April 1, 2025 • 33 mins
In a special flipped episode, Brian Perry turns the tables and interviews Soulful Speaking host Lauri Smith, diving into her journey of learning to surrender to creativity, let go of control, and serve the moment fully. Together, they explore the magic of playing beyond fear and tuning into the energy of aliveness. Brian highlights Lauri’s personal evolution, from following external formulas to embracing her authentic voice, and her philosophy on speaking from the soul. Lauri shares her insights on how to feel for the “neon lights” vibration in your words, move from tension to ease, and truly embody your message with authenticity. This episode dives deep into how spiritual alignment and creativity can transform public speaking into a powerful tool for self-expression and connection.
TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:
- Authenticity is Powerful: Following formulas can stifle what makes you unique. Authenticity allows your true voice to shine.
- Let Your Soul Drive: Putting your soul in the driver’s seat when creating and sharing your message makes you a Soul-Driven Leader.
- Small Groups are Magical: There’s a far more transformative power in small, intimate speaking groups than there is in large, impersonal programs.
- Speaking is a Spiritual Journey: The process of shedding what doesn’t serve you and embracing vulnerability leads to profound growth in both speaking and life.
- Connect and Play: Like acting, speaking is a co-creative process with your audience. They’re your scene partners!
- Choose Service Over Strategy: Prioritize service and purpose over “doing it right” or chasing financial success.
- Presence is Powerful: Tapping into a heightened sense of awareness during performance creates an electric experience for you and your audience.
- Trust the Process: Once you move through the fear you’re free to step into creative flow and play, which is the heart of what engages audiences fully.
- Follow the Aliveness: Tune into what feels "open and alive" versus "shut down" and then play with that energy to unleash your one-of-a-kind radiance.
About Brian From Brian:
I help you claim, live, and share more of your once-in-any-lifetime story. Because living your story matters. (Also, it’s more fun.) I serve as a singer-songwriter, authentic communication coach, and speaker.
My sound lives at the intersection of James Taylor and Bruce Springsteen with Garth Brooks directing traffic. Most days, that looks like me and my guitar telling stories with a few chords and as much truth as we can manage.
Authentic communication coaching helps you feel more like yourself and be more of yourself in the world. Stepping free of the endless masking of adulting. It feels like an act of bravery. Until it’s just obvious.
These days, my customized talks center around embracing uncertainty, the power of curiosity, and living more of your once-in-any-lifetime story.
But enough about me. Let’s talk about you.
Connect with Brian
Thank you so much for listening!
Take the free quiz and learn which Soul Sucker™ you need to release to free your voice: https://voice-matters.com/soul-sucker-quiz/
Follow me on:
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/voice_matters_llc/
Linkedin https://www.linkedin.com/in/lauri-smith-voice-matters/
YouTube https://www.youtube.c
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Brian (00:00):
You get very fired up we share this in the industrial
speaking models because you losesomething, something
fundamental and core is lost.
What is lost?
Lauri (00:13):
For 98% of the people, what makes them unique is also
lost.
It gets suppressed and hiddenbehind all of the formulas.
It gets suppressed and hiddenbehind all of the formulas, what
is found in the spaces that youwork so hard to create?
What happens in thequote-unquote only way it works
(00:34):
like the acting studio is thatyou fall in love again with who
you are and you learn to createthings that only you can create
in the way that only you cancreate them.
Hey, there, I'm Lori Smith.
(00:54):
If you are a sensitivevisionary, an ambitious empath
or a loving rebel and you'refinding yourself feeling called
to speak, to use your voice, toshare your message and spread
your magic in a bigger way fromTikToks to TED Talks and
anything and everything inbetween and you want to find an
(01:16):
authentic way to do that thataligns with your soul, instead
of trying to cram yourself intosomebody else's cookie cutter
box, this is the show for you.
Welcome back to the SoulfulSpeaking Podcast.
(01:41):
I'm your host, Laurie Smith,except today I'm kind of not
your host because we're going todo something a little radical
and Brian's going to take thewheel of where we go today.
Brian (01:52):
This is going to be fully spontaneous.
It is.
It's not going to be, italready is.
It is so welcome.
Well, laurie, welcome, welcometo the program.
Lauri (02:02):
Thank you, Brian.
It's great to be here.
Well, Lori, welcome.
Welcome to the program.
Brian (02:06):
Thank you, brian, it's great to be here.
Let's start out with.
You.
Have an interesting background,a lot of different creative
paths.
You've been down from acting,directing, coaching loads and
more.
When did you decide that youwanted to create something like
(02:28):
the speaker studio, um, and why?
Lauri (02:36):
great question and it feels like a continuation of our
last episode because it did notcome from the shiny bits or
angels coming down and singingand telling me where to go next.
I had been working with peoplein the way that I work, working
(02:58):
with people in small groups,helping them to speak soulfully
in the world.
I had an old program calledCompelling Speaker and I started
out 2023 when people weretelling me that the world was
going to be back now finallyfully from the pandemic, like
(03:19):
people were going to reallystart signing up for things
again, and I got excited becausein 2022, I already had someone
signed up for things again.
Right, and I got excitedbecause in 2022, I already had
someone signed up for theprogram that was going to begin
in early 2023.
and then I set an intention forthe year, which I do every year,
and that year it was alchemy italways, always, most of the
(03:39):
time, it comes to me veryintuitively, like it just falls
in, and I'm usually aware of themore higher self reasons that
this thing is coming in and alsowhat my lower self or my ego
sees in it right and in thebeginning of 2023.
I just got all on the ego sideand it was like really thinking
(04:02):
that I was going to be sittingon a pile of gold by like
january 5th and that is not atall what happened.
I had that one person right andI postponed the program and then
I postponed it again.
Eventually I got a secondperson and that person was the
oldest client I've ever workedwith, who then started saying
(04:27):
things like I've got to do thiswhile I'm here.
