
everybody, from the other actorson the stage to the audience,
are all a part of this liveexperience that we're having in
the same space.
Gotcha, yeah, and I'll be thekindred eyes and the plants and
the Coco Peles behind me will bethe ones who are a little bit
(18:18):
more neutral.
When you start Now, aligning isaligning your body, your breath
and your energy with your mostexpressive self.
What tends to happen is we'reborn as babies and we breathe
(18:40):
these luxurious breaths and ourspines are nice and long and our
hearts are open to the world,and then somebody tells us don't
be too big, don't be too much,don't take up too much space,
don't be too emotional childrenshould be seen and not heard and
we start suppressing ourbreathing, which then that's not
our most expressive self.
(19:01):
It starts to become hardened inthe body.
We get emotional masks like thejive and jokester, or I have a
deranged mannequin, or the headyhipster is one of kind of like
that I've used during my life,where it's like I've got like
this smart face.
That's sort of neutral.
I've actually been informed itdoesn't work as well for me as I
(19:23):
thought it did because I havelike no poker face, nice.
So we get like an energeticarmor in front of our hearts and
an emotional, protective,possible smiling mask, possible
smart face, neutral face, whichis not how we show up when we're
connected to our closestfriends.
(19:45):
So if we bring the body, thebreath and the energy back to
the wisdom that we came into theworld with as babies and pair
that with that intention thathelps us to feel more in a state
of flow, more quickly, likewe're still going to probably
(20:05):
feel some quote-unquote nerves,or I like to start reframing it
as sensations.
You're feeling your heart goingfaster, you're feeling a bubble
of energy rising that's goinglike from your solar plexus to
your heart and then your throat,and right now your habit is to
suppress it, to hold your breathmore.
(20:26):
Rather than setting intention,stack your body up with an open
heart and then breathe more air,more air, and let the air carry
(20:46):
the passion, the life force,the caring, the connection that
is inside of you across the room.
So there's an alignment of thebody with an open heart.
There's breathing in more airand using that air to support
the voice.
There's also pauses.
We've sort of been trained tospeak like this in the world
Right, and I'll read this forpeople listening the message.
(21:09):
Silence, they say, is the voiceof complicity.
But silence is impossible.
Silent scream.
Silence is a message, just asdoing nothing is an act.
Let who you are ring out andresonate in every word and every
deed.
So how it's written is thereare no spaces, all the words are
just run together on this pieceof paper that I'm holding up on
our video version.
This is the aligned version ofbreath, the message.
(21:38):
Silence, they say, is the voiceof complicity, but silence is
impossible.
Silence screams.
Silence is a message, just asdoing nothing is an act.
The words and the silencesbetween them dance together to
(21:59):
create the meaning.
We emotionally and mentallydigest it better when you give
yourself the time and space totake those pauses.
So it's a win-win-win foreverybody.
And I'm telling this to Emily'smind and all of our listeners'
minds.
And when you speak again, I maystop and start you because you
(22:23):
even said it yourself like thesilence and the filling the
silence, right now your body hasnearly a fight, flight or
freeze response to that silence.
So by setting the intention andconnecting with people and
taking breaths in those silence,we're going to remind your body
that you are safe, that thereis a beautiful interaction that
(22:49):
can happen, rather thanmonologuing at them and taking
all of the pressure of thespeaking on yourself.
So we'll play with breath alittle bit and then the energy
piece is, instead of pulling ourenergy in and being really,
really small, it's including theaudience with your, your body
language, your breath and yourenergy, so you allow your energy
(23:12):
to fill whatever space you'rein, and I spoke about this when
we connected to each otherbefore we started.
It's like we've each got anenergetic set of arms and we're
hugging the space in the vibe ofthat intention.
So when Emily speaks again,she's going to do her first
draft of hugging our space inthe vibe of connection.
(23:38):
Part of what happens from all ofthis is, instead of having the
inner critics in charge andscanning so her controlling
stage, mothers are werepotentially looking for things
like how could you fuck this up?
And let's not do that.
What could you say wrong?
How could you pause for toolong?
Are you going to set anyone off?
Are you to bore people?
(23:59):
I'm saying she's nodding herhead and I'm saying a lot of
examples because I imagine Emilyhas some of those and other
people listening probably alsohave some of those.
Emily, which of thosesoul-sucking thoughts ring true
for you?
Emily (24:16):
Oh yeah, the not being entertaining one.
That is the, that is the bigone, yeah.
Lauri (24:22):
Yeah, yeah.
So we talk fast and we try notto have the silence because
we're trying to outrun thepossibility of their boredom.
Emily (24:31):
Right.
Lauri (24:32):
It's funny.
Emily (24:33):
I love.
I love hearing this because Ithink it relates really well to
comedy and editing as well.
Like something I learned early,early on is like you can't just
have like joke to joke, to joketo joke, like you need the
negative space for the laughs orthe audience is just gonna like
laugh over the next joke andit's wasted yeah, yeah, and then
eventually the jokes don't come, so it becomes that controlling
(24:56):
stage.
Lauri (24:57):
Mother is worried about boring them and in reality, the
way to actually engage them thewhole time is to give them the
space to laugh.
This place to be confusedbefore you say the thing that
might create the laugh.
Right, and in editing a movieyou don't do hard cuts.
For one hour and 45 minutes,things fade and the next scene
(25:20):
you know, know, there'scrossfades.
Yeah, and there are moments inmovies that go completely to
black.
And then you know, on occasion,right, right, yeah, yeah, so
let's click, yeah yeah, so, um,it looks like we've tapped into
your creative self, so you caneven start to have fun with the
(25:40):
pauses playing around likeyou're in the editing room going
.
Well, which type of edit do Ilike better?
Do I like a pause here more, ordo I want like a quicker pause
in this other section?
Let's do a little bit ofbreathing together.
First is the harmonica breath.
It's actually a breath that Istole from my friend and
(26:01):
one-time singing instructor,lauren Barbeau.
The harmonica breath is we willhold our hands as if we're
holding a harmonica between ourpinky and our thumb, and then
these three fingers become likethe teeth of the harmonica the
pointer, the middle and the ringfinger.
For those of you listening,we're going to place those three
fingers in between our upperand lower lips and inhale
(26:23):
through the space, just likepeople do when they're holding a
harmonica, and then we'll pullthe hand out and exhale on an S
sound.
And we're going to do thatinhale and then exhale on an S a
number of times and now thatyou've done it once, start to
(26:53):
notice where is your torsomoving between your collarbones
and your pubic bone.
And you've got all the time inthe world.
This thing that we're doingwith the harmonica is designed
to be a filter that slows thewhole process down so that you
can notice things.
So don't feel like you need togasp like you just held your
(27:15):
water, held your head underwaterfor three minutes.
Allow it to be a nice slow,take your time.
Breath I'm noticing much moreease.
(28:00):
Where are you noticing yourtorso moving as the breath comes
in and goes out?
I'm noticing much more ease.
Emily (28:07):
Where are you noticing your torso moving as the breath
comes in and goes out?
I mean I felt like a bigexpansion in my chest and it did
seem to like low, like I don'tknow.
Like I dropped more into likemy stomach, a little bit more
Like it felt like it I don'tknow kind of like yeah, went
down.
Lauri (28:24):
She pointed at her chest at first and said chest, and
then it's also like going belowwhere the camera.
Both of our hands are goingbelow the framing on the camera,
down to like the middle of thetorso and all the way down to
the top of the pelvis.
Let me invite for Emily andanyone who might be doing this
(28:46):
in their car while listening.
We're going to play with animage now, which is that we're
like pear-shaped balloons.
So the top of the pear-shapedballoon is the neck.
It's hardly going to move at all.
It will move a little becausewe're connected from head to toe
by muscles and fascia and bonesIn the chest area.
It will move a little morebecause the ribs are actually
(29:08):
expanding there, but they don'texpand as much as lower because
they're connected in front, onthe bone Down below, where the
camera is, the belly area, thesides of the body and even the
ribs on the back of the body.
That's the bottom of thepear-shaped balloon and I think
this may have already beenhappening for you, emily.
(29:29):
We're now just kind of bringingour attention to it so your
body can remember the bottom ofthat pear-shaped balloon can
actually expand 360 degrees alittle bit in every direction.
So let's do a couple more nowwith a z sound like a buzzing
bee on the exhale cool.
(30:12):
Awesome, how's that?
Emily (30:12):
feeling yeah, you can definitely feel it reverberate
down my bass.
Nice nice.
Lauri (30:20):
Now let's toss away our harmonicas and we're going to
inhale through the mouth,filling up that whole
pear-shaped balloon, and thenthe air is going to help support
that Z sound Inhale, inhale.
Emily (30:56):
And as you inhale, again see if you can make it even
easier on your body.
Lauri (31:05):
Okay, now let's do one more.
We'll do an om sound like in ayoga class and bring in that
intention.
So to connect, to relate orconnect, and imagine that you
inhale neutral air molecules.
They swirl around inside of youand when they come out they're
(31:27):
like vibrations of connectionand at the same time, you're
allowing those energetic arms tohold me in the vibrations of
connection as well.
Inhale, so now you're going tospeak again about.
(31:57):
You can do a networkingintroduction.
You can do a time you lost yourvoice, or you can do something
you're passionate about Inhale,set that intention, be looking
for signs of more connectionhappening in me and align your
body, your breath and yourenergy.
So allow yourself to inhale andsee my half of the conversation
(32:23):
when you're inhaling, and Imight pause you this time or
remind your body to inhale if itlooks like it's regressing to
its old fight or flight kind ofhabits.
Any questions?
No, let's just give it a whirl.
Emily (32:37):
Awesome, all right, whenever you're ready, okay,
awesome, all right, wheneveryou're ready, okay, um.
So a story that I lost my voice.
That didn't come to me, but thefirst time I did public
speaking did um.
So it was in kindergarten anduh, all this, they we were going
to do a thanksgiving play andmost of the students were going
(33:00):
to get roles that were likegobble, gobble, quack, quack,
like just be a little animal ona stage.
But then the teacher offered,uh, their narrator role and was
like this is going to be areally hard role.
You're going to have to say alot of lines, you're going to
(33:21):
have to be very prepared.
Who wants to do that?
And my arm shot up and she waslike great, emily, you can do
that.
And I just remember thatinitial feeling of like what the
hell did I just do?
Lauri (33:35):
And that's about 60 seconds.
Okay, how was that differentfrom the first one?
For you?
Emily (33:48):
seconds.
Okay, how was that differentfrom the first one for you?
Um, I mean, I felt like I wastaking my time a little bit more
.
Um, yeah, I didn't feel as like.
I didn't feel as on the spot.
I guess I felt a little morecomfortable, maybe not
comfortable I felt a little morecomfortable.
Maybe not comfortable, but alittle more comfortable.
Um, yeah, yeah, I did noticelike okay, yeah, like when you,
(34:09):
when you told me to take abreath, it was like okay, yeah,
that's when it it did feel likeit was kind of like falling off
a cliff a little bit.
Um, so, that was kind ofinteresting, yeah, yeah.
Lauri (34:19):
Yeah, and I would love for you to play with this
sometime when you're speaking,and it doesn't need to be like
the equivalent of the NBA finals.