And that's when I shifted moreinto my soul-driven,
service-driven, purpose-drivenself and I kind of went I'm
getting signs that maybe this isgoing to be the very last time,
that it's time to like tear itall down and start over and I'm
(04:50):
going to find a third person,because you really need three.
Found a third person, made ithappen.
It was one of the mostbeautiful times and it had that
feeling I do showcases withspeakers.
I still do that.
In that way, it had that kindof a feeling.
Brian (05:31):
What is that feeling?
Lauri (05:33):
Oh, it's the feeling of it's vibrant and alive from head
to toe and there is a a bittersweetness.
There's like a celebration andthe bittersweetness of a goodbye
and no matter how much I thinkmyself and or people in a cast
(05:56):
with me have left it all on theplaying field yeah in every
performance, no matter how muchI think we've done that, there's
always a little bit more oflike seriously.
Every last whatever we had togive to that thing got given on
that last day.
Brian (06:18):
It feels like it must be kind of a heightened sense of
awareness, like it feels tinglyto me, almost like you're
entering the space, savoringeverything.
Is that kind of what happenedfor you with the program like
I'm?
I want to show up to this onemore time with this kind of
energy.
Lauri (06:36):
Yeah, and it really shifted me into because I had
I'd gotten swung over into likeI, I need to do this for the
money.
That's not at all why I startedmy business.
And when she said that multipletimes and I really started
getting it because I was tryingto surrender and be led to what
(07:00):
was meant to come next.
But my mind was going crazytrying to figure it out and it
doesn't make any sense and am Isupposed to stop.
And when she said that it feltlike I shifted back into my soul
being in the driver's seat,yeah, and I went.
I don't know the details ofwhat's coming next.
What I feel like the universeis telling me with her is that
(07:24):
it is time to do this in thisformat one more time and then
say goodbye or she would nothave been put in my path for
whatever reason.
It felt like it was reallyreally more for her than for me.
Brian (07:40):
Well, so it turned to.
It got away from doing this formoney.
Yeah, and it turned to.
It got away from doing this formoney.
Lauri (07:45):
Yeah.
Brian (07:47):
And it returned to service.
Lauri (07:51):
Yeah, like she, she needs this in the way that I do it,
she needs me, she needs it atthis time.
So we did that.
So we did that and while doingthat, at a certain point I
(08:53):
eventually fully surrendered.
A friend asked me if youcouldn't work with people at the
same time and really listeningto what people were holding
people in safe and sacred groups, and yet, while they were in
that group, I was giving themthe kind of coaching that you
usually only get in one-on-onecircumstances.
Yeah, so it was like it's likewe're getting what you usually
have to work with someoneone-on-one to get, yet we're
getting it in a group.
And I went well, yeah, becausethat's the only way it works.
(09:17):
Yeah, and I heard myself saythat.
And then I went oh, and peoplewere also talking a lot about
like what I now call theindustrial speaking machine.
All those big programs outthere that everybody pretty much
knows the name of that are alldelivered in larger groups, all
(09:38):
delivered in larger groups, andthey've got formulas.
And the formulas are reallyabout they can be delivered in
large groups because it's onesize fits all.
Brian (09:49):
Right.
Lauri (09:50):
And I knew that I was not that and I felt like I was
being led to okay, go toward.
What do you really believeworks?
What do you really believe theworld needs?
That isn't that thing thatyou've been trying to be nice to
for 15 years, Because you don'twant to step on anybody's toes.
So the alchemy eventuallybecame the fire.
(10:12):
So alchemy is actually aprocess of something being
burned that eventually turnsinto gold.
And I had kind of forgottenabout that part and I was kind
of in the fire and I started.
I even formed the speakerstudio because I grew up
watching the TV show the Actor'sStudio.
(10:35):
Right, I studied in a studiohere in San Francisco called the
Sideways Acting Studio.
I've talked a little bit aboutthis before and that's just what
you do Like a masterclass intheater is a small group like 12
people was what it was prepandemic, when you were always
(10:57):
in person all the time and theperson holding the space knows
each and every one of you asintimately as they would know
you if they were coaching youone-on-one.
And I realized speakers don'thave that.
I mean, I knew it, but it'slike I re-realized it and I went
(11:22):
, oh my, in the middle of thisthing that I had built, in the
middle of that not working.
It's like the universe istelling me to go bigger.
Brian (11:37):
Good question, if I may.
You get very fired up we sharethis in the industrial speaking
models at how they and Iunderstand why.
Part of it's because it'seasier to make money that way,
um, part of it's because peopledo find speaking intimidating,
(12:05):
you know, I don't know what thedata is now, but it used to be.
They'd say there was the numberone fear, you know, um, and so
they're looking for the pill,just make it easy.
And I'm like, well, they've gota system and it's just a plug
and play and I'm done.
So I know what we you and Ipush back against, and the
reason we push back against itis because you lose something.
(12:27):
Um is what I feel likesomething fundamental and core
is lost.
What is lost?
Lauri (12:37):
what happens I would say 98 of the time in those programs
is it is the diet pill, themagic pill, where you get some
relief very quickly because ofthe formulas, and for 98% of the
(12:59):
people what makes them uniqueis also lost in the process yeah
it gets suppressed and hiddenbehind all of the formulas.
What's?
Brian (13:13):
better what is found in the spaces like that you you
work so hard to create.
When you say that's the way itworks, when you talked about the
12 person program and that oneperson would hold space, is
that's the way it works?
What is?
Lauri (13:28):
works.
So imagine if theater schoolswere all this one size fits all.
Here's the formula.
This is how you do it Plug andplay.
Put yourself in the formula.
Brian (13:40):
Formula imagine if every single actor could only play the
same character yeah, yeah inthe same way yeah movies would
not be interesting no, theywould yeah, it would yeah be
awful, yeah, so what happens inthe quote-unquote?
Lauri (14:02):
only way it works like the acting studio is that you
fall in love again with who youare and you learn to create
things that only you can createin the way that only you can
(14:22):
create them, things that onlyyou can create in the way that
only you can create them.