Right, it can be in aconversation with a friend.
It can be in sort of a medium,low to medium stakes situation
(34:40):
where you set an intention evenbefore you go, possibly.
Or if somebody says, hey, canyou tell us a story, think okay,
connect, relate is a good onefor a story to just kind of have
in your back pocket and thenintend align, invite, bring your
body up, get ready to breathethose deeper, more nourishing
(35:02):
breaths.
Part of what's happening that Ididn't say before is inspire is
my favorite word in the Englishlanguage because when we inspire
air, we tend to get inspiredwith thoughts.
That's cool when somebody asksyou can you tell us a story?
Up until this point and I waseven I don't know whether or not
(35:26):
I'll keep this in the episodeor not um, probably a little bit
of it like when you were havingtrouble thinking of which
direction do you want to go,right, your body was very frozen
and breathing just shallowbreaths, enough to keep you
alive, which is a littledifferent than inspiring more
air.
(35:46):
So if there's a moment thatcomes up sometime soon, where
you feel like you can't think,drop your jaw and inhale and see
what happens For many, many,many thousands, thousands of
people.
Emily (36:01):
When they learn to inhale , something comes to them,
something that they can say next, and then they get more and
more and more comfortable withthose pauses interesting that's
yeah, because usually now my mygo-to for inspiration is like
get up and walk around, butthat's not like possible on a
(36:23):
podcast or on a stage or infront of a camera.
Lauri (36:26):
Yeah, yeah, and getting up and walking around is
probably um, it's intuitive,it's grounding you and it's
probably getting the breathmoving.
For you.
It's like if you're in fight,flight or freeze and you get up
and you walk, you come out ofthe freeze.
So that's a great thing to have.
If you also notice your breathwhile you're doing it.
Doing that, then you may beable to sit on a podcast where
(36:51):
you can't just get up and walkaround and have your body know
when you, when you inhale, it'sthe same thing that you're
giving to yourself ground andinspire air.
It's the same thing that you'regiving to yourself.
Emily (37:02):
Ground and inspire air.
I love more tools.
Very happy to have more tools.
Lauri (37:13):
And I may ask you Emily is planning to come back for one
of our more story-driven so wecan hear a lot more about her
and what her journey has beenwith her voice.
And I may ask you, when youcome back, how did this kind of
life, work of playing withintend, align, invite, go, and
what kind of difference did itcreate for how speaking feels to
you and what your impact iswhen you speak?
Emily (37:36):
I'm excited.
Yeah, I'm supposed to make abunch more content in the next
couple weeks, so lots of time topractice wonderful, wonderful.
Lauri (37:44):
And what's the biggest aha or learning or experience
that you're taking away today?
Emily (37:52):
um, yeah, I think it's like that, reframing the sort of
how I can relate to theaudience and that audience being
a camera as well, potentiallythinking of it more as like this
energetic conversation orbasically just a conversation,
(38:13):
rather than like a performancewhere I must entertain and do
all the work and do all thethings.
If it feels a little more likean exchange, like that already
like makes me feel a little morecomfortable in terms of yeah,
yeah, not having to be this likeperformative thing.
That makes me feel a littlelike ah, this isn't me.
(38:35):
Why can't I just be me?
Lauri (38:37):
Yeah, yeah, and you said you felt less on the spot the
second time and it feels likethat's like.
That's the key for you rightnow is remember it's a
conversation.
Yeah, your creative self, andyou felt less on the spot, even
though there's a camera on you.
You're on a podcast.
Emily (39:11):
That's the kind of shift that starts to happen, and then
it grows and amplifies fromthere.
Yeah, yeah, I'm excited to seehow the breath work can do.
I might even try experimentingthat with while I'm writing to
see if, like, I can just breathemy way into a thought.
Yeah, yeah.
Lauri (39:25):
Yeah, that's fun, cause our voices, our voice is
connected, so our speaking voiceand our writing voice, when one
starts to grow, there can bethis amazing creative ripple
into the other one, and ifyou're breathing as you're
writing, you're even making thatmore intentional.
Emily (39:42):
Right, yeah, yeah, cause it's hard, to hard to write when
you're anxious.
So I yeah, similar, similar,everything's, everything's
connected.
Lauri (39:51):
Thank you so much for being here and doing this, emily
.
It's incredibly courageous ofyou.
Speaking is a vulnerable thingto do and a courageous thing to
do, so thank you for being here,thank you for being willing to
play, and I look forward tohaving you back in a couple
weeks Awesome, thank you so much.
Emily (40:11):
This was already very, very helpful and I really
appreciate it.
You're welcome.
welcome back listeners.
Today, my guest is emilymcgregor.
She is a seasoned creative withover 20 years of experience in
video sketch comedy, marketingand leading dynamic teams.
Emily (00:14):
Welcome, emily hello, thanks for having me yeah,
thanks for being here.
Lauri (00:20):
Emily has graciously agreed to let me coach her for
all of you on today's episode.
So, emily, thank you so much.
I want to honor your courageand your playfulness in doing
this.
The first thing I'm going to do, before you even speak, is I'm
going to ask you what have feltlike your biggest challenges
(00:44):
when it comes to speaking, andfor Emily and for our listeners.
When I say speaking, some ofthat is what I grew up with,
where it's a person on a stage,live with other people, and
particularly post-pandemic,we're in a whole new speaking
world when I say speaking.
Speaking is this podcast.
(01:05):
Speaking is shooting a video.
Speaking is doing apresentation on Zoom, pretty
much anywhere that you can shareyour message or your magic with
the world, including the stage,but also including those TikTok
videos.
What have been your speakingchallenges?
Emily (01:25):
Yeah.
So it's funny, I'm reallycomfortable one-on-one with
people, make friends easily.
I can direct a set of 40 crewmembers no problem doing that.
Leading teams, that kind ofthing no problem thing, no
problem.
But then, like, getting onstage is like not something I'm
(01:45):
trying to do right now, but I amtrying to do more social media
content.
I am trying to record myselfmore behind the scenes person.
I'm not in front of the cameraperson.
And yeah, the second, like Ifeel like I get in front of a
camera, my mind kind of goesblank or I get into like a
(02:05):
really kind of performative kindof place where I feel like I'm
not really myself and I'm justlike I'm now doing speechy
things.
Um, yeah yeah, and I'm feeling alittle like that even right now
, but um, yeah.
Lauri (02:23):
Yeah, thank you for your honesty, and I think you took
the speaker alter ego quiz aboutthe different masks.
Like when you said performative, it made me think of that that
sometimes we feel like we needto be something else when we're
speaking.
What was your top speaker alterego mask?
Emily (02:44):
Yeah, I forget the exact name, it was the jokester one.
Lauri (02:47):
The jiving jokester Jiving jokester, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and as a reminder forpeople listening who may have
just joined us, and for you, themasks are not our true selves.
They're a protection or a thingthat we're doing because we
think we need to and I knowyou're a comic.
(03:10):
So sometimes what happens withthe masks is that there's like
one part of ourselves that weknow we're safe in or we've had
a history of.
I've gotten rewarded for this.
This is the safest part of meto share and sometimes that's
what happens.
Is it like we're only usingthat?
(03:31):
So it's almost like carpaltunnel in my wrist.
If I'm only doing one movement,eventually, all of a sudden, my
wrist is frozen into that onething, and sometimes something
like that can happen.
So it makes sense that your topone might be the jive and
jokester.
It's not that she's not funnyeveryone, it's that she has a
jokester and she also has thiswhole range that's much more
(03:55):
fluid than this mask that mightcome up.
What are your biggest dreamsfor speaking on stages and in
front of those green cameralights, when you, when you step
out of being the support personand start being the one in the
spotlight?
Emily (04:14):
yeah, I think I would just love it to be easier.
Um, so I work with my husbandand he's like a natural
performer, like he couldimprovise a speech on stage like
no problem and have no anxietyabout it and do great.
Um, he like took over emceeinglike an oktoberfest this year
and just like took over, tookthe call sheet, started like
running the show I don't needthat level of ease, but I I
(04:35):
would like it to just be like oh, I can pick up my camera and I
can talk to it.
I don't need to like prep andprepare and feel like, oh, I did
that wrong, oh wrong, oh I didthat wrong, oh I did that wrong,
and like billion takes, likejust takes too much time, and
then like my anxiety level justlike goes like up and I just
rather just feel like naturaland easy, yeah, like yeah, I'm
(04:59):
talking to a friend like noproblem.
Lauri (05:01):
Yeah, yeah, and I'm hearing as you're talking, some
of the soul suckers, the innercritics, and it sounds like
they're they're playing too bigof a role.
So I'm sure you know from beingsomeone who can grab a
megaphone and speak to a wholehuge crew on a set, that there
(05:23):
we have to.
We have to have an inner criticin us and it sounds like for
you it's kind of going haywireand it's making it harder than
it needs to be yeah, I thinkthat would be accurate.
Emily (05:37):
Yeah, I got the uh stage mom for the soul sucker on the
quiz.
Lauri (05:41):
Yeah, the controlling stage, mothers yes, yes, that
that feels right yeah, yeah andagain, there's probably a
critical um assistant directoror director in you that controls
(06:02):
and guides and harnesses thecreativity of everybody on a set
.
And if it teeters over too much, past being an organizer, past
harnessing other people intocontrolling and over-controlling
and kind of sucking the lifeout of you yeah, like usually.
Emily (06:28):
Yeah, I'm just like hyper .
I think I've just reallycreated a story over time that's
like, oh, I'm not good at thisand like I'll never be good at
it.
Instead of I'm trying to shiftmore into like well, you know,
it's like I I do casting, like Iknow like good acting, and it's
like that's maybe not like anatural talent of mine doesn't
come easily, but it's not somedoesn't mean I can't like
(06:49):
develop that skill or yeah yeah,change my mindset around yeah,
and what is it that part of youthat thinks you're not good at
it?
Lauri (07:00):
what is it that that voice thinks other people have
that you don't.
What is it that that voice?
Emily (07:06):
thinks other people have that you don't?
That's an interesting question.
I mean, maybe it's, I guessit's like confidence or I don't
know.
I think I think there's like astory and like, well,
intellectually, I know this isnot true, the idea that like
their brain works differently.
Intellectually, I know this isnot true.
The idea that like their brainworks differently, or you know,
(07:28):
like they can just think ontheir feet, and I don't have
that skill when the spotlight'son me.
I have that skill when thespotlight's not on me.
Mm, hmm, yeah.
Lauri (07:39):
Yeah, yeah, okay, are you ready to play?
I guess I mean I am.
Emily (07:44):
I'm a little nervous, but yes, yeah, okay, are you ready?
To play, I guess.
I mean I am, I'm a littlenervous, but yes.
Lauri (07:49):
Yeah, and how are you experiencing those nerves
mentally, physically,energetically and emotionally
right now?
Emily (08:00):
I can feel the little anxiety bubble sort of in my
chest stomach.
Chest area is where thatusually comes up or there's like
if it gets a little worsethere'll be a lump in my throat.
It's not quite there yet, okay.
Lauri (08:15):
Okay, awesome I mean not awesome that you have that, but
you have an awareness of that.
My feeling is, if you are awareenough to be able to name
what's going on, you're more inyour whole self than if that
takes over and you try topretend it's not happening and
barrel forward.