And every leader has adifferent presence and a
different way that they see theworld.
And every speaker who will geton a stage whether it's a
virtual stage or a realold-fashioned in-person stage,
(14:43):
working in the only way thatworks where it's small groups
and you have someone holding thespace who sees you and knows
you as intimately as they wouldif they were working with you
one-on-one.
It's a magic formula forspeaking and acting, because in
acting you need playmates.
(15:04):
If you only worked with aone-on-one coach, you don't get
to do the like.
we're creating a scene togetheryeah and in speaking you have a
scene partner and you have youraudience is actually your scene
partner and the audience.
Brian (15:25):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lauri (15:29):
So doing it in a group is , in part.
You have your scene partner andyou also have an audience of
people and a group of peoplethat are walking the same
spiritual path as you are.
And I said this in the firstepisode and I will say it again,
because part of my problem withthose other programs and like
(15:54):
how they're sneaky is that it'slike surviving the fear is the
end of the conversation.
It begins and ends there,whether people realize it or not
.
It's suppressed, it's masked,it's like I'm surviving it and
we're going to create from thererather than speaking, is one of
(16:19):
the biggest spiritual teachers,just like health, just like
relationships, just like money.
And to me, moving through thefear in a way that is opening
(16:39):
and being me and trusting myselfand coming home to myself and
creating from there, that'sactually the beginning of the
conversation.
Brian (16:53):
I love the way you're framing that because I love the
notion that the gap it is kindof a diet pill.
I'm going to help you get pastthe fear Maybe better than diet
pills is a painkiller sometimes,where I'm masking the pain and
I'm getting through it.
But I'm not.
I'm doing I'm in the midst ofphysical therapy right now for
(17:17):
moving through some challengesthat Bell's palsy and my voice,
which is a whole other thing, asyou know.
But but that's about sort ofsystemically changing things.
Yes, and and that is exploring,like I was in a session earlier
today and she had me doing thisnew thing where I was doing this
double chin bit and she wantedme to move my head and neck in a
(17:39):
certain way and I couldn't movemy chin, like my, I was like it
was tremoring and and I waslike holy cow.
I didn't know that that was a,that that was something that I
could strengthen, nor did I knowthat it was weak.
And I think what people, um,that do what you do know, like
(18:03):
the air you breathe is a goodthing is the thing that people
who are longing for a differentexperience of speaking think is
sort of antithetical to thatjourney, which is what you're
talking about Getting into thefearating, looking foolish.
(18:24):
Do you have any kind of a storythat you can remember in your
own experience?
Maybe it's working on theater,maybe it's in the space of this
of the speaker studio, where youthought you needed to do it one
way and then in that playgroundyou got pushed and stretched
such that you found somethingnew that's a great question.
Lauri (18:51):
Yeah, so what came to me as a and I I relearned this in a
deeper and deeper yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
(19:13):
yeah, yeah.
And this is what we're going todo on every single week.
That would happen to me intheater and when I would try to
rigidly hold on to thatspreadsheet that I had crafted
over the summer that had everymoment of every class laid out,
and then that's not how it wouldgo.
People would not show up and ata certain point along the way,
(19:36):
somebody clued me into the factthat I'm incredibly creative.
So if I would just stopresisting and surrender,
everything would go easier forme.
I taught theater in a communitycollege.
When people are in a play, orfinals are coming or midterms
are coming, you show up to classand nobody's there.
Half your class has not shownup and I used to resist and try
(20:00):
to control and like tell peoplewhat they're great, like you
know, send out 38 emails tellingpeople what their grades were
to try to get them to come toclass.
And after somebody clued meinto how creative I was, it was
like I let go and I stepped backand I just started again and
went.
Okay, so this person is here,this person is not here.
(20:25):
This person could play the roleof the person who's not here.
They're an incredibly goodactor who comes every single
week.
Brian (20:35):
Right.
Lauri (20:35):
And they've got a bad grade right now Because the kind
of left brain studenting ismaybe not their strong suit.
Brian (20:42):
Right.
Lauri (20:44):
And I just started doing things like okay, so from this
point forward, you are theunderstudy for that person's
partner who's repeatedly nothere.
Learn the role, learn how tounderstudy.
It's a really valuable,valuable skill.
You get this amount of extracredit points just for
understudying and if you go onfor the final, you get this many
(21:06):
more points.
And I was finding solutionslike that left, right and center
and I can feel it as I'm sayingit to you, it's like everybody
wins and it it completelychanged and it was like no, that
whole controlling, pre-planningand sticking to the plan thing
is not the way yeah and my waynow is more like well, I have a
(21:30):
plan and I'm ready to do thatplan if that's the right thing.
When I show up in the room, I'vedone my homework, so to speak
because this extends to actingtoo, like I've.
I've done some work tounderstand why my character is
saying what my character says,when my character says each
thing, and now I'm going to showup without any preconceived
(21:51):
notions of how you're going todo your part, and I'm going to
respond it gets back to againthe, the power of people, think
they're supposed to do it right.
Brian (22:06):
And in that story, trying to do it right, trying to get
everybody in that room, likethat was the metric Everybody
will be in the room and we willdo the class.
And instead of serving thepeople that are there and being
open to what the room is tellingyou and showing up fully and
trusting the process and that'sso much of like what you, what I
(22:27):
see you do is in is just notabout teaching people how to
move through the fear.
It's about teaching people howto move into the field, like how
to.
The more you can get in theplay box, the playground, into
the sand I don't know what is it?
Sandbox for a weekend is Brian,what's happening?
But the more you're playful andI've seen it happen on your
(22:49):
calls, I've seen it work thatwhen there's a safe space
they've stepped out of, I needto do this right, yeah, and
stepped into, I get to startlistening to what do I think is
moving to me and in that momentI hear you listening to.
What do I really want from thepeople that are in the room?