(08:35):
You become like a disconnectedhead, or we all, when we do that
, become like disconnected heads, and our charisma, our
one-of-a-kind radiance, actuallycomes from our body.
It doesn't come exclusivelyfrom our minds.
So I am going to have you speakfor one minute.
(08:56):
I'm looking down and I'mgrabbing a phone to time it.
You can speak about somethingthat you're passionate about or
a time you lost your voice.
Whenever you're ready, starttalking and I'll hit start on
the timer.
Emily (09:17):
This is where the mind blank thing goes.
That happens.
Somebody asked me what's yourfavorite song.
I'm like I can't think of asong.
I can't think of a single songRight now.
Lauri (09:33):
Oh, I have one.
That's fun.
Also, I forgot.
Door number three is like a 60second style networking
introduction of who are you, whodo you serve, how do you serve
them, which will also give ourlisteners, like that,
information about you if they'refalling in love with you and
want to hire you.
Emily (09:52):
Yeah, I wanted to do the story one but I don't know if I
have like a good, like I lost myvoice, my voice story, but okay
.
Lauri (10:07):
You could speak about what is happening right now, if
you want, okay.
Emily (10:13):
Okay, all right, so talking for one minute.
Yeah, story of losing my voice.
Don't have a specific storyabout that, but I am tapping
into the emotion of what I'mexperiencing right now, which is
just like a pure kind of panicthat happens where somebody asks
(10:34):
me to tell a story, and I'msure there are a billion of them
, and my mind just goes blankand it gets really scary.
And then I think I get likeworried about the gap of time
that's like passed and like I'mnot talking, no one's talking,
and it feels reallyuncomfortable and that sort of
(10:56):
like silence then justreinforces the panic and the
blank just continues to blank.
The panic and the blank justcontinues to blank.
So, which is like funny becauseyou know, if I'm just like in a
small group or I'm talking tosomebody one-on-one and there's
like more of an exchange, I feelreally comfortable and I can
come up with like lots of thingson my feet and like make up
(11:19):
jokes and have fun.
Lauri (11:21):
Oh and that's time.
Yeah, so I asked you part ofwhat's happening is I'm asked.
I'm going to ask you to keepnoticing what's happening
mentally, what's happeningphysically, what's happening
energetically.
So I asked you when I firstsaid you're going to speak now,
what else did you noticementally, physically,
(11:42):
energetically and emotionallyduring that whole experience,
until the moment I said that'stime or waved the phone at you?
Emily (11:52):
I started feeling a little more comfortable talking
into it.
I think that's partiallybecause I used to do this
coaching group where you woulddo thinking sessions and you had
to talk for 20 minutes and theother person couldn't say
anything and you just had totalk at them for 20 minutes and
the person just received, andthat was so brutally
(12:12):
uncomfortable when it startedand I eventually got used to
doing that, so it startedfeeling more like that and I was
, so I started feeling a littlemore comfortable.
Lauri (12:22):
So there's a comfort in the.
You're being received withoutinterruption, or just I think I
was like used to.
Emily (12:33):
I was like I was getting, like it was like hard to start,
but like, once I started it wasfeeling more comfortable, I
guess.
Lauri (12:40):
Yeah, yeah, okay.
So I share a framework withpeople.
I love to give people threewords and then we're going to
play with you experiencing thosewords, because on one level,
it's as if I looked atsomebody's three point shot and
I said, in order to shoot itmore like your version of Steph
(13:02):
Curry, you need to bend yourknees, you need to look at the
back of the rim and you need tofollow through.
I can tell you that, and wecould all spend the rest of our
lives learning to shoot morelike our version of Steph Curry.
The same is true with ourpresence, aka our one of a kind
(13:22):
radianceiance or our charisma,except that we were all born
with it.
We all had it, and then thingshappened in our lives and the
world told us to do it wrong,like if they told me to stick my
elbow out when shooting, to tryto shoot like steph curry when
I came into the world with theperfect form.
So we're reminding your body ofhow to do it.
(13:49):
The three words are intend,align and invite.
Intend is setting an emotionalintention for what you want the
audience to experience,emotional or energetic, like
what's the vibe.
And I did this in our kind ofgrounding moment together before
(14:11):
we started.
It can even be like a sound ora short phrase.
You don't want it to be a novel.
For people who are listeningand for Emily, it's like one
word, one sound, one gesture ora short phrase.
Emily (14:24):
It's like one word, one sound, one gesture or a short
phrase.
Lauri (14:28):
So if you were in a group and somebody asked you to tell
a story and you said okay, I'm,I'll tell a story, what might
your intention be?
Emily (14:42):
I mean usually it would be like to relate probably with
the other person or connect withthe other person.
Lauri (14:50):
Okay, okay, let's remember that.
Okay, so it's to connect andthis can serve you in a lot of
different circumstances and thiscan serve you in a lot of
different circumstances.
And then you mentioned whenyou're in conversation and
there's a more natural ebb andflow back and forth that feels
more comfortable to you than thelike.
Here's a microphone, everyone'sstaring at you.
(15:12):
Go, yes, the inviting of intend,align, invite is going to draw
on that natural skill.
You have to be in conversationand listen to their half of the
conversation.
That's what you're going to do.
As you're inviting, you've setan intention to connect and
(15:34):
underneath the story that you'retelling, whatever is coming out
of your mouth, you're listeningto their nonverbal half of the
conversation, their facialexpressions, their body language
, any sounds that they make andpossibly even feeling the vibe
(15:54):
in the room.
When there's a lot of people,you can sometimes feel when it's
like it's dead or it'sfractured in here and when it's
become connected, the peoplelook different and the room has
a different feel in it.