Lauri (23:12):
Yeah, and the shift back in the theater days.
It shifted to let's get thebest performances out of the
people that have chosen to showup today.
And there was even a moment whenI was teaching, like an
introduction to theater class, acollege course on a high school
campus yeah in east palo, alto,california, where I was doing
(23:35):
the same thing in a differentway, and there was a day where a
whole bunch of people whole Imean, they're teenagers, this I
now know they're neurologicallywired to test the boundaries.
I did not know that it wouldhave been helpful.
They were testing theboundaries and I was having to
(23:56):
kick a bunch of people out ofclass and I hated disciplining
and I hated sending people outof class and I was so full of my
own hatred and resistance ofhaving to do that that I looked
up at the people that were stillin the room and this is
embarrassing even now.
I said do you guys even want tobe here, or should we just work
(24:21):
on other homework for the day?
Or something like that.
Brian (24:25):
Wow.
Lauri (24:27):
And an incredibly brave, rebellious enough young student
in the back row said why are yousaying you guys, we're the ones
that are still here, wow.
(24:54):
Why are you saying you guys,we're the ones that are still
here, wow?
And I said you're absolutelyright and I am so sorry.
And I told the whole room Ihate this discipline part.
I I actually said it to them.
The next day we had class.
I started the class and I saidI hate the discipline thing.
It is my least favorite part ofthe job.
However, she helped me rememberthe other day that it is
actually part of my job and Ihaven't been doing it, which
(25:16):
hasn't been a service to anyoneNot me, not her, not those of
you that are getting kicked out.
So, starting from this point on, I am going to do that
discipline part of my job that Idon't like, because once you've
disturbed the class,everybody's already suffering
and.
I've been making it worse.
So now, when you disturb theclass, you're going to see a
(25:38):
very different person.
It was like they heard that andthey were like yeah, are you
going to keep your word?
Five people within five minutesOut, out, out, out, out.
Okay, now the rest of us canhave some fun.
Brian (25:58):
It's one of those moments in a movie you're like anyone
else.
Exactly we talked about when westarted this.
We'd probably try thisexperiment here for like a half
hour and see what happened.
Um, thank you for what you'vebeen sharing.
Thank you, um, what I think isone of the things I want to
probe for as we wrap up, becauseI think there's a parallel.
(26:21):
I think it's the the way you doone thing's, the way you do
everything.
I think that one of the thingsthat artists have because, by
necessity, is you cultivate theability to see the shift, to see
what the resonant piece is, ina way that, um, uh, people who
(26:47):
have not been in that space, um,aren't, aren't able to see
quite as quickly.
I see that play out when you'rehelping someone dial in a story
they're trying to tell or atalk they're trying to create,
to help them identify.
This is the idea that wantsyour love, that wants to be
(27:09):
developed.
How do you know it?
When you feel it?
Lauri (27:15):
it's.
It's following an energy thatfeels open and alive, versus one
that feels shut down.
Brian (27:26):
Can you picture what open and alive and shut down feeling
?
Lauri (27:29):
Yeah, there's.
So when I'm open and alivemyself, it's like I can feel my
toes.
I am thinking only things aboutthis moment that we're in.
Where is the aliveness andwhere is the tightness or the
(27:49):
shutdown?
Brian (27:51):
or the resistance.
Lauri (27:52):
I love that and when it's me like in that moment when
that student said that I wastensing every single muscle in
my body as much as it couldprobably be tensed.
And when she said we're the onesthat are still here and I took
a breath, it was like I feltthat and I let it all go so that
(28:13):
I could actually feel aliveagain and then make the choices
to go toward the aliveness I'mhelping other people.
It's everything from noticingwhere their body seems tight or
not alive.
Um, the words that they'resaying sound different to me, so
(28:41):
it's like there's an auralequivalent of a neon sign around
words that are important andand there can be times where
someone has, in the privacy oftheir own home, like written out
what they want to speak andthey're looking at their notes.
So the words are alive, but theway they're coming out is not
(29:03):
alive, and it's so when I'mpresent in my own body and alive
and my own stuff is not in theway.
It's so easy.
It's almost like breathing,like it's hard for me to break
down in this moment.
What is it that's happening?
Brian (29:22):
Actually you articulate it really well.
Everything you were talkingabout about that classroom I'm
going to paint it in a littlebit different way was so
external.
You were trying to control allthese externals, right.
And then in that moment whereyou're just like duh, you know,
and let it rip, and that studentsaid the thing, then you went
(29:46):
that's what you just gave us asa gift is notice when you're,
when you're tightened, noticewhen you release, when you're
sharing a talk.
That I think that neon signthat's around some words is that
same kind of thing.
There's a light that comes on.
We all, everybody knows this,everybody knows when a friend's
(30:07):
talking about their.
You know when they're.
You're having coffee with afriend and you're just like how
are things going?
And they're just like, oh well,this is going on at work and
this is going on at work, andwell, I mean, but what else?
And then they start sharingsomething that really matters.
Lauri (30:22):
Yeah.
Brian (30:23):
And the light in their eyes changes.
You know that's the neon light,right?
So I think that that was what Iwas wondering, what your
experience said.
That's exactly that's useful tome.
Yeah, To be on alert for thetension, to be on alert for the
least, to be on alert for thelight, yeah.
Lauri (30:46):
And there's a I've had this thought of.
So there are.
There are programs out therethat suppress, and then there
are other things out there thathelp people move through the
fear where they really havemoved through it, and then it's
like they're standing there andthey're open and they have no
(31:08):
idea that there's more.
And I kept finding myselfwanting to like, say more to
those folks, that it's like youworked with a hypnotherapist and
the world made you think thatmoving through the fear was the
end of the road.
So you're kind of standingthere, going, I'm speaking in
front of crowds and you have noidea that there's like a more
(31:29):
more impact, more energy, moreof an ability to serve people,
and this is the answer.
If you're out there on your ownand you're listening to this
podcast and that's you, you'relike, but I'm not scared and I'm
not suppressed and you'rereally being honest with
yourself, what you can do afterlistening to this episode to
(31:49):
start to play is okay.
Now that you're alive andyou're comfortable with the
sensations, start to play withthem.
Follow the aliveness and playand move forward from there.
Brian (32:03):
That's rich.
Like you said a minute ago,when I'm doing I'm in it, it's
like breathing, it's easy thatthat thing that someone is
feeling for and they're like, oh, I get all delighted when I
think about talking about thatthing, or you know all that
feels really scary, that I swearthat's where the juice is going
to be for any audience you'resharing something with yeah
(32:25):
that's where, that's where thegold awaits, and we move right
past it because, with the fear,we thought it was supposed to be
hard.
And then, in the absence of thefear, we're just like, well, I'm
able to do it, yeah, butrealizing, hey, if I can bring
the juice that lives in, just alittle surprising, this makes me
happy.
Yeah, I love that.
(32:46):
Well, lori, thank you for yourtime today.
Thank you for coming on thepodcast.
It's just a delight to have youworld to help people find and
claim and live in more of thatspace of noticing where the
tension is that wants to berelieved and where the joy is
(33:08):
that wants to be amplified.
I think that that's exactly thekind of thing that we want here
on the Soulful Speaking podcastand exactly what we need in the
world.
So, thank you.
Lauri (33:17):
Thank you, Brian.
You get very fired up we share this in the industrial
speaking models because you losesomething, something
fundamental and core is lost.
What is lost?
Lauri (00:13):
For 98% of the people, what makes them unique is also
lost.
It gets suppressed and hiddenbehind all of the formulas.
It gets suppressed and hiddenbehind all of the formulas, what
is found in the spaces that youwork so hard to create?
What happens in thequote-unquote only way it works
(00:34):
like the acting studio is thatyou fall in love again with who
you are and you learn to createthings that only you can create
in the way that only you cancreate them.
Hey, there, I'm Lori Smith.
(00:54):
If you are a sensitivevisionary, an ambitious empath
or a loving rebel and you'refinding yourself feeling called
to speak, to use your voice, toshare your message and spread
your magic in a bigger way fromTikToks to TED Talks and
anything and everything inbetween and you want to find an
(01:16):
authentic way to do that thataligns with your soul, instead
of trying to cram yourself intosomebody else's cookie cutter
box, this is the show for you.
Welcome back to the SoulfulSpeaking Podcast.
(01:41):
I'm your host, Laurie Smith,except today I'm kind of not
your host because we're going todo something a little radical
and Brian's going to take thewheel of where we go today.
Brian (01:52):
This is going to be fully spontaneous.
It is.
It's not going to be, italready is.
It is so welcome.
Well, laurie, welcome, welcometo the program.
Lauri (02:02):
Thank you, Brian.
It's great to be here.
Well, Lori, welcome.
Welcome to the program.
Brian (02:06):
Thank you, brian, it's great to be here.
Let's start out with.
You.
Have an interesting background,a lot of different creative
paths.
You've been down from acting,directing, coaching loads and
more.
When did you decide that youwanted to create something like
(02:28):
the speaker studio, um, and why?
Lauri (02:36):
great question and it feels like a continuation of our
last episode because it did notcome from the shiny bits or
angels coming down and singingand telling me where to go next.
I had been working with peoplein the way that I work, working
(02:58):
with people in small groups,helping them to speak soulfully
in the world.
I had an old program calledCompelling Speaker and I started
out 2023 when people weretelling me that the world was
going to be back now finallyfully from the pandemic, like
(03:19):
people were going to reallystart signing up for things
again, and I got excited becausein 2022, I already had someone
signed up for things again.
Right, and I got excitedbecause in 2022, I already had
someone signed up for theprogram that was going to begin
in early 2023.
and then I set an intention forthe year, which I do every year,
and that year it was alchemy italways, always, most of the
(03:39):
time, it comes to me veryintuitively, like it just falls
in, and I'm usually aware of themore higher self reasons that
this thing is coming in and alsowhat my lower self or my ego
sees in it right and in thebeginning of 2023.
I just got all on the ego sideand it was like really thinking
(04:02):
that I was going to be sittingon a pile of gold by like
january 5th and that is not atall what happened.
I had that one person right andI postponed the program and then
I postponed it again.
Eventually I got a secondperson and that person was the
oldest client I've ever workedwith, who then started saying
(04:27):
things like I've got to do thiswhile I'm here.
And that's when I shifted moreinto my soul-driven,
service-driven, purpose-drivenself and I kind of went I'm
getting signs that maybe this isgoing to be the very last time,
that it's time to like tear itall down and start over and I'm
(04:50):
going to find a third person,because you really need three.
Found a third person, made ithappen.
It was one of the mostbeautiful times and it had that
feeling I do showcases withspeakers.
I still do that.
In that way, it had that kindof a feeling.
Brian (05:31):
What is that feeling?
Lauri (05:33):
Oh, it's the feeling of it's vibrant and alive from head
to toe and there is a a bittersweetness.
There's like a celebration andthe bittersweetness of a goodbye
and no matter how much I thinkmyself and or people in a cast
(05:56):
with me have left it all on theplaying field yeah in every
performance, no matter how muchI think we've done that, there's
always a little bit more oflike seriously.
Every last whatever we had togive to that thing got given on
that last day.
Brian (06:18):
It feels like it must be kind of a heightened sense of
awareness, like it feels tinglyto me, almost like you're
entering the space, savoringeverything.
Is that kind of what happenedfor you with the program like
I'm?
I want to show up to this onemore time with this kind of
energy.
Lauri (06:36):
Yeah, and it really shifted me into because I had
I'd gotten swung over into likeI, I need to do this for the
money.
That's not at all why I startedmy business.
And when she said that multipletimes and I really started
getting it because I was tryingto surrender and be led to what
(07:00):
was meant to come next.