So you're doing all of thatwith your inviting.
(16:16):
Interesting, any questions sofar?
Emily (16:25):
No, let's keep going.
Lauri (16:28):
Any ahas so far?
Emily (16:34):
Yeah, there's something interesting in like thinking of
speaking more as a conversationthan necessarily like a
performance.
I think I think of it as aperformance and that's probably
why I act performative.
Um, yeah, yeah there's a it.
Lauri (16:51):
It makes sense because it's like it's a wall of chairs
and we're the only one with themicrophone.
And in theater, if I'm up onstage with my scene partner,
we're in it together.
And the beautiful reframe withpublic speaking is to start to
(17:11):
understand or treat youraudience as both your scene
partner and your audience.
And one other hack or trick foryou and others when you look
out at a sea of faces and youreally start to listen to their
half of the conversation, you'llprobably notice about a third
(17:34):
of the people seem to havekindred eyes.
They're already more open andconnected, so look at them first
.
Interesting, while hugging thewhole space and this is getting
into a line.
I'll get into that in a secondso that everybody feels like
they're a part of it, just likeif I'm on stage with four other
(17:57):
people, I might be looking atone other character and
everybody, from the other actorson the stage to the audience,
are all a part of this liveexperience that we're having in
the same space.
Gotcha, yeah, and I'll be thekindred eyes and the plants and
the Coco Peles behind me will bethe ones who are a little bit
(18:18):
more neutral.
When you start Now, aligning isaligning your body, your breath
and your energy with your mostexpressive self.
What tends to happen is we'reborn as babies and we breathe
(18:40):
these luxurious breaths and ourspines are nice and long and our
hearts are open to the world,and then somebody tells us don't
be too big, don't be too much,don't take up too much space,
don't be too emotional childrenshould be seen and not heard and
we start suppressing ourbreathing, which then that's not
our most expressive self.
(19:01):
It starts to become hardened inthe body.
We get emotional masks like thejive and jokester, or I have a
deranged mannequin, or the headyhipster is one of kind of like
that I've used during my life,where it's like I've got like
this smart face.
That's sort of neutral.
I've actually been informed itdoesn't work as well for me as I
(19:23):
thought it did because I havelike no poker face, nice.
So we get like an energeticarmor in front of our hearts and
an emotional, protective,possible smiling mask, possible
smart face, neutral face, whichis not how we show up when we're
connected to our closestfriends.
(19:45):
So if we bring the body, thebreath and the energy back to
the wisdom that we came into theworld with as babies and pair
that with that intention thathelps us to feel more in a state
of flow, more quickly, likewe're still going to probably
(20:05):
feel some quote-unquote nerves,or I like to start reframing it
as sensations.
You're feeling your heart goingfaster, you're feeling a bubble
of energy rising that's goinglike from your solar plexus to
your heart and then your throat,and right now your habit is to
suppress it, to hold your breathmore.
(20:26):
Rather than setting intention,stack your body up with an open
heart and then breathe more air,more air, and let the air carry
(20:46):
the passion, the life force,the caring, the connection that
is inside of you across the room.
So there's an alignment of thebody with an open heart.
There's breathing in more airand using that air to support
the voice.
There's also pauses.
We've sort of been trained tospeak like this in the world
Right, and I'll read this forpeople listening the message.
(21:09):
Silence, they say, is the voiceof complicity.
But silence is impossible.
Silent scream.
Silence is a message, just asdoing nothing is an act.
Let who you are ring out andresonate in every word and every
deed.
So how it's written is thereare no spaces, all the words are
just run together on this pieceof paper that I'm holding up on
our video version.
This is the aligned version ofbreath, the message.
(21:38):
Silence, they say, is the voiceof complicity, but silence is
impossible.
Silence screams.
Silence is a message, just asdoing nothing is an act.
The words and the silencesbetween them dance together to
(21:59):
create the meaning.
We emotionally and mentallydigest it better when you give
yourself the time and space totake those pauses.
So it's a win-win-win foreverybody.
And I'm telling this to Emily'smind and all of our listeners'
minds.
And when you speak again, I maystop and start you because you
(22:23):
even said it yourself like thesilence and the filling the
silence, right now your body hasnearly a fight, flight or
freeze response to that silence.
So by setting the intention andconnecting with people and
taking breaths in those silence,we're going to remind your body
that you are safe, that thereis a beautiful interaction that
(22:49):
can happen, rather thanmonologuing at them and taking
all of the pressure of thespeaking on yourself.
So we'll play with breath alittle bit and then the energy
piece is, instead of pulling ourenergy in and being really,
really small, it's including theaudience with your, your body
language, your breath and yourenergy, so you allow your energy
(23:12):
to fill whatever space you'rein, and I spoke about this when
we connected to each otherbefore we started.
It's like we've each got anenergetic set of arms and we're
hugging the space in the vibe ofthat intention.
So when Emily speaks again,she's going to do her first
draft of hugging our space inthe vibe of connection.
(23:38):
Part of what happens from all ofthis is, instead of having the
inner critics in charge andscanning so her controlling
stage, mothers are werepotentially looking for things
like how could you fuck this up?
And let's not do that.
What could you say wrong?
How could you pause for toolong?
Are you going to set anyone off?
Are you to bore people?
(23:59):
I'm saying she's nodding herhead and I'm saying a lot of
examples because I imagine Emilyhas some of those and other
people listening probably alsohave some of those.
Emily, which of thosesoul-sucking thoughts ring true
for you?
Emily (24:16):
Oh yeah, the not being entertaining one.
That is the, that is the bigone, yeah.
Lauri (24:22):
Yeah, yeah.
So we talk fast and we try notto have the silence because
we're trying to outrun thepossibility of their boredom.
Emily (24:31):
Right.
Lauri (24:32):
It's funny.
Emily (24:33):
I love.
I love hearing this because Ithink it relates really well to
comedy and editing as well.
Like something I learned early,early on is like you can't just
have like joke to joke, to joketo joke, like you need the
negative space for the laughs orthe audience is just gonna like
laugh over the next joke andit's wasted yeah, yeah, and then
eventually the jokes don't come, so it becomes that controlling
(24:56):
stage.
Lauri (24:57):
Mother is worried about boring them and in reality, the
way to actually engage them thewhole time is to give them the
space to laugh.
This place to be confusedbefore you say the thing that
might create the laugh.
Right, and in editing a movieyou don't do hard cuts.
For one hour and 45 minutes,things fade and the next scene
(25:20):
you know, know, there'scrossfades.
Yeah, and there are moments inmovies that go completely to
black.
And then you know, on occasion,right, right, yeah, yeah, so
let's click, yeah yeah, so, um,it looks like we've tapped into
your creative self, so you caneven start to have fun with the
(25:40):
pauses playing around likeyou're in the editing room going
.
Well, which type of edit do Ilike better?
Do I like a pause here more, ordo I want like a quicker pause
in this other section?
Let's do a little bit ofbreathing together.
First is the harmonica breath.
It's actually a breath that Istole from my friend and
(26:01):
one-time singing instructor,lauren Barbeau.
The harmonica breath is we willhold our hands as if we're
holding a harmonica between ourpinky and our thumb, and then
these three fingers become likethe teeth of the harmonica the
pointer, the middle and the ringfinger.
For those of you listening,we're going to place those three
fingers in between our upperand lower lips and inhale
(26:23):
through the space, just likepeople do when they're holding a
harmonica, and then we'll pullthe hand out and exhale on an S
sound.
And we're going to do thatinhale and then exhale on an S a
number of times and now thatyou've done it once, start to
(26:53):
notice where is your torsomoving between your collarbones
and your pubic bone.
And you've got all the time inthe world.
This thing that we're doingwith the harmonica is designed
to be a filter that slows thewhole process down so that you
can notice things.
So don't feel like you need togasp like you just held your
(27:15):
water, held your head underwaterfor three minutes.
Allow it to be a nice slow,take your time.
Breath I'm noticing much moreease.
(28:00):
Where are you noticing yourtorso moving as the breath comes
in and goes out?
I'm noticing much more ease.
Emily (28:07):
Where are you noticing your torso moving as the breath
comes in and goes out?
I mean I felt like a bigexpansion in my chest and it did
seem to like low, like I don'tknow.
Like I dropped more into likemy stomach, a little bit more
Like it felt like it I don'tknow kind of like yeah, went
down.
Lauri (28:24):
She pointed at her chest at first and said chest, and
then it's also like going belowwhere the camera.
Both of our hands are goingbelow the framing on the camera,
down to like the middle of thetorso and all the way down to
the top of the pelvis.
Let me invite for Emily andanyone who might be doing this
(28:46):
in their car while listening.
We're going to play with animage now, which is that we're
like pear-shaped balloons.
So the top of the pear-shapedballoon is the neck.
It's hardly going to move at all.
It will move a little becausewe're connected from head to toe
by muscles and fascia and bonesIn the chest area.
It will move a little morebecause the ribs are actually
(29:08):
expanding there, but they don'texpand as much as lower because
they're connected in front, onthe bone Down below, where the
camera is, the belly area, thesides of the body and even the
ribs on the back of the body.
That's the bottom of thepear-shaped balloon and I think
this may have already beenhappening for you, emily.
(29:29):
We're now just kind of bringingour attention to it so your
body can remember the bottom ofthat pear-shaped balloon can
actually expand 360 degrees alittle bit in every direction.
So let's do a couple more nowwith a z sound like a buzzing
bee on the exhale cool.
(30:12):
Awesome, how's that?
Emily (30:12):
feeling yeah, you can definitely feel it reverberate
down my bass.
Nice nice.
Lauri (30:20):
Now let's toss away our harmonicas and we're going to
inhale through the mouth,filling up that whole
pear-shaped balloon, and thenthe air is going to help support
that Z sound Inhale, inhale.
Emily (30:56):
And as you inhale, again see if you can make it even
easier on your body.
Lauri (31:05):
Okay, now let's do one more.
We'll do an om sound like in ayoga class and bring in that
intention.
So to connect, to relate orconnect, and imagine that you
inhale neutral air molecules.
They swirl around inside of youand when they come out they're
(31:27):
like vibrations of connectionand at the same time, you're
allowing those energetic arms tohold me in the vibrations of
connection as well.
Inhale, so now you're going tospeak again about.
(31:57):
You can do a networkingintroduction.
You can do a time you lost yourvoice, or you can do something
you're passionate about Inhale,set that intention, be looking
for signs of more connectionhappening in me and align your
body, your breath and yourenergy.
So allow yourself to inhale andsee my half of the conversation
(32:23):
when you're inhaling, and Imight pause you this time or
remind your body to inhale if itlooks like it's regressing to
its old fight or flight kind ofhabits.
Any questions?
No, let's just give it a whirl.
Emily (32:37):
Awesome, all right, whenever you're ready, okay,
awesome, all right, wheneveryou're ready, okay, um.
So a story that I lost my voice.
That didn't come to me, but thefirst time I did public
speaking did um.
So it was in kindergarten anduh, all this, they we were going
to do a thanksgiving play andmost of the students were going
(33:00):
to get roles that were likegobble, gobble, quack, quack,
like just be a little animal ona stage.
But then the teacher offered,uh, their narrator role and was
like this is going to be areally hard role.