But my mind was going crazytrying to figure it out and it
doesn't make any sense and am Isupposed to stop.
And when she said that it feltlike I shifted back into my soul
being in the driver's seat,yeah, and I went.
I don't know the details ofwhat's coming next.
What I feel like the universeis telling me with her is that
(07:24):
it is time to do this in thisformat one more time and then
say goodbye or she would nothave been put in my path for
whatever reason.
It felt like it was reallyreally more for her than for me.
Brian (07:40):
Well, so it turned to.
It got away from doing this formoney.
Yeah, and it turned to.
It got away from doing this formoney.
Lauri (07:45):
Yeah.
Brian (07:47):
And it returned to service.
Lauri (07:51):
Yeah, like she, she needs this in the way that I do it,
she needs me, she needs it atthis time.
So we did that.
So we did that and while doingthat, at a certain point I
(08:53):
eventually fully surrendered.
A friend asked me if youcouldn't work with people at the
same time and really listeningto what people were holding
people in safe and sacred groups, and yet, while they were in
that group, I was giving themthe kind of coaching that you
usually only get in one-on-onecircumstances.
Yeah, so it was like it's likewe're getting what you usually
have to work with someoneone-on-one to get, yet we're
getting it in a group.
And I went well, yeah, becausethat's the only way it works.
(09:17):
Yeah, and I heard myself saythat.
And then I went oh, and peoplewere also talking a lot about
like what I now call theindustrial speaking machine.
All those big programs outthere that everybody pretty much
knows the name of that are alldelivered in larger groups, all
(09:38):
delivered in larger groups, andthey've got formulas.
And the formulas are reallyabout they can be delivered in
large groups because it's onesize fits all.
Brian (09:49):
Right.
Lauri (09:50):
And I knew that I was not that and I felt like I was
being led to okay, go toward.
What do you really believeworks?
What do you really believe theworld needs?
That isn't that thing thatyou've been trying to be nice to
for 15 years, Because you don'twant to step on anybody's toes.
So the alchemy eventuallybecame the fire.
(10:12):
So alchemy is actually aprocess of something being
burned that eventually turnsinto gold.
And I had kind of forgottenabout that part and I was kind
of in the fire and I started.
I even formed the speakerstudio because I grew up
watching the TV show the Actor'sStudio.
(10:35):
Right, I studied in a studiohere in San Francisco called the
Sideways Acting Studio.
I've talked a little bit aboutthis before and that's just what
you do Like a masterclass intheater is a small group like 12
people was what it was prepandemic, when you were always
(10:57):
in person all the time and theperson holding the space knows
each and every one of you asintimately as they would know
you if they were coaching youone-on-one.
And I realized speakers don'thave that.
I mean, I knew it, but it'slike I re-realized it and I went
(11:22):
, oh my, in the middle of thisthing that I had built, in the
middle of that not working.
It's like the universe istelling me to go bigger.
Brian (11:37):
Good question, if I may.
You get very fired up we sharethis in the industrial speaking
models at how they and Iunderstand why.
Part of it's because it'seasier to make money that way,
um, part of it's because peopledo find speaking intimidating,
(12:05):
you know, I don't know what thedata is now, but it used to be.
They'd say there was the numberone fear, you know, um, and so
they're looking for the pill,just make it easy.
And I'm like, well, they've gota system and it's just a plug
and play and I'm done.
So I know what we you and Ipush back against, and the
reason we push back against itis because you lose something.
(12:27):
Um is what I feel likesomething fundamental and core
is lost.
What is lost?
Lauri (12:37):
what happens I would say 98 of the time in those programs
is it is the diet pill, themagic pill, where you get some
relief very quickly because ofthe formulas, and for 98% of the
(12:59):
people what makes them uniqueis also lost in the process yeah
it gets suppressed and hiddenbehind all of the formulas.
What's?
Brian (13:13):
better what is found in the spaces like that you you
work so hard to create.
When you say that's the way itworks, when you talked about the
12 person program and that oneperson would hold space, is
that's the way it works?
What is?
Lauri (13:28):
works.
So imagine if theater schoolswere all this one size fits all.
Here's the formula.
This is how you do it Plug andplay.
Put yourself in the formula.
Brian (13:40):
Formula imagine if every single actor could only play the
same character yeah, yeah inthe same way yeah movies would
not be interesting no, theywould yeah, it would yeah be
awful, yeah, so what happens inthe quote-unquote?
Lauri (14:02):
only way it works like the acting studio is that you
fall in love again with who youare and you learn to create
things that only you can createin the way that only you can
(14:22):
create them, things that onlyyou can create in the way that
only you can create them.
And every leader has adifferent presence and a
different way that they see theworld.
And every speaker who will geton a stage whether it's a
virtual stage or a realold-fashioned in-person stage,
(14:43):
working in the only way thatworks where it's small groups
and you have someone holding thespace who sees you and knows
you as intimately as they wouldif they were working with you
one-on-one.
It's a magic formula forspeaking and acting, because in
acting you need playmates.
(15:04):
If you only worked with aone-on-one coach, you don't get
to do the like.
we're creating a scene togetheryeah and in speaking you have a
scene partner and you have youraudience is actually your scene
partner and the audience.
Brian (15:25):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lauri (15:29):
So doing it in a group is , in part.
You have your scene partner andyou also have an audience of
people and a group of peoplethat are walking the same
spiritual path as you are.
And I said this in the firstepisode and I will say it again,
because part of my problem withthose other programs and like
(15:54):
how they're sneaky is that it'slike surviving the fear is the
end of the conversation.
It begins and ends there,whether people realize it or not
.
It's suppressed, it's masked,it's like I'm surviving it and
we're going to create from thererather than speaking, is one of
(16:19):
the biggest spiritual teachers,just like health, just like
relationships, just like money.
And to me, moving through thefear in a way that is opening
(16:39):
and being me and trusting myselfand coming home to myself and
creating from there, that'sactually the beginning of the
conversation.
Brian (16:53):
I love the way you're framing that because I love the
notion that the gap it is kindof a diet pill.
I'm going to help you get pastthe fear Maybe better than diet
pills is a painkiller sometimes,where I'm masking the pain and
I'm getting through it.
But I'm not.
I'm doing I'm in the midst ofphysical therapy right now for
(17:17):
moving through some challengesthat Bell's palsy and my voice,
which is a whole other thing, asyou know.
But but that's about sort ofsystemically changing things.
Yes, and and that is exploring,like I was in a session earlier
today and she had me doing thisnew thing where I was doing this
double chin bit and she wantedme to move my head and neck in a
(17:39):
certain way and I couldn't movemy chin, like my, I was like it
was tremoring and and I waslike holy cow.
I didn't know that that was a,that that was something that I
could strengthen, nor did I knowthat it was weak.
And I think what people, um,that do what you do know, like
(18:03):
the air you breathe is a goodthing is the thing that people
who are longing for a differentexperience of speaking think is
sort of antithetical to thatjourney, which is what you're
talking about Getting into thefearating, looking foolish.
(18:24):
Do you have any kind of a storythat you can remember in your
own experience?
Maybe it's working on theater,maybe it's in the space of this
of the speaker studio, where youthought you needed to do it one
way and then in that playgroundyou got pushed and stretched
such that you found somethingnew that's a great question.
Lauri (18:51):
Yeah, so what came to me as a and I I relearned this in a
deeper and deeper yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
(19:13):
yeah, yeah.
And this is what we're going todo on every single week.
That would happen to me intheater and when I would try to
rigidly hold on to thatspreadsheet that I had crafted
over the summer that had everymoment of every class laid out,
and then that's not how it wouldgo.
People would not show up and ata certain point along the way,
(19:36):
somebody clued me into the factthat I'm incredibly creative.
So if I would just stopresisting and surrender,
everything would go easier forme.
I taught theater in a communitycollege.
When people are in a play, orfinals are coming or midterms
are coming, you show up to classand nobody's there.
Half your class has not shownup and I used to resist and try
(20:00):
to control and like tell peoplewhat they're great, like you
know, send out 38 emails tellingpeople what their grades were
to try to get them to come toclass.
And after somebody clued meinto how creative I was, it was
like I let go and I stepped backand I just started again and
went.
Okay, so this person is here,this person is not here.
(20:25):
This person could play the roleof the person who's not here.
They're an incredibly goodactor who comes every single
week.
Brian (20:35):
Right.
Lauri (20:35):
And they've got a bad grade right now Because the kind
of left brain studenting ismaybe not their strong suit.
Brian (20:42):
Right.
Lauri (20:44):
And I just started doing things like okay, so from this
point forward, you are theunderstudy for that person's
partner who's repeatedly nothere.
Learn the role, learn how tounderstudy.
It's a really valuable,valuable skill.
You get this amount of extracredit points just for
understudying and if you go onfor the final, you get this many
(21:06):
more points.
And I was finding solutionslike that left, right and center
and I can feel it as I'm sayingit to you, it's like everybody
wins and it it completelychanged and it was like no, that
whole controlling, pre-planningand sticking to the plan thing
is not the way yeah and my waynow is more like well, I have a
(21:30):
plan and I'm ready to do thatplan if that's the right thing.
When I show up in the room, I'vedone my homework, so to speak
because this extends to actingtoo, like I've.
I've done some work tounderstand why my character is
saying what my character says,when my character says each
thing, and now I'm going to showup without any preconceived
(21:51):
notions of how you're going todo your part, and I'm going to
respond it gets back to againthe, the power of people, think
they're supposed to do it right.
Brian (22:06):
And in that story, trying to do it right, trying to get
everybody in that room, likethat was the metric Everybody
will be in the room and we willdo the class.
And instead of serving thepeople that are there and being
open to what the room is tellingyou and showing up fully and
trusting the process and that'sso much of like what you, what I
(22:27):
see you do is in is just notabout teaching people how to
move through the fear.
It's about teaching people howto move into the field, like how
to.
The more you can get in theplay box, the playground, into
the sand I don't know what is it?
Sandbox for a weekend is Brian,what's happening?
But the more you're playful andI've seen it happen on your
(22:49):
calls, I've seen it work thatwhen there's a safe space
they've stepped out of, I needto do this right, yeah, and
stepped into, I get to startlistening to what do I think is
moving to me and in that momentI hear you listening to.
What do I really want from thepeople that are in the room?
Lauri (23:12):
Yeah, and the shift back in the theater days.
It shifted to let's get thebest performances out of the
people that have chosen to showup today.
And there was even a moment whenI was teaching, like an
introduction to theater class, acollege course on a high school
campus yeah in east palo, alto,california, where I was doing
(23:35):
the same thing in a differentway, and there was a day where a
whole bunch of people whole Imean, they're teenagers, this I
now know they're neurologicallywired to test the boundaries.
I did not know that it wouldhave been helpful.
They were testing theboundaries and I was having to
(23:56):
kick a bunch of people out ofclass and I hated disciplining
and I hated sending people outof class and I was so full of my
own hatred and resistance ofhaving to do that that I looked
up at the people that were stillin the room and this is
embarrassing even now.
I said do you guys even want tobe here, or should we just work
(24:21):
on other homework for the day?
Or something like that.
Brian (24:25):
Wow.
Lauri (24:27):
And an incredibly brave, rebellious enough young student
in the back row said why are yousaying you guys, we're the ones
that are still here, wow.
(24:54):
Why are you saying you guys,we're the ones that are still
here, wow?
And I said you're absolutelyright and I am so sorry.
And I told the whole room Ihate this discipline part.
I I actually said it to them.
The next day we had class.
I started the class and I saidI hate the discipline thing.
It is my least favorite part ofthe job.