You're going to have to say alot of lines, you're going to
(33:21):
have to be very prepared.
Who wants to do that?
And my arm shot up and she waslike great, emily, you can do
that.
And I just remember thatinitial feeling of like what the
hell did I just do?
Lauri (33:35):
And that's about 60 seconds.
Okay, how was that differentfrom the first one?
For you?
Emily (33:48):
seconds.
Okay, how was that differentfrom the first one for you?
Um, I mean, I felt like I wastaking my time a little bit more
.
Um, yeah, I didn't feel as like.
I didn't feel as on the spot.
I guess I felt a little morecomfortable, maybe not
comfortable I felt a little morecomfortable.
Maybe not comfortable, but alittle more comfortable.
Um, yeah, yeah, I did noticelike okay, yeah, like when you,
(34:09):
when you told me to take abreath, it was like okay, yeah,
that's when it it did feel likeit was kind of like falling off
a cliff a little bit.
Um, so, that was kind ofinteresting, yeah, yeah.
Lauri (34:19):
Yeah, and I would love for you to play with this
sometime when you're speaking,and it doesn't need to be like
the equivalent of the NBA finals.
Right, it can be in aconversation with a friend.
It can be in sort of a medium,low to medium stakes situation
(34:40):
where you set an intention evenbefore you go, possibly.
Or if somebody says, hey, canyou tell us a story, think okay,
connect, relate is a good onefor a story to just kind of have
in your back pocket and thenintend align, invite, bring your
body up, get ready to breathethose deeper, more nourishing
(35:02):
breaths.
Part of what's happening that Ididn't say before is inspire is
my favorite word in the Englishlanguage because when we inspire
air, we tend to get inspiredwith thoughts.
That's cool when somebody asksyou can you tell us a story?
Up until this point and I waseven I don't know whether or not
(35:26):
I'll keep this in the episodeor not um, probably a little bit
of it like when you were havingtrouble thinking of which
direction do you want to go,right, your body was very frozen
and breathing just shallowbreaths, enough to keep you
alive, which is a littledifferent than inspiring more
air.
(35:46):
So if there's a moment thatcomes up sometime soon, where
you feel like you can't think,drop your jaw and inhale and see
what happens For many, many,many thousands, thousands of
people.
Emily (36:01):
When they learn to inhale , something comes to them,
something that they can say next, and then they get more and
more and more comfortable withthose pauses interesting that's
yeah, because usually now my mygo-to for inspiration is like
get up and walk around, butthat's not like possible on a
(36:23):
podcast or on a stage or infront of a camera.
Lauri (36:26):
Yeah, yeah, and getting up and walking around is
probably um, it's intuitive,it's grounding you and it's
probably getting the breathmoving.
For you.
It's like if you're in fight,flight or freeze and you get up
and you walk, you come out ofthe freeze.
So that's a great thing to have.
If you also notice your breathwhile you're doing it.
Doing that, then you may beable to sit on a podcast where
(36:51):
you can't just get up and walkaround and have your body know
when you, when you inhale, it'sthe same thing that you're
giving to yourself ground andinspire air.
It's the same thing that you'regiving to yourself.
Emily (37:02):
Ground and inspire air.
I love more tools.
Very happy to have more tools.
Lauri (37:13):
And I may ask you Emily is planning to come back for one
of our more story-driven so wecan hear a lot more about her
and what her journey has beenwith her voice.
And I may ask you, when youcome back, how did this kind of
life, work of playing withintend, align, invite, go, and
what kind of difference did itcreate for how speaking feels to
you and what your impact iswhen you speak?
Emily (37:36):
I'm excited.
Yeah, I'm supposed to make abunch more content in the next
couple weeks, so lots of time topractice wonderful, wonderful.
Lauri (37:44):
And what's the biggest aha or learning or experience
that you're taking away today?
Emily (37:52):
um, yeah, I think it's like that, reframing the sort of
how I can relate to theaudience and that audience being
a camera as well, potentiallythinking of it more as like this
energetic conversation orbasically just a conversation,
(38:13):
rather than like a performancewhere I must entertain and do
all the work and do all thethings.
If it feels a little more likean exchange, like that already
like makes me feel a little morecomfortable in terms of yeah,
yeah, not having to be this likeperformative thing.
That makes me feel a littlelike ah, this isn't me.
(38:35):
Why can't I just be me?
Lauri (38:37):
Yeah, yeah, and you said you felt less on the spot the
second time and it feels likethat's like.
That's the key for you rightnow is remember it's a
conversation.
Yeah, your creative self, andyou felt less on the spot, even
though there's a camera on you.
You're on a podcast.
Emily (39:11):
That's the kind of shift that starts to happen, and then
it grows and amplifies fromthere.
Yeah, yeah, I'm excited to seehow the breath work can do.
I might even try experimentingthat with while I'm writing to
see if, like, I can just breathemy way into a thought.
Yeah, yeah.
Lauri (39:25):
Yeah, that's fun, cause our voices, our voice is
connected, so our speaking voiceand our writing voice, when one
starts to grow, there can bethis amazing creative ripple
into the other one, and ifyou're breathing as you're
writing, you're even making thatmore intentional.
Emily (39:42):
Right, yeah, yeah, cause it's hard, to hard to write when
you're anxious.
So I yeah, similar, similar,everything's, everything's
connected.
Lauri (39:51):
Thank you so much for being here and doing this, emily
.
It's incredibly courageous ofyou.
Speaking is a vulnerable thingto do and a courageous thing to
do, so thank you for being here,thank you for being willing to
play, and I look forward tohaving you back in a couple
weeks Awesome, thank you so much.
Emily (40:11):
This was already very, very helpful and I really
appreciate it.
You're welcome.
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