However, she helped me rememberthe other day that it is
actually part of my job and Ihaven't been doing it, which
(25:16):
hasn't been a service to anyoneNot me, not her, not those of
you that are getting kicked out.
So, starting from this point on, I am going to do that
discipline part of my job that Idon't like, because once you've
disturbed the class,everybody's already suffering
and.
I've been making it worse.
So now, when you disturb theclass, you're going to see a
(25:38):
very different person.
It was like they heard that andthey were like yeah, are you
going to keep your word?
Five people within five minutesOut, out, out, out, out.
Okay, now the rest of us canhave some fun.
Brian (25:58):
It's one of those moments in a movie you're like anyone
else.
Exactly we talked about when westarted this.
We'd probably try thisexperiment here for like a half
hour and see what happened.
Um, thank you for what you'vebeen sharing.
Thank you, um, what I think isone of the things I want to
probe for as we wrap up, becauseI think there's a parallel.
(26:21):
I think it's the the way you doone thing's, the way you do
everything.
I think that one of the thingsthat artists have because, by
necessity, is you cultivate theability to see the shift, to see
what the resonant piece is, ina way that, um, uh, people who
(26:47):
have not been in that space, um,aren't, aren't able to see
quite as quickly.
I see that play out when you'rehelping someone dial in a story
they're trying to tell or atalk they're trying to create,
to help them identify.
This is the idea that wantsyour love, that wants to be
(27:09):
developed.
How do you know it?
When you feel it?
Lauri (27:15):
it's.
It's following an energy thatfeels open and alive, versus one
that feels shut down.
Brian (27:26):
Can you picture what open and alive and shut down feeling
?
Lauri (27:29):
Yeah, there's.
So when I'm open and alivemyself, it's like I can feel my
toes.
I am thinking only things aboutthis moment that we're in.
Where is the aliveness andwhere is the tightness or the
(27:49):
shutdown?
Brian (27:51):
or the resistance.
Lauri (27:52):
I love that and when it's me like in that moment when
that student said that I wastensing every single muscle in
my body as much as it couldprobably be tensed.
And when she said we're the onesthat are still here and I took
a breath, it was like I feltthat and I let it all go so that
(28:13):
I could actually feel aliveagain and then make the choices
to go toward the aliveness I'mhelping other people.
It's everything from noticingwhere their body seems tight or
not alive.
Um, the words that they'resaying sound different to me, so
(28:41):
it's like there's an auralequivalent of a neon sign around
words that are important andand there can be times where
someone has, in the privacy oftheir own home, like written out
what they want to speak andthey're looking at their notes.
So the words are alive, but theway they're coming out is not
(29:03):
alive, and it's so when I'mpresent in my own body and alive
and my own stuff is not in theway.
It's so easy.
It's almost like breathing,like it's hard for me to break
down in this moment.
What is it that's happening?
Brian (29:22):
Actually you articulate it really well.
Everything you were talkingabout about that classroom I'm
going to paint it in a littlebit different way was so
external.
You were trying to control allthese externals, right.
And then in that moment whereyou're just like duh, you know,
and let it rip, and that studentsaid the thing, then you went
(29:46):
that's what you just gave us asa gift is notice when you're,
when you're tightened, noticewhen you release, when you're
sharing a talk.
That I think that neon signthat's around some words is that
same kind of thing.
There's a light that comes on.
We all, everybody knows this,everybody knows when a friend's
(30:07):
talking about their.
You know when they're.
You're having coffee with afriend and you're just like how
are things going?
And they're just like, oh well,this is going on at work and
this is going on at work, andwell, I mean, but what else?
And then they start sharingsomething that really matters.
Lauri (30:22):
Yeah.
Brian (30:23):
And the light in their eyes changes.
You know that's the neon light,right?
So I think that that was what Iwas wondering, what your
experience said.
That's exactly that's useful tome.
Yeah, To be on alert for thetension, to be on alert for the
least, to be on alert for thelight, yeah.
Lauri (30:46):
And there's a I've had this thought of.
So there are.
There are programs out therethat suppress, and then there
are other things out there thathelp people move through the
fear where they really havemoved through it, and then it's
like they're standing there andthey're open and they have no
(31:08):
idea that there's more.
And I kept finding myselfwanting to like, say more to
those folks, that it's like youworked with a hypnotherapist and
the world made you think thatmoving through the fear was the
end of the road.
So you're kind of standingthere, going, I'm speaking in
front of crowds and you have noidea that there's like a more
(31:29):
more impact, more energy, moreof an ability to serve people,
and this is the answer.
If you're out there on your ownand you're listening to this
podcast and that's you, you'relike, but I'm not scared and I'm
not suppressed and you'rereally being honest with
yourself, what you can do afterlistening to this episode to
(31:49):
start to play is okay.
Now that you're alive andyou're comfortable with the
sensations, start to play withthem.
Follow the aliveness and playand move forward from there.
Brian (32:03):
That's rich.
Like you said a minute ago,when I'm doing I'm in it, it's
like breathing, it's easy thatthat thing that someone is
feeling for and they're like, oh, I get all delighted when I
think about talking about thatthing, or you know all that
feels really scary, that I swearthat's where the juice is going
to be for any audience you'resharing something with yeah
(32:25):
that's where, that's where thegold awaits, and we move right
past it because, with the fear,we thought it was supposed to be
hard.
And then, in the absence of thefear, we're just like, well, I'm
able to do it, yeah, butrealizing, hey, if I can bring
the juice that lives in, just alittle surprising, this makes me
happy.
Yeah, I love that.
(32:46):
Well, lori, thank you for yourtime today.
Thank you for coming on thepodcast.
It's just a delight to have youworld to help people find and
claim and live in more of thatspace of noticing where the
tension is that wants to berelieved and where the joy is
(33:08):
that wants to be amplified.
I think that that's exactly thekind of thing that we want here
on the Soulful Speaking podcastand exactly what we need in the
world.
So, thank you.
Lauri (33:17):
Thank you, Brian.
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